Jonathan Bradley Welch (4:44)
Okay, we're in the second half. This. This is Risk After Dark. I want to take you guys Back to summer 2019. Do you remember 2019? I just remember the year 2019. People being like, Fuck 2019. Worst year ever. We weren't correct about that. I had just gotten out of a long relationship, and my ex and I still lived together. Amicable. It's fine. It was good. But it was definitely, like, the gay men's version of lesbian bed death. It was like. Like, bare bed death. And we were just like, let's live in separate rooms. It's fine. And then we were like, we're good friends. Let's stay living together. And we did. But it meant that, like, any slutty behavior for me had to happen on vacation because I couldn't necessarily, like, bring that into the home that we shared, you know? So it was very affair energy. I've worked it out in therapy. It's all okay. But that was the time when, like, I would take trips and, like, try to line up men during that time, and I would go back home to Massachusetts, where I'm from, and go down to. I think I heard, like, one tiny clap. Like, they, okay, wow, cool. None of you've been fine. And I went to Provincetown. Has anybody been to Provincetown, Massachusetts? Thank you. Thank you. Okay. It's the gayest place on earth. I love it so much. Like, it is. Massachusetts is basically somebody flexing and, like, Provincetown is right here at the end of that. It is the end of the world. And I went the summer of 2019, and I was in this room. I wasn't in the room the whole time. I just went, like, to a party in a room, and it was one of those moments where, like, everybody parted and Me and this beautiful man just, like, started walking towards each other. Gotta make sure I don't fall off the stage. Walking towards each other. And, like, everybody went away and I could just, like, heard, like, Spandel ballet play. And I was like, I know this much is true. And we were making out. We just started making out with each other ferociously. And we were. And I was like, I'm Jonathan, by the way. Like, nice to meet you. He was. And he looked like, like an 80s lead singer. Like a little scruffy, like, tan, great hair, like bold hair, and just, like, incredibly handsome. And we had this, like, weekend, like, make out romance, and we would, like, stay up at night and talk to each other and just, like, stare in each other's eyes and talk about life and then make out some more and, like, feel each other up and then, like, get back on talking to each other about whatever it was before. The most important thing about him, though, is that he was from where I'm from. He was from the North Shore of Massachusetts, and he had this, like, really warm North Shore mom energy. And you might think, like, you might think that that's bad, right? But no, it's. It's when you're in LA and you're trying to date men and, like, everybody's way too into anime and they don't know how to, like, dust, and it's like North Shore mom was like, just the way to. And nothing like that had ever happened to me before. Like, we just, you know, we have this, like, electric, magnetic kind of connection. And I feel like I look like Cher's son in the movie Mask. You know, the one where she's. Where he has, like, a really large head and has other problems, but the head's very large. And she's just like, if I start digging every time they told me he was gonna die, I'd be halfway to China by now. Great movie. Nobody thought that was funny. Okay. But I definitely, like, am just the kind of person where I'm always very hard on myself and things like that don't happen to me. I don't just get, like, sprung into something with somebody where we just, like, are on top of each other and there's no one else around. And it was very special. And of course, I had to go back to my life in Los Angeles, and we exchanged Instagrams and phone numbers. And then, you know, I just went back to life. I went back to living life. And then, of course, the world shut down and we got shut into our homes for a year and a Lot of gay people, I think, experienced this during that time where we were isolated. So we had all these, like, virtual pandemic boyfriends. Like, these men we would talk to from our lives, like in DMs or whatever. We would chat with them, we would exchange, you know, whatever. And it was, like, something that kept us going. I collected quite a few little boyfriends in my phone and talked to quite a few men. And one of them was North Shore Mom Boy. Like, he was. That's the only name I can give him. Like, I can't. I don't have the energy for a fake name. It's been a hard year. So one of them was northstream Momboy. And he was just like, we would always chat with each other, and the talking kind of turned into more of like a. I think we'd be really good for each other. I think you and I would be good together. I really, like, wish I could see you. I wish that I could go out there right now. And he was like, I wish I could be there. And it was, like, this very reciprocal feeling that something could happen. And. And on Christmas Eve of 2020, I was sitting on my couch watching First Wives Club and drinking tequila and texting with him. And I was like, well, we know a vaccine's coming, right? We know that's coming down the line. I'm coming back home, going to visit my family. We're going on a date. And he was like, really? That's how I interpreted him saying that. And I was like, yeah, yeah, we're going to do it. And we, like, set right then and there that we were going to do this and we were going to see each other, like, in a matter of a few months. So all I had to do was just like, wait a few months. And I knew that would be okay because I've dated around Boston, and those men are disappointing. So I didn't feel like I had a lot of competition. I felt like it would be perfectly fine to wait. And it was. So it took about, like, three, four months before, like, we got vaccinated and I was able to go back for this date. In the meantime, I was gifted a session with a medium. I don't know how you all feel about mediums. The dead silence in the room tells me, probably not good. Like, we believe in science. I love that there are things that we can't explain that we don't know. I think there's a lot of beauty in that unknown. Plus, my family's all, like, dead, so it's, like, really Nice to go talk to a medium every once in a while. And I had friends who were like, this one, she's the real deal. She is so good. And that's when it's like, okay, I'm listening. But also, like, really. You know, people get really territorial about mediums, and they feel really like, oh, yeah, she's really good. He's really good. You gotta go see them. They have a gift. And so I was like, okay, sure. Like, if anybody buys me something, I'll do it. So I did this session on Zoom, you know, where she can really feel my essence. And I sat in, like, my dark bedroom and, like, just prepared myself for this session with this medium from Long