NDS Chronicles w/ Kersten Capra

Summary

Nephilim Death Squad Chronicles w/ Kirsten Capra

Date: June 29, 2026
Podcast: Nephilim Death Squad (NDS Chronicles)
Hosts: David Lee Corbo (The Raven), Top Lobsta, Matt
Guest: Kirsten Capra

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Episode Overview

This episode of NDS Chronicles features a powerful, in-depth testimony from musician and realtor Kirsten Capra, who shares her journey from addiction, psychosis, and spiritual darkness to sobriety, healing, and faith in Christ. The discussion is raw, candid, and honest—blending the podcast’s trademark mix of humor, biblical worldview, and conspiracy with a real-life redemption story. The hosts and guest explore the interplay between substance abuse, the supernatural, mental health, spiritual warfare, generational trauma, and the power of community and grace.

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Main Themes & Purpose

• The reality and spiritual dimension of addiction
• Personal testimony of transformation through faith and recovery
• The limitations of secular mental health systems
• The essential role of spiritual awakening and community support
• The persistent battle with generational trauma and iniquity
• The redemptive possibilities for even the most desperate cases

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Key Segments, Discussion Points, and Notable Quotes

1. Introduction & Background ([03:15])

• Meet Kirsten Capra: Kirsten, a musician and realtor, is an old friend of co-host Matt. Known for her strong singing voice and colorful personality, she was an infamous but talented regular at Matt’s coffee shop—once considered a “crazy person” both by herself and the local church crowd.
• Humorous Banter: The team jokes about Kirsten being a magician (not musician), her vaping and loud singing, and the quirky dynamics with regulars.

“She was one of the people that… the church people that came here hated. They always complained about her. She was loud. She was vaping in the shop.” — Matt [04:01]

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2. Kirsten’s Early Life: Adoption, Pain, & the Spiral into Addiction ([07:26–13:08])

• Adopted into an eclectic, loving family: Six adopted sisters from around the world, raised in upstate NY and NC.
• Early exposure to drugs at 14: Drugs as relief from “physical and emotional pain.”
• Car Accident at 17: Broke her pelvis, put on prescription opioids, which paved the path to full-blown addiction.

“They prescribe opioids. Next thing you know, that's the beginning of a long winding road.” — David Lee Corbo [10:48]

• Transition: Opiate prescription escalates to heroin, then crack and meth—amplified by the broader context of the opioid epidemic in the US.

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3. The Spiritual and Psychological Abyss ([13:08–21:13])

• Soul Sickness: Drugs filled an inner “void that only God can fill.”
• Discussion of AA’s language about a spiritual malady.
• Barriers to True Faith: Addiction as a blockade to genuine relationship with Christ, even with biblical knowledge.
• Drug Use & Spiritual Influence: Opioids and stimulants are seen as doorways to demonic oppression or even direct spiritual harassment.

“You have to have your house in order for [the Holy Spirit] to dwell in you and bear fruit in you.” — Kirsten [20:37]

• Matt references Marzinski (renowned for studying schizophrenia) — how addiction may invite external spiritual (demonic) influence rather than just “psychosis.”

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4. Living with Psychosis & Demonic Oppression ([24:34–35:05])

• Psychosis and Spiritual Blindness: Kirsten describes a period of intense mental disarray, unable to see her own bizarre behavior:

“I didn't really have any grasp, like, how out of pocket, like, I was really behaving.” — Kirsten [26:22]

• Cross-addiction, escalating chaos: After opioids, Kirsten transitioned to crack and meth—each compounding the spiritual and psychological problems.
• Hosts’ Perspective: The group observes that certain drugs don’t cut you off from the supernatural, but rather “kick the door open” for demonic activity.

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5. Community, AA, and the Long Road to Recovery ([36:36–47:57])

• Dreams & Lingering Temptation: Both Matt and Kirsten discuss drug dreams as surreal reminders—possibly spiritual attacks or just brain processing trauma.
• Timeline: Several failed rehabs, gradual readiness to change, eventual immersion in AA and Christ-centered recovery in South Florida.
• Power of Community: The AA recovery community (especially in Palm Beach Gardens) “loved her until she could love herself.”
• Service: Kirsten now sponsors other women in AA, giving back what she received.
• Revisiting her musical journey: Despite fears about sobriety stifling creativity, she’s written and recorded an album and plays in the “Ms. K and the Dad Bod Band.”

“The people I have, the community I have in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida… loved me until I could love myself.” — Kirsten [52:46]

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6. Substance Abuse, Music, & the Supernatural ([47:57–51:13])

• Industry Culture: Music, especially live gigs, often pushes drinking/drugs for performers.
• Channeling & Spiritual Risk: Discussion—are some musicians “channeling” spirits, knowingly or otherwise? Reference to Carlos Santana attributing his music to Metatron.

“If you have a God given gift… Satan is gonna do whatever he can to deter you from that path that God has for you.” — Kirsten [50:18]

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7. Generational Trauma & Spiritual Inheritance ([62:59])

• Generational Iniquity: Kirsten and hosts discuss the biblical principle and now–scientifically observed–reality that trauma is passed through generations.
• The Need for Prayer/Forgiveness: Kirsten reflects on ongoing responsibility for her family and actively prays for generational bonds to be broken.

“You gotta break… in the name of Jesus.” — Kirsten [63:28] “Science is starting to catch up to the idea of generational iniquity, but it completely ignores the spiritual implications.” — David Lee Corbo [63:33]

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8. The Shortcomings of Secular Mental Health and the Triumph of Spiritual Solutions ([65:46–72:02])

• AA’s Foundation: Even secular programs like AA are built on Christian principles.
• The Medical System’s Limits: There is ample data on AA’s (and faith’s) effectiveness, yet mainstream medicine resists centering faith or the spiritual battle.
• Parallels between AA’s “progressive disease” and Jesus’ teaching about casting out spirits.

“For the real alcoholic, nothing works but a spiritual solution.” — Kirsten [67:31] “I think you were called to be this radical Christian all along… it just manifest in these different avenues.” — Matt [74:50]

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9. Redemption, Restoration, and Looking Forward ([75:38–83:48])

• Sanctification as Process: Kirsten now sees her suffering as part of the “refining fire”—her ongoing sanctification and service.
• Walking Miracle: Kirsten’s restoration is not just personal, but a testament to God’s transformative power. She’s proud to return to the coffee shop as a living “miracle” for others to see.
• Life Now: Kirsten is cemented in her faith, working as a realtor, creating music, and ministering to others in recovery. Above all, she trusts God’s plan, not her own.

“I have to… stay in contact with [God] every day and give my will up to him and align it with his will.” — Kirsten [76:06] “This is what God does. God heals. God wants to heal you. Whatever you're struggling with.” — Kirsten [84:26]

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10. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation. And that's my truth, bro.” — Kirsten [06:26]
• “You can't pour new wine into old wine skins.” — Kirsten & David [21:18]
• “I was nasty… but I wasn’t willing to give up everything.” — Kirsten [30:07]
• “You gotta break… in the name of Jesus.” — Kirsten [63:28]
• “We make plans and God laughs.” — Kirsten [76:06]
• “I have significant work to heal from the traumas… I’ve learned how to forgive. I know I’m forgiven … what could be more fun than that?” — Kirsten [81:03]
• “Somebody's going to hear this one.” — David Lee Corbo [86:50]

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Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Topic/Quote | |------------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 03:15 | Introduction to Kirsten, her background | | 07:26 | Kirsten’s family, early drug use | | 10:48 | Prescribed opioids post-accident | | 13:08 | “It took away that soul sickness…” | | 20:37 | Holy Spirit requires your “house in order” | | 26:22 | “Didn’t know I was in psychosis” / Demonic oppression | | 36:36 | Drug dreams, triggers, reminders of trauma | | 44:40 | How sobriety changed Kirsten’s relationship with music | | 50:18 | Satan targets those with God-given gifts | | 62:59 | Discussion of generational iniquity | | 67:31 | AA, spiritual healing vs. medical model | | 74:50 | “Addictive behavior”—redirected destiny | | 76:06 | “Make plans and God laughs”—trusting God’s will | | 81:03 | Joy found in forgiveness and spiritual healing | | 84:26 | “God heals. God wants to heal you.” | | 86:50 | “Somebody's going to hear this one.” |

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Tone & Language

The conversation is candid, compassionate, and unflinching—personal pain is delivered with stark honesty and humor. Biblical language and concepts are interwoven with real-life experiences and recovery lingo. Hosts and guest alike are earnest about the stakes: confronting darkness, breaking spiritual bonds, and the reality of miraculous change. The overall tone is redemptive, encouraging, and challenging for believers and skeptics alike.

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Takeaways

• Complete restoration is possible—no one is too far gone
• Addiction is fundamentally spiritual; lasting recovery requires a relationship with God and supportive community
• The spiritual realm is intertwined with mental health, creativity, and daily life
• We must break generational curses/trauma through prayer and Christ’s authority
• Community–whether in AA, church, or a quirky coffee shop—is vital
• Sharing testimony is powerful; someone, somewhere, needs to hear it

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Closing:

“This is what God does. God heals. God wants to heal you. Whatever you're struggling with. So keep praying. Keep having people pray for you, and God will heal you.” — Kirsten [84:26]

Nephilim Death Squad: Stay curious. Stay dangerous.

Transcript

[David Lee Corbo]

Are you really buying a car online

[Kirsten]

on Autotrader right now?

[Matt]

Really?

[Kirsten]

At a playground? Yeah, really.

[David Lee Corbo]

Look at these listings from dealers.

[Kirsten]

Wow, your search can really get that specific. Really? And you just put in your info and boom, car's in your budget. Mom needs a second. Honey, you can really have it delivered. Really? Or I can pick it up at the dealership. One sec, sweetie.

[Matt]

Mommy's buying a car.

[Kirsten]

Mommy, look.

[David Lee Corbo]

I think your kid is walking up the slide. Kyle.

[Kirsten]

Again? Really? Auto trader. Buy your car online.

[Matt]

Really?

[Top Lobster]

Top Lobster Productions.

[Kirsten]

In the shadows of the ancient ones. They never went away. They're still here today.

[David Lee Corbo]

When the last trumpet sounds and the heavens crack

[Matt]

them.

[David Lee Corbo]

Death Squad. Ladies and gentlemen, to another episode of NBS Chronicles. The show where we read, but not in this case, your paranormal testimony. If you have something you want to send us, something crazy that happened to you. Chronicles, nbs Gmail.com. i am David Lee Corbo, aka the Raven. That is Top Lobster, the father of disinformation. Before we get into today's guests, a little reminder. A great place to support us. Patreon.com/now/nephilim death Squad. Sign up there. Gain early access to episodes before the general public ad free listening experiences. Access to communities of dangerous on telegram, on Twitter and on discord. And discount codes off of merchandise from Top Lobster.com where not only are you going to find our merch that's designed by our very own Top Lobster. Oh, let's do the Dan Bongino one. It's a classic oldie, but the one

[Matt]

next to it with the guy with the missing teeth.

[David Lee Corbo]

No, please don't show that one. That one's the.

[Top Lobster]

We're joined by Matt today.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah, Matt's here.

[Top Lobster]

Sorry.

[David Lee Corbo]

Anyway, guys, you can also get tickets to Bohemian Grove. That's August 8th in Wildwood, Florida. Come and see performances from. Should I read the list of people?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, you should.

