Possessed by Holy Spirit | NDS Chronicles

Summary

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Nephilim Death Squad – "Possessed by Holy Spirit | NDS Chronicles"

Podcast: Nephilim Death Squad
Hosts: Top Lobsta, Raven (with occasional appearances by Matt & Nancy)
Date: March 19, 2026
Episode Type: NDS Chronicles (listener testimonies, open mailbag, community riffs)
Main Theme:
Listener stories on supernatural, spiritual warfare & conspiracy, with major focus on faith struggles, demonic encounters, critique of the show and church, and recurring riffs on modern occultism and pop culture.

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Overview

This episode continues the NDS Chronicles theme: listener testimonies and emails revealing bizarre, often supernatural life stories, viewed through a "Christ-pilled comedy/conspiracy" lens. The hosts mock, riff, and reflect on insane life tales—ranging from family trauma, supernatural horror, drug trips, and paranormal encounters—while mixing in sharp biblical commentary, honest faith struggles, and slanderous jokes about witchy women, church hypocrisy, and online haters.

Notable this week: A lengthy listener email crisis of faith, stories of parental abuse and demonic manifestation, tales of generational witchcraft, and debates on church (dis)connection—threaded together with NDS’s signature blend of irreverence, sincerity, and pop culture tangents.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Supernatural Listener Testimonies: Greg’s “Schizophrenic” Memoir

[02:03–45:10]
Greg’s multi-part saga weaves together childhood trauma, supernatural experiences, and a journey in and out of occult/new age practices, culminating in a dramatic, possibly demonic, Alaska alien encounter.

• Childhood & Family Trauma: Stepdad changes wardrobe, physical abuse, attempts to run Greg over with his truck ([13:46]); stepdad develops Huntington’s Disease, becomes increasingly violent and eerie (“His eyes were so dark…the rage was different this time… He even looked different” – Top, [14:03]).
• Survival, Rebellion & Drug Use: Greg flees to his dad, starts using, reflects on absentee/abusive parents, drugs replacing spirituality (“All the new age practices were behind me... drugs had better results. Amen.” – Raven, [35:10]).
• Dabbles in the Occult: Admits to using the Necronomicon for money/girls, and experimenting with sigil magic; results in mental breakdown and hospitalization ([21:24] onwards).
• Hospital Stay: Emotional and physical trauma, suicidal ideation, heavy medication ("They would come in my room at like 3am, take my vitals, give me shots" – Greg via Top, [25:03]), befriends fellow damaged youths; long comedic riff on "Invader Zim" kids and ‘quirk chungus’ culture as occult gateway ([22:54–24:36]).
• Paranoia & Addiction: Returns to dysfunctional home post-9/11 ([20:16]), continues drugs, eventually enlists in the Army (“So we figured the Army would be fun…” – Raven, [38:32]).
• Alaska Alien Encounter: Narrates a chilling late-night experience with a giant, stereotypical grey alien:

  “The first thing I noticed were two huge shining eyes on a white or gray face...a car lit up the area...I saw a stereotypical gray alien. It was huge, easily 10ft tall, probably closer to 12. Naked, very pale skin, super thin, unusually long arms and legs.” (Top, [43:24])
  Afterwards, no more paranormal events—eventual surrender to Jesus Christ years later.

• Reflection: Hosts riff on how trauma and drugs open doors to spiritual darkness—but also how experiences "don’t define salvation" and church culture alone can’t save anyone.

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2. Faith Crisis & Critique Email: “Possessed by Holy Spirit for Years” (The David K. Letter)

[46:54–75:44]
A listener, David K., writes a lengthy, emotional email chronicling his journey from Christian upbringing to atheism, back to spiritual search, then towards Christianity—and ultimately rejecting it after listening to NDS.

• Personal Spiritual “Whiplash”: Grew up Christian, lost faith in university, New Atheism phase, discovers conspiracy podcasts (drawn in by Trump-era media bias), then returns to faith curiosity ([49:16–50:44]).
• Sympathetic with Raven’s Faith Journey: Notes parallel in both becoming (or returning to) Christianity at the same time ([51:10]).
• Crisis Point: Despite deep engagement, finds NDS’s tone increasingly absurdist, “Christ-cucked,” and cringey:

  “I am trying so hard to hold on to you guys, but God damn, I think I have to stop listening…” ([51:48]) Says the hosts’ earnestness about Christ/the Holy Spirit (and endless ads) ultimately repulses him from Christianity altogether.

• Sharp Criticisms:
  • Claims the podcast “pushed him so far from Christianity” ([60:43]).
  • Complains about lack of biblical depth, “cringe” guests, Christian “mind virus,” and accuses hosts of just “regurgitating internet clips.”
  • Questions sincerity: “Everything you guys have ever said I now know was not research or fact checked.” ([62:01])
• Philosophical Turn: Ends with a “thank you”—claims he wants to ask the Holy Spirit to leave, now considers Christianity a “Jewish myth” and hurls parting slurs (“You dunce cap”, “cheers, hail Satan”).
• Hosts’ Reaction:
  • Deeply amused/bemused, debate whether to take the complaints seriously.
  • Grapple with the heavy implication that their Christian content chased someone from faith:

    “If you think the Holy Spirit does in fact dwell within you and you’re going to ask it to leave...what on earth do you think is going to fill the thing that is left behind?” (Top Lobsta, [74:08])

  • Committed to not “cleaning up their act” for Christian respectability:

    “It’s like, yeah—if we sold out, we sold out to Jesus Christ. Fine. That’s the only thing I’ll sell out for.” ([73:47])

  • Conclude with both sarcasm and earnestness: “We love you. Come back.” (Raven, [79:41])

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3. Witchcraft, “Witch Talk,” and Generational Curses

[121:09–132:41]

• Email: George B. “Experience With a Witch”
  Recounts the story of befriending a self-proclaimed witch, witnessing bonfire rituals, subsequent supernatural harassment (eyes in the dark), and a curse placed on a friend that precipitates his suicide attempt:

  “I noticed she started getting uneasy...‘It’s watching us right now.’... She stood up, grabbed a rock, spun around, and threw it into the darkness. We all heard a screech and could hear something run off.”
  “A couple months later...the witch and my friend’s girlfriend were sitting at a table…black candle…holding hands…chanting…I immediately leave…”
  “Went to check on [my friend]…found him in the bathtub—wrists slit, bleeding out. By the grace of God, he survived. Cops laughed at the witch part.”
  Hosts reflect on generational curses/maladaptation—refer to family stories—contrasting “witch energy” vs. “holy spirit.”

• Pop Witchcraft Satire & Real Dangers:
  Explain the rise of “witch talk” on TikTok, aesthetics-turned-practice, generational trauma, and connection between “murder podcasts” and the feminization of occultism in pop culture:

  “It’s the same witch. They just keep rebranding. Horror girly is one step beneath a witch.” (Top, [135:53])
  “Women love looking into this abyss…slasher films combine tits with murder for, like, a sex-based trauma ritual.” ([137:03])

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4. Church, Community, and Leaving the Institution

[110:27–118:26]

• "Pastor Ben" Letter: A pastor writes in celebrating the show’s Christ-centered turn, shares he left the 501c3 ("corporate") church structure over its failures (blind support of Israel, spiritual deadness).

  “I’ve moved to direct Bible study in homes with a faithful group and working…among the homeless.” (Raven, quoting, [110:41]) Hosts discuss dangers/gifts of institutional church, affirm value in both.

• Ongoing Meta-Commentary: Gags about being both part of and outside of "churchianity," taking shots at own hypocrisy:

  “We’re still going to church. We’re hypocrites... I don’t want people to leave the church. I think God is there, too.” (Raven, [114:13])

• Hermeneutics:
  Shout-out to Bible study guests and the importance of reading Scripture contextually/through ancient eyes.

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5. Short Testimonies: Dreams, Astral Experiences, and the Occult

[77:06–98:41]

• Indiana Tunnel Dream (Katie):
  Female listener describes recurring dreams of being led underground with classmates by a sinister “spider priest”—all killed, she’s tormented by guilt.

  “His body…did a back bend…scurried towards me growling, red eyes—scary priest walking like a fast spider…” ([90:45])

  • Hosts riff on connections between underground tunnels in dreams, real-world abduction accounts, archetypal “liminal spaces,” and the occult symbolism of the spider.
  • Astral projection/Lucid dreaming questions: Are popular Netflix/YouTube “how-tos” dangerous?
• Wider Theme: Generational trauma, portals from dreams, and “egregore/tulpa” theory—collective imagination creating real entities.

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Notable Quotes

• “When people say, ‘Where’s your evidence? Show us your receipts,’—these are our receipts...They come from crazy people.”
  — Raven, [04:04]

• “Even if we take a thing seriously, we still make fun of it...We’re going to make fun of the beasts of the earth after it cracks open...We’ll make fun of that too.”
  — Top Lobsta, [04:09]

• “The rage was different this time. He even looked different. His skin was pale. His eyes were so dark...”
  — Top Lobsta, narrating listener letter, [14:03]

• “Around this time in my life, I discovered sigil magic…a book called the Necronomicon…I only ever used it for money and girls and cashola. And I think it worked.”
  — Top Lobsta, reading, [21:24]

• “Invader Zim was synonymous with goth—goth light—the entry point to it was a children’s cartoon.”
  — Top Lobsta, [24:01]

• “If you fight naked or in women’s clothes, that’s a crazy—that’s a big deal.” — Raven, [16:51]

• “It’s like, why would you bother delving in theory when you could just go to these realms [on drugs]?”
  — Top Lobsta, [30:01]

• “It took me quite a while but I eventually came back to allowing the possibility of God. I couldn’t easily dismiss all of the previous cultures on earth having stories of gods, angels, or titans…”
  — David K., email, [50:44]

• “You guys more than anyone else have pushed me so far from Christianity, and I want to thank you for that.” — David K., [60:43]

• "If the Holy Spirit does dwell within you and you ask it to leave... what on earth do you think is going to fill the thing that's left behind?"
  — Top Lobsta, [74:08]

• “If we sold out, we sold out for Jesus Christ. That’s the only thing I will sell out for.”
  — Top Lobsta, [73:47]

• “It’s the same witch. It’s the same witch. They keep rebranding…horror girly is one step beneath a witch.”
  — Top Lobsta, [135:53]

• “Their shows are better than ours, and then they talk shit like they don’t need us anymore. It’s good.” — Raven, [101:47]

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Important Timestamps

• 02:03 — Show proper begins: introduction to schizophrenic testimonies
• 04:04 — Why the hosts view listener stories as “receipts” against the skeptical
• 14:03 — “Demonic” stepfather description
• 21:24 — Occult experimentation, Necronomicon
• 24:01-24:36 — “Invader Zim” as an occult gateway
• 43:24 — Sighting of the Alaskan alien
• 46:54 — Start of David K. email/testimony “Possessed by Holy Spirit”
• 51:47, 60:43 — Listener says NDS pushed him from Christianity
• 74:08 — Deep host reflection on spiritual consequences of rejecting faith
• 121:09 — “Witch experience” story (George B.)
• 128:16 — Witch curses boyfriend, suicide attempt
• 137:03 — “Sex-based trauma ritual” in slasher/horror films
• 110:27 — Pastor Ben on leaving institutional church
• 77:06 — Katie’s Indiana tunnel dream & astral projection
• 98:00 — Media’s normalization of occult practices

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Episode Tone, Community Vibe, Running Gags

• Irreverent, Darkly Humorous: Nothing is off-limits for riffing, but hosts don’t shy from confronting heavy or tragic content.
• Meta/Critical: Self-inquisition about the effect of their content on listeners’ faith journeys, with running jokes about “losing the pores,” contradictory reviews, and how people “outgrow” the show.
• Pop Culture Deep Dives: Recurring riffs (e.g., Invader Zim, murder podcasts, “witch talk,” MMA gym smells, “back rooms”/liminal spaces).
• Gender Satire: Ongoing, often crass humor regarding “quirk chungus” girls, the spiritual dangers of the feminine, and fixation with witchy, true-crime women.
• Community Feedback Loop: Regularly read live chat, bring up inside jokes, involve Patreon supporters, and debate how to respond to both fans and haters alike.

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Conclusions & Takeaways

• Faith is Messy: The episode’s stories consistently reinforce that coming to/losing faith is a chaotic and individualized process, shaped by trauma, culture, and supernatural experiences.
• Spiritual Warfare is Real (But so is Bullshit): Hosts maintain that drugs, occultism, and trauma open spiritual doors, but distinguish between sincere spiritual seeking and self-serving new age or “witch” culture.
• Church May Fail, Community Still Matters: The institution will let you down—but fellowship, personal study, and supernatural worldview endure; the show through its chaos still tries to “equip the saints.”
• Criticism Welcome, But Self-Knowledge is Key: Metacomedy as a form of self-defense. The show lampoons both itself and its critics, knowing flaws but owning its odd mission: “If we sold out, we sold out for Jesus.”

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Endnote:
If you crave stories at the fringes of faith, culture, and the supernatural—with a heavy dose of internet humor and zero filter—NDS Chronicles remains the most unpredictable “Christian conspiracy” mailbag on the web.

Transcript

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[Top Lobster]

Games.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time, scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.

[Top Lobster]

We'll just put it on the screen

[Raven]

or you want me to Top Lobster Productions.

[Top Lobster]

Level up Death Squad. When the last trumpet sounds and the heavens Crack. Block, block, block, block.

[Raven]

Nebulum.

[Top Lobster]

Death spot. Neville Despot. Death spot. Death spot. Death spot. Okay, now it's unmuted. Anyway. Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to another episode of NDS Chronicles. This show where we read your schizophrenic testimony. You can send it over to chroniclesndsgmail.com and we. We might read it maybe if we get around to it. We seem to do like one of these a month.

[Raven]

Yeah, we were doing better before, but now we have fallen off. Yeah, our audio switcher should be on.

[Top Lobster]

Okay, we're good now. We were for being as late as we were. You think we had this set up?

[Raven]

Realistically, all that we did that we're late. I would we show the people.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah, yeah, go ahead.

[Raven]

So we put up a curtain.

[Top Lobster]

A curtain that's it. Now that now, now we got a curtain, which is nice.

[Raven]

We're like doing the whole Joe Rogan thing and I think, I think people will really appreciate.

[Top Lobster]

How's the Purim party? So they're doing, they're doing their thing out there.

[Raven]

Doing it. They're warming up, they're playing.

[Top Lobster]

So apparently it might get loud at some point. Yeah, but whatever, show them. No, we're not going to show them,

[Raven]

guys.

[Top Lobster]

So yeah, this is, this is our, our, our testimony based show, which I'm a huge fan of despite not doing it very often, where you know, if you've had a supernatural test experience or, or something unexplainable in your life and it's not something that you can talk about with anybody because nobody fucking believes you because you look schizophrenic. And we'll read it and we'll mock you and.

[Raven]

But this is when, when people say, well, show us your evidence. Bring us your, your receipts. Your receipts. These are our receipts.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, bitch.

[Raven]

Yeah. They come from crazy people.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, that's right. So.

[Raven]

And we don't take them seriously.

[Top Lobster]

No, we don't. Well, I take them seriously. But see, that's the thing about us is even if we take a thing seriously, we still make fun of it.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Which happens like all the time. You know, we're going to make fun of the beasts of the earth after it cracks open and they come from the depths, you know, the subterranean, deep underground military bases and they finally. The restrainer has been removed and they can feast upon our flesh. We're going to make fun of that too.

[Raven]

Yeah, man. Who cares? While they're eating us dumb bitches. You sting like a bitch. Scorpion man.

[Top Lobster]

Scorpion man.

[Raven]

Scorpion man, baby.

[Top Lobster]

So. So we had a huge story last time and it was 13 pages because Greg is an asshole and. But he, he kept us around. The last one that we talked about was Trash Bag man, which is very fascinating. I don't remember what it was about, but I remember being like, damn, this is crazy. It was like a man that was made of like black oil. Yeah. That's all I remember. So.

[Raven]

By the way, you just reminded me because I'm scrolling through the story. This is Black Eyed Chase but Black Eyed Children.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

Is this somebody that we want to have on? There's this girl named Podge. What's her name? Poo Block? No, it's a girl I'm always very suspicious on if I want to have

[Top Lobster]

a. I know the girls. They're very suspicious.

[Raven]

Skiba News Network had Her on.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, really?

[Raven]

Yeah. Kate. Damn. What's her name?

[Top Lobster]

Oh, my God. JC's here. Hi, JC.

[Raven]

JC's here. He is. Hi, JC.

[Top Lobster]

I love JC.

[Raven]

It's been a long time. Shouldn't have left you her name. Step dude. K. Podgy Kpodg.

[Top Lobster]

That's very familiar.

[Raven]

Yeah. Yeah. You know her?

[Top Lobster]

Do I?

[Raven]

I don't know. Kpod. She's big on Instagram. Is she? Yeah, yeah. And she. I was looking through her stuff because I was like, oh, she's good.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

And she's talking about the Black Eyed Children. She's talking about all the stuff we do. I have a feeling she listens to this show and just like, does it, like, better rehashes. That's how everybody, everybody do short form content.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

She crushes everybody.

[Top Lobster]

Everybody.

[Raven]

I was like, maybe we should have her on. But then I'm like, then also girl.

[Top Lobster]

Girl don't like that.

[Raven]

Yeah, there you go. The other Holly Tahoe.

[Top Lobster]

Worst part.

[Raven]

I know it's girl. Is she even a real person or just a girl? I don't know. We'll think about it.

[Top Lobster]

I'm not sure we need to pray about it. Yeah, I need to bring that up with the Lord in order to get some clarity.

[Raven]

Having these hoes on.

[Top Lobster]

Lord, what you think about these hoes?

[Raven]

Think about these bitches and hoes.

[Top Lobster]

So, okay, let's. We're going to continue reading Greg's. Yeah, don't say that, dude. We're going to continue reading Greg's story.

[Raven]

All right, well, what page are you on? Right after Trash Bag.

[Top Lobster]

Yes, right after Trash Bag.

[Raven]

Also, Black Eyed Chase. Yeah, this is what we're talking about is what reminded me. Is this right?

[Top Lobster]

I don't know if that's what this is. So let's get straight into it. He says, when I was in sixth grade, my stepdad felt I had too much independence and freedom. Maybe I did. One of his courses of action was to revamp my wardrobe. I was a skater boy. I wasn't into Gencos, but I did own UFOs. Those are those dumb ass pants? Big UFO pants. So stupid. You're a real dumb bitch, Greg. I preferred skinny jeans and a band T shirt that was two sizes too small.

[Raven]

This is gay.

[Top Lobster]

Nothing too crazy. That's what. That's not even really skater as much as that's like a scene kid or emo kid. But fine, I'll let you, you know, live in your delusions. This guy wanted to dress me, but in G boot cut Levi's, white New Balance sneakers. When they were not cool. And a checkered polo. Yeah, that does suck. He had me dressing like a dad from the 90s. It made things difficult, so my girlfriend at the time convinced me to skip school one day. The original plan was for me to just get changed at her house and then go to school late. But one hour turned into two hours and so on. I went home at the time I was supposed to arrive home as if I went to school thinking no one would ever find out I was a dummy. My mom. My mom and stepdad were waiting for me at the door. Oh, shit.

[Raven]

Wait a second. Did you pull up that other email? The one that Nancy wanted us to read? Do you have that? You remember that one?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, yeah, I don't have it, but I can find it pretty easily in the Chronicles. Gmail.

