The North Remembers

Summary

We Talk Back Podcast — Episode Summary

Episode Title: The North Remembers
Date: May 28, 2026
Hosts: TamBam & AJ Holiday
Podcast: We Talk Back (The Black Effect Podcast Network & iHeartPodcasts)

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Episode Overview

This episode of We Talk Back dives into the ongoing “gender wars” in the Black community, touching on modern relationship dynamics, societal expectations, and the shifting roles of men and women. With their signature blend of humor, honesty, and cultural commentary, hosts TamBam and AJ Holiday analyze why divisions persist, who benefits from them, and whether peace between the sexes is truly possible. Along the way, they unpack viral news stories, recent studies, and personal anecdotes, challenging stereotypes and offering nuanced perspectives on femininity, masculinity, money, and love.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up: Weekend Shenanigans

[02:13 - 06:27]

• AJ attended a friend’s bridal shower, embraced karaoke, and celebrated at home with friends.
• TamBam checked out the Poor Minds show in Charlotte, got “tow up,” and continued partying — highlighting the joys of comfortable shoes for a night out.
• Both discuss the physical cost of partying as “aunties” and recovering from heavy drinking.
• Pop culture chat on the movie Nemesis and the series From; debates on taste, realism in TV, and Black family critiques.

Memorable Quotes:

• “That's why be out all night. We be ready to go home. Because our foot be talking. Leaving our foot at the club, like, already in the Uber and foot still at the club.” — AJ Holiday [04:37]
• “Pigs are not cute. They're lunch. Put them on top of my burger.” — TamBam [12:22]

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2. Viral & Weird News: Pigs at the Police Station

[10:44 - 13:26]

• A Georgia man released 10 pigs inside a police station, joking he was “dropping off backup.” It sparked chaos and a viral debate about racial perceptions and media illustrations.

Notable Reactions:

• TamBam questions the wasted opportunity for all that bacon.
• AJ suspects media manipulation: “I really feel like it was a white man who let those pigs loose. But they have a black man in the picture, right? Or is it even real? We don’t even know.” [12:56]

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3. The “Gold Digger” Study Flip

[14:09 - 16:56]

• Discussion of a new study showing men are as likely (or more so) as women to pursue relationships for financial gain, especially “sensitive gold diggers” who mask intentions with empathy.
• The study links these tactics to “dark tetra” personality traits.
• Both hosts share examples of men dating for money and manipulating women for material support.

Memorable Quotes:

• “We are the fee males, okay? Not y'all females. Meaning y'all know y'all supposed to be paying something, paying a fee, period.” — AJ Holiday [16:35]
• “These niggas is different.” — TamBam [16:34]

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4. Floyd Mayweather’s Child Support Scandal

[16:59 - 20:03]

• Recap of Mayweather being ordered to pay $32,850 a month in child support and nearly $1 million in back payments after fathering a child with a former strip club dancer.
• Mixed feelings about high payouts: AJ says, “I’m never mad. Get the bag.” TamBam notes “32,000 dollars a month… she ain’t got to do nothing else but go to the mailbox.” [19:33]
• Hosts point out the punitive aspect of court-ordered support based on income, not actual child need.

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5. Gender Wars: Origins and Responsibility

[21:08 - 29:01, 25:09 - 28:33]

• Debate over the beginnings of heightened gender conflict. AJ credits Kevin Samuels for “monetizing” Black relationship discourse and targeting women when it grew profitable.
• Discussion of how social media algorithms, “Samuelites,” and out-of-context red pill ideas fuel division.
• Both critique the expectation that Black women lower standards and highlight double standards in gold-digging narratives.

Standout Commentary:

• “If you have never experienced a good man, chances are, bitch, you ain't shit… every relationship, you cannot just… everybody else cannot just be the problem.” — AJ Holiday [25:53]
• On red pill profiteering: “We always engage... We gonna always just be engaged. So they do things to pick at us because we are going to say something, right?” — AJ Holiday [27:18]

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6. Provider Roles and Submission

[37:12 - 67:43]

• Why are men tired of “real men provide”? AJ and TamBam debate if modern men really want to be providers or just resent the pressure.
• Debate shows, podcasts (esp. The Honest Bunch), and the viral debate with "slumflower": women articulate high standards and are accused of asking for too much.
• Reflection on parental (esp. father) influence in mate selection in different cultures.
• The evolving meaning of “submission” — is it respect, obedience, trust, or yielding decision-making? Both hosts reflect on submission and independence within relationships.

Quotes & Examples:

• “Why would a woman that is decisive be masculine? And that's what she wants? Like, you want somebody who doesn't know what they want to eat all the time?” — AJ [55:42]
• “All the things that women are now doing is all trauma response. The patriarchy was not based on trauma response to anything.” — AJ [76:53]
• “I don't want to be in charge, though. Do you?” — TamBam [31:54]
• “If you want me to do something, talk to me nice.” — AJ [66:24]

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7. Modern Masculinity, Femininity & Double Standards

[48:30 - 55:43]

• Men are tired of being told they're “intimidated by successful women.” Hosts share examples where even men who say they want a driven woman end up feeling threatened or competing.
• Women face age and beauty bias—“They be aging us out the game.”
• Both sexes feel devalued by shallow standards: men by money, women by beauty/youth.

Exchange:

• “Men, we are tired of being judged based on their looks, beauty and how much they're giving out… it's the same exact equivalency.” — AJ [42:22]

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8. Persistent Stereotypes: Submission, “Dying Alone,” Masculine Women, and More

[54:57 - 67:43]

• “Women only want money” — dismissed as an overgeneralization; both want multifaceted partnerships.
• “You're gonna die alone with cats” — hosts laugh it off and discuss reality (women outlive men anyway).
• “Modern women are too masculine” — traced to necessity and “trauma response,” not choice.
• “Women don't know how to submit” — examined in terms of mutual trust, authority, and outdated expectations.

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9. Is Peace Possible? The “Gender Wars” Treaty

[67:57 - 80:45]

• Can there be a truce? Both agree that real change would require a major paradigm shift or crisis.
• Women are more independent now than ever, and will choose to struggle alone rather than partner with the wrong man.
• Acknowledgement that trauma has shaped modern relationship dynamics, especially among Black Americans.
• Both stress the importance of grace, love, and showing up as your best self—while admitting no podcast (including their own) has a magic solution.

Final Reflection:

• “I don't know what to tell y'all when it comes to gender wars. Nobody has the answer. You can listen to every podcast in the world right now, and we're all going to be pretty much in alignment on how we don't know what to do to fix it… the best thing we can do is show up as the best version of yourself and, you know, lead with love and give people grace out here, the same grace you want for yourself.” — TamBam [80:45]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Submission:
  “Submission comes with trust. You trusting that your partner is making the best decisions for the both of you, not just for himself.” — AJ [65:17]

• On Relationship Cycles:
  “If you don’t take something from your bad relationships, if you didn’t learn something about yourself… that’s why you probably repeating the same fucking cycles and meeting the same niggas over and over.” — AJ [25:53]

• On Societal Trauma:
  “All the things that women are now doing is all trauma response. The patriarchy was not based on trauma response to anything...” — AJ [76:53]

• Calls for Mutual Respect:
  “I just feel like they should not bow down. A better word is honor to me. Honor women. — TamBam [58:40]

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Episode Structure (Key Content Timestamps)

| Segment | Timestamps | Content | |---|---|---| | Opening & Weekend Recap | 02:13 - 06:27 | Life updates, parties, hangovers, media recs | | TV/Movie Debates | 06:27 - 10:44 | “Nemesis” and “From” | | Viral Pigs News | 10:44 - 13:26 | Pig release at police station, media bias concerns | | Gold Digger Study | 14:09 - 16:56 | New stereotypes about men & financial motives | | Mayweather Child Support | 16:59 - 20:03 | Big payouts, legal/relationship fallout | | Start of Gender Wars | 21:08 - 29:01 | Origins, Kevin Samuels’ influence | | Provider/Submission Debate | 37:12 - 41:10 | Roles, expectations, culture clash | | Age, Beauty, & Worth | 42:38 - 44:45 | “Aging out,” section culture | | Masculinity/Femininity | 54:57 - 67:43 | Submission, independence, trust discussions | | Solutions? | 67:57 - End | Is peace possible? Final thoughts, closing |

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Conclusion

In “The North Remembers,” TamBam and AJ Holiday deliver a sharp, heartfelt, and genuinely funny assessment of where Black gender relations stand today. Unpacking the superficial triggers for the “gender wars,” they trace deeper legacies of trauma, societal manipulation, and shifting economic realities. Ultimately, the hosts call for grace, insight, and mutual respect—while openly admitting that there are no easy answers, only ongoing conversations.

