E (2:03)

When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together.

A (2:12)

Use polls to settle dinner plans, send.

E (2:15)

Event invites and pin messages so no.

A (2:17)

One forgets Mom's 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone. Learn more@WhatsApp.com.

D (2:37)

Hey folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. And every Thursday we release These special episodes where we look back at content from our earlier years. This week, it's an episode that premiered in July of 20 that we recorded at a Risk live show in Washington, DC. Now, just a few years later, in 2015, the whole DC storytelling community was mourning the tragic passing far too soon of Kevin Boggs, who you'll hear on this episode. We are so honored that we got a chance to have Kevin on the show when we could. So here without further ado, from 2013 is an episode we call Live from DC. Hello, kids. This is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison, and this is Vectroid behind me. Now. We're calling today's episode live from D.C. and oh, my gosh, everything I've heard is true. Everyone in New York always says the same thing. In the performing arts community, if you go down to dc, they are the most warm and receptive and supportive audiences ever. We took Risk down there for the first time last month in June, and holy crap. There's an organization down there called Speakeasy dc. They put on shows once a month, storytelling shows, and they decided to bring us on down there to partner up and do a show together. Oh, my gosh, such good people. And Amy Sedman is the ringleader, the mastermind behind SpeakeasyDC down there. And we are so excited to have a relationship with them. We want to come back as much as we possibly can. Be sure to look them up@speakeasydc.com. they have plenty of videos and audio of their own. Lots of great stuff. So without further ado, let's get right to it. This is Risk Live in dc. I'd like to bring our next storyteller to the stage. So excited to have him here. He has a show in the fringe right now. It is called. And afterwards, please welcome to the stage, Mr. Kevin Bogg.

C (6:13)

I come from a very small town in Tennessee. Thank you. I was raised by a pack of passive aggressive women. I learned to say things like, oh, you're wearing that. We were all non confrontational. We learned. Or I learned growing up, when someone was assertive towards you, you just smiled, played the victim, and talked about it later the proper way behind their back. This did not prepare me well for life. It did, however, prepare me very well for the restaurant industry. Please, thank you. Yes, sir and no, ma'. Am. So in the late 1990s, I found myself waiting tables at the Daily Grill on Connecticut Avenue. Do you know this? This is basically A Fridays for people who make over 100,000 a year. I am in my late 30s and I am waiting on 20 year old that are living the life that I am supposed to have. I'm giving them cosmos and beers. It's one Friday night and it's really busy and I would go in at 3:30 in the afternoon and the bar would close at 1. Other bars in the neighborhood would stay open later. Dust open to three, but we closed at one. It is one of those heinous days where, you know, you could. Everything that I served was somewhere on my apron or on my body and I smelled like, I don't know, food and beer and sweat. And we'd given last call and I was very excited. I had gone up to all my tables and given them their bills. And then these two ladies walk in, they're about my age, African American, very well dressed, very sophisticated. Like they'd gone out after work and not gone home yet. And they came in and they're giggling a little bit and one kind of stumbles and you realize maybe they've been drinking somewhere else. And they sit down and they start waving at me. And I come over, I'm like, hello, ladies, I'm really sorry, but we've already given last call. And she said, no, no, no, no, no, please, we need something to drink. So I went over to the bar and I asked the bartender and I pointed the bartender over to them and they waved at the. And he's like, no, sorry. So I walk back over, I'm like, yeah, I'm really sorry, I can't get you anything to drink. Then something happened. She put her hands on her hips, she stood up and she said, is it because I'm black? And I said, no, no, not at all. That has nothing to do with it. She said, then get me a drink. And I'm like, I've already talked to the bartender. We've already given last call. I'm sorry, there's nothing that I can do. Bless your heart. And she reared back and said, then I guess you're worthless. And my stomach kind of fell. You know that feeling how you were scolded by your parents, parents growing up. And something kind of snapped in my head and I thought I was going to stand up for myself. And I looked at her and I said, you know what? You have to be the rudest person I've ever waited on. And I thought I had crossed a line. And she wrote back and she said, do you think I care what you think about me, you silly Faggot. You're probably just angry because I get more dick than you. Really? Faggot? What is this, sixth grade? Is that all you got? Let me explain something. See, that word used to mean something to me when it was called out to me in gym class in high school. That word meant something to me when my uncle used it at Thanksgiving table after I'd come out to the family. That word used to mean something to me when college frat boys screamed it at me in front of my mother. But guess what, sister? I grew up. I left a small town. I moved to the big city. I'm not ashamed of who I am. And if you think your drunk ass is going to come into my house and crack my face and you got another thing coming, and let me tell you so you will know, and one day your children will know I'm getting all the dick I want. That is exactly what I wish I had said. What really happened was I became 18 again, where my mom and my sister were helping me move into my dorm room. And this car. Frat boys drive by and scream, go home, faggot. And there's that moment where you're embarrassed, and then you have to look at your relatives and you're shamed in front of them. And then we all act like nothing happened. That's what it felt like. And I looked up at my other tables, and they were looking at me. They'd all heard the whole thing and just stopped. The dining room room. And this one man looked at me and kind of shook his head and looked down, and she just strode right away. She's going towards the door. And then something inside me went crazy. And as she stepped into that revolving glass door, I slid right into that compartment with her and stopped it. I had her trapped. And years of being bullied and called names came pouring out of me onto this woman. You think that you could come in here? La la la la la la la la la la. I know who you are, and I work here every Friday and Saturday night. And you're never gonna come in here again. You were banned for life. And the thing is, I wanted to tell her off. But that thing happens where you get so angry, all you start to do is cry, and you get to what my mother used to call the hitches. So I'm doing this. I kind of want to go butch on her ass, but I'm just all Nelly and shaking, trying to make my point. And at one point, I am done. I've done my duty. And I go. I've not Thought this through. These things do not move backwards. And she leans into me and I can smell alcohol under her breath. And she says, I'm a lawyer, I'm gonna own your ass. Watch this. And she starts beating on the glass. He's trying to kill me. He's trying to kill me. So I'm pushing on her and she's pushing on me. And people from the bar have started to gather around and watch this. And at one time I gave a big heave o push and the thing moves and we both fall out onto the pavement on Connecticut. I get up and I go back into the restaurant and I go back to the back room where I find the managers counting his money. And I'm like, we have a little bit of an incident. This very drunk woman called me a faggot. He's like, oh, that's awful. She's still here. I'm like, yeah, I think so. Said I should go talk to her. That's just completely unacceptable. I'm like, one more thing. I kind of trapped her in the revolving door and told her she was banned for life and said some other stuff. I really don't remember. He just did a heavy sigh. He goes and he talks to her. And I go to my other table and they're paying their tabs and they are throwing the money at me. The major comes up to me and he positions himself so his back is to her and he's facing me and he starts doing this. Listen, she's not going to leave until I fire you. So I'm pretending to fire you right now. And I want you to take off your apron and look really upset and go to the back of the restaurant.

E (15:47)

Really?

C (15:48)

Really. And I do it. The next day I come in, the general manager calls me into a back room and he has this little write up form because I didn't think I was being very hospitable. Seems like I get a three day vacation. So I sign our comments. She better be glad I didn't go all butch on her drunk ass. And I take those three days and I get a new job. Cause there's something that happens that once you stand up for yourself, it feels good and you continue to do it. Thanks.

E (16:39)

Kevin. Mark.

D (16:47)

Okay, and now I would like to bring our next storyteller up to the stage. She is the education director for speakeasy and she's going to start a class on July 31st, a five week class. So go to the speakeasy site if you're interested in taking a storytelling class and let's welcome her to the stage. She is Stephanie Garibaldi.

E (17:19)

I'm wondering what I'm going to do with my life as I walk. I yo yo. I wonder some more. I'm 22, careerless, and I've just journeyed to the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico to see the pyramids of Chichen Itza. You know, the ones the Mayans built thousands of years ago and are still standing. And I'm walking through this outdoor marketplace next door just trying to figure out what my personal pyramids could be. And I'm yo yoing, you know, to help me think better. And suddenly there's a tap on my shoulder and I turn to see this young man, one of the market vendors I'd just passed, and he asks, pointing to the yo yo. I said, oh, a yo yo. And I put the loop over his finger and then stand back in awe as he whips it. Around the world he walks the dog, even rocks the cradle. I'm laughing. I start to walk away and say, you keep it. You're better at that than I am. And he says, wait, I am my tacho, and before I can accept your kind gift, you must agree to come to my home for dinner. And I think that sounds fair. So I wait while he locks up his silver shop and then I walk the three miles with him to his Mayan village. And I don't want to offend my champion of free dinner, but I do admit I didn't think there were still Mayan villages in existence. He says, oh sure, we're small but self sufficient. We keep to the old customs, speaking mostly in Maya. I say, I see, though I don't, and keeping to the old custom sounds ominous to me. I want to ask, are you still sacrificing virgins? Not that I have anything to worry about on the virgin front after three years of college, but it freaks me out a little. And he's just going on about his village as we're walking, telling me about all the villagers by their careers. You know, there's the butcher, the teacher, all the different kinds of farmers, and the village vet who doubles as the village doctor. Yikes. I'm wondering how he's going to introduce me since I'm jobless, but it's not a problem. He just says, mama, I have brought a wonderful guest for dinner and she envelops me in one of those super big mama bear hugs. And as I'm trying to breathe she says, I'll set the table for six and we have the most delicious dinner, wonderful conversation with itatoucho parents, his two sisters. And as it's coming to a close, itocho cops plea with his parents, mom.

A (19:58)

And dad, can we keep her?

