You Only Know The Old Me

Summary

We Talk Back – “You Only Know The Old Me” (May 21, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this candid and comedic episode, TamBam and AJ explore the theme of personal growth and how people often expect others to remain the same—clinging to outdated versions of them. The hosts discuss how evolving and outgrowing roles is necessary for self-betterment, address societal pressures (especially for Black women), and highlight how boundaries, authenticity, and self-reflection shape their journeys. They also answer questions about what the “old” versions of themselves would and wouldn’t tolerate, bringing humor and vulnerability to stories about friendships, love, work, and self-image.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Welcoming Catch-up and Humor (03:00–08:00)

• AJ is recovering from illness, reflecting on how words around sickness feel like curses and how she prefers to focus on healing. TamBam updates on helping her mom recover from knee surgery.
• Lighthearted banter ensues: TamBam jokes about wishing she could run a scam (victimless, targeting corporations) and the stress of moving and making a new house feel like home.

AJ: "When your body tells you to break, you better break or it will break you." (07:39)

---

Unwanted Intimacy and Consent in Relationships (08:20–11:19)

• The hosts respond to a viral social media post about partners initiating sex while someone is asleep and the blurred lines of consent.
• Both AJ and TamBam agree that being touched without consent, even in relationships, is a violation.
• AJ recounts a personal experience of a partner having mismatched sleep/sex cycles, illustrating discomfort and boundary-crossing.

AJ: “Just because somebody's your wife or girlfriend… does not mean you have all access to their body.” (10:04)

TamBam: “I've been so single, I'm sick… I'm listening to it, getting turned on for whatever reason.” (10:12) (playful comic relief)

---

Social Media Controversies & Fetishization (11:19–18:15)

• The hosts dissect a viral TikTok from a white woman fetishizing Black men, critiquing her generalizations and highlighting historical patterns of fetishization and dehumanization.
• They reflect on how this kind of objectification is rooted in ugly history and still pervades dating culture.

TamBam: “She just loved your Black cock. That’s it. She don’t see the beauty of you.” (14:55)

• Discussion turns comedic and raunchy as they poke fun at college sexual experiences and the not-so-pretty reality behind online bravado.

---

The “Baby Daddy Reveal” & Owning Your Truth (16:21–18:49)

• TamBam reads another viral post: a woman invites both potential fathers to her gender reveal and celebrates her transparency.

AJ: “It does take a real woman to say, ‘I fucked up and here we are, and one of y’all a damn baby daddy.’” (17:40)

• They juxtapose honesty with the way some people hide, lie, or play games, especially when it comes to paternity.

---

MAIN TOPIC: “The Version of You People Need You To Stay” (20:02–34:57)

Introduction to the Theme (20:02–24:21)

• TamBam leads into a deep dive: people’s discomfort when you change, especially if your previous self benefited them.
• Discussion pivots to friendship archetypes—the "strong one," "funny one," "successful one"—and the weight those labels carry.

Being Pigeonholed and Outgrowing Labels (24:46–30:46)

• Both recount experiences of being treated as resources or emotional dumping grounds.
• AJ: She’s dependable but expects reciprocity and is quick to distance herself from emotionally needy, one-sided friendships.
• TamBam: Feels people often come to her for comedic relief/light, not always considering her mental space.

AJ: “No, there's no issues… I'm not about to be that friend who's always showing up for you and you don't show up for me ever.” (25:54) TamBam: “Sometimes I'd be like, I don't want to be the clown for everybody all the time… Today I'm serious.” (27:58)

Boundaries and Reciprocity (30:46–32:50)

• AJ and TamBam debate how they treat people: Is it “do unto others as you’d have them do unto you,” or “treat people how they treat you”? AJ argues for both, acknowledging love languages and the importance of adapting to people’s needs, not just playing the roles policed by others.

Humor as Survival & Hyper-independence (35:23–37:53)

• TamBam confesses using humor to manage tension, dubbing it a family survival tool.
• Hyper-independence: Both struggle to accept help (AJ especially) and discuss the challenge of receiving or taking compliments.

TamBam: “Let me tell you one thing that you struggle with and make me want to be like you. You cannot take a compliment.” (36:53)

---

On Authenticity, Code-Switching, and Growth (46:17–55:38)

• TamBam and AJ reflect on how much of their public selves are truly authentic, the nuances of code-switching, and how work or social obligations sometimes require layered personalities.
• AJ stands firm: “It’s just easier to be yourself, that’s all.” (46:39)
• TamBam recalls acting more confident than she felt as a young woman out of her comfort zone, illustrating how we “perform” for survival and acceptance.

Navigating Change in Friendships

• The hosts discuss how life transitions (marriage, motherhood, career shifts) alter friendships and why some people struggle to accept friends’ evolution.

TamBam: “I can admit that I was, you know, selfish in that way… I had to adapt to maintain our friendship and accept that things have changed.” (54:34)

---

The “Former Me Would…” Game (61:12–76:55)

Participants answer prompts that challenge them to reflect on what their “old” selves would tolerate or value:

• Former self tolerated disrespect, lack of reciprocity, chasing men for money or validation.
• Growth looks like setting boundaries, not chasing anyone, and not caring about being liked.
• Both acknowledge letting things slide to avoid conflict, and regret not confronting issues sooner.

AJ: “If somebody do some shit to you and you don't like that, speak on it immediately. Do not let it fucking fester.” (62:57) TamBam: “I’m no longer looking for nobody to come in and save me… Former me would be proud of the version of me that’s before y’all today.” (67:35)

---

Self-Image, Aging, and Evolving Roles (79:36–89:11)

• The anxiety of always needing to appear “put together” is addressed, especially as young Black women are socialized to avoid looking “a mess.”
• Both reflect on maturing into comfort with simplicity, natural beauty, and not needing external validation.
• They touch on Black women’s relationships with hair, beauty standards, and learning to embrace natural looks over time.

---

Becoming Your Next Version: Aspirations & Freedom (83:26–91:00)

• TamBam and AJ share the versions of themselves they’re striving to become: healthiest, most disciplined, free-er in expression, less tied to others' validation or approval.
• The episode ends on a call for listeners to consider: What roles in others’ lives are you tired of playing? What outdated expectations are you ready to cast off to become your authentic self?

TamBam: “What role are you tired of playing in other motherfuckers’ lives? And then once you figure that out, fix it.” (90:08)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• AJ on Setting Boundaries: “I'm calling your ass out right the now… Ain’t gonna never be a situation where you’d be like, ‘Oh, you should have said [something].’” (62:35)
• TamBam on Growth: “I just enjoy growth—like, I’m not who I was last year, let alone ten years ago, and that’s something to be proud of.” (paraphrased, various points)
• AJ on Acceptance: “In an industry like this, in an entertainment period, you gotta have really thick skin. You cannot give a f*** about what people think about you.” (69:57)
• TamBam on Friendship Changes: “I remember being on the other side of that and not being accepting of my friend's growth… I had to adapt to maintain our friendship and accept that things have changed.” (54:11)
• AJ on Self-Image: “I want to be the healthiest version of myself, and that’s been a goal my entire life… total life change.” (83:26)
• TamBam on Letting Go of Old Patterns: “Former me would definitely be proud of the fact that I’m no longer looking for nobody to come in and save me.” (66:16)

---

Segment Timestamps

• Welcome & Weekend Recap: 03:00–08:00
• Unwanted Sexually Aggressive Partners: 08:20–11:19
• Viral TikTok, Racial Fetishization: 11:19–18:15
• Baby Daddy Reveal Story: 16:21–18:49
• Main Topic Intro: 20:02–20:31
• Discussing Friend Roles & Boundaries: 24:21–32:50
• Humor, Survival Mechanisms: 35:23–37:53
• Authenticity & Code-Switching: 46:17–50:43
• Dealing with Growth in Friendships: 53:09–55:38
• “Former Me Would…” Game: 61:12–76:55
• Self-Image and Hair: 79:36–82:46
• Aspirations and Version of Self: 83:26–91:00
• Final Reflections & Call to Action: 90:08–91:16

---

Closing Thoughts

The episode blends raw honesty, wit, and cultural critique, articulating the pressures Black women face to suppress growth for the comfort of others. TamBam and AJ champion boundary-setting, personal reinvention, and compassion for one’s evolving self. Listeners are urged to reflect on which “roles” they need to break free from and honor their authentic evolution.

AJ: “Speak now. Never hold yourself back. Never hold your growth.” (91:42)

---

For more wisdom, laughs, and life lessons from TamBam and AJ, catch "We Talk Back" every Thursday on iHeartRadio and wherever you get your podcasts.

Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Guaranteed Human.

[State Farm Announcer]

The wait was worth it. The keys to your dream home have been secured. Now comes the time to fill it with memories. But first, furniture and movers. Where's the housewarming? Who's cooking? Or should you cater? All that planning can be stressful, but ensuring your home shouldn't be. And that's where State Farm comes in. Because State Farm agents can help you choose the coverage you need. Just just call, go online or check out the app. An agent is ready to help so you can focus on showing off your new home. If you know, you know like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[AJ Holiday]

A lot of you ask how I actually run my business behind the scenes, and honestly, Shopify is the reason it exists. For me, Shopify is the place where I took this little idea I had and turned it into a real business. I still remember the first ever sale I made for my fashion brand. Embellished. It was a huge moment for me and Shopify made it all possible. Build your store, own your audience, and create something that lasts. Start [e-mail] Ben Peace of mind starts

[Nissan Announcer]

with knowing what supports the journey is steady, grounded and dependable, especially during seasons of change. That's why Nissan engineers push their vehicles to the limit to demonstrate quality, reliability and durability. Manufacturing making those principles a foundation across every vehicle built. That commitment has earned recognition from J.D. power, ranking Nissan number one in new vehicle quality among mainstream brands. Because when trust is built into the foundation, it creates more space to move through life with clarity, confidence and intention, getting the most out of the journey wherever it unfolds. For J.D. power 2025 U.S. initial Quality Study Award information, visit J.D. power.com Awards Awards based on 2025 model year. Newer models may be shown Amazon Health

[AJ Holiday]

AI presents painful thoughts why did I

[Inner Balance Announcer]

search the Internet for answers to my cold sore problem? Now I'm stuck down a rabbit hole filled with images of alarmingly graphic sores in various stages of ooze. I can clear my search history, but I can never unsee that.

