The Judgment Olympics with Good Mom Bad Choices

Summary

Podcast Summary: We Talk Back – "The Judgment Olympics with Good Mom Bad Choices"

Date: October 16, 2025
Hosts: TamBam & AJ Holiday
Guests: Mila & Erica of Good Moms Bad Choices

---

Overview

This energetic, unfiltered, and deeply honest episode of "We Talk Back" celebrates Black womanhood, explores societal judgment around singlehood and motherhood, and proudly challenges gender roles and expectations. Hosts TamBam and AJ Holiday welcome Mila and Erica, the charismatic co-hosts of "Good Moms Bad Choices," for a joyfully raucous and real conversation about sex, relationships, judgments placed on women (the "Judgment Olympics"), and breaking free from patriarchal scripts. Through laughter, storytelling, and playful games, the episode delivers relatable anecdotes and life lessons, holding space for candid dialogue about what it means to be an empowered woman today.

---

Episode Structure & Key Discussion Points

1. Catching Up: Life Updates and Adventures

[02:24–13:29]

• Weekend Recaps: The hosts and guests share relatable, funny stories of their recent exploits—including Mila’s dance with Ciara in NYC and apartment hunting stories from TamBam.
• Moving & Adulting: TamBam discusses her nomadic year, breaking her foot at a wedding, and finding the right home.
  • Quote: “I broke my foot on the landing. Yeah.” – TamBam [07:15]
• Cost-of-living comparisons: Discussion of affordable rent in Charlotte versus the struggles of LA living.
  • Quote: “You got to be a millionaire to have a washer and dryer in LA.” – Mila [09:45]
• Transit & Culture Shocks: TamBam's hilarious New York subway encounter with a man offering to “balance your chakras for $1.99.”
  • Quote: “He was standing over me, he was like, I can balance your chakras right now for $1.99.” – TamBam [12:20]

---

2. Stupid Internet News & Double Standards in Relationships

[13:29–25:53]

• Cam Newton’s ‘Body Count’ List: Discussion of men asking for lists of sexual partners—and why it's “an immature request.” [14:20]

  • Quote: “Not only am I not giving you my list because I don't remember and I didn't write it down... I’m also going to stop talking to you for you to ask me such an ignorant, ridiculous question.” – Mila [14:24]
  • Comedic Advice: “My whole facts deletes at 11:59:59 on December 31st of every year.” – TamBam [17:50]
  • Sexual double standards: The hypocrisy of men’s expectations and perceptions about women’s sexual history.
    • “Niggas always say they want this, and then they can’t handle it when it actually happens.” – Erica [18:52]

• Ayesha Curry Backlash: Unpacking the messy headlines and internet hate directed at Ayesha Curry for expressing humanness and reflecting on her early motherhood.

  • Quote: “Why do people hate her so much?” – TamBam [21:06]
  • “They want her to fit into a specific box where she doesn’t mention him at all and doesn’t say anything unbecoming… It’s unfortunate… Your whole identity starts being attached to them.” – Erica [22:59]

• Patriarchy and Matriarchy Debates: Lively conversation about the real dynamics of power, influence of women behind the scenes, and what a true matriarchal society could look like.

  • Quote: “Women are the gods on the planet. And this is why these men mad.” – AJ [29:31]
  • “A true matriarchal society understands the need for the masculine to be there. It’s not about everything is woman, that’s it.” – Erica [29:44]

---

3. Judgment Olympics: Social Stereotypes About Women

[38:45–52:00]

Common Stereotypes of Moms and Child-Free Women

[39:24–44:58]

• Moms face claims of being “unwanted,” “ran through,” or “not marriage material.”
  • Quote: "We're not to be married, no one wants to father somebody else's kids." – Mila [40:18]
• Child-free women labeled “selfish” or told their “clock is ticking.”
  • Quote: “Just because I don't have kids, that does not mean I don't got shit to do, okay?” – AJ [41:31]
• Both groups subjected to rude, invasive questions about pregnancy or parenting.
  • “If I knew, I’d tell you, right? I don’t know when I’m having kids.” – TamBam [44:20]
  • Important advice: “You should not ask women of a certain age why they don't have kids if they want kids. Just mind your business.” – AJ [45:02]

How Society Judges Mothers

[45:13–50:43]

• The group reflects on how women's identities are policed and shaped by patriarchal and matriarchal community expectations.
• Mila and Erica share how their podcast grew out of resisting these molds.
  • “Our entire podcast is about [not fitting the mold].” – Mila [45:34]
  • Erica recounts how friendships shifted after motherhood, demonstrating how parenting can reveal who your true support system is.

Personal Impact of Judgment

• Mila talks about the guilt and pressure to present a “perfect family” to avoid the “single mom” stereotype in Black communities.
  • “As a Black woman...there was a stereotype I was trying to break.” – Mila [53:07]
• Erica discusses being nearly swept up by the “imprisonment” of traditional motherhood expectations and how friendship reawakened her authentic self.

---

4. Games & Hypotheticals: Would You Rather?

[57:13–71:16]

The group plays a frank, funny game of “Would You Rather?” around partners, relationships, and personal fulfillment:

• Ambition vs. Adoration: Would you rather a man who worships you but lacks ambition or one who challenges you but triggers you?
  • “All real relationships are going to trigger you all the time…that’s the whole point.” – Mila [57:41]
• Building Up Men: Would you rather build a man up or go with one “built but boring”?
• Feeling Seen or Safe: Would you rather feel “safe but unseen” or “seen but uncertain”?
• Side-chick vs. Wife to ‘Average’ Man: The group rejects the “groupie” mindset, debunks income stereotypes, and embraces substance over status.
• Cheating Standards: Preference for being cheated on with someone “badder” vs. “basic”—most women prefer the cheating be with someone unattractive rather than feeling replaced by a “badder bitch.”
  • “I cannot stand a n**** who doesn’t have standard. Yeah, you don’t have no standards.” – AJ [62:04]
• Bedroom Preferences: Preference for a loud man in bed over a silent one; comically specific bedroom deal breakers.

---

5. Dumb Stories: Cautionary Tales of Getting Played

[75:57–89:03]

Guests share their best “dumb stories”—ridiculous, embarrassing, and all-too-relatable tales of romance gone wrong:

• The Model Scam – Erica details a year-long relationship with a broke, lying “model” who scammed her into believing he was someone he wasn’t—and how she discovered the truth via his “one-armed best friend.”

  • “We both were handicapped, bitch.” – Erica [80:44]
  • “He proposed while he was inside me!” [81:13]
  • “[That’s] the best dumb bitch story we have had.” – TamBam [81:13]

• The Apartment Plug & Manipulation – Mila tells of seducing a hookup to secure an apartment, falling for a “big head/little body” man who manipulated her, brought his dog, and ultimately revealed abusive behaviors.

  • “He was conditioning you the whole time?” – AJ [86:30]
  • Discussion around “consensual non-consensual” kink and how manipulative partners mask their toxicity.

---

6. Closing & Plugs

[89:13–end]

• Mila and Erica promote their podcast, upcoming Good Vibe Retreats ("the best woman summer camp you can attend"), and their book, A Good Mom’s Guide to Making Bad Choices.
• TamBam, AJ, Mila, and Erica express camaraderie and gratitude: “Women are waking up; we’re resurrecting the wild and free woman.” – Mila [46:46]
• “Y’all remember: Speak now...” [91:07] — The hosts sign off, riffing on their usual sign-off lines with the guests.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I’ve hoed across the country... they’re spread out!” – Mila [16:45]
• “If you wore a condom, it doesn’t count, period.” – Mila [18:00]
• “You don’t babysit your own kid, you’re being a parent.” – TamBam [41:07]
• “There’s no patriarchy unless women are upholding it. And unfortunately, that’s what happens.” – Erica [27:07]
• “When you suppress anything... you suppress it, [it] becomes crazy. Becomes violent because it’s not being himself.” – Mila [29:17]

---

Episode Timeline

• 02:24-13:29 – Weekend & life updates, moving, culture, and cost of living
• 13:29-25:53 – Internet news: body counts, double standards, Ayesha Curry, patriarchy
• 38:45-52:00 – The Judgment Olympics: stereotypes faced by mothers, childfree women
• 52:00-57:13 – Real impact: friendships and relationships after motherhood
• 57:13-71:16 – Would You Rather: relationships, bedroom preferences, and hypotheticals
• 75:57-89:03 – "Dumb stories": confessions of being played
• 89:13-end – Plugs and wrap-up

---

The Episode in a Nutshell

“We Talk Back” and “Good Moms Bad Choices” join forces for an uproarious, witty, and unvarnished exploration of judgment, womanhood, sexuality, and society’s double standards. The conversation bounces between hilarious storytelling, deeply honest reflections, and raucous games. Ultimately it’s a celebration of autonomy: “Be your whole self, stop worrying about being a pick-me.” If you crave real talk, hearty laughs, and sisterhood, this episode delivers in spades.

Final Word:
“Women are resurrecting right now... there’s a resurrection of the wild and free woman.” – Mila [46:46]

Transcript

[Mila]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[AJ Holiday]

You've been working in the garage with.

[Ad-Lib/Announcer]

Your dad every week, Monday to Sunday.

[Erica]

Trying to get the old school up and running.

[Mila]

Today, after all the hard work, y' all finally finished it.

[Ad-Lib/Announcer]

Even better.

[Mila]

Your dad says, all yours, son.

[Erica]

Yep.

[Mila]

Same car that belongs to your grandpa that your dad helped him fix. It's yours.

[AJ Holiday]

To really keep the tradition going, you.

[Mila]

Need to get State Farm insurance just like them, generation to generation.

[AJ Holiday]

Remember to choose the agents that your family counted on.

[Mila]

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Ad-Lib/Announcer]

Forget whatever plans you have this weekend.

[Erica]

Because you're staying at home and playing on spinquest. And there's never been a better time to sign up than right now. New users get $30 coin packs for just $10.

[Mila]

All the table games you love with.

[Erica]

Hundreds of slot games and real cash Prizes. That's at spinquest.com S P I N.

[Ad-Lib/Announcer]

Q U E-S-T.com Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. Mint is still $15 a month for premium wireless. And if you haven't made the switch yet, here are 15 reasons why you should. One, it's $15 a month.

[Erica]

Two.

[Ad-Lib/Announcer]

Seriously, it's $15 a month. Three, no big contracts. Four, I use it. Five, my mom uses it.

[Erica]

Are you.

[Ad-Lib/Announcer]

Are you playing me off? That's what's happening, right? Okay, give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront.

[Ad Voice]

Payment of $45 per three month plan.

[Erica]

$15 per month equivalent required.

[Ad Voice]

New customer offer first three months only.

[Erica]

Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra.

[Ad Voice]

See mintmobile.com tired of mystery ingredients you can't even pronounce? Meat Flav City with only real ingredients that actually fuel your day, their All In One protein smoothie is ready in 20 seconds with 25 grams of protein, 10 grams of collagen, real fruit and real functional mushrooms. Just scoop, shake and sip. No blender it. And this season, the limited edition pumpkin spice latte protein smoothie is back. Caffeine, protein and actual pumpkin and spices in one delicious sip. But hurry, it always sells out. Go to shopflavcity.com and grab yours before it's gone.

[AJ Holiday]

Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tam Bam]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back. Hey y', all.

[AJ Holiday]

It's your girl, AJ Holiday. What's up, Tam Bam?

[Tam Bam]

Hey, aj. I love y' all so much. How was your weekend?

[AJ Holiday]

My weekend Was very uneventful. It's been getting cold outside, and that's it. There's really nothing much going on in South Carolina right now. I'm hibernating.

[Tam Bam]

It's fall, so you didn't have BAE.

[AJ Holiday]

Stop asking about that.

[Tam Bam]

Listen, you tell me every week. So I was just wondering, because you.

[AJ Holiday]

Asked me, I don't be mentioning him, okay? Because you asked me, and sometimes I be having to explain some that I said on this damn podcast.

[Tam Bam]

He listens, listen. So he listens every week. I make sure my niggas don't listen every week.

[AJ Holiday]

He be knowing what we talking about. Like, last week, he was like, so you want a marathon? Actually, I do. So wasn't talking about you.

[Tam Bam]

So he's gonna have two shows to listen to this week, ours and our guests. So, y', all, we got some amazing guests on. They're cousins to the podcast. They're like our sister show on the network because it's female led. Mila and Erica from Good Moms Bad Choices is our guest on the show this week. Welcome, ladies. Hi. Hey, y'. All. Hey, girl.

[Mila]

Hey.

[Tam Bam]

So we just got on with them yesterday, and we had a really good time talking with them, and now we had to bring them over here with our View listeners. So maybe y' all can jump on and listen to their show if you already aren't they probably already tuning in. So I don't know where I was about to go with it.

[AJ Holiday]

Weekend, how's la?

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yeah, let's talk about y'. All. Weekend.

[Mila]

LA is pretty uneventful. I feel like it's gotten very dry since 2020. So I was in. I was in New York, and then I went to Miami because I was avoiding coming home, because why come home when I could go to Miami? And actually, I had a pretty eventful week in New York. I danced with Sierra at the Soho House.

[Erica]

I saw.

[Tam Bam]

I saw that.

[Mila]

It's pretty epic. It wasn't planned. I don't know her at all. People think I'm really cool now. Like, oh, my God, you guys blew up. I'm like, yeah, me and sis. And then I went to Miami, and I wandered into a drag brunch by myself, made seven friends, and joined the dance contest, even though they said locals only. I was like, locos or locals and whatever. I. I joined anyway. I didn't win, though, which was a tragedy. But other than that. And today I went and tried on wedding dresses, so I've had an eventful week.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, you had a very eventful week. What about You, Erica.

[Erica]

Excuse me. I was also in New York with Mila and witnessed her dance with Sierra. Then if you have a second, go on our page. Good Mom's bad choices and go see the knees, because Mila's knees are well oiled. Okay?

[Tam Bam]

Period.

[Erica]

And what else did I do? I came back. I had to jump straight back into motherhood. So my daughter had cheerleading. I fucked up, and I got to the damn homecoming. We got her to the homecoming game late. She missed the whole performance. Bad choice, Mom. Good. Whatever the fuck. So that was annoying. Other than that, I've just been chilling, girl. I'm. I've just been relaxing, decompressing. I love New York, but every time I come back, I'm a little bit, like, tired. I just feel, like, energetically, like, it just pulls me a lot. Even this trip, I was actually really well behaved. Like, normally when I'm in New York, I'm, like, outside. And this trip, I was the calmest I've ever been in New York City in my whole fucking life. But I still came back and needed, like, two days of recovery. So I've just been chilling. Today is raining in la, and I love it. I love a good rain. It feels cleansing. And now I'm on here with you ladies.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't I always say that about New York? Like, it's like a. They're definitely, like, harvesting our energy. Between Atlanta and New York York, I'm always feeling, like, drained.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, you always say that you hate New York.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm good.

[Tam Bam]

So. Okay. Let me tell you about my weekend. I didn't tell y'.

[Mila]

All.

[Tam Bam]

So my mom just purchased a new house. I was out helping her. I know. I'm so happy for her. I'll buy new furniture for her house. And I've been. So, as you know, y' all may not know, I've been like a gypsy for the past year. So I came out to LA. I was there for, like, 45 days, and I broke my foot. So then I left la.

[Erica]

And then you broke your foot in la.

[Tam Bam]

I know. I came back home for a wedding, and I jumped to catch the bouquet. Broke my foot on the landing. Yeah.

[Mila]

Did someone push you?

[Tam Bam]

No. So.

[Mila]

Oh, my God.

[Tam Bam]

My stuff is still in LA in the storage unit right now. So I haven't been back. It's been almost. It's been a year, so I'm going back out. I'll be back out there soon. We have to hang out for that.

[Mila]

45 day.

[Tam Bam]

I was moving here. Yeah.

[Mila]

You decided not to move because you broke Your foot?

[Tam Bam]

Yes. And I just didn't want to be out there without a village with a broken foot. Can't drive, you know, all those things. So then I came back to South Carolina to my mom's house and to heal. And then in February I got an apartment in New York, but I was subletting that. It wasn't like my own space and it was furnished, so my shit was in a storage unit in Charlotte. Some of my stuff was in a storage unit in la. And then the stuff I brought with me to New York, right? So like I'm scattered and then there's shit in South Carolina. So now, yeah, like just very scattered. So now my mom is like moving. So now I would either need to move my shit in her house to her new house or just get my own place. So I've been a part apartment shop. And finally, after a year of living out of a suitcase and boxes, I'm finally about to be back in an apartment of my own back in Charlotte, the place I did not necessarily want to be. But here we are. So that's what I was doing all weekend, looking at apartments. And it's fun. I found a really, like, I think right now is a good time to be like apartment hunting because it's cheap. I mean, well, I won't say cheap because I'm sleeping.

[AJ Holiday]

Rent.

[Mila]

Can you share for the west coast people listening, can you please, please tell me I found jealous and mad, this.

[Tam Bam]

Cute ass apartment, y', all, in South Charlotte. So it's right outside of downtown and it's a six floor unit. It's 900, 990 square feet or something like that. And it's only 1860. Well, all right, so it's, it's 2090, right? But with a month free. So I just take that amount off the entire lease and it came out to 1860amonth. And it's so cute. Like, I mean it's got like the nice finishes, like all the, all the bells and whistles.

[Mila]

Washer and dryer.

[Tam Bam]

Definitely washer and dryer. Yeah, absolutely.

[Mila]

Oh, baby, you don't get. You got to be a millionaire to have a washer and dryer in la. Okay, I'm not joking.

[AJ Holiday]

You gotta use water like that, right?

[Erica]

I mean, I wish that, that sounds like a, that's a great price.

[Tam Bam]

1860. So this building, it was meant to be condos, right? So it's only four units on each floor.

[Mila]

Oh, yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So nice.

[Tam Bam]

And yeah, it is just so. I can't wait to move in, girl. Now the only thing I did not. I don't have is a balcony, so I hate that because, you know, I'll be smoking.

[Mila]

But we just go, four people on your floor. They're not gonna with you. Maybe they'll leave you the.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, because it's like corner. I'm on the corner, they're on the corner. Like.

[Erica]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

So I'm just off by myself. But I'm excited for it.

[AJ Holiday]

Big ass air purifier.

[Mila]

You'd be.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Yep.

[Erica]

So wait, so why didn't New York.

[Mila]

Work out and why aren't you coming back to la?

[Tam Bam]

Okay, so LA did not work because I just didn't feel connected there. But I didn't give it a chance. For real. I was only there a short moment.

[Mila]

I remember Orlando telling me like, tam's moving. And then I was like, what happened to Tam? He's like, she broke her foot. And I was like, how? He was like, she was trying to catch the bouquet. I was like, wow, she really wanted that bouquet. And then I just never heard about it again. When you said it, it reminded me.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I'm just usually competitive, especially when I'm drunk. So I was like, you bitch. Is not.

[Erica]

Give it to me. Not. Not the whole. Not somebody else's wedding. You broke. You broke your foot and now the attention's on you, bitch.

[Mila]

Did you have to like, get wheeled out that someone had to carry you out? Was there no ambulance?

[Tam Bam]

I was drunk, you know, so I just kind of hobbled out. I was like, it's fine, it's this frame. But then the next day, that's when I realized, like, oh, my shit is broken. My foot was, you know, big. And the pain. But so la. The first day I was there, it was an earthquake. I was like, like, I don't know if I literally.

[AJ Holiday]

We're recording virtual and then just start shaking.

[Tam Bam]

I was like, oh, this place really be shaking like this. I was like, I don't know. Like. So that just kind of, you know, was kind of off putting.

[AJ Holiday]

I was like, did Elliot fall?

[Tam Bam]

Because it was like, yeah, you thought Elliot had fell down. Like it was the earthquake. So I didn't give LA a try. Then New York. I like New York, but New York is so, like, the transportation was just so expensive. I don't. I cannot ride the train. I can't. I tried. I can't do it. You watch these movies, like sex TV shows, like Sex in the City. They're on the train and shit. Nobody really rides that motherfucker for real. Like, yes, they do, girl.

[Mila]

Everybody Be on there.

[Tam Bam]

No, girl. I got on that train. I was like, I'm gonna. Because I was taking acting classes, right? So I was like, I'm gonna take the train to class the day before just so I can make sure I get there on time. And I got on the train and I don't know if this guy could sense, like, I was, you know, something, but he came over me. He was like, I can balance your chakras right now for a dollar, 99 cents. He was standing over me. I was so scared. I was like, please leave me alone.

[Mila]

Balance your chakras for $1.99, bitch.

[Tam Bam]

1.99. And he could be. He was standing over me with his hands like, this, girl. And I was like, ah. Like. And I was like, I'm never getting on this again. I took my classes and I love it. I'm still in school, but I'm just virtual now. But I don't like the noise pollution either. It's just too much. The train, like, I could literally hear the train. Like, it felt like it was running through my bedroom. I could hear the, like, next stop, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Atlas. I can hear that shit from my bed. Like, I was like, I can't do this.

[Mila]

So you're traumatized.

[Tam Bam]

The south it is for me. It's warm, it's beautiful. The people are nice, the streets are clean. Yeah, it's true.

[AJ Holiday]

New York is mad Max. I'm cool on New York. Anyway, y', all, let's get into stupid Internet news. Yes, we got going on today. So I know everybody, everybody's just seen Cam Newton and all his commentary between him and his guests on his shows on Freaky Friday. So he's stirring up some again. Recently he had an interview. He had Parker McKenna on Freaky Friday, and he basically stated that he asked Jasmine Brown for his. I mean, excuse me, for her list. The big list, like who you have slept with list.

[Tam Bam]

What's big for some, not for others. Aj.

[AJ Holiday]

Are y' all giving your man a list of your sexual partners?

[Mila]

Do you want me to go first?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Mila]

Not only am I not giving you my list because I don't remember and I didn't write it down because I'm a grown ass woman. I'm not in 12th grade. I'm also going to stop talking to you for you to ask me such an ignorant, ridiculous question. Because, nigga, if I asked you that, you couldn't even begin.

[Tam Bam]

And if.

[Mila]

Anyway, also I could lie and just put big bean number seven. Like, what are you talking about? You don't know these. And what would be the point of that? So you could judge me and be looking at me sideways? I just think it's an immature statement. I think it's an immature request. And it lets me know that emotionally and spiritually we are not on the same page because where's your list? And we're gonna cross reference and call. Call people and be like, hey, she lived there for two years. Okay, well, how was it? Like, what is the point, right? It's not apartment hunting.

[Tam Bam]

What about you?

[Erica]

Sure, I'm a lie. Sure.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm a firm believer in lying to. Okay, wait, if you're gonna.

[Mila]

If you're gonna lie, what. How much?

[Erica]

Like, okay, just like, you just like, he gonna lie. Like, what the are you talking about?

[Mila]

But what do you think?

[Erica]

And if I did, then what, nigga? Then what? What?

[Mila]

What are you gonna. What do you think is the number that want to hear with people with women, like, our big age, like, let's say over 35. I. I'm just curious.

[Erica]

Under 10.

[Mila]

Okay.

[Erica]

Preferably five. Under five.

[Mila]

That's like under less than one a year.

[Erica]

I feel like anything over 10, you start getting into hoe activities in their minds.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[Mila]

Okay.

[Erica]

The men, yeah, they start. They literally. They literally start seeing dicks entering your.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, immediately and your mouth and your eyes and your nose everywhere and everything else. Essentially. He basically said, like, his ego, like, his ego, you know, is just not in check enough to even deal was on it.

[Erica]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

He was. He was honest. He was like. He would definitely have a bruised ego. And because of who he is and like, going into different spaces, he just doesn't want a sitting over in the corner when he pull up with his girl. And like, you know, just.

[Erica]

And how you think a feels because of who you are. We know you a million people. And I'mma walk into a part. I'm like, wait.

[AJ Holiday]

I always say if I walk into a party, it might be one person in there. I with. I walk in there with a. He probably done hit by 20 in here. So who's really the hoe, Right? What are we talking about? I don't even.

[Mila]

Honestly. And I've done some hoeing. I really don't even the one person rule. Like, it is so rare that we're gonna. I've hoed across the country, you know, I live in a different city than I hoed in. So. Yeah, like, they're spread out, nigga fucking.

[AJ Holiday]

Niggas in the same zip code. Then you a hoe.

[Mila]

And I'm not the kind of hoe that you can ever disrespect. Any. Any nigga I fuck still wants to be my friend, he's gonna.

[Tam Bam]

He, He.

[Mila]

Ha ha. Your face, my face. He's gonna be happy to see us because we had a good run and I didn't do nothing but be nice to him. And honestly, for all the men and women listening who don't know how to, like, go. Go about these type of situations, you don't say shit until you are in the room with the nigga and you think he's going to speak, and you think maybe they know each other. In that case, right as he's approaching, say, I know him. We've had history.

[Tam Bam]

Hey.

[Mila]

Real quick.

[AJ Holiday]

I know men don't even think about you until they see you with whoever you fucking now. So, you know, so let me go ahead and tell on myself before, you know, tells. As if we had sex yesterday and you ain't seen his since I was 18.

[Tam Bam]

My whole facts. My whole facts deletes at 1159, 59 on December 31st of every year. Like, so vanishes.

[Mila]

And to be honest, if you wore a condom, it doesn't count, period.

[AJ Holiday]

And if I didn't come, it don't count. What are we talking about?

[Mila]

There's a barrier there. So, no, it didn't work.

[AJ Holiday]

So I may.

[Erica]

I may or may not even say shit if the niggas walking towards you, to be honest, because it's not your motherfucking business. It's before you. Why?

[AJ Holiday]

What?

[Erica]

For what? You know what I mean. Unless y' all can be. Unless I find out y' all are homeboys, cousins, maybe. And, like, maybe I'll give you the courtesy of afterwards. I'm not. I'm probably not going to do it in the real time because that's awkward and uncomfortable. I don't know. Like, I've actually done that before, and it has backfired on me because niggas always say they want this, and then they can't handle it when it actually happens. So, like, their track record of needing to know is very low and poor. And their track record of actually being honest about what they've done is also very low and poor. So why the. Am I going to tell you my, like. No, thank you.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly.

[Erica]

I'm good.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And then everybody becomes their cousin or a friend once they know you. Them. That's my homeboy.

[Mila]

Like, let me see her. Let me see your phone. Phone number. You lying like a.

[AJ Holiday]

You ain't talk to this nigga in 10 years. You don't know him.

[Erica]

I have. I also, like, one time I did tell this guy this, and he went and called him, and they weren't even close like that. And so he went and called him out of respect.

[Mila]

Oh, my God, I forgot about this. That was so whack.

[Erica]

He. He went and called him out of respect. He really wasn't out of respect. It was on some, like, ego.

[Mila]

Ego.

[Erica]

And so.

[Tam Bam]

Sure, yeah.

[Erica]

And this, like, they're not even really.

[AJ Holiday]

That or the other person called the other culture.

[Erica]

The current. The current called the former. The former was out there minding.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yeah, that's even weirder.

[Erica]

And.

[Mila]

And me.

[Erica]

And. And the former. We had only slept together one time. It was a one and done situation. We. We tried it. It wasn't. There wasn't a vibe. We continued being friends and he called him and the guy was thrown off. He called me, like, why is this nigga calling me to tell me this shit? Like, I don't. Like, this is weird. And I was like, I don't know. It was like it was for his own ego. Like, he wanted him to know. And then. And then. And then ended up using that shit against. Then ended up shooting. Using that shit against me later. Like, so it's just like, I'd rather not. Ladies, just shut the fuck up now.

[Tam Bam]

Did y' all see this? Steph Curry's wife, Aisha, is facing backlash for saying that she never wanted kids and she had her own career goals and her husband doesn't understand. So have y' all been seeing all the backlash she's been receiving about that?

[Erica]

Of course not true.

[AJ Holiday]

That whole headline isn't true. Of course I've seen it. I actually watched the full episode and she did not say anything wrong. She praised the fuck out of her husband. You know what I'm saying?

[Tam Bam]

What?

[AJ Holiday]

Woman who got married at 21 and got pregnant within the same year of being married, a child, basically. Right, Right. Why would she not be reflecting at this age, in her 30s now? You know, the shoulda coulda would is because she was acting and stuff like that from a little girl. So, yeah, of course she's going to be.

[Tam Bam]

She's.

[AJ Holiday]

She was just reflecting. You know, they be cutting and pasting for the. For Instagram. I don't know why people hate her so much.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, do you see that? People hate her a lot.

[Erica]

No, they really hate her. They hate. Because that's. That wasn't the first comment that they hate women. Well, there's that too. Yes, but they specifically really hate her a Lot.

[Mila]

I. I feel like she's, like, the most. Like, she's like a homemaking present. She has a cooking line. Like, when I think of the men on the Internet who hate women, like, they might hate us or, like, someone who's, like, more provocative outwardly, because she probably is, like, a little secret freak, because, dad, she's been married all this time. But I feel like I'm very shocked by people hating her. Like, what is there to hate? She seems very wholesome. I never wear any c. Or wearing anything that's gonna make everybody. Like, I never see anything so triggering. Yeah.

[Erica]

Like I said, it's because people. The men are obsessed with Steph Curry, and they will idolize him and. And have decided what is suitable for him.

[Mila]

They want to suck his dick themselves as a wife.

[Erica]

And Aisha Curry has. Aisha Curry. Although. Yes, she has. Has. Yes. Although she has followed, I guess, the traditional wife role for a while. I think, like, now she's kind of starting to step out on her own. She has her own, like, I guess, like, a makeup line or lip gloss line, and she's done her own. Like, they just. They want her to fit into a specific box where she doesn't mention him at all and doesn't say anything unbecoming around him or just being a wife in general. And I think it's just unfortunate, like, because so many. And what I've seen. And it's not even just men. I've seen a lot of women coming for her. Even me and Mila went to dinner the other day. We were sitting with a girl, and, like, we started talking about this, and she. I could see the, like. The, like, disgust in her.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[Erica]

And I was like, where is this coming?

[AJ Holiday]

I think the women think that, girl, your husband is.

[Erica]

Be grateful.

[AJ Holiday]

Whatever. You don't exactly be grateful. Shut up and look pretty.

[Mila]

This is.

[Erica]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

This is the attitude women have for her.

[Erica]

But those same women, if they were in the same position, would have feelings about it, too. I don't give a. No matter how much money you got, you're still human. You have needs, you have desires, you have wishes, you have goals that maybe haven't been fully, you know, realize, especially when you're living in the shadow of. Of a famous person, you know, your whole identity starts being attached to them. You can't even be your own woman, your own person, everyone. You're Steph Curry's wife. Steph Curry's wife. It's just like, when you go meet, like, even you don't got to be famous. Have you ever been out with like, like your man and like none of his homeboys ever like even talk to you? Like they just, they just like, like you'll go down the line of like shaking someone's hand and they just like skip you out of respect.

[Mila]

Like.

[Erica]

Yeah, this whole idea around like being respectful and act and ignoring the woman is like so old. It's some, it's really some black people and I hate to say that about it.

[Mila]

I don't think it's black people.

[Erica]

I think, I don't see white men do that. I don't see why. I don't see white men do that.

[Mila]

We don't be hanging around them. We don't know they're. They're.

[Erica]

I've been around the white men's. They don't be ignoring the wives and like that. I see that a lot in our culture. A lot.

[Mila]

I never even considered if it was a black people thing, but maybe, I.

[Erica]

Mean I'm sure it happens on both sides, but I say it's prevalent in our, in our spaces.

[Mila]

Is it like an insecurity thing like, or just like it like. Yeah, I don't know.

[Tam Bam]

Respect thing. Yeah.

[Mila]

But, but, but, but you don't want people to respect me like as a whole person. Like I think generally we've learned in like the era of social media is that society, particularly men don't respect whole women. They want you to be like an avatar of who they think you're supposed to be. Not say much conservative, not have a history like you want to, you want to AI girlfriend like you don't want a real human or else you wouldn't even have these type of conversations.

[AJ Holiday]

But they do though because they, they call the girl with the depth and that's what they cheating with. Right. While they got old girl at the house who shut the fuck up and.

[Mila]

They cheat and then they tell her all your business and. Right. Pillow talk. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

And get advice.

[Erica]

Well, well, good news to them. I don't know if you saw this today in the news. Not to interrupt your news, but ChatGPT is going to now have erotic inter for age verified adults on their app. So yeah, just go get you a virtual and she'll be a very agreeable.

[Mila]

Can she suck your dick? Like what are you talking about?

[Tam Bam]

Phone sex?

[Erica]

Probably because ChatGPT can generate images so sure.

[AJ Holiday]

They're gonna really start charging for that. It's like Chat GPT is probably going to have like an only fans tier.

[Erica]

Of course they're trying to monopolize every, every Space. But anyway, long story short, go get you a build a. If that's what you need, because I don't know, I just feel like women. People just want women to be quiet and just. I don't know where else they're supposed to share. I appreciate someone with her platform being that honest. I think a lot of women and married people, like, want that and need that.

[Tam Bam]

Absolutely.

[Erica]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know what just happened to Tam, but go ahead, keep going.

[Mila]

She'll probably come back.

[AJ Holiday]

Maybe.

[Mila]

Yeah. I think it's really important. I think it's really important that we as women, especially women in our industry, as we talk and we talk shit. And sometimes I know, like, we probably get backlash and are trying to listen to every episode so they can calculate what we did last weekend. Not anybody here or nothing.

[AJ Holiday]

Liar. I tell all the things I know.

[Mila]

I'm just with you. I. I just think. I think that there is. It's really important that women start to, like, stop being pick me and start living in their entire, like, their entirety. Because then men can. Men will. Can just be asexual and be together and leave us the alone. If every. And there's not like, women who are pretending to be half people and pretending that they slept with three guys at 30 because they're lying like a. And like, because you want a man so badly. But the more that we, like, be human and talk about it, then men can stop, like, loving this fantasy, like, false sense of what they thought we were because that's just not real.

[Tam Bam]

Amen.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, man. And it's not all men, but it's a large. A large majority of them.

[Erica]

And it's unfortunate because, like, the women, Women, Women co signing what they say just perpetuates this whole thing. Like, there's no patriarchy unless women are upholding it. And unfortunately, that's. That's what happens. So it's like, women are literally the problem, too.

[AJ Holiday]

Let's talk about that for one second. Y' all really think we in a patriarchy?

[Erica]

Hell, yeah, girl. You got to stop me.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm going to tell you why I say that, right? Because I always say how being submissive, that is definitely an ultimate form of manipulation because your bitches in the bedroom telling you what to do, and you go out there in front of everybody like it was your decision. There's always women behind the scenes, from the mothers to the grandmothers to everybody who are actually running things. And I think white women in particular, right?

[Erica]

They.

[AJ Holiday]

The shit that their men do, they benefit off of it. 100%. And they are raising them right. So I just feel like the matriarchy. And do y' all even think we would be okay in a. In a society actually just straight matriarchy?

