Dan Savage (2:05)

Risk.

Kevin Allison (2:07)

Hey folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison and every Thursday we release these special episodes where we look back at content from the earlier years of the podcast. This week, it's Best of Queer Lives Number three. This is a phenomenal episode today and it kicks off a whole month's worth of LGBTQ content mixed in with our usual content. This month it's very clear it's more important than ever right now for us queer folks to be sharing, to be heard, and to hear one another. So our Pride Month offerings are going to be Amazing this June. You know folks, one thing I did not see coming when I first launched risk in 2009 is the extent to which Risk listeners would basically co create the show. Our staff is made up of Risk fans. The stories we feature on the show, I would say most are by Risk listeners. Many of the workshops we lead are filled with Risk listeners who are the best sort of people to have in a workshop and and our curated social events that we call what's yous Story are like that too. Now you might have heard that I started teaching online storytelling workshops again this summer. I'm teaching them on Zoom. I'm trying to get these in before I move overseas in the fall. They're eight week long workshops where people share stories much like the ones you hear on risk in the 5 minute range and the 15 minute range. There's a super supportive vibe to the workshops and you also get a ton of video content by me sharing about storytelling techniques that you can watch at your own pace along the way too. If you're interested in jumping in on a new one of these workshops that I'm now offering, I figure I could squeeze a couple more in. One would most likely be on Sunday mornings around 10am Eastern and and one would most likely be on Wednesday or Thursday evenings at around 6:30pm Eastern. One starting in July, one starting in August. But they have not been scheduled yet. So I'm looking for your feedback. When would be good for you? Email me if you're interested in jumping in one of these new ones. I think I can fit in now. I'm at Kevin@risk-show.com and we are planning on doing for the first time ever, one or two what's yous Story events online this summer. It's a low pressure, fun event that we normally do in an empty theater or a bar. The whole idea is to get people sharing short, mostly light and fun stories. It's not a workshop. There's nothing to prepare. It's a have fun meeting people sort of event where there's no big awkward pauses. I'm leading these quick little bite sized, super easy storytelling activities with lots of breakout rooms on Zoom. So email me if you're interested in hearing about a what's yous Story event happening this summer. Again, I'm@KevinRisk show.com now. In a little bit we're going to hear from Sosei the Elemental wizard and Marga Gomez. But first a story from Dan Savage, the host of the Savage Love Podcast, the Legend, Legendary Savage Love syndicated advice column and Plenty of great books as well. You can find him on Instagram Dansavage. And here he is now with a story he shared on the show all the way back in 2014, a story we call the Stranger.

Dan Savage (6:17)

Talk amongst yourselves. I don't know if any of you follow me on Instagram, but I'm Dan Savage on Instagram. It's the only app or social media thing I ever got to early enough to get my own fucking name. So you could go there right now and look up the picture of me in drag. It's like six photographs back because it's slightly relevant. I fucked a couple of girls in high school. That's shocking and inappropriate on all sorts of levels. One of them, the girl to whom I lost my virginity, was my older brother Billy's girlfriend. Because if you're fucking girls just to convince your Irish Catholic family you're straight, you might as well fuck a girl that it's gonna get back to your Irish family. But this story isn't about the girls I fucked. This is about a teenage boy I fucked. And that's not something adult gay men are allowed to talk about, fucking teenage boys. It plays right into all the Horry stereotypes about gay men being predators and preying on teenage boys. But what's interesting about this teenage boy that I fucked is that he looked like a girl. Now, when I fucked girls, I would fuck a girl and I would pretend that it was a guy, and I could do it. I could fuck a girl and come. It was just pretending that, you know, it's Keanu Reeves. It's Keanu Reeves. It's Keanu Reeves with his head screwed on backwards and his shoulder blades are dislocated. But I could do it. Then I moved to Seattle. You know, I'm gonna tell this story about fucking a teenage boy, and it's terrible because I am now the parent, the father of a teenage boy. My position now is no one should ever fuck teenage boys, ever. But that was not my position. When I was 27, I moved to Seattle. There were two things I did not know how to do when I arrived in Seattle. One of them was drag, and the other was type. Which was really weird because I was moving to Seattle to work at a newspaper where I had to type a lot of things. And when I started my column, Savage Love, I was living in Madison, Wisconsin, but the newspaper I was writing for was in Seattle. So it didn't occur to me to take a pseudonym. I would just be Dan Savage. Savage Love. And then I moved here, which I hadn't been expecting to do. And the column was this huge hit in Seattle. I was only running in Seattle. Just this huge thing. It was a sensation. And nobody knew what Dan Savage looked like. Somebody in Pike Place Market was selling T shirts that said, I am Dan Savage. And people were wearing them around when I got here. And then after I got here, people started asking me to show up places, to do public events, to host political fundraisers, to Hostgate bingo. And I wanted to go out and do these things, but I didn't want anyone to know what I looked like because I was beating the fuck out of people in my column. Someone would write me and they'd be dumb, and I would mock them and just pound the shit out of them. And I didn't want that person to know what I looked like if I didn't know what they looked like. So when I started doing public appearances, I did them in drag. And I don't know how to do drag. I had a friend, Zorro, she would put me in drag, paint my face, put a wig on my head and shove me on stage. But I started doing a lot of drag. I did a lot of events. I had tons of drag, an apartment full of drag, seven or eight wig heads with huge Zora wigs on them and all this drag on shelves. And then to learn how to type, which is something I had to learn how to do, I became the guy of the stranger that entered all the personals. And I would sit there and I would just force myself to do this and type the personals all night long. But that meant I got to read every personal before it went into the paper. I got to see them first. And one of them came in, and it was a UW student who was into uniforms. And he said he had uniforms of his own and domination. And I thought, well, that sounds kind of sexy. And he sounded kind of sexy in his description of himself. So I jumped on him first, because I had his phone number, because everybody then had to include their phone number so we could confirm their ad. So I called him and said, I'm entering your ad right now, but I'd rather be entering you. I'm sure I wasn't anywhere near that direction. Disgustingly slick. And I just said, I'm entering your ad, but I'd be up for this. And so we made it a date. And he came over to my apartment. And this is where it gets really fucking weird. So this guy comes over to my apartment, and he enters carrying this big green duffel bag. And I open the Door. And this is, you know, pre Internet. This is 22 years ago, 23 years ago. There's no Internet. There's no, like, Craigslist hookups. There's no grinder. There's no people arriving at your door you haven't ever seen before. This is a new thing that I'm doing, and I've never really done this before or since. And the door. I open the door, and he is stunningly gorgeous. He is half Asian, half Italian. He is fucking beautiful. This gorgeous, pretty face, this shock of black hair. Just beautiful, slight, pretty. Like, I like my men. And he comes and he's got a duffel bag, and he excuses himself to go into the bathroom and put his uniform on. And 10 minutes later, I'm like, what the fuck is uniform? 10 minutes later, he comes out of the bathroom full Erik Estrada chips regalia. The boots up to here, the California Highway Patrol tan pants with the stripes. The shirt, everything. Handcuffs, everything. The helmet. He's wearing the helmet everything. And one of the things he said he wanted to do was for me to take his handcuffs from him and handcuff him. I'm like, all right, I'll do that. So I take his handcuffs from him, I handcuff him, and we start making out and roughly, like, push him against the wall. We're making out, and I open his shirt, and he has a bra on. I thought, hmm, what do I do with this? And I have a degree in theater. We're all theater fags at the Stranger. That's why we have a whole sort of cadre of theater fags at the Stranger. Treated the Stranger as sort of kind of a performance art. And what I learned in improv is you never say no, right? You just go with it. You say, yes. Like, oh, a bra, sure, of course. Don't they all have bras on? And so, you know, I popped the helmet off his head because we'd been making out through the visor, which was giving me bruises on my bridge of my nose and my chin. And we're making out. I'm like, got this bra, and. And I'm like, so you've got a bra? That's awesome. He's like, call me a bitch. You're a bitch with a bra.

Marga Gomez (12:57)

And that's awesome.

Dan Savage (12:58)

And you're still really, really fucking pretty. And we're making out, and we're making out. And, you know, he's super hard, and we're rolling around, and then, you know, he's in my living room handcuffed. We're making out. He's got his shirt open and his bra and he sees all the drag on the shelves on the other side of the room. This is where it starts to get really fucked up. He asks me to put one of the wigs on him and improv everywhere. Yes, of course. I pop the wig on his head and what happens is he ends up getting completely out of his California Highway Patrol uniform uniform. Boots off, pants off. He's got panties on that match his bra. When the pants come down and into my drag. So he's now got this giant, beautiful Zorro wig on. He's wearing his bra. I put a little camisole top of mine on, this tube top that I've been wearing as a skirt I put on him. And these big high heeled patent leather boots that I still have. I wear them on Christmas morning every year. And suddenly this person who when he arrived had been this very picture of sort of archetypical masculinity, is now a girl. And because he is Amerasian, because he's slight, because he's little and pretty, he's the prettiest girl I've ever made out with. Much prettier than my brother's girlfriend that I fucked when I was 15 and she was 22. Now all of this, this happened three blocks from here at the Dublin apartments. I had the basement apartment on the corner. Does anybody know anybody who lives in the Dublin or the basement apartment on the corner? Here's the thing about the Dublin, the basement apartment on the corner that's so awesome and amazing. The stairs, you can all like walk over there after and confirm this. Just around the corner on Thomas, the apartment's here, around the corner. And there are stairs up to the first floor. The other apartments over here. And that one bedroom apartment had a living room, a bedroom. And then when you opened what looked like the closet door in the bedroom, it was a secret cave that was just under the stairs, this cement arch cave under the stairs. And the guy who'd had that apartment before me had put mirrors against one wall in this cave and a hook in the ceiling, right? And so that was fine with me. It was the early 90s in Seattle. Everybody was into S and M then, as everyone is now. And so I had some rope and shit. And this kid is there and he wants to be tied up. So I tie him up in hog time for a second. And then I think, God, oh, he's so beautiful. And I go into the bathroom and there's all his shit in his bag. And I think, I'm gonna take out his wallet and find out what his real name is. And I take out his wallet and I find out he's 18. So a freshman at the UW. 18 and a half officer. Almost 19, according to the ID. I'm famous for fishing the ID out of the bucket. My husband Terry is right over there, glaring at me for telling the story. And the night we met, we, like, met at Rebar. We fucked around. We went back to my apartment, fucked and kissed and dumped stuff all night long. In the morning, he was taking a shower, and I had to get his ID out of his wallet because I didn't remember his name. So anyway, I'm in the bathroom with this kid's ID, and I'm like, oh, my God, he's 18. He's a teenager. And I was 27. So I was within a decade, but still, I'd never fucked a teenager before. And I go back out there and there's this hogtied, beautiful girl on the floor of my apartment. So I untie him, and we're going around making out. And then he wants to go in the little room, because you saw the.

Ryan Reynolds (16:56)

Little room and went in the little room.

Dan Savage (16:58)

And then, like, five minutes later, he's got his hands over his head, just sort of tied up, staring at himself in the mirror. And he is transfixed by this image of himself as this beautiful girl. And he is stunningly gorgeous. He looks like a girl. He's the prettiest girl I've ever had sex with. And so we ended up. And this is where, fucking weird. I fucked him in his ass, which was fine with him. It's what he wanted. Condoms on told early 90s. The way you're supposed to do it, we should do it now. But I'm fucking him, and I'd fucked girls before. And he's staring at himself in the mirror, right? And he's. I just, like, lifted his little pretty skirt and revealed his insanely pretty butt, pulled down his panties and then took his panties off, and I'm fucking him in the ass. I pitched this to Ira at this American Life, and he rejected it. And I'm fucking him in the ass. And I'm fucking him in the ass. And I'm holding onto his tits and his hands are tied over his head. And he's looking in the mirror and he's saying, call me a bitch. Call me a whore. All right, you're a bitch. You're a whore. Improv. Go with it. Yes. Never say no. No, you are not a bitch. You can't say that in improv. You have to. Yes, yes, you're a bitch. So I'm calling him a bitch. And I'm fucking him in the ass and he looks like a girl. And I'm staring at him and his legs were together. He was like this. And he had had me tuck his penis back so now it looked like he had a vagina. It looked like he had a nice pussy. I'm fucking him in the ass. I'm hold his tits, which are actually my tits that I would wear when I was in drag and fucking him in the ass. And he is staring at himself and I am staring at him and I am fucking him in the ass, thinking, I can't believe my dick is hard, because when I fucked girls, I had to clamp my eyes shut and think, Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves. Although I wasn't thinking Keanu Reeves. It's just if I tell you who I was thinking, it really dates me because it was so fucking long ago. So this is for the old timers. When I fucked actual girls when I was 15, I was thinking, it's Laith Garrett. It's Laith Garrett. And that just struck me as so fucked up. I'm like, fucking. This is like so perverse because when I fucked girls, I had to picture a guy, and here I am fucking a guy who is the picture of a girl. And it's so hot, it's so sexy. And I felt so straight for like five whole minutes. And I didn't feel straight at all when I was fucking actual girls. I felt even gayer fucking actual girls than I had before I fucked an actual girl. But fucking girls was like confirmation to me that I was totally gay. Like, oh, I can do this, but I am so gay. Even when I'm doing this thing. Vaginal intercourse, penis and vagina. I am the gayest p iver ever. But at this moment, I'm in a blood boy's ass. But I am thinking, this is the hottest straight sex I've ever had. And then the inevitable. I came, and then he came, and boy, did he come. I hadn't seen someone shoot that far since the Challenger exploded. And anybody who's ever had sex with somebody who is just beginning to explore their kinks, although he had invested at least $500 in his gear, knows what happened next. You could just see him shutting down the shame and the washover where he sees you seeing him and you know him in a way and on a level that nobody in his life knows him. And he feels so exposed and not horny anymore. So he's not having the horny override. There isn't a hard dick that's canceling out all those shame feelings. And so I get him out of drag and he just packs up his shit and bolts, right? Like, alright, bye. Don't see him. Bye. Right. And he forgot. He left behind in the bathroom his watch, which was an expensive watch, and his panties, apparently he dropped. Was he stuffing everything into his bag? And I waited a couple of days and then I called his phone number. And this is of course pre Internet. So it's pre. Everybody has their own fucking phone that they carry everywhere. So his phone is a group phone at his apartment or his frat, I have no idea. So I call his phone number and I get somebody who goes and gets him. And he comes to the phone and I say, I just. I'm calling, you know, because. Because you left your. And before I can say very expensive watch and very cheap and not very nice panties, I have to say the drag queen, he says, please don't call me again. I'm never gonna do that again. And I felt so terrible, right? Cause I just felt like I was the instrument of his sort of shame, that maybe we'd gone too fast, too far, but everything, every stop because I'm just so like, processy. I am, as a lesbian friend recently told me, I am half a lesbian. Tara and I together are one lesbian. So I want to reassure you that everything was sort of discussed and nothing went out of control. And he had consented to every step of everything we did. But he was obviously still like reeling from being known the way I now know, knew him in a way no one else did. And he just told me, no, don't call me. And I couldn't tell him that I had this very expensive watch, which I still have because I'm a pack rat. And these very cheap threadbare panties, which I still have because I am a pack rat. And I got them out and I meant to bring them here tonight and I forgot. So forgive me because I wanted to like produce them here at the end, but trust me, they're at home. And I think about this kid to this day that was 22ish years ago. He is 40 now. He could be in this room with us. And I would love nothing more than to meet him again. Not to have heterosexual intercourse with him again, but just to say you have these experiences in your life where you meet somebody at this point in their sexual development or their social development, anything and you have this sort of like incendiary, sort of explosive moment with them and then they go careening off in some other direction and so do you. And you just want to circle back at some point later in life and say what was going through your head and if something was wrong, I apologize. But I would really love to know who you were at that moment and who you are now because I think I was, I played some important role part in your sexual self discovery and I hope it was a positive thing ultimately, even if it wasn't two days later when I tried to return your panties and your Rolex. And so if he's out there, if he listens to this podcast because he's now a healthy, self loving, non shame wracked Kinkster. Mailavagelove.net Give me a buzz. Send me an email. Let's just have a convo. Thanks so much.

Marga Gomez (24:30)

We'll be right back.

Ryan Reynolds (24:33)

This episode is brought to you by Amazon Prime. From streaming to shopping, prime helps you get more out of your passions. So whether you're a fan of true crime or prefer a nail biting novel from time to time, with services like Prime Video, Amazon Music and free, fast free delivery, prime makes it easy to get more out of whatever you're into or getting into. Visit Amazon.comprime to learn more.

Dan Savage (25:01)

This season of Revisionist History, we're investigating everything from the secret behind the perfect nooks and crannies in Thomas English Muffins to the merits of Paw Patrol against its critics.

Ryan Reynolds (25:12)

There's some things that really piss me.

Marga Gomez (25:14)

Off when it comes to Paw Patrol.

Ryan Reynolds (25:16)

It's pretty simple.

Marga Gomez (25:17)

It sucks.

Dan Savage (25:18)

My son watches Paw Patrol. I hate it. Everyone hates it except for me. Listen to Revisionist History wherever you get your podcasts.

Marga Gomez (25:29)

Hey there travelers. Kaley Cuoco here. Sorry to interrupt your music, great artist BT Dubs, but wouldn't you rather be there to hear it live? With Priceline, you can get out of your dreams and into your dream concert. They've got millions of travel deals to get you to that festival, gig, rave, sound bath or sonic experience you've been dreaming of. Download the Priceline app today and you can save up to 60% off hotels and up to 50% off flights. So don't just dream about that trip. Book it with Priceline. Go to your happy price.

Dan Savage (25:56)

Priceline pro baller Lonzo Ball for Buzzballs. Ready to go. Cocktails take 12 buzz balls just dropped their biggest blue balls. Script says Biggie's Blue balls Lonzo take.

Marga Gomez (26:06)

13 blue balls just dropped their biggest buzz Balls.

Ryan Reynolds (26:10)

Ugh.

Dan Savage (26:11)

Let's try a vocal exercise.

Marga Gomez (26:12)

Bu.

Ryan Reynolds (26:13)

Biggies.

Marga Gomez (26:14)

Blue balls.

Ryan Reynolds (26:14)

Buzz balls.

Marga Gomez (26:15)

Biggies.

Ryan Reynolds (26:15)

Blue balls.

Marga Gomez (26:16)

Big balls just dropped. Get blue balls.

Dan Savage (26:20)

This season with buzz balls, please, you're responsibly. Buzz ball is available in spirit, wine and malt. 15% Alco B, LLC, Carrollton, Texas. We're back.

Marga Gomez (26:37)

Thank you so much. How are you? Good. Really good. I am a lesbian. And as a lesbian, I've blown off a lot of guys. Four years ago, I actually blew a guy. And what I want you to know, first of all, is that is not normal. That is not typical lesbian behavior. I don't care what you've seen in movies. And more than that is, I'm not just any lesbian. I'm a lesbian leader. I'm an accomplished lesbian lover with decades of experience pleasing a vast array of intelligent, beautiful women. Not to be cocky, but I just want you to know that because of my status and my life's experience, that blowing a guy was the farthest thing from my mind, my conscious mind. But I had blowjob dreams, right? We all do. Many times. And I could be in bed with the most beautiful woman, and I would be dreaming about blowing the guy in that great America ad. I dream of that. You know, that man who does that little dance? You want to blow him, too, right? We all want to blow that man. And in every blowjob dream I have, because I'm a gold star, by the way, that means I've never. Well, I was. Anyway, let me get back. In every dream where I would have this blow job occur, I'd be thinking, oh, wow, so this is a blow job. You know, like a bucket list kind of thing. But then in every dream, just before the orgasm, the blow job would, like, liquefy. It would vaporize. It would pulverize into powder. And I think that it's very common and that we all have those kind of liquefied penis dreams. It's in the zeitgeist. And in fact, remember that song, the Cake was Put out in the Rain? That's about a penis pulverized. So I don't let these dreams worry me. I take comfort in the fact that I'm such a lesbian. Kevin asked me to say my age, but, you know, I think I'm already revealing enough tonight. So I'm a certain age, and I am a, you know, OG Lesbian. I mean, I'm an authentic lesbian. I am well known for being a lesbian. I'm lesbian famous. I'm a. A lesbian is what I am. Okay? All my Rent has been paid because I'm a lesbian. And I have gone on stages such as this and I have shared some lesbian content. Not a lot, but just enough so everybody knows I've gone on TV a little bit and been a lesbian. I've done all these things. And I have traveled all around the country and the world with my lesbian message. And there was a time, my friends, when I was so hot, that I was getting lesbian groupies. I don't know if they were lesbians, but with me they would be. They were women and they were offering themselves to me sexually. And I never did it with any of them because I always had a girlfriend at the time. Because I'm an OG lesbian. We always have a girlfriend. We're serial monogamous. And I was a monogamist. So I was faithful to every girlfriend. And I'd have to tell the groupies, no, no, please come back when I'm single. But they were never around when I was single. Because groupies just. They have a sense for when you're taken. You know what I'm talking about? People in relationships. And I was faithful. I was faithful to the end, to my last girlfriend. Because there. There was apparently a last girlfriend. I'm gonna get to the blowjob. Just let me talk about her. I'm gonna get to it. Okay, I understand why you're here, but let me talk about my last girlfriend who I love so much. I love my last girlfriend so much. I probably should tell you her name, but I want to respect her privacy. So I'm going to just give her an alias. Let's call her Hortense. Hortense Hortensia. Let's make her ethnic. Hortensia loved her so much. Let's. I loved her so much. And I didn't want to love her so much. Because inside I knew it wasn't going to work out. Because there was a large age difference. There was a 20 year age difference. That's not even all the years of the age difference, but there were 20 for sure. And I heard all the little digs that people tell couples may December relationships. I've heard them all. Especially the one that my friends were very fond of telling me. Marga, you're robbing the cradle. Fuck that. Why do people always have to bother the older person in the couple? Don't you see we're already dealing with a lot of pain? Don't you see? See? The older person is not the person to fuck with. Don't you see we got enough problems? The older People, we're gonna die soon. Leave the older person alone in this couple. Pick on the young one. Tell her, hey, you're robbing the grave, bitch. I tell. And so I held back. You know, I just kept my wall up. I mean, I loved Hortensia more than I loved anyone in my life. And we were together for almost seven years. And I resisted even going on a date with her because, you know, I thought this could only go one way. But she really convinced me that it would work out. She convinced me that her love was forever because, you know, young people, they really believe in things. And so she made me believe and I believed, and I believed it. Even like that last year, we weren't having sex. We weren't having sex. I believe she loved me. And then, of course, she said she had to go to grad school. Young people always have to go to grad school. Away, away, away in Philadelphia. But she would always love me. And she made me believe that. That she'd always be. Be there for me, always when I get to the blowjob. Hang on. And then she was gone to grad school, selling in her new place in Philadelphia. You know, we would write to each other, and I could tell that I cared more about her than she cared about me. And she was drifting away, but I just kept writing, just kept texting, just kept believing her. And then I got a gig in Boston. I got a gig in Boston in January of that year, and we'd only been separated for a couple of months. And I thought, this is great. And I emailed Hortensey, and I said, oh, my gosh, I got a gig in Boston. I'll go to Philly before I go to Boston. We'll get together. You want that? Should I? Should I? Should I? She said, yes. And so before this gig in Boston, I stopped in Philadelphia, saw her new place, met her friends. I didn't care about them. And then we fucked and we fucked, and we had the best sex we'd had in years. And considering one year, we didn't have sex at all. In two years, the best sex, we had such good sex. I came. I came, I came and I came, and I kept coming. I kept coming. I left her in Philadelphia, and I was still coming. I was coming. I went to my gig in Boston. I was on stage doing my show. I was still coming. I was so good. And the audience could feel like I was coming, and they were coming with me. And it was the best show I had ever done. It was sold out for some reason. I got a standing ovation. And after the show, great. And the manager of the club runs over to me. And he was a straight guy, and straight guys usually aren't into what I do. But he came over and he was like, it talks like animal. And he was saying that everybody loved me and he wanted me back at the club. And he handed me a little glass of Maker's Mark, which he already knew was my drink. And he pulled out the calendar, and it was already January. And the next date he had was in June. It was June 16th. It was my birthday, was also Father's Day. And I thought, oh, I'll take that one. Yeah, I'll do that one. It was a Sunday. It was Father's Day. Not a good idea. And. But I thought, hey, it's my birthday. And then before that gig, I'll stop in Philly because it'll be my birthday. So surely Hortensia will fuck me, you know, birthday fuck. I mean, it's still. You know, you still keep working it when a relationship's over. And. And then. And then I wrote to her and I said, hey, I. It went great in Boston, and they gave me another gig in June. So I get to see then you'll be around in June. And she didn't write back. And I called her. She didn't call back. She didn't text back. And she stopped loving me. And it was quiet. And I started to die. I started to be in acceptance of the fact that there was going to be no more fucking. And that maybe was the last love of my life, the last great love. And I started to get very depressed. And, you know, and then my friends didn't want to hear it anymore. And I wasn't going to spread money on therapy, so I just drank and ate and smoked, and I just started getting, like, more like, fuzzy and blurry. And months and months went by, and then it was June. It was time to do my gig in Boston. I was so fucking depressed. Didn't feel funny at all. Got to Boston, and I just had a bad show. It was. It was a bad show. It was my birthday, and everything about that day was bad. It was my birthday. And I thought, well, surely Hortensia is going to call me. She's going to call me. She's going to remember it's my birthday. I gave her, like, I bought her a coat on her birthday. I bought her a coat. And she was in Philadelphia. It was cold. It was like. She really liked it, the coat. Uniqlo. Uniqlo. And I'm going to get to the point. Just relax, everybody. So I got this text. Finally. Finally. You know, it's like a few hours before the show. And it's a text, the birthday text. Okay. Email would have been good. A call would have been better. But a text, I'll take anything. And I hadn't heard from her, right, since January. She said, happy birthday. Hope you're doing something fun. Period, period, period. No exclamation point. No heart, no nothing. That was it. Hope you're doing something fun. And then. And then I had the show, and it wasn't fun. And I just. I couldn't even hear the laughs. All I could hear was, hope you have fun. Fun, fun, fun, fun. Turnout was terrible. Don't ever do a show on Father's Day in Boston, seat of patriarchy. Don't. Show was over. It was a struggle for me and the audience. But finally it was over. They left. And I just. I went, like. I went like backstage to, like, hide and to just shake it off and to understand what did I just do with the last almost seven years of my life? And then the manager of the club shows up. Let me talk about the blowjob. Now he shows up, and he's got a glass of Maker's Mark in his hand. He remembers. And the manager. And you know what? He's such a good man. Good man. And so he needs a name in this story, and he needs privacy. So let me call him Apollo. Because he has gone where no man has ever gone before. And Apollo said to me, it's like, you're so right. Yes. Oh, I don't know if I want to come back, Apollo. Okay, I'll have another drink. And then. And then I just realized I'm gonna hang out with him tonight. Because it's not like there were any groupies waiting for me. Cause I was single. So I went with him to this place he knew just around the corner where all the industry locals go, all the bartenders and waiters, they all go to this club to hang out. It was a rooftop. It was super nice. There was a dj, and everybody knew them. They were like, hi, Apollo. And we're sitting and we're drinking, and he's just, you know, he's got me. He's got me in his, you know, crosshairs. And I looked at him, and I hadn't really even noticed him this whole time. The first show and all through this. This second return. And his eyes were very dark and deep set. And he was my height, and he was A little out of shape. He looked just like me. He was wearing a polo shirt and just complimenting me. And he. He said that he wanted to take me all around town, would I please come back? I didn't have to do the show. He would just take care of me. He'd put me up in a hotel room, and he would take me to all the other great clubs in Boston where he knew everybody. And I realized that he was courting me. He was courting me. He was flattering me and being genuinely nice. And I excused myself, and I went to the bathroom because I was really tired of talking to him. But still. But still I was favorable. I was favorable to him. I took out my phone to see if Hortensia. No, nothing. Have fun. Do something fun. It's like, yeah, I'm gonna do something fun. I'm gonna do something fun. And I just straightened my bangs, and I went back out to the bar, and I said, Apollo, so let's do something fun. So we left the bar, got in his car. He has a great car because he said that all the women in Boston are shallow and superficial. He wants the girlfriend, and so he has no buddy to spend his money on, except for his beautiful, beautiful car. And we drove out, and I just was. You know, I wanted to blow him, and I wanted to go blow him by a park, because that's how I kind of almost did it when I was in high school, by a park. But he drove to a deserted construction site. Just. Wow. It's not really what I had in mind, but. Okay. Okay. And then he was, like, looking around, because apparently it's illegal for straight people to have sex in a car as well. So we started making out. And I didn't like that. It didn't feel, you know, he was very. He's a very hairy guy. And then he, you know, it's like, they can't shave enough. Like, you know, can you shave right now? You know, I have very sensitive skin, and, you know, I think that's maybe why I'm a lesbian. I have very sensitive skin. I mean, I've had stubble before, like, when I've been with women who are between waxing. And that kind of hurts as well, but, you know, you go for it. And then I thought, hey, you know, just let me, you know, why don't you just. And so then, you know, everybody knows what that means, and he pulled out his dick, and I, you know, started to attempt a blow job and not good at it. It turns out I'm terrible at It. And you know, I'm so good at cunnilingus, but none of those skills transfer to a blow job. So I knew no teeth. But that's about all. There were other things. I'm supposed to rub that, tap that, press that. I don't know what the hell, what the hell. Men are really a lot of work. And so, you know, I'm blowing them. And then I thought like in the dream, right about now, you know, the dick would evaporate, but it's still there. And it's like, is it getting bigger? Is this hard? Is this what it's supposed to be? And then I hear him moan. That's nice. That's nice when somebody moans for you. Am I right? Am I right? Yeah. When you hear that, it's like, that's all you really want. And I thought, somebody likes me. 20 minutes later, nothing. So then he starts jerking off, you know, because, you know, he's got to go to work in the morning. So he starts jerking off. I'm going, oh good. I'm. You know, this is. I'm done. He'll come. You know, I didn't understand why it took him so long to come. Because he's like, I'm Marga Gomez. I mean, I just thought, just the thought of it. I mean, whatever happened to premature ejaculation? I don't know why people are against that. I say come the minute you think of it. And if you can come now, come, now, come everybody. Okay, got wrap this up. I, you know, I can't really tell you the whole story because he took too long. But he's finally getting there. He's finally coming. And then he says to me, show me your pussy. And I like, the tone was not right. I didn't like the tone. You know, it's like, I'm still a feminist. So where's the police, miss? I was like, whatever, whatever. I just want this guy to come. So it's like, it's not even like I really do this, but it's like, okay, woo. And so I guess this worked for him. Cause he goes, he says to me, where do you want it? Huh? And so he was saying, where do I want it? It's like, what? What do I want? What? And then I realized, oh no, because I've seen cable, I understand there's a. So he wants to shoot it. And it's like, I mean, I thought it was gonna go in my mouth. Obviously, that would be rude. And I'm a lady. So it's like, oh, yeah, Where Do I want it? Where do I want it? It's about to come. And so, I mean, my honest answer would have been outside. Could you. I'll be here. Go. But I've seen enough softcore porn to say, on my tits, be nice. He bought me all those drinks, so he shot it. Shot on my tits. And it really wasn't what I expected. I thought it was gonna be like a gusher, you know? But it was like, trickle, trickle, trickle. And it's like, was that even cum? What was that? You know? But it was like, oh, wow, that was great. Okay. You know, but then he says, I want to go inside you. And it's like, oh, my God, no, this is. This is enough. Why wouldn't a guy just want a blowjob? I would think that'd be relaxing, like a recumbent bike. Why would you want to be going humping and stuff? And I said, oh, yeah, that would be great, but, you know, I can't. They don't allow that in my Airbnb, you know, I just didn't want him to come back to my Airbnb and eat my snacks. And then, you know, he drove me back to my place, and he was just so nice. Really. Apollo, if you're listening to this, thank you. And I'm sorry, but he. You know, he just. He wanted me to come back, and he kind of wanted me to be his girlfriend. And he kind of really. I think he really loved me. I mean, it was just so weird. I mean, he'd seen two entire shows of all my mess on stage, and he really. He just felt like we were kindred spirits, probably because we were wearing the same polo shirt. And I said, yes, of course. Oh, I can't wait to see you. And then he would send me a little text. I'm thinking of you. And it went on for months. And I just stopped writing back to him. I stopped writing back to him. I'd done my blow job. I was ready to move on. I felt strange when I bought produce, you know? And then I. I did another blowjob just because I wasn't sure. Maybe I just, you know, maybe he just had a weird dick, you know? So I tried to know. He was my friend, he was my good buddy, and was actually trying to get it on with this girl. It was the threesome, and his penis was really great. I mean, I looked at it this time, and it was beautiful and even like a dildo, but still, it was really nothing for me. And I was completely researching the whole time. I was out of my body. And I learned, you know, I just learned how the other side lives. And I realized that, you know what? All this stuff I heard about how blowjobs are so great, I never heard that from a woman. I only heard that from gay men. The reason I'm telling this story and I've never really told this story before is because why not? I'm still a lesbian. And it's really okay to be a full on 100% homosexual and never see or touch or deal with the junk of the opposite sex. But if you happen to be in a stage of your life where nothing else is happening and someone comes along, someone nice who flatters you, talks to you, real life like that and carries your bag and they can hold you for a night and make you feel like everything's gonna work out, then go for it. Go for it. And if any of you straight women in the audience would like to try pussy, just. Just go to my website. You know, we're all saying love each other now because of, you know, the horror that we're all in and the insecurity that we all have and we're all facing and we should love each other. But let's not stop there. Let's also fuck each other. Thank you very much. Good night.

Dan Savage (52:35)

Hey.

Ryan Reynolds (52:36)

My name is Sosei the Elemental Wizard. I am the level 27 hip hop spellcaster. I first moved out to New York City in 2003, as all rappers did. I would go to the hip hop open mics and try to spit a couple bars, see what happened. I noticed that I stuck out a little bit from the other rappers though. As far as I could tell, I was the only gay one. It was not a big deal at first. I would just be goofy old, so say the Elemental wizard from New Hampshire, just cracking jokes and stuff. But the thing about art is that it's supposed to be expressing who you are. The more I rapped about everything except for my homosexuality. I just felt that I was hiding the most important part of myself. And it got to the point where I would do a really fun show and people would really enjoy it. And then the moment that I left the open mic, I would just burst into tears. I couldn't stand having this big secret. So finally I decided I would tell people the truth and I would tell them on stage. The open mic was called End of the Week and it took place every Sunday at the Pyramid Club. And the people who rap there, they are all hungry MCs. They get up on stage, they talk about how great they are how much you suck. They talk a lot about violence, selling drugs. And I definitely, I respect that. But I can't get up on stage and rap about that stuff because people would know that it was phony. So finally I realized that the things that I can rap about and go hard at is how gay I am. But to be honest, I wasn't ready to just hit the stage and be like super gay man. So I decided one night I would just do a song and mention it a little bit. Like one line. I happened to be like, I like dudes and I said it. But I felt like the message wasn't really sinking in. Like maybe they missed that one line. So I was like, alright, I will make you guys listen. So it got more and more intense and I would, you know, say two lines or I would even say, turn around, it's time to do it rough. And people would get a little bit on edge, but I still felt like they weren't really getting it. As I went home that night, I realized I have to step up my game. The next time I go to the open mic, I happen to have this friend who was an expert in American Sign language. So I taught him an entire song that I wrote that was called Sucking Dick and I decided we were gonna do this. So the night when I was finally gonna do my big coup de grace, we were actually at a different location. It was called Raw.

