You Aint Got No Alibi

Summary

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Podcast Summary: We Talk Back – "You Ain’t Got No Alibi"

Podcast: We Talk Back
Hosts: TamBam & AJ Holiday
Network: The Black Effect Podcast Network / iHeartRadio
Release Date: April 23, 2026
Episode Theme: Dissecting the Rise (and Risks) of “Therapy Talk” in Pop Culture & Relationships

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Episode Overview

This episode of "We Talk Back" dives into how therapy language and mental health buzzwords (like “gaslighting”, “narcissist”, “trauma”, and “boundaries”) are saturating everyday conversation, especially online and in relationships. TamBam and AJ Holiday unpack the ways these terms are often misused, weaponized in arguments, or used to avoid accountability. They sprinkle in honest personal stories, plenty of humor, and a raw, unfiltered discussion about why this cultural trend might help or harm how we relate to one another.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up & Weekend Vibes

• TamBam jokes about working hard and feeling like a “blue collar bitch,” expressing surprise at her own life circumstances ([04:26]).
• AJ is preoccupied prepping for the upcoming Black Effect Podcast Festival and dealing with cat-sitting woes for her pet Dasha ([05:31]).

Quote:
“You have no idea. I never—listen, y’all, make good choices in life, period. I’m a blue collar bitch right now. Like, I never saw this for my life…” — TamBam ([04:26])

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2. Pet Parenting Struggles

• Both hosts swap stories about the trials and guilt of managing pets amidst busy lives (from doggy daycare to misunderstood cats).
• Conversation shifts to rehoming pets out of necessity ([08:22]).

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3. Celebrity Crime & Culture Check-ins

• David (D4VD) Case: The hosts discuss disturbing new charges against musician David Anthony Burke (D4VD), accused of the capital murder and abuse of 14-year-old Celeste R. They analyze the details, question the timeline, and reflect on crime, parenting, and affluence as a legal defense ([13:32]–[19:32]).
• Reaction is a blend of shock, skepticism, and dark humor.

Quote:
“So I was like, damn, is the label trying to set him up? Like, who did that?... I just didn’t assume anybody would be dumb enough to leave evidence like that.” – AJ Holiday ([15:46]–[16:08])

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4. Concert Culture & Ticket Prices

• Rant on inflated prices for Usher/Chris Brown tickets, comparing past affordable concerts to the current “dick inflation” of $800+ seats ([19:59]).
• They joke about Charlotte as a concert city and the generational appeal of such shows ([24:05]).
• Discussion on the ethics of artists raising prices in a recession.

Quote:
“Tickets dropped and the dick inflation is high as hell y’all, like the price of these tickets, bruh? 8 and $900 for decent seats in Charlotte…” – TamBam ([19:59])

“Don’t be letting Usher look at me talking in your mouth!” – AJ Holiday ([24:35])

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5. Legal System Realness

• The 70-year sentence for rapper Cash Out after he rejected a 25-year plea deal ([25:41]).
• Both are baffled by how the system ramps up sentences when pleas are rejected.
• They muse about “life plus 70” sentences impacting the afterlife, mixing seriousness with signature irreverence ([27:17]).

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6. The Heart of the Episode: Therapy Talk in Everyday Life

Key Questions:

• Is therapy language actually making arguments healthier—or just sneakier?
• Are terms like “gaslighting” and “narcissist” being used for clarity, or as manipulative rhetoric?

Notable Topics:

• The overuse and often incorrect application of therapy/psych language in daily arguments, social media, and especially on TikTok where most users aren’t qualified to diagnose or define ([29:02], [52:08]).
• How buzzwords become shields against accountability or weapons to win arguments.
• Both share experiences with therapy, therapists (including therapists needing therapists!), and the gap between clinical help and real-life healing ([34:44]).

Quotes:

• “We have entered an era where everyone knows all the therapy language…Is it manipulation, right? Is it that you don’t want to take accountability? So now you’re trying to disarm me with this bullshit?” – AJ Holiday ([29:02])
• “All the therapists that I know personally…need therapists more than anybody else…You are not well.” – TamBam ([36:09])

Definitions (and Misdefinitions):

• Gaslighting: Both explain it as persistent manipulation and abuse, causing self-doubt and confusion ([37:45]–[39:04]).
• “A form of persistent emotional manipulation and abuse where a person makes someone question their own reality, memory, or perceptions to gain control. It causes victims to feel confused, anxious, and isolated…” – AJ Holiday reads out ([39:04])

Narcissist Discussion:

• AJ details her coping strategies for dealing with narcissists (actual and alleged), including literal note-taking to maintain her sense of reality ([40:34]).
• Both criticize the overuse of “narcissist”—statistically, only 1–2% actually fit the clinical criteria. Most people just show narcissistic traits at times ([56:14]).

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7. Introspective Real Talk

• Why do so many people stay with toxic partners?
  Grace and empathy, say both hosts, often lead them to justify bad behavior in others—something they’re actively overcoming as they learn, grow, and set boundaries ([53:51], [54:41]).
• The importance of introspection (“unpacking” your own crap) before blaming everyone else, and recognizing when to walk away.

Quote:
“…It never has anything to do with…the narcissist. It has all to do with you…why were you allowing this person to f— with you in this way?” – AJ Holiday ([42:59])

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8. Generalization of Trauma & Diagnoses

• Reflection on how trauma is tossed around for minor slights—when it should have weight ([56:16]).
• AJ shares personal PTSD stories involving overlays of real danger and trust breakdown.

Parenting, Health, & Cycles of Behavior

• They debate if poor nutrition/health is parental abuse, especially in families with obese children, and discuss intergenerational habits ([68:13]–[69:17]).
• Honest confessions about (not) learning from parents and the struggle to break cycles.

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9. When Words Lose Meaning Online

• Social media’s role in amplifying, misusing, or distorting therapy language, especially unqualified advice that goes viral ([52:08]).
• Warning: “Don’t let Instagram misdiagnose your whole life.”

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10. Relationship & Argument Advice

• Don’t weaponize pop-psych lingo to dodge accountability or escalate fights.
• At a certain age, self-responsibility for health, happiness, and healing is non-negotiable.
• If you’re walking on eggshells, busy “researching” your partner’s every move, it’s time to leave.

Quote:
“Hopefully I don’t have to argue with people that much more in the future. I haven’t argued in a while, and it feels great…I just chose not to. Man, you know what? This really isn’t worth my breath.” – AJ Holiday ([71:48])

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I’m a blue collar bitch right now. Like, I never saw this for my life.” — TamBam ([04:26])
• “Cats get so much hate. I never knew how people discriminated against cats until I got one.” – AJ Holiday ([06:24])
• “If you love me, holla at me. DM me if y’all get a suite…want Big Tam Bam to come and chill with y’all.” — TamBam ([22:00])
• “If you’re walking on eggshells, busy ‘researching’ your partner’s every move, it’s time to leave.” — AJ Holiday ([53:51])
• “Only about 1 to 2% of people actually have narcissistic personality disorder. Meanwhile, online, everybody’s ex is a narcissist.” — AJ Holiday ([56:14])
• “I think sometimes the best therapists are people who actually been through the thing…” — AJ Holiday ([52:08])

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [04:26] – TamBam’s working woes and life update
• [05:31] – AJ’s cat-sitting conundrum
• [13:32] – Discussion of D4VD / David case and crime/celebrity
• [19:59] – Ticket price rant: Usher/Chris Brown
• [25:41] – Cash Out’s sentence and critique of criminal justice
• [29:02] – Therapy talk: roots and misuses
• [34:44] – Living with and around therapy/mental health professionals
• [37:45] – What is gaslighting?
• [40:34] – Real-life experience with narcissists
• [53:51] – Why stay with a narcissist? Empathy and grace
• [56:14] – The overuse of “narcissist” vs reality
• [68:13] – Parental responsibility & cycles of family health
• [71:48] – Why arguing less is TamBam’s new peace plan

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Episode Conclusion

With humor and honesty, TamBam and AJ urge listeners to stop letting pop-psychology shield them from real self-reflection or healthy dialogue. While therapy and mental health language is important, throwing terms like “narcissist” and “gaslighting” without context can be manipulative and damaging. Everyone is encouraged to focus first on their own healing and accountability before assigning blame or labels to others.

