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- [00:01]
Advertiser 1
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- [00:30]
Advertiser 2
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- [01:34]
Advertiser 3
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- [02:41]
Kevin Allison
Hey folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison, and every Thursday we release these special episodes where we look back at content from our earlier years. This week, an episode that premier premiered in October of 2012. It's an episode we call Scary Stories 3. Hello, kids, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison, and this is Weirdo Music behind me. Now, if any of you out there are thinking of directing a biopic about me one day, just go ahead and hire Weirdo Music for the soundtrack. I couldn't blame you. Today's episode is the second in our double feature of Terror. The first time we did a Halloween based episode, it was last year. It was called Eek. And then last week we had one called Ick. This week's we're calling Ack. We just happen to have, you know, a plethora, an overabundance of spooky stories this year. So we split it into two episodes. We're now approaching Thanksgiving, but what the fuck? When I give you an extra helping of Spooky Stories, you'll take it and you'll like it. We're gonna hear from our dear friend miss Susan Kent again in just a moment. But first, a little something from author Matt Mercier. This is one we call a Fall in the House of Po.
- [05:53]
Matt Mercier
So in the fall of 2002, I had moved to New York and promptly lost both my jobs. I am sitting in Dempsey's Pub on the Bowery, where you go when you're unemployed, and I'm drowning my sorrows in a pint of Guinness, which will likely be my last until I can find a new job. I have no idea how I'm going to stay in New York. And then my friend turns to me and literally says, do you want free rent for the rest of your life in New York? I said. And he's like, yeah, New York. I said, well, who do I have to fuck to do that? Like what? That's. He's like, well, you know, you have to live in the Bronx. I said, ah, okay. He's like, yeah, it's a basement apartment, all right, but it's a caretaking position. You get free rent. All you gotta do is look after this old house. I said, okay, that sounds great. Sign me up. He's like, whoa, hold on, cowboy. One more detail. You have to be well adjusted to live in this house by yourself. Because, you see, it once belonged to Edgar Allan Poe. That made me take pause. I'm no Stranger to weirdness, I was the kid in high school that wore all black and quoted Monty Python to girls. You know, I can. I'm used to being an outcast. And I thought, no, I can do this. And for free rent, I'll do anything. So quickly, before I knew it, I had the job. And once I acquired it, the position and I moved into my new home, which was a 19th century clapboard farm cottage in a little city park up on the Grand Concourse. I began to brush up on my PO and realized that I'd perhaps bitten off more than I could chew and that I'd inherited quite the karmic legacy. A PO as most people know, died penniless, alone. His wife died at the age of 25 from tuberculosis. In the house itself, we had the original bed that she died on. He walked to her grave every night after she died, as legend tells it. And he was drinking and he was on opium. And nobody in the literary scene of New York loved him. He was hated and despised. I was a writer, and this was the man whose house I was looking after. Fine. I was committed to a year I could not leave. So I'm thinking about all of this and then. But on top of Poe's legacy, the house itself is a magnet for eccentric behavior. I walk out of my house, Poe's house, one afternoon and I. And there's a giant spidery oak tree in the backyard. And I notice there are some strings, like Blair Witch type strings hanging off the branches, and there's some, like, odd artifacts dangling from the ends. And I walk up to them and there's pictures of people hanging on the ends of these strings. And I go to touch one of them, and somebody from the street goes, hey, don't touch that. That's Santeria voodoo. You touch that, you'll be cursed. And I was like, look, my life is cursed already. There's nothing you can threaten me with. Every weekend, the tourists were my only company for a long time. And I would get actors who were portraying Poe in a production, and they would rehearse their lines to the bust in the par. They would recite poetry. I would get PhD in grad students who would drill me on the minutia of Poe's life and get upset if I didn't know everything. I indulged people perhaps more than I should have. But one afternoon in October, early in my tenure, a gentleman shows up at my door, dressed all in purple, purple vest down to his waist, purple pants and a purple turban wrapping his head. He looked like the leader of a culture. He was a big guy with broad shoulders and a barrel chest. And he said, I've come all the way from LA to see the cottage. And I thought, of course you have. You look like you belong in Los Angeles. And he said, I know it's getting late, but I would really love a tour of the cottage. You know, it was 4:00 on a Saturday. I was about to close up, but I was like, fine, come on in. So I bring him in and give him the tour. And he's as happy as a pig in mud. He's like, oh, this is wonderful, Po. Virginia, this is so romantic. I could just die. Oh my. He's beside himself with joy, which makes me happy. I'm doing my job. But then he sits down in front of the bronze bust of Poe. He sits in the lotus position and he tries to light a stick of incense. And I said, sir, this is a 19th century house. You can't light a match, please, what are you doing? And he looks up at me, he's like, do you know what today is, young man? No, what's today? He's October 7th. I said, okay, was that have significance? And he's like, you should know, you're the docent here. October 7th is the anniversary of Po's death. So I'm going to raise up the spirit of Po. I said, no, you're not. That's ridiculous. You know you're not going to do that. I can't, you know. No, that's no question. I'm closing up. Sir, you have to leave the cottage. No, no, no. We have to do this. I'm never going to get another opportunity. I'm never going to be here. So he's insisting and he is a big man. He could easily take me out. His hands are like giant fingers, look like giant sausages. And he's sweating and he's red faced and he's pissed. I don't know what to do. I'm not going to call the police. You know, what am I going to say? There's an illegal seance going on in my, you know, in my house, in Po's house. And so I try to use reason like a fool. And I said, you know, Poe didn't die here. His spirit isn't here. He died in Baltimore, on the street, drunk. You should go to Baltimore. There's a museum there with a caretaker there. You should go bother that guy. He said, no, no, it doesn't matter. His spirit can travel anywhere. It can happen here. It can happen Here. And he starts chanting in this. To this day, I don't know what it was. It was chanting in tongues or what, but it freaked me out. I had been living by myself for far too long, and my grip on reality was beginning to sever. And I thought, he's actually going to do this. He's going to rip the fabric of reality, and the spirit of Po is going to come back, and he's going to be angry, and he's going to be angry at me. So I'm beside myself. I don't know what to do. I'm out of ammunition. But then the guy looks at me. He's like, it's getting dark outside. Do you think my Saab will be safe? I said, your SOB. You drove up here? He's like, yeah, I can't stand the filthy subways. I drove up here. It's parked out there on the concourse. Do you think it'll be safe? I said, oh, I don't know. Do you have the club? It's a rough neighborhood. It's the Bronx, man. Come on. And he said, oh, my God.
- [13:05]
Kevin Allison
Really?
- [13:06]
Matt Mercier
Oh, I should go. I'll go check on it. I've never saw a man move so fast. He jumped out of that lotus position like a transformer. He ran out the gate, and I ran after him with my padlock, and I locked up the gate, and I ran back inside to hide in my basement. I was so wound up lying in my bed, wondering what I'm doing in this job. And I begin to hear noises in the ceiling, like a scratching noise in the ceiling. I think, oh, this is so cliche. Now I'm hearing things. And I go and I flip the light switch that leads up the stairs, and there's a giant rat at the top of the stairs. And I scream, and I jump backwards, and the rat falls into my apartment, and I run into the shed. I grab a trash picker, and now I'm dancing with this rat. It's scurrying along the perimeter of my apartment. It finally gets in the corner, and I just nail it right in the stomach. This white pus explodes out. It's wriggling, and it's. It's squealing, and it finally just dies. And I take it out into the rose garden, and I bury it with a trowel, just like a Poe story of some kind. And then I go back into the cottage, and I. Now I really can't sleep, and I make a pot of coffee, and I pick up a Poe biography, and I turn to the section on his death, given the day. And nobody knows how he died for sure, but they do know that he died in Baltimore, penniless, alone, in the gutter with the rats. And now I'm sitting here, a writer, alone, penniless, underground, with my own family of ra.
