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- [00:01]
Narrator
Why get all your holiday decorations delivered through Instacart? Because maybe you only bought two wreaths, but you have 12 windows. Or maybe your toddler got very eager with the Advent calendar. Or maybe the inflatable snowman didn't make it through the snowstorm. Or maybe the twinkle lights aren't twinkling. Whatever the reason, this season Instacart's here for hosts and their whole holiday haul. Get decorations from the Home Depot, CVS and more through Instacart and enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply.
- [00:30]
Holiday magic is in the air and DSW's got all the shoes to make your season extra merry. Believe you've got parties to attend and lists to check twice, so DSW is taking care of the details like gifts to make their eyes all aglow, styles that bring joy to your world, brands everyone wants like Ugg, Nike, Birkenstock and more and deals to make your budget bright. Find the perfect shoes for you and yours at a DSW store near you or dsw.com as we gather with loved.
- [01:01]
Ones this holiday season, consider how learning a new language can enhance your connections and enrich your experiences. What are your goals for the upcoming holiday season? Whether it's traveling internationally or connecting with family and friends, a new language can open doors to meaningful conversations and cultural appreciation. With that in mind, there's no better tool than Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program available on desktop and mobile. Rosetta Stone immerses you in the language so you truly learn to think, speak and understand it naturally. With Rosetta Stone's intuitive approach, there are no English translations, you're fully immersed and the built in True Accent feature acts like a personal accent coach, giving you real time feedback to make sure you sound just right. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. For a short time, listeners can get Rosetta Stone's Lifetime Membership Holiday Special. This offer will not last long. Visit rosettastone.com Rs10 that's unlimited access to 25 language course rest of your life. Redeem your Holiday offer@RosettaStone.com Rs10 today for yourself or as a gift that keeps giving.
- [02:17]
Kevin Allison
Hey folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison and every Thursday we release these special episodes where we look back at content from our earlier years before start. Our episode called Black Lives Number 8 is coming out next year and we still need some story pitches for it if you have a story that touches on being black while living life, pitch it to us@riskdashshow.com submissions and now this week, an episode that first ran in December of 2012. This is a loaded episode. The first story deals with body image issues and weight loss. It's important to keep in mind that standards of health differ for different people radically. Hearing about one particular person's goals around health could be downright upsetting for some folks. To give a somewhat similar example around my own mental health journey, I sometimes like to learn about this or that individual's strategies for quote unquote mastering adhd. But other times I am really not in the mood for that and someone will pop up on my phone or laptop saying something about ADHD that I personally find downright insulting or demoralizing. So if you're not in the headspace today for a weight loss story, you might want to skip to the second story. That said, I also have to warn you that there is a sexual assault in the second story. I will have some things to say in the middle of the episode when we take the commercial break. I want to say some things to prep you for the second story. So without further ado, from December of 2012, here is the episode we call In My Own Skin.
- [04:47]
Narrator
Extra Risk.
- [05:35]
Kevin Allison
Hello kids, this is Extra Risk where we give you just a little bit more of the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison and this is the city champs behind me. Now it's making me all nostalgic because we featured them on some of our very earliest episodes. Speaking of which, I have gotten your emails and we know that iTunes is now not allowing people to access some of our earliest episodes because we're over the hundred episode limit. You can find our earliest stuff@risk show.com Listen now. We are calling today's episode In My Own Skin. I always find that phrase so poignant when people say that. People say things like I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. Well, today we have two stories by two wonderful gentlemen, both of whom they've been through a lot with their bodies and those bodies and the men who inhabit them deserve TLC if you ask me. We're going to start with a man named Andrew Solmson, new friend of ours. We met him at the LA Pod Fest last fall. He walked right up to me at the festival and said, hey, I'm a friend of Jackie Cation's. I said, well, any friend of Jackie Cations is A friend of mine, and he said, well, I think I have a story I might like to share with you. And that is the story that we're about to share with you. So let's give a listen to this now. Friends, this is Andrew Solmson with a story we call let somebody love you.