Key Takeaway:
“Show up as the best version of yourself and… lead with love and give people grace out here, the same grace you want for yourself.” — TamBam [80:45]

Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

[Tam Bam]

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[Commercial/Ad Voice]

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[Tam Bam]

to my cold sore problem?

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Now I'm stuck down a rabbit hole filled with images of alarmingly graphic sores

[AJ Holiday]

in various stages of ooze. I can clear my search history, but

[Tam Bam]

I can never unsee that.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. Healthcare just got less painful.

[AJ Holiday]

Introducing the all new Mazda CX5 featuring more connection. Hey Google, where's the nearest Pilates class? Safety that has your back? More discovery on the scenic routes, more

[Tam Bam]

passion in the details and more control in changing weather.

[AJ Holiday]

The all new Mazda CX5. More to every side of you. See it in five films at mazdausa.com fivesides Google is a trademark of Google LLC. Sequences shortened and simulated. Hi, I'm Steph and I work at UnitedHealthcare. When I think about UnitedHealthcare's members, I think of my own family. My niece was diagnosed with an ultra rare genetic disorder. I know how hard it is for families at UnitedHealthcare. We can make it easier. I'm Brian.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

I care because I know what it's like to not speak the language.

[Tam Bam]

It's not easy.

[AJ Holiday]

Health insurance is complicated.

[Tam Bam]

I would say our job is to

[AJ Holiday]

make everything easy for our UXC members. I work for United Healthcare. I'm committed to care. Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tam Bam]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk

[AJ Holiday]

holiday. What's up, Tan van?

[Tam Bam]

Hey girl, how's it going? How's your weekend? Oh, it's me, Tambam. I love y'. All. I miss y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tam Bam]

Thank y' all for coming back. I forgot

[AJ Holiday]

I had a good weekend. I actually did some shit this weekend. My one of my best friends had her bridal shower on Saturday, so we did that and played games and you know I got to always entertain.

[Tam Bam]

You brought your karaoke stuff.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, I'm gonna bring my mic, but for the actual fucking wedding I already seen. I'm gonna order me some new shit, bitch. My mic gonna have, like, a little. A little waist. It's gonna have a separate speaker from the mic.

[Tam Bam]

This girl have a walking karaoke machine.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly, because y' all gonna hear me. And went back to the house and. And drinking, eating, talking loud and cussing all night. So it was a good time. I prefer house. That's probably why I'll be doing nothing, because people don't be planning.

[Tam Bam]

And.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I mean, I'll be planning at my house either. But I really prefer just to be around friends, family. Yeah, exactly. As opposed to clubs and bars and lounges, because I don't even be drinking like that either, baby.

[Tam Bam]

That's. I drank. I probably need a new kidney and liver at this point. Okay, I'm joking. Lord. That was a joke. But this weekend. Oh, my God. I was outside. I was outside. Poor minds came to Charlotte. So I went to the show. It was so good. If they're coming to your city, you gotta go check them out. It was a whole lot of fun. I got tow up at they show, and that's what started it, because I was like, I'm just go to the show, support my podcast sisters, and come home, baby. I got so drunk at that show, I was like, where to next? And I was like, all over the city. All over. And I had on sneakers. Ain't nothing better than being in some flat shoes, girl. I can be out all night.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. Like, don't give. That's why be out all night. We be ready to go home. Because our foot be talking. Leaving our foot at the club, like, already in the Uber and foot still at the club. It is so, like, for real, man. I am definitely for comfort nowadays because none of the damn designer heels comfortable. All them gonna tear your feet up. Like, you doing it for what, like, sports special. That's it.

[Tam Bam]

That. So that was Sunday night. But Saturday night, I got lit, too, at this place called Partake around the corner. And it's a cute little dessert bar. And like, Kimberly, she's on the reality show with me. She's the owner, and she's like, come to the bar. And the way she pours the drinks, it makes you think they're free, but they're not.

[AJ Holiday]

But you had to pay for them.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, there was a tab at the end of the night, I was like, oh, finesse, finesse.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, if you offering drinks, you. She's supposed to pay for it.

[Tam Bam]

She. Well, listen, I end up not having to pay a man. End up paying for him. He took care of my whole tab, but thank God, cuz I didn't know there was a tab.

[AJ Holiday]

Just drinking.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, just drinking. So on Monday, you know, because I'm an auntie, I was hurt. Like, our body is just not at this age. Our bodies are not meant to like, drink that heavy two days in a row.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, I don't know how y' all do it. I do not understand, like, how your body set up.

[Tam Bam]

I was hurt all day Monday, all day. I stayed in bed and I watched Nemesis. I don't know if y' all have seen it is so good.

[AJ Holiday]

So I'm getting mixed reviews because one of my homeboys keeps telling me to watch it, right? But then I asked two other people about it and they just was like, it just wasn't good.

[Tam Bam]

I enjoyed it. Now there was some parts that were a bit far fetched, but for, you know, just for the sake of entertainment, it was good. I like it. My mama hated it. My mama was like that light skinned boy overacting.

[AJ Holiday]

Yo, black people. How you overreacting? How you overacting? You said everything. I know exactly what she mean.

[Tam Bam]

But

[AJ Holiday]

hey, act normal, right?

[Tam Bam]

That was it.

[AJ Holiday]

And what. What is the premise of.

[Tam Bam]

It is basically a story about two men who are pretty much obsessed with their career. But one is a cop, one is a criminal, and their life, how their lives kind of intertwine in a way,

[AJ Holiday]

you know, to me, like, cops and criminals are actually the same people. And I.

[Tam Bam]

That's what that story is about.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Like the way, the way cops catch people is because they too are also criminals. Right? This is how they're able to catch you. And y' all be thinking y' all outsmart. These people are also criminals. Most of them. They just on the other side.

[Tam Bam]

That's literally what the story is about.

[AJ Holiday]

Crime and peace.

[Tam Bam]

Like, are you sure you haven't seen it?

[AJ Holiday]

Because I haven't.

[Tam Bam]

That's literally what the show is about.

[AJ Holiday]

Interesting. Okay, I might watch it still. Yeah, I. Have you been watching? Have you ever watched from the show?

[Tam Bam]

I watched the first season. I haven't seen it since then. Everybody, like go back and binge it.

[AJ Holiday]

So I didn't even realize I watched season one and two and I didn't even realize that season three had come out until season four came out. I'm like starting to watch. I'm like, wait, I'm missing Something I

[Tam Bam]

missed a whole season.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. I started binge watching season three. But episode eight, season three, the week before last, I'm watching it and the elect they was about to like go look for this girl on one part. Like just. This is like a, you know, like a climax moment and the electricity went out only in my bedroom. I look out the window everybody else lights and is still cuz y' all know this movie isn't that. That's. That series isn't scary. Is evil as though.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And I look down my hallway. The lights on in my hallway like my little plugins and how do what My projector just cuts off. So I'm like, okay, so now the universe don't want me watching this. Maybe something in my psyche and I have not went back to watch it.

[Tam Bam]

Let me tell you. I was watching. It was like us. It was storming outside and I was watching it and it was like the part where that jumped out the casket and all the power went out in the house.

[AJ Holiday]

Baby.

[Tam Bam]

I ain't never been so scared in my life. I just knew it was coming to get me.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, I've been to. I don't know why I like watching Scary.

[Tam Bam]

Like I enjoy it.

[AJ Holiday]

Being scared sometimes. I don't know why. And it's not like in my real life. Like I don't give a about Nagos. Like, just don't touch me like y' all can float around or just don't. Don't be pulling covers off me slow and. And wiggling my toes. Like I'm scared if you touch my feet. But I. I don't know. Like. But some things like that, that. That series from I believe, like if you didn't finish season two, you don't really know what's going on yet. You. And. And even then because I've spoken to people who've watched through season two and they just didn't have the same idea about what was happening that I did. But to me, they're like stuck in purgatory. That's what it's all about. They like in a hospital bed and they're stuck in purgatory. All these people. Because they all got into some type of accident and ended up there.

[Tam Bam]

So you don't think they're really there. You think their bodies are somewhere else.

[AJ Holiday]

But they sold if you watch the last episode of season two and in the first episode of season three, it basically confirms that.

