Podcast
Different, Not Broken
Hosted by Lauren "L2" Howard · EN
You’ve spent your whole life feeling like something’s wrong with you. Here’s a radical thought: what if you’re not broken - just different?
Welcome to Different, Not Broken, the no-filter, emotionally intelligent, occasionally sweary podcast that challenges the idea that we all have to fit inside neat little boxes to be acceptable. Hosted by L2 (aka Lauren Howard), this show dives into the real, raw and ridiculous sides of being neurodivergent, introverted, chronically underestimated - and still completely worthy.
Expect deeply honest conversations about identity, neurodivergence, gender, work, grief, anxiety and everything in between.
There’ll be tears, dead dad jokes, side quests, and a whole lot of swearing.
If you are tired of pretending to be someone you’re not, this space is for you.
Come for the chaos.
Stay for the catharsis.
Linger for the dead Dad jokes.
41episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
Paint by Number is Fine. A Coloring Book is a Threat!
Mar 1800:19:26Tap to summarizeIn this episode which is sponsored by our wonderful partners at Inflow , I have a bone to pick with everyone who has ever bought me a coloring book. I know you meant well. I know you love me. I know you saw "mindless activity" and thought of me. But I need you to understand something: there is nothing in this world more stressful than being handed a mandala and a box of markers and being told to relax. Nothing.Hi, I'm Lauren Howard and my friends call me L2.Over the coming 20 minutes, I'll be walking through exactly why coloring books are a form of psychological warfare for my brain — the wrong colors, the spacing, the seven shades of gray problem, the blank page that is just failure waiting to happen — and what actually works for me instead. (Paint by number. With the paint pots included. Do not hand me a paint by number without the paint pots.)I also tell the story behind why I sign off every single conversation — phone call, Zoom, hallway chat — the same exact way. Every time. Have for a decade. Started in a substance use clinic, where "be good" was less a pleasantry and more a genuinely urgent request. One patient called me out the one time I forgot. I didn't realize how much it had followed me until then.Alison brings us a question from Simone in Oakland, California, who is frustrated by the advice to "listen to your body" because her body keeps sending contradictory signals — tired but wired, hungry but nauseous. I get into why that advice is genuinely incomplete, what those crossed signals actually mean, and when they're a sign something bigger needs attention."A blank coloring page is just a sheet of failure. Everything I do from here on out is going to be wrong. Get that thing away from me."Be good.Again, please do check out our episode sponsors Inflow at http://getinflow.io/notbrokenChapters:CHAPTER MARKERSFor use in podcast players and YouTube.00:00 — Coloring book dread (the visceral reaction)00:44 — Why people keep buying them (they mean well)01:47 — Please stop buying me coloring books02:30 — Mandalas, marker boxes, and wrong color panic04:03 — The Golden Girls color-by-number disaster05:17 — Paint by number: the acceptable alternative05:22 — You're allowed to make ugly art05:58 — Decision fatigue and the two-item menu06:46 — The blank page nightmare (live in my living room)07:53 — Where 'be good' actually came from08:53 — The substance use clinic years09:21 — The patient who called me out10:57 — What 'be good' means now12:38 — Small Talk with Alison12:43 — Simone in Oakland: mixed signals from her body13:05 — When 'listen to your body' is incomplete advice16:42 — Dad's sign-off (and how I apparently inherited this)Mentioned in this episode:Join QuirkyInflowGetInflowOur episode sponsor is Inflow. Please support this show and check them out at http://getinflow.io/notbrokenInflow
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What my body remembered that my brain tried to forget
Mar 1100:29:05Tap to summarizeIn this episode which is sponsored by our wonderful partners at Inflow I'm sharing an update from a couple of weeks ago when my mom was sick and I called an ambulance. She was going to be fine. I knew she was going to be fine. I was calm. I was functional. I was on the phone with my business partner — who is also an ER doctor, which I have decided is a mandatory qualification for that role — while flagging down the paramedics from the front porch.And then I walked outside and completely fell apart.Not because I was scared for her. Because that was the same porch. The same hallway. The same room I'd stood in nine and a half years ago when I called an ambulance for my dad — and he did not come home.My brain knew it was 2026. My body had not received that information.This episode is about the part of grief nobody prepares you for — not the raw early days, but the decade-later ambush that catches you completely off guard on a random Tuesday night with zero warning and zero time to put the armor on. It's also about how two things can be absolutely true at once: you can be fully mid-trauma response and still be making sarcastic remarks at the paramedics. I did both. Simultaneously. I regret nothing.Alison brings a question from Andrew in Eugene, Oregon: "I'm starting to wonder how much of my personality is just coping strategies stacked on top of each other. Is there a real me underneath that, or is that the wrong question entirely?" Andrew, I've been thinking about this all week.And I sit down with Lauren Yerkes, founder of Post Swim, who built a swimwear brand from her own breast cancer diagnosis at 37 — because she wanted to feel like herself again in a bathing suit, and that thing did not exist yet. Lauren's take on coverage vs. hiding is one of the most nuanced things I've heard in a long time."My brain knew it was 2026. My nervous system had entirely different information. Grief is a Mack truck with no warning label and no timeline."Post Swim: postswim.com | @postswimofficialAgain, please do check out our episode sponsors Inflow at http://getinflow.io/notbrokenThey're helping us bring episodes like this one to your ears.Mentioned in this episode:GetInflowOur episode sponsor is Inflow. Please support this show and check them out at http://getinflow.io/notbrokenInflowInflow
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Mute Your Wonderwall Because I'm Clicking Things!
