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- [00:00]
Sophia
This is an iHeart podcast guaranteed human.
- [00:06]
Xolair Advertisement Voice
Xolair Omalizumab is proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens. Xolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people 1 year of age and older. To reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods while taking Xolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you're allergic to Xolair. Xolair may cause a severe life threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Xolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions including anaphylaxis. Xolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions including anaphylaxis while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see xolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Xolair this is an advertisement for Zollaire paid for by Genentech and Novartis.
- [01:28]
Sophia
Tell me if I'm alone here, Whip Smarties, but shopping used to feel more fun before all the algorithm fed blah and the endless sea of blah, blah and dupes. But I have a confession. I have found that fun feeling again on ebay. It's not mindless scrolling. It's a fashion pursuit. And when you score that rare Adidas collab or the Dior saddlebag you have been manifesting. Ooh, it's a rush. There's always more to discover. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity Guarantee Ebay Things People Love why put dangerous chemicals on your skin when flowers are not only safer but actually more effective? FOIA Organics uses wild arctic botanicals like arnica and sea buckthorn. These plants survive in some of the harshest climates on earth and have been shown to reduce wrinkles, boost collagen and deeply hydrate without putting your health at risk. It's not about fighting aging, it's about treating your skin with the same attention and care you give everything else in your life. So visit froiarganics.com today and get 40% off. That's froya f r o y a.
- [02:48]
Tony Robbins
Organics.Com hey everybody, it's Tony Robbins. Look, the time is here it's 2026, and everybody talks about having a new year and a new life. But what do most people do? They create a few resolutions, and in the end, they don't really do anything. If you want this to be the best year you've ever had in your life, it's going to take a new tool, a new strategy, a new momentum, and maybe a new community of people to hang out with. So come join me for the Time to Rise Summit. I do it only once a year. It's coming up January 29th through the 31st. There's absolutely no charge for it, but it'll be an experience I promise you. You will not forget. It'll give you momentum, a plan, and a strategy to make 2026 the best ever. If you're up for that and you're hungry for more, come join me. There's no cost for it whatsoever. Just go to time to riseummit.com time to riseummit.com I'll see you then.
- [03:43]
Sophia
Hey, everyone, it's sophia. Welcome to work in progress. Hello and welcome back to Work in Progress. Friends, today we have a treat for you. A comedian that I love is here to talk about the tour she just launched and how she got here. It may or may not involve a prank call, an absolute accident, and lying your way to the top in a good way. Today's guest is comedian, musician, and content creator Danae Hayes. She has built a career out of fearless honesty, nostalgic Southern storytelling, and characters that feel universally human and universally hilarious. She is the kind of comedian that makes you laugh and then will break your heart in the best way. What I love about Danae is that underneath the pure comedy of the parody country songs and those viral prank calls and her wicked punchlines is a story that's really been shaped by forging her own path. She came out at nine years old. She grew up queer in a tiny town in the South. She had to navigate faith and family estrangement and figure out how to find her own self acceptance. And now she does that on stage for herself and also for audiences. The people who come to see her shows span LGBTQ fans, conservative Southerners, and everybody in between. And these days, that might seem like an unlikely coalition, but for Danae, it's not. We're each other's neighbors, and she holds her neighbors together with humor and empathy and a freaking hilarious sense of self. I can't wait to chat with her about her Buck Wild tour and everything else that's going on in her life. Let's Dive in with Danae. Well, Danae, welcome to the show. I'm so excited you're here, and thank you for taking the time with a new tour, popping and all the things you have going on.
- [06:11]
Danae Hayes
Oh, my gosh, Sophia, I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for. For having me.
- [06:16]
Sophia
Yeah. I'm so amped, and I have to say, my partner is such a big fan of you. And I'm supposed to tell you hello. I mean, I am too, obviously, but I was. I had specific instructions, girl.
- [06:26]
Danae Hayes
As a former athlete, Ashlyn is the pinnacle. Like, please, please tell her I said that her swag is unmatched.
- [06:35]
Xolair Advertisement Voice
Unmatched.
- [06:36]
Sophia
It's so crazy, isn't it?
- [06:37]
Danae Hayes
Yeah, it's me and my girlfriend Jen. I was like, I feel like I need an entire new wardrobe this year. Like, I'm so sick of wearing the same stuff. And she was like, well, go to Ashlyn's page and, like, look at her stuff.
- [06:50]
Sophia
And I'm like, oh, my God, sweet angel.
- [06:52]
Danae Hayes
I'm like, are you trying to tell me something also?
- [06:55]
Sophia
Just come hang out. Let's go. Let's go. Thrifting. I got her, like, so into vintage, and now she's obsessed and is way better at it than me, which I'm only, like, marginally butthurt by, you know, thrifting.
- [07:07]
Danae Hayes
For me, growing up in a 1200 person town in Alabama, Thrifting was going to the Goodwill and buying, like, a 50 Cent T shirt. Yeah, I don't know what's going on in Nashville, but I was too embarrassed to take this shirt back. So I go to the counter at this vintage thrift store, and it's a Kenny Rogers 1970s tour shirt, and it's got his face on it.
- [07:28]
Sophia
Oh, hundreds of dollars.
- [07:30]
Danae Hayes
I was like, I have to have this in my mind. I'm thinking, all right, if it's anything more than 25 bucks, I'll just put it back. And the lady, I get up to the front, she's like, oh, my God, I'm a huge fan. And I was like, oh, thank you so much. And she's like, oh, that'll. That'll be 150. And I was like.
- [07:49]
Sophia
You'Re like, okay, it's not what I thought it was that I get got sometimes, too, especially loving vintage, because, like, I'll pick something up that's $19, and I'm so excited. And then the next thing I pick up, they're like, oh, this is a rare blah blah with a such and such a no, whatever. And it's like thousands of dollars. And I'm like, I don't think I understand what's going on here. But cool.
- [08:15]
Danae Hayes
Yeah, same. No, I mean, I'm like, crazy. I'm glad we're not doing, you know, fast, fast fashion, but like, at the same time, like, you know, a 1970s T shirt. I shouldn't be paying three times as much. So I learned my lesson on that. Back to the, Back to the Goodwill.
- [08:29]
Sophia
I go, you always gotta check. You always gotta check. Okay. Well, it's interesting because, like, that is a story from your childhood. You talk about how you used to be an athlete. I always like to ask people who come on the show to really take me back because, you know, people are coming to see you on tour, people follow you online, they know you, they've known you for a while in your Persona, in your career. But I'm always really curious if you could go back in time and, like, meet your younger self on the playground at 8 or 9 or 10 years old, do you feel like you would see parts of yourself in her, in that little girl?
- [09:11]
Danae Hayes
Oh, yeah, yeah. I. I am so much 10, 12, 14 year old Danae. I think that's something that I've. I've really tried to just nurture as, you know, as life goes down this, this train track of what was it at 12 years old that made me happy? Like, what were the things that brought me joy? And my dad always reiterated that to me as a kid. He would say, danae, you've always been a very joyful, simple person. It's never taken much to make you happy. And he said, as you get into the entertainment world, I just want to always keep that at the forefront of your brain. Is that who you are? It's very simple. And it's the things like waking up in the morning and enjoying, you know, a really tasty cup of coffee that brings joy to you. He's like, just don't, don't get caught up in so much of, you know, the needs and wants that really aren't the actual needs and wants for your joy. So I think, I think I've done a good job of staying true to who I am as a kid, but I think I'm a lot more accepting of myself and a lot more just free. You know, I. Growing up in a small town in Alabama, you know, I think we've gotten a lot better. But there were times as a kid where, you know, I expressed my sexuality, I expressed things that I wanted to do, and it was outside of the box. It was not normal. And so I think, you know, the one thing I wouldn't be able to see myself in is that I fully accept who I am and, and I've embraced who I am.
