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Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 57 of Journey to the West. Last time, while crossing a river near the Kingdom of Women, San Zang and Zhu Bajie made the mistake of drinking some of the river's water. Turns out that was the river of motherhood, and its water made you pregnant regardless of sex or gender. When we left them, Sanzang and Bajie were both in severe labor pains, and we still had not answered the question of exactly how would an infant come out of a man. San Zang, while moaning, asked the old woman at the tavern where they had stopped. Ma', am, is there a doctor around here? My disciple can go buy a dose of abortion medicine and induce a miscarriage. Even medicine would do you no good, the old woman said. But to the south of here, there is a relieving young mountain. On that mountain is a cave called the Broken Child Cave. Inside the cave, there is a miscarriage spring. You must drink a sip of water from that spring in order to get rid of your pregnancy. But you can't get to that water anymore. Some years back, a Taoist priest showed up calling himself the the Ruyi Immortal. He turned that cave into his sanctuary and hoarded the water from the spring, refusing to give it out to anyone. If somebody wants a sip of the water, they must give him presents. Sheep, wine, fruits and such. Only then will he grant them maybe a bowl of water. But you guys are traveling monks, so where would you find all that money? Just face up to it and prepare to give birth. But Sun Wukong was delighted to hear that intel. He asked how far away the mountain was, and the old woman told him about 10 miles. Wukong told Sanzang not to worry and then instructed, take good care, Master. If these people act rudely toward him, pull out your old tricks and scare them a bit. I'm going to get that water. The old woman now took out a large jug and asked Wukong, take this with you and bring back some extra water so we have some on hand for emergencies. Hu Kong obliged her, took the jug and flew off. The sight of him taking to the clouds brought the old woman to her knees as she kowtowtowed toward heaven and said, oh my God, that monk can fly. She then told the other women in the tavern, and they all kowtowed to Sanzang and treated him as if he were an arhat or bodhisattva. They then hurriedly prepare hot water and rice for him. Meanwhile, Wukong arrived on the mountain and saw that it was an idyllic place. As he took in a sight, he noticed a manor on the shady back slope and he heard the sound of dogs barking. He descended upon the manor and found it to be a pretty estate. He approached the door and saw an old Taoist sitting cross legged on green grass. Wu Kong put down the jug, went up and greeted the Daoist, who returned the greeting and asked, what's up? I'm a monk sent by the Tang Kingdom in the east to go west to fetch scriptures. Wukong said, my master mistakenly drank from the river of Motherhood and now he is suffering intolerable labor pains. We asked the locals and they said that there was no cure for that pregnancy except the miscarriage spring on this mountain. So I have come to pay my respects to the Ruyi Immortal and ask for some spring water to save my master. I hope you can point me in the right direction. The old Daoist laughed. This is Broken Child Cave. It has been turned into the Gathering Immortals Temple. I am none other than Master Ruyi's senior disciple. What's your name? Let me announce you. I am Sun Wukong, senior disciple of Master San Zang. And where are your presents and wine? Oh, we're begging monks who're passing through, so we don't have any presents. You're crazy. The old Daoist laughed. My master's guarding the spring. Its waters cannot be had for free. Go prepare your presents and then I will announce you otherwise. Dream on. Connections are worth as much as an imperial edict. Wukong said, just go relay my name and he will no doubt do me a favor. Heck, he might even give me the whole spring. The old Taoist, although skeptical, relented and went in to announce Wukong. He found his master, the Ruyi Immortal Style, strumming his zither. After he was done playing, the old Taoist told him, master, there's a monk outside. He said that he's Sun Wukong, the senior disciple of the Tang monk Sanzang. He is asking for some spring water to save his master. Well, Sun Wukong's name indeed evoked a reaction from Ruyi, but it was probably not the one that Sun Wukong was hoping for. When Ruyi heard the name, he got angry, popped up like leaped off his couch, changed in his Daoist robes, grabbed a hook scepter and stomped outside the temple. Where is Sun Wukong? Ru Yi barked. Wukong turned and looked. He saw a Daoist priest who wore a starry crown that shimmered with Brilliant colors. He was clad in a red