- [16:01]
Susan Kent
I grew up in South Georgia. And in the south, there are a lot of creepy stories. I happen to come from a long line of creepy Ouija board stories. It seems like everyone I know has some tale about a planchette flying across the room or tables wobbling or lights flickering. And everyone, being Christian, decided that Ouija boards are unilaterally evil. I think that's probably why my mom was so drawn to them. She loved spooky things. She loved telling stories about the afterlife and hearing ghost stories. She was always up for a midnight run. Out to the mausoleum in the middle of the woods where kids supposedly did satanic rituals. Or out to footsteps on the side of town where you parked. You turn off all your lights, make sure the car is turned off, and you wait. And an old railroad worker who was decapitated hundreds of years ago comes by on a search for his missing head. My mom, of course, had her own creepy Ouija board story. She was 21. It was December of 1966, and she and a friend were playing the game. And most people, when they play Ouija board, they start off with innocuous questions like, are there any spirits here? And then, you know, you move on to, will I be famous one day, or am I going to be rich? But my mom would always jump right into, when am I going to die? She asked that question on this day, and the Ouija board had an answer. December 31, 1966. That very year, in fact, that very month, mom followed up with, well, how is it going to happen? And the Ouija board reported that she would die in a car wreck. Well, am I going to linger, or is it going to be quick? And the Ouija board responded. D O A. Mom didn't really think a whole lot of it. She was talking about it later that night at dinner with her daddy. And he said, well, Bobby Jo, I reckon you're not going to be using the car on December 31, 1966. But, Daddy, that's New Year's Eve. I've got to go out. What are you talking about? Nope, I'm taking the car. And so Grandpa took the car that day, and he went out fishing, spent the whole day by himself. And on the drive back, he had a heart attack and crashed his Car head on into a bridge abutment. The state patrolman who found him pronounced him Dead on arrival. DOA December 31, 1966. A few years after grandpa died, mom had gotten married and had me. I was probably two at the time. And she and her best friend Cece were playing with the Ouija board and they were joking back and forth. CeCe was not like my mom at all when it came to creepy things. She was terrified of her own shadow. She didn't want any part of any supernatural anything. And so mom said to her that night, well, Cece, bless your heart, I swear you're gonna have the hardest time if I die first, because I am going to haunt you every day of your life. And CeCe replies, oh, Barbara, please don't even say that. That's just awful. I can't believe you that. Why would you torture me? And once mom realized that she was serious and was actually scared, she said, all right, all right, listen, I'll make a deal with you. I promise that if I die first, I will not haunt you if you will promise me that if you die first, you will haunt me. They made the pact and they moved on. A few years after that, Cece was diagnosed with a brain tumor. And it was a very aggressive cancer and it killed her quickly. Coincidentally, she also died on New Year's Eve in 1978. After CeCe's funeral, Cece's mom gave me a crucifix that used to hang in Cece bedroom. Cece's husband gave my mom a piece of embroidery that she had made for cece that read Friends, Cece and me. And we hung the crucifix in my mom's bedroom and the embroidery on the hallway wall where all of our family photos were. It was the summer of 87. I was about to go into my senior year of high school. I was home by myself and I was getting ready to go out with a friend of mine. The way you got ready in my house was you got everything done in the bathroom. All your makeup, all your hair. And then you went to my mom's bedroom where the only floor length mirror was on the top of her dresser. So in order to stand in front of it, you climbed up on the bed and then you turned around and checked yourself out in the mirror. Well, that's where the crucifix was. This particular day, as I was climbing up on the bed, greeting the crucifix as always, there was a name written on the wall underneath. Jesus, left arm. Cece. Ce. And it was there at a 45 degree angle. And it was in this green paint. And I completely freaked out. I threw myself backwards into the dresser. I ran down the hallway towards the kitchen phone and I dialed three times trying to get the numbers right before my mom finally picked up. Creations, flowers and gifts. This is Barbara. And I'm screaming and I can't get the words out. And finally I just scream Cece into the phone. And mom says, oh, my God, Susan, I thought you were being killed. We've been waiting for this for years. What's wrong with you? Later that night, my mom comes home and she pulls out old letters to compare the handwriting and the CC matches up. And then she pulls out every green pen marker, coloring pencil, eyeliner, trying to match the same color on the wall, and she can't find anything. She questions me over and over. Did you do this as a joke? Because this isn't funny to me. You know, this is really serious. Cece meant a lot to me, and I need to know that this is real. And I did what I could to convince her, but I wasn't really sure that she believed me. A couple weeks later, we're going to bed one night and my mom is in her room and I hear this screaming. And I find her in a pile clutching this painting from the wall. And she's crying hysterically. And I'm just screaming, mom, are you okay? What happened? What happened? What can I do? Should I call someone? And she doesn't reply. She just holds the painting up and she turns it around so that I can see this note that she's written on the back of it. And in her handwriting it says, Is it you? I hope so. Love you. And across her handwriting in that same green ink at that same 45 degree angle, is one word. Yes. Mom still didn't really believe me, even though she wrote that note herself, didn't tell any other living being about it. She checked it herself every night, and she's the one who found it. But not long after that happened, we were all sitting in the living room one night. My sister and I were on the sofa, and my mom's across the room from us on her Lazy Boy. And her back is to that hallway with all of our family photos. And we're watching tv, and all of a sudden there's a crash behind my mom's head. And she just looks at me with these huge, wide eyes. Susan, what was that? Well, Mama, you know that embroidery thing you made for Cece? It just jumped off the wall. And then two years ago, My mom was on hospice care and was dying as a result of her own bout with cancer, and she was in a morphine haze for most of the three weeks I was home with her before she died. But one day she woke up and we were talking and she looked up at me and she said, susan, you know you can tell me the truth about CeCe. And I looked down at her and it felt so incredible to be able to say, honestly, I promise, Mommy, I've been telling you the truth about CeCe all along.
