The Best of RISK! #33

Summary

RISK! – The Best of RISK! #33 (September 30, 2025)

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Episode Overview

This “Best Of” compilation presents some of the most memorable stories featured on RISK! over the past six months. Guest host Cindy Freeman and audio guru John La Sala fill in for regular host Kevin Allison (who has just moved to Thailand) to showcase tales ranging from hilarious and outrageous to deeply moving and thought-provoking. The episode dives into themes of vulnerability, identity, love gone wrong, and the life-changing power of telling your truth. Listeners are also treated to excerpts from longer-form stories and reflections on the evolving landscape of storytelling itself.

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Main Stories & Key Insights

1. Immigrant Stories: “Hope Under the Sky” by L.P. Nguyen

[06:20–07:16]

• Context: After the 2024 U.S. presidential election, RISK! amplified voices of immigrants, launching a dedicated series.
• Story Excerpt: As a young girl in Communist Vietnam, LP defends her family’s fragile crop field from floodwaters, symbolizing overwhelming hardship.
• Emotional Core: The moment L.P. breaks down while literally and metaphorically holding back a tide—her anger at God, the exhaustion from relentless adversity.
• Host Reflection: “That moment, it broke me. I was angry at God…like why he throw so much difficulty into my life?” (L.P., [07:05])
• Takeaway: Themes of endurance, trauma, and hope under impossible conditions.

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2. Larry Dorsey Jr.: “Black Is the Loneliest Color”

[08:46–25:19]

• Setting: San Francisco, late night. Larry, a Black man, navigates urban isolation.
• Subway Incident:
  • Witnesses a white businessman forcibly move a group of Black and Latino youths, who then jump him.
  • Larry intervenes as one pulls a knife: "You already beat his ass. You don't want to go to jail, bruh. You're a young kid…A lot of my friends are dead or in jail. I don't want to see that happen to y'all." ([13:50])
  • The youths rob, but don’t mortally wound, the businessman.
  • Reflects: “I didn’t do that for you. I did that for them.” ([15:40])
• Shift to Nike Women’s Marathon Job:
  • Navigates isolation among mostly white event workers.
  • Prevents possible violence when an older Black unhoused man blocks a race: "Take my hand, black man, rise with me." ([20:40])
  • Emotional connection—and anticlimax when the man asks for a dollar.
• Memorable Quote: “Black is the loneliest color.” ([24:15])
• Themes: Racial identity, urban invisibility, reluctant heroism, generational trauma, fleeting human connection.
• Host Reflection: "The world needs a little more Larry Dorsey Jr." (Cindy, [26:11])

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3. Kerry Doherty: “Blorpy”

[27:01–37:35]

• Romantic Comedy Turns Cautionary Tale:
  • College-aged waitress Kerry meets “Blorpy,” an Army man.
  • A year-long arc of love, deployment, moving in together, and learning Blorpy’s tangled truths.
  • Key bombshells: He's secretively not divorced, faked being gay to leave the Army, and ultimately goes back to his wife.
• Explosive Meltdown: Kerry's rage-filled voicemail barrage at work inspires a workplace-wide ban on cellphone use ([34:30])
• Puppy Revenge: Uses the money he left with her to adopt a rescue dog, Lou. "She is now eight years old. And to this day she is the best love I've ever had.” ([37:26])
• Themes: Deception, heartbreak, finding agency, pet therapy as redemption.
• Vivid Moment: “Why do you need money? … You know what? I am not going to give you your money back. I’m going to take your money. I’m going to buy a fucking puppy.” (Kerry, [36:45])

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4. Yossi Rosenberg: “Orgasmic”

[46:48–62:36]

• Backstory: His public dating failures earn him the tabloid label “New York’s Most Desperate Single Man.”
• Therapist's Advice: Addresses intimacy issues, lands in an "OM" (Orgasmic Meditation) intro session—a practice blending meditation and explicit clitoral stimulation.
• Awkward Education: Details the intricate (and clinical) etiquette of OM, from “the noticing step” to strict rules on session conduct.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “You’re not going to click with every clit.” (Josh Lunier, advice to Yossi, [55:24])
  • "It helped me get over my superficial fear of intimacy...but when it came to deeper intimacy, you know, getting close to somebody on an emotional level, this was kind of like bullshit." (Yossi, [59:52])
• Resolution: True emotional vulnerability with a later date (and future wife) trumps all techniques.
• Host Side Note: Parallels to the recent Netflix documentary on OM and the legal trouble of its founder. “Maybe the NXIVM doubts were legit, Yossi…” (Cindy, [79:15])
• Themes: Intimacy, vulnerability, sex-positive fads, authenticity versus surface-level connection.

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5. Heather Farley: “Breaking Point”

[62:37–77:38]

• Social Ascent & Art as Status:
  • From humble beginnings (“pizza was a luxury”), marriage brings Heather into a world of wealth and social snobbery.
  • Divorce negotiations center around a valuable Robert Rauschenberg painting—emblem of aspiration and later, excess.
• Epiphany: After her second divorce, she replaces the artwork with her NYU diploma; symbolically reclaims her identity.
• Manic Grand Gesture: Decides to gift the painting to the world, leaving it on a park bench while listening to Yoko Ono's "Walking on Thin Ice."
• Aftermath: Regret dawns; the painting is lost forever—echoes of shame, loss, and self-acceptance.
• Memorable Lines:
  • “Does she know what she’s giving up?” (her ex-mother-in-law, repeating in her mind, [74:54])
  • “Pizza is a luxury.” ([75:49])
  • “When our hearts return to ashes, it’ll be just a story. And that’s all it is to me.” (Heather, referencing Yoko Ono, [77:31])
• Host Note: Heather reflects on how both her featured stories came from “a time when I was significantly unwell…wildly pleased and grateful…to state that I have been entirely stable in that regard for a decade.” (Heather, [79:07])

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Notable Honorable Mentions & Segments

Risk Reacts: “The Silver Dollar” (from Love & Radio)

[41:36–44:31]

• Synopsis: Darryl Davis, a Black musician, befriends KKK members to understand their beliefs.
• Host Insight: Kevin reflects on “the power of allowing someone with lived experience to tell their own story in their own voice,” emphasizing empathy through listening.

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The Big Secret by Brad Lawrence (Story Excerpt)

[81:36–82:30]

• Theme: The corrosive weight of secrets and inherited shame within a religious setting.
• Memorable Quote: “Just being curious about these things, that is as damning as actually doing them…” (Brad)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Black is the loneliest color.” — Larry Dorsey Jr. ([24:15])
• “I didn’t do that for you. I did that for them.” — Larry Dorsey Jr. ([15:40]), on intervening in a potential murder.
• "You're not going to click with every clit." — Josh Lunier, to Yossi ([55:24])
• "When our hearts return to ashes, it'll be just a story." — Heather Farley, channeling Yoko Ono ([77:31])
• “Pizza is a luxury.” — Heather Farley’s father, echoed as a motif for gratitude and scarcity ([75:49])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [06:20] – "Hope Under the Sky" excerpt (LP Nguyen)
• [08:46] – Larry Dorsey Jr.: “Black Is the Loneliest Color”
• [27:01] – Kerry Doherty: “Blorpy”
• [46:48] – Yossi Rosenberg: “Orgasmic”
• [62:37] – Heather Farley: “Breaking Point”
• [41:36] – Risk Reacts: “The Silver Dollar”
• [81:36] – Excerpt: “The Big Secret” by Brad Lawrence

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Episode Tone and Takeaways

The episode masterfully balances humor and heartbreak, underscoring RISK!'s credo: true stories you never thought you’d dare to share. The episode celebrates courage, identity, and reflection—encouraging listeners to embrace vulnerability and, above all, to “Take a Risk.”

