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- [00:00]
Kevin Allison
Hey folks, this is Kevin. On this week's episode of Risk, you'll.
- [00:04]
Luis Garcia
Hear Luis Garcia, and that's not including my introduction to solitary confinement. It was a horrific six or so weeks I spent mostly naked, feeling not only trapped and coming off all kinds of dope, but also with a nameless sort of desperation and fear of what could have been anything.
- [00:22]
Kevin Allison
That and more. But first, if you haven't been over to Patreon to hear my check in about my trip to Thailand in January, about my plans to move there, and about this remarkable moment we are all in right now in the world. It's there on Patreon, and it's free to access even if you're not a Patreon member. And then maybe while you're there, you can also become a Patreon member because there's so much else to find there. If you do, we'll be right back.
- [01:00]
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- [01:30]
Rosetta Stone Ad
Start Fresh in the New Year as you set resolutions for 2024, consider how learning a new language can enrich your life, whether through travel, career advancement or cultural appreciation. Keeping in mind everything you've learned over the last year, it's time to build on that, and learning a new language can help you connect with others and explore new cultures. With that in mind, there's no better tool than Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program available on desktop and mobile. Rosetta Stone immerses you in the language so you truly learn to think, speak and understand it naturally. With Rosetta Stone's intuitive approach. There are no English translations, you're fully immersed, and the built in truaccent feature acts like a personal accent coach, giving you real time feedback to make sure you sound just right. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. Start the new year off with a resolution you can reach today. Listeners can take advantage of this Rosetta Stones lifetime membership for 50% off, visit RosettaStone.com Rs10. That's 50% off. Unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your Life. Redeem your 50% off@RosettaStone.com Rs10 today.
- [02:42]
Carvana Ad
Yeah, sure thing. Hey, you sold that car yet?
- [02:46]
Kevin Allison
Yeah, sold it to Carvana.
- [02:48]
Carvana Ad
Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy.
- [02:50]
Kevin Allison
The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency, no interest over 36 months. Yeah, no. Carvana gave me an offer in minutes, picked it up and paid me on the spot. It was so convenient.
- [03:02]
Lindsay Ames
Just like that.
- [03:03]
Kevin Allison
Yeah.
- [03:04]
Carvana Ad
No hassle?
- [03:05]
Kevin Allison
None.
- [03:05]
Carvana Ad
That is super convenient.
- [03:07]
Lindsay Ames
Sell your car to Carvana and swap hassle. For convenience, pick up these may apply.
- [03:13]
Carvana Ad
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- [03:32]
Lindsay Ames
Enjoy.
- [03:32]
Carvana Ad
40% off orders over $29 with code pod40@shutterfly.com and make something that means something.
- [03:41]
Kevin Allison
Now here's the hello folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison and this is David Bowie behind me now. And we're calling this week's episode Rebel Rebel. Stories about the little bits of good that can sometimes come out of being bad. Folks. Talk about bad. You can hear that I am not in good health. I think I was in exactly this condition last year at this time. Once again, like a bronchitis kind of cold. Whatever. It's, you know, it's just a time. It is a time, is it not, folks? I want to send a message of love and support to everyone out there who might be feeling hopeless or just exhausted or jaded about the world. Now, believe me, I get it. Even Quincy is out of sorts. You'll hear him probably during the course of all of this. However, you know, these early months of this new regime in the States are a crucial time for us to rise back up, to be calling our representatives, joining organizations, protesting in the streets, donating to the causes. The very best thing that could come out of this era is a massive movement to finally push back against all of this greed and corruption and destructiveness coming from on top. Remember, throughout history, seemingly miraculous changes took place when enough people got behind them. Some of the most momentous shifts came as a great surprise to many and bubbled up out of the people. You probably heard that quote from Lenin of there are decades where nothing happens and weeks where decades happen. I am hoping that sometime in the future we have a week or a few weeks where a Decade happens for the pro democracy movement. In a little bit, we're gonna hear from Luis Garcia. But before that, a story from comedian Lindsay Ames, who you can find on Instagram. Lindsay Ames. Here's Lindsay now at a Risk live show in Los Angeles back in 2014, but it's our first time running it. It's a story we call Wild.
