Podcast Summary

We Talk Back: "You're So Good You're Bad"
Hosts: TamBam & AJ Holiday
Date: November 20, 2025

Episode Overview

In this lively episode, TamBam and AJ Holiday dive deep into the complexities of self-proclaimed "good guys"—the men who label themselves as nice, yet whose actions often betray their claims. With typical wit and candor, the hosts explore why these men can be the most dangerous, how to spot red flags, and share raw stories from their own dating lives and those of their friends. The conversation touches on manipulation, gender roles, relationship standards, and the reality versus the self-promotion of "goodness" in men. Listeners are treated to revealing anecdotes, honest advice, and plenty of laughs along the way.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up & Personal Stories

[03:24–13:12]

• Weekend Recaps: TamBam shares a story about an unsatisfying trip with a man she doesn't enjoy, and AJ tells of meeting David Banner and their playful banter.
  • TamBam: “Ain't no way you need goin' every week. I'm doin'—”
  • AJ: “Bitch made a best win. Remember?”
• Dating Woes: TamBam recounts taking “another nigga” to New Orleans after an ex lets her down, only to regret it thanks to the man's chain-smoking and awkward behavior.

2. Relationship Hot Takes & Social Media Drama

[11:28–25:23]

• Yaya Mayweather's Call for Younger Casts: AJ and Tam discuss Yaya’s comments wishing for younger faces on reality TV like "Love & Hip Hop."
  • TamBam: “Maybe shit, you got the money and the connections – produce some shit!”
• Viral Lawsuit: Discussion of a TikTok influencer being sued for breaking up a marriage and paying $1.75M, highlighting the legal concept of “alienation of affection.”
  • “Ain’t no dick out here worth paying another bitch $1.75 million.” – Tan Bam [16:36]

3. Viral Moments & Gendered Double Standards

[25:23–28:12]

• Boxing Milestone: Celebration of Clarissa Shields’ historic $8 million boxing deal, with side gossip about her social media persona.
• Body image & Dating Fails: TamBam shares an anecdote about refusing to date a man with a big butt (“He looked like a bad bitch from behind!”).

4. The “Nice Guy” Deep Dive

[33:03–81:19]

Setting the Stage

• Reality TV Clip: The conversation gets sparked by a "Love Is Blind" moment where a man cries after his fiancée wants to wait until marriage for sex.
  • “That was manipulation at its finest!” – TamBam [35:17]

Dangers of Self-Proclaimed Nice Guys

• Manipulation Tactics: They highlight how self-branded nice guys often use guilt, pity, or tears to coerce women.
  • “Why does anybody want pity pussy? Because that's essentially what it would be.” – AJ [35:24]
• Weaponized Victimhood: Such men play the martyr role, blaming women for their own lack of romantic success.
• Relationship ‘Resumes’: Caution against believing a man is truly “good” just because he self-promotes; the hosts suggest talking to his ex or baby mama to verify his character.

Personal Experiences

• Ghosting by ‘Nice’ Men: TamBam tells a story about dating a supposed nice guy who vanished—turns out he was married.
  • TamBam: “The last self-proclaimed nice guy that I was dating… that nigga was whole married to a traveling nurse and she was out of town and she was about to come home.” [43:45]
• Public Perception vs Private Reality: Good reputations can mask abusive or manipulative treatment in private.
  • AJ: “He started off as a nice guy – nice, yeah – beat your ass up.” [61:38]

Why Women Overlook the Real Good Guys

• Attraction vs Stability: Sometimes women overlook decent men for more exciting but less dependable ones – “demon dick.”
• Context Matters: The complexity of compromise, settling, and knowing your own boundaries.

5. Red Flags & How to Spot a Truly Good Guy

[68:44–81:19]

• Actions Over Words: Truly good men show consistent, respectful, and accountable behavior.
  • “He shows you his values consistently, not just says them.” – Tan Bam [68:44]
• Accountability & Apologies: Real good guys apologize with specificity and show real change, not just words.
• Respect for Boundaries: A good man is unfazed when you assert your needs or limits.
• Integrity in the Dark: Good guys act right even when no one's watching.
• No "Good Guy" Branding: Real good men are too busy being decent to campaign about it; beware loud self-advertisers.

6. Tips to Protect Yourself from Fake “Nice Guys”

[75:24–79:18]

• Believe behavior, not branding.
• Don’t let great sex blind you to warning signs.
• Consistent attention isn’t always intentional; sometimes it’s about convenience, not commitment.
• Don’t feel obligated to be with a man who is “not terrible”—that’s still settling.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• AJ (on the manipulative crying on Love is Blind):
  “It was scary to me that he started crying on national television because the woman wouldn't give him no Gucci. Are you that sexually frustrated?” [36:14]

• Tan Bam (on retroactive honesty from a ‘nice guy’):
  “So he thought I was going to respond like, well, thank you for telling me the truth. I was like, bitch, I'll spit in your face if I see you.” [45:33]

• AJ (on not letting the past control you):
  “What I've realized lately is that people think accountability is you agreeing with them. And that's not what accountability is... it's just literally having empathy.” [69:19]

• Tan Bam (on boundaries):
  "Boundaries respected without attitude. That's a huge one for me." [71:10]

• AJ (about self-worth in relationships):
  “Don’t owe a man a relationship because he's not terrible. What that singer said—a piece of man is better than no man at all. That's a lie.” [79:18]

• TamBam on the “dating resume” idea:
  “Let me talk to your ex, let me talk to your first baby mama… They know if you’re a nice guy or not.” [43:29]

Key Timestamps for Major Topics

• [03:24] – Show kicks off, weekend stories, getting “outside”
• [06:53] – TamBam’s disastrous New Orleans trip
• [16:36] – Viral lawsuit over “alienation of affection”
• [25:23] – Clarissa Shields’ boxing milestone
• [33:03] – Introduction to the “good guy” deep dive (Love Is Blind clip discussion)
• [35:17] – Manipulation and weaponized “niceness”
• [43:29] – “Nice Guy” ghosting story
• [68:44] – How to spot a genuinely good man
• [75:24] – Tips for protecting yourself from fake nice guys
• [80:09] – Settling vs. compromising in relationships

Overall Tone & Takeaways

The episode is unapologetically real, brutally honest, and unfiltered, mixing gleeful shade with heartfelt advice. TamBam and AJ aren’t afraid to call out male manipulations, social media hypocrisy, or their own missteps. They champion self-awareness, advocating for women to trust their instincts, set boundaries, and refuse to settle for men whose “niceness” is often just a mask for entitlement, manipulation, or even abuse.

Listeners are left with both laughter and real talk: don’t be fooled by self-proclaimed good guys—watch how they treat you, not just what they claim to be.

Follow for more:

• We Talk Back Podcast: every Thursday on The Black Effect and iHeartRadio
• AJ Holiday: @ajholiday2.0
• Tam Bam: @officialtambam