[Public Investing Announcer]

Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. Healthcare just got less painful.

[AJ Holiday]

Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tam Bam Scout]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[AJ Holiday]

What's up y'?

[Kal Penn]

All?

[AJ Holiday]

It's your girl, A.J. holiday. What's up, Tam Bam Scout? Damn it, Ass.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I wish, I wish I was. I wish I knew how to do like a safe scam you know, where people weren't affected, only corporations.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, there's plenty scams like that, but that's how you get the big time. Big money, big time.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah, I would prefer to do that than, like, scam the everyday people out of their money, you know? But I love y'. All. Hey, thank y' all for tuning in again. How was your weekend, Adrian?

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, I have been sick for several days. I don't know what the Is outside. And last weekend. Last week, I talked about going to this Italian restaurant. That's really all I did. And then yoga. And I have. I started feeling, like, maybe sick. I don't know, Wednesday or something like that. I'm just under the weather, like. And it's not the. Whatever. Girl, stop saying those words. Does that not sound like a curse? Because, you know, in South Carolina, like, a hint is like a. It's like a spirit, which. Yeah, so do I. I be feeling like they doing something with these words. Man, don't say that in my ear. I've been trying not to say the words. I used to try never to say

[Tam Bam Scout]

Corona, even if you did a beer.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't drink beer. I might put it as a crab legs or something, maybe, but I'll be drinking no beer. But, yeah, man, I just been trying to get well, man. I don't like saying I'm sick either. I'm healing. Okay, so I've been healing for the last few days.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Well, you know what? Healing makes you lose some couple pounds. Anytime I'm healing, I lose some weight. So there's a blessing in it all.

[AJ Holiday]

That's true. And my damn is on my throat on fire, girl, I could barely swallow.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Put some honey down your throat,

[AJ Holiday]

Honey. I've been taking my little teaspoons of Manuka honey. But I don't know, man. This is like, whatever they be putting out here, the magic ain't working no more.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah, the.

[AJ Holiday]

These people, they winning.

[Tam Bam Scout]

They are. What did I do this weekend? I worked, and then I actually got in my home and actually tried to, like, unpack. I still haven't unpacked fully.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, make it a home.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah, to make it feel homie. So I put up a curtain. I don't know if you can see back there, but it's some curtains.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, I see a rod.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yep. There's a curtain on it. You can't see it.

[AJ Holiday]

There's a start.

[Tam Bam Scout]

And that's a start. And that's it. That's all I've done so far, but it's something.

[AJ Holiday]

And, yeah, that's neat. Moving. I hate moving, man. When I get someplace, I just stay there for a while because it's such a process.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Such a process. Getting comfortable in the space and like, sleeping in the unfamiliar face. For the first couple of times, it don't feel like your place. They feel like you with somebody else. I don't know, it's weird, but I was doing that. And then my mom shout out to Sarah. She had a knee replacement surgery on Wednesday. So I've been like, running back and forth for her. And I don't care how sweet of a person you are. In life, when you have a knee replacement surgery, that rattlesnake come out every now and then. So she. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. She being mean like we were. I spent the night in the hospital with her on the first night, and she was having some indigestion and they gave her some medicine. But she said, I want my medicine. I was like, they just gave you something. She said, that's. I want my medicine. So she forced me to get her medicine out the bag. And I was like, well, if you take that, I'm gonna tell the nurse that you took it. She's like, give me my shit. I gave it to her. And then I went down the hall and I told her, the nurse, that she took it. So when I came, she's like, okay, that's fine. I figured she was gonna do it anyway. Cause she kept on talking about taking her own medicine. So when I came back, she was like, I don't know what the fuck you thought that was gonna do.

[AJ Holiday]

Not you told a doctor or your mama, what the hell?

[Tam Bam Scout]

Not a snitch. But I just. If something happened to her, I need them to know what's in her body. You know what she took?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah, that's how I felt. Because she was already moved to the ICU because her blood pressure shot up too high. And now you taking drugs on top of drugs on top of drugs. Like, yeah, I'm telling. She was big mad at me. Child

[AJ Holiday]

niching ass.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yep, I showed. I told her I was gonna tell if she took it. So that happened. That was my week, so. And then I was supposed to go to Vegas on Monday to do inspections, but I had to tap out. I couldn't make it. I'm already calling out the job. I only been there since March.

[AJ Holiday]

Man, listen, when your body tell you to break, you better break or it will break.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Break you.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. Lay down, man. Been trying to heal them jobs and anything else. I hate when people say things that aren't serving me. I don't like that really. But yeah, right, not serving me.

[Tam Bam Scout]

This is the only thing I really like show up to. Whether I'm sick or not. I'll be right here. This is the only one thing that I commit fully to and that I

[AJ Holiday]

do it to each other.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Look at that.

[AJ Holiday]

Great.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Let's get in this.

[AJ Holiday]

In what we got going on.

[Tam Bam Scout]

J. Okay, so I saw this, this post and this woman said, Glizzy728. I don't know, this is really her. But okay, it says, I got a question. If your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, whoever constantly touches you while you're dead asleep, like you waking up out of your sleep to your private part being rubbed on, fingers in it, dick almost in it, and when you notice, you wake up every time saying, stop for hours. I'm talking 9pm to 6am fighting a motherfucker to keep your pants and panties pulled up all while you're asleep. And it don't stop until you remove yourself. Ain't that grape without the G.

[AJ Holiday]

Have I not mentioned this on the show before? About like. Like having these experiences, like you cooking in the kitchen and your titty getting pulled out of your clothes. Or like, yes. Somebody harassing you in the middle of the night. Like some people might think that's like they want sex like in wee hours all the time, right? I'm not one of those people. Like, I do like my rest. So now if I got a. You're literally harassing me while I'm sleeping. My ex used to go to sleep at maybe, I don't know, eight o', clock, nine o' clock and a half in the evening. Like I'd be up till 1 o'. Clock. So now by the time I felt like fully getting to sleep, he's like trying to wake up. And now you're harassing me. So we have different sleep cycles, first of all. And now you're not allowing me to sleep because you think I was supposed to have sex with you in the middle of the fucking night because you about to get up. I'm still sleeping. Yes. That is a form of graping. It is?

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Leave me alone. Just because somebody's your wife or girlfriend, you know, does not mean you have all access to their body.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I don't know. I've been so single, I'm sick. I've been single so long that I'm like listening to it, getting turned on for whatever reason.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. Yo, you just like, wow. Yeah, that was what happened again. And then don't let an argument have happened and you're not even feeling this like that. And he just still think he obligated to. To some coochie. Like you're obligated to give him some coochie. Like, it's even worse.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Like pulling my titty out at the stove. I don't mind is waking up with a finger or something like that in me. That is like a complete violation. Like, dang, first of all, you're sleeping really hard. If the finger actually got inside you before you woke up, one may say

[AJ Holiday]

she might not even like him like that anymore.

[Tam Bam Scout]

That's. That's what I'm thinking.

[AJ Holiday]

That was my situation. Slightly like, man, let me want you, because right now I don't. Yeah, so let me want you before you just all over me. Because now I feel like it's a job and now I should charge you like that part. So please let me want you. Because if you want me, you gotta pay me the fuck.

[Tam Bam Scout]

So fuck what you. You sent me a post about my cousin.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, girl. Yeah. This white bitch. This white. I wanna play this man. And I don't give a damn. I'm about to play what she said. Cause y' all niggas need to hit us. This is Tammy's cousin. Her name is Brittney Bowen. Okay? And I really feel like this girl from South Carolina. I feel like she went to South Carolina State.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Hold on, y'. All, this is not my cousin. Before they be believing that I don't know this white lady.

[AJ Holiday]

Hold on. Let's see. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Nissan Announcer]

I like six, four brown skin tatted up dreadheads. That's my type. Outside of sex with them, they saw they have no personality. They cannot carry a conversation with. We get. There's nothing there. There's nothing there outside of like semi mediocre.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Okay.

[Nissan Announcer]

Sex. You actually wouldn't like them at all. I'm physically attracted to when I go out into the world. That's what I'm physically attracted to. But now when you remove sex, I'm not attracted to them in any way, shape or form. Like, I need someone that can hold a conversation that's intellectual, that's smart, that stimulates my brain, that pushes me to do better. Like that's doing what I'm doing. I don't go to the club. I don't drink, I don't do drugs. I'm not gonna date someone who does those things because I don't do those things anyway.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, so this is Tick Tocker, Brittany Bowen and It says she made some real life general generalizations about brown skinned dreadheads being only fit to perform sexually. And social media is torn between ridiculing men who esteem her aesthetic. What? Who esteem her aesthetic as a preference. And outrage at the alleged dehumanization of men of color. She has since removed the video, but can be seen on two different posts wearing the same outfit in late April. And I'm pretty sure. And I got to. Let me go ahead and google right quick. This girl goes to South Carolina State. I feel like she does.

[Tam Bam Scout]

This is a college student.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. Who's saying that she does not like.

[Tam Bam Scout]

She only likes getting by the black man with. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, that's what her ancestors like too. They were seeking to wait out and have sex with them. Yeah. So yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

She ain't doing nothing that like. You're absolutely right. Actually, I don't know why these think they like them like the same. Like we can say all the crazy things that, you know, black men say to say to black women who. Who date outside their race, which I really don't feel like black women probably don't get treated. Let me not even go there because

[Tam Bam Scout]

there'll be a dream. Don't generalize.