Dan Savage (55:38)

B, A A B B A A B.

Ryan Reynolds (55:41)

And it was much larger than the previous venue and the stage was twice as large and the crowd went back. It was really quite an interesting scene there. I was one of the few white people at the open mic and not only that, I was one of the few white people who didn't act like he was black. So they were all being mad hard. People were wearing wife beaters, people had their chains on, they had really cool outfits. I was always rocking a T shirt and jeans or maybe a button up shirt. I couldn't quite pull off the same tough guy look. I did what I could. So I got up on stage and the first verse, it's just like a regular hip hop thugged out track where I'm doing the same I'm so tough stuff and people were feeling it, people were cheering it a few lines. But then when it hit Sakoris, that's when everything fell apart. You know, I go sucking dick, sucking dick, sucking dick, sucking dick, sucking dick, sucking dick, sucking dick, sucking dick, sucking dick suck, dick suck so much. People started screaming. And the sign language guy next to me he's doing this thing where you put your tongue into your cheek like you have a lollipop in your mouth or something. It was a great visual. People had no idea what was going on. This one guy even jumped up on stage. He was like, look man, you can't do this song anymore. And he looked angry, but he also just looked really confused, like almost like this was a dream. Was this even happening? Like, I wasn't sure if he wanted to hit me or if he just wanted to ask me to pinch him. And I felt really lucky because the MCs, the hosts of the show, were really supportive. They said he did his time, he waited in line, he paid admission, he gets to do his five minute song. So let him take the stage. And they handed me the mic back. So after the guy hands me back the mic and I start rapping the second verse, I'm like, alright, it's really happening now. This is the moment. So I start off, ay yo, I suck mad dick like every day. Everybody looks at me like, he better be gay I'll suck you off right now so never delay and I don't care if you're straight I like it better that way. And at this point, everyone's paying attention. Anyone who didn't know who I was before definitely will not forget Sosei at this point. Point. So I was looking at the crowd, I was loving it. I didn't love that I had to go to such extreme measures, but I love the fact that finally I was really getting five minutes out of my five minutes worth of stage time. And no longer were people just, you know, using this as a moment to get their drinks because it was just another random white guy. So here I was, I did the second verse, I did the third verse. And this song is really meant to punish the crowd. It's four verses long and people were getting antsy. Even if it wasn't about sucking dick. They were like, how long does the song go? And for the fourth verse, I made it about actual people in the crowd at that very show. And I called out all these people who I knew, people who I was friends with, people who would never see me in the same light. Hey, yo, suck his stick. I'll suck your dick. I'll suck everybody. I'll never forfeit I'll suck off Greg, I'll suck off Thomas, I'll suck John hard this much I promise I'll suck off twins like the carpet copies I'll suck a neat Greek dilly's hot and sloppy I'll Suck a pain waiter I'll suck a gay hater I'll suck a day trader as long as he pays later. And then that was when the hosts shut off the music and said, look, you can do your song, but you can't start calling out members of the audience and saying that you're sucking their dicks. And I was really pissed, but I figured I had already done three full verses, so it was good to quit while you're in the lead. But I got off the stage and I kept watching a few more tracks and then I started looking around and I realized there were some daggers in people's eyes. But it's definitely time to get out of there. But I will say there were a couple other people in the audience who I was really good friends with. And they actually came up to me and said, yo, Sosei, I got your back, man. Anyone steps to you, I won't let it happen. They said, I didn't like all that gay sex stuff. But I will say you definitely kept it real. And hip hop is all about keeping it real. So you did your thing. Hey, what's up? We have different qualities which help to define who we are. Who we are, who we are. In this song, I'd like to tell you a little bit about myself. Who I am, who I am. Yo, yo, yo, Come on. I am a hope of that's what I do. I'm feeling kinda hot. What's up with you? Do you wanna suck my dick? You wanna ass Fuck? Yeah. But never 69. That number is bad luck. I take my tongue and stick it into your asshole and get quiet and penitent like I am in a chapel. You better go pray I'll make your bones rain. That's what happens when your fucking was so safe.

Dan Savage (61:41)

I really.

Kevin Allison (62:02)

This is Risk. This is Sosei the Elemental wizard behind me now. And you can find him at DJ Sose. Before that, we heard from Marga Gomez, who you can find@margagomez.com and that is all for the best of queer lives 3. If you have a story about your queer life, pitch it to us at risk-show.com submissions. Folks, today's the day. Take a risk.