ritual robe woven with golden threads. Cloud shoes embroidered like brocade adorned his feet, and a jeweled belt of exquisite workmanship in encircled his waist. A pair of richly patterned stockings, fit for treading the waves, showed beneath his robe, revealing flashes of embroidered silk. In his hand, he held a golden hook with a sharp long shaft. His phoenix eyes gleamed brightly beneath fiercely upturned brows. His steel like fangs were sharp, and his lips turned crimson. His beard streamed like blazing fire, while short reddish hair bristled about his temples. Wukong greeted the priest and introduced himself. Ru Yi chuckled and asked, are you really Sun Wukong or an imposter? Oh, sir, listen to you. Wukong said. As the saying goes, a gentleman doesn't change his name. I am indeed Sun Wukong. How can there be any doubt about that? Do you know me? Wu Yi asked. Since I joined the Buddhist school, I have been undertaking this long journey and. And I've lost touch with friends from my younger days, Wukong said. But when we asked around the river of Motherhood, people told us about you, the Ruyi Immortal. That's how I knew your name. Well, you do your traveling while I do my cultivation, so why are you here to see me? My master mistakenly drank the water from the river of Motherhood, and he is pregnant and in pain. So I have come to your divine residence to request a bowl of water from the Miscarriage Spring to to save him. But Ru Yi glowered and asked, is your master Sanzang? Exactly, Wukong replied. Ru Yi now gnashed his teeth and asked, did you encounter a Sage Infant King on your journey? Oh, that's the nickname for Red Boy, the Demon of Firecloud Cavern at Death Pine Ravine. Why are you asking about him? He is my nephew. I am a brother of the Bold Demon King. Some time back, my brother sent me a letter telling me that my nephew was done in by a Sun Wukong, the senior disciple of San Zang. I was just lamenting that I had no way of tracking you down to avenge him. And yet you have come to my door and you dare to ask me for water? Wukong put on a smile and said, sir, you've got it wrong. Your brother was my friend too. And in my youth, we were also sworn brothers. I just didn't know about your connection with him and didn't pay my respects. Right now, your nephew is in a good place. He is with the Bodhisattva Guanyin as the Page Sudana. He is better situated than I am. So why Are you mad at me? Damn monkey. Hold your tricky tongue. Is my nephew better off living carefree as his own king or as somebody else's slave? You're too rude. Take this. As he cursed, Ruyi swung his hook at Wukong. Wu Gong quickly parried the blow with his golden rod and said, sir, let's dispense with the fighting words. Just give me some spring water and I'll go. Wretched ape, you really don't know any better. If you can withstand three blows from me, then you can have some water. But if not, I will turn you into meat paste to avenge my nephew. Well, Wu Kong was done being nice. He now cursed back. You ignorant fool. I'll teach you. You want to fight? Take. Then take my rod. And so the two of them squared off in a vicious back and forth. After a dozen or so exchanges, Ru Yi was no match for Wukong. While Wukong became more and more ferocious, his rod twirled like comets and kept aiming for Ru Yi's head. Ru Yi was exhausted, so he turned and retreated. Wukong didn't bother chasing him and instead entered the temple in search of the spring. Ru Yi's disciple had shut the door, but. But Wukong walked up with a jug in hand, kicked the door down and stomped in. He saw the disciple leaning on the railing of the well. Wukong let out a roar and raised his rod to hit the guy, and the disciple fled to the back. Wukong now found the bucket and was about to lower it into the well. But Ruyi suddenly appeared and tripped him up with his hook. Shaking off the fall and clambering to his feet, Wukong raised his rod to strike Ru Yi. But Ru Yi dodged a blow, raised his hook and said, let's see if you can fetch any water. Come on. Come on. I'll kill you. Damn wretch. Wukong cursed. But instead of charging in and fighting Wukong head on, Ru Yi just kept pestering him and preventing him from fetching the water. Wukong now tried holding his rod in his left hand to fend off Ru Yi while holding the bucket rope in his right hand to lower the bucket into the well. But Ru Yi attacked again and Wukong couldn't keep him away. With just one hand, Ruli again tripped him up, and not only did Wukong fall in his face, he lost his grip on the rope. So the bucket went straight down into the well. Hukong was pissed off. He got up and swung his rod hard at Ru Yi, who again ran away. Wukong then turned back to the well. But now he had no bucket and he was afraid of Ru Yi taking another cheap shot at him. I need to get a helper, Wukong