[AJ Holiday]

Let me not even go there, child. All right. But anyway, yeah, be careful. You know, you. These people definitely have been fetishizing black men and beginning of the time forever. They literally ate black men. They literally ate black penises. Like that's they. And it's in their DNA. The current people is still in their DNA. Be careful, okay. Because this type of right here that'll say you did some to them that you didn't do when daddy catch they ass.

[Tam Bam Scout]

She just loved your black cop. That's it. She don't see the beauty of you.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, she even said mediocre sex. So why are you them? The sex is also mediocre.

[Tam Bam Scout]

She mad at one black guy right now. And that's why she came on this post because he had sex with her and ain't calling her back. And now she's like, they're good for nothing but dick and it's not even that good.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl.

[Tam Bam Scout]

She sound like somebody scorn coochie.

[AJ Holiday]

Probably stink. You hear me?

[Tam Bam Scout]

First of all, I feel like all college vaginas be kind of stink.

[AJ Holiday]

Especially around freshman year.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Just now learning, right.

[Tam Bam Scout]

You just starting to have sex. You know, your body without dick in it. And now you're learning your body with

[AJ Holiday]

dick in it and it's a different body. You thought you knew how to Clean that coochie, girl will have your messed

[Tam Bam Scout]

up, but yeah, college stupid college college pussy thing.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, that is hilarious. Okay? It's funny, cuz it's true. And I bet you she probably got a group of dreadheads that will probably, you know, concur. Yeah, Brittany Kuchi was a little tart, right?

[Tam Bam Scout]

She's a nice girl, though. All right, okay, so this one, Zaya Velour, she says I have my baby in less than three months. In this pregnancy, I decided to step up as a woman. I did not know who the father of my child would be. So instead of worrying about the gender, I invited both of the men I'd been sleeping with so they could meet each other to figure out who the dad will be when I have my baby. We are getting blood work done and both of them are okay with it. I'm team red, but my family team blue. And before y' all women try to bash me, y' all be having gender reveals with no father there. I brought both of my child's potential fathers. And as any real woman would. So she had a baby daddy reveal who's my baby daddy, and had them wear different colors and had the family dress that they wanted to.

[AJ Holiday]

They all look. I mean, we don't know what the boys look like. Yeah, she don't look shame at all. I'm just thinking if your family like

[Tam Bam Scout]

the blue, you need to go with blue. Yeah, because why the red? Probably toxic as hell with them dreads.

[AJ Holiday]

That's Brittany Bowen type, right?

[Tam Bam Scout]

It's hilarious, though.

[AJ Holiday]

And she is beautiful. I know some people who have been in that situation. I just feel like, you know, people can judge from the outside, but there's a lot of women who would just lie. There's a lot of women who would just lie and wait till the baby come and put that baby on somebody else. It does take a real woman to say, I fucked up. And here we are, and one of y' all a damn baby daddy. I need the blood test. You know what I'm saying? Like, men are lucky they can't get pregnant. Could you imagine none of these niggas would know who they damn kid dad would be. Whatever. And men can have babies. They would have so many.

[Tam Bam Scout]

What if men could only have babies by dudes and niggas, like, acting like they straight and now you pregnant. Oh, you make me a dick.

[AJ Holiday]

I think it's the same thing when a dude butt start getting fat. Like what?

[Tam Bam Scout]

Oh, just genetically got fat. But shut up.

[AJ Holiday]

If the booty start getting fat, all of A sudden. Did you get me? That ass is getting fattered. It's gonna be a saying that

[Tam Bam Scout]

major. What is our topic today for the gang?

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. What is it? I don't know what we talking about.

[Tam Bam Scout]

The version of you people need you to stay.

[AJ Holiday]

Sorry. I'm hot.

[Tam Bam Scout]

This is N, y'. All. She's sick. We recording this bitch. I just see her whole shoulders come out and I know she ain't got nothing on because I see she had on that rope.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, I'm so hot, girl. Like, I got a fever. I feel it. Why? Last night we had a virtual vet visit for Dasha. And I'm like. When we hung up at the lay, I'm like, that ain't have no clothes on. Just like this. With a blurred out background. Shoulders out like, bitch, you in the bed too, right? Y. I'm sorry. I'm so hot, girl, you can leave it off.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I can't see nothing. But you're hot. You look. You're glist.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm not trying to make y' all sick. I'm so sorry.

[Tam Bam Scout]

That's not how that works.

[AJ Holiday]

Please don't judge me, okay? When you see this bullshit, I do apologize. I was out of my mind for a second.

[Tam Bam Scout]

It's okay. All right, so the topic is the version of you people need you to stay. So I just want to talk about, like, people want you to be what they know of you. You. You know, like, they want you to be the same person they know from college or the same person they know from high school or the same person they know from last week. And you've changed, Right? I just want to get into that conversation about how that works and their dynamic.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, sounds good. Let's do it.

[Tam Bam Scout]

All right. We gonna get into it right after this commercial break.

[State Farm Announcer]

This past weekend, like every other Sunday, you were on the court with the guys, playing ball. Just a pickup game, living out your hoop dreams. No triple doubles, but a mean set of threes in between buckets. One of the homies mentions he closed on a new crib. This is big. And while everyone's asking about the housewarming and making plans to celebrate, you're asking the real questions. Like, has he spoke to his State Farm agent yet about coverage? See, home ownership is one thing, but the right coverage is the real game changer. Even more than your last hot streak is how you protect your legacy. Dropping buckets and bars on the court. A State Farm agent can more than assist you with finding the right coverage for your new place. If you have a claim, your local agent can help you file it. Yep, that's right. Over the phone, in person, online or on the app. They're ready to help you and they don't drop the ball, if you know what I mean. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is

[Public Investing Announcer]

there Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can link, literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S P500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by opening to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc, SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures [e-mail] Disclosures

[Kal Penn]

hey everyone, it's Kal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project Hail Mary, Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo yo yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah dude, me too.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Inner Balance Announcer]

If you're feeling off fatigue, mood changes, skin shifts, yet your labs say everything's normal. You're not alone. Meet Oestra from Inner Balance, the first all in one prescription strength bioidentical hormone cream that's natural and effective and only takes one drop, 10 seconds a day. Oester replaces five to six products women typically use to treat symptoms and is third party tested to ensure the highest quality. Visit innerbalance.com today to start feeling like yourself again. That's innerbalance.com.

[Tam Bam Scout]

All right, so I've been thinking about how people get uncomfortable when you stop being the version of yourself they benefited from. You know what I'm saying? The roles people assign you. So let's talk about it. Like, which? And a lot of your friends, not just friends, relationships. Who are you? Are you the strong one, the funny one, the responsible one?

[AJ Holiday]

The am I friend I get? You know what? I. I realized that I. The people who I am not friends with anymore were my most taxing friends. The people who I'm friends with mostly now, everybody, like on the same page. If we don't talk every day, it's not a problem. You know what I'm saying? Like, really, the difference between like a relationship with a man and my friends is just I expect this to pay for shit and protection. Okay? I respect. I expect love and respect from everybody. I don't have super expectations for my female friends.

[Tam Bam Scout]

You see what I'm saying?

[AJ Holiday]

Like, I don't require a lot in a friendship. I'm not that needy. So I think that the people who were a little bit more emotionally needy, those are the people I'm not friends with anymore. And the people who I am currently still like, hold space for. We good? You know what I'm saying? It's just, is. No, there's no issues. You know what I'm saying? So I don't know. I don't know what role.

[Tam Bam Scout]

So besides the whole friend, what would they call you?

[AJ Holiday]

The whole friend. All of us be on that type of time now.

[Tam Bam Scout]

You too?

[AJ Holiday]

Like, what we talking about? Birds of a feather, you know, that type of thing. I think I am always dependable. I'm definitely a dependable friend. So then I have to have friends who show reciprocity, right? I'm not about to be that friend who's always showing up for you and you don't show up for me ever. And I think that's just a boundary. I'm not. I'm just a tit for tat. Type person. So I guess I really never experienced where I was just doing the utmost for somebody and they not doing shit for me. Because the minute I feel like you ain't doing shit for me, I'm not doing nothing. Yeah. Like, the minute I realized, like, yeah, this, this person is not capable of receiving my friendship. My friendship in the way that I deliver it. Yeah. Like, you can't even. Some people. Yeah, some people are just more like they, they're takers more than anything. They don't really give. Right. Another thing I might be. I might have been. And I'm thinking about the relationships I no longer have. Right. In order to answer the question, I think in a lot of my relationships that didn't. That aren't, you know, existing today, I might have been a successful one all the time too. Always in a position to help do shit. And I feel like when those people got in their minds, when they got in a position above me, because I didn't realize they was in competition with me the whole time, because if I got it, you got it. And I mean down to the last drop, you got it. They. Whenever they felt like they were in a position to shit on me, they actually took it. The big shit. So I don't know, maybe the successful one. I always had going on. Always, always got something going on that people just don't even have access to.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

To do you know what I'm saying? I know, I'm the funny one also.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't be feeling like. I don't feel like being the clown all the time.

[Tam Bam Scout]

So that's what I was about to say. Sometimes I'd be like, I don't want to be the clown for everybody all the time, you know? Like today I'm serious. And I don't feel like being silly with you, you know, and that's okay. I don't have to be the. You know, because sometimes I feel like, oh, my. Being the funny one. I enjoy a good laugh.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm a just like normal setting.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah. But sometimes I feel like people will come to me and unpack the heaviest shit because they need some light. Right. Which is okay. But people are often asked if you have the bandwidth for it or you have the space or energy or time for it. They just come. You brighten my day. Yeah, well, you just turn my. All the way down.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly.

