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- [00:00]
Sophia
You're listening to an iHeart podcast. Imagine a toilet so striking it inspired a couture dress. The Kohler Veal Smart Toilet in Honed Black actually inspired creative director and fashion designer Laura Kim to create a stunning black chiffon dress. The Veil Smart Toilet, with its curved design, deep, rich textural color, touchscreen remote control and customizable cleansing features, can transform your routine into something extraordinary. And we all deserve extraordinary. Design changes everything. Veil Smart Toilet in Honed Black only from Kohler Discover the Veil Smart Toilet and go behind the scenes of Kohler's partnership with Laura Kim@kohler.com hey friends, let's talk about simplifying our beauty routines. I know we have all been there feeling overwhelmed by 12 step skincare regimens and palettes with 50 eyeshadows. Here's the thing, I don't have time for for that, and I'm pretty sure you don't either. That's why I am so excited that Merit is sponsoring this podcast. Merit is all about a less is more approach. Their makeup and skincare products are designed to enhance your natural beauty, not cover it up. From their minimalist foundation and concealer all in one to their incredible flush balms, it's like Blush, but better. With their simple products, I can get my whole routine done in under five minutes. If you are looking to simplify your morning, head to meritbeauty.com and get their signature makeup bag free with your first order. That's meritbeauty.com oh whip smarties, do we have the scoop for you. So what is it, you ask? It's that Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. But before you tell us to clock out of our shift at the rumor mill, we have proof that this kettle of tea is not only piping hot, but 100% true. So yeah, sometimes it pays to be a little nosy, but it always pays to Discover. Based on the February 2024 Nielsen report. Learn more at discover.com credit card ready.
- [02:15]
Christina Najjar
For another dose of mystery and mind games? The Hulu original series 9 Perfect Strangers is back for an all new season this May. A new group of visitors with mysterious connections to each other journey to an opulent healing retreat. Subjected to an intense and unorthodox form of therapy and wellness, they peel back the layers in a series of shocking twists and revelations. Starring Nicole Kidman, the new season of Nine Perfect Strangers premieres May 21, streaming on Hulu.
- [03:02]
Sophia
Samsung Galaxy S25 + Con Galaxy AI Por Cuenta Nuestra Adimas Il hey, everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to Work in Progress. Hi, Whip Smarties. Today we are joined by TikTok's big sister. You know her as Tanks, none other than Christina Najjar. She is a New York Times bestselling author. She is a podcast and radio host, and it's really her wit and candor that have established her as a resounding voice for women. She is engaging and empathetic and not afraid to change her mind. We all got to know her with her satirical rich mom content five years ago and her takes on pop culture theories on sex, dating, and relationships. Honest reviews and recommendations of everything from food and restaurants to beauty, fashion, and lifestyle products have placed her squarely in the cultural zeitgeist. Tinks has a devoted fan base and everyone is incredibly excited for her new novel, Hotter in the Hamptons, which is available now and is being adapted for television. Next, let's dive in with Tinks. Okay, girl. Well, before we get into, you know, where we are and. And what we're all up to these days, I actually really like to kind of go a little back in time with people, and I'm always really curious if you could hang out with your younger self. You know, when you were 9 or 10 years old, do you think you would see a kind of connection to who you were becoming when you were a little kid and who you are right now?
- [05:11]
Christina Najjar
100%, I think. I think you can definitely see the. The roots of who I am. I think I would be so excited if I knew that this was my life when I was, like, five. I would be like, yeah, oh, my God, we made it. But, yeah, I think, you know, who we are as kids, kind of us in our most pure form in a way that's like, who we are, the world with us and tells us that we can't do things and gives us doubt and insecurities and. I don't know, Kids are so pure in that way. They're just like their personalities are so defined even though they're young. No. So it's a really interesting thought. What about you? Do you feel like you would see the roots of yourself?
- [05:49]
Sophia
Absolutely. And I think to your point, you know, the. The becoming and the sort of life paths and. And other people's influence and all sorts of things that I think. I don't want to say, like, took me off my path necessarily, but definitely I feel like I went through all sorts of stages and phases trying to figure out what was really for me. And I think to your point, when. When you're really young. And I think, especially, like, feisty little girls, you kind of know yourself, and then you get 100. You get told a lot about who you're not supposed to be or what you're not supposed to be. And I think. I think there's a really interesting thing as you evolve where, in a way, you. You sort of also unlearn a lot to get back 100% sort of core self. Where did you grow up?
- [06:44]
Christina Najjar
I grew up in London.
- [06:45]
Sophia
You did?
- [06:46]
Christina Najjar
Yeah, I grew up in London, and then I moved to the States when I was 19 to go to college. But I think, like, what you're saying is so interesting. It's like you're pure in yourself, and then the world, like, changes you because you're like, oh, I need to be this. I need to try this. I need to be insecure. I need to do that. And then right around for me, like, my early 30s was when I was started to, like, be like, oh, I need to unlearn all that stuff and go back to who I really am. And I just think it's so interesting, like, so many women have. I think most women have this evolution of, like, relearning who you really are, because 20s is all about, like. Like trying on different hats. Like, you know, oh, maybe I'll hang with these people. Like, oh, am I like a cool girl? Or am I like this girl? Or whatever. And then in your 30s, you're like, I actually just need to go back to who I am. And it's like, it's kind of amazing. I love it. I'm into 30s so far.
- [07:36]
Sophia
Oh, I like that. That makes me really happy to hear. I loved turning 30, I think, especially because, you know, for me and some of my closest friends, we just spent nine years on a show where, by the way, we repeated high school. So it's a literal emotional hold back.
- [07:53]
Christina Najjar
Yeah.
- [07:54]
Sophia
And then we were sort of stuck there, and all the discovery so many of our friends did in their 20s, we didn't really get to do.
- [08:01]
Christina Najjar
Yeah.
- [08:02]
Sophia
So in this really interesting way, I felt like I was discovering a lot in my 30s. And then also it felt like the task of the first half of my 30s was unlearning, like, very devout, good girl behavior at work. Like, no, I don't always need to make everything easier for everyone else.
- [08:22]
Christina Najjar
Totally.
- [08:23]
Sophia
And then, weirdly, the second half of my 30s, I think I had to confront that. I didn't even know how to do that for my own life. And then at 40, like, the first year that I was 40. Everything shifted and I went, really? Okay, I get it now. This is my time.
- [08:40]
Christina Najjar
I love that. Do you do like, what kind of self work do you do? Or like, what kind of like how, how do you best like get to know yourself and like do all these things? Like do you do therapy? Journaling?
- [08:51]
Sophia
I mean, everything, you know, artists way. I, I found a great, great therapist who I really like. And I think finding the right therapist for you is kind of like finding the right partner for you.
- [09:04]
Christina Najjar
Agree 100%.
- [09:06]
Sophia
That's like, there's relationships you've been in that have been great. They, they serve a reason, they take you through a season. You can love people and then move on from them. And I think interestingly, like, therapy can be a lot like that too. Where, where it takes a while to get from just enjoying hanging out with someone to get to a really constructive place where you know that your life is better because of their presence.
- [09:30]
Christina Najjar
100%. I know finding a good therapist is like, it's so key. It's so crucial.
- [09:36]
Sophia
Has it been that for you too? What's, what's your.
- [09:39]
Christina Najjar
I have like an amazing therapist that I worked with for like five years and I've been doing my job for five years. So I started like being online five years ago. And it was so crucial to have someone who could like, support me during this like, weird job that I have where it's like, you know, it's not normal to get so much feedback on yourself. Like, I think that's not like a normal human experience. And so for anyone who is in the public eye, you know, the regular public eye or on the Internet, like, it's just a bizarre experience to hear so much about yourself back to you. And you need someone to really help you weather that and help you process and be like, no, it's not normal. Like it's, it's actually really strange. Like, it's really strange that you get thousands of comments about your appearance or this or that or like, it's bizarre. So my therapist is amazing and I've been with her for five years. And you know, to your point, she really like does make me a better person. And I just so appreciate the work we do together and I journal as well. I, I actually am. I've done the artist way before, but I like, didn't, I didn't do it properly. So I'm planning to do it this summer. Really just like take time and like really, really use it. I feel very ready and very called to do it right now. So I'm I'm excited about that.
- [10:51]
Sophia
I do too. It's really interesting because I have. A friend of mine gave it to me literally 10 years ago. I think it's your time. And I've carried this weathered copy around in my backpack on like, every trip to every set, to every everything. And I got about halfway through it last summer and went, okay. I don't actually have the time I want to devote to this, to finishing it. And in a weird way, I think I also had to get to a point in my life where I could be okay with that, where I could put a book down halfway and be like, I'll revisit this when I have a beat. It's important to me. I'll come back to it. I used to have a real kind of all or nothing, like, perfectionist tendency, which is terrible because perfectionism just sets you up to fail all the time. Perfect doesn't exist.
- [11:40]
Christina Najjar
Right.
- [11:41]
Sophia
So to unlearn a little bit of that has been really interesting too. Did it, I wonder for you this. This shift into online life, because I'm thinking about when we met at our mutual friend's house at that barbecue. I feel like it was kind of in, like, first year maybe that you were doing this thing. And I think about your history, you know, going to Stanford, getting a master's at Parsons. Like you, you had goals that you were pursuing in a more traditional light, and then you stepped into this very non traditional space. And to your point, that comes with a flood of information about yourself that is not healthy. And you've talked about the anxiety of. Of, I guess the byproduct of the anxiety that comes with that. Like, why do you think the shift happened? What led you to say, oh, I've gotten this kind of an education, but now I'm gonna live with it in this non traditional fashion. How did you kind of make sense of what you thought you were going to do versus what you actually do now and how it's shifted your life?
- [12:52]
Christina Najjar
Honestly, don't even think I. I was, like, aware of it when it was happening. I just, like, was thrust into the online world and I loved it. It's like, very alluring. Like, obviously, especially at the beginning, you're like, oh, my God, like, the validation feels so good. And you're. You feel so popular and, you know, you think this is incredible. Like, everyone thinks I'm funny, whatever. And so I wasn't like, super cognizant of where I thought I was going to be and like, what I. What I'm doing now, but I will say I think that a lot of who I thought I was going to be has helped me in this job. Like, I worked in corporate America. Like, I know how to send an email. I know how to do a PowerPoint presentation. Like, all of that stuff has. Has become useful in a way in this world. And that's truly how I try to just operate. Anyway, like, even if you have an experience where you're like, oh, I didn't like this, or like, this was a bad job, or this was this, or like, you always can take something from it and it's always building to who you are going to become. And I. That's like giving me a lot of peace throughout my life. So I try to think about that.
- [13:58]
Sophia
Yeah, I like that. How do you. I guess I'm curious about this because I know what it is to have a lot of people think they know a lot about you. And your online life is so fractional to who you are as a human. And I have the weird thing where there are people who know or think they know me, Sophia, and then there are people who will see me and be like, Brooke or Aaron or like, they like, yell a character name at me. But you are Christina, and you're also Tinx. But Tinks is you. Ish.
- [14:30]
Christina Najjar
It's so weird.
- [14:32]
Sophia
Does it feel like a character? Is it a nickname that came from a friend that now blew up into a Persona? Like, how do you. It's so funny.
- [14:42]
Christina Najjar
I feel like Tinks is like. I feel like I am Tanks. Like, I really do feel like it. But, you know, it's also like, it's online Persona. Like, it's not really who I am. And so it is interesting when people think that they know, like, all about me. And, I mean, you have the same thing. It's like, it must be even crazier for you because you're like. Exactly. Some people think they know who you are. Some people literally think that you're a character that they have so much emotional attachment to that they feel, like, deeply connected to you. And you're like, that was not me. That was a projection of a character that I, like, was the vessel for. Like, that's got to be really trippy. I don't know. I think all of these relationships that we have are so interesting. And it's like, at the end of the day, it is beautiful to connect with people over, whether it's a character or something online. But it's. It's just. It's just shades of reality. You know, it's different different pinpoints of reality, different points of your personality. And, you know, I don't know. It's, it's so interesting.
- [15:43]
Sophia
Yeah, it is kind of a trip. And, and I think especially no matter how open or private you choose to be online, you can try to be your most authentic self. You can try to be vulnerable where you find it appropriate. You can try to be the most honest about things, and people are still going to receive you as they receive you, not as you are. And that is a really interesting thing. I mean, how to, to have to balance other people's expectations when you're just you and they're just them, but suddenly there's 2 million or 5 million or 10 million of them, and you're still just you.
- [16:23]
Christina Najjar
Yeah.
- [16:24]
Sophia
How do you kind of toe the line, you know, being an online girly and maintaining a sense of privacy because, you know, you talk about dating, you talk about your life. How do you figure out what to share and what to hold?
- [16:40]
Christina Najjar
I've scaled back a lot on talking about, like, my, like, I try to talk about dating in a general concept and not, like, my own experience as much now because I definitely was at a point where I was kind of dating and I was telling my followers, like, too much. Like, I was, I would be on a date and I would be literally thinking, like, oh, I'm gonna tell the girls about this tomorrow. Like, and that's no way to live. I, I had to set that boundary, like, which is a shame because it' best content and people love it and it would always go viral and whatever. It was so fun, but it just ultimately made me feel confused about what was me and, like, what was the story that I was telling. And it, that's not healthy. Like, you know, and I think it's a trap that a lot of content creators fall into where they're like, they'll do things so that it, they can talk about it in content. And I was just like, I need to keep this for myself. Like, I, I, I'm going through the, you know, I'm going on dates with people. I, maybe I spend time with people, whatever, but, like, I'll tell my followers once it's passed, you know, once it's in the past and it's, it's just a story. But I think that the act of telling, like, during, when you're seeing someone was just, was too intense and it was too confusing, and it just, it gets, it gets to be confusing. I would, I would think, like, wait, do I really like this person, or am I just Going on a date with them so that I can, like, do a podcast about it the next day. Like, that's no way to live. And it's just. Just like you. I think you have to set boundaries with yourself and be like, what am I willing to do for views? And, you know, it's always evolving. And I. I'm really glad that I kind of, like, pulled back. And I love sharing my life. Like, I really do love sharing it with my community. But there's also just certain things where I'm like, you know, I don't need to share everything. Like, yeah, I was literally in the gynecologist yesterday, and I was, like, gonna do, like, a whole thing about, I don't know, like, that. That's another really big gray area for me because I have the privilege of, like, having health care, and I have certain, you know, and endo and pcos and things that so many women suffer from. And I know that a fraction of my followers have the same. Like, not a lot of people have access to good health care. And so that's a gray area for me because I want to inspire women who follow me to go and be their own advocates and. And, you know, ask questions about their birth control and ask questions about why they have pain and all that stuff. But it's also just difficult because it's like, it's such a sensitive thing, and I'm not a doctor and I never want to give medical advice. And, you know, but. But it's like, I also know I have this platform and I want to inspire women and be like, no, like, ask your doctor again, like, if you feel this or whatever. So that's another area where I'm like, damn, am I really on the Internet talking about my IUD again? But I hope that that helps, you know, like, that's an area where I don't mind to overshare a little bit because it could inspire someone to go and ask again or find a better solution for their health issue or whatnot. So it's. It's hard, but you kind of have to just, like, set your boundaries and. And do your best.
- [19:41]
Sophia
I totally feel that. And it's tricky, too. You know, I don't. I've thought about this for myself where it's like, I don't only want to reflect on something when I feel like I've really buttoned it up, you know, where I. Where I've really settled in it, and then I can talk about it. It's like, sometimes I. I think it's really healthy to say, I don't know yet. I don't have the answer. I'm figuring this out. But then there' inverse, where if you do that, if you don't have the exact right sound bite, or. Or you don't, you know, seem a hundred percent confident, people are like, oh, look at this person. They're in a struggle. They. They backed out of an answer. They. And it's.
- [20:21]
Christina Najjar
Sometimes you. Sometimes you just don't know yet. Yeah, sometimes you don't know. And also, sometimes you change your mind. Like, you know, like, sometimes they're like, oh, well, in 2021, you said that. I was like, yeah, that was four years ago. Like, are you saying you never change your mind when you get new information? Like, that's bad. Like, yeah, and that's. It's. It's. It's really tough. Like, I. I always, like, feel so. Oh, my God. Like, just to use the birth control example again, I was like, because people want to know. And I get it. Because it's like, a thing that women talk about all the time. I'm like, okay, I had an iud. I really liked it, and then I took it out. People were like, but you said you liked it. Why'd you take it out? Like, And I'm like, dude, like, we're all changing all the time. Our bodies, our minds, everything. And you just kind of have to, like, you can be inspired by people that you see, but you don't have to, like, follow exactly what they say. You can kind of just use it as an inspiration. But, yeah, it's. It's tricky.
- [21:12]
Sophia
And now a word from our sponsors that I really enjoy, and I think you will, too. I also think. I mean, even what we were talking about when we first jumped on, things are. Things are also shifting in ways that we have to figure out how to address. Like, there are people who have been in my life who I have respected, who've, like, in the year 2025, gone a little cuckoo and turned into people who I watch, like, lie on the Internet because now they're selling you stuff with the lie. And I'm like, yeah, I'm super embarrassed that I talked about how inspiring I thought this person was five years ago, but now they're, like, hawking snake oil and, you know, making money doing it. And I'm like. And so I think. I think your example of reminding people that you're allowed to change your mind is important.
- [22:08]
Christina Najjar
You can always change your mind. It's like, the smartest people that I know are people that, like, Change their mind. It's like strong opinions loosely held. Like, that's what I say and that's what I like. If you give me new information, I'm happy to say, you know what, I was wrong. Or okay, yeah, that sounds totally right. Or like, whatever. I think we all need to be more nimble. And I think we all need to be like, get in the habit of doing that more. I think with the Internet, people really like to be like, what you said. Like, are you used to it? And it's like, dude, we should be encouraging people to constantly be increasing their information and inflow and. And being like, oh, yeah, like, I see that differently. Or I do see your point. I'm gonna change my mind. Or actually, I don't with that person anymore because of xyz. Like, normalize it. Normalize it. Like, we can't be. We can't be doing this. And honestly, like, I have to say I think that I think the left and I'm. I'm a, you know, would call myself definitely on the left. Like, I think that the left could actually be a lot better about that in general. Instead of being like, no, no, no. More arguing amongst ourselves. I'm like, we got bigger goals. We got. We got way bigger goals. We have to really, like, eyes on the prize now. And that's something I think about all the time. Like, I'm just like, you know, if someone. I don't know, I just think, gotta stay nimble, gotta stay open minded.
- [23:24]
Sophia
Yeah, it's like, you know what it makes me think of for us? You know, the. There's that like, don't panic arc that you see everywhere where like, all the little fish are being chased by the giant fish. Yeah, all the little fish. Make an even bigger fish and go after, like, the one. I'm like, guys, we have to stop like little fish fighting and make the food fish. I agree to get the big fish. Cause, like, are you paying attention to like, logging and they're legalizing chemicals like ourselves. Arsenic, like, in the air. Yeah, we have to stop with some of the semantics and some of the.
- [23:56]
Christina Najjar
I know we're like on the Internet, like, getting on each other's ass, being like, well, you said this and I think technically we should say this. And I'm like, dude, we actually have like, like alarm bells should be ringing. Like, this is a. We are in. We are in crisis. And I think that we can stop fighting amongst ourselves about like, whatever in the tick tock comments and we should all be banding together.
- [24:15]
Sophia
Yeah, I'm like, because the billionaires are trying to poison our water and build bunkers and we still need t. Like, let's.
- [24:22]
Christina Najjar
Also, Republicans don't fight amongst themselves. Like, I honestly, like, I honestly admire them. I think it's one of their greatest strengths is that they never fight with each other. You never see that. Like, even if they have disagreements, that they're never like, publicly, like, talking bad about each other, like having squabbles. They are united and boy, does it show.
- [24:41]
Sophia
Well, and they unite in like a crazy way.
- [24:44]
Christina Najjar
In a crazy way.
- [24:45]
Sophia
Like when I. When I. When I see certain things happen and I go, oh, well, that's going to be the end of this for someone like, you know, Roy Moore, a pedophile running for office. And the Republicans were like, yeah, but he's a conservative, so we'll vote for him. And I was like, what the. Like what? And by the way, I don't think that's good banding together at all. I think that's actually really terrifying.