thought to himself. So he took to the air and flew back to the village tavern where the pilgrims were waiting. He called for fellow disciple Sha Zheng. Inside the tavern, San Zang and Zhu Bajie were still moaning in pain nonstop. When they heard Wukong, they cheered up and Sha Zeng rushed out to ask if Wukong had returned with the water. When Wukong recounted what happened, Sanzang started weeping and and asked what they should do. Wukong said, I came back to get Brother Sha to go with me to that temple. While I fight, that fiend, Sha Zeng can fetch the water to save you. But if you both go, who is going to take care of the two of us who are ailing? Sanzang said. The old woman in the tavern chimed in, sir, don't worry, you don't need your disciples here. We can take care of you. When you all first got here, we really were quite fond of you. It was only when we saw that Bodhisattva fly to and fro that we realized that you're in our hat. We would never dare to harm you. Wukong scoffed, you are our women. Who would you dare to harm? Um, okay. I mean, these women are offering to take care of your ailing master and you're responding by hurling sexist stereotypes at them. But the old woman laughed and said, sir, it's your good fortune to end up at our place. If you went elsewhere, you might not end up in one piece. What do you mean? Bajie asked while moaning. Everyone in our household is pretty old, the woman explained, so we no longer feel the desire, so we won't hurt you. But if you go elsewhere with younger women, they would never let you go. They would want to couple with you and if you refuse, then they will kill you and cut off your flesh and stuff it into perfume bags. Well, if that's the case, I would come to no harm. Ba Jie said, these other guys are all fragrant smelling, so they're good for turning into perfume bags. But me, I'm a stinky pig and my flesh would stink even if you cut it off, so nothing would happen to me. Wukong chuckled and told him, quit running your mouth. Save some strength for when you go into labor. The old woman now told Wukong to hurry up and fetch the water. Wukong asked her for a bucket and a rope. She handed those items to Sha Zeng, who asked for a Second rope, just in case. The well was really deep. And then he and Wukong set off. Within an hour, they arrived back at the mountain. They descended outside the temple, and Wukong told Sha Zeng, take the bucket and rope and hide while I go fight him. Once we are in the thick of things, you go in and get the water and go. So Wukong gripped his rod, approached the door and shouted, hey, open up. The disciple at the door rushed inside to tell Lu Yi that the monkey was back. That monkey is too rude. I've heard that he has some skills, but only today did I see it for myself. His rod is too much to handle. But his disciples said, master, his skills may be strong, but you're not beneath him. You are a match for him. No, he won both fights. Last time he might've won, but that was just because of his fury in the moment when he tried to fetch the waller. You tripped him up twice. So aren't you guys even he had no choice but to leave before. He must have come back because his master's pregnancy is too much to bear. So he had no choice but to try again. He probably resents his master, so you will beat him for sure. Okay, that's one line of reasoning, I guess. But you know what? Ruyi bought it. He cheered up, grabbed his hook and stomped out, shouting, wicked monkey. What are you doing back here again? Look, I just want some water. Wukong replied that spring is mine. Even monarchs and ministers must come beg for it with presents, sheep and wine. And then I might give them some. But you are my sworn enemy. How dare you come empty handed? You really won't give me any? Wukong pressed him. Hell no. Damn wretch. Take this. Wukong cursed as he swung his rod. The two now engaged in another fight, even more fierce than their previous showdowns. As they fought, they gradually moved to the bottom of the hill. Seeing this, Sha Zheng stormed into the temple. Ruyi's disciple was guarding the well and barked at him. Who the hell are you? How dare you come fetch water. Sha Tsung put down the bucket, took out his Buddha's staff, and came at the guy without a word. The disciple couldn't get out of the way in time, and Shazeng broke his left arm, sending him sprawling on the ground, writhing in pain. I was going to kill you. Damn wretch. Sha Zheng cursed him. But you are a person after all. So I will take pity on you and spare your life. Now let me get that water. The disciples scrambled to the back while crying out in pain. Sha Zeng lowered the bucket into the well, filled it to the brim, left the temple and took to the air. He then shouted in Wu Kong's direction, brother, I've got the water. Spare his life. Wukong heard him and used his rod to block Wu Yi's hook and said, hey, listen up. I was going to kill all of you, but you haven't broken any laws. Also, you are connected to my brother, the Bold Demon King. You tripped me up twice previously and kept me from getting the water. So I lured you away while my brother got the water. If I really used my skills, not only would you be dead, but even if there were several more of you, you would all be killed. But killing is not as good as showing mercy. So I would spare you and let you live for a few more years. If anybody comes to get water in the future, you must not stop them. Well, Wukong may be done fighting, but Ruyi was not. He took another swing at Wukong. Hukong dodged the hook and charged him. Ru Yi stumbled to the ground. Hukong grabbed his hook, snapped it in two, and then snapped each half in two again so that the hook was now in four pieces. He chucked the broken pieces to the ground and cursed. Damn wretch, what are you gonna do now? Ruyi was frightened and humiliated and could not speak. Wukong laughed at him and then took off into the clouds. He caught up with Shazeng and the two happily returned to the tavern. There they saw Zhu Bajie leaning against the door and moaning while holding his belly. Hey Dum Dum, when's the baby coming? Wu Geng teased him, Brother, stop making fun of me. Do you have the water? Wukong was going to tease him some more, but Shazeng came up and said, here's the water. Sanzang bowed despite his pain and thanked them. The old woman was also joyous at this success and her family came out and paid their respects to Wukong. They then fetched a floral porcelain cup, filled it halfway with the spring water and gave it to San Zang. They told him, drink is slow. You just need one sip to avoid the pregnancy. Ba Jie cut in and said, I don't need a cup. I'm going to drink the whole bucket. But the old woman warned him, sir, if you drink that whole bucket, all your innards will dissolve. Scared straight, Ba Jie did not dare to act up and just drank half a cup as well. In the amount of time it takes to eat a meal, both Sanzang and Ba Jie started feeling intense pain in their abdomen and heard their intestines gurgling. Moments later, Ba Jie couldn't help but relieve himself, and even Sanzang needed to go find a quiet place to do the same. But Wukong said, master, don't go out into the wind or you might get a postnatal illness instead. The old woman brought over two chamber pots and the two of them relieved themselves multiple times before the pain subsided and their bellies gradually shrank as the clump of flesh and blood inside them dissolved. Their host now made some plain congee for them. Zhu Bajie, however, asked for a hot bath first. Sha Zong warned him, hey brother, you can't take a bath. People who just gave birth could get sick if they come into contact with water. Oh, it's not like I just gave birth, Bajie said. It's. It was just a miscarriage. So what's the problem with taking a bath? I need to wash myself clean. So the old woman heated up water for San Zang and Ba Jie. They cleaned up and then San Zang ate a couple bowls of congee while Ba Jie chucked more than a dozen. Hey, Dum dum, not so many. Wukong laughed, or your belly is going to look like a sandbag. No, no, it's fine. I'm not a sow, so no worries. The old woman's family now started preparing rice while she asked Sang if she could have the rest of the spring water. Wukong asked Ba Jie, dum dum, do you need to drink any more water? My stomach doesn't hurt anymore. The pregnancy must be gone. Since I'm fine, why would I drink any more of the water? Well, in that case, Wukong said to the old woman, you all can have this water. The old woman thanked him and stored the rest of the water in a clay jar and and buried it in the ground in the back of the house. She then told her family, this jar of water is enough to pay for my funeral. Ah, yes, the time honored long term financial planning strategy of hoarding black market abortion meds as a source of wealth. Anyway, her whole family was happy and they treated the pilgrims to dinner. San Zang and company ate and then spent the night resting at the tavern. The next morning, the pilgrims thanked their hosts and resumed their journey. After about 10 miles, they arrived at the border of the Western Liang Kingdom. San Zhang pointed and said, wukong, there's a city up ahead and it's quite busy. That must be the Western Liang Kingdom of women. You all must be Careful and behave. Don't act up and break our Buddhist school's tenets. The three disciples obeyed and they soon arrived at the main thoroughfare leading to the East Gate of the city. They saw that everybody on the street was a woman. They all wore long skirts and short jackets and their faces were powdered and their hair oiled. Everyone