Transcript
Jason Wiser (0:00)
This week on Myths and Legends, we're back in the stories of the Olympians. With Hades. We'll see it's not a great idea to threaten a king and then get drunk with him. And that when your only friends are your employees and that person you kidnapped, it might be time for a change. The creature this time is why friends don't try to trap friends with secret magic. This is Myths and Legends, episode 3, 396. Hades 2. This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular tales you might think you know, but with surprising origins. And others are stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen. But today we're back in the backstories of The Olympians, the 12 gods that rule over everything in Greek mythology. Today it's Hades, the God of the dead in the underworld. And, well, we'll get to all of his roles, but for right now, we're going to jump into him saying goodbye. The pair Hades and Persephone, the king of the underworld and his consort, saw the shaft of light up ahead. Heidi's hand found hers and then lost it again when she pulled it away again. Even that brief moment they were together, though it was exhilarating, he knew why she was mad. This trip was always a reminder. The one time, the one thing he ever did wrong. He sighed. His brother's. His brothers took women all the time. Zeus flew into their bedrooms as swans or changed into their husbands. Poseidon attacked Medusa and even Persephone's own mother when they were both in the form of horses. And Hades went to Zeus, Persephone's father, and asked for her hand. And he said yes. It wasn't an abduction. It was a betrothal. He could admit that when it came to their little meet. Cute. Him clawing up from the winding hole in the ground to grab a woman and pull her down to the underworld. It was a bad look. He should have just talked to her. But then Zeus said she had to go home, that she was messing everything up for the humans on Earth because her mom was holding everyone hostage with this thing called winter, where the world stopped growing and everyone faced extinction. Hades. Hades knew it was wrong when he handed her the pomegranate. It had been a while and she was hungry. He saw her fingers stained pink from the seeds and knew as soon as she chewed and swallowed that first one that he would never be alone again. Loneliness is powerful. It's destructive. It was. It was Hades. Oh. Hades pointed to the sun warmed rock up ahead. Your mom must be excited for you to come back. She was. It was spring, the time of year when Demeter, Goddess of Agriculture, was anticipating her daughter's return, and the days were a little brighter and things were beginning to grow again. So I think it's seven months, hades said. Persephone nodded. Seven months for seven pomegranate seeds? She would have to return. Yes, year after year. Always just because she ate something in the underworld. I'm sorry about the misunderstanding, hades said. I hope that someday you can grow to love me. As was he going to say it? He was going to say it. I love you. There was a long pause. Can I go now? She asked. Hades swallowed hard and nodded. Yeah. Persephone picked her way over the jagged stones and toward the light. Hades watched her go past the black poplars. She didn't look back at the end of it all. He sighed and returned toward the dark. Hades phone buzzed. Ugh. His ex, Minthe. She had been blowing up his phone since she had learned he'd gotten married a few years back. He blocked her and climbed down. The underworld. Erebus. Well, there was Erebus and Tartarus, but he never went to Tartarus. That's where the Titans were locked up and the Cyclopes and Sisyphus with the rock and all that. Tantalus. Actually kind of a lot of people. His siblings, the Olympians had a lot of enemies. He supposed he did too, in that regard, though no one ever seemed to include him in the meetings, all those big gatherings where the destiny of the world was decided. By the time the messages made their way down to his area, they were already over. Despite, you know, having multiple people who could fly. Hermes. Hey, Hermes. Hades waved. Hades heard the sigh. He knew. He knew that no one liked to spend more time down here than they needed to. Especially Hermes, who, apart from him and now Persephone, was down here the most. Hermes, his nephew with the funny hat and the winged shoes, was a psychopomp leading the souls of the dead to the afterlife. You're a great psychopomp, you know, under the circumstances. Hades allowed himself a chuckle. Hermes tallied the soles, still looking around in disbelief and confusion like chickens at a slaughterhouse, but less composed. Hmm. Very funny. Hermes nodded. Alright, done. Hey, I was thinking if you wanted to stay and hang Hades blinked, and his nephew was gone. Oh, Hades, shoulders slumped. Then a laugh that was brutal. Hades turned and scowled at Charon, standing there in his ferry, collecting coins. When the shades opened their mouths and presented them, Hades cut the line by walking through them like they were made out of mist. Oh, save it, hades said. Like you have so much going on. Uh, I do. I'm a ferryman and I ferry men. Well, I ferry everybody, actually. I'm living my best life. Charon grinned. His aura shot out and blocked a shade. Whoa. Hold up. No coin, no ride. The shade looked like it was pleading that his family had forgotten or was too impoverished to send him with one or something they didn't know. Hades and Charon didn't hear them unless they wanted to go. Charon glowered to the shade, pointing to the phantom forms weeping on the banks of the river. I never asked. What do we do with people who don't have the coin to get across the river? Charon shrugged. They stay there forever. He didn't know. Maybe some of them snuck in. But you know for what right. Hades made to step aboard, but found the ore blocking his way. No coin, no ride. I'm your king. And I'm God of the Underworld, hades growled. And because of that, you have more than enough. The ferryman wasn't budging. He wasn't wrong. Hades, by virtue of being God of the Earth and the Underworld, was also God of the riches therein. He had plenty of gold. He could have smote, smited smit. That last one definitely wasn't right. He could have destroyed Charon or sentenced him to go muck out the titan stalls down in Tartarus. But it was really hard to find someone to work for eternity without a vacation or even a break. So he laid the coin in Charon's palm and stepped aboard the boat. Hades always had hated riding with the shades. There were only two types, those who still weren't sure what was happening. Like you spat up a coin and you're riding across sticks. Do you need an orientation? They were all like, oh no, I died. How did it happen? Maybe Odysseus will come looking for me. The others were a little more his speed, but still annoying. They realized what had happened and they were resigned to their fate, even though fate no longer had a claim on them down here. Only him. Who's a good boys. You're a good boys, hades said, holding out his hand to Cerberus, the three or hundred headed dog that guarded the opposite shore of the river by the gates. While the two heads got their scritchies, the last smelled the approaching shades for any signs of life. To remove those signs of life, Cerberus looked to the river and whined, sneering. Hades pulled his hand back ever since Hercules came and took Cerberus for a weekend so he could complete his labors. Hades couldn't quite shake the feeling that his boys didn't like him as much as his demigod nephew. Probably because they didn't. He passed through the gates to the Asphodel Fields. The Asphodel Fields. Hades knew that next year, when bringing Persephone back up, he should really have his car waiting. They didn't take this time because he wanted as much time with her as possible. Didn't think it through, though. Now he had to walk through these fields. This was all his domain. But the Asphodel Fields were like the moors or a wild forest, the souls that didn't want to live in the city but couldn't go anywhere else. Only the strongest could keep themselves in this place. Brother. A voice called out. Hades sighed. Not your brother. I'm your uncle, Hades corrected. Didn't matter though. Orion called everyone brother, and he wasn't completely there. Of everyone in the Asphodel Fields, except maybe the one Hades was hoping to avoid. Of everyone here, Orion was the most himself. That meant that he was the most annoying. Everyone else in this gray cast, joyless field gathered in groups and complained in barely intelligible groans. This wasn't the good place or the bad place. This was the just okay place. Heroes and the very good went to Elysium. Everywhere else here was, depending on who you asked. Technically Tartarus, but even in death we can't escape membership tiers. The Asphodel Fields were not a place of suffering, though, as Hades knew, perhaps purposelessness in ennui could be torment even for a God. They were fields that stretched on as long as they needed to. Hades could already see the lights of his palace glowing against the haze in the distance, but for those consigned there, as soon as they faced judgment, the fields could stretch on forever. The bloodless, bodiless, boneless shades could walk for weeks straight, turn around and and find themselves only a quarter mile from where they started. There were not perks, but some respite. The blood that rained down from the surface world could reinvigorate the shades temporarily. If the humans up there ever gave up their thirst for war. The shades wouldn't fade away. No one down in the underworld was blessed with non existence, but they would deteriorate until they were drifting in something akin to a half remembered dream based on what Hades knew of humans and their propensity for war, though that was never a danger. Others, though, the major denizens managed to keep a hold of themselves with or without the blood. Those like Orion. Have I ever told you about my life? Uncle Orion threw his massive arm around Hades. He wasn't actually touching Hades. His ghost arm hovered about a half inch over his uncle's shoulder. Hades was more perplexed by how a ghost gets jacked. Is it resistance training? And if so, how? Not that he cared, but he did wonder if Persephone would be more into him if he had arms like Orion's. It all started when mom met dad, orion said, and Hades rolled his eyes. It was every time he passed through the fields. With this, we'll jump into the story of Orion. But that will be right after this.