Bad Decisions, Good Stories

Summary

RISK! Podcast Episode Summary: “Bad Decisions, Good Stories”

Released June 24, 2025

Introduction

In this captivating episode of RISK!, host Kevin Allison delves into the theme of "Bad Decisions, Good Stories," showcasing true, raw, and transformative experiences shared by his guests. The episode features two poignant narratives from Tata Sharice and Max Langert, both navigating tumultuous periods in their lives that led to profound personal growth. Allison intertwines these stories with his own humorous anecdote, crafting a rich tapestry of human resilience and the impact of making risky choices.

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Tata Sharice: “Boost Mode” [03:58 – 18:12]

Tata Sharice opens the episode with a deeply personal story titled “Boost Mode,” recounting her troubled adolescence marked by familial instability and the onset of problematic behavior. At 15, Tata found herself grappling with the absence of her father, who was incarcerated, and her mother's struggle with addiction. These challenges forced Tata into a life marked by frequent relocations and economic hardship, starkly contrasting her earlier childhood of relative comfort.

Her descent into shoplifting began innocently enough, with small items like M&M's and a Pepsi from CVS. “When I was in the store, walking around, I remember walking in feeling nervous, sweating, and my heart was beating a little fast, palms really sweaty,” Tata reflects [08:45]. This initial act of theft, done without necessity, soon spiraled into a habitual behavior, escalating from minor thefts to more significant items like a prepaid cell phone.

Tata’s narrative takes a turning point when her stealing habit leads to a harrowing encounter with law enforcement. “There are sirens outside. There were cops, like five, six cop cars pulling up,” she describes [14:30]. The ensuing chaos at her aunt’s home and the subsequent disciplinary measures imposed by her grandmother mark a pivotal moment. Her grandmother’s tough love and heartfelt advice, “Never obsess over what someone else has. Never be jealous of what someone else has or what they're doing because you don't know how they got it. And always be grateful for what you have because someone always has it worse” [17:45], resonate deeply with Tata. This wisdom becomes the cornerstone of her transformation, steering her away from theft and towards a life of gratitude and purpose.

Notable Quotes:

• “I went from having everything to, you know, hand me downs and goodwill and stuff.” [07:10]
• “I didn't steal for a very long time. I was like, oh, no, this is middle school. I'm like, I'm never stealing again.” [15:00]
• “Never obsess over what someone else has... And always be grateful for what you have because someone always has it worse.” [17:45]

Max Langert: “Best New Face” [22:32 – 42:54]

Max Langert’s story, “Best New Face,” transports listeners into the high-stakes world of Hollywood through the lens of his own ambitious yet tumultuous journey. Fresh out of college, Max’s passion for the entertainment industry led him to seize an opportunity to become an assistant for a man named Oscar, a member of a prominent Hollywood family. Max’s enthusiasm is palpable as he recounts his immediate immersion into the chaotic and caffeine-fueled environment: “I made a pot. He had half, I had half. Then I made another and another and another” [28:10].

Max’s experience is a rollercoaster of ambition, overwork, and blurred professional boundaries. Early into his tenure, Oscar sets strict professional boundaries by addressing Max in an unorthodox manner: “Oscar walks in in his boxers and sits on the edge of my mattress... It has to be 100% professional” [29:54]. This unusual encounter underscores the complexities and power dynamics within the entertainment industry.

As the story progresses, Max details the relentless pace and mounting stress, amplified by Oscar’s erratic behavior and unrealistic expectations. “He was punching the air like a prizefighter, ready to bound on stage,” Max describes during a disastrous comedy gig with a surprise guest appearance by Jerry Seinfeld [39:20]. The climax of Max’s narrative arrives when Oscar’s volatility and the unsustainable work environment push him to his breaking point. Faced with a morally and emotionally taxing situation, Max makes the decisive move to quit, leading to prolonged repercussions including nightmares and the eventual tragic demise of Oscar.

Max reflects on the lessons learned from his ordeal: “I learned a lot about the industry, about business in general, about the benefits of caffeine consumption” [40:30]. Despite the hardships, Max finds solace in his continued passion for playwriting and highlights the importance of surrounding himself with supportive and genuine people.

Notable Quotes:

• “I jumped into action... I put on the only good shirt I had from my job waiting tables.” [25:05]
• “I'm a rock, I remind myself.” [29:54]
• “It's not the perfect Hollywood ending, but it makes me feel good.” [42:20]

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Kevin Allison’s Anecdote [42:54 – 45:10]

In a humorous twist, Kevin Allison shares a brief yet amusing story paralleling Max’s experience. He recounts an interview for a personal assistant position with none other than Tim Robbins from The Shawshank Redemption. Allison humorously contrasts his own experience with Max’s, highlighting the unpredictability and often absurd nature of job interviews in high-profile settings. “After I left that interview, I know he very rightfully thought to himself, I'm not gonna hire that guy,” Kevin jokes [43:00], adding levity to the otherwise intense narratives shared earlier.

