Podcast
Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
Hosted by Jai The Gentleman · EN
Dear Black Gay Men Weekly is your weekly dopeness reminder and your favorite content creator’s favorite content.
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29episodes
Episodes
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Beyond the Performance in Black Queer Culture
Feb 2701:01:39Tap to summarizeIn the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, Jai the Gentleman dives deep into the “social currency” of our culture, questioning why so many of us feel the need to perform instead of just being.From the evolution of “twink to daddy” to the unwritten rules of sexual positions, this episode is a b******t-free look at the emotional ups and downs of our journey to happiness.The Cost of the “Mask”Jai reacts to a viral creator who claims the community only cares about you once you’re “successful or attractive”. We explore how presentation—our weight, our voice, and our “vibe”—dictates how we are received in the streets and in the sheets. Is your masculinity a natural expression, or is it just armor used to protect a fragile heart?Top, Bottom, or Just Performing?We’re breaking down the “YN” confusion. Jai keeps it 100 on the difference between being a top and simply “not bottoming”. If you have to put on a persona or lower your voice to feel dominant, is it a position or just a performance?Cultivating “Ride or Die” FriendshipsHow do we build community without “f*****g first”?. Jai shares a powerful tribute to his best friend illustrating how vulnerability and “Netflix and no chill” are the true foundations of a support system that lasts 16+ years.Choosing Black LoveDespite the failed attempts, we’re ending on a note of hope. We’re discussing why choosing a Black man—and choosing ourselves—remains the ultimate goal.Listen to the full episode now on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe
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The Rise and Fall of the “DL Whisperer”: A Lesson in Accountability
Feb 2400:55:34Tap to summarizeIn the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, host Jai the Gentleman dives deep into the viral downfall of Naquan Palmer, known online as the “DL Whisperer”. Recently detained on felony charges of aggravated stalking, Palmer’s situation has sparked a massive conversation across the Black gay internet regarding harassment, sensationalism, and the treatment of our trans sisters.From “Protector” to PredatorSince 2022, Palmer built a following of over 240,000 by claiming to “expose” men on the down low. Positioning himself as a protector of Black women, he used stereotypes and body language analysis to label men as DL. However, guest Hope Giselle points out that this was often a “vehicle for bigotry” and “transmissia,” allowing people to express hatred toward trans women under the guise of protection.Why This Matters for Black Queer CultureThe episode explores how Palmer exploited a “chasm” in Black culture. As Black masculinity evolves—embracing everything from “Black boy joy” to painted nails—there is a pushback from those clinging to toxic, old-school tropes. Palmer capitalized on this fear, but his actions led to multiple protective orders from prominent figures like T.S. Madison and Dominique Morgan.How to Be a True AllyJai and Hope conclude with a powerful call to action for cisgender Black queer men. True allyship isn’t just a “vibe”—it’s a job.* Decenter Curiosity: Stop asking about surgical status or birth names.* Audit Your Content: Unfollow creators who build brands on “clocking” or doxing others.* Use Your Privilege: Disrupt the patriarchal systems that harm our trans brothers and sisters.As Hope eloquently put it, we are all on the same side. It’s time to stop pushing our sisters off the cliff and start turning around to face the real systems of oppression together.Want more deep dives into Black queer stories? Subscribe to the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe
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Str8 Men Into Trans Women: Exploring Attraction, Identity, and “The Girls”
