So You Doing The Bending

Summary

Podcast Summary: We Talk Back — “So You Doing The Bending”

Podcast: We Talk Back
Hosts: TamBam and AJ Holiday
Date: May 7, 2026
Episode: So You Doing The Bending

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Episode Overview

In this energizing and hilariously candid episode, TamBam and AJ delve into taboo and complex territory: the boundaries women maintain (or break) in their relationships—sexual and otherwise—and why they sometimes compromise themselves to please men. From pegging rumors in hip hop to the subtle (and not so subtle) ways women are coerced or cajoled into activities they're not comfortable with, the hosts keep it 100% real. Using their signature blend of humor, wisdom, and Black Girl Magic, TamBam and AJ break down shame, accountability, double standards, and how women can stand in their boundaries with power.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Weekend Recaps & Personal Banter

[03:43–09:06]

• TamBam’s Reality TV Hustle: TamBam details her busy weekend—juggling reality show filming, work, a Kentucky Derby party (with strong “Get Out” vibes), and a potluck, all on no sleep. She paints a vivid picture of Black woman overcommitment and community.
• AJ’s Hot Yoga: AJ shares a tale of a “bad bitch” themed hot yoga class, where a white instructor played trap music and planned a full-moon witchy ritual, leading to a hilarious reflection on participation in things that cross comfort lines.
• Movie Theater Woes: Shared disgust and laughter over gross movie theater seat experiences—highlighting how even leisure activities have their boundaries, humorously dissected.

Sex, Crime, and Air Fryers

[10:25–13:41]

• Wisconsin Woman Stabs Boyfriend Over Air Fryer: The duo riff on a news story where a woman stabs her boyfriend for wanting to use an air fryer instead of taking her out, exposing deeper conversations about relationships, expectations, and identity in household roles.
• Race, Stereotypes, and Domestic Violence: Joking and critiquing stereotypes around Latina women ("they will cut you") and discussing manipulative dynamics in abusive relationships.

Internet Threads on Dating Men & Relationship Satire

[13:53–18:27]

• Social Media Satire Thread: AJ shares a sarcastic thread by “Ms. Mia K.” summarizing “advice” from men on how women should act in relationships. The takeaways lampoon double standards and the impossibility of satisfying contradictory male expectations.

  “If you have sex with a man, that makes you a terrible woman who deserves to be punished forever in perpetuity by every subsequent partner…” – AJ quoting Ms. Mia K. [17:26]

• Celebrity Couples & Public Critique: They dissect why men online seem obsessed with high-profile breakups and cannot see successful Black women with “good men” as worthy (“That’s y’all king. For real. I don’t understand the psychology.” – AJ [19:34]).

Pegging, Hypocrisy & Sexual Rumors in Hip Hop

[19:51–28:20]

• Boston Richie and “Pegging” Rumors: TamBam reads social media posts where rapper Boston Richie’s ex accuses him of engaging in pegging (receiving anal penetration from a woman). They question what really constitutes “gay” sex for straight men and why such private business is weaponized after breakups.

  “I don’t believe nothing you can do together [with a woman] is gay.” – Tammy [20:46]

  “Honestly, pegging a nigga is on my bucket list of things to do.” – Tammy [21:05]

• Accountability and Double Standards: The hosts argue that shame and revenge-motivated exposure often say more about the person revealing secrets than the act itself.

Main Topic: Why Do Women Move Past Their Boundaries?

[30:29–63:34]

Motivations and Regrets

• Fear of Missing Out:

  “Can I say FOMO? Like, fear of missing out…on opportunity with this man, possibly.” – AJ [30:46]

• Wanting to Please/Be ‘Cool’: Sometimes women acquiesce to uncomfortable things just to keep a relationship, seem fun/agreeable, or live up to a “cool girl” status.
• Compromise vs. Coercion: The thin line between negotiating your comfort zone and being cajoled into dropping boundaries.
• Using Substances to Cope: Needing to drink or get high to participate sexually signals crossing personal lines.

  “Sometimes I have to test—can I have sex without being high?” – AJ [36:31]

Consequences and Signs of Self-Violation

• Shame and Secrecy: Embarrassment after sexual acts, or reluctance to even tell close friends, are red flags.
• Threesomes, Substance Use, and Self-Respect:

  “The most common one that I hear is women having threesomes…just to please their partner.” – Tammy [34:30] “If you have to drink to get through certain moments…that’s a sign.” – Tammy [36:18]

• Trying to Satisfy the ‘Insatiable’: Stories about women (like Ray J's ex-wife) who go along with threesomes and more but cannot ever “satisfy” men’s extraordinary appetites.

Humorous but Honest “Do Not’s”

• Never Do…
  • Something you’re not comfortable with
  • Sexual acts just to seem cool or avoid losing the relationship
  • Anything you wouldn’t tell your friends about without shame
  • Acts that require you to be drunk/high to participate

Accountability and Power

• Weaponizing Intimacy After Breakups:

  “You never loved that person. It was all—to me, it seems transactional.” – AJ [65:34]

• Importance of Setting and Upholding Boundaries:

  “Don’t do no shit you don’t want to do. Don’t do no shit to where you can’t look at yourself in the mirror. Cut it out…Satisfy you. That’s all that matters.” – AJ [69:58] “If it’s not making you happy and you’re not fulfilled by it, don’t participate. And if you are…stop today. You can set those boundaries right now.” – Tammy [70:37]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Sexual Shame:
  “Have you ever been with somebody who like after sex they completely shut down?” – AJ [38:49]
  Relates to shame, guilt, and religious upbringings.

• On Substance Use & Sex:
  “I like weeded sex. So I feel like sex is just not that great when I’m not high anymore.” – AJ [36:31]

• On Private Business Becoming Public:
  “Behind closed doors, it should be back there. I don’t agree with what she did to him.” – AJ [58:25]
  “Keep what you say, keep your regrets to a minimum. Don’t be out here pegging if you ain’t into it.” – Tammy [58:50]

• Boundaries as Self-Love: “Your boundaries are not something you navigate for love. The right person will never require you to become somebody you don’t recognize just to be with them.” – AJ [71:11]

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Important Timestamps

| Time | Segment | |-----------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:43 | Hosts catch up, humorous recap of “doing too much,” reality TV, and yoga | | 10:25 | News riff: Woman stabs boyfriend over wanting to air fry dinner | | 13:53 | Social media satire: “Advice from men” thread, exposing relationship contradictions | | 19:51 | Viral hip hop sexuality rumors, pegging, and what’s “really” gay in straight sex | | 30:29 | Main topic: Why do women break their boundaries? | | 34:30 | Threesomes and “Cool Girl” syndrome; doing things for men you wouldn’t want to do | | 36:31 | Using substances to get through sex: shame, coping, and honesty | | 44:31 | Secrets, embarrassment, and telling friends about sexual acts | | 51:03 | Boundaries vs. pleasing your partner—what’s healthy, what isn’t | | 54:32 | Negotiating “no” in sex; blurred lines, humor, and consent | | 69:58 | Closing advice: self-respect, regrets, and boundary affirmations | | 71:11 | Final message: “The right person won’t require you to lose yourself” |

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Tone & Language

Raw, humorous, unapologetic, often explicit, but always filled with love, honesty, and a drive to help Black women embrace their full, authentic selves—even (especially!) in messy, taboo, or complicated situations.

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Final Takeaways

• Don’t let love, FOMO, or pressure drive you across boundaries that leave you feeling used, shamed, or just plain unfulfilled.
• Boundaries are not just for you—they teach partners how to treat you and set the tone for your happiness and self-respect.
• Never do anything sexually (or otherwise) that you’d be embarrassed to admit—or that requires you to numb yourself to get through it.
• If it ain’t for you, it ain’t for you—and that’s okay. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise!