[David Lee Corbo]

Not only Nephilim Death Squad, But Ed Mabry, Dr. Heather Lynn, the guys from Hidden in Plain Sight, Paranoid American Donut Cheney, Demon Erasers, Jake and Jeremiah of Skiba News Network. Laura Baker, Dave of Isaac's Army. All kinds of people are coming out.

[Top Lobster]

Very special guest. Actually a very special guest we will be interviewing for our our main big

[David Lee Corbo]

show super secret guest.

[Top Lobster]

Can't say.

[David Lee Corbo]

Can't say who it is.

[Top Lobster]

Who it is.

[David Lee Corbo]

We have signed contracts with a nation state of Israel that pre prevent us from. Joining us today is Kirsten. Did I say that right? Okay. Because it's with an E. Kirsten and Matt of Straight Bible and all the other things he does here that we're a big fan of. Ladies first. Kirsten, what should we do? Because we don't have plugs for you. What is it that you do? A magician, right?

[Kirsten]

I'm a musician.

[David Lee Corbo]

Very nice.

[Kirsten]

I'm a realtor.

[David Lee Corbo]

Okay. And you are actually a friend of Matt's, somebody who he's known for a long time. And you have a testimony that you're going to share with us today, right?

[Kirsten]

Correct.

[David Lee Corbo]

Okay, so before we get into that, I guess. Matt, say hi to everybody.

[Matt]

Okay, so she's not a podcaster, so we're just setting her up a little too nervous.

[David Lee Corbo]

You're not a podcast.

[Matt]

Agreed.

[David Lee Corbo]

But you're a barista.

[Matt]

We can't just roll her into it like that. Like, hey, tell us your story. The story is.

[David Lee Corbo]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Top Lobster]

You serve coffee, okay?

[Matt]

Relax.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Mason, will you open the door before you go?

[David Lee Corbo]

Goodbye, Mason.

[Matt]

Story is she was a crazy person. Like, she used to be here for, like, years and would play. No, would play guitar. Like, super loud, but really good or really good play.

[David Lee Corbo]

Even back then, dude.

[Matt]

Like, really incredible guitar and very strong singing voice. And she was one of the people that, like, the church people that came here hated. Yeah, right. They hate. They always complained about her. She was loud. She was vaping in the shop.

[David Lee Corbo]

Vaping in the shop. What did you used to play? What was your song of choice when you would show up?

[Kirsten]

What did I play?

[Matt]

I don't know, but it always reminded me. Wonder Woman said, hey. Hey, what's going on?

[David Lee Corbo]

Oh.

[Kirsten]

Oh, it was four non blondes. Yeah, the zombie is pretty good.

[Matt]

Like, an incredibly strong voice to where people would come of the library and complain that it was. That she was too loud. Yeah, but it was, like, so powerful. And I would. Oh, I would never say no, though. I would always let you play guitar and I would say, like, hey, if there's a lot of people around, don't vape. Maybe don't let you vape. But it was just like. If there was a bunch of people around, I'd say, don't do it. But then she used to call Bria and she would be, like, really nasty or cause a scene sometimes, like, on the way, acting.

[Top Lobster]

Like, was she. Oh, was she acting like a.

[Kirsten]

No, I think it was more like psychosis that I was in from. From using and from this. This was, like, probably less than a year before I got actually got sober. And I had a really, really rough time. And Matt was always very kind to me. And, yeah, it was a. A rough period. In my life, you know, so.

[David Lee Corbo]

All right, this is. This is the nature of the story then.

[Matt]

For.

[David Lee Corbo]

For those of you who haven't picked up on it, we're talking about group chat.

[Top Lobster]

I mean, the story, really. Well, not your story, but this story starts in our group chat where Matt.

[David Lee Corbo]

Oh, yeah, we. We've heard about you.

[Top Lobster]

Well, just. Just today, this morning, he's like, this lady came in and it's, like, amazing what happened. I didn't even recognize her. And he gives us a brief rundown of your story. And he's like, yeah, she was like. She was like a disaster before she walks in. Like a fully complete, mature, responsible adult. And he's like, I don't even know this person.

[Matt]

Yeah, I. I was in the back, saw, like, you a little bit out there. You, like, did the wave. And I was like, I'm not totally sure who that is. And I got closer. I was like, no way. And I was like. I was like, you're normal. Like, I looked at you even before you started talking. I was like, you're normal. It was a. It was the crazy thing, the worst thing to say. No, you know, you'd have. You'd have to know the nature of what he looked at you.

[Top Lobster]

Did he look at you and say, you're normal?

[Kirsten]

Yeah. And he. He didn't recognize me when I came in. I could tell by the way you looked. And then you came out and you were like.

[Matt]

I was like this.

[Kirsten]

Oh, you probably saw my tattoos or something. You're like, oh, I know who you are.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Kirsten]

And it's just a. A testimony to what God can do. And he's like, what happened? How did this happen? I'm like, what did I say? Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation. And that's my truth, bro.

[David Lee Corbo]

Banger.

[Matt]

Yeah. I was like, what? And that's. I was, like texting you guys. I was like, you won't believe. I wasn't thinking about, like, having you on the show or anything. I was just texting you guys. Say, you guys won't believe what just happened. Dude, there's a crazy chick that's been here for years, has done all the craziest stuff.

[Kirsten]

It's okay.

[David Lee Corbo]

Well, when he was. We were standing here and he was introducing you to us, and. And I. I said, this is a normal, high functioning adult. High functioning. I would attribute high functioning to you.

[Matt]

Real estate agent. She's crushing the game now. Right?

[David Lee Corbo]

Right.

[Matt]

Very normal functioning, huge magician. Why do you keep saying that?

[David Lee Corbo]

I think that's what she. So, all right, so, so start. I want to hear your story. And I guess I don't know where you want to start it. I, I, I'll, I'll ask you a question.

[Matt]

Babyhood. Yeah.

[Kirsten]

Was born in Louisiana. I was adopted. Seven days later, I have a private adoption. I have five sisters. We were all adopted from around the world. So that is a very, I have a very eclectic family.

[David Lee Corbo]

Okay.

[Kirsten]

You know, I have two. My parents each have a child from a previous marriage, but they weren't really with the six of it. They're all girls, the six girls that were adopted. And, yeah, I think it started out really normal. I come from an amazing, amazing, supportive family, and around the age of, like, 14, I just got into some aforementionable things like drugs. And it really was, you know, when I first did that, I think it took away, like, a lot of physical and emotional pain that I was feeling even before then. And I kind of, like, fell in love with it and just experimented and it just got worse from there.

[Matt]

Did you know your mom and dad, or.

[Kirsten]

No, I did not.

[Matt]

Ever?

[Kirsten]

No, I haven't.

[Matt]

You've never met your mom?

[Kirsten]

I have not. Well, my mom and dad are my adoptive.

[David Lee Corbo]

Right.

[Kirsten]

Parents. You know, I've been with them since pretty much birth.

[Matt]

And the other kids are all from around the world?

[Kirsten]

Yes.

[Matt]

And you guys all just lived in Louisiana?

[Kirsten]

No, no, we were raised in upstate New York. And then around the age I started to use drugs was when we moved to North Carolina. So I had a really sheltered childhood before moving to this.

[David Lee Corbo]

Is your parents trying to create a sheltered environment where you guys aren't subjected to.

[Kirsten]

Yeah, I think they did a great job at that. But when I hit middle school in a different, you know, further south, it was like a whole different world.

[David Lee Corbo]

You said that it alleviated some of the pain that you had been feeling even before that. What do you attribute that pain to? Is that from not knowing? You know, there's a big mystery around the family, or is it maybe the moving a lot kind of a deal? What, what was that pain from?

[Kirsten]

Well, I think there's always going to be. And I mean, I'm sure you've talked about it before, but there's generational stuff that I'm not even aware of.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah, I was going to ask you if that played any part in this as soon as you were going, she's

[Top Lobster]

got no clue about.

[David Lee Corbo]

Right.

[Kirsten]

Consciously. No, I don't think it was conscious. Consciously conscious pain. I think there's, like, generational trauma that affected It, I think, well, when I was a. Just from some of my relationships, when the drug use started, you know, I think I always like as an alcoholic and an addiction, I mean, I think we carry around a lot of stuff from the beginning that like, it might be different than most people, you know, just inner, like not feeling okay in our own skin. And you'll hear a lot of people say it in AAA and stuff just. And then short. Shortly before it got bad, I was in a pretty bad car accident. I had like health issues. So the opiates kind of started after I broke my pelvis in a car accident at 17 was. I mean before then I was just like smoking weed, doing, you know, things like that, drinking a little bit. But it really took off at the age of like 17 when I broke my pelvis in a car accident and I was prescribed, Laura said or something.

[David Lee Corbo]

That's a lot of people's story, right? Injured in one way or another. They trust in the medical system. They prescribe opioids. Next thing you know, that's the beginning of a long winding road.

[Kirsten]

Correct. And this was during that whole like epidemic where they would just like prescribe them. I mean, I was prescribed fentanyl patches by the age of 21 years old because I had back issues, I had health issues. But like what I didn't realize was like, it was a cycle. Like these things were all causing the issues and causing more pain. The pain pills cause rebound pain. That it's just this terrible cycle that you find yourself. Well, I found myself like caught up

[David Lee Corbo]

in that, that whole era of time. Right. I mean that's, you know, I always go back, this is a little bit conspiratorial, but we're going 90% of the world's opium fields in Afghanistan. Meanwhile, America's going through an opioid epidemic. I had friends, lost a lot of friends to overdoses. A lot of friends were. It started with blues. I don't remember exactly what the technical term for them was, but we had a doctor in town that was cutting prescriptions for kids, man. Like kids that I was in school with, maybe we had just graduated. So we're talking anywhere from 17 to 19 year old kids. He's cutting them prescriptions, they're paying them for the prescriptions, they're going and filling them and then selling the pills. And that wasn't happening in a vacuum. That was probably a lot more prevalent than people really understand. And yeah, a lot of people got

[Matt]

wrapped up in that all over the States.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kirsten]

Until. And they crack down on it. It still happens, but yeah, it's. It's a rough.

[David Lee Corbo]

I watched a really great documentary on it. I forget the name of it, but it goes in depth. And you got to see some of these pop up. Doctor's offices.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah, yeah. They had that doctor's office on the strip that had like a line around the corner.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yes.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[David Lee Corbo]

What the heck was. It's a good documentary. Beats me at the name of it right now. Maybe somebody in the chat knows, but a little window into. Into how that worked, you know, so if you were somebody that tried to. I was blessed. Never got into it, you know, big into weed when I was younger, but it was just so common, so common. So. All right, so you're. You're, you're having this experience, you get into this accident, you think you're doing the right thing. Right. The doctors prescribed it and, and therefore

[Kirsten]

I take the pain pills. You know, it. It took away more than just physical pain. You know, like I was telling you, it. It took away that soul sickness for a little while that I, that had that spiritual malady that they talk about in aa, you know, the, the void that only God can fill. And so it filled that for a little while. And like I said, then there was the fentanyl patches and that was like a pain management clinic. And you know, they don't allow you to smoke weed or anything. You have to get drug tested to be prescribed those pain pills. And of course I smoke a little weed. Not long after that, I'm doing heroin in North Carolina. Geez. You know, in intravenous drugs.