[Tam Bam Scout]

You know?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam Scout]

So you. I mean, I feel like that's something I had to find balance with.

[AJ Holiday]

No, absolutely. When you, when you delight, man, you definitely got to be careful because it Be people with some real life darkness. And even, especially the men, okay, they want to come swoop in and steal your light right quick and going over to the next bitch house. So you gotta be careful. Definitely gotta be careful.

[Tam Bam Scout]

But I am not the friend that people call to borrow money. And I'm so happy about that.

[AJ Holiday]

I can't say that. Yeah, I can't say that either. Like, God damn. Like I have had people ask me for astronomical amounts of money and I would never fix my mouth to ask my friend for that type of money before. And I've come through and sometimes I won't. I just feel like sometimes maybe I can get the money quicker than they can. So. So I'll give it to them, you know. And you know I've been paid back, right? So I don't. Does anybody aside from family, don't know, like friends and nothing like that owe me money. But I definitely have came through for some, some I know for a fact could not have come through for me.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I'm the worst person to owe money. You don't want to owe me.

[AJ Holiday]

Like,

[Tam Bam Scout]

it wouldn't be fine, you know, for either of us, but especially for you.

[AJ Holiday]

I just feel like d' Angelo right now, dog.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Waiting for your boo. No, you look like that Michael Jackson video.

[AJ Holiday]

It's black.

[Tam Bam Scout]

It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yo, my titties is sweating, my thighs sweating and I'm just sweating like I'm sweating all the things off. So it's a good thing. But God damn, I feel like I'm going through menopause.

[Tam Bam Scout]

So let me ask you this. What happens oh, when you start performing? You said you. Those friendships stop.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I never been a performer now because you always gonna. I'm how I move my entire life for real, with much intent, whatever it is. I'm never going to be performing. I'm going to be exactly who I am now. If can't receive that person and that's on you. But I have had friendships where I, I feel like once I, I don't even think there's anything I did. I. You know what I'm saying? It was just my turn, right? Because I would watch these people do the same shady shit to other people and just thought my turn would never come up. But it will always come up. So you just don't fuck with, don't deal with fucked up people. That's just all it is. And, and the friendships come to an end because you can never do me how you do those people anyway.

[Tam Bam Scout]

You know what?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm saying they probably dealt with your longer. You knew you couldn't do that shit to me. And I guess eventually, you know, you just tried it.

[Tam Bam Scout]

You tried it.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm cutting your ass to fuck off. Get. I am a firm believer as do unto others as you'll have them do on you. And I do treat people how they want to be treated. So I'm never going to be mistreated, especially in a friendship with women. Like, I don't fuck bitches. I'm not about to be around here walking on eggshells for no damn woman.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I treat people how they treat me. I don't care how you want to be treated if it's not reciprocal to how you treat me.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm doing both, you know what I'm saying? Of course I'm going to treat you how I want to be treated. But also, you know, everybody, you got to treat people also how they want to be treated. You know what I'm saying?

[Tam Bam Scout]

Like, well, it depends when you say, when you say that, what do you mean?

[AJ Holiday]

Like, it's like I say you got to teach in a relationship with a man, you have to teach them how to treat you because they'll treat you. Had a last allowed them to like, sort of like that. You know what I'm saying? Everybody don't want to be handled the same. Some people have different love languages, you know, even in. In friendships.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Oh, that's what you mean. Like, you treat them how they want to be treated. You love them in the way that they receive love, is that right?

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Okay, because I'm thinking like some people are used to being treated like shit and that's the only thing they understand. Do you know anybody like that? Like men, they don't think you love them if you ain't cussing them out or doing shit.

[AJ Holiday]

Some of them, not all now because I learned that you just have to have a happy man. But a lot of them just sons of bitches. So if you were yelling and cussing their ass out like a dog, they don't feel loved in that moment for whatever reason. Like, they'll do things to push you to the point of being like their mama. And now you get your ass cussed out like a dog. I don't want relationships like that from women or men. There are some. I one of my ex friends who also was a guest on the podcast before I watched her like fall out with all these people. Like, I won't say she was a victim because I could, I could see where she would be wrong sometimes. And I can also see how people was just attacking her sometimes. But it's an energy that she probably was putting out that was inviting that thing, right, baby?

[Tam Bam Scout]

From the moment she was on the show, I was like, Interesting person.

[AJ Holiday]

And I always say, as long as I know who you are, I can deal with you. Right? Are you a liar?

[Tam Bam Scout]

A cheater?

[AJ Holiday]

Just don't think you can do those things to me, bitch, because the minute you try that shit with me, it's over. So we're not friends anymore. Because I did let her slide a few times. Because just being understanding of somebody's background, where they come from, things they've been through. You share a lot of information in friendships, period. You share a lot of intimate details about each other's lives. So I understood a lot of things that. That helped me understand who she was as a person to even allow me to be her friend. But once the started affecting my mental health, oh, you gotta go. Because I'm not arguing with women like, what is happening? We're just. You're just negative. You just negative. Yeah, so I'm cool in that, girl. I like.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I received that in our first engagement. You ain't got no dumbness for. You ain't never had no dumbest story.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, well, I told you that's a Virgo thing, girl. Because these Virgos swear they never got played. I'm Virgo rising. I can admit I done got played plenty times.

[Tam Bam Scout]

No, I know some Virgos that got some stories.

[AJ Holiday]

No, she. Yeah, she ain't have nothing, right.

[Tam Bam Scout]

She's never been played in her life. All right, So I don't like that

[AJ Holiday]

lady because she ain't had no dumb story.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I mean, that was a red flag for me. Like, oh, they're usually perfect. Okay. All right. So it says sometimes your personality was survival. And some examples of being funny to survive tension. That is definitely. I think I use humor to survive everything. Like, I'll be in a shootout and I'm going to drop a joke somewhere, like, just to calm my nerves. The bullets was really coming at us, wasn't they? Like something. I'm gonna say something, right? I got to humor. But I think that is also a family thing. My mama, my daddy, my sisters. I think we all do that. That is like a coping mechanism, a survival tool, like making fun of shit. Hyper independence. Lately, I've been burning the candle at both ends. I don't want to. I just feel like there's nobody coming to save me.

[AJ Holiday]

That's it. That's it. I think I've Been like that my entire life because that's just how my mom is. It's tough for me to ask for help. Yeah. Like, I've always been like that. People always. People offer me stuff all the time. They offer me time, they offer me money. They offer me things, you know, And I just have a tough time receiving. I have a tough time saying, you know, just. Just saying thank you or you. You.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Let me tell you one thing that you struggle with and make me want to be like you. You cannot take a compliment. Good God, give me one.

[AJ Holiday]

Right now.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Your chest looks very smooth and glisteny right now.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm sweating. Thank you. No, please.

[Tam Bam Scout]

You did it. Oh, yeah, I did it.

[AJ Holiday]

You didn't get that easy, right? You got it.

[Tam Bam Scout]

You.

[AJ Holiday]

You proved me right. Wrong. You prove yourself right. Yeah, I do do that. I do. I don't know. I don't know why I do that. I don't know why. I just. I don't know. It's something I'm working on, though. I don't know. It's not like a come. It doesn't come from like a place of insecurity or whatever. It's almost like I can't even put the words with it. Like I don't want. I don't know.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I have to think about it every single time.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I'll think about it. Why I do that?

[Tam Bam Scout]

I'm gonna ask JGPT what that is.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, no, I'm not gonna diagnose me

[Tam Bam Scout]

so I can bring it up. On the next episode. I found out what it is. But you know what? That's a waste of water because I heard that the chat GPT is just drinking up the earth's water.

[AJ Holiday]

What?

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

They're blaming chat GPT for water.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah. Like the big ass mega computers that are like these big ass factories with

[AJ Holiday]

these mega computers, data centers they want to open and shit like this all for surveillance.

[Tam Bam Scout]

So that is using up like it said that Chad GPT used up so much water in the past year that it was like the city of Boston running their water constantly for five months. The whole city, if everybody turned on their tap, that's how much water it used. I'm like, when?

[AJ Holiday]

Because how is. I. I have to understand, like the. These data centers they want to build, which they. They want to build one in middle America, essentially. And that's these white folks that live in middle America, like Utah. Yeah. Right now. Because they don't want these big ass and people who live near data centers are sick. And like, these are Smaller little data centers. They want to build some shit that. They want to build some shit that's like miles. Wow wide. Yeah, that.

[Tam Bam Scout]

What?

[AJ Holiday]

It's a movie that Ice Cube played in Friday. No, it was not Friday. Shut up. It was like last year sometime. It was like an end of the world type movie where it was like. Like data and like the.

[Tam Bam Scout]

The.

[AJ Holiday]

The data came alive type. Like AI type came alive and was just doing its own thing. Then it turned into like a big ass metatron type being thing that was.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah, that's where we headed.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam Scout]

And then I'll be. And then I just saw that and I'm like, I'm in here using Chat GPT for nearly everything. Like I've been taking picture of room decorate this room for me. And then like getting my vision on how I want my room decorated from it. That's so good though.

[AJ Holiday]

Like I don't mean to chat GPT like that.

[Tam Bam Scout]

And then another thing I found about it is it don't never tell you wrong. You can be like, yeah, I crashed my car into his garage because he lied to me. And Chad GPT will be like, well, he is always lying. Never tell you that.

[AJ Holiday]

You won't. Yeah. I'm not sitting there having whole conversations with Chat GPT. But we gotta remember it is programmed by a human right now. Eventually it will have its own mind. I call it artificial consciousness. Consciousness is what's. What's up next. Right when it evolves into the next thing which is probably around the corner. But I don't use ChatGPT that often. Some things I do use it for like business. Should I want to do something right quick. Of course. Create a form or something like that. Yes. People having whole conversations with Chat GPT like they have relationship with the Chachi Chat GPT. And you know, I always say this it when if Chachi PT is is formulating your thoughts when the are you thinking right anymore what are you thinking?

[Tam Bam Scout]

Or like some people don't have any friends. Chad GPT is their only friend, you know? And it talks to you like a friend. That's scary. But anyway, we're getting off topic in the metaverse, right? Never asking people people for help. That's when you say you don't do. I never had a problem with that because people never have a problem asking me for. Especially men. They always ask for what they want. I don't know if there was a class where they took them aside and taught them how to do that shit or something. But

[AJ Holiday]

you thinking with your head like you probably gonna analyze some shit first. But your dick is telling you to

[Tam Bam Scout]

do that and then always appearing good. I think we all do that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I have mastered appearing to be okay. Whole time I'm suffering, suffering. And I. I am one of those people who will I suffer in silence all the time. That's why I'd be so annoyed when act like the smallest thing is about to kill him. Like toughen up, get a helmet. It's life, right? This life, man. Ups and downs, ebbs and flows and is not gonna always be perfect and it's not gonna always be bad. That's what you gotta know.

[State Farm Announcer (Alternate)]

The wait was worth it. Positive affirmations and all the hard work. The keys to your dream home from the vision board have been secured. I see you. A whole new future awaits your planning. From top notch decor but on a budget to the late night backyard summer cookouts, life feels good. Now comes time to fill it with memories. What will you host first? Maybe a movie night? Game night stories that make us laugh and space tournaments that make us cry. First you need to get movers and new furniture. And what about party favors? Will there be a theme? Of course it's a theme because you're always doing the most. Oh yeah, the food to cook or to order out. Don't forget to put it in the group chat so everyone can already see who all going to be there. All the planning can be stressful, but ensuring your home shouldn't be. And that's where State Farm comes in. Because State Farm agents can help you choose the coverage you need. Just call, go online or check out the app. Any agent is ready to help so you can focus on showing off your new home. If you know, you know like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Public Investing Announcer]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures [e-mail] Disclosures

[Kal Penn]

hey everyone, it's Kalpen. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Inner Balance Announcer]

If you're feeling off fatigue, mood changes, skin shifts, yet your labs say everything's normal. You're not alone. Meet Oestra from Inner Balance, the first all in one prescription strength bioidentical hormone cream that's natural and effective and only takes one drop, 10 seconds a day. Oester replaces five to six products women typically use to treat symptoms and is third party tested to ensure the highest quality. Visit innerbalance.com today to start feeling like yourself again. That's innerbalance.com.

[Tam Bam Scout]

All right, so which parts of you are authentic?

[AJ Holiday]

All parts. Like that. Like, I pride myself on great hygiene and being a hundred percent real. Nega times ten. Yeah.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Have you ever felt like you put on ever?

[AJ Holiday]

No. No. That's hard to do for me. Like I. I think it's easier to just be yourself at all times. Like my entire life I've always wanted a job where I could be myself. Any job I've ever had, I've always been myself. And they always say shit like Here comes trouble. Yeah, that's me and that is in my DNA. And it's just easier. It's just easier to be yourself, that's all.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I feel like when I was in college, I think right when I, when I, I'm just fresh out of my mom's house and I'm in this environment where I don't know a lot of people and I'm getting a lot of energy from men that I wasn't used to yet, you know and I had to. Sometimes I will put on this the face of I'm more confident than I really am because I felt like I was just thrown into this world like, oh shit, I'm a bad bitch out here. That's really what it felt like. And I don't know how to be that on the inside. I don't feel like that. You know, once I got older I started like owning some of that shit, you know, like really owning it. But I definitely would. I just remember walking in the club like, yeah, I'm that but really on the inside I'm like, I'm kind of scared.

[AJ Holiday]

Where are your glasses,

[Tam Bam Scout]

little geek? Really a geeky nerd ass bitch. But on the outside I'm just walking in like, yeah, whose section I'm going in right now? Because I'm that. But on the inside I'm really scared. I don't know what's going on. Are they going to shoot in here? These might try to fight me. What's, you know, like I really should just be really.

[AJ Holiday]

I can't imagine that.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Really? That's really how you like.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, you, that's good acting.

[Tam Bam Scout]

19, 18, 19, 20.

[AJ Holiday]

Grabbing the club since I was 16. That's my own like, you know, like I.D. like grown woman for a very long time. I always tell people I've been 30 my whole life. I never been scared and do this shit with confidence too. I'll buy liquor. Like that's my id. I wasn't drinking but I was driving. Like I don't know.

[Tam Bam Scout]

You don't got support early.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And nobody like with nobody else though.

[Tam Bam Scout]

It's so weird.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, I could, I'll say me and Priscilla, my best friend now we've been holding each other hand doing the world dirty since we was in first grade.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Girl

[AJ Holiday]

double dutching on. So I don't know. So I, I've never. Yeah, I just feel like it's always easier to just be authentic, you know, like. And it does take, I don't know, does authenticity take practice? I. I don't know.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Well, Yeah, I think so. Because some people, they spend not. Not because they want to, but just to survive. They have to code switch so much, you know, they can't go into a workplace and be their authentic self. We are lucky to work in environments where we get to be ourselves.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, you have to be you. There is a. There's a uniform. You know, how you gotta look, how you gotta talk, how you gotta act. And I just never conformed to that. And I've always been accepted, you know.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Well, I mean, not everybody is lucky. Like some of, like the culture and some of these corporate organizations. You can't walk in as your authentic self and not be.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, you can. I promise you can. Unless you working at some place like Devil Wears Prada.

[Tam Bam Scout]

First of all, I know I can't walk into some of these corporations and say the shit that really be on my mind and how I deliver. It's not.

[AJ Holiday]

You got to have decorum and some couth, you know. And nobody just say, that's not my

[Tam Bam Scout]

authentic self, bitch, like I want to. You're not here my nipple. Like I can.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't call it inauthentic though. You know what I'm saying? There's layers to. There should be. You should have layers as a person. Right. You should be able to do this and that and you should know how to. And I don't really feel like it's a. Like a. A code switch, per se. It's just this is not the place for that.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah, but sometimes I feel like that's. If you, if you are. If you at home, you're not saying, you betcha.

[AJ Holiday]

But if you're at whatever that at work.

[Tam Bam Scout]

But I mean, I'm. People are saying at work you so crazy. You say, you betcha, you betcha. Thanks, Tom. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And Tom, no, you don't say that at home. Like, I'm not, I'm not playing with Tom.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I see. I don't. I don't work in those environments. I don't know what. But this is just an example. I imagine like people are having to be like, you know, so have the

[AJ Holiday]

family, they all want coke. When you get to a certain level

[Tam Bam Scout]

and then get home, be like, let me tell you what the happened at work. Like, it's just two different people, you know, and it's just not, you know, you have to just be this version of yourself that isn't really authentic to your. I'm off work, you know.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam Scout]

And that's the coping survival mechanism as far as I'm concerned. But maybe I'm wrong. You corporate girlies, tell me what y' all think. I don't know. I. I've done hair. I. I work in a podcast. And then these inspections. I don't talk to nobody. So. So, you know, I've never been required that.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't want to be doing anything in life where I feel like I'm not being me unless I'm acting. Unless I'm actually acting and getting paid to act. It has to. No, I'm not doing it. You know what I'm saying? Because, like, eventually you're not going to know who the you are. You're not going to recognize you anymore.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, and that's what mental health issues start, you know, flaring up and coming into play. Like you have a whole personality disorder now. You just bought 20 different. No, just be yourself. It's easier. It's easier that way. And maybe that's some things that some of my. Like, maybe I've had friends who. Who just couldn't adapt. Couldn't do that. Yeah, they just couldn't do that. And maybe that's something they didn't like why we're not friends anymore either. I don't know. Just that you able to just roam around the planet like yourself and people accept it. I don't know. I mean, it's a gift. Maybe it's a gift. I don't know. I'm still not everybody's cup of tea.

[Tam Bam Scout]

What about people calling growth, like, being like, oh, you change.

[AJ Holiday]

So, so what? Why, why, why am I expected to be the same? Yes. Ten years from now, you know, I remember.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I remember being on the other side of that and not being accepting of my friend's growth. Yeah. Yeah. And I had to adapt. It wasn't. She got a man, she started having kids, and like, me and her used to be outside doing stuff, and now her life has changed so much, and now she can be. Our friendship has changed, you know, not because we're not as close as we were. It's just that she just doesn't have. She's spread thinner now. She's a mom. She's not a man. She has responsibilities that. And mine hasn't changed. I ain't got that man, and I ain't got. So I'm still like, girl, like, she

[AJ Holiday]

probably envy your freedom sometimes.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

You know? Yeah. She probably miss the old her sometimes, and it's okay.

[Tam Bam Scout]

And I miss the older sometimes, too, you know, but then live vicariously through

[AJ Holiday]

you sometimes a little bit.

[Tam Bam Scout]

And then I, like, I would Be getting mad, like, at first. I mean, and I can admit that.

[AJ Holiday]

Look at your face. You're so fucking stupid.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I be getting mad like, damn, bitch, you can't go again, bitch. You know, So I had to. I can admit that I was, you know, selfish in that way. Like, and I had to adapt to maintain our friendship and accept that things have changed. There is growth. So I can't sit here and be like, I've never been the. On the other side of that. And being the one who can't accept the change, that's struggling to accept the change.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, somebody. Somebody improving their life and growing, Showing growth. I can clearly see growth that has never. Like, because sometimes people get offended by growth. I like, to me, when somebody is doing well or starts doing better, I just know I can also do that. Right. That's just something from something else for me to aspire to. Because usually when people start doing good, either you're going to become a hater or you're going to be inspired by it. So I'm usually inspired by the thing.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I remember one time, because we would FaceTime, this is another friend. She got a. She married now. And I would facetime her all times of night. And one day she was like, girl, I'm in the bed with my husband. You cannot be FaceTiming me this late. I'm in the bed with my husband. And I was, like, looking at the phone all disgusted, like, ugh, Bitch, I've been FaceTiming you since FaceTime started late. And now I can't because you got that nigga in your bed, bitch. Like, I was so upset, but I had to respect the growth, the change, you know? But I can remember being like, my flappers were gassed when she was like, girl, you cannot be FaceTiming me in the middle of the night. My nigga is. We're in bed.

[AJ Holiday]

I remember you finished having me in bed. And my. And I'm still, like, trying to be outside talking to you, like, in the bed in the dark. And this, like, get off the phone

[Tam Bam Scout]

and you be like, I gotta go to bed. I'm like, you gotta go

[AJ Holiday]

just mad as hell. I gotta go to sleep. This. That lights out like, we in prison somewhere. My calling me. My people's calling me. And I can't even talk right now,

[Tam Bam Scout]

whispering, I can't talk to you. I gotta call you tomorrow.

[AJ Holiday]

Pray foolishness. Yeah. And, you know, people. People are comfortable. And I think I. I think some of these things I experience more so from family than friends, because I think, like, with Friends like y' all kind of be growing together friends for the most part. And I, people do grow apart, whatever that is supposed to be. I don't, I don't agree that grown ass people grow apart. It's usually somebody start acting like a out of nowhere, you know, they probably never was really with you. Like maybe you, you were beneficial to them while they was with you in the first place. Right? But I, I think, I feel like, I feel like I've experienced that like from family, you know what I'm saying? I am totally, totally the black sheep of my damn family. You know, I eat different, I think different, I do a lot of things differently. And it's almost like they, and not everybody because most people let me live. But just a couple people in particular, they just, they, they, they can't fathom that you are this person. They just like I known you my whole life. How do you. I've known you your whole life, how are you this person? Right? Because I've always had my own mind like my whole life. If you, if you knew me my whole life, you know that how I am today is not too far fetched my right. I didn't know that you had to see this. Being a rebel. Yeah, like, you know, you knew I was gonna grow up to be fucking crazy. You knew it.

[Tam Bam Scout]

My friend told me the other day because I was, I'm supposed to go on a tiki boat little situation tomorrow. And I was showing her my outfit and she was like, I was like, what? She was like, I remember when you used to dress like a hoe and now you dress like a, like way too conservative. Can we just find like some healthy balance like in between. Like you're going on a boat and. Cause I'm thinking yacht. I'm thinking soft luxury, quiet luxury. Some linen pants and like a tie up linen shirt and cute.

[AJ Holiday]

On a boat.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yes, with some shades. She was like, girl, put on a bathing suit and a cover up. Why are you being so super conservative now?

[AJ Holiday]

Because we fucking grown ass women and everything don't call for your ass to be hanging out.

[Tam Bam Scout]

And I was like, I was kind of like low key, offended. Like, okay, I haven't dressed like a hoe in a long time. That was.

[AJ Holiday]

It's a long time, Tammy.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Right? Last summer.

[AJ Holiday]

Last summer.

[Tam Bam Scout]

No, no, seriously. It's been quite a while. Like I haven't, I don't even go outside like that no more. I don't be outside. I feel like when she started having the kids, she kind of sat both of us down low key. But I just don't feel comfortable in those kinds of things anymore. Like, my style has grown. It has evolved. I dress more conservative. I dress more like a lady. I don't have to have the tiniest on with my ass out and all that stuff. It just don't appeal to me.

[AJ Holiday]

And that's growth, and that's okay.

[Tam Bam Scout]

But she said I look like a grandma in my outfit. For the.

[AJ Holiday]

Let me see the outfit. FaceTime related. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's cute.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I still got a body in it. Like, you know, like. But it's just not.

[AJ Holiday]

And see, that is the thing. People don't. You don't have to listen. This is why, like, winter and, like, that is for fly. Y' all naked hoes don't know what to put on in the winter. Like, long as the body is body. And it's like, people gonna see it.

[Tam Bam Scout]

They don't.

[AJ Holiday]

You don't have to be naked if the goal is for somebody to see your body.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Right. Because they gonna see it. I can't hide it.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly, exactly. And it's even more appealing, and it's even more, like, sexy when the body is covered up. Like, God damn.

[Tam Bam Scout]

What's up under there?

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly. Okay. The element of surprise. Surprise, surprise. Yeah.

[Tam Bam Scout]

All right, so I want to play again.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, what we got?

[Tam Bam Scout]

It's called former me wood. All right, so I want you to finish the sentence former me would tolerate. So something that you would have tolerated before that you're just not going for now.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, former me. I. I probably, you know, tolerated. Damn. This is like, in friendships, right?

[Tam Bam Scout]

It could be in anything. You don't have to be. It could be in work. It could be relationships. It could be friendships. It could be with yourself.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. I just feel like I probably used to let a lot of shit slide. Just like. Just knowing people who. Like knowing who people are and knowing their psychology, right? I let shit slide just because, like I said, as long as I know who you are, basically, I can deal with the shit. I really don't let shit slide no more. Like, I'm calling your ass out right the now. You ain't gonna. Ain't gonna never be a situation where you'd be like, oh, you should have said no right now. And then I'm gonna nag now, because now I'm calling out the minute I see. And that becomes nagging to people. Okay, but that's what asked for. Because y' all don't want me building RICO cases no more. Usually I Just shut the up now. I' ma say something every time. I don't. You don't like something.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And so maybe I used to. I don't want to say tolerate. Disrespect. I have. You know, there has been situations where you know something, that something happens, and, like, later on, you like, man, I should have. I should have. I. I have so many of those, bruh.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I got this thing that happened in, like, 2014 that I still be thinking about in the shower. Like, oh, I should have I told

[AJ Holiday]

you about my cousin. The wedding, like, here, I ain't over that. Because I held my peace. That's why I'm like, don't hold your peace. If somebody do some shit to you and you don't like that, speak on it immediately. Do not let it fucking fester. Because I like you. I don't. Like, I love you because we related and you're my cousin. I don't fucking like you, though, because you played with me and I haven't been able to discuss it with you. And the thing is, is that if I were to say something today, I'd look petty.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Because it's years now.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Or I could say some shit like, girl, what. No, let me not say that. I'll tell you when we get off here, though, okay? You know, and this is why. This is how. This is how I don't be having to fight battles. This is how I do. Like, when somebody play with me, always be up. Okay. When we get off here about that situation over. Yeah.

[Tam Bam Scout]

All right.

[AJ Holiday]

So, yeah. Letting people. Letting people. What was it you said? Things I tell you. Yeah. A little disrespect. Yeah.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Former me would chase a nigga with a lot of money. There was a time where I definitely. I enjoy the chase. Like, I like now just. I don't want that. I remember. I like, if a nigga was, like, too readily available to me, I'd be like, I don't know, you know? But if a gave a little chase, then I'd be like, all into him now. I don't got. I ain't got it in me or time to chase nobody, money or broke.

[AJ Holiday]

And in between, listen, if ain't no reciprocity that's in. In. In. In my love life and friendships, I ain't doing it. Like, I'm not liking you more than you like me. And even if I did, you'll never know.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

I' ma act like you don't exist.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Exist.

[AJ Holiday]

If you're not. If you're not doing nothing, I Like, yeah, if you ain't doing the things that I like and like, and things that I like could just be like just being at my ass when I think you're supposed to be cuz it

[Tam Bam Scout]

be like, why you not on me? That's how you feel?

[AJ Holiday]

Are you.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Well, I used to like that. Like, he different, stupid. Now I'm like, you better like me

[AJ Holiday]

when I like you.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah. If you don't like me good, Next one form of me would be proud of this. What is it?

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. This is tough, you know?

[Tam Bam Scout]

I know these are hard.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, these is. This is kind of tough forming me would be proud of. I, I. And I guess I'll go back to, like, relationships with men and stuff like that. I tolerated a lot and I feel like. And I guess that also translates into friendships also. Right? Just. Former me would be proud that I'm not putting up with none of the. Yeah, you got to get the up out of here. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's. Former me would be proud that I can say no wholeheartedly. I ain't going for that. Wholeheartedly. Dumping niggas in real time. I've been dumping niggas. It's fun.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Former me would definitely be proud of the fact that I don't. I'm no longer looking for nobody to come in and save me. I just was always like, yeah, I'm just gonna marry rich. That was always the life plan. And then at one point I was like, girl, if you don't get you a simple Iraq in a retirement and start figuring shit out for yourself, you're gonna be out here down bad bitch.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Would be proud of how I'm saving, how I'm taking care of my health and my finances in a new way. And I can, like, you know, I don't. I haven't erased a single text message since. I can't since I got an iPhone. Like, my shit goes all the way back and I could just look at some of the shit that I was saying to niggas and I'd be like, ugh, bitch, stand up. You weak in the knees, bitch. Like, I look at the message, I just be disgusted with myself, you know? So former me would be proud of the version of me that's just before you all today. That's like, she is different. She is not begging no nigga to act right. She is not caring. She is like, go, please go find your happiness, sir, if it ain't here, period.

[AJ Holiday]

Hit it again.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yes. Period. You Said hit. Hit the thing again. Hell yeah. So that would be.

[AJ Holiday]

Now that's one thing I need to do is get rid of my phone number, man. I've had the cell phone number since I was 18 years old. The same number.

[Tam Bam Scout]

That's a long time.

[AJ Holiday]

That is a long fucking time. And I'm like. I mean, do I need to change my phone number?

[Tam Bam Scout]

Unless you wanna, like.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, I wanna some people who

[Tam Bam Scout]

have access to you still that you don't want them.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, it's bill collectors, of course,

[Tam Bam Scout]

but like people, they're gonna find you. Don't worry about that. Whatever your number is, they gonna find your ass.