Key Takeaway:
Speak up for yourself, but don’t use “therapy talk” to dodge responsibility or win petty arguments. Learn, grow, and remember: “It’s only 2% of Americans that are truly narcissists. Your nigga? Probably not one.” ([76:20])

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For more raw, real, and comedic wisdom, catch We Talk Back every Thursday on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.

Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Tam Bam]

Guaranteed Human.

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[Lauren LaRosa]

all, it's Lauren LaRosa with the latest with Lauren LaRosa on Black Effect. And I cannot wait to see you guys at the fourth annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. We are coming back to Atlanta, Georgia on Saturday, April 25th at Pullman Yards and it's hosted by me alongside DJ Envy and Charlemagne Tha God. We got Drink Chance with Noriega and DJ fm. We got Keep It Positive Sweetie with my girl Crystal Renee Hait. We got Reality with the King with my guide and my brother Carlos King. And y' all know he does reality commentary like nobody can. Now we also have Don't Call Me White Girl, the Podcast I Love Mona and Club520 podcast along with the Grits and Eggs podcast. So this lineup stacked, baby. You're also going to want to check out the panels that we have lined up too, featuring Kev on stage, Tika Sumpter and John Hope Bryant, just to name a few. Of course, it's way bigger than podcast. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses, plus the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us. Ok, listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your ticket. [e-mail] podcast festival.

[AJ Holiday]

Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tam Bam]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[AJ Holiday]

What's up, y'?

[Tam Bam]

All?

[AJ Holiday]

It's your girl, A.J. holiday. What's up Tam Bam?

[Tam Bam]

Hey y'. All. I love y'. All. I miss y' all so much. I'm so tired. I'm working so hard. I'm a slave.

[AJ Holiday]

She work hard for the money, bruh.

[Tam Bam]

You have no idea. I never listen. Y' all make good choices in life, period. I'm a blue collar bitch right now. Like I never saw this for my life. That psychic, what was that psychic name that came on the show?

[AJ Holiday]

Why the fuck I wanted to say Tika K. That's a city. That's a city. What was her name? His name? It was something that sounded like that

[Tam Bam]

whatever his name was, he is not legit.

[AJ Holiday]

That told me I was gonna have to work hard. He ain't tell me no dream that said, you're gonna get exactly what you want, but you're gonna have to work hard. It only took me how many years after that to figure it out.

[Tam Bam]

Right. He told me I was gonna marry Rich and I'm out here working hard. I'm a maintenance man right now.

[AJ Holiday]

Shut up. All right.

[Tam Bam]

How was your weekend, girl? Girl.

[AJ Holiday]

Getting ready for the Black Effect podcast festival this weekend. So that's all I was doing. Packing my shit up, ordering last minute shit overnight.

[Tam Bam]

I'm gonna have to order something now and just send it to Atlanta.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that's all I've been doing. And just I gotta figure out what the hell. What you looking at? Damn cat. I gotta figure out what I'm do with her ass while I'm out of town. That's the only thing about having these. Who house your mom's girl? My mama seen Dasha when she was the size of my hand. And I have never. I keep asking my mom, can I bring her over just to like sit on the back. On the back porch or like, just to be outside in the grass. She won't even let Dasha come in her grass. Why? She just mistreats her granddaughter, you know?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, let her come over there. What you gonna do?

[AJ Holiday]

Cats get so much hate. I never knew how people discriminated against cats until I got one. Even in the stor. You don't.

[Tam Bam]

No. Cause they. It's sometimes like they'll walk up on

[AJ Holiday]

you and be like, scratch your ass up.

[Tam Bam]

And then. Yeah, as soon as you go to rub them. Now they scratching you like you came over here to me because they want

[AJ Holiday]

you to rub them when they want you to and you need to stop immediately. When they feel like you need to stop and you don't.

[Tam Bam]

It's skippity pop pop. You ever had a cat, like, and they fast too. I ain't got time.

[AJ Holiday]

When Dasha was small, she hit me in my eye when she. When I had first got her, like the first week, like, I threw her little ass off the bed too. She was very small, but that's the last time she hit me. Yeah, well, like, skibidi pops directly in my eyes. Like, she looked me dead in my eye and smacked me in my eye.

[Tam Bam]

See, that's what I can't. I can't.

[AJ Holiday]

I didn't do much else this weekend. I replant all my fucking plants, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

I'M really a plant mom. I feel like it's something about your energy where you can start, like. Because for a long time, it took me a while to. To get my plants to stay alive. I probably can keep a plant for, like, a year, a couple of them going on for, like, two years now. I'd be repotting them and giving them plant food and water them and researching.

[Tam Bam]

See, you got to have, like, you gotta be at home.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, that too.

[Tam Bam]

You gotta be at home for a plant to stay alive. I'm just not at home enough. I don't even know. Like, I'm going through a phase. Like, I don't know what I'm about to do with Bella, because my mom is like, bella gotta get the out my house. And I'm just not home enough. So now I was looking at, like, doggy daycares, because then I don't want her to be, like, just sitting in the house by herself all day. But then I also don't want her to live at a daycare. So I just don't know, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All. Tammy giving away yet another dog. What the fuck? I'm hearing my cousin already got Fendi, whose name is Chewbacca now, and he's. She got a second dog. Girl barely can move around her damn self now. Just bought another dog, but she really, really, really, really needed Chewbacca.

[Tam Bam]

So. See, that dog was for her. That dog.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, he was. He was on her immediately. Like, when I brought him in the house, he went straight to her, like he knew her well.

[Tam Bam]

They were a match made in heaven. Because that dog used to be up my house. Like, that dog had something wrong with his stomach, and it was just dookie and all the time, oh, he has cancer.

[AJ Holiday]

He does have cancer. Did I tell you that?

[Tam Bam]

No.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Did you?

[AJ Holiday]

That dog has cancer.

[Tam Bam]

What kind of stomach?

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. You know, And I think maybe she did get him a surgery. So maybe he's gone. It might have been some stomach.

[Tam Bam]

I believe it, because that dog's stomach, no matter. I took him to the vet. I would take him to the doctor all the time. Maybe, like, always something going on with his gut.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay.

[Tam Bam]

I ain't had time to come home to this all the time, come home to that.

[AJ Holiday]

Literally.

[Tam Bam]

Literally. But let me tell y' all about my weekend. I'm in Poughkeepsie, New York, if y' all ever heard of it. Or you might be from here. Push. I New York, Pip. And I'm doing, like, housing inspections. This the hardest I ever work in my life. Like, I'm not built for this. I'm not built for this. Like, I'm just ugly the whole time. I'm sweaty, I'm stinky. I'm ugly. That's it. That's. I've been ugly all weekend.

[AJ Holiday]

I remember when I was working with my ex, and one day we had did two. Two schools. They were getting, like, new desks and stuff like that. Matter of fact, we did like, a whole college. And then we had to do, like, one last job. Six o' clock in the evening, Damn near deliver some chairs to school. And I know I was funky, bitch. My, my. I mean, my pussy's under my nose, right? I'm aggravated. I'm ready to go, girl, when I tell you I could have murdered that motherfucker in that building and left his body in there. He was like, you stink. After you done got me working hard all day like a grown man. Ain't no baby. You work so hard today, boy, I cannot wait to wash you. That is how you tell your girl that she stinks, right? You don't just be like, you stink. I could not believe. Like, I know I stink.

[Public Investing Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Why do I stink? Because I'm out here helping you and

[AJ Holiday]

mind if you're listening, Your breath was always stink. Okay, let's be very clear in the afternoon. Why the is your breath stink? You said we be sparing these, trying to boost their esteem, and they be trying to play with you. Any instance, any second they get, they're gonna try to play with your ass. Girl, I could not. When I tell you I let his ass have it.

[Tam Bam]

You should have. He deserved it. Guess what else I did, y'? All. I got a physical trainer. Yeah, I did so badly that I cried in the car. I was so like. And he said, you did good. Like, you should see some of the people that come in here. Like, they do. But it's me versus me, right? So I know what I'm capable of, and I know that I'm just. I did 75 hard last summer, bruh.

