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This is an iHeart podcast guaranteed human
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Xolair Omalizumab is proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens. Xolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people 1 year of age and older. To reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods while taking Xolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you're allergic to Xolair. Xolair may cause a severe life threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Xolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions including anaphylaxis. Xolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions including anaphylaxis while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see xolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Xolair this is an advertisement for Zollaire paid for by Genentech and Novartis.
Sophia
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Sophia
Of course, if you enjoy overpaying.
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Sophia
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Sophia
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Sophia
Hi, everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to work in progress. Hi, Valerie.
Valerie Bertinelli
Hi.
Sophia
Can we do a little bonus?
Podcast Host
Yes, please do.
Sophia
Yeah, I am so. I just love it. Thank you. I. I know you wrote your book for you, but also, I needed this book.
Valerie Bertinelli
Oh, that. So that means the world to me.
Podcast Host
Thank you.
Valerie Bertinelli
That's what I want.
Sophia
Congratulations to you and congratulations to me and all of your other readers. Friends. Valerie Bertinelli's new book, Getting the Quiet Work of Becoming Perfectly imperfect is out March 10th. And I. I want to talk about a couple specific parts with you. Your chapter, puzzles.
Valerie Bertinelli
I love that chapter.
Sophia
I love that chapter. You really?
Valerie Bertinelli
Can I tell you how that chapter started?
Sophia
Yes. Okay.
Valerie Bertinelli
Yes. Okay. So when I started writing that chapter, it was just going to be like my aging brain and how I keep it active and how I keep the synopsis moving and how I can help you, like, you know, keep active and do these things. Like, I do puzzles. I love wordle. I love connections. I love doing the crossword puzzle. It's my Sunday morning is crossword coffee, you know, my animals. That's like my favorite thing to do. And then it just became puzzles. Family, the puzzle of family. The difficulty, the challenges, the scariness of family. The, you know, what we're modeled as family, what family models love for us and how they model love. And then it just became this deep thing that became looking at my parents and finding this deep compassion and love for my parents. Even though I could be super angry at my dad for cheating on my mom, I'm still angry at him. But I love him and I love how hard he tried to become a better human being. And I love my mom's sense of humor and her artistry and how she never really had the chance to really explore who she is as a full human being. So it became, you know, starting as helping people with their brain and then just becoming like, oh, I love my parents.
Sophia
Yeah. You know, it's so amazing how it sort of unfolded and it. It's not lost on me that it's a perfect metaphor because as you do a physical puzzle, the picture reveals itself and the Chapter, you know, for our friends at home, digs into generational patterns and identity, and you really touch on how we're more like our parents than we might want to admit.
Valerie Bertinelli
Yep.
Sophia
I'm very much in that life stage.
Mint Mobile Advertiser
That's.
Valerie Bertinelli
You'll learn to appreciate it. Yeah.
Chelsea Handler
Yeah.
Sophia
And I'm really curious because I'm having a moment where I'm seeing so many parallels between myself and my mother. I have processed my own loss, my own divorce, realized I repeated a pattern that I swore to myself from the age of eight would be the one thing I wouldn't do. And then it's exactly what I did, because I didn't actually do the work to figure out.
Valerie Bertinelli
And that's the model.
Sophia
You know, we find the claws that fit our wounds. Right.
Valerie Bertinelli
Mm.
Sophia
How. How did your reflection on that, discovering the traits that you share with your mom, seeing the similarities in your own patterns, how did that begin to dawn on you? Because I hear you saying it opened a new well of compassion, if you will. But I know to get to the compassion, you have some pretty intense realizations.
Valerie Bertinelli
First, a lot of anger.
Sophia
Yeah.
Valerie Bertinelli
A lot of, like, wouldn't you do better? And then understanding why she couldn't do better, and compassion for what this young woman went through having five kids before she was 25, and, you know, her first pregnancy at 16, 17, and losing her second son while she was pregnant with me from drinking poison. So I was born into a family of grief. And that grief manifests in a way that, as a child, all I saw is, I need to make these people happy. So it developed a personality in me. The people pleaser, all that stuff, and keeping an eye on things, making sure everybody's okay. I've pulled back from that a lot. But I know I also had a tendency to wallow and feel sorry for myself. And I know that's what my mom did. And it used to make me so angry. It's like I'd be like, mom, stand up for yourself, Tell dad to off, is what I wanted to say to her. I never said that, but I wanted her to.
Sophia
And then you realize you're not telling anybody to off.
Valerie Bertinelli
Yep.
Sophia
Oh, I've been there.
Valerie Bertinelli
Yep. That I needed to give my own advice to my mother, to me, and stop tolerating behavior that is intolerable. But I tolerated intolerable behavior for a very long decades. Me too, because I thought that's what you did. Because that was my role.
Sophia
She's saying you do the work.