[AJ Holiday]

I bet you they won't even find me at my mama house. Find me at my daddy house. You won't find me at my house, y'.

[Tam Bam Scout]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

You Sallie Mae. Yeah. Former me thought this mattered. This is tough, man. Your games are tough.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah, this is tough. Y' all play along with yourself at home. Not your vagina play. Answer the questions.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Former me thought the others opinions of me mattered. Yeah, former me Carrie, like, why they don't like me, baby, I don't give a fuck. I could not care. I could. I would give a damn. I definitely used to care. Like, I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be, you know, received the way I thought, you know, I was presenting. But some people will be just committed not to liking you, you know, Some people will be committed to misunderstanding you. And when I like young girl version of me wanted to be liked, wanted to be loved especially. Was not. Not necessarily niggas. I always felt like they liked me. It was women that I would just always be trying to befriend and like, you know, fit in. And now that's.

[AJ Holiday]

Cause with women in particular, you, it just has to be. It gotta be organic, right? So I. I've never. I've never tried to put myself someplace that I didn't feel welcomed. No shit like that. So I never. I never gave a. About people not liking me. I really never cared. And I think that might be like the highest form of emotional intelligence. Like you can't care nobody. You're not going to be able. I'll give this podcast for an example. I see the shit people be talking. The thing is, there is no one person on this planet that can say or do a thing in a way that everybody will receive it the way that they are conveying it. And I understand perspective, right? So I'm never going to get on somebody else because of how they see a thing, right? Because that's what arguments. That's. That's what starts arguments. People just having different perspectives, right? And it's. We. We are sitting here communicating the whole time on this podcast, right? But communication is not key. Comprehension is. So if you are not comprehending what I'm saying simply because we on two different frequencies, I'm not about to argue or be mad that somebody doesn't like a thing, doesn't like me off of I don't know what, an hour worth of whatever. You know what I'm saying? That's on you, baby. That's on you, baby. That does not bother me. In an. In an industry like this, in an entertainment period, you gotta have really thick skin. You cannot give a about what people think about you. Because first of all, y' all not doing what I do, right? To even know how you would handle the type of pressure of a bunch of people not liking you, right?

[Tam Bam Scout]

I feel like I've been training for this in college. I hope some of y' all listening. Y'. All. Oh, y' all hated me for no reason. Like, y' all hoes did not have no reason not to like me. But y' all just, collectively, y' all just came together and I like me. That's. I've been training for this for my whole life.

[AJ Holiday]

It be. You don't even know, like, aside from this, I'm speaking, like, from, like, these are, you know, the people listen to this show. We. I do appreciate you, but you are strangers, right? But in real life situations with people who don't know you and not liking you, that is always the most strangest thing to me, right? Like, you don't like yourself is what I'm hearing and seeing, period. Because I gave. I've given you no reason not to like me. I mean, it could be just the way your aura shine somebody on. Like, I know I got gold in my skin, baby. I'd be looking like a ring of sunshine.

[Tam Bam Scout]

What do you feel like thought. What did you think mattered that you now know doesn't.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, we just. That's what we were just talking about people.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I said something about me.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, yeah, I agree. I agree. That's my same thing. You're right. I never thought it fucking mattered if somebody liked me or not. Yeah, that was a hard one. I was. I actually said it first. And I don't. I don't. I don't know a thing that I thought that mattered.

[Tam Bam Scout]

And then you, you know, as you've grown, you realize it don't matter, you

[AJ Holiday]

know, I don't want to come off like I don't give a fuck, you know? Because, I mean, I don't want to come off as a person who just doesn't care about anything, but people just be people, and, man, people just be being humans. And none of that shit ever fucking mattered to me since I was born. So I don't know. I. I swear I don't know.

[Tam Bam Scout]

So is there nothing in this life that you were like, okay, maybe I was wrong about that.

[AJ Holiday]

About somebody. What somebody?

[Tam Bam Scout]

Like, anything?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I've been wrong about things. But, you know, I do pride myself on being right, though. And when I say being right, it's just doing people right. I cannot stand apologizing. I don't like it because that means I royally up. So I pride myself on moving right and doing right by people so I don't have to apologize. That's all. So, I mean, yeah, I've absolutely up and can take accountability and say I fucked up, but, man, if I do some up shit to somebody, man, that shit was warranted. And we could sit on stage in a collective, whatever. We could lay out all the things so people could have all the information to see how I came to this fucking point.

[Tam Bam Scout]

All right?

[AJ Holiday]

And then lastly, I'll blow my nose in the mic. I'm so sorry, y'. All. I love y'. All. Thank you.

[Tam Bam Scout]

All right, last one. Former me care too much about.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. I think the older I get, I. I'm in a. Really. In a relationship. I do absolutely value my relationship and the person I'm with, but I used to care too much about these niggas. I can't say that I care about niggas like that anymore either, or haven't even having a relationship with them if. If it's not just super great and solid day one. Same for friendships, you know what I'm saying? Like, girl, I forgot what you said.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I mean, care too much about.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I don't know. I guess I. I care too much about these niggas, and that's it. I never care too much about people liking me. To have to put that as one of the things again. I don't know. These questions seem redundant. It's like the same thing they asking me. Like, why y' all ask me these same things?

[Tam Bam Scout]

Trying to get an answer out your motherfucking idea. I know, right? You need to be dodging

[State Farm Announcer]

the wait was worth it. Positive affirmations and all the hard work, the keys to your dream home from the vision board have been secured. I see you. A whole new future awaits your planning. From top notch decor but on a budget to late night backyard summer cookouts, life feels good. Now comes the time to fill it with memories. What will you host first? Maybe movie night, game night stories that make us laugh and spades tournaments that make us cry. First you need to get movers and new furniture. And what about party favorites? Will there be a thing? Of course it's thing because you're always doing the most. Oh yeah, the food to cook or order out. Don't forget to put it in the group chat so everybody can already see who gonna be there. All that planning can be stressful, but ensuring your home shouldn't be. And that's where State Farm comes in. Because State Farm agents can help you choose the coverage you need. Just call, go online or check out the app. An agent is ready to help so you can focus on showing off your new home. If you know you know like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Public Investing Announcer]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It also starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures [e-mail] Disclosures

[Kal Penn]

hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay the Audible and I Heart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project Hail Mary, Massive Sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and psychoanalysis. Okay, yo yo, yo. Is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great cuz it served the story. People will say like oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah dude, me too.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Inner Balance Announcer]

If you're feeling off fatigue, mood changes, skin shifts, yet your labs say everything's normal. You're not alone. Meet Oestra from Inner Balance, the first all in one prescription strength bioidentical hormone cream that's natural and effective and only takes one drop, 10 seconds a day. Oester replaces five to six products women typically use to treat symptoms and is third party tested to ensure the highest quality. Visit innerbalance.com today to start feeling like yourself again. That's innerbalance.com.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I think. All right, so me for me cared too much how I presented outside. Like I felt like I always had to be well put together and I would just have anxiety about it. Almost like used to be like really bad too. Especially when I was younger, you know, like feel like oh I don't want nobody to see me looking like this. I gotta be dolled up to go to the fucking grocery store. Like I just, I gotta put on every time I'm walking in the grocery store in high heels. Walking around Benedict high stupid. Yeah looking dumb as hell. Like just doing too much to present

[AJ Holiday]

that shit was one semester for me. I started working a full time job the next semester is I now I

[Tam Bam Scout]

don't give a listen.

[AJ Holiday]

That's a black thing. Black people make people have so much like we have so much pressure on us to put on you know what I'm saying? Like your kid like as a kid you're supposed to just be looking a hot mess. Go to go to class. You know what I'm saying? Throw some on and go to to class. You will get all the. All the you hustling backwards when you start doing all the grown early.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Too early.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Give a about no more. I will throw on a hat and Some sunglasses is whatever the. Is closest.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm just gonna dress it up now. That's why I started, like, lately, like, my go to, like, because I wear workout clothes every single day. But I'll throw a blazer on with that and automatically make. Look tea. Just throw a quick little blazer on and your sunglasses. Even if you got a hat on, it's just gonna. Now we look dressed up.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah, I'm wearing his sweats, a sweatshirt, hat, and some sneakers and no makeup. I'm not doing all of that lashes. What? I'm not putting it on. I don't have time, and I still feel like I'm pretty without all of that stuff. There was a time where I felt like I needed that shit to feel pretty. I don't.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, I need my fucking eyebrows, okay?

[Tam Bam Scout]

You ain't.

[AJ Holiday]

You ain't catching me outside without my eyebrows on. And right now my hair is so little, but it's cute, but I'm still not comfortable going outside with this little hair.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Why you call me a little hair? Like, you mean short? I cut it.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I cut it little, sure. But it looks. It looks healthy and stuff.

[Tam Bam Scout]

You got an Afro, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

Ain't even really an afro yet, child. It's like a little curly little thing.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Well, I mean, that's the thing. Our relationship to our hair has been toxic since we were kids, honestly, like, so that's something to unlearn as well. I feel like our age. Sorry, women our age, they start getting sisterlocks because they, you know, sister locks are cute, but very cute.

[AJ Holiday]

But I ain't doing it. It's just too much commitment for me. And every time I see someone's, I'm like, that is so gorgeous.

[Tam Bam Scout]

It looks so good, but it's just not gonna look good on me. I feel like, yeah, I'll wait.

[AJ Holiday]

I'll wait until. And then I'm gonna skip. I'm adding extensions on my.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I'm not starting with that tomorrow. I'm not starting. I'm not doing that. I'm cheating my way. All right, so. Last thing I want to do before we get up out of here. What version of yourself are you trying to become now? Now I want to pause before you answer. Everybody listening. I want you to think about that question and answer it out loud for the universe, the version of yourself that you want to become right now. Let's give you a second, All right, aj?