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Conclusion

Kevin Allison wraps up the episode by reflecting on the intertwined nature of the stories presented, emphasizing themes of resilience, personal growth, and the profound impact of making and overcoming bad decisions. He also promotes upcoming online storytelling workshops and encourages listeners to engage with the RISK! community through various platforms.

Closing Remarks:

• “It was kind of last minute that I decided to offer two more online storytelling workshops...” [44:00]
• “But that's Wednesday. And folks, today's the day. Take a risk.” [45:00]

This episode of RISK! masterfully balances humor and heartache, offering listeners an engaging exploration of how our most regrettable decisions can lead to some of our most compelling and transformative stories.

Transcript

[Kevin Allison]

Hey folks, this is Kevin. On this week's episode of Risk, you'll hear Max Langert.

[Oscar]

Oscar walks in in his boxers and sits on the edge of my mattress and he wants me to know that he doesn't want us to get too close. It has to be 100% professional. I looked at him there in his underwear. Professional. Got it.

[Kevin Allison]

That and more. But first, I'm putting together two new online storytelling workshops, one starting in July, one starting in August. And the folks just finished the first of these workshops I taught this summer are raving about it. I know some are considering possibly taking the workshop a second time this summer. So if you want to learn how you can get in on one of these, email me at kevinrisk-show.com we'll be right back.

[Tata Sharice]

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[Kevin Allison]

Sam hello folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison, this is Les Baxter behind me now, and we're calling this week's episode Bad Decisions, Good Stories. Hey folks, there are estimates that there might have been as many as 6 million people out in the streets for the no Kings marches on June 14th. That is a phenomenal sign. The movement is growing. And don't forget that nosmallact.com is a great place to go to get connected to all kinds of different opportunities to be a part of the movement to save democracy. A Risk fan named Paula works over [e-mail] and she shared with me how no Small act helps people connect. It will literally help you meet people in and around your community and give you all kinds of help in staying active in whatever ways work best for you. So be sure to check that out now. In a little bit we're going to hear from Max Langert, but before that, a story from Tata Shareese, who is now a Risk regular. She has told hilarious stories for us and scary stories for us, and this one I found especially poignant. Here's Tata now with a story we call Boost Mode.

[Tata Sharice]

