Audience Member/Interjector (31:15)
Let's see, started out this way. I was about 33, 10 years ago. I'm in a bar in Asheville, North Carolina and I was hanging out at a bar on kind of the nicer side of town. It's like a lot of frat guys in there with the popped pink collars, you know, they're all hollering at girls, that kind of stuff. And I'm sitting over at the corner of the bar. I was a regular, you know, it was like somebody told me it was called Norfolk Style to drink Jack Daniels and then Coke and Jack Daniels and Coke, like that. So that's what I was doing at the time. And I'm sitting there scribbling down this mad poetry and they're trying to write this story that had happened to me a few nights before. And the conversation this herd of guys were having was, what was the last time you were really scared? Like, you know, oh, I thought my girlfriend was pregnant or my parents are going to find out. I spent the book money for school on weed, you know, that kind of stuff. And I'm like, they're looking at me like, what are you thinking? I'm like, I'm fucking gulping whiskey and chewing on cigarettes and scratching my little notepad. So flashing back, you know, in my early 20s, I wanted to be a rock star. You know, I left. I left Portsmouth on fire. I hit Ghent when I was 18. I got into a band in Norfolk. We played at Tux and all the cool places that is now where Old Dominion University has spread to. But all those CD bars were great. And you know, when you're 20, the whole world's out there in front of you. I remember if you could put picture freedom for me, it was when I had six days after graduation, moved out of my parents house. I was living in Old Town and I had gone over to Norfolk. I was right there on Collie Avenue in Ghent. And I was standing on the sidewalk on a hot night like it would be tonight right in front of the sweet shop, which is not there anymore, but I used to work there. And I just remember looking up at the stars in the sky and thinking, I don't have to go see my mom and dad. I can do anything I want, you know. And I didn't have a dime in my pocket, but I was free. So that went on. You know, I drop of the hat, make a trip to Boulder, Colorado. Just thought I'd drunk quit a job. And that kind of snowballed, you know, to where by the time I'm in my mid-20s, looking at 30, I'm thinking if I don't make it at some point, you know, this is going to be the end of it, you know, because I wanted to be famous and here I am. But, you know, that's what you hear is, you know, I didn't get dates in high school. Maybe I should have gone to Portsmouth Catholic. But at church I wasn't cool, you know, I just never got dates. And I figured the best way is, you know, you write poetry and learn how to play guitar. So I learned how to do one fairly decently and the other one not very well at all and just kept plugging away at it, plugging away at it. And by the time I was like 27:30 hanging out in Asheville, the music thing was looking like it was a bad idea, it wasn't going to work. And I had developed a pretty good whiskey habit, which, you know, Irish whiskey and my heritage go well. So I was drinking too much whiskey, partying too much. And I had invested with a partner in a restaurant. We decided, you know, what the best way to be rock stars is. We'll open a restaurant, we'll make millions of dollars and buy a music studio. So that was the plan that lasted about 18 months. Cost me 80k. So my college education was three years. 80k, restaurateering and real estate. Anyhow, all that's wrapping up. I see the end is near. You know, at the time, I'm clean and sober now. At the time I had a pretty good cocaine problem. And all it really did was make drinking more fun for longer, you know, that's all coke did. So if you've never done it, don't do it. It's just stupid. But there was this really crappy hotel in Asheville that was famous. It was called the Interstate Motel. $29, no tax, you know. And it was up at the top of a hill right outside my favorite bar. And this is the CD bar. They're really cool when we're like the street. People hang out and shit. So I'm hanging out there one night and I leave and I'm tanked. And I've got to be at work the next day, a few minutes away. It's a $60 cab ride to get home and back. And I not one to drink and drive, you know, at least I had that sense. And I thought, I'm going to do it I'm going to the Interstate Motel. You know, I've been there a few times, but I wouldn't tell my friends about it, you know, because it's that kind of thing where they're like, oh, if you went to the Interstate Motel, you were either trying to get a hooker, you're trying to get some dope, you were doing something you shouldn't be doing. If you're at the Interstate Motel, I mean, I had friends that lived around the corner. I could stay at their house. But being a writer, you like to go somewhere where there's a circus outside. You got hookers, you got their pimps, you got people that are selling drugs, you got cops coming in and out. It's like a really cool scene if you think you're Charles Boy BUKOWSKI and you're 33 years old. So I go in there. And usually, as a rule, if you check into the Interstate Motel, first of all, if you're some little wannabe hipster from the bar down at the end of the fucking hill, you're a mark, you know, you're not one of the guys that regularly hangs out up there. They're like, oh, new meat. Let's see what that guy's got. So I'm stumbling in there drunk, get in my room, pull out my little red notebook, set it on the table, get ready to roll, right? Go down to the vending machine, get my Coke for the night, and I'm drinking my Coke. And, you know, if there's a knock at the door in a place like this, you usually just ignore it. You don't look out the blinds, you don't open the windows. You don't do anything because people will come by and randomly knock to just try and see what they can get out of you. And that night, I guess it was sort of the end of my, you know, run, you know, I was getting ready to close the restaurant. I was losing everything. I really wasn't thinking clearly. Clearly taken by the effects of drink and so forth. And here's a knock at the door, and I thought maybe something cool. I had 20 bucks left in my pocket. You know, I figured maybe I'd get a little corner bag or something. So I opened the door, and there's this little crack in the door. You know, I got the chain on. There's a really imposing guy standing outside, you know, just kind of a scraggly beard. Looks kind of like Burning Spear, you know, but instead of dreadlocks, had just kind of a nappy hair. Dude, big bomber jacket on. And it's like 80 degrees, baggy jeans. And, you know, he's like, hey, what's up, man? You trying to party tonight? I was like, well, yeah, yeah. He's like, well, man, I got some shit. But look, it's cops out here. Let me in. Let me in. So I'm thinking, all right, cool. I'm gonna get some shit, you know, and keep this night going. So I open the door, I let him in. I turn around just to go grab my Pepsi. I hear the door slam behind me, and everything changes. This guy starts freaking the fuck out. He's like, so, what the fuck's up, David? Like, David, I don't know. My name's Pete, man. I don't know who the fuck David is. Nah, dude, you just fucking raped my sister. Like, no, no, I ain't. That shit I don't rape is fucked up. I didn't rape anybody. No, dude. My sister, the fucking prostitute, right down. You raped her. She seen you come in here, said you look like the dude David. I said, man, my name is P. I swear to fucking God, dude. I did not rape your sister. I'm drunk. I came up here to sleep it off, do a little writing. Thought you had something to party with. Here you are. Next thing I know, he's got a gun out. And, I mean, I'm from Portsmouth. I've seen guns, you know? And this guy is pacing frantically, and all he keeps saying is, man, that's my sister, man. Somebody gonna get blasted. Somebody gotta get blasted. And he was pissed. And I'm like. He's like, you know, sit on. Sit on the bed, you know. I said, dude, my name is Pete. Well, show me your id. So I pull out my wallet, you know, he just takes it from me. Goes in it, takes my $20, puts it in his pocket, looks at my driver's license, sees my name is Pete, puts that in his pocket. All right, Pete, lay down on the bed. Right now, I'm thinking, shit. So I do what he tells me. I lay face down on the bed. And this hotel is up, okay? It's one, you know, no room service, like I said, 29 bucks. Everything in the room is tied down or bolted down. The notepad is bolted to the table. There's roaches dead in the bathtub. The toilet doesn't work. And I'm laying there, face down on the bed, and I thought about dying. You know, I've been on this Buddhist trip, and it's like, fear of death is the ultimate fear. You don't want to Get a cold, you don't want to go hungry because you're gonna end up dying. It's like, fuck it, we're gonna die. So I wasn't afraid of dying. I had the pressure of this guy's gun in the fucking back of my head, forcing it down into a pillow and him saying, somebody's gonna get blasted. You know, the same shit. And I'm like thinking, okay, is this it? I haven't done anything yet. You know, I'm not a famous. I can't die right here. And all I'm thinking about is not dying. Two weeks from that night, my brother's getting married. And all I could think of was my mom. Like Chris, like everybody, you know, my mom, she was a great mom. Beat the shit out of me whenever I got out of line, you know, love her to death. She's actually in Maryview Hospital right now living her last days. And so don't fucking tell anybody that works at Maryview Hospital about Peter Roberts drug story. Anyway, I'm really thinking, what is my mom gonna think? You know, my brother's getting ready to get married. This is gonna ruin it. It's gonna be like me getting my head blown off in some fleabag hotel, and I'm laying there smelling like mothballs and urine in this old fucking beat up bed. The walls that might have once been a very lovely lemon yellow zest or eggshell were now kind of a taupe, you know, and you could see little teardrops, little brown, glisteny, almost lacquer colored teardrops that were actually nicotine that had caked on the walls and run down and made little slug trails and collected in little globules down on the bottom. And I'm thinking, this is where it's going to happen, huh? You know, I wasn't really afraid it's going to be a pop and I'm done, but my family's going to be really fucked up. And at that time, the sirens keep