Island. It's not the Long island medium, but it's a medium from Long Island. She looked just like my friend Leah Duby, but with, like, Conditioned by Clairol. Dark black hair. Like, she did that herself. Like, black parted in the middle. And she was like, oh, hello. And I'm like, oh, hi. Nice to see you. I was like a floating, disembodied head in a dark room. And she's like, okay, let's get into it. And I was like, let's. I'm very excited for this next 45 minutes. So she starts going into things, and she gets my dad, like, right away, she's like, I get, oh. He's like. He's got olive skin and wavy hair, and he is like. He's debonair. Oh, my God. He is flirting with me. And I was like, yeah, that makes sense, because my mom hated my dad. And if they're together in the afterlife, he's flirting with someone in another realm. Like, he's got to get out of there. So I'm like, okay, yeah. And she's just giving me all these details. Like, he was in the Air Force. He was a builder and an architect. And I'm like, yes, yes, yes. Oh, my God, she's getting it. She's getting it. This woman is amazing. And she's like, you have a relationship with a blonde woman. That's changing. And I'm like, yes, Liz Cheney. It's changing. I feel different about her. Like, you're right. And then she's just going through things. I'm like, yeah, you are nailing it. And then she's like, do you have a man in your life? And I'm like, well, you know, I don't, but I. There is a man that I, like, have been talking to. And she's like, okay, when you met him, you met him. And it was like an explosion. And you were like, what the hell was that? And I was like, yes, that's what I said. I said, what the hell was that? Because I, like, made out with him, right? Like, the room parted, and we were just like, you know, like, no, this much is true. And it was just like, this moment, you know? And she's like, yeah, yeah. And he's so kind. He's so kind. And you're not used to that. Men are not kind to you. And I was like, thank you. I realized this was therapy as well. She's like, you're not used to it. He is very kind. She's like, do you like wine? I'm like, no. And she's like, but do you like wineries? I'm like, yes, I do. I love a winery. I love the establishment, but I don't like the output. And she's like, I see the two of you at a winery. And listen, I don't tell people this. I don't usually say it, but I'm gonna say it. He's the one. He's the one for you. This is it. And I'm like, but he lives across the country. She's like, you'll move. You'll move for love. And I'm like, I'm gonna give up everything in my life. Yeah, for love. You'll do it, and you're gonna do it in the next year. And I was like, okay. All right. I was like, okay. I'm armed with this knowledge that this is the man for me. So I am ready for this date. Okay. I fly across the country. I make sure that my haircut is perfect. I make sure that I have the right outfit. I make sure that everything is good. We meet up at a restaurant in my hometown. We have this perfect back and forth of banter, conversation, like flirting, having a great time with each other. Perfect date, no notes. We end the date. We make out by the water in my hometown again. Very Hallmark movie, but not as aggressively straight and Christian. And it was so perfect. And we, like, finished the evening. And he's like, I need to see you again. And I was like, yeah, yeah, we need to see each other again. And I got in the car and I drove back to my hotel, and I was like, oh, my God. It's all happening the way that the medium said. Like, she told me that within a year, I'm moving back home. This is absolutely it. This is fantastic. And I was like, anyone wants to see me again, we're going to see each other again. This might be the thing. I had this trip back home, so I had friends and family to see, but I was like, I'll make time, and we'll see each other. And as the trip just kind of went on, we didn't get to see each other, and I was just like, okay. So I texted him back because we'd been texting each other, and I was like, you know, you seem very busy. And he's like, I am. I'm just so busy. I want to see you again. When are you coming back? And I was like, well, I'm coming back in six weeks. I have, like, a family thing here, and I have to come back. He's like, great, then we'll see each other then. So I was like, okay. Like, it would have been nice to make it a little bit longer of a commitment while I'm out here with him, make it a little bit more firmer, you know, and see him a second time, but fine. So I come back in six weeks, and we had texted each other, like, intermittently, and then I was like, well, I'm coming soon. And I didn't hear anything back. And then I was like, okay. So I come to Massachusetts, and I have my trip with my family, and I am flying back, and I get a text from him, and he's like, oh, I'm really so sorry. I've been so busy, and I wanted to see you. How was it? And I was like, oh, how was it? I'm like, it was fine. But, like, it's very disappointing that, you know, we couldn't do this. And I was kind of down the whole time. And he's like, well, I should have been there for you. And I'm like, yeah, what is this? What's going on? Should have been there for me. It just kind of petered out, and I didn't see him again. And I was just so, like, huh. I don't understand what that was. I don't understand, like, why this medium said that we were gonna be together and then we weren't together. And then I was like, okay. Cause she's a medium. And they're like, kind of nodding, like, correct a lot, you know? You know, as much as mediums kind of can replace therapists, it's therapy where we actually, like, do the work. And then through therapy, I realized that I was looking for a man. In the darkest time any of us have ever lived through, I assume, but collectively, like, a very dark, hard time, I was looking for a man who would bring me home. Like, nothing would make me feel more comfort than somebody from where I'm from who has that mom like, energy who can bring me like back home and make me feel safe. And that's way too big a task for any man to do for anybody. That all comes from me. And so I realized, like, I don't need that. Everything that I need is actually right here in this city of angels here where life is actually like, pretty damn good and I don't need to go chasing a man. And I'm actually like, way too slutty to be in a monogamous relationship. So, like, that's not gonna work out anyway. And I like that freedom and I like being free. And it all feels really good. But, you know, I still remain very hopeful about love, that it could happen at some point. And I know that when it does, I'm not going to need a medium to tell me that that's what it is. But if anybody wants to gift me a session with one, I'll definitely take it. Thank you so much. We'll be right back. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills. But it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment.