All-Star Episode #3

Summary

Podcast Summary: RISK! All-Star Episode #3

Introduction

In "All-Star Episode #3" of RISK!, released on February 25, 2025, host Kevin Allison orchestrates an emotionally charged and riveting celebration of Black History Month. This episode brings together three Black women—Jessica Williams, Tawny Newsom, and Aisha Tyler—who share their deeply personal and uncensored true stories. The episode is a tapestry of humor, vulnerability, and resilience, highlighting the complexities of Black experiences in various facets of life.

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Jessica Williams: "The Crunch"

Jessica Williams, known for her roles on "The Daily Show" and "Shrinking," recounts a harrowing personal experience that underscores themes of responsibility, vulnerability, and the struggle to prioritize self-care.

Summary:

Jessica narrates an incident where she was out with her sister and best friend in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. After her sister leaves early, Jessica and her friend remain at a bar. Unbeknownst to Jessica, her friend is raped. Thinking her friend is merely drunk, Jessica takes on the responsibility of getting her home, only to suffer a severe injury when an elevator door snaps shut on her arm during their walk. Faced with bleeding and in excruciating pain, Jessica grapples with the societal expectations placed on her to take care of others, often at the expense of her own well-being.

Notable Quotes:

• "For some reason, I still wanted to take care of her. And I had no idea that my arm had snapped." [11:15]
• "I have this very weird, always have had this very weird, like, warrior mentality where I'm like, I have to save the people." [13:45]
• "It's something that I'm working on with my therapist because I feel like that particular experience triggered me to think about myself." [14:10]

Insights:

Jessica's story sheds light on the internal battle many face between self-sacrifice and self-preservation. Her realization of the "warrior mentality" and its detrimental effects highlights the importance of addressing mental health and setting boundaries.

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Tawny Newsom: "Next Time Fly?"

Tawny Newsom, acclaimed for her performances in "Space Force" and "Bajillion Dollar Property," shares her anxiety-laden journey aboard an Air Canada flight from Barcelona to Rome, interwoven with reflections on immigration and racial profiling.

Summary:

Tawny details her intense fear of flying, which is exacerbated during a turbulent and nearly empty flight shortly after the 2015 fire at Leonardo da Vinci International Airport in Rome. Her anxiety culminates in an emergency where she's mistakenly perceived as an immigrant amidst heightened security fears due to the influx of refugees in Europe. Tawny's struggle with cultural identity and the prejudices faced abroad illustrates the pervasive impact of racism and the personal toll of systemic biases.

Notable Quotes:

• "This is not good imagery for me as a Black person. Burning crosses, or even, you know, a facsimile of a burning cross. Nothing. Burning and cross together, just not good." [00:05]
• "I have a 20-year long flying phobia. It's not going to change. I drink. It sort of helps. It doesn't really help." [21:39]
• "I have never felt more American in my life and more privileged." [38:45]

Insights:

Tawny's narrative explores the intersection of personal fears and broader societal issues. Her experience on the flight serves as a microcosm of the challenges faced by immigrants and the racial profiling that can occur in tense environments. The story underscores the need for empathy and understanding in the face of fear-driven actions.

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Aisha Tyler: [Story Segment]

Aisha Tyler, celebrated for her roles in "Criminal Minds" and "Ghost Whisperer," contributes to the episode with her unique perspective, though her specific story segment is not detailed in the provided transcript. Her presence adds depth to the episode's exploration of Black experiences, blending her comedic and dramatic talents to convey authenticity and relatability.

Summary:

While the transcript does not provide a detailed account of Aisha's story, her introduction and participation indicate a focus on personal growth, social interactions, and the balancing act between public persona and private struggles.

Notable Quotes:

• "Imagine what's possible when learning doesn't get in the way of life." [14:38]
• "I have this very weird need to be responsible. For some reason, that doesn't really benefit me." [14:38]

Insights:

Aisha's contributions likely delve into the nuances of navigating personal and professional spaces as a Black woman, emphasizing themes of self-care, responsibility, and the pursuit of knowledge without self-imposed limitations.

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Host Reflections and Conclusions

Kevin Allison skillfully ties the narratives together, emphasizing the power of storytelling as a means of resistance and connection. His reflections highlight the therapeutic nature of sharing one's story and the importance of creating spaces where vulnerable truths can be expressed without fear.

Notable Quotes:

• "Storytelling itself is an act of resistance to tyranny. It's also the sort of self-expression that helps you connect with community, helps you to connect with yourself." [49:00]
• "It's from stories that we build empathy and respect for those who are different from us and how we make sense of our own experience." [49:10]

Insights:

Kevin underscores the essence of RISK!—encouraging individuals to step out of their comfort zones and share their untold stories. By featuring Black women storytellers during Black History Month, the episode not only celebrates their voices but also advocates for a more inclusive and empathetic society.

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Conclusion

"All-Star Episode #3" of RISK! is a poignant exploration of Black experiences through humor, pain, and resilience. Jessica Williams and Tawny Newsom's stories, enriched by Aisha Tyler's compelling presence, offer listeners a window into lives marked by challenges and triumphs. The episode serves as a testament to the strength found in vulnerability and the transformative power of sharing one's true self.

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Additional Resources:

• RISK! Submissions: Have a daring true story? Pitch your submission at risk-show.com/submissions.
• Follow the Guests:
  • Jessica Williams: Instagram @MSJWillie
  • Tawny Newsom: Instagram @denuman
  • Aisha Tyler: Instagram @aishatyler
• Support RISK!: Join the community and support future episodes at patreon.com/risk.

Transcript

[Kevin Allison]

Hey folks, this is Kevin. On this week's episode of Risk, you'll hear Aisha Tyler.

[Jessica Williams]

You know you would drive these country roads and then neon crosses will just float out of the dark and they look as if they're on fire. Not good imagery for me as a black person burning crosses or even, you know, a facsimile of a burning cross. Nothing. Burning and cross together, just not good.

[Kevin Allison]

That and more. But first, this is yet another fantastic episode celebrating Black History Month this year that you're about to hear. If you have a story about being black while doing anything living, for example. For a lot of folks nowadays, staying alive is a hero's journey in and of itself. Anyway, we want to hear those stories, so pitch us at risk-show.com submissions.

[Tawny Newsom]

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[Jessica Williams]

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[Tawny Newsom]

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[Kevin Allison]

Will that be cash or credit?

[Tawny Newsom]

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[Kevin Allison]

You get [e-mail] compatible with select apps.

[Tawny Newsom]

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[Aisha Tyler]

Now let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions and a sesame seed bun of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink.

[Tawny Newsom]

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[Jessica Williams]

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[Tawny Newsom]

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[Jessica Williams]

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[Tawny Newsom]

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[Kevin Allison]

Now here's the hello folks. This is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison, and this is Earth, Wind and Fire with the song Shining Star behind me now, because we're calling this week's episode All Star episode number three. It's funny how this one came together. There's a story here you might have heard before by a slim chance, and two that you almost certainly haven't heard before unless you were in the audience when they were recorded. Anyway, at some point, putting together a third All Star episode, we realized they just happened to also be three black women. So we said, well, let's put that one in February for part of all this Black History Month programming we've been doing this year. In a little bit, we're going to hear from Tawny Newson and Aisha Tyler. But first, a story from Jessica Williams. You know her from the Daily Show. Dope Queens, Fantastic Beasts, Shrinking Intergalactic. This story was recorded many years ago, but was only available for pre purchase on itunes back when I don't think there even is itunes anymore. But anyway, here it is finally on the podcast, it's Jessica Williams with a story we call the Crunch.

[Aisha Tyler]

I live in New York now because I work on the Daily show, but before that I was living in California, which is where I was born and raised. So when I moved to New York, it's kind of the first instance of me becoming a full grown adult. So I've been trying to just in general go out more and like be social and like go to bars and clubs because, you know, YOLO and I'm young or whatever. I feel, I always feel obligated and I feel like that's what I'm supposed to be doing. But my sister was in town for her birthday and I was like, okay, like, my sister's in town. I need to show her New York City. I need to act like I go out all the time, which I don't because I hate going out. And my best friend also had moved to New York for a few months, so she was there and my sister were there. And they're both really good at going out. So they were like, all right, let's go to a couple bars. We'll paint the town red, we'll hang out. So my sister goes home early and I stopped having fun. Maybe at like 2am my best friend and I were at a bar in Williamsburg on the south side called the woods, and she Got roofied. I did not know that she got roofied. I just thought she was really hammered, so I thought it was really funny. I just thought she was done, like, slurring her words. She had rode a bike to the bar we were at, and when we got outside, she was like, okay, I'll ride my bike home. And she, like, started to try and get on the bike and was just, like, falling over, eating shit. And it was hilarious. And the bouncer was like, this big black guy that was like, yo, you better make sure she gets home. I was like, yeah, that's fine. I'll get her home. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to walk your bike, and I'm going to walk you back up to North 9th. I'm gonna just get you in bed, and then I'm gonna walk back to my place and go to sleep. So we're walking, and she's, like, turning left and turning right. Just. She's out of her mind. She's tripping and falling. I'm having to, like, hold her up and walk her bike. But again, because I think she's drunk. I think it's hilarious. And finally we get to her. Finally we get to her loft, and she, at the time, lived in this kind of hip, artsy loft that has one of those elevators that's a service elevator. And she's trying to, like. The door pops open, so she tries to, like, pull it down, and she's just pulling it, and it's pathetic. So I'm like, hold on. You're drunk. Mama's got to teach you a lesson. I know how to do this. So I reach and grab the outside of the elevator door, and I put all my body weight on it, and I pull it as hard as I can. And a second elevator door, the inside door, comes and just slams on my arm. I should have known, like, in retrospect, that every elevator has two doors. That's, like, the way that elevators work. And I just remember I had a Nixon watch that I used to wear all the time. It was, like, a metal watch that I really loved. And I remember it snapping and falling down the elevator shaft and just being like my watch. And then I, like, looked at my arm and saw that where my watch was, there was a gash and blood was squirting out. And I was like, okay, that doesn't look good. And I look at my best friend who's kind of, like, fumbling around. My first instinct was, I need to find an adult. And I was like, okay, well, we need to get to my apartment, My doorman. And she still didn't know what was going on. And I was still too afraid to tell her because I think for some reason I still wanted to take care of her. And I had no idea that my arm had snapped. So we walk three blocks from her apartment to my apartment, which was stupid. And I go to my doorman. He's like, oh, my. Oh, my God. What? What happened? And I was like, an elevator door closed on my arm. And I think my friends really hammered. So he's like, you need to go to a doctor. We need to call the ambulance. And I was like, wait, hold on. Don't call the ambulance yet. And he was like, why? I was like, I need to call my dad and make sure we have health insurance. So I called my dad, who was sleeping in California, and I was like, hey, dad. So I hurt my arm real bad. I think I need a couple of stitches. No big deal. Do you think I can call the ambulance? And he was like, girl, hang up this damn phone and call the ambulance. You know, you have health insurance. Don't you ever call me for something like that again. Call the ambulance and then call me back. What is the matter with you? I hung up the phone. I was like, hey, so I guess we can call the ambulance. Let's get that going. And I just thought I needed a couple stitches anyway at this point. So he takes my best friend upstairs, puts her in my apartment and calls the ambulance. And they're there in, like, 10 minutes. This black lady comes, and she's got this weird, nonchalant attitude. And I'm like, okay, this makes me feel a little better because that means this isn't an emergency. When she puts me into the ambulance, she's like, all right, what's wrong with you? And I was like, well, I don't know. My hand's bleeding. She's like, all right, what hospital do you want to go to? And I'm like, well, I don't know. Like, I'm from la. I don't know any of the hospitals. She taps the driver, and she's like, take her to Bellevue. I was like, oh, okay. I had no idea what Bellevue Hospital was. And as we're going to the hospital, she's, like, looking at me, but she's starting to fall asleep. Her eyes are, like, sort of half closed, but she's looking at me. She's like, yo, you all right? I was like, sort of, but, like, can you ask me questions and make me feel calm? And she ended up falling asleep on the way to the hospital. Finally I get out, I'm bleeding everywhere. My arm's starting to swell. The adrenaline that was coursing through my veins is starting to wane a bit. So I'm starting to feel everything. And this lady that drove me there is like, casually talking to this guy, trying to book me into the computer system. But they're talking about, like, black people and how their predisposition to play basketball really well.