Mar 400:20:04Tap to summarizeIn this episode which is sponsored by our wonderful partners at Inflow I'm going on the record about something extremely important: loud music makes food taste bad, and I will not be taking questions or feedback on this. I support your live music. I will not consume it while eating my French fries. These are two separate things.I also have a feelings-based relationship with computer keyboards that started in approximately 1994 in a Radio Shack, has never ended, and apparently runs in the family.We also get into a question from Kayla in Tallahassee that stopped me: when I finally slow down, everything I've been avoiding emotionally shows up at once.Rest feels dangerous. I have thoughts on this — including the uncomfortable truth that you cannot outrun trauma, it is always there, and you are not smarter than it.(Neither am I. Trust me.)Plus I read a listener review that is basically the entire reason this show exists.The sensory case against restaurant live musicKeyboard switches, lifelong fixations, and the difference between that and a hyperfixationWhen your kid inherits the trait you didn't mean to pass onListener Q: why does rest feel like an ambush?You can't outrun what you haven't processedAgain, please do check out our episode sponsors Inflow at http://getinflow.io/notbrokenThey're helping us bring episodes like this one to your ears.Mentioned in this episode:GetInflowOur episode sponsor is Inflow. Please support this show and check them out at http://getinflow.io/notbrokenInflowInflowJoin Quirky
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Arguments with dudes on the internet: LinkedIn/Facebook edition
Feb 2500:21:06Tap to summarizeI've been doing the internet antagonizing. I apologize. Not to the people I'm doing it to — they deserve it — but to the universe in general.Last week I got into two arguments with dudes on the internet. It's like a thing I do. These are always cantankerous dude bros, and they always get what they deserve. The argument is almost always the same.I have one question. I ask it every time. It brings their very bullish "I know everything about running a workplace" energy down to a full Porky Pig real fast.I also bring receipts. Because of course I do.Plus: I got mad about the Turning Point USA halftime show in a business group on the internet, which is exactly where that conversation belongs if you ask me.And in Small Talk, I answer a question from Nate in Provo, Utah, who doesn't trust compliments but believes every piece of criticism — and I explain why imposter syndrome might actually be the most arrogant thing you can carry around.Boop.TIMESTAMPS00:37 — I got into two arguments with dudes on the internet last week01:04 — It's almost always the same argument about remote work and micromanagement02:16 — The call center manager who had a lot to say02:45 — The one question I have for them03:57 — I worked at a call center. The best one in the world. It was still awful.07:21 — If you can only run your business by underpaying people, your business is failing08:41 — Don't wrestle with pigs. They enjoy it. (I did it anyway.)09:18 — The Turning Point USA halftime show got me. I tried not to.12:34 — I'm going to find a different plumber13:55 — Small Talk: Nate from Provo, Utah on compliments vs. criticism14:41 — 10,000 compliments: "yeah maybe." Someone says your feet smell: "that HAS to be true."16:36 — Why imposter syndrome is actually a form of arroganceMentioned in this episode:Join QuirkySponsor the showhttps://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/sponsorsSponsor Different Not Broken
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The Little Extra Hug (And Other Things My Brain Needs)