- [08:00]
Andrew Solmson
Hi, I'm Andrew and I'm an IT nerd. I love being a nerd. The other day I was at a show that a friend of mine puts on, and he likes people to come up and do unusual things. And it's called Crapshoot. It's a lot of fun. And he put my name in the hat. And what he wanted me to do was to come up and yell at everybody to back up their hard drives. And I can do that. It's something that matters to me. Back up your shit. My refrigerator is covered with magnets out of dead hard drives, and each one of them is somebody's baby pictures or unfinished script. And now they decorate my refrigerator. So for Christ's sake, back up your shit. Anyway, I did that. I yelled at the crowd for three or four minutes, and they liked it, and it was very funny. And after the show, I was sitting in the lobby and there was a girl who came up to me and she started talking to me about Harlan Ellison. I may not know a lot about women, but when a woman is broadcasting on all frequencies, when she is talking to me about the man who wrote Repent, Harlequin said, the TikTok man, or City on the edge of Forever, which is, in my opinion, the best episode of Star Trek ever made, that's a girl I can talk to. And we did talk, and very intensely for quite a while. She was beautifully put together. She was wearing a kind of almost Mad Men kind of outfit. It was fairly obvious that she was heavier than she'd ever been and that she was not comfortable with that. And I'm a big fat guy and I'm comfortable with that. I get up on stage, but I'm also not comfortable with it at all. I'm £475. There's not a lot I can be happy about with that. I look down and I'm reminded of every bad decision I've ever made. Every late night Jack in the box run, every. Every time that I've chosen an immediate satisfaction over everything else I want in my life. You know, whether it's. It's, you know, intimacy with women or, you know, the ability to go on a hike. I can't stand up for more than 10 or 15 minutes. It's a very limiting life I've chosen for myself here, and I get very mad at myself about it. And at the same time, 2:00 in the morning rolls around and I've gotten done with a show and I'm in my car and I've got a podcast playing sometimes Risk. And I've gotten into this rhythm lately where I just drive around aimlessly listening to podcasts and hitting fast food shops. And, you know, food is a soothing thing. There's a thing, and I know exactly where it comes from. My mother was always heavy and went on diets all the time. And so food was this medicine. It's so easy. It's so easy. I'm by and large very happy with my life. I was at a karaoke party the other day, and karaoke is usually miserable, but all the people I'm around are so talented and it was so fun to watch. And these are the people I'm around, and I'm so happy about that. And yet there's this side of my life that is just so desperate and awful. Everybody says, go get bariatric surgery. Go get a, you know, a bypass or whatever. And I just am convinced that what's wrong with me is not in my stomach. And maybe that's just denial. Maybe that's just keeping somebody from doing something that's going to help me because I don't want to give up my drug. It's filling in all senses of that word for a little while, and then it's over, and you immediately hate yourself. And that was something I reacted to with her, I think, because there were so many little. You know, people talk about red flags or warning signs, but I read people pretty well, and there were a lot of signs with her. She, you know, it sounded like she had a kind of a hoarding situation going on at her house and just not happy. And I can talk about that with somebody. And so we did. We talked very intensely for almost an hour. And then we decided to go to a party. And we went to this party, and we were sitting there alone in the living room. After about 15 minutes of more incredibly intense conversation, she grabbed my head and started kissing. I may not know a lot about women, but I read the signs. We came into my place, we sat down, we had a few glasses of wine. One thing kind of led to another, and we found ourselves in the bedroom, lying down in bed. And from her side of the bed, I hear her say, does this mean we're boyfriend and girlfriend now? Just kidding. And she wasn't kidding. I thought for a minute. Oi. And then I realized I'd kind of be okay with that. She was really interesting. She was funny and smart, and she had a lot to say about a lot of things, and I liked being with her. So I walked her to her car, and during our conversation, we had, of course, pulled out our smartphones and become Facebook friends. So the next day, I messaged her on Facebook and I said what a wonderful time I'd had and how much I'd enjoyed meeting her and that I hoped we could see each other again. And after a couple of days, I got a message back. She said that she was embarrassed by what had happened, that she wasn't usually so impulsive, that she thought she might need to get her medication checked. I was struck. I was a little hurt. But I thought about it for a while and I thought to myself, you know, whatever you need. I just wanted her to be happy. She was so unhappy. And so I wrote back to her and I said, look, that's fine. Whatever you need to be happy, that's great. But just know that I found you funny, smart, beautiful, and charming. Be well. Be kind to yourself and let others be kind to you. It's hard. Lord, I know it's hard. But in the end, it's the only thing that ever matters. Best, Andrew. And then she blocked me on Facebook. Oh, God. We'll be right back.
- [16:08]
Narrator
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- [17:09]
Kevin Allison
Hey folks, I want to tell you about a new podcast called Reflektor. If you love Risk, you love true stories, right? And on each episode of Reflector, they really dive into some of the thorniest, messiest, issues facing our society today, from addiction to election denial to what inspires people to commit violence. And they weave together a story that highlights the nuances and idiosyncrasies of our human nature. On a recent episode, I was so excited to see that they have my friend Mike Pesca come on to talk about how and why politicians lie well, some more than others. So you can find this new podcast by searching for Reflektor right now on whatever app you're using to listen to Risk.
- [18:03]
Narrator
This episode is brought to you by US Cellular. You shouldn't have to sacrifice a great experience to get a great deal. And U.S. cellular Prepaid agrees. Which is why right now you'll get a new Samsung Galaxy A15.5G for free without any hidden fees, like the device activation fees you get with those other prepaid providers. So you can use your free phone with US Cellular's nationwide 5G coverage to stay connected to the ones you love without having to make sacrifices. Terms apply. Visit us cellular.com for details.
