Enchanted Cottage-Arthur Wing Pinero

Summary

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Podcast Summary: King Arthur

Host: Joseph Comyns Carr
Episode: Enchanted Cottage – Arthur Wing Pinero
Date: August 7, 2026

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Overview

This episode departs from Arthurian legend to present a moving performance of The Enchanted Cottage, a play by Arthur Wing Pinero. The story centers on Oliver Bashforth, a war-damaged veteran seeking solitude, and Laura Pennington, a plain, self-effacing woman. Their unexpected marriage, orchestrated by family pressure, transforms them in mysterious ways—exploring themes of beauty, love, self-perception, and the possibility of miracles. The enchanted setting of an ancient cottage, rumored to be magical, is as much a character as the human players.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Progression

Act One: Isolation, Family Pressure, and Unexpected Connection

• Setting (02:50—07:20): The play opens in an evocative English cottage, described in detail to set the tone of modesty, antiquity, and a hint of something magical.
• Oliver’s Isolation (16:11—23:47):
  • Oliver, a war-wounded lieutenant, fiercely guards his solitude. He’s resentful and resistant to family interventions, beset by self-loathing over his physical and mental scars.
  • Quote: "I have taken this cottage for the purpose of being lonely. If nobody came near me without an invitation, the better I'd be pleased." (Oliver, 17:11)
• Major Hillgrove’s Visit (16:32—22:05):
  • Major Hillgrove, a blind but lively neighbor, attempts to befriend Oliver, revealing his own war injury with good humor. Their rapport thaws Oliver’s defensiveness, laying groundwork for empathy.
  • Quote: "You haven't given me a chance, Oliver." (Hillgrove, 18:26)
• Laura’s Character and Self-Effacement (07:40—27:57):
  • Laura, portrayed as exceedingly plain but sweet-voiced and helpful, stands out as an understated presence. Her kindness is affirmed repeatedly by others.
  • Quote: "A kind young lady. That's exactly what Miss Pennington is, sir." (Mrs. Minette, 09:53)
• Family Meddling and the Burden of Expectations (30:08—47:59):
  • Oliver’s overbearing mother, Mrs. Smallwood, and stepfather, Rupert, arrive with the local rector and his wife, determined to “rescue” him from self-imposed exile.
  • Family discussions feature comical interruptions, long-winded speeches, and a persistent focus on Oliver’s supposed need for company and supervision.
  • Quote: "Broken spirits and shattered nerves are not to be restored by leading a monkish existence in the country." (Mrs. Smallwood, 46:22)
• Oliver and Laura's Bond (69:18—80:58):
  • Laura comforts Oliver, advises him to accept help, and gently prods him to reconsider his hermitage.
  • Amid comic and painful family maneuverings, Oliver impulsively proposes marriage to Laura—not out of love, but as a shield against further interference. His bluntness wounds her, yet they recognize a kinship in their shared outsider status.
  • Memorable Exchange:
    • "You asked me to marry you, Mr. Bashforth, not only because you're installing a wife here... but because I possess the special qualification of being ugly." (Laura, 76:01)
    • "If ever you again approach an ugly woman in this way, bear in mind that even ugly women, conscious as they may be of their defects, have their dreams." (Laura, 78:33)
  • They part awkwardly, yet an unstated hope emerges.

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Act Two: Transformation and the Enchanted Power of Love

• A Marriage Concealed (84:34—92:53):
  • Oliver and Laura, now newlyweds, have "hidden away" in the cottage. Even staff and friends are kept at a distance out of shyness (and perhaps deeper insecurity).
  • The Miraculous Change (91:18—97:56):
    • Both experience an astounding metamorphosis—Oliver regains physical vigor and charm; Laura blossoms into beauty. Their newfound allure is evident to themselves but not to others.
    • They suspect the change is the work of Mrs. Minette (the housekeeper, rumored to have witchly ancestry) or the cottage itself.
    • Quote:
      • "I've become beautiful, Major Hillgrove." (Laura, 93:08)
      • "It's a fact. We're not fooling you." (Oliver, 93:14)
• Fear and Gratitude (99:29—107:03):
  • They are anxious the “enchantment” could be withdrawn, subjecting them again to ridicule or despair.
    • "Supposing I offended Mrs. Minette or Oliver did. Witches were mischievous people, weren't they, in olden times?" (Laura, 100:25)
  • Major Hillgrove, ever the rationalist and friend, urges them to embrace the gift as a heaven-sent miracle.
    • "Take the gift and enjoy it without question. Take it without question and without apprehension that you will ever be robbed of it. Accept it humbly as a heaven sent miracle and thank God for it on your bended knee." (Hillgrove, 106:45)
• A Vision of Love Across Time (122:55—135:08):
  • The act ends with an elaborate, dreamlike pageant: lovers from earlier eras move through the cottage, cherubs dance, and the weird sisters (witches) cast spells—underscoring the cottage’s history as a haven for hope and romantic longing.

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Act Three: Truth, Perception, and Resolution

[Selected highlights, 144:08–207:45]

• Anticipation and Trepidation (150:16—158:16):
  • Laura and Oliver (now outwardly transformed) ask Major Hillgrove to explain the "miracle" to their visiting relatives and friends, hoping to soften the shock.
  • The couple worry about Mrs. Minette’s ill health and her strange behavior, which they now see as frail kindness rather than witchcraft.
• The Revelation (171:45—180:41):
  • Family and friends gather, prepared by Hillgrove to see a "great surprise."
  • He narrates the transformation as a "miracle" but cautions:
    • "A beautiful creature. A beautiful creature. With health and strength written in the warm bloom on her cheeks... such an example... as should make one bow one’s head in humility." (Hillgrove, 180:01)
• Perception versus Reality (185:51—194:23):
  • When Oliver and Laura descend, they appear to the visitors just as they had before their transformation—wounded, plain, and awkward.
  • Their family is bewildered and uncomfortable, retreating quickly under the pretense of other obligations. The miracle seems only visible to the lovers themselves.
  • Laura and Oliver reaffirm their vision of each other:
    • "You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful." (Oliver, 193:58)
    • "You're handsome. You're handsome. You're handsome." (Laura, 194:07)
• The Truth Revealed by Mrs. Minette (197:33—202:59):
  • Mrs. Minette confirms that, to her, there has been no outward change in the couple at all.
  • She reveals the true enchantment is love itself:
    • "You love each other. And a man and woman in love have a gift of sight that's not granted to other folk... Keep your love burning, keep it burning... you'll never be anything to one another but fair and bonny." (Mrs. Minette, 202:03)
    • Her wish: "If my man could rise out of his grave and walk in at this minute, I should be pretty to him. I should be pretty to him." (202:45)
• Peace and Acceptance (204:42–207:45):
  • Oliver and Laura, exhausted but content, accept that their “enchantment” is invisible to the world but radiant to each other.
  • The play closes with a dreamlike scene: an angelic nurse (with Mrs. Minette's face) brings them a child, the ultimate manifestation of hope and future.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On War Trauma and Self-Loathing:
  • "No words can describe the loathing, the contempt I have for my shrivelled face and shrunken carcass." (Oliver, 23:00)
• On Marriage as Rescue:
  • "No woman would marry me except for compassion." (Oliver, 77:07)
  • "Even ugly women... have their dreams, daydreams as well as night dreams. Golden dreams... in which they are as lovely and desirable as the loveliest... Spare them too complete an awakening—it is a deed of charity." (Laura, 78:33)
• Magical Transformation:
  • "I've become beautiful, Major Hillgrove." (Laura, 93:08)
  • "You do hear the difference in us, don't you?" (Oliver, 106:30)
• Reality Reasserts Itself:
  • "You’re beautiful... It doesn’t matter what they see… you’re pretty to me." (Oliver, 206:25)

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Timestamps for Pivotal Segments

• Oliver's Introduction & Isolation: 16:11–17:18
• Major Hillgrove's Arrival & Ice Breaking: 18:01–18:43
• Laura & Oliver's Marital Proposal: 74:02–78:51
• Transformation Revealed to Hillgrove: 93:08–94:50
• Hillgrove’s Counsel: 106:45–107:03
• Spectral Wedding Dream Sequence: 122:55–135:08
• Hillgrove’s Family Explanation: 171:45–180:41
• Mrs. Minette's Truth About Love: 202:03–202:40

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Tone & Language

The episode preserves the original voice of Pinero’s play: a mix of Edwardian earnestness, tragic humor, gentle irony, and understated pathos. The dialogue veers from biting self-deprecation, comic family squabbling, and awkward courtship to poetic animation when discussing the mysterious alchemy of love. The tone is ultimately hopeful and humane, portraying even the most downtrodden characters—Laura, Oliver, Mrs. Minette—with a dignity that transcends surface judgments.

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Memorable Moments

• The comic family debates on Oliver’s well-being and Mrs. Smallwood’s hilarious refrains about her first husband’s overcoat and “pigheadedness.”
• The awkward, painful poignancy of Oliver asking Laura to marry him because she, too, is “ugly.”
• The extraordinary transformation through the lens of love—only perceived by the couple, invisible to the world.
• Mrs. Minette’s final, luminous insight: love itself is the true enchantment.

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Conclusion

This performance of The Enchanted Cottage gracefully adapts an old-fashioned romantic fairy tale into a profound parable about how love alters perception, heals wounds, and creates its own reality. The “miracle” is not magic, but a new way of seeing—where those judged plain or broken become radiant in the eyes of love.

For anyone seeking a tale of redemption, hope, and the gentle undoing of self-doubt, this episode weaves a spell as powerful as any in Camelot itself.

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“You love each other. And a man and woman in love have a gift of sight that's not granted to other folk... Keep your love burning... you'll never be anything to one another but fair and bonny.”
— Mrs. Minette (202:03)

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Transcript

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[Mrs. Smallwood]

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[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Act one of the Enchanted Cottage by Arthur Wing Pinero this is a Librivox recording. All Librivox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit Librivox.org the persons of the play

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oliver Bashforth late lieutenant, 8th Battalion, Royal Regiment read by Greg Giordano Mrs. Smallwood

[Mrs. Smallwood]

his mother read by Val Roth Rupert

[Rupert Smallwood]

Smallwood his stepfather read by Thomas Peter

[Major Hillgrove]

Major Murray Hillgrave Distinguished Service Order, Military Cross Red by beeswax candle Reverend Charles

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Corcellis, Rector of Fiddlehurst read by Todd

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Mrs. Courcelles read by Winterberry Laura Pennington

[Mrs. Minette]

read by Shrimpfish Mrs. Minet read by

[Rupert Smallwood]

Sonia Rigg read by John Hunter the

[Grainger Advertiser]

Girl read by Stacey M. Witches read

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

by Agnes Robert Baer Stage directions read by Larry Wilson the scene is laid at a cottage on the edge of Fittlehurst Park, Lord Wisborough's seat in Sussex. The Enchanted Cottage the first act Relics of the war. The scene represents the inner hall entrance HALL AND STAIRCASE of a cottage in the country Much of the inner hall is of great age, and there are signs in its material and structure that it once formed part of a more important building. The inner hall occupies the portion of the stage nearest to the spectator. On the right is a bay window casemented with a window seat. On the left is a vast fireplace. The fire is laid, but is not burning. The wall of the inner hall opposite to the spectator is broken by a wide arch, and beyond are the staircase and entrance hall. The front door of the cottage opens into the entrance hall from the right, and the foot of the stairs, which spring from about the center of the hall, faces the door on the left. Between the staircase and the farther wall of the inner hall runs a passage leading, as it may be supposed to, to the kitchen and to the back door and stable yard. The inner hall is furnished simply and appropriately as a living room. On the left, at a short distance from the fireplace, are a settee, comfortably upholstered and a round table. There is a chair behind the table and another on the right of it. On the nearer side of the fireplace, is a long case clock. Close to the clock fronting the round table, there is a capacious armchair. Against the wall between the fireplace in the left hand corner of the room is an oaken dresser with ornamental china and glass on its shelves, and between the dresser and the fireplace is a large basket piled high with logs. On the right, parallel with, but at some distance from the bay window, is an antique refectory table. A chair is set at either end of the table and on each side of it, standing against the wall at the farther side of the window are a writing table and chair. Against the wall on the nearer side is an oaken coffer, and against the wall between the left hand corner of the room and the opening of the arch, there is a small table with a tobacco jar, an array of pipes, a matchbowl, and a box of cigarettes and another of cigars upon it. In the entrance hall, on the wall at the foot of the stairs, some overcoats, hats and caps are hanging upon a row of hooks. An umbrella and a number of walking sticks are in the vase by the front door, near the vase stands a dinner gong, and at the mouth of the passage, against the side of the staircase, there is another table on which are a letter box, a book rack containing a railway guide and a directory or two, and a blue and white china dish used as a receptacle for visiting cards, a couple of old mirrors, a copper warming pan A barometer and a few discolored mezzotint engravings fill spaces on the walls of both the entrance hall and the inner hall. A flower bowl is on the round table and another on the refectory table, the latter filled with wall flowers. The bowl on the round table is empty save for a little water, but by its side is a tray on which are a heap of freshly cut daffodils, an earthenware jug and a pair of scissors. The view from the front door, which is open, and from the window, is of a flower garden partially overshadowed by a dense fringe of pine trees. The light, modified by the trees is that of a fine spring morning. Mrs. Manette, standing at the round table, is intently taking the daffodils from the tray and trimming their stalks and arranging them in the bowl. She is in a print dress and an apron, a prematurely old woman of 5 and 30. Her face is of a strange whiteness and her eyes have a wild look in them, and altogether there is something about her that is uncanny. Hearing footsteps, she turns her head in the direction of the front door. Presently Laura Pennington and Major Hillgrove appear outside. Laura seeing Mrs. Minette.

[Laura Pennington]

Good morning, Mrs. Minette.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette going to the door.

[Mrs. Minette]

Good morning, Miss.

[Laura Pennington]

I've brought Major Hillgrove to call on Mr. Bashforth. Is he in?

[Mrs. Minette]

He's in, but he's not down yet.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Drawing back to allow them to pass.

[Mrs. Minette]

I'll tell him.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura and Hillgrove Entertainment. Her arm through his. She is a thin, exceedingly plain young woman with a sallow, unhealthy complexion, colourless lips and a poor flat chest. Her dull, scanty hair is drawn tightly from her temples and she is so pronouncedly round shouldered as almost to give the impression that she is deformed. She is wearing a shabby little frock which accentuates her leanness, a faded hat and well worn shoes and gloves. But she has an air of quiet cheerfulness and her voice is soft and sweet. Hillgrove, as Laura guides him to the settee.

[Major Hillgrove]

But I mustn't disturb Mr. Bashforth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

That won't do, Mrs. Manette staring at him and shrinking within herself at the sight.

[Mrs. Minette]

It's about his time, sir, and he might be angry if I send you away.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura. The sofa, assisted by Laura Hillgrove, sits and then she takes his hat and stick from him and lays them by him on the round table. He is a middle aged man of soldierly bearing, with a bright manner and merry laugh. He is blind. Mrs. Manette, advancing a little to Hillgrove.

[Mrs. Minette]

What name shall I say, sir, I didn't catch it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove pulling off a pair of old wash leather gloves.

[Major Hillgrove]

Hillgrove. Major Hillgrove. I'm staying with Lord Wisborough at Fittlehurst house.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura to Mrs. Manette.

[Laura Pennington]

Major Hillgrove's servant is down with the flu and I happen to be on the spot. Two of Mrs. Willis's children, the head laundry woman, have got mumps.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette nodding.

[Mrs. Minette]

I know.

[Major Hillgrove]

And so, miss, with a wave of his hand, this kind young lady.

[Laura Pennington]

Miss Pennington.

[Major Hillgrove]

Miss Pennington graciously gave me an arm.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Miss Minette looking at Laura steadily.

[Mrs. Minette]

A kind young lady. That's exactly what Miss Pennington is, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura to Mrs. Manette.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Sh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Manette to Hillgrove.

[Mrs. Minette]

Everybody in the parish will agree with you there.

[Laura Pennington]

Don't, Mrs. Minet.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He'll go, putting his gloves into his pocket. Oh, I'm sure of it, Mrs. Minette turning away.

[Mrs. Minette]

I'll go up to Mr. Bashforth.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

As Mrs. Minette ascends the stairs to Hillgrove.

[Laura Pennington]

Send for me when you want me, Major Hillgrove. I shall be in the garden, moving

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

towards the front door shyly.

[Laura Pennington]

I've only met Mr. Bashforth once or twice.

[Major Hillgrove]

Wait. Wait a bit. She halts Miss Pennington.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura returning?

[Laura Pennington]

Yes.

[Major Hillgrove]

Are we alone, Laura?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

After a glance at the staircase.

[Laura Pennington]

Quite.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

So.

[Major Hillgrove]

That's Mrs. Minett, is it?

[Laura Pennington]

Mr. Bashforth's housekeeper.

[Major Hillgrove]

Wisborough was telling me her history last night after dinner. Most interesting.

[Laura Pennington]

Lord Wisborough recommended her to Mr. Bashforth. She's the widow of one of his keepers, Tom Minet.

[Major Hillgrove]

I've shot with him.

[Laura Pennington]

He was a reservist and among the first to go from Fittlehurst. He fell early in the war at Ypres.

[Major Hillgrove]

I picture her a haggard, eerie woman with wandering hands. Wandering hands and bony fingers.

[Laura Pennington]

She was very different, poor soul, before she had the notice from the War Office of Minette's death.

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Grainger knows when you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building, you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, filters ready to clog H Vac on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're you're already behind. Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering and 24. 7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Major Hillgrove]

Different but always which like eh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Which like Hillgrove, smiling, suggestive of a

[Major Hillgrove]

broomstick and a scarlet cloak and steeple hat.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura, also with a smile.

[Laura Pennington]

Well, now you speak of it. Ah, but not like a wicked witch.

[Major Hillgrove]

There were beneficent witches as well as evil ones in the old days. They both shared the same fate. Perhaps Mrs. Minet's distinguished ancestress may have belonged to the amiable variety.

[Laura Pennington]

Her Ancestress?

[Major Hillgrove]

Her grandmother, an aged crone of the name of Kindred. She was swum by a mob at a village in Essex as recently as 1865.

[Laura Pennington]

Swum?

[Major Hillgrove]

Thrown into the water, made to swim for her life and died in consequence.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura, somewhat startled.

[Laura Pennington]

I knew Mrs. Minute is what the people here call a foreigner, not a native of these parts. But I've never heard. Oh, how terrible.

[Major Hillgrove]

This is between ourselves, Ms. Pennington. I oughtn't to have repeated the tale,

[Laura Pennington]

but Major Hillgrove, you don't believe in witches, surely? At any rate, their descendants don't inherit their qualities.

[Major Hillgrove]

O, we blind chaps amuse ourselves by indulging in all sorts of odd fancies. If we didn't.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura listening.

[Laura Pennington]

Hark.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

She retreats to the front door as Mrs. Minette descends the stairs.

[Mrs. Minette]

Mr. Bashforth is coming down, Laura in a flutter.

[Laura Pennington]

I'm going to sniff the wallflowers, Mrs. Minute. While Major Hillgrove and Mr. Bashforth have

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

their talk, she goes out hurriedly, disappearing into the garden and. And Mrs. Minette returns to the round table and finishes the arrangement of the flowers in the bowl. Mrs. Minette to Hillgrove.

[Mrs. Minette]

I warn you, sir, it's not one of Mr. Beshforth's good days. You must be prepared for that.

[Major Hillgrove]

Really. I'm sorry.

[Mrs. Minette]

He's expecting some visitors from town by and by, and it has upset him.

[Major Hillgrove]

I'll clear out as soon as possible. Unlucky I should have chosen this morning.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Manette taking up her tray.

[Mrs. Minette]

Here he is.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Slowly and laboriously, Oliver comes down the stairs. He is the wreck of a handsome young man, broken by the war. His face is drawn and pale, his eyes are sunken and his clothes hang loosely upon a bent and emaciated frame. He stands glaring resentfully at Hillgrove. Mrs. Manette to Oliver.

[Mrs. Minette]

Major Hillgrove, Sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver advances to the middle of the room and Mrs. Manette, looking at the two men over her shoulder as she departs, glides away along the passage. Oliver to Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

How d' ye do?

[Major Hillgrove]

Forgive me for intruding on you in this way. I'm staying at Fittlehurst House.

[Oliver Bashforth]

So I understand.

[Major Hillgrove]

My old schoolfellow, Eddie Whisperer. Your trump of a landlord has asked me to be his guest through the summer and it struck me, as you and I are to be neighbours for some months.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh, thanks.

[Major Hillgrove]

You struck me. We might foregather have a jaw occasionally.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver scowling at him.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Very good of you.

[Major Hillgrove]

A solitary spot you've hit on. Must feel rather lonely at times.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I have taken this cottage for the purpose of being lonely.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Tapping his foot on the floor.

[Oliver Bashforth]

If nobody came near me without an invitation, the better I'd be pleased.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Sick man.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Don't I sound like one?

[Major Hillgrove]

Where are you crocked?

[Oliver Bashforth]

La boila.

[Major Hillgrove]

La boiselle.

[Oliver Bashforth]

August 18th.

[Major Hillgrove]

Where'd they get you?

[Oliver Bashforth]

In the neck.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Moving his head painfully, literally in the neck. Straightening his left leg with difficulty.

[Oliver Bashforth]

They damn well spoilt my leg too.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Pressing his palms to his temples.

[Oliver Bashforth]

But it's my head. It's my head that's hell.

[Major Hillgrove]

You'll work right at your age.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh, for God's sake, stop that rot.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Dropping his hands wearily and looking at Hillgrove and you.

[Major Hillgrove]

The year before, 13th of April.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Where deemy Oliver gazing at his closed lids.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I suppose I oughtn't to grouse.

[Major Hillgrove]

Why not? If it eases you.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You don't, apparently.

[Major Hillgrove]

You haven't given me a chance, Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Going to him penitently.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Major. Hello. I'm a selfish brute. Excuse my bad manners.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Offering his hand.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I'm holding out my hand to you.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove raises his hand and Oliver grips it.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Glad to make your acquaintance.

[Major Hillgrove]

And I yours. Having broken the ice, I'll be off.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Off?

[Major Hillgrove]

I won't bother you this morning. You've got some people coming.

[Oliver Bashforth]

My mother and stepfather. They're motoring from London.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Quite so, Oliver. Glancing at his wrist watch and then at the clock.

[Oliver Bashforth]

They've arranged to meet the rector and his wife here at half past eleven. They're dragging them into the business.

[Major Hillgrove]

The business?

[Oliver Bashforth]

My burying myself in this secluded place.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Limping about the room.

[Oliver Bashforth]

They won't let me alone.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Flourishing his arms.

[Oliver Bashforth]

They will interfere with me. They'll drive me mad amongst them. The mater and her husband were down here last week, and when they left me, I was mad. A raving lunatic. Their latest plan is to saddle Mr. And Mrs. Corseless with me. The Corselesses, who have seven children tugging at them and another on the road. I believe I'm to be put in their charge anyhow. And they're a worthy couple, the rector and his wife. And I don't want to insult them. I shall, though I shan't be able to help myself.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Turning to Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I insulted you a few minutes ago.

[Major Hillgrove]

That doesn't matter. I'm not a parson.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver. Taking a bundle of letters from his breast pocket and selecting a letter from the bundle.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Listen to this. From my mother. I haven't slept a wink for it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Reading.

[Oliver Bashforth]

The more I dwell on it, my dear boy, the more appalled I am at your banishing yourself from your friends and relations with nobody to care for you but a weird creature whose appearance positively makes my flesh creep. Jolly unfair. The woman may be queer, but she does her job. Rupert is as much concerned as I am to Hillgrove, my stepfather. And so is your sister Ethel. If, therefore, you persist in your eccentric line of conduct, it is our intention to appeal to Mr. And Mrs. Corcelis, strangers as they are to us, to do their utmost by personal control and supervision to promote your comfort and relieve the monotony of your existence. As Rupert has just remarked, of what use is the church if you can't make a convenience of it?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver grinding his teeth.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Shut up, Major.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Reading again.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I am writing to Mr. Corcelis by

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

this post, sinking into the chair on the left of the refectory table, and so on, thrusting the letter into a side pocket of his jacket and leaning his head on his hands.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh. Oh, my head.

[Major Hillgrove]

Don't worry, it'll wash straight. You've only to explain to Mr. And

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Rector on the Quiet, Oliver raising his head.

[Oliver Bashforth]

My eccentric line of conduct. You see, they don't realize. These stupid belongings of mine, my mother and stepfather and my busybody of a sister. They don't realize that I'm done, finished, down and out. They're so beastly normal they haven't imagination enough to grasp that my chief object for the future is to avoid those who have known me as I was, itish, rubbish as I was healthy, strong,

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

active, beating his fists upon his knees.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Rubbish or not, I tell you I hate and despise myself. No words can describe the loathing, the contempt I have for my shrivelled face and shrunken carcass. I can't bear to catch sight of myself in the glass when you're a

[Grainger Advertiser]

maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

Grainger knows when you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building, you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, filters ready to clog H Vac on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind. Count on Granger for quality products, easy reordering and 24. 7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Oliver Bashforth]

It's agony to me. There are days, this is one of them, when I simply can't bear it.

[Major Hillgrove]

But there are other days. Come, come Bashforth. Do you mind my dropping the mister?

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh yes, there are other days when I can lend old Kiffin a hand in the garden or hobble into the village for the sake of a chat with Hilton at the stores.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Splendid Oliver curling his lip.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I've even achieved the feat of drinking a cup of tea at some of the houses round about here.

[Major Hillgrove]

Imposter.

[Oliver Bashforth]

And perhaps by and by, when they Start tennis. I shall be able to steel myself to sit with the antiques and look

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

on with a despairing gesture.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Look on. I was quite a decent lawn tennis player, Major.

[Major Hillgrove]

I've played a game or two in my time and won the singles at Beckenham one year. And the mixed doubles of Mrs. Landon Raper against Ms. Bestwig and Crawford Evans.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver sitting upright, open mouthed.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Lord, I remember.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove groping for his hat and stick. Oliver getting to his feet.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Of course, you're Hillgrove, aren't you? Going to him, the Hillgrove.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove finding his hat as still laughing

[Major Hillgrove]

the chap with the forehand drive.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

By Jove, Fancy giving him his stick. And I. I. Hillgrove rises and Oliver grips him by the shoulders.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh, Major, what a brute I am.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Eyeing the two men, Mrs. Minette has entered softly carrying a couple of folded newspapers. Mrs. Minette laying the papers on the farther end of the refectory table. To Oliver.

[Mrs. Minette]

The papers, sir.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Thanks.

[Major Hillgrove]

Is that Mrs. Minett?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette to Hillgrove.

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Fetch Miss Pennington, will you, Mrs. Minett? I'm going home.

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

After another look at Hillgrove, a quick look of horror. Mrs. Minette with noiseless steps, goes out at the front door and vanishes into the garden. Oliver to Hillgrove was surprised, Ms. Pennington.

[Major Hillgrove]

My man's in bed with influenza. And they got Ms. Bennington to arm

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

me across the park, putting on his hat.

[Major Hillgrove]

Nice gentle little thing, isn't she?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hilgrove drawing on his gloves.

[Major Hillgrove]

I should like to know more of her.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Not difficult. She lives in the village. Poor as a rat, but one of the best.

[Major Hillgrove]

Yes, the plain women of the world.

[Oliver Bashforth]

There.

[Major Hillgrove]

The bricks bash forth.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You guess she's plain Hillgrove smiling instinct. You're right. She isn't beautiful.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Forcing laugh.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Blessed if Ms. Pennington and I aren't a match. There.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Seeing Laura and Mrs. Minette pass the window.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Sh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Meeting Laura as she enters. Mrs. Minette following her.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Good morning, Ms. Pennington.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura shaking hands with him bashfully.

[Laura Pennington]

Good morning, Major.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Hillgrove is ready.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove to Laura as she comes to him. And as Mrs. Minette slowly goes up the stairs.

[Major Hillgrove]

I haven't kept you long. Mr. Bashforth has a bad head today.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura turning to Oliver.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, I am sorry. Have you any phenycetin in the house?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver shaking his head dismally.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Phenystin's no use.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, but do let me get you some. The village nurse always has it by her. I've left my bicycle at Mrs. Willis's,

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

slipping her arm through Hillgrove's.

[Laura Pennington]

After I'VE taken Major Hillgrove home. I'll run into the village and be back in less than half an hour.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Awfully Samaritan of you.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

But Laura, with a motion of her head towards the passage.

[Laura Pennington]

May we go out that way and through the copse? It'll save us 10 minutes.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Certainly.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He'll go as Laura leads him to the passage.

[Major Hillgrove]

What a busy little person it is.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver touching Hillgrove's arm.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Goodbye, Major. When do I see you again, Hillgrove?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Moving away with Laura tomorrow. Oliver following them.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Shall I hunt you up in the morning?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove out of sight.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Excellent.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver also disappearing.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I'll try not to be such a shocking cad when we next meet.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Scarcely has the sound of Hillgrove's laughter died away when Mr. And Mrs. Courcelles appear at the front door. Courcelles presses the bell push and the bell is heard to buzz in the distance. Courcelles is a mild, elderly cleric with the marks of struggle and poverty upon him, and with the round, staring eyes and puzzled air of one who is in constant bewilderment at the difficulties of his position. Mrs. Courcelles is a meager, delicate looking lady with a feeble voice and vacant smile. Ineffably genteel, she is as poorly clad as her husband and. And is enveloped in an ancient cape. Courcelles having rung the bell, singing to himself absently.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

All things bright and beautiful. All creatures great and small. All things wise and wonderful.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Peeping into the room.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Is anybody at home?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

After a pause, entering.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

May we come in? Come in, Jenny. I am sure we are welcome.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Corcellis enters.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

I dare say you are tired, Mrs.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Scorcellis, crossing to the settee and seating herself heavily.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

I am rather a mile and a half is highly creditable under the circumstances.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Courcelles turning his dull eyes upon her.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

The circumstances, Charles. Oh, of course, my dear. I'd forgotten for the moment.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Forgotten tidying herself. Forgotten Coursella singing again and staring at nothing harder than ever.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Each little flower that opens in each little bird that sings.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver returns, making for the front door, coming upon Corcelis.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Ah, Rector.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Shaking hands with him.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Was it you who rang?

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Yes.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Mrs. Minette is upstairs.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Discovery. Mrs. Corcelis.

[Oliver Bashforth]

How are you, Mrs. Corcelis?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Corcellis giving him a limp hand.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Thank you. Moderately well.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Amazingly well. We've walked from the village.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver pointing to the chair on the left of the refectory table.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Do sit down.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

A considerable distance from my wife in her present State of Health.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Scorcellis averting her Head, darling.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Oh, it's common knowledge. Jenny.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laying his rusty hat upon the table.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

There's not a soul in Fiddlehurst that isn't aware of the impending event.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Oliver.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

You've heard of it, Mr. Bashforth? Heard that an addition to my family is, so to speak, hovering between heaven and earth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver examining his nails.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Hilton, the manager of the stores, was mentioning.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

What a pretty expression. Hovering between heaven and earth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Gorcellus tapping upon his teeth.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

And when heaven yields its gift, that will make our seventh.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Eighth. Charles.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Eighth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Gorcella's to Oliver.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

My husband gets so confused, Mr. Bashforth, as the number increases.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Reckoning on his fingers mechanically. Egbert.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Mildred.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Gorcellis to Oliver.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

As you may suspect, the living of Fiddlehurst is an extremely poor one, even with tithes at their improved rate.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Joan. Stephen.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

And sometimes he feels almost crushed by the weight of his responsibilities.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Barbara. Barbara.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Scorcellis. Prompting him.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Dear little Aggie.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Dear little Aggie.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Corcellis to Oliver.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

With the result that he becomes quite muddled and absent minded.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

That's only six.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

You've left out Peterkin.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Oh, ah, yes. Peterkin.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Corsalis to Oliver.

[Grainger Advertiser]

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place, so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

Grainger knows. When you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building, you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, Filters ready to clog H Vac on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind. Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering and 24. 7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place. So nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800Grainger clickranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

But as I am always saying to Charles, what is an addition to a family, however large? A little more water in the teapot, Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

His elbows resting on the back of the chair on the right of the round table, his attention strain.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Precisely.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Why, therefore, I ask of him, should he allow a morbid consciousness of our domestic burdens to render the discharge of his parochial duties irksome, if not repellent?

[Oliver Bashforth]

Why indeed?

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Why allow it? To make his delivery of the services inarticulate? And his son sermons unintelligible.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Oh, oh dear, oh dear, darling. Do I neglect my duty to my parishioners? Jenny. Oh, I don't mean am I inarticulate?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Unintelligible in the pulpit, Mrs. Corcellis, with an evasive wriggle.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Well, Charles.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

A motorhorn hoots repeatedly close at hand. The hoots growing more and more persistent. They all stiffen themselves listening. Oliver. After a while.

[Oliver Bashforth]

My people.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Gorcellis rearranging the set of her skirt.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Your mother and stepfather searching his pockets.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Mr. And Mrs. Mr. And Mrs. Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

His impatience and fretfulness returning.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Smallwood.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

I have a letter. I had a letter, Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

His hands to his ears.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I know, I know. Asking you to be here at half past eleven.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

What have I done with your mother's letter?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver going towards the fronted door.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh, stop that noise. Stop that horrible noise.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

As he nears the door, the horn gives a final Screech and Mrs. Smallwood, a voluble, overpowering but amiable lady, still comely in spite of her 50 years, enters with a rush. Mrs. Smallwood smothering Oliver in an embrace.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

My child, didn't you hear the horn? How are you? Kiss me. I do believe you're looking better. Kiss me again. Not much better, but better.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Corcellis, who at her entrance has moved to the middle of the room.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Mr. Carruthers.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Mother.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood, shaking hands with.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

How do you do, Vicar? Or should it be Rector? Nobody has ever been able to explain the difference to me. How nice of you to respond to our summons.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Seeing Mrs. Courcellis, your wife, I'm sure. Going to Mrs. Courcellis, who rises with a simper.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Charming of you too, shaking hands with her. I should have known you were the wife of a country clergyman if I hadn't expected to meet you.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laying her handbag on the round table and pulling off her gloves.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

There's something about a country clergyman's wife that's so simple. And comforting.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Oh

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver, who has followed his mother writhing.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Where's the step?

[Mrs. Smallwood]

He'll be here in a minute.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Throwing her gloves onto the table and unbuttoning her coat.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

He's at the wheel. Cooks and begged for a day off. Even chauffeurs demand holidays nowadays.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Getting out of her thick motorcoat with

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Oliver's assistance, not that we've missed him in the least.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rupert has driven magnificently cumbering Oliver with her coat.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

You're still terribly ghastly, my dear son.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Unwinding a scarf from her neck, we

[Mrs. Smallwood]

ran over some chickens at a place called Piddingfold. Two hens and a male, adding the

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

scarf to Oliver's load.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Six shillings they charged us for them. Rank profiteering.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Plumping herself down in the chair on the right of the round table and opening her bag as Oliver carries her coat and scarf to the chair at the farther end of the refectory table and deposits them there.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

In pre war times we never paid more than half a crown. Smallwood stocks in Mr. And Mrs. Cornelius are before us.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rupert Smallwood, a gaunt, lank black haired man of 55 with a solemn visage and ponderous manner, giving Oliver a hand to Dandle.

[Rupert Smallwood]

2:40, we've done the journey in, bowing

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

to Corcellis and bestowing a hand upon him.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Two hours and 40 minutes from door

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

to door, Mrs. Smallwood indicating Mrs. Courcelles, who has resumed her seat.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

This is the rector's wife.

[Grainger Advertiser]

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

Grainger knows when you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building, you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, filters ready to clog H Vac on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind. Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering and 24. 7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER. Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you Keep production lines moving and quality on track. Because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you you need fast and all in one place. So nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-granger clickranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood bowing to Mrs. Corcellis.

[Rupert Smallwood]

How do you do, madam?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Presenting his cap to Oliver.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Some foolish fowls ran under me at Chiddingfold. Or we should have been with you sooner.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood surveying herself in a vanity glass which she has taken from her bag.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Their remains are at the bottom of the car.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Oliver.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

May we offer you one? Oliver?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver receiving Smallwood's gloves, coat and neck wrap from him?

[Oliver Bashforth]

Rather not, thanks.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

All the same fastidious fellow fussing with her hair.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Chicken broth is none the less sustaining for being made from a mangled bird. Many is the cup of nutritious Soup.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood to Mrs. Smallwood.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Forgive the interruption.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Violet coming to the chair on the left of the refectory table.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Recollect we haven't more than a quarter of an hour for our er.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

With a large gesture, our conference. Oliver putting Spalwood's coat, etc. Upon the chair on the right of the refectory table. To Smallwood.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You're not lunching with me then step you and Mother.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood replacing the mirror in her bag.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Not today, my pet.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood sitting.

[Rupert Smallwood]

We are going on to Bognor.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood to Mrs. Gorcellis.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

My husband hasn't seen Bognor for years,

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood funerely not since I was a

[Rupert Smallwood]

curly headed frolicsome lad.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood to Oliver.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Besides, I frankly confess I shouldn't care to be waited on a table by that forbidding housekeeper of yours. Ollie, dear. Rupert declares she reminds him of the witches in Othello.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Macbeth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood to Oliver.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

How can you have been induced, Oliver

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

at the chair at the nearer end of the refectory table.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh, we won't discuss her again. Mother, please.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Mrs. Corcelis.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Mrs. Corcellis.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Exceedingly kind of you, Mr. Bashforth. But we must get back to the children.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Who has timidly seated himself in the chair behind the round table.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Yes, we must get back to the children.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood beaming upon the Courcelles.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Children? You have children?

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Yes, we have children.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Yes, we have children, Mrs. Smallwood.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Smallwood.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Mr. And Mrs. Cornwallis have children of

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

their Own Rupert Oliver sitting.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Good God. Why shouldn't Mr. And Mrs. Corcellis have children? Mother.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Don't be so dachy, Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To the Corcelises.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

You having children makes my task much easier. Only parents can appreciate the feelings of parents. What my feelings are with regard to my son you could surmise. Such a bright boy before the war and now utterly changed. I don't shut my eyes to facts. Ill he is, undoubtedly. But my contention is this broken spirits and shattered nerves are not to be restored by leading a monkish existence in the country.

[Rupert Smallwood]

By resorting to a mode of life which has all the drawbacks of the grave with none of its advantages.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

What I have urged upon Oliver till my throat has ached is that he should make an effort. Nothing is done without effort. When I fractured my ankle through being cruelly capsized by Colonel McHugh at the skating rink in 1913, did I allow the mishap to depress me? Not I. Not I. Within a fortnight my bath chair was seen everywhere. Picture shows, wedding parties, a fancy dress ball at the Yelbert Hall. Everywhere that was on the level. Sometimes I trembled lest I should be voted a nuisance. Bignell, the bath chairman, was so clumsy. Be that as it may, that is the temper in which I would have my boy confront his misfortunes. But I seem to have lost every vestige of influence over him, let alone authority. I could cry about it. Oh, me. Those happy, far off days when he would tuck his tiny hand in mine and toddle by my side.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood. Who has been biting his nails. To Mrs. Smallwood.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Excuse me, Violet. Whether it will be happy or not, I am unable to predict. But at this rate, it will certainly be a far off day which witnesses our arrival at Bognor.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Holy really, Rupert. If I mayn't approach the subject in my own way.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood. With a wave of his hand.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Bardon. But you won't be annoyed, I trust, if I occasionally interject the word Bognor as a reminder that a benign providence has provided time with wings.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oh, Smallwood. Inclining his head. Go on warningly, Bognor. Mrs. Smallwood. To Smallwood.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

You are too aggravating to Mrs. Gorcellis. You have read my letter, dear lady?

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Yes.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Then I'll put the question bluntly, without further preamble.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Darting an aggrieved look at Smallwood.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

I can be as brief as anybody when it's necessary to Mrs. The question is, will you act a mother's part towards this perverse. I must say it, this perverse, obstinate young man Will you, out of the depth of your maternal heart?

[Rupert Smallwood]

One moment.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Turning to Oliver.

[Rupert Smallwood]

We are assuming, of course, that Oliver is still firm in his resolve.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver, who has been nursing his head, looking up.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Quite right step firm as a rock.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood to the Corcelises.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

You hear him?

[Oliver Bashforth]

What's more, Lord Westborough's agent promises to grant me a lease of this cottage at Michaelmas if I apply for it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

And Mrs. Smallwood to the Courcelles.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

His father, my first husband, was just the same. Just the same. Poor Cyril might be alive now, but for his. I hate the expression, his pigheadedness. Try as I would. Did I ever succeed in persuading Oliver's father to wear an overcoat?

[Grainger Advertiser]

No.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Not even in the bleakest weather. My dear friends, my first husband was one of those men who do not and will not take proper precautions. What were the consequences? What could be the consequences in such a winter as we had in 1905?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood turning to him.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Eh, Bognor?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood rising. Rupert Smallwood rising.

[Rupert Smallwood]

My dear.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Do it yourself. I have finished Gorcellus.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Who has also risen.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

No. No.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Perhaps we are most interested, Torcellis. Aren't we, Charles?

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Most. Most.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood. To Mrs. Smallwood.

[Rupert Smallwood]

My dear Violet.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I merely.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Exactly.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Walking away.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

I leave the affair entirely to you.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver rocking himself from side to side.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh, don't get shirty, Mother.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood flouncing about the room.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Surety.

[Oliver Bashforth]

The step only wants you to hurry up.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood to Mrs. Smallwood. Appealingly violet. Mrs. Smallwood is shaking her head.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Not on any account. I won't breathe another syllable.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood advancing to the round table.

[Rupert Smallwood]

This puts me in a very difficult position.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood coming forward. Smallwood. As Mrs. Smallwood sits in the chair he has just vacated.

[Rupert Smallwood]

The position of a stepfather is difficult at all times, but to have this thrown upon me is peculiarly embarrassing.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

La la la la la la la la. Smallwood. After a reproachful glance at Mrs. Smallwood motioning to Courcelles to reseat himself and preparing for action. However, sitting in the chair on the right of the round table and addressing

[Rupert Smallwood]

Mrs. Mrs. Smallwood was on the point of asking you, madam. In fact, if my memory serves me, she did actually get so far as to ask you whether you can and will make us your debtors by filling her place to the extent that her place can be filled by an individual standing in no blood relationship, or indeed relationship of any sort or description to my stepson. Whether you can and will by the exercise of that spirit of unselfishness seldom it is gratifying to reflect, absent from the moral qualities of those connected with the church, whether, I repeat, you can and will and in petitioning you, we invoke naturally the sympathetic assistance of your reverend husband.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Weather Mrs. Smallwood, her eyes sparkling. Bogner Smallwood turning to her. Bogner Oliver groaning oh, Smallwood. To Mrs. Smallwood in an injured tone.

[Grainger Advertiser]

Granger knows when you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building. You're managing all. All of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, Filters ready to clog. H Vac on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind. Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering and 24. 7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickranger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

Grainger knows when you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building, you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, Filters ready to clog H Vac on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind. Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering and 24. 7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Rupert Smallwood]

This is Petty Violet.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

It appears to me that if we are to reach Bognor today, that I had better take it up again.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes.

[Major Hillgrove]

Petty.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

A more involved, complicated sentence, distinctly petty.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood to Mrs. Courcelles triumphantly to

[Mrs. Smallwood]

resume Mr. Smallwood having lost himself in a maze of eloquence.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood wincing,

[Mrs. Smallwood]

touching my son's meals, dear lady. Do you think you could manage to pop in here every morning and settle his meals for him with this Mrs. Thingummy, his housekeeper in whom I haven't a particle of confidence, a postcard from me regularly dropping you a hint.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

O Mrs. Smallwood to Oliver.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Be quiet, Ollie dear. His appetite, I may tell you now, resembles his father's in an extraordinary degree. A marvellous phenomenon, heredity. Fish, for example. I'll be bound saltwater fish is as rare in your village as pearls. No matter if there are trout ponds in the neighbourhood. My boy is as fond of trout as his father was. Lord bless me if I were to attempt to calculate how often my first husband entreated me to give him speckled back trout, when in season, fried Meunier or honbleu.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood partly to himself.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Bargain.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

What?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rupert Smallwood opening his eyes.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Nothing. Violet.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood to Mrs. Courcelis, who, while retaining her smile, shrinks further and further into the settee in consternation as Mrs.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Smallwood proceeds another idea, an arrangement might be arrived at between us for Oliver to lunch or dine with you at the vicarage or rectory, whichever it is. Once or twice a week, with clenched

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

fists and set jaw, Oliver rises and walks to the window. And there stands glaring into the garden. Spalwood to Corcellis.

[Rupert Smallwood]

And with the permission of the churchwardens for him to hand round one of the collecting plates in church on Sundays. A little excitement of that nature would, in my humble judgment, be beneficial to Oliver.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Hum.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Tapping upon his teeth again.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

I can't conceive that the excitement of handing a collecting plate in my church and observing its ultimate contents would be injurious to Mr. Basforth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver moves from the window to the middle of the room. Mrs. Smallwood to Mrs. Courcelles.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Then we come to the repairing of his household linen and wearing apparel the bare notion of a torn sheet or a sock with a hole in it.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Mother. My boy, you've heard that Mr. And Mrs. Courcelles have children. Hasn't it struck you to inquire how many? Evidently it hasn't. And the rectory's a mile and a half away. Do you imagine that Mrs. Corcelis can leave her seven kids and tramp three three miles every day to busy herself over my paltry concerns.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Seven.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Seven.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Glancing at Mrs. Courcellis.

[Oliver Bashforth]

And.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

And good gracious to Mrs. Corcellis, dear lady.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Oliver is exaggerating.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

No. There are seven at present.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

present

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

another is, so to speak, hovering between heaven and earth.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

So poetical. Hovering between heaven and earth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood gasping.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

And is it true they are all at home, those that have ceased to hover.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oh, Gorcellis. Coming to the back of the settee.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

They were at Home when we started out.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

The elder children are a little unruly. The youngest just two.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood. To Smallwood.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Rupert. The fowls. I insist.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood bowing to Mrs. Gorcellis.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Madam, we insist on your accepting the three reckless fowls to whom I have been compelled to read such a salutary lesson.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oh, Oliver. To the Smallwoods, at any rate.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You see Step. You see, Mother, you should have inform'd

[Rupert Smallwood]

us of this earlier.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver rising.

[Rupert Smallwood]

I do see that it would show a deplorable lack of consideration to trespass on the good nature of anybody with seven children and with power, to borrow a commercial idiom, with power to add to their number.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Mrs. Smallwood, as Oliver goes to the foot of the stairs and. And leans on the stanchion of the banisters with an air of exhaustion.

[Rupert Smallwood]

You agree, Violet?

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Absolutely.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

I admit it would hardly be practicable.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood Rising.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Practical. Impossible.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Going to Mrs. Courcellis, who also rises and seizing her hands.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

My dear Mrs. Carmichael, I congratulate you on the size of your family. I congratulate you warmly,

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood. Shaking hands with Gorcellus, who joins them.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

I congratulate you both. My dear Canon Smallwood at the right

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

of the refectory table, putting on his neck wrap. To Mrs. Smallwood.

[Rupert Smallwood]

This will necessitate the adoption of your alternative scheme, Violet.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood bustling to the refectory table and putting on her scarf.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Yes. We will go into the subject first thoroughly with Ethel this evening to the

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Corcelises, as Oliver turns quickly and listens with a face full of alarm.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

My unselfish girl. She is prepared to make any sacrifice for her brother.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Taking up her coat.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Help me, Olidear.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver coming to her assistance.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Athol.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Where? Where?

[Oliver Bashforth]

Where? Where the devil.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To the corcelises.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Sorry.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Mrs. Smallwood.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Where does Ethel come in, Mother?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood struggling into her coat.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Ethel has expressed her willingness to join you at the end of the season, Oliver. And if no one else could be found to do it, to take over the management of your cottage.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver aghast, his arms falling to his sides.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Great Caesar.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Oh, of course you will raise obstacles.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Buttoning her coat.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

You oppose me in everything, my child.

[Oliver Bashforth]

But. But. But Ethel and I have never hit it off, Mother. We fight like cat and dog. You know we do.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Ethel's temper has improved considerably of late, Oliver, whatever yours has become.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Pointing to her gloves and handbag.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

My gloves, Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Fetching the gloves and handbag from the round table and giving them to Mrs. Smallwood.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Her nose. Oh Lord, her nose. I can't stand Ethel's nose. That hasn't improved, Mrs. Smallwood.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Drawing on her gloves.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

I should prefer not discussing your sister's facial characteristics in the presence of our free friends here.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Smallwood. Rupert Smallwood, who has got into his overcoat unaided to the Corcelises.

[Rupert Smallwood]

We may have the pleasure of dropping you with the fowls. On our way we pass through the village.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Oh, Smallwood.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Oliver.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Lend me a hand with the car, Oliver. The process of waggling the crank is particularly distasteful to me, Mrs. Smallwood, as

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver slouches out at the front door, droopingly going to Mrs. Corcellis and taking her arm.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Come along, dear lady.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Walking her to the door.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

I wish I'd time to run into the deanery and kiss your sweet children. But this tiresome Bogner Smallwood, who has

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

preceded them, Turning and confronting Mrs. Smallwood.

[Rupert Smallwood]

No, Violet, we are not lunching at Bognor. My plans are altered. Not after what has occurred. The very name of the place stinks in my nostrils.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Where?

[Rupert Smallwood]

Littlehampton.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He departs, the two ladies following him. Mrs. Smallwood tossing her head.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Little Hampton or Jericho for aught I care.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Disappearing with Mrs. Courcellis.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Talk about pettiness.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Slowly and thoughtfully wandering after them, picking up his hat as he goes. And again singing to himself.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

The rich man in his castle, the poor man at his gate. God made them high or lowly and order their estate.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Passing the foot of the stairs, he sees Mrs. Minette coming down.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Ah, Mrs. Minet. A fine day.

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

All things bright and beautiful going out. All creatures great and small disappearing. All things wise and wonderful.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette, after a short silence, standing near the open door and crooning softly.

[Grainger Advertiser]

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines, maintenance, moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickranger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing process plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place. So nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickranger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place. So nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click ranger.com or to stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Mrs. Minette]

The purple headed mountains, the river running by the sunset and the morning that brightens up the sky.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura, flushed and rather out of breath, creeps in from the passage, finding Mrs. Manette alone, taking up the hymn all

[Laura Pennington]

things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small. Where is Mr. Bashforth, Mrs. Minet?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette smiling wanly upon her, he said. Visitors motioning towards the garden.

[Mrs. Minette]

I think he is at the gate saying good bye to them.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura producing a little paper packet.

[Laura Pennington]

Get me a glass of water, will you?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Coming to the nearer end of the

[Laura Pennington]

refectory table, I want him to take two of these tablets to relieve his headache.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Manette nods and casting a keen look at Laura, goes along the passage. A motor horn emits a succession of monetary hoots. Laura takes off her gloves and singing to herself as she does so, opens the packet and selects two of the tablets and lays them carefully on the table.

[Laura Pennington]

The cold wind in the winter, the pleasant summer sun, the ripe fruits in the garden. He made them every one.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver returns unheard and stands gazing at her dully.

[Laura Pennington]

All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small. All things wise and wonderful.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oliver advancing that the pheniceton.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura startled. Oh, answering him.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Yes, you've been very quick luck.

[Laura Pennington]

I found Nurse at her lodgings packing up to go to a case at Gould's farm.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette re enters carrying a glass of water.

[Laura Pennington]

Thank you, Mrs. Minette giving him the

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

two tablets one after the other two now. He takes the tumbler from Mrs. Minette and swallows the tablets and two more

[Laura Pennington]

in three or four hours time if the head's still painful as he gulps

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

the second tablet capital. He returns the tumbler to Mrs. Minette and Laura gives him the paper packet.

[Laura Pennington]

I should advise you to send to Ibs and Perry, the chemists at Petborough, for a whole bottle of them to

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette, who is moving away.

[Laura Pennington]

Jog Mr. Bashforth's memory Mrs. Minute. If he forgets.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette nodding again.

[Mrs. Minette]

I will, miss.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

With another eager look over her shoulder, she withdraws, putting the paper packet into his waistcoat pocket. Oliver has turned from Laura and is now seated on the settee, his arms hanging loosely and his chin on his breast. Laura breaking an awkward silence.

[Laura Pennington]

That's right.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Picking up her gloves, which she has laid on the refectory table.

[Laura Pennington]

You ought to keep quiet. After a dose of phenycetin tiptoeing towards the passage. Good morning.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I say. Ms. Pennington.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura halting.

[Laura Pennington]

Yes.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I shall have to leave this cottage.

[Major Hillgrove]

Leave?

[Oliver Bashforth]

Hide myself somewhere or other. There's nothing else for it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura approaching him.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, Mr. Bashforth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Why Oliver raising his head?

[Oliver Bashforth]

Because of my people. They won't let me alone. They will pester me, torment me.

[Laura Pennington]

Torment you?

[Oliver Bashforth]

They've been here again this morning. My mother and stepfather.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

They've just gone with sudden fierceness.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Do you think they've sprung on me now, Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Half scared.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

What?

[Oliver Bashforth]

My sister Ethel. She's coming down by and by. Ethel's coming down on a.

[Laura Pennington]

On a visit.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Visit?

[Rupert Smallwood]

No.

[Oliver Bashforth]

To squat. To dig herself in permanently.

[Laura Pennington]

But won't that be nice for you?

[Oliver Bashforth]

Nice?

[Laura Pennington]

Your. Your sister.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You don't know her. She's awful. She's older than I am. And a tyrant. A meddlesome tyrant.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura. Smiling faintly in reproof.

[Laura Pennington]

For shame.

[Oliver Bashforth]

A vinegary one too. She realizes she's a failure and that makes her acid. She'll never get a husband. Her nose will always stand in her way.

[Laura Pennington]

Her nose.

[Oliver Bashforth]

The most assertive nose that ever adorned a human countenance.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laughing mirthlessly.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I see their game. The matters and the steps. This would provide a fresh opening for Ethel's activities and rid them of her at home. Wouldn't things hum in the village if Ethel once planted her foot here?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Throwing himself at full length on the settee, face downward.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh, Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

After a pause, seating herself timidly on the edge of the chair on the right of the rounded table.

[Laura Pennington]

Mr. Bashforth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver. His head buried in the pillow of the settee.

[Oliver Bashforth]

O Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Twiddling her gloves.

[Laura Pennington]

I hope you won't be angry with me for offering you advice that you won't think I'm presuming on our slight acquaintance.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Not I.

[Laura Pennington]

Whether you remain in this cottage or go elsewhere. It isn't good for you to live alone. Practically alone. For you can't count poor Mrs. Minute or any person in her position. Can you?

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Do.

[Laura Pennington]

Do fall in with this plan of your people's. Give it A trial.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver groaning into the pillow.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, I am sure you are unjust to your sister, in spite of the hard things you say of her. She must be a kind woman to be ready to exchange London for Fittlehurst. She must be. Oh, it's dreadful that you should have no companion on a wet day. And in the long evenings, nobody to read to you or play cards with you and fill your pipe for you and chat over the news in the papers.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Slowly he lifts himself on his elbow and, unnoticed by her, regards her curiously.

[Laura Pennington]

Often and often during the rough weather we've had lately, when the wind has been roaring in my chimney and my fire hissing at the rain, I've pictured you sitting here in solitude and I.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

I becoming conscious of his gaze. She falters, breaks off and begins to draw on her gloves.

[Laura Pennington]

K. Kiffin. Your gardener is mending the valve of one of my bicycle tires rising. You'll have it done by now.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver putting his feet to the ground.

[Oliver Bashforth]

No, don't go yet, Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

In some confusion.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, but I've.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Listen.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Staring before him, his hands gripping his knees.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Don't be startled at what Iwhat I'm going to propose to you. Fancy your thinking of me like that. Thank you. Talk about a kind woman. You're a kind little woman and no mistake.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, please.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You wouldn't get on a man's nerves, strip the very skin off him, you wouldn't.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rising and going to her.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Look, here I am desperately wretched at times. You can't be much gayer. We're both jolly well in the same boat. Ms. Pennington, will you give up your lodgings and move into my cottage? We be married first, of course.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

She stands petrified.

[Oliver Bashforth]

That would keep my silly mother and my shrill sister and my solemn, pompous stepfather at arm's length.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

She backs away from him a step or two.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I be good to you. Endeavour not to try your patience. When I felt extra bad, I'd sneak away and shut myself in my room. And I've 800 a year of my own. Enough for comfort.

[Laura Pennington]

You.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

You.

[Laura Pennington]

You know so little of me.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Your father and mother were gentlefolk. The gossip of the village is my authority. And anyhow, if you.

[Laura Pennington]

If you want to marry and keep your people at arm's length, there must be dozens of smart, pretty girls in London in your own set.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Pretty girls? Pretty. It's the pretty girls I've splashed about with in town that I can't face. That I haven't the courage to face.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Opening his arms.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Look at me. A hideous casualty for the rest of my life. An eligible husband for a pretty girl. I am.

[Laura Pennington]

I. I understand. You asked me to marry you, Mr. Bashforth. Not only because you're installing a wife here. Any wife would stop your family from worrying you. But because I possess the special qualification of being ugly.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Steadying herself.

[Laura Pennington]

I. I am greatly obliged to you.

[Mrs. Minette]

Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Appalled at the mess he has made of it.

[Oliver Bashforth]

M. Miss Pennington.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura attempting to pass him.

[Laura Pennington]

If it doesn't matter.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver intercepting her.

[Oliver Bashforth]

For heaven's sake. Miss Pennington.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Ah.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Turning from him suddenly and sinking into the chair on the left of the refectory table.

[Laura Pennington]

Ah.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Covering her face with her hands.

[Laura Pennington]

How can you.

[Oliver Bashforth]

How can you forgive me? I. I'm a blundering ass. What I. What I meant was. Oh, I wouldn't have hurt you for the world.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Moving about the room distractedly.

[Oliver Bashforth]

What I meant was no woman would marry me except for compassion. And the girls in my set, as you call them, are not the sort who'd give up their dancing and racketing to devote themselves to a helpless, unsightly, neurotic chap such as I've become. That's the point. Whether you can wring yourself to take pity on me.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Sitting in the chair on the right of the round table.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh, I know there'd be no romance in our marriage. Couldn't be. But we could be pals, you and I. I can't offer you anything else. Simply pals.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Seeing that she is furtively drying her eyes.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh, I am sorry I've hurt you, Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Turning to him.

[Laura Pennington]

Don't be. It was stupid of me to be upset.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smiling at him through her tears as

[Laura Pennington]

if I wasn't aware of my ugliness.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Writhing her mouth at him playfully.

[Laura Pennington]

But it's a shock to be told of it so bluntly. For of course I see through your excuses. They wouldn't deceive a babe.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver. His head in his hands.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Damn. Oh, damn.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Buttoning a glove.

[Laura Pennington]

One recommendation I venture to make, Mr. Bashforth. If ever you again approach an ugly woman in this way, bear in mind that even ugly women, conscious as they may be of their defects, have their dreams.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Resting her hands in her lap and drawing a deep breath.

[Laura Pennington]

Their dreams, Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Looking up dreams.

[Laura Pennington]

Daydreams as well as night dreams. Golden dreams, merciful dreams, merciful dreams of forgetfulness, of oblivion. Dreams in which they are as lovely and desirable as the loveliest and the most desirable of their sex.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Resuming the buttoning of her gloves.

[Laura Pennington]

Remember that. And that to spare them too complete an awakening is a deed of charity.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver getting to his feet.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Ms. Pennington. Your name's Laura, isn't it? Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Manette enters quietly from the passage and without raising her eyes, goes to the farther end of the refectory table. She is carrying a white tablecloth and a small cruet stand. Laura jumping up brightly and holding out her hand to Oliver.

[Laura Pennington]

Just going, Mrs. Minet.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver seizing her hand. Laura with an eye on Mrs. Minette, who, having placed the tablecloth and cruet stand upon the table, takes up the newspapers and lays them on the writing table.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Will you see me this afternoon if I walk into the village while Mrs.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Manette's back is turned to them?

[Oliver Bashforth]

You must.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura's lips form the word no as she tries to disengage her hand.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You must, Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

As Mrs. Minette returns to the refectory table and proceeds to unfold the cloth.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, very well then, if you Oliver releasing her.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Thanks, Laura. With an effort at composure.

[Laura Pennington]

Good bye.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hurrying to the passage.

[Laura Pennington]

My bicycle's in the stable yard. Don't come out, Mr. Bashforth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Over her shoulder.

[Laura Pennington]

Morning, Mrs. Minette.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette spreading the cloth over the farther half of the refectory table.

[Mrs. Minette]

Good morning, miss.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura disappears. Oliver follows her as quickly as he can hobble, whereupon Mrs. Minette darts from the table and watches the retreating figures. Then, with an exultant chuckle, she throws her arms in the air and waves her hands above her head. End of the FIRST act

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[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Act two of the Enchanted Cottage by Arthur Wing Pinero this is a Librivox recording. All Librivox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit Librivox.org the Second Act Act Strange Happenings and a Dream. The scene is that of the preceding act. It is night time and the front door is closed and the window curtains are drawn. An oil lamp burns brightly on the round table, another on the writing table and a smaller one on the table in the entrance hall. The lamps are prettily shaded. A woman's work bag and needlework and a few books are on the round table. The bowl which stood on the round table in Act I is now on the dresser. The other bowl is still on the refectory table. Both are filled with such flowers as can be gathered from an English garden in May. Two bedroom candlesticks are on the table in the entrance hall. A box of matches is in the tray of each candlestick. There is nobody in the inner hall or entrance hall, but in a little while the front door bell rings in the distance and presently Mrs. Minette, in a black dress and white apron, comes softly along the passage and opens the door. Major Hillgrove and Rig, his servant, are outside. Rigg, a man of soldierly appearance and manner minus his right arm. Good evening, Mom. Mrs. Manette, with a strange gleam in her eyes.

[Mrs. Minette]

Good evening, Mr. Rigg to Hillgrove. Come in, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rigg conducts Hillgrove to the left of the refectory table and, having put down his own cap, takes Hillgrove's cap and stick from him and places them on the table. Mrs. Minette shuts the door and comes forward.

[Mrs. Minette]

Mr. And Mrs. Beshforth are expecting you, sir. They've gone for a stroll in Tod's Lane. They won't be more than a few minutes.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove taking off his gloves and putting them into the pocket of a cape he is wearing.

[Major Hillgrove]

What time is it, Mrs. Minet?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette glancing at the clock.

[Mrs. Minette]

Half past nine, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Late hour for a call. Couldn't get down sooner as Rig relieves

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

him of his cape.

[Major Hillgrove]

Phew. Glad to be rid of that Rig.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rig laying the cape on the chair at the farther end of the refectory table. That's how you are, sir. Hillgrove, who is in a dinner jacket, feeling round about him for a chair.

[Major Hillgrove]

Wasn't so early in the year, I'd swear we were going to have a thunderstorm.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette, as Rig returns to Hillgrove and seats himself in the chair on the left of the table.

[Mrs. Minette]

The air is stifling, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove to Rigg.

[Major Hillgrove]

Rigg.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rigg bringing himself to attention. Yes, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Perhaps Mrs. Minute will let you sit in her kitchen till I want you again.

[Mrs. Minette]

Certainly I will, with pleasure.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Looking at Rig.

[Mrs. Minette]

Any soldier man.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rig picking up his cap. Thank' ee kindly, ma'.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Am.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette going to the mouth of the passage.

[Mrs. Minette]

This way, Mr. Rigg.

[Major Hillgrove]

Mrs. Minette.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette halting, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

One moment.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Manette to Rigg, who is at her heels, pointing through that door. With a nod, rigg departs and Mrs. Minette returns to Hillgrove.

[Mrs. Minette]

I'm here, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Mr. And Mrs. Bashforth. Quite well, Mrs. Minet?

[Mrs. Minette]

Quite, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Nothing amiss, eh, Mrs. Manette smiling oddly.

[Mrs. Minette]

Nothing, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

That's right. I've been away for a fortnight, you know, with an invalid sister in Worcestershire. When I got back this afternoon, I found a note from Mr. Bashforth which,

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

rather stroking his head, rather puzzled me.

[Mrs. Minette]

Puzzled you, sir?

[Major Hillgrove]

Rigg is a confoundedly bad reader of handwriting. Makes a frightful hash of it as a rule. But there was something in the note, however. They're both well, you say?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette, her queer smile never leaving her.

[Mrs. Minette]

Both, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Then bending forward, his elbows on his

[Major Hillgrove]

knees, then what has happened to the Mrs. Minnit? What has happened to the young couple that's so. So extraordinary?

[Mrs. Minette]

I. I can't tell you, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove bethinking himself and sitting upright?

[Major Hillgrove]

Of course not. Of course not. When were they married, Mrs. Minett?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minet seating herself stealthily in the chair on the right of the round table.

[Mrs. Minette]

A week ago, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Yesterday at Fittlehurst Church?

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir, by license.

[Major Hillgrove]

Very short honeymoon?

[Mrs. Minette]

Oh, no, sir. They're spending their honeymoon here in this cottage. This is their honeymoon.

[Major Hillgrove]

I see.

[Mrs. Minette]

After the ceremony, they had lunched at the rectory, and then they went for a drive in a hired car and were home for dinner.

[Major Hillgrove]

They preferred the simple comforts you can give them to an expensive hotel. Sensible of them.

[Mrs. Minette]

You'll be the first person they've seen, sir, since their marriage. Except me. And me dere shy of.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Indeed, I'm flattered, Mrs. Minette. Her smile broadening to a grin and her eyes glowing more intensely.

[Mrs. Minette]

It is a privilege, sir, because Mr. And Mrs. Bashforth are in hiding, naturally concealing themselves. They never stir out till nightfall, and then they wrap themselves up and cover their faces for fear they should need anybody.

[Major Hillgrove]

Little modesty is refreshing in these days. Mrs. Minet.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minet. Rubbing the palms of her hands together gleefully.

[Mrs. Minette]

They shun even Mr. Kiffin, old Kiffin,

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

the gardener, rocking herself to and fro sh, rising and tiptoeing to the front door, footsteps on the gravel path straining her ears.

[Mrs. Minette]

It's them.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

She opens the door eagerly. Oliver outside.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Major hillgrove here yet, Mrs. Manette?

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir. He's waiting.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Good.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura and Oliver enter, she in a long cloak and thickly veiled, he in an overcoat and a cap which is pulled down over his brows. His coat collar is turned up so that scarcely more than the tip of his nose is visible. They come to the middle of the inner hall and stand close together as if anxious to shield each other. Mrs. Manette shuts the front door and then goes to the mouth of the passage.

[Mrs. Minette]

Mrs. Minetta to Oliver, Major Hillgrove's servant. Iss in the kitchen, sir.

[Oliver Bashforth]

All right.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Manette vanishes, and Laura, after a brief pause, during which Hillgrove, by a gesture expresses great bewilderment, steals into the entrance hall and peers along the passage to assure herself that Mrs. Manette is out of earshot, ill Grove, unable to contain himself any longer.

[Major Hillgrove]

What's the matter? In God's name, what's the matter? Bashforth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver. As Laura returns to him.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Wonderful, Wonderful.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, wonderful.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Will tell you directly.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Simultaneously, Laura and Oliver divest themselves of their outdoor things and reveal themselves as splendid specimens of blooming womanhood and vigorous young manhood. Her simple dinner gown displays a pair of shapely arms and a perfectly modelled throat. Her eyes are big and luminous, her figure is full, her hair bright and luxuriant, and her face faultless in its complexion and contour. Oliver, who has lost all traces of his lameness, runs with a light and springy step into the entrance hall and hangs his overcoat and cap on one of the hooks at the foot of the stairs, while Laura, having flung her cloak, hat and veil on the chair behind the round table, comes to Hillgrove and stands before him with her arms extended.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh. Oh, Major Hillgrove, if you could only. Only see us.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver, also in a dinner jacket, coming between Laura and Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

By Jove, yes. If you could only see us.

[Laura Pennington]

It was I who proposed sending for you, Major Hillgrove. We didn't know where to Turn for advice, if not to you.

[Oliver Bashforth]

We're in such a deuce of a predicament.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgove listening tensely, his bewilderment increasing.

[Major Hillgrove]

Predicament.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Lora, her hand clasped in Oliver's.

[Laura Pennington]

You understood from Oliver's letter, didn't you, that something has befallen us? Something out of the common.

[Major Hillgrove]

Vaguely.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I couldn't be more explicit in a letter.

[Major Hillgrove]

But what has befallen you?

[Laura Pennington]

You'll never believe us.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Never.

[Laura Pennington]

I, I. I've become beautiful, Major Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

It's a fact. We're not fooling you.

[Major Hillgrove]

Beautiful, Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Gazing at Laura.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Gloriously beautiful.

[Laura Pennington]

And as for Oliver, I can't describe the change in Oliver.

[Oliver Bashforth]

My wife is growing lovelier and lovelier every day.

[Laura Pennington]

Hillgrove and Oliver stronger and straighter and handsomer.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Dash it, man, don't you hear the difference in us?

[Laura Pennington]

Don't you hear, Major Hillgrove?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove dumbfounded.

[Major Hillgrove]

Yes, yes.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura detaching herself from Oliver and walking unsteadily to the settee.

[Laura Pennington]

Ah, ah, ah. Oh, I'm frightened. I'm frightened.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Sinking onto the settee.

[Laura Pennington]

I'm frightened.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver to Hillgrove, waving an arm in the direction of the kitchen.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Lore has been giving me this woman's history. She had it from you. It didn't soak into her at first.

[Laura Pennington]

I recollected it suddenly, in a flash, the other night.

[Major Hillgrove]

Woman.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Mrs.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Minute, my housekeeper.

[Laura Pennington]

The witch.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

With a little shudder.

[Laura Pennington]

The which?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver to Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

My wife is afraid that we are under some sort of spell. Enchantment. She got it on her brain. Sounds ridiculous.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura is starting hark, clutching at her heart.

[Laura Pennington]

What's that?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver turning his head towards the window. After a pause, rain going to her.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Thought we should have it.

[Mrs. Minette]

When?

[Oliver Bashforth]

When?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver to Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

When did the change begin?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove nods blankly.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Yesterday week.

[Laura Pennington]

On our homecoming.

[Oliver Bashforth]

After our marriage.

[Laura Pennington]

Almost as soon as we set foot in the cottage.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver glancing over his shoulder at the front door.

[Oliver Bashforth]

She was at the door to welcome us. The open door.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Minute.

[Laura Pennington]

She seemed as if she couldn't take her eyes off us wherever we moved,

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

cowering at the sound of distant thunder. Oh, Oliver sitting beside her and holding her hand again protectingly. To Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

That's when the change began. It was gradual.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura nestling up to him.

[Laura Pennington]

Yes. It wasn't till we had finished dinner and the lamps were lighted and we

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

were left to ourselves, Oliver pressing her to him.

[Oliver Bashforth]

It wasn't till then that I felt sure. Sure that Laura was positively pretty.

[Laura Pennington]

And I of the marvelous alteration in Oliver.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I'd noticed earlier in the evening, before she went upstairs to dress for dinner, that she was no longer.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

No longer Laura, her lips to his

[Laura Pennington]

ear, no longer hideous.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Sh.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You were never that.

[Laura Pennington]

Major Hillgrove knows better, don't you? Major Hillgrove?

[Mrs. Smallwood]

I.

[Laura Pennington]

You guessed I was exceedingly plain the day we first met. You told Oliver so.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Confess, Oliver, as Hillgrove, abashed, bows his head.

[Oliver Bashforth]

But it was the next morning and over the breakfast table then I saw clearly that my wife was more than merely pretty. I, I, well, I own. I was flabbergasted. The hollows had gone from her cheeks and she had the color of a ripe cherry. And her arms, which used to be much poorer, lean little things like drumsticks

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

jumping up and advancing to the middle of the room.

[Laura Pennington]

You remember, Major Hillgrove. You must remember how bony my arm was when I marched you down from Fittlehurst House to make your call on Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Drawing up her sleeve as far as possible and surveying her arm proudly now,

[Laura Pennington]

Oliver says they are as smooth and as plump.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

There is another and a nearer rumble of thunder and again she utters a cry of terror.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Oh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver rises and hurries to her and clinging to him, she lays her head on his breast.

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When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place. So nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, I'm frightened. I'm frightened.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

I'm frightened, Hillgrove, after the noise of the thunder has ceased.

[Major Hillgrove]

But why? Why should you be frightened, Mrs. Bashforth? What is there to be alarmed about?

[Oliver Bashforth]

What is there? Confound it, Hillgrove. If Mrs. Minette is a witch.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura raising her head.

[Laura Pennington]

Sh. Take care.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Running into the entrance hall and peering along the passage again. Take care, Oliver going to Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

If Mrs. Minette is a witch and the change in us is her doing. Of course, I don't believe it myself. I'm not as credulous as that.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura rejoining Oliver.

[Laura Pennington]

If she is a witch and our transformation is owing to sorcery, what she can give, she can take away.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Exactly. Stands to reason.

[Laura Pennington]

Supposing I offended Mrs. Minute. Or Oliver did. It's easy to offend without meaning to.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Witches were mischievous people, weren't they, in

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

olden times, Picking at his nails.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Suppose, for the sake of argument, suppose this woman does possess, what's the name of it?

[Laura Pennington]

Supernatural power.

[Oliver Bashforth]

She may be playing off some devilish trick on us.

[Laura Pennington]

Anyhow, we're most awkwardly situated. The Fittlehurst folks have accustomed themselves to regard me as the ugliest person in the district.

[Oliver Bashforth]

And me, the little while I've been among em, as a helpless wreck of a fellow to be pitied and condoled with.

[Laura Pennington]

They'll hate to have their settled ideas distorted.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Loathe it.

[Laura Pennington]

It's really very hard on us.

[Oliver Bashforth]

We only married each other for mutual consolation, to keep each other in countenance,

[Laura Pennington]

as it were, for companionship.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Simply, it's the biggest sell on record.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura leaving Oliver and walking about ecstatically.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Ah.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Ah.

[Laura Pennington]

And yet I'm glad. Glad? Glad to be lovely. For Oliver's sake.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Comes to that, I'm glad that Lore should have a husband who is fairly presentable.

[Laura Pennington]

I could summon up courage to show myself in the village if I were certain. Certain I am to remain beautiful.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Precisely. That's the point.

[Laura Pennington]

It's the uncertainty that's so perplexing.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Damnable. And we daren't leave Fittlehurst. It would be such a slight on Mrs. Minette.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura returning to Oliver, who has moved

[Laura Pennington]

to the settee the moment we left the cottage. We might find ourselves losing our good looks altogether.

[Oliver Bashforth]

The position is. Oh, it's unique.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

A flash of lightning is seen through the window curtains.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Oh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Hillgrove, standing between him and Oliver.

[Laura Pennington]

Advise us, Major Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Give us Your advice, old man?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura stretching out her hands in appeal.

[Laura Pennington]

Major Hillgrove.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

A mighty burst of thunder crashes over the roof of the cottage and with a shriek, Laura throws herself into Oliver's arms. At the same moment, Mrs. Manette appears in the entrance hall carrying a tray on which are a syphon of soda water and some tumblers. She remains there as motionless as a statue till the thunder subsides and then advances softly to the farther end of the refectory table. Mrs. Minette, setting the tray on the table to Hillgrove.

[Mrs. Minette]

You guessed there'd be a storm, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura, startled at discovering that Mrs. Minette is in the room. Ah, Mrs. Minette to Hillgrove.

[Mrs. Minette]

You were right.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver places Laura in the chair on the right of the round table and turns away to the dresser. Mrs. Minette to Laura.

[Mrs. Minette]

Don't be nervous, ma'. Am. That's the worst crash you'll hear tonight.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Withdrawing.

[Mrs. Minette]

It's passing over us. It's passing over us.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Out of sight.

[Mrs. Minette]

It's passing over us.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver has opened a drawer in the dresser and taken out a decanter of whiskey. He now tiptoes into the entrance hall and looks along the passage towards the kitchen. Again a flash of lightning is seen through the curtains. Oliver coming to the refectory table and putting the decanter on the tray.

[Oliver Bashforth]

She's gone.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Once more the thunder peals, but a little farther off as Hillgrove gets to his feet, groping across the room to Laura.

[Major Hillgrove]

Mrs. Bashforth.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, how silly I am. Forgive me, Major Hillgrove.

[Major Hillgrove]

Mrs. Bashforth, you ask for my advice.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver comes to him and guides him by touching his arm.

[Major Hillgrove]

You and your husband. Listen to me, both of you. Put out of your heads your foolish suspicion of this poor half crazy woman. Put it out of your heads completely to Oliver Bashforth.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh, as for me, I've told you, the notion's entirely Laura's. The idea would never have struck me.

[Laura Pennington]

Oliver, you sneak to Hillgrove, you put it into my head. Major Hillgrove, you're to blame.

[Major Hillgrove]

Yes, the blame's mine. Twas stupid of me unfeeling to amuse myself by weaving a fanciful, an evil romance out of what I heard from Whisperer and Idle Talk. I regret it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver thoughtfully knitting his brows.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Even the step. My stepfather said she reminded him of one of the witches in. What do you call it?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

There is a final roll of thunder in the distance. Laura rising in Macbeth through the growl of the thunder.

[Laura Pennington]

The weird sisters, hand in hand, waving

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

her arms in mimicry and croaking.

[Laura Pennington]

When shall we three meet? Again in thunder, lightning or and rain.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver to Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

If it isn't Mrs. Minette, what is it? There must be some explanation.

[Laura Pennington]

There must be some explanation.

[Oliver Bashforth]

If you could only see us, Hillgrove.

[Laura Pennington]

If you could only see us.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You do hear the difference in us, don't you?

[Laura Pennington]

You do hear the difference.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Inclining his head solemnly, I hear.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Very well then.

[Laura Pennington]

Very well then.

[Major Hillgrove]

Very well then, I say take the gift and enjoy it without question. Take it without question and without apprehension that you will ever be robbed of it. Accept it humbly as a heaven sent miracle and thank God for it on your bended knee.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura, partly in awe, partly in incredulity.

[Laura Pennington]

A heaven sent miracle.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Why do you think?

[Grainger Advertiser]

Think?

[Major Hillgrove]

I know. I know.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Raising himself to his full height and drawing a deep breath.

[Major Hillgrove]

I too am waiting.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura, after a short silence, taking his hand with extreme gentleness.

[Laura Pennington]

Dear Major Hillgrove.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver taking his other hand.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Dear old chap.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove suddenly breaking into a cheery laugh.

[Major Hillgrove]

Is it still raining?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

As Oliver goes to the front door and opens it.

[Major Hillgrove]

I promised Whisperer I'd smoke a pipe with him before bedtime.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver looking into the darkness.

[Oliver Bashforth]

No, it stopped.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Leaving the door open and coming to the farther end of the refectory table.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Drink to our happiness, Hillgrove, before you turn out.

[Major Hillgrove]

Indeed I will.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Moving towards Oliver, steered by Laura.

[Major Hillgrove]

Not too fiery though.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver mixing a whisky and a soda.

[Major Hillgrove]

Hello.

[Oliver Bashforth]

My mother and Rupert the step are coming down to morrow to inspect Laura. I wish to goodness you'd be there.

[Laura Pennington]

I. Ah yes.

[Oliver Bashforth]

3 o' clock they're due. And we'll ask the rector and Mrs. It may curb the matter's exuberance if she finds us fenced in by a crowd.

[Laura Pennington]

The Rector.

[Oliver Bashforth]

We can trust the Courcelles to hold their tongues till we've decided on the line of action.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Hillgrove, handing him his drink.

[Major Hillgrove]

You'll come have you dowed your people?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver shaking his head no.

[Oliver Bashforth]

And the fun of it is that when I wrote to them the day before my marriage, I informed him I deliberately selected a wife who was.

[Laura Pennington]

Who was absolutely repellent.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Who wasn't outwardly attractive at any rate,

[Laura Pennington]

but who could be relied upon to nurse and cuddle a sick man.

[Grainger Advertiser]

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Grainger knows when you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building, you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, Filters ready to clog H Vac on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind. Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering and 24. 7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place. So nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickranger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh. Oh. The position's unique, Hillgrove.

[Major Hillgrove]

Well, I'll be with you tomorrow if you think my presence will make things easier for you.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, thank you, Major Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Good egg.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove, raising his glass.

[Major Hillgrove]

Here's to you, my children.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He drinks.

[Major Hillgrove]

You have given me the biggest startmer I ever had in my life.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He drinks again.

[Major Hillgrove]

I shan't sleep a wink tonight. Not a single wink.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He drains his glass.

[Major Hillgrove]

Now be off.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Returning the glass to Oliver.

[Major Hillgrove]

My traps.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver replaces the glass on the tray and he and Laura help Hillgrove into his cape. They all move to the middle of the room.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Phew.

[Major Hillgrove]

I should dearly like to impart these strange happenings to Eddie Whizbr. But of course, I won't breathe a syllable on the subject.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Putting on his gloves.

[Major Hillgrove]

How excited he'd be.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

How a thought striking him.

[Major Hillgrove]

By the by, Mrs. Bashforth and you, Bashforth, whether you stick to Fittlehurst or not, don't omit to preserve a tradition by scratching your names on one of the panes of the window in this house room. You mustn't forget that scratch our names on the window. You've noticed the string of names scratched there?

[Laura Pennington]

Yes, yes.

[Major Hillgrove]

They're the names of your predecessors. Young men and women who have spent their honeymoons within these walls for generations back. This hasn't always been a cottage, I dare say you've heard.

[Laura Pennington]

No, I'VE heard it was once a much larger house. A mansion.

[Major Hillgrove]

The Dower House of the Whisperers. It was ravaged by fire years ago and never wholly restored. Eddy Wisborough's father made a cottage of the remains.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I remember. I remember Beasley Wisborough's agent, telling me

[Major Hillgrove]

there are plenty of traces of its former grandeur if you look for them.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Gesturing vaguely.

[Major Hillgrove]

The mullioned window belonged to the original building and the fireplace and some of the timbers.

[Laura Pennington]

And used the old house to be let to newly wedded couples

[Major Hillgrove]

from time immemorial. A custom of the family.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver goes to the window and drawing the curtains aside from examines the diamond shaped panes.

[Major Hillgrove]

An appropriate spot this, Mrs. Bashforth, for what has occurred to you and your husband. Ah, just imagine the wealth of manly grace and girlish beauty this ancient casket has held in its day.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver deciphering the writing on the window.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Here's a Ralph and an Eleanor and

[Major Hillgrove]

the low sweet utterances it is hearkened to, eh?

[Oliver Bashforth]

And Edward and Margaret and John and Charlotte.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove to Laura.

[Major Hillgrove]

Get hold of Rigg for me, will you?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura runs to the bell push which is beside the fireplace and presses it as Oliver leaves the window and brings Hillgrove his cap and stick. Oliver giving Hilgrove his captain.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Three o' clock to Morrow.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove putting on his cap.

[Major Hillgrove]

Three o'.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Clock.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver giving him his stick.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Earlier, if you can manage it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura at Hillgrove's side again in case

[Laura Pennington]

the courcelles should be late. Don't let us be alone by any chance when Mr. And Mrs. Smallwood arrive,

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette appears at the mouth of the passage. Hearing her footfall, all Oliver and Laura involuntarily shrink into themselves. Oliver not turning.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Major Hillgrove is ready. Mrs. Minette.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette vanishing.

[Mrs. Minette]

I'll send Mr. Riggs, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver shaking hands with Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Good night, Hillgrove. Thanks awfully.

[Major Hillgrove]

Good night.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura shaking hands with Hillgrove.

[Laura Pennington]

Good night, Major Hillgrove. We're so grateful to you for your kindness to us.

[Major Hillgrove]

Good night, Mrs. Bashforth.

[Laura Pennington]

Laura.

[Major Hillgrove]

Good night.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura smiling.

[Major Hillgrove]

Pleasant dreams to you while I'm lying awake. May cherubs guard your pillow.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rig enters from the passage and comes smartly to Hillgrove to avoid being observed. Oliver turns hastily to the window and redraws the curtains while Laura, her back to rig, busies herself with putting her needlework into her workbench. Rig it to Hillgrove. Here, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Come rig.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Yes, sir. Having put on his cap, he produces an electric torch from his pocket and switches on the light. He then offers his arm to Hillgrove. My arm, sir. Hilgrove moving with Rigg to the front door.

[Major Hillgrove]

Quite a sharp storm, Rig.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Very, sir. Clear the air, sir. Hillgrove to Laura and Oliver.

[Major Hillgrove]

Good night again.

[Laura Pennington]

Good night, Major Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Good night.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rig at the door to Laura and Oliver. Good night, Mom. Good night, sir.

[Laura Pennington]

Good night.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Good night.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Immediately, Hillgrove and Rig have disappeared. Laura and Oliver run to the front door and call after them.

[Laura Pennington]

Mind the mounting block and the drive. Rig.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rig out of sight. Right you are, Mom.

[Oliver Bashforth]

And the ditch on the left of

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

the road, Rig farther away. Thanky.

[Rupert Smallwood]

I've got a light, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove in the distance.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Woop.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura leaving the door and coming forward. Her laughter dies out as Oliver shuts the door and joins her. They stand facing each other for a while doubtfully.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Well, old lady. Well, dearest blessed Pilgrove has made matters much clearer to me.

[Laura Pennington]

You don't believe in his theory?

[Oliver Bashforth]

The heaven sent miracle?

[Laura Pennington]

You don't believe in it, do you?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura raising and dropping her hands.

[Laura Pennington]

I'm puzzled what to believe.

[Oliver Bashforth]

And I.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

And I, Laura, after a fearful glance in the direction of the kitchen.

[Laura Pennington]

Anyhow, whether our transmogrification is the result of witchcraft or is a gracious act of providence, it is equally a miracle.

[Oliver Bashforth]

True, true.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura creeping nearer to him.

[Laura Pennington]

So, for the peace of our souls, shall we agree to do as Major Hillgrove counsels us? Accept the gift in a cheerful spirit.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Jolly well.

[Laura Pennington]

Enjoy it, enjoy it. Revel in it. Above all, cease worrying about what is beyond our ken.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Yes, I suppose we'd better let it go at that.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura laying her head upon his breast.

[Laura Pennington]

Yes, yes, yes. Let it go at that.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He folds her to him and their lips meet in a lingering kiss.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, my love, my love, my love.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura releasing herself.

[Laura Pennington]

Ah, Ah.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Her arms uplifted.

[Laura Pennington]

Ah. Make the most of what we yet may spend before we two into the dust descend to Oliver Omar.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver elevating his eyebrows.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Who's he?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura skipping to the refectory table and mixing a drink for Oliver, a pagan

[Laura Pennington]

gentleman who approves of your having a stiff drink for a nightcap. Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver. Going to the small table near the left hand corner of the room and loading a pipe.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Eh?

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, Oliver, I want to be married all over again.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Good Lord, what for?

[Laura Pennington]

Not in an almost empty church, you goose. With my stolid old landlady and her husband as witnesses and Mrs. Courcelles as sole spectator. Now that I am beautiful and you are handsome, I want to have a grand wedding with a bevy of bridesmaids and a Page to carry my tail and a best man for you. And a heap of guests in the pews craning their necks to catch a glimpse of us.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver lighting his pipe.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Much obliged, I'm sure.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura leaving the table, the tumbler in her hand.

[Laura Pennington]

And I want to be married by a bishop. A grave portly bishop in lawn sleeves and all the rest of it. The bishop of anywhere you please. Assisted, merely assisted by the Reverend Charles Courcelles, Rector of Fittlehurst.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver coming to her, smoking his pipe, continued contentedly.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Anything else?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura taking a sip from the tumbler, making a wry face and then giving the glass to Oliver.

[Laura Pennington]

Certainly. I want to wear a dress of ivory satin charmeuse with a train of white and silver brocade lined with silver tissue and a Honiton lace veil and a magnificent pearl necklet, a present from the bridegroom

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

drinking cat.

[Laura Pennington]

And to carry a bouquet of white carnations and lilies of the valley, the hugest bouquet ever seen.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Going to the window and holding the

[Laura Pennington]

curtains apart, Oliver, I wonder if the shades of these poor departed lovers could revisit the scene of their happiness. I wonder what they would think of us. Would they smile benignly on us? Or would they shake their sides and

[Grainger Advertiser]

grin and mock when you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

Grainger knows when you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building, you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, filters ready to clog H Vac on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're on already behind. Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering and 24. 7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-granger clickranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver finishing his drink and putting the empty glass on the round table.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Mock? Why should they mock?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura gazing at the window panes as

[Laura Pennington]

steadily dust unto dust and under dust to lie, sans wine, sans song, sans singer and sans end.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver turning out the light of the lamp on the round table.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Shut up, Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura half curtseying to the window.

[Laura Pennington]

Good night, Ralph and Eleanor and Margaret and every one of you. And I do hope he consider Oliver and me worthy to fill your places.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver going to the front door.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You have a horrible nightmare if you're not careful.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura dropping the curtains with a laugh and a shiver she picks up the decanter and goes with it to the dresser as Oliver turns the key in the lock and fumbles for the chain. Oliver rattling the chain.

[Oliver Bashforth]

It wouldn't do for you to have tired eyes tomorrow, sweetheart.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura putting the decanter back into the dresser drawer.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Ugh.

[Laura Pennington]

Tomorrow. How I dread the ordeal.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I dread it soon be over securing the chain and you're bound to captivate em after they've recovered from the shock of their astonishment.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Bolting the door. Bound to Laura shutting the drawer and gathering up her hat, veil and cloak from the chair behind the round table with a twinkle.

[Laura Pennington]

Will your stepfather slaughter any more fowls on his way down? Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver turning out the light of the lamp on the writing table.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Highly probable. Depends on whether he drives the blessed old car himself.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Going to the table in the entrance hall and lighting the two candles.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I say Laura.

[Laura Pennington]

Yes, my man?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver still smoking when the matter discovers

[Oliver Bashforth]

she has a daughter in law she can be proud of. Shouldn't she be surprised if she's keener than ever on getting me back to London?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oh Oliver bet you lighting the second candle.

[Oliver Bashforth]

And come to think of it, we should be wasting our sweetness on the desert air here, shouldn't we?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura in a quiver.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, but I haven't the manner, the style of a London woman. Ollie never could acquire it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver turning out the light of the lamp of the table.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Trust not your charm lies in your freshness. Freedom from rotten affectations.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Coming to her pipe in mouth, carrying the two candlesticks.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Combined with your beauty, old lady, the novelty of you would be irresistible.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura taking one of the candlesticks from him.

[Laura Pennington]

We we won't talk about it to night it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

It's agitating Oliver removing his pipe and gazing at her ardently.

[Oliver Bashforth]

No. In the morning, early, when we first wake, when the sun streams into the room and the birds are busy, that's

[Laura Pennington]

the time for talking.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

There is a short silence during which they contemplate the wicks of their candles, Oliver stirring himself.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Ready?

[Laura Pennington]

Yes.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

They go to the staircase and side by side, slowly ascend the stairs and disappear, leaving both the entrance hall and the inner hall in total darkness. A minute or so elapses and then Mrs. Manette, with cat like steps and furtive movements, enters from the passage carrying a lighted candle and a flat candlestick. After a searching look round, she stands her candlestick on the writing table. Putting her hand through the division of the window curtains, satisfies herself that the casements are fastened. This done, she takes up the candlestick and goes to the front door, where she is heard trying the lock, chain and bolt. Finally, she too slowly ascends the stairs. And again there is complete darkness and stillness, lasting an appreciable time. Then, all of a sudden, a number of tiny specks of light resembling stars gleam and flicker on the walls, and in a little while the air becomes filled with the strains of languorous music. And gradually everything is suffused with the misty pallor of dreamland. And one by one the stars fade and expire. Presently, without a sound, the front door swings open and after a pause a handsome young man and woman, richly apparelled in the dress of the Tudor period, inter loiteringly and lovingly. When they reach the centre of the arch, they separate. She with her head bent, coming toward the round table and toying with Laura's work bag. He going to the door and with a clatter, locking, chaining and bolting it, returning to her, he touches her lightly upon the shoulder and in response she raises her lips to his and they embrace passionately. Then, his arm encircling her waist, they walk to the staircase. And they also ascend the stairs and disappear. The music now changes to a livelier note and again the door opens noiselessly. A rosy cheeked, ringleted young woman darts in from the garden, pursued by a young man. They are in the dress of the reign of Charles II and are a gallant looking pair. Her arms are laden with flowers and as she flees from him, laughingly, she bombards him with the blossoms. She dodges him from behind the settee, then from behind the refectory table, but ultimately he overtakes and seizes her and panting, she yields her lips to his. Then, exhausted by the struggle, their arms linked and their heads close, close Together they too slowly go up the stairs and pass out of sight. Scarcely have they vanished when another couple enter, this time a mere boy and girl in the dress of 1830 or thereabouts. The girl is pretty, fresh colored and demure, the boy awkward and sheepish. Each is shy of the other. With downcast eyes, they wander about aimlessly until it strikes the boy to remove a ring from his finger and to go to the window. The curtains fly apart at his approach, and, kneeling on the window seat, he proceeds to scrawl upon one of the panes with the stone of his ring. The girl watches him for a while, and then, impelled by curiosity, creeps to his side. Finding her there, he summons up courage to kiss her brow, whereat, startled and affronted, she moves away quickly with a scared face, he hurries to her, the curtains closing of their own accord as he leaves the window, and they meet at the foot of the staircase. Forbidding him by a prim gesture to accompany her, she ascends the stairs alone, but after a moment of irresolution, he follows her, and they also pass out of sight. As they disappear, the music again changes its character, and the lid of the oak coffer rises, and out of the chest swarm a troop of bare limbed children, winged like cherubs, joining hands. They dance in a circle gleefully, after which they scamper up the stairs as fast as their little legs will carry them. Then the light darkens to a bluish haze and the interior of the fireplace is illumined by a red glow, and a batch of agile, dwarfish creatures with long pointed ears and evil faces topple down the chimney. Scurrying hither and thither, they play all sorts of impish tricks, rolling over the settee, leaping on the chairs and tables, rummaging Laura's work bag and scattering its contents, and monkeying with the objects on the dresser. They are interrupted in their gambols by a rumble of thunder, and at that they huddle together and, stealing to the mouth of the passage, peer expectantly in the direction of the kitchen. There is a flash of lightning in the passage as Mrs. Manette, in the traditional garb of Mother Shipton, the scarlet cloak and steeple hat described by Hillgrove in his talk with Laura in the first act, rides in on a broomstick, followed by the little people. She careers round and round, and then the thunder increases, and two bearded hags, so withered and so wild in their attire, spring from between the window curtains. Mrs. Minette hails them with a screech of delight and the three gather about the refectory table, the little people eyeing their proceedings gloatingly. From a distance. The flowers in the bowl on the table burst into flame as Mrs. Minette casts an invisible substance into the bowl. The three witches together double double, toil and trouble sigh and cauldron bubble. The music changes abruptly to a melody which is half tender, half triumphant, and the witches each at once, her choppy finger laying upon her skinny lips, start and listen. Then the light resumes its pale glamour and the witches, discomfited scrutiny, cuddle away swiftly along the passage while the little people retreat in confusion to the fireplace, where they vanish. Very soon there is a stir upon the staircase and down the stairs, preceded by some of the cherubs and followed by the rest, one of whom acts as a train bearer, comes Laura in the wedding dress of ivory satin charmeuse with the train of white and silver brocade and wearing the Honiton lace veil and and the pearl necklace and carrying the bouquet of white carnations and lilies of the valley.

[Grainger Advertiser]

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Hi, I'm Katie Duke and I've been

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

a nurse for over 20 years.

[Grainger Advertiser]

Listen, I used to think that I

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

was my most stylish in my 20s,

[Grainger Advertiser]

but honestly, style and confidence only get better with age. And that is why I love figs.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

These scrubs are beautiful, comfortable and they are built to last.

[Laura Pennington]

They're not those boxy, scratchy uniforms that we all started out in. No, no, no. These fit perfectly. They feel amazing and the quality is just wow. My favorite color?

[Grainger Advertiser]

Burgundy. It's chic, it's timeless, and it's even

[Laura Pennington]

the same color as my apartment because I'm kind of obsessed with it. And I love adding custom embroidery to make my scrubs as personal as my style. And since I work in telehealth, my embroidered figs even double as my ID badge. It's never too late to reinvent yourself or your scrubs. Get 15% off your first order at

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

wearfigs.com with the code FIGS RX.

[Laura Pennington]

That's wherefigs.com code FIGSRX for 15% off your first order.

[Grainger Advertiser]

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdown. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place. So nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickgrainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

The hugest bouquet ever seen. Three exceedingly pretty bright men brides complete the procession and all advance into the inner hall. There the cherubs, with the exception of the cherub who is holding the train, perform another little dance after which, leaving the train bearer behind them, they run to the oaken coffer and clamber into it and disappear. At that moment a fourth bridesmaid, dressed like the others, enters at the front door and walks back majestically to Laura, a tall girl with a nose as monstrous and as grotesque as Cyrano Dvorak's. The girl to Laura.

[Grainger Advertiser]

Sorry I'm late, but my father would drive the car.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura staring at her open mouthed.

[Laura Pennington]

It's very kind of you to be one of my bridesmaids. Ethel.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

You are looking at my nose.

[Laura Pennington]

Yes.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

The girl sniffing everybody does, joining the other bridesmaids.

[Grainger Advertiser]

A large nose is a sign of high intelligence.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood, very smartly gowned, enters at the front door. Smallwood in a frock coat, white waistcoat, lavender trousers and lemon colored gloves and with an enormous camellia in his batil, follows her. He is carrying with their heads downward the corpses of three fowls. Mrs. Smallwood goes to Laura and kisses her with great impressment. Laura to Mrs. Smallwood eagerly.

[Laura Pennington]

You think I'm beautiful?

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Perfectly.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Joining the bridesmaids.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Perfectly beautiful.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood coming to Laura and with a steady bow presenting her with the fowl.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Pray accept these as a token of affection and goodwill.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura handing her bouquet to one of the bridesmaids.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Oh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Taking the fowls from Smallwood.

[Laura Pennington]

Thank you. They are charming. You think I am beautiful?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

More Joanie. Mrs. Smallwood and the bridesmaids More than beautiful. Laura consigns the fowls to another of the bridesmaids as Mrs. Courcellis, in rich silk and furbelows enters at the front door. She is followed by her seven children, three boys and four girls of varying heights and after a short interval by Koracellis. The latter is robed As a bishop, Mrs. Courcelles, comes to Laura and kisses her. Mrs. Courcelis, with a mixture of dignity and condescension.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

What a suit. Superb day for your wedding, dear Laura.

[Laura Pennington]

You think I'm beautiful?

[Mrs. Courcelles]

The virtuous are always beautiful, my child.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Marshalling her children in front of her, she turns away and enthrones herself in the chair at the nearer end of the refectory table. The children range themselves solemnly on the right of the table as Gorcellis advances to Laura. Laura viewing Courcellis with mingled ah. And. And gratification.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, Rector. I mean, my lord. I'm so glad they've made you a bishop.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Gorsilis, after a glance at his offspring, tapping upon his teeth.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

H'm. Yes. There will be less difficulty about the children's boots and shoes. Now.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Do you.

[Laura Pennington]

Do you admire my beauty, Courcellus regarding

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

her with an expressionless face?

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Eh? Oh, certainly.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Putting his finger tips together.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

But though we ought not to despise external comeliness, we must beware of ranking it above the more abiding gifts of disposition and character.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Folding his hands on his stomach, he walks with measured tread to where the small woods and the bridesmaids are congregated. As Courcelles moves away from Laura, Hillgrove enters at the front door with a firm, confident step. He is in khaki, with the ribbons of his orders on his breast, and his eyes are large and brilliant. He comes to Laura and after saluting her in military fashion, raises her hand to his lips. Laura beaming upon him.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, Major Hillgrove, I am pleased that you can see.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He bows to her smilingly.

[Laura Pennington]

Don't you think I am very, very beautiful?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He bows again far, far beyond what

[Laura Pennington]

you imagined me to be when you could only hear.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He gives her another bow and makes way for Oliver, who strides in it. At that moment, Oliver also in khaki, but his clothes are soiled and ragged and his boots heavily caked with mud, and his handsome face is burnt to brick color. He goes straight to Laura and stands before her. Laura gazing at him as though he were a stranger.

[Laura Pennington]

You have just come from the trenches, Oliver nodding yes. That muffler round your neck. Does it comfort you?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver nodding yes.

[Laura Pennington]

It's one I have knitted and sent out.

[Oliver Bashforth]

God bless you, Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Gently stroking the muffler.

[Laura Pennington]

Through the dreary nights and the long watches. Do you ever conjure up pictures of fair women?

[Oliver Bashforth]

Sometimes.

[Laura Pennington]

Have you ever pictured one fairer than I?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver shaking his head.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Never.

[Laura Pennington]

You may marry me if you like.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Displaying her Dress.

[Laura Pennington]

I am quite ready, as you perceive. Go home and change your clothes, and we'll meet at the church.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Proffering her cheek.

[Laura Pennington]

Kiss me.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

The music becomes loud and turbulent as he draws her to him and kisses her, and immediately there is a tremendous clap of thunder and a thick murk envelops everything and everybody. Lightning flashes again and again from different parts of the entrance hall and the inner hall, and again intermittently. The red glow shines in the fireplace and the flowers flame in the bowl on the refectory table. Stumbling down the stairs in wild terror come the three pairs of lovers and the cherubs issue panic stricken from the oaken chest. The lovers make their escape, but the others, like people in a burning building who have lost their bearings, move about frantically. The seven children clinging to their mother, the bridesmaids to Corcelis, and Mr. And Mrs. Smallwood. At length Hillgrove, uttering a cry of triumph, finds the front door. Feeling his way blindly, Oliver half leads, half carries Laura to the door and helter skelter, the rest follow. Then a still denser fog cloud descends, obscuring the entrance hall completely, and the three witches bound in from the fireplace, the impish dwarfs at their heels. Surrounded by the imps, the witches dance and caper exultingly, ending by rushing to the window and leaping through the curtains, the imps after them. Then once more the music softens and one by one the stars reappear and twinkle and by and by there is a bright rift in the fog cloud through which is seen a vision of a gleaming white bed, and Laura and Oliver are lying in it, fast asleep, locked in each other's arms. End of the second Act. Act three of the Enchanted Cottage by Arthur Wing Pinero this is a Librivox recording. All Librivox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit Librivox.org the third act, eternal truth the scene is the same. The time afternoon sunlight pours in at the window, the front door is closed, the flower bowls are in their original places, and Laura's work bag is still on the round table. As at the beginning of the previous act, there is nobody in the inner hall or the entrance hall. And again after a while, the front door bell is heard to ring and Mrs. Manette, in her black dress and white apron, comes into the entrance hall from the passage and opens the door to find Hillgrove and Rigg on the doorstep. Mrs. Manette's movements are now extremely drooping and and feeble. She appears to be almost at the point of collapse. Rig outside.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Good afternoon, ma'.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Am.

[Mrs. Minette]

Good afternoon, Mr. Rigg.

[Major Hillgrove]

Ah, Mrs. Minet. Splendid weather.

[Mrs. Minette]

It is indeed, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Shrinking against the wall so that the two men may pass her.

[Mrs. Minette]

Please, please come in and sit down.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove and Rigg enter and advance into the inner hall and Mrs. Manette closes the door.

[Mrs. Minette]

Mr. And Mrs. Bashforth are upstairs, sir,

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

going with dragging feet to the staircase.

[Mrs. Minette]

I. I'll let them know you're here,

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove as she labors up the stairs, taking off his gloves.

[Major Hillgrove]

Thank you, thank you.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rig who has been eyeing Mrs. Minette curiously to Hillgrove when she is out of sight. That good lady doesn't seem to be quite up to the mark today, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

No, she sounds rather out of sorts,

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

poor thing, putting his gloves into his

[Major Hillgrove]

pocket more so than usual.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rigg conducting Hillgrove to the settee.

[Grainger Advertiser]

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving, moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickranger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Meet Keith Loving dad board game champ bus driving pro. I drive 65,000 miles in my bus each year.

[Grainger Advertiser]

If people knew what I know, lives could be saved. Like how there are some things I simply can't see on my route.

[Oliver Bashforth]

The other day a car tried to

[Grainger Advertiser]

sneak past me and ends up right

[Oliver Bashforth]

in my blind spot.

[Grainger Advertiser]

I turned slowly so accident avoided.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

But no car should be in the blind spot for a 40,000 pound bus.

[Oliver Bashforth]

It's our roads.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

It's our safety. Visit www.sharetheroadsafely.gov when you're a maintenance engineer

[Grainger Advertiser]

in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place. So nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-granger. Click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Sofa, Sir Hillgrove tapping the settee with his stick.

[Major Hillgrove]

I don't think you need wait for me, Rig.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Very good, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove seating himself.

[Major Hillgrove]

Come back at 4 o' clock or a little later and hang about in the garden.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Certainly, sir. Receiving Hillgrove's hat and stick from him and laying them on the round table. That'll just give me time to have

[Rupert Smallwood]

another go at sharpening them razor blades, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove dabbing his forehead with his handkerchief.

[Major Hillgrove]

Yes, and don't cut those precious fingers of yours as you did on the last occasion. You haven't too many of them.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rig returning to the front door, grinning.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Try not to, Sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rigg to Mrs. Manette, who, clutching the banisters, is descending the stairs.

[Rupert Smallwood]

I'm coming back later on, mom.

[Mrs. Minette]

All right, Mr. Rigg.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rigg departs, shutting the door after him, and Mrs. Manette advances to Hillgrove.

[Mrs. Minette]

Mr. And Mrs. Bashforth will be down directly, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He nods.

[Mrs. Minette]

She's putting on another of her brand new frocks in honour of her company. The last of the smart frocks she had made at Petborough before her marriage.

[Major Hillgrove]

Ah, no Woman is content, Mrs. Minet, as long as she has an unworn dress in her wardrobe.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette wringing her hands.

[Mrs. Minette]

If she did but know it, she'd look just as well in one of the gowns. She used to run about the vill, doing kindnesses to the old and the sick. She'd look just as well in one of her ordinary gowns.

[Major Hillgrove]

Why, that applies to any pretty woman. Mrs. Minett, come nearer. I want to speak to you.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette obeying him.

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

You have eyes in your head, Mrs. Minet. You must have noticed. Tell me, leaving her dress out of the question. How is Mrs. Bashforth looking this afternoon? Brilliant, eh? And Mr. Bashforth?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette clasping her temples and feigning a laugh.

[Mrs. Minette]

Oh, you oughtn't to ask me, sir. I'm only a servant and it's not my place to take notice or pass remarks.

[Major Hillgrove]

Not to Tom, Dick or Harry, but

[Mrs. Minette]

I. I beg pardon for saying as much as I have said.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

I. Stiffening herself suddenly and listening.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Sh.

[Mrs. Minette]

They're coming.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Going swiftly but totteringly to the mouth of the passage.

[Mrs. Minette]

They're coming.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

She disappears. And presently Laura and Oliver hurry down the stairs. Laura presents an enchanting figure in her new frock, simple and inexpensive as it is, while Oliver, who is also in his best bib and tucker, is even handsomer and more stalwart than before. Laura rushes to Hillgrove, who gets to his feet and seizes his hands.

[Laura Pennington]

Dear Major Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Thought you'd forgotten us, old chap.

[Major Hillgrove]

Am I late?

[Laura Pennington]

Disgracefully, Oliver glancing at the clock.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Our crowd's due at 3. It's nearly that now.

[Major Hillgrove]

Pegavi.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Reseating himself.

[Major Hillgrove]

Whisperer had some people to lunch. I couldn't get away.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura to Oliver.

[Laura Pennington]

Lock the front door, Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver runs to the door and turns the key in the lock.

[Laura Pennington]

We don't want to be caught.

[Oliver Bashforth]

By Jove, no. You start instructing Hillgrove. Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura to Hillgrove.

[Laura Pennington]

Oliver and I have a plan. Major Hillgrove. We so hope you'll fall in with it.

[Major Hillgrove]

A plan?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

It's this Oliver who has returned to the inner hall.

[Oliver Bashforth]

It's Laura's idea. She suggested it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura to Hillgrove.

[Laura Pennington]

We want you to explain to Oliver's mother and stepfather and to Mr. And Mrs. Courcelis exactly what has happened to us.

[Oliver Bashforth]

The miracle, Hillgrove. We want you to describe it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove somewhat staggered me.

[Laura Pennington]

While we are waiting upstairs, ready to

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

be summoned, sitting in the chair on the right of the round table.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, do Major Hillgrove.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver sitting in the chair on the left of the refectory table.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Pray oblige us. There's a good fellow.

[Laura Pennington]

The fact is, we don't mind confessing it to you.

[Oliver Bashforth]

We're nervous, shockingly agitated.

[Laura Pennington]

My heart's beating a thousand to the minute.

[Oliver Bashforth]

In any event, the. There's bound to be a scene of excitement and flurry. We recognize that.

[Laura Pennington]

But if they were all prepared for the revelation, if it was led up to.

[Oliver Bashforth]

If the edge could be taken off their surprise, as it were, it would

[Laura Pennington]

save us a little of the.

[Mrs. Minette]

The.

[Laura Pennington]

The uncomfortableness, the embarrassment a tiny bit.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver looking at Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

What's the verdict?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

You'll do it, Laura de Hillgrove, like

[Laura Pennington]

the friend you proved yourself to be.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You'll take the job on Hillgrove.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove mopping his brow again.

[Major Hillgrove]

Phew.

[Laura Pennington]

It'll have to be most carefully done,

[Oliver Bashforth]

not blurted out, of course.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura to Oliveira.

[Laura Pennington]

As if Major Hillgrove would. Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver waving a hand.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I merely mentioned.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura to Hillgrove.

[Laura Pennington]

Our proposal is that Oliver and I should retire upstairs at once and shut

[Oliver Bashforth]

ourselves in a bedroom where we couldn't

[Laura Pennington]

hear anything of what's going on down below.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Not a blooming sound.

[Major Hillgrove]

Yes, yes, yes. I've already grasped that part of the scheme. You're scuttering into your burrows like a couple of rabbits, leaving me to face the music. That's perfectly clear.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Dash it, Hillgrove, don't be rough on us. Confound it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura to Oliver.

[Laura Pennington]

Sh, sh. Ollie, Ollie.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Tisn't as though I was asking a favor entirely for myself, Oliver. Damned ungracious. I call it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura to Hillgrove.

[Laura Pennington]

No, no.

[Oliver Bashforth]

If Hillgrove were in a similar position.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Her mouth Quivering.

[Laura Pennington]

If Major Hillgrove were similarly placed, Oliver, probably we should hesitate.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Toto searching for her handkerchief.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, how stupid I am.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver rising and hastening to Laura.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Heavens, darling, you mustn't cry. You'll disfigure yourself, Hillgrove penitently.

[Major Hillgrove]

Oh, my dear Mrs. Bashforth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver glaring at Hillgrove now.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I hope you're satisfied, Hillgrove.

[Major Hillgrove]

I'm sorry, Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

While Laura is blowing her nose.

[Oliver Bashforth]

If it was your wish that my wife should have a red nose on this day of all others.

[Major Hillgrove]

Sorry. You see, Bashforth, and you, Laura. You see, the difficulty is I am a complete stranger to Mr. And Mrs. Small Something Wood. Small Wood. Haven't had the pleasure of their acquaintance.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura winningly through her tears.

[Laura Pennington]

But you have the pleasure of our acquaintance.

[Major Hillgrove]

Obviously that won't introduce me to them in your absence.

[Oliver Bashforth]

If the Courcelluses arrive first, they will introduce you. You know them.

[Laura Pennington]

And if Mr. And Mrs. Smallwood are the first to arrive, you introduce yourself.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Why create obstacles, dear old man? Why create obstacles?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove throwing his head back and laughing.

[Major Hillgrove]

You two people can twist me round your little finger. I suppose I'd better give in.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Ah, jumping up.

[Laura Pennington]

Ah, you're the sweetest person in the world, Major Hillgrove. You are, don't deny it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Tripping away to the window and then to the farther end of the refectory table.

[Laura Pennington]

Isn't he, Oliver?

[Oliver Bashforth]

Yes, there isn't much the matter with Hillgrove.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver laying a hand on Hillgrove's shoulder.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You must excuse me for being a trifle huffy with you, old chap. Lord, no Wonder I'm irritable. Mrs. Minette on top of everything. Bother the woman. She is worrying us afresh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove reverting to his more serious manner.

[Major Hillgrove]

Yes. What on earth is wrong with Mrs. Minute today?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura advancing and joining Oliver.

[Laura Pennington]

I'm afraid she's very ill, Major Hilgrove.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver to Hillgrove with an uneasy look.

[Oliver Bashforth]

What's she been saying to you, Hillgrove?

[Major Hillgrove]

Nothing of importance. But she seems queerer than ever.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver knitted his brows.

[Oliver Bashforth]

When I announced this morning that my mother and the step were coming down, I thought she was going to topple over. I did, really, to Laura. And afterwards, when you went into the

[Laura Pennington]

kitchen, she was standing by the table, shivering as white as a sheet.

[Oliver Bashforth]

And when you told her that the Courcelles would be here too, she stared

[Laura Pennington]

at me as if I was talking

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

gibberish, imitating a gesture of despair.

[Laura Pennington]

And then she raised her arms and walked straight out without a word into the woodshed. And there I heard her moaning.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove smoothing his hair in a puzzled way.

[Major Hillgrove]

Why should Mrs. Minet be upset? Because Mr. And Mrs. Smallwood and the

[Oliver Bashforth]

rector and his wife can't fathom it.

[Laura Pennington]

If it is that Oliver moving restlessly

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

to the other side of the room.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Anyhow, jolly hard lines that we should be upset just when we want to be at our best.

[Laura Pennington]

Awfully hard lines. And I had a harrowing dream last night that has fatigued me dreadfully.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Sh.

[Major Hillgrove]

Don't distress yourselves. Keep calm. You are at your best, both of you. You, Laura, in spite of your fatigue.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

And you, Bashforth, Laura, going to him and seizing his hands again.

[Laura Pennington]

Oh, bless you, Major Hillgrove. Bless you.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

All smiles.

[Laura Pennington]

You hear, don't you, Oliver?

[Oliver Bashforth]

Perking up, you hear, Hillgrove?

[Major Hillgrove]

Yes, yes, my dears, I hear.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

I hear, as in the first act, a motor horn hoots at a short distance from the house, the hoots growing more emphatic with repetition and ending in a prolonged series of screeches. Oliver and Laura start and she clutches at him.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Oh, the matter and the step.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura flying to the foot of the stairs.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Come, Oliver, to Hillgrove when you're ready for us. Whack the gong. The gong by the front door. Whack it for all your worst.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He runs after Laura and together they scurry up the stairs. Presently the outer handle of the front door is turned and rattled as if by somebody desiring to enter. And then there is the sound of the ringing of the doorbell. At first the ringing is almost continuous, and in a few moments Mrs. Manette's scared face is seen to peep into the inner hall from the mouth of the passage. Hillgrove, during a lull in the ringing.

[Major Hillgrove]

That you, Mrs. Minett?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette coming forward and staring about her, astonished at finding Hillgrove alone.

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Mr. And Mrs. Bashforth are upstairs.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Don't call them Mrs. Manette holding her heart.

[Mrs. Minette]

Very well, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

The bell is rung again impatiently.

[Major Hillgrove]

The door is locked. Open it.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Like a person In a trance, Mrs. Manette goes to the door and unlocks and opens it. Mrs. Smallwood is outside, her thumb on the bell push. She is dressed very much as on the occasion of her previous Visit.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Good gracious, Mrs. Manders, you're not troubled with burglars in these parts, surely?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Passing Mrs. Minette and sweeping in.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

I should have thought that if there was one spot in the universe that's burglar proof, a countering.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove, who rises?

[Major Hillgrove]

Oh, Mrs. Smallwood.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Is it Mrs. Smallwood gazing at him narrowly? Yes, Mrs. Manette approaching Mrs. Smallwood and touching her sleeve.

[Mrs. Minette]

Major Hillgrove, ma'.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Am.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Confirming Mrs. Smallwood's suspicions by pointing to Hillgrove's closed lids and then at her own eyes.

[Mrs. Minette]

Major Hillgrove, a friend of Mr. And Mrs. Beshforth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood, under her breath, sympathetically.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Oh, dear, oh dear.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hilgove. As Mrs. Minette, leaving the front door open, creeps away along the passage. To Mrs. Smallwood.

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[Major Hillgrove]

Friend and neighbour. Your son and his wife have been kind enough to invite me to meet you and Mr. Smallwood here this afternoon.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood, disconcerted, delighted, laying her handbag on the refectory table and taking off her gloves.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

P P Pray, don't stand.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove resumes his seat as Smallwood enters, looking more lugubrious than ever. He is rather taken aback at seeing a stranger. My husband going to Smallwood and repeating with some exaggeration, Mrs. Minette's pantomime.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Major Walgrave from Friend of Oliver's asked to meet us.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood. To Mrs. Smallwood. Oh, to Hillgrove.

[Rupert Smallwood]

How do you do, Sir?

[Major Hillgrove]

Are you Mr. Smallwood?

[Rupert Smallwood]

I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Mrs. Smallwood.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Throwing her gloves on to the refectory table and unbuttoning her coat.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

My husband has been very much put out this afternoon, Major.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Exceedingly, Mrs. Smallwood. Getting out of her coat with Smallwood's help.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Oh, I don't say he is not to blame. I don't say that for one moment. Whenever Mr. Smallwood is to blame, I never hesitate to tell him so.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Unwinding her scarf and giving it to Smallwood.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Thank you, Rupert.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Picking up her handbag and advancing to Hillgrove.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Since he brought the car down here unassisted a month ago, he has developed a craze, a regular craze for driving it himself. Cookson, our chauffeur. Cookson's Place has become an absolute sinecure.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Sitting in the chair on the right of the rounded table.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

And to day, Colonel. To day we have killed a dog.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove, wincing indeed, with tragic suddenness, opening her handbag.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

A fox. Terror with Black spots.

[Major Hillgrove]

Poor beast.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood, who, having deposited Mrs. Smallwood's coat, etc. On the chair at the farther end of the refectory table, is now piling his own outdoor things on the chair on the right of the table.

[Rupert Smallwood]

The animal bore only the remotest resemblance to a terrier of any description. Grieved as I am to have inflicted pain upon us owner, the town of Godalming is the richer for the loss

[Oliver Bashforth]

of such a mongrel.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood powdering her nose.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

The inhabitants weren't of that opinion. Evidently the ferociousness they displayed towards us was most terrifying.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood pacing the room in a state of agitation.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Bolsheurism.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Bolshevism.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Arrant Bolshevism.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood replacing her powder puff in her bag and tidying her hair.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

But there I have been, destined all my life to be mixed up with bloodshed in one form or another. Cyril, my first husband, a veritable nimrod, he once had the misfortune to shoot a boy. Peppered, I believe is the correct expression.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood raising his hands and groaning.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Grr.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood turning to him.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Eh?

[Rupert Smallwood]

Yes, yes.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Peppered.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Peppered.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

He once peppered a boy in the covers of Kittringham Abbey.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Peacock.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

The lad's name was Ernest Peacock. What a memory I have.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Shutting her bag.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Luckily the wounds were superficial, and we afterwards used our influence to procure employment for him at a trade in which purple indentations in the face are no hindrance to advancement.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mr. And Mrs. Courcelles are seen in the doorway.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

But does Ernest ever show the smallest sign of gratitude? Not he. On the contrary, Colonel. On the contrary.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hearing the Courcelles who enter and turning in her chair.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Oh, Mrs. Crumelli.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Vicar Smallwood. To Mrs. Smallwood. Mrs. Corcellis wrapped about her in her cape as before, and looking still more invalidish, shaking hands with Smallwood.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

How do you do?

[Rupert Smallwood]

How are you, madam?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Shaking hands with Mrs. Smallwood, who has risen while Smallwood shakes hands with Chrysalis.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Such a joy to see you again.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Going to Hillgrove, who also rises and shaking hands with him.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Major Hillgrove too.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood shaking hands with Gorcellis, who comes to her.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Good afternoon.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Good afternoon.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Hillgrove.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

How do you do, Major Hillgrove?

[Major Hillgrove]

Ah, Rector.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood. To Chrysalis, eyeing Mrs. Courcellis with concern.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Excuse me. You haven't dragged your wife all the way from Fittlehurst to day on foot?

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

No. A worthy soul gave us a lift as far as the cross roads.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood heaving a sigh of relief.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

So I should hope.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Bashfully tapping upon his teeth.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

This is. This is positively her last appearance for the present.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood to Mrs. Corcellis. Taking her arm as Courcellis wanders away and Hillgrove reseats himself.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

He speaks of you as if you were a popular vocalist.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Putting her into the chair on the right of the round table.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

For mercy's sake, sit down, dear lady.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Oh.

[Rupert Smallwood]

This assemblage, if I may venture to say so, is rather an unexpected pleasure.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood joining him.

[Major Hillgrove]

Yes.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

We had no idea that my daughter in law was at home this afternoon to her entire little circle.

[Rupert Smallwood]

We were under the impression, the distinct

[Mrs. Smallwood]

impression that our visit was to be a family affair.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Purely a family affair, Mrs. Smallwood.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

With a gesture, perhaps, however.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Looking for Courcellis. Charles Courcellis advancing from behind the round table to the nearer end of the settee.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

My good friends, if our presence here is in the least inopportune.

[Major Hillgrove]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

We are ready to take our departure

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

immediately to Mrs. Gorcellus.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Eh, Jenny?

[Major Hillgrove]

Nonsense. Find a chair, Rector.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

I am sure I am equal to walking back to the village.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Heavens above, Mrs. On the verge of tears, I am.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

I could take it at a leap.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

How easy it is to be misunderstood. I was about to remark that. That perhaps there is less risk of constraint in a cheery gathering of this sort.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Precisely. Precisely.

[Major Hillgrove]

That is what was in your son's mind, Mrs. Smallwood, and in Mrs. Bashful's, when they invited me and Mr. And Mrs. Courcelles to meet you this afternoon.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood throwing himself into the chair at the nearer end of the refectory table. Precisely, Mrs. Smallwood. Sitting in the chair on the left of the refectory table.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

If Oliver had been here to receive us, as was his duty.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood, as Corcella sits on the edge of the chair on the extreme left.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Or the young person he has married.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Or the young person he has married. If either had been here to receive

[Rupert Smallwood]

us and to explain, and to explain

[Mrs. Smallwood]

this trifling misapprehension would not. Could not have arisen. But how like Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Where is he?

[Mrs. Smallwood]

And if it comes to that, how like his father, my first husband, Cyril.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Where is he, Mrs. Smallwood? To Smallwood, raising her eyebrows.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Cyril?

[Rupert Smallwood]

No, no.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Oliver, with all his fine qualities. All. Oliver's father was woefully neglectful of social observances.

[Major Hillgrove]

Your son is upstairs, Mrs. Smallwood. Upstairs with Mrs. Bashforth. They are waiting for me to summon

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Them waiting for you.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Extraordinary.

[Major Hillgrove]

They have deputed me to prepare you for a surprise. A great surprise. If you will be patient with me for a minute or two.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Surprise.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood. His hand to his forehead.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Good God. What is it now?

[Major Hillgrove]

Mrs. Smallwood, I believe I am right in thinking that your son wrote to you on the eve of his marriage, informing you of the step he was about to take.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood, closing her eyes, wrote to me. Smallwood to Hillgrove. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

The bombshell fell upon us as we were starting out to dine with the Ecclestons. The Gordon Ecclestons in Eden Terrace. How I got through that titter as a blank. What poor Mr. Chadwick, who took me down. A police magistrate and a most intelligent man. What he thought of me, I can't conceive.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood to Hillgrove.

[Rupert Smallwood]

We are interrupting you, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Mrs. Smallwood.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Violet.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood to Hillgrove.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

A surprise.

[Major Hillgrove]

Don't be alarmed. An agreeable one. Let me tell you what has occurred.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood with a sudden alertness.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

You don't mean she has money?

[Major Hillgrove]

Money?

[Mrs. Smallwood]

The girl?

[Major Hillgrove]

Why, no. She had barely enough to scrape along with decency.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood throwing up her arms in despair.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Ah, but her sweet. Her charitable disposition. Ms. Pennington, Mrs. Bashforth, that is, possesses virtues, dear Mrs. Smallwood, which are far above rubies.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Corcellis. Charles rousing himself, eh?

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Oh, certainly. Of the vast number of young women it has been my lot to unite in the bounds of matrimony Disc.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

My son has thrown himself away. Vicar flung his prospects to the winds. Don't try to persuade me. You'll never succeed in doing so.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood to Hillgrove.

[Rupert Smallwood]

An agreeable surprise, sir.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

No money and unsightly in the bargain. I can quote the words of Oliver's letter. Darling mother. I forget how it went, but he admits she has no looks to boast of. And what a man does that.

[Major Hillgrove]

Stop. That brings us to the point, Mrs. Smallwood.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

The quicker.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood stamping his foot at Mrs. Smallwood. Sh, sh, sh.

[Major Hillgrove]

When your son is in. His letter to you described Ms. Pennington as being a plain young woman. He was strictly within the truth in feature and physique. She was a plain young woman, Mrs. Smallwood.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Ironically, none of them grasping the significance

[Major Hillgrove]

of his emphasis was this is the course of events. After the simple wedding ceremony, they lunched at the rectory with our friends here.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Mrs. Corcellis.

[Major Hillgrove]

That is so. Mrs. Courcelis.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Corcellis with a wriggle cutlets and

[Mrs. Courcelles]

a humble gooseberry tart.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oh, he'll go, Torcellis. He head drooping.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

I remember the children.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

The children were exceptionally naughty during luncheon. Joan and Barbara would ask inconvenient questions

[Mrs. Smallwood]

when my children were at a tender age.

[Major Hillgrove]

Then they went for a run in a motor car, which Bashforth hired for the occasion. And shortly before dinner time, as I gather, he brought his bride home to

[Mrs. Smallwood]

this cottage for all the world, as though he were an agricultural labourer.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood to Hillgrove.

[Major Hillgrove]

Well, sir, now please give me your close attention.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Extending a finger in the direction of

[Major Hillgrove]

the door, picture it. Bashforth and his wife entering at that door. He, the shattered, wry necked, half crippled fellow. The war had left him. She a little meagre, wasted thing. His only attraction was, was her gentle, appealing manner.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

You've got that, Mrs. Smallwood, looking from one to the other in resentment.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Really, I.

[Rupert Smallwood]

May I ask, sir, without offence, exactly what you are driving at?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Corcellis holding her heart.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Oh, dear.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Gorcellis shifting in his chair.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

I think that perhaps Jenny and I had better.

[Major Hillgrove]

Stay where you are, Rector.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To everybody.

[Major Hillgrove]

Listen, listen. Almost as soon as they had crossed the threshold, the change began. The change began. It wasn't instantaneous. They are both in accordance to being gradual, that its completion was reached by stages.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Change, change.

[Major Hillgrove]

It is doubtful whether its culmination has even yet been reached.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rising and standing at his full height, Rector.

[Major Hillgrove]

Mrs. Causalis, Mr. And Mrs. Smallwood. Do any of you believe in miracles? Modern miracles? Miracles that may happen to you, to me, to day, to morrow, that may relieve misfortune, retrieve disaster. Oh, to the whole current of our lives that may heal the sick, make the lame walk and the blind. The blind see. If not. If you don't, an awakening is in store for you. For I tell you that this man and his wife have been touched by a power which is beyond earthly power and are wonderfully, gloriously transformed.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

There is a pause of a few seconds during which the Smallwoods and the Courcelluses exchange glances. Partly of bewilderment, partly of perturbation. Smallwood, breaking the silence, blinking, transformed to transformed.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Charles T. Transformed.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

With an effort, Mrs. Smallwood gets to her feet, whereupon Smallwood also rises. Smallwood to Hillgrove. You, you, you.

[Rupert Smallwood]

You are mystifying us, Major. Major

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove, I, I, I charge you

[Rupert Smallwood]

with mystifying us, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Shamefully, Smallwood stalking across to Hillgrove, as Mrs. Gorcellis rises and totters to Mrs. Smallwood.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Transformed, sir. The pair of them.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

The pair of them, yes.

[Major Hillgrove]

Mrs. Smallwood, your son is no longer the wretched caricature of himself. They sent you back from France. When you see him, you'll see again the straight lissom chap who said good bye to you at the end of his last leave. You'll find him as handsome as ever and as full of vigour and activity.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Corcellis clutching at Mrs. Smallwood. Oh, and.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

And.

[Rupert Smallwood]

And his wife.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

My, my. My daughter in law.

[Major Hillgrove]

A beautiful creature. A beautiful creature. With health and strength written in the warm bloom on her cheeks. The colour of a ripe cherry her husband likens it to. And in the splendid shapeliness of her form. With music in every sound she breathes. And my ear teaches me grace in every movement of her body. Such an example, I guess, of nature's grandest gift to humankind. As should make one bow one's head in humility. That is your daughter in law, Mrs. Smallwood.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Suddenly, Mrs. Courcellis, overcome by faintness, flops against Mrs. Smallwood. Mrs. Smallwood.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Oh, bother. Hold up, dear lady. If anybody gives way, it ought to be me.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Putting her into the chair at the nearer end of the refectory table. Vicar to Smallwood, pointing to her handbag, spilling salts.

[Grainger Advertiser]

My bag.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Going to Mrs. Courcelis in terror.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Oh, Jenny. Jenny, wait. Wait.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Clasping his hands.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Not here, Jenny, not here.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood, who has grabbed her bag from Smallwood and produced from it a bottle of salts, pushing Courcelis aside and holding the bottle to Mrs. Corcelis nose.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Don't be foolish, man.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood to Mrs. Courcelis.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Collect yourself, madam, collect yourself.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

I beg to Hillgrove, mastering his excitement with difficulty.

[Rupert Smallwood]

My.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

My.

[Rupert Smallwood]

My stepson and his wife are upstairs.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Sir Hilgov nodding.