[AJ Holiday]

He had me like you a year older this summer. Like, you know, y'. All, our bodies change. You know what I'm saying?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, but it's just like, you realize like, how much you've fallen off in a year, you know? And I was in there trying to do the motherfucking. He had me, like, bring one leg. I was like, laid back on like a. You know, the little shit that you jump up on people. I don't know what it's called. It's like a box, little squares. I guess it's like a box. And he had me lay back, lean back on it and like bring one leg up, one knee, the other knee up, and then both knees up to my stomach, baby. Core ain't got no strength. Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

We both dying. Zombie apocalypse. We hanging off. We out of there. Yes. It's over.

[Tam Bam]

It's over. Count me out. Like, it was so bad and I was just so upset that I cried about it. But it's okay. I go back on Thursday and it's, you know, you know, who motivates me. Ag. I think it's Agba doll. She was on her.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.

[Tam Bam]

She used to be a fuller figure girl, and now she is like gi.

[AJ Holiday]

She was like £300. I. I might wear it, but she has a solid body. So even if she was £300, she didn't look £300. But I can see how she, she probably has like heavy mass, you know what I'm saying?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. GI Jane, now she looks so good, so.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, she does. She does.

[Tam Bam]

Shout out to you, girl. So that was my weekend. Let's get into seeing

[AJ Holiday]

we got going on. Oh, that damn. That singer. David. His name is spelled D4VD. David, right?

[Tam Bam]

David. That's what I've been calling girl.

[AJ Holiday]

That man name is David. That man name, his name is, is David Anthony Burke. Okay. He has been officially charged with capital murder of 14 year old Celeste R. Why did he just have Celeste R. I'm actually reading this off of LA county.gov so this is the official, official. So just only 14.

[Tam Bam]

I thought she was 16.

[AJ Holiday]

She was 14 years. He started messing with her when she was 12. Allegedly. Right. So this happened on the 20th. They officially filed charges against him. So it says. The Los Angeles County District Attorney, Nathan J. Hoochman announced that musician David Anthony Burke, known as David, that's D4VD, was charged today with murdering 14 year old Celeste Star, whose body was found decomposed and dismembered in his car that had been impounded in September 2025. Celeste was just a child under 14 years old when David Burke allegedly engaged in repeated lewd and repeated lewd sexual relations with her, District Attorney Houchman said. But Burke's actions did not allegedly stop there. When she threatened to expose his criminal conduct and devastate his musical career, Burke allegedly murdered her, cut up her body and stuffed her body in two bags that were placed in the front trunk of his car. There the dismembered body sat for over four months decomposing until it was found at a tow yard on September 8, 2025. This horrific and gruesome murder committed by the charged sexual predator is shocking and appalling to Celeste. Loved ones, we will get the justice you seek and deserve. That came from the district attorney, Hoochman. Yeah, this is nuts. So, you know, I kind of was trying to get.

[Tam Bam]

Not.

[AJ Holiday]

Not giving him benefit of the doubt. Right. But how dumb do you have to be to leave a body in your car parked. No, this is his personal car that was registered to him. You know what I'm saying? So I was like, damn, is the label trying to set him up? Like. Like, who did that? You know, that's what I was thinking, because why did it take so long to do that?

[Tam Bam]

Right? Like, Right. Especially you don't cut the. Cut this young girl up. Why did you leave her in your car? It just don't make no sense.

[AJ Holiday]

So it says they. They charged him with one count of murder, continuous child abuse. Continue continuous sexual abuse of a child under the age of 14, and unlawful mutilation of human remains. So that's what he's being charged with. Finally. I thought he had gotten off at this point. You would think, but murder, you know, murder is actually. They say it's like one of the easiest crimes to get off on, but, I mean, they got the body. Pretty sure he left plenty of evidence. If they can't find the body.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Sometimes people be chilling for years

[Tam Bam]

and

[AJ Holiday]

they pull up on your ass.

[Tam Bam]

Well, that's scary. And that's. It's scary to think that there's people walking amongst us every day that are capable of doing something like this to a little girl, because that's just a

[AJ Holiday]

little girl, you know, and he knew what he was doing. And then you. You. You're afraid. I feel like the family needs to be arrested, too. Where the. Are your parents? How could they allow you to date this guy? So did he. Did she. Did he buy her from them? How are the parents involved with this?

[Tam Bam]

Man? Kids be bad. I think they grown. Think they know everything by that age.

[AJ Holiday]

I know I did. But I just feel like the kids nowadays, they are a little bit more remedial.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, they're more remedial, but they also think they growner and smarter because they understand technology better than their parents. So they think that they're smarter, but they don't have common sense.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. No street smarts. And I did read last year when I. When this story had first broke, I read about, like, his Upbringing, his childhood. And I watched some of his videos on YouTube because I was a little bit invested. When I started seeing, like, everybody on social media talking about it, I went and did, like, just so I can just know. And it seems that he was raised different, right? He's like, sheltered, super church. There's a lot of things he didn't like. His almost as like his mind is kind of childlike, very intellectual, very smart. You know these people. You know this type of person, Right? This. The psychology of a person like this who was raised by a super religious parent, homeschooled. So that means you have probably got, you know, lack social skills. Yes. And I can see where this could be one of them situations where. What is that? That charge? Not charge, but that defense. Affluenza. Affluent. What's. Is that how you pronounce it? Yeah. So you're so rich you don't even know that what you're doing is wrong. Basically, it's like a defense, Right? I mean, maybe. I mean, he has the money now, but maybe that will be his defense. You know, I didn't even. I didn't know what I was doing. I. I blacked out and Because I. I don't know that this guy.

[Tam Bam]

I don't care what his defense is. They about to put that under the jail. Okay?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I agree. Hopefully he can afford some good. Hopefully he can afford a good attorney because, I mean, I don't know, I thought maybe he didn't do it.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, you know, me too, because I just didn't assume anybody would be dumb enough to leave evidence like that, you

[AJ Holiday]

know, on a busy LA street. Like somebody's not gonna eventually lock. I mean, take this car away.

[Tam Bam]

Well. Cause we're talking about sad shit. Usher and Chris Brown. Tickets dropped and the dick inflation is high as hell. Y' all like the price of these tickets, bruh? 8 and $900 for decent seats in Charlotte. And you know, Charlotte don't never bring nobody out like every other city. Like, you'll have like all these, you know, guests they got. Who they gonna bring out? Anthony Hamilton, maybe. DaBaby, if he's in town. That's it.

[AJ Holiday]

I saw Usher in Charlotte years ago. I took my niece and my ticket was like, $70.

[Tam Bam]

What, years ago?

[AJ Holiday]

It was a while ago. It was like during a period where Usher was in Poppington. Okay. And he performed in Charlotte. And the tickets was not that crazy. Like, I feel like people need to consider that we are in a recession, right? And these artists are fundraising. They also feel the cost rising and they're just trying to squeeze how much ever they can get out of everybody else.

[Tam Bam]

If you.

[AJ Holiday]

If you stupid enough. Both of them niggas was just on tour for a long ass time and you probably.

[Tam Bam]

If you win something. I already seen them together, baby.

[AJ Holiday]

That's crazy. That is fucking nuts. I will not be in a 1091 concert. I do wish I had attended was Cardi B. I love Cardi B. I did.

[Tam Bam]

It was fun. Yeah, Raunchy. Girl. I was clutching my pearls the whole time. Like that's how I know I'm an auntie for real. Because some of that was like, oh my.

[AJ Holiday]

Was she playing a guitar with her coochie again?

[Tam Bam]

No, I missed that. Oh, she did that. I missed it. But it was a lot of raunchiness. But no, I can't afford the ticket to go see Usher in. I probably could come up with 700, 800 if I wanted to.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, you definitely can't afford it. You shouldn't want to though. That's my thing.

[Tam Bam]

That's what I'm saying. I don't want to afford it. That's why I'm just hoping that somebody gets a suite and they're like, tammy, get a nosebleed ticket and then come to my suite. If you love me, holla at me. DM me If y'. All. If y' all get a suite and y' all want Big Tam Bam to come and chill with y'. All. I love y', all, But it's gonna be a whole circus out there. Like Chris Brown gonna be flying through the sky. That's gonna be roller skating all over

[AJ Holiday]

the place with the strippers.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Hose is gonna be on poles. It's gonna be soul circus.