[AJ Holiday]

I want to be the healthiest version of myself, and that has been a goal my entire life. I've reached it a couple Times, but maintaining it, you know what I'm saying? Like, total life change, total lifestyle change. That is. I feel like that is actually the door to everything else. You know what I'm saying? Like, just fitness. I want to be the healthiest version of AJ Possible, which includes a six pack. You know, it's been on my. My vision board for a while.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Do it.

[AJ Holiday]

You can do it. I know I can. These transformations on Instagram would be fucking. That's all I look at the fuck. Like, the transformations that some of these women, and I don't know if they're all on the GLP1 stuff. I'm afraid of that shit. I had. I did a couple peptides recently that I did clothe. That's more for, like, skin. Yeah. And hair and stuff like that, girl. Got my stomach so bruised up.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Damn.

[AJ Holiday]

So my body rejects things. So I just. I just know that if I try to. I never get anything I want easy, ever.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Don't say that.

[AJ Holiday]

It's the truth.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I rebuke that. In the name of Jesus, I rebuke it.

[AJ Holiday]

Aside from, like, listen, for real, girl, I'm. I have to. I. It's just the truth and I know it, and it's okay. I just got to get up and do the things every time, you know, because faith without work is dead.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So, yeah, that's just. That's just the truth.

[Tam Bam Scout]

So for me, I want to have more discipline. Yeah, we just need more discipline. Like, I, you know, I struggle with it my whole life. I was just thinking about, like, I feel like I cheated my way through high school and college, you know, like. Like what? Like actual cheating. I don't know.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm just gonna say, like, give me that degree.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah. Like, you know, I just feel like. Because I just don't have great discipline, so that's, you know, I want to be a more disciplined version of myself. And I still, you know, I can be honest and say that I still suffer with insecurities about myself. And I want to be like, I can see people who get on social media and will just. Do you know who Meatball is? Meatball? Yes, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

But you don't want to be like that. Like, I don't want some level.

[Tam Bam Scout]

I don't want to be like, meatball. Shout out.

[AJ Holiday]

She. She really herself on the Internet, like,

[Tam Bam Scout]

whatever that looked like. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Not that far. But I just admire how some people can just.

[AJ Holiday]

There's a lot of people like that. And I be. I, I. And I will just sit here and I'll be inspired by them, but I'm not doing it. I'm not getting on the Internet with my hair looking a fucking mess. I'm just. That's just my personality.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Well, I think people align more with that because they recognize it in themselves.

[AJ Holiday]

But is that you, though? If. If you're the. If your personality is put together, why would you do that for people, though? That's those people's personality. I'm not about to get on the Internet looking crazy when that's not normally how I would be presenting for people. And that's not me putting on. When I want to be put together. I want to be represented in the best light possible, girl.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah, I get that, too. But I also just want to be real, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Not really real, though. I think you can still be you and not show up like that. That's real for those people.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah, but sometimes I do look a mess sometimes.

[AJ Holiday]

Why you gotta go live when you do it?

[Tam Bam Scout]

I. Well, I don't want to go live when I do it, but I want to be. I want to be so Cat. I could if I wanted to, you know? But me, I'm like, I ain't doing that. You know, I ain't doing that, you know, But I would love to have

[AJ Holiday]

young people, too, man. Some people young, it do be some older women online just doing whatever.

[Tam Bam Scout]

But I. I aspire to that, you know, I do just wake up in

[AJ Holiday]

the bed and hop on, live right.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Requesting my eye. Like, what's up, y'? All? Good morning. Do you know how deep my voice is in the morning? And I give a. Yeah, but would

[AJ Holiday]

that then be true and authentic to you?

[Tam Bam Scout]

I mean, it's my real self. My real self has a deep voice in the morning, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Why everybody gotta know that, though? Like, what's going to be for you?

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah, I mean, everybody don't have to know, but I'm just saying, like, I don't want to be. Like. I want to be more free when it comes to how I present on social media and on the show. I mean, I feel like we get on here and we just be our. I know I'll come on here and I just be exactly who I am. But in front of that camera, Baby, baby is a different thing.

[AJ Holiday]

That's why it's a podcast, you know what I'm saying? But black people, we gotta create a whole production for y' all niggas.

[Tam Bam Scout]

And I feel like you and I, we need to get together and actually film again. You don't want to, y'. All. That's why we. We ain't been filming, aj.

[AJ Holiday]

That's a lie, girl.

[Tam Bam Scout]

What you said when I asked you to film last time. Yeah. No.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam Scout]

No, you didn't.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, you was gonna get on there with a chin scrap on filming.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah, girl, I can take the strap. I could take the strap off.

[AJ Holiday]

Both of us have not been recording. Not because I just.

[Tam Bam Scout]

You said you wanted to do what before we got.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm not saying it on here.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Okay, so.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah,

[Tam Bam Scout]

but we need to like and like.

[AJ Holiday]

And I already did that, and it ain't enough.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Oh, you have. That's good.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, girl.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Why?

[AJ Holiday]

I saw. No, not 20 now. 10.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Why?

[AJ Holiday]

I seen this video. This girl was like, stop saying you just need to lose £20. Stop saying that.

[Tam Bam Scout]

You need to lose more.

[AJ Holiday]

You need to lose more than 20 pounds. You fat.

[Tam Bam Scout]

But you know what? You got to start somewhere. 20 pounds in this dire place. You hot again. Yeah. She got neck. You got good. See, you got good neckline and shoulders.

[AJ Holiday]

What do you say, Matt? Oh, thank you.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah. She struggled with compliments, I swear to God. All right, last thing, everybody. This is what I want you to do to ask yourself. You know, when you go on. You go on from this podcast and go on with your life, I want you to ask yourself, what role are you tired of playing in people's lives? Really think about that. What role are you tired of playing in other motherfuckers lives? And then once you figure that out, fix it. Fix that. Do it. Can you do it, aj?

[AJ Holiday]

I ain't got no rules. I'm tired of, like, I just don't be doing. I don't want to do no more. This is, like, done. I'll I doing. I don't want to do no more. That.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Well, that's good, but everybody ain't in that position yet. So if

[AJ Holiday]

it might come after 40, though.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Yeah. Or later, who knows? It might come today after you listen to this podcast. But do it.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, y'. All. So if y' all enjoyed this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app. Wherever the you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagrams kicking Tam not.

[Tam Bam Scout]

It's official TMBAM on Instagram. Follow me there. Follow We Talk Back podcast. I love y' all so much. I appreciate y' all so much for tuning in. Remember, speak now.

[AJ Holiday]

Never hold yourself back.

[Tam Bam Scout]

No growth. Never hold your growth.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam Scout]

All right, all right, listen, I want you to start. Listen, you gonna say speak now. And then I'm gonna do the last part because I feel like I'm gonna come up with some shit. You've been doing it for five years, so let's swap it out.

[AJ Holiday]

All right. Got it. Next time.

[Tam Bam Scout]

All right, bye. Bye.

[AJ Holiday]

We Talk Back Podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Inner Balance Announcer]

If you're feeling off fatigue, mood changes, skin shifts, yet your lab say everything's normal, you're not alone. Meet Oestra from Inner Balance, the first all in one prescription strength bioidentical hormone cream that's natural and effective and only takes one drop, 10 seconds a day. Oester replaces five to six products women typically use to treat symptoms and is third party tested to ensure the highest quality. Visit innerbalance.com today to start feeling like yourself again. That's innerbalance.com Think about it when it

[Just Food for Dogs Announcer]

comes to your own food. You can walk into a restaurant, see what's being made, and know exactly what you're getting. But with dog food, most brands keep that completely hidden. Just Food for Dogs does the opposite. They've built their entire brand around open kitchens. You can actually walk in and watch them prepare your dog's meals with real human grade ingredients like chicken, beef, carrots and peas cooked right there in front of you. No mystery, no behind the scenes, you're not allowed to see. That kind of transparency is rare in the pet food world, and it's a big reason they've become the number one vet. Recommended fresh dog food earning trust from pet parents who want to feel confident in what they're feeding. When a brand is willing to show you exactly how your dog's food is made, it says a lot about the care, quality and standards behind every meal they produce. Nothing to hide. Everything to love. Go to justfoodfordogs.com and get 50% off your first order.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Paramount plus is now the home of

[AJ Holiday]

all your BET favorites.

[Tam Bam Scout]

What? Yeah, with all new episodes of Tyler

[AJ Holiday]

Perry's Divorce Sisters you've always liked, a little drama, plus a whole new world of movies like Gladiator 2.

[Ray Porter]

Now I will control an empire.

[AJ Holiday]

Original series like the Shy.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Just make sure we protect each other

[AJ Holiday]

and live sports like ufc. Welcome to the history books. New home, same family. Your BET favorites are now on Paramount Plus. Subscribe now.

[Martha Stewart]

This is Martha Stewart from the Martha Stewart Podcast. Ever wonder how to make hosting look effortless? Here's a secret. Getting ahead of the mess with new Reynolds Kitchens Countertop prep paper Just lightly wet the counter before so the paper grips and stays in place. Then lay down the Reynolds Kitchen's countertop prep paper so drips and spills stay on the paper, not all over your kitchen counter. You can roll out dough, prep a party spread, or cook alongside family. When you're done, cleanup is as simple as lifting the paper and revealing that clean counter underneath. Effortless. You can use it for cooking and baking, prep and even crafting, especially when you need extra working space. Because when the mess is already handled, you can focus on what matters the food, the people and the moment. It may look effortless, but now you know it's Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper. Take a tip from me. Wet it, set it, prep it. Done. Make it easy. Make it with Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper, available now in the Reynolds Wrap aisle in Walmart, Target, Amazon and Costco.

[AJ Holiday]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Tam Bam Scout]

Guaranteed Human.