- [26:49]
Ben Grant
We'll be right back.
- [26:51]
Advertiser 1
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- [28:01]
Kevin Allison
Hey folks, I want to tell you about a new podcast called Reflektor. If you love Risk, you love true stories, right? And on each episode of Reflector, they really dive into some of the thorniest, messiest issues facing our society today, from addiction to election denial to what inspires people to commit violence. And they weave together a story that highlights the nuances and idiosyncrasies of our human nature. On a recent episode, I was so excited to see that they have my friend Mike Pesca come on to talk about how and why politicians lie. Well, some more than others. So you can find this new podcast by searching for Reflektor right now on whatever app you're using to listen to Risk.
- [28:55]
Advertiser 1
This episode is brought to you by United Airlines. When you want to make the most of your vacation book with United they're an airline that cares about your travels as much as you do. United is transforming the flying experience with Bluetooth connectivity, screens, power at every seat and bigger overhead bins to help fit everyone's bag. And with their app, you can skip the bag check line, get live updates and more. Change the way you fly. Book your next trip today@united.com Ryan Reynolds.
- [29:25]
Ben Grant
Here for I guess my hundredth mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, don't. No, no, no.
- [29:31]
Susan Kent
I mean, honestly, when I started this.
- [29:32]
Ben Grant
I thought I only have to do like four of these. I mean it's unlimited to Premium Wireless.
- [29:36]
Susan Kent
For $15 a month.
- [29:37]
Ben Grant
How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming. Here, give it a try@mintmobile.com save whenever you're ready.
- [29:47]
Advertiser 1
$45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees, extra speed slower above 40 gigabytes. CD tails we.
- [30:07]
Kevin Allison
This is risk. This is our friend Shawn Lee behind me now. And we just heard from the New York storyteller Ms. Susan Kent with a story we call if these Walls Could Talk before that. And at the tail end of Matt Mercier's Edgar Allan Poe story, we featured a song called Killer the David Crab remix by Automatic Arms. The final story of our double feature of Terror comes to us from my good friend Mr. Ben Grant. You know him from Reno, 911 and the state, and he's written a ton of wonderful movies. Here he is at our monthly live show at the Nerd Melt Theater in Los Angeles. This is Ben Grant with a story we call When Things Go Bump in the Night.