[Tam Bam]

Absolutely.

[Mila]

This is crazy. No, absolutely. I think we'd be frolicking, picking berries, naked, that it'd be. Everybody would have equal everything because we be birthing each other's babies, and we'd go outside to. And come back in the gates and lock the doors, because that's where violence and conflict happen. When the come in, we out there, we come back. But. And we'd be great.

[AJ Holiday]

You're not gonna act like that. Like, listen, the divine feminine is very, very dark.

[Mila]

Oh, it can't. It can be okay. But I.

[AJ Holiday]

Chaos.

[Mila]

I think it gets darker when we don't have. When we don't have healthy outlets to be dark. I think it's when you don't have a man or, like, a safe space that says, oh, I under. I see the entirety of you. I see both sides embrace that. We're so busy trying to be fucking Pick me's for a. Like, Cam Newton that we're, like, suppressing and suppressing, and then we get catty with each other, like, that's my. Or whatever it is. And then, like, it creates. It creates this imbalance. We're not. We don't really know what we are because we haven't been fully expressed. And so when you. When you suppress anything, just like a gay who's acting straight, you suppress it. He becomes crazy. He becomes violent because he's not being himself. I think that is what creates these, like, this deep imbalance. But wait, aj do you think that if we. You think. Do you think that women are better, like, showing up in this way that men can. No palatable.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't get it. Don't get it up. Women are the gods on the planet. And this is why these mad.

[Mila]

But we got to confuse them to make them think they're in control.

[Erica]

I think that, like.

[AJ Holiday]

Go ahead, Erica.

[Erica]

Oh, sorry.

[Mila]

Go ahead.

[Erica]

No, no, please go ahead.

[AJ Holiday]

I want to hear what you want to say.

[Erica]

I was just gonna say, I think that even in a matriarchal society, and even in, like. Okay, we'll start with the matriarchal society. I think that even in a matriarchal society, a true matriarchal society understands the balance. Like Mila said of, like, the need for the masculine to be there. It's not about necessarily, like, everything is woman. That's it.

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Mila]

You know what I mean?

[Erica]

And I think even the divine feminine like, to be divine is to be, like, to be one with God. And if you're one with God, then you also see the divine and the masculine. And I think this whole, like, idea of like divine femininity is, is great. It's beautiful. And I, and I, and I, I reflect it and I, and I, I receive it. But I also think my journey in understanding the divinity of the femininity is also seeing the divinity in men. And I think it's been like, there's like always this like, agenda to separate us because there are a lot of men that are not in their, in their divinity, of course, but then there are a lot that there are some that are, you know, there are some that are willing and open and want to listen to their women. And ultimately what makes a woman, what makes, I think, the divine be able to be divine as, as far as it goes with femininity, is being able to really rest in your femininity, which requires the masculine to be present. And so I don't think that, like, it's one or the other. I think that there has to be both, you know, and I, I do think that we are in a patriarchal society. We're seeing it, especially here in America. We're seeing how, when it goes so far, how fucked up it can get. Like our country is on fire. Not quite yet, not like literally yet, but it's like, I feel like we're heading towards that, unfortunately. And it's because there's a lot of imbalance and a lot of unfortunate white men making a lot of decisions for women. And women are not being heard. And men, and even black men. I was just listening to what's his name? Stephen that on espn.

[AJ Holiday]

Stephen A. Smith.

[Erica]

Oh my God, someone take him off the air. Lord, please, God, fire his ass already. They were talking about him running for a politics.

[Mila]

I was like, oh, please.

[Erica]

Oh yes, he's thinking about running, getting into politics.

[Mila]

And I'm like, dumb ass haircut, get out of here, child.

[AJ Holiday]

And them ears just like.

[Tam Bam]

I mean, the fact that we have pink tax on items for women is proof that we live in a patriarchal society.

[Mila]

What kind of tax?

[Tam Bam]

Pink tax. Like, so things that are pink of a female's bike is more than a male's bike. A pink bike and we're making less money. It'll be the same razor, same package. If it's pink, it costs a few cents more. We did a whole episode on, on that. Like things that are for women are more expensive.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that's why it should be inflation on this if you want it got.

[Mila]

To be inflation on the baby a.

[AJ Holiday]

Lot to be a woman. It just cost a lot. So y' all gotta pay the usage tax.

[Mila]

I think for us to become, like, back in balance, like, deeply imbalanced. Like, there has to be like a deep. Like, we have to come all the way back and also wake the up. Like, I feel like women are resurrecting right now. Like, there's a resurrection of like, the wild and free woman. So we're waking up. But I think that because men have had this power trip, this, like, toxic. This toxic masculinity for so long, it's violent. Like, I think we have to completely, in some ways, pull back because it's like we see it. It's violent. Like, they don't give a about us because they've lived in this. This. This facade for so long. So I just think, like, for. In order to find balance again. Because of course there are good, divine, masculine men. Of course they exist, or else we'd all be single. But, you know, we have uncles and fathers and things like that. But it's like there has to be, like, we have to starve these new that with this brain set. Like, no. No food. Like, just go away, die off and don't procreate. Definitely don't put your semen in anybody with those stupid thoughts. So, yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

But the bitches will never, ever be on the same page because it's always going to be somebody's couch. This can go to.

[Erica]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. What do we do about the women? Because it starts and ends with us.

[Mila]

You go with them, too.

[Erica]

There might be a few. There might be some women. Some women got to die off, too. They got. Some women got to go through.

[AJ Holiday]

Make it off with your head.

[Mila]

You chose the wrong one.

[AJ Holiday]

Before we get off stupid Internet news, because we've been here for a long time. Have y' all seen the headlines about. So we eaty Saweetie, former friend. Saweetie, her former friend Maybach May. I don't know if May is short for Madame, but she's basically saying that Sweetie owes her some money because she put her down with this European soccer player. And like, how I owe you for brokering my coochie, basically.

[Erica]

So she said. All I know is I love Saweetie. I want to be clear.

[AJ Holiday]

I love her, too.

[Tam Bam]

I'm a fan too, okay?

[Erica]

And Maybach, whatever the your name is, you should have got. You should have collected your coins ahead of time, honey. I don't know what to tell you. You're doing bad business there because they.

[Mila]

Put you with a baller. They are owed. No, we was hanging out, and I got the baller, and you better shut the up. That's it. Unless we had pre. Unless we had a contract. And if you don't have an agreement, shut the up. Now.

[Erica]

Get your coins before. Come on. Are you. Are you a master him or not?

[Mila]

On Beyonce's Internet bashing me, like.

[AJ Holiday]

And honestly, how does this even become a headline? Because how much I owe you?

[Mila]

How much I owe for my.

[Tam Bam]

Exactly.

[Erica]

Like, how did. How did we. How are we. Like, yeah, how are we coming to a final? Like, cost of goods and services?

[Tam Bam]

Like, well, she's supposed to be coming out with receipts, so.

[Erica]

Girl, come out with them. I still love Saweetie.

[Mila]

She got invoices on sweetie coochie.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, I'm not.

[Mila]

December 11, 2025. Saweetie has this baller in Africa at 7:10.

[Erica]

I'm doing rich pretty 10.

[Mila]

Like, girl, leave that girl and her coochie alone. Everybody sold some one way or another, okay? And they didn't owe you.

[Tam Bam]

All right, y', all, we got. We got a topic today. The Judgment Olympics for moms and single ladies. After this commercial, we're going to get into it. We'll be right back. Forget everything you had planned for this.

[Erica]

Weekend because you are sitting on your couch and winning from the comfort of your own home. I'm here with spinquest, where you can play hundreds of slot games, all the table games you love, and you could even win real cash prizes.

[Tam Bam]

New users.

[Erica]

30 coin packs are on sale for 10 at SpinQuest.

[Ad-Lib/Announcer]

SpinQuest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. Hey, everyone. Ed Helms here. And hi, I'm Cal Penn, and we're the hosts of Irsay, The Audible, and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Jenny Garth, host of the iHeart podcast. I choose me to discuss the new Audible adaptation of the timeless Jane Austen classic Pride and Prejudice. This is not a trick question. There's no wrong answer. What role would I play?

[AJ Holiday]

You know what?

[Erica]

I can see you as Mr. Darcy. You got a little Colin Firth.

[Ad-Lib/Announcer]

Okay, that's really sweet. I appreciate that, but are you sure I'm not the dad? I'm not Mr. Bennett here. Listen to Earsay the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ad Voice]

Tired of mystery ingredients? You can't even pronounce. Meet Flav City with only real ingredients that actually fuel your day. Their All In One protein smoothie is ready in 20 seconds with 25 grams of protein, 10 grams of collagen, real fruit and real function mushrooms. Just scoop, shake and sip. No blender needed. And this season, the limited edition pumpkin spice latte protein smoothie is back. Caffeine, protein and actual pumpkin and spices in one delicious sip. But hurry, it always sells out. Go to shopflavcity.com and grab yours before it's gone. Did you know that parents rank teaching financial literacy as the toughest life skill? That's where greenlight comes in. The debit card and money app made for families. With greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores automate allowance, and track spending with real time notifications.

[Mila]

Kids learn how to earn, save and.

[Erica]

Spend responsibly while parents have peace of.

[Ad Voice]

Mind knowing smart money habits are being.

[Mila]

Built with guardrails in place.

[Ad Voice]

Try greenlight risk free [e-mail] iheart that's greenlight.com iheartra.

[Tam Bam]

All right, y', all, we're back and it's the Judgment Olympics.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know why I always laugh at that.

[Tam Bam]

What? Because we don't really go no where, right?

[Erica]

I'm like, do I need to do that?

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, yeah.

[Mila]

I was thinking that yesterday we didn't.

[Erica]

Do that because the way they be interrupting our conversation with ads abruptly, I'm like, okay, maybe we really need to be more, more diligent here.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, yeah, add it in there. That way they don't break your up. Because they will break it up. They listen, you might add it in there and your still get broken up.

[Erica]

I know, girl, I know.

[Tam Bam]

All right, so AJ, you came up with this. What's up with the judgment?

[AJ Holiday]

All right, so today we're competing in the Judgment Olympics 2025 edition. Because whether you're a single woman or a mom with kids, society loves to hand out unsolicited medals and criticism. Okay, so today's contestants, the co host of Good Moms Bad Choices and us, we talk bad podcasts. I'm gonna start using like the the things on this app anyway, but we.

[Tam Bam]

Can add it in later. No worries.

[AJ Holiday]

Right, so for the warm up, let's talk about like some of the common stereotypes as single moms that you guys hear a lot. Were moms that are single or y' all are in relationships now. Right? But moms that are single, that we.

[Mila]

Have baggage and we're like unwanted ran.

[Erica]

Through we're still our baby daddies.

[Mila]

And we're not to be married. No one wants. No one wants to father somebody else's kids.

[Erica]

We're unavailable. We're unavailable. They were not sexy. Even though we had to be.

[Mila]

That we should. That we shouldn't be dating and that we shouldn't be sexy. That we should wear, like, certain conservative clothes.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, you're a mom now. Yeah, Your mom now.

[Mila]

Why are you wearing that? But you're. Why are you out? Where's your kid? That's my worst. You were at the party at midnight, and he's like, where's. Where's so and so in the bed. Where do you think she's at? With her. With her daddy? Like, what?

[Erica]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Daddy don't ever have to have the damn kids. Do they even get. Do they even get asked that question?

[Mila]

No.

[AJ Holiday]

Where's the kids?

[Mila]

No either. Ever.

[Tam Bam]

I hate when be like, I gotta babysit. That's your kid. You not babysitting that child. You're not baby. That's your child. You don't babysit your own kid.

[Mila]

You're being a father.