[Matt]

At like 18, then 19, what is

[Kirsten]

probably around like 20, 22.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

I'm not great with the dates, but so.

[Matt]

But the age of 20.

[Kirsten]

Yeah, around the, around in my 20s, I have a full blown heroin addiction. And luckily this is before, like fentanyl was in everything.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah. You know, it's almost like that's what they dog walked America into, was getting everybody hooked on opioids and then introducing fentanyl. And then people just start dropping, you know, like I said, a lot of people, everybody. I don't know anybody that doesn't know people that they lost to, you know, some form of that, that epidemic.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. Friend of the fam. Friend of my family, they were watching their grandkids on the weekend or something like that, and I guess they decided. Him and his wife decided to do some coke or whatever they're doing in their bedroom and OD'd. Parents came and find. They find their kid there for two days. And, and they're dead in the room. I'm like, this is just psychotic.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

But that story is not, it's not anything special. This happens all day.

[David Lee Corbo]

It's all the time story of, you know, the average American experience now. I guess so. So what does this do to your, your personality? How does that start to change? I mean, it's a, it's a. You're young, right? It's still, you're still developing personality wise into the person that you're going to be. And, and you're muting everything.

[Kirsten]

I think it arrested and stunted my growth significantly. You know, they, they do say in the, you know, 12 step groups I've been to and the therapy I've been to that like your growth is literally arrested whenever you start using. So I was probably like mentally and emotionally a 14 year old. And I have been until I came into recovery around 3.3 years ago.

[Top Lobster]

3.3.

[David Lee Corbo]

So almost.

[Top Lobster]

Almost.

[Kirsten]

I know I was, I was at the meeting in there earlier and they were like, how much time do you have? I'm like, hold on, let me look.

[David Lee Corbo]

We have. Yeah.

[Kirsten]

You know, so anyway, it's something I'm very, very proud of today.

[David Lee Corbo]

You said that in N.A. they talk about that spiritual void that can only be filled by God.

[Top Lobster]

And did they specifically mention God in, in these.

[Kirsten]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. AA is, is the, the group I'm in.

[David Lee Corbo]

But do all of them, Are all of them talking about the same.

[Matt]

No, no, no. It's just Guy. I think they specifically say it could be a doorknob.

[David Lee Corbo]

Right.

[Matt]

You just need a higher power. Maybe that's specifically an NA thing, but really that thing that happens to junkies is that we just know we don't belong here. Right. Like, isn't that ultimately why, like when the drugs hit, we're like, yeah, I like this. I like this because like now I'm not here anymore. Like, I'm here, but I'm not here.

[Kirsten]

I think it's just that we would rather look for anything else, like, but God. And we don't know until we're taught, you know, until we come into recovery that that's the void that, that we have, you know, and while I did, was still seeking at that time that I was using. I mean, I, I had wonderful teachers and people and mentors that would still study the Bible with me in my filth and in my, you know, my misery. You know, I had beautiful, like that for that, that God surrounded me with.

[Matt]

I'm just thinking about her story in

[Kirsten]

the Mire, you know. But like, I was, I was talking to some people before this. They prayed with me before this. But it was impossible when you're putting those substances in your body to have to come into relationship with Christ. You can seek all you want, you can learn everything you want about the Bible, but until you actually have a relationship with Jesus Christ, you don't have, you have knowledge.

[David Lee Corbo]

It's a lot of people intellectualize scripture and, and maybe even can recall it very well and stuff.

[Matt]

But it was a different of a statement that was like, you're dead on with that.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. When you said with those substances in your body, it's impossible to have a relationship. So you mean like not just this like psychological thing. You're saying there's a physical, there's a physical system that is flowing through your body that cuts you off from the

[Kirsten]

supernatural, from the spirit and the supernatural.

[Matt]

Otherwise, she said it's just knowledge.

[Kirsten]

That's my opinion.

[Matt]

No, I think you nailed it.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah, I think you nailed it. It's just knowledge. And that's why you could see a dude who doesn't know the Lord like, crush in debates. He's got a lot of knowledge, he's got a lot of intellect. He could be totally wrong, but he can like crush in debates because it's just knowledge. But man, but that's something totally different than knowing the Lord. But when you see somebody walk in like this and you're like, wait, what happened? Then you're like, okay, this is clearly somebody who the Lord did something to. This has nothing to do with intellect.

[Top Lobster]

Or so Matt, you've been, you were going to the, the church for a long time. You're like high on oxies. You think that that statement is true. Like you, you can't, you can't have like an actual relationship with the Lord when you're, when you're, because you were doing both.

[Matt]

No, I think I did. So I don't. No. But, but that doesn't, I mean, it doesn't mean like, oh, my thing applies to everybody else. Like. Yeah, I think I genuinely love the Lord with all my heart. And it's different for everybody. Like, it's different levels of like so called addiction or whatever you want to call it. But yeah, I think where I was at was, I don't know. Yours was more not just drugs, but demonized, I think. So, like, it was. Yeah, the drugs played a part in that. But like when you used to come, come here before, it was straight demons. It wasn't, it wasn't like just drugs.

[Top Lobster]

Because I'm just trying, like, I'm asking from the angle of like. Yeah, maybe like the specific type of drug does cut this, like in the

[Matt]

amount you're using it. Maybe like silver phases and stuff. So I could be kind of like, I. I don't know. But I think for all of us, which. It's different. I mean, even like with money, it's different. Like the widow with the two mites, Jesus said, yeah, she gave more than all the rich guys. It's just, it's just math. And the kingdom of God is different. I think it's the same where it's like, ultimately you're going to get to a point where God says, okay, I'm putting my hand on it now. I got like, I'm putting my finger on this now.

[David Lee Corbo]

Now it's time to.

[Matt]

You gotta. Now you got a choice with our,

[Top Lobster]

Our research about, I mean, certain drugs specifically, but like methamphetamine being a big one. Yeah. That one. It doesn't cut you off from the spiritual. It actually like kicks the door open and puts like a stopper in it. And that's why these people are in constant contact with.

[David Lee Corbo]

I wonder if that. Maybe that's a better way to describe it. Right. It's like. So maybe it's not just that it puts sort of a barrier between you and God, but it. You've given consent, you've sinned in such a way, and you've given consent to the spiritual realm to access you, which might result in such a barrage of other things. It's like God gets drowned out. God gets drowned out because there are all these other influences, you know, kind of being said about.

[Top Lobster]

Probably a better way to. I agree to think about that.

[Kirsten]

That was a good way to describe it. But I mean, if, if you think about it, like I was like the Holy Spirit, you kind of have to have your house in order for him to, To. To dwell in you and bear fruit in you.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

You know, you can't be out. Out doing all these things and expect to, you know, to be able to help other people and to. You have to be filled yourself with things of the spirit in a. In a good way. Not, you know, to be able to. To even live in any kind of righteous way. Yeah. To produce fruit.

[Top Lobster]

What's the scripture of the. The wine skin? Matt, we were reading it said Old Testament.

[Kirsten]

You can't pour new wine into old wine skins.

[David Lee Corbo]

Right, Right.

[Top Lobster]

And there's even another one where God is saying that he's like, he's upset with the people because they're trying to put him into.

[Matt]

You're talking about the Jeremiah passage. He's talking about cisterns.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Broken cisterns. But Jesus is talking about. Yeah, you can't put new wine into old wine skins. Yeah. There's got to be a preparation. It's got to be. But. But God is involved in that entire process.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[David Lee Corbo]

I think God is always working.

[Matt]

It's not like God doesn't like, you're on drugs. And God's like, sorry, you're off limits to me now. Like, he's working that whole time to get you to a place where you can create a habitation for him.

[Kirsten]

Yeah.

[David Lee Corbo]

I think that it is likely what. What is happening is as God is working because of the consents you've given away, other things are as well. And the more you curb that and the more you abstain from that, the less rights they have over you. And, you know, the more you. You wash yourself in the blood of Christ. Right. Break all these bonds and all these agreements, then that voice, the Holy Spirit, becomes clearer. But it's almost like tuning into the right channel. There's like you've got a bunch of noise overlapping right now, and you need to clear that out and get to the right, you know, the. You know, I'm using it as an example, but turn the knob to the right channel sort of a thing. What. So, you know, we talked to one of our. We haven't brought him up in a while. Dr. Jerry Marzinski. He's a clinical psychologist, and he worked with schizophrenic patients for 35 years. He worked first in a hospital setting, and that hospital got closed down. And then he worked in a prison setting. And in the prison setting, they allowed for a lot more sort of experimentation. Whereas in the hospital, things are very stringent. Do not feed into their delusions. Stick to the book. You know, because malpractice and all these other things in prison, they were like, whatever. Dr. Jerry Marzinski started to realize that these things that were previously under his understanding, a set of visual and auditory hallucinations, they adhered to patterns. They adhered to, like, 23 different patterns that he was able to track. And then they behave very predictably, which is not a hallucination. Hallucinations, by their nature, would be random. So he started to theorize that these people were being oppressed by something external to themselves and started to recommend that they treat it as such, whereas the medical industry does not do that. You have a fundamental Chemical imbalance in your brain. You're broken. The only way that's going to fix this, it's not in your power. It's in pills and such. Takes away their agency. He gave it back, found that people had a lot of success with it. Long story short, he comes out the other end and he's like, yeah, these things are demons. They're. They're demonic. These are external entities. And the only way you're ever going to get, you know, a foot in this battle is to first even acknowledge that it is something that's not just random hallucinations. This is an entity. So, you know, he. He catalog or catalogs a lot of things in his experiences, like drugs and their relation to these things getting a foothold in you. And like Top said earlier, methamphetamine was definitely one of them. I'm imagining then you feel as though your drug use eventually resulted in something that, you know, maybe Dr. Marzinski would have been familiar with.

[Kirsten]

Yeah, definitely, like a form of psychosis for. For a while. So probably something like. Like schizoaffective disorder or something for that year time period before I got sober. Yeah, it was like a. It took me a year to come out of that. I mean, between, like, I. I was. It wasn't just the. The opioids I got off of probably in my late 20s.

[David Lee Corbo]

Okay.

[Kirsten]

But I. You know, they call it like, cross addiction, I think. Like, I went to rehab and I'm like, this. That was demonic. But, like, I'm like, I. I can't do this anymore. But I wasn't willing to give up everything. And then, you know, probably like two years after that, I was doing crack cocaine, which is a terrible, terrible drug. I've done meth when I didn't have that.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

You know, when I didn't have the crack. And that's when it got, like, real bad. I think the amphetamines are. They're both terrible, but it's a whole different beast in terms of the oppression

[David Lee Corbo]

that you said it was like kicking a door open. And he said, unlike other substances, the door was very slow to close after that. So, like, if you stop the use, you know, of something else, it would eventually regulate. Methamphetamine would keep that door, like there was a door stopper in it and keep it wide open for a long time before it ever shut. Can you talk about what that experience was like? I mean, for a lot of people that are listening, you know, you hear these medical terminologies, psychosis, things like that tossed around to so many people, that's totally foreign. I don't think it's really that foreign. I think all of us have some degree of it. There is an influence, intrusive thoughts, things of that nature. And I think that they can grow in their influence and eventually turn into something that you might describe as psychosis. But what. What did it feel like or what did it.

[Kirsten]

Well, one thing to. To speak to what you're saying about the. The demons and the demonic oppression. Like, I didn't have that much of an awareness during that time that I was behaving in a way that. That was barbaric to other people. Like, when you're in psychosis, you don't, like, really know you're in psychosis. Like, I didn't really have any grasp, like, how out of pocket, like, I was really behaving.

[David Lee Corbo]

So people are. I imagine people are coming to you and they're saying, hey, you did this thing, and it's unacceptable.

[Matt]

How are you perceiving how she acted? There's no context.

[David Lee Corbo]

Unless.

[Kirsten]

I don't.

[Matt]

I don't. Anybody who ever worked here, if they ever see this episode, they're just. They're going to be in shock, dude. They're going to be like, you. You would have to see, like, how she acted to understand, like, how crazy it is. You're just saying that, like, during that time, you didn't really think you were acting.

[Kirsten]

I really didn't have, like. You don't have an awareness of, like, how it actually is. And people did try to speak to me like I was. Baker acted during that time. And, like, I. I mean, I think I remember that it took a long time for me to, like, normalize.

[Matt]

I totally remember that.

[David Lee Corbo]

So you just thought these people were being like, you're like, what are you overreacting for?

[Kirsten]

Yes. And I really had no concept, so, I mean, because, like, it might have not been me.

[Matt]

Where did you work during that time?

[Kirsten]

Overtaken by. I didn't.

[Matt]

How did you have money when you come in and buy lattes?

[David Lee Corbo]

Street magic.

[Kirsten]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, she does magic.

[Matt]

Okay, sorry.

[David Lee Corbo]

Sorry.

[Matt]

I just got a little sidetracked there. But you're. But you're saying, like. Yeah, like, it was somebody else acting through me.

[David Lee Corbo]

Were you having moments of, you know, like, loss of memory? Some people would say, like, blacking out or whatever. But, like, did you ever have difficulty recollecting the things that you had done or. Or the way that you had behaved?

[Kirsten]

Some of. Sometimes, yeah. And that came along with, like, a lot of my drug Use. Not so much in the. But there's, like, a lot of my life, whether it be, like, pharmaceuticals or other benzos or other things that are just. That I can't really call into memory that other people, like my family members remember. And it's just. I mean, when you live like that, it's. It's really a blur. It's complete survival. Your whole consciousness is overtaken by getting and finding ways to get these drugs.

[David Lee Corbo]

Getting, using, and then getting again and maintaining. Yeah.

[Kirsten]

Not getting sick, you know, it's. It's a terrible way to live, you know, But I think I didn't really know there was anything else because I had been doing that for so long. Same.

[Matt]

Even the concept of, like.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That people could live like normal. I was like, well, first off, that sounds boring as heck, for one. And then that just seems, like, lame. And, like, now that I know what I know, like, how could I even do that? It's just the whole concept of that. But I want. I want to get back to the timeline, though. So, like, early 20s, you're hooked on heroin, and you're in the Carolinas, and then you kind of shift into the crack from there. And the. And the. What else? And. And do you stay in the Carolinas? Like, when do you get to Florida?

[Kirsten]

Okay, so I go to rehab in Florida for the opiates. Probably like, 26. Yeah. Everybody more the drug dealers in Wilmington, North Carolina. Like, some of them were having me, like, watch their kids and stuff. Like, I finally got, like, so tired of living that way that I was like, I can't do this anymore.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

And I went to rehab, and I was.

[Matt]

We're at. In Florida.

[Kirsten]

It was Port St. Lucie, I think it was a long. A long, long time ago.

[David Lee Corbo]

Were you from.

[Top Lobster]

No.

[Matt]

Port Richie? Yeah.

[Kirsten]

First stint in rehab, I was not ready to do the work of the 12 steps. I was nasty. Like you've seen me be before to the people that were working there. I completed the program. Yeah. But I did not do the, like, the continued work it takes.

[David Lee Corbo]

How did you end up there? You went there willingly or.

[Kirsten]

Willingly, yeah.

[David Lee Corbo]

Okay, so that's interesting. You made the decision to go there, but we're not.

[Kirsten]

I. You can make a decision to do anything, but until you're ready to, like, fully.

[Matt]

Because of legal issues, though, or you just got up one day and said, I'm going to rehab in Florida.

[Kirsten]

I think I literally just got so tired of the sickness and the people I was getting it from and the life and the chaos. At that point, I I didn't know anything about chaos yet, but. And then it all. All went well for a little while, but I wasn't willing to give up, you know, things like marijuana and other things which didn't help. And then I would. Not that you can recreate recreationally smoke crack, but like, that was.

[David Lee Corbo]

But if there was a way.

[Kirsten]

You came close at the beginning. At the beginning, I kind of did that and I was still living recreational crack Carolina. My parents had moved to here, to central Florida.

[Matt]

To the villages.

[Kirsten]

Yeah, they were in the villages at that point. And I. I would just do it once in a while. I don't remember how is it, how I was introduced.

[Matt]

I had buddies that would occasionally smoke crack, like from where I'm from in Cali. It was like, you only smoke crack if you're a crackhead. And then when I got to Florida, I had buddies that would, like, smoke crack.

[David Lee Corbo]

I feel like if you're doing something, it could be useful. Like if you're doing yard work or something, like, crack could be useful. Not if you want to go to sleep, though, or anything like that. Like, what about, you know, what about rest?

[Kirsten]

Yeah, well, and that. Well, I mean, I could still eat on it. I could still, like, after a couple days, I could sleep. It's not as bad as meth like you were talking about, anyway.

[David Lee Corbo]

Wow.

[Kirsten]

So then I'm. I, you know, my parents and I kind of had this like, codependent enmeshed relationship at that point, you know, and it was hard, like, being away from them. So I'm like, in my mind I could really be of use to people, which I couldn't. And I'm like, I'll come down and help you. So I moved to. To down here. And that's where it got, like, really, really bad. I was having tr. Like I didn't have my whole music community and, you know, that life I had worked to. To build my friends, everything, and I was just trying.

[Top Lobster]

How are you?

[Matt]

How are you?

[David Lee Corbo]

I mean, because I'm just thinking about it. I've moved. I've lived in Florida now for many years. I only know enough people to count on one hand. I could never find crack if I. If my life depended on it, I couldn't make the connections.

[Kirsten]

That's divine protection, I'll tell you that.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, you're not looking for crap.

[Matt]

I mean, with drugs, you just find them. Like, you could move away. And I know, I'm pretty sure, like the 12 step programs would say, like, yeah, you can move away, but you can't get away from yourself. But I know for me, it was good to move away because at least it was pumping the brakes on something.

[David Lee Corbo]

Well, there's that guy with the swastika tattoo on his chest. He's probably got crack.

[Matt]

But then ultimately you find it.

[Kirsten]

It's like a sixth sense. Like, I could.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

If there was somebody I know.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

I know exactly what's going on, who I can approach. I know. Like, it's not a thing.

[David Lee Corbo]

You've touched on something there that's so interesting. Marzinski talks about this to these people who. Obviously, you know, the schizophrenic patients in the hospital and in the. In the prison. Of course, a lot of them are experienced drug users and things of that nature. And the stories that they would tell him about that sixth sense. I wouldn't call it that. I would say there's these forces, spiritual entities are whispering to you. They're nudging you. But I've also heard this among schizophrenic testimony where, like, one story I'm familiar with. Right. Is a guy who is, you know, inexplicably pulled towards a field. In the field, there's a piece of plywood. And he lifts up the plywood and he finds the drug dealer stash. So he's stashing it under there. And, I mean, going to people's houses and knowing exactly where to go to find their opium, you know, opioids and things like that. So many things. There's even a bit of a precognition element that comes into play. Where sometimes. One of the stories I remember seems so kind of a throwaway, but it's really fascinating. This guy's on public transportation. He's on a bus. Voices are, you know, doing their thing. And suddenly they all just start talking about the man in the yellow shirt. The man in the yellow shirt. They pull up to the next bus stop. Guy gets on the bus, walks over, sits next to him, man in the yellow shirt. He doesn't know what to make of that. It's not like there's some divine thing that unfolds after that.

[Top Lobster]

That it is.

[David Lee Corbo]

It's just there. So there's like this brief, you know, cognate. What were you gonna say?

[Kirsten]

I just thought of, like, a. Something you call it. It's like unspiritual discernment. That's what it is.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

It's like the opposite.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yes.

[Kirsten]

Of discern. It's like discernment in the wrong spirits.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah. I mean, I think these spirits, they have the ability to, well, do all sorts of things for you.

[Top Lobster]

A story that I tell. I tell all the time on this show. But I used to do a comedy show. And before the comedy show, like, it was like, it was kind of like this format. But before it, I'd be in my own house, like in a zoom meeting, and then there'd be four other dudes and I smoke a little, like, couple hits, like weed and I'd smoke. And then we do the show. And it helped me loosen up and tell jokes and like that. We got a. An email from a listener of this show. This is like, years later. This is after I. No, this is. This might have been like, right at the tail end of doing that comedy show. And he was saying how he was sober for many years, but, you know, on Wednesdays at 9 11, that's when we did the show. He would go and he'd take like an edible and he'd watch the show and hang out with us. And I realized I was like, oh, so I'm smoking. And the spirit of what. And this is through a screen spirit of whatever I'm putting out there is. Is making you fall back and do a drug that you were. You know, his testimony was that the drugs ruined his life, his marriage, his family, all stuff like this. And I'm like, I gotta stop doing that. So I just stopped all together because it. It seemed innocuous or innocent enough to me where I'm like, yeah, it's like, what is it? Like a couple of polls. And I'm not, I'm not. I'm a lightweight. So like, two pulls and I'm. I'm kind of high for.

[David Lee Corbo]

But all of a sudden you're dancing with some spirit that the listener through the Internet. Yeah, yeah, man.

[Top Lobster]

I'm like, influencing you. I don't like that.

[Kirsten]

But see, like, I think the difference is that you can stop, like, true alcoholics and addicts cannot stop themselves without some kind of spiritual intervention or an ongoing spiritual help.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

You know, and that's. That's really the premise of it. You saw and had empathy for that guy. You're like, I can just stop.

[Top Lobster]

There is a call and listen. I'm not going to lie. There's sometimes be like, yeah, that would be fun to do.

[David Lee Corbo]

Right?

[Top Lobster]

Or this like, old Persona of the person that came out, like, when we're doing the comedy show, that's like, top lobsters coming out there and I'm coming for your throat and I'm going to say some wild stuff that's A different dude. That's not me now. So there is that inclination and the temptation to be like, let's play, right? Come out and play. But I'm like, I just. Yeah, maybe in me. I'm like, ah, it wasn't strong enough where I'm. I just put that away. But it's. It's always. It's there. It doesn't stop tapping on you. I guess it's just I was lucky enough not to deal with a. I

[Matt]

don't really ever have it in, like, when I'm awake, dude. But do you. Do you have. How long have you been.

[Kirsten]

Dreams?

[Matt]

Yeah, I have dreams where I'm just high, dude. Just like, really ripped on meth. Yeah, dude. Like, that is frustrating. Feels exactly like I'm on. How long have you been sober?

[Kirsten]

Three years and three months.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah. And it's like you. And then you just feel guilty, you feel terrible, you feel, like, awful. You genuinely, like, feel high in the dream. But, like, I don't have. There's never a day where I'm awake where I'm like, yeah, you know what? I'd like to do some drugs again, man. Like, there's never a time when I'm awake where I ever think that.

[Kirsten]

Yeah.

[David Lee Corbo]

Would you call that a. Like a spiritual attack?

[Matt]

I don't know if it's an attack. It's just. I don't know.

[Kirsten]

I mean, your. Your brain, like, from what I've learned and from what I've read, like, your brain can only have dreams about, like, certain things you've pretty much experienced, you know? So if that's your experience for most of your life, it's. It's gonna come out in your dreams. I don't necessarily. Even though it feels terrible and I think it's like, sometimes I think it's from God because it's like I evaluate, you know, where I'm at in my sobriety and in my program, and if I need to do more or get to more meetings or. Or get a little more connected with God, then it's a wake up call. Yeah. The dreams, you know, and I'm like.

[David Lee Corbo]

Sometimes you can get so distant from, like, a past trauma that you forget how bad it actually was. So in that way, it could serve you.

[Top Lobster]

When things are good, right?

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah. When things are good, you forget how bad.

[Top Lobster]

Houses doing. Magic. Nice crushing.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

You're like, I'm fine.

[Matt]

Right.

[David Lee Corbo]

So it allows you. Gives you this little window and goes. Don't forget.

[Kirsten]

Yes.

[David Lee Corbo]

Don't forget how bad it was.

[Kirsten]

Exactly.

[David Lee Corbo]

I could see that it's useful. I could see that it's useful.

[Top Lobster]

So let's get back on the trail here. Where are we at in the story, Matt?

[Matt]

So in the story, she's already went to upstate New York. When you were a kid, like Rochester, was that where? Albany. Okay. Then you're down in the Carolinas. You get in a car accident, start shooting, hop in your, in your, like low 20s. You get tired of it, but you're on the music scene, they're doing music in the Carolinas. You come to Florida, you do the rehab thing in Florida, but you make some connections. I'm guessing in rehab you find some junkie buddies and stuff.

[Kirsten]

So in. Yeah, so I went to rehab for the second or I had a stint in rehab probably like a year before I got sober. And I, I still don't think I was fully ready. I went to a couple and I was like, I thought I was ready.

[Matt]

How long ago was that?

[Kirsten]

That was probably four years ago.

[Matt]

Four years ago.

[Kirsten]

Okay, four years ago.

[Matt]

So you were in that rehab and then came here to live with your parents. Is that the time period you would have been in the coffee shop because you were here around like 2022?

[Kirsten]

2022, yeah. So it was like a year. My sober date is March 3, 2023. So I went to rehab. I got out of rehab, had that whole. Relapsed? Yeah, I don't even know if you call it a relapse because I didn't have that much time in between. I was just in that phase of like, getting ready. Like, God had me in some kind of like, middle. I mean, I was, I was very sick and I was like. I went through a series of events, like legal troubles, like all jails, institutions, where God was really showing me that if I kept on going the way I was going, like, there was only one thing left.

[Matt]

When you were here. Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, that's true. When you were here, it was like that. It was like every, every time you came in, you had some crazy ass story or something that just happened.

[Kirsten]

It was a battle. Like, that was. That was it. That was. It could have been the end for me. And like, I see a lot of people who aren't afforded the opportunities that I've been given, like, even at life, you know?

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

People that have this disease and don't make it out, you know, they don't have the, they relapse and they don't get a chance to come back and say, hi, my name's Kirsten, I'm an alcoholic And I have one day, you know, so I realized that it's life or death for me. And finally, like, I. I went to rehab for a second, God knows what time, and I was like, hey, I need to move.

[Matt]

Where?

[Kirsten]

There's like, I need to move down here to South Florida. There was, like a spiritual leading down there. There's great recovery down there. And I just, you know, I. I was in halfway houses. I. I, like, really did everything it took to, like, rebuild my life. And I was ready at that point. No mood or mind altering substances. I entered and stuck with the program of aa, did the step work. I still do the step work. I sponsor other women through the step work. I, you know, which leads you into, like, a relationship with God that you. You forge kind of. And I continue to do the work.

[David Lee Corbo]

It's like grace and, and service to other people.

[Top Lobster]

So what, right? What led you to this place? Like, even in 2022, like, why. You've come in often.

[Matt]

Yeah. How did you end up here?

[Kirsten]

I don't remember. Maybe. I. I really don't remember. But I. I mean, it's safe here. Like, the, The. The Lord dwells here in this place, you know, and maybe that was safe for me, and the people were kind to me, even though I was out of my mind, you know? And the. There's so many good examples of the word here, you know, there's.

[Matt]

Didn't I give you a turquoise Bible? Do you still have. You still have the turquoise Bible? Yeah, yeah, I remember that. Yeah.

[Kirsten]

He saw in me, like, what. What I couldn't see at that point. I didn't even know what was going on at that point, you know? But, like, I mean, I should. They should have called the cops on me, to be honest.

[Matt]

I think the cops did get called. No, no, I think some of the boomers called the cops, man. I. That was. That was one of the crazy things was. Was like, the church people, Bible study people. You were one of the people that they were, like, very offended by.

[David Lee Corbo]

Did we just lose audio in everybody's headphones?

[Top Lobster]

In one ear? Yeah.

[David Lee Corbo]

Let me just check real quick, guys. Can you still hear us in the chat? I just want to make sure.

[Top Lobster]

Can you guys hear. Is your headphone messed up?

[Kirsten]

I can't hear mine.

[David Lee Corbo]

Okay.

[Matt]

Yeah, mine are definitely different, but I can, like, kind of hear. But they're. But they're definitely different. Oh, one, two, chat here.

[David Lee Corbo]

Still out in one ear. All right. They can hear.

[Kirsten]

Chuck. I can't hear myself straight. It's okay. I don't.

[David Lee Corbo]

I Don't know what that was.

[Matt]

Well, everybody can hear that was. We all laugh at the same time.

[David Lee Corbo]

And that's no top hit the explosion drop, which is.

[Matt]

You just come in. I just knew you were like, a real person. And I got. I was like, yeah, I know exactly what you're going through. And then, wow, this is like crazy in the air. Yeah.

[David Lee Corbo]

No, that was just a giant electricity. Whatever's happening, we'll have to muscle through it. I wanted to ask you, you know, because you said that you were a musician and not a magician, so I have to do that. Number one for the chats, clarity and the listeners. How did sobriety, if at all, change your relationship with your music?

[Kirsten]

It's a. It's honestly, like, I'll say in that regard. It's kind. You kind of have to find. In every regard, you have to find yourself again. I mean, it's. I mean, people do liken, like, creativity to, like, substances, just like, you were talking about it, kind of. But I think, you know, I haven't been doing it as. As much as I usually do. I haven't been. But since I got to Florida.

[Matt]

You should get back into it. That was another thing that would cause fights here too, is like boomers would come out and be like, that music's too loud. I would be like, shut up. She's playing and she's not gonna stop.

[David Lee Corbo]

He just hates boomers. So, like, whatever it is.

[Matt]

No, no, I love boomers. But you got to see her. You had to hear her sing and play, dude. Like, she's got a crazy voice. And then, like, the singing and she was just coming from her heart, like, from her guts, and it was from a place of agony. Used to sing from a place of agony. And I would be like, boomers, shut the. Just shut up.

[David Lee Corbo]

Were you writing your own thing?

[Kirsten]

Oh, yeah, I write. I write a lot of music. I've, you know, recorded an album in sobriety. I have, like, what we need that album this guy named. I'm such a perfectionist when it comes to that. But I will. I will let you guys know what it's all over all the streaming.

[Matt]

Crazy when she was high, though, because it would be, like, just chilling out, and then she would, like. It'd be quiet in the shop, and then she just, like, hit the vape and then we're just like, ah. It'd be like, so loud. She would just start going like, everybody in the cock shop was like, jump. She would just sing wild.

[Kirsten]

I'm a lot quieter now, but I was Able to write an album, you know, some. A couple of this.

[David Lee Corbo]

In your sobriety?

[Kirsten]

Yes.

[David Lee Corbo]

Okay.

[Kirsten]

And put that out. And I have a good friend named Brian who I record with in Delray Beach. I have a band in. In Jupiter, Florida, which is a bunch of dads. It's just a bunch of.

[David Lee Corbo]

Is that the name of the band?

[Kirsten]

It's called Ms. K and the dad Bod Band.

[David Lee Corbo]

And the dad Bod Band. That's awesome.

[Kirsten]

Yep.

[David Lee Corbo]

That's a band.

[Kirsten]

And we haven't.

[Matt]

Where do you guys play?

[Kirsten]

We had one gig. We basically. It's like a garage band. We've just been kind of practicing. Our drummer, Paul, just had a baby.

[David Lee Corbo]

Okay.

[Kirsten]

So we. It's kind of hard to coordinate, but at least I. I do have them. We've had one gig. It went pretty well.

[Matt]

What's the town again?

[Top Lobster]

It's.

[Kirsten]

I live in Juno beach, but most of the bandmates live in Jupiter and that's where we practice in the garage. Jupiter, Florida.

[David Lee Corbo]

So, you know, music's a really interesting thing. We get really conspiratorial on the show. So frequency and vibration come up a lot. And, you know, obviously the idea of music within the context of worship comes up a lot. But if you just look at the music industry in general, there's so much substance abuse and the people that are abusing these substances, at least in the most high profile instances, hyper talented, super successful musicians. And there's no shortage of those musicians who are giving testimony saying things like, you know, I have to be inebriated when I play. It's been the downfall of a lot of really famous musicians. What's the Club, the 23 Club or the 2527? So, you know, there's that side of it.

[Kirsten]

And they pay you in like when you're playing professional gigs, like a lot of them, they push the drinking. They pay you in drinks. They. So I mean, I haven't. I've. I've played some gigs sober, but haven't really gotten connected in the way that I was in North Carolina when I was drinking and was. I mean, there were gigs that I. I literally did well at. Like, people have it on video. My mom loved him. Where I would literally go in the bathroom and shoot up heroin.

[David Lee Corbo]

Wow.

[Kirsten]

You know, and come back out and play. And that was just like my life, you know? And I don't think a lot of people knew how bad it was.

[David Lee Corbo]

Well, it's crazy because you're coming out and you're performing, which from the outside looking in to imagine you just came out of the bathroom from shooting up. That doesn't match this talented person on the stage who's doing a thing that someone in the audience can't do.

[Kirsten]

Right.

[David Lee Corbo]

So it's. There's an illusion almost being casted. There's that side. Right. No shortage of it. Seems there's a real, real significance to substance usage and music and the spiritual realm. You know, I, I would say, for lack of a better term, people are channeling and they don't know it. Something else is, is moving through them. There's a spirit that's moving through them. And you know, one of the examples I love to give on the, on the show is Carlos Santana is in a, I believe it's Time magazine interview and he's saying that all of his music comes from Metatron, which is like, it's an angel, might be a fallen angel. Book of Enoch gets weird, says Enoch became Metatron. I don't know, it's all apocryphal kind of extra leaps, but still, you know, the principle stands. But then on the other side of it, there's this other thing where you could be. God has given you a set of talents. We all get our own unique talents. And some people are offering them up to the Lord. They're making music that's dedicated to the Lord. It's a very touchy subject. Matt doesn't like it. He doesn't think, you know, that.

[Matt]

I've heard musicians say that they, that they're jamming, like they're jamming with their band and then all of a sudden it's not them playing anymore.

[David Lee Corbo]

That's crazy.

[Matt]

In like a jam session.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And they're just like, yeah, it's not me playing anymore.

[Kirsten]

But I mean, if you think about it like this, if you have a God given gift, if you have a calling on your life, if you can worship, choose not to. Whatever it is, Satan is gonna do whatever he can to deter you from that path that God has for you. For anybody with any type of God given gift.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

You know, so I mean, my struggles are not for nothing. You know, I feel like I, I do have a calling and I do have a lot of life left to live and a lot of good things to do with my life. But there was a time where I wasn't able to resist that temptation. I didn't have the tools or the faith at this point to resist that temptation. And I, I mean, speaking spiritually, like a lot of it was attacks, you know, I mean, they were things I was actively doing. But I'M saying, like, you know, yeah, it's.

[David Lee Corbo]

We're not forced to do anything, right? We still have to make that decision. We still have to step through, you know, whatever gateway is there.

[Top Lobster]

So when. When exactly is that moment, then, where you decide, this is the path that I'm. I'm gonna go. Not just that this is the path that works, but, like, I'm dedicated to it. And, like, how do you get on that path? How do you stay on there?

[Kirsten]

It reminds me of this one time. So the last time I was in rehab, I, like, they go through all your stuff and, you know, I. I was in rehab. I'm. I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm like, sworn off everything. I'm like, I'm gonna do everything it takes. And I find weed in my pocket in rehab. And at that moment, like, I had the defense against that from the higher power, like, God intervened for me. And it wasn't like a white light moment or anything, but I had the resolve to say, like, no, I'm not going to do this anymore. And I'm going to do what it takes to stay that way, you know? And the amazing. I've met so many amazing people in my recovery community in aa. They literally, like in South Florida down here too. But I haven't really. I've only been down here back to visit my parents and seeing that community that way. But the people I have, the community I have in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, which is where, like, this one clubhouse I go to and meet is like, loved me until I could. Like, this place does like you did, you know, like, love me until I could love myself and healing up to love them back and love myself.

[Top Lobster]

I was going to ask you, like, why did you come back here? And I assume that's why this is like, I guess it's like a fond memory for you.

[Kirsten]

I just. To visit my parents.

[David Lee Corbo]

I just want coffee.

[Top Lobster]

I mean, like, specifically the shot.

[Kirsten]

Oh, it's such a fond memory. I. And I.

[Matt]

It is.

[Kirsten]

I know how. Well, it's. You are not my actions, you know, but I know that, like, even.

[Matt]

Okay, but sorry to cut you off. No, no, no. Two people today. You said, I'm so sorry for how. And they both like, no, no, it's you like a normal person. And I know both people were like, no, no, no, we never cared. It was okay. Like, everything's good. Because Bri used to call her a we. So we FaceTime Bri. She lives in Chicago now. I was. And I was like, bri, you will never guess who's here right now. And then I did, like, the. I think I did, like the shot. We're both in it. And then I was like, bri? She's like, who is that? I was like, bri, it's the chick that used to call you a. And Bri was like, no, no way. She goes, oh, my gosh, you look great. She said, like, the nicest things to you, and you're like, hey, I'm sorry. She's like, no, no, are you kidding me? I don't care. And then Bella said the same thing. She was like, you're like, hey, sorry. She's like, no, no, we don't care. Like, this is incredible.

[Kirsten]

But another reason that I feel comfortable coming back here, like, I'm proud of. Of the work I've done, I. I, like, I'm a miracle, and I know how God works, and I know that you people here can appreciate the miracles that God does, and I'm one of them, you know? I want you to see what God did.

[Matt]

Amen. Yeah, amen.

[David Lee Corbo]

Walking testimony. There's a lot of people. You see them all the time. And. And I think we make the mistake. I used a guy as an example earlier. It's like, a dude, homeless dude, with a swastika on his chest. And I make the mistake of looking at that dude and, like, not seeing a chance for that guy, which is me putting limitations on God, right? But it's good to know that you could be so far down the hole and come back, do magic, a little bit of real estate. You know what I mean? Like, that's huge. Because a lot of people, like I said, man, this guy, I see him all the time, and I don't know, I. I just got to get out of that habit. Swastika guy, dude, I see him and I just don't.

[Matt]

You see somebody else had his corner this weekend?

[David Lee Corbo]

I did. Yeah.

[Kirsten]

He's a little bit of the least of these kind of guy.

[David Lee Corbo]

You know, he's. And he's. He's out there. He's shouting to somebody on the corner. Nobody's there with him. And it's just, you know, it's a. In some ways, it says, I'm not getting down on myself. I'm just saying, like, I think we all do this, but it's an move on my behalf because I do a show that's about the supernatural, and I'm watching a guy talk to demons. That guy's done looking skinny, swastika on his chest. And I don't it's not that I sit there and say this or that about him. Like, I don't do that. Not gonna make a habit of doing that kind of crap. But, like, I just don't see a thing in my mind when I see him. Instead, what I see is like, oh, this guy. Don't look at me, dude. I gotta go to Planet Fitness.

[Matt]

No, but I don't know if, you

[Kirsten]

know, she was like, you couldn't have seen that.

[Matt]

I was gonna say, dude, she was that crazy. You guys don't.

[David Lee Corbo]

No, no.

[Matt]

I always was like, yeah, let's go. This is gonna make the day a little fun, right? I like crazy people. Like, I'm just like, whatever, let's go. I don't, like normal people. Make me feel a little weird.

[David Lee Corbo]

It's hard sometimes.

[Matt]

Why are people so normal and, like, fitting in the whole thing? I don't know. Yeah, but, like, that's when she was like that. Not, like, so crazy, but, like, kind of. It was like that. It was like that crazy, bro. Everybody would be like, oh, crap. But I'd be like, you got the guitar. If we would do Bible study, you'd sit at the end and we'd do Bible study. And then you got the turquoise Bible. And then, like, I don't know. I feel like we had good times and I didn't care. And I was like, whatever, I own the place. Like, I don't normally say that to people, but it's like, they're complaining noise like, hey, I own the place. I don't care. So we're gonna play music.

[David Lee Corbo]

I'm a little curious for us.

[Top Lobster]

By the way, how would you rate her past behavior on a scale? Was she similar to the girl with the dog with the diaper?

[David Lee Corbo]

Shout out which dog with the diaper?

[Top Lobster]

Come on.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah, no.

[Matt]

Substantially crazier than Christina with a K, dude.

[David Lee Corbo]

Okay.

[Matt]

Substantially crazier. Substantially, like, legitimate crazy. You guys don't understand. That's why.

[David Lee Corbo]

That's what I'm saying.

[Matt]

Like, only Bella. Did you guys see Bella's face when she did you guys hugged and she, like, hugged you? Yeah, she came.

[Kirsten]

She, like, initiated it.

[Matt]

Yeah, dude. I don't know if you saw her fit. Like, like, that's why everybody that's seeing her right now is in shock. You were like, wait a minute. You guys can't get it. You can kind of, like, hear the story, but I'm not doing that good of a job explaining how crazy she was. But I'm telling. Like, can we think of some stories? Like, but when I was like, bella, you'll never guess who came here today. And then I started explaining who you were. She's like the chick that was naked and stole her grandma's truck and got pulled over and fought two cops naked.

[David Lee Corbo]

Some people get little details wrong, but. Go on.

[Matt]

Yeah, I was like, yes, that chick. Like. And it was. That was a pretty crazy one. But there was a bunch.

[Kirsten]

We can't. We don't even have enough. Enough time. I.

[David Lee Corbo]

You had to get someplace.

[Kirsten]

Yeah, to. It's. It's too long a story. It's a long story. It was right down the street, but it.

[Matt]

Yeah, I remember you got Baker acted too. That was a crazy story.

[David Lee Corbo]

Seems like if it was right down the street, you could have taken maybe like an Uber.

[Matt]

Yeah, I don't even remember all the stories. Like.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

How did you get here? Did you drive your parents vehicle or like. Yeah. Why did you keep coming here?

[Kirsten]

Vehicle at that time? Because, I mean, I think God was leading me.

[Matt]

Yeah, you just found it. Because it's not like we're a chain shop with good advertising or anything.

[David Lee Corbo]

Literally a Dunkin Donuts in front.

[Kirsten]

But I found it. And I've always, like, I've always gravitated towards stuff like that, you know, towards spiritual people and towards libraries and books and Bibles. Like, I've always gravitated towards those things

[David Lee Corbo]

you talked about, you know, being raised in a. In a good household and. And that you're. You're adopted parents are very much your parents and they created a safe environment for you. I don't remember if you said it at the top of the show. Were they Christian? Were you introduced to scripture as a child?

[Kirsten]

I was introduced to scripture. They raised us in like, different churches. Like, mostly like a lot of different ones. We went to a Greek Orthodox church growing up, or maybe it was Ukrainian Orthodox. We went to like Presbyterian or like wherever we went with. My mom made a point to like, raise us in church.

[David Lee Corbo]

Okay.

[Kirsten]

My dad's Catholic, but I think, you know, that was something. I'm glad I had that foundation.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

They're not as religious as I am, but I've always had that pull towards the spiritual. Like towards Jesus. I always have.

[David Lee Corbo]

What was this like for them?

[Kirsten]

Oh, I traumatized my family, my younger sisters, my parents.

[Matt]

You loved your. I remember you always loved your parents, though. As crazy as you were, you would always be like, no, I love my parents. And I feel like you had, like, remorse for putting them through it.

[Kirsten]

So much remorse. So much remorse. And all I can do is apologize and make kind of that living amends and show them that I'm somebody different today, you know, and actually live an esteemable life. But I will always, you know, carry. I wouldn't say guilt or shame, but like, like, I, I understand the weight of how much I traumatized responsibility for it.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yes, yeah, yeah.

[Kirsten]

Accountability.

[David Lee Corbo]

But how are they now? I mean, now it's got to be.

[Kirsten]

This is, it's, I mean, they've always been so loving and supportive. I'm visiting them now. They're so proud of me, you know, that's for, they're, it's complete unconditional love.

[David Lee Corbo]

That's awesome.

[Kirsten]

And yeah, it's a be, it's a beautiful thing. Their forgiveness is a big, beautiful spiritual thing.

[David Lee Corbo]

You know, I've seen people, you know, like I said, we had the whole opioid epidemic and was a burden for a lot of my friends. And a lot of them were close enough that I knew their parents well, and you just see, like, what a toll it takes. It's a crazy road, man. It's crazy road because after a certain amount of abuse, there are a lot of voices who say you got to just give up. And then there are a lot of parents that don't, don't give up on their kids. I mean, and, you know, I, I, I'm thinking of more than a few examples of just like, watching these moms and dads go through it. But I also think in those examples, those kids are all right now, which has got to be huge, you know, to, to go through that sort of fire. I think it almost would be in some ways better to be the drug user, you know, than to, than to have to. Because every day is like a, it's a roll of the dice. What phone call are you going to get? You know, it's, it's a nightmare sleep.