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Further Exploration

• Full stories & transcripts: risk-show.com
• Pitch your own stories: risk-show.com/submissions
• Immigrant Stories series & Risk Reacts: Findable on the podcast website.
• Support on Patreon: Access to bonus content, digital events, and shout-outs.

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Final Note

As the hosts wrap up Season 16, listeners are invited to RISK!’s Sweet Sixteen party—and reminded to “Take a Risk” in their own lives.

Transcript

[A]

Hey folks, this is Kevin. Now by the time you're hearing this, I will have moved to Thailand, but I figured it might take me a couple weeks to get settled. So I asked our beloved story coach and casting director and corporate workshops leader Cindy Freeman to sit in for me as the guest host today. But also our audio guy, John La Sala barges into this one too. So let's get to it. And by it I mean the Best of risk number 33 hey folks, this.

[B]

Is Cindy and this is John.

[A]

On this week's episode of Risk, you'll hear this eerie music.

[B]

That and more. But first, as you might know, I work behind the scenes helping cast the shows and holiday season is coming up upon us. So if you have any stories of holiday celebrations, interesting gifts, unique holiday related moments, send us your pitch by November 1st. For submission guidelines, go to risk-show.com submissions.

[C]

We'Ll be right back.

[D]

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[A]

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[C]

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[B]

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[D]

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[C]

Frequency of minor digestive discomfort.

[B]

Now here's the show. Hello folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Cindy Freeman.

[A]

And I'm John La Sala. And behind us there is Sweet Mama, Papa's Getting Mad by the original Dixieland Jazz Band. And as you can hear, it's also a 105 year old recording fetched from the Library of Congress archives and it's in the public domain.

[B]

But most importantly, this is the Best of risk number 33. It is highlighting some of the best stories from the past six months or so. So if you want to turn your friends on to Risk, send them this episode. Or really actually you can send them any of the previous 32 best of risk episodes that came before. Now in this episode, you're going to hear four great stories from Heather Farley, Yossi Rosenberg, Kerry Doherty, and Larry Dorsey Jr. And there were also some episode length stories that were truly amazing but way too long to play right here. But we're definitely going to talk about those too. So let's start back there. Back In November of 2024, following the US presidential election, a renewed wave of fear swept through our nation, especially for immigrants. Since the beginning, Risk has been sharing stories from people of all walks of life, including those who are immigrants. But we felt a special call to turn the spotlight up in even brighter and we launched a new series of episodes called Immigrant stories. In episode three of that series, we featured just one story from L.P. nguyen. It was called Hope under the Sky. This story follows LP's journey as a young girl trying to survive with her siblings in Communist Vietnam after her father was taken as a political prisoner and her mother was completely overwhelmed. Here is just an excerpt, a moment where young L.P. and her siblings had just planted seeds in the little field where they grew their food and it began to rain hard, threatening that the whole field would flood.

[C]

And I knew that if we don't.

[B]

Do anything fast, the water will flood the whole field.

[C]

So at that moment, I make a really quick decision that I need to lie down on that broken barrier and use my body to revamp the water.

[B]

To brush it in. And that's what I did.

[C]

I lie down on that broken barrier and my younger sister we Both lie down and use our body to prevent the water to come. In the field it was cold, dark and the water like almost up to my nose. And that's the moment I broke down to cry because for so many years.

[B]

I tried to hold into, you know, try to be strong.

[C]

But that moment, it broke me. I was angry at God. I looked up at the sky and asked God like why? Why he throw so much difficulty into.

[B]

My life and my family life. So I really want to encourage you to seek out that whole story. It's truly inspiring. There's even a transcript of LP Story on our website. Just search for Risk and Immigrant Stories number three in your podcast app or you can find it and the whole series at risk-show.com immigrantstories and immigrants. We know you have amazing stories. Pitch them to us. We want to hear them. So now let's hear our first full story. This one is is from Larry Dorsey Jr. Now Larry is an incredible performer who luckily for us, has recently moved from California to New York. And in fact, he has performed on two of our live shows at Caveat this past year. His credits include the Tony Award winning Broadway musical Freestyle Love Supreme. Plus he has traveled the world performing and teaching improv and standup comedy. So here is Larry. Larry Dorsey Jr. From our flight or Flatline episode with a story we call Black is the Loneliest Color.

[A]

It was a clear black night, a clear white moon. Larry D. Was on the streets trying to consume. That is an actual descriptor of this night. I know that is a song. But I was walking down the street and it was downtown San Francisco. It was one of those nights where the air was brisk and fresh, where you could have a sweater on but you didn't really need it if you were a native. Like I am loyal to the soil and it felt good and it was dark and everybody was already home. I'm in the financial district. I'm headed towards the subway station to go home. And as I'm walking, I see a houseless man standing on the corner. And usually they stand in places where there's a lot of people who may be going in that area so they could get the most amount of money. But in this situation, it was just really desolate. He was just by himself and I was by myself. And we're both black. And San Francisco is one of those cities that used to have a lot of black people, but now it doesn't. It's very lonely. As a black person, black is the loneliest color there, you know. And so I'M walking up to him, and I know he's gonna talk to me. I already know. And he looks at me and he goes, hey, brother. And I look at him, you know, I'm a crackhead whisperer. I know how to deflect and redirect. And I try to keep walking. He goes, do you believe in Jesus Christ? And I look at him, and I was like, oh, that's a good one. I go, nope. And I keep walking.

[E]

He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[A]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You believe in our Lord and Savior, though, right? And I was like, nope. And I keep walking. He said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You Muslim? You believe in Allah? And I was like, nope. And he goes, well, God damn, can a brother get a dollar? And he went through all that trouble, so I had to give him a dollar. But usually you got to impress me because I'm a street performer. You got to juggle. You got to sing, dance. You got to do something to earn your money like everybody else who's working. But I gave him the money. I kept pushing and headed down into the subway. It was one of those nights that I had to work early in the morning. So it was a fast turnaround, so I just wanted to go home and lay down. It was a part of my life where I was working contracted jobs. So it was just back to back to back, working 16 hours a day, barely sleeping, just grinding away. I was off. Season of school. And, you know, the best way to describe it is the Vladimir Lenin quote. There are decades where weeks happen, and there are weeks where decades happen. So there was this sense of so much going on in my life in a short amount of time. So I get onto the subway, get closer to my house, get off of the subway. And as I'm walking towards my house, there was this business white man. He looked like a news reporter. Handsome dude, tall, blue eyes, blonde hair, dressed well. And he's moving fast through one of those tunnels. It's similar to New York how our subways are. There's that long tunnel. You're headed towards the stairs to get to the real world. And he's walking, and he's in a rush. It seems like he's about to have sex for the first time with a woman he always wanted to have sex with. Or he cheated on his wife, and he wants to make it home before she gets suspicious. Something was not right with his speed at this time, because it's like midnight, you know? And so in front of us in the distance is a group of let's say eight young kids, black and Latino kids. When I say kids, I say that loosely because they were in high school, but they were probably athletes. Their build, they were just as big as me and that guy. But you could tell they were young. And they're walking in a way where it's like a British army from back in the day. The line formation. You know, everybody in formation, get in line. They weren't intentionally or maliciously blocking the tunnel, but the way they were walking, all of them were lined up so you couldn't pass them. If you were walking from behind or in front of. Right. You would have to say, excuse me, all, but the white guy moving, he. Maybe he's from New York, because in California, we have spatial rules. You don't get in someone's personal space, and so he's walking behind them. And I'm taking my time because I know that I don't want to be around that young, rambunctious energy at this time of night. I'm like, oh, leave those kids up there. I don't want to deal with that energy. And so the white guy, he walks up behind one of them and he grabs them and moves them out the way and keeps walking. Not in a aggressive, disrespectful way either. I mean, it was disrespectful, but it wasn't like, get out of my way. It was more just like, I'm in a rush, please excuse me, right? But he didn't say please. He didn't say, excuse me. He didn't justify or clarify himself. He just moved the kid out the way and kept moving along, right? And so instantly, the reaction of somebody getting touched from behind in that manner, especially in California, led to violence. And he starts getting his ass whooped. All eight of those kids are just beating him. No hesitation, no conversations, no coordination. It was just, boom, fight. And he's getting beat up to a bloody pulp. For me, I got front row seats. I'm watching the whole thing. Nobody else is there. I'm like, ooh, wow, you know, where's the popcorn, right? And, you know, I didn't want that guy to get beat up, but I understand why he was getting beat up, getting beat up, you know, and I felt bad for him, but I also was like, ah, you should have not did that. And so he's getting beat up, and all of a sudden, one of the kids pulls out a knife. And at this point, I'm close enough because I was trying to move around them to leave because I was like, I don't want to be a witness to this. I just want to get out of here. See, I grew up where phones were considered a violation of the code of conduct in the streets. So if you pulled out a phone to record when I was growing up, that means you're a snitch and you are working with the feds or something. Like, you're a bad person. You could get hurt, too. Now you're involved, right? So I didn't do that. I was just watching. And I'm. Now I'm trying to leave. The kid pulls out a big knife, and right before he's about to swing his arm, I. I don't know what. How it got in my mind, but it was just a reaction. I grabbed his arm with the knife in it, and. And he. And it was a moment. It was such a tense moment because all of the kids turn and look at me at the same time. I felt like I was. Had an invisible cloak on, and then my invisible cloak was no longer there. And so all the kids look at me. They're like, ooh, right? And they're like, are we gonna fight this guy, too? And then the white guy on the floor, all bloody, looks at me like, oh, what? What? Did that really just happen? There was a rat running by. Even the rat looked at me like, ooh, did that just happen? And so I'm holding the kid's arm, right? And the kid looks at me, and there's such an intense moment. All the eyes on me, everything. They're, like, waiting for me to explain myself before they start fighting me. And I look at them and I go, hey, you don't want to do that. You already beat his ass. You don't want to go to jail, bruh. You're a young kid. You guys are have your whole lives ahead of you. A lot of my friends are dead or in jail. I don't want to see that happen to y'. All. Don't do that. You don't want to do that, little bruh. And they all kind of look at me, and it was just a silence. Everybody, you know, the only thing you can hear is the breathing of the white man. That's it. He's right. Other than that, everything is silenced. And the kid puts the knife away, and they all take off running. But before they did that, they robbed him. And I was like, okay, yeah, rob him, but just don't kill him, right? You know, and they took off running. And the guy looks at me, and with just tears in his eyes and so much Gratitude. He goes, thank you so much. You just saved my life. And I look at him and it was so immediate. It was like a regurgitation, vomit. I didn't even expect to do it. But I said, I didn't do that for you. I did that for them. And he looks at me with shock. And I was shocked too. I was like, oh, did I say that? You know, because I did want to save his life and I did care about him and I didn't want him to go through the situation he went through. But really what was in my heart was seeing the same thing that happened to a lot of my family members and friends, happen to those kids. I get home, my adrenaline is through the roof because I just grabbed someone's arm with a knife in it and I could have got killed, you know, and my dad has raised me. He always says, when you're with your woman or your kids, yeah, you could be a hero. But if you're not in that situation, never be the hero because that the heroes get killed. And so I'm laying in bed like, wow, I could have died. He could have died. A lot of things could have happened. I have to wake up in two hours for another gig. I get up, I'm robotic. I'm not a morning person. I'm groggy, I'm sluggish. I'm just, oh, I have to go to work and I have to go all the way back downtown. I'm headed downtown. And this is back pre gentrification San Francisco. So this is when Union Square area with the Macy's, with the ice rink and the Christmas tree and everything's really shiny and bright and all these Gucci and Prada and all these big time stores and it's really nice and it's always populated and you know, love is in the air and people are walking and families and kids. It's just that good vibe. And at this time it's not though it's 4am but it's soon it's gonna be that vibe. I go to my shift, I haven't worked this before. It was the Nike Women's Marathon. And so it was a beautiful event for women's empowerment and so much advocation for reproductive rights and breast cancer and just all this, you know, feminist beautiful, just what they're believing in, I believed in as well. So I was. Not only was I there making money, I was there for a cause that I was happy about, right? And there was over 20,000 runners, you know what I mean? All ready to go. Women Right. And usually these jobs, when I get them, I'm one of the only black people working them because I have the ability to code switch. I have the ability to be friends with you, no matter your gender, sex, religion, whoever you are. I could be your friend, and I won't judge you. I treat the janitor and the CEO the same. I treat everybody with love and respect. You're a human being. We're both equal on a spiritual level. And so I'm able to navigate spaces that a lot of blacks and Latinos aren't. And Latinos could be the help most of the time in these situations. But other than that, it's just me. I get there. Nobody's really trying to help me. Nobody's paying me any mind. I'm by myself. I'm trying to, you know, hey, do I. Where do I go? What do I do? You know, I'm dressed in all black, mind you, with a beanie on. So I do look a little aggressive, but. But I'm completely just like, I'm here to work. And the only people who really communicated me was the cooks, who were Latino, and they were hooking me up with the breakfast and the free stuff. And everybody gets assigned positions. I'm the last person to get assigned. So they put me on the hardest one. They put me at the front of the start of the race. I have to set up barricades. I have to make sure everything's flowing smoothly. It was a lot. But I was also right next to the lady who was running the whole thing, the CEO or. I don't know what her position was, but she was in charge. She was definitely in charge. And this was the height of Black Lives Matter, too. So this was like when Barbecue Becky just happened and Karen and all those terms were flowing out. And so right before the race starts, an old houseless black man, an OG dude, lays in the middle of the street in front of where the race was supposed to happen, literally right in front of them. And everybody's confused at this point. There's even more people. There's thousands of people lined up to see the, you know, the ribbon get cut or whatever for the race to start. But for some reason, the police were not there. And it was a moment where I was like, this could turn violent. The police could kill this man. And the lady was trying to get a hold of the police. And I run up to her. I said, no, no, no, no, please don't do that. I could get that man up. Just give me five minutes. And she looks at Me. And she goes, you have three minutes. Not, oh, wow, thank you. It was just like, go do that. And I run over to the middle of the street and everybody who's watching is confused. They're like, what's happening? All the runners, they're confused. And I stand over him and I wanted to be dramatic, to jolt him. And so I go, take my hand, black man, rise with me. And I'm standing over him and he's just like this. He responds, hello, But I'm a crackhead whisperer, so I understand what he's saying. So I grab him and I lift him up and we're standing and we're holding each other's arms, like, you know, like the arm wrestling hands. But we're close enough where we could look at each other in the eyes very deeply and feel each other's energy. And people are video recording. It wasn't considered snitching in this moment. And they're clapping and everybody's just like, wow, this is powerful. Eagles in the sky, a lot of energy. Just very romantic almost right? And we're standing there in the middle of the street and he's. You could look in his eyes and it looked like a deep well of sorrow and suffering. How he looked. His skin was very leathery. His hands felt very. Just like he picked cotton. He felt like he was fresh out of slavery. And, you know, a lot of people don't know after, you know, emancipation, most of us had a lot of skills, but we couldn't apply them because we weren't able to access. You know, there was the Reconstruction period, but then Jim Crow came in, there was the kkk. So we were put in positions where we couldn't do anything. We were just hopeless and helpless. And he was a representation of that almost. He looked like he was from the civil rights era, age wise. And a lot of people also don't know that statistically black people are doing worse on all levels than back then in the 60s. So it's a horrible, you know, reminder for me in that moment of where my dad comes from in the South. My dad picked cotton, where I'm just like, wow, this is what happened. This is cointelpro. This is how the FBI and CI destroyed the black power movements and assassinated our leaders. And he's a victim of that. He's a drug addict, he's this, he's that. Not in any judgment. It was just seeing him for what he was and all the pain that he represented. And before I could pull away and try to lead him to the side. He pulls me in close, almost to the point where we're like, face to face, like the. The indigenous Maori greeting where there's the forehead and nose connected to each other. He gets us really close, and he looks at me and people are still clapping, going, wow. It was one of those moments. I still get chills when I think about it and feel it, like, whoa. And he's staring in my eyes and we're holding hands, and he's just like, why did you do that for me? And I couldn't think of anything to say. I was just. I looked around, I was just like, because I love you. And he broke down into tears and snot. And he goes in for the hug. And I'm like, ah, fuck, don't hug me. And so we end up hugging. I embrace it. I accept it. And we're hugging in the middle of the street with all his dirtiness and nastiness. And in no way am I judging him. I'm just saying it's a fact, you know? You know how the New York subways and streets smell. And we're hugging each other in the middle of streets now everybody's really clapping. It's really intense. It's emotional tears in both our eyes. And before we let go after that powerful embrace, he whispers in my ear, can I get a dollar? And I immediately, my boner goes down. My energy just goes out the window. I'm like, were we actually feeling that moment together or were you trying to act to get the money? Were you actually even with me? Are you even here right now? Do you have the invisible cloak on right now, bro? We move to the side, I give him a dollar, and I'm laughing. And, you know, I don't want to ruin it for anybody on the sidelines, because some people are like, what did he say? All I could think of to myself was, black is the loneliest color.

[D]

I love you, California, you're the greatest state of all.

[C]

I love you in the winter, summer, spring and in the fall.

[A]

I love your bright dear valley, your.

[C]

Dear mountains I adore.

[D]

I love your grand old ocean and I love the raggedy.

[A]

It's John again. And this is Elsie Baker singing the state anthem. I love you, California, over 112 years ago. And we love you, California, for sending us Larry Dorsey Jr. That's right.

[B]

Larry is awesome in so many ways. And in so many ways, this story is about being the right person to step up at the right time. And wow, just hearing this, I feel the world needs a little more Larry Dorsey Jr. You can look him up at Larry Dorsey Jr. On TikTok and Instagram. And a special thanks to Taj Easton for the fantastic editing and ass kicking sound design. Thank you, Taj. Next up, we're going to hear from Kerry Daugherty. This was a story told way back in 2013, but it only made it to the podcast this year in our Lives Love and War episode this past May. And I am so glad it did. So here is what the Blorp.

[D]

In 2003, I was 21 years old and attending film school in Savannah. And at the time I waited tables at this honky tonk steakhouse on the south side of town. And one night I'm finishing up my shift and I'm just counting tips and. And this guy comes up to me and he's in his mid-20s, he's very handsome, he's wearing a beanie. So right away I can tell that he's sensitive and he's like, hi, I'm Blorpy. And Blorpy is not his name, but for the sake of this story, it is his name. And I'll explain why later. So he's like, hi, I'm Blorpy. I come here a lot. I've always thought you were really pretty and I was wondering if you would like to get coffee with me tonight. And he was cute and he seemed nice. So I chatted with him for a few minutes and I said, I can't get coffee tonight, but, you know, soon. And he says, well, the only thing is I'm in the army and I'm shipping off to Afghanistan tomorrow at 6am and I'm going to be gone a whole year. And here I expected him to go like, and I just want to fog one more time. But he didn't say that. He actually just said, well, okay, if tonight doesn't work, I guess that's fine. And it was very nice meeting you. And with that he just left. And so a year later I'm still working at the same restaurant. And one night I walk past the bar and I just hear Carrie. And I walk up and this man is just staring at me. And I don't recognize him right away until I see the beanie and I'm like, oh my gosh, Blorby. Like, what are you doing here? And he says, I just got back from Afghanistan today and you were the first person that I wanted to see. How about that coffee guys? Holy fucking shit. Like, I'm sorry. This is the most. To this day, this is still the craziest most romantic thing that has ever happened to me.

[C]

Me.

[D]

So we go out for coffee and I learned that Blorpy has been in the army for a few years and he lives on base, which isn't far from the restaurant that I work at. And we realize we have a lot in common. We both really like Sheryl Crow and playing and playing laser tag and we both really love crab legs, but we hate the effort of having to eat them. And toward the end of the first date, he drops kind of a bombshell on me. He says, look, I'm divorced. I have a 10 month old daughter, they live in Alabama. I divorced my wife because she cheated on me and she tried to get back together with me for a long time. And eventually I do want to be in my daughter's life, but right now I can't. And they live in another state and this was huge because I'm 21, I'm not ready to have a boyfriend who has a kid. And so I call my mom because she had been, my dad had been married to another woman before her and he had kids. And she said, you know, Carrie, if you really like this guy, don't let that stand in the way. You know, I didn't. And your father and I got married. They also got divorced, but that's another thing, I guess. Whatever. So I fall hard for Blorpy and after about eight months of dating, we decide to move in together. And things are going really great. I'm in school during the day, he's at the army base doing whatever he does during the day. And at night we would cook crab legs and listen to Sheryl Crow soak up the sun. And sometimes we'd go play laser tag. And I was just so in love. And I was like, this is it. This is going to be the guy I spend the rest of my life with. And then one day, Blorpy drops another bombshell on me. He comes home from the base and he says, I just found out that I have to go back to Afghanistan for a year. And I'm like, oh my gosh. And he says, no, it's going to be okay. I'm going to tell them I'm gay. So guys, I 100% know that this is an awful, awful thing for, for a person to do. I mean, he wasn't gay too, if you're wondering. That wasn't like another bombshell. But at the same time, I was a 21 year old girl in love and I selfishly didn't want my boyfriend going off to War. So there was a part of me that was kind of rooting for this whole ruse to work, and it did. Blorpy told his battery commander that he was gay. He took this written evaluation, didn't up end exit interview. And this is why I'm calling him Blorpy, because I have no idea if there's like, a statute of limitations on something like this. And so I don't want to get him into trouble. So that's why I picked a name that, like, no human would have. Like, find me a Blorpy in the US Army. I'm totally going to get subpoenaed for this. So Blorpy is discharged from the army, but he still has, like, two months of work on the page base before he's officially released. And he tells me that until he's officially out of the army, he has to move out of our apartment. And he suggests that we don't see each other for a while just in case someone there's, like, surveillance on him from the Army. So he says he's going to move in with a friend on the base, whom I will call Shmurpy. And I just keep telling myself that once he's out of the army, things will go back to normal and I'm going to get my super romantic boyfriend back. So a few weeks go by, and in that time, I've only spoken to Blorpy a few times on the phone, but he's in pretty good spirits. And one night I'm working at the restaurant, and I get a call from Shmurpy, who is, you know, living on the base with him. So Smurpy says, kerry, I have something to tell you. Are you sitting down? And I'm like, oh, my God, what happened to Blorpy? Like, is he okay? I'm at work, you know, just tell me. And Shmurpy drops a Blorpy bombshell on me. He says, blorpie isn't living with me. He moved back to Alabama to be with his wife and daughter. He was still married, by the way, was not divorced. And he said, and he's stringing you along because he thought that if you knew he left you for her, that you would spill his secret about him not being gay. And if that happened, he could go to military jail for, like, six years. Now, what happened next is the reason why employee cell phone usage was permanently banned at Logan's Roadhouse on the south side of Savannah. I take my phone, I call Blorpy, I get his voicemail, and I just start screaming into the phone. Just how could you, you fucking coward? Where are you? And I'm just losing my shit. And the whole time, the entire restaurant can hear me. I'm neglecting my tables. I was in such a rage just leaving him message after message after message. That part of that moment, that night is actually a little blurry. It's like I was blacking out, but I was awake in a way and, like, walking around. So after leaving, like 10 messages in a row for Blorpy, and the final one, I tell him I'm going to call his battery commander and tell him he wasn't gay. Equals go to jail. So this was going to be my revenge. And I had his number and I dialed it, and right as I pressed send, my mom called me, interrupting the call. And I just started crying. And I broke down and I told her everything. And I was like, mom, I'm doing this. And she's like, carrie, what he did was awful and unforgivable. And I know you're angry, but please don't. Don't do it. So I listened to my mom and I didn't call his battery commander. I'm so glad that I didn't. In retrospect, that would have been so bad. So after a few days, I do finally get Blorpy on the phone. And by then I've calmed down a little bit. And he explains that his wife had been calling him and begging him to take her back. And she kept saying her daughter needed a father and he just really wanted to be with his child and that if getting back to you together with her meant he could be a father, than he wanted to give it a try. And in some weird way, I kind of understood where he was coming from. I mean, I was still livid that he lied to me, and I called him a fucking dickwad on the phone for doing so. But when we hung up, I said, look, just. No matter what happens, I just want to get over you. And this. Just never get ahold of me again. And he said, I. I promise. So for the next six months, I was really depressed. I mean, I had been with a married man who kept a big, awful secret from the military guys. I was Betty Draper. And that's sad. So I finally started moving on, and I was thinking about dating again. And then one day, I get a voicemail from Blorpy, and he says, kerry, it's Blorpy. I really need to talk to you. It's important. And then my phone died. So I race home, and in the entire time, I'm just thinking I'm like, oh my gosh. Like, did they break up? Is he a changed man? I told him not to call me. Why is he calling me? Why is he resurfacing this? And I get home and I plug my phone in and I take a deep breath and I calm. And he picks up the phone and I'm like, what do you want? And he says, remember back when we were together and I gave you like $300 of my money to hold onto just while I was switching banks? And I said, what? He said, just, money's so tight right now with me and my wife.

[C]

Do you.

[D]

Can you just like send me a check or something? And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? And I just lost it on him again. And I was like, I specifically demanded that you never speak to me again. And you call me because you want money? Why don't you ask for your wife for money? Why do you need money? And I just started freaking out and I was like, you know what? I am not going to give you your money back. I'm going to take your money. I'm going to buy a fucking puppy. And so with that, I hung up the phone. And later that day I went to a humane society and I took that dirty, dirty revenge money and adopted a three month old little mutt puppy. And I got her the nicest dog bed and I got her lots of toys and I got her a little hoodie to wear. And her name is Lou and she is now 8 years old. And to this day she is the best love I've ever had. Thank you guys.

[C]

We'll be right back.

[A]

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[D]

Hi, I'm Nancy Cartwright. You may know me better as the voice of Bart Simpson on Simpsons Declassified. We're diving into the mysteries that keep the the Simpsons forever young.

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Have you ever wondered how the Simpsons.

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Regularly predicts future events?

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Who better to ask than the show's.

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Creators, performers and writers, the celebrity guests? Be sure to follow and listen to Simpsons Declassified Wherever you get your podcasts.

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This episode is brought to you by Greenlight.

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And if you haven't made the switch.

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Yet, here are 15 reasons why you should 1.

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The war has started. Yes, the war has started and I've.

[D]

Just come from a battle But I.

[B]

Heard no bullets rattled.

[A]

Still I had to fight, fight with.

[C]

All my might Keep my arms advancing.

[A]

Advancing left and right. That is a chap named Billy Murray singing Now I'll Raise an Army of my own nearly 111 years ago and you guessed it, public domain.

[B]

And a tip for all of you. If your ex wants their money back after lying to you about being divorced and getting back with their wife, best revenge is indeed your own happiness. And if that means getting yourself a puppy and buying the best dog bed ever, do it. This story was edited by the fabulous Hope Brush. Thank you Hope. I want to give a shout out to Christine Huddleston who recently decided to help Risk by joining our Patreon at the Kink Camp tier. Meaning she gets access to so much, countless bonus stories and check ins from Kevin and ad free feed of the podcast, free online storytelling courses, videos of all of our past live shows, plus being able to watch the live stream of new shows and of course this very shout out on the podcast. So thank you Christine Huddleston, you and the thousands of Patreon patrons who help keep Risk running even when it is simply by the skin of our teeth to everyone else. If you want to join Christine, just go on patreon.com risk and sign up. So coming up, we're going to hear two stories from Yossi Rosenberg and Heather Farley. But first, we're going to do another honorable mention for a story that was, again, way too long to include in this already long episode, but so well worth due attention. This year, we started experimenting with a new format we called Risk Reacts. This is where Kevin listens to a story he's never heard before from some other podcast and gives you his immediate reactions. One of those stories was called the Silver Dollar. It was from an amazing podcast that has been around even longer than Risk called Love and Radio. In this story, a black guy named Daryl Davis decides to engage with members of the Ku Klux Klan to find out why they hate him so much. To both parties. Surprise, they don't.

[A]

He stared at the tabletop and his buddy elbowed him in the ribs and said, tell him, tell him, tell him now. He says, I'm a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I started laughing, okay? This guy thinks I'm jerking him around about Jerry Lee Lewis, so he's gonna jerk me around by the Klan while I'm laughing. He goes inside his pocket, pulls out his wallet, and hands me his Klan card. I stop laughing because I recognize that stuff. You know, this is for real. I gave him back his card and we talked about some other things. The guy gave me his phone number. He wanted me to call him anytime I was to come back to this bar with this band because he wanted to bring his buddies, right, his Klan buddies, to see this black guy play piano like Jerry Lee Lewis.

[B]

On hearing this story for the first time, Kevin had lots to say, including.

[A]

I'll tell you, the first thing that occurred to me as I was listening was, oh, I've heard this story before. And then I remembered it was on something like cnn. But what a huge difference it makes to just allow the person with the lived experience to take their time and to focus on their voice. Darrell has such a beautiful voice with so much character in it. When you are just listening, when. When you're focusing that way on a voice, it's a more open and active kind of listening, so that you almost can't help but start to feel more and more empathy for that person. Like to be able to kind of envision yourself in their shoes.

[B]

If you missed that episode, you should definitely check it out. And all those episodes are both in audio and video formats, so you can even watch this one if you want. All Risk Reacts episodes can be found at risk-show.com riskreacts.

[A]

Oh, Cindy, you hear that? It sounds Like Alcoholic Blues performed by the All Star trio back in 1919. What a toe tapper.