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For more hilarious, real, and thought-provoking conversations, follow TamBam and AJ Holiday on all socials and catch new episodes of the We Talk Back podcast every Thursday.

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(End of summary)

Transcript

[Tammy]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

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[AJ Holiday]

Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tammy]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[AJ Holiday]

What's up, y'? All, Boy, it's your girl, A.J. holiday.

[Tammy]

What's up, Daniel from Charleston? In it.

[AJ Holiday]

In it.

[Tammy]

Yep. Y', all, it's Tammy. I miss y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tammy]

I love y' all so much. Oh, did I say Tammy? Damn. I'm just getting very personal.

[AJ Holiday]

It's out of character.

[Tammy]

Yeah, stepping out of character. It's Tammy, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tammy]

Today is Tammy, and I missed y'. All. How was your weekend?

[AJ Holiday]

Let's start with yours. Did you do anything fun? You know how my. My weekend was,

[Tammy]

girl. I had like, I did. So I committed to so much this weekend and I tried to show up for everything on Friday night. So I don't know if I told y', all, but I got casted for a reality show that we're filming in Charlotte. It hasn't been picked up yet there. It hasn't even finished filming yet. We're still filming it, but like a pilot. Yes. I'm filming with. I had to film with some girls Friday night at a bar. Then Saturday I had to go to work and then film again at a Kentucky Derby party, which felt like. I mean, the people were very nice, let me just say that. And it was a very diverse crowd. I will say that as well. But something about that downstairs felt very. Get Out. Like the movie get out.

[AJ Holiday]

Did they place y' all downstairs?

[Tammy]

Yeah, I mean, that's where like the downstairs was where all the. Because they were betting on the Kentucky Derby, the horse racing, and there was like a real auctioner down there. Like, you know, do I have 40? Do I have 50, 50 in the corner? Do I have 60, like, doing all that? And I was like, yeah, they ain't about to be bidding on my ass. Then they had two Great Danes that were just like wandering around the house. They lived there. And, you know, I like dogs, but I don't like big ass dogs, you know, like, I do them big ass dogs, man.

[AJ Holiday]

Them dogs, they be too big.

[Tammy]

Too big to be in a house, in my opinion, they need to be running around in a field somewhere and living in the barn. Yeah, it's a horse. And she's like, yeah, the weather was supposed to be bad, so we were going to have a horse out front, but we changed our mind because the weather was going to be bad. I was like, y' all got two horses in the house. The fuck y' all need one outside for? So then I left that and the salon I work in. We have been planning a salon potluck since February. And it was that night. So I went to work that morning, to the derby party that afternoon, to the potluck that night. Then one of the girls on the cast just opened a bar and she had a grand opening that I missed and I told her I would come there. So then I went there after the potluck.

[AJ Holiday]

Lord.

[Tammy]

Then the next day I got up and I had to go to work. It was just.

[AJ Holiday]

Did you sleep?

[Tammy]

I haven't. I don't know the last time I slept.

[AJ Holiday]

That's not good.

[Tammy]

I'm tired right now. And now it's Cinco de Drinko. As soon as I finish recording, I committed. I've committed to drinking and going to see Devil Wears Prada. I'm gonna be in the movie.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, I did do something this weekend. I saw it. You saw it. I'd be forgetting about stuff. I did go see that shit and I loved it. Of course, it wasn't the first version.

[Tammy]

Nothing will duplicate, right?

[AJ Holiday]

But it was good. Anytime I watch a movie, I'm like, man, I could have wrote that shit better. Every time, like, it just seems like the climax was rushed. But I love. I just love. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Tammy]

But you know what? If I go to sleep in there tonight, which I might, I'll go see it again.

[AJ Holiday]

I heard he was falling asleep on Michael.

[Tammy]

Yeah, either. It don't matter what I see tonight, I'm going to sleep in the movie theater. I'm bringing a blanket with me and everything because I know I ain't gonna make it.

[AJ Holiday]

Right? I did hot yoga Saturday. Hot yoga Saturday and Sunday. And the Saturday class was bad bitch themed. It was a white woman with green hair. Okay. And she was playing trap music. And that's what the fuck we was doing yoga to and slapping our ass in there. But it was a good time. That was fun.

[Tammy]

I was about to say. That sound fun? Yeah, it was real fun.

[AJ Holiday]

But she had like a whole full moon ritual shit planned for a five o' clock girl class. First of all, I'm a witch now, but I'm not doing no motherfucking magic with no white bitches. Y' all sacrificed me. Cause I was already the only black person in the early morning class. So, yeah, I'm good.

[Tammy]

What time was the class?

[AJ Holiday]

8:15 in the morning. So I did that and then I went to go see Devil. Where's Prada? By myself. It was fun, y'. All. I cannot stand at the movie theaters, though. Like, I forgot my Lysol. It's just so nasty in there. You gotta touch stuff that other people was touching. And when they turn the lights on. Like I went in there, it was already dark. So once they turned the lights on, I could see how filthy I was.

[Earsay Host]

Just.

[AJ Holiday]

This is why I'd be waiting for to come on on tv. I'll watch that in the house. Yeah. On my little website movie. Little.

[Tammy]

Yeah, I remember I went to the movies. It was me and this guy, and we had picked the two perfect little seats, right? They were like off in the cut, kind of like there were no seats in front of it. It was a weird setup, right? So I get there and this girl sitting in the seat, and I'm like, I'm sorry, but you're in my seat. And it's like the movie theater is kind of empty for the most part, but it's the kind that you pick your seats, right?

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Tammy]

She was like, oh, I farted in the seat. You still in the theater. I said, girl, get your ass up.

[AJ Holiday]

I know that seat was warm. She.

[Tammy]

She got up and moved.

[AJ Holiday]

She.

[Tammy]

She just wanted my seat.

[AJ Holiday]

That is so what type of you got me. Glad you ain't get pink eye.

[Tammy]

I said, girl, get up. She farted. Girl, get your ass up.

[AJ Holiday]

So many people unfarting this seat. Bitch, give me my seat.

[Tammy]

I'm about to part in the seat. It don't matter the fuck. Get your ass out the way.

[AJ Holiday]

Shitty booty.

[Tammy]

Shame.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, so apparently a Wisconsin woman faces charges after stabbing her boyfriend because he allegedly wanted to air fry dinner. Okay? So I'm. And I feel her because that's the equivalent of somebody taking my kid to McDonald's. Like, no, I'm scared of air fryers.

[Tammy]

Stabbing, though.

[AJ Holiday]

I wouldn't stab anybody, but I don't.

[Tammy]

I don't use.

[AJ Holiday]

You use air fryers.

[Tammy]

I do use air fryer.

[AJ Holiday]

So it says a normal evening quickly turned fatal when a Wisconsin woman, 27 year old Michaela Lacluth, stabbed her boyfriend, Lucas Roche, when he refused to go out to eat with her and suggested to stay in and air fry their dinner. Instead, he died. Yes. She's wilding.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And these people. She looks like she might be like. She could be Caucasian. She could be Caucasian mixed with Hispanic. That would make sense, you know, because that ariba comes out, the bitches is nuts. And it's a white guy, very frail, fragile looking guy. So damn. Man

[Tammy]

over wanting to stay in and cook.

[AJ Holiday]

She wanted to go on a date.

[Tammy]

That's why I feel like it was more.

[AJ Holiday]

I know I'm never wrong.

