← RISK!
RISK!
Love, Death, and Dad’s Pee
00:43:58
Bailey Swilley and Nick Hornedo bring their most unwieldy true stories to Taj Easton's vision for RISK! this week, from a grandmother's emergency witchcraft to a high school friendship that kept ending in groin injuries. Plus a bonus deathbed anecdote from JC Cassis.
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- [00:01]
Taj Easton
On this week's episode of Risk, you'll hear Nick Hornado, I might be a lesbian. And you'll hear Bailey Swilley, a little
- [00:08]
Bailey Swilley
bit of magical, potentially life saving piss
- [00:11]
Taj Easton
play on the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. True. Hey everybody, this is Risk. I'm Taj Easton sitting in for Kevin Allison this week who's out doing shit. This is Shushu behind me now. It's my favorite band and I get to play him on the show all the time now. Cause Jamie said I could and I love that man. My life's a dream. And your life is about to be a dream as well. Cause this week's episode is called Love, Death and Pee. Oh, no, that's not right. This week's episode, Love, Death and Peace, and Dad's pee. The three things that are just great. This episode is about the rudimentary building blocks of life. This is motherfucking risk. Your life is parallel to your dad's pee. Milk, Milk, lemonade. You know what I'm saying? There's you, there's your dad's pee. Neighbors. It's only one ventricle away. You know, we're talking about a. I don't know, a micro meter. And that's how you were born. You guys, this one's just fun. We're gonna have a lot of this episode. You got crazy in all these stories. Oh my God. It's wild, but it's also deep. Heavy, but not too heavy. This is just fun. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, it's pretty heavy. God damn it. Can't we just have one fun episode for a goddamn change? Why is everyone gotta die? I forgot about the death part. Shit. Oh, man. Fucking hard. Life is hard. Anyway, Dad's pee's funny still. In a little bit, we're gonna hear from Nick Hornado. But first, this is the time where we go on a little break.
- [02:19]
Carvana Advertiser
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- [02:42]
Bailey Swilley
So good you'll want to leave a voicemail about it. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees, may apply, study and
- [02:50]
Microsoft Advertiser
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- [03:19]
Nick Ornado
tired of the mainstream media's coverage of the NBA? You ever wonder about what they're hiding? The stories that don't fit the agenda? Do you want the truth? Do you think you can handle it? Welcome to Basketball Illuminati. I'm Tom Haberstrom. And I'm Amino Hassan. With over two decades of experience navigating the shadowy depths of the NBA, we'll peel back the curtain and show you how the hidden cabal really operates. Are you ready to be enlightened? Basketball Illuminati Podcast Join the illumination and keep your third eye open. I'm Jonathan Goldstein, and this spring, Heavyweight revisits some favorite episodes.
- [03:55]
Bailey Swilley
Yeah, I think I want to know why she made my life so difficult if she had some kind of thing against me.
- [04:02]
Nick Ornado
Plus, we check back in with our guests to see what's changed in the years since.
- [04:07]
Taj Easton
How long has it been?
- [04:08]
Nick Ornado
Things have transpired?
- [04:09]
Taj Easton
Yeah, the last 10 years, everything's changed.
- [04:13]
Nick Ornado
New updates begin March 12th. Listen to heavyweight wherever you get your podcasts.
- [04:22]
Taj Easton
Here's Bailey Swilley with Life Saving Piss Play.
- [04:31]
Bailey Swilley
It's summer 2014, and I have that summertime, summertime sadness. I hate my job and I hate my apartment and I hate my roommates, and they definitely hate me, too. And I hate my boyfriend. Now, look, maybe I don't hate him. I just hate the way he makes me feel. He's significantly older than me, which I like. I think that's a good thing. He's from New York. He knows all the best bars and restaurants to go to, and I love that. But he starts to hold our age difference over my head. He how do I describe him? He's the oldest kind of millennial that you can be, so he's obsessed with things like the raw food movement and the 2008 housing crash and 9 11, and I'm just not. And he's kind of obsessed with how all his friends in finance are so far ahead of him in life and he's got this kind of, I don't know, he's nice, he's good on paper, but on the inside he's like joyless. There's a sort of vacancy about him. He's like. He's like Casper the friendly ghost. And I try to break up with Casper several times, but every time I do, he says, look, I just need time. As soon as I learn to love myself, I can love you too. And then I start to wonder, like, maybe this is just what adult relationships are like, maybe my parents marriage was like this and my brother and I just didn't know. But also, maybe I'm scared to break up with him. Maybe I'm just afraid. But then something kind of weird happens. One night, Casper and I, we go out to a bar. And while we're there, a man who looks just like Big Pussy from the Sopranos sits down next to us. And Casper gets up to go to the bathroom. And while he's there, Big Pussy gets very close to me. And he says, you know what? That little guy, he'll never be strong enough for you. And I think maybe Big Pussy is right. Because when I really think about it, if something bad ever comes my way, I really don't know if Casper will be able to be there for me in the way that I need. So the seasons start to change, and then I start making some positive changes. I get a new job, and I get a new apartment with new roommates. And there's really only one thing left to do. Get rid of Casper. So it's Friday, September 26th, and I'm like psyching myself up to break up with Casper in the morning. I know what I'm going to do. I'm just going to ask him to get coffee. I'm going to say, it's just not working. Let's just be friends. And it's going to be so easy. It's honestly a genius plan. Why didn't I think of it sooner? So I go to bed, and I'm feeling so confident. At 4am my phone starts ringing over and over and over and over. It's my mom. I pick up and she says, hey, dad went into cardiac arrest tonight, but it's gonna be fine. And also, Gary and Gina across the street, they're getting a divorce. Go back to sleep. Go back to sleep. I know what cardiac arrest is, okay? That is what killed Michael Jackson, among other things. So I'm right. I'm right to be concerned. And a couple hours later, my mom calls me again and she says, you need to come home right now. So I book the first flight home to Memphis, and Casper asks if he can come. But I tell Him? No, because I really can't cater to him right now. I can't worry about him. I need to be there for my family. So I get to Memphis, and I walk into my dad's hospital room, and there's a man in my dad's hospital bed. But it doesn't look like my dad. This man's skin is a really strange shade of pale yellow. And he's got suction cups on either side of his mouth that hold breathing tubes in his nose, and he's attached to all these machines that make his heart beat and his lungs breathe. And he's got these earbuds in his ears that play a James Taylor Pandora station with ads. All of our friends and family are there at the hospital with us, and we all take shifts staying in my dad's hospital room overnight with him so he's never alone. And when it's my shift, I have this strange urge to stand over him and start apologizing for every time that I failed to make him proud. I say I'm sorry that I was an asshole on the drive to college. And I'm sorry that when you were helping me with that Peter Pan audition, I told all the neighborhood kids that you can't sing when you actually can sing. I don't know why I said that. I was just lying. I'm sorry that when you came to New York, you said, we have to get papaya dogs. And I said, no, we can't. They shorten your life. And now I know that doesn't matter. I think if I keep apologizing over and over and over, he is going to wake up and sit up in his bed and look at me and say, it's okay. I'm here. But that's just not going to happen this time. There's no brain activity. And so, really, he's gone. Now, my ama, my grandmother, she is also at the hospital, and she has her own way of coping through this crisis. Now, I want to describe my Ama really quickly for you. Ama is 4 9. She's very fit. She's 80 years old. She's from Taiwan. And she is mean in her defining quality, is that she's mean. She's very, very hard on all of us. And so she sits in the hospital waiting room just judging all of us. And she'll stare and study all of us. And every once in a while, she'll let out something like, ugh, everybody in this family's got big boobs. She'll stare at my dad's youngest sister just studying her face. And then she'll say, you got two chins. Pretty soon you're gonna have three. Eventually, she tires of this, and she stands up and she announces, I'm a healer. Which is literally the first time we have ever heard her say this. And what this means is she is spending a lot of time in the hospital lobby on the phone with this lady, this lady that she met on a Carnival cruise. This lady lives in Texas. She work Piggly Wiggly. And this lady is a witch. And this witch starts giving my AMA spells for us to revive my dad into consciousness. And I don't know if we believe in any of these spells, but we agree to help so she'll stop calling us fat. So the first thing. Thank you. So the first thing. The first thing that she wants us to do is print symbols on computer paper and hang them on the windows of our house. And then we need to take my dad's clothes and hang his clothes in the trees in our front yard. And then we need to take more of his clothes and mail them to Taiwan to be prayed over in Buddhist temples. And then we need to take water and go back to the Mexican restaurant where he collapsed and sprinkle water all over the floor. So we're doing all of this, and then we're also interviewing all of my dad's doctors, like, all of his various organ doctors, his heart doctor, his brain doctor, his kidney doctor, and we're kind of, like, entertaining people because friends and family are coming in and out of the hospital all the time to see him. So we're doing all of those things, and we're doing witchcraft, and it's exhausting. And so my mom goes to my AMA, and she says, look, I don't know if we can do this anymore. I think it might be time to make decisions. I think it might be time to take him off of life support. Now, here's the thing. Ama. At the start of this week, Amma had walked into this hospital a mean grandma. But in this moment, she looks like a scared little girl. And she begs us, she pleads with us. She says, you are not giving miracles the time they need to work. Which is honestly, like, a great point. Who knows how long witchcraft can take? And as it turns out, Amma has one more spell. And she says, this spell is gonna be the game changer. This spell is gonna be it. And in order for this spell to work, mom has to do the spell. And what she wants my mom to do is bury my dad's pee in the backyard with some Broken glass. Now, in that moment, I look over to my Irish Catholic mother on one side of the room, and then on the other side, I look at my Taiwanese Buddhist grandmother. And I am so sure that there is going to be a clash, a huge fight between them. But instead, my mom calmly gets up and walks over to the nurse and asks for. For the urine from my dad's catheter bag. She takes it home, and then she grabs a light bulb, and she smashes a light bulb. And she puts the broken glass into a mason jar with my dad's pee. And then she goes to the garage and she gets a shovel and she digs a hole in our backyard all by herself and buries the pea glass concoction. She comes back to the hospital, and we wait three days, and nothing happens. And so, finally, as a family, we agree to take my dad off of life support. So now it's October 4th, and we watch him struggle to breathe. And we watch the line on the ICU monitor dance till it goes straight. And the nurse calls the time of death. And it's exactly like it is in TV shows and in movies, but it feels less real because it's happening to us. And 10 minutes go by, and I suddenly feel my dad's presence in the room. I feel someone tapping on my arm, someone grabbing my arm. My arm is on fire. And I know that this is my dad's ghost. And I'm gonna make a reference here. Okay, so there's a 1990 movie starring Bill Cosby. It's called Ghost Dad. Bill Cosby's character dies, and then he comes back from the dead to make things right with his kids. And I'm so sure now that this is what's happened to my dad. My dad is a ghost dad. And you're all thinking about Bill Cosby right now. Please stop, okay? This is about me. So I am sure that this is my ghost dad. Because I have this sudden urge to get up and start helping to get up and start planning his funeral. And this is the point in the story when you forget I'm telling you a breakup story. And there's still another ghost haunting me. Casper. So I call Casper and I tell him my dad has died. Please don't come here. Look, I know if Casper comes, everyone is going to love him because, like I said, he's nice. And of course he shows up. He's not a monster, just a friendly, empty ghost. And I'm right. Everyone does love him. Especially Amma, because he's skinny, which is the best Thing you can be, according to Amma. But it doesn't matter. I think maybe just for a second, just for a second, I entertained the thought that maybe I was wrong about Casper. Maybe Big Pussy was wrong about Casper. Because this is my darkest moment. And he's here. Maybe he is strong enough because here he is being strong for me. But then I keep thinking and replaying what I had seen that week. And I'm not even talking about my dad dying. I'm talking about the P thing. What my mom did for my dad that day, what she did for my ama. That. That is true love. And I realized that I would never do that for Casper because I don't love him. So after the funeral, we come back to New York, we get in the cab back to my apartment, and I can't wait. As soon as the cab spits us out onto the sidewalk, I break up with him right then and there. I say, it's just not working. And it's like ripping off a band aid. It's easy. It's easy because I have finally realized the truth about love. And that is, if you are not willing to engage in just a little bit of magical, potentially life saving piss play, then they just aren't the ones. Thank you,
- [18:19]
J.C. Cassis
Bailey Swilley, reminding us all that it is better for your dad to be a ghost than for your dad to be Bill Cosby. Am I right? Well, that reminds me. I love funny moments in dark times. And when I was 15 and my grandfather, who was my dad's father, was 85, my grandfather, my dad's dad, was lying on his deathbed in the hospital. And we went to see him one last time. And he was the son of Sicilian immigrants who had come here in the early 1900s and, you know, with absolutely nothing. And his father had died when he was like 10, and he had to, like, go out and work and support the like 9,000 children and their mom. So he had always just worked all his life. His whole life had been about hard work, back breaking labor, making things happen for his family.
- [19:03]
Bailey Swilley
Right.
- [19:04]
J.C. Cassis
He had five kids against his will, I found out recently.
- [19:07]
Bailey Swilley
Oh.
- [19:08]
J.C. Cassis
And so generational drama. It's so fun. And so he's lying there on his deathbed, and my dad comes up to him and he's like, you know, dad, we've come to say goodbye. We love you, you know. And he's like, john, what are you doing these days? You're working? He's like, yeah, Dad, I'm 50 years old. I have two kids. Yes, I'm Working. I'm working a lot. Working a lot, dad. And he's like, all right, let me say goodbye to young John, my brother. And so my brother steps up to the bed and he's 18. And my grandfather goes, young John, what are you up to these days? You're working. He's like, no, Grandpa, I'm in high school and I'm very lazy. No, I'm not working. And he's like, you really should be working. I've been working for eight years. By the time I was 18. Get working, John. He's like, okay, grandpa, okay, just go die. And then I step up to the bed and I'm like, you know, Grandpa would come to say goodbye. I love you. And I was crying and all that. And he goes, oh, J.C. you're so pretty. Somebody's gonna grab you and put you to work. Or you gotta work. What if he meant you gotta work? I would love it if that was. But I think he was very straight, but there's no telling. Cause he's from so long ago.
- [20:21]
Taj Easton
We're gonna take a break and we'll be right back,
- [20:26]
Carvana Advertiser
folks.
- [20:26]
One Skin Advertiser
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- [23:08]
Sleepy Podcast Host
Hey, do you have trouble sleeping? Then maybe you should check out the Sleepy podcast. It's a show where I read old books in the public domain to help you get to sleep. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the age of wisdom. Classic stories like A Tale of Two Cities, Pride and Prejudice, Winnie the Pooh. Stories that are great for kids and adults alike. So whether you have a tough time snoozing or just like a good bedtime story, fluff up the cool side of your pillow and tune into Sleepy. Unless you're driving, then please don't listen to sleepy. Find Sleepy wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Sunday. Sweet dreams.
- [24:08]
Taj Easton
This is Risk. This is Raptor. In the background now. And he's sitting there now. We just heard from J.C. cassis. Risk godmother, life bringer, saint and savior, J.C. cassis. Before that, we heard from Bailey Swilley, all time champion storyteller, moth story slam winner, veteran of story collider. Love hurts the artichoke. Risk. She's all over the goddamn place. Go to baileyswilly.com find out where you can see her perform live. Next, you can find Bailey online at hey Bailey. Instagram and Tick Tock. H E Y B A I L A Y Because she got some sass in there. Bailey. Hey Bailey. I think it's like that. If you join our patreon, become a patron, you're gonna get a ridiculous amount of content and a fine host of other fun and interesting bonus shit too, of all different kinds. Become a patron and you will be even a more intimate, treasured member of this family than you already are. And I mean that. You are. You can't afford it. Listen for free. We love this shit. We want to give it away for free. It's just we're drowning out here, so we need to ask for help. You want to see the show continue? You have the money to spare a few bucks every month. If you give it to us, we'll give back for years and years to come. We pour our hearts into this show. We hope we can do it forever. If you can help, come on in. Here's Nick Cornedo now with his story Worth fighting for. It's a cheesy Ass name. But I did it.