[Kirsten]

And, and I mean, I have other sisters who are going through. Not as bad as I did, but going through similar things. And my, my, my, my parents are just amazing people. I mean, I don't know anybody else who would adopt six girls from around the world and be able to like, like, be able to create an environment where they could, you know, flourish. I, I don't know anybody else that, that could love. Love.

[Matt]

Like, where are you in the age bracket? I'm the second oldest, so the younger ones are kind of struggling with some stuff now.

[Kirsten]

Well, the one that's two days older than me, we were both adopted from the, from different places at the same time. She's two days older than me. She's struggling. She's in North Carolina. She has some, like, developmental disabilities, and she has a tough life, and she's struggling right now. And I. There's not a lot of communication, but I pray for her every day. Every day.

[David Lee Corbo]

That. Speaking of praying, have you ever prayed specifically about the idea of generational iniquity?

[Kirsten]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Lee Corbo]

That's something that, throughout this show's lifetime, I'm realizing is, like, massively important and goes over so many people's heads,

[Matt]

you

[David Lee Corbo]

know, the debts that are owed, the debts that have been paid for. But if you don't actively ask for that, you know, for these sins or these bonds to be broken.

[Kirsten]

Exactly. You gotta break.

[David Lee Corbo]

You have to.

[Kirsten]

It's like the good news that's broken in the name of Jesus.

[David Lee Corbo]

People are. Are going through that. I saw an article very recently, and it was like, you know, biologists have determined that trauma experienced by the father can be passed down to the sons for, you know, as many as X amount of generations. I go, okay, cool. Yeah, science is starting to catch up to the idea of generational iniquity, but it completely ignores the spiritual implications of that. And it just says, yeah, if you've experienced trauma, then those fears or those insecurities or those anxieties, those psychological disorders, you know, void entirely of the spiritual context can be passed down to you. And it's just funny because, I don't know, it's. We had this conversation earlier, the Dr. Massoud, and he was talking about Islam, and he came from being Muslim and is now Christian, has been for a long time. His ministry is, like, going on 50 years. And. And what he's describing in Islam and their belief system is, like, so close but no cigar. Like, they're. They're talking about this idea of seeking mercy and grace and trying to find the way and how when he looks at text of the Quran, there's so many things that don't have answers, and those answers that he can't find are found in Christ. And it's just funny because everybody is so close, but no cigar. So I'm looking at science now or biology, and they're going, oh, yeah, something that can happen to you can affect your generations.

[Kirsten]

Well, that. And I mean, I don't know, you. You look at every day, they're coming out with something new that, like, is confirmed in the Bible, like scientific evidence. And it's just. It's just incredible. It just goes to show that, like, the Bible doesn't lie. Everything lines up. I mean, it's. It's incredible. I mean, I've been one of those people who kind of had to search out other avenues and do a little research. You know, it wasn't. But I mean, there is only one way, one truth and one life, and that's Jesus Christ. And you.

[David Lee Corbo]

You went through that system. It's interesting because aaa, that's. That's the correct one. Right. A is. Is part of that system. And that system is like the medical apparatus. And you go through it, especially when it comes to mental health. And it is absent of spirituality.

[Kirsten]

That's not. I mean, even it's. It's not absent. It's a spiritual program.

[Matt]

Definitely.

[David Lee Corbo]

No, no, not AI. Not. Not AI, not aa. I mean, let's say you go to the doctors and, you know, you go to therapy.

[Kirsten]

Yeah.

[David Lee Corbo]

You go to a psychologist. I have a. Like a relative who. She's. She's a psychologist and she's a believer. And she talks about how there's so much of this she cannot bring to the table because you're not allowed to take that into the conversation because.

[Kirsten]

Influence anybody, for sure. Yeah, anybody's belief system.

[David Lee Corbo]

So. But eventually they will recommend, like, you should be going to AAA or something like that, and there you'll get it. But like the. The rest of the medical industry, it's even amazing that they work in tandem. AA and the medical or the mental health industry, because besides aa, it's pills to regulate. But it's like we're all being subjected to spiritual warfare. That's the name of the game is spiritual warfare. And this entire industry that proclaims to be about mental health, that we have a mental health epidemic in America and all this crap, and none of it is being approached through the lens of spiritual warfare. But then there's this anomaly that is AA that they will kick you to, and people have all this success with it, and it is addressing the spiritual nature of things.

[Kirsten]

I think it's because at a certain point with a certain type of person, that is the only thing that works like that. In our big book, NAA's big book, there's like the first chapter is the doctor's opinion. And I mean, the doctor, Dr. Silkworth, like, has all this experience with addicts and alcoholics. This is back in, like the 1930s. And he's. He's like, literally, see, nothing works. I mean, for. For some of the, you know, hard drinkers and the less severe alcoholics, they can just get by, maybe can stop. But for the real alcoholic, nothing works but a spiritual solution. And they. He Saw like, it kind of started then with Bill W. Who wrote the big book, and he shared his experience with other people. They kind of took the idea of the 12 steps from the Akron Pioneers group, which was like a Christian group that was going on at that time. And it worked. And like the doctor had to concede that, like, hey, I don't understand this. Hey, this is not in my expertise. But this is working for people, this altruistic program, you know, people helping other people and sharing their experience of hardship with other people and then leaning on God and these steps and leading them into a relationship with God and then using that model to help other people into a relationship with God. That's what's what it is. And like, even the toughest, you know, the, the most seasoned medical professional, like at, at some point has to be like, there's nothing else I can do for you. Here's this. And I think that's what's happening.

[David Lee Corbo]

It's just strange to me because that means that there is a significant amount of data that points at the success of this program and it's got this element within it that the, the industry can't define. Right. Which is God. And rather than zero in on that, especially like I said, in the time of, of mental health crisis, this here in the west, rather than zero in on that element and go, there is an anomaly within the system that is bearing good fruit and people that would otherwise not be saved by anything that we can do are being saved. We should look at this and expand on this and incorporate this into the greater spectrum of mental health in the United States. They don't do it. They just allow AA to have the success that it has. And when they throw their hands up and they can't deal with it, they'll, they'll, they'll push you to AA and say, there's your last ditch effort thing. It seems like based off of what

[Kirsten]

you're saying, I, I wouldn't say like latch, last ditch effort. I think it's more like there's, I think it's more that people know it, know it works depending on the kind of program, depending on what that medical professional is trying to do. If it's all about money, they're probably not going to recommend a free program where you don't even have to pay anything. You just go and, you know, you.

[David Lee Corbo]

But that's kind of the issue, right? The love of money is the root of all evil.

[Kirsten]

Yes. And a lot of people get that wrong. They think it's. Money is the root of all evil, but it's the love of money.

[Matt]

How much of it do you think it's the help of? Just like, other people, you're like, not on an island anymore. That it's like, oh, wait, there's others. Like, there's like, it's not just me, there's these other people. We've been through similar experiences. Now I have somebody to talk through. Did you ever read the passage where it says that if evil spirits gets cast out of a body, that it goes around searching for places, it's in dry places, but then if it comes back and sees that the place that it was living has been swept and garnished, that it'll grab seven more spirits, more evil than itself, and bring them and come and go back in. Okay. Do you know that in the 12 step program, they tell us that, like, it's a progressive disease that gets. Ultimately, to me, I don't know that. I, I don't, I don't personally even call it a disease. It's, it's, it's definitely spiritual, demonic activity. And so that's why there's these, like, parallels that they try to explain in, like, a natural way, like that it's a disease or that it's a progressive disease. But it's. But Jesus explained it clearly. It's like, no, man, that demon left. But if you don't, if you don't, like, take care of that environment, boom, it's coming back even more evil, which would manifest like a progressive disease.

[David Lee Corbo]

Is that the idea? Like, if you cast a spirit out but you're not then filled with the

[Matt]

Holy Spirit, then you're just, just gonna

[David Lee Corbo]

get worse than your house that you just cleaned out.

[Matt]

Yeah. When it comes back, it's like, dude, I'm not getting thrown out again.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I need to get my tentacles in even stronger this time. I'm not throwing out again.

[David Lee Corbo]

That's interesting. That's interesting. You're talking about the language of it being a disease. And that's what's hard. It's hard to navigate because, you know, we, we don't have an understanding of, of the spiritual realm. We don't have an understanding of the supernatural. So what reputable medical apparatus is going to say you have a spiritual disposition?

[Matt]

Right.

[David Lee Corbo]

Even if they, even if they concede, even if they yield some ground to that diagnosis, they're still going to sprinkle in medical jargon in order to not secede all of that ground. Right. Because if they, if they secede all of that ground, then the entire medical system gets flipped on its head because there's something else. Else that we haven't figured in that

[Matt]

disposition though is ultimately I think your destiny. Destiny in God, your destiny in the kingdom of God. And maybe if your destiny in the kingdom of God was not going to be something super hardcore, then when you dabbled in drugs, it wasn't super hardcore. But like your, your disposition, if you will, like you have a specific destiny given to you in God. What is it in 2 Timothy 1, 8, 9 says, We've been saved and called with the holy calling in Christ Jesus. But before the world began, you were made a specific way for a specific thing.

[David Lee Corbo]

So if they know that.

[Matt]

Well, I think if you were made to go hardcore at this thing that you were called to and they could get you off track to find another thing, you're going to go just as intense after that thing. You're going to be shooting heroin, you're going to be doing the oxies, right? You're going to get the fentanyl patches. Like you're going to go hard at whatever the thing is. And so those people can't just come into the church and just like, oh, hallelujah, I'm just going to chill and Sunday just be in the pew. It's like, no, no, no, you have to go hard. That's ultimately what you were created.

[David Lee Corbo]

Those people are also a little bit scary to the church, right? Very scary, super passionate people.

[Matt]

But those are the people we gotta rescue. Those are the people that have to get rescued, dude. Like, I don't think the next generation of like real preaching and like the real church is going to come from the current 501C3 system. I know that's shocking for you guys to know that. I believe that. But like, I think it's going to come from people that come into coffee shops and act crazy and the church people want them to leave. I think it's going to be like, those are the people.

[David Lee Corbo]

And look at the prophets of the Bible.

[Matt]

I mean, are the next generation.

[David Lee Corbo]

Are they like super cool people, wild people? They're kind of like insane people.

[Matt]

But like, if you have a destiny to be like the next great revival preacher and so you're going to be on fire for God. You're gonna be reading a Bible eight hours a day and praying and just going hard, saving souls, and then instead you find drugs, what do you think you're gonna do with drugs?

[David Lee Corbo]

Go hard.

[Matt]

You're gonna go hard. Like that's. So then they'll call that a disease or they'll say they have a. What do they say? Like they have a addictive behavior. So everything you do, everything you do is addictive. And so now that you're a Christian, now you're just doing your addictive behavior? No, no, I was called to be this radical Christian all along. That was my destiny. All along.

[David Lee Corbo]

I was called to be psycho.

[Matt]

It was manifesting in like hijacked ways up until now. This was the real thing. I wasn't always this addictive behavior person. So I was addicted to sports and then addicted to whatever and then addicted to drugs. And now I'm addicted to Jesus. No, no. This always was my call. This always was what I was made for. And just manifest in these different avenues which. Yeah, the spirit, the spirit realm and the war that we're in. Like, they're like, don't let that person get on track. Don't let Kirsten get on track. Like, whatever you do yet. Get her shooting heroin to get, get her living with the oxies, man. Get her doing the thing with the patch. Like, whatever you do, don't let her get on track with God because she's going to go hard when she does, does. Like, ultimately that's the reality. If you're born with a destiny, it's going to go somewhere. That energy's got to go somewhere.

