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- [00:00]
Indeed Representative
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- [01:00]
Midi Health Representative
Today's podcast is sponsored by Midi Health. At any given time, 61% of adult women say they want to lose weight, but for many, that's easier said than done. If you've had trouble losing weight, don't lose hope. Midi Health uses a deep understanding of women's hormones and a combination of weight loss medications to create a customized plan for each user. Midi Health can help you achieve more effective and sustainable weight loss by addressing hormone imbalances. Midi can also prescribe proven weight loss medications that help you experience reduced appetite and increased feelings of fullness. When paired with hormone optimization, you're not just managing your weight, you're also supporting your body's natural processes, which means you can overcome those weight loss plateaus that in the past have been so difficult to move beyond. So if you're ready to combine the power of hormones with the power of weight loss medications, visit joinmidi.com today. Discover how this innovative approach can lead you to lasting success. That's join midi.com as we gather with.
- [02:04]
Rosetta Stone Representative
Loved ones this holiday season, consider how learning a new language can enhance your connections and enrich your experiences. What are your goals for the upcoming holiday season? Whether it's traveling internationally or connecting with family and friends, a new language can open doors to meaningful conversations and cultural appreciation. With that in mind, there's no better tool than Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program available on desktop and mobile. Rosetta Stone immerses you in the language so you truly learn to think, speak and understand it naturally. With Rosetta Stone's intuitive approach, there are no English translations, you're fully immersed, and the built in true accent feature acts like a personal accent coach, giving you real time feedback to make sure you sound just right. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. For a short time, listeners can get Rosetta Stone's Lifetime Membership Holiday Special. This offer will not last long. Visit rosettastone.com Rs10. That's unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your Holiday offer@RosettaStone.com Rs10 today for yourself or as a gift that keep.
- [03:55]
Taj Easton
Hello dear listeners, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they dare to share. I'm Taj Easton and the music in the background now is a song that today's storyteller and I recorded back when we were fucking kids. And this here is a new format of Risk episode that we are experimenting with. You've heard our live stories told in front of an audience. You've heard our radio stories recorded privately with music and sound design. And now, just when you thought we couldn't get any more intimate and real and motherfucking mind blowingly personal, we are humbly yet confidently presenting you with episodes like this one, where someone tells a story in conversation with the host and we chat about it. Simple, friendly, entertaining. What else? Beautiful. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's like here is one person telling another person all this deeply personal shit and that's why they call it personal. I don't know if that's true. In this episode I am genuinely excited to present you a story told to me by one of my oldest, dearest and most special, treasured, fantastic, fabulously beautiful, awesome friends. Adarius Bell. Avid listeners may remember that the first ever story we did in this kind of format was way back in September of 2022. And that was a conversation between Adarius and myself on an episode called Mercy. Today we switched seats and Adarius told me this shit. Kickingly awesome story you're about to hear. Thanks for being here. We love you, we appreciate you. Without any further ado, here is the inimitable Adarius Bell with a story we call Ego Death. What's up man? It's good to see you.
- [06:19]
Adarius Bell
Been a minute.
- [06:20]
Taj Easton
It has been a minute. And it's not an uneventful minute as I understand it.
- [06:27]
Adarius Bell
It's been some real eventful minutes. Yeah, a lot going on right now.
- [06:37]
Taj Easton
All of it tough.
- [06:38]
Adarius Bell
Yeah, yeah. Just coming to terms with life and what I've been doing within my life and how I've been operating in my life as an operator of this body. I'm making a lot of bad decisions.
- [06:58]
Taj Easton
Oh.
- [06:59]
Adarius Bell
And if it doesn't get fixed, you know, I think it's really going to continue to harm and possibly damage several relationships in my life. So I gotta. Gotta come to terms with what's going on and try to figure it out, man.
- [07:22]
Taj Easton
Wow, man. That is a very heavy, eventful kind of minute. It sounds like I've never heard you talk quite like that.
- [07:32]
Adarius Bell
The stakes have never been so high.
- [07:35]
Taj Easton
Fuck, man. So fuck, man.
- [07:38]
Adarius Bell
I gotta make some real changes in my life. My guy.
- [07:45]
Taj Easton
I am infinitely curious, but also don't want to pry, and if this is not what you want to talk about today, I totally respect that. But. Yeah, I love you. I want to know what's going on, but I don't want to pressure you to talk about it right now.
- [07:59]
Adarius Bell
Yeah. I don't know if this is the thing. Even though, honestly, I think it'd be fun to talk about with you, but I don't know if this is the thing I want in the world.
- [08:09]
Taj Easton
Okay. Yes.
- [08:10]
Adarius Bell
Just because it's a lot.
- [08:13]
Taj Easton
That makes a lot of sense. I am really, truly here for it, though, man. And I hope you will call if you want to talk anytime.
- [08:22]
Adarius Bell
Yeah, I think the thing that I do want to talk about and actually plays into this moment is the holidays. Did you know I went to Mississippi when my grandfather passed away?
- [08:34]
Taj Easton
Yeah, I remember.
- [08:36]
Adarius Bell
So my grandfather, when he passed away, we got the call on Christmas Eve and I had to fly out to Mississippi on Christmas.
- [08:43]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [08:44]
Adarius Bell
And yeah, man, I mean, that whole situation was a trip. And I just been thinking about it a lot because it really holds a lot of weight into how I feel about, one, like how I approach fatherhood. But two, how I approach secrets and things that, like, I hold close to me that I maybe haven't talked to people about. And I didn't know my grandfather had so many of them. And I didn't. I didn't know that we choose to keep our secrets in the same way. His are very different, but they're both kind of rooted from the same thing, you know, like, grandfather was a really. Was a good dude, but he had an ego problem. And, yeah, I didn't really know much about that side of him. I only knew about the fun side, the jolly side, the cool dude side. And yeah, I learned a lot in that Mississippi trip. And now it's. It's really starting to come back full circle in this moment because I'm in a bit of a struggle right now. So it's been interesting to kind of feel all those things I was feeling in Mississippi when he passed. It was, it was Christmas Eve and we had to have a hurry up offense to fly out there. Obviously it's a lot to try to fly out to Mississippi on Christmas day.
- [10:13]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [10:14]
Adarius Bell
But my mom found a ticket and I found a ticket, but it left Christmas at like 8pm and I didn't get in until like 6am oh, shit. So my mom, she flew out there on Christmas and I went to the airport on Christmas Day and I missed my flight. I didn't tell anybody that I missed my flight. I just missed my flight. And I slept in the airport on Christmas when it happened. And only person I told was my mom, but I basically lied to her and was like, oh, the flight got canceled. Don't worry, I'll be there tomorrow.