[Tammy]

You.

[AJ Holiday]

Here goes another video. And he's speaking in. In Spanish because she didn't look white. She looked like she was like, mixed with something definitely Hispanic.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Because they will cut you. And that's a stereotype, but it comes from someplace.

[AJ Holiday]

I know a couple black men who have been with Hispanic women and who have also caught DV charges because they will beat themselves up and call a police on your ass. I've seen it happen a couple times. Thin line between love and hate.

[Tammy]

Exactly. You got to be real crazy to punch yourself in the face. Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Or slam your arm in the door. Because that's what that was doing.

[Tammy]

Like, really hurt. But looking at this girl, eyebrows, she looked like she don't play the piano. She looked nuts. And kill that man. Now she about to spend the rest of her life. Now you ain't going. There ain't no air fryers in the jail. You ain't gonna be able to eat nothing, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

They be in there making air fryers. Them are very creative in prison.

[Tammy]

They are.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know the female prisons. They be in there making makeup and stuff. I'm pretty sure they have an air fryer type device that they are making a pepper steak. They call it. It's a Ziploc bag full of potato chips, pickle juice, and whatever else you could throw in there. Don't ask me how I know. I've never been to prison, but I know some niggas that have been. But they.

[Tammy]

And what they do now, they put.

[AJ Holiday]

They call it pepper steak. It's like they take a Ziploc bag and put all these different ingredients in it, and it's called pepper steak. It's not. Pepper steak is a bunch of shit in a bag, but it's like a jail meal.

[Tammy]

Is there a steak in it?

[AJ Holiday]

Of course not. Of course not. Go ahead. Sorry.

[Tammy]

I was gonna say, I know it was something that you wanted to read for the.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted to give a quick little update on. Not a quick update, but I saw this very, very Funny thread. It's obviously sarcasm, but it still remains very true. Just based off of the things we are seeing on social media and how the men are coming. For any women that date men, essentially. I mean, that's how I feel. It's not all men, right? But there's a large percentage because the Internet definitely is like a nice sample size for the bullshit. So this, this user on threads, her name is Ms. Mia K. So is it tweeted when you thread? Like, what is it called?

[Tammy]

It's called sewing, I guess. I don't know.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, so it says, I've gone compiled some advice, some advice that men have given us women coming out of the Meg, the Stallion and Clay situation. They are so helpful in that way and we thank them for their services. Number one, it says first thing the men said is do not have sex with them if you have ever have, if you have any hope of deserving their. Deserving their respect. That's number one. Number okay, number two. Next they said you are stupid if you believe them when they say they love you. If they say it, it's a lie. If they show you with gestures. Under no circumstances should you interpret love gestures as love. You should simply not love them back. And you certainly should not reciprocate any kindness. If you do so, you are an idiot. According to men. Okay, number three, if the man has a job, he will cheat according to the men. But if they do not have a job, or if your job is bigger and better than theirs, they will also cheat.

[Tammy]

Well, goddamn.

[AJ Holiday]

Number four, the men have also said, do not play house with them. Don't cook for them, don't celebrate holidays with them. Don't demonstrate any love or care for their families even if invite you to spend the holidays. Don't build a home with them unless you are married, but assume everything they say is a lie until the day you get married and then, and then

[Tammy]

after assume it too.

[AJ Holiday]

Essentially.

[Tammy]

Listen, that makes me think of this thing that I be saying like it's two people. I don't trust people in the wheelchair and people that can walk.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, so it says they also said, do not claim any man publicly. Treat them like dirty. Treat them like a dirty little secret if you dare deal with them at all. If they hurt you, it's your fault for being stupid enough to believe them because you should have known that they were lying to begin with. According to the men. Next one says if you wind up getting cheated on, you must keep it a secret to protect their dignity and right to privacy. According to the men, even though he didn't respect your dignity while cheating. But remember, that was your fault for expecting a man who told you he was your man to be faithful.

[Tammy]

Right? Cause. All right, go ahead, finish this list.

[AJ Holiday]

Lastly, if you have sex with a man, that makes you a terrible woman who deserves to be punished forever in perpetuity by every subsequent partner you ever have. And perhaps by men you don't know as well, according to the men. Did I miss anything? Ladies, if you follow these simple rules, you can survive dealing with a man. And of course, there was some shit that was missed. Somebody said, according to the men, dealing with them lows a woman's value, so it's best to not deal with them in any capacity. Got it? This actually came from a guy. It says you need to lower your standards. The reason that you're alone is because you keep curving the guy with dirty fingernails in between jobs and always smells like weed. 24 by 7. Ignore your preferences and give that bum a chance to show you that he really has what it takes to absolutely waste your time.

[Tammy]

Exactly.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly. I just thought that was really funny because, I mean, looking at the comments is like, bitch, you ain't never supposed to do better. Right? You never supposed to try to do better. I literally saw a post that had had Meg the Stallion and Klay Thompson in it with X's across their face. Who else was in a damn thing that had already broken up? But essentially, like, these guys created a collage to show they. They had Russell Wilson and Sierra, like, the last ones without the X. Like, they're up next. Type, like, these other three out. Yeah. Like, what? Why do y' all want these people to break up? Are y' all okay? Are y' all well?

[Tammy]

Misery?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. No, they. They don't think the women deserve the lives that they have. Like, they don't think that. They don't think that Sierra deserves to be with Russell four or five kids later, right? Because her value plummeted with future. That's really who they're judging her off of. And imagine that. That's y' all, homie. Y' all love future.

[Tammy]

That's y' all king.

[AJ Holiday]

That's y' all king. For real. I don't understand the psychology of it all.

[Tammy]

I don't make sense. It doesn't make any sense why men were so happy that they broke up is. Is weird.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tammy]

Okay, I got one for you. I don't know if y' all saw this, but Boston Richie's ex girlfriend exposed him for allegedly being gay after he Dissed her in a new song. And she says, and I. I quote, you had me cosplaying as a man in the bed. Now it says, in a series of explosion, explosive social media posts, Tatiana put Boston Richie on blast, claiming that their private life was far more experimental than his tough guy Persona suggests. She shared alleged proof of her purchasing a dildo for him and claimed that they engaged in several weird and intimate acts throughout their relationship. So she was basically saying that, like, she used to be pegging him. Like, she used to wear a strap and him in the ass.

[AJ Holiday]

Does that make him gay, though? Unless she knows he's been with a man.

[Tammy]

I don't believe that. Nothing to. If you're a man and there's a woman, I don't believe nothing you can do together is gay.

[AJ Holiday]

Me either. You know, I. I don't know if I'll be with a man. Like, I'll peg a man, but I'm not about to be with you after that. Like, I'm gonna treat you like. I'm gonna treat you like a dirty bitch.

[Tammy]

Honestly, pegging a nigga is on my bucket list of things to do.

[AJ Holiday]

Listen, I done put my finger in a couple butts in my lifetime in my 20s, man, I definitely used to do that shit because, you know, just out here outside, and if a nigga think he about to be talking shit about me, just know. You better make sure you telling people I fucked you too. And that was my thing. Like, I was gonna try to see if you gonna let me do it. I used to do that to guys, and I had a nigga wanting to fight me one time.

[Tammy]

I remember that. He let him. Remember. Yeah, I'm definitely picking one of your sons. I don't know who it is. Somebody's son getting paid.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know if I want to strap up and put it. Put it on a man like, I. That. That might be some. I would never do. You know what I'm saying?

[Tammy]

Like, but Pagan isn't not strapping, right?

[AJ Holiday]

This is pegging is strapping. Putting the strap that.