going and keep going. And this guy's, you know, pacing. He's like, well, man, maybe you ain't the guy, you know? And I start thinking, all right, this is it. This is live or die. And I'm searching my head, I'm thinking of every Jedi mind trick in the book. And I didn't want to start them. So slowly I kind of roll over and kind of come to a half seated position. And I was like, hey, man, look, you got my ID, you got my 20 bucks. I didn't fuck your sister. If you really if you're gonna shoot somebody, at least pull down my pants and smell my shit. And he looks at me like, what? I said, smell my dick, man. If I fucking fuck somebody. Excuse me, smell like it. You're gonna fucking shoot me? I ain't got. I ain't been up in your sister. Excuse me. And the guy looks at me like, this motherfucker is crazy. And I am. But his whole demeanor just changed. You know, his shoulders dropped. He started looking at me with a different look in his face. And I don't know if he was just shaking me down about the whole thing or if his sister was really raped, but all of a sudden, we had this kind of bond. And I'm like. I'm trying to get him toward the door. He's looking out. We're hearing sirens. It's a busy night, you know, a lot of activity in the parking lot. And he starts making his way over toward the door. And I've got a Walkman laying on the. On the table. And I mean, you know, you're thinking you just had a gun to your head. And he took $20 from me. He's looking at my Walkman, and it's like an old CD Walkman, you know, and it's like, Led Zeppelin won the 30th copy in there. I'm like, dude, don't fucking take my Walkman. And he's like, man, I don't to want. Want that. And so I'm literally, you know, pepping him up. Hey, I hope you find her, man. I hope you find the guy that got your sister, you know, that's up. You know, I really hope you do. And he was like, well, all right, man. All right, look, I got to get up out of here. I got to get up out of here. So he opens the door. There's blue lights in the background. And it's probably looking to the few regulars around there that don't want to get kicked out. Like, if y' all live around Portsmouth or Norfolk, you know, all the little quickie marts, you got to get the biggest people spare change, because you can leave your car unlocked. And they don't want to get banned from the place. They get cheap beer, so they'll look for your car. So this guy, you know, the people somebody was going to tell on this guy, and with the door open, I'm just wanting him out. I'm like, he's almost gone. I'm sitting there, and he turns to me, and I stick my hand out, and he grabs my hand and pulls Me in and hugs me. He was like, all right, Pete, you be good, man. I was like, yeah, yeah, you too, bro. I hope you find that dude, you know. Bam. Shut the fucking door. And he's gone. So I sit down at the table with my Pepsi and light a cigarette and start writing in my book this little thing about how I just got. Almost got killed for attempting to rape some guy's prostitute sister, which I never did. So I wasn't going to tell anybody this. You know, first of all, I felt stupid for letting him in. Second of all, I was trying to clean up and it was obvious that, you know, if I was there, I was doing some messed up stuff. So I was really embarrassed over it. I was never going to tell anybody. And really until this Risk show came out, I didn't even think I'd ever share it with anybody. So several nights after that happened, there I am in that bar I told you about before. And so I'm here after all of that. I'm listening to these guys, you know, talking about selling their college books for weed money. And they're worried about what their mom's gonna think. And, you know, it's the equivalent nowadays. I was working at kitty hawk kites. 43 year old man with a 26 year old girl who just graduated college and she wants to get her iPad screen fixed somewhere so her parents don't realize she broke. It's like, that's scary. You know, it's like, no. So anyway, I'm sitting there and they, you know, the night gets more and more smoky. I'm getting, you know, at this point just gulping whiskey and chewing a pack of cigarettes at a time and scratching in my paper and they keep bumping my bar stool. Hey, get the fuck, man. So they look over at me and they're like, hey man, when was the last time you were really scared? And I looked at them, I was like, I don't fucking get scared of anything. You know? They were like, really? And so I was like, yeah. And I finished, I paid my tab. And even though I was broke, you know, it was like the restaurant war. You tip like 60 bucks on your $60 tab and walk out of there with all the money that was left from my restaurant venture. And as I'm going to my car, I stopped for a second. I looked up and I was thinking, you know what? Fuck those guys. I might have been scared just a little bit that time. Thank you. Who sleeps in beds when you've got the sunrise? Wasting time watching infomercials live on channel nine us and Billy Mays nowhere else to ride stealing blankets, sleeping in a pile they made the sunrise for people like us. So we have an excuse as to why we're still home just so we can feel a little bit better about the neighbors angry under on our monster. But I don't fucking step.