[Major Hillgrove]

We are to strike the gong. The gong by the front door. When they are to come down, resuming

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

his seat on the settee, strike it loudly.

[Major Hillgrove]

They've shot themselves in.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood to Mrs. Smallwood. Mrs. Smallwood to Mrs. Courcellis, bending over her. How do you feel, Gorcellis, on the other side of Mrs. Courcelis, the side nearest the window.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Jenny.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Corcellis recovering by degrees. Smallwood to Mrs.

[Rupert Smallwood]

If you would prefer to retire, madam. A course which I am inclined to recommend.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Corcellis adjusting her hat.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

No, no, please allow me to remain. A momentary faintness, nothing more.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood to Mrs. Smallwood.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Shall I. Shall I strike the gong then?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood, laying her bag on the refectory table.

[Rupert Smallwood]

I will, by all means.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

His mother.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

She goes to the gong, attempts to strike it and falters. Then she turns to Smallwood and offers him the drumstick. Nervously, Rupert. He accepts the drumstick with a dignified inclination of his head and brandishes it in preparation. Mrs. Smallwood sinks into the chair on the left of the refectory table and sniffs her salts. Smallwood to the corcelises.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Are you ready?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

They weakly signify ascent.

[Rupert Smallwood]

You are ready, Violet.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Quite.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Pulling himself together, he strides to the gong and beats it long and noisily. Then he hurriedly replaces the drumstick and retreats to the farther end of the refectory table. A hush falls upon them all. Hillgrove sits immobile, his hands resting on his knees. Mrs. Smallwood. After a while.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Why don't they make haste?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood watching the stairs. Sh, sh, sh.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

A remarkable family. Mine. A remarkable family. My aunt Priscilla, bedridden for years, rose and walked to the window to view the jubilee procession in 97.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood is napping at her.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood is sniffing her salts.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Even if they are exaggerating slightly. It's amazing.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Amazing.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Jenny Oliver was always prone to exaggeration. So was his father before him. Cyril, my first husband, couldn't speak the truth if he tried.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood the scowling at her.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Latterly, he gave up trying. Have they been seen by any of the people hereabouts, Colonel? The villagers? The yokels?

[Major Hillgrove]

No. They've been concealing themselves, lying close.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

The servant. What's the name of the eccentric individual? Mrs. Meadows.

[Major Hillgrove]

Mrs. Minnit.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

They can't avoid her. How does she take the change in them?

[Rupert Smallwood]

Silence.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Turning away.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Here they are again.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

There is a short pause and then the real Oliver and La Laura descend the stairs. The poor wreck of a man and the uncomely young woman of the first act. Their very garments appear to have lost their smartness and to be hanging upon them limply and dejectedly. And altogether they are a most pathetic spectacle. Slowly and self consciously they advance to the middle of the inner hall. Mr. And Mrs. Smallwood and. And the Courcelles staring at them, aghast. Oliver presenting Laura to Mrs. Smallwood with sheepish pride.

[Oliver Bashforth]

My wife. Matter. I hope you and she will be tremendous pals to Smallwood. Step.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

This is Laura greeting the Courcelles as he moves towards Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

How are you, Mrs. Courcelles? How are you, Rector?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood giving Laura her hand shrinkingly.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

How. How do you do?

[Laura Pennington]

It is so kind of you to come and see me.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Smallwood, who, to obtain a closer view of Laura, intrudes himself between her and Mrs. Smallwood.

[Laura Pennington]

And you, Mr. Smallwood, giving him her hand.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Thank you.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Going to the. And kissing Mrs. Corcelis, who rises unsteadily.

[Laura Pennington]

Dear Mrs. Corcelis, shaking hands with Rector Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To the Smallwoods. Mrs. Smallwood having laid her smelling bottle on the refectory table and risen and joined Smallwood, whose arm she is clutching small, smiling rather fatuously.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Well, Mother. Well step. This is a rum business, isn't it?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

There is no response. Mr. And Mrs. Smallwood and the Courcelles continue to gaze at him and Laura, open mouthed.

[Oliver Bashforth]

No wonder you were a bit knocked over.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Beginning do swagger a little.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Major Hillgrove has explained, I suppose, the way it's all happened. Only the change in us, in Laura and myself. Did you ever know anything so marvelous?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Growing impatient.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Confound it, Mother. You can't judge of the alteration in my wife, of course, but by the difference in me. You'd hardly credit that your son had been badly crocked, would you, my dear boy?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

I I Smallwood, stopping her.

[Laura Pennington]

Sh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Giving her a significant look.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Sh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Oliver in the tone one uses to humor a sick or insane person.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Yes, yes. The change is most marked, Oliver. Most marked.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Marked. Is that all you've got to say

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

to the Courcelluses, Mrs. Corcellis?

[Oliver Bashforth]

Rector, you can be a little more expansive. I hope you see a change in us that's a little more than marked, don't you?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Pointing to Laura.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Laura there. Isn't she perfectly beautiful?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Mrs. Clinging to Corcelis.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

I I oh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Gorcellis shaking her.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Sh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Looking at her significantly.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Sh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Oliver.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

There certainly is, er. A slight change, Mr. Bashforth.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Slight.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura, with parted lips and wide open eyes, crossing to Oliver.

[Laura Pennington]

Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

As Laura goes to Oliver. Mr. And Mrs. Smallwood and the Courcelles, in an access of panic, hurriedly move to the farther end of the reflection directory table, where Mrs. Smallwood, assisted by Smallwood, scrambles into her outdoor things. Oliver turning to them.

[Oliver Bashforth]

What? What?

[Mrs. Smallwood]

We. We are very sorry, my pet, that we're obliged to run away.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Putting on her scarf.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

This is only a flying visit, just

[Rupert Smallwood]

to have a glimpse of you and your wife.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

But.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

But Mrs. Smallwood, thrusting her arms into her coat sleeves, an old promise of Rupert's.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

He's taken me to. To. To.

[Rupert Smallwood]

To. To. To.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

To. Bognor.

[Rupert Smallwood]

To Bognor.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood. As Smallwood squeezes past the Corsalises to get at his ovaries, overcoat, etc.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Your stepfather hasn't been to Bognor for an age.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Smallwood, hastily attiring himself.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Not since I was a chubby apple faced urchin.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood gathering up her smelling bottle, gloves and handbag and approaching Laura and Oliver, who astounded, are standing motionless.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

G G Good bye, my dears.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Shaking Laura's hand.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Every happiness attends you both.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Kissing Oliver.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

I I I'll write you soon, darling.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Glaring at Hillgrove.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Good afternoon, General.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

She makes way for Smallwood and goes to the chrysalises and whispers to them. Smallwood shaking Laura's hand and then Oliver's.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Good bye.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Good bye.

[Rupert Smallwood]

Accept my war felicitations to Hillgrove. I wish you Good day, sir.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Smallwood as Smallwood turns from Laura and Oliver.

[Mrs. Smallwood]

Mr. And Mrs. Carthew are coming with us.

[Major Hillgrove]

Rupert.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

The Courcelles advance to Laura and Oliver as Smallwood and Mrs. Smallwood creep to the front door. Smallwood as he and Mrs. Smallwood go out, breathing deeply, Shaking Laura's hand timorously.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

It will save Jenny a toilsome trudge shaking Oliver's hand. Good bye.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

With a gesture of bewilderment.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Good afternoon, Major Hillgrove.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Scorcellis. As Corcelis turns to the door, throwing her arms round Laura's neck.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

I don't care. I don't care if you were stark raving mad. You should be godmother to my next. Good afternoon, Mr. Bashforth.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Hillgrove.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Good afternoon, Major.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

She flutters after Corcelis and they follow the Smallwoods again. There is a. A short pause. Oliver and Laura stand staring at one another in utter stupefaction. Oliver breaking the silence. Mad Laura nodding.

[Laura Pennington]

They think we're lunatics. Daft, demented.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver leaving her and hobbling about excitedly.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Why should they? Why should they? I. I don't understand.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Waving his arms.

[Oliver Bashforth]

What's the meaning of their behavior? What the hell's the meaning of it?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

She runs to him to restrain him and he grips her wrists and gazes into her face with ardor.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura returning his gaze.

[Laura Pennington]

You're handsome. You're handsome. You're handsome.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver embracing her.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Mad, are we?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Pressing his lips to hers passionately and then holding her at arm's length.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Well, if we're mad, by God, we're not blind.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura clapping her hand to his mouth and glancing at Hillgrove.

[Laura Pennington]

Sh.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

The motor horn sounds a warning note. Then at intervals the hoots are repeated till the distance swallows them up. Hillgrove has been sitting with strained ears and a slowly dawning look of consternation. He now rises and advancing a step, stretches out his hands towards Laura.

[Major Hillgrove]

Mrs. Laura Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura going to him? Yes, Hillgrove touching her hair.

[Major Hillgrove]

Let me.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Let me, Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

In assent.

[Laura Pennington]

Yes.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Tremblingly but carefully, he passes his hands over her face, lingering at every feature. Then, in like manner, he feels her arms from her shoulders downward. The last hoot of the motor horn is heard as he releases her and puts her from him.

[Laura Pennington]

Major Hillgrove.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver coming to her.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Hillgrove.

[Laura Pennington]

I, I. I'm beautiful, am I not?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove? His chin on his breast.

[Major Hillgrove]

Don't ask me. Don't ask me.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura recoiling.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Ah, but, but you hear, Hillgrove.

[Laura Pennington]

You hear.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Damn it, Hillgrove. You don't imply that my wife and I have been lying to you?

[Laura Pennington]

Major Hillgrove, Heaven forbid.

[Major Hillgrove]

But it is evident that we. We're under an illusion.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Illusion.

[Laura Pennington]

Illusion.

[Major Hillgrove]

A strange, strange illusion.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Suddenly they all turn their heads in the direction of the kitchen and listen intently.

[Oliver Bashforth]

What's that?

[Laura Pennington]

Somebody cried out.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Mrs. Minette.

[Laura Pennington]

Hark.

[Oliver Bashforth]

She's moving about in the passage, spying.

[Laura Pennington]

She may be ill again.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver limping towards the passage.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Curse.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura following him and detaining him, no pulling him back.

[Laura Pennington]

I'm frightened. I'm frightened, Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

The thought flashing through him, facing her.

[Oliver Bashforth]

The witch.

[Laura Pennington]

The witch.

[Oliver Bashforth]

The witch.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Dash forth.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Eh?

[Major Hillgrove]

Ring. Ring the bell.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Ring.

[Major Hillgrove]

Ring for the woman.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver goes to the fireplace and presses the bell. Push. Laura leans for support against the nearer end of the refectory table. Oliver. In a moment or two by the smoking table.

[Oliver Bashforth]

She's coming.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Presently, Mrs. Minette appears and stands in the middle of the arched opening. Mrs. Minette to Laura.

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Major Hillgrove]

Mrs. Minette.

[Mrs. Courcelles]

Sir?

[Major Hillgrove]

Come here.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette advances slowly and painfully. As she does so, Oliver tiptoes over to Laura and puts his hand on hers.

[Major Hillgrove]

Mrs. Minet, answer me. You have known Mrs. Bashforth as Ms. Pennington for a long time.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Manette, her head bowed, her hands clasped tightly in front of her.

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

And Mr. Bashforth for some months.

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

So before their marriage, you were thoroughly familiar with their appearance?

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Dust your mind back to their wedding day a little over a week ago. It's clear in your memory.

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

I recollect you gave me a few details of it yesterday. You can recall their home coming with the utmost distinctness?

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Attend. When they entered this cottage, you were at the door to receive them, weren't you?

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

When they entered this cottage, they were as you had always known them?

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Now, after they had been in the house a little while, did you observe anything in the nature of a change in them?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Manette is silent.

[Major Hillgrove]

Eh, Mrs. Minet.

[Mrs. Minette]

They. They were very quiet, sir. Soft in their manner of speaking.

[Major Hillgrove]

Timid like, yes, but in their outward appearance, their looks.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Another silence.

[Major Hillgrove]

Mrs. Minette.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette. Darting a pitiful glance at Oliver and Laura and then lowering her head again.

[Mrs. Minette]

No, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Not after they had dined and were sitting cosily together?

[Mrs. Minette]

No, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Nor the next morning when they came down to breakfast?

[Mrs. Minette]

No, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

You've noticed no alteration since then?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

She shakes her head.

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Eh?

[Mrs. Minette]

No, Sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Look at Mr. And Mrs. Bashforth. Mrs. Minet.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette doesn't stir.

[Major Hillgrove]

Are you looking?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

With an effort, she turns her eyes upon Oliver and Laura. They draw themselves up stiffly to confront her.

[Major Hillgrove]

Tell us, are they still, as you

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

have Always known, the Mrs. Manette resuming her former attitude?

[Mrs. Minette]

Yes, sir.

[Major Hillgrove]

No change.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

She lifts her arms feebly and then drops them by her side. Nay, none, sir. Controlling his emotion to Oliver.

[Major Hillgrove]

Have you. Have you any questions to put to Mrs. Minnit, old chap?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver dazed, I.

[Oliver Bashforth]

No, no.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Mrs. Minette is dragging herself away when she halts and addresses Oliver and Laura.

[Mrs. Minette]

I. I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry, ma'. Am. I knew you had to find out the truth this afternoon. And it nearly broke me. Me. Nearly broke me.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura clinging to Oliver.

[Laura Pennington]

Thank you.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Thank you, Mrs. Minette. Bringing herself erect.

[Mrs. Minette]

And yet, what is there to be sorry for?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Going to them and peering into their faces.

[Mrs. Minette]

Pardon me for the liberty. Shall I let you into the secret?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Her eyes gleaming.

[Mrs. Minette]

Shall I? Shall I?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura shrinking from her.

[Laura Pennington]

Yes, yes.

[Mrs. Minette]

You love each other. You love each other. And a man and woman in love have a gift of sight that's not granted to other folk.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Rubbing her hands together.

[Mrs. Minette]

I've watched you. I've watched you from the beginning. And on the day of your wedding, I saw your love blaze up like dry kindling wood when you set a match to it. Keep your love burning, keep it burning. And I promise you, you'll never be anything to one another but fair and bonny.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Throwing up her arms wildly the. And beating her brow.

[Mrs. Minette]

Scarecrow, scarecrow that I am. If my man could rise out of his grave and walk in at this minute, I should be pretty to him. I should be pretty to him.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Walking with a swaying gait to the passage, her voice dying to a moan.

[Mrs. Minette]

Pretty to him, pretty to him, pretty to him.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura calling to her.

[Laura Pennington]

Mrs. Minette.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

As Mrs. Minette disappears, running after her. Mrs. Minet again there is a pause during which the two men are still as statues. And then Oliver rouses himself. Oliver to Hillgrove.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Well, no fault of yours. Hillgrove. No fault of yours.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Hillgrove smiling but with a touch of sadness, groping on the round table for his hat and stick.

[Major Hillgrove]

Very good of you. Very good of you.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Are you off?

[Major Hillgrove]

Yes. Rig was to have fetched me later on. But I'll get back. I'll get back.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Back finding his hat and stick.

[Major Hillgrove]

Is there anyone about the place who will lend me an arm?

[Oliver Bashforth]

Laura and I will take you. No reason now why we shouldn't show ourselves. Hillgrove.

[Major Hillgrove]

Poor Laura. Poor little woman.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura returns with tear filled eyes, but smiling sweetly. She comes to Oliver and lays her head upon his breast. Oliver patting her shoulder.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Buck up, old lady, buck up. Run upstairs and put your hat on.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura raising her head.

[Laura Pennington]

My hat.

[Oliver Bashforth]

We're convoying Hill Grove across the park, you and I. We needn't sneak about in the dusk any longer.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Seeing a look of extreme lassitude in her face.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You're tired, Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Nodding drowsily.

[Laura Pennington]

So weary, Ollie. Those stupid dreams last night and then this. I'll rest on the sofa and be lively for you. By the time you're home.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Turning to Hillgrove, who has felt his way towards them and slipping her hand in his.

[Laura Pennington]

Major Hillgrove.

[Major Hillgrove]

Forgive me, me. Forgive me.

[Laura Pennington]

Sh. Dear friend.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

He'll go kissing her hand.

[Major Hillgrove]

Good bye.

[Laura Pennington]

Till to morrow.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

After a moment's hesitation, brushing his cheek with her lips.

[Laura Pennington]

Till tomorrow.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

To Oliver.

[Laura Pennington]

Don't hurry. I shan't be lonely.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Tapping the floor with his stick, Hillgrove, cautiously made, makes for the open door. While he is doing so, Oliver leads Laura to the settee. And there they talk in subdued tones to the accompaniment of the tap, tap, tap of Hillgrove's stick. Oliver gazing at her fondly.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Sweetheart.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura smiling at him.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Yes, after all, what does it matter, Pep? What the devil does it matter?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Tap, tap.

[Oliver Bashforth]

As poor Mrs. Minette would be to her husband were he alive.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Tap, tap, tap.

[Oliver Bashforth]

You're pretty to me. You are pretty to me.

[Laura Pennington]

And you, Oliver.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Tap, tap.

[Laura Pennington]

You'll always, always be handsome to me.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

She glances at Hillgrove. He has reached the door and is standing in the sunlight, his face to the garden.

[Laura Pennington]

Ollie.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Eh?

[Reverend Charles Courcelles]

Laura.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Holding the lapels of his jacket.

[Laura Pennington]

Ollie, if there's a child. If there's a child, there's a chance, a chance that it will be beautiful.

[Oliver Bashforth]

Isn't there a chance, a certainty.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura with worshiping eyes.

[Laura Pennington]

Because of you. Because of you.

[Oliver Bashforth]

If it's a girl, it'll be the most beautiful thing in creation. If it's a boy, the rippingest kid that ever breathed.

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Laura, contentedly sitting, She curls herself up on the settee and he arranges the pillows under her head.

[Oliver Bashforth]

I'll draw the curtains to keep the light from you, shall I, Laura, shutting her eyes.

[Laura Pennington]

My love?

[Narrator/Stage Directions]

Oliver. After a pause, surveying her, happy Laura half asleep, already happy, he goes to the window quietly and draws the curtain. Then, having snatched a cap from one of the hooks on the entrance hall and selected a stick from the vase, he guides Hillgrove into the garden. He returns almost immediately to close the door, which he does with a final satisfied look at Alora. Both the entrance hall and the inner hall are now in semi darkness. Soon the air is charged with music again, and once more more the stars shine and twinkle on the walls, to be quenched as before by the pallid glow of Dreamland. And presently the curtains are parted and the figure appears of a nurse carrying a tiny baby. The nurse has angel's wings and the face, radiant in Glory of Mrs. Manette. Crossing to Laura with soundless steps, she places the baby reverently in the arms of the sleeping weeping woman. End of Act 3 end of the Enchanted Cottage by Arthur Wing Pinero.