[Tammy]

When it's pertaining to, like, a little butt plug.

[AJ Holiday]

No, pegging is actually a woman putting a strap on. On and going into a woman's butt. That is the.

[Tammy]

A man's butt.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that's what I meant. Going into. Why do. Why do heterosexual men use the term bussy? It is not a bussy. It's a butthole.

[Tammy]

That's the man. Ew, man.

[AJ Holiday]

No, it's not. It's literally an. Yeah, now you can do to dress it up.

[Tammy]

But it's like, girl, you were complicit in these sexual acts for many. How long were they together? They weren't together five minutes. It wasn't like he asked you to do it and you were so grossed out and left.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, she's 20 and he's apparently 30 now or 27 or something. So she was. And they've been together for some years. She's saying that like she was 17, 16 or 17 when he. When she got with him. And he would have been like a 25 year old man at the time.

[Tammy]

So she was saying that she was groomed by him.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, that's what she's saying now. Yeah, and I think the men are missing that part because like. Oh, you was down for it. Like. Yeah, yeah. And then also we. Listen, we know money plays a big role in these things. And you know, I personally would not expose a man like this. Our sexual history or whatever. Just because. Just because. Nothing. Like, where's your integrity? Because since you was going in that asshole, girl, so what are you. Why are you weaponizing like liking to be pegged? Why are you weaponizing that right now?

[Tammy]

Let me ask you this. If you with a man of your dreams and he does, he provides you all the things you've ever wanted in life, everything.

[AJ Holiday]

The man of my dreams do not like to get pegged.

[Tammy]

Yeah, you ain't let me finish.

[AJ Holiday]

Go ahead and finish. Sorry, girl.

[Tammy]

What I was about to say, outside of that, I mean, nobody's gonna be perfect, right? But he wants you to strap him at least four times a year

[AJ Holiday]

now you sound like that Black Mirror episode. Whatever.

[Tammy]

That's what I was channeling.

[AJ Holiday]

Having sex with his homeboy Vita AI shit once a year. Listen, would you do it? I'll do, you know, because I have put fingers in a boyfriend's butt of mine. Like somebody I was actually in a relationship with.

[Tammy]

I just.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, first of all, I don't have a stamina to sling dick. Be honest with you. I'll be the laziest dick slinger. I wouldn't even be a dick slinger. Like, it would be so lazy. I would not be like. And you gotta get like. It's not like it's like a woman that can lay on the back and you can hit it like that. Like I gotta straddle this big grown hairy booty. Come on, man. Who the fuck really want to do that? But I don't want to.

[Tammy]

So that's a deal breaker for you if that was the person. But everything Else in your life was perfect. He was funny, charming, generous, loving, kind, handsome.

[AJ Holiday]

I just would think that's going to lead someplace else. So this is why they call in Boston, whatever his name is, gay, right? Because people do associate that type of activity, maybe with a woman, you know, or not. They associate that with, like, it's like they say weed is a chain drug, Right? It'll lead you to some. To some other shit. Sometimes it might, sometimes it might not. Like I would need to understand the psychology of why he.

[Tammy]

Like, why this?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. Because. Is it going to escalate? We married now, and I've been pegging you, and now you want a man. Because men will escalate.

[Tammy]

That's.

[AJ Holiday]

This is why you never do some you ain't comfortable with. They will escalate, Will keep pushing the envelope to see how much they can get your ass to do.

[Tammy]

All right, so we gonna get into that. That's gonna be our topic today. Because I can't move past this. So, y', all, we're gonna go to commercial. We get back, we gotta talk about this. We'll be right back. Not this.

[AJ Holiday]

Literally.

[State Farm Narrator]

This past weekend, like every other Sunday, you were on the court with the guys, playing ball. Just a pickup game, living out your hoop dreams. No triple doubles, but a mean set of threes in between buckets. One of the homies mentions he closed on a new crib. This is big. And while everyone's asking about the housewarming and making plans to celebrate, you're asking the real questions, like, has he spoke to his State Farm agent yet about coverage? See, home ownership is one thing, but the right coverage is the real game changer. Even more than your last hot streak is how you protect your legacy. Dropping buckets and bars on the court. A State Farm agent can more than assist you with finding the right coverage for your new place. If you have a claim, your local agent can help you file it. Yep, that's right. Over the phone, in person, online, or on the app, they're ready to help you and they don't drop the ball, if you know what I mean. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Public Investing Narrator]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets, which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI, it all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index, and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures [e-mail] Disclosures hey everyone, it's Kal Penn.

[Earsay Host]

I'm the host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like okay, yo yo yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great cuz it served the story. People will say like oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like yeah dude, me too.

[Earsay Host]

Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Redfin Narrator]

Let's talk about modern home shopping. It's sort of become a fun side hobby, right? Scrolling listings at night, dreaming about kitchens you've never seen or backyards you haven't even stepped foot in. All from the comfort of pretty much anywhere. Redfin knows a lot of people like you want to own but are stuck in this browsing mode loop. That's where Redfin flips the script with listings that update within minutes and tours you can book right from the Redfin app you can see your dream home the moment it appears. Now, liking a listing is easy, but actually landing it. That's where Redfin Comes in. Redfin has over 2200 agents with local expertise. And Redfin agents close twice as many deals as other agents. That means they want to help you win. Not just window shop. Redfin is built to help you go from just looking to wait. This could actually be home. So become the newest neighbor on the block. Visit redfin.com to start finding and start owning. That's redfin.com.

[Tammy]

All right, we are back, y'. All. And I want to ask the question, why do women go against their boundaries? All right, let's get real here. What do you think?

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. If. Can I say fomo? Like, fear of missing out. Like, going out. Fear of missing out on opportunity with this man, possibly. And you're. You. You do mean, like, in relationships, right?

[Tammy]

Yeah, yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, doing shit you would not normally do, such as little Tatiana. That's her name, right?

[Tammy]

Mm.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So, like, Tatiana was pegging. What is this name? These new rappers. Listen, I love the song. Boston Richie. I love the song. Help me. Help Me. Like, help you what? What do you need help with? Yeah. So she basically. If she's putting him on blast right now, she absolutely crossed a boundary. Right?

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Because it wouldn't be nothing to her if it was something she was actually okay with doing.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

So why women do it to keep the relationship going, to please their partner, per se, is that's what they say. Right.

[Tammy]

Wouldn't it be a cool girl? Mm.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not doing something I'm not comfortable with. Not at this big age or, like,

[Tammy]

thinking, like, this is what he used to. This is what he likes. So I feel like I have to do this if I want to stay in this. Mm.

[AJ Holiday]

And some people may think it's the compromise. Right. You know how they say you have to compromise in relationships? You kind of was coercing me into that prior to. Before we went to commercial. Like, but what if. But what if he's everything else, but he just likes dick in the booty?

[Tammy]

Like, not dig.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm not big, though.

[Tammy]

It's not big. It's.

[AJ Holiday]

Is it not like, that scrap on was not small?