- [26:07]
Nick Ornado
I want to kind of start this story. It's an embarrassing story, which is a little bit of a confession. And a question for you. So far in my life, I've fallen in love with three girl best friends. And so what I like. What I like is that a lot. Is it. You can please shout it out. I heard a lot of no. Okay, yes. Well, shit, because it's four. Because I can't help it. I love having a crush. I should be over that. You know, I should be more mature. But there's just something about having a crush that really frames the world for me. I feel like the best version of myself whenever I have a crush. You know, like my most confident, my most masculine. Yeah, I didn't believe that either when I said that. But look, you know, some people's masculinity, it's more James Dean. Mine is more an English teacher who sits on chairs backwards. That's the zone I'm going with. Like, whenever I have a crush, I either want to kiss someone or want to tell a classroom of Dominican teenagers that Shakespeare was the first rapper. I love having a crush. And I've always been fixating on it all my life, ever since I was a little kid. You know, when I was, like, 10, I would spend an hour before going to sleep every night, like, directing a film version of my first crush in my head where, like, I'm defending my crush's honor from her ex. And then, you know, her ex beats the shit out of me because he fights dirty. But then it ends up her choosing me because I'm pure of heart and ends with this little first kiss. I don't know where I got that idea. I mean, you saw me as soon as I walked on the stage. I'd never been in a fight. Never been. Unless it was to, like, the barricade of a boy genius concert. Never been in a fight. But I just. I know I had this idea and I really held it in that love was going to be something I'd have to fight for or, like, just get hurt for. When I was a freshman in high school, I fell in love for the first time with this upperclassman girl named Chloe. And Chloe was one of those people who was really good at, like, testing your boundaries. Like, she always wanted to know if you were chill enough to hang. Like, every day I'd be walking down the hall, and at some point she'd pop out of nowhere, grab my arm and say, come with me. And we go off into some corner and we talk. I don't really remember what we talked about. I just remember it was the first time in life that talking felt like more than just talking. You know, like, it was kind of like when you listen to music with nice headphones for the first time, I was like, oh, my God, there's bass in this. Like, it was. It was really sweet. And I wanted to get to know her better. And so every day, whenever I had a free period, I'd spend the hour circling the halls of school hoping to feel her graze my arm. And it worked. You know, we. We hung out more. We were always in the back of the library talking, and we weren't dating. But she'd say these very intimate things to me. Like one time she said, I feel like I'm either gonna marry you or someone a lot like you. Yeah, but she kind of. She kind of said it with like, a little ambiguous tone. Like, I couldn't tell if that was something she actually wanted or just a prediction about her life. Like, for example, I feel like I'm either gonna die choking on a meatball sub or something. A lot like a meatball sub. That's just a neutral statement. I'm not asking for it. I just have a little self awareness. But it made me feel very special when she said that I wanted to make her feel just as special. And so I said, I need you to know you're the most beautiful person I've ever met. And she said, thank you. You know, you're the most cherubic looking
- [30:11]
Carvana Advertiser
person
- [30:14]
Nick Ornado
I've ever met. You know, like a cherub. Those fat, chubby, naked babies with wings. That's what you look like. Look, I know with beard, without the beard. My whole vibe is giving Snoopy when he's a pilot. So I get. I get what she's going for. And no, I didn't like the fact that she used two words to say fat. I didn't appreciate that. But I. I don't know, sort of like maybe. I mean, what's I mean? Naked. Hey, she's clear thinking about me, you know, baby. She sees me as someone to take care of. Wings. The power of human flight. She sees I'm going places. This is fine. She do things like that a lot. You know, she'd say something kind and then she'd pull back with something cruel. She'd ask me to hang out and she wouldn't show up. Sometimes she texts me to come find her. So I would tie her shoes for her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was. I did not do That I was like, I'm just going to double knot these so she stops asking. I just thought these were more tests, you know, like necessary obstacles on the path to, like, a real intimacy. I was sort of thinking about love the way like your annoying friend thinks about running. You know, the one who's like, ah, you don't understand. It's supposed to feel like agony. You're supposed to want to vomit, but then eventually you hit the sweet spot and it's the best feeling in the world. So that was me. I was like, okay, whatever she says, whatever she does, I'm gonna roll with it. And then we're gonna hit that sweet spot and we're gonna be together. Delusional, obviously, but you really value a crush and you want to make something meaningful out of it yo be delusional. You know, like, even recently, I was seeing this woman. Things are going well, and then one day she leaves my apartment. She stops at the door, looks into the middle distance and says, I think I might be a lesbian. And look, a lot of guys might be put off to hear something like that, but I don't know, I was just kind of honored to be the one to turn the lights out on this part of her life. Everyone talks about how special a first time is, okay, but what about a last time, huh? What about the Beatles rooftop concert? Sometimes you gotta end on a bang. And that's where I come in. I'm selling myself this way now to women. This is like my whole. My whole pitch is that I'm heterosexual hospice, which is to say I'm not here to fix anything. I'm just here to keep you comfortable. As you cross over to the other side, you start telling me how you're listening to Lilith Fair. I call your parents. I say, it's time. I say, go towards that good light. The light being the tail light of your girlfriend Subaru. That's my role. I don't know how, but I'm very quick at just finding some way to make something that isn't working make sense. And it's always been the case. And so that's why I was thinking with Clay, I was like, I'm just going to keep rolling. It's gonna be all right. So one day, I'm walking down the hallway at the other end, I see Chloe. And I'm so excited to see her. I'm like, oh, great. You know, we're gonna go back to the library. Like, what are we gonna talk about? She sees me. She smiles, waves. She takes two steps forward and Then she kicks me in the balls, and I fall to the ground. And I'm thinking, that was not the sweet spot I was hoping to hit. And it hurts so bad. Like, I know I use that, like, runner's cramp metaphor early, but it's actually so much worse than that. I feel like I finally know what it must have felt like to be that guy who invented the marathon by running 26.2 miles and then dying. For what it's worth, only person ever run a marathon and not brag about it later. Go figure. But I say the only thing that's on I could possibly think, which is why. And she just laughs and walks away. And in my head, I'm thinking, well, assuming she didn't kick me too hard, this might just be a funny story we tell our kids. One day.
- [34:35]
Taj Easton
Yeah.
- [34:36]
Nick Ornado
The next day, we're in the library. It's me, Chloe, a friend of mine. He's talking about a math test. And in the middle of his sentence, she kicks him in the balls. Yeah. I was like, what is wrong with her? That's our thing. I'm like, why are you doing that? And she just laughs. I'm like, how would you feel if, like, someone hit you down there? And she sort of shrugs. And so I say, all right, I'm gonna do it. And what I start. Please stay with me. What I start doing is I start punching the air around her. Like, I'm not actually trying to hit her. These aren't even, like, phony Hollywood level punches. These are like, regional theater production of Oklahoma level punches. Like, nowhere near her. But every time I circle my fist, she'll giggle, and so I'll circle and she'll giggle, and I'll circle and she'll giggle. My friend's on the ground crying, but I don't, like, care about him anymore because, oh, my God, I think we, like, found that spark again. I thought we lost it, but here it is. And as I'm thinking that, my swings start to get a little bit more enthusiastic and a little bit more sloppy. Like, it's still regional theater level fighting, but the region is now Boston. And so before I can change course, my fist launches forward and it grazes. It collides. I punch her in the pussy.
- [36:01]
One Skin Advertiser
And
- [36:05]
Nick Ornado
she jumps back. And for a moment, it's just me, her, apparently now silent. And then she says, oh, my God, I can't believe you just did that. I say, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. And she goes, that's really fucked up about you and I said, okay, well, not to state the obvious, but you did do the same thing to me. And then there's a pause and then she says, nick, do you really care if I touch your penis? I wish, like, I had like a funny thing to like, say back or I didn't. I said nothing because I felt like she sort of had a point. Kind of. I mean, I had spent years imagining love as this thing I was gonna have to get in a fight for, and it was just not in the way that I hoped. She stopped talking to me after that. And I try and find her in the hallway, but you pretend not to see me. But gradually we fell back into our game and we'd hang out in the back of the library and she'd say these things to me that I didn't even know I wanted to hear. One time, right before she graduated, she said, you know, one day you're going to meet someone who's going to be so obsessed with you. And I think you're really gonna like the way that feels. Even after she graduated, I was aware, like, okay, like Chloe wasn't the kind of person who was like, gonna give me her love or respect or decency, but she definitely thought I was worthy of someone's. And so that next year we stopped talking to each other. But still, every day I circle the halls of school hoping to bump into someone that proved her right. Thank you.