- [10:50]
Sophia
That's so cool. Do you. I feel like I know so many women that, you know, are good friends of mine and kind of women in our like, career peer group that are all figuring out how to get back to parts of their childhood selves, you know, in their present, well, therapized, like kinder to themselves. Woman. Do you feel like there are aspects of younger you that you reference that you've kind of reclaimed as you've evolved? Or do you think you've evolved because you've tried to hold onto those parts of yourself? Or maybe it's a mix of both.
- [11:30]
Danae Hayes
Yeah, I think for sure a mix of both. You know, the arts were not really celebrated where I come from. It was very much sports, which is why I dove into softball. And then I later went and played softball at one of the best schools to play college softball at, which was the University of Alabama. We won a national championship there. So I, I did the best I could in sports. But at a young age, I was always the weird kid that wanted to make sketches and skits and I wanted all of my kids, all of my classmates to play all these characters with me. And nobody really had that same desire to do that. I think they were probably like, man, Danae's really lonely. Like, Danae's a lonely kid. And my dad bought me a camcorder when I was 10. Probably had like some 1980s family porn on it from a Goodwill that he picked up and he brought it home and he was like, it's like, we're.
- [12:26]
Sophia
Just gonna tape over this.
- [12:27]
Danae Hayes
Don't worry about it, just, just tape right over that. He's like, I want you to start filming yourself and making all these sketches. And. And so I think for me, just like getting back to that childlike spirit of creating without shame or fear of embarrassment or fear of failure, that's something that I think is always. Maybe it went away for a little while, but I've gotten back to that. So when I get ready to post a video that I know is out there, it might be a little bizarre to some. I just remind myself that 10 year old Danae would enjoy making this. So who cares what anybody else, you know, says about it? If it brings you joy, that's really what matters at the end of the day. And it's so cliche, but I think we get away from that so many times.
- [13:18]
Sophia
Yeah, it's really interesting because it's not easy to do those things, right. It's like, it's not easy to go against the grain. It's not easy to feel like the thing that brings you joy is gonna put you in the odd man out position. But you've also talked a lot about coming out at 9. And so when you talk about like, oh, 10 year old me would love this, it strikes me as so incredible that in small town Alabama you did that. Like, what do you remember most about that moment? Do you think, do you think you were young enough that you weren't really afraid to say it yet?
- [13:59]
Danae Hayes
Well, my coming out story, there's kind of like different steps to it. You know, when I was nine, I had come home from, I think it was maybe second grade, if that's how old you are in second grade. And I looked at my parents and, you know, I'm the sixth generation of Hays to be born and raised in like 1100, 1200 person town. So like, we were born there, we live there, and we die there. So a lot of things are very much ingrained from hundreds of years ago. But I'd come home and I was like, you know, I think there's something wrong with me. And my parents were like, there's nothing wrong with you. What are you talking about? I was like, well, I've noticed that all the guys in my class like all the girls and all the girls like all the guys, but I think the girls are really cute. And that was the first time I vocalized that feeling. I didn't know what the word gay meant. You know, we hadn't seen any gay characters on tv. We definitely didn't say the word gay where I was from. So my parents, you know, I hold a lot of grace and empathy for my parents. I know that's not the case for a lot of people. I truly believe that my parents loved me unconditionally and they wanted to protect me. I think in their minds they were trying to protect me because they knew that I would get bullied at school. That'd be the only openly gay person. And so, you know, we had a lot of private conversations of like, let's have that conversation when you get older. Let's not worry about that right now. Let's focus on just you being a kid and having fun. And I didn't really bring it up. They did take me to a counselor that at the time it wasn't labeled as conversion therapy. Like it wasn't we're taking you to a conversion therapist. They were taking me to a therapist for a lot of different reasons. Or I developed obsessive compulsive disorder because of the amount of anxiety I had from internal shame and doubt and fear of why I was different than my classmates.
- [16:03]
Sophia
Yeah.
- [16:04]
Danae Hayes
And then that therapist was a super religious Christian therapist, and he took it upon himself, without permission from my parents, to start having conversations with me about how it's not a sin to think about robbing the bank. It's just a sin to go out and rob the bank. Oh, I know. I know it was. And that was all around the ages of 10 and 11. And so I was. I was absorbing everything, you know, So I developed a lot of internal shame, a lot of, like, religious trauma without even knowing that I was experiencing religious trauma. But I was connecting the dots. Jesus doesn't love me if I am this way.
- [16:46]
Sophia
Yep.
- [16:47]
Danae Hayes
And then I fully came out at 24 after I realized, you know, like, I'm. I'm tired of dressing like Morgan Wallen and trying to get boyfriend. Like, this isn't working, you know.
- [16:57]
Sophia
So turns out, yeah, I am who I am.
- [17:01]
Danae Hayes
Turns out I'm just gay, you know?
- [17:02]
Tony Robbins
Yeah.
- [17:05]
Danae Hayes
Yeah. Turns out I'm a homosexual mom and dad. And so then that. That was more of like my traditional quote unquote coming out story, but it kind of had multiple layers to it before we got to that point.
- [17:18]
Sophia
Yeah. We'll be back in just a minute, but here's a word from our sponsors.
- [17:24]
Xolair Advertisement Voice
Xolair Omalizumab is proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens. Xolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people 1 year of age and older. To reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods while taking Xolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you're allergic to Xolair. Xolair may cause a severe life threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Xolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Xolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see zolaire.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Zolaire. This is an advertisement for Zolaire paid for by Genentech and Novartis.
- [18:47]
Sophia
Tell me if I'm alone here, Whip Smarties. But shopping used to feel more fun before all the algorithm fed blah and the endless sea of dupes. But I have a confession. I have found that fun feeling again. I on ebay. Because on ebay it's not just shopping, it's a full on fashion pursuit. And when you find the thing that adrenaline hit is real. Like when you score that rare Adidas collab that's lived on your mood board, the Dior saddlebag you ripped out of a magazine in 2007 and never got over. Or something like The Cecile Bonson XGT2 1 60s that sold out in five seconds. Yeah, those. It's about the thrill of finding pieces that feel like me. And I want you to find pieces that feel like you. There's always more to discover. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity guarantee eBay things people love hey.
- [19:46]
Tony Robbins
Everybody, it's Tony Robbins. Look, the time is here. It's 2026 and everybody talks about having a new year and a new life. But what do most people do? They create a few resolutions and in the end they don't really do anything. If you want this to be the best year you've ever had in your life, it's going to take a new tool, a new strategy, a new momentum, and maybe a new community of people to hang out with. So come join me for the Time to Rise summit. I do it only once a year. It's coming up January 29th through the 31st. There's absolutely no charge for it, but it'll be an experience I promise you. You will not forget. It'll give you momentum, a plan and a strategy to make 2026 the best ever. If you're up for that, you're hungry for more, come join me. There's no cost for it whatsoever. Just go to time to riseummit.com time to riseummit.com I'll see you there.
- [20:39]
Danae Hayes
Well, the holidays have come and gone once again. But if you've forgotten to get that special someone in your life a gift, well, Mint Mobile is extending their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless.
- [20:50]
Sophia
So here's the idea.
- [20:51]
Danae Hayes
You get it now, you call it.
- [20:52]
Tony Robbins
An early present for next year.
- [20:54]
Danae Hayes
What do you have to lose? Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch limited time 50% off regular price for new customers. Upfront payment required $45 for three months, $90 for six month or $180 for.
- [21:04]
Sophia
12 month plan taxes and fees. Extra speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes.
- [21:07]
Danae Hayes
Per month when network is busy.
- [21:08]
Sophia
See Terms. It's really interesting, you know, the way you talk about the experience in your younger years with your parents. It feels really tender. Not necessarily how it felt in the moment, but the way you speak about it. To have tenderness for people's humanity and their anxiety and by the way, for the fear they rightfully felt because look what happened to you in counseling. You know, it is hard to be different in a society that predicates so much of its systems on people fitting the system.
- [21:55]
Xolair Advertisement Voice
And.
- [21:57]
Sophia
It kind of fascinates me, like, to be young enough to not have the language is really interesting because, you know, you see all this stuff, like you've got all these people who I would imagine think like your first terrible therapist that are like, you can't read books about gay penguins to kids. What do you mean? There's two dad penguins. And it's like, you guys don't think at all about the fact that the only messaging they ever have is about the prince and the princess and the rescue and she's a damsel in distress and she's supposed to be in love with this guy. And like, no movie or book you saw as a kid made you straight. Just like no movie or book you could have seen as a kid would have made any of your classmates gay. It just could have given you the language and the representation that everybody else just has by default.
- [22:56]
Danae Hayes
Well, the funniest part of this whole conversation is like, I remember being in middle school watching One Tree Hill and I had the. This is. This might be awkward. Funny at the same time, but I had the biggest crush on your character.
- [23:11]
Sophia
Oh, I love this.
- [23:12]
Danae Hayes
For me, I can remember being in middle school being like, like having a crush on your character. And at the same time, there was no gay, like, gay representation really going on at that time. So it's not like it made me straight that none of the characters were gay.
- [23:31]
Sophia
Right.
- [23:31]
Danae Hayes
You know?
- [23:32]
Sophia
Yeah, it didn't make you straight that all your classmates were ended like Nathan or Lucas. You were just like, brooke Davis is my bad bitch. Bye.
- [23:40]
Danae Hayes
Right? I mean, I was, I. I was so much more like, like the guys, like, I. I wanted to like, race them in Pingy. I wanted to like, see more chicken nuggets at lunchtime, you know, while the Other girls are like, I just got the cutest Mac concealer. And like, they're trying it on at the lunch table. I'm over there scarfing down 35 chicken nuggets. Yep. So, yeah, same. There was just no. No way that, you know, straight characters on TV are gonna make gay people straight and gay characters are gonna make gay people straight. Yeah.
- [24:15]
Sophia
So I'm having a different experience suddenly in this group of women in my life, they're all getting divorced. Like, something's really shifting for me. And I remember my mom having this moment because I. The interesting thing is, like, I grew up in LA in the 80s. Like, my dad's an artist. I grew up, everybody, at least half my parents friends were and are gay. And my mom was like, oh, my God, did our whole half our community, most of our community is gay. But. But did we not raise you around enough lesbians? Did you, did you just not see yourself? And. And there was a very interesting kind of like, self interrogation I had to do as an adult woman who has been going to pride marches since I was five years old, who has been on like, the front lines of fights for our community's equality, who has been like an out and proud ally forever, who was always like, I don't know, I'm like, pretty bi. I don't know, to be like, you know, but then to say, like, what? I just get asked out by more men. Like, I don't know, I don't know a lot of lesbians that are like my type. And then eventually to be like, oh, do I wait? And my girlfriend Rory was the one who was like, I think, like, ding dong. I don't think you're like, fluid. I think you actually really dislike men. And I think you're like, pretty deeply gay. And I was like, wait a second, do I think I'm like in the middle of the spectrum? Because heteronormativity is that powerful. And it's kind of a chicken or the egg conversation for me. Like, I don't fucking know. But what I know is, like, my parents spent time with my partner for the first time. And my dad, like, sidled up to me in the kitchen and goes, well, now I know why I've hated everybody boyfriend you've ever introduced me to. And I was like, okay, Charles, calm down. Like, it was so sweet. And. And you know, one of my mom's friends calls her up. I'm sure you went through this with your family and oh, well, this, this just can't be true. I mean, your daughter's not gay. And my mom goes, honey, she's pretty gay, and she's really happy.
- [26:31]
Danae Hayes
Right?
- [26:32]
Sophia
And it's like, I don't know, maybe I didn't see enough lesbians either. We have that in common.
- [26:38]
Danae Hayes
I had the. After my divorce, I got divorced a year and a half ago.
- [26:44]
Sophia
Oh, my goodness. It's fresh.
- [26:46]
Danae Hayes
It is. It is fresh.
- [26:47]
Sophia
Well, I hope you're okay.
- [26:49]
Danae Hayes
I'm doing much better. Thank you so much.
- [26:51]
Sophia
Okay, good. It's tough. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, let alone in public. Oh, my God.
- [26:55]
Danae Hayes
I was literally about to say it's the public factor that just kind of, like, sends it over the edge. But when I did get divorced, you know, I've known I was as gay as a $2 bill since I was 8. And I started having weird feelings for this guy and was like, oh, my gosh, did this divorce, like, mess me up straight? Like, am I. Am I straight now? And. And then it got really confusing because I was like, all the guys are wondering if I'm straight, and then I have all the girls wondering if they're gay. Like, it was a very weird. It was a weird time in my life where I had straight women hitting on me and sliding into my DMs.
- [27:35]
Sophia
Yeah.
- [27:35]
Danae Hayes
And they were like, you make me feel something I never felt before. And then guys being like, wait, are you straight? And I'm like, I don't. I don't know. So anyways, this is the first time in my life where I had looked at a man, and I was like, that might work. And then. Then he told me he believed in Bigfoot. And I said, I'm out.
- [27:58]
Sophia
You said that lasted for 16 seconds. Thank you.
- [28:02]
Danae Hayes
I was like, I'm done. Like, if this is what, you know, all straight married women have to deal with, like, God bless y'. All. But he went on an hour long tangent about Bigfoot, and that was when I was like, no, Jennae, listen to your gut. This is not right.
- [28:17]
Sophia
Not it. Just not it. Oh, dear.
- [28:21]
Danae Hayes
Well, I don't know.
- [28:24]
Sophia
I. I don't know what it is. I think what a great gift to be willing to give yourself a fresh start. You know, whether that's figuring out, you know, where you land in terms of your sexuality, whether it's on a spectrum or not. Where you land in terms of what you want and giving yourself the permission to change your mind. And I think there's real bravery in, like, the day you say, this is going to be really hard and it's going to be way worse. Because my entire Internet is going to be paying attention. But, like, I want to be happier, so I'm going to go. I'm going to go ahead and. Course. Correct.
- [29:07]
Danae Hayes
Yeah, that was. You hit the nail on the head that I would say. The last two years of my marriage, I just knew I was staying because I was afraid of the public scrutiny that would come with it. And, you know, something really traumatic happened towards the end of the relationship where I felt like it was a wake up call from God that was just like, I don't know how much more clear I can be that if you stay, you're gonna lose that. That internal joy that you have. And I had already lost so much of it, and I just felt like a shell of the person that I was. But I had done this thing where we had built so much of a Persona in a life on social media as a couple, and, you know, I'm now understanding how crazy parasocial relationships can actually be for people. Yeah, like, it's. It's. They feel so connected, you know, and. And that's. That's a beautiful thing. But also it can be a very dangerous thing, especially when they don't understand the full spectrum of what the relationship is.
- [30:17]
Sophia
Do you feel like, obviously it was painful and obviously, you know, you're doing the therapy side, but you also get to turn so many things into humor. And it really feels like laughter is an equalizer. Like, it is, as they say, the best medicine. You know, has your humor, has your comedy kind of helped you get through that bit and find your happiness again. And I don't just mean in your work, but, like, for you as an individual person in your life.
- [30:50]
Danae Hayes
Absolutely. You know, I filed for divorce, and then two weeks later, I had to go on my first ever comedy tour and make people laugh every weekend.
- [30:59]
Sophia
Oh, my God.
- [31:00]
Danae Hayes
Yeah. I feel like that might be stage one of purgatory. I'm not sure, but that might look like what hell should be like, because I kind of felt like, dance, monkey, dance on the stage. Where, you know, my first show back was, was in Tampa, in Tampa, Florida, in front of like 12 or 1300 people. And when I first walked out on stage, I could just feel my legs shaking because it was like the elephant in the room. Is she gonna address. Is she gonna address what just happened two weeks ago, or is she just gonna compartmentalize and act like none of this actually went down? And I did the latter. I chose to separate my work from my personal life because I need, like you said, I needed an outlet I needed a place to heal. And now I look at that Tour, it was 30, I want to say, maybe 36 show dates. It was 36 opportunities for me to prove to myself that my God given gift is comedy. And it was the thing that brought me into a really good time. And it was a thing that brought me out of a really bad time. So it was very, it was very healing. But the first couple of shows were very disorienting because I just was like this. They're all, they're all waiting. It's just, they're all waiting to know what I'm going to say. And yeah, that was hard, Sophia. That was really hard.
- [32:28]
Sophia
I get it. But you know what? Now that I know everything about you for the last 28 minutes. No, seriously, like, what touches me so deeply about it and having been through my own version of it is what I hear you saying is that you cared about yourself enough to give yourself the time to figure out what you wanted to say, not what other people wanted to hear you say.
- [32:54]
Danae Hayes
Thank you for saying that because that is something I'm very passionate about. I had people that are in business and I had people that were friends that without coming out and just wording it this way, they're like, you should capitalize on your divorce, share your story. It's so powerful. It's going to change people's lives. It's going to get them out of a dark time. They had no idea what you were dealing with behind closed doors. I bet if you share it today, you'd wake up with a million more followers tomorrow. And human. I'm human. It was tempting. It was like, yeah, I know that my story is powerful. I know that there's things that are going to be earth shattering when people hear about my story. But I didn't want to share hurt without sharing hope. I needed to have some hope at the end of it. So I decided that I'm not just going to share the hurt. I'm not just going to share the tragedy. I'm going to also, when the time is right, I'm going to use it as a way, when I'm healed, that somebody can listen to my story and offer some sort of insight how they can get out of bad situation. And so that was really tempting and it taught me a lot about who to keep in your, in your inner circle. Because some people, they don't understand the magnitude of mental health that comes with sharing something like that. So I was like, I'm not ready for that. I can't go out and make people laugh every weekend while also having them look at me as broken. So the time will come. But I'm really. I don't say this often about myself because I probably have some work to do in therapy, but I am very proud of myself for how I handled that because it was tempting to go in a different direction.
- [34:43]
Sophia
Oh, I get it. And especially for somebody like you, who, like, you already are setting examples for people like, you've built this fan base that, yes, is you've got a big LGBTQ audience, but you have a big Southern audience. You have a big conservative Southern audience. Like, you're, you're bridging the gaps we need to be bridging and like, for you to have this experience in, in that big melting pot of the people you get to talk to, I think is really a big fucking deal.
- [35:23]
Danae Hayes
That's. That is my pride and joy right there is when I'm. When I'm on stage and I look out and I can see a good old boy from, you know, southern Kentucky with his wife. And he's got a plaid shirt on, tucked in and some wranglers and some boots. And then right next to him is two 6 year old lesbians that have been married for 40 years. And I'm like, that's the audience I want because that's, that's the type of person I am. I welcome everybody at my table and, you know, it's. I always joke and say that my show is like, it's the show for the good old boys and the gays. You don't know if it's sponsored by the NRA or glaad and it's just a melting pot. And I hope that when people leave my shows that I think because I've struggled with my sexuality for so long, I've always identified as gay Danae. Like, it's always been the thing that has, has been such a divisive thing for me in relationships in my life, whether that be with me and my mom or me and a classmate, or me and Jesus. Like, it's always felt like the word gay was the one thing that kept me from always having an intimate relationship with somebody. And so I think I know there's a thousand ways to cut the pie for me. I try my best to make my brand, if you will, or my personality just deny. Because I want somebody like that good old boy from Kentucky. I want him to come to my show. Maybe his wife brought him there. He doesn't really know who I am. And I get into a 10 minute long bit in my show about what it was like coming out growing up in Alabama and that's the first time he realizes, oh, this is a gay comment. But he loves what I'm doing and that becomes kind of an afterthought for him. So I do get a lot of pushback, funny enough for that. I've seen some stuff where I get pushback for that on social media. People want me to be more of an ally and I'm like, there's so many ways to be an ally. For me, I've struggled with this. I was taking a conversion therapy. I lost my relationship with my mom for seven years and now we've rekindled it has caused so much hurt. So for me, my way of being an ally is to show somebody that maybe gay is the fourth or fifth adjective they use for me and not the first one anymore. I just want to show that 10 year old that is growing up in a little bitty town in Alabama that even though other people have tried to make that your only personality trait or your only thing that people know you for, it actually can be a little bit further down from the top than the top thing, you know?
- [38:07]
Sophia
Yeah, well, because straight people don't, their, their entire existence isn't defined by their straightness.
- [38:15]
Danae Hayes
Right.
- [38:15]
Sophia
It's like, it's not even a conversation piece. And so it's a really interesting duality, like your, your whole world is shaped and I think enriched by queerness. And, and you don't want that to be people's only focus. And, and I would actually say, like, look, everybody has an opinion about everything and everybody's entitled to their opinion. And I get, especially in this landscape why people feel very hurt by folks that aren't inclusive. I would also suggest that like one of the most important things for us to do is like, yeah, maybe, you know, somebody who's laughing at what's going on in our country today or, or somebody who thinks people like us don't deserve to exist or families like ours don't deserve to exist. Maybe that's not the person you're trying to court. But, but that guy who's coming to your show with his wife, he might be a guy that people would assume wouldn't respect you, but he's sitting in the audience at your show and bought a ticket and like those are the people we want to welcome into our world.
- [39:25]
Danae Hayes
Absolutely.
- [39:26]
Sophia
So yeah, like if you're a flag flying Nazi like storming cities right now, I'm not interested in like meeting you in the middle but your neighbor, like so many of the people I lived down the street from in North Carolina for 10 years. So many, like so many people who, because I'm always upset about injustice on social media, like my audience wouldn't think I'd be willing to have a conversation with. Those are the, some of the first people I want to have a conversation with because they're the people we have to remind that we're all neighbors, I think.
- [40:02]
Danae Hayes
Absolutely. Yeah. And I try my best to, you know, obviously there's extremes, like you said, we're not trying to court those people. But that good old boy that comes to my show that, you know, has got a big old Copenhagen grin in his lip, I try not to judge him just based off appearance the way that I wouldn't want to be judged myself. And I've been like, pleasantly surprised at how many people that maybe I did like a first glance be like, oh, he's about to say something stupid to me. Like, I can just feel it in the meet and greet line. And then he ends up being like, I just want to tell you, my son, he came out in high school, you know, we didn't like it. We didn't like it one bit. And then my wife turned me on to your stuff and I started following you and I thought, well, hell, she can live a happy, healthy life. So can my boy, you know? And like, it's just, it's a beautiful thing. I really, that's like my pride and joy right there is just creating a place for everybody that wants to come to my show. And yeah, it's been a really beautiful thing because my audience is. I wish I could pinpoint what my audience is, but it's just so diverse, which is awesome.
- [41:18]
Sophia
Yeah. God, that is so cool. And that's exactly what you want, right? Like, it's so great. We'll be back in just a minute after a few words from our favorite sponsors.
- [41:29]
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- [42:39]
Sophia
Tell me if I'm alone here. Whip Smarties but shopping used to feel more fun before all the algorithm fed blah and the endless sea of dupes. But I have a confession. I have found that fun feeling again on ebay. Because on ebay it's not just shopping, it's a full on fashion pursuit. And when you find the thing, that adrenaline hit is real. Like when you score that rare Adidas collab that's lived on your mood board. The Dior saddlebag you ripped out of a magazine in 2007 and never got over. Or something like The Cecile Bonson XGT2160s that sold out in five seconds. Yeah, those. It's about the thrill of finding pieces that feel like me. And I want you to find pieces that feel like you. There's always more to discover. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity guarantee eBay things people love hey.
- [43:38]
Tony Robbins
Everybody, it's Tony Robbins. Look, the time is here. It's 2026 and everybody talks about having a new year and a new life. But what do most people do? They create a few resolutions and in the end they don't really do anything. If you want this to be the best year you've ever had in your life, it's going to take a new tool, a new strategy, a new momentum, and maybe a new community of people to hang out with. So come join me for the Time to Rise Summit. I do it only once a year. It's coming up January 29th through the 31st. There's absolutely no charge for it, but it'll be an experience I promise you. You will not forget. It'll give you momentum, a plan, and a strategy to make 2026 the best ever. If you're up for that and you're hungry for more, come join me. There's no cost for it whatsoever. Just go to Time to rise summit.com time to riseummit.com I'll see you then.
- [44:31]
Danae Hayes
Well, the holidays have come and gone once again. But if you've forgotten to get that special someone in your life a gift. Well, Mint Mobile is extending their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless.
- [44:42]
Sophia
So here's the idea.
- [44:43]
Danae Hayes
You get it now, you call it.
- [44:44]
Tony Robbins
An early present for next year.
- [44:46]
Danae Hayes
What do you have to lose? Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch limited time 50% off regular price for new customers. Upfront payment required $45 for three months, $90 for six month or $180 for.
- [44:56]
Sophia
12 month plan taxes and fees. Extra speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes.
- [44:59]
Danae Hayes
Per month when network is bus.
- [45:07]
Sophia
Things are heightening. Right. And yet we still want to believe in each other. How do you think that you make that positive difference not just with the people you get to meet but like do you think about it differently as you watch the rhetoric turn up? Do you think about oh I want to be, I want to make more content about this or I'm going to try to pepper non obvious stuff, you know, non obviously queer stuff in with that stuff so that maybe I can reach more of these people who might need an example like me to look at their kid differently. Or are you trying not to let your work be affected by it?
- [45:54]
Danae Hayes
This might seem like too simple of an answer but I'm just so like nobody's just one dimensional, you know. Like I'm sure some people probably try to put me in a box but I'm just so much more than one thing. And so I just through my content, through my work, I'm just truly all of me and I believe, I believe there's a little piece for everybody. You know, it may be that, that that guy saw 20 of my videos in a six month span and it was one video of me prank phone calling somebody.
- [46:30]
Sophia
The taxidermist.
- [46:32]
Danae Hayes
Yeah, you know, maybe, maybe that was it. He was like, oh my God, she is so funny and her sense of humor is just like mine. And then the next video, he watches it and it's me and my girlfriend Jim. He's like, well I'll be damn, she's gay. And then the next video comes up and it's me pulling a prank on one of my friends. I'll be damn, that girl is so funny. Slowly but surely the me being gay is no longer even concerning to him. He just has fallen in love with me as a person. So yeah, I just, I try to just create contents of little pieces of every little part of My personality, hoping that some part of it resonates with somebody and somebody sticking around for a longer period of time.
- [47:17]
Sophia
Right. What was it like when you made that video? I have to ask. Like, we're in the present moment, but, yes, I have to go a little bit back. Like, yeah, because to have something like that go so viral and. And really, you know, change the trajectory of your life. Like, did you have a clue that that was gonna hit that way? What was the inspiration? Like, I need you to set the scene for me. Like, it's like. It's like. It's Masterpiece Theater.
- [47:44]
Danae Hayes
So from the time I was 10 years old, that was my party trick. My parents would. Would holler at me from the basement, where I was playing video games or riding a bike or whatever, and they, hey, come up here and prank phone call for the group. And they'd be up there playing bunko with their friends. And then I would be. And I would have them in the palm of my hand for as long as I wanted to prank phone call. They thought it was the funniest thing they've ever seen. So incredible. And then I went to college and played softball, and all of my teammates wanted me to prank phone call. Well, in 2021, I was actually working. I cannot believe I'm about to disclose this. There's a golden nugget for you, Sophia.
- [48:25]
Sophia
Oh, my God.
- [48:26]
Danae Hayes
I was working in a pyramid scheme. I was. Yes, I was. My. My ex wife had gotten me. She was doing it and doing very well at it, and it was selling fitness programs. And I was like, well, I'm selling real estate in my hometown, like, selling 80 and $90,000 houses. I'm like, it's not very fun. So, yeah, I'll give it a whirl. And I saw that she was doing really great at it, so I started doing that. I hated it. I loved helping people get fit, but I hated the idea of having to sign up a million people and, you know, the whole. The whole bad part of it. So one night during the pandemic, I'm sitting at my kitchen counter. I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna. I'm gonna prank phone call somebody, and I'm gonna film it. And it was. I was like, that might have been the best prank phone call I've ever done in my life. I was like, I need people to see this. Meanwhile, I'm like 28 years old and harassing people are trying to make a living during a global pandemic. And I posted it on TikTok. And I woke up the next day with 250,000 followers. And I was like, what?
- [49:39]
Sophia
Whoa.
- [49:39]
Danae Hayes
I was like, I've never ever had that many followers in my life. I was like, I'm gonna post another one tonight. So I called Dairy Queen and asked him if I could lather my husband up with their hot fudge, would it burn him or not? And she was like, I don't know, it might. And I posted it, and then it just kept exploding, exploding. And I was like, you know what? Like, this is an opportunity of a lifetime. Like, I've got people's attention on social media. They think I'm the funny girl that does prank phone calls. Yeah, I'm gonna squeeze the prank phone call for everything it's worth. I bet I posted 50 prank phone calls until nobody cared anymore.
- [50:20]
Sophia
Right?
- [50:21]
Danae Hayes
And then I was like, well, it's time to do something different. So then I started doing characters on social media, and then characters came into sketches and bits. And had I not decided to post that video of harassing that poor taxidermist, which, by the way, he got $7,000 worth of business from that prank phone call because his customer service was so good.
- [50:41]
Sophia
So that's amazing.
- [50:44]
Danae Hayes
I always like to say that.
- [50:46]
Sophia
Yeah, you. You joke that you were harassing the taxidermist, but really you were a business bump.
- [50:53]
Danae Hayes
Truly. I always like to say that because I'm like, it makes me feel a little less bad about wasting this time.
- [51:01]
Sophia
Oh, but it's just so funny. It's so funny. And like, to think about just trusting your gut there. And then you fast forward and. And you're performing at the Grand Ole Opry. Like, were you just having an out of body experience when you realized, oh, I. I was doing the funny thing I like to do. And now I'm on this literal, like, literal sacred ground for so many people. Was it crazy?
- [51:29]
Danae Hayes
That was the most nervous I've ever been. I go back and watch video footage of me standing side stage. God, I bet I wore a hole in the ground how many times I paced the side stage. But I always like to joke and say, because it's true. I lied my way to the Opry. When I started doing really well on social media, my agents at CAA reached out and they were like, we'd like to take a meeting with you. We really are interested in signing you as a client. So I went and I met with, like, 18 guys at this boardroom, and they all were just looking at me. One of the guys goes, so do you do stand up? And I Was like, danae, you're not going to lose this opportunity. So I looked at all of them and I go, I sure do. And they're like, awesome. How long have you been doing it? And I was like, for a while now. And they're like, oh, we'd love to see some of your clips. And I was like, I just don't record any of my stand up. I was like, but I could do another show and record it. And I'm thinking, oh, my God, I've got to actually go do stand up. So they look at me and they're like, well, I tell you what, to see if we want to sign you, we're gonna book seven comedy clubs and see how the tickets go. And I was like, oh, okay. So, like, how long would my set be? Like, 10, 15 minutes. And they're like, no, you're headlining. It'll be an hour. And I was like, oh, absolutely. Sorry. I was like, I. I was like, absolutely.
- [52:56]
Sophia
You're like. It just sounded like you were. This was like a test.
- [52:59]
Danae Hayes
Yeah, Yeah. I thought we were doing like, you know, like, just go performing from front of some executives, but I was like, okay.
- [53:07]
Sophia
Oh, my God.
- [53:08]
Danae Hayes
So that I had two months to write an hour worth of material when I had never even done 30 seconds of stand up.
- [53:15]
Sophia
What did you do?
- [53:18]
Danae Hayes
I prayed, so. So I had two months.
- [53:24]
Sophia
By the way, if that's not the evidence that God loves the gays, come on.
- [53:28]
Danae Hayes
And I get an amen. So the worst part is that all seven shows sold out in two days. And I was like, oh, my God. I was like, I was hoping nobody would come. I had to go in front of seven sold out audiences and learn how to do stand up and do it for an hour straight.
- [53:53]
Sophia
Oh, my God.
- [53:54]
Danae Hayes
So it was definitely baptism by fire. And I loved it and I was addicted to it. And it went great. So I got signed by CAA, which has ultimately led to like, 120 shows in the past two years. The Grand Ole Op. So I do like to say I lied my way to the Grand Ole Opry.
- [54:13]
Sophia
Great. We love that. We love that. Oh, my goodness. I'm just like, two months to write an hour of stand up. Like, you watch the documentaries of the greats. Like, bopping around the country for six months, workshopping an hour of material. I am just like, holy shit. But I get what you mean. It's like there is something about, well, I've gotta do it, and it's coming up. And so you just. You do, right?
- [54:48]
Danae Hayes
Yeah. I do believe that like, when you are just meant for something, that it will come with ease. Like, when you're in alignment with your purpose in life, there is an element of ease that happens with it. Not to say that there's not going to be pushback or it's not going to be hard, but anytime that I felt like I was truly in alignment doing the things I was meant to be doing, it just happened with ease at the beginning. And that's one thing that I can about. Talk. Talk for hours about this, but the power of visualization and the power of, like, truly seeing yourself do the things that you want to do so that when you actually do them, it feels like deja vu. I feel like that's my superpower, but it's a superpower that we can all have. I just. I just really enjoy setting goals and then visually seeing them. Like, I spend so much of my time just imagining what it's gonna smell like when I'm standing at the Opry. Like, what are the audience members? Like, what are their facial reactions look like while I'm up there. So that when it did happen and I felt like I shot out like a cannonball onto the stage, once I was out there, it felt like I'd already been there before. So I think a lot of that happened at the beginning, too. Whenever I was doing those first seven shows is I just imagined it for so long that when the opportunity came, I was like, oh, I'm ready for this. The universe is plopping this in my lap. Right.
- [56:15]
Sophia
Does that come from sports psychology for you?
- [56:17]
Danae Hayes
For sure. And I was a terrible. I was a terrible hitter. And so my coach was always booking me with these sports psychologists, and I'm like, dude, I still suck at hitting. Like, I'm a great defensive player. But thank God that he sent me to all of those sports psychologists, because I feel like I learned so much of that that's now translated in the comedy.
- [56:38]
Sophia
Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's something that I. I learn it by proxy from Ashlyn, and it's really interesting because I think the thing that really blew her mind, you know, we were. We knew each other for so long, but it's like, you don't get into the, like, depths of how you work or where your fears come from until you, like, are really in it with somebody. And she was like, wait a sec. What do you mean? You just go to set and, like, nobody helps you. They don't connect you to anybody. Wait, what do you mean? They don't make. There's no like, prep for your body. What do you mean? There's no prep for your brain. What do you mean? And I was like, wow. Yeah. It actually is sort of completely insane that we are supposed to do all of this alone. And I've learned so much about just how athletes prepare and gone, like, damn, if I'd known this shit in the beginning of my career, I can't even imagine. Like, it's just. It's like. It's a crazy thing to have something, you know, dawn on you and have it be the most obvious thing to the person you're having a conversation with. It's really cool that you've, you know, had that in your back pocket.
- [57:52]
Danae Hayes
Yeah. There was a study that I read. I want to say it was from the Indiana basketball program in the 80s, and I could be getting the numbers wrong, but I want to say they took 30 people and classified them in Group A and 30 people and classified them in group B, and they sat all 60 down in the gymnasium, and they taught them how to shoot a free throw. They didn't actually let them shoot the ball. They just showed them the correct form. And they had group B go in every single day for 30 days and practice physically on shooting the free throw. And then they had group B never touch a ball, but just visualize what it would be like to make all of those free throws. And at the end of 30 days, you would think the group that physically touched the ball in practice would have better results, but their results were exactly the same. And so that was when it clicked with me that the power of visualizing versus actually doing, they hold the same weight. So if you could practice physically and then spend your off time visualizing, you're getting double the practice.
- [58:57]
Sophia
Wow.
- [58:58]
Danae Hayes
That was.
- [58:59]
Sophia
I was like, so cool. Yeah, that's so cool. Do you think that knowing things like that and. And, you know, having that athletic training in your background, does it give you a little more permission to just dive in? Because I think about, you know, even, like, you writing it, it feels like a declaration. It feels really brave. Do you think you're more fearless because of that background?
- [59:27]
Danae Hayes
Yeah. Yeah, I. I think standing up at the plate, hitting in softball in front of, you know, 5, 10,000 people, and they're all. All their eyes are on you. Like, that's a lot of pressure. So I think I was just conditioned to, like, see pressure as a privilege. Like, what a privilege it is to be able to have all eyes on me at this moment.
- [59:50]
Sophia
Yeah.
- [59:50]
Danae Hayes
So, yeah, I do. I like that you said that. Because I've never really thought about that before, but I think all those years playing softball has given me the ability to be like, okay, I don't care what people think about me. I'm not for everybody. I'm. I'm for myself. So, yeah, I do. I do that. How do I, how did I just now have this epiphany at 32 years old? Oh yeah, softball helped me become a better. What? How am I just now thinking of that?
- [60:19]
Sophia
It's, it's a full circle experience here for sure. It's exciting. It's really, really cool. And now for our sponsors.
- [60:30]
Xolair Advertisement Voice
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- [61:52]
Sophia
Tell me if I'm alone here, Whip Smarties. But shopping used to feel more fun before all the algorithm fed blah and the endless sea of dupes. But I have a confession. I have found that fun feeling again on ebay. Because on ebay it's not just shopping. It's a full on fashion pursuit. And when you find the thing, that adrenaline hit is real. Like when you score that rare Adidas collab that's lived on your mood board. The Dior saddlebag you ripped out of a magazine in 2007 and never got over. Or something like The Cecile Bonson XGT2160 that sold out in five seconds. Yeah, those. It's about the thrill of finding pieces that feel like me. And I want you to find pieces that feel like you. There's always more to discover. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity guarantee eBay things people love.
- [62:51]
Tony Robbins
Hey everybody, it's Tony Robbins. Look, the time is here. It's 2026 and everybody talks about having a new year and a new life. But what do most people do? They create a few resolutions and in the end they don't really do anything. If you want this to be the best year you've ever had in your life, it's going to take a new tool, a new strategy, a new momentum, and maybe a new community of people to hang out with. So come join me for the Time to Rise summit. I do it only once a year. It's coming up January 29th through the 31st. There's absolutely no charge for it, but it'll be an experience I promise you. You will not forget. It'll give you momentum, a plan and a strategy to make 2026 the best ever. If you're up for that and you're hungry for more, come join me. There's no cost for it whatsoever. Just go to time to riseummit.com time to riseummit.com I'll see you there.
- [63:45]
Sophia
Ah, we all know that feeling when you finally find a pair of shoes that just works. That's what Orthofeet is all about. Thoughtfully designed footwear that over delivers on comfort.
- [63:57]
Danae Hayes
Whether you're hanging around the house in.
- [63:59]
Sophia
Slippers, out for a walk, exploring a trail, or heading off to work, we've got you covered. Use code podcast for $10 off your first order now@orthofeet.com. You know, you, you touched on it and, and that can be it. But if you want to talk about it, I want to give you the space. You know, you mentioned there's so much that's great and there, there's been experience in being who you are that's come at a cost. And you just reconnected with your mom after this seven year stint has, I mean, whether you want to discuss or not, if you do, how has that been? And, and I wonder again, as a person who has a personal life but a public Persona, has that experience shifted the way you talk about family in public or on stage, does it make you feel more or less permission to say whatever you want to say?
- [65:02]
Danae Hayes
Yeah, no, I don't mind talking about this at all. This seven years is a long time. I think we all crave the love of Our mother and go in seven years about hearing her voice or being able to call her after a tough day or a day to celebrate. I feel like I was just stripped and robbed of that. And it all transpired where a lot of hurt happened seven years ago. And I was also in a relationship that, you know, without going too into depth about that, I was in a relationship where it needed my undivided attention. And so when some hurtful things were said by my mother, I felt very pulled to pull away from that and align myself with my partner. I didn't think at the time that seven years would ever be the case. I thought it might be like a month until our hot heads cooled off and then we'd be fine, come and have a meeting of the mind. But it didn't go that way. It went seven years. And so I just kept feeling this urge that my mom had been on this vacation and that I have had it in my calendar for seven years, that today's the day she comes back and I gotta go pick her up from the airport. I was very expectant and I'd never had that feeling before. And it just felt very spiritual. It felt like this thing had dropped in my spirit and that I needed to be expectant, that something good was going to happen. A relationship with a lot of trust and a lot of honesty was going to blossom. And so I was driving down the road with my girlfriend and I looked at her and I said, jen.
- [66:51]
Tony Robbins
I.
- [66:51]
Danae Hayes
Think I want to call my mom right now. And she loves me so much. She said, then do it, baby, call her. She goes, if it goes good, we'll celebrate. And if it doesn't go good, me and you will have the most unconditional love and we'll move beyond it. Knowing that you gave it your best shot. That was all I needed to hear. So I picked the phone up and I called her one night and she answered. And we were both just shocked, listening to each other's voices. And we just cried and we cried. And there's so many apologies from both ends. And my mom just reassured me that she loves me unconditionally and she's sorry that she struggled with my sexuality and that she's sorry that she allowed it to be a wedge between us. And we met two weeks later and we had a face to face meeting. And I told her, I was like, I want this to be the most honest relationship you have in your life outside of your marriage. I want everything that we say to each other to be honest. And if something hurts, I want us to be able to say that in the moment instead of resenting each other for it. And so we brought up things that, you know, were really, really painful and really hurtful, just. Just to hash it out. And it went beautifully. And then the next week, I got to meet up with my sister as well. And when I tell you it has been the most wonderful feeling moment to just have my family back in my life and show each other grace. And I told them both, I said, for all of us, I don't want our relationship to be about perfection. I don't want it to be about we have to say the perfect thing. I want it to be about grace, where if one of us can't see eye to eye with the other person, we let them know that, and then we try to figure out a way to bridge that gap. So for a while there, I'd always thought that a great relationship was based off just being perfect. And I now know that we're all humans with different human experiences, and that molds us and shapes us into who we are, and we may not see things the same way, but if you love somebody unconditionally and you trust them, that eventually that love overcomes that disagreement. And so it's been a wonderful thing. And, yeah, it's been the highlight. The highlight of the last decade for me.
- [69:21]
Sophia
Oh, that's so cool. I love that. Do you feel. Because it's a fresher thing, like, do you feel a little protective of it, or are you like, oh, I love you? And also, I'm gonna make fun of you on stage. Like, I'm gonna tell jokes about our family.
- [69:36]
Danae Hayes
Like, oh, that since being back with them, like, the amount of content I've gotten from my family, like, I jokingly told him. I was like, look, I was running a little dry on content, so I kind of had to welcome y' all back. I'm sorry. Yeah, they are some of the funniest people I've ever been to. I love that my mom has shaped a lot of my sense of humor, so they're definitely getting ragged on at my shows.
- [70:03]
Sophia
You know what? It feels right. That's real familial love. You know?
- [70:06]
Danae Hayes
That's right.
- [70:07]
Sophia
And how is it going? Because you just kicked off the Buckwild tour. It's running through mid May. You know, how is it? Tell us about this tour. How's it different from the last ones?
- [70:19]
Danae Hayes
Yeah, I would say this store, I'm not going to say it's cleaner. I had a goal to write a cleaner set this Year.
- [70:27]
Sophia
Yeah.
- [70:27]
Danae Hayes
And, and then as I started writing it I was like, you know what? No, I was like, yeah, I would, I would say this year is more, even more light hearted. As the first tour I was actively going through a really awful divorce. So I just feel, I feel lighter, I feel more creative. I don't feel like there's a dark cloud hanging over my head. So it's been a really awesome experience so far and it just feels, I love that. Feels fun, you know, it just like we're getting back to having fun.
- [71:00]
Sophia
Oh, that's so great. Well, great. Where, where can our listeners if they're living under a rock and don't have their tickets yet, where can people go? Go to find out where the next show near them is happening.
- [71:12]
Danae Hayes
Yeah. So the best price tickets are going to be at my website, Danae Hayes. Hayes is without an E H a y-s.com so forget third party scalpers. Like go to my website and we'll get them for the best price.
- [71:26]
Sophia
I love that I have to ask you a question that actually was asked of me. Normally on the show I kick off the new year and I just do like a, you know, straight to mike me and a prep doc of questions that come in from our listeners and try to have like a little one on one time with the community. And this question came in before you and I booked our recording. So like talk about something spiritual being in the air. A listener asked, she wrote in and said, do you have any advice for a 20 year old closeted queer woman in south Alabama in the current political climate? And you know my immediate, the thing that came to me right away was I'm so sorry you have to ask me this question because it tells me you're afraid.
- [72:21]
Danae Hayes
I hope we can get to the day one day where like it's, it's not even a fear. You know. The first thing I thought about was like when I was coming out, what, what was the thing that helped me the most? And I think it's, it's finding that one person that you feel very trusting of and that understands you and being able to have an open minded communication with them. For me at the time I had a friend named April. She was in her 50s at the time and I was so scared to come out to her before I had come out to my family. And I remember I called her and I told her and her reaction was beautiful. It was, baby, I don't care what you are, I love you and that does not matter to me. And so she created a Very safe space for me. And she was also a lot older than I was, felt very nurturing. So my. My first thing is to find whoever that is for you, whether that's a sibling or a best friend, a classmate, somebody that you work with, somebody that you know. Because the reason I chose her is because I knew in my heart that she was gonna accept me. She had just displayed that. So I would say find that first line of defense where when you do come out to somebody else, you know, you can always go back to a safe space, because we all crave a home, a home of just acceptance and safety and trustworthiness. So that would be my first thing. And then when you do come out to your family, try your best to not set expectations for it, because chances are, those expectations, even if it goes well, the expectations might still a little bit look a little different. But I think once you've created that safe space with a friend or a co worker, it'll make you feel a lot better of how your friends and family's reaction will be.
- [74:25]
Sophia
Yeah. Yeah.
- [74:28]
Danae Hayes
That's a tough question. I hate that it's 20, 26 and people still feel that way.
- [74:33]
Sophia
It's so crazy to me. And it's like, you know, the Data estimate is 1 in 5 people are gay. It's like, what are we?
- [74:41]
Tony Robbins
Hello.
- [74:43]
Sophia
Like, everywhere on earth, what are. What. How is this a conversation we're still having? But it is. And so we have to figure out how to help people have it and how to give them, to your point, safe spaces, safe friendships, you know, and sometimes they're next door, and sometimes they're halfway around the world. But, like, you know, I always think, especially for, you know, really young people, people in their teens and in their 20s, it's like, if you haven't found your people yet, that's okay. You will.
- [75:17]
Danae Hayes
I love that you said that, because my teens and my 20s, that was a tough. That was a tough time to find, like, my inner circle. Yeah, those are tough ages.
- [75:29]
Sophia
Yeah, it's really hard.
- [75:32]
Danae Hayes
Yeah. I mean, there's even times now where I'm in my 30s now, and, like, I would say there's three people that I consider, like, liker friends that I could call right now and pick up. But we've always been taught that it needs to be, like, 10 people, you know, and that's just. That's not realistic.
- [75:52]
Sophia
Yeah. I also just think everybody figures out their life at their own pace. Like, I've always been a really late bloomer. I'm a. You know, it takes Me, time to figure things out in every realm. And, you know, I even think about the fact that, like, I met my best friend in the world when we were 27. And, like, okay, I've made some of my closest friends in the last 10 years, in the last five years. It's like, just happens when it happens. And I think especially for young people, they feel this pressure, like they're supposed to have it all feel figured out. And if we can help alleviate some of that, it feels exciting.
- [76:35]
Danae Hayes
I mean, there's a reason why, you know, 24, I was a part of the pyramid scheme because I didn't know what I wanted to do in my life. You know, I mean, I think about that now eight years ago, and how much my life has evolved. And I'm like, I didn't know what I wanted to do at 24. I had done pharmaceutical sales, real estate, sports, broadcasting, fitness, softball camps, all before I stumbled into what I actually love, which is comedy. And I didn't stumble into this until I was 30. So it takes time.
- [77:05]
Sophia
Yeah. And that, I think, is actually when that realization hits you, it kind of flips everything on its head. Right. Like, when you realize how time is really what it takes, suddenly everything gets more fun. Aging is more fun. Like, thinking about the future, because who knows what's going to happen next year? You know, it's so cool when. When you think about it and, you know, obviously you're focused on the present. You're on. You're literally on tour, you're very busy. But when you think about that bigger picture stuff, is there something that feels like a work in progress for you?
- [77:42]
Danae Hayes
Well, yeah, I. It's acting. For me, acting has always been. Just since I was a little girl, I just. I've never watched movies through the lens of, like, enjoyment. I've watched them through the lens of which character would I play?
- [77:57]
Sophia
Oh, my gosh.
- [77:58]
Danae Hayes
And so I. Taking acting classes, and I booked my first role two years ago. It just came out in 2025. And so that's like, the work in progress for me is I would love to be able to be in comedy movies and be able to kind of bring back that element of, like, the Eddie Murphy, the Robin Williams, where they get to play a character that's similar to themselves, but then also a character like the Nutty Professor. So they're kind of playing a dual Persona. Yeah, I just love that 1990s comedy scene. So that's. That is my work in film.
- [78:34]
Sophia
Me too. Listen, there's something in the air. I said last year. All I want to do is rom com. I want, I want 90s Rom coms and I'm literally at the end of last year and right now in Cape Town back to back old school nostalgia like 90s era rom coms. So yes, let's speak this into existence. I love it.
- [78:58]
Danae Hayes
Amen sister.
- [79:15]
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- [80:25]
Sophia
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- [81:09]
Tony Robbins
Look, the time is here. It's 2026 and everybody talks about having a new year and a new life. But what do most people do? They create a few resolutions and in the end they don't really do anything. If you want this to be the best year you've ever had in your life, it's going to take a new tool, a new strategy, a new momentum, and maybe a new community of people to hang out with. So come join me for the Time to Rise Summit. I do it only once a year. It's coming up January 29th through the 31st. There's absolutely no charge for it, but it'll be an experience I promise you you will not forget. It'll give you momentum, a plan, and a strategy to make 2026 the best ever. If you're up for that and you're hungry for more, come join me. There's no cost for it whatsoever. Just go to time to riseummit.com time to riseummit.com I'll see you then.
- [82:01]
Sophia
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Danae Hayes
Whether you're hanging around the house in.
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Sophia
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