- [31:25]
Ben Grant
Thank you, guys. Thank you. So I asked my wife for permission to tell this story and she said yes. And so I'm going to tell this story. There are two things you need to know about this story before I tell it. And one is that my wife is Korean. She came here when she was three, so she's a Valley girl. She's raised in the valley in that's what she's like. Her parents are very, very traditional Korean. Her mom speaks very little English. When she sees me, she always says, ben, you look fine. And they're great. They love me and I love them. So that's the first part you need to know. And then the second part is that I love ghost towns. And I don't know why, but I love going and finding these weird really hard to get to places and just kind of looking around. Something about like that mankind, like, lost ground, you know, like, we lost this one, and we had to pull back and, like, give nature this, like, town and let the town, like, get taken again. It's so cool to me. So those are the two things you need to know. So we. My wife and I, are driving Jeepzilla, which is what she calls my vehicle, back from Yellowstone. And we're driving and we're going, like, over the Continental Divide. And we take out the map. We're, like, taking back roads because it's so beautiful up there. And we find on a map that we're very, very close to two ghost towns that are side by side called South Pass and Atlantic City. And so we get out the guidebooks and stuff. And one of the guidebooks says that there is a working hotel up there called Miner's Delight, and it was originally opened in, like, 1860. So I called and I said, do you have any. You know, we're in the area. Do you have any availability tonight? Anybody there? Can we get a room? And the guy said, nope. And I was like, really? You're. You don't have a single room available? And nope. And I was like, oh, okay. And I hung up. And I was like, that can't be true. Like. Like, literally, it's. It's in the. It's. It's in the middle of nowhere. There are 12 rooms. It's like a Wednesday. Like. Like, I thought, that's. That's impossible. And so impulse. I have no idea why I said this, but I told Kathy, like, call and do your, like, thickest, you know, Korean accent call and ask for a room with your fobbyist. The one you go out, like, with bad MTV auditions, you know, like, call and, like, ask with that accent. And she's like, okay. And she called and she. And I can't even do it, but she's like, two people weep. Piber hours away on the honeymoon. And she calls. And the guy was like, absolutely, we have a room. And she was like, what do I do? And I was like, yeah, let's get it. And so she. Cathy Shim and husband. And we made a reservation, and she hung up. And we're like, okay, why did that work? And we're driving, and I pull off and we're heading down this crazy road, and she's like, they're gonna kill us. They think that we're, like, foreign tourists and nobody knows where we are and they're going to kill us up there. And then as we're driving up this mountain, it occurs to Us halfway up. She has to do that accent the whole time. And I don't know why it didn't occur to us, but it's not like a hotel where you, like, check in to some kid and then you go up to your. Like, it's like you're in the middle of nowhere. And it's this couple runs this place, and we're obviously the only ones there, unless there's a bunch of Koreans there.
- [35:21]
Matt Mercier
Like.
- [35:23]
Ben Grant
And so she has to do this accent the whole time, and she's like, nope. Like, I'm not gonna do it. There's no way. And at this point, it's, like, maybe an hour to sunset. We are 2 miles from Atlantic City, 10 miles from the highway. Like, and so we go. And so we meet the couple, and they seem very, very nice. They're, like, in their 60s, I would say. And Kathy pours it on so thick, like she.
- [35:53]
Kevin Allison
Hello.
- [35:56]
Ben Grant
And when we get to the room, she's confused. Shuza. Like, she has no idea, like, where. She's never seen. She acted like she'd never seen a doorknob before. Oh, wait. And so. Because it's my fault that we're here. And so she's working me. And, like, so we get to the room, and we close the door, and we stay in a cabin. And the place is incredible. Like, it's like this old. It looks like an old. It looks like Unforgiven. So it's like this bar in the middle of nowhere. You walk into the bar, and there's a big bar on one wall, and there's stairs leading up to four rooms. So it's like an old Western, and it's real. So we're like, let's go to the steak, and we'll be quiet. We'll sit in the corner. We'll have steak and. And we'll get a beer. And so we go up to this place, and we walk into the saloon, and of course, Roger and Amy are, like, our hosts are there, of course, because there's only one place to eat in town, and there are, like, 30 people there. They're all like. There's only one restaurant within, like, 70 miles. So it's all, like. It's people for. They're not out. So it's like country guys on a date and, like, cowboys and, like, weird, dirty, filthy people at the bar, like, drinking beer. And it would be great, except when we walk in, they've obviously all been talking about us the entire time. So it's like a Western. You walk in and everybody Goes. And it's