Am I a criminal? Am I just like my parents? What is my grandmother gonna think? These were the questions that were going through my mind as I was handcuffed to a bench, a metal bench in a cold brick room. I was 15 years old when I saw my future flash before my eyes. I didn't grow up with much, you know, very, very, very humble beginnings. In fact, my life changed rather quickly when I was in elementary school. So very young, my father went to prison and my mom became a drug addict. So boom, right into that story. You know, my life was. It went from getting just about everything I wanted and needed to, you know, having to share with others and a lot of moving around and just a lot of change for a young kid. I went from name brand clothes at the mall to discount clothes from a store known as Foreman Mills. And Payless Form Mills actually had a slogan called stretch those bills at Foreman Mills. That's with replay in my head every time we had to go there. I'm like, ah, here we go. Stretching those bills. But I went from having everything to, you know, hand me downs and goodwill and stuff. So that was a big change for me. I lived between my aunt and my grandmother, bounced back and forth. Both homes had their faults, but they were still family. And it beat being in the system ultimately. So I did know that. So I was grateful for that. However, in middle school, I developed a very, very bad habit. And I was a good kid. I got great grades, extracurricular activities, I cleaned up around the house. I was respectful to adults. I was one of those kids that, we don't have a problem with her, can leave her with anybody. But I developed this habit and I had to change it fast. I began to shoplift. I became a little thief. And in middle school, you know, you're not really separating that in your mind and how much trouble you can get in. My first time shoplifting, I stole a pack of M&M's and a Pepsi from CVS. I didn't need it. I didn't really even want it. I just knew I could take it. I knew I could get away with it. I just felt it. And I never stole before, so this was like my first, my first round. You know, something just urged me to take it. When I was in the store, walking around, I remember walking in feeling nervous, sweating, and my heart was beating a little fast, palms really sweaty. And the workers were actually nice that day, so the coast felt clear, like, oh, they're friendly. So I walked around the store with the candy and I shoved it in my bag and I quickly walked out. As soon As I hit the air, I just. Oh, shit. I stole. I just stole. And I remember running home, running home. Like, I can't believe I just stole. It just was on my mind all night. So that one time, me stealing small things led to me stealing other small things. I started stealing little shit here and there. Just like, not from homes or anything, only stores. Because I felt like these big stores, they're not going to miss. So the chips and candy, they're not going to miss this stuff. So I developed this habit. It's like the first time you get away with it, you're like, wow, okay, okay, that was scary, but not so bad. The second time, you're like, okay. The fourth time, you're like, wow, I'm really out here. I'm a thief. I am a full blown thief. Wow. I'm kind of good at this. I thought I was really good at it. And I'm taking little shit. Y' all like candy and stuff. Like, nothing like life changing or life threatening. Everyone at school had a cell phone. I didn't have one, but I saw this cell phone in the pharmacy. It was a prepaid cell phone and it was just there to steal. I was like, okay, this is the next level up. I walked into the store. Now by this time I done stole about five, six times, candy. So now I'm leveling up. Okay. I walked into the store. I'm like, still nervous. I was nervous each time. That's why I'm like, why do I keep stealing? I'm always nervous, palm sweaty. I grabbed the phone, I put it in my bag and I ran. I'm a little overweight, so I ran really fast. And I didn't expect to run that fast. I made it all the way home. I did. I made it all the way home. But about an hour later, there were sirens outside. There were cops, like five, six cop cars pulling up. Just as my aunt, who I was living with my aunt. Just as she was pulling up, these cop cars are pulling up. I'm in the house, oldest in the house, with the younger sister and younger cousin. We just knew to turn off the lights and we got on the ground. The cops are flashing the lights inside the house. They're walking to the backyard with the flashlights. It's like really chaotic. You would have thought I robbed a bank. I said, what the. This can't be off of me. Not all of this. My aunt, she comes in the house with the key. She's just friendly to the officers. They're out there chatting. Damn. They're about to get coffee. I didn't get in trouble with them, but I did get in trouble at home. Someone knew me at the store. Someone that worked there knew me, and they were forced to snitch on me. So that's how they found out and found out where I live. That moment scared the living hell out of me that I didn't steal for a very long time. I was like, oh, no, this is middle school. I'm like, I'm never stealing again. Absolutely not. Whoo. That was close. I thought I was gonna go to jail. I just had a severe punishment at home. And that was it. About a year and a half later. Now I'm living with grandma. Different school, different neighborhood, total different scene than where I just came from. I'm living with my grandmother. And there was this girl who I met when I got there first day of school. I'm now in high school, by the way. There was this girl there and she was always dressed nice. Just like. She was so fly, so cute. She used to wear bell bottom, like homemade bell bottom pants, colorful shirts. She had custom made jewelry and just. It always matched her outfits. Her hair and nails were always done. And she was just like. I was like, wow, I want to dress like that girl. I want to be like that girl. And she befriended me and she was actually older than me, about a year older than me. She befriended me and we got really close. We started to try to match outfits, but I didn't have what she had and I didn't have the money to get it either. One day she said, you want to come with me to the mall? I didn't really have a lot of money to get to the mall. So I'm like, okay, I know I might can buy a pretzel. I might can get there and get home. I'm working with limited funds. But I didn't tell her. I was too embarrassed to tell her. So I just was like, yeah, she has such a huge influence on me. You know, the older girl, the cool looking girl. So we caught the bus to the mall. She said, bring a book bag. I didn't think twice. I brought the book bag. I didn't even think, oh, we're about to. We're about to really do our thing. When I got there, she laid down the whole program. We went to a few stores, but we stopped at this one particular store. And I still haven't taken anything. I'm too nervous. This is the big leaks you're talking about the mall. The mall. Whoa. I'm a pharmacy Thief. I steal chips and candy, the mall. I was like, wow, we are really. We really are. And I've been a year and a half clean. I'm in high school now. I'm like, I'm done. I'm done with that stuff. We go into one of my favorite stores, and she's like, okay, when we go in there, we're going to separate. This girl was a pro. She said, we're going to separate. You're going to go this way, I'm going to go this way. She said, just grab as much stuff as you can. Go to a corner, pop the sensors off, and just stuff it in your bag and get out. She made it sound like, 1, 2, 3, ABC. I said, okay, this girl's a professional. Soon as I stepped foot in there, I grabbed three shirts, grabbed a couple pairs of pants, and I tried to grab some earrings, and I went to the corner and just shuffled. And I'm not somebody. I always stand out. I go to the corner and I'm facing the wall, trying to pop the sensor off. I am sweat. I feel like I literally have to take a shit. Somebody, not just anybody. A giant security guard tapped on my shoulder. I turned around, and he was just large and in charge, and he escorted me out the store. As I'm leaving the store, there was no sight of my friend. I'm like, where the hell did she go? She was nowhere to be found. She was gone. I was so embarrassed. I had to do the walk of shame through the mall. They make you walk. The cops are meeting you. It's about to go down. I get outside, they put me in the back of the squad car. I look up, and all I see is red and blue flashing lights, and I see three cop cars. I said, why all of this for me? Again, I don't know. When I was in the car driving, I felt every speed bump that day, Every single speed bump. I asked the cop if we can roll down the window. I was just really, really embarrassed. And I was just like, damn, I wish they knew. I was really a good kid. I'm on the honor roll. I clean up around the house. I help people. Shit, I did charity. I'm a good big sister. I just. I don't know what part of me just wanted these cops to know so bad. Like, oh, she's. She's a good one. She's not just another black kid out here getting in trouble. But I think it was too late for that. I got to the station, and they handcuffed me. They sat me in A room. I was there for a while, and I'm just like, oh, man, what is my grandmother gonna think? My grandmother, she. She came and they told me she was here. I still had to be handcuffed for a while. So I'm like, okay, is it my time to go? And they said something about seeing a judge that same day, which felt really strange that it can all happen that quickly. I said, I'm going to jail. Like, jail jail. But I think they were in cahoots with my grandmother, trying to teach me a lesson because they let me go. But they told me, if I ever get caught stealing again, I'm going to juvenile. You know, a juvenile place, gonna go to juvie jail, okay? And my grandmother's explaining to her, she's on the captain of this team. She's on the honor roll. She writes this. She does, you know? And, yeah, they said, well, she's got one more time. I got in the car and my grandmother immediately, she just slapped my hands repeatedly. Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap. It didn't hurt at all. It didn't. But I started to tear up because it still was annoying. And I just. I don't know, I teared up because I felt like I embarrassed her. And she's like, I raised you better than this. Why are you out here stealing? What is happening? Tell me, talk to me. Why are you stealing? Stop taking shit. You know? And I explained to her, like, I don't steal from regular people, just the stores. She said, it does not make a difference. You can ruin your life. You can literally ruin your life. You're college bound. You're smart. And I told her, I said, I hate my life. I don't like that we don't have money. I don't like that I don't have extra money. I don't like any of this. I don't like not being able to buy cute stuff, you know, teenage tears. I don't like it. And I said, all these kids have phones and they have this and they have that, and I have old stuff. I was crying and I was embarrassed and I was sad, but I knew she was right. And she said something that stuck with me to this day. It, like, replays in my mind. And I'm in my 30s now. Oh, I haven't stolen since then. Everybody tucking their shit. No, no. She said something to me. She said, never obsess over what someone else has. Never be jealous of what someone else has or what they're doing because you don't know how they got it. And always be grateful for what you have because someone always has it worse. Those three sentences replaying my mind to this day. And I have complete gratitude. I walk through life differently. It literally shaped me as a human where I'm not like my parents, not into drugs, I'm not doing what my dad did to go to prison. I'm not any of that stuff. I can be a good person. I do have the skills to excel. So I didn't steal anymore. I didn't. I did not steal anymore. Now I walk with genuine gratitude. I literally go through life thinking, oh, someone has it worse. No matter what's happening, I always say someone has it worse. And that's my pick me up because I'm not picking up other stuff anymore inside my bag. Oh man, I'm thankful. I'm thankful I got that bad habit out of me at an early age before my life could really change. And I'm in the system for real and just going down the wrong path or worse, become another statistic. I'm very grateful for that. That's my story. Thank you.

[Oscar]

We'll be right back.

[Tata Sharice]

When you hear Lululemon, you probably think.

[Oscar]

Of aligned yoga pants.

[Tata Sharice]

Weightlessly soft, like you're wearing next to nothing.

[Oscar]

That's why you see them in class.

[Tata Sharice]

At the grocery store and in the park. But did you know about sky skirts with built in liner shorts so you can still jump for the Frisbee and tanks and bodysuits with Align's iconic stretch, you won't want to take it off. And with endless style options, you don't.

[Oscar]

Have to shop in store or [e-mail] I'm Nate Silver. And I'm Maria Konnikova. We're journalists who moonlight as high stakes poker players and on our part podcast Risky Business. We bring an analytical lens, thinking about odds, incentives and outcomes to the choices shaping our democracy. Because every move in politics is a.

[Kevin Allison]

Calculation and sometimes our leaders can make bad bets.

[Oscar]

You don't say Nate. If you want to understand what our politicians are thinking and what's at stake with each decision they make, this show is for you. Listen to Risky Business wherever you get your podcast. Fourth of July savings are here at the Home Depot. So it's time to get your grilling on. Pick up The Traeger Pro Series 22 Pellet Grill and Smoker now on special.

[Kevin Allison]

Buy for $389 was $5.49.

[Oscar]

Smoke a rack of ribs or bake an apple pie. This grill is versatile enough to do it all this summer. No matter how you like your steaks, your barbecues are guaranteed to be well done.

[Kevin Allison]

Celebrate 4th of July with fast free delivery on select grills right now at.

[Oscar]

The Home Depot, subject to availability. We're back on the silent steps. It will creep up on you in a mystic form it will kiss you too it will make you run until you wanna cry Hurt yourself, make you wanna sigh Be careful, be careful Love gets a hold on you like a thief in the night Stealing, stealing, delay It'll make you run until you wanna cry Hurt yourself, make you wanna sad Be careful, be careful Love gets a hold on you like a deep in.

[Kevin Allison]

The night this is Risk. This is John Holt behind me now and we just heard from Tata Sharice, who you can find on Instagram at Tata Sharice. Now listen, if you, dear listener, are a [e-mail] risk, you can hear this new bonus story there by Jen Curcio.

[Tata Sharice]

Even with the Presidential scholarship, I had.

[Oscar]

To take out an $18,000 loan for one semester.

[Tata Sharice]

So I was like, look, I'm broke and I'm creepy.

[Kevin Allison]

Jen's not creepy. And if you become a [e-mail] risk, I'll speak even more highly of you. Plus you can hear hundreds more examples of bonus content like that there. Plus the ad free feed of the podcast that you can plug into your podcast app. And one more reminder, if you're interested in attending a what's yous Story Curated social event online this summer or or if you're interested in being in one of my online storytelling workshops this summer, email [e-mail] now. Next, we're going to hear from Max Langert, a playwright, producer and storyteller based in Austin. Here's Max now with a story we call Best New. Face.

[Tata Sharice]

It.

[Oscar]

The summer after I graduated from college, I was living in Southern California and decided I'd pursue a career in the entertainment industry. I'd written a couple of short plays in college. One about Jesus who comes back as a bag lady, another about a psychiatrist on a power trip and discovered that I really like to write dialogue. I also had a part time job where I'd drive vans full of exchange students to the Universal Studios tour, and I'd see their eyes light up when we'd get on the set of Back to the Future and the $6 million man and Jaw. And then just having grown up on sitcoms like Cheers and Frasier and Seinfeld, I wanted to be involved in all of it in some way. It was really the only thing I wanted to do. So I kept going back to the career counseling office at my college to see if they had any leads about jobs with TV shows or movies. And one day they told me that there was a guy, a member of a prominent Hollywood family, who was looking for an assistant and needed this person right away. So I jumped into action. I made an appointment. I put on the only good shirt I had from my job waiting tables. I borrowed a car from a friend, and I drove up to a secluded part of the Hollywood Hills where this guy lives. Now, I'm not going to tell you specifically who he is for a couple of reasons. One, I feel sort of bad about the way things worked out. And two, I actually signed a confidentiality agreement that said I would never discuss anything that went on up there. But I will say that both his brother and his father are like super bonafide movie stars. And yet this guy definitely is not. He asked me a flurry of questions that I somehow wasn't really prepared for. You know, like, what was your manager's name here? Why did you leave this place? What was the street address of this location? I did the best I could, even though I was flustered, and he ended up hiring me on the spot, Ostensibly for a party he was getting ready to throw, a networking event, he told me where people could get to know him better and maybe it would lead to new jobs for him. I started immediately, like, right after the interview. He gave me a tour of his office and of his house. And I remember in his dining room, he had this wall of photos. Not so many people, but mostly of dogs. One dog in particular, a small terrier with a twinkle in his eye. And then I saw in the middle of a shelf, he had a trophy, and it said, shining Star Talent Agency. Best new Face. And this guy's name was below that. And I remember thinking it seemed sort of ironic because his face wasn't really new at all. He looked so much like his brother and like his father, who'd been in the industry for decades. The next morning, I quit my job waiting tables and got my roommate to drive me back up to this guy's house. And I remember as he was dropping me off, my roommate said, so, yeah, give me a call later if you need a ride. I'll do what I can to get back up here. And that's where things started to take a turn, because without a car or a cell phone at the time, I was at the mercy of other people. To get around, I nervously brought up these transportation issues with My new boss, let's call him Oscar. And. And Oscar told me that I could use his guest bedroom as long as I was quiet and obeyed the house rules. After that he told me that if things worked with this party, he would be hiring me full time. And he would take me like around the world to New York, Europe, whatever, for film shoots and film premieres. All I had to do was play my cards right and stay on his good side. I couldn't believe my luck. In less than 24 hours I'd basically gone from part time waiter to live in full time assistant for a member of one of the most famous families in all of Hollywood. I was an overnight success. The work was nonstop. He had all these post it notes in his office that looked like peeling skin from a third degree sunburn. And he wanted all those taken down and categorized and put in a day planner. Then he had this big box full of scraps of paper and cards and he poured that onto the floor and he wanted me to categorize those too. Everything from manager to agent to like cute girls he'd met at a party. We worked late into the night. Oscar's guest bedroom was small but comfortable. And right as I was getting ready to go to sleep that first night, Oscar walks in in his boxers and sits on the edge of my mattress. And he wants me to know that while he appreciates my help and the hard work I'm doing, he doesn't want us to get too close. We can be friendly, he tells me, but not friends. I might buy you a beer from time to time. We can be buddy, buddy. But there have to be boundaries when we get down to work. It has to be 100% professional. I looked at him there in his underwear. Professional, got it. I locked the door as soon as he walked out. The next morning we got up while it was still dark out and Oscar showed me where he kept the coffee. I want that pot full at all times, he told me. All times. Now I had actually never had a cup of coffee before that day. No more than just like a sip or two when I was a kid anyway. And I looked at the way Osterka was so frenetic and hyped up. And I thought maybe if I had enough of this coffee stuff I could match his energy. So I made a pot. He had half, I had half. Then I made another and another and another. And by 8 o' clock my brain was wired like it was going to explode out of its skull. And I got so much done an hour later I was A machine organizing, calling, faxing, brainstorming. We didn't get done till almost midnight, and I couldn't believe the day was over. The next day was more of the same. Up before dawn. Pots and pots of coffee, running around, faxing, cawing. All these things. And at some point in the middle of the day, I notice that Oskar is really extra agitated and shaking in this kind of weirdly nervous way. And he catches my eye and he freezes. And he walks slowly over to me and says, what the fuck is your problem? And I tell him I don't know what he's talking about. Show some goddamn emotion, he tells me. You're running around, you're doing all these things. Upstairs, downstairs, calling, faxing. I see it. It's totally insane. I know it is. And you're acting like a fucking robot. You gotta release it. Say something, do something. And I tell him that this is how I handle stress. I internalize it, and I keep my head down. It's the only way I can stay sane. Yeah, he says, loosening up. I like that. Then he grabs me in a headlock and squeezes tight. You're a good guy, he tells me. I like you. You're my rock.

[Kevin Allison]

My God damn rock.

[Oscar]

I have to push his arm away before I start to cough. I have to say that even though the work was difficult and stressful, there was something about it that appealed to me and drew me in. In a mysterious way, we were part of the most influential industry in the world. We were doing incredibly important things. Or so I wanted to believe. I was growing addicted, not just to the caffeine, but to the industry. I didn't want it to stop. That night, Oscar tells me that his girlfriend is coming over and he doesn't want me to get in the way. So he's going to send me to a hotel downtown and then pick me up in the morning. Then he hands me a stack of videotapes and asks me to watch them. To get to know him better, to get to know his work better. A Town car picks me up and takes me to a seedy hotel in the Sunset Strip. The manager is waiting for me, expecting me, and says he has a room for me in the basement. So I go down to the basement and there's just this little tiny window in the room where you look out. All you can see is barbed wire and construction dirt. It feels like having a room at the bottom of a grave. I spend the next three hours watching these videotapes he's given me. It's everything from Film clips to TV clips to full films to interviews on shows like Entertainment Tonight. I watch a movie called Crunch Team four the Jailbreak, which stars various siblings of famous people in some kind of Middle Eastern war setting where they're all going around shooting brown skinned people with AK47s. It's horrific. And then I watched some of the interview shows where he's invariably asked what it feels like to be part of such a famous family. It's totally cool, he says. No problem at all. No pressure. The next morning, Oscar picks me up and takes me to a much nicer hotel several blocks away where we have breakfast and where he tells me, we have fucking shitloads of fucking shit to do. That day goes on like the one before and so does the next. And then the following night he's actually got a comedy gig at the Comedy Store. The dude is working a lot of angles. Comedian, entrepreneur, action hero, boyfriend, father figure, brother figure, party thrower. I have to admit that I admire his tenacity and his ambition, if not his actual talent. A few hours before the show, he pulls me into his bedroom and says he wants to go over his routine with me. Take notes, he tells me. So I grab the legal pad that I've always got within arm's reach and he proceeds to tell me jokes about toilets and the smell of farts and the differences between men and women. When a man says he's tired, it means he's tired. When a woman says she's tired, it means, no, you can't fuck me. Later, when I don't laugh out loud, he pounds his fist on the mattress. You're so tough on me, he tells me. You're such a fucking critic. He then proceeds to tell a joke that involves buying biggie fries at McDonald's. And I interrupt him and I tell him that actually you get Biggie Fries at Wendy's, not McDonald's. He seems to appreciate the note. When we get to the club, we're waiting backstage. There are a couple of openers who go on first, and then Oscar and then the headliner. It's a Tuesday night, so it's nobody you've ever heard of. The first openers get done and Oscar's waiting backstage. And then the emcee comes up and says, ladies and gentlemen, I got a big treat for you tonight. Someone who is transforming the industry as we know it. And Oscar is punching the air like a prize fighter, ready to bound on stage. Then the emcee says, Here he is, Mr. Jerry Seinfeld. And the crowd goes nuts. And Jerry Seinfeld, who's been at the bar, jumps up, a complete and utter surprise guest. And he wraps the audience around his finger. What's the deal with Extra Strength Tylenol? What does that even mean? I guess they figured out how much Tylenol would actually kill a person and then dialed it back just this much. The crowd loves it. They give him like three standing ovations. And when the noise finally dies down, the MC calls out my boss, Oscar. And it's just awful. He's not funny anyway. But after Jerry Seinfeld, when the show's over, Oscar is pissed. He's mad at me. He's mad at the management. He's mad at his girlfriend. He basically tells her to get lost, and then he just walks down the street on his own. Meanwhile, I'm thinking how much nicer it'd probably be to work for Jerry Seinfeld. So I try to track him down, but he's already gone. A couple of friends had come to the show to hang out with me, and I do hang out with them. But the truth is I find them so uninteresting and so boring. They don't understand the showbiz life that I am now leading. I just want them gone. The next day, Oscar is pissed and stressed. Everything is going wrong. Everything is somebody else's fault. But I have another three pots of coffee until my skin is ready to peel off its bones. And finally, by the evening, I'm exhausted. But Oscar wants to unwind and release, and he says that we're going to go to a gym and work out. So he takes me to this private gym with a private entrance where he's got a personal trainer waiting for him, someone named Sven. Sven is like a bizarre love child of Fabio and the Fonz. Like, cool, but kind of weirdly intense. If you want to look good, gentlemen, you've got to put in the work. So I jump on an exercycle and Oskar straps into a rowing machine. And as he's rowing through each fake wave, Sven keeps yelling at him to row harder. Harder, harder. And Oskar just yells back at him to go fuck himself. So I'm watching and it's just like, harder. Fuck you, harder. Fuck you harder. Until Oscar is completely drenched in sweat and I feel sort of dirty for watching. Finally, the day before the party, we go to Trader Joe's for some last minute supplies. I'm beginning to question what the value is of this job and what it could possibly do for my future career. At the same time, as we're walking down the aisles together, me and this like famous looking semi celebrity guy. I get the sense that everybody else can tell how important we are, how important I am. Oscar then tells me that nobody knows anything about wine and they only pick bottles based on what the labels look like. And then he proceeds to pick a bunch of bottles based on what the labels. We pick up a couple of cases of San Pellegrino, too. When we get to the register, Oscar tells me that, oops, he's forgotten his wallet and is there any way that I can cover the cost of the booze? And I do. I put over $400 on my credit card. I cannot seem to say no to this guy. Eventually we get all set up for the party. There are valets out the door. There's a bartender upstairs, another one downstairs. I've got my only good shirt on yet again. And Oscar is agitated, like he's looking for something to go wrong. And at some point, he realizes that one of the cases of San Pellegrino that we bought, that I bought, is missing. He grabs me by the collar. Where the hell is it? What did you do with it? I tell him I have no idea. And he orders me to go back down to Trader Joe's to get not only the case of San Pellegrino, but also to demand from them that they give us extra money for screwing up in the first place. So I take his car keys and I drive down the hill. And as I'm driving, I start thinking I could just leave. I could just take his car, it's a really, really nice car, and be out of here. But I don't. I go to Trader Joe's, I get the case of San Pellegrino. I do not demand any extra money from them, but it doesn't matter. By the time I get back to the house, Oscar's forgotten all about it. I hear him in the bathroom yelling at his girlfriend. You're whiny, you're needy, you're so insensitive to other people's needs. Jesus. I try to decide what to do next. Part of me thinks I should start talking to some of the early arrivals who've actually shown up to the party already. Part of me thinks I should go to the bathroom and help his girlfriend out. And part of me thinks I should just leave and walk out. But I don't do any of those things. Instead, I open up the wine, which is rightfully mine anyway, and start drinking. Soon after that, Oscar busts out of the bathroom, comes up to me and shoves me up against a wall. He tells me that the party's ruined, that it's devastated, that it's because of me, because of what I've done. That I wasted all that time going to Trader Joe's when what I should have been doing is staying here and telling the help where to go and what to do and getting ready for all the guests. And that was left up to him. And it's just so goddamn ineffective. I reach over and I'm able to just grasp that trophy he's got on the shelf. And I feel the shining star words searing into my palm. And I imagine smashing it right into his best new face. And I realize then that if I continue this job, I'm probably going to murder him if he doesn't murder me first. So I put the trophy slowly back down and start walking toward the front door. I am a rock, I remind myself. He follows me outside. I turn to him. I quit, I tell him. I can't do it anymore. I just can't. You're nothing, he tells me. You're nobody. You owe me big time. If you leave now, you are never working in this town again. Yeah, he actually says that to me. But I keep on walking, and walking and walking. A few months later, I moved to New York, where I kept having this recurring nightmare that he was on the subway stalking me, ready to strangle me. About a year later, I read in the news that he's been arrested for a disturbance at LAX because he's demanding that his dog, the little terrier with a sparkle in his eye, have a seat next to him on the plane. Sometime after that, I read that he dies of a drug overdose in a hotel room in New York, where he's obviously been trying to track me down. I have mixed feelings about his death. He was an asshole, obviously. But he was also a troubled guy in a difficult situation I don't know that many people could do well in. I learned a lot about the industry, about business in general, about the benefits of caffeine consumption. I still write plays and enjoy writing dialogue. I occasionally get one produced around the country. They're never blockbusters, but it feels good and it's satisfying. And I get to work with good people. In fact, one of those plays is being turned into an independent film as we speak. It's not the perfect Hollywood ending, but it makes me feel good. And generally, I'm pretty content. However, if I could somehow work for Jerry Seinfeld, I'd totally jump right back in. So, Jerry, if you're listening. Have your people call my people. I've got a brand new project I want to talk to you about. Hey, now you better listen to me, every one of you. We've got a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of work to do. Forget about your women and that water can. Today you're working for the man. Well, pick up your feet. We've got a deadline to meet. I'm going to see you make it on time. Oh, don't relax. I want elbows and backs. I want to see everybody from behind. Cause you're working for the man. Working for the man. You gotta make him a man. You're working for the man.