E (20:00)

And they agree. And I, I find myself with my very own hammock. And it is the first night in that hammock as I sleep, that their farm sow is giving birth to 14 healthy piglets, the largest litter ever. And all 18 of the hen's eggs hatch within an hour of the piglets being born. And word spreads fast in this small village. And by the next morning, there is a villager at the door who'd like me to lay my hands on his goat's belly. Why? The older sister, Martagne, expl. Explains that it's just a Mayan custom for good luck. So I do it, but I'm still confused. And when the door closed, I asked her, so this is a normal Mayan thing? And she says, oh, don't worry about that.

A (20:55)

Come here.

E (20:55)

My sister and I want to learn more about you. And they start in with the questions. So, is it true that you traveled here alone without an escort? The other one says, and you are not married? And I say, yes, I came alone, and I'm unmarried, and I'm only 22. And they're like 22 and not married. And then they say, well, at least you still might have a chance with our brother, because he seems to like it. You're the first girl he's ever brought home. And I say, oh, no, that was just a yo yo swap thing. That's nothing romantic. And they say, well, because you walked with him alone in unescorted, you are officially courting. And I'm shocked to learn this. And they go on to explain that normally he would have already presented his intentions to my parents, but since my parents aren't here, it's forgiven. And by the way, don't worry, because he's not concerned about the fact that you're beyond the marrying age. What is the marrying age? And they say Mayan women married between 14 and 16. Our mother married at 14 because she was dying to get out of the house. And apparently, if you're unmarried, you're not supposed to walk unescorted, because the theory is that such a temptation would make men just jump out of the bushes and rape and attack you. And they say, is it the same in your country? No, not even a little. And after I tell them all about my wonderful country, they demand, so you have your own car, you go wherever you want, you live alone. Why would you ever want to get married? And feeling a little foolish, I said, well, you know, love. And they just look at me like I'm the saddest person on the earth. But then they say, well, maybe you will love our brother. And I said, well, I don't know. I have to get to know him. And later that day, I'm secretly watching him out the back kitchen window, and Itacho is there in, like, a Disney scene. All the animals are around him, like the sheep, the pigs, the chickens, the dogs. Even this old milking cow appears to be nuzzling the back of his neck. And I hear right behind me, he has quite a way with the animals, no?

F (23:23)

It's his mother.

E (23:26)

Yes, I say. And she says, he is the first in three generations in our village to be an animal whisperer. And she explains that the animals all go to him. They sense something in him that we do not. And I'm intrigued. I want to know what the animal sense and am I not an animal, too? And then I feel it. I have to fight the urge to go right then. And I just watch. And I see how his hands stroke the animals so softly. And I start to wonder what those hands would feel like on me. And meanwhile, over the next week, the villagers are still coming every morning with different animals, asking me to lay my hands on their bellies. I still don't know what's going on until the seventh morning, when one of them, in Spanish, allows us how he believes me to be a Mayan fertility goddess. Clearly, it's a mistake, but I can't talk him out of it or any of the villagers out of it. So I kind of go along. It seems like only fair because they're letting me stay in their house for free. So I continue these Mayan fertility goddess services on a lark, and I fill in the rest of my day working in the silver shop alongside Itacho. And so we're spending tons of time together, right? But never once does he give me any indicator of romance. And we talk about everything except for us, or if there is an us, you know. And one day he says, as we're heading out to the silver shop, maybe you should bring a bathing suit, just in case I bring it, not asking any more questions. And when we come home from the silver shop, we stop by the only hotel in the village, which is run by his friend. Changing Chango meets us at the front and says, the guests are all at dinner. You have the pool for one hour to yourselves. Enjoy, amigo. So, I mean, this pool is beautiful, lit up by all the setting sun colors. And we dive in and we're turning flips and we chase each other. And as we're swimming alongside each other along the bottom of the pool, I'm thinking, we're just friends. That's okay. And when I come up for air, he's already there. One hand on the back wall. He reaches his other hand out to me, pulls me in close. And all of a sudden, there I am, chest to chest, face to face against the pool wall. And he says, you act as if you don't know it, but you carry with you a piece of my heart, my brain, my very soul, wherever you go. And I'm about to say, what? So out of nowhere when he kisses me. And it's as if a current is going through me. And I start to have this irrational thought that we can electrocute ourselves with this current in the water, but I don't care. It's so good. And then he stops. And he says, I'm sorry, we have to go now. Amor de mi vida, love of my life. And I follow him out of the pool, still in a daze. And we walk home. He holds my hand. And at dinner that night, his mother turns to me and says, will your family come to the wedding? And I say, what wedding? She says, well, yours. And I taught you, of course. Oh, my God. She knows. She knows what happened in that pool. She's got spies everywhere. I try to stay calm. I say, we haven't really talked about that distant possibility yet. She says nothing more. And things go on like normal with me working as a fertility goddess by morning, silver shock by day. And the only two things that are different is that when he walks with me, he holds my hand and he finds these little stolen moments every now and then to pull me to him and kiss me and then let me go. That in close kiss is his only move, apparently. But it's enough, because it's so thrilling and dangerous. And then, once I've been there a little over six months, I get a note from him, secret note, like you'd pass in high school. And it says, meet me on the rooftop tonight at midnight. Yeah, right. So I go and I. I mean, midnight cannot come soon enough. I get up there, he's already there. He again pulls me in his embrace. He says, thank you. I couldn't wait any longer. But then he does the same kiss it's always, and lets me go. And I'm thinking, oh, okay. I guess this is it. And it's not going to go any further. Maybe that's for the best. But then he starts to kiss me in the back of my neck. And as I melt and close my eyes, I don't see that he's unbuttoning the front of my shirt until my shirt is on the floor. And as I'm looking down like it's just left from my shoulders, trying to figure this out, I feel his hand on the back of my bra and that's gone the way of the shirt too. And suddenly I'm half naked. And so then, just in fairness, I pull off his T shirt and then he lays me down on these blankets he's put up on the roof. We lay down side by side and he says, I want to see where you keep my heart. A little cheesy, but it works. He runs his fingers down my throat and my chest and his lips are following and he's kissing me everywhere. And I am having an out of body experience. People logic has left my body and is standing over me making these snarky comments like, well, he really knows his way around a girl's body for Mayan virgin. But I don't care. The animal part of me is left behind and I'm all his. And I am moaning and trying to get logic to shut up. And then before I know it, our pants are gone. And the next thing, and I don't know how it did it or when it happened, I don't care. I am giving myself to this Mayan fiance in a very unmayan way. And it is good. And then he rolls around his back and he pulls me atop of him and lowers me down on him. And when I say him, I mean his penis. And it is good and write and everything. And I try to block out logic altogether who's saying something about not having a condom on? And I just let myself concentrate fully on that circular motion and the build. And then zowie. We erupt, like both together. Just like I'd read about romance novels but never experience. When I'm lying and strong arms thinking, yeah, I know why the animals come to you. And the stars are beautiful because they're unhampered by street lamps. But then it's as if the sky is closing in like the eyes of the villagers are on me. And I feel this contempt. Suddenly it's coming over me. I just say I have to go to bathroom and I get up and I run down two flights of stairs to the bathroom. I lock the door and I slide down against it and I start crying. And I am not a crier, okay? And I am Weeping full out.

A (30:55)

And I don't know why.

E (30:56)

I've had sex before, maybe not that good, but I've had it. And I don't understand why this sadness is coming over me. And then I understand, then I get it. It's like because I've been living with Mayans for six months, he's been there his whole life and this is not their way. And I have been disrespected and I feel terrible. And then I hear him pounding on the door and he's saying, stephanie, I can hear you crying, let me in, let me help you. But I just cry more and he's getting more desperate. I'll bang the door down. Open the door, please let me help you. So finally, I don't want him banging down the door. So I unlock it and he comes in. He takes one look at my tear stained face and he says, oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I thought because you were American that you weren't a virgin. I'm so sorry I took it from you. And he hugs me as tenderly as anyone ever hugged anybody. And he lets me go and he looks my eyes and he says, can you forgive me? And I nod, just in the spirit of the thing, without thinking that I'm sort of now confirming this wrong impression. Impression that he's stolen my virginity. Now I'm really not about the deceit, but I go to try to tell him nothing to forgive, and he says, no, I swear I will respect you forever and I will not try anything again until our wedding night. So he's true to his word, unlike me. And he gives me this chaste kiss on the forehead and we both sneak back to our respective hammocks. The next night I at dinner, right before the parents say, we have a surprise for you. And they walk us a few streets downtown and they show us this house that is being built. And the father says, this is our property too, and we are having a house built for you as a wedding gift. And the mother says, yes. And you see all the rooms so you can have plenty of children. My knees turn liquid, I see spots in my eyes and I have to sit down in the street. And as they're crouching in the room and seeing if I'm okay, all I can think of is in this parallel universe, everything is figured out. I have a career as a fertility goddess and silver shock worker. I'm about to have a husband and then I'll be pumping out kids and probably a lot to keep up my rep as a fertility Goddess. And what's worse is they'll be delivered by a vet as opposed to a doctor. And it'll probably be about the benefit of drugs, unless I can talk him into some horse tranquilizers or something. You know, if I go back to my universe, nothing's figured out, but maybe that's not so bad. And if any of you have ever been at a party with somebody who suddenly decides they're not having a good time and they do one of these, oh, wow, look at the time. Gotta run. Well, that's how I got out of Mexico. I basically said, oh, look at that visa expiration date. Sorry, gotta run, but I'll be back in a jiff once it's cleared up. And it was BS because at the time, any American, as long as you want to stay in Mexico, you can stay in Mexico. Especially if you're bringing those gringo dollars. It may be different now, but then it didn't matter. So it was bullshit. I hope they didn't know it, but. And I left really abruptly. It was actually two days after the sex, one day after the new home. And I had the entire family at the bus stop to see me off. And half the village, really. And everyone was saying their goodbyes. And Itacho was the last goodbye. And when he hugged me, he whispered, you're not coming back, are you? And I couldn't lie. I said, no, I'm sorry. And then I said, for the first time, I love you. But if I stayed in this place, world, it would be just for you. And I've got to go back to my own world. But maybe you'll come to Maryland. No, I don't think I could leave my world behind either. And he pulled me in close, gave me a kiss and let me go. And like a yo yo with a string break, I went flying off and never look back.

C (35:11)

Stephanie Garibaldi. I think that what we learned is.

D (35:24)

That one year Stephanie actually accidentally, somehow ended up in a Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel.

F (35:34)

We'll be right back.

C (35:36)

Mint is still $15 a month for premium wireless. And if you haven't made the switch yet, here are 15 reasons why you should. One, it's $15 a month. Two, seriously, it's $15 a month. Three, no big contracts. Four, I use it. Five, my mom uses. Are you playing me off? That's what's happening, right? Okay, give it a try.

F (35:57)

@Mintmobile.Com Switch upfront payment of $45 per three month plan.

B (36:01)

$15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer first three months only. Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com I give my daughter Smarty Pants vitamins to support her brain health. So her science fair project sounds more.

A (36:12)

Like and less like.

B (36:16)

And while I may say it's not a competition, of course it's is. Choose Smarty Pants Vitamins to support your kid's brain health. Shop on Amazon smartypantsvitamins.com or at target today. Brain health support from key nutrients this statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Go all in on fall with Abercrombie Kids. Their newest drop of on trend outfits are ready for everything from the bus stop to family bonfires. And it wouldn't be fall without football. Gear up. The kids with officially licensed NFL tees and sweatshirts Shop Abercrombie Kids this season in the app, online and in store.

E (37:05)

We're back.

D (37:07)

I'd like to bring our next storyteller up to the stage. She also has a show at the Fringe right now and it is called 8th Street Housewives. Please welcome Jenny Splitter.

F (37:27)

I'm a highly compartmentalized person, so I feel like when I think about the different parts of my life, it's like a place for everything and everything in its place. So when I'm in mom mode, you know, I'm a particular way, you know, I don't like for my son to use words like fart or booger. And if my 2 year old daughter passes gas and laughs about it, I'm. I'm really horrified. I'm kind of that mom. And I feel like that mom does not have sex or okay, she has sex, but it's like perfunctory missionary position, 2.3 kids just get the job done kind of sex, you know. And so when I'm in mom mode, I feel like that's the me that I want people to see. You know, my kids, teachers, or the checkout guy at Trader Joe's or the other moms at the playground. And I am that mom. But I'm not just that mom because I have a secret. So when people ask me where I met my husband, I always say we met through friends. And that is a lie. We met online and I would really love to be able to say we met through eharmony, but it was not that website and this is the first time I've ever said this out loud in public. So the site where we met is called collarme.com and if you can't figure that out. It's a site for people who. Who are into BDSM or kink. And so I keep this part of me, like, pretty well hidden for most people, especially other moms. But the funny thing is, I kind of discovered this part of myself because of a group of moms, okay? So my best friends in the world are this group of moms, my naughty mom friends. And we've been through everything with each other. Like, I got through my divorce to my first husband with these women, okay? And we can get together and talk about anything. Like, anything from breastfeeding to anal sex. Because what kind of connects us is that we all have these desires, different desires, but that are taboo for one reason or another. So I could, like, wonder aloud, you know, what it might be like to be tied up or spanked. Or that scene in Mad Men where Don Draper's on the chair and the mistress is on the floor.

A (39:48)

Anyone?

F (39:49)

Anyone? Okay, YouTube it later. Okay, so, okay, so after a few of these conversations, I did my own online research, and I discovered that there are these BDSM groups in D.C. and they all have a happy hour where you can go and, like, it's a casual setting, everyone's got their clothes on, stuff. You can meet other kinksters in a bar. And so one day, I get up the nerve to go to the this happy hour, right? And I make my way up the stairs to, like, the private room in this bar where it's held, and I'm really, really, like, freaked out and nervous. And this guy comes up to me, and he is the official greeter of the group. And he says, oh, hey, I'm Brian, and I'm submissive. My wife over there, she's dominant. We play with other people, but we don't have sex with other people. But that's just our choice, and everyone's welcome. And he says it just like that, like, super casual. And I'm in the fetal position because this is the first time I've ever heard anyone talk about kinky sex, like, out loud, you know, in. In public. But eventually I became more comfortable, and a couple weeks later, I had my first play session with the dominant woman I met at happy hour. And I had some other play sessions with some other people, including, you know, the man I'm now married to. And I went to some parties, and I went to some crazy, fantastical events like kinky summer camp, where there's a dungeon and workshops taught by a porn star and lighting Shabbat candles with my fellow kinky chews. And a human petting zoo. There is everything and anything you could possibly imagine and you just feel totally free. But I had trouble kind of making sense of these two different parts of myself. You know, I felt like on Saturday night I'm pouring myself into a latex dress, and on Monday I'm delivering two dozen Batman themed cupcakes to my son's preschool class. So I started seeing a therapist. And I was really nervous to talk about this with a therapist. Okay? So I show up the first day and I'm all like, flustered and freaked out, and I spilled coffee outside the office door. So I go inside, you know, and apologize, introduce myself. And she's like this open, serene, like almost spiritual woman. So the exact opposite of me. And she sits me down and says, okay, so how did you want to deal with the spill? Well, can you get someone to clean it up? No, no, no. I mean, how did you think you and I should deal with this spill? I mean, can we get someone to clean it up? Or I could. I could. I could pay you. I don't know.

E (42:45)

No, no, no.

F (42:46)

What I'm trying to say is you can bring your messes here and it's okay. Messes? I don't have messes. I have compartments. And, you know, she kind of laughed and she said, okay, but just something to keep in mind, it's just a little spill. Nobody died. And she was right. Nobody died. But I felt like in the past when I hadn't kept these parts of myself, like, really neatly separated, that it had gotten messy, you know, And I don't like messes. So there was this one time a few months before, I had gone to this first happy hour where I'm hanging out with my naughty mom friends. And we are drinking and talking and talking and drinking. And one of my friends, who is an artist, gets two crazy ideas in her head, okay? So first she decides she would like to draw me in the nude in charcoal. And then also because she's a mom, she's always multitasking. She would like to auction off that drawing at a neighborhood fundraiser for her walkathon. And I am not so sure about that. But my friend is, like, trying to convince me. She's like, baby, you are beautiful. You've got to celebrate your post baby body. What do you have to be ashamed of anyway? And I thought, well, okay, like, it's going to be in charcoal, like, fuzzy, you know, anonymous. And I'm in this period of sexual discovery now, so.

A (44:15)

Right.

F (44:16)

Like, what do I have to be ashamed of? And Also, I'm just going to say I'm not the only kinky mom in this group, okay? So my friend can be kind of persuasive and she said, okay, great, drop your clothes, get on the bed. I'm just going to take a few photographs and I'll draw you. So a couple weeks later at the fundraiser, it turned out that those anonymous fuzzy charcoal drawings never actually happened. No. 3 lovely, absolutely lovely photographs of me buck naked hung on the wall at the fundraiser. Sandwiched in between Kathy's hand knit socks and Trisha's mother daughter birthstone jewelry. My post baby body was indeed celebrated with all the neighborhood moms and dads. And so I'm telling this story to my therapist one day, right? And I'm asking the thing that I always ask, which is like, okay, do I have a healthy sense of privacy or like a shameful sense of secrecy and what's the difference? And how do you know when I'm getting all worked up and animated and using my hands and all of a sudden I grab my coffee cup way too quickly and it explodes everywhere, like all over the office, okay? It's on the carpet, it's on the couch, it's on the chair, and most importantly, it's all down my body and.

A (45:33)

I'm like yelping, yelping in pain.

F (45:35)

And I'm also thinking, oh, this woman knows I like pain. And I hope she doesn't think I'm secretly enjoying this because I'm not. I'm totally, totally not. And also, it's like, God, this is what happens when I let these compartments out. It's just a big mess and it's really not okay. So eventually I stopped seeing the therapist and I just like never really resolved this, you know, whole question of privacy and secrecy. But life went on. You know, I got married again and my husband and I had a baby together. And I kind of became less active in the kink scene because I felt like, well, we have two kids and one's a toddler. And it just became very easy to hide all evidence that I'm kinky. But that honestly never felt quite right either. Especially in the last, like, year or so since I've been telling stories. And I feel like, you know, everyone I meet is like, so brutally honest about themselves and I've got this part of me that's like walled off, you know. So a couple months ago, I'm talking to a fellow storyteller and a friend and she's, she's wondering about this event that goes on like every year in dc, this kinky event called Winter Fire. And she's going like, what is this? And who goes? What kind of workshops do they teach anyway? And I'm sitting there thinking, well, Introduction to Bondage, how to Use a Single Tale. And I find myself compelled, okay, to blurt out, I have been there. I have been there. And it felt, like, super weird and anxious. And that's how I felt all day today and right now, telling this story to all of you. But I did it. And I appear to still be breathing. So I guess my therapist was right. Nobody died. Nobody died. Thank you. And I'm going to go get a drink now.

D (47:36)

Jenny Spreader. Jenny and I were discussing her story when we realized we've been to the same events. And, you know, she might not like it, but I'm sure somewhere out there in the world there's someone who's really into coffee spilling.

E (48:00)

King.

D (48:03)

I'd like to bring up our final storyteller. It's such an honor to bring her up here. She is the director of Speakeasy dc. And so it's been so great to work with her. And, yeah, it's just been a lovely little partnership we seem to have started here. So please welcome to the stage Amy Sedman.

A (48:36)

So I'm on the phone with my sister and we're having a perfectly lovely conversation until something sets us off. And something always sets us off. Some kind of debate over who said what. So I don't know, something like, debbie, I told you I could be there Sunday, not Saturday. And she's like, no, no, no, you definitely said Saturday. No, Debbie, I did not say Saturday. I said Sunday. And don't say, start making up facts just to fit what works for you. And she goes, amy, so help me God. And it stops. And she's just like. And I'm not listening. It just sounds like a car alarm at this point. It's like, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. And I'm just like, God damn it. And I'm thinking, I just start to wander, you know, And I think, you know, she's hated me from day one. She had two blissful years as the only child, and then I came along. I mean, I can't blame her.

E (49:33)

I was. I was really adorable.

A (49:37)

And my parents obviously loved me more, too, so I can't blame her. But she has lorded these extra two years over me for my entire life. So when we were younger, like, she. Back then, there were all these, like, crime fighting hot duos, like male duos. And she would Always claim the hotter one. If she claimed the hotter one, like, I. It was off the table for me. Like, the guy was off the market. So I'd always have just, like, her B list, you know, leftover. So she took Hutch. I got Starsky with the Bouffant. She took Poncharelli, I got John, she took Lacey, I got Cagney. You know, it was just. I just got the leftovers. And, you know, for the Dukes, she.

E (50:21)

Took both Bo and Lou.

A (50:26)

Which left me with Boss Hogg and Uncle Jesse.

E (50:30)

Okay.

A (50:32)

Not cool. And when it came to clothes. Oh, my God. I don't know. You know, when you're a teenager, that's the most important thing in the world to you is your clothes. But somehow, she had free reign over my closet. And I had rules.

E (50:44)

So I'd made me picture her, and.

A (50:46)

She'D be like, annie, you can't wear that. That's my favorite. I'd be like, but I thought the purple one was your favorite. She'd be like, duh, that was yesterday. I'd be like, okay, fine, I'll wear the purple one. She'd be like, no, Amy, you know the rules. I need to wear it five times. Worked every time. Like, I just. I was like. I relented. And I could never figure out how to, like, enforce the same rules on her. So she just always, always had the upper hand. And here we were again. We were in our 30s, grown women. She's got three grown kids. I'm running a business, and we are still fighting. And I'm listening to Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah. And I was thinking, you know what? I don't. This is so. This is ridiculous. I don't want to listen to this. Which is when. Hung up on my sister.

E (51:39)

Oh, my God.

A (51:40)

I hung up on my sister. I thought, yeah, I hung up on my sister. That's right. And I felt fantastic. I suddenly felt like a superhero. I was like, why didn't I do this a long time ago? No one died. And that was that. It worked. We never talked about it again. So I was like, all right, all right, I need to do this. When I see her, like, if something happens and we're in person and she's yelling at me, I can't hang up.

E (52:11)

But I can walk away.

A (52:14)

I can look her in the eye, turn on my heels, show her my back, and with grace and dignity, walk away. You know, like in the movies, like, the hero blows something up, and then they just turn around and they're just like, yeah, that's Right. I just blew some shit up. I'm gonna take my time to walk away. I'm not gonna look back because I've.

E (52:38)

Seen a fire before. I'm not gonna look back.

A (52:44)

This is exactly how it was gonna play out. She was gonna yell, I'd walk away, the camera would pan, the music would swoon and everybody would cheer for the under dog. So this opportunity came soon after this resolution and we were both at my parents house because it was the morning of my aunt's funeral. Yes, it was my aunt's funeral and we actually had a lovely night before. We spent the night in the same room, in the same bed and were getting along just fine till the morning. I had to get up a half hour early, I had to walk the dog. And you know, I really did want her to get her sleep. Like I said, she had three kids, she needed her sleep. And so I kind of tiptoed. I got up, I tiptoed around, I was just gonna make my way out without disturbing her until I realized I didn't have the leash. And the leash was buried somewhere down inside my suitcase or something. So I'm like, alright. So I weighed my options. There's like an overhead light. I'm like, no, I'm not gonna turn the overhead light on because I couldn't see any because that'll wake her up.

F (53:46)

So.

A (53:46)

Oh, there's a side light. I'll just do the side light. That'll be like gentle. And so I click the light and my sister rose like a fire breathing demon.

F (53:57)

She was like.

E (54:06)

He said, what are you doing?

A (54:12)

How dare you.

F (54:14)

It was horrifying.

A (54:16)

And I am standing there for a while, I'm like, oh my God, this is it. This is my Oscar winning moment. It is go time. If not now, when?

E (54:24)

Juice?

A (54:28)

So I, so I shall I do it. I'm like, this is it. I turn around and I walk away. And I feel fantastic. Till I realize she's right behind me. I hadn't thought this through. That was not part of the plan. So she's right behind me and I haven't thought this through. So the first thing I can think, I'm not even really thinking, I just pick up the pace. And then she picks up the pace and she is right on my heels. So I go into a full on sprint down my parents stairs and I'm like, get the fuck off away from me. And we don't swear in my house. And she's like, amy, what is wrong? You're scaring me. And I'm like You're the scary one. You're not supposed to follow me. So I get down in front of a stuff, she's still on my tail. So I go down the hall and into the den and there's a door. So I grab the door and I try to shut her, but she catches it. So we're in this like crazy, crazy slapstick clown scene. Just like push, push, push, push. I'm like, go away. I am exiting, go away. Just like Amy. What is wrong? And then finally I let go. She topples. I go past her. This is not a big house, people. So the next thing, the next option I have is the door to the basement. So I grab that door and I get to the other side. But she catches it again before I can shut it. So now we're pulling both sides on the knob like pull, pull, pull, pull. Finally I let go again. She topples. I raise, I raise down. We are in our 30s. I raise down the bottom of the steps and there is nowhere else to go but the back room. This is the last room in the house. The back room of the basement of my parents house. So I make it over there. I get there before she can get there. I slam the door. Yes, door shut. I'm safely inside the back room. My sister makes one lash out like you are crazy. And she leaves me and goes upstairs. I say, yeah, that's right, that's right. Who's in charge now? And I feel fantastic once again. But that is fleeting. That is fleeting until I survey the reality of the situation. 36 year old woman in a dark basement, in basically a shed where all things 70s go to die. There are headless naked Barbies, candy, Candy Land games with no, no pieces, eight track tapes. And me, I don't feel very victorious. And this was not the Hollywood ending.

E (57:29)

I was looking for.

A (57:31)

I mean, I'm in a basement. What am I gonna do down here? She's upstairs getting dressed like a civilized human being for a funeral. So. And I'm just there. I'm just there. And I don't know actually what to do. So I sit down on a box of dot matrix paper. Thank you so much for getting there. You know, and I think, I think you, you know, I'm not in charge. I've never been in charge and I never will be in charge. This is how it works. She's two years older, she gets that it's her birthright and she will always be in charge. Am I right? Younger siblings? Yeah, it's true. You just gotta own it someday. You know, I guess it's okay, right? I mean, the night before, we had actually had a very intense and very, in a way, beautiful night. We were together at my aunt's bedside when she died. We were there watching her suffer, watching her take her last gargled breaths as her great granddaughter sobbed by her side and said goodbye. I mean, it was. I have never been by the side of someone, you know, as they pass this life. And it's very intense and it's very emotional. And I was with my sister, and I was filled with so much love for her that night. And I was like, there is nobody I want to be there with besides her. You know, like, we are the fruit of the same tree. You know, the things that we believe in, our values, our perspectives, the people that matter in our lives, the things that anchor us to this world really largely come from the same place. She's my sister. There is no one else that shares this with me. And, you know, and I was also thinking about how much I so trust her. Like, with the decisions we may have to make about our own parents life and deaf decisions, and how much I trust her with the decisions she may make me to make about me and my life and how I trust those decisions in her hands. I mean, we may argue over little things, but when it comes to big things, she's always there. She's always there to listen when I'm struggling, send me herbs. Too many when I'm sick, be my champion when I need one.

F (60:13)

I mean.

A (60:13)

I mean, that's true. It's true. So I just felt like just the night before, I just had this strong feeling about how much I need her to see me through this life. So I make my way. I open out of the back room to go upstairs and get dressed, and I'm resolved to make this one offer to her. Fine. You can have Don Draper and I will take the sweaty British accountant.

C (61:15)

The way we were the way we'll be the way we learn eventually.

E (61:24)

The.

C (61:25)

Paths we cross the seven seas the way these lines and perfectly and oftentimes.

E (61:37)

To my surprise I shut these eyes.

C (61:39)

And it all comes back to me it all comes back to me it all comes back and every Corey we used to know was beautiful they all come back to me it all comes back to me it all comes back.

D (61:56)

That'S all for this episode, folks. This is Paula and Carol behind me. Now. Don't forget to be checking and rechecking thestorystudio.org to find out what workshops we're offering next in New York City and if you're not in New York City, we always have one on one Skype coaching available as well as our storytelling for Business video lecture course. We custom tailor workshops for staffs of businesses and we do six week, two day and one day workshops here in New York. Never forget to pitch us your stories if you have them. We are at risk-show.com submissions and follow us on Twitter and Facebook riskshow. You can follow me on Twitter hekevnallison. That leaves about one thing left to say folks. Today's the day. Take a risk.

E (62:53)

The way we work, the way we'll be, the way we learn eventually, the paths we cross, the seven seats, the.

C (63:08)

Wavy lines and parenthetically.

E (63:16)

This is the egg that's at the end of the show. And if you're hearing this right now, you know there ain't no mo.

C (63:28)

ABC Wednesday Shifting Gears is back. He has arisen. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy.

A (63:36)

What what?

C (63:37)

With a star studded premiere including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis and hey buddy. A big home improvement reunion welcome.

E (63:47)

Oh boy, that guy's a tool.

C (63:50)

Shifting Gears season premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. Limu K Mo and Doug Limu and.

B (64:01)

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A (64:07)

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