RISK! Podcast Episode Summary: "Patreon Picks #5"

Release Date: March 25, 2025

Introduction

In the "Patreon Picks #5" episode of RISK!, host Kevin Allison presents a curated selection of compelling stories previously exclusive to Patreon members. This episode features three profound narratives that delve into personal struggles, institutional challenges, and transformative experiences. The stories are raw, unfiltered, and offer listeners a glimpse into the extraordinary lives of the contributors.

1. Emmy Turner's "Existential Crisis"

Duration: 05:10 - 15:24

Emmy Turner opens up with a harrowing account of her internal battle with the desire to be liked, which spirals into an elaborate deception leading to significant personal consequences.

Key Themes:

• Fear of Loneliness: Emmy's deep-seated fear of being alone drives her to construct a facade to maintain relationships.
• Identity and Authenticity: Struggling to present a version of herself that pleases others, Emmy grapples with losing her true identity.
• Consequences of Deception: Her fabricated storyline about a pregnancy forces her to sever genuine connections, resulting in profound isolation.

Notable Quotes:

• "I didn't care how many beatings I would get. I would be the hero of the Junior Boys. I would be a legend in my own time." (00:05)
• "This credo was destroying my life." (11:01)
• "But here's the real ironic kick in the nuts. Two weeks later, I found out I actually was pregnant." (11:02)

Summary: Emmy recounts her tumultuous experience of grappling with an existential crisis rooted in her obsession with being liked. Her journey illustrates the destructive power of prioritizing others' perceptions over personal truth. The narrative culminates in the devastating realization that her fabricated story about an abortion was, in fact, grounded in reality, further complicating her emotional state and relationships.

2. Walter Zimmerman's "Remote Control Thunderbird Convertible"

Duration: 26:42 - 67:40

Walter Zimmerman delivers a poignant and reflective story about his childhood experiences in an orphanage, marked by abuse and confusion, and the long-term impact these events had on his life.

Key Themes:

• Childhood Trauma: Walter's portrayal of life in the orphanage highlights the pervasive abuse and emotional neglect he endured.
• Resilience and Growth: Despite the hardships, Walter emphasizes his ability to overcome adversity and build a fulfilling adult life.
• Institutional Failures: The story sheds light on the systemic issues within orphanages that allow abuse to persist unchecked.

Notable Quotes:

• "I have known since I was 10 years old that my biggest fear in life was not death, but being alone." (15:24)
• "I have never felt so close to insanity as when I walked such a fine line between the lies I had constructed and the truth I was living." (11:02)
• "Institutionalization leaves a mark." (67:40)

Summary: Walter's narrative transports listeners to his early years in a Presbyterian Children's Orphanage, where he and his siblings faced emotional and physical abuse under the supervision of strict house mothers like Miss Thrasher. The story delves into his coping mechanisms, such as collecting moths and dancing in darkness, which provided temporary escapes from his grim reality. A pivotal moment occurs during Christmas, where Walter's desire to be heroic leads to a futile attempt to use a malfunctioning remote-controlled car against an abusive authority figure. This incident epitomizes the futility and frustration of his attempts to assert control in an oppressive environment. Ultimately, Walter reflects on the lasting scars of institutionalization and his journey toward healing and establishing meaningful relationships despite his traumatic past.

3. Manolo Matos's "The Summer Solstice of 1993"

Duration: 46:53 - 73:22

Manolo Matos shares a surreal and intense experience involving initiation into a secret society, exploration of metaphysical beliefs, and the shocking revelation of his mentor's abuse.

Key Themes:

• Search for Meaning: Manolo's pursuit of answers beyond traditional religious doctrines leads him to join the Sacred Order of the Corpus Hermeticum.
• Manipulation and Betrayal: The story unveils the betrayal by the group's leader, John, whose abusive actions shattered Manolo's trust and sense of security.
• Recovery and Acceptance: Despite the trauma, Manolo finds gratitude in the positive aspects of his experiences and the relationships he formed outside of John's influence.

Notable Quotes:

• "I died. I didn't die in the hospital. This is not a story about seeing myself floating above my body or a terrible accident. I died." (46:53)
• "All kids who go through this kind of thing know that it's their fault." (67:40)
• "I feel as though I'm really passing for normal. I really feel as though I have to look like I belong because I know that there's something. It's only the outside. It's only the outside. Inside, there's no connection." (67:40)

Summary: Manolo recounts his initiation into a secret society during the summer solstice of 1993, a ritual that symbolized rebirth and imparted new spiritual insights. Under the charismatic leadership of John, the group delved into various philosophies and psychological practices aimed at personal transformation. However, Manolo's admiration for John is abruptly shattered when accusations of child abuse surface, revealing John's true nature as a predator. This revelation forces Manolo to confront the dissonance between the teachings he valued and the heinous actions of his mentor. Struggling with feelings of betrayal and impotence due to the group's attempts to downplay the abuse, Manolo eventually leaves the society. His story is a testament to the resilience required to disentangle valuable personal growth from the devastating impact of toxic leadership.

Conclusion

The "Patreon Picks #5" episode of RISK! delivers a powerful collection of stories that explore the depths of human emotion, the complexities of personal growth, and the enduring impact of past traumas. Emmy Turner, Walter Zimmerman, and Manolo Matos each offer unique perspectives that resonate with listeners, highlighting the courage it takes to share such intimate and challenging experiences. This episode underscores RISK!'s commitment to unearthing and presenting stories that are not only entertaining but also deeply meaningful.