- [18:33]
The Ford Explorer has what you need for the road ahead. Up to seven selectable drive modes, a 5,000 pound towing capacity, and an available 400 horsepower engine. The 2025 Ford Explorer it's all in the name. When properly equipped, Max towing varies based on cargo vehicle configuration, accessories and number of passengers. Horsepower, torque, payload and towing are independent attributes and may not be attached simultaneously. Horsepower and torque ratings based on premium fuel per SAEJ1349 standard. Your results may vary we're back.
- [19:22]
Kevin Allison
This is Risk music by David Crabb behind me now.
- [19:26]
Hey folks, this is Kevin in 2024 coming in here to tell you something about this next story you're about to hear. As I said in the beginning, there's a sexual assault in this story, but also the storyteller Lee Harrington wrote to us about his feelings nowadays about this story, so I want to read you what he wrote. Lee said when first sharing this incredibly intimate tale, it was an opportunity to explore my emotions and experiences around the topic. However, I did not get explicit permission from the other person who was a part of this tale, and their experience was not a perfect match of my own. It's important to know that though this is my truth, different individuals will have different experiences. Please listen to this story, understanding that in any life experience you have, there is your story, their story, and some flavor of truth in between. I'm grateful for having the opportunity to learn the other side of the story, but even in learning, I have filtered it through my own lived experience. Love, Lee. Beautifully Said. So, without further ado, back to the episode.
- [20:48]
Our next story comes to us from someone who I have not known very long, but I'll tell you, I have the greatest admiration and affection for him. Lee Harrington is one of the most well known sex educators and just kinkster extraordinaires in the country today. If you are at all interested in the realm of kink and bdsm, the book that Lee wrote with the wonderful Melina Williams called Playing well with Others, you gotta go get it. It's the perfect introduction to embarking on a more adventurous sexual path, if you so desire. Other than that, he is just a beautiful soul. And so, without further ado, Here he is, Mr. Lee Harrington, with a little something we call the other side of the story.
- [22:04]
Narrator
When I was in high school, I was raped. I went over to my friend Connor's house, which is not his name, but it's his name for the story. We were part of the same Dungeons and Dragons group. Like, we were both just uber nerds. And we were playing Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the computer game, and playing other Nintendo adventures. And in the middle of it, and this is back when I was female, expressing in the middle of it, he forced me down on the ground and used my holes in various ways, shape and form, and left the room. And I ran home in the middle of the the afternoon. I remember trying to pull back on my underwear and skirts clinging to my thigh and running and then finally stopping and just sitting down because I didn't know how to process the whole experience. And it was really interesting to me because there was no logic to it. It was one of the things that really struck me about the whole experience. A, the fact that he wore a condom during it, but B, it's not like he had been flirting with me. It's not that anything in that direction had possibly happened. It just was so incongruous. We knew each other, but it wasn't like we were best friends. It wasn't like there was any sexual history. It was just strange. Later that year, my parents got divorced and I moved to a different city. And I just tried to move on with my life. And I did so fairly well. Flash forward about 14 years. I'm at a BDSM club in Seattle and I'm sitting there in the food area hanging out with friends and talking and all that kind of stuff. And I go for a wander, you know, because when you're at a kinky sex space, it's like, okay, what else is happening? In here. Let's look at all the different adventures. Let's see what's going on. So I pass the spanky spanky scene, you know, walk past the people who are having sex, and I walk past the people who are doing midair crazy ropes suspensions. And then I wander past this room where a guy is on his back getting fucked from one end by a guy and being fucked from the other end by a guy, and there's a chocolate cake on his stomach. And I'm like, oh, that's interesting. And I continue past to go out to the smoking area, and I realized that the guy who had the chocolate cake on his stomach was my rapist. And so my brain stopped because, I mean, what do you do with that information? So I left the smoking area and I sat down the social space and drank a lot of Dr. Pepper and ate a lot of Red Vines, because what else are you going to do? And, you know, half hour hour passes and he wanders by me, still covered in chocolate cake, because you have to go through the social area to get to the showers. And so he goes to the shower and he comes back out and he pauses at the table I'm sitting at and says, this is going to sound really weird, but do I know you? And at this point, I'm male presenting. I'm going by the name Lee. I look like a dude. But he's like, do I know you? And I said, yeah, but when you knew me, you knew me under the name Bridget. And his jaw dropped and he stopped for a period of time that I have no idea how long it was. And he said, this is going to sound really presumptuous, but would you be open to having a conversation this evening? And I thought about it. I said, yeah, actually. Yeah, actually, I am. And so he's like, because I've got to go check in with my tops. I don't want to abandon them. But yeah, I'm like, yeah. And so he wanders off and goes check in with his tops. He comes back a little while later and tentatively sits