[B]

It sure is. So anyway, let's hear the stories from Yossi Rosenberg and Heather Farley. Starting with Yossi's from our Trial Remedies episode and then Heather's from our Untangling episode. Now I am in casting and I was the first person to read both of these pitches as they came in and I was thrilled when they both made it to the podcast. So you are truly in for two treats now. When Heather performed for us at a Risk live show in 2023, she had never told a story live before an audience ever. That story, every breaking wave, ended up on our Best of risk number 29 episode. At the end of that show, she told me, oh, I have another story. Gave me the details about this next one. Anyway, two things to take away from that. And if you are nervous about telling a story because you are a first time storyteller, be like Heather and take a Risk. And second of all, you might just make it to a Best of Risk episode. There's also the point that Heather is simply a pleasure to listen to and Yossi's tale is just one of those stories that point out such good things can happen when you get out of your comfort zone. So here they are, back to back. Heather Frawley. Right after Yossi Rosenberg.

[E]

In 2015, I had my 15 minutes of fame. The New York Post did an expose on my love life titled meet Yossi Rosenberg, New York's most Desperate Single Man. You can Google that. That's true. When the article came out, my mom called me up and in her foreign accent said, yossi, I think you need to flee the country. In the Upper west side Jewish dating scene, I was known as the guy with the article. I couldn't get a date. When I matched up with people on the apps, they would Google my name and it was over. My love life was really bad before the article came out. And after the article came out, it was like an atomic bomb went off. But you know, I kind of liked it because before that time period, I was like a mediocre loser. And after that time the article came out, I was like New York's biggest loser. So it was kind of cool. But anyway, my love life was just getting worse and I was speaking to my therapist and she said, you know, Yossi, you have intimacy issues. You can't really get attached to people. You're always trying to date women that aren't emotionally available. You're in the friend zone a lot and she was right. I agreed with her. I was in my mid-30s, and I never really had a serious relationship. So I was like, maybe this article's a good thing. And I could get over my intimacy issues. I had this friend named Josh Lunier. I called him Munir. He had intimacy issues just like I did. He was a transformative guy. He did a lot of transformative work, and he got over his intimacy issues. And I trusted him and I liked him. So I'm like. I knew he was in a relationship now, so I was like, what have you been doing? And he said, I've been doing this thing called om. I'm like, om? He's like, yeah, it really helped me. It's amazing. You should definitely give it a try. I'm like, okay, sign me up. And next thing you know, I was in an intro to OM class in a SoHo loft. And in the loft, there were a lot of nerdy tech guys and finance bros and a lot of attractive women. Actually, the OM community was run by women. And the presenter was this beautiful redhead. And she goes on stage, and now she's like, we're going to talk about om. We're going to do a first example of what OM is. And she's like, OM stands for orgasmic meditation. I'm like, huh, I didn't sign up for this. And then she calls a woman from the audience and a man. And the woman was called the stroke E, and the man was called the stroker. They make something called a nest, which is like. There's a pillow, a yoga mat, and a zafu. It's like A zafu is like a meditative chair. The woman takes her bottom off, the man sits in between her legs. There's a lot of technicalities, a lot of steps here. It kind of. There's a grounding step where the man says, I'm gonna touch your thighs now. And he touches her thighs. And then there's the noticing step where he's supposed to notice something about her vagina. He would say, like, your labia has a pinkish hue or something like that. Put him in the present moment. And then he put on gloves, and he took lube, and he began to stroke, hand stimulate, whatever you want to say, the woman's clitoris with his index finger, kind of like this. And, you know, I was watching this. I'm not. I'm kind of more conservative. And I was kind of watching this whole scene unfold with shock and disgust. After the session was over, I called up Lunier right away, and I'M like, what?

[B]

What?

[E]

You know, what kind of NXIVM sex cult thing are you enrolling me in? You know, this is weird. And he said, yossi, Yossi, first of all, it's not sex. There's no sex going on here. It's just hand stimulation. And he's like, do you want to be the most desperate single man forever? I said, no. Yeah, I mean, you have a point. Give it a try. I'm like, okay, all right. What do I have to lose? So anyway, Lunier was a masterstroker. He had spent thousands of dollars, like, thousands. And he was high up in the OM community. And I didn't want to spend any money. I'm cheap. Lunier is just like, I'll add you to the WhatsApp group. There's a WhatsApp group of veteran strokers. And I was like, okay, sure. So he adds me into the group, and suddenly it was just shocking. All these single women posting every half an hour, I need a stroker. I'm in Brooklyn. I need a stroker. I'm Harlem. In women of all different ethnicities, ages, shapes and sizes. And I was like, what the heck? So I responded to one woman. Her name was Glenda. And next thing you know, that morning, I was at her door. She opens the door and I was really nervous. I was sweating in my mind, I was thinking all the worst case scenarios, like I was going to get arrested, I was gonna break something, I don't know. She opened the door and she was like 50, something like a crunchy granola type. She was a mom. I saw pictures of her kids divorced, and she put me at ease. How's it going? I'm like, oh, good, good. Made some small talk. And then she took her bottom off, sat in the nest thing, and that's it. I was right there facing it headfirst. And I have to say that I was in my 30s. I had relationships, short term relationships. I wasn't a virgin, but I was pretty much close to a virgin. And when it came to the female anatomy, I was not very good at, you know, I definitely had a phobia of certain regions. So I'm sitting there, I'm looking at it, I'm like, okay, let's do this. Put on my gloves, put on my lube, and I'm ready to go. And she's like, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm like, what? You forgot the noticing step? The noticing step. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Okay. It was kind of like rock climbing. There's a lot of different things you had to do. Very regimented. So noticing step, okay? So I said, I notice that on the top right quadrant of your pussy lips there are four white hairs. You're supposed to be very factual. You're supposed to be. So she's like, yeah, okay. I'm like, all right. So then I put the gloves on, put on the lube and I, yeah, I hand stimulate her, whatever, index finger going like this, you know. I felt at first like a 16 year old boy that's about to kiss a girl. I was terrified. But I got more comfortable. There was energy in the room and it was like I felt electricity coming from my index finger into my body. That's what it felt like. And after we were done, I felt good and I felt like very good about myself and confident, which is rare. I thanked her, she thanked me. I walked out the door and I was like, hmm, not bad. I like the feeling. So I went Back to the WhatsApp group, next person. You know, it was not hard that next morning I was at this person, Lisa. Lisa was a nerdy person. She worked at tech, 20 something, type A personality, you could tell. Nice apartment. I walked in and she was just straight to business. Didn't want to have a conversation. Let's get down to it. Took her bottom off. There I was once again, I remember the noticing step. I said, your clitoral hood looks like a mushroom top. Something weird. Which I don't think you're supposed to do. You're supposed to be very factual. It can't be like it represents whatever. Then I got to the stroking part and three minutes pass. Five minutes pass. They put a timer supposed to be 15 minutes. And within five minutes Lisa was just like. She had this weird look on her face. And then she's like, you know what? Forget it, stop. I'm like, what? What? It's not working out. It's not working out. I'm like, what do you mean? I'm not feeling it. I'm like, okay, yeah, don't take it personally. You gotta leave. I'm like, okay. So I got up and left and I called up Lunier right afterwards. And I was like, oh my God. I was in my head, I was frantic. I'm like, no woman's ever going to want to touch me. I am. You know something, there's something about me. And I called him up, I'm freaking out. And he's like, buddy, Yossi, Yossi, calm down. You're not going to click with every clit. He had a point. He's like, you're not going to vibe with every person. And that's.

[B]

It happens.

