Rough Love

Summary

Podcast Summary: RISK! Episode - "Rough Love"

Introduction

In the March 4, 2025 episode of RISK! titled "Rough Love," host Kevin Allison delves into the intricate and often tumultuous facets of love and relationships. This episode features two compelling true stories: Brittney Ross's heartfelt narrative "A Brush with Reality" and Buck Ball's intense recounting "Pretty Kitty." Both stories explore the blurred lines and messiness inherent in love, embodying the episode's theme by showcasing relationships that defy conventional expectations.

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Section 1: Brittney Ross – "A Brush with Reality" ([03:32] – [15:09])

Brittney Ross opens the episode with a poignant tale about her unexpected marriage and the lessons learned from trying to conform to societal expectations.

• The Ideal vs. Reality: Brittney shares her initial vision of marrying a "Southern cowboy" characterized by rugged traits like wearing tight Wranglers, driving a big pickup, and displaying a hint of forgivable abusiveness. Contrastingly, she marries a refined, affluent man from Switzerland, highlighting the disparity between her expectations and reality.

  "I was like, really? Like, this is not right." ([00:23])

• The Influence of "Getting to I Do": Seeking guidance, Brittney joins a women's group where she encounters the book "Getting to I Do." She criticizes the book for encouraging women to become false versions of themselves to secure a relationship.

  "It teaches women how to be a false version of themselves." ([03:32])

• The Silent Date Experience: Brittney recounts a bizarre silent date orchestrated by her then-boyfriend. The date involves silent prayers and peculiar behaviors that leave her feeling uneasy and ultimately lead to the end of the relationship.

  "It’s a silent date. What the fuck is a silent date?" ([10:30])

• Self-Discovery and Growth: Reflecting on the relationship, Brittney realizes her vulnerability to manipulative behavior and vows to maintain her authenticity in her marriage. She emphasizes the importance of being true to oneself rather than adhering to others' expectations.

  "I have a personality that is very susceptible to joining a cult." ([11:42])

Notable Quotes:

• "I love my husband, but he's not the guy that I glued to my vision board." – Brittney Ross ([03:32])
• "Guys love makeup. It's like one of those books." – Brittney Ross ([06:50])

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Section 2: Buck Ball – "Pretty Kitty" ([21:12] – [47:16])

Buck Ball presents an electrifying narrative about his tumultuous relationship with a woman he calls "Pretty Kitty." The story is marked by intense emotions, conflict, and a deep connection that borders on the dangerous.

• First Encounter: Buck describes meeting Pretty Kitty in a gritty Los Angeles setting. Their initial interaction is charged with tension and unexpected violence, setting the tone for their relationship.

  "She's like magnetic. She's like a Hepburn that survived the 90s." ([21:12])

• Developing Relationship: As Buck integrates into Pretty Kitty's chaotic social circle, he becomes increasingly entangled in their wild lifestyle, characterized by parties, substance use, and unpredictable behavior.

  "We're always where the fun was. We were always at least 2 degrees away from the heat or from the action." ([30:45])

• Violence and Conflict: The relationship reaches a breaking point during a heated altercation where Pretty Kitty physically assaults Buck. This moment forces Buck to confront the reality of their relationship and his own vulnerabilities.

  "If you were to tell anybody that knows me, it took Buck Ball getting punched in the face by his significant other to find out he was a Beta." ([40:15])

• Consequences: The intense relationship culminates in Buck being separated from Pretty Kitty by the police after she accuses him of abuse. Reflecting on the tumultuous affair, Buck acknowledges the lasting impact it has had on him.

  "If I could get out of here and make this right, we wouldn't keep chasing the fight." ([44:51])

Notable Quotes:

• "Pretty Kitty, don't fuck around and she'll let you find out." – Buck Ball ([03:12])
• "Getting punched in the face by his significant other to find out he was a Beta." – Buck Ball ([40:15])
• "It's not sustainable. It's not enjoyable." – Buck Ball ([44:51])

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Section 3: Host Commentary and Listener Engagement ([15:09] – [21:12] & [47:16] – End)

Kevin Allison intersperses the stories with his observations and engages with listener feedback, emphasizing the show's experimental approach to storytelling.

• Listener Feedback: Kevin shares a heartfelt message from a Patreon patron, Andy, who appreciates the conversational style of stories and encourages the hosts to continue exploring this format.

  "I really enjoy the conversation style stories. Be encouraged." – Andy ([15:09])

• Invitation for Feedback: Kevin invites listeners to share their thoughts on the show's evolving format, highlighting the importance of community input in shaping future episodes.

  "We are all eager to hear from you about them." ([17:50])

• Live Shows and Future Content: Kevin promotes upcoming live shows and teases future stories, maintaining engagement with the audience.

  "Risk is live in New York on March 27." ([40:15])

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Conclusion

The "Rough Love" episode of RISK! masterfully navigates the complexities of love through Brittney Ross's and Buck Ball's deeply personal stories. Brittney's journey from idealized expectations to authentic self-acceptance contrasts with Buck's intense and volatile relationship with Pretty Kitty, providing listeners with a rich tapestry of experiences that underscore the unpredictable nature of love. Kevin Allison's role as the host ensures a seamless flow between stories and listener engagement, making this episode both engaging and thought-provoking for those who seek the raw and uncensored truths of human relationships.

Final Notable Quote:

"Take a risk. Tears hot. You were standing." – Kevin Allison ([47:16])

Transcript

[Kevin Allison]

Hey, folks, this is Kevin. On this week's episode of Risk, you'll hear Buck Ball.

[Buck Ball]

We're sitting around talking about dual citizenship and serving in the military and Pretty Kitty pipes up and hits the cheap seats and says, you can't serve in the military if you have dual citizenship. It's treason. I didn't know Pretty Kitty could read up until now.

[Kevin Allison]

That and more. But first we're looking for your opinion on some of our Risk content. I'm going to go into more detail about that in between our two stories today, so stay tuned for that and let us know your thoughts once you hear what it's all about.

[Buck Ball]

We'll be right back.

[Brittney Ross]

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[Buck Ball]

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[Brittney Ross]

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[Kevin Allison]

Guarantees now here's the show. Hello, folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison. This is D'Angelo behind me now. And we're calling this week's episode Rough Love. Using the word love there a little loosely as there's some blurred lines and messiness in these stories. In a little bit, we're going to hear from Buck Ball, but before that, a story from Brittany Ross, who told this one at our live show in Los Angeles last September. Here's Britney now with a story we call a brush with reality.

[Brittney Ross]