down. He's not sure what to do because I'm not sure what to do. And it's just one of those weird moments. And he said, would you be open to me sharing my story of what happened that day? And I said, yeah, actually, that would help a lot. He's like, this is gonna be really weird. Where I'm like, actually, I did a lot of therapy about you and about our encounter, and I've worked through a lot of my demons around It. And right now, no, it's just really interesting to see you again. I said, okay. And he told the following story. When he and I knew each other, he was 16 years old and I was 14. When he was 15, his parents found out that he was gay, and they sent him, as good Mormons, to a reprogramming camp in Utah. And he endured restriction of food, restriction of sleep, electroshock therapy and other treatments. And he was there for most of the summer. And it was horrible and excruciating and heartbreaking. And he came back, and his mother said, oh, yay, you're going to be a normal teenage boy. This is fantastic. And a year had passed the day before I came over to play video games, when his mother said to him, I guess the programming didn't work. I think we're going to have to send you back. And so the next day, he went and hung out with his only female friend. And he thought about it and thought about it and went to the bathroom and put on a condom and came out and used me and took the condom upstairs and threw it at his mother's bedroom door and said, fuck you. I can fuck girls if I want to. And a year later, he ran away from home. Now he's a gay activist in the Northwest. And I remember that he couldn't make eye contact with me for most of the conversation. That it was him looking off to one side as if watching a television set and transcribing it for me. I got a view into his brain instead of him and I going back in time together. And I think that made the story safer, because if he'd been looking at me, I might have seen him who he was before. And neither of us were who we were before. You know, I wasn't the busty girl who played video games. He wasn't the nerdy boy with way too many pimples and fear in his heart. We weren't those people anymore. We were. We were adults who had each lived really rich and crazy and fantastic and horrible and heartbreaking lives. And we were in a different place. And if I had run into him six years earlier, I would have punched him in the face. I had had so much anger and resentment and trauma. And I said, would you be open to me telling my version of the story? And he said, yeah, yeah, I'd really like to. And so I talked to him about running home and stopping and how I'd written volumes and volumes of poetry about him and about that skirt that I was trying to pull back on. And I told him that I had really intense fantasies now about being held down and used because I had my first orgasm with him. And he stopped and he thought about that. And then he looked at me and said, can I ask a question? Okay. He's like, so you've transitioned. You're a dude now. And I said, yeah. And he said, I don't mean to laugh, but does that mean that I've never had sex with a woman? It was so absolutely absurd that here we were as a pair of guys talking about when he'd raped me, when I was a woman, or a girl, more accurately. And we fell over laughing, and we looked at each other and said, this is stupid and we shouldn't be laughing about it because it's wrong, but we're both laughing. And we hung out and talked and talked and spent time together and caught up on each other's lives. And I had a realization that at least in my reality, there's nothing that doesn't happen for a reason. That I endured this really traumatic moment in my life and in doing so, got to help save someone else's. And I wouldn't change a single thing because I got to save Connor's life. And that's. That's worth it. We still talk on Facebook. And what's really weird is that since we're both gay men now, there's a part of me that's debated flirting with him, and that's kind of broken and fucked up, but kind of beautiful and sweet at the same time. And I haven't gone there, but there's a little piece of me every once in a while when he makes a post or whatever that goes, huh, he's actually not that bad of a human being. He was just in a really, really hard place. And his hard place took me into a hard place for the next six or seven years. It's something that transformed both of our lives. But we never said that sentence to each other because I don't think it needed said. It was what it was, and now we're who we are, and I'm okay with that.
- [32:10]
Kevin Allison
That is all for this week, folks. This is Shogu Tokamaru behind me now with a song called Lovely Alan. And Mr. Tokyo. Kamaru seems to know a thing or two about loveliness. We'll be back with a regular full length episode of Risk next week. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter and Facebook at riskshow. Comment on us at itunes. @riskdashshow.com we teach storytelling as well. Go to thestorystudio.org to find out about our workshops in New York City or online via Skype or Google. If you think you have a story that you might like to share with us, go to the submissions page@risk-show.com we're always interested in hearing your stories, folks. Today's the day. Take a risk.
- [33:54]
Andrew Solmson
One thing kind of led to another. We went in the bedroom and we broke the bed. The whole thing just collapsed underneath us.
- [34:18]
Narrator
Water damage is no joke. Did you know that water damage makes up more than 25% of all home insurance claims? And the average claim costs over $13,000. Don't let a small leak turn into a big expense. Learn more at go.pemco.com Nojoke Pemco Mutual Insurance Co. Seattle, WA hey folks, there's.
- [34:35]
Kevin Allison
So much more of Risk in the holiday season. Risk is always publishing new episodes and new stories as well as holiday favorites. This holiday season, don't forget, click on Risk.