[Top Lobster]

So where does, where does this story leave you now? Like, where, where are you headed? What are you, what are you doing? Yeah, with, I mean, we talked about where you came from, we talked about all this stuff. But what it, what's next? Like, what do you, what do you think you're going to be doing next?

[Kirsten]

You know what? Like, if, if I can't get caught too caught up in the details of that. Like we say we make plans and God laughs.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

You know, it's like God has that for me. And what I have to do is completely stay in contact with him every day and give my will up to him and align it with his will, you know, And I, I know he has amazing things for me. As long as I stay sober, as long as I keep doing this work, as long as I remain in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, as long as I'm surrounded by like amazing, like minded people, I'm gonna be okay. And I never have to live the way I was living again, ever. I never have to go back there. Even if there's days I want to, which at this point in time there's not. I never have to live that way again.

[David Lee Corbo]

You know, what do you think about the idea of like, you know, the refining fire, the idea that, like, your suffering wasn't pointless suffering, but, like, there is a forge of sorts that you went through.

[Kirsten]

Oh, that's what sanctification is, isn't it? You know, is. Is this period in sobriety has been like my sanctification period. It's ongoing. It's going to be ongoing for the rest of my, you know, mortal but eternal life, you know, But I'm just along for the ride and I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and allow God to go before me.

[David Lee Corbo]

It's kind of hard when you start doing stuff like things that are aimed at God because what you said there, you nailed it, right? It's like, what good are our plans if we're not? It's like, whatever God's plan is, my plan is to. Is to serve and hopefully I'm a good servant. And because of that, like, you don't really. You have some plans, got like a loose outline, but all of it is subject to change. All of it is subject to, like, yeah, whatever God wants. It's just interesting because I think that's a fundamental disposition to anybody who's truly trying to have a relationship with God. And to serve is to understand, like, also, yeah, your plans kind of ain't. I mean, it doesn't mean that God doesn't consider them. It seems that God considers a lot of things that people appeal to him about. Right? Just throughout the Bible, there's a bunch of instances of people almost negotiating with God. So it's not that he doesn't consider them, but it's like, yeah, whatever your plans, you know, you meet people and they go, well, I'm gonna do this, and. And in 10 years, I'm gonna do that. Five years from now, I'm gonna get this, I'm gonna have this job, I'm gonna move to this place, I'm gonna do this thing. And that's never really been how I've lived my life, but the more that I'm. I'm coming to understand the nature of God. It's kind of like, good luck. Good luck. You know, I think that whatever plan God has for you is definitively better than any plan you're going to have for yourself.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah, but what, what are you doing right now? You're doing real estate, right? So, like, you're living in Jupiter.

[Kirsten]

Juno Beach. My boyfriend, I don't know if you've met him, he came in here with me, but I don't. He's not here down Here with me this time is the broker of a company like, co. Owns the Johnson Group Real estate Services. I've been working under him.

[Matt]

Well played, girl.

[Kirsten]

As his. Thank you. His assistant for, like, two years. So I'm learning the business. I got my real estate license in February. I was just trying to learn everything I could. First.

[Matt]

February. Wait, what are we in right now? June.

[David Lee Corbo]

June?

[Matt]

You just got in February. Good for you.

[David Lee Corbo]

Nice. Wow.

[Kirsten]

And. But I've been working for him for, like, two years, learning everything I can, and I'm, you know, hopefully gonna continue recording and doing my music and learning the real estate business and just.

[Matt]

But you're, like, open with Christ already. You're, like, in the game. I'm saying you were, like, praying with people out here today. You were just, like, opening. What were you guys talking about when you were our testimonies? Yeah, everybody.

[David Lee Corbo]

You didn't know those people, like, previously? No, that's so.

[Matt]

No, there's nobody that would know her as this.

[David Lee Corbo]

I didn't think about that because. Yeah. When I walked up to go speak to you, say, hey, we're ready. You were already integrated into a circle of people. Everybody's sharing testimony.

[Kirsten]

Yeah. Where are we not.

[David Lee Corbo]

He did.

[Kirsten]

I did. What was that other guy's name?

[David Lee Corbo]

Pastor Lee.

[Kirsten]

Pastor Lee.

[David Lee Corbo]

This is a crazy place.

[Top Lobster]

This is a crazy place.

[Kirsten]

Why were you drawn to here? That's why.

[Matt]

That's.

[David Lee Corbo]

It's a crazy place.

[Matt]

Build it. If God tells you to build it, you don't really know exactly what is gonna unfold. You just do it.

[Kirsten]

All right, I got it.

[Top Lobster]

I have a final question for you, and I think I already know the answer. Are you. Are you having fun with what you're doing here? Whatever you're doing here? Because I don't think you even know,

[Kirsten]

like, on the planet or here right now.

[David Lee Corbo]

No. Yeah, on the planet, dog. Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

I'm finally having fun because I finally don't have to live in the shame that I lived in, hide what I was doing, live in that agony. Like, I've done a significant amount of work to heal from the. The traumas that. That I've not only created in my own life, but that were inflicted on me by other people. I forget I've learned how to forgive. I know I'm forgiven not only by Jesus, but by the people in my life that I've hurt. You know what could be more fun than that?

[David Lee Corbo]

It's a good place to be, you know?

[Kirsten]

And I have. It's. It's so fun being sober. It's so much more fun than having to, like, orchestrate all these.

[David Lee Corbo]

Keep up with your lies too, and all that other stuff and lies.

[Kirsten]

And like, you're saying, like, it's. It's amazing. I didn't even know this existed. And I mean, it's incredible. I'm. I'm having so much fun. I normally, like, I just prayed before I came here that God would speak through me and that I could help somebody else, and that's why I did this. I'm not good at speaking. I'm not even.

[Matt]

You know, I asked you this morning, you said no.

[Kirsten]

I was.

[Matt]

She said no. She said no. Like, I'm happy to talk. I don't want to talk.

[Top Lobster]

You invited somebody on my podcast.

[David Lee Corbo]

Unbelievable. Yeah, it takes liberties, doesn't he?

[Top Lobster]

He does.

[David Lee Corbo]

You're lucky. This one turned out fun.

[Matt]

Do what I want.

[Kirsten]

But I pray, prayed over it. And if it can help somebody, I'll do it. Because, I mean, the AA book says, it says selfishness and self centeredness are the root of our troubles. Like, I'm working on that, but, like, my whole life doesn't revolve around me anymore. Like, I help other women. I. I do what I can to. To help. You know, I'm. I'm able to be happily and usefully whole today.

[Matt]

Is the sister you came in with the two days. Older sister? No, she's younger. She's like, she's chill.

[Kirsten]

She's chill.

[Matt]

But what.

[Kirsten]

She goes through her own things. We all do. I don't think she's like, like spiritually. And she's probably going to watch this in the same spot that I am. I would love for her.

[Matt]

Yeah, but who is right?

[Kirsten]

We're all on journeys and she has. She's. She's watching my puppy at home right now. She's amazing.

[Matt]

Like, technically, that was an E1.

[Kirsten]

My family is so amazing, and I'm so grateful, you know?

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

For them.

[David Lee Corbo]

That's huge.

[Top Lobster]

That's amazing, man. Thank you. Thank you for coming by, Matt. This is a. This is a crazy episode. Like, impromptu, but this is what you get at the coffee shop.

[Matt]

Yeah, but you guys don't have any. I. I'm sorry, I don't know what this came off. Like, but nobody has any appreciation for what just happened here.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Except for, like, the people who worked here. Like, you just. You don't know.

[Top Lobster]

It's not a surprise, though. Like, this is, like, this is what we see every day at the coffee shop. It's just. Just new thing after such a weird place person after Person a different story. Like, we just interviewed a guy that almost got his head cut off in Afghan, in Pakistan.

[Matt]

That's a wild story. His whole family, because he's a Christian.

[David Lee Corbo]

There's a Dunkin Donuts in the parking

[Top Lobster]

lot, and we're gonna burn him.

[David Lee Corbo]

I'm going after to get a lot to know. This doesn't happen there.

[Matt]

No.

[David Lee Corbo]

This is like, this whole place. Like, I've been here. How long have we had the studio in here now?

[Matt]

We've prayed for you for a long time. Everybody that's ever worked here has prayed for you. As crazy as. As you did, it works. You would leave and we would pray for you.

[Kirsten]

Prayer works. And there's just one thing I wanted to say, like, to anybody struggling, like, this is what God does. Like, God heals. God wants to heal you. Yeah, he really does. Whatever you're struggling with. So keep praying. Keep having people pray for you, and God will heal you.

[David Lee Corbo]

Keep drawing closer to him.

[Kirsten]

Keep. Yeah. And I mean, in his time. In what? In his will. Like, yeah, God.

[Matt]

You were like, why are you shocked? Like, this morning when I was like, I can't believe this. I'm like, you know, and you're like, I've been born again. And I was like, I can't believe this. You're like, why are you shocked? Like, why would you be shocked? But it was just like, still. It was like, okay, touche. But it's still just shocking. Yeah.

[David Lee Corbo]

Because God does crazy things.

[Matt]

It looks crazy, but it still initially was like. Like a shocking awe, man.

[Kirsten]

Yeah, I think I'm biased because, I mean, I see so many miracles in the program of aaa. Like, so many people that were just like me.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kirsten]

We literally, if. If you're plugged in there and you. You really go for it and you're in it, you know, you see miracles like this every day. And I was talking to my mom on the way here. I'm like, he was just. Matt was just, like, shocked. And, I mean, I see them every day. You might not. I'm a drastic miracle, I'll tell you that. And I mean, what he's saying is, you guys don't even know how drastic of a change this is. And, like, sometimes I'm not even aware because it's been a gradual, you know, and. And a. A long.

[Matt]

Because you came in, what, a year ago, and you were more normal. More normal. But you weren't like this. You weren't like a normal person.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You were just a little more normal. But I was, like, still so happy. Back then. I'm pretty sure I text a picture of you to Bree back then and said, brie, you'll never guess who came in. And she's, like, more normal. But then today, you were just like. Like a normal person. I was like, this is incredible.

[David Lee Corbo]

I think. I think you nailed it, though. Somebody out there definitely. There's a lot of people that will hear this. And that's. That's my. We make a show every day, and sometimes I go, like, what the hell are we even doing? Like, what are we going to talk about? But that's not the point. Like, the point is who's gonna listen? Who's gonna listen? Somebody out there is gonna hear the right combination of words. You know, you ask God to send Holy Spirit to guide you, reveal things to you, speak through you. So that's something you do. Serves the kingdom of God. And I think, yeah, somebody's gonna hear this one.

[Matt]

Amen.

[Kirsten]

Thank you, guys.

[Top Lobster]

Absolutely. Thank. Thank you for coming on, man. Been a crazy day of.

[David Lee Corbo]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Episodes.

[David Lee Corbo]

It has.

[Top Lobster]

Until next time, which is tomorrow. Obey, submit, and comply. Guys,

[Kirsten]

Do it again. The end is written in the book, in the pages.

[David Lee Corbo]

They.

[Kirsten]

For.

[David Lee Corbo]

When the last trumpet sound in the heaven.