You guys. All right, so I love my husband. I love my husband, but he's not the guy that I glued to my vision board. Like, not the guy. From the day I was born, I was like, for sure I'm marrying A Southern cowboy. He's gonna wear tight Wranglers. He's gonna drive a big pickup. He'll be slightly abusive, but in a forgivable way. And so I was really surprised when I didn't end up with a cowboy for Christ. But instead, I married, like, a nice, European, refined man from Switzerland. And by refined, I mean rich. Like, really, really rich. He has a matching pajama set that he gets dry cleaned. And before I met him, I never even met a guy with a matching pair of socks. So I was like, really? Like, this is not right. Like, just growing up. I grew up in Texas, and I dated the head of my youth group. I also dated. I also dated a drug dealer. Oh, wait, they were the same person. And I. Then I moved to la. And, you know, dating in LA is really hard. I dated a magician who was really good at making me feel invisible. And then I dated a guy who was way out of my league. And I knew he was out of my league because he told me he was. And I was at, like, a really low, low point. But I was in this women's group. It was actresses, supporting actresses to become actresses. And there was. The head actress in this women's group was like, I think we should all read this book. It's called Getting to I Do. And it will help you, like, find a man in your life. So I read this book called Getting to I Do. Has anybody read Getting to I Do? No. Okay. Oh, you have? You have. Okay. Did you get a man from it? No. No. It teaches women how to be a false version of themselves. But, like, at least they'll have a man in their lives. And all of the chapters, all the chapters are like, wear makeup. Wear makeup at night. Wear makeup when you wake up in the morning, Wear makeup. If you go to the beach. If a big wave hits, you reapply. Guys love makeup. It's like one of those books. And so I was following what the book said, and I met this guy who I was like, oh, my gosh, he's so great. I'm gonna get this guy with my tricks from the book. And he invited me to go to a spiritual gathering that he was hosting in his living room. And I'm the granddaughter of a Christian poet who was kind of a big deal in the poetry section of Barnes and nobles in the 90s. So I was like, spiritual gathering. I got this. I know how to do this. I'm going to shine my little light, and he's gonna see me. And so I go to this gathering and I take some tips from the book, like, chapter three. Like, make sure you knows you're going to be a good wife one day. So I brought a fruit plate that I spent hours making it on. I, like, looked up a fruit plate on Pinterest, replicated it. I can appreciate a fruit plate, but I would never make one. I'd rather buy one at Ralph's for $9.99 than ever slice a peach. But I show up with this fruit plate. Another chapter of the book says, make sure he knows you're going to be a good mother one day. So I'm at the gathering, and I talk to all the kids. And, like, kids are fine. Like, fine. But I'd rather talk to adults at a party than kids. But I just made sure he saw me chatting it up with the kids. And it worked. And this guy fell for this false version of me. And I was like, oh, my God. I manifested this. I made this happen with my positive thoughts. Because I was also in that year of my life that we all have when we moved to la. The manifesting year. You have at least one. I was in the manifesting year of my life. I ate at Cafe Gratitude a lot. And I ordered the I am Magical. You know, it's a veggie burger. It's a veggie burger. But I was like, this did it. I got this guy. He fell for me, and I was so happy. And the book was like, you know, be agreeable. Do whatever he thinks you should do. That's what men like. And so I'm doing that. And one day he invites me on a silent date. And, like, I've never been on a silent date before, but I did have one thought. Like, what the fuck is a silent date? But I was like, just go with it. That's what he wants to do. So say yes. So I said yes. And I go on this silent date. I show up at his apartment, and I don't really know the rules of a silent date. Like, are you allowed to text or is it just no communication? And I get. And I can't remember the gate. Coach's building. And so I'm like, oh, fuck. And I start just, like, I punch in everything I can think. And finally a neighbor lets me in the building. And I didn't even talk to the neighbor because I was like, maybe you can see me on the camera. I don't know. Like, when the silence starts, I was, like, gone, you know? And I get up to his door, and he invites me into his apartment with a nod. And, like, it is silent. And one thing you should know about this guy is he was newly spiritual. So newly spiritual people are, like, very into it, you know? And whatever he was following said he wasn't allowed to drink or have sex. So I was like, what are we going to do if we can't drink, have sex or talk? I don't really know what this date is going to be. So I go in his apartment, and he leads me upstairs. And then he sits me down on his bed. And we just stare at each other for, like, a really long time. A really long time. And then it's time for silent prayers. And he does his prayers while he's standing on his bed so he can be closer to God. I wish I was making that up, but that's what he does. But I just follow along because I'm being agreeable. So I, like, follow as we stand and then kneel and then stand and kneel and stand. I'm, like, looking at him to see what the next step is. And the whole time, I'm sure he's praying for world hunger to end. And I'm just praying for this whole experience to end. And then prayers are over. He sits me back on his bed. He walks off to his bathroom. And I'm thinking, like, oh, my God, what are we getting? What's about to happen? Are we going to have sex? He said he's only trying to do that once a month because he's not supposed to do that. Like, is this that once a month? When does the month reset? Is it on the first? Or is it like a month after the last time? Like, what's happening? And he comes back holding a hairbrush, and he silently brushes my hair. And I sit there while he's brushing my hair, like, so creeped out. And now the idea of somebody silently brushing my hair sounds very enjoyable. I have two children at home, so. But back then, it sounded like it was like, what is happening? And I kept thinking, like, I should say something. I should talk. This is so weird. And then I was like, no, no. All your friends in Texas are on their second marriages. Keep your mouth shut. Zip it. So I just, like, let it happen. And then he tucked me into bed as if I were a baby.

[Buck Ball]

Oh, my God.

[Brittney Ross]

Right? That's coming from someone who read the book as well. Like, the book leads you astray. And so he tucks me in, and then he falls asleep next to me. Just, like, passes out. And I laid there staring at the ceiling, thinking, like, okay, I am never going to tell anybody about this. And then my next thought was, immediately, I'm going to tell everybody about this. But no, I was really like, okay, maybe if I go to sleep, I'll wake up and this will be a good experience for me. Maybe something will happen and I'll feel, like, different, you know? And so I did. I forced myself to go to bed and I woke up and I did feel different. I felt this overwhelming feeling of shame and embarrassment. And I was like, okay, clearly this is not the guy for me. So I broke up with him. Just kidding. He broke up with me because his psychic saw him dating a brunette. That's what he said. And I was like, I will do anything my book says except go brunette. That will be the death of me. And it took me a really long time to get over him. I was so, like, brainwashed by this guy. But after I finally came out of it, I felt like, oh, I'm glad that that happened to me because it made me realize I have a personality that is very susceptible to joining a cult. Like every cult documentary I watch until episode four, I'm like, what is wrong with this? But now with my husband, I know not to be a false version of myself. I don't take his pajamas to the dry cleaner. He does that for himself. And I make him plan all of his own birthday parties because that's not who I am. So I really learned some good things. Valuable things for myself, not for my husband. Thanks. Thanks, guys. Brittney, Roz.

[Buck Ball]

We'Ll be right back.

[Meredith Monk]

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[Kevin Allison]

Are, but who's shaping them in the new season of Black History Year, our chart topping history podcast by Push Black, we're breaking down the meaning and power behind the personal, familial and systemic legacies that define our world. From the iconic legacies of Black family dynasties to the far reaching impact of laws like the death penalty, we're diving deep into how political and cultural forces have historically molded Black communities and what it means for our future. Join us on the Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcast for a new season of Black History Year. Dropping this February, let's shape our collective memory and legacy together.

[Buck Ball]

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[Kevin Allison]

Better leader and more.

[Buck Ball]

Listen to TED Talks Daily Wherever you get your podcasts, we are back.

[Kevin Allison]

This is Risk. This is deodato behind me now. And before the break we heard from the legendary Meredith Monk. And before that of course we heard from Brittney Ross you can find @iambritneyross on Instagram and who produces the stand up show Mom's Night out at the Hollywood Improv. The Next one is March 12th at 8:30, folks. I often read messages from our Patreon patrons here, but this one's especially interesting because it's about some of the experimentation we've been doing on the show lately. This is from Andy and he wrote, hey, just wanted to drop a message here saying I really enjoy the conversation style stories. Be encouraged. I personally found a lot of encouragement in Taj's conversation with Carolyn Kendrick in the episode called Classically Constrained, specifically around finding your intrinsic motivation for creation and endeavors and finding community in the niches. I like that the convo stories are in addition to the regular style stories because Kevin and the other hosts managed to ask the follow ups that I'm already thinking of as well as clarify or prod on things I hadn't been thinking of. I feel a little bad for not having thought to share this earlier, but I was explicitly asked for feedback, so I hope it's better late than never. Keep it up. Thank you so much Andy. Yes, we really appreciate feedback. And you, dear listener, you might have been listening to me reading that and thought to yourself, well, I agree with this part of what Andy was saying, but not that part or well, Andy didn't mention the main thing. I've been thinking about this conversation story hybrid episodes. Well, we would love to hear your constructive criticism. Maybe you even skipped those episodes. Or maybe you're hoping we could do more of this or that in the way we conduct the conversations or the way we edit them. So I am evanrisk-show.com and I'm so eager to hear your thoughts about those kind of stories, whether your thoughts are positive or negative or a mix. Believe me, there's lots of differing opinions about those episodes among the staff, so we're all eager to hear from you about them. Now, next up, we're gonna hear from Buck Ball, and this is a wild one. There's rough sexual behavior in this story and various characters named after animals. Here is Buck Ball now with a story we call Pretty Kitty.

[Buck Ball]

Cut to the small hours of August 14, 2014. The Santa Ana winds came in early that year, and it was hot at night, especially even hotter if your body was chock full of amphetamines. You to the op or the overpass in an undisclosed location in little Filipino town inside of Los Angeles. The overpass is a dingy little place where you can openly buy cocaine and beer and liquor after hours. It's a small complex of three different rooms or dance floors that are all kind of connected by small plywood aisles like hallways. And I'm walking through one of them when around the corner comes Pretty Kitty. And she is just magnetic. She's like 58 worth of a Hepburn that survived the 90s. And she's got a bob at this time, so it's even more so. She comes around the corner and she looks soft and damp, and she's got these big brown eyes, and she's wearing this lyocell sundress that has Birds of Paradise on it, and it's hunter green, and it just pops against her porcelain skin. And she walks right past me, and her eyes go from these big brown saucers to these little darted knives. And she takes the inside of her hand and she juts it up against the guy behind me's neck who I'm there with. It's my second least favorite coke dealer, Raphael, and I'd been waiting to do this to him forever, but she's now got him like this, and all he can muster out is, I've got your 20 bag. What? In what world? Like, okay. So I am immediately hooked by this violence poured into viscose. Like, it's. It's just so striking. I've never seen anything like this. So I Immediately have to introduce myself. And so we do a meet cute over that stolen dub sack. And I'm asking, I'm like, is it really worth it? And she mimes punching someone in the face. And she goes, thumbs out. Because that was something she learned at a very early age from her adopted father. Pretty Kitty, don't fuck around and she'll let you find out. That is one of the truest things I've ever known in my life. So I gotta be cool. So that night we're hanging out and I'm just trying to do whatever I can so I do the reasonable thing and I go home with her friend and I keep going home with her friend. And it keeps me in their friend group. And now I'm seeing Pretty Kitty at the social gatherings. I'm seeing Pretty Kitty at Christmas parties. I'm seeing Pretty Kitty at concerts and holiday parties. I'm getting that nice little FaceTime in. And so the little bit of masses. And cut to my birthday, my 30th birthday. We are at my duplex that I'm renting a room at. I am known for throwing, like, fun house parties and like, lavish kind of events for like comedians, social people, whatever it is, like, around the Miracle Mile area. I lived right across the street from lacma, so, like, everybody was always wanting to come over and hang out because that neighborhood was so sleepy. But like, we threw down, we had the fire marshal called twice. One of them was this night. Cut two, the small hours. October 19th, same year. It's me, Shady, Katie, Zep, and Pretty Kitty. And we're all sitting on a bed in my room and we're sitting around talking about dual citizenship and serving in the military. And Pretty Kitty pipes up and hits the cheap seats and says, you can't serve in the military if you have dual citizenship. It's treason. I didn't know Pretty Kitty could read up until now. Like it was all just run and come and dumb and fun and like outlaw blood and all of that. Like, I never really stopped to consider Pretty Kitty as a legitimate four dimensional person. And it grabbed me by the throat, like seeing her in this new light, but also foreign affairs. Fucking right, doggy, let's go. I feel like that's one of the things that I know the least about. So when I find a significant other or a partner that has a tie to, like, international affairs, Foreign affairs especially, like government, especially treason. We're talking about outlaw blood. You talk about old butt. Oh, positive. Pretty Kitty, the rowdy powder jungle cat. Like, yeah, like I'm about that action. And so, like, I am just lit up right now. I'm 30 years old. Like, I feel like I have taken Los Angeles by storm. And I can't. Like, I can't get enough of pretty kitty. I've got to. I've got to be safe and careful about this. Because she's not just pretty kitty because that's cute alliteration. She's pretty kitty because she's aloof. Like, when I think of pretty kitty, I think of how mark twain described who Huck finn was based off of. This small orphan boy at the edge of town whose father was a drunk that beat him. The kid didn't care about anyone or anything. So in that way, he was truly independent. Pretty kitty was whatever she could, could have been. And it was amazing. And so, like, I am trying to play it cool, and now, like, I'm really in the mix, because now we go through, like, Thanksgiving. We're doing food drive stuff together. Okay? Right, right, right, right. We're doing Christmas parties together now. You mean to tell me, old bucks, I go pop off at a Christmas party at this time in my life. Like, it was all tailored tapered suits. When I met pretty kitty, I had broken my heel. I had a cane named Julia Roberts. Like, I would never have believed I looked this good. And so I have to do everything I can to make myself seem like I belong here. And so new year's comes, and we spend new year's together, and, like, we spent Christmas together, and, like, let's go. Like, we're really kind of connecting now. Like, it's one of those things where it's like, whose house are we gonna stay at? Who's better? Are we gonna sleep in, like, this, that, or the other? And I just don't want to tell her that I love her and ruin it because, like, pretty kitty, it's pretty kitty. Like, you don't hold on tight. Are you kidding me? That's the easiest way to like. I tried to hold her hand in a party, and she left me physically. She drove away. Cut to small hours, Valentine's day, and we are in the bustling neighborhood of westlake Macarthur park on the east side of Los Angeles, which is more affectionately known as trese Flores territory. The salvadorian gang else at little El salvador and little filipino town. And they're currently finding bodies in their city park lake. And it's rough. And we're there in between going to the overpass and then going to the gold room because the gold room does bar open at 6am and you can get a beer and a taco for $5. All right, you tell me that's not a Valentine's Day you'd remember, right? Everything's coming up Buck, and I'm just the plus one here. So now cut to the Nomad in off Alvarado and Beverly in the bustling Westlake MacArthur Park. It's an doors face outwards type jump off. And it's me, Ducky, Pretty Kitty, and then Joey, who are all their party. That's all the gang, you know. Joey is Pretty Kitty's best friend, Ducky. She's known forever. And I would never call him Ducky, but for sake of the story, I will have to because he did resemble John Cryer, but I would never say that. And we're sitting around this motel that Ducky lives in weekly, but he's been there monthly, going on yearly, smoking indoors now like he owns it. And we're sitting around doing blockane off of an In Excess CD cover. And you know, it's one of those things that, like, I'm not gonna say anything about anything. I'm just so happy to be a part of something, you know, it's free cocaine. I'm hanging out with Pretty Kitty. Like, all of these things are nice for Buck, and so I'm hanging out and like, we keep going. And like, it's. It's like a three or four hour stint that we have to kill time but for the Gold Room. And we've been going at it for a while. If the four of us are together, I guarantee you we didn't just meet. And especially if we end up at the Nomad Inn and we're sitting on Ducky's bed and that linoleum sheet that every, like whatever third party is. And we've had it, we've been going at it and like Pretty Kitty now has turned a little bit physical. She can get a little physical. I mean, do tell America's sweetheart who put Raphael in a chokehold upon entry. But she like pushes Joey and, and she like punches and gets rough with. With Ducky. And it makes me uncomfortable because, like, I'm not. I don't feel too comfortable talking about my past with like, abuse or people that hit me or whatever it was. But like, and nobody likes to be hit. And so play it cool, Buck. You know, like, just say thank you for the free cocaine and keep doing it. Just keep doing what you're doing, you know, you're doing good. You're a part of the game. One hour turns and I'm like, we're almost there. We are almost there. Pretty Kitty, you'll get some tacos in her. And then we're good. And like that Gold Room special, it's gonna hit different. It's the. I don't know what the breakfast of champions is, but I know what the champion of breakfast is. It's vodka. So we keep passing the. The NXS CD around in, you know, four lines probably every 15 minutes. And we've gotten pretty professional at this. So, like, 15 minutes becomes 10 minutes, four lines become six lines. And, I mean, then you do the math because we're not. And Pretty Kitty is really going in on Joey. We're like, pretty Kitty, stop. And so, like, we. We get Pretty Kitty to try on Ducky's leather jacket, and it fits her. And we laugh and we laugh and we laugh. And then I don't know what or how it happened, but then she just gets the jacket and starts, like, pushing Joey in the jacket. She's like, oh, acting all biker tough, whatever. I don't know what Pretty Kitty's doing now. She's like, punching Joey. And this is making me, like, really uncomfortable because if memory serves, I mean, she's punching thumb out. She's gonna ball that. And so I'm, like, all jacked up, you know what I mean? Like, I've been going and I've been quiet. So, like, still waters run deep at this point. And at this point in my life, like, I have set a weekly record of, like, I can probably go 48 hours in a row without eating. You know, my mouth and my throat are dry and they're smoking indoors. And, like, and we do these, like, really big lines that, like, make your throat so dry that, like, when you clear your throat and you. You do that drip release that it makes your eye water. And we call it Nicholas Sparks because they were tear jerkers and we would just sit around and do these and, like, it's a lot. And it's a lot for anybody. And it's a lot for anybody who doesn't know the standard protocol. And, like, she's hitting Joey and she's fighting everybody and they're just letting her go. And then I, I go, pretty Kitty, stop. I grab her and I turn her away from Joey and she looks at me and gah. I mean, like, squared up. Didn't even take a breath. Got me right in my nose. Mmm. Believe it or not, I have a very punchable aesthetic. But the thing about getting punched in the face. Who punches you hurts more than anything else. And like, pretty kidding. She balled that fist on me, and I was using that. I was using my nose for cocaine. Like, what. What is going on now? And I go, pretty Kitty, stop. And she swings at me again with her right, and I grab it and I'm like, pretty Kitty stopped. And she swings with her left because remember, anybody that knows thumbs out probably can do double time swings. And I catch it, and I catch it because, like, they shake, but they're not slow. I've dropped a lot of iPads and not a lot of them have hit the floor. So I catch them and I've got it. And I'm just looking at her now, and we locked eyes. I'm like, pretty Kitty. And then she headbutted me and mwah. The Irish kiss right on the bridge of my nose with this forehead and that bob haircut. Oh, Pretty Kitty. I was using that for cocaine, remember? Again, Pretty Kitty is 5 8, so that's nothing to smirk at. Also, please note, Pretty Kitty swam college freestyle. So when she comes over the top, it doesn't come with a bow. And the blood and the coke and the dryness in the back of my throat, and you just. You swallow it all down or you'll choke. And the only thing missing is semen. And I'm. I'm pretty confident I could accommodate for that at this point. And I'm just, like, charged up. I get Pretty Kitty over and back onto this bed on this lolium top. Sheep. And I've got her shoulders down on the mattress. I've got her waist up on the mattress. I've got my knees over her shoulders with her arms like this. And I've got my shins pressing down on her biceps. And I am upright, sitting on my haunches, looking at her with her hands. I've got her hands down in mine. I'm saying, pretty Kitty, stop, stop. I don't want to do this. And I lean back and I put her arms down. And when I do that, she wriggles her body like a snake. And I just feel this boot come over the back. And she's wiggled her way to kick me in the back of my skull. From here, we time travel, because all I know is red. And then I come, too. And my hands are around Pretty Kitty's neck, and her face is about as red as her hair, that auburn hair that we love so much. And her eyes are that big doe shape again, and they look even bigger than they did with amphetamines. I am just watching the. The breath Drain from her. And I go, pretty Kitty, don't do this. I love you. And then I. Fuck. Fuck. Who heard that? Who heard that? Oh. So I get up and I'm looking and, like, Joey is now coming to the aid. He had gone to try and look for help outside on Alvarado, which is not there, I can assure you. And Ducky is just kind of off to the corner, letting everything happen like Ducky always did. And, like, what the, man? I've never choked anybody with clothes on. It's like, you know, if I feel this way about violence, like, what. What is what now? Like, Pretty Kitty comes to, and she regains her breath, and she chokes. And she rubs her neck, and Joey rushes over to her, and he's like, are you okay? Love it. Like, is everything all right? And she coughs and she goes, you love me? I love you too, Frog. If we had not gone home together, I would have had to go to the emergency room because I would have had an erection for four hours. Plus, I looked over, I said, joey, you heard it. Ducky, you heard it. Pretty Kitty, let's go. I am electric. I can't believe anything right now. I can't believe anything right now because also, this whole time, I thought that I was, like, this sigma personality or, oh, this alpha in relationships and all of this other shit. If you were to tell anybody that knows me, it took Buck Ball getting punched in the face by his significant other to find out he was a Beta. They would say, yeah, nothing's ever made more sense in my life. And, like, on top of that, I'm a masochist. So, like, oh, man, I found it. I found it. She's gonna kill me. And I can be buried in the family plot.

[Kevin Allison]

It's.

[Buck Ball]

It's a done deal. And so we go home and we skip the goal room because my erection is just gonna rip through my pants. Like, everything is so snug, tailored. It's so very obvious. And we go home, and we're in her bed, and I still can't figure anything out. I just want to be thankful and grateful. And I'm kissing her, and, you know, I'm loving on her and being sweet and everything. And, Pretty Kitty, please, like, you know that I would never do that. You know that I would never hurt you. You know that I would never do anything like that ever, ever. You know, I do love you. I want the best for you. I'm here to support and be, you know, you're plus one. Like, a good beta. You know, we're kissing. And we're getting more intimate now. And I'll do anything, just tell me, you know, what. What it is that you want, and I'll make it right. And she said, can you choke me and tell me that you love me when you fuck me? And I did. And we did. And like, that was the basic, like, jacket story of our relationship is like we were either or fighting or, like, fearlessly flying through whatever situation that we were in. Like, we weren't a power couple, we were a powder couple. We were always where the fun was. We were always, like, at least 2 degrees away from the heat or from the action. And that's. That's what Pretty Kitty gave me. And that's what I leaned into is like. You know, I've always complained and been like, well, when I'm only in somebody else's relationship, well, dum dum, take advantage of it and lean into it and get some of that masochism out of the way. And she beat the shit out of me. Oh, man. There were plenty of times where, like, I would go to the ER and or friends would see, like, bruises and stuff on me, and they would be like, buck, where'd you get that bruise? Or, like, cool scar. And I'd say, thank you. Somebody that loves me gave it to me. I mean, it was so to the point that, like, the last time that I saw her, the police had to separate us. Cut to the small hours of September 23rd. 2016 was my mother's birthday, and I stayed home and put together a puzz with her via FaceTime. And pretty kitty just left. The Dodgers had a playoff game at that point, and she was all about the Doyers. And we lived in East Hollywood, so, like, if I didn't have anything to do, I did not move, I did not leave or go out. Pretty Kitty's gone for an unforeseeable amount of time. I lock the doors, I get turn up, I get in bed, I go to sleep. Four in the morning, Pretty Kitty comes home, kicks the door off the frame, and is just standing there in a Dodgers uniform. She didn't leave with a Dodgers uniform. The police are there, and they take me and put me in the back of the police car because we have to be separated to get our story straight. I'm naked at this point, and they have me dead to rights. All Pretty Kitty has to do is say that I hit her at any point and I would go to jail because California is a she said state. And she did. And on that cold plastic in the back of that cop car on my little pale pink ass. I said if I could get out of here and make this right, we wouldn't keep chasing the fight. We wouldn't just be so insane all the time. Like, it's not sustainable. It's not enjoyable. Well, it's a tough look. Pretty kitty's out there somewhere. I hope she's eating. And people ask me if I regret anything, and it's like, yeah, I regret a lot, but I don't beat myself up over it. No. Check the time and the date. I can guarantee you that I am currently beating myself up over. Oh, move away from a window? You were there.

[Kevin Allison]

To what's colliding? And they could never tear us apart? You were standing those truth? I was there to wildest glide ever shining through?

[Buck Ball]

And they could never tear us apart.

[Kevin Allison]

This is Risk. This is NXS behind me now. And we just heard from Buck Ball. Such a great voice and personality, folks. Risk is live in New York on March 27, and it's one of the only two New York shows I will personally be hosting this year as I'm planning on moving to Thailand in the latter half of the year. So come on out. Info about all of our live shows is at risk-show.com live. And our next conversation style story features our producer Taj Easton talking to someone you've heard on Risk once before, our dear friend Alex Steed, who co hosts the remarkable podcast you are Good, a feelings podcast about movies that I've been on twice. Alex will share about a tangled web his landlord once wove a labyrinthine whodunit of legalities. But that's tomorrow. And folks, today's the day. Take a risk. Tears hot. You were standing.

[Buck Ball]

And they could never tear us apart. I was thinking there.