[Raven]

Yeah. Okay. Alright. Just want to make sure. I'm excited about that.

[Top Lobster]

The way this house was set up. Oh, shit. Here we go. Hgtv, baby.

[Raven]

Are these guys kidding me?

[Top Lobster]

They love to tell us about the setup of their houses and I love to hear about it.

[Raven]

I don't. I don't want to hear about it. It's like when somebody tells me their name. Yeah, I can remember that.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

You know that.

[Top Lobster]

That's not the same thing, dude. Somebody tells me their name.

[Raven]

Somebody did that. Oh, someone in church. Oh, did I tell you about the story? No. I'm running the sound room. The ones and twos.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

And a guy comes up to me.

[Top Lobster]

He goes, my name is Chris. Officer.

[Raven]

No, he comes up every morning. Nice, dude. Yeah, his name is Brian now. I think. I don't remember.

[Top Lobster]

All right, see, this is the problem.

[Raven]

Every. Every morning. Every Sunday morning, he goes, how you doing? I say, great. He says, do you want a sausage?

[Top Lobster]

Okay, that's a weird. Hey.

[Raven]

Nah. But he's got a tin. He's got tins filled with sausage. And I always tell him, no, thanks, I don't want a sausage right now.

[Top Lobster]

Dude just got a tin full of phallic meat.

[Raven]

No, it's like a sausage sandwich. And they probably slap.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, he's giving you sausage sandwiches.

[Raven]

I think they're homemade.

[Top Lobster]

That's what he's telling when Pastor Mark is saying, skip your sizzly at Wawa.

[Raven]

Yeah, we got sausage sandwiches. Congregation say, sausage sandwich.

[Top Lobster]

Can we say sausage sandwich? Church.

[Raven]

He watches the show. Apparently he watches the show.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, we're giving him some friendly advice. Stop making people repeat. St. Simon says, Bitch, read the word. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Raven]

It's okay. Do what you want to do. Listen so he comes up to me. Apparently he knows Matt. He goes first. First. He says he does this for weeks upon end. And then last week, he comes up and he goes, top lobster.

[Top Lobster]

I know.

[Raven]

And I go, it's like, yeah. My skin on the back of my neck goes.

[Top Lobster]

Clutches gun.

[Raven]

Yeah. I turn around, I'm like, he's gonna punch me or something. That's me. Hi.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

And he goes, yeah, I watched the show. Do you want a sausage sandwich? And I go, not now. Now.

[Top Lobster]

No. You poisoned it.

[Raven]

Apparently he knows Happy. Everybody calls him as Happy. Like herpes almost.

[Top Lobster]

Who's that? Happy. What are you talking about?

[Raven]

Matt Herpes.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, he calls him Happy.

[Raven]

Yeah, yeah, they know Hep. Everybody knows Hep.

[Top Lobster]

Did they know his name? Spelled with three T's.

[Raven]

Tell Hep I said hi.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

And I go, I'll tell him Hep

[Top Lobster]

B or Hep C. What's your.

[Raven]

What's your name? And he tells me his name. And he goes.

[Top Lobster]

And I'm like, shit. Yep.

[Raven]

I was like, you want to write that down for me? He's like, don't have a pen. Tells me his name maybe three or four more times.

[Top Lobster]

I don't remember. It doesn't matter. Doesn't stick.

[Raven]

Same thing.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, it's that or when you try to share a song with me, you go, listen to this song. And I go, you expect me to not talk for three minutes straight? This is insane. So that way this house was set up. As soon as you open the front door, you're at the bottom of the stairwell. Up the stairs is another door that leads to the living room quarters. When I got home this day, they were waiting and not much was said before my stepdad pushed me through the closed door behind. Oh, I'm sorry. Pushed me through and closed the door behind me, and I fell down the stairs. Damn stepdad's mad.

[Raven]

How's this house set up? You got stairs in the closet, stairs in it?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, he's fell down the closet stairs. I don't know what the fuck he said.

[Raven]

Quite gon says, ah, split level.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, I guess. So we have a landing and it can go either up or down.

[Raven]

Well, that's usually how stairs work.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, you know, you got those. The staircases that do the fucking. The baffle mitt thing, it up and down. So. So he pushed me down the stairs. I recovered and I left. It was a common thing for my stepdad to get physical with me.

[Raven]

Oh.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, no.

[Raven]

It's because of how you were dressed.

[Top Lobster]

Not good.

[Raven]

Well, what was he wearing?

[Top Lobster]

Well, he was wearing skinny jeans, skinny jeans, and a T shirt that was two sizes too small. And it had nothing to do with skating Reno, by the way. When these kids were doing that, like, it was before they sold them for men. Dudes were openly being like, yeah, I take these from my little sister.

[Raven]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, for sure.

[Top Lobster]

It was very open because it was okay to say because your favorite bands were doing that shit.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

And then eventually, like, the industry caught on and started making really, really tight je.

[Raven]

Making crop tops for these guys.

[Top Lobster]

Crop tops for these faggots. So, yeah, I mean, at this time, you probably stole it from your sister. And that's probably why he was getting really upset.

[Raven]

I like how there's no explanation to it.

[Top Lobster]

Well, think about as a stepdad.

[Raven]

He just busted in and pushed me downstairs every time I saw him.

[Top Lobster]

Every imagine it's a thing where it's like, he's not your kid, but then he had a daughter with your mom, and now you're stealing his daughter's clothes.

[Raven]

I wanted to do a thing.

[Top Lobster]

What's the thing?

[Raven]

I wanted to do a thing for?

[Top Lobster]

He said he was a skater boy. Later, boy.

[Raven]

Do you tell me if you like this.

[Top Lobster]

What is it? What are you going to do?

[Raven]

We'll see if it. If it even works. Okay, go ahead.

[Top Lobster]

So it was typical for my stepdad to beat me up because I was wearing his daughter's clothes. And typically, if I just gave him enough time and space, it would blow over. Or if he got one good shot in, he'd be satisfied. Damn, that's crazy. But this wasn't. This day wasn't typical.

[Howie Mandel]

Hey, it's Howie Mandel, and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my how we do it gaming team take on Gilly the King and Wallow two $67 million gam in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown. Four rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match against Neo right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com everybody games.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The bleacher report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA's heating up, March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about get real. Time scores, breaking news, and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.

[Top Lobster]

As I'm walking down the street on the sidewalk, I hear a vehicle coming. It gets closer, louder, and starts to sound ominous. I look and jump at the same time. It was my stepdad in his truck, and he was trying to kill me.

[Raven]

Whoa.

[Top Lobster]

This is nuts, dude.

[Raven]

Well, what were you wearing?

[Top Lobster]

Your sister's clothes? This is the problem. Honestly, I don't know if I wouldn't be as upset. So I got off the road and ran into a patch of woods that were behind my house. Me and some of my friends had built a teepee hide out in these woods. And we had scissors stashed there. The. I grabbed them and exited the other side of the woods onto the next block over. When I came out onto the street, my stepdad was already there in his truck waiting for me. He got out, and we did the ring around the Rosie thing around the truck a couple of times. He wouldn't let up. This was different. The rage was different this time. He even looked different. His skin was pale. His eyes were so dark. The eyes stood out so much because he normally had very light, crystal clear blue eyes or crystal blue eyes. I just added the word clear because that's instinctively what comes after that word, crystal. Later on in life, we learned that my stepdad had a disease that was deteriorating his brain. It was called Huntington's disease.

[Raven]

Damn.

[Top Lobster]

That's crazy. What do you want, Matt? What do you want? No, it's not supposed to be our show, all right? You just never show up. Yeah, well, we have a show to do, and we were supposed to wait for you to do the.

[Raven]

What?

[Top Lobster]

Why would you put that terrible one on?

[Raven]

I like this one.

[Top Lobster]

I hate it.

[Raven]

Look at it.

[Top Lobster]

So, there we go. That's nice.

[Raven]

Better.

[Top Lobster]

Don't look, Matt. Get. Get back to the pouring the coffee thing. No, but we showed the curtain off. People really like the curtain. Oh, we're doing a red, ominous background now.

[Raven]

What do you think?

[Top Lobster]

No, nobody's asking. Why aren't you on? Nobody. Nobody cares that you're not. Honestly, the red does look good with all the signage.

[Raven]

Yeah, red or orange or yellow.

[Top Lobster]

This thing wants to be like that, but whatever. No, the red was good. It was ominous for the. For the feel of the.

[Raven]

Ooh. Okay, okay, okay.

[Top Lobster]

We're gonna get back here. I'm very sorry. He's had Huntington's disease. He was becoming retarded. I finally decided to make a move, I slashed him with the scissors and bolted past him. I ran as fast as I could, cutting through yards to dodge his truck. Until I made it to my girlfriend's house. I hid in her backyard for hours. Maybe five or six hours. Damn. But everybody knew that that's where I'd end up. So they waited for me there.

[Raven]

What do you mean everybody?

[Top Lobster]

Everybody. Everybody. Everybody living now.

[Raven]

This guy and all the demons in his head.

[Top Lobster]

Him and Legion. Yeah. I eventually blew my own cover trying to get my girlfriend's attention. And my stepdad still wanted to fight. After all this time, he had to cool down. Maybe six or seven hours now, just pumping with rage. We boxed it out for a few minutes. I didn't have much of a chance because I was wearing girls clothes.

[Raven]

Bleed his own blood.

[Top Lobster]

He bled his own blood and I didn't black out for it. Okay, so he made him bleed his own blood and didn't black out for it.

[Raven]

That's a good sign. Yeah, you're about your faculties. You boxed up your stepdad.

[Top Lobster]

You know what, though?

[Raven]

In women's clothes, that's a big deal.

[Top Lobster]

That's a crazy.

[Raven]

If you could fight naked or in

[Top Lobster]

women's clothes, well, imagine getting your ass kicked by your teenage stepson in women's clothes. Not ass kicked, but making them, you know, bleed your own blood. I. I have that thing where I can't stand when people say I. Like when. When I fight, I black out.

[Raven]

Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

[Top Lobster]

You know, blackout. I'm brutally aware of every ass beating I ever took. Actually, the ones that I dealt out and the ones that I gave or the ones that I received, I remember all of them very clearly. No blacking out.

[Raven]

It's just about people who are like, I fight with all my emotions. That's not a good thing.

[Top Lobster]

No, it's. Then you just start fighting.

[Raven]

Means you. You're out of control.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, fight like a bitch. I like the music. Is everybody hearing that? I would hope so. Sparrow. Yeah, Sparrow Bear.

[Raven]

I hear it.

[Top Lobster]

I blacked out twice, beating somebody's ass. Don't lie to me, Panda. Why are these girls lying?

[Raven]

Well, it's a very girl thing to do.

[Top Lobster]

I think it's a girl thing to do. Men don't lie. But women lying constantly, they be lying.

[Raven]

All right, let's continue the story. So I guess that's the end of it, huh?

[Top Lobster]

Well, he says, I remember that day. Well, my real dad was the one who eventually broke it up. Damn. Real dad for the wife.

[Raven]

Real dad broke it up. And didn't beat the shit out this

[Top Lobster]

guy, but also didn't raised you. And I went to live with him for several months after this happened. What the hell? I guess because it was about, like, the demonic nature of stepdaddy.

[Raven]

Yeah, okay. I mean, these are fine stories. Matt likes these stories.

[Top Lobster]

Look, Brenna also says I blacked out. What are the girls. The girls are blacking out, huh?

[Raven]

Yeah. Well, Atma. Did you black out?

[Top Lobster]

This is how you tell. Oh, yeah. We'll know if Atma's a girl or a guy based off of whether or not they blacked out.

[Raven]

They. Them.

[Top Lobster]

They them. Yeah.

[Raven]

Girls be blacking out. They do stupid stuff. I guess black people blackout.

[Top Lobster]

Well, that's a. That's just a state. A constant state of crazy hospital drugs. After I moved in with my dad, I started smoking weed and drinking. I don't think that was his fault. Probably was. You guys, like, don't use that hideous overexposed shot.

[Raven]

The nice shot. This is our fifth camera. I know, I know.

[Top Lobster]

It's so bad. We don't have to. There you go. Look at that. Nice and warm. The vanilla cam. Panda fly says, oh, my mama. All right, nigga, chill. After I moved in, my dad, I started smoking weed and drinking. I don't think it was his fault, but it just worked out that way. He didn't facilitate the smoking right away. Okay, this sounds a lot like a. It's his fault then.

[Raven]

Do you like this vibe?

[Top Lobster]

I do like the purple. It also looks good.

[Raven]

Yeah, I mean, yeah, a lot of different vibes look good. Yeah, I guess NDS is really just blue, right?

[Top Lobster]

I think NDS is really just about looking super good because we put in all this work in this beautiful set, and everything that we do looks super good. Except for when you change it to that bad camera.

[Raven]

Yeah. All right, well, that's. How about this one?

[Top Lobster]

Oh, that looks super good.

[Raven]

I will put it back on red because it's ominous. Let's go.

[Top Lobster]

I blacked out on triple C's. That. Yeah. Well, that makes. Yeah, that makes sense. So he didn't facilitate the smoking right away, but he did facilitate the drinking. So this is totally. Anyway, he had a pretty bad drinking problem for a while too. But he was never violent. I never saw it anyway. He was always fun to be around. He taught me to play quarters. He took me to concerts. He taught me how to play guitar. He was a video game nerd. He liked to nerd out. Well, I'd like to blackout. Talking about my philosophy or. Talking about philosophy or Stars or time travel. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. When I moved back with my mom and stepdad, it was the beginning of seventh grade, September 2001. The towers had fallen. Al Qaeda was to blame. We invaded the Middle East. No, that doesn't. I was still in home homeroom in the morning at school when the towers got hit. Oh fuck.

[Raven]

Ok, yeah, yeah, I remember that.

[Top Lobster]

I remember we were watching on the TV the classroom and we had a fire alarm. That's interesting. Then after everyone was outside, we got dismissed from school. It was a weird day. Yeah, that's kind of similar to how it went down for me too.

[Raven]

I wonder, is he in New York? Cuz like, oh yeah. I feel like this happened all around the world. I was like, why are you guys panicking for? Like, I understand. In New I, we saw the towers, we saw the papers flying across. I was like, I get why we, we're going home.

[Top Lobster]

We could see the smoke from, from where I was in Carteret, because Carteret, that area, that Woodbridge area is only like, you go 15 minutes and you're in New York.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

You just got to go over that hellish bridge and pay that hellish toll and go through the hellish traffic. But we're right there. And you could see like just very clearly because there was nothing blocking the view. Yeah, it was a straight shot to the city. No trees, nothing in the way from the bridge that we were crossing over, going back home that day. And you could see the smoke and all that shit.

[Raven]

And obviously there's a guy that'll show up in the YouTube comments. Anytime we talk about 9 11, he's going to be like, top, tell me everything about the guy that you knew that died.

[Top Lobster]

Oh yeah, shout out to him.

[Raven]

Shout out to that guy. Yeah, I'm not going to tell you anything about him anyway, so keep reading.

[Top Lobster]

So it was a weird day around this time in my life, I discovered sigil magic. Enchanting and cursing items. I had a book called the Necronomicon. Oh yeah. By the mad Arab. I only ever used it for money and girls in cashola. I get it, dude. And I think it worked. My puberty was really starting to find flare, so the girls took up most of my life. It became so unhealthy. At some point in eighth grade, I had a mental breakdown. I took like 40 aspirin. That's a lot of aspirin. Drank peroxide and cut my wrist out. Well, that's because the peroxide is going

[Raven]

to make you vomit. Yeah, yeah. So I use that on my dog a couple of times.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. I remember when he ate chocolate, you were like, drink this peroxide.

[Raven]

And then he was like, yeah, he ate a period.

[Top Lobster]

I'm sorry, is it cold? Mental blood.

[Raven]

He ate a whole pad, a menstrual pad. And I'm like, he's not gonna be able to digest that. Yeah, you gotta throw it up.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

Disgusting. All right, I get why you ate it.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

Tasty for a dog.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. I mean, if you're a dog. Yeah. Yeah, they like blood. And I cut my wrist up, but I only did it sideways because I'm a bitch.

[Raven]

And we said, yep.

[Top Lobster]

I mean, that's just how that goes. I knew a million kids like that. They would wear Invader. Invader Zimmer wristbands.

[Raven]

Yes.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, remember? You guys fucking know a couple of you assholes are listening to the show right now. It's a little Invader Zim wristbands.

[Raven]

You hicks.

[Top Lobster]

Shout out, hicks. We know you have invaders in wristbands. That was always the shit, man. And then they would always, like. It would move, and then you'd see it in school, and then you'd be like, what's that about?

[Raven]

They'd be like, oh, no, no.

[Top Lobster]

And then adjust their little Invader Zim wristband so you couldn't see that they were slashing and gashing.

[Raven]

Invader Zim is probably another really occultic show that we don't address that much.

[Top Lobster]

It's also a bit of a red flag, like you. If you were an Invader Zim kid. I saw the show. I thought it was funny. Like, it wasn't a bad show. But that's a. There's a difference between being that, you know, an Invader Zim kid and just making it.

[Raven]

Making it your personality.

[Top Lobster]

That's exactly. And these kids had Invader Zim everything and Ger. And they would say, Gur Gir was like the little dog character that was Invader Zim's retarded partner.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

And. And they said. Yeah. They would say, oh, this is it, Nick. Icarus says Invader Zim was a surefire way to tell if you were dealing with a quirk. Chungus. Right. To quote the young folk. Yeah, 100%.

[Raven]

Yeah. 100% a name for this. This type.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

Before we couldn't really define it. Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

They were Zim chicks. They were nerds who were cutting at a time where cutting was hyper popular, and it was popularized by musical genres and, you know, just. It was bizarre.

[Raven]

It's a weird show, too. Like, the aesthetics, the Way they moved, it really embodied, like the quirk Chungus. But there was something darker to it.

[Top Lobster]

There was something darker. It was like this demonic over overlay. It was like Invader Zim was synonymous. Synonymous with goth.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

In some way. Like, it was goth light. It was goth. And the entry point to it was a children's cartoon.

[Raven]

Are we saying that a children's cartoon about aliens was demonic?

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah.

[Raven]

You're retarded to Shay.

[Top Lobster]

So I passed out and woke up in the hospital. I don't know everything that happened to me. I don't know if I flatline. I know I got stitches and I got my stomach pumped and they said it was filled with peroxide, a lot of aspirin, and a shocking amount of cum.

[Raven]

Damn, that's weird. How'd that get in here?

[Top Lobster]

He didn't say that he got stitches, he got his stomach pumped, and I was sent to some sort of hospital for kids. This part of my life gets blurry.

[Raven]

Well, we don't talk about that.

[Top Lobster]

Don't use that fucking word on the show.

[Raven]

What do you mean, blurry?

[Top Lobster]

What do you mean hard to see? This part of my life gets hard to see. Hey, there's other words for that. Yeah, don't fucking.

[Raven]

Fuzzy. Fuzzy, obscure.

[Top Lobster]

Don't fucking say the B word. They were drugging me with Seroquel and probably other mystery drugs, too. They would come in my room at like 3am, take my vitals in my stomach and come in my stomach and they would give me shots. My roommate was a black kid who was all burnt up. Nope, nope, he was just black. That's just how they make it. That's just what they look like. Don't fucking. Kids are always.

[Raven]

I think his curtains are working.

[Top Lobster]

This dude's confused.

[Raven]

I can hear the Jewish party.

[Top Lobster]

I can't hear the Jewish party at all, dude. FJ fool says there was a TV show inside Invaders Sims called Mysterious Mysteries and Strange Mysteries about paranormal investigation. That's fascinating.

[Raven]

That whole show.

[Top Lobster]

Thank you.

[Raven]

Is crazy. I'm going to rewatch some of it.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, my God, dude. Pandafly just nailed it. Invader Zim hoodies with Cookie Monster, pajama pants. Every stinky girl's wardrobe. I was gonna say high school. Yeah.

[Raven]

The smell of those pajama pants.

[Top Lobster]

You know what it was? It was girls who weren't taught hygiene by their parents. And there was all kinds of coochie smells.

[Raven]

It's a weird one when girls smell, right? Like, I do this a lot. I look at some girls and I go, probably stinks and people get mad about it. But I'm like, nah. Like, I don't know. All right, so like the girls like to wear like the tight yoga pants, but I just always think about like the smell.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. You know what it is?

[Raven]

You probably smell those.

[Top Lobster]

Those type of that moisture wicking clothing.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Is not good. It's actually very bad for smells because

[Howie Mandel]

hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my how we do it gaming team take on Gilly The King and Wallow 2 6, $7 million gaming in an epic global gaming league video game showdown. Four rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the champ match against Neo right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com everybody games.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up. March Madness is here and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected with to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time, scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.

[Top Lobster]

I went through a period where I was wearing them like compression pants underneath my yoga pants. Yeah. Under my shorts for mma.

[Raven]

Stop surprising me.

[Top Lobster]

Full of surprises. And what that stuff, you ever see that? It's like you wear the compression pants like the, like a no GI type of outfit right underneath your. Your shorts. But people that wear like the NOGI thing and they're just dick print through it. That's a crazy move. I don't like that. But that stuff, what it does is it, it does draw sweat away, but then it thins it out over all throughout it. And it's like what happens is when you do that the more surface area you increase on sweat, the more smell vapors come off of it. You've increased it. If it's just in a drop, you got this one little pillar of smell vapors that can come off it. If you spread that shit out, you now have a whole surface area filled with smell vapors. Which is why nobody can figure out why every MMA class smells like dick balls and butthole. It's crazy.

[Raven]

Guys, guys, I hope you guys are writing this shit down.

[Top Lobster]

This is real facts. This is science. This is real facts, dude. So I think that's what's happening when you have girls wearing yoga pants and they catch a whiff and you go, shot.

[Raven]

You guys like the foreshot force? It's a bit chaotic, but.

[Top Lobster]

Where's the foreskin shot?

[Raven]

Yeah, right here. One, four. That's me. That's you. That's me. That's you. This is nice. If you guys are just listening to this, thanks for listening.

[Top Lobster]

Thanks for listening. But you're missing on a. You're missing out on a visual feast.

[Raven]

Yeah, man. But you guys got sound effects, so.

[Top Lobster]

Okay. They gave me other drugs and notice that we're still doing this. They would come in my room at like 3am, take my vitals, give me shots. My roommate was a black kid who was all burnt up and we called him Slim Jim. That's a banger. There was a Mexican girl who would sleep, scream in her sleep every night. Sometimes she would sleepwalk through the halls while screaming. That's unsettling.

[Raven]

Girl shouldn't be allowed to smell, right?

[Top Lobster]

I guess even La Llorona was a child at one point, right?

[Raven]

Yeah,

[Top Lobster]

I was in this hospital for quite a while. I had to finish eighth grade there. And most of the summer was over before going into high school. Ironically, nothing really eventful ever happened during that time. If anything, it pulled me further away from the woo woo. Maybe it was the drugs or all the real life physical trauma taking up my attention. Either way, by the time I hit high school, the all new. All the new age stuff was played out for me.

[Raven]

Well, what happened? Look, keep going.

[Top Lobster]

It lost its appeal. Instead, I turned to something of substance, real drugs. I had prescriptions for Seroquel, Ambien and zoloft at like 14 to 15 years old.

[Raven]

That's what happened. Yeah, it's like all the woo stuff takes. Takes backseat to the hard drugs.

[Top Lobster]

Well, it's like, why would you bother delving in theory when you could just go to these realms?

[Raven]

Well, I mean, Seroquel might actually put you in a state where you could visit these realms. Or you could just like, zombie out.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

And not worry about any of it. The dangerous place to be. I know somebody that's on a lot of these drugs and they're just. They just can't care. They can't seem to care.

[Top Lobster]

This guy, next story. This is good.

[Raven]

So he goes exclamation point out. You want me to read?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, yeah, read this one. Yeah.

[Raven]

Okay. Dead hands.

[Top Lobster]

Shit.

[Raven]

You ready to stutter through this shit?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. Don't do that. Dude. What was that?

[Raven]

You don't like that, right?

[Top Lobster]

That was nasty. Well, that sounded like there was some liquid back in that well.

[Raven]

I've been drinking.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, you have. He's been drinking.

[Raven]

One time I thought I was smoking regular weed.

[Top Lobster]

Mmm.

[Raven]

But I was really smoking salvia.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

What does that mean? Board yock.

[Top Lobster]

Boardwalk.

[Raven]

A boardwalk weed?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, they used to sell it in the boardwalks in New Jersey. So you could go to any of the head shops in New Jersey and just buy a black tablet of salvia.

[Raven]

Oh, yeah. It was mixed with wet pcp.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

Whoa.

[Raven]

What the. I didn't know you get wet.

[Top Lobster]

Get wet, playboy.

[Raven]

I smelled it halfway through my rip and stopped to ask what it was. We were in a shed, so I thought the bowl could have fell in gasoline or something.

[Top Lobster]

That's what it smelled like. Gasoline. That's crazy.

[Raven]

I wanted to say, yo, why does this thing smell like gas? But all I could do is repeat. Yo, yo, yo. He got caught in the loop.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, baby.

[Raven]

Everything started melting and twisting. So I sat down and I tried to rub my eyes. I remember whenever I closed my eyes, I saw this vision of a creature. Oh, it looked like the Pokemon Genghis Khan.

[Top Lobster]

Kangaskhan. Dude, Shout out to Kangaskhan.

[Raven]

That seems like one of your favorite cards, right?

[Top Lobster]

It's a good. It's actually one that, if I'm not mistaken, I'm missing right now.

[Raven]

You're missing a kangas?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. Hold on.

[Raven]

Matt.

[Top Lobster]

Matt. Matt. Get out of here. Go on and get. Go on and get. Stop.

[Raven]

Gotta go.

[Top Lobster]

You gotta go, man. We're doing a show. Oh, hey, Jess. How you doing? Good to see you.

[Raven]

I'm sorry for yelling.

[Top Lobster]

Sorry. Hope you're doing good. Unbelievable.

[Raven]

This is Kangaskhan.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, Kangaskhan's. Dude, dude, show the OG Card. That doesn't matter. That's not pertinent.

[Raven]

Look at this new card.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. Oh, there it is. There it is. It's beautiful. Oh, what a beautiful card. What a beautiful card. It's a great card. Why do they got to do that?

[Raven]

Control plus. Plus.

[Top Lobster]

Plus.

[Raven]

Is that how you do it?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

Where's the plus button?

[Top Lobster]

It's up at the top.

[Raven]

Oh, yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Top right.

[Raven]

Oh, wow.

[Top Lobster]

That's a great looking card.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

The artwork on the OG Cards was such a. Such a banger.

[Raven]

So it's like a kangas kangaroo, armadillo almost thing. But it's named after Genghis Khan.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

Creative.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, it is. It is Kanga Scott. I mean, honestly, whoever thought of that one? There must have been a big clap after that. Like, I got it. It's a kangaroo, but it's Genghis Khan.

[Raven]

How many names, how many people did they throw out the window before they got to Genghis Khan?

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah, the meme. And then they celebrated.

[Raven]

All right, so it looked like the Pokemon Kangaskhan.

[Top Lobster]

That's kind of cool.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw a vision of a creature. Okay.

[Raven]

So now that I'm starting to freak out, I go outside for fresh air. It was nighttime, but the moonlight was bright. One of my friends followed me out, and when I looked at him, I saw a lunch of a bunch of black hands all over his body.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, shit.

[Raven]

My salvia high was starting to go away, and I watched the hands on his chest morph into the shadows of leaves.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Raven]

Very cool.

[Top Lobster]

It is kind of super weird. Salvia is a hell of a drug.

[Raven]

Exclamation point. The army.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, shit.

[Raven]

I accidentally moved that.

[Top Lobster]

So what is the exclamation points about? Are these like.

[Raven]

I don't know. He's just. I think he's trying to tell us.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, that's just how he did it. Yeah. Like all of them start with it.

[Raven]

That's good.

[Top Lobster]

So we can kind of.

[Raven]

It's a trick. He fools us into thinking, like, army. Army. Oh, wow. I can't believe it.

[Top Lobster]

We still got fucking how many pages? Five.

[Raven]

Oh, no.

[Top Lobster]

We got five more pages. Let's fucking. Or. Yeah, let's. Let's get into this.

[Raven]

I'll read it. I'll read this one. By time. By the time.

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[Raven]

11th grade came around. I was a complete pothead bum. I spent all my time outside being active, just not productive. All the New Age practices were behind me. It's not that I thought that they were bad or dangerous. I just felt like drugs had better results. Amen.

[Top Lobster]

Amen.

[Raven]

I mean, whatever.

[Top Lobster]

I mean, it's. It's effective.

[Raven]

I stopped having dreams completely, which is kind of weird because I've known people to get even more vivid and wild dreams from drug use. Eventually, I decided to stop showing up to school altogether. Yep. My mom stopped supporting me. I had to get a job at the gas station. But it wasn't enough to survive. So one day, a buddy of mine came up with this brilliant idea that we join the army together. This is just his memoir that we're reading.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. This is his whole fucking life, which, you know, hey, whatever. Whatever you think this show is for your whole fucking life, that's fine, too. But that was very similar, I think.

[Raven]

11 minutes. Are they out?

[Top Lobster]

Oh, the poor people. Disgusting. Poor people. Listen up and listen well if you want to Continue watching this patreon.com/now/ephilim Death Squad. Otherwise the smell is unbearable and we will not endure it anymore. So we are officially kicking out the filthy pores, the filthy, unwashed masses.

[Raven]

You gotta go.

[Top Lobster]

I feel icky.

[Raven]

Get out.

[Top Lobster]

When I know that you're watching. It's a disgusting feeling.

[Raven]

Get out now.

[Top Lobster]

I need a bath. A shower. A shower. Because I can't bear to sit in the water knowing that it is you that I have washed off and it is you that swirls around me. Oh, hey.

[Raven]

Patreon.com Nephilim Death Squad. Go get baptized in the waters. Yeah. Of Nephilim Death Squad.

[Top Lobster]

That's right.

[Raven]

And join us.

[Top Lobster]

Let's go. Yeah. Disgusting. Disgusting. You guys are. Don't like you. I hate you the most. Poor people.

[Raven]

Poor people.

[Top Lobster]

Y' all are bad. Okay, here we go. We're good.

[Raven]

They're out. All right. I would never stop.

[Top Lobster]

That's what that feeling was. I feel like I just washed my hands.

[Raven]

Yeah. It's that feeling of, like, when you see the dirt go down the drain and you, like.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

A nice, clean feeling, no matter what,

[Raven]

you know, I replace something in my shower. Yeah. In my. Like, a pump or something. In my bathhouse. I have a bathhouse. Or a waterhouse. A watershed.

[Top Lobster]

The thing that has your water tank.

[Raven]

Real slimy now. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like over conditioned.

[Top Lobster]

So it's not. You got like a soft thing, right?

[Raven]

I guess so. But I.

[Top Lobster]

Soft water. Do you do like the salts? You have to pour the salt.

[Raven]

Salt in there. Is that what that is? A salt?

[Top Lobster]

I don't like that, dude.

[Raven]

I can't tell if I'm like slimy.

[Top Lobster]

It's. I mean it's supposed to be good for you.

[Raven]

I feel like in my natural state as a Puerto Rican. But my wife.

[Top Lobster]

My wife.

[Raven]

Wait. Ola. Sorry. My wife, she's not happy about it.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, well, I actually like the terrible public slime water. No, the terrible public like chlorinated treated water because it like shreds the soap off your body. And that kind of water that you're talking about, it takes a long time to get the soap film off you.

[Raven]

And then when it's off, I can't tell. Maybe Chuck. Chuck said yes. Chuck could probably help me.

[Top Lobster]

Chuck.

[Raven]

Hell no. Chuck, help.

[Top Lobster]

Please. Come on, man. Chuck.

[Raven]

I'm. I'm overly slimy.

[Top Lobster]

Island dwelling boomer. No, I love Chuck.

[Raven]

I know. We like you, Chuck.

[Top Lobster]

So is Guamon Island.

[Raven]

Probably.

[Top Lobster]

Okay.

[Raven]

Eventually I decided to stop showing up.

[Top Lobster]

Stop coming in here. Don't come in here anymore.

[Raven]

Together.

[Top Lobster]

Oh my God.

[Raven]

My mom. Stop supporting me. I had to get a job at a gallery. So here we go.

[Top Lobster]

This is my story too. I mean this is 11 joined 11th

[Raven]

grade is when I got out the army.

[Top Lobster]

Don't touch that.

[Raven]

What are you looking for?

[Top Lobster]

Stop touching stuff. Matt, get out of here.

[Raven]

He's looking for his. His tampons.

[Top Lobster]

You got the old tampons.

[Raven]

We used to sleep outside the old cooter clotters and play manhunt for fun. So we figured the army fun too. They were desperate for recruits at the time. No, this is not in old English. This is.

[Top Lobster]

Is this post 9 11. So they're just like, we got to go kill these browns and secure this opium and get these people addicted.

[Raven]

So his medical condition and criminal history was no problem. Like come over here and die for Israel, kid. Yeah. Originally we were going to join the marines. I wanted to be an mp military police. But the recruiter said, no problem. Sign here. I was only 17, so my mom had to sign for me. And luckily she read the paperwork. This recruiter was trying to play me and send me directly to the Middle East. He had me sign up for infantry.

[Top Lobster]

Is that like made of babies?

[Raven]

That means you go. This is where we sacrifice the babies to ball in the Middle East. Yeah, this is like the front line. So he confronted him. And I found out that there's an age requirement for mp. So I went to the army. To the army recruiter next door and signed up to be a mechanic.

[Top Lobster]

Okay.

[Raven]

They paid for my ged.

[Top Lobster]

Nice.

[Raven]

And I was on my way because I was joining with a buddy. There was supposed to be a special incentive. A cash bonus. Bonus.

[Top Lobster]

Bonus.

[Raven]

I got a bonus. A higher entry rank. And we will be stationed together after boot camp.

[Top Lobster]

That's nice.

[Raven]

None of that shit happened. After we shipped off, I didn't see him for four years.

[Top Lobster]

All right.

[Raven]

After all the basic training, I was sent to Alaska. Beautiful place. Okay. Landed at 3am hmm.

[Top Lobster]

That's a spooky time.

[Raven]

Spooky time on July 4, 2006. It was broad daylight at the time. They've got like their 12 hour cycle or.

[Top Lobster]

No, they have a six months of darkness, six months of light. Type of.

[Raven]

Our boy. Do you know Layton?

[Top Lobster]

No, but I know Kate. Anti species is. And she's. She's out there.

[Raven]

She crushes. She's out there. Yeah. Man, this place sucks. Yeah, it's probably really nice.

[Top Lobster]

But it's cool people out there though.

[Raven]

Yeah. Hard people. Hard.

[Top Lobster]

These people are erect.

[Raven]

Layton's. Layton's kind of fat.

[Top Lobster]

They got a bonus. What is it? A bonus.

[Raven]

I started again. Bonus. Is that going to be a new thing? Bonus episode. Bonus episode is great. I'm surprised. Toad. Oh, he kind of did, right?

[Top Lobster]

Bonus. Yeah.

[Raven]

Bone us episode is what he did. Yeah. I'm stealing from Toad. All right. I wasn't doing any drugs. I was just absorbed with drinking and woman.

[Top Lobster]

Woman. Women. Or woman. Where is it? I can't even see it. Where does it say that?

[Raven]

Right here.

[Top Lobster]

Highlight that for me.

[Raven]

The military help.

[Top Lobster]

That's plural.

[Raven]

Teach me responsibility and perseverance. But it also made me dependent more on what I can do with my own hands. It pushed spiritual things further out of my mind until I had another experience. And at this point, besides tripping on drugs, I hadn't had any supernatural experiences since the hospital. It had been five years of silence. Okay, this is just a crazy score.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, this is.

[Raven]

You could read the next one, but it's going. This one. I feel like I can feel like

[Top Lobster]

it's about to get there. Okay. Alaska Alien. It was the way.

[Raven]

I might have to cut it short because this guy is like this.

[Top Lobster]

I know, dude. Well, we might have to come back to him and visit somebody else because we're only on.

[Raven]

We're only.

[Top Lobster]

Maybe after Alaska Alien we'll give somebody else a go.

[Raven]

Guys, if you write in, we can't dedicate full episodes. We only do this once a month.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, so stop being a bitch about it.

[Raven]

Yeah, make them short, man.

[Top Lobster]

Or Alaska alien.

[Raven]

This is cool.

[Top Lobster]

It was in the winter of 2006. I was 18 years old, enlisted in the army. I was stationed near Fairbanks, Alaska. The barracks we stayed in near the perimeter of the base. We used to sneak around and out through a patch of woods behind the barracks. So one day we were making the journey off base. It was me and two other guys. I was in the center, the other guys were my. I was in the center and the guy to my left. There was a guy to my left and a guy to my right. We were spread apart. Sorry, there's just so many, like, opportunities for jokes. I was in the center, there's a guy on one side.

[Raven]

We're going to get to it.

[Top Lobster]

It was spread apart. Like I'm trying not to.

[Raven]

How would you feel about me putting this through chat GPT and say, give me the spooky parts.

[Top Lobster]

Give me the spooky parts? No, I mean if you take all this time to write, I want to fucking do.

[Raven]

That's true.

[Top Lobster]

We were spread apart at a pretty good distance too. Maybe 30 yards. This way if somebody got caught. We didn't all get caught. There weren't many really, any clean trails. And the brush did get thick at times. About halfway through the woods, I start hearing, or rather feeling in my eardrums. That's fascinating. A high pitched ring or buzz, kind of like a dog whistle. I was. It was a steady, ongoing note. No breaks, no patterns. Just a steady buzzing that I could feel vibrating in my head. I let it go for a while before saying anything to the guys with me. But when I did ask them, they said they couldn't hear anything. Okay, so you're just fucking losing your shit by your solo. That's cool. When the sound finally did stop, we were close to the highway at the end of the woods. I was able to see beams of headlights panning through the trees and. And lighting up the area. Before I stepped out, something told me to look back. Not an audible voice, but I was just compelled.

[Raven]

Never look back.

[Top Lobster]

The first thing I noticed were two huge shining eyes on a white or gray face. It was pretty high up, so I assumed it was an owl in a tree. But as I was straining to look through the darkness, a car drove by and lit up the area. It all happened in less than three seconds. It wasn't until the car had passed and it was dark. Again that my brain registered what I'd saw standing behind some trees less than 30 yards away. I saw a stereotypical gray alien. In Alaska too, nonetheless, right? I mean, that's par for the course. But it was huge, easily 10ft tall, probably closer to 12. And it was naked, had very pale skin, and it was super thin. And it had an unusually long penis. No, it's a. It had unusually long arms and legs.

