RISK! – "Metamorphosis" (March 10, 2026)
Host: Kevin Allison

Overview

This episode of RISK!, titled "Metamorphosis," features two deeply personal and transformative true stories. Host Kevin Allison introduces storytellers Michael McFadden (“Growth”) and Adrian Frost (“Smoochin and Fiddling”), whose narratives explore body image, sexuality, trauma, and ultimately, self-acceptance through times of immense challenge and change. The episode maintains RISK!’s signature candid, humorous, and raw style, inviting listeners into journeys of vulnerability and, ultimately, hope.

Story 1: "Growth" – Michael McFadden

(Coached by David Crabb, edited by Hope Brush)
[03:27 – 20:20]

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Child Prodigy Swimmer

  • At age 7, McFadden discovers a natural talent for swimming and is propelled into a rigorous, highly structured world of competitive youth sports.
  • "By the end of that meet, multiple coaches told my parents that I was on track to be one of the fastest swimmers of all time.” [04:24]

• Early Maturity and Disconnection

  • Grows to adult size by age 12 (6ft, 250lbs), becoming isolated by physical differences, particularly in locker room environments.
  • Struggles intensely with body image, specifically a penis that "wasn’t growing like the rest of me." Shame and secrecy become central themes.

• The Quest for Normalcy and Belonging

  • Tries various desperate measures to "fix" himself; masturbation, stretching, even the peanut butter and dog myth.
  • Father’s attempts to bond only reinforce feelings of otherness: "He started taking me to rock concerts and he got me into camping and he rented me Porky’s. He once snuck me into Rocky Horror. And I'm realizing now that these are all things that he did as a teen in the seventies." [12:42]
  • Attends sleepovers, hoping to normalize his differences, leading to awkward adolescent encounters and heightened awareness of queerness and bisexuality.

• The Tanner Scale, Puberty, and Institutional Judgment

  • Faces a humiliating physical maturity test, the Tanner Scale, a chart determining eligibility for varsity sports.
  • "This is the one test that I can’t actually prepare for… and five is basically John Holmes. That is the Tanner Scale." [14:39]
  • Fails the test, not for lack of skill but perceived lack of physical maturity, leading to administrators debating his eligibility behind closed doors.

• Rejection and Transition

  • As peers continue to mature, McFadden is left behind—no swimming scholarships, no Olympic future, only medals and feelings of being "a has-been at 18."
  • Experiences a profound loss of identity; the sense that his body betrayed him.

• Rebirth and Queer Kinship

  • Finds acceptance in the queer community, especially among trans friends: "The greatest of all ironies: I found this deep kinship with trans people. I realized that they fully accept that their body does not define them, if I might borrow their term." [18:57]
  • Ultimately, returns to swimming, unashamed: "So much so that I’m able to tell my friends, and now all of you, all about my little dick. And that, I suppose, is real growth." [20:05]

Notable Quotes and Moments

• "[My coach’s] only reaction could only really be described by, like, a Hank Hill style, like—'buh'. Nothing outside of that." [11:11]
• "My only parting gifts were a box of now useless metals and an addiction to carbs through a decade of metaphorical floundering." [17:33]
• "Seriously, I have heard them all by now. One person even said they felt like 'a pedophile when I wasn’t hard.' ...If I hadn’t gone through that earlier, how much more devastating that would have been as an adult?" [18:11]

Memorable Segment Timestamps

• First swim meet "Ferdinand the Bull" analogy: [05:27]
• Early puberty, body image, and locker room shame: [08:24]
• Tanner Scale humiliation: [14:17]
• The end of the swimming dream: [16:44]
• Queer community and body acceptance: [18:47]

Story 2: "Smoochin and Fiddling" – Adrian Frost

(Recorded at Story Collider Dec 2025)
[24:22 – 36:16]

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Early Beauty and Abuse

  • Describes growing up "beautiful" but also being sexually abused by relatives, which entwined sexuality with value from a young age.
  • "As was a sometimes southern Louisiana tradition, I was being sexually abused by relatives because I was such a pretty girl, according to my great uncle and cousin…" [24:50]

• Chronic Illness and Pain

  • Battles endometriosis and multiple surgeries from age 13, resulting in frequent hospitalization and immense pain.
  • "The angriest nurses would give me enemas and catheters all the time… all of the surgeons in Louisiana thought that they could fix me." [25:56]

• Desperate Search for Self-Worth Through Sex

  • Sex is sought for validation, despite tremendous pain. A pattern of self-negating hookups, combined with substance abuse and self-harm, follows her into adulthood.
  • "I needed sex in my life. It made me valuable." [26:59]
  • "That guard included abuse, PTSD, crying, screaming, suicidal thoughts, cutting, drinking, using. Help me." [28:44]

• Loss and Reinvention

  • After major surgery in her twenties, loses mobility and the ability to have sex, turning to food for comfort.
  • "Suddenly I was no longer a lead actress. I was a character actress. I wasn’t Kate in Taming of the Shrew, I was Caliban in The Tempest." [30:11]

• Move to New York and Further Rejection

  • Tries to seduce a male friend (Watercolor Man), is rejected, and responds with a self-harm incident, highlighting her internal turmoil and loneliness.
  • "I pushed myself on him… No. I tried to kiss him. No. I tried to touch his penis. No… well, you know what, you could fuck my tits. And he did." [31:33]
  • "After he went to bed, I… started making little cuts on my arms… I wasn’t enough." [32:31]

• Recovery, True Love, and Self-Compassion

  • Therapy, divorce, and a positive relationship with a man named Kai mark a turning point. Despite health relapses, Kai stands by her; they build an 18-year partnership focused on mutual kindness rather than sex as currency.
  • "We do what I call a lot of smooching and fiddling. Kind of like the Grand Ole Opry. We give Dollywood a run for its money with the smooching and the fiddling." [35:17]
  • Struggles with self-love persist, but acts of kindness and daily rituals affirm her self-worth. "I know that I’m good. No matter what happened to me and no matter how much pain I’m in, I’m good. We are all, all of us, no matter what happened and no matter how much pain we’re in, we are all good." [35:54]

Notable Quotes and Moments

• "I get desperation, I get loneliness. Because despite having tons of pain and the crying and the bleeding and all of the surgeries, I kept having sex. Painful, painful, painful sex. Because I equated sex with value." [26:37]
• "All my friends would say, you're so awesome. You’re so great. And I wanted to tell them, no, I’m not. I’m a piece of shit." [33:12]
• "We were dancing this morning in the kitchen, and there was no music playing. And I know that I'm good." [35:47]

Memorable Segment Timestamps

• Sexual abuse and the intertwining of beauty and value: [24:47]
• Chronic illness and its impact: [25:56]
• Desperate sexual encounters and validation: [26:57]
• New York move, rejection, and self-harm: [31:20]
• Meeting Kai, acts of kindness and acceptance: [33:54 – 36:16]

Thematic Takeaways

• Identity and Self-Acceptance: Both stories center around painful efforts to “fit in” physically or emotionally—Michael with his body’s perceived betrayal and Adrian with internalized shame and trauma. Each ultimately finds acceptance in unlikely places: queer communities, supportive partners, and self-knowledge.
• Transformation as Ongoing: “Metamorphosis” isn’t a single moment, but a lifelong process, sometimes unfolding awkwardly or painfully before arriving at new forms of wholeness.
• The Power of Community: Whether through the Rocky Horror shadow cast or a patient life partner, healing accelerates in spaces of radical acceptance and shared vulnerability.

Additional Notes

• Adrian Frost’s story was recorded at Story Collider, and she runs New Tricks Stories, a show for storytellers over 40. Her book, I Hate Other People's Kids, is available from Simon & Schuster.
• Michael McFadden can be followed on Instagram (@shotgunmikey).

Standout Quotes

1. “For any fully straight guys listening, I really suggest giving it a try because for me this was the first time and it’s still kind of the only time when I don’t need a prologue of context before showing off my little dick for the first time.” – Michael McFadden [10:53]
2. "I would love to say that I wake up every morning and I go, you are the most beautiful thing in the world. You are amazing. But that's bullshit, because I don't.” – Adrian Frost [35:29]
3. “I know that I’m good. No matter what happened to me and no matter how much pain I’m in, I’m good. We are all, all of us, no matter what happened and no matter how much pain we’re in, we are all good.” – Adrian Frost [35:54]

Conclusion

“Metamorphosis” is quintessential RISK!: heartfelt, explicit, and radically honest, unpacking how people move through shame, adversity, and institutional failure to find new, hard-won kinds of freedom and self-acceptance.