Feb 1901:14:09Tap to summarizeIt’s another Wednesday on the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, and Jai the Gentleman is diving deep into the conversations we usually only have in the group chat. This week, we’re reacting to a powerhouse guest: the award-winning artist and activist Dominique Morgan on the Boy Please Whatever podcast.Who is Dominique Morgan?Dominique is a Nebraska native now living in Atlanta who has transformed the landscape for Black trans people in the U.S.. Jai highlights her unique ability to blend philanthropy, activism, and trans visibility with a refreshing, unapologetic authenticity.The Main Event: Trans Attraction and LabelsThe episode tackles the “reality checks” Dominique brought to the table regarding straight men who are attracted to trans women. Jai poses a controversial question to the community: Where do we place these men in the culture?.* Pansexual vs. Fluid: The chat weighed in on whether these men are “straight,” “pansexual” (hearts, not parts), or “sexually amorphous”.* Chasers vs. Attraction: Dominique breaks down the difference between a “Tranny Chaser” and genuine attraction, noting that chasers often fetishize parts rather than seeing the whole woman.Dating Apps & Safe SpacesJai sparks a necessary debate about digital spaces. If Grindr is for men seeking men, where is the dedicated space for trans women seeking men?. He emphasizes that while he respects trans women’s identities, as a gay man, his attraction remains focused on masculine-identified individuals.Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Is “The Girls” Offensive?The episode ends with a transparent moment of growth. A viewer challenged Jai on his use of the term “the girls” to describe his audience of Black gay men. While the live chat mostly embraced the term as “gay slang,” Jai committed to being more gender-inclusive to ensure all Black gay, bi, and curious men feel at home.Want more? Catch the full replay for our “That Queen Can’t Climb My Back” celebrity game and more “Love Lessons”. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe
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Stop Apologizing: Curating a Life of Black Gay Joy
Feb 1701:02:10Tap to summarizeAre you still performing a version of yourself that doesn’t even exist anymore? In the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, host Jai the Gentleman sits down with the “real-life Uncle Charlie,” Charlie Lewis Jr.. Inspired by his character in the Netflix series Forever, Charlie discusses his transformative new book, No Apologies: Love the Way You Live at Any Age.Outgrowing the “Gay Ghetto”Many of us find ourselves stuck in what Charlie calls the “gay ghetto”—surrounded only by people who share our same traumas and woundedness. While finding community is vital, Charlie argues that true intellectual wellness comes from curating a circle that challenges you to grow.Top signs you’ve outgrown a friendship include:* Malicious Jealousy: When a friend moves from “I wish I had that” to actively trying to take what is yours.* Stagnant Perspectives: When people from your past refuse to see your growth because they are stuck on who you used to be.* Lack of Understanding: When your “Bessie” can’t grasp your new life perspective or peace.The Power of ReparentingOne of the most moving segments of the episode explores the concept of reparenting yourself. Charlie challenges us to write a love letter to our younger selves—addressing the 8 or 10-year-old version of us that had to muster strength just to survive. By forgiving those who “did the best they could with what they had,” we release the anger that blocks our path to joy.Live Your Truth with No Apologies“Black Joy is the Resistance,” says Charlie. It is time to stop shrinking, stop “praying the gay away,” and start living selfishly for your own peace. Whether you are navigating your 20s or reclaiming your life in midlife, remember: God didn’t make junk.Ready to start your healing journey?* Watch the full episode on YouTube* Grab your copy of No Apologies by Charlie Lewis Jr. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe
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The Chasing: Atlanta Drama: Explained
Jan 2901:13:01Tap to summarizeChasing Dreams and Avoiding Drama: A Deep Dive for Black Gay MenWhat happens when the “black don’t crack” lifestyle meets the messy reality of professional and personal relationships? In this week’s episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, host Jai the Gentleman breaks down the latest tea and offers grounded advice for navigating our unique journeys to happiness.Professional Power Plays: The Justin Diego & Chasing Reality DramaThe episode kicks off with the piping hot tea involving Atlanta YouTuber Justin Diego of Bingeworthy. After signing on as a co-executive producer for the Chasing Atlanta reboot, Justin ultimately walked away, releasing a tell-all video titled “Chasing Atlanta Will Not Be Binge Worthy”.Jai discusses the “difficult and trying” nature of working within our community. He explores how unhealed trauma—from being bullied or cast aside—can lead some to violate their integrity just to hold onto a sliver of power. The takeaway? Success requires more than a title; it requires being likable and maintaining professional character.Love, Age Gaps, and Civic DutyThe conversation shifts to the personal, reviewing a viral story from Love Don’t Judge featuring Janelle (43) and Giles (24). With a 19-year age gap, the couple faces scrutiny from family and online trolls. Jai questions the mismatch in life experience, asking if a 24-year-old can truly receive everything a partner two decades their senior has to pour out.Jai also tackles a viewer’s question about dating and civic engagement. With high stakes in 2026, he outlines how to handle a partner who doesn’t vote:* Define non-negotiables: Is it a dealbreaker or a growth opportunity?