like, looking at us. And so we go and sit in the corner. And Kathy is having the time of her life because she acts like she's never seen corn on the cob before. And so I have to like, no, no, no. You pick it up, you eat it. And so everybody in this place is, like, kind of eating and, like, kind of watching this, like, this vaudeville act that, like, we're doing in the corner. And we ordered the place, bought us two whiskeys and two beers. And the whiskey, she acted scared of the whiskey. Like, she drank and, like, she got up and, like. And I had to, like, sit. No, no, no, it's okay. You don't have to drink it. We'll add ice cubes. And, like. And so. And people were coming over, and, like, a guy came over and was like, where are you from? And, like, yeah, we're from la. And this is my wife. She's from Sora, Korea. And. And he, like, a guy showed us his gun, like. And, like. And, like, like, this is the gun. Yeah. You never been. Never seen anything like this before. And the whole town is full of cows. There's cows everywhere. It's, like, open range. And so one guy showed us how to milk a cow, took us outside and showed her, and she was like, wa. And she'd never seen a cow milking before. And so we ate and we went back to the room. And we're like, oh, my God. And we're, like, walking through this ghost town like it's a super cool, super creepy pitch black. And we're, like, walking. And as we walk up, the hosts are waiting outside the door because they want it. They want to split a bottle of wine with us. So we're like, oh, wow. Like, we still can't go to bed. And so we sit down with these people and we have wine and it. And, like, we talk for hours. And it turns out he was in the Korean War. And he. But. And it was like. It was this great. It was like this great night. And we drank wine. And he was like, I've never. I fought side by side with Koreans. I've never seen braver people. Like, they had nothing. And, like, he gave, like, this speech, and he, like, stopped us and he left. And he came back with a Coke bottle, a Korean Coke bottle that he kept since 1958, and showed it to her. And Kathy, like, wept. Kathy cried and, like, hugged the Coke bottle, and it was great. And we had this long, long, long night. And even, like, we got, like, when we split One bottle of wine. We kind of nursed wine in this, like, ancient saloon that we're the only people in. And he even like the wife even. And I said, well, so is this place haunted? And they were both immediately like. And he, I know had seen this thing, but she talked about it and she said, there is a. There's a man here. There's a man presence that always stands at the foot of your bed. And he's about 6, 6 and he has bright eyes and they're right there. And he says. She said she's. She's seen him three times, that she's woken up and he's standing at the bed and she screams and Roger wakes up and then he's gone. And other guests have seen him too. And Kathy does not like that shit at all. So we like. So we say goodnight and we went back to our room. I'm a drinker. I can drink. And this night I've had a beer and a whiskey and four adults split a bottle of red wine. That's breakfast, you know, that's not a lot of alcohol. Like, there was a high altitude. It's at 7,600 square feet. So there's high altitude, there's that. So I remember walking in. I know I locked all of the. I bolted the door, which had a bolt and a lock and a key that you take out. I know that I checked all the windows were locked because Kathy made me do that because she was terrified to be up here in this weird place. And then the last thing I know, I did all that stuff. And then Kathy and I both Woke up at 5:14 and we were laying in bed and we like, looked at each other. I just. Did you just. Yeah, I just woke up. And like, outside, like, the light is kind of like gray and it's. It's dawn and we like check her phone and it's 5:14 and we're like, do you remember going to bed? Do you remember? And we're like, no. And like. Like the conversation might not have happened that quickly. What happened was we like, get up and Kathy's green chewing gum is stuck to the wall. She would not do that. I can't imagine the amount of money you would have to pay her to take out chewing gum and stick it on a wall and, like, leave it there. One of my condoms was thrown against the other wall where it was stuck to the wall. Like, I am a. I'm a neat freak. I, like, that's like a. I wouldn't even do that as like a Joke. Like, our clothes are everywhere. Like, our clothes are like there's a lamp in a corner that's knocked down. Like our clothes are everywhere. And we're like. And we're fine. And we're like. Do you remember having sex? No. Do you remember? No. And we're like kind of looking around the place and the thing is still bolted and the windows are still bolted. And after a little while she says ghosts had sex through us. And she still thinks that ghosts had sex through us. Like crazy miners been horny since like 1880. And like some crazy like harlot got in me and we had like crazy fucked up ghost sex. And like, and I. And like, and I was like, what the fuck? And so we were walking, we went outside and walked around as the sun was coming up. And we're like having these conversations and what I have never said to her and I hope