Fuck or Fight, Revisited

Summary

Podcast Summary: RISK! – "Fuck or Fight, Revisited"

Episode Information

• Title: RISK!
• Host/Author: Kevin Allison
• Description: Hosted by Kevin Allison, RISK! is a show where individuals share true, often jaw-dropping stories they never thought they'd dare to tell in public. Combining humor, heartache, and raw honesty, the podcast delves into the wild side of personal experiences.
• Episode: Fuck or Fight, Revisited
• Release Date: March 19, 2025

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I. Introduction

Kevin Allison welcomes listeners to a special video format episode of RISK!, featuring a deep dive into one of their most impactful stories, "Fuck or Fight," originally shared by Melanie Hamlet in 2012. Recognizing the evolving perspectives over the years, Kevin and Melanie engage in a reflective conversation to explore the story's deeper meanings and Melanie's personal growth since its initial telling.

II. Story Summary: "Fuck or Fight"

Melanie Hamlet's Original Tale:

Melanie recounts her experience as a ski instructor in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, during her mid-20s. At a colleague's blowout party predominantly attended by men, she meets a man named Dallas. Their interactions are playful and marked by mutual sarcasm, setting the stage for unforeseen events.

As the night progresses, two other men—one a cage fighter and the other his sidekick—remain after most guests have left. These men begin harassing Melanie and Dallas, leading Dallas to declare a "fuck or fight" situation. This ultimatum means that the men either seek a sexual encounter or a physical confrontation.

A heated altercation ensues between Dallas and the cage fighter, which Dallas ultimately wins. However, tensions escalate when the cage fighter violently attacks Dallas, leaving him injured. In the aftermath, Dallas seeks solace by asking Melanie to stay and comfort him. Despite having no genuine interest or chemistry, Melanie succumbs to social conditioning and compassion, agreeing to sleep with Dallas to alleviate his distress.

Notable Quote:
Melanie reflects on the moment Dallas explains the situation:
“Well, baby, I hate to tell you this, but it looks like we got a fuck or fight situation right now.” [05:36]

III. Reflections and Insights

Melanie Hamlet's Personal Growth:

Revisiting the "Fuck or Fight" story, Melanie delves into the underlying themes of patriarchal conditioning and self-abandonment. She acknowledges how societal expectations pressured her into compromising her autonomy and safety under the guise of compassion and duty towards men.

Key Themes Discussed:

1. Patriarchal Conditioning: Melanie explores how ingrained societal norms taught her to prioritize men's feelings and ego over her own safety and desires.

   Notable Quote:
   “The way I've been conditioned as a woman in this country is to self-abandon in order to take care of men and them feeling good about themselves.” [19:40]

2. Trauma and Self-Abandonment: She connects her actions to past traumas, including childhood sexual assault, which influenced her inability to assert boundaries and prioritize her well-being.

3. Empathy and Manipulation: Melanie discusses the concept of "empathy fucking," where women feel obligated to engage sexually out of pity or a desire to alleviate male discomfort, often at personal cost.

4. Healing and Unlearning: Emphasizing her journey towards self-compassion, Melanie highlights the importance of recognizing and dismantling internalized misogyny and societal pressures.

   Notable Quote:
   “I have to question it and be like, who the fuck? What's that? I find a new version of internalized misogyny every day.” [48:56]

5. Impact on Relationships: She shares how healing has transformed her personal life, allowing her to build healthier relationships and support systems, moving away from self-abandoning behaviors.

   Notable Quote:
   “Focusing on my shit and healing my shit, like really working hard, it does actually change little by little, my world.” [91:09]

Discussion with Kevin Allison:

Kevin and Melanie engage in a candid dialogue about the evolution of her perspectives. They discuss how revisiting the story with newfound insights provides a more profound understanding of the complexities involved in abusive relationships and societal expectations.

Notable Quote:
Kevin remarks on the significance of revisiting the story:
“It feels like we're all in a sort of an abusive relationship right now... There's something very, like, inspiring about hearing someone who went through something and came down from the mountain, as you would say, to talk about it, but then came back down the mountain years later.” [90:27]

IV. Conclusions and Takeaways

Empowerment Through Storytelling:

Melanie emphasizes the therapeutic value of sharing personal stories, not only for her healing but also for fostering a sense of community and understanding among listeners who may have faced similar challenges. By shedding light on her experiences, Melanie aims to empower other women to recognize and overcome patriarchal conditioning and self-abandonment.

Advocacy and Change:

The episode underscores the importance of self-awareness and the ongoing journey to unlearn harmful societal norms. Melanie's narrative serves as a call to action for women to prioritize their well-being, set boundaries, and seek supportive communities that encourage healing and personal growth.

Notable Quote:
Melanie concludes with a message of resilience and hope:
“I'm still adventurous and brave, but in much different ways that doesn't involve, like, the risk of death constantly.” [92:29]

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [05:10] Melanie Hamlet: “Everybody does it. It's okay.”
• [05:36] Melanie Hamlet: “Well, baby, I hate to tell you this, but it looks like we got a fuck or fight situation right now.”
• [19:40] Melanie Hamlet: “The way I've been conditioned as a woman in this country is to self-abandon in order to take care of men and them feeling good about themselves.”
• [48:56] Melanie Hamlet: “I find a new version of internalized misogyny every day.”
• [91:09] Melanie Hamlet: “Focusing on my shit and healing my shit, like really working hard, it does actually change little by little, my world.”
• [90:27] Kevin Allison: “It feels like we're all in a sort of an abusive relationship right now... There's something very, like, inspiring about hearing someone who went through something and came down from the mountain, as you would say, to talk about it, but then came back down the mountain years later.”
• [92:29] Melanie Hamlet: “I'm still adventurous and brave, but in much different ways that doesn't involve, like, the risk of death constantly.”

---

Final Thoughts

"Fuck or Fight, Revisited" offers a poignant exploration of Melanie Hamlet's personal evolution from a woman constrained by societal expectations to one who embraces self-compassion and empowerment. Through her candid storytelling and reflective dialogue with Kevin Allison, listeners gain invaluable insights into the pervasive impact of patriarchal conditioning and the transformative power of healing and self-awareness.

For those interested in Melanie's journey and the broader themes of self-abandonment, trauma, and empowerment, this episode serves as both a compelling narrative and a source of inspiration.

Transcript

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[Kevin Allison]

Yeah, sure thing.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Hey, you sold that car yet?

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah, sold it to Carvana.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy.

[Kevin Allison]

The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency, no interest over 36 months. Yeah, no. Carvana gave me an offer in minutes, picked it up and paid me on the spot. It was so convenient.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Just like that.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

No hassle?

[Advertiser 3]

None.

[Melanie Hamlet]

That is super convenient. Sell your car to Carvana and swap Hassle for convenience. Pickup fees may apply.

[Advertiser 2]

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[Kevin Allison]

Hello folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison and this is one of our new video format episodes. If you're hearing this on the audio podcast feed, know there's a link in the show notes to the video version. And if you're watching this, come on over to the audio podcast where we've been sharing jaw dropping, Boldly told true stories for over 15 years. There's thousands of stories waiting for you on Risk wherever you get your podcasts [e-mail] Today we're featuring a story by one of Risk's all time favorite regulars, Melanie Hamlet. She told this story in 2012 and I'm going to have a conversation with her about it now. In 2025 we also just reran another story of Melanie's that comes up in this conversation. My Life in the House of Clowns from 2013 Melanie is on TikTok El Hamlet. We're almost 200,000 followers can find her amazing insights on being a woman in this world today. So without further ado, here's me and Melanie. Hey folks. So a couple years ago we started rerunning the very first episodes of Risk. The first one was in 2009. Every Thursday we do this rerun material and it's been a really interesting way to look back at how the show began. But every now and then we hear a story where we think, I don't know how we feel about that one nowadays. So recently it was time to rerun this episode called Women on Men. And one of our favorite storytellers of all time in our history, Melanie Hamlet, shared a story on that episode called Fuck or Fight. And when we were thinking of rerunning it, some of the editors said, I have a feeling Melanie might feel a little differently about this story nowadays. So we decided not to edit it at all, but to run it as is and then to invite Melanie, who is now in Paris, right? Lyon, Lyon, Lyon, Lyon.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Everybody does it. It's okay.

[Kevin Allison]

And here I am in New York. We are gonna listen back together live right now to this story, Fuck or Fight it was. It first ran on the podcast in December of 2012 and so it's a real throwback and an interesting thing to be listening back to together.

[Advertiser 4]

This is not my normal voice. I have laryngitis, just so you know. Anyway, so I was in Jackson Hole, wyoming, in my mid-20s, and I was working as a. A ski instructor. And at the end of the season, one of my co workers has this big blowout party with kegs and, like, a bonfire in his backyard. And most of the people at the party are actually men, because in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, the ratio of men to women is 10 to 1. And most of the people at this party are like, you know, rich white guys from, like, the Midwest or the Northeast, and they just want to be ski bums for a while. But there are a few random people at this party, and one of them comes up to me, and he introduces himself as Dallas. I don't actually know if that's his name or not, but I loved the name. And Dallas is southern, and he's from West Virginia, and I'm from Tennessee, and most people in this party aren't. And I just have a soft spot in my heart for rednecks. And this guy is, like, cartoonishly redneck. Like, he's like. One of the first things he said to me is, like. So I said, I'm from West Virginia. Do you know West Virginia? He looks like a middle finger. And he was like, I'm from right here. And he points to his knuckle the same way. Someone from Michigan is like, I'm from right here with their little mitten. And they don't actually talk like that. And he would say things like, you know, let's pluck a feather, little lady, and get us some wild turkey, you know, and he said things like, darlin and little lady and baby and whatever, because that's what other men do. And I thought it was hilarious. I love to prove to men how strong I am. And I was like, yeah, I'm a whitewater raft guy, and I live in my truck, and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, which I did. And he was, like, bragging about what a man he is and how he was the West Virginia state wrestling champion when he was in high school and how he'd run in bags for years to sweat off all that weight and ate. Starved himself, you know, so we're exchanging stories and having a good time. Just so you know, I'm not actually, like, attracted to this guy. I just think he's, like, hilarious. He looks just like a guy that I would be attracted to because he's got, like, Shoulder length hair and like a puffy jacket with like duct tape covering all the holes, you know, like my kind of man. But there's like no chemistry. So I was just joking around. And before I knew it, it was like two in the morning and everybody had either left the party or was like crashing on the floor of my friend's living room and across the fire. There's only two people left other than Dallas and I. And it's one guy, he looks like a redneck, kind of uglier version of the Russian from Rocky iv. Just a huge guy. And then he had a little sidekick, this scrappy little guy. I thought he was like schmeagle, kind of like, you know. And I had actually met these guys earlier in the night. The bigger guy was actually a cage fighter. And he tried hitting on me and I was like. And. And then the little scrappy guy was like. Called me a cunt because I wasn't like, receptive to it. So I was like, I'm staying away from these guys. But now at the end of the night, I'm like, right across from them and they're like leering at me and they're like talking shit. I can tell because they say like, she. I can't understand what they're saying, but I know that they got an issue. And then they start talking shit about Dallas and they're making fun of his accent and I'm like, what is going on here? And Dallas is like, well, baby, I hate to tell you this, but it looks like we got a fuck or fight situation right now. And I'm like, what is that? He's like, well, these guys came here hoping to fuck, and you're the only woman left and you're talking to me, so they're not gonna leave here till they fight. And I'm like, is that like. Is that like, real? And part of me is thinking like, wait a second, does Dallas think we're gonn. And then the other one, I was like, whatever. This is Jackson Hole. Everyone just gets high and skis all the time. But no, actually the cage fighter, moments later, like, walks over to Dallas and just like. And Dallas is like, let's go. And like, he like, next thing I know, they're on the ground and Dallas has him in one of those, like, homoerotic wrestling holds who's totally got him pinned. And the cage fighter's like, all right, up.

[Melanie Hamlet]

I'm fine.

[Advertiser 4]

Let me up. I'm gonna go. And Dallas is like, all right then. So he goes to walk away and so Dallas turns to me to start talking, and the cage fighter comes back, you know, sneaky, and grabs Dallas by the jacket and throws him on the ground and punches him in the face a couple times. Things just got, like, primal and crazy all of a sudden. Because I worked in the outdoor industry for years, I'm used to, like, man versus nature and, like, saving people from drowning and, like, crisis. But I used to, like, fisticuffs. Man versus man. And, like, I actually think Dallas might, like, die. I mean, this guy's a cage fighter. And, you know, there's blood everywhere. There's so much commotion that the dust being kicked up. I can hardly see what's going on. They're, like, rolling near the fire, and I'm almost about to go inside and be like, get help. You know, this is one of those moments. I'm so used to hanging around men all the time and working with men and doing, like, men jobs that I almost feel like I'm a man sometimes.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And then moments like this, I'm like, nope, I'm not a man.

[Advertiser 4]

I don't know how to handle this. And so basically, Dallas finally, like, pens this guy in another homoerotic wrestling thing and totally wins. And finally, the cage fighter gives up, and Dallas is like, that's right. Now get out of here. You know? And I just love the way he talks. It's so funny. And so these guys walk away with their tail between their legs. And then Dallas walks over to me, and he's got, like, holes in his jeans. He's covered in dirt and blood. His eyes are, like, clearly gonna swell up any moment now. And he looks so vulnerable. And he comes up and he goes, well, baby, I won. And I'm like, yes, you did. And he's like. And I'm also thinking. I'm like, did I? Cause this. Is this my fault? And he says, I need some help with my eye, though. And so I take him into the bathroom and go, like, all Florence Nightingale on him or whatever. And. And then I'm like, all right, it's time to, like. The party ended a long time ago. I'm going to bed. So I grab my sleeping bag and hit. You know, grab a place on the carpet in the living room because there's people scattered all over asleep. And he goes, babe, baby, I don't feel like going home right now. Do you mind if I lay next to you? And I'm like, okay. You know, and it's normal in, like, in my line of work to sleep next to guys all the time. In sleeping bags. And it's not a big deal. So I'm like, whatever. So he lays. He doesn't actually have his sleeping bag. I like zip up into mine. And he like sleeps on his shoes and has like no blanket or anything. And he starts spooning me.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And I'm like, okay.

[Advertiser 4]

Part of me is like red flag. But then I'm like, well, whatever. I'm in like a full length down condom right now. There's nothing getting between here. And so then he puts his arm over me and I'm like, okay. But that's what I notice is it's shaking. And I'm like, are you okay? And he's like, my heart's racing. I'm like, oh, the cage fighter got you still shook up? And he's like, he's like, no, my heart's racing because I'm laying here next to you. And I'm like, like. I mean, part of me is like, aw, you know? Cause I've actually, you should probably know at this point in time, I'd actually never had a boyfriend.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Really.

[Advertiser 4]

You know, I lived in my truck like I'm a gypsy. I just like bang guys every once in a while. And one night, you know, the healthy stuff like that. And so I've never had a guy like talk to me that way or be like, you know, sincere and warm like that. And I'm so part of me is like, well, maybe I should just cuddle with this guy and whatever. And then that voice got in my head. The one that every woman in this room, I think, knows about. Even my prudest friends have done this where they're like, well, when some man does something for them or saves them or like, is this really nice? And they're like, maybe I should fuck him, you know. And you know. Cause I mean, I've got tons of credit card debt and you know, student loans. I'm okay with that, but I'm not okay with sexual debt. And so I'm like, yeah, I should fuck him. Like, throw the dog a bone. Poor guy. And I was like, fuck her fight.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Fuck her fight.

[Advertiser 4]

He thought he was gonna get fucked. Cause that's why he got in a fight. And so my brain convinces I need to do this. And so I'm like, where am I gonna do it? You know? And I'm like, there's people in the room, they're sleeping, where they wake up. I was like, I know, I'll do it in the bathroom. So I finally, I'm like, I nudge him. I'm like, hey, do you want to go to the bathroom? And at this point, he's actually falling asleep. So clearly this guy is not doing any of this. This is all Melanie creating this drama. And I'm like, well, come on. Don't you want to go to the bathroom? And he's like, I don't know. Go to the bathroom, you know? And I was like, I'm fine. I tried, you know? Like, I mean, I didn't say that, but I'm thinking, like, good effort, Melanie. And so the next morning, I wake up, and he was like, baby, can I get you some breakfast or something? You want to come to my house? And I'm like, okay. You know? So I go. And we go back to his house, which is actually a double wide and cartoonishly Southern again. Like, TV on the milk crate or whatever. No furniture. So he gives me a tour of the house. And it just happened so fast, you guys. I was taking a tour of his room, and next thing I know, his head's between my legs, and I'm like, wait, no. Oh, my God. Wait a second. This is not supposed to play out this way, but I'm already kind of in too deep, and I'm like, at this point in my life, I actually hated when guys went down on me. Things have changed. Just in case I end up dating any of you. Because I was like, I just assume men hate doing that, and they only. And if they do it, they want me to have an orgasm. And I'm so worried about not having an orgasm. I can never relax. And I can't say I don't like it, because I don't want word to get out on the street that women don't like this. So I, like, take one for the team, and I'm like, yay, this is great, you know? So I'm, like, oohing, ah. Ing whatever. But in my mind, I'm, like, looking at his ceiling and counting, like, things on the wall. And I'm also, like, making jokes because that's where my mind goes. I'm like, well, Melanie, you're in your own little porno now. Melanie knows Dallas, you know? And then he, like, looks up at me, and he was like, you like this, baby? And I was like, yeah, yeah. I mean, he looks so determined on pleasing me. This is a really good man, you know? And he's really good at what he does. It's just. It's me. And I'm like, I do.

[Melanie Hamlet]

I do.

[Advertiser 4]

But you know what would be better is I want to feel you Inside of me, you know, like, come on up here. You know? So we, like, have sex, and, you know, he has his orgasm. And I feel great now because I don't have to feel obligated to giving him. And it was crazy anyway, and so we both fall asleep. And then a few hours later, he wakes me up and he's like, hey, baby, I got you something. And he holds it and he goes, look, chocolate chip ice cream. And I'm like, what? Just what I was hoping for. Breakfast. And so we eat ice cream together in bed. And I'm like. I'm like, eating this ice cream. And I look over at him and I'm thinking, like, you guys see this? He's got. His eyes are like, bleh. You know? And I'm like, what am I doing here? You know? Because this is actually a pattern of mine. At one point in time, I'd actually slept with a guy all summer long when I was a raft guide in another state because he taught me how to rock climb. And I was like, well, he put so much time and effort into teaching me, at least I can do a sleep with him. And I'm like, what? This is about time you stop doing this obligatory fox, Melanie. So if ever I have a cage fighter attack me or whatever, and I need someone to defend my honor in a fuck or fight situation, I'm gonna have to fight the urge to fuck and just say thank you. Thank you.

[Kevin Allison]

Wow. How was that for you to listen back?

[Melanie Hamlet]

You know, I realize how much healing I've done because I feel so empathetic towards that woman who told that story. It's really hard for me to relate to her on so many levels. But up until maybe even five years ago, I would have judged very harshly. And now I'm like, yep, I get it. Part of it is because I've started to understand, like, even that last bit that I added at the end when I was like, that guy, that man. I was like 21. That man was 40 something. Oh, he groomed me. I had no desire. I literally just wanted to learn how to climb. And he tricked. He tricked me. He cornered me in a parking lot one night and just kissed me. And because I didn't understand my long history of, you know, childhood sexual assault, I assumed that I did something to make him think. I just thought I was a cock tease. And so I just like, whatever. I end up dating him all summer because of my social conditioning. So my first thoughts about this story is that, like, the. The theme of this story is self abandonment. And patriarchal conditioning.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah, yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

The way I've been conditioned as a woman in this country is to self abandon in order to. To take care of men and them feeling good about themselves and even convince myself that I owe them things I don't owe. And then also, like, my whole history makes sense in this story because my whole life I have always, like, I like, I mean, most, most women I know do this all the time in general. But I will put the. My safety last if it means protecting the ego of a man. I mean, I, you know, even taking one for the team, getting my pussy eaten, like, which things have changed. But I have so much to add, Kevin. I took some notes because I have, like, I have something to add to so many points of that story. So I wrote down.

[Kevin Allison]

I knew you would. I knew you would. Because it's really interesting not just to hear you speak in a different way, way back then, but to hear an audience. And there's a lot of reaction from women in the audience who are. A lot of it is resonating for them.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah, they're identifying 100%.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah. That really did strike me, that whole one for the team. Like, the story is so much just constructed stories in your head about the dynamics that are going on. And like the charm of the story is that you have to explain these kind of. This pretzel logic often.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah.

[Kevin Allison]

For us to be like, oh, or at least me as a man being. Or as a gay man, I guess, objectively being like, oh, okay. That's the thinking, I guess.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah. I mean, it was so funny because I, you know, I remember when I was. I was. I was hanging out with a friend of mine in Paris not too long ago. Like, well, it was a long time. It was like five. It was before I was married, by the way. I'm married. Guess.

[Kevin Allison]

Surprise.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah, I'm married. Me, the last fucking person on the planet I ever thought would say I'm married. But like five, six years ago or something, I was in Paris to meet one of my friends. He's a gay French guy I met in LA who's married to an American man. And I was hanging out with all of them, bunch of gay guys in France, right? And I was trying to hook up with a dude on Tinder. And they were like, God, would you get off your phone? I was on it all day. And I was like, do you have any idea how long it takes to find a man who will eat my piss, my pussy and not fucking murder me? Do you have any idea how much travel how much time, how much work? And they're like, they couldn't because. And I don't know what it's like to be a gay man, but I really had to explain them. Do you have any idea how hard it is to fight for my right to come? And that I didn't have my first orgasm until well after I told this story. 36 years old, 36 years old, I had my first real orgasm from a man. Not like self. Right done. And so, you know, and then I have a whole bunch of stories of like, about like going on a tender bender of centering my pleasure and making men put it in writing, in text that they're gonna eat my. Because otherwise you're not coming over. You know, like, I had to become a complete bitch. And it was the most liberating experience of my life. I've written about it for the Daily Beast and a bunch of other articles I've written about it. But before then, like, men never even cared. And if they did, I also just disassociated. I didn't know how to relax. I never felt like, safe or, you know, like, I couldn't surrender none of that stuff. But just to find a dude who is willing to care about my mat France, it wasn't as hard. But you know, like, and then also not get murdered because I wanted to fuck someone I don't care about. I don't want to like, date somebody. And so I was on the phone all day and they thought I was so rude. And then I explained how many. How I have all these tests to make sure and how I have to ask a lot of questions. And you know, if I say, are you going to eat my pussy? And they're like, well, if you soak my dick block, you know, like, because that means that like, they don't even get that I'm paying like the female tax of like, of like maybe getting murdered just by meeting up with your ass. You know what I mean? And that like just it. So the reason I brought that up is, is that like even that, like that, that Melanie back then had never even had an orgasm. And then, and then I had. And then, and then the story that I've told for Rick's the hour long one where I almost got murdered by a man. The hobo. The hobo sexual. The man, you know, rode the rails, moved in while I was on vacation, couldn't get rid of him. Literally ate dog food, dog bones and brushed his teeth with fucking dirt in his finger about, you know, all those crazy details that was the first man who got me off. So this is coming from somebody who not only didn't know that I had a right to an orgasm, I didn't know that I had a right to anything with men. And that's the place. And. And so I basically realized, like, just a few years ago that I went into the outdoor world, and I was basically a pick me. And I don't know if you know that lingo, but every woman is a pick me. We're all in the pick me to survive patriarchy. But I became a cool girl, a tough girl that no one would fuck with so I could live my celibate. Like, I didn't want to be celibate. I'd fuck every once in a while. But I was truly happy when I wasn't messing with men. They weren't derailing my life. They weren't trying to baby trap me. Even though hobo tried to. They weren't trying to. Like, they weren't consuming my life. I literally was living my life like a man, doing what I want.

[Kevin Allison]

Right, Right.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Like, just focused on what I want. And that's why I've had such a great life. People always think I'm lying when I tell them all the crazy stuff I've done. You know, lived in Chile, lived in Argentina, lived in New York, Louisiana, Spain, now France. Like, oh, in my truck for five years, Whitewater, RAF guide, film industry, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I was laying like, how did you do so much? I was like, I didn't date men, and they didn't hijack my life. And so on the rare occasion I did fuck with men, those are the stories I had.

[Kevin Allison]

We'll be right back with more of Melanie Hamlet.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Folks.

[Kevin Allison]

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, when you think of your favorite leaders or mentors, they don't have all the answers, but they know when to seek support, ask questions from their community. This is a society that kind of glorifies hyper independence. Right. The individuality is such an obsession, so it's easy to forget that we're all better when we have a support system behind us. Therapy is a huge source of support for so many people in many areas of their lives. It's a place where you can always ask for help. I was talking to someone just earlier today about how running my stories that I present on risk by my therapist has sometimes been a really profound experience. It's helped me to understand my experiences even better and know what to make of how I'm learning and Growing well BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. Serving over 5 million people worldwide, you can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Build your own support system with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com risk today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelphelp.com risk.

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[Kevin Allison]

We're back this story. One of the things that strikes me so much, especially like when the fuck or flight situation, when he says this is a case of fuck or flight.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Fuck or fight.

[Kevin Allison]

Fuck or fight, right? Is that it's so wild that like, you didn't ask for anything. Like, like all of a sudden you are like, in this elaborate, like, power dynamic that you have no autonomy over. You didn't ask for, you didn't know it was coming and all of a sudden like you're kind of supposedly the center of it. Oh yeah, I have no say.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And that's the funniest thing is like, especially now, I mean especially after the, this election. All these men, they're so like the incels, they're all obsessed with this, you know, men are protectors. I'm like. Of who? Of who? Their ego, themselves, other men. Because not one has ever fucking protected me.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah, you know, it's, it's all.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And these guys are like, oh, you know, like literally that fucker fight, I didn't even realize to listening it to it again, it is the perfect. Because I talk about this, you know, I do. I'm a YouTuber and a TikToker now, so I do storytelling there. And I thought I'm like known as the person who, who talks about King Baby. King Baby's like this. He rules with an iron baby fist. That was all the entitlement of a king. But it's fucking worthless. Right? And one of the things that I talk about a lot because I learned a lot about and it'd be really interesting to go over my story, the hour long domestic violence story with you again with like a therapist. That'd be fascinating. But one of the things I've learned since that story was like how and why I kept falling for these men. And also that all men benefit from the violence of men and that good guys benefit, good guys, nice guys benefit from the violence of really violent men. The same way white people benefit from the violence of super racist people. Because we look like allies and good people by comparison.

[Kevin Allison]

It's true.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Right. And so Dallas seemed like a nice dude because he wasn't a cage fighter harassing me all night, you know?

[Kevin Allison]

That's true. Right.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And the funny thing is that I never really picked up on this before because I haven't heard this story in forever, is that I wasn't bothered really by him, those two harassing me all night, him and schmeagle. But I felt bad when they started making fun of Dallas, you know.

[Kevin Allison]

Oh, what an interesting point. You're right. Because when you were talking about them, one of them called you a cunt. And then, and you were talking very blase about that and I was like, yikes. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

You know, and, and the, the funny thing is, is that I just can't, I can't believe he said it out loud, that it's a fuck or fight situation, that those men, and a lot of men, whether they'll admit it to themselves or not go somewhere expecting to be able to fuck. And if they don't get the fuck, well, someone going to pay, right? Like especially in the South. Now what I realized I also. One of the reasons why I was talking to this dude, I probably was talking to him because a. Because I'm like why the hell did I keep talking to this dude? And then I started thinking of, you know, my big sister had to teach me. She. She's almost like a totally parentified older sister had to teach me a lot of things I didn't understand because I was like, I was. Because of things that happened to me as a child. I was constantly preyed on by older men and just men in general. I didn't know how to say no to them because I always centered their shame. I always self abandoned. I don't want them to feel bad about themselves. So I will just sit here on the subway in New York City. I remember dude jacking off across from me and me. All the women around me got up and left and I sat there. I was like, but I don't want him to feel bad. God forbid he feel bad about himself for doing something awful. Because that's. That was. It's very. It's rooted in trauma that I now remember and understand. So it makes sense to me. And so a lot of women or people on the line may understand that, but if you don't understand it, just. Just a little window into Melanie's head. But my sister had to teach me how to walk away from men I didn't want to talk to because I didn't know how to do that. So she was like, if you're at a bar, she would see me on the rare occasion that I'd get to see her and we go out. She'd be like, why did you talk to that dude for an hour? Do you. Are you interested? I was like, no. She's like, why are you talking about? I was like, because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. It's like I almost didn't date for all those years because I just knew I was like a fucking nightmare. Ready? I was like, probably I'd be dead now if I'd been dating during those times. So I was like, self preservation. Don't fuck with men. Just become one and live like one and you'll be okay. And. And that's how the cool girl came into. Into play. And. But she was like, if you don't want to talk to them and you don't want to Hurt their feelings, or you're afraid to hurt their feelings because these fuckers can't handle rejection. A lot of times just say, you got to go to the bathroom and then don't come back. I didn't know how to do that. So I talked to him all night, probably A, because didn't want to hurt his feelings. B, didn't know how to get, like, get out of that conversation. See, he was super interesting. He was interesting. I mean, he was saying, like, fuck off a lot. Like, he was like, I wasn't used to hearing of a redneck in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, because Jacksonville, Wyoming, is full of a bunch of fucking rich private school kids whose parents are paying their rent while they ski all summer. And I was living in my truck. I was sleeping on an inflatable mattress on the floor of something. Like, I was not in that category. And so I was kind of over. No. I met some amazing people there. I had some great friends there, but a lot of the men and just. There's so many men, and a lot of them were just, like, super rich and privileged and, like, kind of like that. They look down on Southerners, especially if they're from the Northeast. And so I was like, yeah, I like this guy because he reminds me of my family. You know, my uncle goes to nascar. You know what I mean? Like, I, like. They talk. I can't even understand some of my family. They talk, like. So they have, like, double names. Nell, Diane. You know what I mean? Like, so it felt kind of like home. And I think the other reason that I was talking to him is because these fuckers were harassing me all night. And at least with him, they would leave me alone.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah. Yeah. And talk about, like, an example of guys like that not being able to handle rejection. Someone's. There has to be bloodshed if one of them feels rejected.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah.

[Kevin Allison]

What the fuck is that?

[Melanie Hamlet]

And the funny thing is, it's like, I don't know if Dallas is a good guy or not. I don't give a shit. I don't think nobody's good or bad. Right? Like, I'm. Whatever. But I don't know. I enjoyed talking to him and all that stuff. But, you know, he wasn't. Like, he was funny. He was entertaining. And, you know, I'm like. I'm like a Sagittarius man. I love traveling. Even when I'm like. Like, I'm always gonna find the person.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

That's why I became a journalist. I love talking to people. So this guy was so fascinating. And before I knew it. I was like, shit, all my. Everyone's gone, you know, and now I'm here with these two fuckers. And. And so I. I do feel. I still feel bad that he got his ass kicked because we both realized when it before, when it was too late, that everyone was gone but these two dudes, and they were, you know, had a revenge, like the. He was gonna fuck or fight. Now, apparently Dallas knew that that was the. That those are them the rules, but I didn't know those are the rules. So he wasn't all that surprised by it. But it's just. It's just to me, that is, like patriarchy in a perfect fucking, like, box with a bow on it.

[Kevin Allison]

Right? Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Like, these two guys, and then I have to fuck one, but no one makes me anybody. And that's the thing is, is that while I still stand by what I said in terms of, like, I literally convinced myself I had to fuck this dude because of my own trauma that I hadn't quite really dealt with yet because of my patriarchal conditioning that every fucking woman gets. They may not act on it, but we all have it. You can't get out of this without that kind of conditioning. But, you know, I didn't understand how much there was still an expectation there because he's fucking cuddling me, you know, And I let him off the hook so easy. And now especially, you know, there's a lot of parallels between this and my clown fucking story that I told later on. There's, you know, I fucked the clown for the same reasons I'd be. I'd be interesting to listen to all my stories about fucking. Probably all of them have the same through line. Melanie felt like she had to. Melanie felt bad for him. I call it empathy fucking right? And anytime, like, one of the things, I have kind of been become known as, like, a woman who helps empower women to decenter men and, like, heal from this shit so that we stop enabling men and also stop getting in, like, finding ourselves in relationships where we get killed or almost killed because of how we're conditioned. And one of the biggest things that I've been realizing is that don't date a man or fuck a man that you feel sorry for. And so many women do that because that whole maternal shit that we're taught that like, oh, hey, poor baby. And a poor baby, you know.

[Kevin Allison]

Right, right, right, right. That's.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And the thing is, is that I also used to think men were stupid. I really did. It's the biggest. Like, not all men, but Like, I really thought that they're just kind of, like, falling into these situations. But that man knew exactly what he was doing.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah, yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

He may not have thought. He may not have consciously thought, put the words together. I'm going to get in a fight, let her, like, patch me up and then do puppy dog eyes. And I'm going to kind of try to coerce her through feeling bad for me to fuck me, you know? Like, he may not have had those thoughts in his head or been aware of them, but he knew what he was doing.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

You know what I mean? The same way, like, what I've realized I've been deconstructing all this stuff is that I may not have ever had that thought, that conscious thought as a white woman. But I'm sure that I'm always aware that I have a position in society where I have that power, and I may not think I'm gonna do this. So, like. So men all know this. It's the understood thing. The threat of violence at any moment can get women to do any fucking thing you want, you know, wow.

[Kevin Allison]

Holy shit.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Or being the hero from the other threat of Xylen. So he's the nice guy, you know what I mean?

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And like that, like, it's funny right now. I've been making videos for so long warning women to not fall for the dork, because the dork with the revenge fantasy is worse than the worst jock. And we are living that reality right now. We got the dork.

[Kevin Allison]

We're all in an abusive relationship.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Elon and the fucking strongman, Trump, and they're the same dude. So Dallas is not that much different. I mean, I'm not saying. Do you know what I mean? The nice guys, the artists, the dorks, they benefit from the strong psycho who scares the shit out of everybody. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And I didn't realize that they understood that. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah. In the same way that, you know, Dallas understood, oh, this is a fuck or fight situation here, you know, I'm.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Surprised he had words for it, but. And then he just articulated it so well. But, you know, it's just like. So there's so many things in that story, like, even, you know, like that. I mean, I kind of glossed over it, but, you know, I also, you know, I, I, I, I, I do. Like, I try to put myself in people's shoes all the time. I really. And so when he's telling me these stories about training to be a wrestler, I was like, you like he had a straight up eating disorder. He literally starved himself all the time. Like listening to him talk, he was literally being forced to run in trash bags in West Virginia in a fucking. So I'm surprised that they don't have people like pass out and die more with like the regiment of that stuff. So there things, you know, where I was like. And I was bulimic at the time, by the way, very bulimic. So I was like, wow, I can relate to that. So there's just so many things where so many women, just our empathy, it kills us. And then the story I told, you know, in the hour long episode of Unbreakable, that's why I didn't leave, is because I thought he couldn't survive without me. I felt so bad for him that I was really willing to die, right? And that guy didn't give a fuck. He was already cheated. He moved on. And I'm like, what will he do without me? Which is also part of my own conditioning of like my ego being attached to that fixer, that saver. La la la. And so I'm trying to, I've been trying to like move away from like that shit because, like, this is how we end up in all. I'm not saying this in a victim blaming way. This is like our conditioning. We're all conditioned under this shit, right? Like, I didn't put that there. I didn't put that voice, like, you owe him something there. That was put there through Revenge of the Nerds. Porkies, Meatballs. Like every fucking movie I watched growing up was like the jock and the nerd and they both get to fuck beautiful women for some reason, even though they both suck. And Sixteen Candles, he's literally hands her a drunk cheerleader or like the most popular girl like ever. Like, all like, like women. We're just pawns, right?

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And so I didn't realize. And the thing is, is, like, so I wouldn't be married if I hate men. I love men. I've had so many men in my life I worked with, men I relate to. It's funny. Like, I'm like the dude in my marriage. Like, Anthony's the cook, he's the nerd. He's downstairs, sick right now. And I'm like, good luck, you know, I'm such a fucking dude, you know, Like, I have to make remind myself, kiss him before you leave, tell him you love him, right? Because I'm just like the.

[Advertiser 3]

Oh, no, no.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Like I'm just like, for lack of a better word, like, part of it. Is, you know, kind of trauma response is what I realized later on why I went so far into the. Like, I literally wrote an article outside magazine. The the feminist who became a toxically masculine raft guide. Right. How could you have feminists and a toxic masculine at the same time? Well, if you're a cool girl in the outdoor world who's like, yeah, yay, women. But women who wear pink and Barbie, you know, like that's that othering and, and whatever. So I've, I've kind of come full. Yeah, I wear like pretty shirts now. Like you, you've seen me. I usually wear the dumbest clothes with stains on it. Like I literally, when I'd be performing in New York, one of my mentors was like, Melanie, can you please not wear like a shirt with a fucking stain on it because it's really distracting. I know you don't want to wear makeup or do your hair, but like it's distracting that you look like such a slob. And I was like, I don't wanna be. Yeah, I was so fuckin. You know, I just went so far the other day. I'm kind of in the middle now where I am like, I'm still a tomboy. I love dirt. I'm like the dude. But I'm also like soft and vulnerable and loving. I have a dog. If you listen to the way I talk, I'm like, oh my God, such a fucking like different person. But I just went so far to that one extreme trying to be a dude. But society kept forcing me to live the reality of a woman and I was constantly confused.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah, I say all the time, especially around sexuality. Like one of the interesting things about so many stories on Risk or just, you know, conversations with friends is the imaginary boundaries that are set up around things that people don't question or are questioning in a wrong headed way. And it's, it is like you say, it's about conditioning.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. If I hate me, right? Like, I mean, I don't, I don't now, but like if I have a voice in my head that is constantly policing myself and constantly like to the point where I literally would make myself vomit violently to look pretty. If I have a voice in my head that convinces me to fuck Dallas and a clown and stay with a literal homeless man because I felt bad and you know, like, like all this. If I have a voice in my head that tells me I am nothing, I'm shit and I owe men stuff, and if I have that in me and I'm a woman. I have no doubt that that fucking voice is put into men too.

[Kevin Allison]

Right?

[Melanie Hamlet]

And then they may have parents and teachers and people in their life that push back against that voice. But every. The movies, the music, the apps, the teachers at school that are like, well put the troubled boy next to the smart girl. It fucks her education, but makes his better. Like, in every. All over the world, like, in every part of society, this is what's conditioned, this heteronormative, like, especially, like, cishet, white man, able body, all this crap. And if you were, like, not in that, like, you get kind of. You're just collateral damage, right? And so that's why when men are like, I love women, I'm like, but you gotta admit that, like, you may not, like, hate them actively, but you've been taught that you are superior.

[Kevin Allison]

Right?

[Melanie Hamlet]

Right. The same way white people have been taught for some fucking reason, we are entitled to all this shit without doing anything.

[Kevin Allison]

Right?

[Melanie Hamlet]

That's how men think. And so I know they can unlearn it, because I've been unlearning this white whiteness crap that was put in me. I don't hate myself that it's there. It's my responsibility to question it and be like, who the fuck? What's that? I find a new version of internalized misogyny every day. I'll look up and I'll be like, oh, look at you, you fucking wrinkly bitch. And I'm like, whoa, where'd that come from? Like, I put that voice there. I didn't put that voice there. But if I am aware of it and can keep it in check and be like, okay, you know what? You know what I mean?

[Kevin Allison]

It's like, have you seen the movie the Substance?

[Melanie Hamlet]

No. People can tell me to watch that. Is that new or something? I get recommendations all the time, and I'm behind.

[Kevin Allison]

Yes, it is. It's made. I think she's French. It's made by a French film director, a woman. And, you know, it causes a ton of discourse. I can give you the basic premise. Demi Moore plays an actress.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Oh, okay. That one. The one that's going to the Oscars. Oh, yeah, she likes. Yeah, I want to see it. I haven't seen it yet because I'm kind of scared too.

[Kevin Allison]

Honestly, it's very scary. So she's basically, literally split in two. There's a younger her and the older her, and the level of violence between the two is really, really striking. And was the. It was the first time I watched a movie that like, so in your face about this. This is what we do to ourselves.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah.

[Kevin Allison]

You know.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah, there's a, there's a great book by. Oh, man, I just blanked on her name. It's called the Body is Not an Apology. That really helped me understand how much it really helped me frame it this way. Sonya Renee Taylor. What is. I forget her name. I'll think of it later, I hope. Where it was like, look, you have got like this violence. If you don't deal with this violence, this self policing, you will take it out on someone else. Because people like you will never convince me that Elon and Trump love themselves. They fucking hate each other themselves. Their dads, like Elon's dad, like, married his fucking stepdaughter or some shit. Like, there was so much. There's no telling what went on in those families. Those men hate themselves. And that's why I'm like, you know what if the one thing I can do is work to work my ass off to stop killing myself through substances, eating disorders, dating violent men. You know, I'm very proud of where someone like me should be dead, given how much I was just constantly putting myself in danger, danger, danger. I mean, literally, y'all used to introduce me on the stage as can't believe she's alive. Still can't believe she hasn't been murdered yet. Like, that's not like I would get introduced like that regularly. I'm like, I know. And it was like a joke, but because it's true, people are like, I can't. Like when they hear my stories, they're just like, what the fuck? How are you alive? I'm like, right, you know, now I understand that that's a whole nother episode I could go into. But you know, once I like, I'm, I am like, I still take a lot of risks, but they're not like, they're not I might die risks. Right. Other than things that are out of my control. I, I, I'm at that point, I take huge emo. I mean, I got married, I fell in love.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

I, like, I lived with a man. That's literally the most dangerous thing a woman can do is live with a man. And here I am after almost getting murdered by one. But it's because I did all this like that that woke me up. That relationship was like, holy. This can. This has to be dealt with. I will literally fucking die if I don't deal with whatever this voice is, this codependency, this self abandonment shit. If I don't Deal with this. Like. Like, the dude sucked. I never even really wanted to date him. I still ended up with him. Like, other than eating pussy, he was a fucking loser. He couldn't do anything. You know, dumb as rocks, but a good predator. And yet I was, like, hooked on him. And I was like, man, you know, I. I thought that I surely am too smart for that, you know, but, like, so I was like, I gotta deal with this thing. And then.

[Advertiser 4]

Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And then I took. And I started, like, kind of getting back into, like, you know, dealing with men, but. But just fucking them for a while. Because I wanted nothing to do with love, relationships, commitment, nothing. I just needed to, like, you know, so there's. There's. That's a whole nother story, but fucked my. Like, I fucked my way out of, like, rape trauma, basically successfully. Don't suggest that for everybody. It worked for me because you can get killed doing it. But anyway, you know, I. I can't believe I ever wanted to even be alone with a man after that. Right? I was terrified. And then I was like, but I love men. You know, I was a whitewater raft guy climber. Like, I literally. Film industry comedy. Every. Like, I get along with. I love men. I fucking hate patriarchy, though, and what it does to men and what it. And that. It kills women and children and trans people and, you know, like, lgbtq. We're all fucked under this system. But, like, I'm just tired of, like, the violence of it, right? So, yeah, what I realized was that the more. The more. The more focused I am. So I realized I was, as a woman, I was trained to be super codependent, for lack of a better word. So focused on taking care of everybody and, you know, whatever. Like, even if I wasn't having babies and even if I wasn't dating men, I still was centering a fucking stranger on a subway and his shame over my safety.

[Kevin Allison]

Oh, my God.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Right?

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And so I've been trained to like. And that's why I kind of went solo. I was the lone wolf because I was so afraid of doing that, that. But I still had that conditioning, right? So that's how we were conditioned as women is just caretake and caretake and caretaking, even if it literally kills us. And then men are conditioned to be like, what do I want? What do I need? I'm individualist mindset. Selfish. Self is selfish. And our. I believe our journeys is meeting each other in the middle. Women need to be more selfish in terms of, like, what? Like, my. Actually, my husband Knows me so well that he can tell when I'm spinning out. And I'm like going into the Melanie pretzel and he'll be like, babe, center yourself. What do you want? What do you need? How do you feel? Forget about me or forget about whoever he can. You know, I can convince myself that so and so thinks I should do this and I really should to be a good daughter or good this or a good that. Even when there's no one putting that pressure on me.

[Kevin Allison]

Right, right, right.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And he'll. And I'll take a beat and I'm like, shit, I didn't even ask myself, what do I want? Oh, I want to fucking go. I don't want to be at this party, you know what I mean? Because I'm just. And so like literally when I think of this story, it' much about just self abandonment at every turn.

[Kevin Allison]

That's incredible. It's so moving to hear you say that. I think you said something like maybe five years ago you might not have had the compassion for yourself, but now you feel like you're at a place where you can look back and have compassion for the younger you telling that story.

[Melanie Hamlet]

It's so funny because I've learned a lot more about just domestic violence and coercive control since I told that story for risk and like, and part of it was just being in finding a community on TikTok of people who had been in this and we all have the same fucking story. And it really helped me not blame myself so much. I was like, holy. They all do the same thing. Like someone one day, someone was like, yeah, you know, abusers like to pee on you too. And I was like, I totally forgot my ex use. I caught him pissing on me in the shower so many times. Like, like there's all these things where I was like, oh my God. Because I had so much shame around all this. Like, how the fuck does somebody who I feel like I'm, you know, a survivor. I was literally on a National Geographic show about being a survivor. And the only thing I've almost not survived from is fucking men, right? Like climber. Like, you know, I've couch surfed all over South America, fucking climbing clowns and doing this. Like, I traveled by myself all over, lived in a truck, hung off of a mountain. Someone died of my first day as a raft guy. Like, I have so many crazy stories and the most dangerous person in my entire life was my first boyfriend.

[Kevin Allison]

Right at 36.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Like real boyfriend, not like whatever situationship, hate whatever you want. To call it, you know what I mean?

[Kevin Allison]

Right, right, right.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And so that's why I was like, damn. Like, this shit for me is more serious than like an addiction. And it, it operates like an addiction, you know, like I'm completely gone. It's like I'm on something. So I really had to deal with like, where the hell is that coming from? How do I deal with that? Like, but I didn't understand how I'd been conditioned to do. Like, I, I started to understand on a personal level, like what all kind of was behind me, you know, going after or you know, being with men who were angry or violent, whatever. Like I understood my personal thing. But then I, what was very liberating was to understand the social conditioning behind so much of it. So that I wasn't like, I'm just this fucked up person. It was more like, oh, right, we're all conditioned this way. But it just, it's like, it takes a little bit better. Like, like if you have these, like, you know, if you are, you come from, you know, an abusive home life or if you have, if you have these situations, right, you're more likely to like, you know, take on that, that like self abandonment shit because you maybe saw your mom do it or you saw or like you were forced to as a child because of an abusive parent or whatever. Like it all started to make sense, but I understood, it made me feel less lonely understanding that as a collective, women have all been conditioned this way because they all relate to me. Even people who have literally nothing in common with me are like, yep, I fucked a guy because I felt bad for him. And I was like, you know, I was like, okay, like, like we all, we, we. It's so it helped me not judge myself as much. And that's where that self compassion is coming from. And I was like, oh, right. Because that's how this whole. You got like, if you have like an individualist like King baby in your house, you have to have a bunch of people that orbit around him, right? Yeah. But what happens if the planets go away? Well, the sun's by himself. Let the sun blow up as a star. I don't know. But like, I don't want to be in your orbit anymore. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah. If only we could do that with our two king babies over here right now in the U.S. yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah.

[Kevin Allison]

Holy shit. I'll tell you, it's. There's something that is so like, it's such an honor and a privilege to be able to like revisit These stories and kind of tell it anew from a totally different perspective.

[Melanie Hamlet]

I mean, honestly, I was like really hoping that I would because, like, if I still told that same. I mean, this is like you, I'm sure you understand this. As a storyteller, if I go back and tell any of my stories from, you know, a few years ago or longer, if I'm telling them exactly the same way, then I'm probably stuck.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah, you know, absolutely.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Like, and that's what's interesting about being like a writer and a storyteller on podcasts and stuff is like, I'm not ashamed of any of my work. I just don't agree with how I frame some of it because I've learned more about myself or society or, you know, like domestic violence or whatever. So I like, it was true to me in that moment.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And so I hope that that's why when I like realized I would tell that hour long story totally different now. I was like, that's a good thing. That means I've done more healing. That means I've learned more and I've forgiven myself more.

[Kevin Allison]

You know, we should totally have you revisit Unbreakable and it would be interesting to have you revisit it. Maybe talking to like a therapist or a feminist person that you really like, click with, that would be fascinating.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah. And I could think of some people who I'm like mutuals with on Tick Tock who have huge platforms who probably would be interested, who I already like, love their work. But. But yeah, and it's funny because like, one of the interesting things that I've also learned is like there's like always. It's like Anthony, my husband, always talks about the video game, right? It's like you're in a video game level and you know, you're, you're killing the dragons and you have your shields and your weapons and whatever and then you like master that level and it's like, then you have to go to the next one. Like, what the fuck? Like, you're bored, right? So you go to the next one and it's like challenging, different, you know, monsters, whole new weapons. You gotta learn, right? And like everything that I learned about dating and stuff and, and you know, coming to France, it's like I got to a whole different level. And at first I had those rose colored. And you'll probably understand this when you live in a country for. I've been over here seven years in France, but in Europe for eight. And it wasn't until the Dominique Pellico case where I was like, oh, right, they're just as fucking violent here. It's just. They put you to sleep and rape ya, you know? Like, I don't know if you know that case, but it really, like, like took my glasses off where I was like, oh, right, right. It's not. This isn't just an American thing. It's not all American men. It's just really. It's just more extreme and more obvious in the United States. But that same is all over, you know, it just looked. The details look different. So I had to learn a whole new skill set of having to deal with this level of rape culture that's a little bit sneakier, you know what I mean?

[Kevin Allison]

Right.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And they love to eat pussy here, but, you know, like. Like, whatever. That's a huge generalization. But. But, yeah, like, I'm. I'm. I. What? One of the. One of the lines that I wrote down that was actually really heartbreaking to hear. I did I caused this, right?

[Kevin Allison]

You know, like, for being there.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And I really thought that, like, did I somehow cause this? Because that's also part of my conditioning is like, what did I do to make this happen? And rather than, like, now, I would never think that I'd be like, you know, it's like. It's like. It's like fuck or fight or flight. I'd fucking flight now, but instead I was like, well, I guess one of them. He's gonna fight him and I'll fuck him. And never occurred to me, Just leave. And even when I had the opportunity, even when he was, like, snoring and asleep, I was like, yeah, but I owe him. Like, even, you know. And, you know, I forget, oh, who wrote that book where she was talking about being in the concentration camps. And even when she got freed from the camp, she realized the Nazis in her head, Fuck, what was that book? Oh, so good. And I was like, that's what. Like, it's in here, you know, like, this dude was not a threat at all. Not a threat. He was asleep. All good, I could rest assured. But in here, that patriarchal little voice was like, yeah.

[Kevin Allison]

One of the things that really surprised me, listening, hearing it again after all these years, was that I forgot how it ended. So when he fell asleep, I was like, oh, okay, you're in the clear. And it's like, no, it carries over to the next day. Like, oh, okay.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And actually, what's not in that story that's left out because it, you know, didn't fit the story. And the time 10 minutes on stage or whatever. But I dated that guy for a couple weeks. And we were at a bar one night. What is it called? The Naughty. Some. Fuck, whatever it was, on the other side of the mountain. And some old man comes in there, like, with a leather jacket, limping. And his name was Gator. I don't think I've ever told this story. Gator was. Oh, he's so interesting. And he. He was a hitchhiker. Cause his car had some fucking story. And Dallas invited Gator to come stay at our. At. Not our house, but at Dallas's house. And I was staying there that night. And then Dallas went to bed. And so I. Because I felt bad for Gator. This poor old man. I didn't want him feel bad. I stayed up and talked to that guy that proposed marriage to me. He was touching my face. He was trying to fuck me all night. And I remember looking at the door, looking at the bedroom door being like, dallas, like. Like, come out. You know? But I froze. I totally froze. Somehow I got out of that situation. And then I drove him. I dropped him off somewhere. This man stalked me all the way to Taos, New Mexico, and found me, like, a month later.

[Kevin Allison]

Oh, my God.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah, because he remembered Rio Grande, Taos, New Mexico. And he went down to the river. So back then, for. I was like, a whitewater raft guide and a ski instructor. And so I was nomadic and moving around. So I moved from Jackson Hole, Wyoming, which is where I was in the winter and early spring, to Taos to start the rafting season that summer. And I get there, and because men don't know or don't care about the violence of men, Gator went down to the river and asked some guide, hey, you know someone named Melanie. She's a raft guide. And they're like, oh, yeah, I think she works at the. The restaurant I worked at that I lived in the backyard of. And he. Fuck. I went to work that day where. Where I also lived, I lived in, like, a fucking trailer. I mean, I slept in my truck because the trailer had mice. But I was like. Like, my shit was in this trailer. It had mice. It was, like, disgusting. But I needed a place to park. And this man was in the parking lot and was like, hey.

[Kevin Allison]

Oh, my fucking God.

[Melanie Hamlet]

He showed up in Taos, New Mexico. And because of. And again, if you knew my backstory, which I haven't really told publicly yet, the details of it, because I'm not quite ready, but if you knew my story, you'd understand why I totally went into this man stayed. He hung out all night and watched me work. And then I was like, well, you could stay in my trailer, I guess, but I'm sleeping in my. I let this man convinced me to sleep in my truck with me, and he fucking spooned me all night.

[Kevin Allison]

Oh, my God.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah. Old ass man. I'm like, 23 or something. Totally, like, reliving childhood trauma of an older man. And he promised me that he was gonna buy me a brand new truck with his. With this diamond mine in Colorado. He had a diamond mine in Colorado?

[Kevin Allison]

Of course. Sure. Why not?

[Melanie Hamlet]

He had a diamond mine, and he was gonna buy me a brand new truck. And I was like, well, it. He's already stalked me. I already let him spoon me all night. I might as well get a free truck out of it. And then he disappeared the next day.

[Kevin Allison]

Oh, my God. And you know that whole stalking part of the story? Like, I'm sure work comes from it clicking in for him when he first met you. Oh, I've already got her feeling sorry for me.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah. I mean, that's the thing is, like, predatory men, like my ex, like, this man. Like, all the men who have preyed on me. It's like I have a. A bullseye right here that says no boundaries. I will not say no. I will, like, freeze. Like, they can. You know, my ex was dumb as rocks, but he was. Was super. You know, he's a predator, just like, you know, he. He knew my weaknesses. He could. I mean, and that's how he survives. And so this man probably was like, oh, this girl can't say no. She will. She's gonna center. Like, she'll do anything. And he wasn't wrong. I mean, it's so embarrassing. The old hitchhiker man slept in my truck, cuddling me all night. Luckily, I had my clothes on, but I still remember those white socks and his motorcycle jacket and that nasty, nasty smell. And he looked like. He looked like, like. Like a short, like, clumpier version of like, who's that guy sang in the prison John. What's his butt? You know, the. We're all black Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash, yeah. With a limp and a crazy backstory that he owned a diamond mine.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah. You know, this is another pop culture reference, but the show Baby Reindeer. Have you seen that?

[Melanie Hamlet]

I didn't get through all the episodes, but I did see, like, half of it. I don't know why I didn't watch.

[Kevin Allison]

Well, I know. That's what I was just about to talk about after, like, I watched, like, an Episode and a half. And I was so disgusted with the protagonist for allowing himself to be stalked. And people were like, oh, no, you have to keep watching because the further you watch, the more you begin to understand how he feels sorry for her and keeps kind of like, kind of rolling out the red carpet for it to continue.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yep.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah. And then, you know, and it, I mean, my exact ex stalked me all the time too. So, like, I've been stalked by a lot of men. And. And then also I get stalked online now that I'm, you know, I have a big platform now that my face is online. They'll fucking blast my shit on, on a YouTube, on their little red pill channel. And then all of a sudden I got men attacking me. So I have moderators that help me on YouTube. But, you know, I'm not. This is my first stalking rodeo. I am. Nobody will ever scare me as much as the fucking hitchhiker. Gold mine gator.

[Kevin Allison]

He sounds like a movie character.

[Melanie Hamlet]

I know, I know. And again, I really, like, for the longest time I didn't tell anybody that story because I was so embarrassed. I'm like, what the fuck? Why did I do that? And of course now I understand why. And I used to just attribute it to childhood trauma and just kind of reliving that, that again and again. But now I also understand that this man was so manipulative and he literally just made it so fucking hard for me to get rid of him. You know, he was sweet talking my boss. He told my boss that we were old friends from, you know. And I was so embarrassed that. How the fuck do I explain that? I met this man at a bar when I was fucking Dallas who I didn't like, you know, I fucked Dallas because I felt bad. He got in a fight. Now this stalker man's here because I felt bad. You know, it's like when you like pull one thread, it's like, oh, wow, this chick's crazy. So, you know, I just have, like. And, and that's the thing. And that, that, that, that's kind of the, the thing that keeps women in these cycles. It's so embarrassing to tell these stories. It's so embarrassing to admit that I dated a, a literal hobo, like, literal homeless man who had a, you know, a. What is that thing, like that you tie to a tree? Hammock and a banjo. Literal, like cartoonishly hobo, you know, and, and I'm still like in so much debt because of the financial abuse of dating hobo, you know?

[Kevin Allison]

My God.

[Melanie Hamlet]

But like, but once I found my people on Tick Tock who had hobosexual. I was like, oh, damn. This is like a scheme. There's a lot of them out there.

[Kevin Allison]

Wow.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And they all eat pussy real good, you know, beware of men who eat pussy too good because they probably don't have any money.

[Kevin Allison]

You know, that's their winning formula.

[Melanie Hamlet]

It's a survival man mechanism, you know. So anyway, like, that, that's why I'm a storyteller. I realized that like, you know, you know, you know the deal. You can't really tell stories that you are too ashamed of and haven't really had any resolution because it doesn't give hope and it definitely throws you into resentment or victim mode and nobody wants to listen to that shit. But once, you know, you have distance and perspective and some healing around that story, it's life, world, life changing, world changing shit. Because other women's stories on, like in the communities on TikTok of survivors healed something for me where I was like, oh, I am not fucking dumb. I just got played and I had all this trauma and it all makes sense. And I was raised in a society where I literally watched nerds peeping at women in the fucking bathroom through pork. Like, like, literally, like sexually assaulting women in front of us. And that was no one.

[Kevin Allison]

That was the pop culture we were raised on. Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

So, like, of course, of course this, you know, I'm unlearning this stuff. So I, I, you know, it's been an interesting journey because I haven't. I don't know what was the last story I did that I think I talked about my dad, I think, on stage. But the last podcast video story I.

[Kevin Allison]

Did, I think that you've had some realizations or growth around your dad too, since then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

I mean, because he's. Yeah, the. Well, that, that story. I'm not, I'm not ready to revisit that story because I'm still in it, but I'm not actually in it, but I'm not. There's a, There's a difference between being, having like healing around a story and, and then wanting to share it. And I don't know about you, but, like, the more. The bigger my platform gets, the more private I actually get. I don't share shit anymore. I put hearts over people's faces. Like, the only people anyone sees on my platform is Anthony's because it's public record. You know, all they gotta do is Google them. No friends, no children, nothing. Because people are fucking crazy online. You know, especially if they're fans of your work. So, you know, I love storytelling, but I'm very particular about the stories I tell.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah. Yeah. I've found myself becoming more and more like that, too. But that does make revisiting old stories pretty damn fascinating.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah.

[Kevin Allison]

You know. Yeah. I remember I was at a sex party once, and a fella, you know, it was a gay sex party, and, you know, everyone's walking around in their jockstraps or whatever, and a fellow came up to me, and he was like, oh, my God, you're Kevin Allison. I love your podcast. Like, that story, Kevin Goes to Provincetown to P Town, like, made such an impression on me, and I wanted to strangle you when I heard that story, because don't you realize how cruel that guy was to you? And it really kind of stopped me in my tracks. It reminded me also of the time that my therapist. I shared a story with my therapist about the time I almost drowned in the Colorado River. And it's almost. Almost. I make a joke throughout the whole story about what an idiot I am, you know, what. What a space cadet idiot, and yada, yada. And my therapist was like, you have so much compassion for other characters in your stories, but none for yourself. In fact, it's your lack of compassion for yourself that's probably the real reason you damn near drowned yourself. Yep.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yep. So, yeah, I have a similar. When I told. I remember, I. When I. I didn't include this in the. The. The Risk story about the clown, but.

[Kevin Allison]

I remember, like, it always just sounds so funny.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah, I know. For anybody who hasn't heard that story, no, he wasn't wearing makeup. Blue Angel. But I remember. So after that happened. And again, that was another thing where, like, first of all, it was a cultural difference, which I also want to recognize, because a lot of people, you know, it's like, yeah. And if you're in Once. If you're in one culture where seduction is a really big part of the culture, then, like, there's gonna be a disconnect. But at the end of the day, this dude's still a man, you know? And. And, you know, but that's also a story. Like, I didn't feel any threat of violence from that man. Yes, he was trying to. To wear me down, wear me out. Until, like, I was like. And so many women can relate to fucking dudes because they just got tired of saying no, and they're like, fuck it. It's, like, easier to fuck you than to just keep saying no, you know, even Though I actually did. Didn't think that he would overpower me. It was more an emotional manipulation, right? But part of me, and I tell it in that story was like, well, and this is how I convinced myself little. But this is before I was an actual journalist. Little journalist in me. Little invention, investigative reporter was like, wow, at least it'd be a good story. What's it like to a clown? I never done that before. You know, new adventure. I love new experiences. New. And ADHD is always looking for dopamine fix. Like, I love new novel, new shit, you know, and when I. After that whole thing, I felt so gross because that story is pretty fucking gross. The details of it are so nasty. And that's coming from me, man. I'm not. You know, it takes a lot to gross me out. But I remember calling one of, like, a mentor of mine, and she goes, you know, I know that you think that you're like, I know you're a comedian and you have all these funny stories, but at what point are you gonna realize that you're the fucking joke sometimes?

[Kevin Allison]

Mm.

[Melanie Hamlet]

You are the butt of that joke, not him. Like, yeah, like the context of fucking a clown. That's always gonna get a laugh. But in this story, you feel disgusting. You, like, you are the butt of that joke. Like, it's not funny. It's a. It's not a funny joke. And I was like, oh, my God, I sold myself out. There's a lot of reasons for it. You know, again, all the things that led me to do the same thing with Dallas and all these other men is like a self abandonment, conditioning, whatever. But at the end of the day, I justified it, right? And the. The brain is. It's a. An incredible thing, you know, I mean, and especially if you had to do this as a child, like, if you were someone in your family was a predator, you constantly doing these mental gymnastics because you have to love this person because they feed you and you'll die if you don't love them. So you do all these mental gymnastics to blame yourself for everything they're doing because you have to love this person, right? So if you have that plus patriarchy, which it kind of does the same thing on a level, like, systemic level, then you find yourself in situations where you're like, I can mental gymnastics myself. I can pretzel my way and anything and convince myself it was my idea. And I did get a good story. It's one of my favorite stories. I don't necessarily regret fucking that clown, but I do empathize with the Melanie who had felt like. Who self abandoned in order to get the story. And also because she. She didn't know how to say no, you know?