[E]

I'm like, okay, just keep doing it. Keep doing it. Okay. I went back to the WhatsApp group, picked a new person. Kira. Kira. Now, Kira was in Manhattanville, and that was a block from where I lived. She was actually very convenient. Fifth floor, walk up. I went up the fifth floor. She was a heavyset African American woman. She opened the door and she was. I liked her. We had a. I got a good vibe from her and she made small talk. She gave me some apple juice. I drank some apple juice and, you know, some small talk. And then she goes in the back, she takes off her bottom. I did all the steps. It was good. It was. She seemed to be enjoying herself. Now, this practice, by the way, is a goalless practice. You're not supposed to make anybody, you know, orgasm. It is like a meditation. You're supposed to be in the present moment while stroking. But she was really enjoying it. That made me feel good. At the end of the 15 minutes, she was like, let's do another session. I'm like, another session. You know, I was drenched in sweat. I was terrible. Okay, okay, fine. Another session. Fine. You're allowed to do two sessions back to back. That's allowed. But then three sessions, not allowed. So, you know, they're very strict. You don't want to break any of the rules and regulations. You'll get kicked out of the community. So we do another session. And she was loving it. And it was like she had a. By the way, you're supposed to call it a pussy. That's what everybody said. I'm going to touch your pussy now. Or you refer to it as a pussy. Her pussy was like a cave. And, like, finding that clit was like finding a bean in a blanket. But, you know, I was. You know, the old me would be terrified of this, but I was getting, you know, that region. I was getting more comfortable. So I left that apartment. I felt once again really good. And that's it. I was hooked. I was hooked. I became an addict. I went on this WhatsApp group every day. It was more than Instagram, more than five. I was on this WhatsApp group, and I was going all around the city stroking people, clits of all different shapes, sizes, everything. It started affecting my work. My boss was like, yossi, why are you taking these long lunch breaks? And I was like, I'm doing a meditation. I'm taking a meditation class. Which wasn't a lot. I mean, it is meditation. When I was doing it. I was laser focused. It was actually really good for me to be in the moment anyway, doing it more and more. But then I kind of had with Kira. Since she was more convenient, I started doing it more with her. We started doing it twice a week with the stroking. We would go up there, we'd commiserate about our horrible love lives. You know, she gave me the apple juice, and she once said, oh, you know, you remind you're like my Jewish. Which was kind of incestuous. It was a little weird. Weird, yeah. But we got along. So we're doing this thing twice a week. And then a couple of months in, she messaged me one day, yossi, we can't om anymore. I'm in a relationship. I was like, oh, okay. And I realized, you know, intimacy, the own thing I definitely had. It helped me get over my superficial fear of intimacy. When it came to the female anatomy, definitely, it was like exposure therapy. But when it came to the deeper intimacy connection, you know, getting close to somebody on an emotional level, this was kind of like bullshit. It wasn't the real thing. It was just like a novelty act, a rush to intimacy, like a fad diet or something like that. So I tried to get back into it, but I felt like a gynecologist, to be honest, coming in and out of seeing a patient, and it just fizzled out. I stopped doing it. Anyway, four years later, I'm on a third date with this girl I really like, and it's going well, which is pretty good. I have a third date that was not common. And she's like, how do you know this person? Pamela. And I was like, pamela? Oh, my God. And we had this Facebook thread in common. Pamela. And I knew Pamela from the orgasmic meditation community. But I was like, oh, no. I never really stroked her, but she was heavily involved in the past. So I was like. In my head, I was freaking out. I'm like, do I tell her? Do I not tell her? You know, what do I do? What do I do? So then I just took a deep breath and I just told her everything. I figured she's gonna want to be with me. She's gotta know my eccentric weirdness and all that. I told her everything, and she just looked at me and she laughed, and she goes, yeah, I already knew that. Pamela told me everything. I'm like, okay. Then I realized this was real intimacy. This person liked me with all my sexual deviance and eccentricities, warts and all. And she accepted me. We went on a couple more dates. And then I married her. And then I invited Kira to our wedding, but she never ended up coming because of COVID But anyway, it's another story. Thank you.

[C]

It would be unfair to say that I came from little, but I didn't come from much either. My father was always quick to remind us, the family, that pizza was a luxury and we should appreciate it as such when it managed to materialize on our plates. So when I married up, and I mean up, every little thing threw me for a loop. For example, I remember an early meal with my husband to be and his mother and stepfather, and his mother snidely looking at me and saying, you hold your silverware like an American, and I'm 17 years old. I thought, I am an American. But I looked at the way she was holding her fork and knife, and I corrected myself, and I was sure never to make that mistake again for 17 years, which was the duration of my marriage to their son. So 17 years come and go, and he and I are sitting in our living room in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, having the conversation where we divvy up our belongings. He was as beautiful to me as he was the first day I'd seen him across a classroom when I was 17 years old. There was no denying him. I mean, I could be angry, I could be sad, I could be bitter. He was still beautiful. And the look in his dark brown eyes was sad and shocked and maybe a little bit angry, but they were the same eyes I'd fallen in love with. And he says to me, all I want are my quilt and my books. I'd made him a quilt. Why this was important at this moment was not entirely clear. I'm picturing him walking around the streets of Brooklyn with a trunk full of paperbacks and a blanket on his back. And I can tell it all seems very melancholy, romantic to him, and I'm not impressed. So I kind of quickly glance around the room, and I see our gray, little white Russian cat. And her eyes lock with mine, and she cocks her head in what felt like a knowing way. And I think, I want the cat. And I glance above the cat, and I see hanging on the wall, a piece of artwork. And I say, all I want are the cat and the Rauschenberg. And he looks at me. I mean, his eyes are kind of wide, and I can tell he's wondering if I really have the moxie to be asking for the most valuable gift we'd received during our marriage. And he falters. And I think he sputters out like, you can't be serious or something to that effect. You can't. You wouldn't. Why would you? And then he stops because he knows this is on him, so he surrenders. So I walk away from the marriage with our Ikea sectional couch, our Kate Spade wedding china, are little Gray Kitty and the Rauschenberg. Anyone who's familiar with modern art knows the name Robert Rauschenberg. Anyone who's not might be familiar with his name or the intimation of it from its place on the set of the television show Frasier. There's that perennial realm of Frasier's living room. And you see in a hallway in the back a big piece of contemporary art and the letters B, E R, G spelling at the end of Robert Rauschenberg's name. And this is meant to signify to the knowing viewer that Frasier is rich. And having this piece of artwork made me feel rich, too. Some years later, I was married again, and it was ending again. And I was in this arrangement the person with the greatest marital asset being this piece of art. And I remember at this point my second husband was gone, out of at least our house. I'm sitting in what would soon no longer be my living room, and I was more sad about leaving the living room than I was about leaving my husband. I mean, it was a great place. It was not a cramped New York City apartment. It was out in the country. And I'm looking around and I see my fancy painting, this Rauschenberg, which was a portrait of the palm of a hand. It had really never done anything for me as a piece of art. It was his signature in the lower right hand corner. That is what I fixated on. It was what reminded me that it was important. But it wasn't the piece of art itself that really ever blew my skirt up. And I looked up at this piece of art on the wall and I started thinking about it in relation to my worth in general. Was this really what it boiled down to? Was this all I had? And I thought of the life I'd had with my first husband and the younger I was when I first entered that respect relationship and the woman I'd grown into throughout the course of it and the person I was that night. And I thought, no, you know, I'm not. I can't be summed up by my belongings. And I took the painting off the wall, and in its place, I hung my NYU diploma, which I thought was a much better indicator of my, you know, what I had to offer. This was something I had worked incredibly hard for that. I was very proud of. And I thought this is who I was going to be. The next me was going to be someone who prided herself on her mind, not her assets. And in the next moment, I decided I didn't want the painting in my life at all, and I was going to give it away. Now, mind you, what I didn't realize was that I was in the early stages of a manic episode. But this seemed like a brilliant idea at the time. I would get rid of the painting. I would exorcise the demons of that sad last marriage. The even sadder second one, the new me was not going to be defined by any of that. I wasn't gonna auction it off, though. I wasn't going to sell it to a gallery or give it to a friend or return it to my ex. I was going to get rid of it that night. Like I said, I'd taken it off the wall and I thought, I'm gonna give it to the world. It's a gift. I'm gonna give it away. I'm gonna wrap it like a gift. And I didn't have the right wrapping paper, so I grabbed a throw blanket. It was beige and cream striped with a little bit of fringe on was October, November when this happened. It was chilly, and I thought, oh, it looks like a Christmas present now. I grabbed a hat as I was leaving my home. I'm a big music person, and most moments in my life always have a soundtrack. And this hat I put on was a little beige beanie with neon orange. It looked like headphones kind of stitched into it. And there were headphones inside the cap. And I selected the soundtrack for this momentous occasion. I'd been listening to the song Walking on Thin Ice by Yoko Ono a lot. So there I go into the chilly night. And it is icy underfoot. So I feel the poetry in this moment. And I hear Yoko bleeding in my ear with lemons. Wild riffs Walking on Thin Ice. I'm paying the price for throwing the dice in the air. There's this little park not far from where my building is on the main street of this town. But there are benches, a few benches, dark pine green wooden benches. And I think, okay, well, that's where the painting is going to go. And I picked the centermost bench to set this gift to the universe on. As I've dubbed it in my mind. The fringe of the blanket I have wrapped it in is rippling in the breeze on this chilly night. And as I set it Down, I think to myself, goodbye, goodbye to all that. Which is also the name of my favorite story by Joan Didion. And it's her story of leaving New York. It's her story of being sad in New York, of feeling devalued in New York, of crying, as she says, in.