Valerie Bertinelli
Yeah.
Sophia
Yeah.
Mint Mobile Advertiser
Yep.
Valerie Bertinelli
But I'm not angry at her. Anymore. I understand every. She didn't have a mother. Her mother died when she was 9. You know, she had a horrible stepmother who treated her like she was. I know she was sexually abused. She never quite said it, but I know it. That's why she ran away from home and married my dad. Got pregnant, married my dad. But I'm not mad at her anymore. In fact, I have immense amounts of compassion for her. And I still talk to her.
Sophia
That's so special. That's really, really special. Has reflecting on it helped you wrap all the complexity in love? Because you can say, I wish I'd said to f ck off. And I wish this and that. I wish I had more access to anger, but it still seems I let
Valerie Bertinelli
way too much roll off my back. And I like that about me because it's patience. To watch someone go through what they need to go through to get to that will bring us closer. But it also sets me up to be abused. So I need to be better at that. I know without a doubt, if I ever start dating again, I will absolutely keep my eyes open for the red flags and not make excuses for them any longer. I'm really good at making excuses for people, and I'm really good at giving them 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 7 million chances because I believe in them. I believe they're a good person. But I don't need to be proved on the seven millionth time.
Sophia
You're also an overstayer so badly. Yeah.
Valerie Bertinelli
Holy.
Sophia
Yeah. And you know what's interesting? I've really had to do some unpacking of the performer in me because I know how to do the job. I know how to make people.
Valerie Bertinelli
I can make you love me.
Sophia
I can do it. Just listen to me and look how hard I work. And I'll be on hour 17 ordering coffee for the crew because we're in it together. And the thing that I like about myself, like you said, my patience, which is great in so many arenas of my life, is not necessarily a good thing.
Valerie Bertinelli
It's not adding any. It's not adding value there.
Sophia
Relationships, right? And the thing really trying to uproot some of my own shame plants, if you will. I really had to look in the mirror and go, oh. When I overstay, I actually then I'm switching roles. The person who hasn't been good to me when I. Even if it's in my subconscious and my brain hasn't admitted it to me yet, if I overstay after, I know this is not gonna work. I become the one who's not good to them.
Valerie Bertinelli
Yes.
Sophia
And that was a tough pill for me to swallow. But having to take full accountability also was the thing that finally allowed me to have grace and to go, wow. I learned to tolerate the intolerable and I called it love for a really long time. And actually in that space, I'm heartbroken for myself. I'm sorry for the people that I knew weren't actually going to love me. And I. And I tried to wait it out to see if they might.
Valerie Bertinelli
Yep.
Sophia
Cause that hurt them.
Valerie Bertinelli
Yep.
Sophia
And I've had to learn to love us both in the rearview mirror. And it's in multiple ways.
Valerie Bertinelli
Yes.
Sophia
Multiple people.
Valerie Bertinelli
I think it's easy. I mean, I only have the rearview mirror when it comes to intimate love now. So I can look back on that. I'm still angry about some situations that happened. But I have definitely. I have come to a place with my second marriage where I'm just not angry anymore. And I really understand what happened, how it happened, how I stayed far too long. So I forgive myself. I forgive him. I don't think he knew any better. He's just been working through that his entire life.
Sophia
Yeah.
Valerie Bertinelli
So I feel peace about that. I'm curious how I'll behave in a new relationship because with everything I've learned, I wonder if I'll be able to then put it into action. And if I see a red flag, if I'm able to say that's a no for me and be able to walk out and not even stay. Not a second chance. So I'm curious. But I'm also not ready. I am so gun shy right now. I'm not ready to put my toe in.
Sophia
Yeah.
Valerie Bertinelli
But I know that I deserve to have intimate love. So I think one day it could happen. But I'm okay with taking my time. No more love bombing or limerence. I can tell you that for now. More of that.
Sophia
Yeah, no more of that. That's a run for the hills.
Chelsea Handler
Yeah.
Sophia
Yeah.
Valerie Bertinelli
Yep. And it feels so damn good. But I'm like, no, thanks.
Sophia
No.
Valerie Bertinelli
I don't want butterflies. I want calm. I want emotional safety. And I want to give that back. I want someone to feel so emotionally safe with me. They can say anything to me and I won't judge them. Like my son, like my daughter in law, like my brothers, my girlfriends. I like. I love you.
Sophia
Yeah. And you know what it's like to take a deep breath around someone and you can have that in your most intimate relationship too.
Valerie Bertinelli
I hope so.
Sophia
I know so.
Valerie Bertinelli
We'll see. I know.
Sophia
So we'll see.
Valerie Bertinelli
I don't know if he's out there.
Sophia
You know, it's interesting because that, that feels kind of like a meditation on love when you think about the shape and the energy that you want it to take. And the book is full of meditations, which I love, you know, for our friends at home. You. You talk about the poem in a warm bath.