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Like, now I don't do things just for the story anymore, right? And I used to. I mean, I wouldn't do things just for story, like, oh, I'm gonna die. Because, like, I don't. I didn't make money telling stories on stage. Like, I. But it was more like the new experience. And I'm very curious person. All storytellers are like, that's how we have crazy stories. We're like, whoa, I wonder what's behind this door. And anybody watching from. From home is like, no. Well, we're like, what's the worst that can happen, right? So there's a lot of like. And that's the thing. I love my life being as a raft guide and all that stuff. But I also like the. The 2, 3, 5 things can be true at the same time. I loved my life being, like, doing whatever I wanted, challenging myself. But I also realized that I was constantly putting myself in dangerous situations because that felt familiar. And also I do think there's something about people who go out and seek danger and seek uncomfortable homes or uncomfortable sports or uncomfortable things as self punishment and also this false sense of control over things you couldn't control before. So, okay, you know, I'm scared of men and scared of like, this person in me that abandons myself with men. But if I can climb that fucking mountain 11 pitches off and hang off of a, you know, one cam and a rope and some pieces of metal, and most men would never fucking do that. And I know that I'm tougher than all them. Okay, sure, they might rape me, they may traumatize me, but I'm tougher than them, you know, like the shit that you do to kind of. It's like maladaptive shit. You know what I mean? And so there's a part of me, I will always be really proud of all these things that I did because I really want. Wanted to prove that I was unbreakable, but I am fucking breakable. I'm a human being, you know, Like, I broke and then I put myself back together, you know, But I was trying so hard to be tough, to avoid being hurt. In the end, I almost got raped. I mean, I got raped and almost murdered anyway. So, like, it didn't work out so well. But I. But I am proud of all those things that I did. I taught myself, you know, Like, I became a raft guide. I did. I became a climber. I traveled a lot. I did all of this stuff. So I'm like, also try to recognize the nut. Everything that I've done and all of the thing, like, everything is like, trauma. It was just Melanie being Melanie. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Allison]

Finding your way.

[Melanie Hamlet]

I could go into that, like, oh, everything was about hating myself. And that's not true. I loved those jobs. I love challenging myself. I still do. I moved to fucking France not knowing a goddamn word, like, what the hell? That's just what I do. I just put myself in situations and figure it out. I'm really good at that.

[Kevin Allison]

It's incredible. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad we decided to listen back to this story with you giving a new perspective, a new vantage point on it.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Me too.

[Kevin Allison]

That was so smart. Yeah.

[Melanie Hamlet]

I'm trying to see if there's anything else that I wanted to. That I wrote down, because I think I've actually covered it all. I didn't even need to look at my notes. Yeah, yeah, that's. You know, the. The. It's. It's just. It's so funny because my. My. My husband doesn't. He. He's learned about me through. He's listened to all my risk stories, you know, and it's so funny because it's hard to watch him listen to them because he doesn't know that person. I'm not afraid of.

[Advertiser 4]

He.

[Melanie Hamlet]

I know he can handle it, but, like, he. He. It's hard to see him listen to so much, so many awful stories of what men have done to me.

[Advertiser 4]

He gets.

[Melanie Hamlet]

He's so angry for me, you know, but he also doesn't want to center his reaction or his feelings. And so, like, he. He doesn't. You know, I. There's like. I don't hide anything from him, but I also, like, God, it's. Sometimes I do think it's hard. Sometimes harder for. Like, when I was in an abusive relationship, my sister and my best friend Liz, man, they are still dealing with the trauma of watching someone they love almost die. You know, like that secondary trauma. So, you know, as storytellers, especially when we tell this, we always not just think about our audience in terms of people out there we don't see. But it's also like. It's just fascinating. Cause he doesn't even know this. He knows who I am now. Who. Who's gone through all that, come out the other end and learned the lessons. Like, he's met me at the level 12 of this video game, so he's like, fascinated by level four, Melanie doing all this stuff. But he also is like. But then he also appreciates my journey. He was like, God damn, you're fucking amazing. I can't believe you've been through all this. And, yeah, like, God, you know, so you could probably relate to that with people in your life who hear your stories, and they're just like, oh, my God, it's so hard to hear you tell these stories sometimes. You know what I mean? But the thing is, they know how you are now, so it's, like, a lot easier. You're not telling them in the story. Yeah, but, yeah, man, I don't think, like, I definitely haven't told a story since For Risk, since I met Anthony or got like. I don't think anybody at Risk even knows I'm married unless they follow me outside of this, like, this thing. They probably shocked to fucking hear this. If any of them know my old stuff, like Dora, you know, traveling around with a pinata.

[Kevin Allison]

Right, right.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Talking to a fucking doll. Cause I don't know how to talk about my feelings. And I'm such a lone wolf. How the hell did I end up married? I have a dog. He's asleep right next to me. He's a sweet little baby. Yes, you are having a day.

[Kevin Allison]

That's incredible. Well, yes, we should definitely look into having you back to give a listen back to Unbreakable with a guest. I think that that would be incredible.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah. And thank you so much for today, because this was such a. I don't know. You know, we're going through such a rough time right now. Like I said before, it feels like we're all in a sort of an abusive relationship right now. And so there's something very, like, inspiring about hearing someone who went through something and came down from the mountain, as you would say, to talk about it, but then came back down the mountain years later to be like, oh, wait a minute.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah. Went to the bigger mountain behind and was like, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. I saw the top of that mountain from a hair about. And I'm like, damn, that was something else.

[Kevin Allison]

Totally.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And, you know, I mean, honestly, I having been like, Trump reminds me so much of my ex and always has that I'm like, I feel like I. Like, I handle him really. Like, I actually feel like I know how to handle what's happening right now, because I'm like, okay, this is where he's going to overwhelm us. This is when he's going to, like, say, 500 lies so that we don't even know which one. Like I kind of know the tactics tactics of an abuser on a personal level like too up close and personal. And I'm not saying that I'm not affect, like but so I'm like it's not new territory. So I'm like yep. So I'm kind of, you know, was a nervous wreck before the election because I kind of knew this was going to happen but I was like kind of prepared for it. So now I'm just, I don't know, whatever. I don't want to make too many parallels but it's just, yeah, everybody is in an, is stuck in a house with an abusive daddy, you know, and then some of the kids are more, way more vulnerable than others and we're being triangulated against each other and then we got mom covering for dad and being like no, it's not that bad. You know, so it's literally like so many people like reliving their fucking childhood right now on a collective level, you know, know anyway. But yeah. So I'm so glad we did this, Kevin. I'd love to chat with you again and it was fun. It's good to see you too.

[Kevin Allison]

You too. Yeah. It really feels like we're, we're old veterans. Like we're war torn veterans.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah. I mean I told so many stories pretty back to back and they're all like, pretty, they're all very different but they were you know, for maybe like a what, seven or eight year time frame. But like, but there's so much has changed in like the seven years or whatever since I told my last story that it really feels like I really can't relate to this girl in this story. Like I know her but it's shocking to still because I sometimes and it gives me, it's good, it's humbling. It gives you that gratitude of like damn bitch, you've been through a lot. I'm so glad I, I, I'm glad I took the lesson instead of just kept doing the same. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Allison]

Right, right. And that you're not like Demi Moore ripping, ripping one another apart.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Yeah. And the cool thing is that when even though I can't change anybody else, I have noticed in my personal life, in my community, but especially in my family that the more I just focus on healing my shit other it changes the dynamics. I can't change people. But my dynamic with people and I've actually seen some people in my family finally get to heal because they weren't so worried about me all the time.

[Kevin Allison]

Oh, wow. Wow.

[Melanie Hamlet]

My sister especially, she finally gets to focus on herself because it's not everything about protecting Melanie.

[Kevin Allison]

Wow.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And when, actually, when she met Anthony, we got married during COVID or during the, you know, summer of, like, 2020 over Zoom. Borders were closed, you know, nobody could be here. Masks everything. They met him a year later. My sister got to meet him in person because she really loved him. She hugged him, and this is. We're about to leave, and she goes and like, oh, it's like. Gives me chills every time I say it. She was like, this is the. She told me later, this is the first time that I hugged you goodbye and wasn't worried that was the last time I'd ever see you again.

[Kevin Allison]

Oh, my God.

[Melanie Hamlet]

It's the first time in my life I've ever hugged you goodbye and wasn't convinced that might be the last time. She's like, I'm not worried about you dying all the time anymore.

[Kevin Allison]

Wow.

[Melanie Hamlet]

And when you take that out of the equation, then the people who were so worried about, like, that now she can focus on herself, you know, and, you know, so I really. It's. It's really. We can't change the world, but focusing on my shit and healing my shit, like, really working hard, it does actually change little by little, my world, you know?

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah. That's incredible.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Anyway. Yeah, so. So now people can't introduce. We can't believe you're still alive. Because I'm, like, such a. I'm such a wimp. I'm like, I don't want to go. Yeah. I don't. Like, I'm so afraid of dying. I'm afraid of flying now. I'm like, what if we crash? I'm like, I. I had.

[Kevin Allison]

I think a lot of us are now afraid of flying.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Especially now. Especially now. But I feel like I used all my, like, 99 lives up, so I'm like. So I, I, I love life and I love my life, and I love myself so much now. And I know I have a lot to offer and give that I don't want to just die for some stupid shit. You know what I mean? And so I'm still adventurous and brave, but, like, in much different ways that doesn't involve, like, the risk of death constantly.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah. That's incredible. So that's wonderful. Well, thank you so much.

[Melanie Hamlet]

Thank you so much. Thanks for. It's good to see you too. Just to hang out and chat.

[Kevin Allison]

Indeed. Well, that is all of my conversation with Melanie Hamlet again. Don't miss out on her TikTok El Hamlet. She's so brilliant over there. And soon we'll be revisiting Melanie's hour long story, Unbreakable, her most well known risk story. And she's gonna have a conversation about it. Not with me, but with a therapist who does a lot of work with people who have been on both sides of abusive relationships. Thanks so much for checking out these new experimental episodes we've been doing in both video and audio formats. And folks, today's the day. Take a risk.