[D]

Chinese laundries, in cafes, in bars, in men's apartments, in the dark on the.

[C]

Street in New York. She says, goodbye to all that. And I thought, goodbye to all that. And I walked away. I remember when I was coming to after this episode sometimes shortly after having my mom call all over town in search of it. I mean, I wasn't even fully in command of my mind yet. But I knew I had fucked up big time. I had given away something that was more valuable than anything I would ever own ever again. And the panic was that I felt was hot on my face. I mean, I just wanted to throw up. And it easily could have been my undoing all over again. It was a full body seizure of shame and confusion and regret and embarrassment and shock. It could be anywhere. It could be in the dump. It could be in your grandmother's living room. It could be to be in a punk house. And there was a long time when I would picture a cinematic vision of myself standing there in the park that night and putting it on the bench and thinking I was free. But all I could hear was my mother in law's voice ringing in my ears. Does she know what she's giving up? And I heard that over and over and over again for a very long time. And I would physically shake my head and just smile and think, there's nothing you can do about it.

[D]

Now.

[C]

There'S a highly celebrated museum in the town I live now, and they recently had a retrospective on the work of Robert Rauschenberg. Now, entry to this museum costs maybe 20, $25 a ticket, which is more than I can afford on an average weekend. But they have a program where they will give a member of the Hoi Polloi a two dollar entrance as long as they flash their food stamp card, which I happen to have have one of, because that's just where I am in my life right now. And it's not exactly a proud moment to have to reveal your financial status to the person behind the desk selling tickets. But it is what it is. And I wanted to see the work and I wanted to tell them that there was a time when I was a collector, not a girl on food stamps looking for cheap admission to gaze through the window. But of course, I didn't. These days I think of it and I laugh. Pizza is a luxury. But my parents Yankee frugality, it turns out, was actually them saving and saving and saving everything they could so that when they were gone, they could provide for their children. And they provided me with a place to fall when I needed it most. And I still love that Yoko Ono song. And there's another line in it that her amazing omniscience declares, when our hearts return to ashes, it'll be just a story. And that's all it is to me.

[A]

Sam.

[B]

This is risk. And I am still Cindy Freeman. And John is still here with me.

[A]

Yep. And after Yoko there we moved right into this strange music recorded almost 117 years ago. It's the Intermezzo from the opera Cavalleria Rusticana by Pietro Mascagni. And that line you're hearing up top sounds kind of like a theremin. That's actually a lady named Edith Helena doing her best to sing like a violin. Sounds pretty eerie.

[B]

Indeed it does. It's so awesome. Anyway, we just heard from Heather Farley with a story we called Breaking Point. It was edited and sound designed again by the fabulous Hope Rush, who I only referred to as the Fabulous Hope Brush because she's fabulous. Thank you, Hope. Something that Heather wrote to us when we told her we were going to be including this really touched my heart. Heart, she said. Both of the stories that I have been so lucky to have featured on Risk involve a time when I was significantly unwell. I am wildly pleased and grateful and blessed to state that I have been entirely stable in that regard for a decade. Cheers to better living through chemistry. So glad to know that she is doing well. And you can find Heather on online on Instagram @stormyheather17. And before Heather was that story by Yossi Rosenberg called Orgasmic, edited by the equally fantastic and one of my favorite human beings of all time, Taj Easton. So what to say about this story? Having just watched the Netflix documentary Orgasm Some Ink, my first thought was is that the people that Yossi was involved with. I say this because the founder of the Orgasmic Meditation group featured on the documentary has been jailed and is in fact being called the female Keith Reneri. So yeah, maybe the Nixon doubts were legit, Yassi. But hey, I do have a takeaway on this one. Note to myself to avoid being scammed, simply be budget conscience. Don't spend thousands of dollars on classes if you can just join a chat group for free. Anyway, you can find Yossi online at grossy. Yossi that's G R O S S Y O S S I Now, there is one final story that we must talk about before we wrap up. And hey, I understand, and I might be biased, but I think it is his absolute best story on Risk in the past six months. It is the Big Secret by my husband, Brad Lawrence. And, yeah, I am biased, but I truly do think that this is one of the best things he's ever written. It's a story about the secrets that we keep way too long and how that affects us. Plus, it's a tribute to a dear friend. And it's also another one that is just too long to play on this episode. In case you missed it, here is just a taste.

[A]

And once we have taken this in, that's when Augustus really goes in for the kill. Because that's when he explains to us that thinking about sex is just as much of a sin as having sex. Because when you are thinking about sex, that means you have turned over that still small place in your heart that should be reserved for the Lord Jesus Christ. You have turned it over. The demon lust. And what could be a greater sin than that? So just being curious about these things, that is as damning as actually doing them. And only after we, the youth group, ages 13 to 18, all of us going through puberty, all of us very curious about what's happening in one another's pants once we have taken on board that just that curiosity alone has very likely already doomed us to an eternity in a lake of fire, then and only then, does Augustus finally throw out a lifeline.

[B]

You really do have to check out that whole story, which is on the episode of the same name, the Big secret. And you'll hear me again because I guest hosted that episode. And that is going to do it for the best of risk. Number 33. And this week is also, if you didn't know, the end of Risk's 16th season. But next week, we are throwing Risk a surprise sweet 16 party, and you are all invited. Don't say anything, because we cannot wait to see the look on Risk's shocked face.

[A]

And so it ends as it began. Edith, Helena, take it away, friends.

[B]

Today. Today is the day. Take a Risk.