[Tam Bam]

You are being a parent. So that's annoying. All right. What about all right, A.J. me and you, child free, selfish. Your clock is ticking. Yeah, Your clock ticking.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, no. This is the one I hate. And this is from like, the friends who have kids and family who have kids. Just because I don't have kids, that does not mean I don't got to do okay. So I'm not sitting home twiddling my thumb, waiting for your ass to hit me up to do something for you and your kids. And that's one thing I really can't stand because I'm just as busy even though I don't have kids.

[Erica]

Kids.

[Tam Bam]

Are you gonna die alone and wouldn't give a. Oh, you ain't got a kid yet your must not be good.

[AJ Holiday]

I've had an abortion. This is good. If you ain't never had an abortion, that is whack.

[Mila]

Shut up, A.J. okay, everybody's pulling out on you.

[Erica]

Unpopular opinion. Trigger warning. Sexy warning.

[Tam Bam]

I don't know what's another one? You're lonely.

[AJ Holiday]

People with no kids just got all this extra money. Like my nieces and nephews hit me up so much for money. Like it's just me paying all my bills. Like your parents are together. I don't have extra money.

[Tam Bam]

It's not a dual income household.

[Mila]

Or you're crazy. Oh, she never. She ain't been married. She ain't got no kids. She probably Crazy. She probably crazy.

[Tam Bam]

What's wrong with you? Yeah, what's wrong with you? I don't like when people say, why don't you have any kids? That's such a rude question.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, like my, my ex fiance, he had two kids at the time. I've heard that he has since had two other. I even tell you about that, Tam, because how the my mama know that and I don't. Anyway, my mom still talks to my ex fiance and she doesn't see a problem with that. Do you realize, like, he probably thinks he was right in a relationship because he still has access to you. You're an extension of me. But anyway, I would always, like, I don't have to be a mom to be a parent. I think a lot of times people think that women with no kids can't parent. Okay. I'm a mother at heart, so I don't have to have kids to be a parent. So this would be like an ongoing argument in that relationship. Because just because you have kids, that, that does not automatically mean you're a good parent. A lot of times the longer you wait to have kids, you see things like, I might have a little bit extra information gathered from everywhere, watching everybody else parent. You know, I know what I want to do as a parent and what I wouldn't do. I don't know. I think the longer you wait, you get more information.

[Tam Bam]

But ain't nothing like the real deal, though.

[AJ Holiday]

No, absolutely. Listen, I'm not trying to discredit parents at all. I'm just saying, do you get offended.

[Erica]

When you said you get offended when people say, why don't you have any kids? You get offended when they ask you, when are you having kids? Is it the same thing?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, Both of those is like, if I knew, I get, I'd tell you, right? I don't know when I'm having kids. How the am I going to answer that question for you tomorrow? I don't know.

[Erica]

Or do you want kids? Is that also like, like, do you get offended when someone says, I'm not.

[Tam Bam]

Offended by do you want kids? You know, that's not offensive. It's just, why don't you have kids? Because I can say some shit that'll make us both uncomfortable right now.

[AJ Holiday]

I do it and sometimes I do pregnancies. I go ahead and make everybody uncomfortable if God willing, I have one. I've had two tubal pregnancies. And they were like, oh, yeah. Because you should not be asking women, I believe, over 30 why they don't have kids.

[Mila]

Wait Is that true? Or you just do that to make them feel uncomfortable?

[Tam Bam]

That's true.

[Mila]

Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

It's true. Yeah. So you should not ask women of a certain age why they don't have kids if they want kids. Just mind your business is how I feel.

[Mila]

I agree.

[Erica]

Wrong.

[Mila]

I agree.

[Tam Bam]

I agree. All right, so let's talk about why people just so hard, though. All right. Oh, we just talked about it. The patriarchal expectations of motherhood. Do y' all feel like y' all need to fit into the mold? Well, no. Y' all know y' all don't feel.

[Erica]

Like, girl, we bad good Mom's bad choices.

[Mila]

Our entire podcast is about.

[Erica]

I think we did it. We've done everything except do that hard.

[AJ Holiday]

The mold.

[Erica]

We have leaned very hard, swung hard.

[Mila]

To the other side.

[Tam Bam]

Okay, all right. But. But when you were, like, new mothers, did you have, like, did people's judgments affect your confidence and your dating, your friendships? Like, were you affected by that? As very young mothers, I think I.

[Mila]

Noticed when people were being judgmental, like, especially when I broke up with my child's father and I was going out and I was outside, I could see even some of my friends who hadn't had kids yet were like, oh, you're out. You're out a lot, or whatever their comments were. But I've always been pretty, like, clear about the balance in, like, having a life. Like, mom, I gotta have a life too, because my parents were kind of like that. But I think people are very judgmental about that, especially women. Against women is because they are. When you see someone that is exuding and existing in a way that you think that you can't, you're going to project and you're going to feel away about it because you're over there knitting sweaters and baking cakes hoe. And you wish you were getting your black back blown out. And you know, daddy was doing something, but he's watching football and ignoring the out of you and that kid. Yeah. You're going to feel away. One time I went to. I went to a party with this guy. It was like a small dinner party. It was like some white people, and they were like, I was talking about my daughter, and I was like, no, me and her dad broke up and like, oh, my God. Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Like, oh, God, that seems so hard. That's, like, so hard. I was like, no, actually not. Nothing to be sorry about. I'm doing great, actually. This is God's plan for my life, right? I get the best of both worlds. So yeah.

[Erica]

Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, I think me and Mila have had different journeys as early as moms early on, because I definitely felt myself when I got pregnant starting to kind of fall into society's expectations around what motherhood was supposed to look like. And that wasn't just from society. That was also my family. And so prior to having my daughter, I was like just, I'm a free spirit. I smoke a lot of weed. I moved how I wanted to move. I was probably financially irresponsible because I didn't have anything to worry about except myself. And when I became a parent, like, it was like, oh, Erica, you know, you can't do that no more. You can't do that no more. You can't do that anymore. And I. I almost fell into that trap. And I think that's one of the things that me and Mila share a lot on our. On our show is like, that was the beginning of good moms bad choices was me meeting Mila and her mirroring the things that I wasn't allowing myself to experience and realizing that like, I was heading on down a path of imprisonment. And, and it's. And it's interesting because like the person that I was with, my child's father, he's not like a traditional man. Like, he's outside, you know, Like, I wasn't like about to wrap up my life with like a, like a. A God fearing in the house nigga. Like, like he spent like half my pregnancy at the strip club, you know what I'm saying? So that even tells you even more. And he wasn't even. That was not his expectation of me either, you know, so it was really like the programming, really, it's so deeply ingrained in women from such a young age with us like, caring for babies and playing house and you know, like these roles really being shoved down our throats and, and society doesn't help. And so I, you know, I'm. I'm grateful for my friendship with Jamila because it reawakened what was already inside of me. Like what I had already been. I was already that girl. It was just that when I became. When I went into motherhood, I felt like I had to. To that girl had to die. And, and granted, when your mom like you do, you rebirth into something else. But like the old parts of you are still there and in fact, like they deserve to be watered and your child deserves to see you show up as a whole human and like, understand who their parent is because. And ultimately that gonna pop out or she's just gonna literally die and be depressed. And I think we see a lot of maybe our parents, we see, like, what that does to them. We see, like, these shells of these women. And, like, we have, like, oh, your. Your mom used to be that girl. I'm like, what the happened? I don't know that girl. You know? And it's like. It almost feels like a fable, like a. Like a story time where it's like, is that real? Like, my mom was that. And unfortunately, I think a lot of women fall into that trap when they don't have to. So if you're listening to this and you're a mom, you're falling into that trap. Just come over to Good Moms. Let's start at episode one. Take the journey with us. Because when I started episode one, like, I was just kind of, like, coming out of it. And I think it's really important for mothers to. To really evaluate themselves and give themselves the time and space, to really evaluate who they are now and how they. And what parts of the former. And I say that with air quotes of you that you want to bring into this space because it's important to not just let that person go all the way.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. Because that's what Asia Curry is essentially experiencing. Right.

[Mila]

She.

[AJ Holiday]

She has FOMO a little bit. You know, she might have felt like she missed out on some things, or. I mean, she has the. The means and the resources to do whatever it is that she wants, but it's something there because she never got to discover exactly who she was before having to take care of somebody else. And it's for women who have kids, who don't have kids. It's not selfish not to want to be responsible for somebody else for the.

[Erica]

Rest of your life. It's a crazy response. Not every person needs to be a parent. A lot of parents don't even need to be parents, you know?

[Tam Bam]

Right. Did y' all ever feel like your relationships with your friends shifted once you became moms?

[Erica]

Yes, absolutely. I had. I was outside. I was the outside girl. I had friends that just stopped calling me. You know, they didn't really. I remember specifically I had a situation. One of my best friends at the time, I was so excited to tell her I was pregnant. I. I was living in New York when I found out I was pregnant. So I came back to LA and I sat down with her and my other friend, and I was like, I have something to tell you guys. And before I could even tell her, she was like, you're pregnant. And I was like, yeah, I am. And she's like, I know. And then just, like. Just, like, didn't want to know anything else. Like, I was shocked. I was like, what the. Like. And then after that, I, like, barely ever heard from her again. It was the weirdest thing. And so I don't. I still don't really know what that was. It was like. Maybe it was like she was mad that she was gonna have to share me. She felt like we couldn't relate anymore. She was jealous. I mean, I don't really like to go straight to jealousy with women, because I think that's what we do a lot, but I just don't. I don't know what that was. And I'm sure that maybe there's other women that maybe relate to it. But I know for me, like, motherhood really showed me who my friends were, and it continues to. It shows me, even, like, with partners, like, what. Who is really open, really down for me, and who isn't.

[Tam Bam]

What about you, Mila?

[Mila]

I would say that that didn't really happen to me. I was the first person in my friend group to have a kid, and I do feel like everybody really rallied around me and was like, my baby daddy. So I had, like, a lot of baby daddies, and, like, because we. There was no other kids. It was kind of like a fun group project. Look, we have a baby. You know, it's kind of fun that way. But I think there were some things that, like, people didn't understand. Like, there was a time where I was like, about my baby daddy. Like, this is not going to work. I can't stand him. Or, like. Or I would talk shit about him because it was time for me to leave. And then they would be like, why don't you leave? Why don't you leave? Why don't you leave? And I'm like, you don't understand. You know, I had this. I'm trying. Like, you're not black. You don't understand. I don't want to be a baby mama, like, making a lot of excuses for what that meant to me, because I think for as a black woman, being with my child's father was, like, there was a. Like, a stereotype I was trying to break. Like, I didn't want to fall into that to the point where I'd be, like, at museums or at Disneyland, like, with my family, like, miserable inside. But, look, that's the dad, that's the mom, and that's the kid. Bitches. Okay? Black families stay together, right? So I think That I had something to prove in that way, but it was not in the sense that, like, my party friends fell off.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I think anytime one of my old ass friends have a baby, I'd be like, girl, your time is coming up. I'm so happy when the old have a baby. Okay.

[Mila]

I'm gonna be lucky old having a baby.

[Tam Bam]

So you want another kid? Do y' all want mother more kids?

[Mila]

Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna have.

[Erica]

I do. But I have a timeline in which I would. In which I would want that to happen. And if it doesn't, then I'm cool.

[Tam Bam]

And, aj, I know you. You trying to have a baby every weekend. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I was very sad this weekend because my fucking period came on. Okay.

[Mila]

Oh, so you're. You're. You're, like, actively. If it happens, it happens.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So two weeks ago, I intentionally was trying to get. Trying to get pregnant two weeks ago.

[Erica]

Are you. Are you. You're picking them? You're picking them? Well, right? Like, you're. You're making sure that they're, like, genetically, they're okay as well.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. And I'm also. I was also trying to have a Gemini. So now I no longer.

[Erica]

Let me tell you, I have a Gemini baby. Daddy don't recommend.

[Mila]

No, she wants a Gemini baby.