[Tammy]

Yeah, but it wasn't a dick. It was a strap on.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, so it's not a man behind the dick. Right. It's definitely still a woman, and it's just a harness. Right. But it's the act of the thing. And personally, I do not think that anything you. Like you said anything you do with a woman is considered gay. But I mean, the guy, one of the guys who I had put my finger in his butt before. Like, I knew he liked it, he had probably never done it before. And though he wanted to kill me at one point, maybe about a year and a half later, we ended up in the same class together in college. And he was like, man, I miss you, man. And in my mind I'm like, yeah, I bet you do. Because you can't ask your current bitch to pop that pussy open to pop that pussy for you. You don't know how to ask her to do it. So something like, I mean, just like dressing. He didn't ask me. I told you I would just try niggas. And I would do it to niggas in particular who I thought were like, I actually enjoyed having sex with that dude. Like, I. But it was a secret. Like, I had roommates. I wasn't even telling them bitches I was fucking on him. And so when he told people, I'm like, now you. He told a mutual good friend of ours. And I'm like, well, used to. Why did you. Why the fuck did he tell him that? So I was like, shit. When he asked me about it, when the friend asked me about it, I was like, shit, did he tell you I fucked him? And that is the purpose of why I used to do that. So whenever nigga wanna run they mouth about having had sex with me, make sure you tell the whole story. That's all. And then I tell the truth. And now you mad at me finger

[Tammy]

banging niggas butthole for like.

[AJ Holiday]

It was only a couple.

[Tammy]

It was only a couple.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, absolute. For leverage. And they remember me.

[Tammy]

All right here to the size. You're violating yourself, right. You feel uncomfortable, but don't say anything. So if you find yourself on the bottom of a pile up with two other people having like orgies or bring a other. You know what the most common one that I hear, that I've heard is women having threesomes when they don't want other women. Yeah. With other women to please their partner when they don't want to do that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I remember we. We talked about this before, cuz. Ray J. Ex wife Y. What's her name?

[Tammy]

Princess.

[AJ Holiday]

Princess girl. How the hell I didn't put a whole nother. Yeah. Princess love. Princess was saying how you know she even, you know, she did threesomes with Ray J. Because it's something that he wanted to do, something he obviously always did because he was just on Freaky Fridays. Talk about how he done had sex with like 10,000 women. How is that even possible? And Cam Newton calculated his shit to like one and a half bitches a day for. Since she was like Starting at age 30 type, Rachel was like, Nah, like sometimes we do 10 in a day. So it's just compiling. But yeah, Princess Love was saying how you know she would do those things and she didn't necessarily, it wasn't necessarily for her. But nothing she did could, you know, could conquer the hunger that he had. You know, it's something you can't, it's. You can't do anything right.

[Tammy]

You can't satisfy him. It's insatiable. And now you're involved in all these sexual acts that you don't even enjoy.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly.

[Tammy]

Another one is if you have to drink to get through certain moments. If you gotta have get up to have sex with your guy because you know you gotta pay him. That's a.

[AJ Holiday]

Or just have sex period for some women. Like gotta be high. You know, sometimes I have to test like, can I have sex without being high? What? I mean, I don't prefer it. I like. Okay, I like weeded sex. So I feel like sex is just not that great when I'm not high anymore. And I don't know if it's because sex is just not that great anymore or.

[Tammy]

Or do I just prefer it high induced sex.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, because I don't smoke otherwise. Right. So if I'm smoking, I'm having sex.

[Tammy]

That's so funny.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm not just smoking to be high now.

[Tammy]

I only smoke to watch comedy movies.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Because I'm not a smoker like that. So I do like, I prefer weeded sex. But am I smoking to have sex?

[Tammy]

Yeah, that's what it sounds like.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. But I want to have sex though. I just wanted to be really, really good for me.

[Tammy]

But try it without and see, you might not leave it like the niggas you fucking. You better try it without.

[AJ Holiday]

No, that is not it.

[Tammy]

I think y' all should test it out because.

[AJ Holiday]

Because listen, is not. It's not just him, you know what I'm saying? Like this is. Has. This has been going on for years. Like I started getting high to have sex with my ex fiance and it was just like a routine thing for us to do it.

[Tammy]

Do you like sex?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, I do like sex. But once I experience it high, I only want to do it high. You see what I'm saying? So yeah, I like sex, but I like how sex is high. That's all. So I prefer it high.

[Tammy]

You know, never done it not high?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, I have over the years, but it's. Yes, it's not as enhanced. I would prefer to be on a substance.

[Tammy]

Here's another one. Signs. You're violating yourself. You feel embarrassed after intimacy. You've engaged in something and now you feel shame or embarrassed. That's a sign, girl, stop doing it.

[AJ Holiday]

I got another story. So this is not me though. Have you ever been with somebody who like after sex they completely shut down? Have you ever experienced that?

[Tammy]

Like, what do you mean? Like, go to sleep? Yeah, I put him in the sleep period.

[AJ Holiday]

No, I mean like he's not asleep, but he's not. Also not talking no more like he's just so. A guy I was dating when I lived in St. Louis. He was like, you know, I've always been me, right, as far as like religion and all that shit. Like I've always had, you know, just my belief system has always been different. I'll say that. Right? So he would go to. He was going to church at the time. He was like two years younger than me too. So we would have these like religious arguments all the time. And now he's in a different place because we, we are still friends and we have had conversations about this thing now in the present. And he just has a different. He has a different now understanding now of religion. Right. But back then he felt like he was committing sin every time he had sex. So. Bitch, when I tell you we used to be having some blazing ass nasty and I wasn't getting high then we used to have some really stupid nasty sex. And then immediately, shortly thereafter, the nigga's not talking to me like. Like in my room, in my bed. Yes. Consumed with guilt. And now he's like, I mean, completely shut down. Like we not cuddling nothing after sex. Like you was just.

[Tammy]

That's how I feel when I watch porn.

[AJ Holiday]

So yes, that's ain't exactly. Because I feel the same way. That's why I don't even fucking watching porn no more. Because why does it make you feel like that? Yes. So this is how he would be. I mean, even like we may not even have sex.

[I]

He just.

[AJ Holiday]

Can you just sit on my face? I'll do that. And then he just. He shut down. Shuts down afterwards.

[Tammy]

Well, that's a form of sex.

[AJ Holiday]

I know, that's what I'm saying, that she used to be so fucking weird. And we completely stop having sex after one Sunday. So one Saturday we had a. We had a lit night and I woke up and did my hair. He woke up and went to church. He comes back to my house and I'm like, well, how was church? Because the night before we had a whole conversation about. And I was telling him how I don't have to go to church to have a relationship with God. Like, we literally can do that together tomorrow, just me and you in the living room type shit, is the conversation I was having with him. So I asked him how church was that Sunday when he got back to the house. And he was like, oh, it was good. They was talking about how some people feel like they don't need to go to church to have a relationship with God. So he was trying. I said, oh, you trying to take a shot at me? I said, okay, so you better than me because we was fucking last night. You woke up and went to church. You are the sinner, not me. I'm the gentile. Okay, You. You are going to be held at a higher standard because you have accepted this thing in your life, this based on what people believe, you know, about the religion. You're wrong, not me. I can do this. You're wrong. So from that point on, because I put it like, Because I gave him that perspective, we stopped having sex, mind you.

[Tammy]

This is dating.

[AJ Holiday]

He wanted to continue dating. And I'm like, no, because I did not sign up to be celibate. You cannot force me into celibacy. Where's my ring? If you want to fuck. Because this is why the Bible says find a. The Bible don't say nothing about finding a wife because you're in love. The Bible says, if you cannot sustain from sex anymore, find a wife. That is the gist of it. So he needed to find a wife or ask me to marry him so we can have sex. And he wouldn't be feeling like he's sinning anymore, but he wasn't trying to do that. Nigga still wanted to hang out and date. And no. And damn. They're living in my house and I'm not fucking. I understand how men feel in them situations where they got they woman walk around with her ass out and not giving them any. Yeah, but I'm gonna around.

[Tammy]

And Green brought no dick with you again.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, you gonna get touched in here. Get out of here.