[Tam Bam]

Well, don't tell. Yeah, don't tell it. Spoiler. Spoiler alert, you guys.

[AJ Holiday]

Anyway, let's get into sins, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All. Yeah, let's get into it.

[AJ Holiday]

So apparently a Georgia man was arrested after letting 10 pigs loose inside the local police station. He claims he was just dropping off backup. So a Mississippi man is making headlines after police say he released 10 pigs and into a local police station and allegedly joked that he was just dropping off backup. Authorities are now. Authorities are not laughing. I was about to say now laughing. Officers say the stunt created chaos inside the building as staff scrambled to round up the animals and restore order. The man was later taken into custody and now faces charges connected to the incident. Reports indicate investigators view the act as intentional disruption rather than harmless comedy. The story exploded online almost immediately because of the obvious joke comparing police officers to pigs. Social media users were split. Some called it one of the wildest prings they have ever seen. While others agree that disrupting a police facility is a fast way to take a fast way to turn a joke into a criminal case. Either way, what started as a stunt involving farm animals quickly became a viral. A viral national headline. One thing is for certain. Most people have. I've heard of calling for backup, but very few have. Have allegedly delivered by the truckload. Interesting.

[Tam Bam]

First of all, I mean, it's funny, but that's dinner. As far as I'm concerned. You wasted a whole lot of dinner, lunch. And Amber.

[AJ Holiday]

Pigs are so cute. Y' all shouldn't eat them.

[Tam Bam]

Pigs are not cute. They're lunch. Put them on top of my burger.

[AJ Holiday]

Remember that little girl.

[Tam Bam]

Put cheese on mine. Facts.

[AJ Holiday]

Poor baby.

[Tam Bam]

But, I mean, you got a lot of time to go get 10 pigs and then release them in the police station. But what they gonna charge him with him? Disorderly conduct.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And disrupting police. Official police business, probably.

[Tam Bam]

Like, I don't.

[AJ Holiday]

So they. So the illustration for that. For that article is a black guy on it. Right. But we already know half of these. I seen some the other day, and it had a black family and it was a Korean family that. Or Indian family that the had happened to. So the way in which people use an AI now to, like, confuse people about stories, I just feel like it's. No playing with the police like that. I really feel like it was a white man who let those pigs loose. But they have a black man in the picture, right? Or is it even real? We don't even know.

[Tam Bam]

It might be a lie all together. Yeah, but it's funny, whatever it is.

[AJ Holiday]

Let me slide this in right quick, because I just happened to see this. So there's a line in one of the Drake songs that says your baby mama let me record her. She getting bodied by a Trump supporter

[Tam Bam]

is Draco Tromper?

[AJ Holiday]

Why wouldn't he be? I'm pretty sure his, most of his family is from Israel.

[Tam Bam]

He can't, he can't vote so it don't matter, Right? Stay out of our business.

[AJ Holiday]

I guess everybody be an American politics job, right?

[Tam Bam]

All right. So this one says men are more likely to be gold diggers than women, a new study says.

[AJ Holiday]

I agree.

[Tam Bam]

You always say that. So hold on, let's see. It says A new study published in the Journal of Economic Behavior and Organization from the Behavioral and Social Sciences Institute challenges the long standing stereotype that gold digging is a female behavior, finding that men may be just as likely or in some cases more likely than women to enter partnership for financial gain. Researchers led by psychologist Lenart Fred found that non heterosexual left leaning men recorded the highest score for financially motivated relationship behavior across all groups. The study surveyed 351 participants and found that financially motivated individuals across genders were more likely to exhibit manipulative tendencies, using charm and physical appearance to track wealthier partners with links to dark tetra personality traits including narcissism, Machiavellianism, psycho psychopathy and sadism. Damn. What's particularly as telling is how the manipulation evolves. Researchers identified a growing trend that they term the sensitive gold digger where some men enhance their appeal by presenting themselves as empathetic and emotionally intelligent, which can mask underlying financial motives. Damn. These niggas is different.

[AJ Holiday]

What it says the narrative Kanye and Jamie Foxx outlined in 2005 was only half the story. The data shows that the pursuit of wealth in relationships has never been exclusively female and modern men have simply become more strategic about how they present themselves while doing it. Yeah, like you meet a nigga and his birthday tomorrow. My ex used to joke about how he meet a bitch and his birthday always tomorrow. Like he's trying to get something out of a woman. I never thought that was funny because this nigga would rob a bank to take care of me. But I know for a fact like he, he, he would be on bitches necks like for real and they was, they would be kicking out never.

[Tam Bam]

This guy I was talking to, he was like started dating this girl that he wasn't readily attracted to but she had a skincare line that was in Sephora.

[AJ Holiday]

Interesting.

[Tam Bam]

See

[AJ Holiday]

and they be trying to tell us we need to lower our standards so they can get you see men are highly manipulative. Mickey, you feel like you should not require anything. We are the fee males, okay? Not y' all females. Meaning y' all know y' all supposed to be paying something, paying a fee, period.

[Tam Bam]

Because what.

[AJ Holiday]

Cause these know damn well they supposed to be coming with the bag. So. Floyd Mayweather, legally confirmed as father of his own strip club dancers, four year old after she claims he fired her for not getting an abortion. Y'. All. So this still making kids 49 years old. Has been legally declared the father of a four year old girl named Price. That's interesting.

[Tam Bam]

That's interesting.

[AJ Holiday]

Name Price Morehead. After a judge ruled March. Excuse me. After a Judge ruled in March 2026, the child's mother, Paige Morehead, was a dancer at Mayweather's Las Vegas strip club Girl Collection, where she allegedly had an eight year intimate relationship with the. With the boxing legend. So this baby is the same age as his grandson. Paige claims Floyd broke up with her and allegedly fired her from the club when. When he found out she was pregnant in April 2021. I mean, technically you can't work. And she further alleges he pursued. I mean, excuse me, he pressured her to get an abortion. Mayweather has been ordered to pay $32,850 a month in child support, plus over $933,000 in back support. And because he was only paid. Because he has only paid roughly 151,000 of what he owes, a judge ruled Paige can place a lien of up to $2 million on his California property to ensure she gets paid. Price is Mayweather's fifth child.

[Tam Bam]

Where are my scaling. Yes, go ahead, Paige.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm never mad. Get the bag. Because why are you this big ass age 49 years old still coming in and let alone a stripper like that. Like what? Like. Come on, man. And she named the baby Price. I know that the price is right.

[Tam Bam]

The price is right. 32 000amonth and he owe her 900000 for back child support.

[AJ Holiday]

Please. Wild.

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

Now they know damn well. I. I definitely want to see Ms. Moorhead. I want to know her. I want to know where she from, right?

[Tam Bam]

She a black girl. I've seen a picture of her. She cute too.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, she pretty.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Max, get the Max. Bags. Bag.

[Tam Bam]

People are working. They're literally Americans who are making that in a year. $32,000 in a year and she getting that a month. She ain't got to do nothing else but go to the mailbox.

[AJ Holiday]

I never think that. I don't give a damn how much a man makes. I don't think that anybody should be. I mean I'm saying get the bag. But that is gross that no child requires that type of. And it's not like this was a woman. The judge was just like, yeah, you're just punishing him.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Because of who he is. Essentially.

[Tam Bam]

Yep.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, I was just having a conversation with somebody yesterday and they told me that how they quit a job because they were making too much money having to pay their ex 4, $800 for spousal and child support. So they basically quit a job and got a lower, a lower paying job so that they didn't have to pay more. That abundance comes with like women, children, all that. Like listen, think positive about it, be happy about being able to pay and the money will keep flowing. Like that is actually how like you. That's a lack mindset for sure.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And making less money so you ain't gotta give her no more money.

[Tam Bam]

Yo, that's wow, that's next level. Back ass, back ass words you like I ain't getting the money anyway. That's just selfish. Yuck. What are we talking about?

[AJ Holiday]

I talk about these gender wars actually.

[Tam Bam]

What are they?

