Kyrie Lanise (3:45)
So do you guys know, like, have you ever had that time where you just, like, really, really needed, like, a good day? You just need it, like a good day. And this is where I was, like, in my early 30s, I was working in a newsroom, and I didn't feel, like, very respected or valued, so I just was like, you know what? I just don't feel like going into work. And my dating life wasn't going great. The last date I had gone on, we went to a Chinese restaurant, and I got a fortune cookie that was like, you'll find love soon. And I showed it to the guy, and he was like, huh? And I was like, oh, that's not a good sign. So that's pretty much where I was. And I was like, you know what? I cannot go into work today. I was like, I have to. Just do something for me. So I took the day off, and I lived in a huge foodie city. So every chain restaurant is, like, banished to the outskirts. There's no chain restaurants, pretty much in this city. So I drove all the way to the outskirts to go to ihop because I was like, I am going to get me some pancakes. And so I go to IHOP to get pancakes. I get out of my car, and lo and behold, on the ground is this old lady. And I'm like. I'm like, oh, my God. Are you okay? And she's like, oh, I hurt my arm. And I'm like, oh, my God. Are you okay? Suddenly, a man in a suit comes running up, and he's like, are you all right? And another woman comes running up, and she's like, mama, what happened? And I'm like, oh, my gosh. What is going on? And the lady is like, oh, I'm okay. I just hurt my arm. She's like, mama, do you still feel like going in and getting pancakes? And she's like, oh, I guess so. So they, like, pull her up and, like. Like, gingerly, like, bring her into ihop. And I, like, follow behind. And they get seated. I get seated, and I'm, like, so excited. Cause I already knew exactly what short stack I was getting. So I was really excited to sit down and eat my pancakes and finally have a good day. I'm eating my pancakes, I look up, and there is the old grandma. And she's like, hey, excuse me. And I'm like, yeah, what's up? She's like, did you see me fall? And I'm like, no, no, I didn't see you fall. And she was like, well, you know, in case I need to, like, sue ihop and I need to get some money from them, I need a witness, so can I get your number? And I was like, oh, my God. I just wanted some fucking pancakes without a scamming granny coming out of nowhere trying to get me to be in her lawsuit against ihop. So I was like, dang, this is a bust. I can't even enjoy my pancakes. So I go home and I'm like, you know what would make this day better? Maybe, like, a fun date, right? And so I, like, bust out my phone, and I pull up Bumble, and I'm like, who did I talk to? Okay, Luca. I was like, Luca's nice. Like, he was cool. So I hit him up, and I'm like, do you want to go on a date? And he was like, yeah. So I'm like, well, let me, like, you know, do my due diligence. Like, let's have a phone call first. So we get on the phone and we talk to each other. And, you know, he seems like a good guy. He seems, like, legit or whatever. And he tells me right before we get off the phone, because I'm like, where should we meet? And he was like, well, you can come to this coffee shop I'm at right now. I'm like, I'm not going to meet you just where you are already, like, out of convenience. He was like, well, the reason I said that is because all the girls that agreed to meet up with me always stand me up. They always ghost me. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. You know, like, I definitely am not going to ghost you. I'll definitely meet you. Let's go meet at the Copper Penny. So we go to the Copper Penny and meet up, and when I walk in, he's already there, like, in a corner. And, like, when he sees me, he doesn't, like, light up or, like, he's not friendly. And Warm. Like I'm used to. So, like, I go up there and I'm like, hey, I'm Kyrie. And he's like, hey, I'm Luca. He doesn't, like, order me a drink or anything. I'm like, okay, I'll order. Order my own drink. And we have, like, a fine conversation. But during the conversation, he asked me like, hey, don't you work for the newspaper? And I'm like, yeah, I work for the newspaper. And he's like, okay. So we keep having regular date conversation. And he asked me again, like, you work for the city newspaper, right? And I'm like, yeah. He's like, well, how long have you worked there? I'm like, two years. So we're still talking, and at some point in this conversation, he asked me again, and I'm like, yeah, I work there. I've been there. I work in the newsroom. Like, legit. I work there. And so the date comes to an end, thank God. And he goes his way. And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go meet up with some friends and go have some dinner. And he's like, okay, cool. So he leaves. I go to my friend John and James house. And so James is like, hey, I'm making dinner. Do you wanna eat? I'm like, sure. So James is in the kitchen making dinner, and John is sitting on the couch. So John is like, hey, how'd your date go? And I was like, it was fine. Nothing special or whatever. And John is like, well, what was his name? I'm like, his name is Luca. He was like, luca? Was it Luca McGinty? And I'm like, I don't know his last name. Bumble doesn't show you their last name. And so he was like, was it. He, like, has his phone, and he's like, boo, boo, boo, boo, Boo. Was this him? And I'm like, yes, that's him. And he was like, oh, shit. Oh, my God. And I'm like, what? What's going on? He's like, oh, shit. James. James, like, get in here right now. And I'm like. I'm like, john, what's going on? Like, what? I'm really scared at this point. So James comes running in from the kitchen, and John goes, james, Kyrie just went on a date with Luca. And so James is like, oh, shit.