[Jessica Williams]

And.

[Aisha Tyler]

And they started to talk about the nicks, which is insane because I'm bleeding everywhere with what was a broken arm. After, like 10 minutes when they were flirting with each other. And I was like, hey, guys, this hurts and I'm bleeding and I'm here by myself. Can you guys take care of me in a professional way? And the lady was like, I could do two things at once. I don't need to be just talking about you in order to do my job. And I was like, oh, my God. So I wait for two hours in the emergency waiting room. Nobody else is there because it's five in the morning. They take me in for X rays. Everybody's got a shitty, fucked up attitude because nobody wants to be working at 5am Finally, I'm sleeping, like, in a chair. A doctor comes out and is like, hey, so you definitely have an open compound fracture. Your bones going through your skin. We need to have surgery right now in the next 10 minutes. They're prepping you. And also because it's infected, you have to stay for two days. I was like, what? Wait a minute, huh? Right after they told me that, they're starting to take off my clothes, put an IV in my arm. They're prepping me for surgery. And then at this point, that's when I start crying because I get really scared. I've never had surgery before. I hate this hospital. Everyone's super mean and rude. They're starting to give me IVs and poke and prod me. And so I start crying and I'm like, okay, well, my older sister's in town. I need to call my sister. I'm not going into surgery without my sister and snotting all over myself. I was really focused on taking care of my friend. I have this very weird and always have had this very weird, like, warrior mentality where I'm like, I have to save the people. That's like, something that I'm working on with my therapist because I feel like that particular experience triggered, like, me to think about myself and be like, oh, my God. I have like, this weird need to be responsible. For some reason, that doesn't really benefit me. So like Jessica, clean it up.

[Tawny Newsom]

We'll be right back.

[Aisha Tyler]

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[Tawny Newsom]

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[Aisha Tyler]

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[Tawny Newsom]

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[Kevin Allison]

Folks, I want to introduce you to a new podcast called Campus Files, a weekly series that dives into some of the wildest scandals that have taken place within American colleges and universities. While often hailed as a beacon of integrity and excellence, sometimes those lofty ideals of college life are just a distraction from an absurd reality. From rigged admissions to sports scandals to Greek life drama, Campus Files exposes the stories you won't hear on the campus tours. Listen to and follow Campus Files, an Odyssey Original podcast, available now on the free Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts.

[Tawny Newsom]

Did you know that parents rank financial literacy as the number one most difficult life skill to teach? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app for families. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores automate allowance, and keep an eye on your kids spending with real time notifications, kids learn to earn, save and spend wisely. And parents can rest easy knowing their kids are learning about money. With guardrails in place. Try Greenlight Risk free [e-mail] Spotify Ryan.

[Jessica Williams]

Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a.

[Tawny Newsom]

Message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] we're back.