[AJ Holiday]

Will they ever end? Okay. I don't really consider war, but yeah, me too because at the end of the day we all want love men too.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

So I mean we beefing all the time. I don't see how we gonna have healthy relationships. But yeah, let's get into it after the commercial break.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities. Completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures [e-mail] disclosures if you sometimes turn down the podcast just to hear the hum of your engine, then Shell has the fuel for you. Shelby Power Nitro plus fuels every drive from the Pacific coast to the high desert with a fuel like no other. It contains active coating ingredients that clean and protect for longer lasting engines. Because your car's engine matters, that means more protection with active ingredients for longer lasting engines. Shelvi Power Nitro Plus Premium Gasoline engine performance that lasts. Chances are you're not far from a Shell station. Find it using the Shell app formulation unique to Shell compared to minimum detergent gasoline with continuous use of Shell V Power Nitroplus and gasoline direct injection engines, actual effects and benefits may vary. See Shell Us More protection for.

[AJ Holiday]

Making plans with Asthma can be awful. It always goes from that sounds fun to in this weather, what if my asthma acts up? I got tired of saying no, so my doctor suggested Dupixent. I'm Rachel and I'm sponsored by Regeneron in Sanofi to share my story with real patients like me.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Dupixent Dupilumab is an add on prescription maintenance treatment for adults and children six years and up with moderate to severe eosinophilic or oral steroid dependent asthma that's not controlled with current asthma medicines. Dupixent is not for sudden breathing problems.

[AJ Holiday]

Dupixent helps people breathe better in as little as two weeks and now I don't even think twice about saying yes to plans. More rain or shine.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Severe allergic reactions, including skin reactions, can occur. Get help right away for face, mouth, tongue or throat swelling, wheezing or trouble breathing. Tell your doctor right away of signs of inflamed blood vessels like rash, chest pain, worsening shortness of breath, brown or dark colored urine, tingling or numbness in limbs. Tell your doctor of new or worsening skin symptoms, joint aches and pain, or parasitic infection. Don't change or stop other treatments without talking to your doctor.

[AJ Holiday]

Do more with less asthma. Ask your asthma specialist about Dupixent by name, visit dupixent.com or call 1-844-dupixent My name is Jessa. One of the things I love the most about working for UnitedHealthcare is that everybody matters. Every moment matters. There's a person behind every problem.

[Tam Bam]

I care because it's what I was

[AJ Holiday]

put on this earth to do.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

I'm Ben and I work at UnitedHealthcare. I am just one piece of a larger puzzle, but every piece matters. It's more than just work. We want to make the healthcare system better for everyone. I care because I want to make a difference. That's what committed to care means to me.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, so you guys, we are back and can we in the gender wars already, please? Or I mean, is it possible that we are just addicted to the debating in. In. In the fighting and going back and forth and having podcast content? I mean, because we do dibble dabble in regular, I feel like we be talking about mostly our personal experience. I probably take a little bit more jabs than you do at the male species.

[Tam Bam]

They get on my nerves too, though.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I love these niggas. Okay? Let's just be real fucking honest. And there are some good men out here. And just because, you know there's a large percentage. Percentage of bad ones, that doesn't mean the women are all good.

[Tam Bam]

Okay?

[AJ Holiday]

Because if you have never experienced a good man, chances are, bitch, you ain't shit.

[Tam Bam]

Okay?

[AJ Holiday]

That is something you may have to explore every relationship. You cannot just. Everybody else cannot just be the problem. And if you don't take something from your, you know, bad relationships, if you didn't learn something about yourself, right. You know what I'm saying about your wants and needs, like, to move forward. That's why you probably repeating the same fucking cycles and meeting the same niggas over and over and over again.

[Tam Bam]

So. But how did we get here? Like, how did we get here where

[AJ Holiday]

we are today and the trenches, how we are now? I really feel like we can probably blame Kevin Samuels. Like, I feel like he's the godfather to the Samuel ites.

[Tam Bam]

I blame too short. Like, that's.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, I just. I feel like I say Kevin Samuels because, you know, the white folks, they always had like the red pill, blue pill on YouTube. But Kevin Samuels, originally, when he first came out, he was more so, you know, what, what did he call himself? Like a male image consultant. So he really was like, talking to men. That is. It's just not. You make more money talking to black women. We always engage. We'll always buy your. We're gonna always, like, show up. We're gonna always just be engaged. So they. They do things to pick at us because we are going to say something, right? And when we're talking about social media and you can get paid for clicks, like, like subscriptions. You know how many people comment and like, black women gonna help your run up every time.

[Tam Bam]

Amen.

[AJ Holiday]

So he changed his rhetoric, right? And his rhetoric was then geared towards women more and I can't disagree with all the things he would say, but it was just very, very provocative. And then, you know, in the way in which he would do and say things, it was highly disrespectful. A lot of times.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I just didn't like how he delivered his message that you know, because sometimes he was making perfect sense, you know. But it was just how he talked to women that I just didn't like. And I didn't, I didn't like the fact that he would tell black women that, That she was like, I want a six figure earner.

[AJ Holiday]

That's how. That's like the very first year.

[Tam Bam]

And it was like he told her that was going to be impossible for her. This nigga's driving 18 wheelers making six

[AJ Holiday]

figures exactly because of how she looked. And that's some bullshit.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. And that's the part that just was like, I couldn't, I couldn't get, I couldn't get down with him because of that.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly. So who really benefits from the divide? And I'm talking about black women and black men in particular because we aren't really in the spaces of other races to really see if. I mean, we say it all the time. Like, yeah, there's no other races. Don't be online, you know, publicly disparaging their women. But we don't know. Cause we not over there.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

They probably, they probably say slick about gold diggers across the board, right? No matter the color. But we know white women are the biggest gold diggers. Others are the biggest gold diggers because guess what? The men allow them to. We're not allowed to dig for some reason, even if a don't got gold. Like

[Tam Bam]

the other day, was I a gold digger? I said yes, absolutely, absolutely.

[AJ Holiday]

Always say yes, absolutely. And you want your daughter to be one too, because I'm gonna date. Yeah. Imagine your daughter being with a man and you gotta come fix their car all the time and fix in her house that they live in together. Like she just with this, this lump on a log ass dude. You don't want for your daughters what you're trying to impose on us. And that's how you kill an argument every time. That's what you want your daughter to be with a bird ass dude who can't do for her. No, you don't.

[Tam Bam]

Right. So

[AJ Holiday]

to me, the people that benefit most from black men and black women being divided is obviously government. Okay, the man. The man. Okay. Some black men would beg to beg that black women are now the man.

[Tam Bam]

How so?

[AJ Holiday]

Did I. I think I mentioned this before. So during the clubhouse days, during COVID me and my friend at the time, we ran a room for about two hours, called are black women the devil? And we allow these niggas to Talk shit for 50 fucking minutes. From abortion to how much to degrees, to how much women making all these different things, they blame. One was upset because his mama wasn't letting him adjust the air condition when he was a kid. And still now, at 30, 40 years old, you don't understand why you couldn't. Fuck your comfortability, why you couldn't touch your mama's ac. You still don't understand to this day. You actually bringing that up in a debate between men and women about how your black mom, actually, she was an African woman who wouldn't let him change the thermostat because she gotta pay for that.

[Tam Bam]

That's exactly.

[AJ Holiday]

And maybe she gotta choose between air conditioning, food. You still don't understand that because your father wasn't there. Like black. We, the women always get blamed. And I understand, because we are the gods. Y' all gonna let us be the gods or not, though? Because y' all can step the aside. That's really how I be feeling about the. About the.

[Tam Bam]

The.

[AJ Holiday]

The.

[Tam Bam]

The patriarchals.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. The battles between black men and black women. If we are the ones, if we cause the problems, then step aside and let us fix them, don't they?

[Tam Bam]

Not on our way. But here's the thing.

[AJ Holiday]

Talk and critique the whole time.

[Tam Bam]

I don't want to be in charge, though. Do you?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. I wanna. I wanna.

[Tam Bam]

I wanna leave. I want my husband to be a leader. I'm so tired of, like, leading the ship. I've been leading my own ship this whole time. And I would rather have a soft life and living my feminine energy and not have to make all the decisions all the time. Now, I don't want somebody where I just. I love to get with a man and be brainless for a little while.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. I'm always the one who gotta have the brain in a relationship.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I don't want to do that. I want to be brainless.

