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- [00:00]
Stephanie Douglas
When you think about meal kit companies, what do you see? Probably long, complicated recipes and subscriptions you can't escape. But with the new Blue Apron, we're doing meal delivery differently. No subscription needed, faster, easier meals and the same dedication to quality we've always had. Shop 100/Meals@blueapron.com, get 50% off your first two orders with code apron50. Terms and conditions apply. Visit blueapron.com terms for more. Hey, it's Brooklyn Adams and I'm partnering with Abercrombie to tell you about the newest drop from their Active brand. Your Personal Best YPB leggings are made with buttery soft fabrics that hug you in all the right places. And common Abercrombie's viral curve Love fit designed to eliminate waist gap. Paired with sports bras and super soft sweatshirts, it's activewear that supports every part of my busy lifestyle and gives me my best butt ever. Head into the new year feeling your personal best. Shop Active by Abercrombie in the app, online and in stores.
- [01:04]
Kevin Allison
Risk.
- [01:07]
Risk Show Host (Kevin Allison)
Hey folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison and every Thursday we release these special episodes where we look back at content from our earlier years. Keep in mind that some announcements in older episodes might be outdated, as well as some of what's said in the stories. We always say that the name of the series itself is a bit of a content warning. This week, an episode that premiered in October of 2013. It's an episode we call Live From Chicago. Hello kids, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin all and this is Vait behind me now. And welcome to our fifth season. We are entering our fifth year of bringing you the podcast. I I don't think I've ever done anything that long. Maybe a couple things, a few. It's up there in the list. But none of us at Risk have any intention of stopping anytime soon. The show only gets better and it's so much because of you. The Risk fans keep sending in these incredible pitches at the submissions page at our site. We've had some remarkable ones recently about murder or severe addiction, homelessness, amazing religious, spiritual sorts of experiences, war stories. But we want some more of those for sure. And especially because of the time of year it is now. Stories of the supernatural. We love it. Keep sending them. Some of the most amazing pieces in the history of this show have come from the fans and today's episode is live from Chicago. We finally made it. I love that damn town. Or that Todd's Land town. I should say that God damn does that town toddle. J.B. wynken, the manager of the UP Comedy Club, was so wonderful to us there. Scott Whitehair, a truly wonderful storyteller. He gave me a place to stay and we're gonna go straight through today's episode without me breaking in from here in my bedroom. We're gonna start with the lovely Stephanie Douglas. Remarkable person and she is a regular at this Much Is fantastic storytelling show that you can find at this much is true chicago.com so let's get to it, starting off with Stephanie Douglas and a story we call you Don't Know Jack.
- [04:54]
Stephanie Douglas
His name came over the loudspeaker and all of the sudden 46 teachers, aides and administrators stopped what they were doing and braced themselves for the wave. Climaxes of transgressive joy rang throughout my entire high school, every single classroom, every single student unable to control themselves. My mother, who was a teacher's aide at the time, but the kind of teacher's aide who dressed for the job she wanted, not the one she had also, similar to the other teachers, tried to control and calm her hysterical class. Unlike the other teachers at the high school, though, my mother had missed the very clear, innuendoed significance of the name that had come over morning announcements. All she had heard was an innocent boy's name read, and then seen a room full of cruel teenagers cackling and cackling and cackling. Who is this boy? Why is everyone laughing when they say his name? The answers came flying back at her almost immediately. He's always standing up when he's not supposed to. Oh, he's always popping his head up when you don't want him to. None of the girls will even look at him. You have to wash your hands as soon as you touch him. Obviously, this was a boy who was being ostracized and bullied. Why don't I know him? My mother asked them. I know every child in this school. In a moment of brilliance, my friend Casey came out with, oh, he's down at South Campus. And the class lost it again. Now, my high school actually did have two campuses. There were juniors and seniors at north and freshmen and sophomores at south, so this only served to confuse her further as the kids laughed and laughed. She asked because she was worried about the bullied boy if he had any friends down at South Campus. The responses came back that all his Friends are nuts and a holes. Yeah, he's really hard to get to know. He's hard to get to know. She knew that this was serious. Bullying is not something that we laugh about. She made the class quiet down. She didn't let them speak. She threatened them all with detention. And then she gave them a lecture for the next 45 minutes about not treating people who are different like crap. But she got no answers. But this was outrageous. Ronnie yearbook advisor so she knew that when her next class came in, she would get some answers about this poor bullied boy. She would get some answers about who this poor child, Jack Mehoff really was. In second period, the kids were no better. She learned that he was handicapped because he had only one eye. In third period, when she asked about him, she found out he was abused because his owner beats him all the time. What kind of people don't even call themselves parents of their own child owner? On her break, she ran and got the number from child services. Now, it may seem like already after three high school periods, this had gone too far. But what you need to know is that a my mother sees the worst in everyone and everything. And if there is a tragedy to be found and that she believes she is the only one to solve, she will stick with that tragedy until the end. And the second part is that this was early in the era of news exploited school shootings. So based on what her WVIA local Fox affiliate had told her about what to look for, this kid was rife. Rife for in school violence. He was being bullied and ostracized. He had a physical disability and he was being abused in the home. So my mother mentally ran through a list of what she should be looking for. And in fourth period, she asked her class if anyone has ever seen him at school wearing a trench coat.
- [09:24]
Lily B.
No.