[AJ Holiday]

Burn them and baby, go to Onyx. Go to. Go to the strip club. That's. I mean, it had him play some. Ask him to play some Chris Brown. You got Chris Brown at home. Right, right. The house.

[Tam Bam]

Right. That part. Because it's a lot. What else happened?

[AJ Holiday]

What else we got? But let me just say this, man,

[Tam Bam]

wouldn't that be dope if they did it like a versus.

[AJ Holiday]

People have always been trying to complete compare Chris Brown and Usher and it's like they are two different artists. They just different. It's no comparison of the two. So I hope it's not going to be some versus. Have they even ever even done a song together? I feel like they. They never did.

[Tam Bam]

No.

[AJ Holiday]

Like it. It might have been competition between the two of them. Like best dancer, best singer. Chris Brown is a beast. The an artist, he has a big dick.

[Tam Bam]

Like the. Is like the energy that don't got no new music.

[AJ Holiday]

Like that dope Chris Brown be writing, probably producing beats, all type of shit. And a nigga could do a backflip and he like six foot three or four, dancing his ass off.

[Tam Bam]

So you making me want to go. Bitch, shut up.

[AJ Holiday]

All of that still ain't gonna make me wanna go. Child, please. I wish I might spend that type of money for Chris Brown. I'll go buy me another fucking pot set. Bitch first, auntie.

[Tam Bam]

But let me tell you, if you were ever trying to figure out, like, if you trying to find a woman or you trying to figure out what type of. What type of woman you like, go to that concert. It's gonna be every bitch between 22 and 75 in that motherfucker. Like, it's gonna be young. Like, think about it. The age range of women that are gonna be out there is crazy. All ready to get slutted out, period.

[AJ Holiday]

Black women don't let Chris Brown and Usher use y', all, okay? To fund their children's futures. Keep y' all coins in y' all pocket because we are the number one supporters of all things. We gonna show up and show out every time. Don't be over there paying them two three thousand dollars. A thousand dollars from no backstage picture. You getting humped by Chris Brown. Okay? Don't. Don't be letting Usher look at me talking in your mouth.

[Tam Bam]

No, you can't put no food in my mouth.

[AJ Holiday]

Did you see Cat Williams last stand up? Basically he was like, we live in a world where know about ushers like, health condition and be letting that feed them on stage.

[Tam Bam]

Dangling chairs in your mouth.

[AJ Holiday]

Hey, did you wash your hands, girl?

[Tam Bam]

What are we talking about? Do we have any more sins?

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, what is this?

[Tam Bam]

He ain't even done with sins. Oh, my God.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, sorry. Rapper cash out. Sentenced to 70 years in prison after turning down a 25 year plea deal. I will never understand for the life of me.

[Tam Bam]

Who is your attorney? How.

[AJ Holiday]

No, it's not even about the attorney at this point. It's like they punish you for not taking their plea deals. Basically like, oh, okay, you want to waste the court's time and want a jury trial and all that shit? Okay, we're going to make you pay for that shit with your life. Because I would think that if I was going to get 25 years, that should be it. How does it escalate? Because I want a trial.

[Tam Bam]

You could take this 25 or you can go to trial and face the maximum sentence.

[AJ Holiday]

But it shouldn't be that, though. That shouldn't even be a thing, because that means my punishment is 25 years. That should be my max, essentially. How could you escalate it to 70 years? Because I want a challenge.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't like that. I feel like that's something that's kind

[Tam Bam]

of like almost entrapment in a way. Like, I should take this 25.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what they want you to do.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

And if you waste their time and they. And they still going to prove you, however, guilty, they're not going to prove you're not guilty. Especially. Especially if they already got you on some shit where you facing 25 years.

[Tam Bam]

But, I mean, the shit that he was accused of. Can you read that off to the people? Because.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, so it says, cash out. Stood unapologetic in Fulton county courtroom after being sentenced to life in prison plus. Hold on. Life plus 70 for RICO. RICO, racketeering, RA. Sex trafficking, rape. Yeah, Rape, Sex. Yeah, sex.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, can we not say that?

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, we've been already. I mean. Yeah. Huh. Pimping and aggravated sodomy is what he is sentenced. That trafficking. Sex trafficking will get your ass hemmed up a lot of time. Y'. All. This is another thing. Before we get off this topic, one thing. Like, the court systems know. They know something about the afterlife, because why else would y' all give somebody life plus 70 years? That means when that person's. When that soul comes back to this realm, they gonna come back with the same transgressions until they finish off that life sentence, basically, the extra 70 years. That's what I'm saying. When they give people consecutive life sentences. What does that even mean? And then you see, like. Like some presidents, they pardon dead people. Why are you pardoning somebody who's already passed over? It's something about the afterlife that they don't know that we think is some. I mean, I know. I'm saying we as the collective. I know why they give people that type of time, because it is. It goes into your next life. It only makes sense. Life plus 70. That's wild shame. 25 years old. Oh, no, he's. Yeah, it says 25 year bit plea deal. I don't know how old this little boy is. Anyway. Yeah, that's. I guess that's news. That's stupid Internet news. Going to jail. Same.

[Tam Bam]

I mean, wow. Life plus 70. I thought it was just 70 years, but life plus 70 is crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

Nuts. Anyway, what we talking about today?

[Tam Bam]

Chad, you gaslighting me.

[AJ Holiday]

What? Y', all, we have entered an era where everyone knows all the therapy language, okay? So anytime you get into arguing with somebody, they saying like, you know, you gaslighting me or don't cross my boundaries, all this. Everybody's a narcissist nowadays. So using, you know, these clinical therapy terms or regular ass arguments, is it manipulation, right? Is it that you don't want to take accountability? So now you're trying to like, disarm me with this bullshit?

[Tam Bam]

Let's get into it. Yeah, we'll be right back.

[State Farm Ad Voice]

This past weekend, like every other Sunday, you were on the court with the guys, playing ball. Just a quick pickup game, living out your hoop dreams. No triple doubles, but mean set of threes in between buckets. One of the homies mentioned he closed on a new crib. This is big. And while everyone's asking about housewarming and making plans to celebrate, you're asking the real questions. Like, has he spoken to his State Farm agent yet about coverage? See, homeownership is one thing, but the right coverage is the real game changer. Even more than your last hot streak, it's how you protect your legacy. Dropping buckets and bars on the court. A State Farm agent can more than assist you with finding the right coverage for your new place. If you have a claim, the local agent can help you file it. Yep, that's right. Over the phone, in person, online or on the app, they are ready to help you and they don't drop the ball. You know what I mean? Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Public Investing Ad Voice]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generate assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI, it all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities computer, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures [e-mail] Disclosures

[Cal Penn]

hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it.

[Public Investing Ad Voice]

I was like, no.

[Ray Porter]

At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah dude, me too.

[Cal Penn]

Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Redfin Ad Voice]

Let's talk about modern home shopping. It's sort of become a fun side hobby, right? Scrolling listings at night, dreaming about kitchens you've never seen or backyards you haven't even stepped foot in. All from the comfort of pretty much anywhere. Redfin knows a lot of people like you want to own but are stuck in this browsing mode loop. That's where Redfin flips the script. With listings that update within minutes and tours you can book right from the Redfin app, you can see your dream home the moment it appears. Now, liking a listing is easy, but actually landing it? That's where Redfin comes in. Redfin has over 2200 agents with local expertise, and Redfin agents close twice as many deals as other agents. That means they want to help you win, not just window shop. Redfin is built to help you go from just looking to to wait. This could actually be home. So become the newest neighbor on the block. Visit redfin.com to start finding and start owning. That's redfin.com.