[Raven]

Oh, wait. So he's looking at this?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, he had a gander.

[Raven]

Damn.

[Top Lobster]

When the area went dark again and my eyes had to adjust, it appeared to just vanish. I was still standing or staring in the same direction, but it was just gone. I've seen a lot of thangs in my life, but this is the only time I've ever seen anything alien related. I do believe that whatever was haunting me as a child, it was the same few entities. I've always wondered if this alien could have been more connected to previous experiences. This encounter in Alaska was the last paranormal experience I had besides seeing weird things in the sky. And about eight years later, in 2014, I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. But we'll get there. Damn, that's a good one. I like that.

[Raven]

Well, if this is his last paranormal experience, I guess the story ends here.

[Top Lobster]

Fucking no more. Point to reading your shit, you donkey.

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[Raven]

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[Top Lobster]

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[Top Lobster]

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[Top Lobster]

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[Top Lobster]

You damn donkey.

[Raven]

And also, if you think that these alien things are connected with other things in your life before, like retard when

[Top Lobster]

your dad was drumming, how would they be?

[Raven]

Perhaps Perhaps.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, you could hear. I don't know if the audience can hear, but these motherfuckers are strumming hard.

[Raven]

Are they strumming?

[Top Lobster]

They strummin.

[Raven]

I mean, God bless you. They can't hear it. I think this is doing a good job. But I like that I told her, I said, I think it's gonna add ambiance to our. What we're doing here.

[Top Lobster]

Little Jew music, little spooky story. Yeah, I'll allow it. All right, let's depart from this for a moment, and we're gonna go.

[Raven]

I sent you the email, if you want to read this email so you can click on that link.

[Top Lobster]

Where did you send it? Oh, it's on Twitter. Okay.

[Raven]

Yeah, so you can click that and it'll bring you to the email for email.

[Top Lobster]

David K. Oh, David K. David Koresh.

[Raven]

David K. There we go.

[Top Lobster]

Play Wonderland.

[Raven]

You got it. You pull it up.

[Top Lobster]

It won't load.

[Raven]

It won't load.

[Top Lobster]

The conversation you requested could not be loaded.

[Raven]

Okay, I'll just copy and paste it,

[Top Lobster]

and we'll make a little Google document thing for it.

[Raven]

A little document.

[Top Lobster]

I'll check it with the chat. In the meantime, a naked white guy says, brandon. Yes, I pay to chat with y'. All. Says, ello with us. We're too busy doing a show. Ello.

[Raven]

Yeah, we're reading, man.

[Top Lobster]

I tell you what, I feel bad

[Raven]

for yelling at Matt. And then Jess was behind her. Behind him.

[Top Lobster]

I couldn't see her behind his ears.

[Raven]

Been talking about my ears all day.

[Top Lobster]

Go out there and smash the guitar over his head.

[Raven]

No, we like Lisa. They're crashly. Yeah, she's great. They're doing Purim.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. How you guys doing? Chat? Besides Holly, who says? Not well. How you guys doing?

[Raven]

Not well, huh? Oh, that's. That's not good. Okay, what happened here? Let's copy this, and we're gonna paste it. There we go.

[Top Lobster]

You take your time. I wanna look at how the chat's doing. Guys. Say something. Tell me how you are. Yeah.

[Raven]

Okay, so we got David K. Up in here. Hold on.

[Top Lobster]

We gotta know how they are before we. Is this gonna be on? This is on Google Drive.

[Raven]

Yeah, I'm sending it to you. It's also on Twitter, so go ahead and pull that up.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, Twitter. Twitter.

[Raven]

Got Twitter fingers. All right.

[Top Lobster]

Sancho is fantastic. You're always fantastic. Fantastic looking.

[Raven]

Greetings.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, wait, this is David K. Okay.

[Raven]

Yeah, I'll read some of this. And I want you to read the rest, because this is a. I heard

[Top Lobster]

this is a funny My reading was just fine, Holly. I thought I was on a roll today, except for the last, like, attempt, and I got a little, you know,

[Raven]

Greetings from the opposite corner of the United States. I'm writing from Washington State where the Bigfoot roam.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, the Bigfoot. Is this gonna be about Bigfoot? This is interesting.

[Raven]

I'm gonna read this paragraph and then you could read the next.

[Top Lobster]

I'm very excited. We're gonna get a Bigfoot story, right? It's got to be what it is.

[Raven]

First off, I'd like to thank you for the years of entertainment and interesting conversations.

[Top Lobster]

Wow.

[Raven]

You're welcome. That's really nice.

[Top Lobster]

That's really nice.

[Raven]

I listen to you guys pretty regularly along with many of the guests you have on the show.

[Top Lobster]

Cool.

[Raven]

I got into this conspiracy research about 10 years ago, like many others, when I saw the media bias against Trump. That was probably the beginning of my waking up process.

[Top Lobster]

So that's 2016. Yeah. So that was when the media was big against Trump and Trump was first getting. Yeah, okay.

[Raven]

It's a big waking up moment.

[Top Lobster]

Sure.

[Raven]

I grew up in a Christian town in a Christian home, and I went to Bible school. He went to cemetery school. After graduating high school in 2010, I studied history and economics in university after Bible School, 2010. Wow. That make him 15 years ago. Okay, so he's like, younger than. Yeah, us, maybe. Same. Same age. I started to get more into philosophy and spirituality in college, and I kind of held my faith loosely, even when I was attending church groups for college age people.

[Top Lobster]

That's interesting that higher learning ended up doing that to detach you.

[Raven]

Yeah, Well, I think maybe not just higher learning, but some other things.

[Top Lobster]

Okay.

[Raven]

At some point after college, I became an atheist because I was seeking so much and I couldn't find anything that was really satisfying me spiritually. Okay. I was hella deep In New Atheist YouTube, Dawkins, Harris Hitchens, you know, the crew.

[Top Lobster]

Yep.

[Raven]

Then I started working and listening to tons of conspiracy podcasts. You want to pick it up from here?

[Top Lobster]

Sure. Is it true? It is true, I would say. Oh, it is true. I'm sorry, you're right. It is true that conspiracy leads to spirituality. And boy, oh boy, I was deep in the weeds of it all. It took me quite a while, but I eventually came back to allowing the possibility of God. I could easily dismiss. I couldn't easily dismiss all of the previous cultures on earth having stories of or myths of gods and angels or titans interacting with people. I was also unable to disarm the first mover Argument. Which is still pretty convincing to me. This is the idea of like, what precedes the Big bang.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Okay.

[Raven]

I started. I'm feeling bad for calling him David Kike.

[Top Lobster]

No, this dude's over. He's crushing. This is great. Anyway, all of that to say. I got back into thinking about Christianity and wanted to see if it was actually true. I was open to the idea that it was true and maybe I had been misunderstanding certain things in the Bible fair. So I've been listening to Christian shows more recently for the past year. And you and Raven have been. Oh, I'm sorry. And you, Raven, have been a new Christian as well.

[Raven]

This is true.

[Top Lobster]

I felt like I was going through this process with you almost the same time. Raven. Okay, cool. That's. That's interesting. That was kind of like what I had hoped.

[Raven]

Hold on. There's a big butt here.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, but. Oh, okay. But I had grown up in a Christian household and had fallen away, but I was possibly returning at the same time you were becoming a Christian. Pretty cool. That's very cool.

[Raven]

That is very cool.

[Top Lobster]

That's interesting.

[Raven]

On the road.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. You never know who's going through what when you're doing this stuff.

[Raven]

Oh, no.

[Top Lobster]

However, okay. After listening to you guys for hundreds of hours. Damn. Hundreds of hours. I'm trying so hard to hold on to you guys, but God damn. This is about the burps, isn't it?

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

I think I have to stop listening to your show.

[Raven]

Oh, no, he's not going to hear this.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, he. Wait, well, hold on. Maybe let's see what he has to say. It's not because you're speaking too much truth and I can't handle it. It's the ad. The ads. Honestly, that's fair. Chumba Casino patreon.com nephilimdesquad Sign up and get it, you know, ad free.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Or suffer through the ads of the free product.

[Raven]

Wait a second.

[Top Lobster]

Okay.

[Raven]

Can we call Matt in here?

[Top Lobster]

No. Oh, I don't know. I don't wanna.

[Raven]

Okay. It's the ads.

[Top Lobster]

God.

[Raven]

What else?

[Top Lobster]

And it's Matt. He had at least he had the decency to spell it with five T's.

[Raven]

Yeah, he knows.

[Top Lobster]

He knows.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

It's not. It's not knowing anything about the Bible because you haven't read it. Raven. Damn.

[Raven]

Shots fired at Raven.

[Top Lobster]

How are you crush Christian if you haven't read the Torah? I don't know. I thought to be Christian was to accept the Lord as your savior. Yeah, well, I don't know. I don't really know.

[Raven]

You should read the Bible.

[Top Lobster]

But I probably should read the Bible.

[Raven]

Yeah, the Torah.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, I will. I get more value from straight Bible. But he hates Matt.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

I don't know. Quick way to stop being a Christian is to read the whole Bible. Interesting. All right, so you want me to stop. Wait, wait a second. The quickest way to stop being a Christian is to read the whole Bible.

[Raven]

He wants you to stop being a Christian, so he wants you to read more like the whole Bible.

[Top Lobster]

Matt once said these guys in the occult were drinking unicorn blood to get into heaven. How dumb is that?

[Raven]

I feel like we should call Matt in here. I would like to hear. Let's call him in here so that he could just complain off microphone.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, I mean, you. You can get him. I'll keep reading to the audience.

[Raven]

No, no, no. Talk to the audience. We're going to.

[Top Lobster]

Okay, fine. I'm taking it back. I thought this was a nice thing that was happening. It seemed pretty cool. I wonder what David K. Is going through. Bit of a bummer. However, after listening to you guys for hundreds of hours, I'm trying so hard to hold on to you, but God damn, I think I have to stop listening to your show. That's interesting, huh? Oh, Matt. Hey, Matt. Okay, so. No, no, no. You don't get to talk. You don't get to talk. I just get to look at your reaction. No, come on, it's gonna be cool.

[Raven]

No, listen to this. Okay, so this guy starts off saying that he's listened to hundreds of hours

[Top Lobster]

of our show and that my journey coming to Christ is similar to his journey returning. It's happening at the same time. Very cool. No, no, we had to actually depart from him because we got. We got to page 9 of 13. I don't want the whole episode to be about the homie with the 13 pages. So however he goes, David K. Says, however, after listening to you guys for hundreds of hours, I am trying so hard to hold on to you guys, but God damn, I think I have to stop listening to your show. It's not because you're speaking too much truth and I can't handle it. It's the ads, which is fair. That's fine.

[Raven]

There's a lot of ads.

[Top Lobster]

A lot of ads. It's Matt with five T's. I knew you were waiting for that. I love that. It's the not knowing anything about the Bible because you haven't read it, Raven. Which is also fair, right?

[Raven]

Crazy.

[Top Lobster]

I don't know. He might hate us. How are You Christian, if you haven't read the Torah, the quickest way to stop being Christian is to read the Bible. That. Which is a strange twist.

[Raven]

That's what he said. The question.

[Top Lobster]

Quickest way to. To stop being a Christian is to read the Bible. Matt once said, quote, these guys in the occult were drinking unicorn blood to get into heaven. How dumb is that?

[Raven]

When did you say that?

[Top Lobster]

I've never said that. I've never even thought that. I've never even thought that. I've never said that.

[Raven]

You know what, though? That's my new thing, though. I like it.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. I don't know. And then he goes on to say, that is almost a perfect description of Christianity. Matt. I've never said that.

[Raven]

Then he says, matt with five T's is actually retarded. You guys know.

[Top Lobster]

You guys know that. Stop taking advantage of him. I mean, I could. If I could be honest. I like the guy. So far, I've not irl.

[Raven]

He kind of. He kind of honeydicked us a little because the first two or three paragraphs are all.

[Top Lobster]

The first three paragraphs are glaze, glaze, glaze, glaze, glaze. Which I was. And it wasn't even glazing. I thought it was very sincere and interesting. And then he was like, you guys are faggots, but hang out.

[Raven]

Listen to this. Because we haven't read all this, and we just want you.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. We want you to catch the rest of it.

[Raven]

So. Because he roasted shit out of us,

[Top Lobster]

Matt is actually retarded. And you guys know that. Stop taking advantage of him. You guys used to be cool and have guests that had different ideas about spirituality. They came from different paths. Paths you would now consider satanic or pagan because it's not Christianity by default.

[Raven]

Right? It would.

[Top Lobster]

If it's not, Christianity would be pagan. Yeah, I mean, that's just kind of also Satanic.

[Raven]

That'll fall under pagan.

[Top Lobster]

No, he's gonna figure it out. I'm sure you'll hear this. And he'll be. This is.

[Raven]

Oh, wait up. We have to play our music.

[Top Lobster]

Hey. Hello.

[Raven]

Hello.

[Top Lobster]

Let's dance.

[Raven]

Let's dance.

[Top Lobster]

Are you gonna leave now? Okay. All right.

[Raven]

Everything that's not Abrahamic is pagan. Now, if you disagree with the guests, it's about. It's about if gay people can be saved or not. I can't read when Matt's in the room. I feel like that's what it is.

[Top Lobster]

Maybe it is. He's cast a spell of stupidity upon you,

[Raven]

and your guests are becoming more and more cringy. And Christ cucked by the episode you had on Laura Baker.

[Top Lobster]

Shout out, Laura. Oh. Shout out to chat. Wait, wait, wait.

[Raven]

Laura Baker, who is obviously mentally unstable. Underrated.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

All right.

[Top Lobster]

I'm in good company, dude. Laura Baker is fucking awesome.

[Raven]

Yeah. And she's convinced her kids that they're infested with demons. If they misbehave based.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. Get thee behind me, Satan.

[Raven]

You had on two guys who said that they. That the rapture is going to happen in September 23rd or something. Shout out.

[Top Lobster]

Hey, I will fully allow you to. To disrespect, disagree, to agree. Shout out to a little messenger.

[Raven]

And this is a. In its. In its heart. This is the. This is a chronicle. Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

This is an interesting chronicle, actually.

[Raven]

I enjoy it. He's. He's airing out his grievances and they

[Top Lobster]

didn't say that something was going to happen. They're just showing us like this nine to three thing.

[Raven]

Yeah, they were saying that's people three to nine.

[Top Lobster]

Damn. So fine.

[Raven]

Remember that? Yeah, we remember that. They probably come on again soon. You have had on Heidi Love, who just went from one Jewish mind control sect to another and thinks she's free and speaking the truth.

[Top Lobster]

Touche.

[Raven]

Well, we've now made up with Heidi Levin. She'll be back on on Monday or we'll be on talking with her.

[Top Lobster]

This is crazy. This is so crazy.

[Raven]

You're in the same realm as Brandon Kroll, who clearly needs help with woman and money.

[Top Lobster]

Women.

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[Raven]

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[Raven]

Woman.

[Top Lobster]

Women.

[Raven]

Woman.

[Top Lobster]

Women. No What? We want to hang out with you. Is that a problem now? Oh, because you spent so long telling Jess that we were mean guys to you, and now you want to keep. You want to act like we are mean guys to you? That's not true at all, dude.

[Raven]

All right, bye, Matt.

[Top Lobster]

Ski daddle, man.

[Raven]

We'll let you know if he talks any more shit.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, you care?

[Raven]

He cares.

[Top Lobster]

He just wants to be on the show so bad. If he can't have a mic, he doesn't want to be here.

[Raven]

He's too busy simping for Jesus and won't master.

[Top Lobster]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Brandon Crone is too busy simping for Jesus and he won't masturbate?

[Raven]

This is crazy.

[Top Lobster]

You're mad at him for not gooning.

[Raven]

I kind of like. I like where this.

[Top Lobster]

No, I like the pepper he's working with, but damn, dude, you're not this guy. Hey, this. Look at that.

[Raven]

He's like, hey, Brandon Kroll.

[Top Lobster]

You're just like that guy who won't jerk off.

[Raven]

Touch your peen. Touch your peen for me, Brandon Kroll.

[Top Lobster]

Do it.

[Raven]

Dang, this is weird.

[Top Lobster]

This is wild.

[Raven]

Turns out he's a bit cocky.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, no. Because it's so embarrassing to hear you guys Guam all over Jesus and spirituality submit to Yahweh. I mean, my God, gentlemen, what happened to you? Well, if you guys turn. If you guys are grifting and lying, you got me fired up, so well done. Remember Dustin Nemos? Turns out he was a bit kooky. Please don't end up like him. Well, that's not nice. Don't say that about Dustin Nemo.

[Raven]

He's a bit kooky.

[Top Lobster]

Okay, fine. Damn. Sorry. They all caught some strays. That was my.

[Raven]

You wrote this?

[Top Lobster]

That was in the previous sentence. Dude, they caught. You could have deleted it.

[Raven]

Yeah, I know. This is not something you said in the spur of the moment. You typed it out. You actually.

[Top Lobster]

You hit send.

[Raven]

You hit send. I mean, the. The spelling is all good. The context is great.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, good punctuation and all that. All right.

[Raven]

It's premeditated.

[Top Lobster]

Damn. Sorry. They all caught some strays. That was not my intention. I just been listening to a lot of Christian conspiracy podcasts, and you guys more than anyone else have pushed me so far from Christianity, and I want to thank you for that. Whoa. This is crazy. No, no, no, this is good. This is good.

[Raven]

You know why?

[Top Lobster]

Why that?

[Raven]

We go, hey, man, we've been doing a lot of stuff. We've been saying a lot of slurs. Yeah, we've been talking about a lot of races. No, we've been.

[Top Lobster]

We, us.

[Raven]

We've been yelling at cat people.

[Top Lobster]

Okay?

[Raven]

And you know what? It's not a good example of Christianity.

[Top Lobster]

I think you're correct.

[Raven]

This guy's saying, no, the more that you promote Jesus Christ, the more that you like him, the more that you simp for.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, he's actually not mad about the slurs.

[Raven]

He's not mad about anything that the legacy Christian media is mad about. He's mad about the actual good things that we're doing, and that's pushing him away from Christ. So is this an inversion?

[Top Lobster]

I don't know.

[Raven]

I just say this is Satanism.

[Top Lobster]

He says, you help me to realize that the biggest psyop of all is the Torah and the Bible and Christianity and Abrahamic religions, all right? This guy is balls deep in the booty hole of Adam Green. The whole goal of Yahweh is to conquer the world and have every knee bow. It's not just the guest that you guys have either. It's how unserious you guys are.

[Raven]

All right? I mean, it was. Whoever said we were serious.

[Top Lobster]

I mean, that's never something that we. Everything you guys have ever said I now know was not research or fact checked at all.

[Raven]

We tell you that though, when we're

[Top Lobster]

saying it, we literally say we're retards. It's interesting. For a guy who's absorbed hundreds of hours, I question your discernment. It took you a long time to realize a lot of really obvious things. Will you have. No, no, no.

[Raven]

I think you guys just see clips and tik toks and regurgitate kooky un. Oh, there's the typo. Unverified. Unverified. Shit. I think you're an idiot.

[Top Lobster]

That's what I think. Well, no, come on, stop that.

[Raven]

He's a simple spelling of a word that you messed up.

[Top Lobster]

Sometimes you. You know I don't spell.

[Raven]

Will you have a mythicist on mythicist? Define mythicist.

[Top Lobster]

What does it mean?

[Raven]

Hold on, let me see what it even means and then we'll decide if we want that.

[Top Lobster]

He says, will you have a non Abrahamic hypnotized guest?

[Raven]

A mythicist is an adherent of Jesus mythicism, the theory that Jesus of Nazareth never existed as a historical figure, but rather that Christianity originated from a likely celestial or mythical figure later historicized.

[Top Lobster]

Well, that's that.

[Raven]

Maybe not.

[Top Lobster]

The problem with that for me is that that's where I started.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

All those years ago. Like Jesus was likely a metaphor, an allegory for, you know, a celestial event, a star system. The way that the sun, son of God, moves across the sky and rests upon the celestial crux. Like, you fucking name it. You know, I've been there. And then all of a sudden, I had a moment where I went, oh, shit.

[Raven]

They want to know when this was submitted. April 1st. No, it was submitted February 6th. Yeah, it's actually skipped the line because Nancy read it and I was like, oh, interesting. A criticism.

[Top Lobster]

A criticism.

[Raven]

We kind of like this.

[Top Lobster]

No, I'm actually having a lot of fun.

[Raven]

Yeah, let's keep going.

[Top Lobster]

He says, I would listen to that if you had a non hypnotized Abrahamic.

[Raven]

Well, why don't you. Why don't you start a podcast? Yeah, dude, grow it, Grift. We've been grifting Hard sell your soul.

[Top Lobster]

Sorry, guys. I had to write that. Mostly for me. All right. Going through something. Obviously I'm not doing too well myself. All right, that's fair. I'm not mad at that at all. I just have to let you go, or I'll just hate, listen, and stew in anger. Well, it's like if you really love something, you have to let it go. And if it comes back, it was meant be to be. Anyway, the spirit that possessed me for years was the Holy Spirit.

[Raven]

Oh, okay, wait a second. This is a plot twist.

[Top Lobster]

What? So I was possessed by the Holy Spirit for years because of you guys? I want to get rid of it now.

[Raven]

Hold on.

[Top Lobster]

Huh?

[Raven]

This is crazy.

[Top Lobster]

Huh?

[Raven]

This is crazy testimony.

[Top Lobster]

What does this mean? I was possessed? We've had a Holy Spirit.

[Raven]

We've helped. We've helped the Holy Spirit. Yeah. Dwell in you.

[Top Lobster]

No, no, no, no. It dwelled in him, but because of us.

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[Raven]

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[Top Lobster]

A better break makes for a better take.

[Raven]

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Chumba Casino he now wants to get rid of it.

[Raven]

No, no, no. That's what he said. That's what he said.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

Yeah. The spirit that possessed me for years was the Holy Spirit spirit. And because of you guys, I want to get rid of it now.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. And then he says, I had the Holy Spirit in me for most of my life. Oh, I see that the way. I see the way you guys act. And you always talk about the Holy Spirit in you. It made me realize that I never asked the Holy Spirit to leave.

[Raven]

Oh, you will be careful with that.

[Top Lobster]

I think I will now.

[Raven]

Wait, when was this? This was 21 days ago. Three weeks ago.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, my goodness. Man, I really want to thank you for freeing me. So what do you. You want to thank us or you're upset with us? I'm having. You're gonna love mixed messages here. I want to thank you from freeing. For freeing me from the Christian mind virus. If it wasn't for your insane, illogical, unsubstantiated, kooky ass discussions about Christianity, I would probably be bowing to Jesus right now. I can happily say that I will not obey, submit and comply to this made up Jewish myth. Top, you dunce cap. Oh, that hurts. That's not nice. Why'd he say that? And he goes, okay, sorry, that was it. This is the kicker. He goes, honestly, thank you. I hope you guys are good. I hope your families are happy and healthy.

[Raven]

Cheers. Hail Satan.

[Top Lobster]

Cheers. Cheers. K. Jones. Well, cheers to you, K. Jones. I hope you're doing well.

[Raven]

David K. Should we reply to him?

[Top Lobster]

Well, no, I mean, we never do that.

[Raven]

He caught us with the headline. The headline was possessed by spirit. Possessed by Holy Spirit for years.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, Nancy just entered the studio. Nancy, we just read David K's thang.

[Raven]

Yeah, Nancy, what do you think about it?

[Top Lobster]

Hilarious.

[Raven]

Hilarious. Thought it was really good, but we have to. Okay. I think the rest of the. Maybe not the rest of this episode, but like some of this episode should be about responding to him. Like, how are we going to respond? Because. And not in a nasty Top Lobster kind of way, but I really do want to talk to the guy because he said a lot of interesting things. Also, we have some people that will skip the line. We got another Ben Lopez, the Thc Pastor.

[Top Lobster]

THC Pastor. Nice.

[Raven]

We'll read from him next.

[Top Lobster]

Okay, that's cool.

[Raven]

But yeah, so what.

[Top Lobster]

I don't know what to say about this. There's a lot of things to address and it's. It's almost a little like. It's so back and forth. It's like, I hate you, I love you, I hate you, I love you. I hope you're doing well. You know, and it's like, in that way, it's a little bit confusing.

[Raven]

It's like, yeah, now I do like this guy. I know that. I know that, that Nancy doesn't like it. Well, yeah, but I like this guy. I just don't know where we went wrong or where he went wrong here. Blaming us. He's blaming us for a certain thing.

[Top Lobster]

I don't know. Let's check in with the chat. I mean, does the chat have any, Any opinions on it?

[Raven]

They want. They're going to want to yell at him or something, but.

[Top Lobster]

No, guys, be nice.

[Raven]

Yeah, yeah. Something happened here.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, he does. He sounds like a woman.

[Raven]

Oh, I think, I think you're right. That energy, yeah, it's definitely big female energy. But I don't. I also don't want to call him just a bitch. And also, this is a very strange one right here. You're in the same realm as Brandon Crowe, who clearly needs help with woman and money, but he's too busy simping for Jesus and he won't masturbate.

[Top Lobster]

Well, does that mean even on the masturbation thing, it's like dudes out there, the dudes who have. Who are listening gooners presently or past. There is something that happens when, when you goon. And it is a, A. A big energy dump, right? Like, it's like a. When you're done, you want to, like, take a nap. You don't want to do shit. There's like a bunch of things that you got to do at any given time during the day. The last thing you want to do is run errands, you know, take care of what you have to do, your responsibilities and shit after you goon. So I think that alone in just a physical sense is like, yeah, there's something there. Like when dudes are like, you have to retain your. Your seed because it makes you more virile and strong. Like. Well, yeah, clearly, clearly. Because what happens right afterwards, you get super sleepy. But the idea that there's no spiritual implications, I mean, to me, it's just. It's embarrassing. You know, there have been so many times in my Life where it's like, if you're pulling pecker, there is this, like. Like this little backdrop of a thought that is like, something spiritual sees this right now. And this is, like, shameful and embarrassing, which just is like, when you see a monkey, you see a fucking monkey just, like, just sitting there pulling. You're like, look at this fucking animal. Right? Yeah. Ernesto just. Just dropping goo on that blanket, dude. And you go, this is an animal.

[Raven]

It's almost like. And Ernesto is actually the greatest example that. Right. Because he's a blind. He's a blind pig. Yeah, but he can hear who squirted

[Top Lobster]

in front of children.

[Raven]

Yeah, but he doesn't see him. But I don't think he cares.

[Top Lobster]

It doesn't matter because he's blind. Spiritually blind.

[Raven]

He's a dirty dog.

[Top Lobster]

He is a dirty dog. He would have done it anyway. You see, like, monkeys do it, and then they fling the resulting spunk at the audience.

[Raven]

Yeah, yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Like, there is something primal about this. And if we are to consider ourselves, you know, elevated beings above the beasts of the earth. Earth, then, you know, maybe we don't do the same thing that they do.

[Raven]

Otherwise, we're no better than Ernesto.

[Top Lobster]

We're no better than Ernesto. So even. Even just on those, like, what. What's embarrassing, what's primal and what makes you sleepy.

[Raven]

He's just missing it. Yeah, that. That makes you sleepy. And sleepiness needs. Leads to naps and. And people who need naps need to be cozy. And we know what happens with cozy people. Oh, yeah, Cozy people.

[Top Lobster]

Chronic Gooners.

[Raven]

Sell out their friends.

[Top Lobster]

That's right.

[Raven]

I don't say that that's not true.

[Top Lobster]

But. Yeah, man. So, I mean, that's. That's a weird thing to put us in. It's also weird to say that. I don't know, like, admit on one hand that you're aware that I'm new in my walk with Christ.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

And then be like, you know, you haven't read the Bible. Then you guys are retarded. And it's like, I never espoused to be an authority on scripture. I've always been very transparent about, like, this is. This is the thing that I choose to seek and move towards. And it keeps bearing fruit, so I keep moving towards it.

[Raven]

However I am. I am conscious. Conscious of if we are doing things to draw people away from Christ. But I feel like the things that we're doing to draw you away from Christ is talking about him. And, like, that's interesting. None of the criticisms that you've had for us have been things of. I mean, you did mention. What did you say? Something about how we've been acting.

[Top Lobster]

I thought we were getting. Well, he doesn't like it. It's like, it's like simp behavior. He doesn't like that we're cleaning our shit up, which is like this whole

[Raven]

episode is maybe I see the way that you guys act and you always talk about the Holy Spirit in you. It made me realize that I have never asked the Holy Spirit to leave.

[Top Lobster]

That's a crazy move because.

[Raven]

Yeah, he don't. He doesn't have a problem with how we've acted recently toward Timothy Albarino. I don't think he was really watching that. Do you like that spinny shit? Look at that. That is nice. I think he doesn't like how we have not just cleaned it up, but like we are now hyper focused on. On God in a way. And also, yeah, I get somebody. Somebody the other day on Twitter said they were responding to Owen Benjamin and Owen said, name the biggest.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, oh, oh, that guy got it. No, no, no. Yeah.

[Raven]

You know, I like him. I forget his.

[Top Lobster]

Crete. Crete something.

[Raven]

Creighton.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, the Cretan. Yeah, Crete and Cretan.

[Raven]

The context of what Owen was asking for. But he was like, name the biggest sellouts. And he goes, these guys are the biggest sellouts for Jesus. And people jump down his throat. But I liked it immediately because I know, I'm familiar with him and I understand where he's coming from.

[Top Lobster]

Shout out to the homies, though, that tried to defend us. It's just friends fighting friends. It's good.

[Raven]

Yeah. Thank you. I, I also did a good job of not differentiating. I was like, let, let them.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I let him fight.

[Raven]

He kept, he kept trolling them too.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, yeah, he's good. He's funny.

[Raven]

Until they figured it out. But yeah, that's. I don't know, like, I guess if we sold, we sold out for Jesus Christ. Fine. That's like the only thing that, that I will sell out for. And, and the mind virus, it is, it is a mind virus in a way. It. It should be. It takes over your mind and it should control what you do throughout the day. I think you're going to, you're going to. You're going to be falling victim to some mind virus in general.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. It's like the idea that human beings are always going to worship something, for example, because we're just built like that.

[Raven]

You're going to emulate something. Well, what are you going to Emulate,

[Top Lobster]

you know, I know. That's the thing, right? If this dude, I would ask him, hey, you. You think that the Holy Spirit does in fact dwell within you and you're going to ask it to leave, which this whole thing is based off of consent. I think you can do that.

[Raven]

That breaks my heart.

[Top Lobster]

It breaks my heart. And I don't think you should do it. I believe you can do that. And then the next question is, well, if a spirit dwelt within you and you asked it to leave, what on earth do you think is going to fill the thing that is left behind, the void that's left behind?

[Raven]

Also, how could you say that? These are made up Jewish myths. When you say that this thing is inside of you for years, there's a

[Top Lobster]

lot of inconsistency there.

[Raven]

Yeah, I mean, it can't be made up and also be inhabiting your soul for years at a time. Something real is happening here. And if you don't want to obey, submit, and comply to it, then don't. Don't do that.

[Top Lobster]

You're gonna obey and comply with something else, though.

[Raven]

I did it for a long time, and I'm just telling you that it didn't work out great. But I also think you should try it.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, well, I mean, there's only shit you got to go through.

[Raven]

There's only one way to learn. Just hopefully we have enough time for you to learn, because shit's getting weird, dog.

[Top Lobster]

Well, I mean. David K. I'll say a prayer for you, dude. Hope you've figured this out because you seem a little bit lost in the sauce, but we all get lost in the sauce sometimes, so.

[Raven]

So what should I say to him? What should the email say?

[Top Lobster]

Just say, love you, brother. God bless.

[Raven]

I'm gonna send him a free Patreon membership.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, that's a good move. Maybe the community can help him out.

[Raven]

No, he'll just annoy them.

[Top Lobster]

Well, I mean, if he annoys him,

[Raven]

then we'll just go, hey, man, I guess ads are your problem. That's fine.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah. So here's for your membership. No more ads.

[Raven]

But I did like everything else he said.

[Top Lobster]

He said a lot of funny things.

[Raven]

A lot of very cool. A lot of accurate things. Things that hurt.

[Top Lobster]

Yep, they stung.

[Raven]

Dunce cap. That's.

[Top Lobster]

That's pretty funny.

[Raven]

It's actually true.

[Top Lobster]

Elohim says, reply, eat shit and die. No, come on. No, say that. That's not. Look, Nancy likes it, though. She thinks it's funny to do that.

[Raven]

Okay, what should I name him? Asshole Asshole.

[Top Lobster]

Hey, asshole.

[Raven]

Okay, so we'll read the next one.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up. March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time, scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.

[Howie Mandel]

Hey, it's Howie Mandel, and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my How We do it gaming team take on Gilly the King and Wallow267's million doll dollars. Gaming in an epic global gaming league video game showdown. Four rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match against Neo right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com everybody games.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, I want to read Kate because Kate had that story that was like mine, seeing that demon. And then she wrote back and she was. I can't believe you read the story. And it's a short one, so after that we can roll. I'm not even gonna put it on the Google Drive. It's just like one big paragraph.

[Raven]

It's here.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, it's here.

[Raven]

Okay, I put it on there. I Actually, it's your latest Twitter message because I did want to read that one, too.

[Top Lobster]

My latest Twitter message? What do you mean you put it out? Where?

[Raven]

It's. It's in a doc. It's the last. The last Twitter message.

[Top Lobster]

Okay, so I'm good to read it from the email or.

[Raven]

Yeah, that's Indiana Dreams by Katie.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, okay, cool.

[Raven]

Right? She says, can't believe you guys read this.

[Top Lobster]

That's it. Yeah. So can't believe you guys read this is the one who had a very similar story to if I get rid of the holy spirit, can I get a free membership? No. Dick wrinkle.

[Raven]

Come on, dude. It's not good.

[Top Lobster]

Not for you guys. Stop it.

[Raven]

And it's also not for me to listen. I kind of want to hurt this guy.

[Top Lobster]

No, don't hurt him. Don't hurt him. He's already hurt. He said he's not doing all right.

[Raven]

Hurt him in his soul.

[Top Lobster]

He said he's not doing all Right.

[Raven]

We're going to reply to him. Hello, no caps.

[Top Lobster]

Hello, dick breath. All right, all right. Hello,

[Raven]

NDS listener.

[Top Lobster]

Hello, David K. I hope this message finds you well.

[Raven]

Yes, I hope this message finds you well. What else do we say?

[Top Lobster]

Seems like you're going through it.

[Raven]

Seems like you're going through it.

[Top Lobster]

Sorry to hear that.

[Raven]

Yeah,

[Top Lobster]

I understand the ads can be a little bit much.

[Raven]

Sorry, I understand. Ads. Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Would you be interested in a free Patreon membership?

[Raven]

A lot below we have attached. A free Patreon membership.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

Yeah. Okay.

[Top Lobster]

I know you don't like us.

[Raven]

Hold on. Membership. And I need to put like in parentheses. Cheap bitch.

[Top Lobster]

Cheap bitch.

[Raven]

Yeah, I know you don't like us, but that's okay.

[Top Lobster]

We don't like us either.

[Raven]

Neither do we. Enjoy.

[Top Lobster]

Enjoying.

[Raven]

Enjoy. Top and Raven.

[Top Lobster]

God bless. Ask him if it's because we canceled tlc. No, I don't think anybody.

[Raven]

Let's say Top and Raven.

[Top Lobster]

Top and Raven.

[Raven]

And Nancy.

[Top Lobster]

And Nancy. Especially Nancy.

[Raven]

Oh, and Matt and Nancy.

[Top Lobster]

And just the whole team. And Z Man. And Laney.

[Raven]

And Laney.

[Top Lobster]

Toss Kenny the Fed in there. He runs the discord.

[Raven]

And Kenny Fed.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah, Tiffany, she's a social media

[Raven]

who's working up there with Matt today.

[Top Lobster]

Avery.

[Raven]

Avery.

[Top Lobster]

Okay.

[Raven]

Yeah, Avery, she's a barista.

[Top Lobster]

Barista. And. And chat. Brandon W. Says chat. The whole chat and the whole chat. Say, we love you.

[Raven]

Come.

[Top Lobster]

Come back. Come back. But spell come with the C U M p.s.

[Raven]

We love you. Come back.

[Top Lobster]

There you go.

[Raven]

And then I'm gonna write. Come. Okay, very cool. There's your Patreon. Look at this guy.

[Top Lobster]

Spooky. All right, so anyway, back to Kate. Katie, she says, I can't believe you read my story. I'm a little mortified. I gave you way too much information. I have been having a rough few months and wrote that while I was waiting while my son was seeing his behavioral therapy recap.

[Raven]

Katie's story.

[Top Lobster]

Demone. No, no, that's. That's the other Katie. This is a different Katie. Katie. This Katie saw something. Kate. Yeah, that's Kate. Anti species. This one saw something similar to my red eyed monster creature.

[Raven]

Okay.

[Top Lobster]

I honestly don't remember beyond on that. Nancy, do you remember? No. All right.

[Raven]

Damn.

[Top Lobster]

That's all right.

[Raven]

Flying blind.

[Top Lobster]

So I am still slightly deprived. Sleep deprived. But things are better. You mentioned interest in my Indiana tunnel dream. I had these dreams as a young child. The tunnel one I woke up from the day before I took my driver's license test. Okay. The tunnel one that I Woke up from the day before. Okay, yeah.

[Raven]

The dream was so haunted. My night terrors and overly self aware brain are why I was mad at God. I was not emotionally intelligent enough to see this stuff when I was so little. I now know God was with me the whole time, trying to wake me up to him. All right, and this one is rough. In the dream I'm where I'm walking single file with kids I went to school with. Some were my friends, some acquaintances, some were familiar. The person leading this school lunch line that turned from school lockers of walls to walls of dirt and kept going down steps that were dirty was not familiar. So there's a person in the front that's walking them and it's turned from their school into cave like setting.

[Top Lobster]

So this person's leading them into underground caves.

[Raven]

That's interesting. I wonder if who's this person is this in the physical realm, would you

[Top Lobster]

say walking in a single file line with kids I went to school with?

[Raven]

It was a soft spoken priest. I'm Polish, but not Polish. Catholic.

[Top Lobster]

Polak.

[Raven]

How do you tie your shoes? They tie their shoes one foot up, they tie the one that's down. My dad left that church thinks they are too spooky.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Raven]

I remember not trusting the priest. He wouldn't say where we were going. The kid's eyes were locked and unblinking like they were in a trance. I noticed a random window that were exits ever so that. Random windows that were exits ever so often.

[Top Lobster]

Every so often. So I wonder if this is a dream or if this is like a fucking repressed memory.

[Raven]

It sounds like an abduction experience, which is odd. Shout out to my mom.

[Top Lobster]

My wife.

[Raven]

My mom, my mom, my mom. Because when I, I brought up that thing on the show, she got mad at me.

[Top Lobster]

Which one?

[Raven]

About her experience where she was saying that they were in a field and then.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, grandma.

[Raven]

Yeah, yeah. And I was like, am I bugging? Because she was like, that never happened. And then I told, then I told my wife. And then my wife was like, no, I remember you telling me about that. I'm about to yell at this guy.

[Top Lobster]

I know this. He's such a. He's so, he's so. He's so immature. Yeah, immature. Shut the door. Get out.

[Raven]

He's out. Thank God. So yeah, my mom said that never happened. I never brought that up. And I said no, no, you did bring that up to me. You told me that. And I remember telling you, don't say that around the kids. And she finished anyway because That's a. But my wife said. Yeah, my wife said that. No, she does remember her saying that, which is weird.

[Top Lobster]

That is interesting.

[Raven]

It's like a dream she had and then repressed later on, which I'm not really. I don't know how.

[Top Lobster]

I have a lot of those kind of things where one way or another, something will be reminded to me of, like, something I said on this show. Whether it was like a dream I had the night before. And when I hear it, I'm like, I. I completely forgot about that.

[Raven]

Yeah, I didn't. And I also felt bad because I was like, damn, is that not accurate? And did I just make that up and attribute it to my mom? But my wife was like, no. Like, I remember you telling me that she. She had this dream because it was crazy, but she doesn't remember it.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

And maybe it never happened. Maybe this is all crazy shit. My wife is boohoo.

[Top Lobster]

Little nigga says, what if you guys give the Jews too much credit and the Jewish supremacy is a psyop? I mean, maybe to some aspect. It probably is.

[Raven]

Yeah, a little bit. I mean, right now they're playing back there.

[Top Lobster]

They are. They're playing guitar.

[Raven]

It sounds good, but so, yeah, this. This sounds like one of those abduction experiences where, like, you're in a group and you're walking through. And it's funny because it starts in a school.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

Same sort of thing. And then it ends in a cave system. Well, for my mom, if I remember correctly, it was like, it was almost a school. Like, do you remember when you were in. In that. In the school and you were kind of like, not on lockdown, but, like, for the hurricane.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah.

[Raven]

Very. This is kind of what she's describing.

[Top Lobster]

And then in those schools, by the way, like, I went to a school and we had an underground tunnel.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

You know, because. I don't know. It was put there during the Cold War era because of the fear of nukes.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

So not uncommon at all for these things to have underground tunnels. Sam Squatch says liminal space. That's fascinating. That keeps coming up lately.

[Raven]

Liminal space. They're making a show or a movie about that.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. About the back rooms, which is something that.

[Raven]

What is that? Can you. Can you.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. So my son is. He went through this little stage where he was, like, really interested in it because it was like YouTubers that he was watching, playing video games. These back rooms, video games started happening a lot. And it's this idea that, like, there's a collective memory of people who are Claiming to have these dreams or these experiences where they end up in something that looks kind of like a hotel hallway.

[Raven]

Is this like the Mall world?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, very similar to Mall World. It's just liminal spaces. It's like things that kind of defy logic. Like imagine walking down a hallway and you keep passing the same like sign on the wall. It's like you're walking in a loop. Like something that is almost like an alternate dimension that has no linearity to it. Sure. And you know, within this, these pale yellow hallway walls, there is something. There's mostly nothing, but there's something in there with you, you know, and so you're moving and you can hear it and sometimes you might get a glimpse of it around a corner or something and it seems to be like hunting you or some shit like that. So now they're making that. But what's interesting is I was watching a show called Severance, which is something my, my wife wanted to watch. That's dreams.

[Raven]

That's the wrong one.

[Top Lobster]

My wife and she, you know, we start watching this and basically the idea is you get a job opportunity and it's a, it's a. There's a real like non disclosure to it. And so what you do is you agree to go through a process. Well, while you're there, you don't remember who you are on the outside. And when you come back out to the outside, you don't remember anything that happens on the inside, which effectively causes a split personality. There's two versions of you. One that never fucking leaves work. It's the worst shit ever. And the other one who has no idea what's happening at work.

[Raven]

But that's actually pretty good.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. Oh, it's a great premise, honestly. Yeah, it's an excellent premise, but it's really spooky. Like there's something, There is something MK ULTRA about it. I'm like, damn, this shit is like everything I've been watching lately. Between the one where they're cooking people, you know, for the rich people and they're going. The other one where they're going to the island and there's like a flower that causes you to forget and they're, you know, BFing these people.

[Raven]

Somebody, somebody in the mainstream is like now talking about MK Ultra.

[Top Lobster]

It's fucking crazy. It's crazy how much this is all coming out, but they, but it comes out through.

[Raven]

It's gonna be fun to see how wrong they get it too.

[Top Lobster]

Alden says the Back room is gonna be an A24. Directed by the Youngest director at the company at just 21, which makes sense because it's really like a gen Alpha, you know, younger zoomers, Gen Alpha thing, this idea of the back rooms. But to me, what it feels like is, it's like we got both of those. Yeah, we got a. We got a Facebook page. Maybe it feels like a tulpa, like a thought. What would you call it? Damn it. Like an egregore or a thought form. So it feels like enough people have thought about this thing that it does exist in some way, shape or form, in some sort of like, realm.

[Raven]

Right.

[Top Lobster]

And so people could actually end up going there in a dreamscape. And I don't know, maybe it's like you visit a collective consciousness area where like an entity does inhabit it. And I think that's the same thing when it comes to like Slender Man. You know, enough people really focused on this thing and thought about it that, you know, it's almost like the concept of like, manifestation, you know, that's kind of like a tulpa is. Is, you know, you think about a thing enough, you flesh it out enough, what are its details, what is it like? And you get enough people collectively thinking about this thing and the way that it behaves and the way that it looks and yada yada, that eventually it does exist in some way, shape or form. And I think it is this phenomenon that Nathaniel Gillis talks about, taking a form.

[Raven]

And I think it's just a chicken or the egg. Right?

[Top Lobster]

So yeah, but you could do it with places, I think. And that's what the. The back rooms is and these guys

[Raven]

are mapping in this house. So let's get back to the story.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for your yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.

[Top Lobster]

You know what?

[Raven]

It sucks to be bored. But when I get on my phone and play real casino games on spinquest.com, the time flies by. That two hour wait, it's the DMV.

[Top Lobster]

Seems like 10 minutes.

[Raven]

Play your favorite slots. Live blackjack, live craps with a live

[Top Lobster]

dealer, new players, 30 coin packs are on sale for 10 bucks. Play spinquest.com and you'll never be bored again.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

Spin Quest is a free to play

[Top Lobster]

social casino void where prohibited.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Top Lobster]

Okay, so not Polish Catholic. My dad left the church. Things are too spooky. Wouldn't say. Okay. He wouldn't say where we were going. The kids eyes were locked and unblinking like they were in a trance. I noticed a random windows that were exits. Every so often I wanted to leave through them. The kids would not follow me. They ignored me when I shouted, we shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be here. He is not supposed to be allowed here.

[Raven]

Very dramatic.

[Top Lobster]

My best friend looked at me like a stranger. I said again, this time to the priest, you don't belong here. You are not supposed to be here. His body went slightly limp when his neck turned completely around to stare at me.

[Raven]

This is what I'm talking about now.

[Top Lobster]

This is what I'm talking about. Yeah. I was like, oh shit. His body then did a back bend and he swiftly crawled, scurrying towards me, growling, red eyes, scary priest walking like a fast spider towards me. Dude, this sounds like those instances where people bump into like Bigfoot and Bigfoot goes into a spider crawl. Yeah. And it moves unbelievably fast. And it's like that doesn't even make sense within the. The physiology of a gigantic ape. But it's like this thing presents itself as a multitude of things.

[Raven]

I wonder why. Like that's something popularized by the. The Exorcist.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, the spider crawl.

[Raven]

But I. But the Exorcist is Exorcist created on the premise of different exorcism that these guys have seen.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. It's like I wonder why priest behavior. It reminds me there's something about like this cosmic spider. What's the thing? Asmodeus. Is it Asmodeus, that demon that

[Raven]

somebody

[Top Lobster]

had one of the homies of the show. It was Dingbat, Dr. Dingbat. She had an encounter with this thing. I. I think she.

[Raven]

It's an old man types.

[Top Lobster]

It's like it's a man, it's a frog and it's something else and it's got a spider body. I might be getting the name of that wrong but there is this idea of like this cosmic multiverse spider. This was something that came up when the Nicholas. There was like a Nicholas Cage movie that came out about a spider. Or maybe it wasn't a Nicholas Cage movie. There was a. There was a astronaut Adam Sandler and, and there was a spider on board with Adam Sandler. And I don't know, there's something there, something that I don't quite understand. This is like deep into the occulted text you get all kinds of weird shit, right? Like is this space Spaceman is the movie? Yeah, But I believe it was one shout out Juan and paranoid American who were pointing to this idea of this spider. And this spider has something to do possibly with like the multiverse or some shit like that.

[Raven]

That's interesting because they have that spider man multiverse.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

Idea now.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's weird. I never really looked into it too much. I kind of went that fucking seems a little bit. And I just moved away from it. But I don't know if that has any, any correlation whatsoever. But yeah, that, that spider crawl, super creepy mechanism that's used a lot in horror films. But also I've heard a couple of Bigfoot stories that are like, whoa, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't like that.

[Raven]

So the. The scary priest walking like a fast spider toward me. He jumped on top of me. I kicked him off. He was stronger than the horrific stuff I usually saw in my dreams. I knew I had to leave the underground dirt place. I jumped out of the oddly placed window. That's crazy, right?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

I went everywhere in my town trying to get the police to follow me back to save the kids in my school and my friends. No one believed me. One authority figure rolled her eyes to the back of her head and she laughed. Damn. Geez. They wouldn't help till whatever was happening to the kids was finished. Finally they followed me and everyone was dead. I remember walking down the dirt path into the chamber. A torture chamber? Does she mean torture or T O R T U R e?

[Top Lobster]

Yes. Well, it could be where kids are set on fire or where kids are tortured.

[Raven]

Either way, some sort of torture, not good. Yeah, kids I knew. My friends who was. Who had a kind soul. They were all slaughtered. My friend was a large rod. My friend, a large rod was sticking out of her gut. The other kids, throat slit buckets catching the blood. They all died terribly. I was too late. The spider priest got away with it. They took me home. I cried. In my dream, the phone rang. My friend Amanda, who was one of the kids that died there, said on the answering machine. Her voice sounded different. Hi Katie. Thanks a lot. Thanks for letting us all die. It's your fault. Then all the dead kids circled around me as I woke up. I felt so guilty. I failed. I passed the written test. Remember? I was getting my driver's license that day, but I failed the driving part. I was on edge the rest of the day.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, that's fascinating.

[Raven]

When I was 8, I'd have Astro dreams where I'd be ripped out of my body and hit my ceiling fan and get shot back into my body.

[Top Lobster]

Huh.

[Raven]

The ceiling fan might have been causing that, right? Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Binaural beatdown.

[Raven]

Yeah. I would. I would wake up exhausted. It felt like something was pulling me out and then back in repeat, on repeat. I was only eight. When I got older, stuff made more sense. And I don't. I don't really talk about the dreams out loud. I never wanted to burden anyone with it. And other than my dreams, I had a pretty normal childhood. Had friends that had friends. Was voted class clown. Gotta have a sense of humor when you see stuff like that. Young God bless all of you and may God protect you, Katie, with the follow up with a banger.

[Top Lobster]

That's a banger. Yeah. By the way, one of the other pieces of media that I had watched recently was something on Netflix that my wife had shown me. My wife. And it was. I wish I remember the name of it. It was a series. It was about a woman who was in a relationship and her husband finds another chick to cheat with. And the woman seems to know all this stuff. Long story short, she's astral projecting. And what's really crazy is they show you how to do it like, they tell you how to do it like it's a series. So they end up visiting this idea a lot on how to. It's kind of like the same thing you would do to Lucid Dream. Right, Nancy? This is the stuff, right? Like counting your fingertips, looking at a clock. You do these, like, mental exercises multiple times throughout the day.

[Raven]

Why are we asking Nancy? She knows about this.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. And they're called.

[Raven]

They're called reality checks.

[Top Lobster]

Reality checks. Thank you. And.

[Raven]

Oh, this is like something that you'll see in. What's that movie called? Where they spin the top? Inception.

[Top Lobster]

Inception. Very similar to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's interesting. Yeah, that's exactly what they were doing. And they go through them like all the steps that you would do regularly. And it's. So long story short, it's like they're telling you how to do this, and then what happens is, you know, spoiler alert. But one of the characters ends up body swapping. Is two people astral projecting at the same time. Remote viewing. Because that's what it is. You're remote viewing.

[Raven]

Eventually, if your astral body seen this and then she, like, traps her out of her body.

[Top Lobster]

No, in this one, it gets all fucky. I don't want to give too much

[Raven]

away, but this is a different show then.

[Top Lobster]

But what I didn't like is, like, how much they were focusing on the ability to do this and like, almost

[Raven]

giving you a roadmap on how and

[Top Lobster]

when they would leave their bodies. They were orbs.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Which is interesting too. But what I didn't like that they didn't touch on was, like, the multitude of things that would be interested in inhabiting.

[Raven]

He did the thing. Fuck you did it.

[Top Lobster]

I said multitude, Nancy.

[Raven]

Did you notice the other day, I don't know if you were watching. He said it maybe 17 times.

[Top Lobster]

I wanted to stop him because multitudes is just such a great word, man.

[Raven]

Multitudes. When I think of that, I just sound. It feels like fish.

[Top Lobster]

Like what?

[Raven]

Jesus and the multitude.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Raven]

A lot of fish.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

We were talking to Ski. Oh, yeah. Justin and Skiba.

[Top Lobster]

Damn. And I said multitudes on their.

[Raven]

A bang still invited us back. And I was like. Even though we. Even though he.

[Top Lobster]

And the multitudes of. Of my vocabulary words. Damn, dude. But did you say. Did you say visage? Visage is a great word. I love that word.

[Raven]

I like when he says all of the sudden. Is that correct or is all of a sudden. Because I don't. I'm scared to. Scared to correct him.

[Top Lobster]

The. Or the. Oh, nice.

[Raven]

Oh, man, I thought it was a sudden.

[Top Lobster]

Come on now.

[Raven]

Are you sure? I don't know. Because suddenly it's not a. The. Now you got me thinking all of a sudden.

[Top Lobster]

Let's see, the sudden or thus a sudden. A sudden is not a thing. I don't. Well, ah.

[Raven]

The correct idiom is all of a sudden. Uh, yeah, all of a sudden.

[Top Lobster]

A sudden.

[Raven]

So I'm correct. Come on.

[Top Lobster]

Wrong.

[Raven]

Which means suddenly or unexpectedly. While often heard in casual speech, all of the sudden is generally considered incorrect by grammar. Grammar arians.

[Top Lobster]

Grammar arians. I'll be using that word too.

[Raven]

Grammar, grammarians.

[Top Lobster]

Grammarians.

[Raven]

Despite its common uses. So David does use all of the sudden, but I would say all of a sudden.

[Top Lobster]

Ooh, colloquially is also a good word.

[Raven]

Yeah, it just. It always gives. Every time you say it, I go, I never correct you because number one, it's embarrassing. And number two, I'm just kind of like, fuck, maybe I'm wrong.

[Top Lobster]

Well, you know, it took me a long time to be able to say, and now that I can say it. I say it all the time.

[Raven]

What?

[Top Lobster]

Feminization.

[Raven]

Feminization.

[Top Lobster]

The feminization of men. The feminization of this, the feminization of that. Yes. You love that.

[Raven]

I can tell when David gets on the. When we start.

[Top Lobster]

Susceptible. How do you actually pronounce that? Sparrow.

[Raven]

Susceptible. Susceptible.

[Top Lobster]

The B. I could go either B or P. Susceptible. I like.

[Raven]

Whenever we talk about masculinity and femininity.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, the feminine goes like this.

[Raven]

He goes. Hold on.

[Top Lobster]

I don't like. It's hard to say femininity, though. That is a word I don't like. But I like to say the feminization.

[Raven]

The feminization.

[Top Lobster]

So if I can weave that sentence in such a way as to. As to avoid femininity and say the feminization instead. I'm going to do that every time.

[Raven]

Guys, we got. I think we're a little late in the show, but if we can do two more. They're short. Okay. Are we done?

[Top Lobster]

There was something that I wanted to say about this. Oh, no, no. So the thing that I didn't like about that movie was that they ignored the multitudes. The multitudes of spiritual entities that want to inhabit your body when you're out of it and you're doing your little bullshit. What is it? I've heard there was a rat. Sland. Rat. Look who it is. Never shows up anymore unless it's to be mean and nasty. Aiming rat. He was mean and nasty.

[Raven]

Eating cheese or some shit. They were like, I heard. I heard this talk. Talking. I heard y' alls is talking.

[Top Lobster]

He used to be nice. He used to come and hang out because he liked the show. Now he's like, too smart.

[Raven]

This is what happens.

[Top Lobster]

I'm into all the knowledge. These guys don't have it.

[Raven]

Yeah, look at my apples. My golden apples.

[Top Lobster]

These guys are probably bonking. That's how I get the knowledge.

[Raven]

That's not nice.

[Top Lobster]

Gonna do Box Saga next.

[Raven]

Yeah. This is what happens.

[Top Lobster]

What happens?

[Raven]

We do a show. People get inspired, and they do their own shows.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. And then they don't need us anymore.

[Raven]

Then their shows are better than ours. And then they talk shit like they don't need us anymore. So, yeah, I get it. He's like, yeah, I know. Like, I've been on the inner workings. I've been on the show. I've been on their show. Whatever.

[Top Lobster]

And I've seen how the. The cheese is made. I don't need.

[Raven]

The apple's been bonked. So they don't come back. We'll Invite him back on soon. We'll talk.

[Top Lobster]

I invite him on all the time, but he doesn't give a shit. He's never reached out to come back on.

[Raven]

I would have him on like irl, but I feel like he smells like shit.

[Top Lobster]

No, that's not true. Aiming rat smells wonderful. I remember last time I saw him, I gave him a hug. I took a deep breath.

[Raven]

You did give me a good.

[Top Lobster]

When I was sitting in the front row, bro, He. Rover. Then I had my arm. Oh, no. He had his arm over me. And I remember noting. I said, this man smells good.

[Raven]

Blab, blap.

[Top Lobster]

All right, so what the hell am I doing here? They got a free Patreon. Fuck them. Who? I guess disagree to agree.

[Raven]

Yeah, they did get a free Patreon because they talk shit about you guys specifically.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, I thought that that was. That's why y' all don't get no money. That's why you don't get no money, playboy. Okay. Anyway, go on. What's the next one?

[Raven]

Pastor Ben.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, Pastor Ben. What's up, playboy? What up, pimp?

[Raven]

You're our favorite pastor.