- [09:24]
Stephanie Douglas
But sometimes he's got a hood. Ms. Grossman, you would totally scream if you saw him. Yeah, he's totally bald and really veiny. Veiny visible bruising. This was serious. On her lunch break, my mother decided she would talk to her colleagues about this to see if they had been having the same issues in their class. But unfortunately, her colleagues, being human fucking beings, also couldn't resist. So when she let them know what students had been talking about and how she felt the need to help this poor, abused, bullied one eyed child.
- [10:15]
Shannon Kaysen
They.
- [10:15]
Stephanie Douglas
Kept saying things like, oh yeah, you can't rest until you beat that one boy. He does make a mess everywhere he goes. And then Mrs. Avery, who told her, I try never to look at him if I can help it. After this, she knew that there was only one place she could go, because clearly, this kid was on the path to school. Shooter. She marched straight to the principal's office. Our principal, Mr. Smith, was one of those, like, stocky men in a perpetual wrestler's stance with, like, a full bru mustache. And he was pretty casual. But he was a little shocked when my mother threw open the door to his office and stood right in front of his desk and said, we have a serious problem. Sure. What is it? Ronnie, Sit down. No, I won't sit down. She proceeded to tell him exactly what had been going on from the time that this poor little freshman who was down at South Campus had had his name read on morning announcements, and how all of the kids had mocked him and bullied him and how he was disabled and how he was abused in his home, and he probably had access to a gun. And then she told him how his staff had also been mocking and abusing this child. And then she looked to Mr. Smith with hope in her eyes because she needed leadership, and she knew that he could be the one to solve this. And when he finally caught his breath, his response was, oh, yeah, yeah, he's always spewing off at the wrong time. That one's a definite explosion risk. My mother stood up and stormed out of the principal's office, screaming, you are no help. And she ran across the hall into the office of my beloved English teacher, Ms. Pryor. Ms. Prior saw my mother's red face and asked her, you know, Ronnie, what's wrong? What's going on? My mother recounted the story, the story of this boy, the story of her colleagues, the story of the principal who wouldn't deign to help a disabled child. And we have laws about that. He probably has some kind of IEP or something special that he needs help. We have laws. And finally, Ms. Pryor, in all of her goodness and kindness, was able to do what nobody else that day had done. She looked at my mother and she said, ronnie, he's not real. It's a joke. Jack me off.
- [12:51]
Kevin Allison
Like.
- [12:52]
Stephanie Douglas
Like jerk.
- [12:57]
Kevin Allison
Like.
- [12:57]
Stephanie Douglas
Like jerk me off. Like jack me. It's a pun. And My mother repaid Ms. Pryor's kindness. I shit you not. By standing up dramatically, sweeping out of her office and screaming over her shoulder, Ms. Pryor, I had no idea you were such a whore. Because once she sets her mind to averting a tragedy, there is no stopping this woman. But somehow, something in her had begun to click, like a seed had been planted, like if everybody knows. But I don't know him. But there. There was only one person who would give her the answer. And this was the person who helped her with bills and helped her make change and tutored her younger children. And this was the person she had to ask. She got into her car and left for the day. When I got home from school that day, my mother cornered me in the kitchen. After telling me that several of my friends would no longer be allowed in our home because they were cruel, awful people who hated the disabled. My mother looked at me and she said, I'm going to ask you something, but you are not allowed to laugh at me. Okay, I said, probably lying. Do you know a little boy by the name of Mayoff? Jack. Jack. Ma. Jackie? Jack. Jack Mayo. Is Jack Mayoff a real boy at the school?
- [14:44]
Shannon Kaysen
What?
- [14:45]
Stephanie Douglas
No, mom, no, no. It was a name that Steve O' Connor snuck onto morning announcements, and Ms. Horrocks read it without realizing it. No, he's not. Why? My mother didn't answer me. She just stared at me and she said, what does it. I swallowed hard. And then I, as calmly as I could, explained to her what a casual slang request for assistance during masturbation might mean. And her only response after that was, who taught you filth like that? Ms. Pryor. But slowly she came around. And I think most people, when they kind of go through something like that, when they realize they're so mistaken, they kind of like get embarrassed. They laugh it off, you know, they eat their crow and then they let it go. They move on with life. But she just couldn't. Because it wasn't just this little boy that she could have saved that had disappeared. But it was like all of the future holiday greeting cards he would have sent, like, thank you for getting me out of my abusive home and for helping me get that glass eye and for helping me not be bullied anymore. She lost all of those things forever. And for my mother, she has expressed the fact that she believes that the only reason she couldn't help little Jack Mehoff was because he didn't exist. And so for every oft beaten, bullied, one eyed boy out there, for every Richard Hertz or Michael Hunt, for every Anita Hardcock or Benjamin Dover, even for young Heywood of the Jablomi Clan.
- [17:08]
Shannon Kaysen
Your.
- [17:08]
Stephanie Douglas
Protector is out there and she is watching and she is waiting. Thank you.
- [17:25]
Risk Show Host (Kevin Allison)
Stephanie douglas. Our next story comes to us from someone. He has his own podcast, which is called Homemade Stories, and you can find him@shannonkasen.com Please welcome to the stage Mr. Shannon Kaysen.
- [17:54]
Shannon Kaysen
Me and my wife were discussing, like, if we get another woman, which I'm.
- [18:03]
Kevin Allison
All for.
- [18:06]
Shannon Kaysen
That would be a threesome. Now, if we get another guy, which I'm all not for, that would not be a threesome. That would be, like, closer to a train. I'm not running anywhere near close to a train on my wife, you know? Now, in the past, me and a friend of mine, my boy, we were running a consensual train on this young lady. And it was consensual. It was protective, it was disturbing. Because, like, the woman. The woman, when I was with her, she was like, yeah, I like that.
- [19:09]
Kevin Allison
Yeah.
- [19:11]
Shannon Kaysen
Harder. When he was with her, she was like, slow down. Wait, wait, wait. Don't, don't. Not too fast, not too fast. So he was admittedly bigger than me. And it's something I never forgot about. It stuck with me. So I'm at home one day and I'm writing using a computer. I'm home alone. So I'm watching a little porn. And these guys in porn, man, fucking huge. I like black porn too. Fucking huge. So I'm like, man, this can't, like, be average. So I'm like. I check on. I got the Internet. So I check on the Internet. Greasy hands. I'm like, what's the average size of the erect male penis? And. Okay, drum roll. Average size. Scientists say average size is just under six inches. You know, 5.6 or some. 5.9 is some. So just under six inches. If that disappoints anyone, just keep looking at me. Don't breathe hard if you're on your first date. I was like, yes. You know what I'm saying? I felt like I had won the evolutionary evolution lottery on it because I had that solidly beat, you know? I was like. But I had one like the small lotto, my boy, he had one like the Powerball. I had one like a. You know, I was still a millionaire. But while I'm on there, I'm just like, you know what Google say about ways to get a bigger dick or a bigger dick? And this is what I found. I found, like, they had a lot of peels. There was a lot of peel companies, I think. I don't know. Peel to grow your dick? I don't think so. You know, it was like some contrapments, some contraptions like stretchers and extenders. I'm thinking, like, you gotta be like, look like torture device. You gotta be in a desperate place to put some weights on your dick, you know? Then I Saw it was like this exercise that guys were doing. It was a guy on the camera, and it was like he was almost jerking. It was like I was watching a guy on camera jerk himself off. And it was like an exercise. He was like a. Okay, motions in which with this finger and this finger just, like, rub down the shaft of your dick like that. It's like, I understand exercising. I used to be a scrawny guy, so I understand he called it joking. And I'm looking at it, and I'm like, man, I'm gonna try to supersize my dick, you know? So I get some grease. And they had all these instructions. Like, you were supposed to warm your dick up with a hot towel for, like, 20 minutes beforehand. I'm like, I'm not doing it. I don't even follow the instructions on the IKEA furniture. I'm not steaming hot tile. So I just go in at the a. Okay, motions. And I'll admit, like, when I first started, I got too aggressive. I felt a little something. It felt something. So I'm not going that long with it. And I get a buzz at the door. So I get up, I put the grease away, I put my pants on, go to the door, and this is my boy at the door. Same guy. This is my boy. And I wipe my hands off on my pants, shake his hand. What's up, man? You know? So we go in the living room, we talking shit. That's what we do all day, every day. And, I don't know, it gets around to the point where we start arm wrestling. Just start arm wrestling. And the first time we arm wrestle, I win. He like, man, the only reason you won. Your hand's slippery for some reason. So I go wash my hands, and we go again. He like, two out of three. Best two out of three. So we go again. And the next time, we kind of, like, get, you know, stuck for a little while, like, running. But I still win. So I won the first two from two out of three. So I'm geeked. I'm all excited. And he kind of looks down like I was looking when we were with that girl that one time. So my wife comes home, and I'm bragging to my wife, I just beat him at arm wrestling. She's like, y' all like little kids? And I'm like, yeah, we are. You know? And so he leaves, and me and my wife, we spend the night together, enjoying each other's company. And it comes to the moment of truth, you know, we get to the bedroom. We about to have sex. And we have sex. And in the middle of having sex, like, I feel this dull pain and my dick just. Just shuts off. Like, just stops working. So I get her off me. I go to the bathroom and I'm looking at my dick in the mirror. I'm like, I never seen my dick look this lifeless in my life. I'm just like. So I go back in to my wife and I show her and she says something that, like, it sticks with me too. She says it looks smaller. So I. I don't have insurance, you know, I was thinking about going to the doctor, but I don't have insurance. And then I'm kind of embarrassed to go to the emergency room. Like, I was joking, I don't want to. So I just. I'm thinking it's like a fluke and it will come back. So I just go to work and. Worst day ever at work. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, I'm usually a pretty likable guy. Fucking asshole. My dick is broke. Fucking asshole. I'm an asshole at work. So no random hard ons? Nothing. I go to the break room. I'm in a break room and there's this girl. She's laying down on the break room couch, sleeping. Nice ass. I'm sitting there like a creep, just on the other side, just staring at her ass. Nothing. I'm thinking about putting my face right in her ass crate. Nothing. I go home, my wife make me a hot bath. Nothing. She rubs on it, Nothing. Kiss it a little bit, Nothing. So this goes on for a couple days. Worst days ever. I go to work, asshole come home. Hot bath, nothing. My wife, she says Halloween was like, close. And like this old girlfriend of mine, she had invited us to her Halloween party. She was a cool girl. We was cool, and she was still cool. And I was thinking, it's cool that my wife would go to my old girlfriend house. She was kind of a freak too, back in the day. So I'm like, okay. She like, it'll take your mind off the hot baths. It'll