[Tammy]

No, I can understand standing by your religious convictions if that's what you choose to believe in. But you also have to find someone equally yoked in that manner.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Aligned with you. Yeah.

[Tammy]

Yeah. So. All right, here's another one. You wouldn't tell your friends what you're doing if you come engaging in sexual acts that you're ashamed to tell your friends as a sign that you probably are violating yourself.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that guy who I was plugging with my finger, I didn't tell my friend.

[Tammy]

I ain't got all the stories. I ain't got no good stories. I'm trying to.

[AJ Holiday]

I wasn't telling my friends. I didn't want my friends to know I was smashing him. And not because I was sticking my finger in his butt, but it's just he was like a country ass nigga. Like. But what I did realize is that me too, I feel like, okay, if I back then, the n that I liked, my friends at the time would act like these was like, ugh, like, why you talking to this nigga? But let me not be around. And all of a sudden you talking to this nigga, right? That has happened on several occasions. And it was absolutely nothing wrong with this nigga. He was just super country and couldn't dress. That's it. He had his own place. Like, we fucking sophomores in college. Like, this nigga had his own place, car, everything, job.

[Tammy]

He just was fucking swagless.

[AJ Holiday]

Country, no swag. And that shit was immaculate. So I didn't want my friends to know. So I wasn't hiding him because I was putting my finger in his butt, though. It's just that I just didn't want nobody to know I was smashing him, that's all. Was I embarrassed by it, though? Possibly because I knew. Knew how my friends were. Right. Not because I was embarrassed by him, per se. I guess

[Tammy]

I get that. Especially as a young girl this big age is like, who gives a? But, yeah, this is my college. I could see that, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, but anything you feel embarrassed about, you can't share with you. You tell your friends everything. But you've engaged in something with this man eating butt.

[Tammy]

Are you.

[AJ Holiday]

You telling your friends I ain't eating?

[Tammy]

No, but that's what I just not eating. No, but maybe if I've been with somebody like 10, 15 years, I'm trying to spice it up a little bit, you know what I'm saying? But I just can't imagine sticking my tongue in nobody's butthole.

[AJ Holiday]

You ain't getting the Gucci either.

[Tammy]

I like a gooch. You right there. I'm not going no further than that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, be having dingleberries, man. I'm just so afraid themselves good.

[Tammy]

Like, I'm not licking that. And then if you're doing that, like, how are you doing it? Like, are you holding a nigga's Hand up, his legs up like he about to change his camera. Is he bent over and you like, spreading it?

[AJ Holiday]

Like, I don't want, like. Okay, so now we talk about strapping on. Like you want a man on all fours, like, spreading his butt cheeks for you to eat it. That is wild to me.

[Tammy]

Yeah. I can't even imagine it. If y' all can see the horror in my face right now.

[AJ Holiday]

That shit is wild. If you don't close your ass and get out here. No,

[Tammy]

first of all, I don't even want to see nobody I like in that position. It's just gonna be for me emasculating in my mind to see in such a vulnerable position. That's what we'll call it.

[State Farm Narrator]

This past weekend, like every other Sunday, you were on the court with the guys, playing ball. Just a pickup game, living out your hoop dreams. No triple doubles, but a mean set of threes in between buckets. One of the homies mentions he closed on a new crib. This is big. And while everyone's asking about the housewarming and making plans to celebrate, you're asking the real questions. Like, has he spoke to his State Farm agent yet about coverage? See, home ownership is one thing, but the right coverage is the real game changer. Even more than your last hot streak is how you protect your legacy. Dropping buckets and bars on the court. A State Farm agent can more than assist you with finding the right coverage for your new place. If you have a claim, your local agent can help you file it. Yep, that's right. Over the phone, in person, online or on the app, they're ready to help you and they don't drop the ball, if you know what I mean. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Public Investing Narrator]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI, it all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, complex, completely customizable, and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus. When you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosures [e-mail] Disclosures hey everyone, it's Cal Penn.

[Earsay Host]

I'm the host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Aud Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo yo yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it.

[Public Investing Narrator]

I was like, no.

[Ray Porter]

At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah dude, me too.

[Earsay Host]

Listen to Irsay the Audible and I Heart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Redfin Narrator]

Let's talk about modern home shopping. It's sort of become a fun side hobby, right? Scrolling listings at night, dreaming about kitchens you've never seen or backyards you haven't even stepped foot in. All from the comfort of pretty much anywhere. Redfin knows a lot of people like you want to own, but are stuck in this browsing mode loop. That's where Redfin flips the script. With listings that update within minutes and tours you can book right from the Redfin app, you can see your dream home the moment it appears. Now, liking a listing is easy, but actually landing it? That's where Redfin comes in. Redfin has over 2200 agents with local expertise, and Redfin agents close twice as many deals as other agents. That means they want to help you win. Not just window shop. Redfin is built to help you go from just looking to to wait. This could actually be home. So become the newest neighbor on the block. Visit redfin.com to start finding and start owning. That's redfin.com.

[Tammy]

All right, so let's talk about boundaries versus pleasing your partner. So, like, what's healthy is. Okay. Try new things you're curious about. Like, okay, you know, I am into. I like anal. Maybe I could give it.

[AJ Holiday]

Or like, anal.

[Tammy]

No, I'm just saying. No, I'm just speaking, like, as someone who does. Let me just. Yeah, let me clarify that.

[AJ Holiday]

No,

[Tammy]

I'm pretty much approved when it comes to stuff like that. But the unhealthy thing would be doing things you feel pressured into. Like, I don't really like anal. I don't want to give anybody anal. But he wants this. And he keeps mentioning it. He keeps talking about it. So I feel like I gotta do it.

[AJ Holiday]

I saw this post, and I don't know what is. And these guys have a podcast, but it's a. This guy actually put out two videos on Instagram, and the first one, he was just basically talking about how. How grape right is a part of American culture, essentially, right? How men are. Boys are. Are raised basically to coerce women out of the coochie. So when you. When a woman tells you no one time, that's the boundary. It's already been set, right? So anything you do after that. And it's not just for women, for men, too. Okay? So I guess if you ask this man for plane ticket money or bag, I don't know, light bill money, and he say no. No means no, Don. Ask him again. Ask him again, right? Because he didn't mean it the first time. Ask him a different way.

[Tammy]

For me. And this is so up, because no is the starting negotiating point, as far as I know.

[AJ Holiday]

Because it's too much or no, like, because just no, right?

[Tammy]

How do we.

[AJ Holiday]

When we talk about, like, sex, that's different. You know what I'm saying? So even. Can I put the tip in? What does that fucking mean? Can you put the tip in?

[Tammy]

Right? That is such a dumb request.

[AJ Holiday]

And I think it gets kind of blurry a little bit. The lines get kind of blurry because there may be some women who want you to try, right? They want to act. They, oh, I've been that girl.

[Tammy]

I've been that girl. I've been that girl. You're talking about.

[AJ Holiday]

You want to give it to him, but you want him to work for it. But that gets confusing for men, right? Because you can run into somebody else who, like, they said no and they meant that shit.

[Tammy]

Who also says no in the same manner. And they're laughing because they're nervous, uncomfortable and uncomfortable. And you misconfuse that. Is that a word? Misconfused, Misconstrued, Misconstrue. That what Tammy was doing that time. She was like, saying no, but her legs up, you know, like. So I guess it is very confusing for anyone, you know, But I guess you should just take no as a no. Even if the lyrics.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So if a woman tells you no, the only way you should be having sex all of a sudden is if she initiates it at that point.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, like, once she says no, just you should be turned off. Like, because remember, consent is very sexy. Right? So anytime somebody says no, I don't do that. Like, for you to keep asking, that's a problem.