- [25:08]
Christina Najjar
No, but it's like, but it just, it does illustrate, like, how hard they ride for each other. And I think that's a huge key to their success. Like, even when Pete Hegseth literally chatted war group plans, like, they were like, well, who hasn't done that? And I'm like, if, if someone on the left did that, that everybody else would be like, burn them at the stake. Like, kick them out. Like, da, da. And I'm like, to your point, it's not good, but it's effective.
- [25:32]
Sophia
Yeah, well, and. And it's like the thing that was never lost on me was that it was the tech people from the George Bush White House that gave Hillary Clinton the server. They were like, oh, this is the only way you're going to be able to do your work. Also from home, we'll come set it. And then, and then the Republicans turned it into this big, like this radical leftist scandal. And I was like, no, no, this is what this is like bipartisan technological information sharing. And you can critique it, but to act like it was like some up thing she did when Bush's guy literally did it for her. What are you talking about? And then they're on signal and I'm like, okay, okay. So really nothing matters, but they'll stick together. To your point, they stick together.
- [26:17]
Christina Najjar
They stick together. It's a clear goal. It's singular goal. And it's stay in power and they're doing a really good job of it. And I would like to see less, like, less left on left Crime. I'm like, let's just.
- [26:31]
Sophia
I totally agree.
- [26:32]
Christina Najjar
It's like, do you want to be right or do you want to win? You know, like, kind of thing. I'm like, well, and it's passed for.
- [26:38]
Sophia
Me even, like, write or win. It's like, do you. Do you want to be the most right or do you want to lose the planet? It's like, I feel like we're in end game. I'm like, guys, if we don't figure out how to be the Avengers, yeah, the universe blows up. So.
- [26:54]
Christina Najjar
I know, I know. It's scary. It's scary times.
- [26:57]
Sophia
It's scary. It's also, I think, important for us to have conversations like this. I think it's important for us. I really do think it matters for people who care and who care to be informed, who are willing to operate with a science mind to say, I do agree that science is real, Truth is truth. Like, the air should be clean. And I always want to learn more. I always want to intake more. I always want to challenge myself to expand my purview. I think that that requires. I mean, I know, at least for me, it requires a certain amount of maturity. I think I was much more like, damn the man, burn it down person in my 20s than I am now. I've really learned to value, you know, patience and pragmatism and. And I can have hard conversations that are not do or die.
- [27:49]
Christina Najjar
Yeah.
- [27:50]
Sophia
Like in this moment for you, and, you know, that might be for me getting into my early 40s, in this sort of mid-30s moment for you. When you look at the girls, you know, as you. You talk about being TikTok's older sister. Like, when you look at these girls who look up to you in their 20s, are there. Are there lessons like this, you know, patience, willingness, whatever it may be. Are there lessons you really wish you could pass down to them that you've had to learn as you've entered a new decade?
- [28:25]
Christina Najjar
I think 100%. And I. And I try to, like, share as much as possible, and some of them, you know, you really just have to kind of go through it. Like, some of it is just life and you need to just kind of do it. But I always say, like, I wasted so much time in my 20s, like, worried about body image stuff, and I think that's one of the ones where it's. It's tricky, but if I could just impress upon the younger girls, like, to not let it be the main thing in their life. And, like, we all have our struggles. We're all on a journey 100%. It's terrible for women but I just feel like if I had wasted a few less hours like being so mean to myself and just like how much it held me back, like I think just, just literally switching self talk to being from negative to positive, like genuinely will change your life. And I, I, so I hope that you know, listening to me they can kind of try to do it a little earlier. I mean I think dating like not seeking validation from other people, not losing yourself in relationships, like so important and you know, my 20s, I was just seeking validation. I just wanted validation. I didn't, I wasn't even like, oh, does this person like me? Like am I having a good time? Like do I feel seen? It was just like, like I need to like have this validation of this person liking me back. And you know, so I try as much as possible to share my experiences and, and, and just like you know, encourage them to think about things and to think about themselves more kindly and yeah, that's what I want. I mean I kind of also wish I had had when I was like in my 20s. I wish I'd had an influencer who was like single because I felt like everybody online was in a relationship and I was like, oh, I'm such a freak, like it's only me. And so I don't know, maybe I'm like, hopefully if they're single they can see that you don't die if you're single. It's, you can have fun, you can have a full life and it's actually like a beautiful stage of life and you should, everyone should be grateful for all the stages.
- [30:20]
Sophia
Totally. I also think it's so, I don't know, I mean, I know we sort of split, I won't say a generation, but we split a decade, you and I. And I feel like in my 20s all women were ever encouraged to ask essentially boiled down to the unasked question, which was am I being chosen? Not what do I choose, what do I like? What makes me feel good, what makes me feel secure? How am I being treated? It was like what can I do and how can I and where can I? And it was this, it was really sort of toxic. And it's interesting, you know, I've had to come to terms even with how the pressure that I don't even know that I was conscious of, about wanting to be a parent and what 40 meant and all of these things sort of made me not self interrogate certain things in ways.
- [31:17]
Christina Najjar
Yeah.