take your mind off everything. We just go out into the party. So we go to this Halloween party and my wife dresses as a sexy 70s girl. And my ex girlfriend is like a sexy nurse. Then you got these sexy cats all over. Sexy vampire, sexy robot. Everything's sexy there. So I'm drinking, I'm trying. I was a depressed 80s guy. I had the chain and a Kango and a boombox. Just at the party, like, so my wife encourages me. Like dance with your ex. Dance with your ex. So I dance with my ex a little bit, you know. And at one point my wife comes. She's sitting on my lap and I'm drinking. So I motion for my ex to come over to me. And my ex comes and sits on my other lap, on my other thigh. Only got one lap. So they're on my lap and I'm feeling on like both of their asses. And with my hand, with my ex, I like ever so gently, like just gently touch her, like her pussy lips. Just gently. You gotta get a good wife, you know what I'm saying? If you ain't got a. You ain't got a good wife, man, I feel bad for you, you know, Cause like she gonna help me out, you know. So I feel a gush. I just feel a gush. It's like I piss myself, I think. So I push both of them off me and I run to the bathroom. And I'm in the bathroom and it just something amazing. Like my dick is like a aerosol can. Like a big as a fucking black power fish dick. Just. I am so excited with my life at that point. I'm like my. So I go back out to the party. I drink so much that I black out. It could have possibly been a threesome. I don't. It wasn't a threesome that happened because I fucking blacked out. And my ex and my wife, that didn't work out. But so I wake up in the morning and Dick Steele Harvest Steelhar. I'm so excited, you know what I'm saying? I go to work. Random hard ons. I ain't hiding nothing, just random. I ain't putting them under my belt. Just random hard ons. Just. They just. I'm so excited about it, you know. But I still feel that dull pain. So I fill out an incident report with my. With my job. I fill out an incident report and they sent me to the doctor. Cause I ain't have insurance. And I had a double inguino, I don't know, inguinal hernia. And they pay like it's like $30,000 to get the surgery. So I get the surgery, but my dick has never gone wrong since. I never had a problem with my dick since. So thank God, knock on some wood. Knock on wood. And guys, if you. You have any problems with your dick, be happy with what you got. Don't fuck around with it because you could end up losing, you know, the little bit you have. So. Thank you so much. Appreciate you.
- [31:36]
Risk Show Host (Kevin Allison)
Great life in there from Shannon. And you know, that entire story might never have been necessary or happened at all if Shannon really did have two laughs.
- [31:53]
Lily B.
We'll be right back. We're back.
- [31:57]
Risk Show Host (Kevin Allison)
Our next storyteller. She is appearing at Stoop Style Stories tomorrow night at Rose's Lounge. We're thrilled to have her here.
- [32:08]
Lily B.
She is. Lily B. The year is 1983. I'm about five years old. My grandmother had picked me up from school that day and told me to go to my room is what she would say, go play with your Barbies. And I did. And I'm playing with my Barbies. It's about three, three o', clock, and all of a sudden the front door swings open and my mom comes storming in. Like, I run to the door of my room and she, like, passes right in front of me, like, fast and with, like, weight on her feet. See, my Mom's only like 4 foot 11. She's tiny. To this day, she's tiny, but, like, the weight on her feet made her seem bigger. And then she grabbed some bags and just started throwing stuff into bags and then walking to the front door and just throwing stuff, my daddy's stuff, off the porch. I didn't ask any questions because I had never, ever seen my sweet, tiny mom act this way. See, my mom's religious and she's very patient and understanding and God will look out and he'll take care of us. So to see this woman who was just like, on a mission, I didn't say anything. I stood in my doorway and walked. Watched as she made several trips back and forth and throughout the house, crying and just mumbling things in Spanish to herself like, no lo puedo Claire como pomos Possibly. How is this possible? I can't believe it. And then like 15 minutes later, my dad comes strolling in. Not strolling. I mean, he was like, same heaviness, like, looking for her. And then they're just like lip boxing is what I call it, because they're not touching each other, but they're yelling at each other. And she is saying, no es pocible. No puedo crer, David. No lo puedo crer. And he is just saying, morena, por favor, por favor. Understand, understand, please. Morena, which means dark skinned, because my mom's very dark skinned. Morena, por favor, en tiende, entiende? And she's like, no, no, David, I don't want to understand. And I'm sitting there just watching this and just thinking, what is going on? My mom was like, no, David, no. And I'm like, no.
- [34:52]
Stephanie Douglas
What?
- [34:53]
Lily B.
What can't you believe, Mom? What's going on? And for 11 years I wanted to know. I searched for this truth that for 11 years, no one would mention Mom. Why? And everything I asked just made my mom seem more guilty to me and more like it was her fault because he was saying he was sorry and you didn't want to listen to him. And why aren't you listening to him when he said he was sorry and everything? I asked and I'd ask my grandma and she'd be like, ask your mother. And I'd ask my mother, and she'd say, se pas cuando vaza sabet. Like, you'll know when you know. But she never said anything. And for 11 years, I did not like this woman. She took away my daddy. My daddy was gone. My daddy. I mean, when she avoided the questions or when she was like, well, still talk to your father and have a relationship with him. I'm like, well, why? If you don't like him so much, why should I like him? And she's like, that's your father.
- [35:56]
Kevin Allison
Call him.
- [35:57]
Lily B.
Talk to him. So fine. My grandmother dies in 1996 of a brain aneurysm, and we all have to go to Texas. This is 11 years later. And I just happen to be six and a half months pregnant, 16 years old. And because I'm 16 and pregnant.
- [36:25]
Shannon Kaysen
I.
- [36:25]
Lily B.
Can'T do what everyone else gets to do. When someone dies in my family, which is celebrate and drink and party and have a good time, I am left babysitting the drunk people in my family, which is fun. It is. Trust me, I have some good drunks in my family. And I'm sitting outside with my Tia Hueda, who is my mom's mom's sister. And I'm sitting out there and I'm like, tia Huerta, when she gets to drinking, she's fun. She's such a fun drunk. She gets to like helping you, like, giving you recipes, and she gets to showing you how to, like, make patterns on sewing machines and, like, doing her little thing. I mean, my Aunt Weta is cool as fuck. She's so great. But, like, people don't like her in my family because she does drink. And when she gets drink, these lips get to moving, like, too much. They get to just. So everybody rolls their eyes and walks away. And I'm sitting there babysitting my Aunt Wira. And then the aweda starts to ask me about my baby, and I'm all like, yep, I'll talk about my Baby, because it's my baby. And I'm kind of like self absorbed like that sometimes when it comes to my baby. If you knew him, you'd understand why. But she's asking me about him and she's telling me, you know, like, how's your baby? And how's his father? And how. Oh, yeah, he's great. He's like part of the baby's life and he wants to be there. And till this day, he still is. And she was just like, and how did things work out with your dad? And I'm sort of just like, you know, I mean, I don't see my dad. He doesn't come to see us. And I'm kind of like saying. But it's totally my mom's fault because of that. Like, you know, because she drove my daddy away. And she's like, como? Like, como que tu mama? Como que esculpa de to mama? Like, how is it your mom? And I explained to her, like, I remember, and I explain what I remember, and she's like, ay, mija. Oh, honey, let me tell you something. So I guess the way the story goes is that my mother, my wonderful little tiny religious mother, had suspected my dad cheating on her. And she tells my grandma that morning, she says, will you take care of the kids? Will you take them to school? Will you pick them up? And if David asks where I am at, you confirm that I have a doctor's appointment, Mom. Okay? And she tells David, my dad, mira, ay, teno qui nar. And she said my dad's like, okay. And I guess he was just like, all right. Because my mom doesn't lie. My mom is not that person. My mom is, you know, know straight up, you know, sit, stand, meal all day. So she doesn't. So he's like, all right, cool, no problem. And so while he's sleeping that morning, she goes into our conversion van, those like, 70s vans where, like, y' all know, the vans where the back is like two benches on the side, and then you lift up the cushions and you put the slats across and it makes a bed with a space in the middle which is maybe two feet by one foot. Maybe there's a little gap in between the two benches. And so my mom in the morning gets up and squeezes her tiny little 4 foot 11 ass in the gap of that fucking bench. Like, she shimmies her way in there with her head from facing the front of the car, front of the van. And as she's laying there, she's like, Thinking. I guess she had to be thinking. Cause I don't know, like, I'm gonna catch this motherfucker.
- [40:26]
Kevin Allison
I'm gonna catch him.
- [40:29]
Lily B.
And so my dad drives, gets up in the morning, none the wiser, we're already at school, and takes his ass to work. He gets to work at 9 o', clock, and there my mom is, 9 o', clock, 10 o', clock, 11 o', clock, 11:45, maybe 12 o', clock, he comes out, gets into his van and goes to lunch. Drives to somewhere, I don't know this woman's job, and picks the woman up. Now they're both sitting in the front talking and yapping. And my mom's just laying there listening. Like, I got you, motherfucker.
- [41:09]
Stephanie Douglas
I got you.
- [41:10]
Lily B.
I got you. And what do they do? But they go to a park, they park the van and they go to the back of the van and sit on the bed right above my mama. I mean, seriously, if she'd have farted, they'd have smelled it, she'd have coughed, they'd have heard that shit. So my mom's just sitting there and then they get to talking and chatting and flirting and kissing and then fucking right above my mama. Had this been me in the back of this van. Crime of passion. Crime of fucking passion. I swear would been on the news that day. Had to come out drenched in blood like, yep, yep, I don't give a fuck, I don't care. I did it. But not my fucking mama. My mom laid there in that little hole and listened to the fucking and the oh yeses and David Marta and listened to this. And then where worse the post coital conversations of I'm gonna leave her for you, I love you again. Couldn't have been me. And my mom lays there and now it's what, one o'? Clock? Because I get an hour lunch and drives her back home. I'm back to work. And then he's driving back to work and my mother, like a little like soldier ninja, crawls her ass out, just starts and does it so slick. Because from what I mean, I gather all this now, like later, but she gets up, sits right in the passenger seat. Yup, I'd have choked him so bad, I'd have been like right behind him. But I didn't. But she did it. She sat right next to him and was like, hola, David. Hi, David. And he thought he saw a fucking ghost. Like, what? Como, como, como, de donde? Vinistes? De donde, de donde. And she's like, where the fuck you think I was, bro. Like, seriously. De donde cres. De donde cres way. De donde cres. And he's like, of course. Like almost crashes into the median, pulls into like a mini mall or something. And they sit there again and lit box. No lo puedo crre da via. Tengo la preva. Ya tengo la preva que necesito. I have the proof I need. Yadavid. And he's begging and pleading her. And the guests are just like talking. And he talks her down from her anger and her rage. And he's just like, mira, Morena. It was like a one time thing is no mas una ves. No mas una ves que ha pasado. And she's like, no, no lo creo. I don't believe you. And she. And they calm down. They get to a point where I guess my dad calms her the fuck down. And she calms down enough to say, you know what? We will talk about this. Look, let's go home. We'll talk about this. And as she leaned over to like give him a hug to you know what I understand? She kicks that motherfucker out the van, opens the door really quick. Little 4 foot 11 ass. Kicked his ass out the van too. Like, I don't. He didn't expect it, but she did. She kicked him out the van and she took that van home. I'm sitting here listening to my aunt Weta tell me this. And I'm like, what?
- [45:08]
Kevin Allison
What?
- [45:10]
Lily B.
Cause I have been an asshole for 11 fucking years. No joke. Like, I was an asshole like you. You ain't nobody. I don't love you. You took away my daddy. I was an asshole. And it just hit me. I was like pale. I was like sick. I was nauseous. I was just like, what do you mean? This cannot be true. And she's like. And her drunk ass was like, si, mija, si. A si paso. A si paso la cosa. I'm like, no, no. Cause my daddy was everything. And he was a good dad. Like, don't get me wrong, he's a horrible fucking husband, but like a good dad. And I just like. All my memories of my dad were like fucking rainbows and everything. It was like beautiful. And now I got this like, what moment? Now my mom was doing this seven day vigil. So it was like she come back every morning. So I was sitting there all night, like nauseous and just like, oh my gosh, I have to talk to my mom. But there was no cell phone at the time. It's 90 fucking 6. And I'm just like, uh, I can't call her and be like, what the fuck, mom? And so she. So I have to wait. And she gets back that morning and like, I totally, like, before she even gets to my. Inside my Tiavuera's house, I'm just like, look, we gotta talk. And I walk and I talk with her, and I have my arm around my little tiny. 44 11, Mom. I'm like, so listen, I was talking to Tiawera last night, and I could feel her stiffen up a little. Oh, shit. And she had some interesting things to say about what happened that day. I remember you and dad fighting. And she said, que ted? Like, what she say? I'm like, everything, everything, everything, everything. And she's like, puer si a si pas? Hola, cosa? Like, nothing. Like, I wasn't an asshole to her. Now she didn't give me this like, ha, ha, yeah, bitch. Now what? Well, you gotta say now. Like, none of that. It was just like, yep, that's how it happened. And I was like, why? Why, mom? Why didn't you just tell me? Why didn't you just. And she. Before I could even continue that, she's like, mira, that's your father. And you are going to love your father because that's your father, not your husband. And he was a horrible husband. Yes, but not all men are like that. And that was my. That's like, basically that's my cross to bear, not yours. And I was like, fuck. Seriously, like at that moment, I was like, fuck that dude. Fuck him. Are you serious? I learned something. Like, I am a true believer in that everything that we feel and witness and hear and experience go to shape us in some way or another. They make us who we are. And sometimes what we don't know we're here is used the same way. I learned that day two very important things. Two very, very important things. My mom is a badass motherfucker, man.
- [48:54]
Kevin Allison
She's so bad.
- [48:56]
Lily B.
Oh, man. Because again, it could not have been me. It could not have been. And two was that she did it and did everything for us, for me. She put up with the fucking yelling and the name calling and the. I wish I wasn't here. I want to go. She put up with so much to make sure that my vision of men was never, let's say, fucked up. I thank her for that. I look at her and I'm just like, man, mom, thank you. Because I probably would have thought that about all men. And I wouldn't be raising a young man right now the way I'd be raising him had I known different. And I wouldn't be friends with his dad and I wouldn't be friends with all the men that I know. And I wouldn't be going on dates like crazy either. Right? So I thank her for that and I thank you guys for listening.
- [50:11]
Shannon Kaysen
Lily B.
- [50:15]
Risk Show Host (Kevin Allison)
And evening Full of surprises. I love it. Also, Lily's mother is available for private detective work. Our next storyteller. This is especially exciting. He has a book coming out in December that he is writing with his son. He is a retired police officer and his son is an active police officer. And I think about 14 years ago, his son started writing him emails about just how much adrenaline was still going through his system at the end of a day of working as a cop. And he told his son, you know what, keep doing that. Just, you know, get it all out and let me know what you're going through. Because, you know, these are good stories and I like to hear them. And all these years later, the two of them have realized we've got a lot of amazing stories about being cops. So they're father and son putting out a book called On Being a Cop. And you can find out more@onbeingacop.com and we're going to hear one of those stories right now from Mr. Jim Padar.