[Kevin Allison]

This is Risk. This is Lester Young, Nat King Cole and Buddy Richard behind me now with I Want to Be Happy. There's a lot to be unhappy about right now, but activism and making your voice heard can be joyous. It's very important to remember that in all the great backlashes in history against those who value things like money more than people. So much of the backlashing was filled with joy and laughter and was a party. So, you know, we're not gonna go down without a fight. And we can have fun with it all, too. I think there were a couple of months there where a lot of us were just shell shocked and demoralized and all. Let's remember how uplifting a rising tide can be. You know, when we come together on this show, we are all about making sure people are heard. Now you just heard from Jessica Williams, who you can find on Instagram @MSJ. Willie, folks, there's a new bonus story from Jessica Delfino [e-mail] risk and we recently got this lovely message from one of our Patreon members named Jeanette, who wrote, I am so inspired by everyone on this team. I have inhaled episode after episode sometimes brought to my knees by the intensity and vulnerability of the stories. It's a big hit to my current budget, but I need the connection. It's an investment in my mental health. Oh, I'll tell you, I can't express how grateful I am for that, Jeanette. You know, for my own personal attempt to manage my own shrinking budget. I'm planning on moving to Thailand this year and I'm immersed in all of these plans on how to spend less and save more. But if risk got to the point financially where we didn't think we could scrape by anymore and had to throw in the towel, I too would so miss how the stories help me process life and find moral support amongst good hearted people. So if you're not a Patreon member, join us over there to help keep risk [e-mail] risk and if you are a Patreon member and can afford to raise your donation amount, please do. Now, in a little bit, we're going to hear from Aisha Tyler of Ghost Whisperer, Criminal Minds, the Santa Claus and Archer. But before Aisha, we're going to hear from Tawny Newsom from Bajillion Dollar Properties, Space Force, Brockmire. Yo, is this racist? And our own John La Sala is especially a fan of her work on Star Trek Lower Decks. So without further ado, here is Tawny Newsom. Now, this story used to be called Next Time Fly with an exclamation mark. But last week, the current president's administration did what they could to make flying more dangerous. So maybe we should actually put a question mark behind it. As in next time Fly.

[Jessica Williams]

Hello.

[Tawny Newsom]

So I'm flying back from Rome. It's June of 2015. It's 10 days after the Leonardo da Vinci International airport in Rome caught fire. I'm alone on my Air Canada flight. My family's not with me. They were in Rome with me, but I was heading to Connecticut to see a friend's baby. They said that the flight would be bumpy and it is. And also this plane feels like crazy for some reason. It's like rattly. It's too big, my hands are all shaky, the seats have no cushion. It feels like nervous and empty. And to be fair, it was literally kind of empty. So much so that after we boarded, they redistributed us to new seats, you know, for airplane balance. That practice always terrifies me. Like how can where my 160 pound ass sit matter so much to like this aviation fucking magic. So it's also now when I should tell you that I have like a 20 year long flying phobia. It's not going to change. I drink. It sort of helps. It doesn't really help. Don't worry about it. So while I'm on this empty flight, I think back to this empty boat. I like boats, but I was afraid on this boat mainly because it was like very dark. Oh, and I was in the middle of the Mediterranean with like a hundred Italian truck drivers. I'm going to go back to that. So I'm on this flight and this flight is not dark, it's light. It's actually very beautiful out. This should have been lovely. Even though it was rattly. We're flying west in the afternoon. We're like on the heels of the sun, chasing daylight, ready to land with more time than when we took off. It should feel like a gift. Okay, there's three things that I remember about this flight in vivid detail, none of which are scary. I know if you're listening to the podcast, you're probably like, oh fuck, is she gonna talk about a scary plane thing? Cause you're probably on a plane while you're listening to the podcast. Everything's fine. You don't have to skip my story. The first thing I remember, I was trying out this like new cool method a therapist had taught me where as soon as I get on a plane, I tell a flight attendant, hey, super normal, non crazy person, I have a flying phobia. Sometimes it works. Sometimes they give me like a sympathetic squeeze of the arm or they give me like reassuring plane flight statistics, or sometimes they just look at me blankly and then bring me Extra vodka. I'll accept anything. This time, the sweet Canadian air hostess, she, like, opened her little pink lipstick mouth and said, oh, well, you know, your friend here, she gets scared, too, and gestures to this tiny Chinese woman sitting behind me. I have a scared buddy number two. Midway through the flight, when they serve the meal, my scared buddy beckons over our pink lipstick attendant, who, with a furrowed brow, looking very serious, says, oh, are you all right? Is anything the matter? To which scared buddy responds, yes, something's the matter. You've run out of Mac and cheese. I decide then and there that this woman is a fraud. I'm sitting here, like, white, knuckling the seat, you know, thinking over past transgressions, wondering if I've been a good daughter. This bitch is worried about Mac and cheese. No, no, no. You are no longer my scared sky buddy. And right then and there, I rip up the fear buddy partnership document that I had drafted in my mind, and I dissolved our scared sky partnership. Third thing that happened, the pilot announces this incredibly rare, very rare sighting of Greenland. Like, completely clear. I'm talking no clouds, no mist, no humidity, which apparently is, I'm told, very important because it enhances the depth of view. It sort of crystallizes the gargantuan peaks and vast rivers of ice. I say that I'm told this because when he announced this, all 68 passengers in this 250 person jet jump out of their seats, run to the right side of the plane, right? I panic. Okay, all right, Now, I'm not a scientist. I don't understand, like, in air fucking gravity, I don't know. But I admit that when all those 68 people ran their fat asses to the right side, I took my fat ass to the left side of the plane, all right? It didn't matter. So this French Canadian woman sees that I'm scared. I'm, like, trembling over on the seat that is not mine, while everyone else is oohing and ahhing over Greenland. And she comes over to me. She's wearing, like, this sweater that defies logic because it contains every color in the known universe. And she says, oh so sweetly, she goes, you're sure you don't want to take a look? We're very lucky. You may never again get the chance to see it like this. Fuck that. I didn't move, okay, So I gotta get back to this boat. So three weeks prior, talking about how I got to Rome, it was following, like, a few weeks of backpacking alone, this crazy practice that I do a lot. I was supposed to meet my husband, my dad and my stepmom in Rome for a family vacation. I'm working my way from Lisbon down to Barcelona. I don't really have like an exact route for how I'm going to get to Rome. I just know I have to be there in two days. Maybe I'll fly. So I leave the Algarve region of Portugal one warm gray morning. I'm like standing in the bus terminal. I select this express bus to Seville. I buy this indeterminate roll of white sweet bread and a strong slug of espresso. And when I climb in my bus seat, I'm just like, man, I love traveling this way. I love going overland. I love the slow route. It's better for me than taking like a three hour white knuckle flight. So I decide to get from Barcelona to Rome. I'm going to take a ferry. Yes, because this ferry, the Grimaldi Express, had been lurking in my browser history ever since I discovered it on a backpackers forum. Now, this ferry, I was expecting, like, no frills, right? It's a ferry. But then I go to the website. Ooh la la. Excuse me, there are many frills. Oh yes, it is. Frills galore. There's a bar, there's a full size restaurant, a cafe, a swimming pool. I'm scrolling through all of this on the bus and I'm like, what, a nightclub, a casino, Wi Fi throughout. Sign me up. All for less than €50. That's going to take care of my accommodation for the night. It's 20 hours long, right? It's going to get me there. This is cheaper than flying. I won't be scared. And I can be drunk in a weird nightclub in the middle of the sea instead of scared on a plane. Done. I select my seat, I pay for my four person bunk. It's like a little dorm cabin bunk. And I just settle back into my bus seat and I'm dreaming, like, oh, I'm gonna be on the sea. It's gonna be like cool Titanic times. I'm gonna make so many friends dreaming what rihanna songs from 5 years ago I'll dance to. I get to the port in Barcelona and I know something is wrong instantly. First, I can't find the boat. My friend Cristina, an expat living in Spain, had taken me out for bon voyage cocktails right near the port, claiming, oh yeah, girl, like, all the cruise lines, they leave from the same spot. Yeah, okay, girl, not the Grimaldi Express. You know why? Because that shit's not a cruise. No I ran for like a mile trying to find this thing. And it's nestled in, like, all the cargo ships and weird, like, oil tankers. It looks like season two of the wire out there. And because it's a ferry and not a cruise ship, I notice they're loading on huge semi trucks, like, into the not regular passenger autos trucks. And then I see the 10 men or 20 men who knows that belong to these semi trucks just standing around in stained T shirts. As my friend Christina hugs me goodbye, one of the men shouts something in our direction. And I don't speak Italian, but generally I know what you know. Look at that ass sounds like in every language. Okay, so I'm on the boat, right? And guess what? It's weird. It's empty. My cabin, my four person little dorm bunk is empty. I have this thing all to myself. Oh, lucky me, right? I decide, okay, I'm gonna go check out the bar. That's where I'll find friends. I glance down at my outfit. It's like, fine. It's like, weird grungy traveler outfit. But I'm like. I want to make a good impression. So I, like, push up the sleeves to my thermal. I put on a weird long necklace. This is a practice my friend Lil and I call jewelrying up some bullshit. So I step out onto the deck and we're just. We're pulling out of the harbor. I find the bar, and the only people sitting at the bar are what look like those same 10 or 20 portly Italian men who had cat called me. Yeah, fuck that. All right, so I'm gonna go inside, right? I'm gonna look for the casino inside instead. Oh, it'll be so silly and tacky. Won't it be funny? I can just drink and play a dumb game. No, I find the casino. There's three weathered men engulfed in cigarette smoke staring at me through the door. Their eyes, like, never leave my body. I pull down my sweater sleeves. No forearms for you. Okay, all right, well, whatever. Where's this cheesy nightclub that I was so excited about? Yeah, I find it. It's called, like, dreams or something stupid. And it's shuttered. It's got a huge, like, cobwebbed chain fucking thing on the door. Like a haunted mansion in Scooby Doo. There's one super greasy old man standing out in front of it who asks me, what room are you in? Yeah, okay. At this point, I'm like, running around the ship. I'm kind of, like, frantic. I'm like, trying to look fun. But I'm really just like. My eyes are searching for anyone who. Who's like, oh, I don't know, a woman. The carpeted hallway is rushing past me. It's super, like, paisley and 80s and garish. I find another bar. This one has windows. Okay, a bar with window. I'll just sit here. I can drink anywhere else. And then I'll drink. I'll watch the water go by. Of course, it's 10pm at night, and it's completely black outside. Just thick, velvet black. The kind of black that, like, judges you, makes you think about your bizarre travel choices. So the bartender approaches me. He's got this lascivious smile. My stomach lurches just like it does on a plane. I'm, like, trapped. I feel all tight. I'm mad at myself, too. I'm supposed to like boats. Why did this go so wrong? He asked me for my passport, and he kind of is, like, toying with it. And he doesn't want to give it back to me. He asks me, what are you doing on this boat alone? It at once felt like a warning and also like a scold. And I don't like either thing. Cause I'm an only child and I got plenty of both. So I hightail it out of there. I run back to my room. Somehow it's gotten, like, late. It's like 3am late. So by now I'm, like, stepping over snoring truck drivers in the hallway who didn't want to splurge for sleeper cabins. And because of these sleeping dudes in the hallway, I'm like, full. I'm like Jennifer Lopez in Enough. I'm like, I gotta take this weird zigzag route back to my room. So none of them follow me, right? I get back to my room, and it's not much better. Like, there's a weird banging noise coming from the room next door. I can't tell if it's, like, an open door or someone actually banging. I think, oh, my God, someone's gonna burst through this door. How does this lock even work? I'm hearing all this water rushing. I actually took out a journal and started writing. Here is an excerpt from my fear journal. It's 4:46am okay, by the way, this is all written in, like, extreme serial killer handwriting. It's 4:46am I'm hesitant to look out my window. I can hear rushing water. Yeah, bitch. You want a boat? Okay. I know the water's fine, but, like, these are the things that make me nervous. Why? Why am I Nervous? Do I think that we have been slowly sinking and now my window is gonna burst in and I'll be trapped here, unable to lock my door and get out, because that is. Stop thinking that. So it goes on like that for a bit. At the bottom, in all caps, it just says, next time, fly. I spent that night alternating between sleeplessly wandering around the boat until I got too scared and then barricading myself in my room until that made me too scared, jumping at every lurch and creak of the ship or being startled by snoring dudes in the hall at sunrise. Something about the light. It made me finally relax. My stomach loosened, and I just crashed headfirst on my thinly blanketed bed into an exhausted sleep pile. 45 minutes later, a knock at my door jolts me awake. Yes, I fear shout. You know that? Fear shout? Yes. Are you trying to sound powerful? I hear a man's voice. Maybe it was the bartender from last night. No, that's crazy. Hey. Hey. It's breakfast. You coming to breakfast? I'm like, how does he know my room? No, I fear shout. I'm sleeping. You sure? He's, like, hesitating. I can hear him breathing. I can tell he's still at the door. I'm, like, sufficiently freaked out at this point. Are you sure? Come on. We're lucky it's French toast. No, I said again, this time much more forcefully. I hear him kind of laughing with someone else. It's like that itchy, mocking laugh. Maybe he's laughing with the nightclub guy, the guy who asked me what room I'm in. I'm recognizing both of these voices. I can't tell. I'm freaked out. They finally disappear down the hall. When we get to the dock in Sidovecchia, I am so relieved to be getting off this fucking boat. I head down the ramp. I'm, like, jostling shoulder to shoulder with all the truckers trying to get to their rigs quickly. I've wrapped my head and shoulders in my infinity scarf because even though it's May in coastal Italy, I'm shivering, probably just from nerves. My feet hit the wooden dock and I hoist my backpack up on my shoulders. I'm just feeling lighter. Everything's feeling better as I head towards the train that'll take me to Rome. Stop. Prego. A man holds up a port authority badge in my face and pulls me aside. I was so close. He pulls me away from the crowd. He's, like, tall, with this mean, tough face that says, don't fuck with Me. And somehow he multiplies into three other Tall, mean, mean, don't fuck with me, dude. Smirking at me as he barks Passoporte. So, okay, so I fish it out. I'm super nervous. And as he scrutinizes it, they pass it around, they confer in Italian. They aren't satisfied with it. Americano. Where in America you live? I'm, like, Chicago. More nervous. Actually, less nervous. I'm less nervous than I am starting to get kind of mad. I'm getting this, like, familiar, weird racism feeling, because I can tell they don't believe that I'm American. It's like that feeling I get when I'm, like, in LA and I get followed around a Korean grocery store or when I went to go buy an engagement ring. And, like, no one would help me. So I say more forcefully, I say, you know, I came from Barcelona. I'm meeting family in Rome. This does not keep them from grilling me in their tense English. Where do you live? Where did you board? Which boat were you on? What did you have for breakfast? What? You didn't have breakfast? Don't you know it was French toast? Why are you such a dumb bitch? Traveling alone like a prostitute? Okay, they didn't say that, but it felt like it. I'm trying to answer them, but they're, like, circling me. They're talking to each other about me. They seem to be in a disagreement. One of them gestures to my scarf, which I'm still wearing around my head, and I instantly know what's happening. So 2015 was the year that over 1 million Syrian and northern African refugees fled to Europe by sea. They risked their lives crossing the Mediterranean in these, like, makeshift boats, sometimes landing in Sardinia first, where our ferry had made a pit stop. That year, Italy alone saw over 150,000 immigrants arrive that way. And their ports were on, like, high alert, especially for anyone who looked like me. Brown. Also very disheveled and confused and disoriented. Because I had, like, a night of crazy wandering sleeplessness, I mentally scanned back over the last 20 hours. Is this what the bartender thought? That I was some stowaway? The man who asked what room I was in, was he a security guard? Could I have mistaken? Did I think it was, like, creepiness, when really it was some bizarre maritime Homeland security? Right. Then I remember, oh, I have a translation app. I know. I'll set the record straight. I have never felt more American in my life and more privileged. Then when I pulled out my iPhone and these Port Authority douches burst into laughter. One of them threw up his hands in the air like he had won a bet and exclaimed loudly, again, I don't speak Italian. But if I had to guess, it was something like, yo, this bitch got an iPhone. I told you she was American. Let her go. When I finally got to Rome, it's super late. My parents aren't waiting for me at the apartment. I have a message from my stepmom that just says, stuck in Frankfurt. Fire at the Realm Airport. You're lucky you didn't fly. A quick epilogue. A few weeks ago, I was biting off all my cuticles. I was on a flight from Reykjavik to Los Angeles when my husband comes back from the bathroom, and he casually just says, hey, did you know you can see Greenland over here? Before he could finish his sentence, I jumped up and I ran to the right side of the plane. Thank you guys so much. I'm Tawny Newsom, a fly girl.

[Aisha Tyler]

A fly girl, a fly girl. A fly girl.

[Jessica Williams]

When I was a very young comedian, I got the opportunity to go on a on a college tour, which sounds much sexier than it is. It seems as if you'll be performing in theaters in front of eager, fresh young faces. That is not what it was at all. It was in The Lounges of DeVry Institute buildings and on cafeteria tables at lunchtime, when no one knew why, there was a large black woman screaming at the top of her lungs, interfering with the enjoyment of their tater tots and macaroni and cheese. And it was just punishing. It was punishing and awful. A part of the show was we would all perform for 10 minutes apiece. There were three of us, and then there was a game show. And that was a part of the draw was that people would come and they could play a game and they could win money. The game was that they had to make it for one minute on stage with us without laughing, which, amazingly, they were all very good at. So we would get out there, we would kind of do our level best. We were young and very rickety, and there were three of us. It was me, a young Filipino comedian, and a white guy, and we were kind of, especially in the South, a racist starter kit. And we didn't not get along, but we didn't really get along. And I don't really think you can get along when you're riding around the country doing shitty college shows in a van. You hate yourself and you hate everybody else, and you're hungry and you're poor, and you would think that would drive you together but it just. There was just like this low simmering rage the whole time, coupled with sexual frustration. Just everybody wanting to get laid and not really knowing how to go about that. In my head. We were gonna be performing in front of these fresh, young, smart, kind of engaged kids. And for one of the other guys on the tour, he thought he was just gonna be fucking college pussy the whole time. Like, just college pussy falling out of the sky. And that I was gonna wing for him, which I was not interested in doing. I was the worst wing woman ever. Run up to girls and go, like, my friend likes you. Run, run. What can you do to get out of this? Is there a back way out? Is there a window? Disappear now and never come back. Move to another country. It was so not fun. And then when we got to the South, I'm sorry, people in the south, we were, I think, rightfully terrified. Rightfully terrified because we would be driving these back roads at night in this van and, you know, with a black woman and then an Asian guy who.

[Tawny Newsom]

Looked a little black.

[Jessica Williams]

I mean, he could have. What are you, boy? And then the white guy who had an Afro. And so he could have been anything, really. You know, you would drive these country roads, and then neon crosses will just float out of the dark and they look as if they're on fire. Not. Not good imagery for me as a black person. Burning crosses, or even, you know, a facsimile of a burning cross. Nothing. Burning and cross together, just not good. And we were just kind of. There was always like a low level, like, terror. Like we were literally afraid for our lives. You know, there was a lot of murky apocrypha about the South. Some of it based on real. Some of it our own, you know, heightened sense of unknowing. But we were terrified. We spent a good portion of this thing just afraid for our lives. And when we got to the south, we were booked in a lot of different colleges, but there were a surfeit of Christian schools that we were performing at. Why anyone thought it was a good idea to send comedians to Christian schools, I have no idea. Because the very nature of comedy is that you are hell bent on offending somebody and hopefully everybody at some point. I mean, my goal is to offend everyone. If I had not offended someone, I did not do my job. The general rules would be, you know, obviously not to curse, no sexual innuendo. But as you got deeper and deeper into the holler, no dancing, no talking about dancing. I mean, we were apparently performing at Footloose University this Is not a joke. We had a school where we were not allowed to dance, talk about dancing, say the word dance, or do anything that could have been interpreted as dancing. That pretty much wiped out all of my material. And I was a baby comic. I only had 10 minutes. I mean, I was really. I was milking all of my comedic powers to get to 10 minutes. At this point, it involved three minutes of vamping and one minute of silence, staring at the audience, trying to remember who I was and where I was at the time. So generally, these shows went terribly. We would resort to kind of asking the kids, like, what do people make fun of here? The best was this one very fresh face college, where we would say, well, like, what do people mean? You know, how's the food? Because that was. You could always go to making fun of the cafeteria food, but the food here is lovely. We love our food. We love our school. We love God, we like long skirts, and then there's nowhere to go. You know, you. We. We would just kind of muddle through this first part of the show, sometimes dump it all together, and just go straight to the contest and try to break the kids down with various psychological tools at our disposal, including, for one of us, a striptease that he would only perform on men, which always worked at the Christian schools, because, you know, I mean, he was. It was implied homosexuality. So he would get men up there, and he would give them a lap dance, and they would inevitably collapse in a puddle, half of them because they feared that we were tainting their salvation, and the other half because they were gay and in the closet. So he pretty much had a foolproof method for winning the game. I would engage in all kinds of, like, you know, stereotypical black characters, Old grandma, hey, baby, come over here. You know, just. I mean, the worst. The worst in me. The worst in me came out because desperation brings out the worst in a person. Person. But we went to this one particular school, and we had this very kind of officious school administrator in a. In a suit. And I vividly remember this, and I remember very little vividly, but a. A Disney tie. He had a tie with Disney characters on it. And he liked wholesome things, and he was wholesome through and through, but he was an asshole. And he was like, if you people break these rules, we will not pay you. We will not feed you. We will not give you a hotel room. You had better not break these rules. We will run you out of town on a rail.