- [31:18]
Sophia
Getting into something that I thought was one thing, and then I realized was not. And, like, it was a weird moment for me to sit and go, oh, I had such a good time spending years of my 30s being single, and I had no pressure about it. And then I almost feel like that thing from back then crept back in and I didn't even see it coming.
- [31:40]
Christina Najjar
Yeah, yeah.
- [31:40]
Sophia
And so we've got to talk about this stuff.
- [31:43]
Christina Najjar
Yeah, that's so real. I know some of the best years are the single ones, and you've just got to enjoy it for what it is and, like, push the pressure out, rage against it, because it's just not useful or helpful at all.
- [31:56]
Sophia
Yeah, yeah. Do you think that attitudes like that are changing in. In what you see, at least with your audience online? Because, you know, you talk about the. I'm talking about that pressure. You're talking about body image, for example. There are so many ways that we've been sort of consciously or subconsciously encouraged to make ourselves a little smaller or a little sad or a little more self conscious. Do you think it's changing?
- [32:27]
Christina Najjar
I wish that I could say it was. I think, like, the society we live on is a patriarchy, and it, like, thrives off of keeping women down. And I honestly, sadly think that a lot of the, like, aggression we're seeing towards women now is a reaction, is a direct reaction to, like, the MeToo movement. Like, I think that that was a big power moment for women where we were able to band together and, like, really start talking about something that has plagued women since the dawn of time and something that's extremely difficult and extremely hard to talk about. We found a way. And my personal opinion is that a lot of, like, the. The war on women's health care, the war on abortion, the war on women right now is kind of a direct reaction to women banding together and being like, oh, no, actually, like, you can't do this anymore. And we were going to. We're going to talk. I feel like with women, we fight so hard and we still can only make incremental progress because the odds are really stacked against us. And right now, I think, like, with this current administration, it just feels very aggressive towards women. And it feels like women are sometimes not even people in their eyes. Like, you know, when I was reading the thing about, like, like, oh, they're gonna pay women. Maybe they'll pay women $5,000, like, as an incentive to have a child. And it's like, that's insulting because the hospital bill to actually birth the baby is more than $5,000. So that's, that's actually insulting. Like, if you actually thought of women as people, you would address that. The fact that there's no universal health care. You would address the fact that there's no mandatory. Like, you would address, you know, like, you would even address all the problems we have with kids, guns in schools, et cetera. But they, it's, they're not thinking about women as people. They're thinking about them as, as a tool to get to their economic goal.
- [34:24]
Sophia
Well, they're thinking about us as breeders. And the unfortunate thing is, and they really gave it away in that Dobbs decision when they said they want to ensure a domestic supply of infants. And then you find out that there's tech companies that are pitching, you know, oh, Texas is a great place to build your company because look at our birth rights. You're gonna have a big labor force.
- [34:47]
Christina Najjar
It's like, it's honestly weird. It's like, don't, doesn't that bother you? Like, as a fellow human being, like, doesn't it bother everyone that, like, that's how they're thinking? Like, it creeps me out. I'm like, what? I don't know. That definitely doesn't put me in the mood to have a child, but whatever. Yeah. So I don't know, it's just like, I think it's getting better in the sense that I think women are super aware of like what's happening to them and what's going on. It doesn't make it any easier. You know what I mean? It doesn't make it any easier in the day to day. And so I don't know, like the stats are saying women are thriving, that we're going to college more. We. More, more single women own homes in the US over 30 than single men. Like, women are outperforming men in every vertical. But like, why doesn't it feel better? Why doesn't it feel better?
- [35:36]
Sophia
Because the fact that we are, the fact that, as you said, we've gained any measure of power is why we're being attacked and trying to be relegated to second class citizens again. Because, like, it. And it's like you forget that it's not a this or that and us or them, it's if we get paid better, the GDP of the country goes up. Everyone gets paid better, Everyone does better. It doesn't have to be this sort of totalitarian dog eat dog energy. Like, that's so patriarchal.
- [36:10]
Christina Najjar
It is. Yeah, I know. And that's like not what women want.
- [36:14]
Sophia
They seem really we want the matriarchy, and, like, they don't want that.
- [36:17]
Christina Najjar
Yeah, I know. We don't. We don't want to, like, end all men. We just want to, like, get paid fairly and, like, not be, like, have life be so hard. Like, it's not. I don't know. It's. It's. You know, I'm so proud of women for all that we've done and for those stats that you hear. Like, it's, it's really incredible about how women are just in so many verticals, like, really making incredible advancements. I just wish that it, you know, felt like more. I don't know. I felt. Wish it felt, like, nicer.
- [36:49]
Sophia
Yeah, I mean, I wish it felt like we weren't in quicksand all the time.
- [36:54]
Christina Najjar
Such a good way to put it. That's exactly right. Yeah.
- [36:57]
Sophia
That's kind of it for me. Yeah. And now a word from our wonderful sponsors. I want to, I want to pivot to some joy because, you know, your book is out.
- [37:15]
Christina Najjar
Yes.
- [37:16]
Sophia
It's so exciting. You, by the way, you wrote a story about women. Like, when you think about becoming an author, that's a big deal. What, what was the, what was the impetus for this? Where did the story come from? Why did you decide you wanted to write a book? Why did you want it to be fiction instead of your story? Like, how did this come to fruition? How did you take literary power?
- [37:43]
Christina Najjar
I, I wanted to do something that was purely creative. I, I, like, I think that, you know, sharing my life online is, like, it's always about me, and I'm a bit sick of myself, to be honest with you. And I just, like, wanted to do something that was, like, a story. I've always loved storytelling and stories and, and, you know, I used to write these little characters on my Instagram, and I was just like, well, what if I kept going and, like, finish the her story? So I wanted to do something that was, was fun, you know, I also think we really need escapism right now. I wanted it to be light and glamorous and sexy and. Yeah, I wanted you to be able to, like, drink rose and read it in one sitting one summer's day and just, like, have a, have a glimmer into the world of influencing and the Hamptons and, like, just glamorous, fun sexiness. So, yeah, it's, it's. I, I, I wanted to do it because I was inspired to do it, and that's, like, the purest thing, you know?
- [38:42]
Sophia
Well, were you drawing on real life experience? Like, have you spent a lot of time in that space? Where did this sort of story begin?
- [38:52]
Christina Najjar
I've spent a lot of time in the Hamptons, honestly. A lot of it was, like, inspired by my followers. Certain questions they would ask me kind of sparked my creativity and, and, you know, I made the main character an influencer because that's the knowledge I have. But she's not me. It's, you know, there might be some Easter eggs in there, there might be a few characters based on real life people, but she's not me. I just wanted to do, like, a creative story, something that was separate from me and something that just felt like escapism. Like, summer escapism.
- [39:24]
Sophia
Yeah. Okay. And obviously, I have to. I have to ask about some of the online, you know, narrative about it, because the novel is. It is. It's glamorous, it's luxurious, it's spicy. It's also Sapphic. There's been a ton of, you know, conversation and chatter about what's appropriate there and what's not. Because you're not a queer woman. But you had a queer collaborator. Yeah, Gabrielle. But then people were saying, you know, she wasn't credited properly. And then you were like, but she's in the acknowledgments, like, can you catch us up? What happened here?
- [40:04]
Christina Najjar
Yeah.
- [40:04]
Sophia
Why do you think it took off that way?
- [40:06]
Christina Najjar
I don't know. I, I, like, I had the best experience. Like, I, I think it's the right thing to do. Like, I'm not a lesbian, so I, I, I don't have that lived experience. And I wanted to get it right. I wanted to nail it. And I thought, I think it's also the right thing to do to, like, hire queer voices and collaborate when needed. And it was an amazing experience. She's an amazing writer, and we had a great time working on it together. So I'm not really sure why the narrative took off like this. It's interesting.
- [40:38]
Sophia
Do you maybe think it's about what certain people think? Like, you were saying what the right term should have been. Like, you acknowledge her as a collaborator. Other people said, you can't deny a ghostwriter. And you're like, how's someone a ghostwriter if they're literally printed as a collaborator?
- [40:55]
Christina Najjar
Yeah.
- [40:56]
Sophia
Do you feel like it's an X's and O's thing?
- [40:59]
Christina Najjar
I don't, I don't know. Like, I think, like, when you hear the word ghostwriter, it sounds like someone just wrote the book and, like, a celebrity slaps their name on it, and that's not what this is. So I think, like, I don't know. I think words matter, but, like, she's literally the first person acknowledged and the credit in the acknowledgments, like. Right, so. So I think, like. And also, a lot of the people who are commenting on it haven't read it yet. So I think maybe when they read it, they might see more of, like, what it is and what it's not.
- [41:31]
Sophia
I feel that.
- [41:32]
Christina Najjar
Yeah. So we'll see.
- [41:34]
Sophia
Obviously, you guys, you know, you can't help but grin when you talk about her. You had a great experience working with her. What is it like to work with a collaborator? And I ask because it's something I think a lot about. I love writing, but I, you know, I'm more of a classically or, you know, partially collegiately trained journalist. Like an op ed or an essay is really my space.
- [41:58]
Christina Najjar
Yeah. Yeah.
- [41:59]
Sophia
When I think about some ideas that I, you know, I'm toying with, and I'm like, maybe it would be really fun to write something with someone because I've never written a book before. What was it like to sit down with someone? What does collaboration look like? Are you walking around the city, like, recording your conversations? Are you zooming? How is it to. To learn that with somebody like her?
- [42:22]
Christina Najjar
I mean, it's amazing. Like, it was my first time writing fiction, so I feel like I learned so much from her. She's an incredible writer, and it was. It was a great experience. Like, I'm a really collaborative person. I like to learn all the time. And, yeah, it was. It was great. Like, I. I don't. I don't know why. As is with online, like, everything gets twisted into something that it's not. Like, it was an incredible experience, and I'm so glad that I did it.
- [42:48]
Sophia
Yeah, well, and that's why I'm. I'm like, what is it like to collaborate with someone rather than, you know, what everybody else wants to dissect it into? Like, were you guys in the same city? Or were you. Were you doing more phone calls, like, across the country? You know, how do you. How do you get into the cadence of a creative project like that?
- [43:10]
Christina Najjar
We, like, I mean, we worked together so closely and, like, it would take on different forms. We were in the same city, but, you know, we would talk all the time, and it was very, like, very back and forth, like, constant communication, constant working, constant talking. And, yeah, it was. It was great.