- [08:01]
Lindsay Ames
Okay, by a show of hands, how many people have been involved in a near death experience that resulted in them being caught by their mother while they were having sex for the first time? Okay, just me. All right. Okay, let me set the stage. It was summer. It was a hot, sultry, sexy evening. The air was rife with sexual tension. I was 18. I had just returned home from my first year away at school. Yes, I was still a virgin. I decided to stay chaste until I felt like I was in love. What a nice notion. And my best friend was taking me on a surfing trip. And I still hadn't had sex at this time. But I did have a boyfriend and I was going to go see him and I was going to go see him to get some serious finger banging that would tide me through the next four days. So it's very, very important to me because I was still very, very funny looking. I wasn't the juggernaut that you see standing before you. So I was really, really excited to go see my boyfriend at the time. And I hopped in the car. I was very stoned. Bad decision. And when I got to the end of the street, I realized that I had left my wallet on the kitchen counter. And I sat for a second. I was like, pretty close. I could go back now. I'm going to go get my swerve on. It'll be fine. I always drive. Nothing ever happens. I'm good. So I go. It was really awesome. Really awesome, guys. That's how you should do it. And. And so I'm driving home. I'm three blocks away from my house. There is a beautiful big green light at the intersection by my house. And I'm driving. You know, I'm like, oh, I'm almost home, going to go to bed, go surfing the next day. And I'm driving. And as I'm driving, I look over and I see this, like, incredible sports car. Like, and I don't ever really recognize sports cars, but, like, this thing looked amazing. And I looked at it and I was like, what? Wow. And I'm driving through, and then as I'm driving through, I realized that this car is coming, like, right at me. And then everything Went super, super slow. And I remembered thinking the sound that I'm about to make at the time, I was like, if I live through this, I'm going to make so much fun of myself for that sound. Because it was like this. That's a nice car. And the car spun and spun and sp. Fun. And he hit me, like, on my side. Like the car was up. I managed to, like, get out of the car. And I'm in this haze, right? And I look over and there's a gas station on the corner. And I see this guy from the gas station run into the middle of the intersection. And it's very late at night, right? It's like 1:00 in the morning, so there are. Isn't anybody around. I see this guy run out to the middle of the intersection and he goes, nobody move. I've called an ambulance. And I'm like, at the time, because I didn't have a cell phone. And. And I. On something, and I looked at this other guy comes rushing over and he's like, are you okay? And I'm like, sir, do. Do you have a quarter? I need to use the pay phone. He's like, you can use my phone. Oh, thank you. And. And I'm. And I'm starting to dial, but I haven't really dialed. And then the other guy who hit me comes over and he's like, are you okay? And I'm like, I'm a. What the were you doing? That was a red light. And I'm like, oh, God. And so I die on my mom. And my mom picks up and the phone rings, right? And my mom goes, hello? I go, mom. Lindsay. Mom. Lindsay. Mom. I've been smoked. You've been what? I've been smoked. She's been what? She's been smoked. So I tell them, and then they. They come down and they get me and I. And I say to my mom, you know, I didn't. I didn't bring my wallet. Can you please bring it to me? And, and so like, the ambulance, the fire trucks come, the. The police are about to be there. Like, I'm in the car, and this like super, super hot fireman comes over and he's like, do you. Do you need anything? I'm like, a little. A little mouth to mouth. Maybe he didn't do it. And then the cop was like, right about to come over to me, and my mom is like, so amazing. My mom comes over and she like, backhands me my wallet, like, right before. She's like, I need to Talk to my daughter. I need to see if she's okay. She, like, backhands me a wallet and so, like, that all happens. I'm in shock also, like, mind you, like, when they put me in the ambulance, I was making all these jokes because I had just seen Silence of the Lambs and there's like the seat where like, you know, right? And I was like, you guys don't know. And then they're like, they were wheeling me into the. Into the hospital and all I was doing was like, Roland, Rolling, Rolling. Get the. Yeah, shock is amazing for comedy, apparently. So let's now cut to three weeks into it. So I have a lot of soft tissue damage and just like, I'm like laid out on the couch all the time. So my boyfriend was coming over a lot and I wasn't allowed to have boyfriends in my room. It's just like, I'm an adult. Okay, Come on. Right? Like, what am I going to do? Normally, if I was going to go get it on with my boyfriend, we'd go to his place, but now that's not an option. So we used to have this thing that we would do. Here's the living room. There's one door here that would go like upstairs. Like, it leads around to go upstairs. So if you leave it open a crack, you can always hear what's going on and you can like get things in order. And. And then there's like a door right here that goes to the kitchen. So we're like making out, getting into it. And. And like this is all of a sudden me in my impaired state. This is the night we're going to do it. Okay? Me and boyfriend with his Jenko jeans and his. This is what's so amazing. So, like, we get into it and it's not like this like, love making missionary style. It's like my legs are up and he is just going, true love, guys. And. And it's like she didn't even take off his shirt. His shirt is like, like, just like that pulled over thing, right? Like super hot styles. And he's like thinner and paler than I am, if that's even possible. So must have just been a vision, guys. We really should have taped it. And. And so like, he's going for it and like we all of a sudden hear something. And I kind of see something go by and like. And then we kind of hear something in the kitchen. We're like, oh, fuck. And like we're getting together quickly. And then all of a sudden I hear, lindsey, can I See you in the kitchen. Oh, fuck. Oh, God. So, like, he's freaking out. I'm freaking out. So, like, I walk around to the kitchen. Now, thank God for me a little bit. It doesn't really matter, but there was, like, an island right here. So my mom is on this side. And as I'm walking around, my underwear was, like, just on one leg. So, like, as I'm walking around, it's falling down. And, like, as I'm talking to my mom, I'm gingerly, like, picking my underwear up and, like, tucking it into the back of my sweatpants. And so my mom goes, lindsay, I think you better ask Mike to go home. And I'm grasping for, like, anything. So I go, why? Because we were making out. You were doing a lot more than making out. Yeah. So what's really terrific about this. So he goes, I run upstairs and I go to my diary, and. And I start. And I found the diary entry, like, the other day. It's amazing. It's all scribbles, and it just goes, what the fuck?
- [16:07]
Kevin Allison
What the fuck?
- [16:08]
Lindsay Ames
My mom just caught me having sex. What the fuck? Well, what did they expect? I mean, I'm like. I'm 18 years old. I mean, I'm gonna. They won't let me have my boyfriend. It's like, your parents fucking feed you? They send you to school, you piece of shit. Like, where do I get off? So then I go. I go and hide out in my crippled state at his house for the next few days. And so apparently, my. Because, like, I cannot face my parents. Like, no way. So my sister and my mom work together. We have a family business. And my sister goes into the office the next day, and my mom's sitting there, and she's just like, oh, God. And my sister's like, what? What? What's wrong? And she's like, oh, I just. I caught Lindsay having sex. My sister's like, really? Like. Like, how? My mom goes, that's my legs, guys. That is my mom. So then they go home to my house at the end of the day. And so there's the couch where it all went down. And then my dad's chair. And my dad's chair is called my dad's chair because that's where my dad always sits. Well, this one day, my dad decides to sit on the couch. And my sister's sitting beside him. He's reading the paper. My mom's sitting in my dad's chair. And apparently my mom looked at my sister, and she goes, so. So then I finally get the courage to call my mom and I call her and I'm like, mom, I am. I am so sorry. Yeah, I know. I'm like, I just. I love you so much, Mom. And she's like, I love you too, Lindsay. You just make it so hard sometimes. I couldn't resist. That's what he said.
- [18:24]
Kevin Allison
We'll be right back, folks.
- [18:27]
BetterHelp Ad
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, we often hear about red flags we should avoid, but what if we focused more on looking for green flags in friends and partners? Therapy can help you identify green flags, practice them in your relationships, and embody green flag energy yourself. I have certainly benefited from therapy. I would say I've learned to be a little bit more green flaggy toward myself because I can be roughest to myself. And it's just profoundly helpful in ways tiny little nuanced ways to be able to share with someone who is, you know, an objective professional about how you're coping and processing. I mean, we have all got a lot to be dealing with in our lives. So very many of the people you've heard sharing stories on this show have also benefited from therapy and talk about it in their stories. So many Risk fans have written in to say that listening to the show encouraged them to seek out therapy. So BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. Serving over 5 million people worldwide, you access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com risk today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E-L-P.com risk.
- [20:24]
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- [21:07]
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- [21:37]
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- [22:26]
Lindsay Ames
There's a message from in the air come from crazy horses riding everywhere it's all morning, it's in every tongue doctor stop them Crazy horses on the run what a shoulder they go smoking up the sky yeah.
- [23:06]
Kevin Allison
This is Risk. This is the infamous song Crazy Horses by the Osmonds when they were trying to rebel against their clean cut Mormon image in 1972. And we just heard from Lindsay Ames who you can find@lindsay ames.com Folks, now more than ever, sharing our truth is everything. This June, I'll be leading a Storytelling for LGBTQ Pride workshop at the legendary Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York. There'll be laughter, tears, breakthroughs and new friendships form. Everyone will have opportunities to tell multiple stories and be part of other fun ice breaking activities. Whether you have no storytelling experience at all or plenty of it, you are welcome to join us. It's June 13th through the 15th on the gorgeous Omega Institute campus in Rhinebeck, New York. And to learn more, search for Storytelling for lgbtq pride@eomega.org and if you have any questions, I'm@kevinrisk-show.com Next we're going to hear from Luis Garcia. Luis is a fascinating guy, as you're about to hear. You know, we hear a lot from people who are in prison who became fans of Risk during a brief stretch of time when it was available to prisoners on tablets using a platform called Securus. Now, we don't know why Securus stopped featuring Risk last August, but if anyone out there listening knows how to contact someone there about it, we now have lots of prisoners writing to us how much they miss the show and it kind of Breaks my heart. But I believe Luis Garcia discovered risk after getting out of prison when he took an online course I created called Storytelling for Business that you can find@thestorystudio.org so here is Luis now with a story we call Voicebox.
- [26:09]
Luis Garcia
It was back in 2007 that I was arrested for the 17th and final time. Thankfully, I'm not even kidding. I have a total of 16 felonies on my record. Unfortunately. Although this is something I'm not really proud of, it's also something I'm not really ashamed of either. They're all drug related arrests in one way or another. But anyway, in 2007 was the big one. I was 29 years old and I was arrested for trafficking LSD and sentenced to 10 years state prison here in Florida. If you know how to behave, you will get out after having served 85% of your time. So apparently I learned how to bathe and I got out after eight and a half years. But during those eight and a half years, I did four stints in solitary confinement. Two were for 30 days and the other two were for 60 days. And that's not including my introduction to solitary confinement, which happened within like 12 hours of my arrest for the acid. It was a horrific six or so weeks I spent mostly naked for, quote, observation after I told the shocked intake nurse at the jail about all the acid I was eating at the time, right? Feeling not only trapped and coming off all kinds of dope, but also with a nameless sort of desperation and fear of what shit could have been anything. I was on the edge of sanity. But anyway, that was my intro to solitary confinement. I went in head first, which is a whole other story. Solitary confinement in prison can be a welcome experience, like, you know, a break from the noisy dorm, your crazy cellmate, you know, whatever the situation is. But that's not to say that going to confinement doesn't suck. It does. It sucks totally. Not only is it an interruption to your daily routine, which routines are really important in there, but it's also like your first day in prison all over again, where you're effectively dehumanized. It's called reception. It's where they strip you, shave your head and give you a hose or a scalding hot shower, and then you're given a uniform and issued a number. But at reception, in confinement, after the hose or the scalding hot shower, it always seemed that I was handed a washcloth to dry off with, not a towel. Then they'd hand me a set of old clothes and walk my naked ass into the cell and lock me in there. Which is when I discovered that you always get recycled clothes back there. Like, way recycled. You get a raggedy old uniform, you know, pants and a shirt, cheap sandals you can wear into the shower with footprints already in them, right? And some old yellowing boxers that had been worn by countless others before you with a faint ghost of a skid mark and everything. This time around, the boxers were pretty shitty, but I was almost used to it by then. I just saw it as part of the punishment. This was my fourth and last time in solitary confinement in prison, which turned out to be 60 days. Anything more than 30 days was difficult for me to do in terms of fighting the sheer boredom and being with only my thoughts for that long. I was at Walton Correctional Institution, way up in the Florida Panhandle, six years into my sentence. It was the middle of summer, and just so you know, there's no AC in prison. And so the box gets hot. Have I called the box yet? Well, that's pretty much exactly what solitary confinement is. Besides your bunk and the stainless steel combination toilet sink thing, right? It's four concrete walls. One has a metal door with a slot through which you get food, toilet paper, bear spray or mace if you're bad, and through which you have to put your hands behind your back to get cuffed before you're let out, which is only once or twice a week to shower. So it doesn't take long for the box to start smelling like you and only you. Your armpits, your ass, your balls. And it was a fucking oven in there this time. Like, too hot for the uniform, right? So I'm in just my boxers and shower sandals, pacing the toefl length of my cell back and forth, reading out loud from the Bible, which is the only book you're allowed to have in there, by the way, if you're not Muslim or Jewish, right? At one point, and for some reason I started reading Hanomanti Python Voice out loud. I don't know, it just felt natural, okay? So you have to imagine me pacing back and forth in these shitty boxes and cheap sandals, sounding something like this. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families.
- [30:26]
Kevin Allison
He leads the prisoners out with singing.
- [30:28]
Luis Garcia
And so on, because that was how I entertain myself in there for weeks. There are only three good things that can happen to you in a solitary confinement. One, you get a piece of mail. It doesn't even have to be from a friend. A solicitation will do something to read other than the Bible. Once I got a solicitation from Audubon Society magazine. I'm an avid bird watcher, right? It came with origami paper and instructions on how to make a crane, a frog, and of all fucking things, a tiny box. That day, I was the quietest, happiest dude in confinement, sitting there making my tiny little box. Two, you find a friend you can talk to. Sometimes solitary confinement isn't solitary. For minor offenses, you might be isolated from the general population, but at least paired with another person. If you're lucky, it's a person you can talk to without feeling threatened physically or intellectually. Yeah, I said intellectually because sitting in a cell for like, six days with someone who has an IQ of like, six, you're in real danger of becoming stupid yourself for a while. And three, you learn how to be with yourself and only yourself and enjoy it. You meditate. You entertain yourself by conning the tiny holes in the metal screen on the cell window or the bricks in your cell's wall. I knew, by the way, exactly how many bricks and screen holes there were in every one of those goddamn cells. You sit there and listen to nothing, which is also everything. You make up stories and tell them to yourself. If you're lucky enough to score pen and paper from an officer, you write your stories down, or you read the Bible out loud in a funny voice. But on this day, I had no pen or paper. I had just finished reading from the book of Ezekiel, who was plagued with all kinds of visions and heard all kinds of voices. And I'm just sitting there inside my little box. Want to hear a voice like, go. It's quiet in these confinement cells, but every now and again, I thought I heard laughter, voices, not sure where from, you know, down the hall. Who knows, right? But the thing about confinement is that your own voice in your own head seems to get louder. I hear the voice again. Yo, okay, so now I'm getting worried because if I answer, then I know I'm really losing my shit in here. I mean, I hear my own voice in my own head all the time, but I don't ever have a conversation with him. Yo, da. The voice says, so there's an exhaust fan vent in the cell over near the floor by the toilet. And I think the voice is coming from there, but I'm still not totally sure, right? So I go to the vent cautiously, and I'm like, hello? The vent says, yo, Doug, what's up? I'm like, uh, not much and the vent says, why'd you stop reading, Doug? And I'm like, uh, I don't know. I'm done. I guess. I'm talking to the vent now, right? So I'm like, where are you? I'm gonna sell right onto you, Doc. My name's Flaco. So here there's an awkward silence in which I tell Flocko my name, and then I ask Flaco what he wants him to read, right? But before he can answer, there's another voice.
- [33:37]
Lindsay Ames
Bro, read Genesis.
- [33:40]
Luis Garcia
At this point, I'm still not entirely certain that I'm saying, so I don't say anything. Then almost immediately, there's another voice. Nah, yo, he already read Genesis. He was proud to see. Okay, now I knew I wasn't hallucinating. That was Deebo's voice. I recognized it from the compound. Now, remember, I'd been in there 30 days, and I'd been reading aloud every day without a clue. The whole time that I had an audience, I'd been reading to these guys. During the 30 more days I had left in the box, I read parts of the Bible through to them like this. Then I tried to get them to tell me stories, and I tried to put a face to their voices, which wasn't easy. For instance, flaco means skinny in Spanish. But Flaco isn't always Flaco. Sometimes Flaco is an enormous human being. This Flaco started the story, but ended up just telling about an idea he has for a business venture for when he gets out of prison. Smuggling drugs into prison? I mean, listen, the profit margin is high. You can make $10 out of one cigarette in here, so go figure. Later, I recognized Franco's voice in the canteen line, and he indeed was a big dude. Not Flaco at all. Debo told the story about how he landed in confinement. And by the way, every prison I'd ever been to had a Debo. He always looked the same, too. Big and cockeyed. It's from the movie Friday, right? Anyway, he told the story about how he landed in confinement, how he beat another inmate so badly that I had to take him to the hospital in the city. And the whole point of his story was how that guy was eating hospital food right then instead of the crap they fed his. Well, I couldn't put face to him. And he didn't really tell a story. He just told a confessional about how he's never robbing anyone again. I'd rather beg for money. Eventually, they asked me to tell them my stories. I have plenty of those. So I told them day and night. I told them about that time I accidentally overdosed on 200 hits of LSD. And about that sad time I got arrested after I had an IV cocaine induced psychotic hallucination where I was fleeing from imaginary police through Coral Gables in my mom's car in broad daylight. And I told them about how for a long time before coming to prison I'd been trying to become a better person, but how I just couldn't get it right and that I was actually kind of glad to be there. They all laughed at that last part that made me laugh about was the first time I had really laughed in all those days. I laughed at the realization that we were not alone, but we all suddenly had friends. And the realization that I didn't even know I was lonely until I was no longer lonely anymore. And that fucking image of all of us huddled around our respective vents hollering in loud whispers and everyone else's shitty box.
- [37:13]
Lindsay Ames
But I'm frightened of the things I might find. Oh, there must be something he's thinking of to tear him away.
- [37:29]
Instacart Ad
When I.
- [37:30]
Lindsay Ames
Tell him that I'm falling in love what does he say?
- [37:56]
Kevin Allison
This is Risk. This is Till Tuesday, with their lead singer Amy Mann behind me now. And we just heard from Luis Garcia, folks. The next Risk Live show in New York is on Thursday, March 27, 2025. Some folks have been emailing saying they want to be sure and catch me hosting an NYC show this year before I move to Thailand, if I really do. And March 27 would be a night to do it. You can always find out what we're doing live@risk-show.com risk live. And the day after this episode drops, we have a special treat for you in store from one of everyone's favorite risk storytellers, Dr. Ray Christian. But that's tomorrow. And folks, today's the day. Take a risk.
- [40:18]
Lindsay Ames
It.