[Tam Bam]

All right y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All. So we are back and I'm gonna ask this question. Is therapy talk helping us communicate better or is it just helping us argue smarter? I Mean, I feel like I've always been a smart arguer minus the fucking therapy terms. Bitch, I'm make sense every fucking time because I done thought about it a thousand times over. But, yeah, like, everybody. You see it on social media all day long. My mom, you know, the baby boomers, she was like, I'm so sick of y' all in this therapy and this trauma bombing. Trauma bombing? Yeah, she said she can't stand. But, you know, we're talking to. Talking about a generation of people who half of them can't even talk about the damn childhood without crying child.

[Tam Bam]

First of all, my mom is the exact opposite, because she's like, she wants to clinically diagnose every fucking thing. I mean, if you, like, hit your toe up against the wall and it hurts and you just, like, want to chill for a second because you're in pain, there's something in the DSM for that. Let's figure out what it is. Let's unpack. Oh, that's another one. Let's unpack that. Girl.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, I got a homegirl who's a therapist. Bitch, if you're listening. When I remember one day I was. I was like, I wasn't going through something with my people, but I did have, like, a lot of shit on my mind that I had talked to her about, like, maybe the week prior. And I'm driving down the street, just regular la, la, la, la, la. She calls me. And maybe like five minutes into the conversation, she was like, so you know, how do you really feel about such like, girl, I'm having a good fucking day. Ain't nobody ask you for therapy randomly at four o' clock in the afternoon. I don't want to talk about that shit. Like, are you okay? So I think that people who are therapists for a living, they need to be careful, like, when talking to their friends. Like, I. I didn't. I'm not paying you nothing.

[Tam Bam]

All the therapists that I know personally, and no shade to y', all, I love y' all need therapists, period, more than anybody else.

[AJ Holiday]

True.

[Tam Bam]

You are not well. Okay?

[AJ Holiday]

And if you thought you were and listen to arguments, I can show you how you aren't well.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. But I'm like. It was something, like, real, like, deep, too. And I'm like, I don't want to talk about that. We all. We always say on here how, like, therapists, they. They rip this thing up, they want you to come talk about all this shit, but then they don't have, like, you don't have the Tools to help me deal with this shit. Like, you can't fix everything. And then some. Some therapists, they just want to give you some drugs, okay? Just go lay down, bitch.

[Tam Bam]

And I would rather that I had a therapist that would, like, give me drugs. Yeah. Have me unpack all the greatest trauma of my life and be like, well, that's our time for today. You just had me talk about the most traumatic shit that happened to me in my childhood, and now you talking about, that's our time. I was supposed to go somewhere tonight, and now I can't

[AJ Holiday]

because my eyes is puffy, right?

[Tam Bam]

Because I've been crying and you gave me nothing. You gave me nothing to do with this.

[AJ Holiday]

So, see, I'm the type that. I'll start asking a therapist questions. What about that?

[Tam Bam]

Listen, I met a therapist that was. She was white and she was like. Her white guilt just started. Like, it almost became her therapy session by the time I was done. Because her white guilt just. And I was like, I don't know if I need a white therapist, bitch.

[AJ Holiday]

I would invoice that ho. Yeah, I feel like, send her an invoice. I'm not about to be paying for this session. I just gave you therapy.

[Tam Bam]

So what is gaslighting?

[AJ Holiday]

Interesting. So I can give you my definition while I google the actual definition of gaslighting. But to me, like, somebody, when. When I say, oh, this person is gaslighting me, somebody is saying something to you that is totally. They know it's not true, yo. You know it's not true, right? But they're saying it in a matter of fact way, and they're very adamant while it's just. It's some. Is really some shit they making up. Like, or, you know, somebody who's trying to tell you you said or did some shit, you know, you didn't say or did. Is that right?

[Tam Bam]

So what I think when I think of gaslighting, I think it's someone who like, pokes, pokes, pokes and tries to get you all excited while they stay calm. So you all, like, in a rage and they're like, why are you so, so angry?

[AJ Holiday]

No, that, that, that too. I. Girl, that right there will get you hit.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, like, don't do that, cuz. You know why the. I'm mad right now. You done said all this and now they, you.

[AJ Holiday]

They. They say some real crazy to you, get you in 100 and then try to tell you the severity. Oh, it's not that serious.

[Tam Bam]

It's not that serious. Calm down. Like, do you need Therapy. Do you need therapy? Yes, I do.

[AJ Holiday]

Gaslighting is a form of persistent emotional manipulation and abuse where a person makes someone question their own reality, memory or perceptions to gain control. It causes victims to feel confused, anxious and isolated, often resulting in them doubting their own sanity. Common signs include lying, denying events, trivializing feelings, and shifting blame. Yes. So I, you know, I don't. I didn't know the full. That is what to me what gaslighting is like. I hate, I hate when we start talking about stuff that's gonna bring up like relationship shit, but I just don't think that people call people narcissists, but I don't think that most people have actually experienced an actual narcissist. You know what I'm saying? Everybody has narcissistic traits. I myself, I prefer the definition of narcissist versus humble. I don't like that definition of humble. Like, why the fuck I got to put my self worth below someone else's and you know. But narcissists have an inflated. Yeah. Self worth, right?

[Tam Bam]

But when I start, I didn't exam like, am I a narcissist? Right? Which GPT. And it was like, the fact that you're asking is a sign that you're probably not. Because narcissists typically don't give a fuck, right? You know, they don't even care if they are. They're not gonna really take the quiz,

[AJ Holiday]

right? What I find myself doing when dealing with a narcissist is that I take notes and I put sticky notes, like figurative sticky notes on people. I will literally write down your words verbatim, right? I will collect. And it's not for the other person, right. It's so I know that I'm not losing my fucking. And that I am dealing with somebody who isn't well. Right? Because that's what actual narcissist. They will have you questioning your own, your own reality. And because my mind is hella fortified. Like, I have a. I have a memory like an elephant. And the way I like puzzle shit piece together, like it probably pissed somebody off. I feel like that's what I was dealing with in that relationship. Because I am not an easy target for a narcissist. I'm just not. Like, it's going to be an uphill battle and you're going to be broken by the time I'm done with your ass. Like, imma cry a lot and Because I have like, grace and empathy and I just, I know this person could be better. Like, I. No, people like that you just have to not with them no more. You just have to cut all contact because they will have. They will leave you confused until they go get another host.

[Tam Bam]

I know someone who is dealing with a clinical narcissist. And some of the behaviors are insane. Like, I'm talking about next level. Like, I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with a person who is like. It's like great seesaws of highs and lows. I hate you. I love you so much. I can't live without you. I want to kill myself.

[AJ Holiday]

That's the love.

[Tam Bam]

I hate you. Why are you here? Like, being in a relationship with a person like that, I couldn't imagine it. I couldn't imagine it.

[AJ Holiday]

I guess at some point you gotta look at yourself, right? Why are you dealing with that?

[Tam Bam]

Why are you putting up with it then? You know what? And that was a question I had. Like, everybody crazy. Everybody crazy in different ways, right? In different ways. Because why are you allowing this person to treat you this way? Let's unpack that. You know, another unpack.

[AJ Holiday]

I think that's the part that people miss. And I know this, this conversation is supposed to be about arguments with. In the world of therapy now, but I think that's the part that people miss, right? The. The introspective work where they look at themselves to see why they allowed certain things, why that's really where you should start. It never has. It never has anything to do with the other. With the narcissist. It has all to do with you at the end of the day, right? So why were you allowing this person to. With you in this way? And the six love language. Chaos. Some people are addicted to chaos because love is very boring. It's not supposed to have like your nervous system shocked all day long, up and down, chasing the good times. Because that's what people do in these relationships. They. They have you knowing that it could be good, right? So they put you through all this bad shit because. And now you're just sitting there waiting for it to be good again so you can get that next high. That's the next high. And then they bring you back down and they bring you up. It's like a fucking roller coaster. Anytime I feel confused nowadays, I'm getting the up out of there because I'm not a confused person. So if anybody's trying to intentionally confuse me, I can't deal with it.

[Tam Bam]

I just. I don't. Like I be in love with a nigga and then like five minutes later I'd be like, I don't even like him anymore. And it's okay.

[AJ Holiday]

Are you a Gemini?

[Tam Bam]

It's so crazy because at one point I wasn't like that. I'd be sick when things end now at this big age. It'd be like, well, you know what? You are just another stepping stone to what God really has for me. And then I'll be okay with it.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Because I think the older you get, you realize like people are supposed to be experiences. You aren't supposed to own somebody, even your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your baby daddy, baby mom. Like, you don't own these people, right? So when you realize that and you just experience people for the time they were meant to be in your life,

[Tam Bam]

you, you.

[AJ Holiday]

You will be better.

[Tam Bam]

I'm laughing because I remember like snotting and crying and laying in bed for days, sad over. And the last that I thought I was like so in love with. Right. I probably, I listen to like I watched a Tyler Perry movie. I probably like shed three tears. And then that same night I was in the club, like that happened like, ah, I was. And I felt good. I didn't feel sad and I didn't cry no more about him. And I didn't even miss him after that. And I'm just laughing at myself because I remember when it would take time for me to move forward. And I don't know if that's healthy or not.

[AJ Holiday]

I think it's very healthy. I just, I mean, I haven't cried over a man in a long time. And the person I'm with now gives me no reason to cry. But I just remember like I now what I know is, is that I know that somebody who really cares for you, who loves you, they're not going to even put you in these situations where you need to share the tear by anything. So that crying in a Honda versus a Maybach and all that. Like, why are you with somebody who making you cry?

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Anyway? Because everybody knows you can make your partner happy, you can make them sad. So you're intentionally inflicting pain on your significant other and somebody you say you love, you don't love that person. This you are trying to. You're trying to break this person.

[Tam Bam]

But you know what? I don't know if I agree with that because I do be feeling like sometimes you love them, but you just a broken person in a relationship and don't know how to treat that your partner good, you know, because you don't know how to treat you good. Yeah. And it's like Some shit issues that you're dealing with within yourself is why you harming others. And it ain't because you don't love them. It's just because you don't know how to be the best version of yourself yet because you healing from your own shit.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, this can be a 40 year old man spewing out what you just said, so you can excuse his badass behavior saying them same thing. I don't know how to. I don't love myself. That's why I don't know how to love you. But I want you to stay with me though, while I figure it out. At 40.

[Tam Bam]

No, no, I agree, I agree. But it be like that sometime though, right? Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So I can, I just, I can imagine in this day and time, like the arguments women are having because I don't think it's the men that are saying shit like, you're a narcissist. It's oftentimes the women. And I'm here to tell y', all, it is not just men that are narcissists. Some of us were raised by narcissistic parents. You know, I'm saying women, men, everybody can be like, this is not just men. And usually online, I'm always seeing a woman calling a man a narcissist. And I'm always seeing the men saying, y' all always calling somebody a fucking narcissist.

[State Farm Ad Voice 2]

You've been working in the garage with your dad every week, Monday to Sunday, trying to get the old school up and running. Today, after all the hard work, y' all finally finished it. So you have that feeling of accomplishment. You did it. Then your dad throws you the keys and says those three magic words. All yours, son. Yep. That same car belonged to your grandpa and that your dad helped him fix. It's yours. Three generations right there, keeping the tradition alive. But if you ask dad to really keep the tradition going, you need to get insurance. And you already know you need to get State Farm because your agent, well, he gets tradition too. His dad was an agent, his grandpa too. So he gets you generation to generation. Remember to choose the agents that your family counted on. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Public Investing Ad Voice]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI, it all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures [e-mail] Disclosures

[Cal Penn]

hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay the Audible and I Heart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo yo yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like yeah dude, me too.

[Cal Penn]

Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Redfin Ad Voice]

Let's talk about modern home shopping. It's sort of become a fun side hobby, right? Scrolling listings at night, dreaming about kitchens you've never seen or backyards you haven't even stepped foot in. All from the comfort of pretty much anywhere. Redfin knows a lot of people like you want to own but are stuck in this browsing mode loop. That's where Redfin flips the script with listings that update within minutes and tours you can book right from the Redfin app, you can see your dream home the moment it appears. Now, liking a listing is easy, but actually landing it, that's where Redfin comes in. Redfin has over 2200 agents with local expertise and Redfin agents close twice as many deals as other agents. That means they want to help you win, not just window shop. Redfin is built to help you go from just looking to wait. This could actually be home. So become the newest neighbor on the block. Visit redfin.com to start finding and start owning. That's redfin.com.

[AJ Holiday]

So listen. So let's give a little bit of stats. So the rise of therapy talk and this is why it matters, right? So 95% of people say they hear therapy related terms regularly in everyday conversation. But most people don't actually understand the clinical meaning of those terms. Every day talking therapy, not every day. Trained in it basically. So people just, people are just spewing things out because of these little buzzwords they Hear on. On TikTok. TikTok is a crazy place. I'm always confused when I go over there. I think all of these platforms have a personality. I think TikTok is schizophrenic. It's too much like I think you can clinically diagnose some of these platforms. So social media is driving this hard. So over 50 of viral mental health content on Tick Tock contains misinformation. It says. Some studies show 80 plus of mental health advice on Tick Tock is misleading. I, I guess I got to get some examples of that. Most people are learning healing language from unlicensed, unlicensed influencers, not therapists. I think sometimes the best therapists are people who actually been through the thing also they could, they could talk to you about some shit that they've experienced. Because I know for me, when I was in a relationship with a fucking narcissist and no, he wasn't clinically diagnosed, but when you run into one, they will change your life. And you can, you can see a narcissist from a mile away once you experience one. But I found myself listening to dark psychology books on Audible like daily in the car drive so I can counter his. So I can.

[Tam Bam]

Let me ask you this. Why did you stay with narcissists as long as you did?

[AJ Holiday]

It's just like, you know, knowing somebody has like what I think men oftentimes tell you all these things, right? When they feel comfortable with you, they want to be with you, whatever. They tell you everything about themselves. So it's a lie that they say they can't be vulnerable with women, right? So your man is vulnerable with you telling you childhood trauma all These things, right? So now when they misbehave their thing, it's almost like you're supposed to use those things, you know, I've been through this to justify their behavior towards you. So a lot for a long time, I'm like, I understand why he's doing these things. I understand why he is this way. It really was because of my understanding of a fucking human that I stayed longer than I should have.

[Tam Bam]

It was your empathy.

[AJ Holiday]

That's it.

[Tam Bam]

People put, listen, ooh, girl, that's it.

[AJ Holiday]

And grace, that's it.

[Tam Bam]

Have played on my empathy. And then I had to look up one day like, damn, I'm listening to all these reasons why he mistreating me because he being good to other people. And my grandma's sick, and I had to be there for my grandma. Like, oh, I had to go do this for my kids. Oh, my mama don't have nobody. And I'm like, oh, he's such a good man. His mama don't have nobody. He's being there for his mama. He's not being there for you.

[AJ Holiday]

Right?

[Tam Bam]

Wake up and smell the coffee.

[AJ Holiday]

And a lot of times these be sons of girl. Yeah, the mama be the damn problem. The mama be the problem child half the time, man. With some. A lot of these guys anyway. So that's what I'm saying. Like, women can be the problem. Okay? You can be the girlfriend with the problem in the relationship. You could be the mama with the problem. So it says in one study of therapy related TikTok content, only 36.7% of narcissism contact content was accurate, meaning 63.3% was wrong or misleading. See, I gotta. I gotta look at what they actually like. I need examples of these stats. It says only about 1 to 2% of people actually have narcissistic personality disorder. Meanwhile, online, everybody's ex is a narcissist. That's what I would say. Right?

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

It says trauma clinically equals life threatening or deeply distressing. Distressing events, not bad dates or arguments. I feel like you can get PTSD from anything. I got PTSD from a few things that shape the way I behave today, y'. All. I almost went to prison. I know I probably talked about it, but there's a fucking helicopter that is always flying around my fucking house. I hear it every night. And it just reminds me of that time 10 years ago where I kept hearing helicopters flying around our house. And finally the door was kicked in. Finally those people pulled up on us. But I had been hearing those helicopters for Fucking days. And now I'm really shell shocked about it. Like it's part of. One of the reasons why I broke up with my ex is the fucking helicopters. Because in my mind they was looking for him when they probably. Like he wasn't even doing anything.

[Tam Bam]

That was the local news getting the weather.

[AJ Holiday]

Why does it sound like they on the roof though? It be sounding so close. The blades, it sounded like they hovering above where I live.

[Tam Bam]

People came to your house that came on a helicopter?

[AJ Holiday]

No, what I'm saying, Days leading up to the raid.

[Tam Bam]

Because let me find out. Nino Brown. You was dating Nino Brown.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, you would think it was El Chapo and they had that down as Cuban in the, in the, in the feds, in the system and bop. But no. Days leading up to the raid, I kept hearing helicopter. So subconsciously I knew something was about to fucking happen. Literally the day before this shit happened, I was out looking for a place to move and leave him. And that happened five o' clock that morning. So I knew I needed to get the going through. And I kept hearing these helicopters. So now like why. Why am I hearing these helicopters? I have PTSD from that for my last relationship. I have major ptsd. Me, I don't trust a thing nobody says. Like, imagine being with somebody who calls you randomly and say shit like this. Hey, Tammy.

[Tam Bam]

Hey, baby.

[AJ Holiday]

You nigga. You know a named Tony?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah,

[AJ Holiday]

you know, you know, you know a girl named Ashley, my co host. You know a girl named Tasha?

[Tam Bam]

What is happening? I know. Yeah, Tasha is a common name.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, this girl named Ashley told this bitch named Tasha that you fuck with a nigga named Tony.

[Tam Bam]

Who are these people?

[AJ Holiday]

No, get these people on three way right now or I'm packing up all my shit and leaving. Literally. That is how you. He conjured up a whole. A whole crazy ass like ordeal to fuck with me on a random Tuesday. On a random Tuesday. And so when these things would happen, I would have to look at what I had planned for that day. Me and Tammy was supposed to get together, record that evening, right? So anything I. Anytime I was doing something for myself, that thing in him would show up. People were real. Is the fucking Monarch is what it is. It is something riding him that they just, they. They just get uneasy all of a sudden. It's fucking weird. And bitch, I'm a fudgeing gorilla.

[Tam Bam]

Was that like you had me this helicopter Tony?

[AJ Holiday]

No, that's like. That was two different. That was two different niggas that I was telling you my ptsd. Like why I have PTSD nowadays. But yeah, so I don't agree with that. Trauma says trauma equals life threatening or deeply distressing. Events like that is sometimes in relationships you can have some very, very distressing events that happen. So it says. Why is it actually a problem that, you know, people throw around these terms during arguments. Right. I guess. I don't know. To win the argument. I don't know. So it says, experts say misuse of theory therapy terms can damage communication, create distance in relationships, and it can be used to manipulatively. It can be used manipulatively in arguments also.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, because telling someone they're a narcissist because they just want you to wash your dishes out the sink.

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

It's crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, like, like, and then everybody has mittens. Everybody got mental health issues now too.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, I think I. I think it's all because of social media, really. 98 of it is because of social media, which is why they have all those class action lawsuits you'll hear on the radio and stuff. If you have a child that tried to harm themselves after using Instagram, like, that shit is real right now. Because things, Things are happening. You have AI coming in. Right?

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

So it says one in every five U.S. adults, that's about 23.4% experiences mental illness, but only about 52% actually receive treatment. So there's a bunch of people out here undiagnosed. Right. While y' all out here meeting niggas on Tinder, he's. He. He got tism. A little touch. Little tism.

[Tam Bam]

You know, that's what I. I was calling my old boo and his friends the TISM team.

[AJ Holiday]

And when you think about that, used to laugh.

[Tam Bam]

No shade to anybody with autism. We don't want to offend because I know y' all be mad, but it wasn't meant to be harmful. Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

I seen this. This video on Instagram. Let me find it. It was a couple getting married. And I guess I don't know who the couple is. I'm assuming people, like, they're popular, possibly on social media. But they were talking about, like, how his reaction was to her. You know, they come tap you in, the bride taps the groom on the shoulder. You saw that?

[Tam Bam]

He was like, I thought you were gonna wear the other dress.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, he was just regular. His name is Noah Lyles. Faces criticism over his reaction to her track stars. What? They're what?

[Tam Bam]

They're track stars. Gold medalist. Olympic medalist.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, okay. So apparently he's autistic. A little. So I mean, that and Once I read that in the comments, I'm like, that makes sense. His reaction is like, they just be different. You know what I'm saying? They. It's socially awkward oftentimes. But, I mean, I didn't. She knows who she's marrying, right? People are so mean on the Internet, man.

[Tam Bam]

People are just mean, period. But on the Internet, it's next level because they can sit at their computer and say hateful shit that they would never say to your face. But he did turn around and say, like, where's the other dress?

[AJ Holiday]

I thought you were gonna wear the mermaid dress. He was saying, yeah, where's the mermaid dress? You know, you look cute. He was like, everybody looks so beautiful. A lot of people came to see us. That's what he was saying. Like, so people in the comments were like, oh, he didn't compliment her. Tell her how good she looks, right? Y' all ever. You ever been with somebody who never complimented you?

[Tam Bam]

Oh, I have. Yeah. Niggas like to humble me, like, you get enough compliments. Why I gotta compliment you, too?

[AJ Holiday]

Because your compliment is the only one that actually matters, nigga. You want me to go get these compliments from these other niggas? Cause I could, right?

[Tam Bam]

I'm getting it from all y', all, but I'm just hoping that you would be the best.

[AJ Holiday]

Power me up, nigga. If you don't power your woman up, please believe me, the Internet will power your bitch up. You will be mad when you see them in the comments with them fucking eyes, right? Googly eyes.

[Tam Bam]

DMS trying to fly your chick out, right?

[AJ Holiday]

So I guess here's another thing, like, in. In arguments with, like you were saying earlier, a man telling a woman, you're too emotional in an argument, that. That, to me is like gaslighting, for sure. You know, men could say, you know, everything I do, she calls toxic. Everything I do is toxic. Can't do nothing right. I feel like my ex probably thought that he couldn't do anything right, and it was only because. And I'm talking about the ex, the most recent ex. It was only because I was to the point to where he couldn't. You said he couldn't?

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. The nigga couldn't.

[Tam Bam]

He couldn't.

[AJ Holiday]

That would have had to change into a whole nother nigga for me to be satisfied. That's how much to my wits in I was at. And, you know, and I recognized that. And I would ask him, like, you know, like, really, like, you can't possibly be happy in this, because I know I'M not. I'm not being as loving as I know I am and can be. I'm just not. It's only because, like, it's is gone. You know what I'm saying? Like, you have caused me so much trauma to where I'm like, numb to you. Like, I. I don't even want, even if you were to change into a whole nother person today.

[Tam Bam]

It's too late.

[AJ Holiday]

It is for the next person, right? You changing is not for me. It is for the next person. And that's why I always say they're the same.

[Tam Bam]

You might. It might be someone who love you exactly as you are. Yeah, that part, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that part I feel like for I. I want women. I want men to realize that. I don't think the. The woman that just allow you to be. She don't love you. You know what I'm saying? Not saying like. I'm saying, like, when you're up in. In life. You know what I'm saying? When you're doing stupid and she just goes with it, that person does not love you like some. And this is maybe this is a love language of black women. Like, we. We push men in a different way.

[Tam Bam]

When I.

[AJ Holiday]

We see greatness in you and you just being a duck.

[Tam Bam]

When I see, like, men dying for, like, from. Because men be doing stupid to get killed. You always see this is why women live longer. But when men die from, like, food, you know, like.

[AJ Holiday]

Like choking.

[Tam Bam]

No, like diabetic or diabetes and stuff like that. And they got a wife, sometimes I'll be feeling like, did she really love him? Because why she didn't feed him.

[AJ Holiday]

See that? Talk to a woman who's going through that. I'm giving my mom a number so you can call her so she can cuss your ass out. Because imagine, imagine like right now, bad example.

[Tam Bam]

All right, not diabetes, but, like.