[AJ Holiday]

And you know, that same man will get with a woman who's clueless, and he'll just follow suit and he'll just do all the things that a man is supposed to do. But for some reason, it's just like, you get a woman with a brain, and then you act like you don't got to do shit. Why can't we, like, whatever your strong suits are, you lead with that. And I'll lead with mine. That is the type of relationship I would like. Because even as a man, do you really want to have to make the decisions all the time? I have spoken to many men, super successful men, and they be tired of the woman that they chose right to have a family with. And they have been the breadwinners the entire relationship. The wife don't have to really do much, you know, aside. You know, aside. To men, having to take care of a household is a not. Is not much. But if they had to do it, they'd be complaining about it, right? But now, like, say, for instance, your kids are grown and you're still fitting a bill for this woman, and now you complaining because now you want a partner who can help you build more, but she really doesn't have the wherewithal for that. That is not who you chose. You have been able to do what you've done because she was at home with your kids taking care of the household, Right? You can go on and make the money and bring the money back home. And now you complaining about having, you know, been in that position. What. What do y' all want, really?

[Tam Bam]

I had this guy, we used to date, and he. He moved to Dallas, and he came back here, very, very successful. Um, and he asked me to go on another date with him. And we went to California, dreaming, in Columbia, South Carolina, and sat down at the bar for lunch. And he was saying that he found the woman of his dreams in Dallas. She was easygoing, submissive. She listened, she cooked, she clean. She had sex with him. And he said, and guess what? I was miserable. I was like, how?

[AJ Holiday]

These are normal?

[Tam Bam]

He said, because she didn't have no ambition or goals. She just wanted to just do what I asked, and that was it. And I was unattracted to that. And who would have thought that I'd be unattracted to what I thought was what I wanted all this time, right? So he said, that's why I'm circling back to you with your talking back assignment.

[AJ Holiday]

No, you gotta choose me first time, first go around. You gotta choose me, baby. Okay. Ain't no more spinning.

[Tam Bam]

Ain't no circling back, though. But thank you for that. Yeah, for sure.

[AJ Holiday]

We could talk about your life.

[Tam Bam]

And you thought you didn't want this mouth. Yeah. You want somebody who gonna challenge you, Tom. You know, like, you don't want nobody. Like, oh, boy. Like a dog, the big dog. Niggas don't want that.

[AJ Holiday]

For real.

[Tam Bam]

They think that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And I feel like if you actually do want that you may not be as strong of a man as you think you are. Right? Because real men are also not above reproach, Right? And you need to have checks and balances in a. In a healthy relationship. And y' all love to refer back to the Bible and shit like that. And the Bible says you are supposed to consult with your wife. You are not like, most men are not really the decision makers. Like, the woman is in the bedroom. The people who really run the world is a woman is all the men with the cocks. You know, fighting from China to Israel to America to Russia is men. Right? But there are women in the bedroom not playing with you niggas. And they are the ones that are actually running the world from the bedroom. That's why I always say submission is highly manipulative. Women who have mastered the art of submission, they have mastered the art of seduction. Okay? Y' all think y' all in control. It's the.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

You.

[AJ Holiday]

You are allowing somebody to do something, and you're making it their eye. You're making them think it's their idea to do it, but really it's not. You're not in control. My.

[Tam Bam]

I. This is all completely off subject, but are they really building a UFC dome in the White House lawn today?

[AJ Holiday]

A UFC dome? I don't know. I hadn't heard about that. But I did hear that this ballroom that they're building is going to have, like, all type of little hidden shit underneath it. To me, it sounds like that Paradise. Oh, that's what it sounds like to me. I don't know what they doing for showing the lawn, but underground, they got some going on.

[Tam Bam]

I know one thing. If it's a UFC fight on the White House lawn coming up with our government complete. All right, I'm sorry. All right, so things men are tired of hearing real men provide. Why are they tired of hearing it? Would they not agree?

[AJ Holiday]

I just saw. I don't know if, you know, you follow this girl. She's. She's from Europe. African girl, though. Slumflower. She had, like, this whole debate with this dude named Farrow on this podcast called the Honest Bunch, and it went viral online because she nor him realized that they were coming onto this show for these hosts to pit them against each other in a gender war argument. Right. Of course she's won. She's done. TED talks about, you know, this type of. And dude just was not prepared for her. Right? And the way she. The way in which she articulates, like, her talking is just unmatched. And she was saying, like, yeah, I don't think that I am better than men. I know I am. If she, that's the type of. She was on and she's like, if a woman is going to lay down and have a baby, like the man should be able to afford the best health care for her. Like, that is not asking for too much, right? We ask for too little when we have to bear children.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

And that guy on that podcast said that men are not the providers. He was like, that is, that is for an adult person to provide for themselves. Understandable. You know, I always be joking, like if I have a kid, like, yeah, that's my pussy, bitch. Until somebody else could take care of it, like if I had a daughter. But the minute you give it to somebody else, they better be able to take care of it. And I mean that.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Right. If we put that time, if we go back to where a time where I remember my homeboy in, in St. Louis, he, his grandmama and his great grandma, excuse me. And all her sisters were super fine. This lady was 105 years old when I met her. And he was showing me pictures of her and all her beautiful sisters when they were young. And they would line up on the porch and their daddies would pick their husbands, okay? They was up there with their hats and their gloves and full body covered and all that. And they lived good lives like that. We probably need to go back to that. Like, who's that family and where they from and what that DNA looking like over there.

[Tam Bam]

Right? But that would be hard for some people whose daddy ain't home. How they daddy gonna pick them if they ain't got no daddy, you know,

[AJ Holiday]

that's why it got to start. At some point, right? At some point people need to have daddies and husbands.

[Tam Bam]

I don't want, I wouldn't want my dad to pick my mate though, your current daddy.

[AJ Holiday]

But maybe if your daddy was different mentally.

[Tam Bam]

I don't know, because I just think about like women in other cultures where they're, you know, you know, what is it called? Betrothed? Is that what it's called? And I would, I would hate that. Now I gotta love somebody I don't love and grow to love them and pretend to love them or what if they. Awful person. And now I'm married to this man. That sound miserable to me.

[AJ Holiday]

We think about the worst case scenarios in all situations, right? So what if your parents knew you loved you and, and knew exactly what you wanted and liked, right? And they actually picked my ain't nobody

[Tam Bam]

going to be like, oh, he has a big dick, Tammy. He's perfect.

[AJ Holiday]

They're not going to care about the

[Tam Bam]

things that I care about. They're not gonna ask that. So. So pull out your dick real quick. We need to see that real quick. But he's not doing that.

[AJ Holiday]

But I mean I would prefer him to pull a checkbook. Checkbook out. Pull out that bank statement over the dick. Actually.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, those are, they're both important.

[AJ Holiday]

But I don't know why, why men wouldn't want to be the providers or why they would be tired of hearing it. I guess nobody wants to be told what to do or what their role is. And it's really, that's really what it boils down to, women telling men what a real man is. And I do agree that other men should probably. I love to see a man telling other men what the they need to be doing because a lot of y' all just didn't have. A lot of men did. Just didn't have a father for any type of direction. So somebody gotta be able to gu. Guide y' all at some point in life. Like even as grown 30 year old men, you can still use some guidance, right? Still use a big brother.

[Tam Bam]

We all can use somebody. I, I feel like men, especially today, today feel like they're the sum of their worth is their money, right? And that makes them feel devalued as a human being. And that's why they, you know, are angry with women, some of them, because they don't feel valued as a person. They feel like they're only as worthy as how much they can provide. And that seems unfair. I imagine if I was a man, I wouldn't like that either. Would you like, you know, I wouldn't

[AJ Holiday]

want to but we, it's the equivalent of women, you know, being judged based on their looks, beauty and how much they're giving out.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

It's the same exact equivalency, you know, it just is. So we, we're tired of that too.

[Tam Bam]

Listen, I probably shouldn't be saying this, but I'm say somebody I know was in Miami this weekend and was there. Maybe I shouldn't say this. Do it.

[AJ Holiday]

And

[Tam Bam]

they like they was out was outside and I think she was like, y' all gonna get a section. And this might not be true, but said ain't nobody no sexual for that old pussy. So women are valued by how our youth. Cause she fine as hell still.

[AJ Holiday]

Very much so. So he think he's supposed to get discounted some discounted Coochie.

[Tam Bam]

No, they just want younger women. No, they want young women in the section. They don't want 43 year old bitches in the section. They want 25, 28 year olds in the section. So I, I could say that to say like even fine as hell. Like is a beautiful woman. We are. They be aging us out the game, you know, like so men are feeling like devalued because of their money. And women, we got a life, shelf life, apparently. Even fine. I know

[AJ Holiday]

that's fucked up. That's fucked up, man.

[Tam Bam]

I know that might be so sad because I'm like, damn, she. But she just a little older than me, you know,

[AJ Holiday]

like imagine that.