[Kevin Allison]

This is Risk. This is Roy Orbison behind me now. And we just heard from Max Langert. You know, I have a story that is so identical to Max's story there. It's uncanny. And that is that when I was in my late 20s, I had a job interview to be the personal assistant of none other than the Shawshank Redemption's Tim Robbins. After I left that interview, I know he very rightfully thought to himself, I'm not gonna hire that guy. He'd make a terrible personal assistant. And that, that's the end of that story. Alright, it's a little different. There's nuances that go off in some different directions than Max's. Like, I didn't have to change the name of anything. Like Max changed the name of the movie he mentions in his story for the sake of anonymity. In case you went googling to find Crunch Team four, the Jailbreak. And I will have you know that Max's story is a distillation of a longer work called Nine Days behind the Hollywood Sign, which you can [e-mail]. folks, it was kind of last minute that I decided to offer two more online storytelling workshops with one on Wednesday evenings from 6:30pm to 9pm Eastern Standard starting July 9, and one on Sunday mornings from 10am to 12:30pm Eastern Standard starting August 17. So email me at kevinrisk-show.com to learn more about those. And we're going to have another Risk Reacts episode, both in our audio podcast and the video version on our YouTube channel at RiskShow. But that's Wednesday. And folks, today's the day. Take a risk.

[Oscar]

Well, the boss man's daughter sneaks in me water every time her daddy's down the line. She says, I'll meet me tonight lovin me right and everything is gonna be fine. So I sleep all day without much faith. I'm just biding my time. Cause the company and the daughter you see they're both gonna be all mine. Yeah, I'm gonna be the man I'm gonna be the man Gotta make it my hand if I'm gonna be the man.