was busy doing business on the street when they suddenly noticed the four very male pilgrims. All the women started clapping and cheering repeatedly rejoicing, here come the studs. Here come the studs. The street was so packed with laughing and gawking women that Sun Zhang couldn't ride on Zhu. Bajie, meanwhile, shouted in panic, hey, hey. I'm just a gelded pig. A gelded pig. Wukong told him. Dum dum, stop your nonsense. Just stick out your face. So Bajie stuck out his snout, shook his head, flapped his ears and let out a shout that sent the women scrambling as they backed off. While onlookers still packed the street, pointing and talking amongst themselves, they held back enough that Wukong was able to clear a path for the pilgrims to make their way through. They saw that the city's houses were neatly laid out and the shopfronts were grand and impressive. There were shops selling salt and rice, taverns and teahouses, multi story stores that sold everything, and towers and fine mansions with well draped windows. When the pilgrims turned the corner, they ran to a female official standing on the street. Distant visitors, you cannot enter the city gates without permission. Please go to the government post station and register your names so that I can report them to Her Majesty and then you may pass. Hearing that, San Zang dismounted and saw that the government building had a sign with the characters Male Welcoming Station written on it. It's just as our host at the tavern told us. San Zang said to Wukong, there really is a male welcoming station. Sha Zeng now teased Ba Jie, hey brother, you should go to the pregnancy revealing spring behind the station and see if you see a double reflection. Oh, stop it. Ba Jie shot back. I already drank that miscarriage spring water and got rid of my pregnancy, so what's the point? San Zang turned around and chided him. Ba Jie, watch your words. They then greeted the female official who led them into the station and offered them seats and tea. All the attendants wore their hair in bunches and donned skirts as they served the pilgrim's tea. The women flashed them smiles. After tea, the official asked them where they were from and Wukong replied, we are sent by the emperor of the Tang Kingdom in the east to head west to fetch scriptures. My master is the emperor's imperial brother named San Zang. I am his senior disciple, Sun Wukong, and these are my junior fellow disciples Zhu Bajie and Sha Zeng. Including our horse, there are five of us. We have a passport. You can examine it and let us pass. The official wrote down their names and then kowtowed and said, sirs, please pardon me. I am the superintendent of this post station, and I did not realize that you were special guests from an elite kingdom. If I had, I would have gone out to welcome you. She then told the attendants to prepare refreshments, and she told the pilgrims, please rest here for a bit. Let me go inform my lord and get your passport stamped, and then you can continue west. While San Zang sat at the station, the superintendent tidied up and went into the palace. The gate official announced her and the queen summoned her and asked, what's up? The superintendent told her that she had received an imperial brother of the Tang Emperor and his three disciples who were on their way to fetch scriptures and were looking to get their passport stamped. When the queen heard this, she was filled with joy. She told her court officials, last night I dreamed of a golden screen shining with colors and a jade mirror full of light. Those must be good omens of today's joyous occasion. Her officials bowed and asked what she meant, and she explained, this man from the east is the Tang Emperor's imperial brother. Ever since the beginning of time, our kingdom has passed through numerous generations of rulers, and we have never had a man in our country. We are fortunate that the Tang Emperor's brother is here. He must have been sent by heaven. I will use our kingdom's wealth as the dowry to marry him and make him the king. And I am willing to be his queen. We can then unite the male and female and produce sons and grandsons to pass the throne to for all eternity. Doesn't that make today a joyous occasion? Ok, time out. So let's just call out this plot for being completely illogical, not to mention sexist as hell. So you have this kingdom that's all women and apparently has always been all women. And by all indications, they've been doing just fine with that. And yet their ruler's immediate reaction upon hearing that a man has arrived in the kingdom is, hooray, we finally have a man. So let's have him rule us and sire more men to rule us for all eternity. Riiight. Well, get ready, because it just gets worse from here. To see how much worse, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening.