033: Sprawl - NDS Chronicles

Summary

Nephilim Death Squad - Episode 033: "Sprawl – NDS Chronicles"

Podcast: Nephilim Death Squad
Hosts: TopLobsta & Raven (David Lee Corbo)
Date: August 19, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this wide-ranging and irreverent installment of the NDS Chronicles, hosts TopLobsta and Raven dive into audience-submitted paranormal stories, blending raw humor and philosophical curiosity with a conspiratorial, biblically-tinged lens. The show covers everything from haunted childhood homes and supernatural sleep paralysis to strange neighborhood encounters and the Gates educational program conspiracy. Regular producer Nancy steps into the spotlight, while the lively chat and a parade of unique guests (and their pet demons) fill out the episode.

Themes include:

• Audience paranormal testimonies (with live reading and riffing)
• Childhood supernatural experiences
• Sleep paralysis and the "old hag"/sprawl phenomenon
• Demonic oppression vs. mental illness
• Urban legends, sensory illusions, and the power of suggestion
• Community dynamics among “Dangerous retards” (the hosts’ phrase)
• Biblical frameworks for understanding the supernatural
• High-octane, boundary-testing banter

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Key Segments and Discussion Points

1. Welcome & Patreon Housekeeping (00:00–06:00)

• Hosts set the comic tone: Raven introduces himself as “the Raven,” TopLobsta as "the father of disinformation."
• New Producer: Nancy joins, with playful banter about her dark internet search habits and cool, "possibly murderous" energy.
• Patreon plugs & live audience interactions: The hosts highlight Tiers, referencing “Daddy Milkis” (top-tier supporter), and tease exclusive content beyond the paywall.
• Quote:
  • “The amount of shots that we have is an indicator of each new tax bracket that we enter.” — Raven (02:31)

2. Community Origin Stories (03:35–05:09)

• Nancy shares she found NDS via Jerry Marzinski.
• Raven: “You embedded yourself deeply into the community of Dangerous retards. Is that correct?”—Nancy: “That is correct.” (03:37–04:08)

3. Submission: Haunted House & Bloody Mary (“Daddy Milkis” Story)

(06:00–30:00)

• Setting:

  • Viewer “Milkis Dogus” shares stories and old photos of his childhood home, built in 1900s, adjacent to a cemetery with weird “oil rigs” or “strange apparatuses.”
  • Early YouTube-era urban legends: the Bloody Mary mirror ritual.

• Paranormal Incidents:

  • Milkis describes seeing a white, ambient “head” above a window, sparking discussion of optical illusions and mirror demons.
    • “It’s not about saying Bloody Mary in the mirror as much as it’s about staring at yourself with unbroken eye contact in a dark room lit only by candlelight.” — Raven (07:42)
    • Raven discusses “ambient” as “existing or present on all sides, encompassing.” (15:38)
  • Family experiences:
    • Milkis’ autistic sister Kenzie reportedly played with an invisible companion (“Morgan”).
    • Mother’s Facebook posts describe ghostly presences, door rattling, “spirit” audio, and a heavy, sulfurous atmosphere.
    • “I woke up crying. You could feel the heaviness in the house. I felt it for days after.” (25:15)
  • Amateur ghosthunters provide EMF readings, take orb photos, and burning sage.
    • “You're just allowing these guys in your home to stir up the demons and then guess what? They just go home.” — Raven (22:19)

• Analysis:

  • Discusses possible Nephilim-sized architecture (“8-10ft tall windows”), haunted plumbing under cemetery, “portal in bathroom,” Biblical connections to water and spiritual forces.
  • Resolution: Family moves across from a church; “mom became a Christian,” and phenomena stop.

4. Submission Update: The “Red Hoodie” Neighbor Saga (30:31–58:40)

• Recap:
  • “FJ Fool” recounts living beside a schizophrenic neighbor (“Red Hoodie”) whose delusions include warriors in his yard, odd hours gardening/rituals.
  • Red Hoodie requests wife’s number, claims police are coming for a “job.” Suspenseful and vaguely menacing.
  • Quote:
    • “Woohoo. Hey, hey, let's dance… You looking for a companion?” — Red Hoodie (33:34)
  • Intervention:
    • FJ Fool calls Behavioral Health (and then police); neighbor is picked up and apparently held for “possession of a meth pipe he’d ‘found’.”
  • Hosts’ analysis:
    • Discourses on the gap between demonic oppression and mental illness treatment.
      • “Those are your two options. Inundated by demons or zombie.” — Raven (57:39)
    • Sleep paralysis, supernatural voices giving accurate time (“Did I just hear 2 o’clock?”) as evidence of eerie precognition.
  • Advice to Caller:
    • “I hope you appreciated this quick update. Peace." — F.J. fool (61:56)
    • “Chronicles.nds@gmail. We’re not here to help. Disclaimer: we’re here to exploit [your stories].” — TopLobsta (62:25)

5. Submission: The GATES Program, Bums, and a Demon Eyes Encounter (70:25–96:44)

• From “Rip” (Chris):
  • Reminiscing about Palo Alto, proximity to Stanford’s SRI (Stanford Research Institute), and being funneled through “GATES” testing (possibly implying occult/psychic research via childhood aptitude testing).
  • Childhood memories: “playing cards backward,” solving blocks, “advanced then dumb-dumb classes in one semester.”
  • Code-switching: The story is told with a distinctive, urban edge, blending humor, slang, and candor.
  • Supernatural Encounter:
    • Unnamed “bum” with orange-glowing, inhuman eyes—“like a traffic light”—crosses streets with eyes closed, is avoided by all, eventually stares down the narrator and a friend, emitting beams of “red and orange light.”
    • Aftermath: Spect, the friend, is killed days later at a party brawl.
    • Hosts riff: Interpretation as possible “demon possession,” warnings about ignoring “uncanny valley” experiences.
    • Quote:
      • “Brothers, there are beams of orange and red lights just piercing the night, and we got to walk by this mother...” (92:04)

6. Submission: Sprawl – The Takedown by the Old Hag (98:25–120:29)

• From Jake:
  • Personal story of sleep paralysis (or supernatural assault) in a California roadside hotel room (“Mediocre Eastern”).
  • Experiences a “sprawl”—wrestling style hold—by an invisible, cold-skinned woman, under the classic “old hag” archetype.
    • “Two arms suddenly slide under my body... lying their chest on my back as I grabbed the back of their arms and triceps.” — Jake (107:06)
  • Escape described with vivid wrestler’s technique: shoot and topple, “She is gone.”
  • Immediate fear and prayer follow, but no further incident. Footnotes reference “old hag syndrome” as folkloric reality.
  • Hosts’ take:
    • Entertaining breakdown of wrestling physics; advice (“If she spun on him... she’d have blapped him up, take his back”), and dark humor about battling supernatural attackers.

7. Episode Wind Down & Banter

(through 122:00)

• Producer chaos, live chat engagement, technical difficulties as Nancy disconnects.
• NDS community inside jokes, offhand commentary on music albums, religion, and “exploiting stories.”
• Show closes with the show’s signature blend of cynical warmth and wild irreverence.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

Milkis’s haunted house:

• "Once your features begin to disappear, you just become very...vague, bland...but then eventually something else takes the place of it.” — Raven (08:44)
• “Spirits above the spirits.” — TopLobsta, on orbs above alcohol (23:26)

Red Hoodie Update:

• “He says 'woohoo' in the way of an 1800s prostitute.” — FJ Fool (35:04)
• “Medication is a poor band-aid, but without intervention, Aaron might have hurt himself or someone else.” (57:15)

On code-switching as a submitter:

• “He’s code-switching on us to tell... And we'll keep these coming, God willing.” (84:17)

Old Hag/Sprawl story:

• "If I ever got disrespectfully sprawled on by a woman that looked like that, you had better believe I would kill her so that she could never tell the story.” — Raven (118:18)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–06:00 — Welcome, Patreon, Nancy’s origin/setup
• 06:00–30:00 — Milkis Dogus’ haunted house and Bloody Mary testimony
• 30:31–58:40 — Red Hoodie neighbor update, police/welfare check
• 70:25–96:44 — "Rip’s" GATES program and demon-eyed bum encounter
• 98:25–120:29 — Jake's “sprawl” story and breakdown of old-hag sleep paralysis
• Throughout — Live chat highlights, meta discussions, music/album shout-outs, and riffs on producers and show improvement

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Language & Tone

• Irreverent, blunt, and raw: The hosts employ raunchy, sometimes abrasive humor, self-mockery, and occasional foul language, intercut with deep-cut analysis.
• Community-focused: Deep camaraderie is evident among hosts, guest producer, and chat. Many regulars are called out by name or inside jokes.
• Playful philosophical skepticism: Even at their most cynical, the hosts remain open to the possibility of true supernatural activity and Biblical insight.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a wild, unfiltered look into the NDS community—where horror, skepticism, and comedy overlap. Expect a mix of authentic haunting stories, spiritual speculation, and visceral, often shocking humor. If you're sensitive to explicit language or irreverence, proceed with caution; if you crave honest, unvarnished conversations about the paranormal, mental health, conspiracies, and the meaning of evil, you'll find plenty to enjoy and think about.

To submit a story: [e-mail]
To support: NDS Patreon

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Summary prepared in the spirit of NDS: Raw, engaged, and not afraid to get sprawled by a ghost.

Transcript

[A]

Sam. Nephilim Death Squad is recorded in front of a live audience. Viewer discretion is advised. Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to another episode of NDS Chronicles, the show where we read your submitted paranormal testimony. I am David Lee Corbo, AKA the Raven, that is Top Lobster, the father of disinformation. Hello. Before we get into your schizo submissions, we're going to tell you a little bit about where you can pay us.

[B]

I don't have that even pulled up.

[A]

We were prepared. We were doing a lot of preparation before this show started.

[B]

Introduce our. Introduce who's here too. I mean, so let me. While I pull up.

[A]

No, it's a surprise. The people are. They gotta be surprised. Okay, but I can. I can slow. I can say it slowly. You're gonna wanna go to patreon.com backslash nephilim death squad. Sign up for whatever tier you'd like. And you can continue watching the show when we go behind the paywall at the 30 minute mark because. Ew. You're poor.

[B]

No, don't do that. Ew. Don't say.

[A]

Did this get disgusting pores. We don't want that. And so when, you know, go 30 minutes, you can go to Patreon, but we'll give you 30 minutes and maybe we read a story for you. Or maybe we'll just ramble for 30 minutes before we get into the submissions. Also, if you want to send us your schizophrenic stories, the things that bring you great horrors, the things that keep you from sleeping at night so that we may exploit it for money and for clicks, go to chronicles, nds Gmail.com and, and type it out. But if it's 13 pages, I. I'm not gonna read it.

[B]

The more of you guys subscribe to the Patreon, the more camera angles we're gonna get.

[A]

We're gonna get so many. We're getting a lot of camera angles. That's how you know we're doing. Well, the amount of shots that we have is an indicator of each new tax bracket that we enter.

[B]

Yes. And with the amount of producers that we have also.

[A]

Oh, my God. Producers. Guys. Everybody in the chats. Big W in the chat for Nancy. Nancy, say hello to everybody.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

You got to be faster than that, Nancy. That's very slow and that's not going to cut it, but I'll let it slide this time. Guys, we have Nancy. She's going to be producing for us in between her watching videos of murder, which I'm sure is what I think.

[B]

That'S what she's doing. Like, when she takes a long time to answer us back, she's like, oh.

[A]

She'S going through tabs. She's closing out the murder. Are you excited to be here, Nancy? I am. Sure. Sounds like. Sounds very. She sounds very excited. Well, Nancy's gonna be helping us. For those of you that don't know, Nancy, I don't know where you've been. You must not be listening to this show. I guess, really quick, we should do an introduction. How did you find.

[B]

That's actually a great question. Let's interview Nancy.

[A]

Nancy, how did you find us? Through Jerry Morzinski. Oh, yeah, that's right. She's like the one and only person that took the Jerry Marzinski to NDS pipeline. Yeah, that's an unheard of. So you were. You were absorbing quite a bit of Jerry Marzinski content. You found us through our old episode with Jerry. And then you embedded yourself deeply into the. The. The. The community of Dangerous retards. Is that correct? That is correct. And she is a talk.

[B]

She's very. I know.

[A]

She. Talker.

[B]

Don't really want to talk to you guys.

[A]

Well, Nancy is, you know, for the audio listeners and the. And the enjoyers who aren't intimate. The congregation of Dangerous. She's. She's a favorite in the community. And she's one of our favorite people. And we always said that there was a couple people we wanted to have work with us, Laney being one of them. And of course, Laney made that fantastic edit that you guys saw that. That opened up the intro for the show. And Nancy being another one, she just really got close to us, you know, our hearts. By sending us just videos of people being murdered.

[B]

Yeah. That's why you like her. I don't know why I like Nancy. She just seems. I think it's the Asian thing I like.

[A]

Well, she has, like, an energy about her.

[B]

Yeah. It's very calm. Cool. In person.

[A]

Too serial.

[B]

Very cool. Very. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what she's ever thinking. We're like, let's have.

[A]

Well, serial killers are very likable people, or else they wouldn't have very much success. Right.

[B]

Mmm.

[A]

And I think that's what Nancy has going for her is she's got this, like, really calm energy where you don't know if she likes you or if she's gonna. She's gonna kill you. Nape cam. Yeah, thank. It's. You could say it and it just happens. That's how that works. So. So anywho Nancy, happy to have you and we're gonna be watching you closely. If you fail today, you're never gonna come back on the show. But for now, I'm excited. I'm excited. Are you excited, Top?

[B]

I am. I'm excited to see how many times they pull up the back of your head because if we're not doing this, it's just wonderful. Every time it happens, I just makes me laugh.

[A]

I don't like this shot. Yeah, it's actually my least favorite shot. I wish you would have told me you were setting it up. A lot of surprises today, ladies and gentlemen. A lot of surprises. Any who. So.

[B]

So let's get into some. Let's get into content or.

[A]

Yeah, we're going to get into. We're going to fill the people's content holes and we're going to start with one of my favorite people, Milkis Dogus. Is he in the chat? Is Milk is in the chat, man.

[B]

He probably will be in a minute.

[A]

Do you guys like the nape shot? Let us know if you like the nape shot. Let's, let's bring this one on stage because what Milk is did here is he provided images, images of his own white trash upbringing. And I don't know if it's, you know, I imagine it's going to be oh yeah, that's right. Also he is Daddy.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Round of applause for Daddy. Daddy Milk is. He is the only person on the Patreon who is signed up at the daddy tier.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

So we actually have to. What is this show?

[B]

Milka should probably like not pay us the daddy tier and put some renovations into this house here.

[A]

Yeah, well, it's got, it's got some charm.

[B]

It's nice. Why can't we want it?

[A]

Can we bring it on screen? I would like to see it on screen.

[B]

Yes. Here we go. Okay.

[A]

Okay. So you guys can see here on screen it's a, it's a beautiful. I don't know what you would call that. I was going to start making up terminologies.

[B]

Said back in 2012 My, my family moved into a house that was segmented. Segments.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

Into different apartments. We had One of the two downstairs apartments. Image 112 year old Milkus. All right, let's see.

[A]

Oh, there he is. 12 year old little Milkis.

[B]

Look at him with his top lobster merch.

[A]

Very, very nice.

[B]

So he says I was a pretty naive kid. I believed all the old YouTube Bloody Mary videos and all those corny horror trends that popped up early on YouTube. So that's kind of the Idea I had of the supernatural at this age.

[A]

You know, the Bloody Mary thing is, is. Is real. I don't know if you know that.

[B]

No, I didn't know that.

[A]

Yeah, well, it's not. See, that's the thing is it's not about saying Bloody Mary in the mirror as much as it's about staring at yourself with unbroken eye contact in a dark room lit only by candlelight.

[B]

Really?

[A]

That does something. I've talked about that before. I've done that. When I was younger. I wasn't trying to do anything. I was just like, just having a gander at myself in the mirror. And I was like, what if I, you know, lock eyes with my mirror, man?

[B]

Why candlelight? What do you.

[A]

I think that darkness. You need a certain amount of light to be able to perceive yourself, obviously. Right. Or else you're just looking at a black mirror but with just low light. And then the rest of it being shadow. It allows for an optical illusion to take place. And I've talked about this before. There's an optical illusion where you stare at the center of a circle. There is a point in the center of the circle. If you stare at it long enough, the edges of the circle vanish. It's a common optical illusion. Anybody can do it. Sometimes you'll see them on websites or you'll see them in a book or something. If you do that, the point of focal. Focal point being your eyeballs.

[B]

Right.

[A]

The edges of everything else fade away. Just like the optical illusion with the circle. So once your, you know, once your what, features disappear and that, that's weird enough. Your features begin to disappear. You become very. What's it, what's the word? Vague, bland. All your features go away. You're just kind of a mass as long as you don't break eye contact. But then eventually something else takes the place of it.

[B]

That's interesting.

[A]

That's like that scary looking.

[B]

When people describe their sleep paralysis demons as this faceless, smooth faced entity with black eyes.

[A]

Yes. So.

[B]

So something to that.

[A]

I think that's what. What actually is happening with the. With the Bloody Mary situation. Hey, Nancy, really quick chime in. Have you ever done Bloody Mary?

[B]

Of course she has.

[A]

Yeah. She just seems like. Yeah, that would have at sleepovers and stuff. Did it get. Did he get. Did anything happen? No.

[B]

I don't believe her.

[A]

Oh, I think I know why she switched out.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

It's hard to see.

[B]

That's not nice. We've seen Nancy ir. All right, so I'm gonna pull up the. I'll pull up the pictures when it's time to show a picture.

[A]

Okay, that's great.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

That's right. Yeah, we could do that.

[B]

So he goes, I was a pretty naive kid. I believed all the old YouTube Bloody Mary videos and all those corny horror trends that popped up early in YouTube. So that's kind of the idea I had. I already read this. All right. We lived in a house for a while without anything happening. Life is normal. My room is at the back of the apartment at the end of the hallway. That's our kitchen. Directly across from my bedroom is the bathroom. This house is strange. It's really old. Built in the 1900s. So here's the image, image number 10 of what he's showing us.

[A]

This is. This is his actual house in 1910. Guys, look at that.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

It's like in the middle of an oil field.

[B]

Are those. Are those really oil rigs there? Or is that, like.

[A]

I'm not sure.

[B]

Early. Early WI fi.

[A]

Oh, it could be, like, early electricity before they figured out, like, you just make a pole. You don't have to make a whole apparatus like that.

[B]

Well, let's. Let me look at it now.

[A]

What a spooky house.

[B]

So Spooky, man, in 2012. But a hundred years before, it's just surrounded by strange things. That's bizarre.

[A]

Oh, we. Yeah. Where's our. Where's our creepy music?

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

No, that's not. It's the top left.

[B]

Maybe the green one.

[A]

This one?

[B]

That's it. That's a little play. All right, lower it a little bit. Here we go. All right, let's go back to the full cam here.

[A]

Yeah. We have so much production going on. We are producing.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's kind of crazy. All right, there's also a cemetery to the north, which has a pond that runs under it and through the city. This house was really close. It has windows above the doors. There's no glass in them, but there used to be. My bedroom is no exception. They sit about 8 to 10ft off the ground. That's kind of high for a window.

[A]

Eight to ten feet off the ground? Yeah. I mean, that's pretty high.

[B]

It's like. So you can't really see out of it.

[A]

This is it. But he's on the first floor. Yeah. That's weird.

[B]

That's weird. It's made for, like, people like Nancy.

[A]

Yeah. There's a second image.

[B]

Yeah, There. Here we go. All right, so he's showing more. It really hits the. With the spooky music. Right?

[A]

I love it. It's. Look at that house. Imagine looking at that house and listening to this. Well, you are, but, I mean, you.

[B]

Know, imagine being you right now. Imagine.

[A]

Look, somebody said something in the chat. It must be Nancy. See what she said in the private chat. It's. I'm sure it's important. Let's read it. Creepy music. She's a killer, isn't she?

[B]

She's good.

[A]

She's good.

[B]

She's good. Yeah. Okay. All right. Here we go. Here we go. So I've always been afraid of the dark. Rightfully so. Rightfully so, in my opinion. And I slept with the TV on. I did that, too. And even if you had the door closed in this room, there was always this dark space above the door where the window is. My bedroom is narrow, so my bed has to lay with the head facing the door.

[A]

Couldn't you just move?

[B]

Like, you could just lay on the other side.

[A]

Just lay on the other side. Milkis. Did you know you could just lay on the other side?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a rectangle.

[B]

Could have inverted your living situation, avoided all this. But he didn't. So let's continue reading. I usually lay facing the TV when I sleep. It's either that or the wall. The only light switch is right next to the doorknob. So one night, I wake up. It's in the middle of the night. I'm facing the wall. But I have this weird feeling. I somehow know exactly what it is. That there's something watching me. I'm terrified at this moment. If there's something there, I don't want it to know I know. So I roll over in bed to face the tv, which is still on. And without moving my head, I look up. My eyes, I see the shape of a head. White. I can tell it's not just a reflection because it's moving, not back and forth, but ambiently.

[A]

Ambiently? I don't know if you use the right word, but I get it.

[B]

What does that mean? Like. Like glowing?

[A]

Well, ambient is like. I said it was like background. Like ambient noise is background noise. It's like, non specific. You know, not meant to be. I don't know. Actually, I'm not gonna. I'm gonna stop pretending I know the definition of ambient.

[B]

We don't know what you're talking about, Milk.

[A]

Well, Nancy, can you bring up the definition of ambient and then let us know when you have it?

[B]

I know what Ambien is, but maybe explain what he means by this.

[A]

Well, that. That theme by the way of seeing something supernatural. What do you want me to press?

[B]

Yes. Stop it. There we go.

[A]

Seeing something supernatural and then, like, hoping that it doesn't notice that you see it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so, like, acting like you didn't know it was there, all of that is. It's. It's a weird, common thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That.

[B]

It's a dog, man.

[A]

It is, but it's also like, it's kind of retarded. Right. So it's like, why would you think that would work?

[B]

I don't know why.

[A]

You're supernatural entity, and you're like, maybe if it doesn't think that I saw it.

[B]

But here's the question. Why does it work then?

[A]

I don't think it does. I think it's a. It's a. It's. It's a hypnotic lull. It lulls you into a false sense of security. It lulls you into inaction. Right. And it makes you. It is the. The. The baseline rationale for freeze. Not flight, not fight, but freeze.

[B]

I see. I see that.

[A]

So it just. It doesn't make any sense, you know, in my opinion. But it's something very common. I see. All right, here we go. Nancy has the thing of. Let's. Let's pull up the definition here of ambiance.

[B]

I got it.

[A]

Ambient, existing or present on all sides, encompassing. Oh, damn. Did Milkis use that in, like, a really. Like an omnipresent sort of a way?

[B]

I like it. Okay.

[A]

All right. Thank you, Nancy.

[B]

So I guess he's seeing this face, and he's saying that it's existing on every plane around him.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

That's kind of crazy. All right, he's right.

[A]

Now he's going to.

[B]

Nope, that's not what I said. All right, play the music. Here we go.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I look forward and close my eyes for around five seconds maybe. And then I look again. There's nothing there. So I rush to the light switch, turn the lights on, and I sleep with the light on for the rest of the night. As a kid, I think I know what I saw. It was Bloody Mary. This is. This is what we were talking about. We're, like, foreshadowing.

[A]

Yeah. I thought Bloody Mary was a woman. And I thought she was bloody.

[B]

Well, he's saying he saw a white face.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the shape of a white head. That was, like, exactly what you described just before.

[A]

Well, yeah, that. That, like, lack of definition, lack of discernible features. I guess we could say ambient, you might call it. Ambient.

[B]

Name of the episode. Ambiance how the hell don't we know what ambient means?

[A]

Well, it's like. It's one of those words where you. You think you know what it means, but like, if you really got pressed on the actual concrete definition of it, you. You'd make a bunch of noises like we just did. Yeah.

[B]

Isn't that crazy?

[A]

Yeah, I hate that there's a lot of words like that. Yeah, I make up a lot of them.

[B]

Like, what do you. What does that mean? And you're like, you know.

[A]

You know what it means. Everybody knows what it means within the context of this conversation. Yeah, but what does it mean? Isolated the definition. What is it? I don't. I have no idea. Dude, don't do that.

[B]

It makes me want to fight. Such a stoner show.

[A]

We don't even smoke though. I don't smoke.

[B]

All right, here we go. As a kid. Oh, so he thinks it was Bloody Mary. So I'm telling my mom I saw a movie. I saw a woman with black hair above my window and I think it was a ghost. She believes me immediately.

[A]

Hell yeah. Based mom.

[B]

Yeah, apparently she sees my little autistic sister always playing and laughing with someone in her room.

[A]

These little artists do that, man.

[B]

Yeah. And there's an attached tweet.

[A]

Oh, cool.

[B]

I assume this is from Milkis.

[A]

Let's fire it up. You mind if I read it? It says Kenzie's little ghost friend. Oh, we cropped out Mom's thing. Kenzie's little ghost friend really cracks her up. Lol. Mom. That's. That's real. Absent mind.

[B]

Real white people.

[A]

Yeah, I'm always catching her laughing and playing with her. Him. Don't want to misgender. Him. God forbid. Last night we went in to kiss the girls good night and Kenzie was laying on her bed pointing and laughing at something in the bounce house. Nothing I could see, but she got a huge smile and jumped out of bed and tried to dive into the bounce house. And I was like, no, no, no. Kenzie, you can play with Morgan. Which is also a pretty gender non specific name tomorrow. Lol. Lol. You know, lol.

[B]

Where is she writing this?

[A]

Yeah, well, I don't want to say.

[B]

Is this Facebook?

[A]

Doesn't matter. Let's not. Because we don't want to find Milk is his mama. No, I catch her up at night all the time laughing and following something around her room. This is deaf. Interesting to experience. Very, very much. Just a babe in the woods is a. Is a white woman in the spiritual realm.

[B]

So there's a There's a little footnote here. She has ghost investigators from Facebook come out and look at the apartment doing all the ghost hunter. Checking emf, burning sage, taking pictures. Here are some of the pictures they took. Images 3 to 7. This is what is going on.

[A]

I love Milkis. Like, I already knew that. Dude. Crushed.

[B]

But like, first off, all right, so this is. This is on Facebook. But it's like, it's a. It's an odd post to make on Facebook. Like.

[A]

Yeah, it's an odd post to make.

[B]

Well, it's also not good to name this thing.

[A]

Yeah. Who named it Morgan? I'd be interested in who named it. Who named it Morgan?

[B]

Well, I wonder if his little sister is like non verbal autistic and she's like, morgan. No, I mean, and the mom named it for. And I don't know what's going on here.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, well, let's check.

[A]

I didn't mean that noise that I made.

[B]

That's not.

[A]

That was not nice images.

[B]

I'm sorry, 3 through 7. These are the pictures the ghost investigator took. I don't know what we're looking at here.

[A]

Well, hold on. Let's see. Let's see what we got. Let's zoom in. I'm zooming in. I see Jim Morrison on the. What looks to be the vacuum cleaner. I see a picture of a child on the wall. I. Woody Woodpecker.

[B]

Okay. I don't know if I see anything significant here.

[A]

Yeah, I think it's just. He's just showing us his.

[B]

He's like, look at my shelves, dude.

[A]

A little water damage on the ceiling. Maybe some cobwebs. I think it's cobwebs, actually. Yeah. Who knows? I don't know what that one is. Okay, let's look at the other one. We have a hello Kitty tattoo. Mom. Just crushing with the hello Kitty tattoo.

[B]

Why did the ghost investigator take these pictures?

[A]

Yeah, what is. What's happening on that plate, by the way? It looks like you're squeezing maybe a lemon. Oh, you're burning sage. That's a silly goose move. I mean, he said that was the case. And then you can see on the counter here, we have some of the. The ghost.

[B]

It's like a frequency detection thing.

[A]

Frequency detection? Yeah.

[B]

They have a voice recorder there as well. Well, so this is very serious.

[A]

Very, very serious. You could tell by the.

[B]

You know, you think the ghost investigator would dress a little bit nicer, right? Like put some sleeves on.

[A]

Well. And then, you know, is this. Is this. I don't know if this is a ghost investigator. This is Milkis's mom. Seems to have lost the front of her pants. And this is 2012. Well, you could tell they were. Yeah. And they didn't have a lot of money. Okay. So. Yeah, he's. He's saging the corners. Interesting that he's saging the corners.

[B]

Why is she reacting like that?

[A]

Well, because sage probably smells like ass. Maybe check the private chat. Let's see what Nancy is. Nancy, it's okay. You can chime in, you can unmute your mic and say something if it's important.

[B]

Oh, wait a second.

[A]

What if it's not important? Oh, that looks like a. I don't know.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

What is that?

[B]

Huh? Like a ghost dong or something like that.

[A]

I didn't want to say it because it's just so me. Yeah. Okay. Sage smells great is what Nancy says. Good God. Nancy. Come on. What are you doing here?

[B]

All right, so there's. There's like a weird aberration. Like a black aberration.

[A]

That's black aboriginal.

[B]

Something blocking the front of the camera, which shouldn't be there.

[A]

And then in the next image, you have orbs. Classic orbs.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Yes, classic orbs. And if you zoom in on it, you can see nothing. So. Huh. Yeah. I mean, these guys, not professionals. You're just allowing these guys in your home to stir up the demons and then guess what? They just go home. Yeah, they just go home after they've pissed off whatever's in your house or they've. They've appeased it for some time with the. With a. With a burnt offering of sage. And it goes. All right, I'm cool for now. I'll lay low.

[B]

2011, though, it's like, what?

[A]

Yeah. Nobody. There was no Nephilim death squad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To guide you in your. In your escapades. And. And also in that time, 2011, ghost hunting was hot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Super hot.

[B]

These guys are just close. Oh, wow. These guys. Were they really there on like New Year's Day?

[A]

Oh yeah, look at that one. 1 2011, at what, 3pm.

[B]

So 5pm Image number seven faces my bedroom. From the. From the kitchen, you can see the door and window to my room. There's also an orb above the bottles of alcohol, which is actually kind of interesting.

[A]

Oh yeah. Spirits above the spirits. Huh.

[B]

Apparently these guys get audio of the ghost, saying it plays with my sister and that it killed itself. I didn't know if I. I don't know if I believe any of that. I really can only attest for what I saw one of the investigators ended up getting scratch marks on their arm while in the bathroom.

[A]

Oh, we have some images of that. This looks like a. Like a young man's arm. Lacking all definition.

[B]

It looks like your son's arm. And that looks like herpes.

[A]

That does look a lot like herpes. I don't think that, that. I think he burns himself with cigarettes just to feel something. But. But you can see around his wrists that there are some. Some red marks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, all right.

[B]

Interesting, interesting. Yeah, these are some. These are some young dudes just went out there ghost hunting. It's crazy. Alright, so some history on the house. Someone did kill themselves in that bathroom.

[A]

Oh, shit. Huh.

[B]

We go a few weeks or months without anything happening. And then I see it again. Same circumstances, and it's on the same side of the window. We start planning to move. My mom is saying she hears the iron doorknobs rattle at night. And my dad, who did not believe in the supernatural at this time, had his ankle scratched while he was sleeping. The last night was the worst. Not for me, but for my parents. My mom saying it felt heavy in the apartment with doorknobs shaking and the smell of sulfur.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

When my dad went back to get the last of our things, the hardwood floors had bubbled up and swollen and it smelled like death. Damn.

[A]

Looks like we have another. Another post here from Mama Milkis. And. And she goes, lol. I agree, it looks like a dick. Okay, so. So she said it. Which, which you observed was also.

[B]

It kind of does.

[A]

I didn't want to say it. I was like, I'm just being. I'm trying to be better and. But this looks a lot like a dick. She goes on to say. But in all seriousness, it was a very bad place. The last night we stayed there, I couldn't sleep. I sat on the floor watching TV and started to hear things. So naturally I prayed. Probably should have done that before the sage. The more I prayed, the louder they became. The iron doorknob shook. Who'd you pray to, I wonder? I woke my husband, which I never have before. My 8 year old autistic daughter woke up crying. You could feel the heaviness in the house. I felt it for days. After I had moved. The floors bubbled up and eventually burst. What? Of course we were charged for the damage. Oh my. Yeah, well, what is he gonna do?

[B]

What are you gonna do?

[A]

Charged a ghost. The place had the smell of sulfur water and we had city water. I had caught my daughter playing with people. I Couldn't see, which was very strange since I am very sensitive.

[B]

You know what had the smell of sulfur? Water. Remember the. The well?

[A]

Yeah, it did. Well, that was actual. Like sulfur.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It smelled like farts. It tasted like farts, too.

[A]

It did when I drank it and I was like, so good. Then I burped later and I was.

[B]

Like, farts, farts, farts. When did I.

[A]

When did I.

[B]

When did I swallow farts?

[A]

Sucking on farts. So she says I couldn't see it, which is strange since I am very sensitive. So this is a lot of man. I don't know. I wonder where she was. Oh, okay. Well, we have some answers to that in the next paragraph, but.

[B]

But you didn't finish reading. So the ground, the grounds were very old and tainted. Yeah. Had been an area of oil mining long ago. That was. So those were like oil pinions.

[A]

Oh, okay. There we go.

[B]

And I found out my home had once been a bed and breakfast place. I know there was good spirits there, but bad outweighed them. I continue to warn others of moving there.

[A]

They struck Earl is what Bron James says. Oh, that's another thing. I guess this is inside baseball, but Nancy, feel free. You can click on whatever chat you'd like to bring it on the screen. We'll give you that permission. Should we give her that permission?

[B]

She's allowed to.

[A]

Yeah, she's. We'll allow it. You can click on people's comments and bring them on the screen.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

Anywho, you want to pick up from here?

[B]

Yeah. So they moved across the street from a church. His mom became a Christian and he hasn't seen anything since. On the surface level, this seems like a ghost story, but recently I've reflected on it. The windows are around 8 to 10ft high. That's some Nephilim height. That's what I was saying. I was like, why would they be up so high?

[A]

Yeah, you picked up on that immediately.

[B]

On the first floor, like for a basement apartment. I've seen that before because you're like below level and that's where you put windows. But to have the windows really high up. I don't know why you would do that in a house.

[A]

Well, I like a tall window, but that's not a tall window.

[B]

I like a floor to ceiling window.

[A]

I like a window I could see out of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't have to get a stepladder to peer out of the window.

[B]

That's weird.

[A]

That is weird.

[B]

And there's probably a portal in the bathroom. Just saying. Right where the dude portal himself. Yeah, Portal potties. Shout out top lobster dot com. On top of that. Cemetery water. It's no wonder that place is a hotspot for dark energy. The cemetery water. Right. He said that there's a river that flows through or by the house that flows from the cemetery.

[A]

It's gross.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. The smell. I mean, maybe that's where the smell of sulfur and. Probably not, but, yeah, there's something significant about that, like energy being transferred.

[A]

Flowing water. Right. We picked up on that in that episode that we just did with Trent. His name was Trent. Right? Trent Hudson.

[B]

Troy Hudson. That's why he didn't invite you to the place.

[A]

You're good, man. Yeah, we tried to get him to invite us after the show and he was like.

[B]

He's like, not you guys. Not you. I don't blame him. I hope you retards enjoyed this. It's one of those moments I'll always see in my mind, so it's nice to just get it off my chest. Okay, Goodbye. Should we say these words now?

[A]

No. We're better people now. He's trying to. Milk his dog is trying to get us to say nigger.

[B]

Damn it, Milkis. Damn it, David.

[A]

Wait a second.

[B]

The gun.

[A]

Up Chocolate.

[B]

Yeah, the gun. I mean, every time we do it, you just can't. It's. Got it. Yeah. One day he's gonna end up shooting through the TV here. It's gonna be bad, but. All right. No more cursing.

[A]

For real? Yeah. We're not gonna do that anymore. Milkis, we only did that for you because we love you.

[B]

Okay, Daddy. Okay, fine.

[A]

Thank you, Daddy. Thank you, Daddy, for the submission. Yeah, you know, very spooky story.

[B]

Reminds me of the house that I sort of grew up in.

[A]

Reminds me that these are the type of characters that we attract. And you know what I mean, like lifelong. She goes, how do I click on comments? I don't see them here. Never mind. I'm retarded. That's why we picked.

[B]

You just. You literally click on them.

[A]

Yeah. When you see them, you could click on them and that puts them on the screen. If you click on them again, you click on them.

[B]

There they go.

[A]

And you click on them again and they go, back away. There you go. Nancy, you're crushing.

[B]

What? Which story do you want to read next? Because we have. We do have some bangers in the chat.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we have. I guess we keep going and sort of. What about. Wait. Oh, Red Hoodie updates.

[B]

Yeah, maybe we should do that, because that one's fresh in our mind.

[A]

I like that. Oh, I could see Nancy cleaning up the. The drive as we go along.

[B]

That was me. Oh, okay, perfect.

[A]

So I was gonna give her a raise.

[B]

No. Yeah, well, we'll talk about it, but go ahead. Let's go to Red Hoodie.

[A]

Red Hoodie. Guys, you remember Red Hoodie?

[B]

Yeah, just from last week.

[A]

It was only last week it was.

[B]

Red Hoodie wasn't the guy that said he was.

[A]

Yeah, Red Hoodie was the guy that was in his backyard that said there was a guy with a spear and a sword in his backyard. It was like he was kind of a normal neighbor, right? Until he's out gardening at 2am and he's seemingly having schizophrenic breaks, and they're looking for a suspect in his neighborhood with a red hoodie. And this guy thinks it's funny to go out in a red hoodie and just stand on his. On his lawn, which is good.

[B]

Oh, she can't do it. She doesn't have admin. Okay, that's a problem. We'll figure that out.

[A]

Yeah. God. Sorry, guys. Nancy can't cook. All right, so. So Red Hoodie update from FJ Fool. You can call me FJ Fool.

[B]

Oh, we already did.

[A]

We just did it. There we go. I'm one of your. Oh, wait, I'm one of your Patreon subscribers.

[B]

Very cool.

[A]

Very cool. On July 31, you read my last submission, red Hoodie, about my schizophrenic neighbor who watered and screamed at his garden all night. Since you're in such a desperate need for Chronicle submissions, I resent that. That's not chronicles. Nds.gmail.com. guys, if you have any. Any stories you'd like to submit, especially coherent ones, I thought I'd send this update. Yeah, please make them coherent.

[B]

Wait, before we continue, what advice did we give him? Any advice on what to do?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, good, because I don't want this to be tragic, and then it'd be my fault. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Oh. Oh, my God. Jin Jin has brought up an excellent point. We are at the 30 minute mark, and it's time to kick the pores. Sad.

[B]

Yeah, sad but true.

[A]

It is. It is sad and it is true. Guys, you discussed us, and we don't want you here unless you pay, in which case, we love you very much. You go to patreon.com you can pay forward slash Nephilim Death Squad, of course, and gain access to episodes before they are released to the general public. Also, Bohemian Grove tickets. They're gonna drop at some point and. And you guys are gonna have access to them also. We're gonna be at. This is a quick. This is a quick thing to say. We're gonna be at a. Quite frankly's gym jamboree soiree.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is a two day thing. When one day is the jamboree, one day is the Suareway. It's in New York. September 5th and 6th, I believe.

[B]

Like Westchester, New York, something like that.

[A]

Don't even know what that is. Is it nice?

[B]

Yeah, up there is nice.

[A]

Okay. I thought he was inviting us to like, the ghetto. Yeah. Someplace gross. I didn't really want.

[B]

No, it's gonna be nice.

[A]

If you're looking. I think the tickets are still available. If you go to. Quite frankly, that. Not to the VIP experience that's already sold out, but to the. To the main thing. If you're somebody who's in New York, who couldn't make Bohemian Grove. Who wants to see us? Maybe you've got a knife with our name on it. You want to stick it into our lungs. No. All right, fine.

[B]

We've made a lot of enemies.

[A]

We have.

[B]

Yeah. Don't say that to them.

[A]

All right, fine.

[B]

Come say hi.

[A]

Come say hi. Go to Quite frankly, TV or something like that. Go to his website. You'll see it. You can buy tickets. You can come see us. Otherwise, bye.

[B]

Bye. Bye. Bye, guys.

[A]

I got dreams. All right, so. So let's get back to it. We're going to read more stuff now that we're here with the wealthy, you know, people. Feels nicer. Smells better in here.

[B]

Yeah, actually it's a little. Still a little sweaty. Yeah, but we're good.

[A]

All right, well, you know what it is when. When we're live?

[B]

Sulfur.

[A]

And then we get rid of the pores and it's just like, man, nice, crisp air. Anywho, where was I? Okay, so if you're looking, you're looking for Chronicle submissions, especially coherent ones, I thought I'd send this update. Red Hoodies episode considered through or I'm sorry, continued throughout the next day, although he had calmed down significantly and seemed to have made friends with his invisible visitors. These are the guys with the sword and the. And the spear.

[B]

Oh, right, right. Yeah.

[A]

The warriors that he found in his yard. The following morning, I was working from home a few minutes after my wife had left for work. She called me from a nearby gas station because she had somehow locked herself out of her car. I drove to her location, let her in her car, and returned home. When I Got there, I saw a red hoodie standing in his garden enjoying a cigarette. He spots me and says, woohoo. Hey, hey, let's dance. He says, woohoo.

[B]

Some furniture to get my attention. Oh no. He says it. Woohoo. In the way of an 1800s prostitute.

[A]

Oh, like.

[B]

Don'T like that.

[A]

Kind of sultry, sexual, Very creepy. It's alluring.

[B]

No, not the guy. The guy that's doing weird all night that you're already suspicious of.

[A]

Now he's wooing you because it's almost.

[B]

Like he knows that you are not liking how he's been behaving.

[A]

And he goes, what's up there, big man? You looking for a companion?

[B]

That's not good.

[A]

To get my attention in the way that an 1800s prostitute might.

[B]

How you doing?

[A]

No. No.

[B]

Oh, that's what? He asked.

[A]

It's not red hoodie, our guy says. He goes, how are you doing? I asked. Red hoodie responds, oh, I'm just hanging in there. I don't like that. Don't do that.

[B]

Hey, can I get your wife's phone number?

[A]

What the fuck?

[B]

Wait, what the what? Stop it. Stop. Whichever one of you guys out there keeps on saying these words.

[A]

Who keeps making me swear?

[B]

Who is it?

[A]

Who keeps making me swear?

[B]

It's probably just you.

[A]

Don't let it happen again.

[B]

Oh man, there's gonna be a. There's gonna be like a desk pop in here one day. It's gonna be. No.

[A]

Do you not. I'm sorry, do you not see my.

[B]

I saw the finger.

[A]

Unbelievable trigger discipline.

[B]

Yeah, but.

[A]

All right, well, look at the discipline.

[B]

I have a Sig, so that might not disgusting. Like if I pull that, I'd be worried.

[A]

Yeah, not, Not a Glock.

[B]

A Glock is sort of reliable.

[A]

It's a very reliable. That's why I got it.

[B]

So she said, yeah, woohoo. Can I get your wife's phone number?

[A]

He goes. As you might imagine, all kinds of unpleasant scenarios began running through my head. Foremost among them, the idea that my wife for some reason was now on this guy's radar.

[B]

I feel like saying foremost among them, foreskin among them. It's just like unnecessary.

[A]

I like it. I like when they use a flowery language to. He'll allow it, I'll allow it. So, so, so, so for foremost among them, the idea that my wife for some reason was now on this guy's radar and that she might be in danger or worse, because she is such a good God fearing woman, she had caught the attention.

[B]

Lowercase G. God Yeah, what's up with that, dude?

[A]

Which God? Which God?

[B]

Yeah, let's go ahead and lowercase G.

[A]

Gods make that big baby.

[B]

All right, here we go. That's better.

[A]

Big G. She's such a good and God fearing woman. She had caught the attention of Red Hoodie's sword wielding, corn dwelling entities. Why do you need my wife's phone number? I ask.

[B]

She says she might have a job for me doing something. I don't know.

[A]

He replied, that's awfully vague.

[B]

Yeah, a job.

[A]

Why do you need my wife's number? I don't know. She said she might have because this.

[B]

Guy'S like a homeowner. Homo homeowner. Oh, he owns the home right next to them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's got a job.

[A]

We don't know if this is a rental.

[B]

Well, what kind of job? We talk. Yeah, I think Red Hoodie might be renting.

[A]

Right. Because I was thinking about that. I was like, what sort of high functioning schizophrenic owns a home? But then I was like, oh, you don't necessarily. Like, you don't always rent in an apartment building. Sometimes you could rent a house.

[B]

I mean, high functioning schizophrenics run the world.

[A]

Touche.

[B]

Right?

[A]

That's true.

[B]

They must have their shit together somehow.

[A]

Yeah. Or at least one of their personalities.

[B]

I think it's like, it's in the range of like, pedos. Like some pedos you'll find at a supermarket and you hit them in the head with a pumpkin. Yeah, that was wild.

[A]

Yeah, I like that.

[B]

And then some.

[A]

You know what I don't like, by the way, when I smile real big? This camera. This is my. Actually my missing tooth camera. That hurts a lot, man. That hurt. I just saw that on the big screen. I just died inside a little bit.

[B]

It's crazy. It gives them crazy character. Look, this guy here, the egg guy.

[A]

Oh, you can't. You got to show them the egg guy.

[B]

When. When I animated this, I swear to God, when he talks, he goes. He's missing the same tooth.

[A]

No, he's not. Stop it. Why do you do that?

[B]

Hey, I didn't do it. Hey, I did it. Yeah, I do.

[A]

See?

[B]

You see the missing tooth cams? Crazy. All right, go ahead, keep reading.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I was sure my wife.

[A]

I was sure my wife had said no such thing.

[B]

That's a great song.

[A]

I was sure my wife no, no such thing. No. I don't know what song that is from John Mayer. Oh, my God. Dude, it is. Nobody listens.

[B]

Welcome to the real world. She said to me, look at. Look at nancy. She's dancing. Conda sending. There she goes. Look at her.

[A]

She's down there.

[B]

Take a seat, Nancy, really quick. Do you like that song?

[A]

Go ahead, nancy.

[B]

I don't know that song. Oh, What? Okay. All right.

[A]

Nobody knows that song. Nobody knows the extensive catalog of John mayer. We know that song about seeing a girl on the train that he wanted to have sex with, but that he. He couldn't have sex with it, and that made him sad.

[B]

They though.

[A]

How did that go?

[B]

Your body's a wonderland.

[A]

Your body is a wonderland.

[B]

That's is. That's the worst one.

[A]

That is pretty much the only John mayer song I know. I didn't even know that was by john mayer. All right, she said something in the private chat. What did she say? Go ahead and look at it.

[B]

Scott knows the song, but I'm just saying. Anyway, you got to continue.

[A]

The people love raven's neck cam.

[B]

They love. They love it. They're going crazy.

[A]

They are going crazy. Oh, that's right. We forgot the spooky music. I was sure my wife had said no such thing, But I knew better than to accuse this guy of lying.

[B]

I didn't have just one sword.

[A]

I will be breathing out of a new hole in my chest. After all, he was just trying to navigate whatever deceitful narrative the voices put in his head or the voices in his head had patched together for him. I pulled out my phone. I'll give her a call and ask her.

[B]

I call the cops.

[A]

That was a lie. Red hoodie abruptly turned away and began walking towards his house.

[B]

Nah, that's okay. Don't worry about it.

[A]

Why do you make him sound like that? Like I'm gonna eat you. That guy from. From what? The old guy from.

[B]

From family guy. That's what he feels like.

[A]

I'm gonna hate you. Don't worry about it.

[B]

He'd been caught in his lies.

[A]

He'd been caught in his lies. Wanting to get this guy some kind of help, I offered him my phone number instead. Let me just say that was a mistake.

[B]

You could be.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let me. I'll pull up this video really quick, Because I don't think Nancy's gonna have access to it on. Not on this quick notice. No, you could totally be serial killer. The mayor of new york. Oh, here we go. We'll pull this up.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And we're gonna look at the reading skills of the mayor of new york. And yours are, like, far beyond.

[A]

Let's hear him.

[B]

Yeah, it's crazy. First off, it's a tweet too.

[A]

It's like. It's not even like. Well, he's a piece of legislation.

[B]

You know, the rats. It's not. It's not just a tweet. It's the dude that's filling up the gas and he goes, black people could be here. Yeah, they could be around the corner. I don't like them. Yeah, yeah. He's reading. Has no idea. But listen, it's great on so many levels. Wait, is the volume up? Yeah, yeah, we're good.

[A]

Rats could be here. Eric Adams thought I'd never been in this neighborhood before. Rats could be anywhere. The cool wind felt good against his bald head.

[B]

I hate rats. He thought, you could be a poet. This guy read.

[A]

You could be a poet. Unbelievable.

[B]

This dude reads at like a first grade reading level. My daughter reads better than him.

[A]

Well, what does it take? It wasn't one of the. The mayors of New York City a crackhead that got arrested and couldn't go to McDonald's or something? He couldn't get a job at McDonald's.

[B]

I think Dinkins was.

[A]

Yeah. So really, really bizarre when you wonder what the qualifying qualities.

[B]

Look how happy he is.

[A]

He is. I mean, you could be a poet.

[B]

I like him, though. I want to watch the rest of it. And particularly you did a poetry about rats.

[A]

Because you did a poetry.

[B]

Hate rats.

[A]

And so do other New Yorkers. Love the fact that we've had a decrease in rat complaints across the city. Listen, you gotta do what's right for New Yorkers and get rid of rats.

[B]

The bad. The horrible part about this. And we're trying to get away from this.

[A]

We're gonna get away from this.

[B]

But they're talking about black people.

[A]

That's exactly. Hey, Grok, is this a. A racist dog whistle?

[B]

It's like. Absolutely, it is.

[A]

Absolutely. It is.

[B]

All right, so it's crazy.

[A]

Okay, so.

[B]

So I'm just saying we're doing a. A great job.

[A]

We are doing a great job.

[B]

I wanted to say we're doing a great job, but.

[A]

Then don't. We're trying to be better, and you're really messing it up.

[B]

Okay, you're right, you're right, you're right.

[A]

You'Re right, you're right, you're right.

[B]

Let's clean it up.

[A]

Be reasonable.

[B]

Nancy, clean it up.

[A]

Yeah, Nancy, cut it out. Where were we?

[B]

That's okay. Don't worry about it. You've been caught in his lie.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait. Okay, thank you. Thank you wanting to get this guy said, we read this. I gave him my phone number. That was dumb as shit. I don't know why you would give the schizophrenic guy your phone number. I offered him my phone number. He refused at first and then accepted.

[B]

That's got to be mentally jarring.

[A]

That's got to be an indicator that you should have never done that.

[B]

I keep doing this to Matt. Matt goes. Every time he calls me, he goes, is it okay that I call you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I feel like we're friends. And I'm like, not really.

[A]

Oh, Coffee Shop Matt.

[B]

Coffee Shop Matt. I go, not really. And he was like, I got some ideas I wanted to run by you. Can I. Can I say him? And I'm like, no.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he goes, shit, man. And I just let him hang there. And then he tells me anyway. I'm like, I like. I like his style, but whatever. Keep going, Keep going.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Let's dance.

[B]

All right, all right, all right.

[A]

Okay, so. So I want to get this guy some kind of help. You know what's funny? When he says at first. First he. He refused, and then he accepted. His. His real self was like, no, don't. Don't do that. You don't want to do that. And then the demons were like, do you know what? I'm. Second thought, I'll take it. That's not good.

[B]

You know, the things we could do with this number.

[A]

So after living next to him for four years, I. I finally learned his name. Aaron. I know.

[B]

Aaron.

[A]

It's pretty shitty that I didn't learn his name week one, but we don't exactly live in a high trust society these days, Dewey.

[B]

I don't really know people's names.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know anybody's name.

[B]

There's a lady. The lady at the. The shop that I seen a bunch of times. I've been. I mean, I just. I think her name's Big Bird.

[A]

Because that's not nice.

[B]

It's not nice at all.

[A]

Yeah, but like, say that you say.

[B]

Your name and you called her Big.

[A]

Bird to her face.

[B]

I didn't say that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I was just. Just. Just a coffee. All right, but just the coffee. But I didn't remember your name at first. For a long time. I was like, I don't remember this guy's name.

[A]

Yeah, I only just learned your last name maybe last month.

[B]

Don't say it.

[A]

I'm not going to say it, but I was like. I was just. I was just going through, like, all the last names. That I knew like a lexicon of last names. And everyone I said, I was like, that's not his last name. Pretty sure it's not his last name.

[B]

Spanish. I don't know what it is.

[A]

What is she saying? Click on that. I want to see that. I am Ginny. And Top is really mean. He won't even let me use his restroom. He tells me to go outside. All right. Day one, and she's divulging company secret.

[B]

Well, yeah. This is a men's restroom.

[A]

Chocolate Cam.

[B]

It's a men's restroom. So, I mean.

[A]

Yeah, we don't do mix bathrooms here.

[B]

This is Florida, Nancy. This isn't Nevada.

[A]

So you piss outside.

[B]

Yeah, we don't do that. Woke shit here.

[A]

And if you got to go number two, you got to go home.

[B]

You got to go home.

[A]

I went out. I'm sorry. I went inside my home and began working on my laptop. A few hours later, I received a text from Red Hoodie. It is as follows. Red Hoodie. Hey.

[B]

No. Hey, can you ask the wife of any news on where they're picking me up?

[A]

I'm not sure if she knows. Let me check with her. Who's picking you up?

[B]

This answer is crazy. The police.

[A]

Gotcha. Let me ask. Give me a couple of minutes. I wasn't sure what to make of this. Had Aaron imagined that the police were coming to arrest him?

[B]

Hold on. Gotta call something out in the chat.

[A]

Yeah, please.

[B]

This shit sucks, dog.

[A]

Yo. It is the best. This is Limoncello Lacroix.

[B]

I don't like it. It's like a creamsicle.

[A]

I don't think that sentence has ever been spoken. I don't like it. It's like a creamsicle. Creamsicles are delicious.

[B]

They're great, but I don't.

[A]

I'm not drinking the problem.

[B]

I'm not here for a Creamsicle. I'm here for sparkly. Yeah. Sparkling water. This is none of those.

[A]

Well, it does sparkle. I mean, you know, it's got.

[B]

It's saying, listen, here's the thing. You could be anything you wanted to be. You said you were going to be sparkling water. You decided to be a creamsicle. Right? It's weird.

[A]

What about if it just came out, right? And said creamsicle flavored sparkling water would be the gun.

[B]

I'm going to shoot the bottle.

[A]

I just want to know.

[B]

Huh? If.

[A]

If it said it.

[B]

No, I don't like this. I don't like it because it's good.

[A]

Okay, but here's. It's probably the most elite zip zap water to get out of my house. You know what, man? I gotta tell you, my back is sticking to these chairs because these chairs don't breathe.

[B]

Nancy takes up a lot of the air in the room.

[A]

And it's. And It's. And it's 90 degrees in your house.

[B]

Yeah, but.

[A]

And before I come over, I say, turn on the ac.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then when I. After this, I can guarantee you, when I walk out into your hallway and I'll go and I'll finger bang your thermostat and it'll say 79 degrees.

[B]

That's not how we speak now.

[A]

70. Full finger. I almost said the F word. And I didn't. I said finger bang, which is.

[B]

Yeah, it's still. We're trying to do so much better.

[A]

I'm growing. We're growing. Did you guys like our appearance on Quite frankly show last night? I thought that was really good.

[B]

I wasn't sure what to make of this.

[A]

No, I get to read this.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Had Aaron imagined that the police were coming to arrest him? Was he expecting a welfare check? Had other neighbors threatened to call the police on him? Whatever it meant, I was relieved to know that he wasn't after my wife.

[B]

He asked if his wife knew about when they were picking him up.

[A]

Right. Well, because he probably assumed.

[B]

She's like. She called the cops.

[A]

Yeah. After that weird interaction, after what I did, I'm pretty sure I asked for her phone number. I'm pretty sure she called the cops. What is she saying? This is a Christian show. Thank you, Nancy. That's what she's saying in the private chat. And. And she's right.

[B]

Supposed to be, what is this? You know, because we go into it now, I go into this, into this place, and every time he goes, that's top lobster.

[A]

That's top lobster.

[B]

And he goes, this guy's got a great podcast. You should listen to it. Oh, and when he says that, I put my head down and I go, shame. Shouldn't listen to it.

[A]

Yeah. It's interesting because when you do it in a vacuum, you're like, that was a great episode. And then when somebody in the street goes like, what's the name of your show? I go, don't watch that.

[B]

Yeah, I wouldn't look at that.

[A]

So that's an indicator. We got to do better. All right. Anywho, I call. Oh, I'm sorry. He simply had it in his head that she was somehow involved with getting him help. I called the county's department of Behavioral Health Crisis. Hotline While I was on the phone with them, I got another text. Did I just hear two o'? Clock? What?

[B]

What? From who? What does that mean, a text message? You just. Did I just hear two o'? Clock?

[A]

Damn. Cuz the last thing he asked is like, when. When are they. When they're picking me up.

[B]

And he's like, I got you.

[A]

Yeah, give me a couple minutes. And he goes, did I just hear you say 2 o'? Clock? Like, hey, no, this is a text.

[B]

He's like, I didn't say that. But they did. The Behavioral Health Crisis center said about 2 o' clock we can pick this guy up.

[A]

This poor man was still hearing things. Behavioral Health connected me to what?

[B]

A banger? Follow up. Good for you.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Yeah, I like this.

[A]

Thank you. Red Hoodie Conveyor. Behavioral Health connected me to the local PD.

[B]

They're guessing my last name. Close.

[A]

Oh, it's 100% Gonzalez.

[B]

Gonzalez, but it's close.

[A]

Middle name, Speedy. It's Top Lobster Speedy Gonzalez. Oh, by the way, guys, so. So you know, you guys are our coveted Patreon members, and so I do respect your opinion.

[B]

Well, I mean, this will also go out to the people we don't like.

[A]

Right. But I'm looking for an answer right now in real time, so those people don't matter. So we're working on a. A new show. Right. And many of you may have saw the. The video that I posted in. In my. My new hair, in my. My new attire, getting ready for this. This new show. We're going to be your new TradCon political pundits.

[B]

Well, yeah. I mean, listen, this is that. It came to me in a dream.

[A]

It did? Yeah.

[B]

It literally did. I woke up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, check your phone. And this is the demons, probably because they always look at the phone, but I try not to look at my phone in the middle of the night because, like the blue light.

[A]

I hear that. But you know what? I go right back to sleep. But continue.

[B]

I can't. I. I go, let me look at my phone. Even though I'm not supposed to. I'm not going to. But I look at it anyway, and boom, there's an email from conservative OG.

[A]

That'S really interesting that that happened.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

FJ fool in the comments is Red Hoodie Guy.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Was I not supposed to read that out loud? Nancy Doxed. There he is. We know who you are.

[B]

Hi, Doxed.

[A]

What's your address? Continue, please.

[B]

What's your neighbor's address? Yeah, so I saw it and Then I was like, what should I do with this?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then it said, hey, do you want to be a affiliate? And I was like, I don't know what that means. I wish we had milkus or Nancy. Nancy.

[A]

Nancy.

[B]

To let me know what affiliate means.

[A]

This.

[B]

Can you pull up the definition of that? Yeah, please, because I don't know what it means. So I said, sure.

[A]

And I'd like. When you come back with it, read it out loud, please. Because all of this clicking and having us read your things.

[B]

Don't even put it. Don't put it on the screen. Just come on speaking and start telling me what it means. Yeah, but it says, do you want to be an affiliate? I said, yeah, dude, I do want that.

[A]

Yeah. So bad, dude.

[B]

So bad. So I just said, like, accept. And then it puts it next to my name and it says, top lobster now with my little check. And then it goes, conservative.

[A]

Conservative OG does it say that? It says conservative OG which is tremendous. It's a tremendously gay thing. I think it says OG Go ahead, click on it.

[B]

No, no, it just says conservative.

[A]

No, but if you click on it. Click on the little badge here.

[B]

We'll pull up on the screen.

[A]

Okay. You click on that little badge there.

[B]

So you can. I'm a conservative now.

[A]

And then when you click on it, don't show that banner.

[B]

It goes, look.

[A]

Oh, oh, oh. Okay. It's just AT. Conservative OG that's their AT. Yeah.

[B]

So I'm like, oh, would you consider yourself conservative? I. I'm. I don't like modernity, although I've got a lot of lights here.

[A]

That's true. And also we're doing something with that technology, but.

[B]

Yeah, and I'm super traditional.

[A]

Yeah, you're very traditional.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm like, I like that maybe, but I was like, I do. I want to be affiliated. Like, I don't know.

[A]

Well, now we're going to be affiliated. Can you bring up. Can you bring up my. My video? I'd like to show the people, you know, what. What it looks like. And so we're gonna. We're gonna create this. This new, you know, news network, and. And so that we can bring people the conservative content that, you know, traditional conservative content. And. But you have to look the part, obviously, to be a news pundit, you know, a correspondent. And so this is what we're. We're working on. And I wonder what your thoughts on it are. Go ahead, let her rip. Mm.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Good hair, huh?

[B]

It actually is really great. I like it. I mean, what's the. Who's this guy? What's his name?

[A]

Oh, well, that's his. He's our political correspondent of the evening. Ray Raymond.

[B]

Vin Raymond. Then, then. Yeah, very nice, Raven. Okay. Nick Fuentes in 10 years.

[A]

That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Nick Fuentes has been outed as a wispy homosexual. And so we need. We need. We need new heroes.

[B]

Isn't it crazy how back and forth I go on. I mean, I guess you don't know, but on Nick Fuentes, where I'm like, really like this guy.

[A]

I like him, period. But he's a wispy homosexual.

[B]

But I'm like, he's definitely a fed as a dude.

[A]

That's. That, you know, it looks very gay.

[B]

Are you outing him right now?

[A]

I'm an authority on this. On the matter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I say, yeah, he's. He's a. A wispy homosexual. So anyway, I just wonder. So. So, Raven, and then I think, you know, you should be Todd Lawson.

[B]

Todd Lass.

[A]

Losner. Todd Losner.

[B]

Lesnar.

[A]

Brock Lesnar.

[B]

Todd Lesnar is actually kind of Todd Losner. Okay, that's fine. We'll figure it out. But we're gonna be giving just. We're bringing you news, Ray Van. Well, those guys are bringing you news.

[A]

Ray Van and Todd Lassner. Yeah, those guys who we've hired.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To be part of our.

[B]

We totally pay them.

[A]

This poor man was still hearing things. Behavioral Health connected me to the local pd. The police told me that they weren't aware of any current issue with Aaron, but they'd had interactions with him in the past. They promised to conduct a welfare check in partnership with behavioral health. At 2 o', clock, I felt terrible for calling the police on this guy. I could have just gone over and shot Aaron's dog myself and saved the police the trouble. Unbelievable. That was.

[B]

What a banger.

[A]

Yeah, you don't get it twice. We just mess it up once, and then you don't get to get it again. Again. I could have just saved the police the trouble of shooting. Shooting Aaron's dog, but. But I hoped that if the PD were working closely with Behavioral Health, that at the very least they might help him get leveled off and adjust his meds. Medication is a poor band aid, but without some immediate intervention, Aaron might have hurt himself or someone else.

[B]

Yeah, man, what do you do with people like that? Right? Because it's like they start to lose their mind and they do need to be sedated in a way, but then they get put on this medication that just. They're on forever.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I have my aunt and she is schizophrenic and she was explaining, you know, she's like, yeah, when I'm on it, it's like I'm. I feel like a zombie. So it's like, those are your two options. Inundated by demons or zombie.

[B]

It's horrible.

[A]

It is. It is really. It is really horrible. I hate it. Several more texts from Aaron came through over the course of the evening.

[B]

We should make these small TVs, right? These little ones, the pictures. What if we just put. But anyway, go ahead.

[A]

Several more texts from Aaron came through over the course of the evening, each more mystifying than the last. I replied to them as vaguely as possible and encouraged him to sit tight and wait for the police to arrive. The night was very peaceful. Where normally even outside of his schizophrenic episodes, Aaron would be up frequently during the night turning lights on and, and off. I'm sorry. Smoking outside, watering, etc. Tonight there was nothing. No sounds, no lights, no movement. Two quiet days later, he reappeared. Aaron told another neighbor that the police had picked him up for possession of a meth pipe that he had found.

[B]

Found.

[A]

Found.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, sometimes you do find.

[B]

How, how dead on. Are we consistent?

[A]

Oh yeah. Meth.

[B]

Yeah. It's just like. Yeah, I could have told you that.

[A]

When I used to smoke weed, when.

[B]

I used to smoke, when I used.

[A]

To do meth, I was walking with my mom one day through, through a park and this wasn't like super long ago. This was like, maybe, maybe I was like, maybe in my, like maybe 30, and I'm walking through the park with my mom and, and, and I look down and there's just a fat sack of weed.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you took it?

[A]

Well, I, I just couldn't.

[B]

Not.

[A]

I, I like, I reached down and I picked it up and my mom looked at it and I looked at it and, and she was like, what are you doing? And I was like, I don't know.

[B]

Smoking it?

[A]

No, I, I put it. We were going over a little bridge on a trail in a park. I put it on the railing because I was like, at least somebody else will find it and they'll have a good time. I couldn't, I couldn't. I didn't have the heart to just pick up. It was like a, like an eighth of weed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, you know, would have been cool at the time, but it was a, it was embarrassing. I could feel the shame. Much like when people Go like, what do you do for a living? Yeah, it was the same shame.

[B]

I don't like that.

[A]

When my mom was like, what do you. What are you doing?

[B]

I was like, I do a podcast.

[A]

A podcast.

[B]

Like you and everybody else. Huh?

[A]

What would you rather do? Would you rather pick up the weed in front of your mom? This is like a personal question for me. Or, like, admit to her? I mean, I guess, yeah, I'd admit.

[B]

To where I was.

[A]

Podcaster. They had. So they had supposedly come for him around 2am Just like the voices had told him they would. Oh, that's crazy.

[B]

Did I just hear two o'? Clock?

[A]

Yo, that's what, that's what Red Hoodie said before.

[B]

Damn, boy.

[A]

That's that precognition.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Element.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Wow, indeed. Who knows what the truth was, but I was glad to see him acting normally again. By comparison. It's been fine since. But I'd like to find a way to initiate a conversation with him about Dr. Jerry Marzinski.

[B]

Do it.

[A]

One episode of We're Gonna Bring It Up.

[B]

This is the advice we gave him last time. Just like, don't do it.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Well. Well, maybe send him this episode.

[A]

In this episode, I'm sure he won't stab you. And possibly put the two of them in touch because Dr. Jerry Marcinski doesn't have enough schizophrenics to deal with.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

Who knows? Oh, wait.

[B]

I'd love to see Aaron.

[A]

I'd love to see Aaron learn ways to battle this thing rather than.

[B]

There's a lot of rats in New York City.

[A]

I'd love to see Aaron learn ways to battle this thing rather than simply live in a medicated fog. I hope you appreciated this. Quick update. Peace. Peace. F.J. fool. We did appreciate it. It was wonderful, man. I don't know what to tell you. I mean, you know, I wonder how many people reach out to, to Marzinski and go, hey, I've got a schizophrenic for you.

[B]

Yeah, it's, I mean, somebody else. I, But I, I, I tell them where to reach some of these people. Like, you can go to the, you can go to the email. You can go to.

[A]

They.

[B]

Someone was asking for Vicky Joy Anderson. I'm like, well, I'm not going to give you her number.

[A]

Which would be wild. It would be a wild.

[B]

Yeah. But here's where to reach her. Here's where she's most responsive. Because that's, that's what these people are there for, right? They're kind of like Asking for this?

[A]

I mean. Yeah. Is that what we're asking for? I'm.

[B]

I guess.

[A]

Chronicles. NDS. Gmail.com. we're asking for it.

[B]

Yeah. We're not here to help.

[A]

No.

[B]

Disclaimer. We're here to exploit big flashing letters. I don't know how to help. Right. Like, I mean, I guess, like, the advice that we give you is. Is what we sort of know.

[A]

Yeah. I don't really know anything.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. We're trying. Dude. Good luck.

[A]

Good. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Good luck.

[B]

Chronicles. Nds.

[A]

Thank you very much, FJ fool, for the update. Wonderful update. I say that we play.

[B]

We have a lot in here.

[A]

Some music. Oh, and I have to make a big piss again. Well, we're at the hour mark, and that's about when I make a piss.

[B]

It is so crazy. It's. It's like a Pavlovian dialogue or Frozinger's. No.

[A]

Dick piss.

[B]

No. Nancy should tell us. Nancy, it's like a Pavlovian reaction where you've been trained.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When you put headphones on and then talking.

[A]

Remember when we told her to get. Get us a definition and we said. And then read it out loud?

[B]

And she was.

[A]

And then she just said, no, absolutely not.

[B]

What was the definition?

[A]

I don't remember anymore. And I'm. I'm. I could have been educated. NDS Suicide Hotline is what she recommended.

[B]

That's actually very funny.

[A]

I mean, I couldn't handle that.

[B]

Yeah, she's like. Oh, she's like the girl at your job at work that you give, like, 10 instructions to and you'll get three. Yeah.

[A]

You gotta tell her a lot of stuff to get anything back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You just tell her one thing, like, that's not gonna happen.

[B]

Nancy, what was the word that we asked you for? And what's the definition?

[A]

Affiliate. All right. And the definition is officially attach or connect to an organization.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

You. So, like, you're an affiliate.

[B]

Yeah. So I'm. Oh.

[A]

Thank you very much, Nancy. That's wonderful help. You know what I feel like. I feel like she needs to. You need to be more brash. You need to interrupt us. Don't just let us go on flows of consciousness and not give us the pertinent information that we ask for. You. You. You need to just interrupt the show and say, affiliate. Could you use it in a sentence and then use it in a sentence and then. And then define it and then spell it out loud? Is. You know. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

I Mean, you're just telling her what she needs to do. That's true.

[A]

Right? Yeah. Nancy, do whatever works for you. I'm not a good. Okay.

[B]

You know, it's kind of sad. Wow. Hold on a second. I'm looking. I just Googled.

[A]

Oh, shit. Toad was on msn. Whoa.

[B]

Yeah, I'm trying to find a Toad song, and apparently he was on msn. Let's pull this. This article up. This is an interesting one.

[A]

Read it, man. Fired for singing a cover of Kanye's. For singing a. A song. A popular Kanye west song from a fellow Roman saluter. Oh, my God.

[B]

He appeals to Elon. Whoa. They don't say his name. No, no. Tower Gang Toad. There he goes.

[A]

Tower Gang Toad. That's so funny. That's so funny. Oh, my God.

[B]

Wow, you made it to msn. When was this, though?

[A]

Dude? How did this. This is two months ago. How did this go over everybody's head?

[B]

I don't know. We missed that one. There's a lot going on. Yeah. All right, well, we have to. Yeah. Seven seasons coming for me because now I'm affiliate. We're gonna need an entire show shout.

[A]

Out to the wellness company. Did you know that Amon Rat sounds like Nancy?

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I hopped in a chat with them on Discord one time, and he started talking, and I was like, oh, Nancy's here. It's not that Nancy sounds like a man. It's that Eamon Rat, who. Who is a rather large man. Sounds like a woman.

[B]

That's not nice.

[A]

I love him, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I do enjoy him. Oh, Toad.

[B]

How's the piss coming?

[A]

I gotta piss hard, dude.

[B]

All right, well, here we go.

[A]

That's where the next shot's gonna be. Piss cam.

[B]

Odd key change, but all right.

[A]

Short people got no reason Short people got no reason Short people got no reason to live they got little lands and little lives and walk around telling great big lies they got little noses and tiny little teeth they wear platform shoes on the nasty little feet well, I don't want to sh. People don't want to sh. People don't want to show people around here Short people just aren't the same as you and I oh, man, the brothers until the day they die It's a wonderful world Short people got nobody Short people got nobody Short people got nobody to love they got little baby legs and they stand so low you gotta pick them up just to say hello they got little cars that go beep, beep, beep they got little voices going peep, peep, peep. They Got grubby little fingers and dirty little minds. They gonna gonna catch you every time. Don't wanna show people, don't want to show people. Don't want to show people around here. There yet. Dude, I was bragging about how. How professional this show is and you just.

[B]

We're back.

[A]

Dude, my back is wet. Yeah, dog, it's so hot in here.

[B]

My front's wet.

[A]

It's a sauna.

[B]

Why is my from wet and your back is wet?

[A]

Dude, what happened? Fuck. Oh. Oh no.

[B]

All right, that's enough.

[A]

Put it away.

[B]

Put it away. We're gonna read. We're gonna read some more. We're gonna get rid of the all the bad juju that you just shook out of my bathroom.

[A]

Wait, Raven. So Ayman Rat said something? He said. Raven, don't just make fun of me without telling everyone. I have an album coming out on Friday. Dude, if you have an album, we will play. We will play your music on the piss intermission.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

100% AAN. Rat, if you have an album coming out. If that's true, where would people find this album? Maim and Rat, answer us. Answer us right now. We're not going to proceed with anything until you say that.

[B]

Wait, okay. No, listen, for real. We got to go on with the show.

[A]

Okay. Where's my phone? I told.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Who are we reading now?

[B]

There is a bunch here.

[A]

We could do the Gates program.

[B]

I like that. Yeah. All right. Nancy, answer us. Who should we do? Sounds good.

[A]

That one's three pages. Jake is a page and a half.

[B]

All right, perfect.

[A]

She's good.

[B]

Let's do that. Just stop complaining.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Seriously, it's off putting.

[B]

It's part of the show.

[A]

When you complain. Okay, I will point a gun at you.

[B]

The Gates program. Yeah, I'm Chris Rippey.

[A]

Hey, dude, you can't just dox his whole name again.

[B]

You guys gotta like.

[A]

What are you doing? Doxing.

[B]

He's the Muslim guy that with the crazy dad who wrote to us before. Did we read that, Nancy?

[A]

Nancy? I don't remember. Is that what we read that.

[B]

Maybe we did Doxing him? It's a good letter. What he wrote me.

[A]

I don't remember.

[B]

He said no one knows.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

It's about demon. A demon possessed bum that he saw when he was a kid. I don't know if I swear too much, but I write how I talk, so it.

[A]

Wow, dude. Hey, Chris, I'm going to aim a gun at you.

[B]

This is a Christian show and you're.

[A]

Just swearing My name is Rip.

[B]

Call me Rip. Don't say my full name, please.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And I'm the Muslim. He wrote this twice.

[A]

And I am the Muslim. It is me. Well, you know, it's. I mean. Oh, I guess people convert to Muslim ism, so.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who wrote you before Muslianity?

[B]

I do remember now.

[A]

I remember something about a Muslim. Oh, yeah. He was trying to convince us it was based, Right?

[B]

Yeah, like, sounds smelly.

[A]

You remember 9 11?

[B]

Because this story made my back wet.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Do you remember 9 11?

[A]

You're trying to tell me you're cool. We don't forget you hate our freedoms.

[B]

Hashtag, we didn't forget. All right, hold on.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait.

[B]

What? Nah, stuff sucks, dude.

[A]

Dude, it's really good.

[B]

He wrote the story about his hat man encounter and his wild ass demon oppressed Pops, who once strangled our family dog to death because he thought shooting it would make the neighbors suspicious.

[A]

Why don't I remember that?

[B]

Nancy?

[A]

Nancy.

[B]

I don't remember that either.

[A]

Did we read this? Like, he. I don't remember that.

[B]

Is this like a. One of those.

[A]

A dude that strangled a family dog to death because he thought shooting it would make the neighbors suspicious? Dude, I don't remember that.

[B]

Is this a Mandela effect?

[A]

This is crazy. Oh, did, like, alternate reality. Yeah, did. Did Raven and. And Todd Losner read that?

[B]

By the way, don't forget to go to Toplops.

[A]

Dude, the website is looking so good. Dude, look.

[B]

I mean, yeah, it just reminded me, like, Mandela effects. There we go, baby. Original timeline. Gangster.

[A]

We should make a Chronicle shirt.

[B]

We should. What would it look like?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

These are cool. Got a lot of cool ones out there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Look at that.

[B]

Yeah, we're doing it, huh? Got some nice. Yeah, I mean, that was great audio for the listeners as well. I don't remember this story.

[A]

All right, well, whatever, I guess continue this.

[B]

I remember a Muslim.

[A]

I remember a Muslim too. They're hard to forget.

[B]

But I don't remember.

[A]

I remember this. Strangling a. A dog to death.

[B]

Dog. Yeah.

[A]

All right, that's crazy.

[B]

So my name is Rip, and I wanted to start off and answer the question you asked after reading my last letter, which never happened. What the.

[A]

Why is he lying to us?

[B]

Honestly, if I was writing in, I'd be like.

[A]

I would.

[B]

I'm gonna write into us a submission of something that we didn't read, but it's a part two, and then continue Like. Like in the middle of. Be like. If you guys remember how this went.

[A]

And be like, no, no, no. I don't remember at all.

[B]

Maybe, man, this is concerning. Anybody remember write in.

[A]

Yeah, just say something in the chat. Hey, is this real?

[B]

Writing chronicles MDs at Gmail. If you guys do remember.

[A]

Yeah, you can only just. You only just one word because this.

[B]

Guy heard the episode.

[A]

Yes or no? Just say yes or no if you remember this.

[B]

I've been working class since day one, and you guys remind me of bulbs. Can't say that at lunch on the job site. What's wrong with you? The hell, dude, Sometimes you can get deep into some legit spiritual and deep topics on a job site while also calling your co workers. And your show reminds me of that.

[A]

Oh, my God. Noob says, yes, you guys did read it. Z Man says, I remember this show, but Z Man would lie to us.

[B]

Us. Yeah, he's a liar.

[A]

He is a liar.

[B]

I don't know. This guy is. He's a liar too.

[A]

Nephilim noob. Never heard of him.

[B]

You also said that you listened to Jay Dyer's takes on Islam. Oh, I told him to listen. I did. They were nothing new. I remember this. I don't want to get into it, though. This isn't the place for me to talk about religion.

[A]

Wait, what?

[B]

I think it is.

[A]

It's literally the.

[B]

I thought we told you this is a Christian show.

[A]

Yeah, not a Muslim show.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, if you want that, hit me up. This is a place for a good old story about demon. A demon possessed Bun.

[A]

All right, dope. Respect.

[B]

Let's get into the. The real stuff now. The stuff that actually happened. Yeah, like right now.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Scott remembers.

[A]

Scott also is a liar.

[B]

How is this possible?

[A]

I'm telling you, it wasn't. It wasn't us. It was Raven and Todd Lassner.

[B]

All right, whatever. He grew up in Palo Alto, California, which is next to Stanford University. There is where the Stanford Research Institute SRI was located. Which is why I think there was always some weird stuff going on in my town. Unexplainable stuff happened as far back as I can remember. For example, my mom had enrolled me in Gates testing back in the day because she thought I was legit R worded.

[A]

But then she just found out you're Muslim.

[B]

Yeah. She's like, he's just Muslim.

[A]

He's just Muslim. He's not. We could. We could say, come on.

[B]

Yeah, but I'm trying. I mean, you think we're gonna have.

[A]

To make that not a thing, not a word.

[B]

Here's what I think we should do. I think we should do the show by YouTube's Community Guidelines and standards. That's what they think.

[A]

That's a bad.

[B]

What they believe. Yeah, that's obviously.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

The moral compass we should be going by.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm just confused on what slurs I can and can't say.

[A]

We love Israel.

[B]

Look at my Twitter.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Conservative.

[A]

Conservative OG.

[B]

For a while. So she thought he was retarded.

[A]

My missing tooth was so big on that shot.

[B]

That was the most insulting thing that's.

[A]

Ever happened to me. Guys, rewind that and look at how bad that was. Good God.

[B]

I remember doing the weird hearing. Let's bookmark that. The weird hearing test. Drinking the weird pink milk. I drank that too. Yeah, but here's the thing. We drank the. They make me drink the pink milk and live in the pod and do the hearing thing. Yeah, but the pink milk was because I had ear infections. Did you know that about me?

[A]

Well, I mean, I think you're thinking of the bubble gum flavored medicine.

[B]

Yeah, it's pink milk, right?

[A]

No, I don't. I think those are two different things. Because if that's the same thing, I drank a lot of that. I can't do the same thing cuz I drank that stuff recreationally.

[B]

Like it was drinking like Lacroix.

[A]

I mean, it was good Lacroix. It was like, they don't make medicine like that anymore.

[B]

Stuff that works.

[A]

Yeah, well, because it tastes like really great. I think it's the same thing.

[B]

Like Swiss cheese.

[A]

I don't think that's the same thing.

[B]

Okay, so this is different. This is different stuff.

[A]

It has to be.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Chat. Is it real Chat?

[B]

Like these guys know. All right, so yeah, Z man says he had a lot of ear infections when he was a kid.

[A]

Yeah, I don't believe Z man's retarded.

[B]

He's also a liar.

[A]

The pink milk is for coming off of heroin. Huh? Is what Rat says.

[B]

There's a lot of misinformation in the chat.

[A]

Pink bubble gum was penicillin or amoxicillin. Dude, it was delicious.

[B]

It was different stuff.

[A]

It has to be different stuff. Like I said, it drank a lot of it.

[B]

All right. I remember doing the weird hearing pink drink milk stuff, but also having them hold playing cards backward towards me and then asking me to guess what card they were holding.

[A]

And everyone, he was like, goat, goat.

[B]

They're like, that's not even a card.

[A]

And he was like. Because he's Muslim, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, Missed that one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When I didn't guess the right card. They would angrily tell me that if I practice doing this, I could get better. What the hell.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They also had me do this thing with partially colored green and white cubes where they would time me as I would build them to look like pictures they showed me throughout school. They would also put me in advanced classes and retarded classes.

[A]

That's just the technical use of the term. Yeah, that's not insulting.

[B]

Like segregated classes, like white and black.

[A]

I believe the actual, the, the, the original terminology was Bobo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. He was in Bobo Math.

[B]

Or Bobo.

[A]

Bobo Language arts, whatever. Bobo Reading. Bobo Math.

[B]

But they do the split and special ed classes throughout the same school year.

[A]

Yeah, I remember kids going like for the first day they would go to regular school.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then they would get on the Bobo bus.

[B]

You know, my wife was in very mad at Matt at math. Very bad.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

With time in general. Like, you see, we talk.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Yeah. Like she can't like the numbers.

[A]

I've never seen anybody like 15 minutes doesn't mean anything to her.

[B]

But. No, nothing at all. But she was in that class. She was in like, you know, advanced AP Science and reading and stuff. Because she's good at that. Yeah, but the math, she was like. I was with like legitimately retarded. Because like they put you in the retarded class. You know that, right?

[A]

You weren't with them.

[B]

You, you. She was, she was one of them.

[A]

She was Bobo and you never got any better. She was in Boba Math. Oh, by the way, Amon Rat says the pink Milk is for. Check out my album Where We Are by Escape Saturn released everywhere you can hear music on Friday. That's very non specific, but I'm, I'm about it. I'm going to listen to it on Friday.

[B]

I feel like I'd remember drinking that. Maybe I didn't.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

All right, so they would get mad at him and then they gave him these green blocks to build stuff with the white cubes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Put them in retarded classes, Advanced classes to give them split ring or something like that. Yeah, it was wild. They put me in advanced math and then dumb, dumb, dumb math, then advanced math again, all in one semester. It didn't matter how good or bad I did in class. They would eventually just switch everything up on me, no matter what. I'm lucky I was such a head man.

[A]

Shafid, It's a Muslim terminology.

[B]

Shafid. Yes. It means American.

[A]

Means American.

[B]

I and I didn't pay attention to their.

[A]

Man, this guy uses a lot of language, a lot of.

[B]

A lot of words I don't like doing. Why.

[A]

Why are you such a potty mouth, man?

[B]

Not comfortable. He spent most of his days in school doing graffiti. It's probably for the best. As God only knows. As Allah only knows.

[A]

He said that.

[B]

What would have happened if I excelled in them advanced classes or guess them cards, Right? Then he goes, she real long. I've been wild since mad young. Now he's turning black.

[A]

You see what's happening here? He's like, why is it. Do you ever notice there's like a proclivity for.

[B]

He's coding. This was called coding.

[A]

Yeah, he's code switching coats.

[B]

But why in an email?

[A]

Strange, but.

[B]

But maybe it's the Gates program.

[A]

There is a. A tendency for hood oriented individuals to gravitate.

[B]

Be careful towards.

[A]

Muslimism.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's up with that?

[B]

They shave their mustache.

[A]

I don't like that. I don't like a mustache. No mustache. Beard.

[B]

No mustache. With the. It's like the bigger. Smaller hat.

[A]

Yeah, it's big yarmulke.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know what's up with that.

[B]

I don't know what's up with that.

[A]

Why do they. Why do the hood oriented individuals gravitate towards Muslimity?

[B]

Why do they boil their scalp?

[A]

Oh, I saw that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't even be boiling your scalp.

[B]

This isn't. This is the wrong.

[A]

This is not that show.

[B]

No, I'm just asking, though, because that's crazy.

[A]

We're not. We're not allowed to act.

[B]

It looks like it hurts.

[A]

Yeah. Is that a Muslim tradition?

[B]

Dude, they're cooking their brain. All right. I've been wild since mad young, yo.

[A]

Facts.

[B]

And my town was filled with strange sh. So I got hella stories.

[A]

What is this?

[B]

What is this guy?

[A]

This is interesting. He's. He's. He's definitely code switching on us to tell.

[B]

And we'll keep these coming, God willing. Peace and love. The one I want to write about today is this bum. That was definitely demon possessed.

[A]

Oh, oh, oh. You want to just start. Just started reading now.

[B]

Yeah, now we're actually in the story.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

There were weird bums all over our town. We had drunk bums. Drunk.

[A]

No, don't do. Don't do the Ebonics and these old.

[B]

San Francisco hippie washouts roaming the streets of our town. Shit.

[A]

He's from San Francisco and he's code switching like this.

[B]

We used to know most of them because they would have us buy them beers or we Would have them buy us beers.

[A]

Well, they would. We would drink beer with them.

[B]

We would drink with them. We were toast with them. We boil this.

[A]

Hey, we're. You're slipping back into it, all right?

[B]

We're doing better.

[A]

No, it's not fun and it's bad and we're gonna do better now. So no more code switching. It's this guy you're ad libbing. You're adding things in there that are of a racial.

[B]

Was I?

[A]

I think so. You didn't even notice. That's how. All right, all right.

[B]

We knew where they all usually hung out and slept so we can kick them awake and when we needed them. That's not nice.

[A]

That's not nice.

[B]

We always knew where to find all the bums.

[A]

Oh, he's gonna name them. Dude, we're doxing bums now. That's crazy.

[B]

Frenchie.

[A]

Dude, there's literally always a bum named Frenchie.

[B]

Roger Rabbit. I like that they named him Roger Rabbit. The mayor. Oh, the mayor was over here. He was just reading us a story about rats. Yeah, that's dope. He hates rats.

[A]

Yeah, but. Or we're talking about the mayor of.

[B]

Of New York. But.

[A]

No, no, no. Remember the mayor of Naji?

[B]

Oh, yes. Him too. Yeah.

[A]

And he told us all of the traditions of Naji and the berries that they eat. All the berries. There was a lot of different berries.

[B]

But his wife was Australian.

[A]

Down shaving of the goat, I think was one of them.

[B]

So they had the mayor hanging out. Cujo, the Bammer Brothers and Crooked Neck John.

[A]

Damn, dude. Imagine you and your brother and they would call you the Bama Brothers.

[B]

These crooked.

[A]

You'd be the coolest dudes.

[B]

Here we go. Crooked Neck. I love it. All right, my neck is not crooked, but we had. There was this one bum. We didn't know who he was or where he stayed. Come on, man.

[A]

Don't. No, no, it's fine.

[B]

He was a black dude. This is where the code switching comes in.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Mostly clean shaven, decent clothes, dope Jordans.

[A]

That's why I didn't say that. Okay, all right.

[B]

Never talked and never responded. If you did talk to him, maybe.

[A]

He was deaf and mute.

[B]

Maybe. Maybe he was in the Gates program. Maybe he was retarded.

[A]

Maybe drank too much of that pink bubblegum shit stuff.

[B]

Did you know that there's an album coming out Friday?

[A]

Whoa, what's it called?

[B]

I don't remember.

[A]

Escaping the Jews by Saturnian Overlord. What was it called?

[B]

I don't remember. It was so far back.

[A]

Damn it, dude, we can't even scroll where we are by Escape Saturn. Dude, the crap out of me. Ah, the stuff out of me. You can say crap.

[B]

I'm gonna give Nancy a gun.

[A]

Nancy? What's it called? One more time.

[B]

I have one.

[A]

Oh, it's called Where We Are by Escape Saturn. Where are we?

[B]

What kind of gun do you have, Nancy?

