We Talk Back Replay | Bring Back Shame — Detailed Episode Summary*

Release Date: January 16, 2025
Host/Authors: TamBam & AJ Holiday
Produced by: The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts

Introduction to "We Talk Back"

At [02:38], Tam Bam warmly welcomes listeners to the latest episode of the "We Talk Back" podcast, a collaborative production by iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network. Alongside her co-host, AJ Holiday, Tam Bam sets the stage for an engaging conversation aimed at guiding femininity to its ultimate greatness through raw, unfiltered, and comedic repartee.

Body Image and Personal Fitness Journeys

• Body Types and Personal Goals
  Tam Bam and Harley Quinn Smith dive into an open discussion about their personal experiences with body image. Tam Bam shares her long journey from being slim in her younger years to dealing with social pressures upon returning to the South.

  • Tam Bam (03:12): "I want to be one of them in between for the rest of my life. Okay? So that's my goal."
  • Harley Quinn Smith (03:25): "I've been on every area of the spectrum. I've been a big back burly. I've been skinny. And now finally visiting the in between kinda."

• Impact of Social Environments on Fitness
  The hosts explore how social settings, such as being surrounded by friends or engaging in social drinking, can derail fitness goals.

  • Tam Bam (04:05): "When I'm isolated someplace by myself, I be looking my best. It's like as soon as you start being around motherfuckers, social, drinking all the time, eating."

Sexuality, Abstinence, and Creative Energy

• Choosing Abstinence for Creativity
  AJ Holiday shares insights into how abstaining from sexual activities has heightened his creative focus.

  • Harley Quinn Smith (04:16): "I think there might be a correlation between the two."
  • Tam Bam (04:30): "Sexual energy goes into your creative energy. So you just did a little swap out and now you're more focused without dick clouding your brain."

• Cultural Commentary on Sexuality
  The conversation touches on societal expectations regarding sexual activity, citing rapper Dreezy's statement on abstinence.

  • Tam Bam (05:19): "People don't realize it's like really getting to know the really finding out people antics and all the hard part. That's why it's okay to wait."

Navigating Current Events and Social Media Pressures

• Beef Between Drake and Kendrick Lamar
  Tam Bam and Harley Quinn discuss the escalating tensions between Drake and Kendrick Lamar, analyzing the potential deeper issues beyond their publicly released music.

  • Tam Bam (10:11): "From what we know, there has to be more going on behind the scenes than just these songs."
  • Harley Quinn Smith (14:16): "But music is not the way people dancing... that's not how it should be brought to the light."

• Impact of Public Shaming and Racism
  The hosts critique DJ Vlad's involvement in black affairs, highlighting systemic racism and the misuse of power by white individuals in influential positions.

  • Tam Bam (20:01): "How dare you black woman be a professor at an Ivy League college, right? How dare you."
  • Harley Quinn Smith (20:23): "But then he double back and was like, I didn't mean it like that."

Public vs. Internal Shame

• Definitions and Distinctions
  The conversation shifts to defining shame, distinguishing between public and internal shame, and discussing their personal struggles with both.

  • Tam Bam (33:25): "Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior."
  • Harley Quinn Smith (34:23): "You look at yourself in the mirror, you feel great. But I'm like, you're disappointed."

• Consequences of Social Media-Induced Shame
  The hosts argue that social media amplifies shame without tangible consequences, leading to destructive behavior and misunderstanding.

  • AJ Holiday (38:07): "Social media doesn't come with any consequence. You can see people get mad when social media starts to come with consequence."

Relationships, Communication, and Emotional Support

• Expectations in Relationships
  Tam Bam and AJ Holiday debate the role of emotional intelligence in relationships, questioning whether men should be open about their feelings without burdening their partners.

  • Harley Quinn Smith (58:12): "I'm not trying to control him. I just want to share."
  • AJ Holiday (58:27): "Exactly. That's the problem. Because if you start telling a woman your feelings, you're a therapist."

• Shame in Personal Relationships
  Personal anecdotes reveal the complexity of addressing shame within romantic relationships, emphasizing the need for genuine communication without emotional exploitation.

  • Tam Bam (60:00): "Men should not get into the habit of unpacking all this onto a woman and then wanting her to use those things that he's told her to justify bad behavior."

Personal Anecdotes and Experiences with Shame

• Tam Bam’s Teenage Pregnancy
  Tam Bam opens up about a past teenage pregnancy, expressing deep personal shame and the fear of public judgment.

  • Tam Bam (50:20): "I am ashamed of that. I would never, like, show somebody this person that I lit sweat on me one time in life."

• Karen’s High School Incident
  Karen from "Cancellation Island" shares a harrowing experience from her high school years, detailing false accusations and the lasting impact on her reputation.

  • Karen (84:07): "My whole life is defined by shame. I mean like, you want like a.... Just something you don't want people to know."

• AJ Holiday’s Relationship Exploits
  AJ recounts a series of regrettable relationships, highlighting his own involvement in perpetuating shame and his efforts to change.

  • AJ Holiday (76:34): "I do not change. I do never. I don't think I'm too good for no woman."

Discussions on Money, Power, and Exploitation

• Understanding Money as a Tool
  The hosts explore the concept of money beyond its physical form, discussing its role as a metric of value and its influence on societal dynamics.

  • Karen (71:55): "It's a measuring stick, it's a metric. It's not representative of wealth."

• Exploitation in the Strip Club Industry
  A critical look at the financial realities faced by strippers, debunking myths about their earnings and exposing the exploitation inherent in the industry.

  • Tam Bam (70:14): "How they recycle money or just carry around the same knot..."
  • Karen (71:18): "It's the way America treats you. It's the way you position a dollar itself."

Conclusion: Empowerment Through Self-Awareness and Accountability

As the episode draws to a close, Tam Bam and AJ Holiday emphasize the importance of self-awareness and accountability in overcoming shame. They advocate for fostering environments where individuals can express themselves without fear of public humiliation, ultimately striving for personal growth and healthier relationships.

• Tam Bam (67:57): "We need more wise men and daddies and uncles."
• AJ Holiday (83:04): "Words are important... we cannot have children."

Notable Quotes

• Tam Bam ([03:12]): "I want to be one of them in between for the rest of my life. Okay? So that's my goal."
• Harley Quinn Smith ([04:16]): "I think there might be a correlation between the two."
• Tam Bam ([10:11]): "From what we know, there has to be more going on behind the scenes than just these songs."
• Tam Bam ([33:25]): "Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior."
• Harley Quinn Smith ([58:12]): "I'm not trying to control him. I just want to share."
• Tam Bam ([67:57]): "We need more wise men and daddies and uncles."

Final Remarks

Tam Bam and AJ Holiday wrap up the episode by encouraging listeners to engage with the podcast on their preferred platforms, including iHeartRadio and Apple Podcasts. They also promote their collaboration with label mates on future episodes, promising continued insightful and thought-provoking discussions.

Join the Conversation

Stay connected with Tam Bam and AJ Holiday on Instagram and follow the "We Talk Back" podcast for more enlightening conversations every Thursday.

Disclaimer: This summary is based on the transcript provided and aims to encapsulate the key discussions and themes explored in the episode. For the full experience, listen to the episode on your preferred podcast platform.