[AJ Holiday]

The baby. Oh, So I missed my conception window for the Gemini baby because I'm a Gemini. My mom is a Gemini. My grandmother was a Gemini.

[Mila]

Oh, you're trying to keep it going. Okay, I see.

[Erica]

It's a legacy, so.

[Mila]

Yeah, a Gemini legacy.

[AJ Holiday]

So my legacy is up because now, like, at this point, I'll be trying to get pregnant next year. I'm gonna be 43, trying to have a baby.

[Mila]

Babe, just forget about the Gemini timeline. We don't need any more Geminis in the world. We just. Just keep.

[AJ Holiday]

I could do Virgo or Libra, and that's it.

[Mila]

I can't do. No. I can't do no Virgo child. That wouldn't work for me.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm Virgo rising. I could do it.

[Mila]

Yeah. I would get on their nerves.

[Tam Bam]

I'm just.

[Mila]

I would.

[Tam Bam]

I still want to. Like, my desire to be a mother is starting to dwindle a little bit as I get older. I just feel like my window is closing on me. But I'm just terrified still to be pregnant again. Let me say that again.

[Mila]

Pregnant or birth. Are you terrified about the actual birthday?

[Tam Bam]

The whole process. The whole process just makes me scared. Like, I wish I could skip that part and just have my AI Baby.

[Mila]

Are doing it every day are surrogating. Surrogate, whatever. Their lives away. So it's not. Not an option.

[Tam Bam]

Not impossible. Right. But then I don't also. I also, at the same time, don't want somebody else carrying your baby when you put. Yeah, because there has. Even though they say, oh, it's your. Your DNA, there has to be some of this other DNA in my baby. Yeah.

[Erica]

I don't know.

[Tam Bam]

There's no way.

[Erica]

There's the science.

[Mila]

I know the real.

[Erica]

Yeah, I know.

[Tam Bam]

It's all.

[Erica]

That's right.

[Tam Bam]

And then his too. Like. Yeah, I don't want. No.

[Erica]

That baby gonna be a little confused because.

[Mila]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

No throuple baby.

[Mila]

That's poly baby. Poly pregnancy.

[Tam Bam]

So, y', all, we want to play again. Do you have any more questions? I want to play. Would you rather. No.

[AJ Holiday]

Go, go, go.

[Tam Bam]

Okay, so we're gonna play a game with y' all real quick. Would you rather. All right, so the first one is, would you rather have a man who worships you but has no ambition or a man who challenges you but triggers you all?

[Erica]

Yeah, B. I guess.

[Mila]

You know what? I think that all.

[Erica]

I don't know.

[Mila]

Real relationships are going to trigger you all the time. Like, it's. You're in a relationship. Most. Most closed relationships are going to trigger you, because that's the whole point of this game of life. It's like if you were alone and you locked yourself in your apartment, you're only around those two friends that don't trigger you. They know what to say and not to say. Then you're not growing. You're not going to evolve. It's like the triggering leads you to more. More depth of yourself. Why does sugar me. Why am I feeling this way? And this is for a person who gets triggered very easily. And I'm triggered right now. And I'm annoyed, and I don't want to take my own advice, but that's the truth. You know what?

[Erica]

I think that if I was with a man who worshiped me but had no ambition, I would be triggered. Also probably. I probably would rather just do B. Let's see.

[AJ Holiday]

Would you rather build them up or find him built but boring?

[Mila]

I can't do boring. I'll build him up. I'll get that wardrobe. We'll go to the mall, baby, we'll put on some jeans. I look. Put on that hat. Yep. No, I'm not doing anything boring because you're gonna. I'm gonna cheat on you. It's. It's happened same.

[Erica]

I'd rather build you Up. Come on, baby. Let's build a bear. You. Let's go. You know, a loves a project.

[Mila]

Love projects.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, here's a good one. Would you rather feel safe but unseen or seen but uncertain?

[Mila]

I don't like none of those options.

[Erica]

But unseen, seen but uncertain. I would rather be seen. I would rather be seen and uncertain, because then I'm gonna break up with you anyway. But at least while we're together, I'm doing. I'm. I feel seen, you know?

[Mila]

Like, is it. Like, is it. Is it Stevie Wonder? Like, what do you mean he can't. Like, if you see me, you're gonna see me. Ain't no not seeing this.

[AJ Holiday]

Or maybe he's not, like, inviting you out, stuff like that. You know what I'm saying?

[Tam Bam]

You just feel like you're there, but you're not there.

[Mila]

You know, I don't like any of those options.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay. I actually saw this on Instagram. You know how those people be on the street asking questions?

[Erica]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Would you rather be a side chick to a star NBA player or married to a loyal, average salary man? B.

[Mila]

B, that A would be. You're a groupie. If you just answered A, you are a groupie. Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

You probably knew that already on the Instagram post. The guy then says, well, the guy only makes like 60,000 a year. And the girl was like 60,000. Like. Like that is the average person's salary.

[Mila]

Is it?

[AJ Holiday]

What are we talking about, places? Well, we. Are we on the South. We in the South, Right.

[Erica]

That's a lot.

[AJ Holiday]

Black people. What do you think the average income for a black man is?

[Mila]

Can you even live off of $60,000?

[Erica]

Yeah. In other places.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, y' all can. In LA for sure.

[Mila]

Like a hundred thousand dollars a year is the average.

[Erica]

That's not the average. Not even in LA?

[Tam Bam]

Not even close. No, it's probably.

[Erica]

Probably like 75 across the country.

[Tam Bam]

Probably like 50, honestly. Because think about.

[Erica]

Because together we're going to combine our income. So, you know, we'll be at, what, that 120 together, and we could get a cute little. Have a cute little lifestyle and wherever the that takes us.

[AJ Holiday]

So this. This is from 2023. And it says that average. This is for black persons. It says 54,000.

[Tam Bam]

That's why I said about 50,000 is the average. You got to think about these small towns and these small places where it's more of that than everything else, you know?

[Mila]

Yeah, I forget that there's, like, all those states in between.

[AJ Holiday]

Y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

Listen, catch a man cheating with Someone batter or someone basic in Crocs.

[Mila]

I wear Crocs today, bitch.

[AJ Holiday]

Wait, what was the first one Catch a man cheating with someone better than you. Like a better than you basic with crocs on.

[Mila]

It's gonna have to be B. I can't handle. I can't handle A. I'm gonna be mad. I need to be able to talk to my friends. I need to talk to my friends. And that was ugly.

[Tam Bam]

And she had a Crocs.

[Mila]

That's because I'm shallow.

[AJ Holiday]

I need the to be badder or comparable. I cannot stand a who doesn't have like standard. Yeah, you don't have no standards.

[Erica]

Like I've literally never in my whole. I've never in my long life of being cheated on ever, ever been cheated on with a better than me.

[Mila]

And it doesn't happen.

[AJ Holiday]

It just doesn't cheating then it's cheating when a batter.

[Erica]

It just doesn't happen. And I'm not even saying that because I'm like I am pretty fond myself but I'm just always astonished. I'm always like, nick, what, what if.

[Mila]

They'Re not better than you? They stepped out. It's not cheating.

[Tam Bam]

What if. What if like she's but ugly like this. That's what I'm saying.

[AJ Holiday]

I have seen some. Some. Some fucked up shit to where is like where I'm offended. Is that because this I'm offended?

[Erica]

Yes.

[Mila]

Like she has one eye or one arm. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I have only reached out to a one time in life about a and it was because I could not believe this was this walrus. I could not believe it. Like, and I messaged the on Instagram and she didn't respond. She read my message, didn't respond and then she told him. I messaged her, messaged her. I could not believe how this person.

[Erica]

Like, I just.

[AJ Holiday]

I like I needed to hear it from her that he actually her. I couldn't believe it. I would prefer to see the bad bitches. Please, please some bad bitches. Because I can't understand when you on.

[Tam Bam]

No, I need her to be ugly, but not no wall. Now I'm offended. Like, don't be cute.

[Erica]

I mean I don't even. I don't know if I can even answer that question because that's never happened. Like, maybe I would be like so hurt if she was. I mean I was hurt even when she was ugly. So like imagine she was fine. Like maybe I would be super devastated. I don't know. I've never experienced it. Like ugly have hurt my feelings Too. So I don't know.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[Mila]

The point is, it's always going to hurt your feelings, but it's going to hurt more. It's going to hurt worse either way. If she's extremely. Not to your level, and also if she's way better than you, it's going to hurt both ways. You'll be offended. Are you going to be like, what the.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[Erica]

Because if she's bad, like, she got like, I don't know that. Is that gonna make me be like, damn, do I need to get my. Like, move. My ass isn't big enough. Maybe I need to put a little something in there. Like, damn, she got bigger titties. I need bigger tit. Like, I. I don't even want to go down that route. So I'm actually grateful for that.

[Tam Bam]

They were uglier.

[Erica]

Thank you. I want to personally thank all my old hoes, all my. My baby daddy and. And everyone else from my past that with ugly. Thank you. Thank you so much for keeping my confidence high.

[Mila]

True.

[Tam Bam]

Amen. All right. Would you rather have a man who moans louder than you or one who doesn't make a sound at all?

[Mila]

Louder, man, louder. Yeah, let me know. This is good, right?

[Erica]

Nothing worse than a silent. Like, what?

[Mila]

Yeah, like, are you dead? Like, what's going on?

[Erica]

I love it. Like, growl in my ear. Howl like a wolf.

[Mila]

Yeah. Do something, somebody. I. I posted something, reposted something yesterday that said, if you're. If you're a woman who likes male moans, you're a hoe. I said, guilty.

[Tam Bam]

Well, listen, sometimes, like, I. I was dating this guy, and I liked everything about him. He would have been a great husband, but I hated how he came. Like, I broke up with him because of how he came.

[Erica]

No.

[Mila]

Well, how did he do it?

[Tam Bam]

Right? He sounded like a cartoon villain. He was like, y'.

[Mila]

All.

[Tam Bam]

That's how he came.

[Mila]

He should have got him, like, you.

[Erica]

Count account guided him on that.

[Mila]

You should have made him a vampire for Halloween or something.

[Tam Bam]

Why did he come like that? He was like, I'm just so filled with joy.

[Mila]

And you left him.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I couldn't do that.

[Mila]

You got. Now you got to go to therapy because he was joyful.

[AJ Holiday]

I was a happy man.

[Erica]

Okay? What I don't like, though, What I don't like is a. Too much of a talking ass during sex. Like, just shut the up. Like, not like, I don't need you not moan, but, like, you're talking too much. I can't focus.

[Tam Bam]

What Too much, though?

[Erica]

Just like, I had a guy Trying to tell me what to say. Like, I get it. Like, sometimes that's cool. But, like, it was throughout the whole experience, and so I gave him a second chance, and he did it again, and I was like.

[Mila]

Like, let me. What was he telling you to say? What was he telling you to say?

[Erica]

Like, tell me how good this dick is. Tell me how good it is. Tell me. Tell me. He then he said, like, tell me how good my body looks. And I was like, whoa, this is.

[Mila]

This has Orlando with me.

[Erica]

This has nothing to do with me. Talk to your therapist. I don't know what's happening here.

[Mila]

Not talk to your therapist. That might be. That might be Elaine. Like, sex therapist. That's gonna tell you, like, how good you look. It's gonna, like, therapize you while your dick is inside of her.

[Erica]

Well, that's a lot of sacrifice.

[Tam Bam]

It was crazy. Did you tell them? Did you? Like.

[AJ Holiday]

I did.

[Erica]

I did.

[AJ Holiday]

I did.

[Erica]

Because, like, he was excited. Like, what? Hey. At that point, I was just like. Just don't stop. I'll say whatever you want, but, like, this is the last time.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, you can talk me through it, but don't be asking for compliments. Was he a Pisces?