[A]

Don't worry about it. Oh, that's all right.

[B]

What's your blood type, though?

[A]

Well, you've been giving her the don't worry about a treatment, so that's fair.

[B]

That is fair.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, negative. How did she know that?

[B]

All the kids in the neighborhood would be amazed when he stepped out of the way of people on the sidewalk across the busy street, avoiding cars with his eyes completely closed.

[A]

Maybe he was blind too.

[B]

Yeah. I remember we once pushed a skateboard, like, last second in front of him to see if he would avoid it. But he just stepped right over it with that sh. In his eyes completely closed, like it didn't happen and we didn't exist.

[A]

Damn, this guy's cool. I guess.

[B]

I mean, yeah. After that, we avoided that guy. He wasn't in our neighborhood all the time. We would see him, like, a couple times a month or so, and when we did, we would just get out of his way and he would. And would shut the up.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

When he passed us at that time, we were kids.

[A]

I.

[B]

Kids are so many, you know?

[A]

You gotta get this. You gotta have a boop.

[B]

I have one, but it won't. But then it's. I'm still saying it.

[A]

No, no, that you gotta. Because you're doing the thing already. You're going, yeah. Which one is it?

[B]

I don't know. You gotta read it. Nope, none of those. Anyway, I found it.

[A]

So you would be like. And he stepped over that and.

[B]

Yeah, and we were pretty. We were pretty kids.

[A]

We were pretty kids. Yeah. Dude, I can't do that. I can't press about you. You know what? You're. What you're gonna say. You gotta press.

[B]

You're reading it. You're reading it too.

[A]

Okay. Where are you?

[B]

Right here. We didn't respect anyone, but we were all uneasy about that bum. One day, around high school times, my brother and I were chilling on our porch and that bum walked past our house. My brother says to me that he thinks that that guy's possessed by a demon. Like a dream, a demon's driving him and that's why he can't see without his eyes. That had not crossed my mind until then, but it made perfect sense, and I agreed with him. Later that day, me and my brother hopped on this brown 1969 Plymouth Duster to head downtown. As we turn out of the neighborhood, my brother sees this bum sitting on a bus stop. My brother says, there's that possessed mother, and points at him. As we turn past him, he lifts his head in our direction and opens his eyes, and they are glowing orange like a traffic light. Jeez, that's crazy. It's like three in the afternoon and his eyes were glowing. My brother hit the gas, and we got out of there and never seen that dude again in our neighborhood. Many months later, I'm chilling downtown, drinking 40s in the alleyway with my man Spectre. Owner.

[A]

Hell, yeah.

[B]

What does that matter?

[A]

Yeah. Spect owner, Spectoner. Spectoner. Spect owner.

[B]

Yeah. Is this another homeless dude?

[A]

Spectrum.

[B]

This guy could be a very emotional dude. So we're, like, drinking and talking about life, love, stress, setbacks, getting deep, just getting deep in our. Each other emotional holes.

[A]

Getting deep in each other and just.

[B]

Chilling like good friends do. You know, everyone has that friend named Spect Owner Spectoner. As we leave this alleyway, we're walking down the sidewalk where there's a building one side half brick, and a bench on the other side. About halfway down the block is that bum. I never seen this bum downtown. It's nighttime. I am freaked out, but what am I gonna do? Run from this? Nah, ain't gonna run from no out of your mind. So I tell Spect, yo, we gotta watch out for this fool. He's sketchy as I like this. Do you guys like the.

[A]

This is hard.

[B]

This is nice.

[A]

This is so hard.

[B]

Right as we're about to pass him, he raises his head to us and opens his eyes. Brothers, there are beams of orange and red lights just piercing the night, and we got to walk by this mother. I don't know what Spec did, but I put my head all the way down and walked past him.

[A]

Do you think his. His eyes are glowing like.

[B]

Like he was bass.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Feel like the bleeping of the curse is making people fill in the curses.

[A]

Well, that's. Whatever they do in their own minds is fine.

[B]

No, that. I don't want to make them.

[A]

We're just being reasonable because we're reasonable men.

[B]

Nancy, do you like this?

[A]

Do you guys like this? Do you like the. Oh, you do? Okay.

[B]

She said yeah.

[A]

Yeah. She said yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Sheepishly. But she said it.

[B]

She's like, I don't know. Yeah, I Don't know what to think.

[A]

My name's Nancy.

[B]

So he had beams of orange and red lights piercing through his eyes. What?

[A]

That's pretty cool.

[B]

I put my head all the way down and walked past him as fast as I could without looking like a and running. Once we passed him, I looked back to see him still staring at us with glowing orange eyes. And then finally closing them and putting his head down. I asked Spect if he'd seen that, and he said, yeah. I didn't ask him anything else. He didn't say anything else, and we just walked home in silence.

[A]

There it is again.

[B]

You see something supernatural, and you just kind of go, whatever.

[A]

Have you seen that?

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Anyway, I got cookies out there.

[A]

Oh, yeah, let's go.

[B]

The cookies.

[A]

Dude, you have a lot of cookies out there. You buy, like, an industrial pack of cookies, by the way. I don't know. Why? Why do you do that?

[B]

I just went to Beejes, so I got him cookies. All right, here we go.

[A]

Hold on. Wait. Let's see. It's terrible. And then Z Man says, no, I don't know if he said an N word or an F word. I have to say it out loud with both to see which sounds better.

[B]

They're saying it's messing up the content. And then Raven sounds like a dolphin when he laughs. That's separate.

[A]

That's just a separate thing, Scott.

[B]

Now they're talking about Jesus. All right.

[A]

Jesus really doesn't care what English swear words you use. Yeah, that's true.

[B]

That is true.

[A]

But just put it.

[B]

Just put don't curse in Sumerian.

[A]

Well, every time we do the button, just imagine we're saying.

[B]

All right, now that we've cleared that up, it was a bummer not taking Spec'd on the walk home. Not talking to him, because that was the last time I seen him alive. What the. That was a Thursday, and he was murdered the following Saturday at a house party turned fist fight. He got hit with a car in the brawl outside the party.

[A]

That's not a fist fight.

[B]

No. Yeah, that's a car fight.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In the front yard of a retired 49ers quarterback.

[A]

That says retarded.

[B]

Oh, no. It says retired. Wow. He died in front of 49ers quarterback Steve Young's front yard.

[A]

Damn. Damn.

[B]

I don't think these things were connected, but I had to shout out that Spec died because rest in peace of the homie. Well, rest in peace, suspect.

[A]

Rest in peace to Spec donor.

[B]

Yeah. Mad respect donor. This is the end to that One. The next one I write, hopefully we remember will be about this. I can't say that word either. I knew.

[A]

Oh, it's. It's a transmission.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Transformer.

[B]

Who's seen a robot? I know it sounds corny, but it's a funny story. And I believe that she. He. Yeah, I. I believe that they saw it, I guess. Wait, okay, what is that? That's not a supernatural story that they saw a robot.

[A]

You might have just seen a robot.

[B]

Yeah, those. Those exist.

[A]

They out there.

[B]

What do you think goes on?

[A]

Ayman Rat says. Do you guys have a button that does? Check out my new album, Where We Are by Escape Saturn. Available everywhere. You listen to music on Friday, 8:15.

[B]

It's on there somewhere. It's. Nope, not that one. No, I thought it was the milky pink button.

[A]

Was it this one? No, don't.

[B]

I don't know what these are going to say. It might be crazy. Just leave it. We'll leave it. I don't know what they do. All right, peace out, you two. May God bless you for the entertainment you bring me and whoever. Islam in the last chance at the start of the letter. I don't remember it, but. Yeah. You know what I'd say about them? I'd say, yeah, yeah. All that. I beat the dog out of you in real life. Damn. Boy, these Muslims really are violent.

[A]

It's. You know why? Because it's. It's the. The hood oriented individuals.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That gravitate towards it. Your wife is calling. You want to take that call?

[B]

Nah, she's good. She's good.

[A]

She could be on fire.

[B]

She should do the math. Clearly. I'm on a show. Why would you call me?

[A]

All right.

[B]

It's fine. Yeah. Dude, I thought this was the religion of. I mean, it's, you know. Okay. We're doing like I said. I told him. What's his name again? I forget his name. Chris. We're doing better. Yeah, and you should, too. Where we're cleaning it up.

[A]

I'll tell you what. I'll never do that button again.

[B]

You don't like it?

[A]

It's too intense.

[B]

It is a lot.

[A]

Because I like to relax while you read and listen to what you're saying. I don't like to have to track the thing.

[B]

I like how David's like. I don't like to do any kind of producing while we're doing stuff.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

I'm like this. I'm like, buttons here, hands here. Nancy's.

[A]

I can't. I'm just. I literally have Only one skill set and that's it. It's just that the buck stops there.

[B]

Doesn't that stink? This is why we need the, like, we need a producer to do all this stuff. Whatever. It's fine. This is the behind the stage talk.

[A]

What should we do? Should we do another one or no.

[B]

I don't know. It's almost 4 o' clock our time. I don't know what time it is at Nancy's time.

[A]

Oh, that's right, Nancy. Nancy has a job. We should probably end it here. How you doing on time, Nancy?

[B]

I got plenty of time. She's got plenty of time. So I think we got to close it up now. That's what Nancy. All right, do the. We'll read the one more. Which was the short one?

[A]

There's a short one? Jake.

[B]

Jake was a pretty short one. Let's. Let's do that one.

[A]

Oh, it's only 1.5 pages. It was great. We're gonna do this.

[B]

Okay, let's start it.

[A]

Ready?

[B]

Wait up.

[A]

Oh, thank you. Hello, Top and Raven.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Hello. My name is Jake. No, that was his last name. Yeah, we just bleeped it out.

[B]

Yeah, we're not gonna do that. Don't worry.

[A]

It's just too much. I don't think Jake already strikes me as the type of guy that's not gonna. He wrote in italics for that first portion. He's not gonna swear. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that there are two types of horror. The supernatural and the unnatural. In my opinion, the scariest supernatural movie of all time is the Exorcist. And the scariest unnatural movie would be the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

[B]

Honorable mention.

[A]

Honorable mention. Cabin in the Woods. I told you about that.

[B]

Yeah, we're talking about that.

[A]

Yes, you should watch it. You'd really enjoy it. You'd be like, oh, this is a wild premise, Cabin in the Woods. But not really a movie that provokes fear, but instead curiosity. I have a few stories that have happened to me personally of both types, but in this letter I will only tell of the super.

[B]

I love how they say this. So many people do that. They go, I've got a lot of stories, but you know what it is? I will only say one of them.

[A]

They want us to ask. Yeah, tell us your stories, Daddy. That's what they want to hear.

[B]

Tell us your story, Daddy.

[A]

One man who we call Daddy. And that's milk estogis at the bottom there.

[B]

You could tell us.

[A]

You can tell chronicles, nds, gmail.com. this happened in Turlock, California, in a local place, not a real place at all, in a local hotel called the Mediocre Eastern, something like that. This guy's alluding to the Best Western.

[B]

Ah, yeah, what a clever lad.

[A]

I swear there will be not one swear word in this. This man cares too much about the way he's writing. Yeah, and I appreciate that about him. Unlike the Muslims to be careful.

[B]

You know, we don't need a fatwa on us. I'm sorry, look it up, Nancy. You could read the definition of that.

[A]

Nancy, please look up the definition of fatwa. And, and read it. It sounds like something creole.

[B]

No, like a shrimp scrimp. Like a fatwa. Shrimp. I'd be like, yeah, I'd have some of that.

[A]

I went someplace recently and I was eating. Oh, oh, Chili's, Easton's.

[B]

Was that Easton?

[A]

The place by the lake.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's good.

[B]

Take your time, Nancy.

[A]

I have stayed in this hotel many times as it is affordable and just off the freeway. Many blue collar workers stay there and it tends to fill up quickly on the weekdays. Turlock was not my destination, but as I was driving, I decided to call it a day and pull over at this hotel because it was familiar. I work all over California and have seen the majority of it, from the good to the worse. So it's about 4 o' clock on a dreary February afternoon. I approach the front desk and ask if there are any rooms left as the parking lot looks full and I almost never book ahead. This guy's unprepared. Yep, unprepared. The worst kind of person. Although, yeah, it doesn't care. Makes up for it though with the, you know, the sentence structure and the, you know, punctuation and paragraphs. That's huge. Anywho, the clerk, the clerk tells me they have one room left. 1:33. I have always stayed on the second floor at the end of this hotel if I can help it. So I can keep an eye on my truck at night. You know what would help? That? Calling. Calling ahead. Yeah, calling ahead. Planning a little bit would help you do that. But whatever, what do I know?

[B]

I. I'm not a planner either. I don't like to plan.

[A]

No, you don't. This morning you hit me up. You said, I'm on the way to Matt's coffee shop right now. Are you coming? Yeah, I said no, I was busy this morning getting.

[B]

That's on you, dog.

[A]

Goodwill, going and getting wigs.

[B]

Is that the smell in this room?

[A]

Yeah, you know that smell? A wig from Goodwill has a very particular smell. It's crazy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I have never stayed on the first floor here. And the clerk informs me that if I want to change rooms, I can request tomorrow to do so, which I thought was odd. So I get the keys and bring the things to my room. The room was okay. Not any weird or disgusting remnants from past occupants. As far as smells or stains. Side note. One thing I have found in the past that grossed me out was someone placed their fake eyelashes on the nightstand lamp and left them there and the maid overlooked them for me to find.

[B]

Oh, that's gross.

[A]

Yeah. You ever know. Never mind.

[B]

I feel like we asked Nancy for a definition not long ago.

[A]

What is she doing? What do we pay her for? Nancy, what is the definition of the word that we asked you? What is the word that we asked you for?

[B]

A definition for fatwa, I believe.

[A]

Yeah. A ruling on a point of Islamic law given by recognized authority. Why is that funny? I don't know.

[B]

Because I.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait. I don't understand.

[B]

Can you.

[A]

Is. Is there a sentence that you could use it in?

[B]

No. So someone said, fat twat.

[A]

You guys are immature.

[B]

I like immature.

[A]

Unbelievable. All right.

[B]

Nancy's a good fit.

[A]

We'll leave it at that. Nancy, you're dismissed. So, yeah, there was some. There's some fake eyelashes on the nightstand. Anyway, that night I had a cheeseburger. And a couple of. Few beers. And a couple. Few beers.

[B]

I thought this. I thought punctuation was important.

[A]

He started drinking.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I went to sleep. Probably around 11pm the one difference. I'm sorry. Fat twats is funny. The one difference of this room to the one on the second floor, in hindsight, was the flooring. The one on the second floor was carpeted. But this room, room 133, was a laminate.

[B]

What? Now the story's heating up.

[A]

You know, the fake hardwood. Oh, thank you. I forgot about that. I wake up from my sleep to hear a noise in the room. The sound was of bare feet walking, slapping against.

[B]

Oh, that's how like Nancy walks.

[A]

Clap, clap, clap. I remember looking down when she would talk to me. I would stand on her feet.

[B]

That's what she asked me. She's like, top, how many pairs of shoes do you own? I was like, nancy, you know, you don't fit.

[A]

Yeah. Just huge. You have to cut the toes of your shoes out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I kept Nancy at arm's length at Bohemian Grove, but I still stood on her feet.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, you kept her at arm's length and she still Put her arm around you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was weird.

[A]

Yeah, she kept trying to choke me.

[B]

Yeah, it was choking that she was trying to do.

[A]

Yeah, it was like. It looked like a. Like a weird kind of hug. It was a hug, but only with her fingers. Can't really be around my neck. It was strange. I woke up from my sleep to hear the noise in the room. The sound of bare feet slapping against the laminate floor.

[B]

It's a great comment. Do your job.

[A]

What do we ask you to do again? All right, all right, all right. Stop it atma. Stop it. Not many steps. Just a couple. Enough to wake me up. I was sleeping at this moment with a pillow, kind of hugging it. Sleeping face down. I don't like that move. You know, I like to sleep hugging a pillow, but sometimes I will roll over under my belly, and that's where, like, things try to choke me.

[B]

Start to suffocate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, me too. Yeah. As you get older, maybe you just getting old, but sometimes I'm on my belly and I go, yeah. I wake up.

[A]

Okay, so. So sleeping face down, I was facing the door with a little light seeping from the light post outside. Good God. A little light seeping in from the light post outside. I hear the footsteps and open my eyes and look around. Nothing. I close my eyes to go back to sleep. A few short moments later, I go.

[B]

I am grabbed.

[A]

I have been grabbed. A few short moments later, I am grabbed. Two arms suddenly slide under my voluptuous. No, under my body.

[B]

If they slide under your body, are you grabbed or held?

[A]

Who knows?

[B]

This seems nice.

[A]

Two arms suddenly slide under my body.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

He explains, like in wrestling when you go to take somebody down and they sprawl this. Something got double underhooks on you.

[B]

Underhooks? Yeah. You're wrestling with God out here.

[A]

That's crazy. Shout out, Jacob.

[B]

Shout out, Jacob.

[A]

This person had double underhooks. Lying their chest on my back as I grabbed the back of their arms and triceps. Damn. This guy's gr. I can. He goes, wow. Okay, this is crazy.

[B]

So how does he grab? Oh, because they're.

[A]

They're under him.

[B]

Behind him.

[A]

They're. They're. They're behind him. He's laying down. They're on his back.

[B]

They're giving.

[A]

They got a double under hook with the big feet and they're doing the thing.

[B]

They're blapping their feet.

[A]

You know, if. If it's.

[B]

You know, come to think of it. Well, this doesn't make any sense.

[A]

No, it Makes sense. Because if they're. If they're doing it to his back, that's one thing. But imagine how you would be in a position where you sprawled.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you spoil on a motherfucker and you got under.

[B]

How do you feel about this?

[A]

Then you can gin.

[B]

Gin. Tonic says, I'm taller than my wife, but we have the same feet. Her feet are bath.

[A]

Send toad pictures.

[B]

Yeah. Honestly, would save me a lot of money if my wife was the same size as me.

[A]

Oh, that'd be cool. I mean, she would wear your Jordans.

[B]

I'd wear her Jordans. I'd be like, babe, I bought you new Jordans. And then if you're like, that's how.

[A]

I am when I'm like, babe, I bought you a sword. Yeah, I've done that in the past.

[B]

And then you swing it around yourself, and she's just like, what a.

[A]

Dude. But no, this does make sense. If somebody sprawls on you and they get underhooks on you, you can just reach over and grab their triceps. Steps.

[B]

But they have underhooks on their. From the back to the front.

[A]

Think about it, though.

[B]

They're holding them like they're. They're on the Titanic.

[A]

No, no, not like they're on the Titanic. Like somebody went to go shoot a shot on you, and you sprawled on that.

[B]

You're pointing it at yourself now.

[A]

That's it. That's what I'm doing.

[B]

We just can't. We can't.

[A]

I'm starting with the man in the mirror.

[B]

Oh, no. We just can't continue like this. What do you mean, like this? How we're doing it. There's got to be a way. There's got to be something we can do.

[A]

We can get better. It takes practice.

[B]

We've said so many.

[A]

Have we said too many things? Guys, chat. Is this real? When you sprawl on somebody who shoots on you?

[B]

I'm still trying to make sense of this.

[A]

They're just in that regular orientation.

[B]

Face facing you, facing you. Right.

[A]

Nancy says, stop pointing the gun at me. I will not.

[B]

I refuse. That's part of the job. We explained it.

[A]

But then he's saying, change his way.

[B]

Hold on. I am grabbed.

[A]

He says, I have been grabbed.

[B]

I have been grabbed. Like wrestling. And then he goes, but the person is double underhooks, lying their chest on my back.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Think about when you sprawl on somebody. You put their chest. You put your chest in their back.

[B]

Got you.

[A]

And then you can spin and take A bad position. He's in a bad position. He's been sprawled on.

[B]

You've been sprawled? Like sprawled.

[A]

You've been sprawled on, baby.

[B]

Yeah, but usually like somebody sprawls on me sometimes like their face is still up and my face is still up if I'm trying to take them down.

[A]

If you really get sprawled on, he's been.

[B]

This dude. Committed.

[A]

Yeah, he's fully sprawled.

[B]

Okay, got you.

[A]

He been sprawled.

[B]

You got sprawled.

[A]

He's been.

[B]

Bro. He has been grabbed. I have been grabbed and sprawled.

[A]

Okay, so grabs your triceps. I can feel this person's skin. It feels like an older woman. Damn, bro. You got sprawled on by an old lady. Call myself. This is hard. Sprawled on by an old lady, bro. Lucy. Cold skin. Maybe from the cold night air. Not damp, but cold. She wasn't wearing much, but then again, I couldn't see her. It felt like a nighty. Not quite lingerie, but something light like that. Maybe a transient.

[B]

Transient.

[A]

Oh, transient woman.

[B]

Nancy, that one.

[A]

What does transient mean? Nancy, if you would, please. And you know, make it.

[B]

Make it snap.

[A]

Yeah. And interrupt. I don't like waiting for my definitions.

[B]

Oh, time pause. We're going to bring the show in for a second. But this is a great.

[A]

We can do that. No, I won't do that. We could do that now.

[B]

Lasting only for a short time.

[A]

Resting only for a short time. Last, let me tell you.

[B]

Lasting, lasting.

[A]

Lasting only for a short time.

[B]

I'm familiar.

[A]

That was a banger. Good job, dude.

[B]

Are we allowed to joke like that?

[A]

This is a Christian show.

[B]

Somebody called God.

[A]

Somebody called Jesus.

[B]

Let him. Let him know what I just said.

[A]

Is it okay if it's self deprecating? Spencer says. Oh, my God. Did I just hear Nancy's voice? Hey, Spencer.

[B]

Yeah, dog? Where you been, dude? Nds karaoke, though. This is a really fun. Yeah, no. Yes. Yeah, yeah. This is why we invite the guests here. They come here. They.

[A]

Oh, we make them sing.

[B]

Make them sweat.

[A]

Yeah, sweat. Sprawl on them.

[B]

Sprawl on them. See how they do.

[A]

Now you go get sprawled on and then I'm going to sprawl on you again. Yeah.

[B]

Knock the cameras over.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

And then we go to the next room. We do karaoke, dog. And record it. That would be fun.

[A]

Why would we go to the. To the next room and do carry?

[B]

It's the party room.

[A]

I don't understand. All right.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

I don't like it, guys.

[B]

One, two, three. In the chat, if you want to see David, do karaoke.

[A]

Three, three, two, one. In the chat, if you don't understand.

[B]

What'S not to understand?

[A]

Maybe a transient woman who had somehow hid in my room. It had come out now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Makes no sense, but I can surely feel her. My attitude at this moment was not fear. It was calm and determined. Shout out to determined TCG on whatnot. He sells me Pokemon cards.

[B]

Shout out.

[A]

There is a strange woman in my room attacking me. I have to get this situation under control. I can't let you get close to me.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, David's move would be a double hammer fist to her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To her spine.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Smash it. Fracture and you're set.

[A]

Well, I remember when I. I was.

[B]

But what if she's made out of wood? Right? That's like that.

[A]

Well, that's when, you know, you rebuke her in the name of Christ. If it's a puppet that looks like a woman, you rebuke her in the name of Christ. When I was younger, I had been sleep paralysized, and I probably. I had a fan, probably binaural, beat down myself in a sleep paralysis. And I felt as though I was being choked into my bed, face down into my pillow.

[B]

Choked into it, like.

[A]

Or like, you know, like being forced down now because you can't choke the back of my neck. I've tried. It was really, you know, the. The pillow was suffocating me. And I didn't take it as a paranormal thing. I felt as though I. I thought it was my mom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because that was the only person I knew that was home.

[B]

Like, why would she choke me?

[A]

Well, first I thought she was being a silly goose, which was, like, kind of funny. But then I was, you know, I was running out of air, and I was like, why is my mom trying to kill me? And then I thought my mom wouldn't try to kill me. So then I went, oh, my God, there is an intruder in my home trying to kill me.

[B]

By the way, Binaural beatdown.

[A]

Binaural beatdown.

[B]

Go get that shirt. This is a fun one. I enjoy making that one. Bam. Like, in the style of Dr. Seuss almost. Anyway, continue your story. Is this a dream?

[A]

No, it's real life. I eventually. In real life, I'm going to your house. I eventually stopped being paralyzed and then got out of it, and it was just. Nobody was in my room.

[B]

Wow. Very spooky. You should write into the show.

[A]

I should write into it. Why'd you.

[B]

It's a travesty that Merkel hasn't had you on.

[A]

No, I won't go on a show now.

[B]

I don't blame you.

[A]

Yeah, I don't blame me either.

[B]

Oh, Nancy's out. Nancy left.

[A]

Nancy, you.

[B]

All right? Try to log back in. We'll figure it out.

[A]

Take that. We sent you the link, Nancy. The original link that you use to get in is what you.

[B]

She's still trying. Knocking at the door.

[A]

Nancy. Knocking at the door. This is coming out of your pay.

[B]

All right, let's wrap this up because.

[A]

I have a feeling I am sweating. Yeah. My attitude in that moment was not fear. It was common, determined. There was a strange woman in my room attacking me. I have to get this situation under control.

[B]

Under control.

[A]

So at that moment, I pull down hard. Really hard.

[B]

Don't do that.

[A]

With my left hand on her right arm and shoot my right arm into the air to topple her off me. This is like. This is like wrestling. This is like.

[B]

He's teaching you the correct way.

[A]

That's interesting. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I do this powerfully and she is gone.

[B]

What?

[A]

What the.

[B]

That's our new drop.

[A]

That's a good one. What the f. I have time now. I have time to be scared.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I turn on all the lights and scour the room. Nothing. No one. I checked the clock and thank God it was not 3 o'. Clock.

[B]

That would have been worse.

[A]

Imagine if I remember correctly, if it.

[B]

Was three, it would have been like, yeah, maybe a transient woman would have attacked me.

[A]

Trans. If I remember right, it was 4:23am that's still a spooky time.

[B]

Sure. Donut has something.

[A]

Oh, yeah, 100. That's the Lionsgate butthole hour. Or something like that. I prayed to God hard. I prayed that nothing like that would ever happen to me again. And stayed awake until I checked out a couple of hours later.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

I have driven past this place many times and always look over, but have never stayed since. I hope you guys are well and let me know if you want to hear about some other things I have experienced. Thanks again, Jake. Footnotes.

[B]

We do want you to. Yeah.

[A]

I would like for you to write in again.

[B]

Yeah. This was nice. It was nice talking with you, Coob. What were the footnotes?

[A]

Oh, it's. It's an image. You got to bring it in the.

[B]

Oh, no, but it says something.

[A]

Oh, footnotes. Old hag syndrome is real. It was this lady.

[B]

Horrific dude. Oh, who wrote that? Did he say. He said it was this lady.

[A]

Let me tell you something. I could beat the brakes off of her.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. No, I would.

[A]

10 out of 10 times. I am wrecking this woman.

[B]

Yeah, but I. I don't appreciate the. The effort that you put into doing this to me.

[A]

Oh. If I ever got disrespectfully sprawled on by a woman that looked like that, you had better believe I would kill her so that she could never tell the story.

[B]

Well, I think she's not really alive.

[A]

I would kill.

[B]

What a crazy thing. Why would this thing, like, sprawl on him? Like, you ever see you watch some.

[A]

You probably shot on her.

[B]

Like, Daniel Cormier. He does this all the time. If, like, he probably just did this. Hamza. Ddp.

[A]

Whatever happened to Nancy? She never came back. She just gave up, quit. She's like, I don't like these guys. They keep aiming guns at me.

[B]

So he'll go up to them during the fight week when they're doing their things at the hotel, and he'll shake their hand, and he'll pat him this way, that way, and then he'll shoot on him. Yeah, like that. Like, just. I feel like this is what this lady was doing to the guy. She's, like, playing.

[A]

I mean, she fully sprawled on him.

[B]

She's slapping.

[A]

That's. That's a crazy.

[B]

Well, sometimes it gets there with D.C. sometimes he'll sprawl, like, he'll. He'll shoot on the dude, and it gets serious. And the people in the hotel are like. They're just like, dudes that are staying at the hotel.

[A]

Like, what? I like it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That's what it feels like. She kind of like, you know, I don't know. What are you about?

[A]

I don't. Yeah, maybe she's just testing you.

[B]

What are you about?

[A]

You want to solid. You think you. You think you some shit.

[B]

You stop this takedown.

[A]

Can't stop this takedown. You can't stop this takedown. Yeah, man. It's one thing to be paralyzed by an old hag.

[B]

It's one thing to get sprawled on, another thing to get blapped.

[A]

Well, let me tell you, if. If she spun on him, if he didn't take that right arm with his left arm and then.

[B]

And then turn into his back.

[A]

He's getting shot on. He's got these underhooks.

[B]

He.

[A]

He reaches over and he's. It's kind of confusing.

[B]

Seems like he isolates one arm, right.

[A]

And he shoots up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. It's a weird description, but if she would have spun on him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She'd have blapped him up. Imagine she'd have blapped him up, she'd have took his back.

[B]

Blah, blah, blah. Now. Now we're dealing with a different story. Now we're dealing with, like. That's a good place to leave it. I think.

[A]

If you have any stories that you'd like us to ridicule, you can send them over to chroniclesndsgmail.com. that's a great way to fill our content holes. Fill your content holes. It's a mutually beneficial relationship and it's good for everybody. Was it good for you guys? Because it was good.

[B]

Was it as good for you as it was for me? Probably not. Probably not. I. Guys, we gotta leave. He pulled. He did it again.

[A]

The greatest hypnotist on planet Earth is.

[B]

A oblong box in the corner of the room.

[A]

It is constantly telling us what to believe is real.

[B]

You can persuade them that what they see with their eyes is what there is to see because they'll act in.

[A]

The face of an explanation that portrays the bigger picture of them.

[B]

And they have.