[Tammy]

Or like, have you ever had a guy say, oh, well, let me just eat it?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes.

[Tammy]

And you just let him eat it and then send them home. Right.

[AJ Holiday]

So I did that. Yeah. As a grown woman who has pistols and stuff like that, yes, I have done that. And I don't. I wouldn't do that now, but when I was younger, and I even remember being even younger and in a bad situation where a dude asked me to. To eat it and I allowed him to, and the next thing I knew, he was. He done. While he was eating it, he was putting on a condom. So now, like, you coming up, like, trying to hurry up and stick your

[Tammy]

dick in me, right?

[AJ Holiday]

That happened to me before.

[Tammy]

Yeah, you gotta be careful. Just if you don't want to engage in anything, don't let them do anything to you.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, man, that testosterone, I keep telling y', all, man, sometimes men cannot control themselves once that shit kick in. And until they release, they are beast. They're going to be a beast. So you. You cannot play with men in that capacity at all. Don't do it. You know, so if you say no, let it me know. Don't be like no. And then staying and sticking around. Get out of there. And don't be in closed settings with men if you don't want to have sex. I don't go to a nigga house at this big grown age unless I'm popping that pussy. I'm not going over there to be in his house sitting up, watching tv. We can go someplace else for that. Yeah, I'm not hanging out. Yeah, I'm not hanging out.

[Tammy]

So you'll only go to a man's house if you already have sex or

[AJ Holiday]

we've already had sex before. Why am I over there otherwise? You don't just hang out at people's house like you. You go to a man's house. He. And he's never taking you out anywhere else. He's never done anything. He don't just want to chill with you. He want to have sex.

[Tammy]

Oh, they always. They want to have sex with you outside.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Right. But you are least likely to be in a bad situation outside. So I just think women got to be smarter in that way, too, man. And then when you're talking about young girls, like, these guys act like they don't understand what the women talking about, but when you add their daughters or sisters or mothers in the scenario, not all of a sudden they understand. So y' all problem is y' all like to violate other people. Daughters, mothers, and mamas. But it can't be yours, though. So if everybody just had mutual respect, as if this woman could. Could possibly. Or this. This is somebody's child.

[Tammy]

Always.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, always somebody's child.

[Tammy]

Always somebody's baby.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I have friends who have. Have shocked me, right? Just in general conversation, like, yeah, I'll get my nigga threesome if we out the country on vacation or something. I'm like, what? I'm always, like, shocked. But it's like, more friends than not be down with OPP.

[Tammy]

You ever done something like that?

[AJ Holiday]

Hell, first of all, I've never had a threesome, and I ain't going out of the country to fuck no random nigga, and I'm definitely not going out the country with my country with my nigga, and having a threesome with some fucking ratchet coochie is not happening.

[Tammy]

I don't know how that works. Like, because. Are you, like, putting on different condoms every time, like, between people or. How does. What is this?

[AJ Holiday]

I've had a friend of mine, and you know this person, too. I ain't gonna tell you who sent me a video before, and he was 2 in Mexico with no condom.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And I'm like, you're wiling.

[Tammy]

Yikes. On bikes.

[AJ Holiday]

Up until that point, I might have wanted that thing. I'm like, oh, yeah, you high risk. I'm good.

[Tammy]

Right? You're high risk out here wilding with your penis. You'll just be surprised on what people are. You see Boston Richie and his girlfriend, you never know what people are doing behind closed doors.

[AJ Holiday]

And that's why behind closed doors, it should be back there. I. I don't. I don't agree with what she did to him, how she's.

[Tammy]

How she essentially exposed him for his kink.

[AJ Holiday]

I didn't listen to the song to see what it was that he said that warranted this response from her. But if it was like, I mean, but then we can't determine what somebody deems disrespectful either. So.

[Tammy]

Right. Keep what you say, keep your regrets to a minimum. Don't be out here pegging if you ain't into it.

[AJ Holiday]

Having threesomes if that's not what you went to.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, there are some men who like to watch list Diddy and Cassie. You see what I'm saying? There are some men who like to watch other men have sex and then now years later, you want to sue.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

But Cassie actually did say, you know, he should be in jail for beating my ass, basically. Not for all the other things because she was a willing participant.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

In those things. But it's when she wanted to stop and he wouldn't allow her to stop is the problem. Like he, like he owned her, basically.

[Tammy]

I just. My freak flag don't fly that high.

[AJ Holiday]

Like it's just mine either. I like. I like regular sex. And I have had to tell multiple men on multiple occasions. Like, hey, hey, I am so grown. Anything that I wanted to do, I've already done it. So you're not about to coerce me into letting some bitch with 20 inch tracks eat my coochie. I'm cool. Why don't you go and get. I think men are more wrapped up in getting you to do the thing they want you to do. Because men don't like no. They don't like no at all.

[Tammy]

Even if nobody likes no. I hate no. That's one of my favorite. I just was especially something I want.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't mind. No, but I'm okay. Something you want. But somebody telling you no. You want to butt plug a dude and he says no, you mad?

[Tammy]

I want, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tammy]

When people say no to the things I want, I don't try to take the things I want.

[AJ Holiday]

The things are reasonable that you probably want, though. Some of these things men want are very unreasonable with whomever they're wanting it from because you can get somebody that. That enjoys doing all the things you like. So what's turning you on is coercing somebody who doesn't normally do the thing into doing it. That's the turn on, it's not the act of it. The turn on is control.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Right. No, you can't control me. I'm not. I have. I used to be talking to this dude I think I might have mentioned a couple weeks ago, like you, he has a girlfriend and basically he was wanting me to come in. I'm like, first of all, how much money you got for something like this? Because white men, when they do polygamy, they had a. In different houses. You want me to be in the same kitchen with a. You're out of your mind.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, so can you afford to fund my whole life while you. Because that's what that type of shit is for, is It Is for nation building, okay? It is not just for a man to get his rocks off. You just want different women because, I don't know, you tired of the current sometimes, and you just want, like, a little outlet. Your little own little personal outlet somewhere. Or he, like, he wanted to introduce me to his peoples, like. Cause he wanted to be able to openly deal with both of us, basically.

[Tammy]

Oh, I've had that. I've had a guy who was like, I want you to be me and my wife's girlfriend, and I would like for you to come to dinner with us so you can meet her. No, he wanted me to go to dinner with just her. Hell no. I am not participating. I do not want to participate.

[AJ Holiday]

And my question is, like, what make you think I' ma like your. If I was into that type of. Like you like that? What make you think I. I' ma like her in that way if I were on that type of time?

[Tammy]

If I was on. Even if I was on that type of time, it would be me and my husband and she coming to meet me. I'm not about to be the outside bitch looking in.

[AJ Holiday]

What do they call that? They call it a unicorn, Right, the unicorn.

[Tammy]

I don't fucking know. I don't subscribe to that shit. That is not what I want.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I think it's a unicorn. Like, the other woman, like, comes into a marriage basically, no thank you, child. These people too grown.

[Tammy]

I'm too territorial for that cute boy. Yeah. Like, ain't nobody my but me.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And then, you know, I think also, like, when women do go against themselves to give a man what they want, the man knows it, right? Because I'm pretty sure she's not. Like, your body probably tensing up. You. You seem uncomfortable. You know what I'm saying? There's no. Really. You can't really act like you're into some. You're not into.

[Tammy]

I don't know. You could pretend now you.

[AJ Holiday]

You sleepy.