she does not listen to this podcast, but after like 30 minutes I was thinking, did we get roofied? Like, and I was putting it together, like, well, I remember he opened the wine and I was like trying to put it all together. Like, we opened the wine together. He didn't go into another room and bring out drinks, you know, like, and I was like, well, why? And I was like, none of our stuff was stolen. Like, did they did a weird old 60 year old man and a woman like in on this. And they bring people, like, and I've never said that to her because it would really, really upset her a lot. And that's what I'm thinking. But the like the doors are locked, everything's bolted. But it's his fucking place. There might be a fucking trap door if this is like what he does, you know, like, so. So this is what's going through my head. My head is like, did we get roofied? Is this some weird fucking horror movie? And I'm thinking, and she's thinking that we had ghost sex. Which she's not like cool about that. She's like, ha ha. She's terrified. And as we're having this conversation, we walk down back and there's Roger and Amy. They're right there waiting for us for breakfast. Cause it's a bed and breakfast. And we've been talking all night about how we don't have any plans, were just wandering. So there's no excuse of like, I got a dentist appointment. We really need to get on the road because we have a. You can't. And so we sat down and had breakfast and they made us corn muffins and coffee. And we're pretending that she can't speak English. And we're doing this, like, vaudeville act where she's never seen a syrup. And she thinks we've had ghost sex. And I think, did these old guys just rape us, like. And we kept up the act and we thanked them and we left. And on the way back, like, we're on this crazy road and we're bumping, and we see, like, this weird antelope with this beautiful face that looks like something out of, like, Princess Mononoke. It was like this thing with, like, striped face and white. It was in the middle of the road, and it just stopped there. And we stopped and we waited for it to leave. And she turned to me and she said, I want you to make me one promise. Yak seok. And yak seok means she's fucking serious. It's like Korean for promise. And you shake on it. Yak sock. And I was like, okay, Yak sock. We will never, ever stay at a fucking bed and breakfast again. And we have not. Thank you for having me.
- [46:48]
Kevin Allison
The lights but we're lost in the.
- [46:50]
Ben Grant
Hairs sun goes down and the double.
- [46:53]
Kevin Allison
Life begins sun goes down and the double life begins I'll drive through the trees to the hustle no name I'll.
- [47:06]
Ben Grant
Meet you in the moonlight to experience.
- [47:08]
Kevin Allison
Again Nothing is forever but we don't need much to take us to the sun it's just a midnight time sun goes down and the double life begins sun goes down and the double life begins the sun goes down and the dumber light begins sun goes down and the dumb life begins that is all for this this week, folks. This is the future. Heads behind me now. Do not forget to comment about us on itunes. Those comments on itunes, they help to raise our profile. Also, follow us on Facebook and Twitter riscow. You can join the conversation. You can talk with us about episodes of the show at maximumfunc in the forum. We are the newest members of the Maximum Fun Network of podcasts. Go on over there and become a member. That is a great way to support us. If you want to pitch your own stories to us, go to the submissions page@risk-show.com and then there's those live shows coming up. November 16th at the first Person Arts Festival in Philly with Janine Garofalo. November 29th at the Pit in New York with Lillian Devane. And November 30th at Nerd Melt in Los Angeles with Eric Andre. Whenever you want to find out where we're performing next, go to risk-show.com tour@thestorystudio.org I am teaching a two day storytelling workshop on November 7th and a one day storytelling for business workshop on December 9th. And as always, there are those one on one storytelling coaching sessions that I do over Skype. Learn more atthestory studio.org we'll be back next week with one of my own long form stories. It's been a while since we've done one of those and that leaves just one thing left to say folks. Today's the day. Take a risk.
- [50:09]
Susan Kent
Oh my God.
- [50:12]
Kevin Allison
Oh my God. Emily. Neither of the possibilities are great. I guess I would rather be Ghost ghost sexed than sexed by old people. I guess that's my preference, so. Right.
- [50:31]
Ben Grant
Yeah.
- [50:31]
Kevin Allison
Wouldn't you rather be raped by a ghost than by like a 60 year old dude? Even if the ghost was a 60 year old dude when he died, it's just his dick is still mostly missed.
- [50:45]
Susan Kent
So it'll be.
- [50:46]
Matt Mercier
Yeah, it'll be shaped by the grip of your vaginal walls.
- [50:50]
Kevin Allison
Yeah.
- [50:52]
Ben Grant
You know, like blowing smoke into a wine glass.
- [50:56]
Kevin Allison
Yeah, that's what ghost Rip is like. Hey folks, there's so much more of Risk in the holiday season. Risk is always publishing new episodes and new stories as well as holiday favorites. This holiday season, don't forget, click on Risk.