- [43:30]
Sophia
That's really exciting. And the book has barely been in the world, and it's already Been announced that it's going to be a show. The Foster sisters are doing it.
- [43:38]
Christina Najjar
I'm so excited.
- [43:39]
Sophia
What is. What it is? What does it feel like now that the book is coming out? Obviously you've had a while since it's been finished, and now you're gonna start to develop it for the screen. Do you feel like because of how much time you've had with the book, you're really ready for that? Does that also feel like a completely new adventure and you're ready to learn how that works? Like, where are you in that process?
- [44:05]
Christina Najjar
I'm so excited to be an executive producer. The Fosters are so smart and so incredible, and I am so excited to roll my sleeves up and get to work. And we started working on it, you know, started talking to writers, so I can't wait. It's going to be a new skill, more learning, and I'm just so excited.
- [44:23]
Sophia
That's really cool. Will you. Will you start trying to identify, like, a showrunner first and then go from there?
- [44:31]
Christina Najjar
We're talking to writers right now, so someone who will be able to adapt it for the screen. So that's just an incredible experience, meeting all these super talented people and just hearing their ideas about how to best adapt it for tv. Like, so cool.
- [44:45]
Sophia
Yeah, I love that. Do you have kind of a dream cast in your mind or does it feel.
- [44:51]
Christina Najjar
I do?
- [44:52]
Sophia
You do. Okay.
- [44:53]
Christina Najjar
But it's. But it's on my phone. But it's like, I'm not saying who it is because I. I want to manifest. I don't want to jinx it. But, yeah, I have people who I would really love to be involved. So we'll see. I think if. If anyone can do it, it's the Fosters. They're so smart.
- [45:05]
Sophia
I love this for you guys. It's really exciting when you think about the book, when you think about Hotter in the Hamptons. Although I get book show, either. Is there an immediate craziest Hampton story that's yours or someone else's that comes to mind?
- [45:22]
Christina Najjar
Oh, my gosh. I have a crazy Hampton story, but I signed an NDA, so I can't talk about it. Oh, my God. And I. But yeah, like, I'm so inspired by the Hamptons. I've spent a lot of time there, and it just is one of those places that's very crazy. Always happens. It's always romantic. It's always, like, like, wild. And. And so that was all, like, big inspo for the book as well. Just that it's a place where like truly, anything can happen.
- [45:50]
Sophia
Yeah. It's the kind of place that feels like a character in and of itself.
- [45:54]
Christina Najjar
100%. Just like new York and Sex and City. It's like. Exactly. It's one of the characters. So I'm excited for people to get immersed in that world.
- [46:01]
Sophia
I love it. I can't wait. Okay, I have a few. And they can be rapid or not if you prefer. But since you are TikTok's big sister, we have a couple of large sort of theme questions that we need your advice on. First of which, what do you think is the biggest dating red flag?
- [46:22]
Christina Najjar
When they don't ask you questions about yourself.
- [46:25]
Sophia
Yes. And when people are rude to start 100%.
- [46:30]
Christina Najjar
Oh my God, that's unacceptable.
- [46:32]
Sophia
What's your first date deal breaker? Is it being rude to servers at a restaurant?
- [46:35]
Christina Najjar
Rude to server. Rude to anyone. Just like bad energy? Yeah, for sure.
- [46:39]
Sophia
Absolutely. Do you think it's ever okay to ghost someone? We actually got that question a lot in advance of this.
- [46:45]
Christina Najjar
I think it's okay if you've never met them in person. Like if you're talking on an app. Like, I think it's okay to just. It's fine if you've never met them.
- [46:51]
Sophia
Before, but otherwise him into the bushes.
- [46:53]
Christina Najjar
Yes, exactly. Exactly.
- [46:56]
Sophia
Okay. Do you think you can ever come back from getting the ick?
- [47:00]
Christina Najjar
Yeah, I think it's possible. If you really like them, I think it's solvable for sure. Yeah. If it's small, I think you get over it. You're like, yeah, I can look past this.
- [47:11]
Sophia
Interesting. I don't think I've ever gotten over it because it takes me a long.
- [47:15]
Christina Najjar
Time to get there.
- [47:16]
Sophia
Yeah. And if I get there, it's like, it's. It's like a stick of fork in it. It's definitely done.
- [47:21]
Christina Najjar
Yeah.
- [47:22]
Sophia
We talked about this a little bit, but more in terms of your online community. But for you, if you could give your 22 year old self one piece of advice, what do you think it would be?
- [47:35]
Christina Najjar
Stop worrying so much. It's really not. It's really okay. And you're very young and you don't need to have everything figured out.
- [47:41]
Sophia
Yeah, I like that a lot. And lastly, not a rapid fire question, but what when you sort of look out at the year ahead of you right now and all the things you're working on and the place you are in your life, what feels like your work in progress?
- [47:59]
Christina Najjar
Oh my gosh. Myself, I'm always. We're all. Always works in progress. Like, we, we all are we're never done, and it's just more about like enjoying the journey, enjoying working on yourself and. Yeah, we're never done working on ourselves. So I'm the work in progress, I guess.
- [48:17]
Sophia
Yeah, always, Sam.