* Understand their “Why”: Are they disillusioned or just unaware?* Share, don’t preach: Invite them into low-stakes community activities.Ready for the real tea? Join our YouTube membership for the exclusive after-show where Jai shares a very personal story about his first time bottoming in 10 years. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe
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Boundaries, Boyfriends, and the “Token” Trap: Unpacking the Karamo Brown Drama
Jan 2701:23:07Tap to summarizeProtecting Your Peace When Millions are on the LineWe talk a lot about protecting your peace in dating or family, but what about when your global brand is at stake? Karamo Brown recently made waves by pulling a “Mo’Nique” and sitting out press for the final season of Queer Eye.Karamo revealed he has felt mentally and emotionally abused on set for years, with his therapist advising him to stay home to avoid bullying by his own castmates. As the only Black face in an overwhelmingly white-adjacent space, Karamo’s stand highlights a trauma many of us know too well: the exhaustion of being the token Black gay guy.The Julian Taylor Controversy: Life After LossThe conversation shifted to the internet-famous Julian Taylor, formerly of a prominent throuple. Julian joined Lamont White on Shoot Your Shot Wednesday to discuss his journey back to dating after the tragic loss of his partner.Julian opened up about:* Healing through loss: How he’s mending his heart a year and a half later.* The Throuple Dynamic: Navigating a “closed throuple” and why that relationship eventually fell apart.* Accountability: His transparency about past mistakes, including cheating and the “shadow work” required to grow.Find Your SoftnessJai concludes with a powerful reminder for those seeking love in 2026: look for softness over status. Degrees and followers won’t hold you at night—find a man who is healed enough to be vulnerable.What’s your take? Could you thrive in a “closed throuple,” or is three a crowd for you?Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe
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Respect Yourself or Get Erased: Lessons from Girl Lala
Dec 1801:04:05Tap to summarizeIn this episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, Jai the Gentleman is digging into a story that has completely taken over our timelines: the tragic passing and alleged identity erasure of Girl Lala.From Identity Erasure to “Robust Bottoms”Before getting into the heavy stuff, Jai highlights a new favorite creator, Denzel Kanan, who has been dropping gems about sexual dynamics from a “bottom’s perspective”. Whether it’s discussing aftercare or what it really means when someone says “put me through the mattress,” Jai explores how our bedroom behavior reflects our cultural treatment of one another.The Erasure of Girl LalaThe main event, however, is the devastating news surrounding Girl Lala, a prominent Black trans creator allegedly shot by her boyfriend. The real “fiasco” started after her death, as her father reportedly began using her massive platform to deadname and misgender her.Key takeaways from the discussion:* The Power of Tribe: Jai and T.S. Madison question where her “tribe” was during her abusive relationship.* Legal Protection: In queer culture, our “unofficial” family units often lack the paperwork (wills, trusts, power of attorney) needed to advocate for us when we’re gone.* The Mirror of Self-Respect: Jai poses a hard truth—the world reflects the respect we have for ourselves. If we don’t do the due diligence to respect our own identities legally and socially, we leave space for others to disrespect us.Don’t Get Memorialized in a LieDon’t let your truth be squandered. Whether it’s updating your living documents or building a solid support system, protect your legacy.Next Up: Join us Thursday at 9 p.m. Eastern as we talk to Nathan Hale Williams (producer of Dirty Laundry) about Black queer representation.Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe
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The IamZoie Controversy: Accountability or Just Saving Face?