- [51:42]
Kevin Allison
It was summer of 1975. I was working homicide with my regular partner Mike out of the Maxwell street station. The call was a man stabbed in the playlot at the Henry Horner Project on West side of Chicago. We were literally right there. All we had to do was pull our squad to the curb and get out. Obviously, we were the first officers on the scene. We were dressed as what I call summer homicide. It's short sleeved dress shirt with a tie, light trousers for the summertime. We trotted towards the play lot and instinctively we slowed because there was a crowd there like you would expect, but they were strangely quiet, one of those situations that makes a cop's hair stand up on the back of his neck. Something was going on here out of the ordinary. We unstapped our holsters, put our hands on our snub nose revolvers and slowed down as we approached the crowd. They cleared a path for us and we walked in. Now this was not a nice place to be because a couple months before a Chicago police officer had been shot and killed by a sniper from these very buildings. But in the middle of this crowd lay a young, muscular black male on his back who had been stabbed in the right side of his neck, the carotid artery, to be specific. Every time his heart beat, he would send a stream about 10 or 15ft out and that's what the crowd was watching. And every once in a while he would writhe a little bit or move and the stream would change a little bit direction and the crowd would murmur and step back. My partner and I had the same instantaneous reaction. Oh, shit. Now, we had watched people bleed out in our homicide careers and our police careers from massive injuries, massive head injuries, and there was nothing you could do except pretty much watch them bleed out. But this was different because there was a point, there was a specific point, point of where the blood was coming from. And Mike and I recognized that. Mike said, I'll get a compress. And our squad, we carried a four inch compress. We had no radio because in those days the radios were firmly affixed to the dashboard of the car as he sped off. And I said, you know, and call an ambulance. I watched and I kind of moved, moved back and forth and I managed to get into this kid's neck and put my hand right on that spot. I didn't get any direct hit. I could feel his pulse, but the bleeding stopped. So I just held my fingers there. It was going to be one of the most bizarre experiences of my entire police career. As I knelt there alongside of him, he was wide eyed, conscious, looking at me. The only way I could describe the expression on his face is what I would call primal fear. I could hear the sirens wailing in the background. I knew help was on the way. It seemed like an infinite amount of time. I know it was in reality probably only a minute, a minute and a half. Suddenly, through the crowd came the uniform office from the 12th district, my partner and two paramedics. They stopped and their reaction was similar. Oh, shit. They looked at the streams that had stained the concrete and they said, is that where your fingers are now? I says, yeah, don't move your fingers. Okay? I went, I wasn't planning on it. So they start unpacking their bag of magic. I thought I didn't know what they were going to do. But their magic turned out to be yards and yards of ace bandages wrapped around my hand and his neck. And they kept yelling at me, you know, flatten your hand out, keep your fingers pressure, pressure, maintain pressure. I'm thinking that's what I'm doing. Yeah, I says, and your plan is? He says, you're going with us. Okay? So the other paramedic went Back to the ambulance. He comes back with a stretcher, and in a few minutes we were gliding back to the ambulance. We get to the ambulance. It's obvious that I am bandaged into him in the wrong direction for conventional transport in this ambulance. The paramedic says, you're going to have to kneel on the floor. I don't know if you've ever been in an ambulance, but you look at those floors. It's heavily corrugated steel. I'm thinking about my summer pants. I says to the guy. He says, not without a pillow. He says to his partner, give the pussy a pillow. I says, don't fuck with me or I'll move my fingers. We get into the ambulance. They dial into the county hospital. They're doing with their fancy telemetry, and they're getting directions from the doctor. He's trying valiantly to start an iv. This young man has lost a lot of blood. He's unconscious now, and he's trying to start an iv. And the crowd now is gathered around the ambulance. And they start pounding on the side of the ambulance. What you doing? Ain't you gonna go? Ain't you gonna help him?
- [57:52]
Shannon Kaysen
Go, go, go, go.
- [57:54]
Kevin Allison
And they're pounding on the side of the ambulance. Little sliding door. At the end, a blue and white hat appears, and he says, guys, you gotta move. They're getting restless. The paramedic mutters under his breath, shit. Jumps into the driver's seat. We drove a few blocks to the far side of the parking lot at the Chicago Stadium. He stopped there. He notified the hospital he was trying to start an iv. The IV says negative, stat. Move him now. Get him here. He mutters under his breath, if I can just get this IV started. If we don't get this iv, we're going to lose him. So we worked. It was literally just five more seconds. And he says, I got it. Taped the IV down to the guy's arm, and off we went to County Hospital. Snaked our way through the corridors up to the second floor. There's a room up there that was simply called Ward 32. It was their trauma unit, probably the most advanced trauma unit in the history of the world. This is 1975. They describe his vital signs. The doctors look at me and he says, is that where your hand is now? And I says, yeah. He says, don't move your hand. Okay? I've been told that before, I was thinking to myself. But I stood there and I watched one of the most miraculous performances, almost choreographed like a ballet. At any given moment, there Were six or eight people working on this young man. They were calling out his blood pressure with a single figure, not the normal double figures we hear. It would be like 80 and then a few minutes later, 75. He had no breath sounds in his right lung. They were assuming that internal bleeding had drained down into the pleural cavity and collapsed his lung. So they put a tap into his chest. Now I'm right there. I had him move so they could get this tap into his chest. An encouraging sign when they pushed this into his chest without any anesthetic was he moaned. I thought, well, he's still alive. The tube immediately filled with a gush of blood. There was a shout, clamp it, clamp it. They couldn't afford for all this blood to escape from his cavity because he would now bleed to death internally. It was a balancing act. And this went on for quite some time. And finally they got to the point where they came up and started paying attention to me and my hand. And they said, when we tell you, take your hand