[Tawny Newsom]

Literally.

[Jessica Williams]

He meant it on a rail. I don't even Know what? I don't even know what that means, but I'm sure it's akin to tarring and feathering. We knew something bad was going to happen. I was paralyzed with fear. One of the other people on the show was incredibly undisciplined. Never followed the rules, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Just had complete lack of control over his own mouth and was always getting us into trouble. So we knew we were not gonna be getting any food. We knew we were gonna be sleeping in the van. I was already just gearing up for curling up on the cold floor of this metallic van next to, you know, all the empty Coke cans and broken dreams. And we get up there and interestingly enough, like, our road manager was also the comedian.

[Tawny Newsom]

He.

[Jessica Williams]

He was really good. He was like the sweet guy, and his comedy's kind of right at the middle, and he could always deliver a joke, and it wasn't. He was sweet, and he never. He never failed. The other guy was on his best behavior, and they didn't like him, but he didn't really blow it. You know, they hated him. And, you know, he was clearly a manifestation of the devil and brought there to seduce them, but they just tolerated him. But I went out there and I was so paralyzed with fear. And I remember vividly the guy said, you can't use the Lord's name in vain. And I went out and I did a joke, and it didn't work. And I went out, I did another joke, and it didn't work. And then I said, oh, my God. And I realized at that moment I had blown it. And then what followed was the most explosive series of Tourette's of the most wholesome kind of Tourette's. I just said, oh, my God a thousand times. Like, I had a hiccup or a palsy, just, oh, my. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I must have said God a thousand times. And I was kind of melting and folding into myself like a black hole, like a singularity in space. Like, how can I just fold up as I say oh, my God over and over again? And their faces just morph into those demon faces from the devil's Advocate, you know what I mean? Where they're just like, this person is here to ruin us, here to suck us into hell. And they were yelling and they were. And get off the stage and you're evil and we hate you, and, you know. And I don't even think we finished the show. I think we fled. I Think we just. We fled. And then a couple of them came up to us after the show and said, look, we're really sorry for the behavior of our fellow students. We don't think that was very nice. They weren't kind to you, that wasn't Christian, and we would love to take you out to dinner. And that was great because we weren't being paid for the show. We were starving. So we went to a Subway sandwich shop and we had Subway sandwiches. And we're like, oh, God, these kids are so normal and they're so nice and they're being so kind. And then, of course, what happened was that they had commenced the process of conversion, you know, and they were lovely and they were reasonable kids. They didn't realize that they were barking up the wrong tree. But I will say that we had this really wonderful conversation about the concept of an absolute religion. Like, the idea that, like, my version of Christianity is the only Christianity that will get you into heaven. And the other churches were all evil and manifestations of the Satan. And I was like, well, what happens to, like, an Eskimo or a dude in the Brazilian brain force who never gets to have an opportunity to hear your particular version of things? Is that guy just born to die and go to hell? And they were like, pretty much, yeah. And I was like, man, you guys are dicks. And then, you know, we ate our Subway sandwiches. And actually, it was all very civilized. And it was nice to see that kind of ingenuousness, that kind of like, we won and we're gonna rock it up to the clouds and everybody else is pretty much fucked. And isn't it awesome being us? I thought it must be nice to live your life that way. To know with certainty that despite the fact that three colored comedians, well, two colored comedians and a guy who's practically colored because he's got curly hair, have come in and tried to obtain your salvation. You were impervious to their powers and you've done your part and you handed out some nice coloring books on the will of God and you're gonna make it into the eternal hereafter, and your path to salvation is saved. I think that must be a nice way to live your life. It must feel good. Must feel really good. In. Inside. On the inside of me. I'm roiled with self doubt and I want to eat bacon. Satan probably wants me to eat bacon. He's going to win.

[Kevin Allison]

This is Risk. This is Nina Simone remixed by Sophie Tucker behind me now. And we just heard from Aisha Tyler, who you can find on Instagram aishatyler. And before that, a story from Tawny Newsom, who you can find on Instagram denuman. Folks, I'm leading a workshop at the famous Omega institute in Rhinebeck, New York, from June 13 to June 15 called Storytelling for LGBTQ Pride. Storytelling itself is an act of resistance to tyranny. It's also the sort of self expression that helps you connect with community, helps you to connect with yourself. It's from stories that we build empathy and respect for those who are different from us and how we make sense of our own experience. It's fascinating and therapeutic, and most of all, it's fun. It's really. It lights you up when you've got a story that's clicking and. And you're really feeling like, yes, this is. This is how I felt. So come on out. Look up Storytelling for lgbtq [e-mail] now, on Thursday, we're going to revisit the Best of Black Lives. One that is an unforgettable and inspiring episode. We first ran that one in the wake of George Floyd's murder in 2020, but that will be on Thursday. And, folks, today's the day. Take a risk in a man.