- [10:52]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [10:53]
Adarius Bell
Which they found me another ticket and it did work out where I ended up there on the 26th. But it was already the beginning of a process of like not even being truthful with my mom about the whole process. So I think about that a lot. Like, what was the reason behind it? Why do I need to tell my mom a lie?
- [11:15]
Taj Easton
Right. It was something like shame or.
- [11:20]
Adarius Bell
Yeah, yeah. I think it all seemed from like shame or ego.
- [11:23]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [11:24]
Adarius Bell
Being embarrassed and not trying to like put it on my, my shoulder or make it visible that I'm embarrassed by how these things are happening.
- [11:33]
Taj Easton
Yeah, 100%.
- [11:34]
Adarius Bell
So, yeah, that was like the start of my trip to Mississippi. I get out there on the 26th and to rewind my whole life. My grandfather used to tell us stuff like, oh, I got a watermelon farm in Mississippi and all these acres of land. But we had never been. And it was always weird to me as a kid, like why I was never invited to Mississippi to go see all these watermelons and acres of land. So my whole childhood I thought the dude was lying. I'm like, man, this ain't real, you know? And it was another form of me watching him protect his ego, his embarrassment, and the way in which he protects his secrets. So when I get out there on the 26th, my mom and I, we connected at the hotel. We got a rental car and was like, let's, let's go smash out. His property was like two hours away from the airport. Nothing's close in Mississippi.
- [12:30]
Taj Easton
Okay. Okay.
- [12:32]
Adarius Bell
So when I got there, we got some food. I don't know, some weak ass Bojangles. I don't know. The food there is disgusting. I will tell you that. I Hope nobody's from Mississippi because I don't want to be a dick, but man, it's fried roadkill. There ain't nothing good through it, man. Yeah, Subway sandwich was like. I was like, creme de la creme.
- [12:53]
Taj Easton
That's what you wanted. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [12:55]
Adarius Bell
No, I got. I think I ate Subway every day that we was there, cuz that was the only place you can get a vegetable that wasn't frog. So I ate a bunch of Subway sponsorship. If y'all want to sign me off, keep eating Subway. Anyway, so we out there. Me and my mom decided to smash this house. We drive for about an hour and 50 minutes. And on the last 10 minutes of the two hour ride, my mom looks over at me as I'm driving and says, do you know about the woman granddaddy's living with? Said, nah. What is she, like a caretaker? Like, what's, what's poppin? She's like, no, he's been living with a woman that's just basically his girlfriend. And they've been together for about 15 years, on and off for about 30. Like, doing the math in my head, like, well, he lived with Grammy for some years too. Like the math ain't math. And like, yeah, how is, how has he been with this lady for 30 years, but been with my grandma for like 50. Yeah, like 50 something years. Like, what happened? Where is it? Where's who? What? Anyway, my mom didn't really answer any of my questions, but proceeded to tell, is going to be fine. I know her, I've met her. I'm like, damn, this is, this is, this is huge.
- [14:18]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [14:20]
Adarius Bell
But also I'm grieving the fact that I lost like my father figure at the time. So I'm like, in and out of being like, really confused and also just really excited to be able to do the task of bringing his body back to our family. Like, that meant a lot to me. So we pulled up, my mom is on her phone, she's dialing the number. I hear her connect with somebody on the other end. All I hear is, okay, great. We're outside, we wait in the car. And as we're waiting in the car, there's a big property with all these like trailer homes around it. And I see one of the doors open up and then close real fast. And I'm looking like, who the. What is that? Who was that? Then from around back of that same house, these two dudes rolled up. Now, one was Light skin. He just looked like a dude from Mississippi. I don't really Know how to describe. You know, he had one of them tattered outfits on with the. Okay, now, let me not do that to him. But he did have a little bit of that sling blade energy. He had a little bit of the tattered sweatshirt with the overalls. It was. He was on his way to a Stephen King film. Anyway, he comes around the corner. He's a little bit younger. We're probably the same age, 30. I look at him, I say, what's up? He walked towards the car, and he goes to my mom's side of the car. He says hi to her. My mom's still sitting in the car. He looks over at me, and he goes, dan, you look just like your grandfather.
- [15:54]
Taj Easton
Huh?
- [15:55]
Adarius Bell
I'm like, hold on. You know my grandfather? He's like, yeah. I mean, he basically raised me. And I'm looking at this dude like, we, like, the same age. How did my grandfather basically raise you, bro? So we're still really confused. Really, like, lost. Then another guy comes. Now, this guy's probably mid-50s, maybe a little bit older than 50. Comes around the corner, and it is the most confusing thing I've ever seen because he looks just like my uncle. Like, they're twins. And I'm just like, well, hold on. Where the. Is this the multiverse? Like, where the Am I? Like, what. Where are these, like, alternate versions of us coming from? It's, like, real awesome Jordan Peele type vibes.
- [16:44]
Taj Easton
Like, okay, I don't know if it's.
- [16:46]
Adarius Bell
Get out or if it's us, but, yeah, I felt real crazy.
- [16:50]
Taj Easton
Damn. Like, really, really creepy.
- [16:52]
Adarius Bell
Yeah, like, really creepy. In the middle of a field. Staggered trailer park homes around us.
- [16:57]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [16:58]
Adarius Bell
And I'm just like, man, this. This is gnarly. This dude comes, and my mom is still in the car. Barg. I'm still in the car. I'm in the driver's seat. My mom's in the passenger, and these dudes are just walking up to her side of the car. The peek in, both of them say the same thing. Dang, you look just like your grandfather.
- [17:14]
Taj Easton
Wow.
- [17:16]
Adarius Bell
So finally, that door that peaked open opened again. The lights came on. A woman who's probably in her 70s, maybe 80s, comes out. She's in a robe. And then my mom gets out the car. She says, hey, what's up, Azaleen? I'm like, oh, okay. So this must be the woman you're talking about. So I walk up to her, I shake her hand, and the two guys are flanked on both sides of her. She says, it's really Good to see you guys out here. Didn't think you guys would make it. And I reassured her, like, of course I'd be here for my grandfather. I'd go anywhere. I just want to make sure everything is cool.
- [17:55]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [17:56]
Adarius Bell
So they invite us into the house. We get in the house, we sit down on the couch. And at that point, my whole goal was to give my grandfather's belongings, including his ring. He had this very special ring to him and to get his financial stuff so we can close out his accounts so we could pay for his burial, because he has insurance for all that shit. And just kind of do the logistics and operations of death.
- [18:28]
Taj Easton
Sure.
- [18:29]
Adarius Bell
You know, it wasn't the easy step. It was the stuff you got to do when someone passes away. Sure. So we're on the couch and my mom and her having some small talk, and it kind of gets silent, quiet. The dudes are looking at me the whole time, just kind of staring at me. Give me a you a real city slicker type of look. I don't know them, and so I don't judge. The conversation gets kind of to a halt where no one's talking for a little bit. Everyone's looking up at the tv. I forgot what was on, but everyone was just kind of, like, watching the tv. And at that point, I didn't want to watch tv. I wanted to. I wanted to give my grandfather shit and go, go. I wanted to get the fuck out of there.
- [19:08]
Taj Easton
Yeah. Yeah.
- [19:10]
Adarius Bell
So as everyone's silent, I look up and say, hey, can I get my grandfather's ring? She says, I don't have it. I'm looking like, well, my grandfather wears that ring all the time. If he's not at the morgue with it, then it's here. Is it possible to go check his room? No, no, no, no, no. You can't check his room. Can't go in this room. I'm looking like, wait a minute. That's still my grandfather. I want to get any belongings of his that I can. So I said, listen, I'm not gonna make this really hard on any of y'all. I want this to be easy, but also have some stake in the game here. If you're feeling trauma about going in there, you don't have to. I'll go in the room. And I get up to go walk in my grandfather's room, and these two dudes pop up quick and walk towards the door and stand in front of it. It says, can't go in there, man. She already said no. So at that point, I'M kind of shook. I'm like, oh, man, is it about to go down? Like, am I about to get shot by one of these sling blade dudes? Are we about to fight in this trailer? But also in my head, I'm thinking the whole time, like, my grandfather had a relationship with all of these people. And I never knew, and I never knew anything about him. And there were carbon copies of the same family that he made in California, just in Mississippi. At that point, I realized my grandfather had been living there for 15 years. Living a lie. But it was the truth to them. It was their truth. It wasn't moment. Everything that they were experiencing from my grandfather's death and grief was their own truth. And as much as I thought I had the bigger hand, I think no one had the right cards to play.
- [21:12]
Taj Easton
Yeah, yeah.
- [21:14]
Adarius Bell
I think we're all in the same boat.
- [21:16]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [21:17]
Adarius Bell
And we're dealing with the same person anyway. So these dudes basically stopped me from getting all my grandfather's belongings. And I visibly am shook. But at that point I'm like, mom, let's just go. It's a two hour drive, but we ain't doing shit tomorrow. Our ticket don't leave until the 29th. And we still gotta do the Morgan county stuff. So let's just call this a wash tonight. Let's come back again a couple days. So we leave. I said, mom, let's go. We drive off, we go back to the hotel. When I get to the hotel, I had this sack. It had like his old wallet in there. Not, like, nothing recent, but it was an old wallet. But I found a Social Security number. Pretty, pretty crafty when it comes to trying to figure out. And I think the one thing I wanted to do was close all his bank accounts.
- [22:10]
Taj Easton
Okay.
- [22:12]
Adarius Bell
So I basically get on the phone with a wood man voice the whole time. And I have his address. I have a Social Security card, I have a bank card. I have his account. I have a check from his checkbook. And I proceed to fraudulently close out all his accounts. I call acting like him the whole time. I get customer service. Since I had all his credentials, they listened to me. And I would say, oh, my name is Edward. But I got locked out of my account, boy. And I'm just. I'm trying to figure it out. I don't know what's going on. Do you see anything? The last thing I bought was some gas here in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. And I just made up this whole thing. And it was this whole elaborate lie.
- [23:07]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [23:08]
Adarius Bell
But just to close out his account.
- [23:10]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [23:11]
Adarius Bell
And sure enough, I did. And at some point, I even right before I closed it out, because I was on my computer, I ended up setting up online banking. Once they gave me a new routing number and a new account number.
- [23:23]
Taj Easton
Okay.
- [23:23]
Adarius Bell
So I could see his account and I had visibility and I saw that there was a bunch of money just being extracted during the last two days. A lot of money out of his checking account. And pretty much all the money at his savings account have been moved. It didn't tell me where, but it just said transfers, transfers, transfers, withdrawal, withdrawal, withdrawal, transfers, transfers, withdrawal, withdrawal, withdrawal.
- [23:53]
Taj Easton
Wow.
- [23:54]
Adarius Bell
And at that point, I figured out that that woman, Asleen, had taken all his money. A day after he passed away, I went to multiple banks and cleared out all his bread.
- [24:04]
Taj Easton
Oh, my gosh.
- [24:06]
Adarius Bell
When I saw that, bro, I was furious. I wanted to get in that car and make that two, two hour drive and just start everybody up, bro. Like it was. It was the maddest I had ever been. But then I thought to myself, I'm like, well, wait a minute. I'm out here to get his burial money so we could bury him and get his insurance, right?
- [24:27]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [24:28]
Adarius Bell
So we can bury him.
- [24:29]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [24:30]
Adarius Bell
But they out here in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, living in a trailer with my grandfather's retirement being their only source of income. Again, another situation where I felt like I had the upper hand. But we just all playing the cards. We got dope.
- [24:47]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [24:47]
Adarius Bell
And it really, it hit me in that moment that everything I'm out there trying to do, they're trying to do as well.
- [24:54]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [24:55]
Adarius Bell
And they're trying to fend for themselves. They're trying to live in what they think is my grandfather's legacy. And it became a real big clashing moment for me where I was trying to figure out if the things I was doing to lie to preserve my grandfather's legacy were those things just as important as the lies that this other family was telling to preserve their life and legacy of how they knew my grandfather.
- [25:21]
Taj Easton
Right.
- [25:23]
Adarius Bell
It really fucked me up all night, bro. Cause I wanted to do something about it. I wanted to fight. I wanted to do whatever I could.
- [25:29]
Taj Easton
You said it was the maddest that you've ever been.
- [25:32]
Adarius Bell
That was the maddest I've ever been in my life, bro. Like, I was shaking. I think part of it was obviously my grandfather had just passed.
- [25:40]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [25:40]
Adarius Bell
So there's that layer.
- [25:42]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [25:43]
Adarius Bell
I'm mad. There's that layer.
- [25:45]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [25:45]
Adarius Bell
And I'm meeting this whole other family that looks like my family.
- [25:48]
Taj Easton
Right.
- [25:49]
Adarius Bell
That I don't know anything about.
- [25:52]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [25:53]
Adarius Bell
Yeah, bro. So, I mean, at that point, man, I was just. I was literally shaking. I couldn't stop walking.
- [25:59]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [26:00]
Adarius Bell
I couldn't even really see right.
- [26:02]
Taj Easton
Wow.
- [26:03]
Adarius Bell
Because I was just so angry. And it was cold outside. But I couldn't sit in the hotel because I really want to start punching the walls. I really wanted to just, like, cause as much damage as possible.
- [26:13]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [26:13]
Adarius Bell
But it just wasn't the right move. I get back in the hotel, my mom sleep. Decided to, like, just watch some tv. I stayed up for a bunch of hours on my laptop. I don't know what I was looking at, but I just remember being up dumbass late to, like, 3 or 4 in the morning.
- [26:29]
Taj Easton
Okay.
- [26:30]
Adarius Bell
And finally dozing off. We wake up in the morning, we go handle all that, like, the operations of death shit. We go to the Jackson, Mississippi, county clerk's office. We get death certificate. We go to the church morgue. We go set up that. Because of how much it would cost and how little money he had, we ended up having to cremate him.
- [26:57]
Taj Easton
Okay.
- [26:58]
Adarius Bell
Which I don't know if he wanted, but we just didn't have the dough for it.
- [27:03]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [27:05]
Adarius Bell
So that's what we did. And, yeah, that was a really long and tough day. But at the end of the day, I kept thinking about that family now. I cut off all these credit cards so they had no more access to money. I changed my grandfather's phone number. I called his wireless carrier. I completely removed my grandfather from their life. Completely. And as soon as we went and picked up the ashes, the only thing I could think of is to share it with him. It was the only. It was the only right thing to do, bro. To treat them as equal as I can.
- [27:46]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [27:47]
Adarius Bell
So when we woke up, I told my mom, I said, yo, I actually want to drive back over there and give them some of the ashes.
- [27:58]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [27:59]
Adarius Bell
So we did that. We went over there this time. We got out the car immediately. I knocked on the door, and as Lynn came out, I had this box of ashes with me. And I said, listen, we had to cremate my grandfather. And, you know, I don't know what y'all been through. I don't really know much about you, but I think, given the whole situation, it'd be unfair if I didn't share this with you. And she was pretty happy but quiet. That I had this gesture for her and she happily accepted. And we found a really nice jar that she had. I gave her some. My grandfather and put a little Bit in there, opened the bag up, tied it and closed it, and then put everything back in there. And I'm just kind of looking around their house, and there's, like, pictures of these little kids with my grandfather where I've never seen. There's pictures of my grandfather at, like, football games that weren't my football games. There's pictures my grandfather with a newborn that wasn't, like, anybody in my family. There's pictures of my grandfather with Azaleen when he's younger. And I realized in that moment, like, that this has been happening for years, and my grandfather never said nothing to nobody and kind of kept it as a secret. And that tore me up because, like, I realized that I wasn't the only one feeling this. I wasn't the only person going through this. And I've also been lied to for a majority of my life from, like, the greatest dude that I knew.
- [29:43]
Taj Easton
Oh, my God.
- [29:44]
Adarius Bell
It just. It wasn't. It wasn't exactly what I thought.
- [29:47]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [29:49]
Adarius Bell
So we put this in this really nice jar. I dab up these dudes who. I still don't know if they're actually related to me because they look just like me, but they didn't have time to figure it out.
- [30:00]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [30:01]
Adarius Bell
I just wanted to go home and adapt these dudes up. I give them a hug. I give her a hug and hop in the car. My mom is talking, and I just started breaking down.
- [30:14]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [30:15]
Adarius Bell
And it was just. It was a lot to do with. And, you know, the biggest thing is this. We were trying to leave the property. We were trying to leave the property. And I made a wrong turn. I was supposed to make a left. I made a right. And I started driving down this long road. And I look up and I see that there's this watermelon farm. It's huge. It's acres. Just like, the biggest I've ever seen, bro. And that shit is, like, sprawls, like, further. Further than, you know, I can really see.
- [30:57]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [30:58]
Adarius Bell
And I realized he wasn't lying.
- [31:03]
Taj Easton
The watermelon farm was real.
- [31:05]
Adarius Bell
It was real. And so I kind of laughed. Laughed at myself. And I thought to myself, this motherfucker, man, he really pulled this shit off. He really pulled off a whole nother life. And I don't know what was real or what was fake, but the love for him was extremely real. And the hate I had for anybody who he loved was extremely fake.
- [31:33]
Taj Easton
Right.
- [31:35]
Adarius Bell
And I needed to let it go.
- [31:37]
Taj Easton
Wow. That is a complex, complete human being right there.
- [31:45]
Adarius Bell
Yeah, man. So now I'm like, really searching to make sure that, like, these moments where I'm trying to protect myself, you know, what am I doing it for? Who am I feeding? Is it the ego I'm feeding in my line to myself? Am I lying to people when I have to maneuver a shake out of something? I don't know. But I do know these are just cards, man. And I don't know if I've been playing the hand as best as I can, but I'm ready to play a new game with these cards, man.
- [32:19]
Taj Easton
So one of the things you think about when you think about this story is, like, questioning your instincts or your first reaction or the direction your emotions maybe take you.
- [32:31]
Adarius Bell
Yeah, I think it's a little all that. Yeah, I think it's a little all that. I think mostly is understanding patterns, behavior patterns.
- [32:39]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [32:40]
Adarius Bell
Now we kind of get stuck in these loops.
- [32:42]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [32:43]
Adarius Bell
We're. We just be doing shit just to do it, to cope, to get by. And sometimes it's not necessarily the most healthy thing.
- [32:51]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [32:52]
Adarius Bell
And sometimes there's a little bit more investigation required.
- [32:55]
Taj Easton
Yes. I like the sound of that.
- [32:58]
Adarius Bell
Yeah. Understand, like, what these things are.
- [33:01]
Taj Easton
Right.
- [33:01]
Adarius Bell
Instead of just taking them for face value. Everything is. Everything is in the human experiences complex.
- [33:07]
Taj Easton
Yes.
- [33:09]
Adarius Bell
And simple at the same time.
- [33:11]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [33:12]
Kevin
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- [33:46]
Subway Representative
Hey, folks, I want to tell you about a new podcast called Reflector. If you love Risk, you love true stories, right? And on each episode of Reflector, they really dive into some of the thorniest, messiest issues facing our society today. From addiction to election denial to what inspires people to commit violence. And they weave together a story that highlights the nuances and idiosyncrasies of our human nature. On a recent episode, I was so excited to see that they have my friend Mike Pesca come on to talk about how and why politicians lie. Well, some more than others. So you can find this new podcast by searching for reflector right now on whatever app you're using to listen to Risk.
- [34:40]
Adarius Bell
My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for Career Day and said he was a big roas man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day.
- [34:55]
Kevin
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- [35:11]
Midi Health Representative
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- [35:41]
Kevin
We're back.
- [35:43]
Taj Easton
Is it just me listening to this story that I feel very good about where you ended up? Would you say that you're proud with how you showed up?
- [35:53]
Adarius Bell
Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, I did the thing, you know. Yeah, there's a lot of people in my family who could have went, but I took it on my shoulders and I had never done nothing like that, like really processed all of the things to pick up my grandfather's body and bring it back and, you know, deal with all of the, again, the operations and logistics of it. Like no one wanted to do it. Everyone was broken. It was a hot holiday. Yeah, no one wanted to leave. And yeah, it was one of my finest moments.
- [36:24]
Taj Easton
It is a fine moment, man.
- [36:27]
Adarius Bell
It's a fine moment.
- [36:28]
Taj Easton
I mean, you know me and in what high esteem I hold empathy. And this story to me is like a beautiful fucking empathy superhero kind of moment that just thrills me and makes me want to give you such a big hug.
- [36:45]
Adarius Bell
Yeah, man. Yeah, man. But right now I'm just going through a lot of the same where not necessarily lying or hiding anything, but I'm letting a part of my ego drive me and it's starting to be a little bit detrimental to myself, my life, my family. And I've been thinking about that with my grandfather for the last couple weeks because I always been confused on what I was seeing versus what I was experiencing And I don't know if the things I saw was his family. I don't know if everything was a lie. But I experienced a lot of love and I experienced a lot of truth.
- [37:31]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [37:32]
Adarius Bell
So again, I always think about that because I don't know what the fuck was happening.
- [37:38]
Taj Easton
You really do get at a kind of incredibly thought provoking kind of truth there in that your perspective that all of these alternate possibilities are legitimate and sort of equivalent. And I'm not going to know objectively what is true. But I can kind of hold that each of these people has their own truth.
- [38:07]
Adarius Bell
No, that's exactly what it is. I think the situation is its own truth.
- [38:13]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [38:13]
Adarius Bell
Regardless of how we arrived to get there. This is its own separate value of how folks approach their truth and their true selves and their ability to be a part of a moment.
- [38:28]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [38:29]
Adarius Bell
And I almost took that away from them.
- [38:32]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [38:33]
Adarius Bell
But it just was because my ego.
- [38:35]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [38:36]
Adarius Bell
And my grandfather. A lot of dude to death.
- [38:40]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [38:40]
Adarius Bell
He didn't really help with setting me up for that. I mean, I'm in a situation where his ego had him lying about a whole nother family.
- [38:50]
Taj Easton
Right.
- [38:51]
Adarius Bell
And in return, my ego treated it as if I'm his only family.
- [38:56]
Taj Easton
Right.
- [38:57]
Adarius Bell
And all that was just a bad combination in the moment.
- [39:02]
Taj Easton
Yeah. I mean, I like where it ended up. I like where it ended up a whole lot. And significant to me too is that we're talking about it now and it looks like it has some real resonance for what's happening in your life.
- [39:19]
Adarius Bell
Sure.
- [39:20]
Taj Easton
And it seems like it is kind of a touchstone that is bringing you to a sort of humble self awareness that could really serve you well, I imagine. I mean, the level of sort of introspection I'm hearing from you today, it's an encouraging thing, man. Because not everyone can sort of stop and look and bring the kind of humble self awareness that might be just the thing you really need at this time.
- [39:58]
Adarius Bell
No, it's real and, you know, it's extra layered. A happily married man. My grandfather was a happily married man and he made some bad decisions that pushed him out of his home. And these are very different decisions. They're not involving any other women.
- [40:20]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [40:21]
Adarius Bell
But I'm making bad decisions in my life that could potentially push me out of my home. And that scares the fuck out of me.
- [40:30]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [40:31]
Adarius Bell
And I have no problem fearlessly confronting this shit. But I need to understand, like where it comes from.
- [40:42]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [40:43]
Adarius Bell
And I keep thinking about this moment with my grandfather. Like he's the only man I knew For a very long time. He was. He's my. He's my father in everybody's eyes.
- [40:56]
Taj Easton
Right.
- [40:56]
Adarius Bell
And nobody see it differently.
- [40:58]
Taj Easton
Right. Not an insignificant effect on your upbringing.
- [41:03]
Adarius Bell
Nah. And the crazy thing is, like, I didn't know. I didn't know about any of this shit, but that pattern, that behavior I adopted, which is.
- [41:12]
Taj Easton
Wow. Yes.
- [41:13]
Adarius Bell
I didn't know. I didn't know anything like this in his life. It didn't make sense to me. Honestly. I thought he was living with some old homies back in the day that, like, got a compound in Mississippi and that's where they retired, you know, like. Yeah, that was the whole thing that was framed to me. I didn't see it as anything else. Yeah, I know he was fishing. I knew he had this watermelon farm, but I didn't. I didn't know any of his actual life right until the moment he died.
- [41:43]
Taj Easton
Wow.
- [41:44]
Adarius Bell
And I'm just hoping that I could figure out a better way to live my own life in truth and for people to see it before. Before I die. And that's the goal, you know? That's the thing I want the most.
- [42:01]
Taj Easton
God damn, man.
- [42:03]
Adarius Bell
Yeah, man. It's a. It's a lot. And I'm sorry to spring this up on you. I just. It's been stuck in my head, bro, for, like, the last two, three weeks, I think. You know, one day, hopefully, we'll have a. A recap of what. I've been going through. This. Mostly workplace stuff, but yeah. Yeah. I've been thinking about this. This moment for almost every day, multiple times a day. Because I gotta really get on the fact that, like, there's a lot of shit moving in my life that is not in the right direction and there's a lot of good. So it's not all bad.
- [42:37]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [42:37]
Adarius Bell
I don't want to beat myself up, but I gotta find a balance.
- [42:42]
Taj Easton
And it's a time to zoom out and take a step back and look at the big picture.
- [42:47]
Adarius Bell
Yeah. Yeah. And that's exactly what I need to do, is take a huge step back, sit with how I arrived here. I did it a little subconsciously, just kind of arrived.
- [43:01]
Taj Easton
Sure, sure.
- [43:01]
Adarius Bell
Didn't know that it was layered with past trauma and past missteps of other elders and ancestors.
- [43:12]
Taj Easton
Right, Right.
- [43:13]
Adarius Bell
But I think that's why I keep thinking about this story and going through this thing I'm going through, like, it keeps coming back as, like, one of the more confusing moments of clarity. One of the most confusing moments of accepting clarity.
- [43:31]
Taj Easton
God damn it. Is a Poignant and loaded. Complicated. Beautiful story.
- [43:41]
Adarius Bell
Yeah, man. And the nigga really had a watermelon farm. That shit crazy, bro. That shit was so. That was crazy. I'm like, hold on, bro. You ain't never sent a watermelon to California. You ain't never sent me no dry fruits.
- [43:55]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [43:55]
Adarius Bell
You ain't never took me fishing. Like, what the. You out here. You out here with acres of a watermelon farm.
- [44:01]
Taj Easton
Oh, my God.
- [44:02]
Adarius Bell
Acres. That's my favorite fruit.
- [44:04]
Taj Easton
Wow.
- [44:04]
Adarius Bell
I'm black as hell. I love watermelon, man.
- [44:07]
Taj Easton
Watermelon is so amazing.
- [44:09]
Adarius Bell
It's amazing.
- [44:10]
Taj Easton
Do you think you have a watermelon farm, like, in this story in the Analog is part of the mystery here. Do we figure out what your watermelon farm is?
- [44:22]
Adarius Bell
Yeah, man. You know, to be honest with you, that's funny. I thought about that, too, my brother, and I think, ironically enough, I won't be able to choose my watermelon farm.
- [44:33]
Taj Easton
Right.
- [44:34]
Adarius Bell
I'll be able to tell y'all that I got a watermelon farm.
- [44:37]
Taj Easton
Right.
- [44:38]
Adarius Bell
And hopefully when I die, y'all see it.
- [44:41]
Taj Easton
We'll see it. Oh, my gosh.
- [44:43]
Adarius Bell
You know, it's one of them things where, like, I preach a lot of. I say a lot of that I'm about.
- [44:48]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [44:49]
Adarius Bell
I don't know if people believe it. Oh, well. But when I pass, I hope people start to find my little acres of watermelon farms all over and know that I did my best, I tried my best, and I was very, very honest.
- [45:03]
Taj Easton
With my people, so. Well said, man. I mean, of all the people I know, I think you are probably the most sort of forward thinking, especially in creative terms, sort of like ahead of the curve. And so it's very easy for me to imagine the world. It won't be quite ready for everything you have to offer until you're gone.
- [45:27]
Adarius Bell
Yeah, me too. Me, too, man. Yeah. But there is one out there. I don't know what. I don't know what people are going to call it, but I've said a lot of shit, and I feel like there's going to be gems that people being like, man, this motherfucker was right.
- [45:44]
Taj Easton
Yes, sir. That's what I'm talking about.
- [45:47]
Adarius Bell
Even the complexities of the life that I've lived.
- [45:50]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [45:50]
Adarius Bell
I think people are going to look back and say, hey, man, this dude left a lot of watermelon.
- [45:57]
Taj Easton
Yeah. I already talk about you like this to everyone.
- [46:02]
Adarius Bell
Hey, man, you know, it's all love, too. I got a lot of soul searching to do in the upcoming weeks. And I think a part of the process is really opening up how I got here. And although I'm gonna be a. Okay. I'm gonna be perfectly fine.
- [46:21]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [46:22]
Adarius Bell
I think this is the time for me to really dig into who I am and who I wanna continue to be. So thank you for letting me kind of unpack and open up and. And investigate that with you, because I'm really on a search right now.
- [46:37]
Taj Easton
Oh, my God, Darius, thank you. It's just a total honor and privilege to be able to have this kind of conversation with you and kind of inspiring to notice how much you seem to be in a sort of introspective, existential moment. And. Yeah. Just that you would trust me with this conversation means a huge amount.
- [47:08]
Adarius Bell
Amen.
- [47:09]
Taj Easton
It's the kind of culture I want to build amongst the people in my life is one where this kind of radical honesty or vulnerability is flowing. It means a great deal to me.
- [47:22]
Adarius Bell
You know, it's hard love, man. I can't do this for too many people.
- [47:25]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [47:26]
Adarius Bell
So I appreciate the moments to be able to do this and shout out to my Kevin.
- [47:32]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [47:35]
Adarius Bell
Shout out to my Kevin. You know, for setting up. Setting up this platform for folks to really be able to share moments like this with their homies. I appreciate it. I don't know you, Kev, but you family, too, brother. Man, I. I appreciate it, bro. I appreciate it.
- [47:52]
Taj Easton
I appreciate you so much. So much. And I really, really hope that you will call me and we can talk offline if there's anything else that would be helpful to be listened to about.
- [48:09]
Adarius Bell
Nah, man. You know, I'm gonna hit you up, bro. I need you, man. And I love our combos. I just been a little stuck.
- [48:16]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [48:17]
Adarius Bell
To be completely honest with you.
- [48:18]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [48:19]
Adarius Bell
Been a little stuck. I've been a little embarrassed. I've been a little in a place that I never had to vocalize because I ain't never been there.
- [48:29]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [48:30]
Adarius Bell
So, yeah. No, we don't rap. We gonna rap. I need to get myself out of my head, but I'm slowly, slowly getting the right words out now. I got to get the right actions to match it.
- [48:42]
Taj Easton
Okay. I can see it, man. And also, I really trust you and believe in you. So I personally don't feel a lot of fear that you won't come out of this where you want to be, But I don't know. What I'm just trying to say is how much I believe you and have confidence in you. And I don't know if my confidence is at all Helpful right now, but it's sincere.
- [49:10]
Adarius Bell
No, it is, man. You know, like, I think people. People like yourself, man, who I hold very close to, you know, just as family.
- [49:20]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [49:21]
Adarius Bell
I think it really helps because when I talk to folks like yourself, man, you're not. You're not people who. I don't know, man. They're just feeding my ego, you know, they're just feeding the thing that I don't want to feed.
- [49:34]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [49:35]
Adarius Bell
And I think that you're giving me nourishment for my soul and not the thing that I'm not trying to feed anyway, so I appreciate it, man. I just. I need to stick in that as much as possible because I got two stomachs, and one eats way more than the other, bro. The other one is very hungry.
- [49:55]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [49:56]
Adarius Bell
Very hungry, man.
- [49:57]
Taj Easton
It's. Yeah. It's just kind of mind blowing to me that you brought this story today. I mean, I've spent so much time in the last two and a half, three years, like, in an existential kind of crisis, and I'm very often thinking about how all of these lessons I picked up from the patriarchy are things that I'm trying to work against or moderate or sort of work out. And, yeah, I don't know if it's as much as what your story meant to you, but for me, when you were saying, like, somehow you got a lot of these lessons from him, sort of these, like, types of relationships to your ego that he didn't have to teach you directly or whatever, like, it came through even though you didn't know about him until he was gone. That's what it makes me think about is sort of like, these roles that the men before us played and how, in so many ways, they have really deep and profound impressions that then it's, like, part of our character and we have to take some serious time for introspection in or. If you want to catch that and do something else.