Feb 1800:22:22Tap to summarizeI didn’t plan to talk about George Carlin.Or mascara.Or why I apparently cannot send a calendar invite without causing structural damage.But here we are.Hi, I’m Lauren Howard. You can call me L2. Like other people do.In this episode of Different, Not Broken, I talk about why I can speak into a microphone for 100,000 strangers… and feel deeply uncomfortable when someone I actually know tells me they listened.I unpack the idea of the “little extra hug” you can only get from strangers. Why performing publicly can feel easier than being known privately. Why validation from the internet feels different than validation from your neighbour.We also take a very sharp turn into hyperfixation. Makeup hyperfixation, specifically. What it feels like when your brain latches onto something and turns it into a full-blown research project. How dopamine gets mined in drawers full of blush and setting spray. And why sometimes that joy is less frivolous than it looks.Then we talk about the contradiction that lives underneath all of it.Being wildly capable in a crisis.Building businesses in your head in seconds.And being absolutely useless at routine admin.This episode is about uneven capability. The shame that can creep in when you’re brilliant in one arena and chaotic in another. And the possibility that maybe nothing is wrong with you. Maybe you’re just built for different things.For Small Talk, I respond to a listener question about being great in emergencies but struggling with everyday adulting.Once you’ve been inspired to brag, here’s where you can do it!https://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/voicemailUseful stuffStuff that helps you become awesome even if you’re different: https://stan.store/elletwoMy grown up job: https://lbeehealth.com/Chapters / Timestamps00:00 – Doomscrolling and documentary spirals01:29 – George Carlin and the “little extra hug”04:20 – Why strangers feel easier than real life07:23 – Makeup hyperfixation and dopamine mining13:30 – The Sephora return that proved my point17:29 – Listener question: crisis queen, admin disaster19:00 – Why I pay people to manage my calendar20:50 – Maybe you’re just built differentlyMentioned in this episode:Sponsor the showhttps://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/sponsorsSponsor Different Not BrokenJoin Quirky
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People still use these?
Feb 1400:03:52Tap to summarizeWe had a hell of a week last week. But let me tell you this one story....
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Sudoku Shame, Sandwich Logic and Ridiculous Brains
Feb 1100:19:46Tap to summarizeI didn’t plan to talk about sandwiches this much.Or water.Or Sudoku.But here we are.Hi, I’m Lauren Howard. You can call me L2. Like other people do.In this episode of Different, Not Broken, I talk about the strange, often ridiculous ways our brains create shame out of absolutely nothing. Eating the “wrong” food. Convincing yourself you hate water even though you love it. Feeling mortified because you’re slow at a logic puzzle no one else can see.I unpack why our brains invent rules that don’t exist, why invisible judgement feels so real, and why being seen trying can feel worse than actually failing.This episode is about shame that doesn’t make sense, fear of looking ridiculous, and the quiet pressure to only be visible once you’re already good at something.Later in the episode, for "Small Talk", I respond to a listener question about the fear of being seen trying, and why vulnerability feels so exposing even when no one is actually paying attention.You’ll hear:Why your brain makes up rules it then punishes you forHow harmless things turn into sources of shameWhy being slow doesn’t mean being brokenWhy feeling ridiculous is often a sign you’re doing something newHow to stop letting imagined judgement run your lifeOnce you’ve been inspired to brag, here’s where you can do it!https://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/voicemailUseful stuffStuff that helps you become awesome even if you’re different: https://stan.store/elletwoMy grown up job: https://lbeehealth.com/Chapters / Timestamps00:00 – Sudoku shame and the nonsense our brains create01:12 – Sandwich logic and internalised rules03:32 – Why I pretend I hate water06:08 – Invisible judgement and made-up leaderboards09:14 – Listener question: fear of being seen trying12:32 – Getting comfortable feeling ridiculous15:40 – Why most people are not paying attention18:05 – What I actually want you to hear before you goMentioned in this episode:Build Your Better courseBuild your better course - https://stan.store/elletwo/p/build-your-betterWanna sponsor this podcasthttp://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/sponsorsSponsor Different Not BrokenJoin Quirky
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I Hate The New England Patriots. But Al Michaels?...
Feb 600:03:45Tap to summarizeHappy Superbowl... to everyone but the New England Patriots because f**K them guys.
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ICE Raids, Queer Faith and Why Injustice Feels So Personal
Feb 400:44:10Tap to summarizeI didn’t want to have this rant.I’m tired of needing to have this rant.Hi, I’m Lauren Howard. You can call me L2. Like other people do.In this episode of Different, Not Broken, I talk about ICE raids, fear, and what it feels like when people are genuinely afraid to exist in their own communities.I tell a personal story about someone I rely on every day being too scared to drive six minutes across her own neighbourhood — despite being a citizen — because ICE was crawling the area. And I unpack why “just comply” is a lie that doesn’t protect people when power isn’t being exercised responsibly.This episode is about fear that makes sense, exhaustion that isn’t a personal failure, and why mental health can’t be separated from the political reality we’re living inside.Later in the episode, I’m joined by Myah Knight for a deeper conversation about queer faith, religious trauma, and the kind of community people need when institutions become unsafe.You’ll hear:Why fear is a rational response to what’s happening right nowWhy “just comply” doesn’t actually keep people safeHow power shifts the goalposts until you’re always in the wrongWhat allostatic load is and why you’re exhausted even when you’re not doing muchHow queer faith and community can exist alongside religious traumaWhy needing support doesn’t mean you’re brokenOnce you’ve been inspired to brag, here’s where you can do it!https://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/voicemailUseful stuffStuff that helps you become awesome even if you’re different: https://stan.store/elletwoMy grown up job: https://lbeehealth.com/Chapters / Timestamps00:00 – Why I’m talking about ICE and fear01:06 – Being too scared to drive six minutes03:20 – Why “just comply” doesn’t protect you06:37 – What federal overreach actually looks like10:00 – Fear, abuse dynamics, and moving goalposts15:45 – Why you’re exhausted even when you’re doing nothing19:50 – Why I wanted Myah in this conversation20:30 – Queer faith, religious trauma, and healing37:25 – Small Talk listener question: dissociation or burnout?40:15 – What I want you to hear before you goMentioned in this episode:Wanna sponsor this podcasthttp://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/sponsorsSponsor Different Not BrokenBrag on yourselfWanna brag on yourself for something you've done which you're proud of? https://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/voicemailBuild Your Better courseBuild your better course - https://stan.store/elletwo/p/build-your-betterJoin Quirky
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I recognized him instantly. (My Reality TV → Real Life Nightmare)
Jan 2800:21:55Tap to summarizeI recognised him instantly.I’d never met him before.Hi, I’m Lauren Howard. You can call me L2. Like other people do.In this episode of Different, Not Broken, I tell the story of going to a startup funding event in Miami and unexpectedly sitting down next to someone I knew far too much about… despite never having spoken to him in my life.It turns out reality TV, social conditioning, and a neurodivergent brain make for a very specific kind of social experience.This episode is about what it’s like to hold a straight face while your brain is doing cartwheels, why masking often looks like politeness, and how much effort goes into pretending you don’t know what you know.You’ll hear:Why recognition doesn’t always come from real relationshipsWhat masking actually looks like in everyday social situationsWhy being “polite” is often a survival skillHow neurodivergent brains process people and patterns differentlyWhy explaining yourself gets exhausting fastOnce you’ve been inspired to brag, here’s where you can do it!https://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/voicemailUseful stuffStuff that helps you become awesome even if you’re different: https://stan.store/elletwoMy grown up job: https://lbeehealth.com/Chapters / Timestamps00:00 – I recognized him instantly01:12 – Reality TV, hate watching, and accidental expertise04:06 – Going to an event alone (never again)06:48 – Sitting down next to someone I shouldn’t know09:02 – Knowing too much and saying nothing12:31 – Masking as politeness15:18 – Why pretending not to know is exhausting18:44 – Listener brag: feeling hopeful about 202620:02 – A very important question for sleep scientists23:10 – Small Talk Listener Question: communicating needs without feeling difficultMentioned in this episode:Brag on yourselfWanna brag on yourself for something you've done which you're proud of? https://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/voicemailJoin QuirkyWanna sponsor this podcasthttp://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/sponsorsSponsor Different Not BrokenBuild Your Better courseBuild your better course - https://stan.store/elletwo/p/build-your-better
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