[Tammy]

I'm so tired, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tammy]

I've been. I told y', all, I'm burning the candle at both ends. But you can pretend, especially if you have, like, incentive, you know, I'm sure he was providing her with lifestyle, you know, that could have been incentive to act like she was in. And then she. And that she went out and purchased the strap. It wasn't like he had in like, surprise. Look what I got for you to try on me. So it's kind of like there. There has to be a little accountability. Accountability there. Right?

[AJ Holiday]

A lot of accountability. Yeah. No matter at the 8, man. Listen, I've been running circles around since I was 15 years old. You're not about to tell me at 17, you. This person made you do a thing. Like, I know we say that often, but as grown women now looking at. No, we didn't. No, we did not have. We don't. We didn't have the same minds. We don't have the same minds. Yeah.

[Tammy]

But you know right from wrong at 17.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. We are essentially the same people today. I remember all the. Okay, so she was just 17. She's only 20. So there ain't no difference between who you were then and 20 years old girl. Cut it out.

[Tammy]

Not much.

[AJ Holiday]

Not much.

[Tammy]

But yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So I don't think. Did he force you or, you know, he just pretty much just benefited off you not having any boundaries.

[Tammy]

Right, Exactly. That's what it is.

[AJ Holiday]

And you mad now because you probably did some disgusting things supposedly out of love, wanting to make your partner happy, but then now you using it against them. You never loved that person. It was all. To me, it seems transactional.

[Tammy]

Right. I agree.

[AJ Holiday]

He was paying for butt play,

[Tammy]

and now he gonna have all the butt play he want because you done put it out there. Is everybody in his demons? Like, if that's what you like, I got you. I'm here for it. But I feel sad for her too, though, because I do feel like she is. Like, although she needs to be accountable, there is a little victimization there. And that I didn't listen to the song, so I couldn't hear what he said about her.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I gotta go. I'm gonna go find it. Maybe we should have done that prior to the episode. Right. Because I want to know. Like, I guess nothing to me, nothing warrants what. What's happening right now.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, unless you want to expose him for being. I don't know if we're talking to young girls. Yeah. If she feels abused, but. Do you really like you. You. You look like you was having a whole lit life up until recently, so.

[Tammy]

And here's the thing. You might. She might even be back with him. You know, relationships, don't it take as long as to end as it did to start half the time, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. She's trying to ruin his career, right? Because no rapper, even though a lot of them are homosexual. Okay. They don't want that label on them unless they're like out for real.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

So she's. She's trying to ruin his career, Right. Basically. Why all these gay dudes be coming for Boss Mandelo. He don't really be feeding into it. But why do they like I. I

[Tammy]

always say so funny online.

[AJ Holiday]

I love him.

[Tammy]

Yeah. I'll be finding myself talking like him. I'll say some and I just be

[AJ Holiday]

like, like, no, not. No, that's not Boss Mandelo. Girl, you talk about finesse. Two times. Crazy. Yes.

[Tammy]

I just be walking down the street, I'd be like, no, Merck, Ain't nobody said to me I just say that.

[AJ Holiday]

No, girl, you talk about finesse.

[Tammy]

Well, what boss Mandelo did, I don't even know nothing about him.

[AJ Holiday]

No, it's been a couple like gay boys come out and. And claim like somebody. I remember like last year and I was like, dlo, like the name is DLO on a down low. Like, somebody came out last year and was claiming that they were messaging back and forth on Instagram. He said the was some. But just recently somebody else came out again. So I don't know. I don't know. Do we care? We need.

[Tammy]

I think we just need the women don't care.

[AJ Holiday]

These care. The only thing we care about is you being honest. So we not. We don't get caught in the crossfire of.

[Tammy]

Right. Just be honest with who you are because it's people. It's. I promise you there's somebody out there that's into it.

[AJ Holiday]

They don't want to be out with it because they don't. They don't want to have to face the homeboys. It has nothing to do. And this, this is a prime example of how men. Men are always vulnerable at women. It's your friends. You can't be vulnerable with something lying on us all the damn time. Shit. We know you. We know your deepest, darkest, deepest, darkest secrets. Just like that booty hole. Okay, quit playing with us. So, yeah, so basically when the relationship ends, then now all the truth comes out. And that's whack.

[Tammy]

Yeah, I think that's whack too. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Because now she feels used. She. She ignored herself in her boundaries and now you reclaiming your power and all this. Girl, cut it out.

[Tammy]

Or like when a friendship ends and one of the friends start telling all the business of the Other friend, like, don't do that.

[AJ Holiday]

I like that.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't like that.

[Tammy]

I'm still gonna keep the secrets, even if that's why.

[AJ Holiday]

That's why I don't like when friendships and that should bother me more than break up women. Because you just walk around this planet with my secrets. Because we tell our friends a lot of yeah.

[Tammy]

Over the years.

[AJ Holiday]

Imagine 15 years of friendship gone, and you just walk around ready to do a tell all when I hit. Hit this, Billy bitch. I'll beat you up. All right, y', all, listen. My last last is don't do no shit you don't want to do. Don't do no shit to where you can't look at yourself in the mirror. Cut it out. You know what I'm saying? Like, these men, they will use you up. There is nothing you can do to satisfy some men. So don't even try. Satisfy you. That's all that matters.

[Tammy]

I agree. If it's not making you happy and you're not fulfilled by it, don't participate. And if you are participating in that, stop today, you don't have to do it no more. You can set those boundaries right now for yourself. My good sister, our brother.

[AJ Holiday]

You still an ass eater, though, once you eat the ass once.

[Tammy]

I only ate your ass because I ain't get you nothing for your birthday, okay? Remember that? Kevin Hart. Shame.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, y'. All. So your. Your boundaries are not something you navigate for love. The right person will never require you to become somebody you don't recognize just to be with them. Get out of there. All right, y'. All. So if you enjoy this, you tell me. I'mma buy you one those little. Cut, cut, cut. Cuz, y' can talk. I can talk. We right at one hour. I can keep going. But anyway, if y' all enjoy this episode.

[Tammy]

What did I say to aj? All right, Tell them what I said to you right before we started.

[AJ Holiday]

Can we please try to keep this to 45 minutes? She just want to give y' all a little hot 45, you know, I just always end up going over it. I apologize in advance.

[Tammy]

She be like, yeah, sure. And then we go to an hour and some change every time.

[AJ Holiday]

We'll talk to y' all ass next week. If you enjoyed this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app or wherever the you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagrams. Kick it, Tam, y'.

[Tammy]

All. It's official. Tam Bam on Instagram. Y' all. Follow me there. Follow both of us at We Talk Back podcast. Send us a dumbish story Next week. We're coming with a dumbish story if we don't do nothing else. So y' all send us one. We. I don't even know if we've done any. We've done at least two this year, that's all. So we got to come back next week. We're gonna have one for sure.

[AJ Holiday]

We need to start having these call in. That's. We gonna get a hotline going maybe. Okay, that's probably what we're gonna do for next week. We're gonna have a hotline. Y' all can call in and be a part of the show. How about that?

[Tammy]

Let's do that. Let's do that for real. So next Tuesday night, we're gonna. We're gonna post it before Tuesday where y' all can call us. And then when we record, we're gonna just have y' all on the show with your story. Let's fucking do it. I'm here for it. All right, y' all remember, speak now.

[AJ Holiday]

And never hold your boundaries. They are boundaries for a motherfucking reason, period. Deuces We Talk Back podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

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[Tammy]

Oh, no.

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[AJ Holiday]

What do you mean? People hate the sound of chewing.

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[AJ Holiday]

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[Tammy]

Mmm. So tasty.

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[AJ Holiday]

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[AJ Holiday]

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