- [51:30]
Adarius Bell
No, it's. It's. It's so real, bro. And I think we inherit so much as humans, we're almost like. Almost like little USB sticks, like. And we can walk on this road. We can keep moving on this life. This is still on the fucking thumb drive, bro. And I think I slowly need to audit what the fuck is on my thumb drive. Yeah. Because, like, I've been attached to these things and inherited a bunch of shit that I didn't know was there. And I'm running out of space. I'm running out of memory. I'm at my max. I need a terabit. Drive or, you know, I need something way bigger if I'm gonna operate like this, but the truth is, you only get one fucking thumb drive.
- [52:14]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [52:14]
Adarius Bell
And that's it.
- [52:15]
Taj Easton
You gotta do the virus cleaner.
- [52:17]
Adarius Bell
I gotta get my ass on Norton, baby. Norton. Software protection, all that shit.
- [52:22]
Taj Easton
Yeah. Yeah.
- [52:22]
Adarius Bell
I gotta clean this shit up, bro, because I'm stuck with a bunch of files that I didn't necessarily want to inherit, things that I didn't even ask for.
- [52:32]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [52:32]
Adarius Bell
So now it's really trying to investigate, like, how I worked that out, man.
- [52:37]
Taj Easton
Yeah. I see you, man. And it's also extremely validating and heartening because I have been thinking like this so much the last couple years. And. Yeah. Not trying to delight in your struggle right now, but not.
- [52:56]
Adarius Bell
You know what. You know what's crazy, T, I'm not gonna stop you, but I want to say this like, you didn't know my grandfather, but I knew your pops.
- [53:01]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [53:02]
Adarius Bell
And I can say if I could go back, my grandfather's nickname would be Quick and Dirty Ed.
- [53:08]
Taj Easton
He's got something in common with my dad.
- [53:10]
Adarius Bell
Both great men.
- [53:12]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [53:12]
Adarius Bell
Both did a lot of. Right.
- [53:15]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [53:15]
Adarius Bell
But we got uploaded with a lot of. A lot of their things.
- [53:20]
Taj Easton
Yeah. We got a lot of junk on the drive.
- [53:22]
Adarius Bell
We got a lot of spam mail in our inbox from them.
- [53:25]
Taj Easton
There's a good bit needs cleaning out. Yeah.
- [53:28]
Adarius Bell
They left a lot. Ego, doubt, fear, all these things that they necessarily couldn't name.
- [53:35]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [53:36]
Adarius Bell
We inherited that. And now we're at a part of our lives where we're naming shit that we're dealing with as if we just woke up with.
- [53:45]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [53:45]
Adarius Bell
The truth is, it's been instilled in us from a very long, long, long time, man. And, yeah, again, like, these are great dudes, bro. Like amazing men who were so technically flawed.
- [54:03]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [54:04]
Adarius Bell
That they made it their fucking superpower.
- [54:06]
Taj Easton
Right. 100%.
- [54:09]
Adarius Bell
And although I wish I could operate under that superpower, that's not me.
- [54:14]
Taj Easton
That is not you.
- [54:15]
Adarius Bell
I just inherited some of the shit that they had.
- [54:17]
Taj Easton
Yes.
- [54:18]
Adarius Bell
I wish I could be the same dude. I wish I could operate how they operate, how they moved. We're just not this. We're not the same. And so I operate a lot differently, thank God. And I don't want the superpower. I got my own. And I don't have enough room for his. And it's all love, you know? I mean, I'll leave you with this last story, because this is actually a kind of funny one about him.
- [54:46]
Taj Easton
Okay.
- [54:47]
Adarius Bell
I'm gonna leave you with a quick antidote.
- [54:48]
Taj Easton
Okay. Okay. An antidote.
- [54:50]
Adarius Bell
And it's a good way to end this, in this whole shit.
- [54:53]
Taj Easton
Okay, cool.
- [54:54]
Adarius Bell
So I be kicking with Eli. Eli's my white Jewish homie. Shout out to Eli.
- [54:59]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [55:00]
Adarius Bell
You know Eli.
- [55:01]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [55:01]
Adarius Bell
Eli's been doing these, like, Wachuma cactus ceremonies where you. Yeah. Ingest a little bit of this fucking. Listen. It's some white people shit, dog. I don't even know what I'm drinking. They just doing a whole bunch of shit. But I believe in it. Cause they really. They're working out a lot of shit internally.
- [55:19]
Taj Easton
Okay.
- [55:20]
Adarius Bell
They're praying to a higher God. It's all things I believe in. How we arrived there. I don't know. It's all kind of kooky to me.
- [55:27]
Taj Easton
Kooky.
- [55:28]
Adarius Bell
That's the way to say it. But I believe in where we're going with this ride.
- [55:32]
Taj Easton
Okay.
- [55:32]
Adarius Bell
So they do these ceremonies where it's a prayer ceremony, mindfulness ceremonies, all this different. So I go to one.
- [55:39]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [55:40]
Adarius Bell
And it was lit. I did the whole little. I'm drinking that little cactus. I'm like, I'm gonna have my visuals. This is gonna be lit. This is lit. And I'm thinking about, like, kaleidoscopes, little elephants in the air, you know? I want the real. Give me the hallucina. Jazz. I wanna hallucinate, baby.
- [55:59]
Taj Easton
Yeah. Yeah.
- [56:00]
Adarius Bell
So I'm, like, drinking this. I'm sitting in the circle. Nothing's happening. It's hours gone by. People are starting to vibrate and do all these hand movements and shaking. I'm looking over like y'all faking. I've been in this whole little circle with y'all for, like, three, four hours, man. I ain't gotta really do nothing else besides drop a deuce. I look to the left and right. Everybody's, like, laying on the ground, doing heavy breathing. Then this shit. I'm like, what? Man, this is definitely not my lane. This ain't even my speed, man. I don't know what y'all doing.
- [56:32]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [56:32]
Adarius Bell
So at some point, I'm the only one with my eyes open, looking real confused. Eli walks over to me, and he has on this huge Native American garb and shit. And he's like, hey, D, listen, you can go outside and take a walk if you want to. I was like, oh, fuck yeah, Bet. Get some fresh air, man. I gotta get away from these crazy white people.
- [56:52]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [56:53]
Adarius Bell
So I get up, I go for a walk outside the yard. And I'm walking on the property again. I hadn't seen nothing. No hallucinating nothing. It was a regular ass fucking weekend. Sun is out, okay? And I walk up this hill and at the top of the hill is flat and you can see all of the Bay area.