[Erica]

Probably low key. I need to go.

[Mila]

Look, I. I hate when people talk too much and, like, your ear is here. She's like, huh? What?

[Erica]

Yeah, that's happened too. They keep saying things are mumbling, and.

[Mila]

I'm like, I can't hear you. Stop talking to me. Me. Like, I'm just. The hunt is taking me out of it. Like, just. What? I can't read your lips. I can't see you. What the are we talking about?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm sick of these, man.

[Erica]

Do what you came to do.

[Mila]

Right?

[Tam Bam]

All right. Oh, win the lottery, but lose your best friend or stay broke, but keep your tribe, and broke his, like, broke forever.

[Mila]

Like, I don't like these questions. We're witches. This doesn't happen to us. This is not how we. Man. We don't manifest like this. This is not how this works.

[Erica]

Yeah, I don't want to be a lonely rich.

[Mila]

Yeah. Like, who we're gonna go on the yacht with? Like, who's gonna be in the yacht? Who's gonna be in the pj?

[AJ Holiday]

So many people. I know exactly who the. I want to see lit. Having a good ass time.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

I gotta take all the people.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't like that one.

[Tam Bam]

That question. Okay. Because I can't. I can't think of one to choose.

[Erica]

Either, because we're Just gonna have to be broke. But we're gonna figure it out, like, for a while.

[Mila]

We're girls. We're gonna sell some. I'm gonna be broke. Why would I be broke? What does that make sense to anyone? Like, no, this is the last one.

[AJ Holiday]

Have a man who makes you laugh but never commit, or one who commits but never compliments you. Y' all ever been with somebody who never complimented you?

[Mila]

I probably didn't even notice. For real?

[Tam Bam]

For real.

[Mila]

It's like, I'm used to that. Like, it's when someone compliments me or I'm like, oh, okay, wow, that's a lot. Relax. It's like, I'm not good at, like. But now that I have that, I don't think I would be able to be with someone who, like, didn't notice little things or compliment me would bother me.

[Erica]

Laughing goes a long way with me. What was the. What was the. Makes me laugh. But what? Won't commit.

[AJ Holiday]

Won't commit. He won't commit.

[Erica]

Oh, that was like my baby daddy. We did it for seven years, though. He made me laugh for a long time. That.

[Mila]

That laughing.

[Erica]

That laughing sustained me for some time.

[Mila]

You forgot about the other. It was so. From so many.

[Erica]

I was just like, just keep. But the no compliment. I don't know. I'm in words. I'm a words of affirmation type of. I'm a. I'm a words of affirmation type of lover. Like, that's what I give, and it does feel nice to receive it. I have, like, my partner now is very much, like, affirms me a lot, and I appreciate that because I think. I think I've had it in the past, but maybe not to the extent that I get it now.

[AJ Holiday]

Facts. That's. That's what I'm experiencing too. I had an ex who would never, like, verbally compliment me. He would wait till I leave the house and, like, text me, like, you look. You looked good.

[Mila]

I'm like, what the.

[AJ Holiday]

Meanwhile, like, when he putting that on because I bought it. Like, I'm like, man, you look so good. Never. Never. What is that? I don't know.

[Erica]

Hater.

[AJ Holiday]

I think a lot of people be in relationships with men who.

[Erica]

Well, yeah, they're like, I don't want to get a big head. I want you to have a big head. Like, what. What are you talking about?

[Tam Bam]

I. I've had a guy who would be like. His compliments would be like, you think you cute? Like, it would always be like, some kind of.

[Erica]

Like, I've No, I feel undercutting.

[Mila]

I feel like that's black people shit. I feel like that's, like black. Like that's how my family talks to each other. Like, I feel like. Like it's true. Like, I know that it sounds strange, but I don't know. Like, I don't know where you think you going. Yeah, right. That for me my got way like I'm toxic.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, y', all, so after this commercial break, we are gonna get some dumb stories from good moms. Bad choices. Okay?

[Tam Bam]

So I can't wait.

[Ad-Lib/Announcer]

Hey, everyone. Ed Helms here. And hi, I'm Kal Penn, and we're the hosts of Irsay, the Audible and I Heart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Jenny Garth, host of the iHeart podcast. I choose me to discuss the new Audible adaptation of the timeless Jane Austen classic Pride and Pride Prejudice. This is not a trick question. There's no wrong answer. What role would I play?

[AJ Holiday]

You know what?

[Erica]

I can see you as Mr. Darcy. You got a little Colin Firth.

[Ad-Lib/Announcer]

Okay, that's really sweet. I appreciate that, but are you sure I'm not the dad? I'm not Mr. Bennett here. Listen to HearSay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ad Voice]

Tired of mystery ingredients you can't even pronounce? Meat Flav City. With only real ingredients that actually fuel your day, their all in one. Protein smoothie is ready in 20 seconds with 25 grams of protein, 10 grams of collagen, real fruit, and real functional mushrooms. Just scoop, shake and sip. No blender needed. And this season, the limited edition pumpkin pumpkin spice latte protein smoothie is back. Caffeine, protein, and actual pumpkin and spices in one delicious sip. But hurry, it always sells out. Go to shopflavcity.com and grab yours before it's gone.

[Jana Kramer]

This is Jana Kramer from Wind down with Jana Kramer. It's the end of summer, and as we are heading into fall, I've noticed the damage the summer sun has left on my skin. And I've been wanting to find a laser treatment to help revitalize my skin and help even out my skin tone. I was recently introduced to Ideal Image. Ideal Image is America's number number one med spa. So from wrinkle relaxers to filler to medical grade facials, Ideal Image has treatments designed for real results, helping you look and feel your best. I have spoken about my melasma for years, and after every summer, it is very visible. My sunspots the melasma on my face and I have had a consultation with Ideal Image and I it could not have gone better. Not only do they know what they're talking about because they're the number one med spa in America. They were so great with helping me pick the right treatment for my skin and I have found through consultation that I'm going to do the clear and brilliant treatment that is the best option for what I want to achieve. The clear and brilliant treatment is a gentle laser that resurfaces the skin, smooths texture, shrinks pores and boost collagen. Clear and Brilliant reverses sun damage, evens tone, smooths face fine lines. It's non invasive and safe for all skin types, even the types like mine with melasma. Their licensed medical professionals make sure every treatment is safe, natural and tailored to you. I have my appointment booked and I am so excited to get my clear and brilliant treatment from Ideal Image. Refresh with September Med Spa offers custom facials, skin tightening and more. Book your free consultation today and check out their fall [e-mail] or call 1-800-BE- IDEAL. That's 1-800-B- IDEAL Saks off fifth is your secret to scoring fashion's most wanted deals at up to 70% off on the high hunt for designer steals that'll.

[Erica]

Turn heads and leave a trail of envy.

[Ad Voice]

Uncover Gucci, Valentino, Versace, Stuart Weitzman and.

[Erica]

More top designers at prices too good to stay confidential. Dare to get caught up in luxe.

[Ad Voice]

Layers, statement boots, fall denim and bohemian.

[Erica]

Dresses from Saks off 5th that'll put.

[Jana Kramer]

Your wardrobe on the most wanted list.

[Ad Voice]

Men's must haves are here, too, with.

[Erica]

Tailored essentials, cozy sweaters, sneakers, and designer accessories for every fall mission.

[Ad Voice]

With new arrivals dropping Weekly at Saks off 5th, the pursuit for the ultimate.

[Erica]

Find is always on.

[Ad Voice]

Whether you're looking for a seasonal wardrobe.

[Erica]

Refresh, shopping for a specific occasion, or.

[Ad Voice]

Just want to get Inspired, Saks Off.

[Erica]

5Th is your partner in crime.

[Ad Voice]

For the big score, head to saksaw.

[Jana Kramer]

Fifth.Com or a Saks Off 5th store.

[Erica]

Near you for up to 70% off every day.

[Ad Voice]

This is a style lineup you won't want to miss.

[AJ Holiday]

And we're back. All right, y', all, so we have dumb stories for the women and SIMP series for the men. Okay, so we need a dumb story. This is just a time or a situation where you got played and I don't know how y' all get down by the same or opposite sex. I don't know.

[Tam Bam]

It could be either or.

[Erica]

I've shared this story before on the pod, but this is a first for y'. All. So my dumb bitch story started. Once upon a time, I was walking in on 14th Street. I just got off the train and there was this fine guy. He was, but he was out there. He was like, he's kind of short. Which I'm not really into the Short Kings too much. Like I have. I make a few exceptions. But he was out there selling. He was like selling like feed the children type packages. Like, like sponsor a child in Africa.

[AJ Holiday]

Was he really working for a non profit?

[Mila]

He was scheming.

[Erica]

I really did feed, I fed, I fed Zach for a good 365 days. Okay. So anyway, he brought he top, he took me to Starbucks, sold me on the package. Got it. He was, he was really fine to me at the time. Told me that he was a model. And so I was like, oh my God, what model? And he had the pictures ready. It was like a Calvin Klein ad that he had done a Versace ad. But like all the pictures are kind of like from the side. And he was Dominican, so he, you know, he had a specific. He's like kind of. He was Dominican, but he kind of looked Puerto Rican, whatever. Anyway, long story short, I saw these pictures. My friends had started do research because they didn't trust him. They're like, I don't think that's really him in the picture. And I was like, yes, it is, girl. Like, it is him. So anyway, we start. We're continuing to date long distance. He's in, in New York, I'm in la. I'm being a dumb and I have a really good job at the time. So I'm. I'm flying him out to la. He got no funds, but he had.

[Mila]

A big old dick.

[Erica]

Short Kings, you know what I'm saying?

[Tam Bam]

That'll do it.

[AJ Holiday]

I listen, I'm the short advocate. I always say that, like they be little and big at the same time.

[Erica]

Okay. Anyway, you know, he. Because we have. We're long distance, there's a level of trust that you have to have. And he was always telling me like, he had his best friend. He had this best friend, but she only had one arm, so she was handicapped. And he was like, you know, I'm hanging out with Andrea. And so he was like, he made it very. He or he was really adamant about like, this is like my best friend from childhood. I never. And my stupid ass. I never asked for no pictures. This is before, like social media too. Like, we Instagram wasn't really big, I think. I don't even think I had joined Instagram yet at this point. So I'm like, okay, yeah, sure. I mean, because I had male. I had male friends as well. And in the past, like, I had been in relationships where men had, like, really. Or boys, I would say, had really, like, had take. Taken issue with my male friendships. And so he wasn't. So I was not gonna ruffle no feathers because I was like, yeah, n. Go ahead, have your friend. I have my friend. We're cool. Long story short, I get an email one day from a bitch named Andrea talking about one arm. Andrea, talking about. I heard. I found out that you are seeing my. My man. And I was like, who is your man? And she told me it was this. And I said, let me ask you a question. Do you have one arm?

[AJ Holiday]

That's all I want to know.

[Tam Bam]

Over there.

[AJ Holiday]

Here, take my strong hand. With her strong hand.

[Erica]

She said, what are you talking about? No, but then she said, do you have one arm? Because he had also told her that he had a friend in LA with one arm that he goes and visits is his best friend from back in the day. And I only got one, so. So then I was like, okay, that's crazy. But also, I have one final question. Is this. Is this him? Are these his pictures? Is he a model? No, this was not him in any of the pictures. So I was basically just dating a whole lie. Just not a model that I thought he was. I was really thinking, like, he was gonna make it out of, like, like, the Child Africa scheme he was in, and he was going to be a top model. And also that he was just loyal to me and he was just so kind. He had this one armed bestie, and come to find out, we both were handicapped. Bitch. Okay, so that's my dumb bitch story. And that went on also. I was with him for a year. That was a year of my life, y'. All.

[Mila]

And then he proposed with a little bit.