- [38:30]
Taj Easton
All right everybody, that's almost it. For this week's episode, it has been Love, Death and Dad's pee. What a ride, huh? Wild. That was Nick Ornato. Nick is a Brooklyn based stand up comedian and his ass has been featured on PBS at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, Vulture, all kinds of places, man. The guy gets around. He's a professional fucking comedian. What do you expect? He's got to be on it. He's got a hustle. If you're in Williamsburg, this guy's got a monthly show there. If you want to know more about that or anything he's up to, find him online at Nick Ornato. That's Nick. Like spelled like nick.h o r N E D O. Nickornado. I wish I could think of something to rhyme with his name, but I can't think of it. There's nothing obvious, huh? Nick the Whirlwind, something. Alright, y', all, don't forget your dad's piss is one dick channel away from his semen is right there in his dick. Ch along with all where his come goes. And that's where you came from. It's a magical world. So pay it the proper respect or I don't know. If you can give us your money, that's great. If you can give us some music, that's great. If you can give us a five star review, that's great. If you are over it, that's great. Because the episode's over. You're welcome and thank you. Risk. Fine outfit, fine organization. Everyone out there who works for Risk that's listening to this. You. No, I'm just kidding. Thank you all so much. I love you guys. John, I love you so much. Jeff, Hope, Cindy, jc, Kevin, Brad. He's kind of quit, but I still love him and consider him part of the team. David Crab. Haven't talked to him for a while. Does he still work with us? Michelle. Don't even know her, but I saw her on Zoom once. People talk highly about her. Dawn Fraser, I consider her part of this crew. Love these guys. Everybody. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I love you. In a way, it's true. I don't. You know, I don't know who the fuck you are. I love you though. You are the people that give me a job. What else? If you listen, last week I was hosting as well. Don't worry, I'm out of this mouth until we can't help it. And I gotta get back in here. But it's not by anyone's choice. Don't worry, Kevin will be back soon. Is professional hosting okay? I'm sorry. I'm not a fucking professional. All this time. God damn. Everybody's always reminding me of that. I didn't. I don't want to be here. I didn't want to do this. Okay? I would just rather be ignoring everybody and editing. That's why I chose this job. Oh, it's fine. I'm fine. I just get self conscious. Someone out there hates me. This big audience, I know it. That's okay. I'm fine with that. Are you kidding? I'm comfortable. My rejection sensitivity dysphoria is not acute or anything. Don't worry, I can take it. You. Some of you hate me. That's fine. If I just. Do you have to, you know. Is it. Do you really have to hate me? Can we. Is that negotiable? I'm serious. No, I'm serious though. Please. Please don't.
- [42:21]
Nick Ornado
Please.
- [42:22]
Taj Easton
Oh, I think you still do. I'm worried you still do. John. I think they hate me. I don't think they like it. John. Now I know. It's just in my head I know that. I told you. I need help. I need help, Tom. Where's the button? Where's the record button? I'm gonna shout out one person this week. It's John LaSalle, because he saves my ass every day. He is unbelievably effective, man. And on top of that, he's the sweetest guy I fucking know. It's incredible. His heart is gigantic and warm. And I curl up next to it at night in my head. And I go to sleep like a little baby and I'm safe. And then I go to work the next day like a little baby. And I whine and I up. And then John fixes it. John La Sala, I love you, man. Thank you for making this show happen. Seriously. We'd all be dead in the bush or on the side of the road. Thank you, John. Well, been good talking to y'. All. I'mma get back to the country. I got hogs to milk, I got water to wash and trees to scrub down. Them trees ain't gonna scrub themselves. Okay? That's fucking stupid. But it's true about me. My brain is stupid and I can't change it. I love you guys. I'm manic because I'm emotionally unstable. And that's why I have this much energy right now. It's been great talking to you, everybody. This is risk. Today's the day. Maybe they'll lock me up. It's been a wild ride. I think I'm decompensating because. Huh. I'm just noticing that. So this is a clue. That's a clue. I should probably go to the doctor. So here I go. The rest of y', all go about your day. Don't worry about me. I'm gonna be fine. Remember, today is the day. Take a risk.
- [45:42]
Carvana Advertiser
Sa.