[Top Lobster]

That's my Ben Ben.

[Raven]

You make people repeat shit.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah, Pastor Ben. Be like, can it. Congregation. Can you say Pastor Ben?

[Raven]

Can you say.

[Top Lobster]

By no means can I get a Pastor Ben.

[Raven]

Pastor. Pastor Ben. Okay. Howdy, guys. Howdy. Thc. Pastor here.

[Top Lobster]

Where is he at? Wait, I don't have him.

[Raven]

Oh, yeah, it's. It's Ben. Thc.

[Top Lobster]

Did you put it in the docs?

[Raven]

Yes, in the things. All right. I'm the one that sent the experience in about triggering an abduction experience.

[Top Lobster]

We know who you are. We know who you are.

[Raven]

Explaining yourself.

[Top Lobster]

Don't act. Don't you. We know who you. Hey.

[Raven]

I can't express the gratitude I have for you to spreading the word on the danger of them. And I need and.

[Top Lobster]

Okay.

[Raven]

Order a binaural beatdown T shirt.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah, dude. He should probably have one for free, right? Let's send him one.

[Raven]

Boy, this guy's gonna send. I gotta pay for these.

[Top Lobster]

I'll pay for it.

[Raven]

You gonna pay for it?

[Top Lobster]

Take it out of my cut.

[Raven]

When he said, I'll pay for it,

[Top Lobster]

I'll pay for it. I've seen the payout for next month. I'm gonna be fucking crying all of next month. All of next month's gonna be a rough fucking month.

[Raven]

Maybe a discount.

[Top Lobster]

All right?

[Raven]

Okay, Pastor Ben, we like you. I tried to warn on the forums and other methods, but none with the reach that you guys have accomplished. Yeah, like you do on forums. It's just like it's another guy.

[Top Lobster]

Right.

[Raven]

There's a little more personality to this, I think so people like it. But when I first wrote to you guys, I asked, what's a pat? You asked, what's a pastor doing listening to your pod?

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah.

[Raven]

And the past year. I see the reason.

[Top Lobster]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I see the reason that you would ask that. Is that what he's saying?

[Raven]

Well, I guess he sees the reason why he listened to.

[Top Lobster]

Okay, okay.

[Raven]

But I mean, it's very clear why we'd ask it. Unless you're an idiot. Well, not an idiot.

[Top Lobster]

I thought what he was just like. I now see the reason you guys are vulgar, vulgar morons and pieces of shit.

[Raven]

Is this David K. David K again. He got us again. Okay. The path you two have taken with the pod leaning into Christ. I can't believe the work the Lord has done in your pod. And the direction.

[Top Lobster]

I can't believe the work is done.

[Raven]

The work the Lord has done with your podcast.

[Top Lobster]

This is crazy. It's a crazy sentence. Yeah.

[Raven]

In the direction it's taken. Yeah, man, that's. It's. It's been. It's been cool. I thought I heard Matt come in.

[Top Lobster]

What's that noise? Oh, that's Nancy. Nancy, what are you doing? Cooking noodles. Cut it out.

[Raven]

Yeah, dude, I am boiling water.

[Top Lobster]

I'll mute myself.

[Raven]

We can hear it bubbling.

[Top Lobster]

Nancy, show us your apartment.

[Raven]

She wanted. What a. Alright. All of it has been amaz.

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[Top Lobster]

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[Raven]

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[Top Lobster]

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[Top Lobster]

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[Top Lobster]

Wait. I don't think the audience doesn't know that Nancy never, ever turns her camera on. We can't. We've seen her one time at Bro Grove. We've never been able to. Never allowed to see her again. She won't take us on a virtual tour of her apartment, which I feel

[Raven]

like would be fair.

[Top Lobster]

I think that's fair. Yeah.

[Raven]

She's seen our.

[Top Lobster]

She knows how this thing operates. Hey, Nancy, never ever look at this.

[Raven]

Have you seen our new. Our new.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, show her the curtain.

[Raven]

Yeah, we have a new curtain.

[Top Lobster]

Nancy, look at this. Tell us what you think. No, you didn't switch to.

[Raven]

Okay, you did. Look at that.

[Top Lobster]

How's that?

[Raven]

It's nice.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, thanks, Nance. What's it for?

[Raven]

So we don't hear the Jewish noises outside, but we still do slightly. It's better. It's for aesthetics. It's also for.

[Top Lobster]

It looks great, honestly. If you could see the way that it tied the room together. It's fantastic.

[Raven]

When we have a third guess, you don't see the door. Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, Yanette said it sounded like ping pong.

[Raven]

They're playing ping pong?

[Top Lobster]

No, Nancy's playing ping pong because she's Asian. I like to think Nancy has, like, an empty living room with just a bare wall that she plays like solo ping pong on.

[Raven]

That's it. All right, so wait, what are we. What are we saying here?

[Top Lobster]

Oh, God is using our pod.

[Raven]

Yeah. All of it's been amazing and all. Glory to God. Keep up the good work. I continue to pray for your pod, your families and your support. Success.

[Top Lobster]

Thank you, man. You're the best, dude.

[Raven]

We appreciate that.

[Top Lobster]

I don't know if this spooky music applies to this.

[Raven]

I liked it.

[Top Lobster]

You guys are such good interior designers. Thank you. I'm part homosexual, thank you.

[Raven]

Part.

[Top Lobster]

This is what happens when you're raised by women.

[Raven]

Raised by wolves. Wolvens.

[Top Lobster]

Women's is woman.

[Raven]

Woman raised by female. Whoa.

[Top Lobster]

What the.

[Raven]

Female wolves.

[Top Lobster]

Good.

[Raven]

Trying to be accurate. Okay, so sound or no sound?

[Top Lobster]

No, I don't think this one. I don't think this one needs sound like that.

[Raven]

Okay, I've left the 501C3 world.

[Top Lobster]

Whoa. Hey, Matt.

[Raven]

He's not there. Oh, man. Oh, wait. I left the 501C3 church world before you even found Matt and the coffee shop? Yeah, my leanings fall in line with him from Blind Support of Israel. Well, he still does that, which is bizarre.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, the Blind Support of Israel. Yeah, I mean, I get where he's coming From. And what does support mean? Like, let me tell you, we just tried to shake a dollar out of Matt. Crazy. My daughter, little. Little girl comes over holding a box.

[Raven]

Adorable.

[Top Lobster]

She's adorable. And she's got a box from church. And it's to collect money for missions because the church is making these fucking kids go around and collect money for missions.

[Raven]

And she goes up in the missions hard.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah, they are. It's annoying. Yeah. And then she goes up to Matt and shakes her little box and says, can I have some money for mission, sir? And he literally says, no. No way.

[Raven]

Why would I do that?

[Top Lobster]

Not even sarcastic. It's very funny the way that Matt talks to kids. He just goes, no, get out. He goes, get out of my face. And that's. That's actually real.

[Raven]

I'm pretty sure he's just.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

Shoved it.

[Top Lobster]

So. So, you know, when. When Matt supports Israel, like, he's never doing it financially. Like, oh, it's my dad.

[Raven]

Financially. Forget about it.

[Top Lobster]

No, it's not happening.

[Raven]

My dad goes. He goes, hey, do you give some money? And Matt goes, no, no, get out of here.

[Top Lobster]

And then he. And then he says, like, why not? And he goes, because I'm not gonna, like. No explanation. Just my dad goes. My dad goes.

[Raven]

Never coming back.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Raven]

It's very funny.

[Top Lobster]

What is this? Dude, when I saw your video with the bag, I'll tell you, that video of Labonte doing the serious retard face was the first thing I thought of. I don't remember which one it is. Reincarnation of David Lee Corbeau caught me, though.

[Raven]

Yeah, that's. That's kind of funny.

[Top Lobster]

Is he saying that my. My bag video. I put a. I posted a bag video. Me hitting the bag.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Was as bad as Labonte doing the. Are you thinking about the.

[Raven]

When he shoots the thing point blank?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's unbelievable.

[Raven]

It's actually kind of funny. I don't think so.

[Top Lobster]

That was really upsetting.

[Raven]

I don't think so. But Dave is trying to. He's trying to get into some new niches, man. This is actually drying up the Christian conspiracy stuff people don't want to hear about.

[Top Lobster]

So now I gotta get into boxing tutorials and Muay Thai tutorials.

[Raven]

Support your boy.

[Top Lobster]

Support missions.

[Raven]

He leaves the church.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Raven]

Pastor Ben left the church.

[Top Lobster]

That's crazy.

[Raven]

This is before Matt, so he can't really attribute it to Matt. Fuck you, Matt. So it's because of the blind support of Israel and lack of belief in the spiritual nature. Of our faith.

[Top Lobster]

That's a huge one.

[Raven]

A lot of the pot and the guests are just confirmation on that move. I've moved to direct Bible study in homes with a faithful group and working in the field in a ripe harvest among the homeless.

[Top Lobster]

Nice.

[Raven]

At my state's. State's largest homeless shelter. I feel like we should go. Matt, he's right there.

[Top Lobster]

Come here.

[Raven]

He's gonna come in.

[Top Lobster]

It was. It was badly reminiscent as the Labonte pistol training course. You damn, dude.

[Raven]

Hold on. Let's call. I'm gonna call Matt one more time because. Okay, that paragraph.

[Top Lobster]

Come here.

[Raven]

Come here for one second.

[Top Lobster]

Can you come here, Dude?

[Raven]

You know about the pastor? Pastor Ben.

[Top Lobster]

Pastor Ben. Oh, yeah, yeah. Pastor Ben's the man.

[Raven]

No, Pastor Ben.

[Top Lobster]

You don't remember him?

[Raven]

Liar.

[Top Lobster]

Okay, wait, wait. Yes or no, do you remember Pastor Ben?

[Raven]

No.

[Top Lobster]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Raven]

So he goes.

[Top Lobster]

He writes in crushes.

[Raven]

He was one of the first pastors.

[Top Lobster]

Nancy says hi.

[Raven]

No, Nancy, don't talk to him. He's one of the first pastors to write to us. And we go, like, initially, like, why are you. Why are you watching this? And this is when we were bad.

[Top Lobster]

Bad. Yeah.

[Raven]

Now we're just kind of bad.

[Top Lobster]

No, now we're nice.

[Raven]

So he goes. He's figured out why he's done this. And then he says, it's been amazing to watch the. The way the podcast has turned.

[Top Lobster]

God is using the pod, dude.

[Raven]

Yeah. God is using the pod. He prays for our families. Yeah. So then he goes like this. Look at this third paragraph. I. This guy's a pastor. Was a pastor. No, no, no, I'm not doing.

[Top Lobster]

No, no, no, no, no, no. You don't get to. Okay, you could pretend.

[Raven]

You could pretend, but you're not even on camera.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, now. Now he's on.

[Raven]

All right, there.

[Top Lobster]

Nobody can hear you. Take him off camera.

[Raven]

I've left the 501 seat. The church world, what he did as a pastor. Yeah, yeah. Before you even found Matt in the coffee shop. My leanings fall in line with him. From blind support of Israel to lack of belief in the spiritual nature of our faith. These are the reasons, and we know

[Top Lobster]

that that's the thing you really can't stand is the blind support for Israel. And he's saying he's in alignment with you.

[Raven]

But we said he doesn't blindly support Israel. He won't give a fucking dollar to my kid for missions or anything like that. But. So it's like, Matt's not. It's not on.

[Top Lobster]

Matt, why are you wet you're just wet, like, all over the wash dishes all day.

[Raven]

It's the hat. Okay, so he goes. A lot of the pot and the dishes.

[Top Lobster]

Don't say that.

[Raven]

Sparrow are just confirmation. He's talking into the microphone. Like it works.

[Top Lobster]

I love how he's got it. He's. He's mounted it on the table in the wrong, talking into it.

[Raven]

Clearly the mount is there.

[Top Lobster]

Stop. No, you can't. Please stop getting closer to me.

[Raven]

So I've moved to dirt. Listen to what he's moved to. And then you got to leave. I moved to direct Bible study in homes with a faithful group and working in. In a field. In a ripe harvest among the homeless in a ripe.

[Top Lobster]

Hey, hey. Why did you just lean into the mic when you said Bible?

[Raven]

So people know what I'm saying. The homeless at the largest. At my state's largest homeless shelter. That's all. That's all I wanted.

[Top Lobster]

That's it. He didn't listen to any of this. He's reading the chat. You got to go, Matt. Matt, you gotta go.

[Raven]

Is Z Man.

[Top Lobster]

Where's he Man? Z Man's already. Z Man's not here today. Yeah, make the chat go away. Hey, I gotta. You gotta stop biting your fingernails. You know that, right? Okay. That's not good. It's not good to do.

[Raven]

It's a.

[Top Lobster]

It's a sign of intelligence. No, it's a sign of anxiety. No, it's not anxiety.

[Raven]

It's thinking through things. All right, Matt. Well, we'll be out in a few minutes.

[Top Lobster]

You're thinking right through your fingernail beds. I don't know.

[Raven]

Can I at least say goodbye?

[Top Lobster]

You could say you just did. Yeah. You said goodbye.

[Raven]

Go ahead. Bye.

[Top Lobster]

I see you there, man.

[Raven]

I don't know. I don't know if this is the right.

[Top Lobster]

Nancy says, bye, Matt.

[Raven]

We. I feel like.

[Top Lobster]

What are you talking about? Everybody loves mad.

[Raven]

No, I don't like that.

[Top Lobster]

Everybody loves mad. Everybody loves the hat. It's the best hat.

[Raven]

We've influenced this poor guy to leave the church. Is that a good thing? Because we're still going to church. We're hypocrites.

[Top Lobster]

You more so than me, so me? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if we're doing it just for the personal gain from the Doing the stuff in behind, you're like, oh, yeah.

[Raven]

With the. I'm going to learn the software behind closed doors. I already learned the software. I'm still going there.

[Top Lobster]

Okay, make sure to tell Matt. Make sure to tell Matt about David K later. Yeah, we bought him on for David K. So, yeah.

[Raven]

All right. So, well, let's keep reading. Let's keep reading. Ben's. Yeah, Ben's message. I just wanted to reach out and give you a word of encouragement. Keep the Lord. Keep up the Lord's work. You two are reaping a harvest for Christ's sake. And you won't know the scope of this side of heaven.

[Top Lobster]

Huh.

[Raven]

That you're. You're reaping a harvest for Christ's sake. That you won't know the scope of this side of heaven. Oh, I see.

[Top Lobster]

I love the way that's worded.

[Raven]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Dude's crushing.

[Raven]

Yeah. Should we feel bad? I mean, about what? I don't know. I mean, no.

[Top Lobster]

I think ultimately every man's decision is their own. I don't think Pastor Ben is saying that we directly affected him leaving the 501C3 system, but this is not like when I.

[Raven]

So when we set out with. With the podcast, I was kind of bashing the church, and then I went opposite on it because I don't want people to leave it because I feel like it does help people. But I feel like I'm also talking to people who might be going in. Like. Like how you went in, where you're just going in. You're hearing.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

People that are working in it maybe, you know, they're. They're deeper and then they see whatever.

[Top Lobster]

The underbelly of the dookie.

[Raven]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't. I don't want to discourage people from going to the church because I think. I think God is there too.

[Top Lobster]

I think he's a hundred percent.

[Raven]

He's operating there.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

After every third song.

[Top Lobster]

Right. Well, he has to first. Yeah. Sometimes he's doing it through the song Made Me Cry about Mary. Did. You know? But look, I don't think that Pastor Ben is attributing us to him going away from the church. And I think that also going away from a system is not the same thing as going away from the church.

[Raven]

No. He's still doing Bible studies and he's. And he's working with the Holy Spirit.

[Top Lobster]

To me, that's more the church than.

[Raven]

Excuse me.

[Top Lobster]

What the church is doing. You know, if his church. Somebody said sparrow said maybe his church sucked.

[Raven]

Maybe.

[Top Lobster]

Right. I mean, look, that's the reality of the situation is some churches are going to be awesome, some churches are going to suck ass, and there's going to be everything in between. It's totally fine to leave a church that sucks ass.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

And it's totally fine to look at the 501C3 system as an institution and go, there's a lot of problems with this, but my church is actually really great like that. That happens too. It's everything in between. So, yeah, I mean, I don't think

[Raven]

he's saying what's not inexcusable is to look at the 501C3 system and accurately attribute its downfalls to Israel.

[Top Lobster]

Right. I mean, that's fair too.

[Raven]

That's pretty fair. I feel like. Yeah. When we're criticizing that, we have to also give a good hard look at the people who have info. Well, the religion that is, it's. It's brother or sister religion that's infiltrated it to be what it is now. Because a lot of. Most of the synagogues are not like that. But anyway, so I continue to listen to every episode on the pod on my drive to work on my motorcycle. Hell yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Cool as hell.

[Raven]

Every time I hear a warning on binaural beats, I squirt a little bit and my gratitude soars. Including on the most recent with Vicki and Topher. Yeah. By the way, what Vicki talks about academically about the Bible reading is called hermeneutics. Right. The study of an ancient text with an understanding of the culture and works at the time.

[Top Lobster]

That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. She always talks about the problem that we have now is reading the Bible through our own modern day. We like, you know, lens.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

And that we miss a lot. You have to understand the culture of

[Raven]

the time and who he was talking to.

[Top Lobster]

And that's why I don't read well. I go, well, I don't know the culture at the time.

[Raven]

A big part of what we are doing on the straight Bible show, especially with the Sermon on the Mount series, is every time he reads, like, what Jesus is saying to the people, I'm like, well, who is he talking to? And it's very important to know, like, he was talking to the masses in the beginning and then he just like leaves them and he. And he calls his disciples and he's telling them the Sermon on the Mount.

[Top Lobster]

Right.

[Raven]

So all those rules are the rules of the Christian kingdom. But he's talking to his. His people, the people that get it. So like, that's a. That's a good way to understand this. But anyway, God bless you too.

[Top Lobster]

God bless Pastor Ben. Thanks for hitting us up, man. He's so cool.

[Raven]

Yeah, I like that.

[Top Lobster]

Do we have any other ones?

[Raven]

We have one more from George B. George B. Yeah. Experience with a witch. It seems short. It is Short. And you got my attention. So if you want to read this one. Do you see it there?

[Top Lobster]

What is it in the thing? It's the most recent one. Or no.

[Raven]

Yeah, should be Georgie B. Georgia B.

[Top Lobster]

I can't believe you read my story. Nope, not Georgia.

[Raven]

I'll start. Years ago, my friend was dating a girl. Oh, wait a second, there it is. And through that, becomes friends with his girlfriend's group and specifically her cousin. Sometimes when we hanged out.

[Top Lobster]

Hanged out.

[Raven]

We would talk.

[Top Lobster]

I actually don't have that one. You didn't send it to me?

[Raven]

No, no, it's. It's in the drive.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, my bad.

[Raven]

It's the last one in the drive. My bad. Sometimes when we hanged out, we would talk of Texas Mexicans, cryptids and evil spirits. What's that mean? Texas slash Mexican cryptids?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, it's the same thing. Cryptids and Mexicans.

[Raven]

Oh, tortas.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, tortas.

[Raven]

Honestly, you see a torta, the wild, some of those girls now what are those? The Miami Latinas.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Raven]

The more I see them, you know what it is? A torta is like the. It's the Hispanic version of the crone.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, that's interesting.

[Raven]

Yeah, they get to torta. They get that like, hunch.