Valerie Bertinelli
I. Yes. And I, I would encourage anybody to get the audio of that because I, I would want you to, like, sit and listen to it while you're in a bath because I tried to be as soft and gentle with my audio in that particular meditation because I want someone to feel good and then start sinking into their own body and seeing what they're feeling and taking from my meditation and making it your own. So I hope that happens with a few people.
Sophia
I love that. And now for our sponsors. Oh, friends, these days I am all about quality over quantity, especially in my closet, because, listen, if it's not well made and versatile, it's just not worth it to me. And that is why I love our friends at Quince. The fabrics feel elevated, the cuts are thoughtful, and the pricing actually makes sense. Quince makes high quality wardrobe staples using premium fabrics like 100% European linen, 100% silk, organic cotton poplin, and I love the seasonal colors and prints for spring. Plus, Quince works directly with safe, ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you're not paying for a brand markup or some fancy retail store. You're just paying for quality clothing. Everything Quince makes is built to hold up, from the stitching to the fit and the fabrics. These are pieces you will reach for over and over again. Like that Quince cotton cashmere sweater that has become my go to. Oh, it's so cozy and it's light enough for layering, but still feels so luxe. Plus, it did not cost what I thought a quality cashmere sweater would. So stop waiting to build the wardrobe you actually want right now. You can go to quince.com work for free shipping and 365 day returns. That is a full year to wear it and love it. And you will now available in Canada too. Friends, don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to quince.com that's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com work for free shipping and 365 day returns.
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Quince.com work Xolair Omalizumab is proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens. Xolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people 1 year of age and older. To reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods while taking Xolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Xolair. Xolair may cause a severe life threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you have ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Xolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions including anaphylaxis. Xolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions including anaphylaxis while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see xolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Xolair this is an advertisement for Xolair paid for by Genentech and Novartis.
Sophia
Tell me if I'm alone here. Whip Smarties. But shopping used to feel more fun before all the algorithm fed blah and the endless sea of dupes. But I have a confession. I have found that fun feeling again on ebay. Because on ebay it's not just shopping, it's a full on fashion pursuit. And when you find the thing that adrenaline hit is real. Like when you score that rare Adidas collab that's lived on your mood board. The Dior saddlebag you ripped out of a magazine in 2007 and never got over. Or something like The Cecile Bonson XGT2160s that sold out in five seconds. Yeah, those. It's about the thrill of finding pieces that feel like me. And I want you to find pieces that feel like you. There's always more to discover. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity Guarantee Ebay Things People Love Friends, I don't know about you, but being a couple months into the new year makes me feel like I might need a little re up on my goals, my plans. I'm not a fan of resolutions because I think they set us up to fail. But what I do like is setting intentions. And I think a few months into the year it's a great time to check in with those. Whether you go on a walk outside to get some fresh air and sink into your thoughts or you want to sit and journal about your plans for the year. There are so many things you can do to change up your routine, especially as we approach long awaited spring sunshine. A refresh can be as simple as amplifying your look with clean beauty from Thrive Cosmetics. Every product is 100% vegan, cruelty free, and made with clean, clean ingredients that work with your skin, not against it. And when we use Thrive Cosmetics, we're helping others shine too. With over $150 million in product and cash donations to over 600 giving partners, every purchase fuels real impact. And that's beauty with purpose. Show your confidence in lipstick form. Like with the Empower Matte Precision Lip Crayon. This one comes in 18 buildable, long lasting matte shades. And it's designed to be worn either as a liner or layered, so it leaves your lips looking luscious and fuller. I'm eyeing a little eye game upgrade with the Brilliant eye brightener. It's a waterproof eyeshadow highlighter stick made to brighten and open your eyes. Definitely comes in handy on those long days on set. So join me and amplify your spring look with Thrive cosmetics. Go to thrivecosmetics.com progress for an exclusive 20% off your first order. That's Thrive Cosmetics. C A U S E M E t I c s.com progress. Where did the meditations come from?
Valerie Bertinelli
Literally, me sitting in a bath.
Sophia
Okay.
Valerie Bertinelli
And. And really, instead of just listening to my cat scream at me, like, really, just, where's my body now? How is it feeling? What does it feel like? Like, am I judging it right now or am I just, am I floating? Am I sinking? Just anything that may seem like nothing or may seem like really. And then I start feeling about my parents and then thinking about my mom and then thinking about my mom's smile and her laugh. And just like your mind really starts to, like, travel to beautiful places if you allow it. Some scary places. But you can also calm yourself down. So I think we don't give ourselves enough credit that our brains will help us and our bodies will help us calm down. And it's the Louise Hay quote, all is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. And even in this situation, only good will come. I am safe. If you can just tell yourself you're safe, even when you feel the least safe, you can at least calm yourself down to get through anything you may need to get through.
Sophia
Yeah, and that's, you know, it's spiritual, but it's also scientific.
Valerie Bertinelli
It is our bodies Our bodies and our minds will listen to us. So be careful what you tell yourself.
Sophia
Well, and you have a meditation on healing, you know, because you're talking about.
Valerie Bertinelli
Because what does healing feel like? Yes. Nobody really knows what it feels like as they're going through it. So what does it really feel like? And it's individual for everybody. For me, it's the meditation I wrote.
Sophia
Right.
Mint Mobile Advertiser
Well.
Sophia
And I love the way you talk about, in the same way that you're saying, tell. Tell your body you're safe and it will offer you safety. You talk in. In these reflections on healing, about how if you replace judgment with curiosity, you can change your perspective. And that. Yeah, easier said than done. But if you practice, is a muscle, a mental muscle you can build. Do you catch yourself even now? You know, you've written a book about it, which I think suggests that you're like, I've learned this lesson and now I'll offer it to you. But I'm guessing it's a lesson you practice actively.
Valerie Bertinelli
Y. And I don't. I'm not always. I'm imperfect at it, which is finding the imperfection and appreciating the imperfection. But there's even a little trick that you can do. And I learned this from a therapist a long time ago. When you have a negative thought, put a positive. Because my brain works well if I can visualize it. So if I put a positive, and then that positive turns into curiosity.
Sophia
Wow.
Valerie Bertinelli
So it's like the judgment comes. It's negative. So that's negative, positive. So, ooh, how did that change? Well, positive. Then get curious about why that negative thought. Why that. Sometimes my negative thought starts in my gut. So maybe is that a protection mechanism? Is that trying to protect me from something? So just get curious about it. And how would I know it's trying to protect me something if I didn't get curious about it, as opposed to just like, ooh, that feels weird. I don't wanna feel it anymore. That feels weird. Get curious.
Sophia
Get curious.
Valerie Bertinelli
Get naked or get naked. Yeah.
Sophia
Oh, thank you so much, Val. This has just been so special.
Valerie Bertinelli
This has been wonderful. Lovely. Thank you so much for having me coming.
Mint Mobile Advertiser
Xolair omalizumab is proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens. Xolair, 150 milligrams is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people 1 year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Xolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic to. Don't use if you are allergic to Xolair. Xolair may cause a severe life threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you have ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Xolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions including anaphylaxis. Xolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions including anaphylaxis while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see xolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Xolair. This is an advertisement for Xolair paid for by Genentech and Novartis.
Podcast Host
No one knows what the future holds, but you deserve a weather app that can help. Weatherbug is easy to use and provides forecasts for your every need, from storm warnings to pollen levels right at your fingertips. Get the fastest local Alerts and comprehensive 10 day forecasts wherever you are. Its hyperlocal real time customizable alerts. Make sure the weather never takes you by surprise so you can plan every day with confidence. Download the free weather bug app from the App Store today and start getting accurate weather forecasts.
Chelsea Handler
247 this is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea after the Big Game. Like most people, I kept thinking about the commercials, and there was one that stayed with me. It was from the Blue Square Alliance Against Hate, and it wasn't loud or flashy. It showed a Jewish kid being targeted and another student who chose not to ignore it. As someone who was Jewish, that moment felt very real to me. Not dramatic, just familiar. And what struck me was how clearly it showed that hate doesn't always announce itself, but the impact is still huge. If you saw the Blue Square spot during the Big Game, it's worth thinking about. And if you want to show support, sharing the Blue Square is one small way to do that.
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Valerie Bertinelli
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Sophia
trademarks use under license and reprinted with permission.
Podcast Host
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.
This bonus episode features a candid, heartfelt conversation between host Sophia Bush and actress, author, and food personality Valerie Bertinelli, centering on themes from Valerie’s new book, Getting: The Quiet Work of Becoming Perfectly Imperfect. Together, they explore generational patterns, family dynamics, self-forgiveness, healing, and the practice of embracing imperfection—offering listeners both vulnerability and practical wisdom.
Moving from Anger to Compassion:
Accountability in Relationships:
The Book’s Meditations—Origins and Purpose:
Curiosity Over Judgment in Healing:
On Family Patterns & Compassion:
On Self-Accountability:
On Healing and Self-Talk:
On Future Relationships:
The episode is marked by warmth, honesty, and mutual understanding. Both Sophia and Valerie blend wisdom, vulnerability, and candor—inviting listeners to reflect on their own family stories, relationship habits, and healing journeys. The practical tools and self-compassion strategies offered are approachable and empowering, validating the idea that one can be both a masterpiece and a work in progress, all at once.
For listeners seeking reassurance and inspiration in the messy, nonlinear process of self-growth, this conversation is candid, compassionate, and encouraging.