[Tam Bam]

Yikes.

[AJ Holiday]

And then they talk when we just get our own sections, you know, having fun with our friends. Not even about whatever.

[Tam Bam]

If you get your own section and they invite men to the section, people think the men bought the section. That is not your. Have you ever had that happen? I was like, I feel like you buying section. Sit down. Because you didn't pay for this. And I feel like you standing in here like you pay for this though. Your energy right now. Your energy right now is like you bought some shit in here and you didn't. You ain't never paid for a section before.

[AJ Holiday]

No, not.

[Tam Bam]

No, I definitely have.

[AJ Holiday]

I guess maybe in a group. Yes, I have. In a group of women. Yes.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Cause who waiting on a nigga, you know.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S P500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities. Completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures [e-mail] disclosures if you sometimes turn down the podcast just to hear the hum of your engine, then Shell has the fuel for you. Shelby Power Nitro plus fuels every drive from the Pacific coast to the high desert with a fuel like no other. It contains active coating ingredients that clean and protect for longer lasting engines. Because your car's engine matters, that means more protection with active ingredients for longer lasting engines. Shell V Power Nitroplus Premium Gasoline Engine Performance that lasts Chances are you're not far from a Shell station. Find it using the Shell app formulation unique to Shell compared to Minimum detergent gasoline with continuous use of Shell V Power Nitroplus and gasoline, direct injection and engines, actual effects and benefits may vary. See Shell Us More Protection for more information.

[AJ Holiday]

Making plans with asthma can be awful. It always goes from that sounds fun to in this weather, watch my asthma acts up. I got tired of saying no, so my doctors suggested Dupixent. I'm Rachel and I'm sponsored by Regeneron in Sanofi to share my story with real patients like me.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Dupixent Dupilumab is an add on prescription maintenance treatment for adults and children six years and up with moderate to severe eosinophilic or oral steroid dependent asthma that's not controlled with current asthma medicines. Dupixent is not for sudden breathing problems.

[AJ Holiday]

Dupixent helps people breathe better in as little as two weeks and now I don't even think twice about saying yes to plants, more rain or shine.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Severe allergic reactions, including skin reactions, can occur. Get help right away for face, mouth, tongue or throat swelling, wheezing or trouble breathing. Tell your doctor right away of signs of inflamed blood vessels like rash, chest pain, worsening shortness of breath, brown or dark colored urine, tingling or numbness in limbs. Tell your doctor of new or worsening skin symptoms, joint aches and pain, or a parasitic infection. Don't change or stop other treatments without talking to your doctor.

[AJ Holiday]

Do more with less asthma. Ask your Asthma specialist about Dupixinfinae. Visit dupixit.com or call 1-844-dupixit My name is Jessa.

[Tam Bam]

One of the things I love the

[AJ Holiday]

most about working for UnitedHealthcare is that everybody matters. Every moment matters. There's a person behind every problem.

[Tam Bam]

I care because it's what I was put on this earth to do.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

I'm Ben and I work at UnitedHealthcare. I am just one piece of a larger puzzle, but every piece matters. It's more Than just work. We want to make the healthcare system better for everyone. I care because I want to make a difference. That's what committed to care means to me.

[AJ Holiday]

Another thing men are tired of hearing that they are intimidated by successful women. I think that's true.

[Tam Bam]

Some men are. Yeah, some men are.

[AJ Holiday]

They want a successful woman. They think they want a woman who has the same amount of hustle that they do until they get out. Hustle. And now you got a problem with it. Like, in my parents, my mom and my stepdad, their old ass relationship, my stepdaddy is still competing with my mama about her credit score and shit like that and who has the most money and shit. Like, it shouldn't matter. If I can get it, we gonna get it. If you can get it, we gonna get it. Like, why are you in competition with your fucking wife? Partner and I have been. I have had an ex partner. Once we, like, got back together, he literally came out and told me straight up that when we were together before, he was in competition with me. He doesn't know why. He doesn't know why. And I. And I. I would always feel that, right? But then to say it like, you might look kind of crazy, right? But it's. The niggas be in competition with a woman, and it's the weirdest thing. Like, you out here looking for a partner, and whole time, like, you're not getting where you need to be going because you really. You literally got somebody trying to hold you back. It could just be subconsciously that he's doing it.

[Tam Bam]

Here's the sad thing. I literally talked to at least five because, you know, women sit in my hair chair and they share their stories. I listen to, like, five women have substantial issues with their men. Like, real. It wasn't like, no, right. And I was sitting there and, like, sometimes I'd be like, sad that I'm single. But this week I was like, oh, peace of mind. This is peaceful in comparison.

[AJ Holiday]

You always miss what you don't have, right?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I think if you talk to the married women, there are some. Because, remember, we had a whole episode with women who had good marriages. But I don't know, you talk to the divorce court girlies, they, like, never a fucking again. There's a lot of women just opting out of relationships with men altogether. And to me, to men, it's violent. Even when we not worried about y', all, y' all got something to say about that too. Yeah, I. I really don't understand what they want. But, you know, the way in which, and this all came along with Kevin Samuels talking about how, you know, the degrees, don't nobody give a damn about your degree and your money and all that stuff. So another thing this says men are tired of hearing is that if he wanted to, he would. Why are tired of hearing that? Because I, I mean it's just anybody if people do exactly what they want to do.

[Tam Bam]

Absolutely.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Because you could be in a 10 year relationship with this man. He never married you. He could around leave this relationship and marry somebody else within a month. It's just the truth. You were probably just a placeholder for a very long time because you allowed it. Right. So if marriage is something that you want and you're with somebody for an extended period of time and they haven't, you know, showed any actual interest in wanting to marry you, you know, he probably doesn't want to. You getting on one knee is not suggested. Get up.

[Tam Bam]

Right. That reminds me about Chrissy Lambkin. Fine ass. She looks so good.

[AJ Holiday]

I believe they're married. They both have rings on.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, they're married now.

[AJ Holiday]

For years they have both had rings on. And it's maybe even if they didn't go through the actual ceremony like they. They're married as far as I'm concerned.

[Tam Bam]

But remember when she got down on one knee to that. I'll never forgive her for that. I get it. I mean, I understand. You're in love.

[AJ Holiday]

Ttlc did it.

[Tam Bam]

All right. Things women are tired of hearing. Women only want money. It's the only. It's the only for me.

[AJ Holiday]

We want money. And what else?

[Tam Bam]

Companionship, love, a partner time commitment. You know, we want all those things.

[AJ Holiday]

We want other too. Right?

[Tam Bam]

Money only is crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

You're gonna die alone with cats. So I'm still a Greensboro right now because I am me and Dasha. So I mean

[Tam Bam]

men die before us anyway. So either way we go die alone with our animals and our friends. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay. The relationships that we facilitated outside of the relationship with Joe Ass, we gonna be good. We gonna have friends and family rallying around our old ass in bed. And the kids too, because happy I'll be walking out on your kids and now you old as hell wanting to try to get a relationship with them because you don't have a woman. And you realize that is so bad. You know, when you think about it, I seen this video where this guy was saying. I actually sent it to my mom because it was on the woman. Her, she got a little popping Instagram too. And she's about. She's in her 60s, looks like 60 something. And she was saying her whole, you know, platform is about women choosing themselves after 55. And she was responding to a video of a guy saying how, you know, ever since he lost his wife, he's been homeless, he don't have a mate, he sleep by himself, all this shit, right? And then it clicks on her. It was a stitch. She was like, you know the thing about elephants? Elephants remember everything. So do women.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Just giving it like a random fact. And she ended the video like. Yeah, okay, next, right? Yeah. So we just end up being like a maid type, you know, for men. Somebody keep the warm bed. And then he also said that his wife was breadwinner.

[Tam Bam]

So.

[AJ Holiday]

So that's why he didn't have any money once he left. The relationship

[Tam Bam]

should have stayed where your ass was at.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly what some women come with abundance, man. Modern women are too masculine. That doesn't bother me. I feel like to be a well rounded human being, you have to be both masculine and feminine. I don't agree with. We've done an episode about the masculine feminine. I don't agree with. I don't agree that some of those characteristics that they assigned masculine traits are just exclusive to men. Why do you want an indecisive woman? Why would a woman that is decisive be masculine? And that's what she wants. Like you want somebody who doesn't want. Know what they want to eat all the time.

[Tam Bam]

And then I think if we have taken on so many masculine traces because we've been forced to, you know, like we've had to step up in ways that maybe isn't the most feminine, but we didn't have a choice. You know, maybe we had some men that came in and played those roles. We could exist in our feminine resiliency. I would love to try. I'm in here doing housing inspections like a whole maintenance man out here. I'm living in my masculine energy more than I ever did in my life.

[AJ Holiday]

So getting money is masculine, money is feminine. Money itself is feminine. Is not.

[Tam Bam]

No, going up in these houses and looking at these things and they windows and the electricity, that's my. That's masculine.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, I just. Women never. Men never really had to change because even like the men who would be at the bottom of the totem pole, they still benefit from, from the patriarchy. Like women had to create. We, we in not create, excuse me, we endured a lot that created the woman that you see today, the, the quote unquote modern woman. One thing from that podcast, the honest bunch These two people going back and forth. The guy now these are all African people now. The guy at the end of it, he really showed his true colors because he said some like, you know, like, basically, like all this. What you saying? Cause if men wanted to take all this back, roll everything back, ain't nothing y' all can do about it. That's. That's the type. That's how greasy he started talking.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, right.

[AJ Holiday]

Basically, we. If we wanted to put y' all asses in shackles and we wanted to. Is there would be nothing a woman can do about it. There are going to be some win. Some men that's going to revolt with us. There are some men that are highly feminist, all right. And they understand the power and the importance of the divine feminine is you. That's going to hell. That don't. We are the direct source. We are okay. You got to come through us, literally. So imagine us worshiping a motherfucker we created.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You literally. Literally came from a woman and you think you're the greater being.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Not to diminish what a man is, but just think about that for un momento. Please. One minute. You came from a woman, so why would be. We be the lesser beings? And this is just. I'm just not doing this topic any justice because I'm creating the division still.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, I feel like men are supposed to bow down to women. I just feel like that, you know, And I feel like the world.

[Tam Bam]

I just feel like they should not bow down. A better word is honor to me. Honor women. No. Bow down with a.

[AJ Holiday]

On their knees. I like looking down at a. While eating his Gucci. I'm sorry. That's how I want to see you.

[Tam Bam]

I think we. They should honor us more. And I think that's what's lost. And, like, the women are becoming more and more like men every day. Like, especially in the music. The music is scary sometimes. You know,

[AJ Holiday]

all of it is counter. All of it is a counter. Women just really covering up just how hurt we are from the abuse that. That other women. The women that came before us. Before us. And not endure. Yeah. Endured at the hands of our men.

[Tam Bam]

We just hurt.

[AJ Holiday]

And it just really be saying, so, bitch, get over it. It's just like slavery. Imagine it's literally the same thing. You know what I'm saying? Another thing they say women are tired of hearing. Being tired of hearing is women don't know how to submit. I am kind of tired of hearing that because I feel like in a partnership, y' all are supposed to submit to each other. And I feel like a real man would submit first to lead by example of what submission actually looks like.

[Tam Bam]

I. I can agree with that one a little bit. I don't know. I don't know. I've never been required to submit. What it. Like when I, when I hear submit, what does that mean exactly?

[AJ Holiday]

Because if you want covering and if you want provision from a man, as a woman, we say we want men to do all this. We want men to, you know, protect us. You got to be able to listen to your man.

[Tam Bam]

So submit means listen?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. I mean, okay, so like I said, when you think about the Bible and what the Bible says about submission and how men are supposed to still consult with their wives, you're not just supposed to be out here and all and be all right. You, you're supposed to do this together. Submission is, is respecting the man's authority, essentially.

[Tam Bam]

So expecting my man could be, like I said what I said and that's final. And I gotta shut up. That's.

[AJ Holiday]

You should never even get to that point because you should like, you should have never ever been trying to say anything back about what he was asking you.

[Tam Bam]

My God, that sound hard though. You know, God ain't through with me yet because I haven't been in, you know, a relationship where one. A man would say that to me. I feel like maybe I don't know how to submit. That's something I have to understand. I've been single so long that maybe that's why.

[AJ Holiday]

Submissive refers to the willingness to yield, obey, or confirm to the authority or will of another person. It generally implies supporting one's own desires on, on or control aside to allow someone else to lead. In relationships and marriage, it often, often refers to a dynamic where the partner trusts the other trust, right. To take the lead in decision making and providing. Many view this as a mutual agreement based on trust, respect and emotional support rather than a lack of opinion. BDSM and King. Oh, we ain't going into that. Yeah. So in order for your man, like, so I'll give you a perfect example. Some women don't think that if their man said, I don't want you wearing that, that they should still be able to wear what they want to wear. Men understand other men, right? So you may not be trying to. You may not be wearing this thing to attract and get the attention of other men, but if your man does not feel comfortable with it, consider it. Consider, you know, at least consider. Right? And if it's just a change of a Shirt or. I mean, I had a. Tell me he don't want me wearing leggings no more. Like, who are you playing with?

[Tam Bam]

So. All right, let me ask you this because. Because first of all, every leggings are a universal dress code.

[AJ Holiday]

What are you talking about?

[Tam Bam]

It's so comfortable.

[AJ Holiday]

You want me to wear jeans all the time? No, I'm not comfortable in jeans.

[Tam Bam]

It's hot.

[AJ Holiday]

My legs rubbing. No.

[Tam Bam]

Right. And I'm trading in these leggings with blacker shorts when they get hot. Same the sleeveless leggings. But. All right, so let me ask you this. Is this an example of. All right, so my boyfriend at the time, we didn't have like a lot of money and he wanted to get a new truck. And it just was a poor financial decision. And I was very aware that it was a poor financial decision based on our income. And I was. And I was like, really against it. And I talked. I called his mama to talk to her about it, and she was like, just let a man be a man. Let him. So then I was like, I shut up. And now we broke as fuck. We broke as fuck. We got. We are car poor at this point because all we got is this car and we don't have no money for nothing else. Was that a good example of submission? Because I felt like I submitted to what he wanted against my better judgment. So is that what submission is?

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, see that. And that's why.

[Tam Bam]

Well, we live together. We were living together.

[AJ Holiday]

That's why you shouldn't be living together. That was living by himself and got that. He wouldn't have got. Got that truck if he had two incomes. If he didn't have two incomes, he thought he could afford it because he probably had a little couple dollars left over extra every month because he had you there and you should not have been there paying bills.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

That's where the is up at. No, he should not have gotten that vehicle because if you weren't there to pay half the bills, he would not have been been able to afford it even as much as he could have have afforded it, right?

[Tam Bam]

So now we car poor. We got this nice car and no money. And it was like. And I just shut up at first. I was like, I just don't think this is a good idea unless we don't need it. So I, you know, submission is like, you know, I'm working on that one. Because it's like, do I just obey? Even though I know it's against the better, the greater good of our union. What do you do? Then you still submit? No, you just shut up.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what I'm saying. It like, the submission comes with trust. You trust in that your partner is making the best decisions for the both of you, not just for himself. So, yeah, that wouldn't be somebody you would want to marry who doesn't take your counsel into consideration because they're supposed to. In a submissive situation where the wife is supposed to be submissive, the man is still supposed to take your counsel.

[Tam Bam]

Right. But then what did what I said, and that's final. You know, like, you get to that point, then it's like.

[AJ Holiday]

And I would say, hey, you get that truck? And this is how much I'm paying in bills every month. I would reduce my financial contribution, but

[Tam Bam]

now we both up in here.

[AJ Holiday]

No, we didn't know he up and paid his bill.

[Tam Bam]

So, I mean, that. That's why I struggle with submission.

[AJ Holiday]

But that would be like a smart person, a smart man, not just a boy. Because we always say, yeah, if I had a man, I will follow you to the end of the earth. As long as you're not. As long as we're not about to fall off a cliff.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

I want to be in a situation where I could sit back and not think. My relationships, not all of them. The one relationship where I felt like somebody, the guy who I was engaged to, I have to think sometimes. But he, like, his managerial skills are deplorable. I don't want to obey you because of how you be talking to me like, that needs to be put into submission too. If you want me to do something, talk to me nice to me nice. Why are you trying to get me to do something like.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And then, you know, you. You're in situations with somebody else where they just have no ideas. You got to come up. Like, if a zombie apocalypse happened today and I'm with this particular person, I got to come up with our escape plan and I got to do all the planning for all the things.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, that's my fault.

[AJ Holiday]

But I have to be the brains behind the operation all the time. Like, that doesn't. That doesn't increase the respect I have for that person. I don't trust you to make any decisions at this point. If I feel like I'm always having to make the decisions because you make bad ones.

[Tam Bam]

Right, right.

[AJ Holiday]

That. That's also somebody I would not want to marry. So it has to be some balance, man. And they say balance is not a real thing. But in some situations, like relationships, there. There has to Be some fucking balance that don't never.

[Tam Bam]

It's always the. The scale is always tipping one way or the other. And that's the hard part.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

And that's why we like in these gender wars as it is. Because the scale.

[AJ Holiday]

Do you think there'll ever be like a peace treaty of some sort? Because, I mean, I don't know. Whenever I think about doing a particular topic, I always think the conversation is going to go different than it actually does. So I thought I was going to offer solutions that's going to be solution based, but it just turns out it's not. So let's try to.

[Tam Bam]

Let's.

[AJ Holiday]

Let's come up with a couple solutions before we get the up out of here. So could. Could there be like a peace treaty? Right. What is one thing women are right about?

[Tam Bam]

You think you would say one thing? All things.

[AJ Holiday]

I know it's so tough a confuses.

[Tam Bam]

Can you rephrase the question?

[AJ Holiday]

We don't give a if we die with cats. Like

[Tam Bam]

I think we would need like, like something really, really bad to. I hate to say this, but something really really bad would have to happen. Worse would have to happen in our society that forces us to like let go of these superficial type thinkings and like latch on to one another. Like wait, we're gonna, we're gonna die as a species if we don't come together creating. No, that's what I'm saying. It's some type of major paradigm shift where the whole, our whole thinking is, you know, changed because of this event where we like okay, wait, wait, wait. We're doing this all wrong.

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[AJ Holiday]

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[AJ Holiday]

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[AJ Holiday]

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[Tam Bam]

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[AJ Holiday]

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[AJ Holiday]

It's happening. It's been happening. You know, early 1900s, yes. Black people were married at way higher rates than our white counterparts and shit like that. Right. So, yes, all the things that. That. That were strategically and systematically done to sever the black nuclear family. We understand all those things. Right? So since that point, all these attacks that we've had, you would think that it would drive us together, but I think the more you throw income in there, women are. Women are being more independent outside of men. We don't have to put up with that shit to deal with you.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

So now we. We have options, right? We could be with a man because a man is optional.

[Tam Bam]

Now.

[AJ Holiday]

Before, a man wasn't optional. I don't know how we would get back to. I mean, right now the economy is terrible, right? And I think the people who are coupling are coupling, but I think more women are struggling by themselves, and I think we prefer to struggle by ourselves versus with a man. Right. That's just. It's just ugly. Right?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know how we get back to the early 1900s if we don't think that right now is a dire need to. For us to. Life is based off a double occupancy. This is not. I seen a video where the. Was, like, scooping some of the little wasted or gas. Like, is serious.

[Tam Bam]

He is serious, but I don't think people are seeing it as serious as. As it is. Hennessy just came out with new drinks, is outside buying, you know, bottles and, you know, twerking. Like, it's not as dire as. I'm talking about. I'm talking about all the luxuries that we are provided are gone.

[AJ Holiday]

All of this would. Yeah, that's what would have to have to happen. The world would literally have to end and start a new. What's your boy with the goddamn. The camping grounds.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yeah, Jonathan.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So Jonathan, he was like. He has like. The slogan is like, what is it? Is no such thing as a strong black woman in nature. Like, because you need men. You need men in those type of environments. And in nature, there's nothing but a tent. And what of some pistols and some swords? It's not much of anything. You need a man at that point.

[Tam Bam]

I don't even subscribe to the strong black woman. I hate that. I hate because no other race of women is called strong. I just feel like that's a characteristic that should be attributed to our men and not to us.

[AJ Holiday]

So, yeah, I mean, I. I could still survive in the wild. I would not want to have to by myself. There's. I think. And I think that is probably the main thing women are saying, yeah, we can do this by ourselves. We really don't want to, but we are being forced to, essentially. And then you. They. They look down on you when you can also.

[Tam Bam]

And we're being. And we're being programmed and raised to be prepared to do it by ourselves. We've always been taught what they say, have your own. Have your own money, be able to take care of yourself.

[AJ Holiday]

That became. That came from a place of. That's trauma. That is a tr. All of the things that. That's what I was saying about the matriarch and patriarchy, like, all the things that women are now doing is all trauma response. The patriarchy was not based on trauma response to anything. Y' all have been running shit for a very long time and is really up because of the patriarchy.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay. I'm not saying, like, things would be better with, you know, under a matriarchy because women are highly treacherous. Women are definitely apex predators. I'm not going to say there's just all good women amongst us because we experience some of the horrible things from women within friendships. Okay. So some of y' all bitches need to get your head knocked off, too. So.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Saying that I just would want a world ran by women. I think women are good. Women have great leadership skills. Women are better at organizing. Women are actually better at listening than men when it comes to, like, a group setting and getting shit done. I think most successful men surround themselves by women because it's not a cockfight. You know, women understand that they could be.

[Tam Bam]

They.

[AJ Holiday]

They need to be an Indian right amongst men. Everybody want to be the chief.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Nobody. Nobody realizes or nobody. You know, kings are born that way. You know, you might can work your way up to being, I don't know, a knight, possibly. But kings are born kings, and they got them queens in the room putting that pussy on them, you know, really running shit. So I don't know where we can draw a line in the sand unless the whole world just ends and shit just started fucking new. I really. And I'm specifically talking about black men and Black women.

[Tam Bam]

And it's so scary and sad, honestly. But, you know, I love to see love. I love to see people falling in love and get married. And I love more than I love to see that. I love to see people stop staying married. There's this couple that went to high school with me. They got together. He was a senior, she was a freshman. And everybody was like, what the they doing together? Like, do you know, they are still together. They are still happy. They had their, you know, everybody go through their. But they still very much in love with each other all these years later. And it's just a beautiful thing to witness and see and it gives me some hope.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, you just gotta wake up and choose each other every day. That's all it is. It's just a state of mind being in love with somebody. But I just want to pose one question to the listeners before we get out of here. What's one thing you wish the opposite sex. The opposite sex understood about you. It has nothing to do with money, sex, or looks. Because if we can answer the one question, honesty, honestly, maybe that's where the piece treaty or the peace talk starts.

[Tam Bam]

One thing that I wish the opposite sex understood about me. That's something to think about.

[AJ Holiday]

We do need you. I, yeah, I, I, I've never said I don't need a man.

[Tam Bam]

No,

[AJ Holiday]

I need a man. I want a man. I desire a man. I'm a heterosexual woman. I also want your money. I also want you to do well. I also want you to be a great parent, you know, so I do have some deliverables. I have some ask. And I just want you. I want men to consider their, you know, the women that they know, the same way they would, they consider, they would consider a woman that, you know, came from their balls. That's all. That's my last last, too.

[Tam Bam]

What's my last last? It's rough out here. Y' all hang in there. I don't know what to tell y'. All when it comes to gender wars. Nobody has the answer. You can listen to every podcast in the world right now, and we're all going to be pretty much in alignment on how we don't know what to do to fix it, you know, but I guess the, the best thing we can do is show up as the best version of yourself and, you know, lead with love and give people grace out here, the same grace you want for yourself. That's it. That's all I got, baby. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, man. So if y' all enjoyed this episode, y' all Tune in on the iHeartRadio app or wherever the you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagrams. Kick it Tam, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All. It's official. Tam Bam on Instagram. Y' all follow me there. I love y' all so much. Oh, wait. Also, we Talk Back podcast. Y' all follow us there. We're about to. AJ's birthday is coming up and we're about to. We about to film again. I'm so excited. We're about to film a good birthday segment episode. I want us to like, I don't know, do something special, like go bake a cake together or something like that.

[AJ Holiday]

That would be cute.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

We can find like a studio with a. A bakery.

[Tam Bam]

No, we can we with a kitchen.

[AJ Holiday]

With the kitchen.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Yep, I'm with it. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. All right, y'. All. Remember to speak now

[Tam Bam]

and sometimes hold your peace. I guess.

[AJ Holiday]

That's like Tony Baker. He be like, man, we gonna shut the up for 160 minutes. Right the hours. All right, y'. All.

[Tam Bam]

All right, y'. All.

[AJ Holiday]

Deuces We Talk Back podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to to your favorite shows.

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[Tam Bam]

All?

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[Tam Bam]

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[AJ Holiday]

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