[AJ Holiday]

No, that's a great example, though, because women. You literally stressing yourself out trying to keep somebody alive who clearly doesn't give a damn if they die. They want to live, right? But they are doing absolutely nothing to live. And it's damn near your responsibility to keep them breathing. You watching every waking moment what they eat and what they doing. You monitoring the shit that they supposed to be doing for themselves. That is not your wife's job to keep you alive. We do it. I do, I do believe that women are responsible for the nutrition of the family. But you are a grown man, and this is your life at the end of the day. And when people get to A certain age, like my mom is 70 something years old. She got to choose herself at this point.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. All right, so I don't want your mom to cuss me out. So I repent that statement. I recant that. All right, so then here's another one that's going to trigger some people. What about people with really fat kids?

[AJ Holiday]

I don't like it. I don't like it. I know some big people who have allowed their children to get big as them. You know how fucking stressful that was for you, having to make the conscious decision. Like, I grew up eating McDonald's and Burger King and bullshit because my mom was at work all day long. So when you get to a certain age, you have to change, you know what I'm saying? Because you were raised off all this bullshit and you have to consciously, like, I don't want that for my life. So why would you put your kid through that? Because you have control over what your kid is eating. Yeah, I think it's abuse. I think it's a form of abuse, honestly.

[Tam Bam]

Just letting them eat all the sugary and all that stuff and they can't run and they don't never go outside and do nothing and just setting them up for a life of, you know, a harder life, for sure. I know that. Yeah. But, yeah, me too. I'll just be looking at the fat ass kids like, yikes. Some bikes.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, my mama, she be wanting to cuss me out because I always, I would say stuff like that to her, like the women is responsible for the nutrition of the family. And she would say stuff like, well, I had to work, you know, so we were raised by McDonald's and Burger King in our family restaurant, eating fried food every day, leftover pork chop sandwiches and chicken sandwiches and shit like that. And we've always. We were bigger than my mom, you know what I'm saying? My mom had three girls and all of us were bigger than her. My mom would exercise at night, but never like. And I guess, you know, black people, they always do as I say, not as I do. But really, people do what you do what you see, right? Yeah, you do what you see. Then you also have to take it up another level and explain to younger, you know, young people why it is that I'm doing this thing. What's the importance of working out? But, you know, our parents just didn't have the wherewithal to even. Even break down to us in that way, you know, so we just. Did you learn anything from your mama?

[Tam Bam]

I learned a lot of from my mama.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, really? Yeah. No, I swear to God. But I've been on my own. You might get like low pieces, a little. Little something here and there, you know, like, my mom is smart too. You know, like having a convers. Like, she's very smart, but I ain't learn shit.

[Tam Bam]

I feel like you probably did. You probably just can't recognize the things

[AJ Holiday]

I had to ask her one day if she ever taught me anything. I taught you how to cook. No, you really didn't. I just was interested. And I would be around while you were cooking. That's how I picked it up. You didn't tell me, like,

[Tam Bam]

she never said put this much.

[AJ Holiday]

No, hell no. We just know how to cook. Like, just. You just know how. And let me. Let me not just say my mama.

[Tam Bam]

You had to witness and learn.

[AJ Holiday]

Honestly, I swear. Do black people measure stuff or do we just eyeball it? Like some. Some coke? I used to.

[Tam Bam]

Like when my grandma used to be trying to teach me how to bake cakes. And she'd be like, you just gotta feel it. Like, there is no feel on the measuring cup. Is Braille on there. Pinch, smidgen a touch. Those are not on any measuring curve.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. And I'm sorry, mom. Like, I don't want to put this just on mothers. I see that a lot online and because daddies. Where the fuck y' all at? While mama trying to do everything right. Y' all really the goddamn problem.

[Tam Bam]

Let's be clear.

[AJ Holiday]

Anyway, I don't know. Hopefully I don't have to argue with people that much more in the future. I haven't argued in a while and it feels great, you know? Like, I have almost gotten into arguments recently, but I just chose not to. I just like, man, you know what? This really isn't worth my breath. Like, I get so angry. I get so mad when I'm. When I'm arguing. But I still. I'm always conscious of what I think. Some people get so mad to where they don't even know what the they saying or doing in the midst of the argument. But I just try to avoid them because I just. I be wanting to fight.

[Tam Bam]

Well, you gotta work from there.

[AJ Holiday]

Look, Carissa said, when they. They said Carissa had ugly girl syndrome, she was like, I got I'll beat your ass syndrome. Can you fight? Should be the only thing Carissa be saying to. On. On Instagram. And when they talk crazy to her, can you fight? That's all I would be commenting back. Can you fight?

[Tam Bam]

Right? That's her.

[AJ Holiday]

She going to jail if she put her hands on somebody.

[Tam Bam]

Right? Cause they lethal weapons. Have you seen how fast she is? That's why it's only bitches on the Internet. There's nobody in her face saying that stuff, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Hell no.

[Tam Bam]

You're not saying that to that woman.

[AJ Holiday]

I did see a video one time where one of her homegirls seemed like she was trying Carissa a little bit. And I just think she know Carissa wouldn't. Wouldn't do her in. Do her dirty. But she was, to me, kind of disrespecting her a little bit. Like a little. Like a little coattail. Like a little coattail hanger type person. Yeah, like sneak dissing. Saying little.

[Tam Bam]

Saying a little sneak, but smiling at you at the same time,

[AJ Holiday]

Right? Oh, wait, we got a game. We want to play it or no? Are we out of here?

[Tam Bam]

I don't know. I feel like we already played it.

[AJ Holiday]

We didn't even talk about the topic. Maybe we'll try again later.

[Tam Bam]

Okay. Like, you know Tony, you know Ashley, you know, that was the game

[AJ Holiday]

you ain't had. Know how to answer none of the questions. Like, I was like, tony who? I know a bunch of Tonys. Like, who are you talking about? Well, that told this. That what? All right, man. Get all these people on three way. And he couldn't. He act like he couldn't do three way on his cell phone because I just immediately. I hung up on that, and I called his baby mom. I said, hey, man, I'm about to drop your boy over there. Drop your son off. I'm going. I'm out of here. Straight like that. That was a mistake, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

If y' all leaving a. Just leave. Do not make an announcement. Just get the up out of there. All right, y', all tell me ready to go, y'. All. If you enjoyed this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on the iHeartRadio. Where the you.

[Tam Bam]

I told y', all, I'm a blue collar worker now. I'm tired. God Damn.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, Ms. Helen.

[Tam Bam]

This bitch would have talked for seven hours about narcissist assistance, girl. Bye. I'm going to bed.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, what was that? That came out.

[Tam Bam]

What the.

[AJ Holiday]

Let me do it over. If y' all enjoy this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on iHeartRadio app or where the you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagram, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

Saturday, Pullman Yards, Atlanta, Georgia. The what? Fourth annual Right Black Effect Podcast Festival, y'. All Pull up. It's going to be some great acts. With all our cousins in the building.

[Tam Bam]

We.

[AJ Holiday]

We talk back on me in the building, looking cute per usual. Okay.

[Tam Bam]

I can't wait to see y' all come up. Pull up on us. Let's take some pictures together. Let's. Let me give y' all a hug. And because I love y' all so, especially y' all that be in the DMs. Y' all better pull up. Y' all better pull up on us. We looking forward to it. So we will see y' all there. It's official. Tam Bam on Instagram. Follow me there. Follow. We talk back on Instagram. Send us your dumbest stories. We always want them because we know y' all doing dumb shit, even though y' all being quiet about it.

[AJ Holiday]

Then that's the best way to be. Keep your dumb shit to yourself.

[Tam Bam]

Actually, don't tell us, because we can all relate and it makes us feel closer. All right, y' all remember, speak now

[AJ Holiday]

and hold them damn arguments.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, shut up with that narcissist. Ain't nobody. It's only 2% of Americans. Is narcissist your nigga? Probably not one unless he's been clinically diagnosed. So hush.

[AJ Holiday]

That nigga need medicine. Deuces We Talk Back Podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

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[Tam Bam]

Oh, no.

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[Tam Bam]

What do you mean? Hmm.

[AJ Holiday]

People hate the sound of chewing.

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[AJ Holiday]

Maybe we're saved.

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[AJ Holiday]

Have you been eating them this whole time? Mmm.

[Tam Bam]

So tasty.

[AJ Holiday]

Hands off us.

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[AJ Holiday]

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[AJ Holiday]

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[Tam Bam]

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