[Top Lobster]

They start sacrificing children for length in neck. You know what I mean? Like to try to get back the length in their neck.

[Raven]

Never gonna happen.

[Top Lobster]

No, it's a. It's a fool's errand. You keep sacrificing racing babies and it's just nothing happened.

[Raven]

What do they call that in Chinese? Because that happens to Chinese women like crazy.

[Top Lobster]

The lack of neck.

[Raven]

Nancy, do you think that that's your future?

[Top Lobster]

No, Nancy's too tall.

[Raven]

I'm gonna ask her, to be honest. I know she's thought of that. You know what I'm talking about, Nancy? They go from beautiful, tall, slender necked Japanese woman to like old gorilla, like. And I think that transformation happens in

[Top Lobster]

a day or two at least. Yeah, it's like a 24 to 48 hours. My. My Japanese grandma, she turned into a total roly poly. But she was like four. She was like four. Eleven, though.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Wow.

[Raven]

Well, I've seen. I've seen tall ones. I've seen tall ones turn into small ones like that overnight.

[Top Lobster]

Small ones.

[Raven]

Shout out to Jenny. Jenny from the block.

[Top Lobster]

We know I'm still. I'm still Jenny from the block.

[Raven]

Jenny used to have a little.

[Top Lobster]

Now I have a lot Jenny saying. Matter where I go, I know where I came from.

[Raven]

Jlo, shout out jlo. All right.

[Top Lobster]

Shout out to that bitch sometimes. That immortal bitch.

[Raven]

And we talked about Mexican cryptid and evil spirits. Chupacabras. La Lechuza. I don't know.

[Top Lobster]

La Lechuza.

[Raven]

Can you look that up, Nancy? La Lechuza.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, bring that up, Nancy. Do a job.

[Raven]

And he's like, I'm making noodles. Like, I'm boiling noodles, clipping my toenails. And this cousin would. Would always talk about how she was a witch, descended from a line of witches. I always just shrugged it off because that's just crazy chick talk. But you know what? That. It didn't like, dawn on me recently, but a guy that was like, kind. He's in my family. He's kind of like third cousin, but we. We called him uncle. Okay, Uncle Charlie. Yeah, I'll tell the story. This is a crazy story.

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[Top Lobster]

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[Raven]

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[Top Lobster]

Top was born out of preco.

[Raven]

Ouch.

[Top Lobster]

Well, that's.

[Raven]

Why would you say that? That's hurtful to be honest.

[Top Lobster]

Maybe.

[Raven]

But I don't know. How do we ever know?

[Top Lobster]

Pat the Prophet.

[Raven]

What the hell, dude? There's no way to prove that.

[Top Lobster]

Pre cum, baby.

[Raven]

Yeah, prove it. Prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt before you bring these salacious claims to this show.

[Top Lobster]

That's true. If you have evidence, though, I'd be interested in seeing it.

[Raven]

All right, anyway, if you have evidence.

[Top Lobster]

Show me. Show me what you got.

[Raven]

Yeah, this Charlie, Uncle Charlie, he was like this kind of like vagabond type dude where he was homeless, kind of always lived with family. And he would like wander the streets. Very sad way. Ended up like committing suicide.

[Top Lobster]

Oh shit. Nancy's got a picture of a la la chusa.

[Raven]

Bring that up in a second. It looks dope. He ended up committing suicide and then in his room. He was staying at my uncle's house. But they ended up like, you know, cleaning out his stuff and the police got involved because they found like some C.P. there it was.

[Top Lobster]

Oh no.

[Raven]

Yeah. But anyway, his mother. His mother was a generational witch. Like one of these people. Yeah. And this dude was like never got his shit right and was almost like tortured.

[Top Lobster]

Dude.

[Raven]

He was just like walk through the streets of Coney island and drag his shoes, like holes in his shoes. Nice enough guy, but it's just like

[Top Lobster]

you can drag it off to kids. Yeah.

[Raven]

Yeah, dude. Something was very wrong. Yeah, something was very wrong with uncle Charlie. And it was just like. It was a. It was just a very sad way to go. But that's like. The more I. I think about it and learn about that. I was like, this is generational trauma shit. That's passed down and passed down.

[Top Lobster]

That's how it goes.

[Raven]

It's almost like he's. He had no. Like the family all knew something was wrong and they were just like, just help him out however we can because there's no turning this guy around. And he wouldn't. Yeah, he had no shot. It's very sad.

[Top Lobster]

Alden says half my kids are pre cum babies. Damn pull out method don't work. I'm here to actually attest for the pull out method. Works really well. But everybody always talks about pre cum. Nobody talks about post cum.

[Raven]

Yeah, post cum's great sometimes.

[Top Lobster]

One night. Oh wait. Let's bring up the picture of la chusa la lechus.

[Raven]

What is this? Oh, oh. What is that?

[Top Lobster]

It's an owl demon.

[Raven]

Oh yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

Look at the owl head.

[Top Lobster]

No, I don't like that.

[Raven]

And it has. Yeah. Oh, I like that. Actually.

[Top Lobster]

I'm gonna shoot that thing.

[Raven]

It's just an owl.

[Top Lobster]

Owl man born of post.

[Raven]

Come. Well, Birdman. We were talking about the birdman stuff, right?

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, yeah. That's black eagle man. Yeah.

[Raven]

Why was she floating her cursor around it? Like what's. We can see.

[Top Lobster]

Yes, you show we can see.

[Raven]

Hey. Alright. One night we were all hanging out on the coast around the bonfire and I just happened to be sitting next to the witch and her boyfriend. I noticed she started getting uneasy and overheard her telling her boyfriend. I'm telling you, it's watching us right now. I Can feel it. She closed her eyes and started saying quietly, you're not welcome here, over and over. About 30 seconds later, she stood up, grabbed a rock, spun around and threw it into the darkness. We all heard a screech and could hear something run off.

[Top Lobster]

Oh,

[Raven]

nice. Dramatic. Thank you. Good timing. We all sat there with the same what the fuck just happened? Look on our faces. I asked what the hell was about to happen and her boyfriend said, told you, bro. She's a witch. She can sense these things.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, those things are there because she's a witch.

[Raven]

Yeah, they're. Yeah, you have the innate ability to throw a rock at it, but it wouldn't have been there if you weren't

[Top Lobster]

conjuring such a bitch.

[Raven]

Well.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, what's that? Is that the same lack? Lacaraca chocha.

[Raven]

Yeah, this is a torta.

[Top Lobster]

Look at that.

[Raven]

You see the neck? Clear. Lack of neck.

[Top Lobster]

The old la chocha torta.

[Raven]

Harpy like feet. Yep. That thing is horrifying.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah. Hangs out in Miami, does a podcast. Is a slut.

[Raven]

Huge Zionist. Okay. An hour goes by and she starts freaking out more than before. She stood up and told the group, it's time to leave. He's back and he's not alone. Someone started looking into the grass woods behind us with the flashlight and could see sets of glowing eyes staring right at us. We all decided it was best to leave at that moment. Couple months later, I went to the witch's apartment where we all used to hang out. I walked in. Wait. When I walked in, the witch and my friend's girlfriend were sitting at the table. They were holding hands and there was a black candle in the middle of the table. Damn. You walked in on a seance?

[Top Lobster]

Damn, dog, you better rebuke.

[Raven]

So wait up. Who was there? The witch and her friend's girl. His friend's girlfriend? Yeah. And the.

[Top Lobster]

Which women? Dude, women love a seance. Women love doing like, sacrifices, rituals, all that dumb. What the hell, man?

[Raven]

Don't catch me.

[Top Lobster]

I get it. Like, I get it when it's like, you know, Eve's proclivity to. To be the one who fell for this shit. Then like, you know, Adam being a weak ass bitch and all that other shit.

[Raven]

It's also. Oh, man, sorry to go ahead, but old Timmy boy was talking about the constitution of Adam and interacting with these entities and why we should have some second thought about interacting because we're not made up constitutionally as firmly as Adam was. Or is we get cancer. I don't know. You know, Adam was probably. I don't know, 15ft tall. He was. He was built different. Some people say he was big.

[Top Lobster]

Built different. Yeah.

[Raven]

He was in the grace of God. He was able to withstand it. Yeah. And he goes, yeah, Adam had no problem communicating with him, but us, we should be careful. And fringe goes, actually, Adam had a huge problem communicating with them.

[Top Lobster]

Oh my God, that's funny.

[Raven]

I should revise my statements like.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, you should, you stupid bitch.

[Raven]

Now it just wasn't thought.

[Top Lobster]

It's a funny thing, like most of

[Raven]

most of his statements.

[Top Lobster]

Right.

[Raven]

Anyway.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

The witch was reading from a book and speaking. Chanting in some language I'd never heard. Speaking in tongues.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

And translating. Bibbidi bobbidi boo. I'm standing there in shock and the witch's boyfriend tells me. Tells me my friend broke up with her cousin. Wait, the witch's boyfriend tells me my friend broke up with her cousin. Okay, okay. My phone starts ringing over and over as he tells me, my friend fucked up. And the witch, now you're gonna put a curse.

[Top Lobster]

That's what I hate. The other thing about this witchcraft shit is so much of it is like putting a curse on your ex boyfriend.

[Raven]

Yeah, leave him alone.

[Top Lobster]

Bitter.

[Raven]

It was probably you hookers. Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

Maybe if you would shut the. You know, maybe if you, if you

[Raven]

changed your invader Zim panties once in

[Top Lobster]

a while, go down instead of across the road.

[Raven]

Nasty. Nasty. It's just, it's the smell of unwashed laundry.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, Brandon W. Brought up Snooki from New Jersey, by the way. Prayers for Snooki from New Jersey. She has cancer.

[Raven]

Oh, no.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah.

[Raven]

What happened to her?

[Top Lobster]

I don't know. She got cancer. Probably got too close to a craft.

[Raven]

Maybe it's all that sun tanning.

[Top Lobster]

Could be the sun tanning.

[Raven]

Damn. All right, so yeah, they're putting a hex on this dude that's actually, you know, at the Libertarian party convention at the main one years ago. I remember this lady Karen. You would. You guys would know her.

[Top Lobster]

Is that the pink haired chick?

[Raven]

Yeah, Karen some. She's interesting.

[Top Lobster]

She was following me for a while, for whatever reason. I have no idea. And then I guess I said some vulgar things and eventually she stopped following.

[Raven]

She's a witch. She was going around with another person and they had tape and they were going to the chairs that some of the people that they didn't like in Liberty. This is how little and how spiteful these people are in libertarian politics. They're going around with tape getting their hair in order to put hexes on them later. And I laughed at it. At the time, I was like, that's crazy. And now I'm like, we should.

[Top Lobster]

You should have.

[Raven]

We should put her in a trash can.

[Top Lobster]

We should put her to fire. Put her.

[Raven]

Fill it with water.

[Top Lobster]

Test her with flame.

[Raven]

Close the lid. So they're reading from a book. He's standing there in shock, and he says that they fucked. This guy fucked up.

[Top Lobster]

Okay.

[Raven]

My phone starts ringing over and over. And the witch is putting a hex and a curse on his soul. Damn. I stand there speechless while my phone keeps ringing. I immediately leave and pull my phone out and see it's my friend's mom blowing up my phone. Matt, I paid for that.

[Top Lobster]

Stop coming in here. Don't touch that.

[Raven]

My coconut water.

[Top Lobster]

Don't touch that. What is that? You got a collection of sunglasses? Why are you taking. Whose sunglasses do you steal?

[Raven]

Back to the story.

[Top Lobster]

Okay, well, don't come in here. If it comes in here, it's our business. It's our business. As soon as it crosses that threshold, our business.

[Raven]

I like how Matt has committed to the ears.

[Top Lobster]

Nothing. No, don't say anything. That's not nice. Stop that.

[Raven]

He pulls out his phone to see his friend's mom blowing it up. I finally answer, and she's crying. She said God told her that her child was in danger.

[Top Lobster]

Whoa.

[Raven]

My friend's apartment was in the same complex. So I rushed over to his place, and when I arrived, I found the. I found the door slightly open. I went inside to check on him. He wasn't answering.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, boy.

[Raven]

When I called out for him. What did he say? He wasn't answering when I called out for him. So at this point, I'm freaking the fuck out. Went room to room and couldn't find him. And finally noticing the bathroom door was closed with the light on. I knocked and I called for him, but it was nothing but silence. Finally opened the door and found my friend laying in the bathtub. Bottle of pills scattered about.

[Top Lobster]

Geez.

[Raven]

Wrist slit and he was bleeding out.

[Top Lobster]

We made too many jokes during this read.

[Raven]

Yeah, this is heavy. I wrapped it. Matt would be like, my soul, my spirit.

[Top Lobster]

My spirit.

[Raven]

My spirit. Man, is heavy. I can't go into the weekend like this. How am I supposed to plant plants and dig dirt?

[Top Lobster]

No.

[Raven]

I wrapped a towel around his wrist and called 91 1. And somehow, by the grace of God, he managed to survive. Also capitalize God. So we know who you talk.

[Top Lobster]

Come on, man. Here, I'll capitalize it real quick.

[Raven]

The cops laughed at me when I told him about the witch. My friend was put into a mental institution after that because he kept trying to take his own life. Needless to say, I never talked to that group again after that and stayed as far away from them as I could.

[Top Lobster]

Damn, dude.

[Raven]

End of story. George B.

[Top Lobster]

What the hell? Banger. Thank you, George. That's crazy.

[Raven]

Dang.

[Top Lobster]

What do you think about that, Nancy? I liked it. It's a good story.

[Raven]

It sounds like some shit you do, Nancy.

[Top Lobster]

I believe.

[Raven]

Of course you'd like that.

[Top Lobster]

No. Just no. No.

[Raven]

I reject the claim. I deny the claim. Damn, that's heavy.

[Top Lobster]

I'll tell you what though.

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[Top Lobster]

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[Top Lobster]

I don't like witches, man.

[Raven]

I don't like it.

[Top Lobster]

I don't like witches.

[Raven]

I don't like it. It's sad.

[Top Lobster]

I don't like how prevalent it is. I don't like the multitude of witchery that's happening on like that word a lot of witches.

[Raven]

I like the multitude of the use

[Top Lobster]

the multitude of the use of the word multitude. No, he didn't die. Sparrow. He.

[Raven]

He survived but he kept attempting.

[Top Lobster]

He kept attempting. Super, super, super bummer. Damn. Every time my wife opens TikTok.

[Raven]

Sorry, go ahead.

[Top Lobster]

My wife. There's here. Somebody sent me this today. Shout out to schizo friend witch talk. Let's let me share this. I don't know if I should do this. Should I put this bitch on the screen? I'll do it anyway.

[Raven]

Oh no, it's fine.

[Top Lobster]

So some dude sends me this schizo friend sends me this today. And Nephilim witch.

[Raven]

Oh, whoa.

[Top Lobster]

Nephilim witch. Tattoo artist, yada, yada yada. Forensic psychology and podcast co hosts.

[Raven]

Who's the butcher?

[Top Lobster]

Who the fuck?

[Raven]

We know him. Followed by him.

[Top Lobster]

I know who that guy is. He's cool. If I could just highlight him. This guy's cool. Okay, it's not gonna. But I mean, you know, these people are just like so out in the open. Nephilim witch.

[Raven]

And like, I don't know, she has a podcast.

[Top Lobster]

Cool, that's great.

[Raven]

What is the podcast about? Let's see that.

[Top Lobster]

Look at it. Forensic. So it's about murder?

[Raven]

Of course.

[Top Lobster]

Co host of and Mercy's Bitches. Just love.

[Raven]

Click on it. Let's see it.

[Top Lobster]

Murder. Murder mysteries. Look, I call them bitches.

[Raven]

No, don't say that. Go to the YouTube. I want to see how many people

[Top Lobster]

follow bitches and murder. I don't know. They don't have a. They don't have a.

[Raven]

I need to know.

[Top Lobster]

Look, there's also the nerdy bog witch. Yeah, Thick and mortise.

[Raven]

It's just another witch. That's her.

[Top Lobster]

Yeah, it's her. It's the same witch. It's just like. Dude, it's the same witch. The same witch. They're just.

[Raven]

No, no, we have to listen to a little bit of this. I need to hear the podcast.

[Top Lobster]

I can't scroll down bad if they have video. Can you make a single clip of your show? You dumb.

[Raven]

No, I don't say that to them. We. We're fans.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, look here. What's up? I promise we have not forgotten about you. They don't even do their show anymore. It's. It's whatever. Oh, that's their kid about the blacks. But yeah, man, I mean, point is, they're everywhere. They're everywhere. And it's, you know, in. In some ways it's like this stupid aesthetic that nerdy girls who grow up with Invader Zim used to be into. And then when they get to a certain age, it's the ironic interest in witchcraft and then it becomes the unironic interest in witchcraft and the next thing you know, you've had a slow boil towards full blown witchery and you're now a 30 something, 40 something year old woman. Yeah, Sparrow says, as a woman, I hate true crime or murder. Shit, I don't get it. Based. Based Sparrow. Good job, dude. It's. It's horrifying for you. I was actually talking with my, my wife about this the other day how like in the 70s you know, you start this like slasher film thing. Right? And when, when that first kicks off and it's been consistent all the way through, they do something where they combine naked chicks and tits. Right. And like sexual content and then like slasher murder. So for the women, you get murder mystery. Shit it. And I don't know what it is. It's just like just. Women just love looking into this abyss of, of like husbands killing their wives, what the ever. And then like on the other side of it, it's really for more than just women. But women do love this. Like, they love the scream aesthetic. Right. They love like the Michael Myers thing. Like there's something called a horror girly, which is like one step beneath a witch, you know, and, and they have tattoos of like Michael Myers and Scream and the knife, the butcher's knife. But in those films they love combining that gruesome murder with tits. And I think what it is, is it's like a sex based trauma ritual where they're traumatizing you with this horrifying. But only moments before the murder you were bricked up, you know, because they're showing you tits and then. And people are getting down. They're getting sexual.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

You know, and then the next thing that happens, after you're sitting there with this erection, the very next thing that happens is murder. And it's like, I think it's a correlation. That's like incredibly unhealthy.

[Raven]

Yeah. But it's done on purpose. It's a correlation to hijack your sexual proclivity and inclinations.

[Top Lobster]

Trying to hijack this boner with murder. That's crazy. That's crazy. I don't like it. I hate it.

[Raven]

The psyops go deep and we don't like witches over here, man.

[Top Lobster]

No, dude, I'm thinking about hitting them with hammers. All of them.

[Raven]

Oh, no, we can't do that. Some of them. No, these witches have like strong testimonies after they come out of it.

[Top Lobster]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's base. Yeah.

[Raven]

To be honest, you guys are easy to take out of it because it's.

[Top Lobster]

All you got to say is like, I agree with the fact that you're engaging with spiritual entities. Yeah.

[Raven]

But like, they're a bit weak willed and they just need to submit to the father.

[Top Lobster]

Well, that's the problem is a lot of them have specifically man hatred. They hate submitting to men.

[Raven]

Yeah.

[Top Lobster]

And God being masculine. They hate that. The patriarchy.

[Raven]

Yeah. It's all a lie. And that's kind of what got you there. The Sooner you realize that, the better. That's it.

[Top Lobster]

That's it.

[Raven]

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[Raven]

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[Top Lobster]

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[Top Lobster]

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[Raven]

Exhale a field of lavender.

[Top Lobster]

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[Raven]

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