away and step straight back out of the way. I turned, I saw I had a clear path behind me. And they started unwrapping and cutting away blood soaked ACE bandages. And when they got to where they just my hand and his neck, they told me, now. I stepped away, never looked back. I knew from their talk that they had a vascular surgery team assembled and he was going to be heading up to the OR for vascular surgery. I went to the back of the trauma unit and there was a wash station back there. And they had. In those days, they had these hexachlorophene impregnated sponges. So I'm scrubbing with the hexachlorophene impregnated sponge, and suddenly my partner shows up at my side. Where's that 4 inch compress I sent you for? He says, go fuck yourself. He says, can we go now, Doctor? We laughed. The trauma unit people kind of looked at the back of the room like, what kind of macabre assholes are these? So I says, do we have any idea who this guy is? And my partner says, I know who he is. His name is Larry Wiggins and he lives in the Henry Horner Homes. And we're looking for Pookie. I says, well, I'm glad you did something while I was tied up. I says, let's go back to the station. I said, I want to get. It was near the end of our tour of duty. I said, I want to go home. I know I had blood on my shirt. And I was sure that there was blood on my trousers. I said, I'm going to go home and throw in a load of laundry and take a shower. I says, I will pick up on this case tomorrow. Because Larry was still alive. We came back to work the next day. Larry was in intensive care in extremely critical condition. That's about the most serious condition you can get. We tried poking around to find Pookie. But one of the things we discovered, well, we knew this in advance. There was about four dozen Pookies in every housing project on the west side. So we had to. It was a West side Pookie or a South side Pookie. But we weren't getting anywhere. Second night we came back and his condition had improved. It was now critical, not extremely critical. So Larry kind of dropped down the priority list simply because he was alive. We were homicide, we investigated murders, and Larry was improved. The third day, we came back on the afternoon shift at 4:30 and our boss told us that Larry had died that morning. He had suffered a stroke, apparently from a blood clot from the site of the original stab wound. So Larry Wiggins jumped up to the top of our priority list. He was now a homicide victim. Right after roll call, we went over to the the Henry Horner Homes. And this time we went right up to the apartment where Larry lived with his sisters and his mother. We knocked on the door. We were admitted. It was a quiet, somber atmosphere. And one sister, I learned later it was Larry's younger sister, leaned over to her mother and said, mama, this is the detective I told you about. She took about three steps forward and grabbed me in a bear hug. She says, sweet Jesus, sweet Jesus, you saved my baby. You saved my baby. She's got me in a bear hug. And I think, good Lord, doesn't she know? She's got to know her boy's been dead for about 12 hours. So I hugged her back and I put my mouth close to her ear. I says, Mrs. Wiggins. I says, larry died this morning. And she took a step back and looked at me and took both of my elbows in her hand. She says, jesus put you there so we could say goodbye to him. You gave us that chance. Don't you understand? You gave us a chance to tell him we loved him and say goodbye. There was a moment of embarrassed silence. I didn't know what to say. Say, my partner, after a moment, says, we're looking for Pookie. She straightened up. Strong, black matriarch that I've seen so often in the ghetto. She says, we know Pookie. We'll bring him to you. I said, Mrs. Wiggins, I said, that's our job. We don't want him. You to get hurt. We don't want Pookie to get hurt. And she looked at me rather indulgently and she said, we bring him to you. She says, nothing bad gonna happen. We had no choice. We went back to our station and sure enough, about an hour later, Mama shows up with Pookie's mama and Pookie. Pookie was a big guy, about 18, 19 years old. All but he looked kind of meek and bedraggled with his mama. They also brought two witnesses. So we took witnesses statement. Pookie told us everything that happened. We called the state's attorney. We got approved for murder charges. After everything was said and done, several hours later, Mama, Pookie's mama, and the sisters walked out. I watched them from the second floor as they walked across the street to where their car was parked. I never saw two more resolute moms, arm in arm as they marched back to their car. Strong, stalwart. In a real sense, they had both lost a son to ghetto violence. I should have felt good about it because we had a homicide investigation, we had an arrest, we had a clear up, and that was always our goal. But the victory to me was hollow because I hadn't really saved anybody. Thank you.
- [67:16]
Lily B.
Done with you. And someone's help pass between my hands the memories we can feel them fade like circles in the sand A thousand thoughts a thousand dreams lost within the.
- [67:42]
Shannon Kaysen
Day.
- [67:45]
Lily B.
A thousand ways for souls to touch the things that we should. The things that we should say it's been a cold, bitter mile maybe it could be a while Till the sun and the sky light the way I'll bring you close you could stay before our time has gone away we should say. The things that we should say.
- [68:28]
Risk Show Host (Kevin Allison)
That'S all this week, folks. This is Future of Forestry behind me now. Thanks to Risk Music intern Sarah Irvin for sharing that with me. Thanks to all our friends in Chicago, and we're looking to make more friends. If you work in theater or in a school or something there, reach out to us at Kevin@risk-show.com because we want to come back, spend more time performing at various places there and doing workshops there. And you can find us on Facebook and Twitter. RiskShow. On Twitter, I'm hekevinalison. Well, we are so proud to be starting our fifth year here, and we are honored to be spending this time with you folks today's. The day Take a risk, Take a.
- [69:15]
Kevin Allison
Risk.
- [69:17]
Lily B.
Been a cold, bitter mile maybe it could be a while Till the sun and the sky light the way I'll hold you close Would you stay? Before our time has gone away? We should say.
- [69:40]
Kevin Allison
That.
- [69:41]
Lily B.
We should say, I have a picture of my mother, no joke, at a Mother's Day brunch. And I have a picture of the look on her face at just the mention of the word blowjob. It's like. And it's seriously. And I have this picture. It's hilarious. And every time I show it to her, she thinks blowjob. And she does the face again. So that's the type of woman she is. It's okay not to be perfect with finances. Experian is your big financial friend and here to help.
- [70:26]
Kevin Allison
Did you know you can get matched.
- [70:27]
Lily B.
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