- [57:13]
Taj Easton
Oh, shit.
- [57:14]
Adarius Bell
So I'm walking up this hill to get to the top so I can take this cool little Oakland hills view or wherever. We were like kind of near the open hills and I was like, oh, I want to see this view. I'm gonna walk up and when I get there, okay. And all of a sudden there's gold glitter everywhere. I follow it. There's gold glitter on the ground, gold glitter on the trees, gold glitter everywhere. It's sparkling. It's almost like little mini gold bars because it was so fucking shiny and it was everywhere. It was like small ones. It was like chunkier pyrite looking ones everywhere. And I kept following. I was like, what the? This, what is this gold glitter? This hello Kitty's house. Where am I going? So I keep walking. This is them following the gold glitter. And right when I get to the top, I see a Eames chair. Eames chair is a wood back chair that was made in conjunction with Herman Miller. They're popular, I want to say, in the 50s and 60s.
- [58:20]
Taj Easton
Okay.
- [58:21]
Adarius Bell
But got wildly popular and expensive in the 70s, 80s amongst the elitists.
- [58:26]
Taj Easton
Okay.
- [58:27]
Adarius Bell
You know, because the chair went from like a 2, 300 handcrafted chair.
- [58:31]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [58:32]
Adarius Bell
To cost thousands, I think now if you want an Eames chair, they're in, you know, between three, five grand for just the base ones.
- [58:39]
Taj Easton
Damn.
- [58:40]
Adarius Bell
Which is all look up and there's an Eames chair and ottoman in the field. Shiny gold glitter all over it. Now the crazy thing about the Eamshire is my grandfather wanted an eam share his whole life. That was like his pinnacle.
- [58:55]
Taj Easton
Okay.
- [58:56]
Adarius Bell
You know when people say, I'm gonna. I'm gonna give me a rocking chair and I'm gonna sit in the rocking chair. Yeah. And I'm gonna retire.
- [59:01]
Taj Easton
Yeah. He wanted the Eames.
- [59:03]
Adarius Bell
He would always say, you know, I'm gonna give me an Eames chair.
- [59:06]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [59:06]
Adarius Bell
And I'm gonna retire. I walk to the top of the mountain. I see this Eames chair. It's filled up with glitter. And I'm still probably about 50 to 100 yards away from it, but walking towards it. As soon as I get close a look, there's somebody in the fucking Eames chair. All gold.
- [59:27]
Taj Easton
What?
- [59:28]
Adarius Bell
Gold shirt, gold pants, gold shoes. Just fucking gold it out, bro. Burning man type gold. There's gold everywhere.
- [59:38]
Taj Easton
That sounds like a burning man.
- [59:39]
Adarius Bell
Gold. It was wild. I mean, like, gold hair, metallic gold gold hands. Damn, everything's gold.
- [59:47]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [59:48]
Adarius Bell
And I look again at the hair as I'm walking up. I was like, what the fuck? That's my grandfather's hair. I keep walking, I get closer to it, and I look to the side, and sure enough, it's my grandfather sitting in the fucking Eames chair made out of all gold. And I stop, and I just fold my arms and I stare at it. And I want to stare at it for a long time. I'm just really, like, staring at this chair. And then I realized the medicine kicked in. I was hot. I was hallucinating. I got exactly what I needed in that moment. And I got to see my grandfather in his Eames chair. And I giggled to myself. I dropped a tear, and I walked back to the ceremony and said, hey, y'all, this shit is good. This shit works.
- [60:36]
Taj Easton
It works.
- [60:37]
Adarius Bell
It works.
- [60:38]
Taj Easton
He was passed at that point. Yeah.
- [60:39]
Adarius Bell
That was like a couple months after he passed. I did that ceremony with him because I wanted to try something new, do some new shit. So, yeah, yeah, that. That ceremony, that cactus plan. Boy, that strong.
- [60:54]
Taj Easton
I've heard. I've heard things about this. This Wachuma.
- [60:58]
Adarius Bell
Yeah. Wachuma is different. So shout out to Wachuma and all the Wachumans.
- [61:03]
Taj Easton
A sponsorship from Wachuma for this episode, too.
- [61:06]
Adarius Bell
Yeah. Sponsorship from. What is it called? Medicine Path. Shout out to the Medicine Path and the Wood Schumann.
- [61:12]
Taj Easton
There you go. And Subway sandwiches and Subway sponsorship. Dari, I fucking love you, man. This really was so much more wonderful than I could have even imagined.
- [61:24]
Adarius Bell
I love you too, T. Tremendously, Brother Saint the first. This ain't gonna be the last.
- [61:50]
Taj Easton
That is it, y'all. This has been a total honor for me. Thank you, Kevin. Thank you, you listeners. Thank you to our Patreon supporters. Thank you to everyone who has been a part of this family for the past 15 years. I feel incredibly privileged and fortunate to be a part of this. A thousand thanks to Adarius Bell, whose friendship, whose candor and vulnerability in telling this story is incredibly moving and inspiring to me. Seriously, it has changed me, at least in some small way. And I hope that at the very least, it has, you know, entertained you. To me listening to Adarius, I wish I had more male role models like Adarius when I was growing up. This is the kind of conversation I want more of in my life. Thank you, Adarius. You can find Adarius Bell on the socials at 8 o'clock a D A C L O C K Let us know what you think of this third kind of story format we're doing now at the Risk Podcast Fans Discussion group on Facebook. You can post on the R R dash slash R dash slash dash risk. Is that really how it goes? R dash riskspodcast? I don't know. On the subreddit on the Risk Podcast subreddit. You know what I'm talking about. You can also email Kevin directly@KevinRisk Show.com if you're listening. The email chair company, please send Adarius an Eames Chair. I think he has earned it and that'd be a nice kind of closing the loop on this story and you'd want to be a part of that. I'm sure that you could get some some viral marketing out of it, or at least some satisfaction for being, you know, doing the right thing. If any representatives of Subway are listening, Darius is an excellent candidate for your free Subs for Life program, if such a thing exists. The music you're hearing now is also by a young Adarius Bell and a young Taj Easton. Okay, I'm seriously done now. Thank you so much to everybody who makes this show possible. I love my life and I love being a part of this community, which is genuinely fun, awesome, and mind expanding and it wouldn't be possible without you. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you folks. Today is the motherfucking day. Take a.
- [65:05]
Indeed Representative
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- [65:34]
Subway Representative
24 hey folks, there's so much more of Risk in the holiday season. Risk is always publishing new episodes and new stories as well as holiday favorites. This holiday season, don't forget, click on Risk.