[Erica]

Oh, then he did. Oh, yeah, he did propose to me one day. One time when I flew him to la. We had sex on my friend's couch. And while he was inside of me, he pulled out the tiniest diamond ring I've ever seen. And I said yes. So that adds to the dumb bitchness.

[AJ Holiday]

Best dumb bitch story we have had.

[Tam Bam]

I feel like.

[Erica]

Girl, I still got the ring too. I never gave that back because it cost about probably $42.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, goodness. He was in love.

[Mila]

I don't know if I could every.

[Erica]

Now and then I go check on him on his Instagram, see what he's up to. Still lying and scheming. Trying to be a singer, rapper or some. I don't know.

[Tam Bam]

What's yours? I can't.

[Mila]

I want to say, did I do this? I've done some pretty dumb. I feel like Erica probably knows my dumb better than me because she's.

[Erica]

I can think of one in particular, actually. The dog.

[Mila]

I knew you're gonna say that. Okay, it wasn't that bad. But one time I really needed to get an apartment and my credit wasn't good, so I needed to scheme and seduce. So my homegirl was like, call this guy. He could hook you up. He's going to do X, Y and Z. So I was like, okay, call the guy. Pay him his little 500. So I think I got the apartment. I think I had like some kind of Stockholm syndrome because I was like, oh my God, he got me this apartment. I was really struggling before, like, thank God. So like, he had a real deep voice and I was like, where are you from? Like, you know, try start a conversation with the niggas doing the scheming. Because I'm stupid. I'm a cancer. I'm like, oh my God, we're gonna love each other. And then one day he FaceTimed me. He had this big old smile, got freckles, kind of light skin. I was like, oh my God, he's kind of fine.

[AJ Holiday]

I was like, erica, Erica.

[Mila]

The man who helped me with the, with the stuff, he's fine. So I was like all giddy. I was like, you know, you said you want to come to la, like you should come out and visit me. Like, yeah. So he comes to LA and then he gets out the car, he's like this big.

[Erica]

He's a big old head and a little body. He looked like a big. You know how like big got big heads? Like on the FaceTime, he looked like he could be around 6ft tall.

[Mila]

So then Erica's like, you can't him, like, if you all have a baby, it's gonna be too little. I was like, shut up. But to make matters worse, he came down. He did have a big ass dog. I let him and the dog come.

[AJ Holiday]

He brought a dog with him?

[Mila]

Yeah. And on top of it, he was a Muslim. So he was one of those. One time we had a conversation, he was like, yeah, you know, I don't know the, the word of the Muslims. Like, if my brother, if I go to my brother's house, my eham or whatever the. They be calling each other.

[AJ Holiday]

And his.

[Mila]

His wife goes in the back room. I said, like a dog. Like, what are you talking about? In her house, if you come over, she goes in the back room, so you don't have to speak. I said, oh. So then I had this complex, like, I'm. And he, like, really did love. Wh. So he would, like, talk, like, salaciously, but then also be talking this Muslim. And then I would, like, sit there and watch Farrakhan Farah con documentaries with him and be like, yeah, I understand. And then I let him kind of move in, basically.

[Erica]

But wait, but why? What kind of sex were you having that he was, mind you, with.

[Mila]

I don't. Wait, what kind of sex are we having?

[Erica]

Oh, you don't remember? No, you guys were having, like. You guys were role playing, like, trigger warning. No way.

[Mila]

Wait, hold up, hold on now. I don't even tell it.

[Erica]

We.

[Tam Bam]

There's gotta.

[Erica]

You gotta. She was. Long story short, she was dictated. Okay? There was something going on sexually that had her dictated, not trigger warning.

[Mila]

Oh, my God. But then he was like, mind me. Like, he wasn't eating my. He was like, talking super salaciously, but then he's like, wasn't eating my. I'm like, my.

[Erica]

Like, you've been.

[Mila]

You've been around here for a long time. Like, I started to notice there's like a mind manipulation. He would talk salaciously, but then like, be like, oh, you're gonna wear that. And I'm like, you just told me you love whores. I'm so confused. And like, he would talk. He would use like those big jail words, like, under circumstantial understanding of spirituality. And I was like, you're so smart. So anyway. Anyway, I let him move in, and he was bipolar and he was having manic episodes occasionally. And. And then I told all my friends that it was over and that he had moved out and I'm not talking to him anymore. And then one time I was on the phone with Erica and I was like, yeah, huh? And then all of a sudden, the background like, roof, roof. And she was like. And I was like. She was like, is that man and that dog over there? And I was like, huh, I'll call you back. And I was like, why the didn't you shut the dog up? I told you.

[AJ Holiday]

Not a man. Not going to see a man with a whore is a man with a dog.

[Mila]

And then I continued the ridiculous relationship until one day he slapped me in my face. And I was like, oh, God's really trying to try me right now. Like, are you a real dumb. And then, like, Erica was, like, just picking me up, and I got in the car, and she's like, what's wrong? And I was like. He slapped me in the face.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, he was conditioning you the whole time?

[Mila]

Oh, yeah. Like, hardcore. I was, like, totally unattached. And then it switched, and then I was acting nuts.

[Erica]

She was like a. Like, on crack. She was like a crackhead for this dick. Okay, crack status it, please.

[Tam Bam]

It was what the trigger warning was, I think.

[Mila]

Was it like. Was it like, rape play? Is that what it was? Okay. I don't remember that. I've blocked it out, but I. Yeah, I'm pretty. I like to it for someone to.

[Erica]

Take it a little bit.

[Mila]

So maybe he went all the way. Yeah, yeah. He's, like, stroking.

[Tam Bam]

We got to edit this whole part out. This is. Have to cut this out.

[Mila]

I used to say I like a.

[AJ Holiday]

I want a planned one. Like, plan it.

[Erica]

Like.

[Mila]

Like. Yeah, it's planned.

[AJ Holiday]

It was planned my house.

[Mila]

I was like. It was consensual. Non. Consensual.

[Erica]

It's.

[Mila]

That's a real word in the kink. Consensual. Non. Consensual. So I was really into that. He was. He was an. Okay, this is the thing, aj, Those short. And this is for all the ladies listening. Those short do be packing sometimes. Okay, sometimes. But also with short, they've had to. They've had to compensate for their height their whole life, so they come with a lot of buried testosterone that comes out unhealthy. So they might slap you. They're going to mind you. And they probably have really worked on their. Their talking and their sex game really good, because that's how they brain you. So if they come and they have all this chemistry and they stare deep into your eyes. Run. Run. They're trying to mind your brain.

[AJ Holiday]

Mine used to drool on me. Imagine somebody drooling on you while you're having sex.

[Erica]

And just.

[Mila]

He would growl, like. And then he would do, like, he would do Arabic prayer. Like, I'd be like, oh, my God. He loved me so much. He made it. He was possessed. I was. He was just, like, saying, like, I don't even know the words anymore. Like, he would, like, pray after he me. And I was like. It was like. That's why I don't really. With Kevin Gates, because I see that same demon. Like, there's like a similar. There's like a sex demon that lives in, like, in, like, certain Type of men where they act like they love the whorishness about you, but then they try to do like some religious. They try to, like, use big words.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm so glad Draca left his ass, because it's almost like he was starting.

[Erica]

To look like her.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, he was. I can see that he was draining the out of her.

[Mila]

Is that what happens when start draining you? You start look. They start looking. They start looking like.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know.

[Tam Bam]

I don't know how that works.

[AJ Holiday]

Do they not look alike?

[Mila]

Yeah. I'm happy.

[Tam Bam]

She's beautiful.

[Mila]

I mean, I'm getting dicked down by healthy dick by now. Amen.

[Erica]

I hope so.

[Tam Bam]

Amen to that. All right, ladies. This was so much fun. Y' all are so funny. Tell everybody where they can find you. Plug all your things.

[Mila]

I'm Mila. You can find me on Instagram at Mila with an H underscore map with two P's. Follow the Good Vibe retreat. We are going on lots of international trips next year. If you. You have kids or a job and you need to put that shit down for a minute and find yourself and go hang out with some bad bitches and smoke weed and holl at the moon and think about your motherfucking self. This is the trip for you. It is just the best woman summer camp, winter camp, whatever camp that you can ever attend. We have Jamaica, April 17th through the 22nd. It's for 4:20. You don't have to smoke weed to come, but if you do, puff, puff, pass, beach, everything's included. You don't have to worry about shit but getting yourself there. And then we take care of everything after that.

[Erica]

And make sure you follow us at Good Moms Bad Choices on Instagram and listen to our podcast. If you like this podcast, you're going to love our podcast. And you can follow me at. Watch Erica and buy our book, A Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices. It's like the bible for moms.

[Mila]

Or if you have a friend who's about to have a baby. And yeah, just give her that book, too. That's a good baby shower book.

[Tam Bam]

Amen. All right, ladies, thank y' all so much. This was fun. And I'm definitely coming on the 420 trip.

[Mila]

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna send y'. All. I'm text you the link right now.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, y' all be doing rituals, doing some mommy wata rituals.

[Erica]

Yeah. And we have payment plans, so you have months and months and months to make small payments. So it doesn't feel so overwhelming.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[Erica]

So come on girls.

[Mila]

Yeah, okay. I'm about to put the text message. Yeah. Okay.

[Tam Bam]

All right y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All, if y' all enjoyed this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app or wherever the you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagram's Kick It Tam, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All. It's official Tam bam on Instagram. Once again, I love y' all so very, very much. Y' all remember speak now.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know.

[Mila]

Never hold them or never heard your forever hold your peace forever.

[AJ Holiday]

No, we kind of switch it up.

[Tam Bam]

A little bit based on who's on so or what we're talking about. So.

[AJ Holiday]

Never hold them bad choices Speak.

[Erica]

Or forever hold them titties.

[Mila]

All right, Deuces, we talk back Podcast.

[AJ Holiday]

Is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or.

[Erica]

Wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Tam Bam]

Thanks for listening and celebrating five years of the Black Effect Podcast Network with us. Keep following because the next five years are about to be even bigger.

[Ad-Lib/Announcer]

Ah, greetings from my bath festive friends. The holidays are overwhelming, but I'm tackling this season with PayPal and making the most of my money getting 5% cash back when I pay in 4. No fees, no interest. I used it to get this portable spa with jets. Now the bubbles can cling to my sculpted but pruny body. Make the most of your money this holiday with PayPal. Save the offer in the app ends 1231. See paypal.com promoter points can be redeemed for cash and more paying for subject.

[Mila]

To terms and approval. PayPal Inc. And MLS 910457 in the.

[Ad Voice]

Heat of battle, your squad relies on you. Don't let them down. Unlock elite gaming [e-mail] Dominate every match with next level speed, seamless streaming and performance that won't quit. So you can push your gameplay beyond.

[Mila]

Performance with Intel Core Ultra processors for.

[Ad Voice]

The next era of gaming. Upgrade to smooth high quality streaming with Intel Wi Fi 6e and maximize game.

[Mila]

Performance with enhanced overclocking. Win the tech Search power [e-mail] Lenovo Lenovo.

[Ad-Lib/Announcer]

Can small acts make a real impact in the world? Sometimes a small thing has the power to become more something big and meaningful. And when it comes to helping children, no act is too small. When you fill up at the Purple Giving Pump at Shell, a portion of your purchase will be donated to support charities in your community. The Giving Pump Easy to stop, easy to donate donate from 9125-10-3125. Participating Shell stations will donate a minimum of $0.01 per gallon of the fuel pump from the giving pump or a minimum donation of $300. Ford was built on the belief that the world doesn't get to decide what you're capable of. You do. So ask yourself, can you or can't you? Can you load up a Ford F150 and build your dream with sweat and steel? Can you chase thrills and conquer curves in a Mustang? Can you take a Bronco to where the map ends and adventure begins? Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right. Ready, set.

[Jana Kramer]

Forward.

[Mila]

This is an iHeart podcast.