Dec 1701:08:58Tap to summarizeIn the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, Ja9 the Gentleman dives deep into the conversation currently taking over the timeline: the IAmZoie situation. As videos resurface allegedly showing the prominent creator in inappropriate exchanges with underage men, our community is divided on what accountability actually looks like.Power, Clout, and the “Apology Tango”With over 6 million followers, Zoie is a massive figure in mainstream spaces, from Wild ‘N Out to global stages. But as a Black gay man, does he have a responsibility to the community that “held him up” before he crossed over?The chat didn’t hold back. Many listeners expressed that:* Forced accountability is problematic: True change should be proactive, not a reaction to public pressure once “the girls set your feet on fire”.* The Power Dynamics: Followers are currency. Powerful creators can manipulate those with less clout who are just “down for the come-up”.* Right is Right: Regardless of the year (2018) or the context, sexualizing minors is never a gray area.Are There Real Consequences?Jai questions if “Internet fame” is a shield. Even if Zoie loses half his followers, he still has more reach than most of his peers. Will he stay “booked and busy” while the community forgets in six months?What’s Coming Up Next?We aren’t stopping here. Make sure to tune in for our upcoming episodes:* Wednesday: Discussing the passing of Girl Lala and the social media backlash surrounding her memorial.* Thursday: A full-circle moment with producer Nathan Hale Williams (Dirty Laundry) and Marcus Wilson to discuss Black gay representation in media.Want more b******t-free talk? Join the DBGM family on Substack to join the private chat and get exclusive dating advice that helped Jai find love.Would you like me to draft a list of social media captions to help promote this blog post?Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe
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Decoding “Daddy”: Beyond the Bedroom in Black Gay Culture
Oct 1501:23:12Tap to summarizeJoin JAI The Gentleman of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast as he breaks down an exclusive, off-air conversation from the “Private Party” episode and dives into the ambiguity of this cultural term.In this episode, we tackle the big questions:* Does “daddy” have a meaning outside of sex in Black gay culture?* Does the term lose its meaning when we use it too often?* Is it simply a top with a big dick, or does it come with a level of real-life responsibility?JAI even shares an exclusive update about his new dating entanglement with someone he calls Ryan, who considers JAI his “daddy”. This dynamic sparks a deeper discussion: Can a daddy be femme? Is the term about masculinity, or is it a service role—a protector and provider who shows love through acts of service?Plus, we get into:* The argument that straight culture is co-opting the term “daddy” from queer BDSM and leather culture.* What 20 bottoms agree on about what a “daddy” is not.* A heated moment on dating app etiquette: Why you need to get to the point, fill out your profile, and stop asking questions that are already answered!Tune in for a powerful, unfiltered discussion on love, kink, gender roles, and the evolving language of Black gay intimacy.Listen now to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast and join the conversation!#BlackGayMen #DaddyCulture #QueerDating #ServiceTop #BlackQueer #DBGM This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe
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I Obsessed Over Getting Men To Commit in Relationships (here’s what I learned)
Sep 3001:06:41Tap to summarizeI interviewed 20 eligible single men to find out the real reasons they don’t commit. This episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast unpacks the surprisingly consistent dating horror stories and boils them down to three basic things every man needs to commit to a relationship.In this video, you’ll learn:* 🔑 The number one reason men don’t commit: they don’t know what they want, or can’t concretely say why.* 🗣️ The three simple considerations men make when deciding to take dating to the next level: what I want, what you want, and the minimum requirements to get those things.* ❓ Why a man is likely “stringing you along” if he’s unclear, oblivious, or neglecting one of the three considerations.* 💬 How a lack of clear communication about desires can make men “fall back” to single life.* 💯 Why men only move when they arerequired to, and the three aspects of your requirements that must be met for a man to change his behavior.* 🤔 A deeper discussion on high dating standards in Black gay culture and the true desire for love and solidarity beneath them.Tune in as Jai the Gentleman shares the insights from these interviews, and we discuss the common commitment killers and how to master the dating process to find a fulfilling relationship.Subscribe for more dope queer stories and authentic conversations for Black gay men who love Black gay men! Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe
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