RISK! Podcast – The Best of RISK! #34

Date: March 31, 2026
Host: Kevin Allison
Featured Storytellers: Fixie, Kevin Allison, Michelle Roberts
Theme: Jaw-dropping, uncensored true stories “you never thought you’d dare to share in public”; a showcase of some of the most memorable and intense stories from the past 6 months.

Episode Overview

This “Best of” episode from the RISK! podcast, hosted by Kevin Allison, weaves together three riveting and dramatically varied stories—each highlighting the raw, unvarnished nature of the show. The episode journeys through:

A harrowing tale of survival and terror within the world of sexual exploration (Fixie)
A laugh-out-loud recount of an infamous family incident involving pickles, ADHD, and film-school pressures (Kevin Allison)
A devastating, deeply moving narrative about surviving family abuse and grappling with Munchausen by proxy (Michelle Roberts)

Each segment showcases RISK!’s signature blend of humor, honesty, and emotional depth, with personal stakes running high and self-discovery at the heart of each story.

Main Stories and Key Discussion Points

1. “St. Andrew’s Cross” – Fixie

[02:51 - 25:57]

Summary:

Fixie shares a gripping, explicit account of his late-teen explorations into sex work in Pittsburgh—a story that leads him to a life-and-death encounter with a client whose interests become terrifyingly sadistic. What starts as curiosity and the pursuit of new experiences descends into a near-kidnapping, ultimately testing the limits of consent, trust, and survival.

Key Points & Insights:

Exploration and Risk: Fixie describes himself as “a hunter of new experiences,” with a willingness to explore taboo subcultures.

“I have always been, let's say, an explorer or a hunter of new experiences... I want to fully immerse myself in experience.”
Sex Work in Pittsburgh: Fixie’s initiation into sex work is casual yet transactional, with an old friend linking him to the underground scene. He quickly learns the ropes of street-level hustling on First Avenue.
The Client: An encounter with a seemingly harmless, nerdy client evolves into a deeply unsettling experience. The plan was simple: tickling for money, but the client’s requests escalate, involving unexpected bondage and sensory deprivation.
Escalation and Terror: Once restrained and blindfolded, Fixie is subjected to psychological torture as the client reveals a table full of weapons and chilling threats:

“Nobody knows where you are and nobody can hear you scream.” [17:34, Voice in Fixie’s ear]
Moment of Release: The ordeal climaxes with the client’s sexual gratification, at which point he releases Fixie in a cold, emotionless state.

“When I looked in his eyes, that was not the same person at all. That was far more terrifying than anything on that table.” [~24:50, Fixie]
Retrospective: Despite the trauma, Fixie frames the experience as a once-in-a-lifetime “gift”—a confrontation with the edge of mortality and terror that only few ever face:

“What I went through…was the closest you can get to believing that you are going to die without dying... As someone who's a hunter of new experiences... it is definitely in my top 10.” [~25:45, Fixie]

Memorable Quotes:

On terror: “When someone whispers in your ear, ‘Nobody knows where you are and nobody can hear you scream,’ and you feel that ice-cold piece of steel shoot down your spine—that will do it too.” [17:34, Fixie]
On survival: “I was floored…they're never gonna find me... just let me fucking go.” [20:00+]
On the ‘gift’ of experience: “What that person gave me was a gift, a priceless gift…I would never want to repeat that…” [25:20]

2. “Pickles” – Kevin Allison

[26:32 - 45:42]

Summary:

Host Kevin Allison recounts a family legend: his infamous attempt to create a film-school project at NYU in 1988, which ends in him flushing a giant jar of pickles down the toilet—much to the confusion and horror of his brother and their plumber. The story also serves as a lens on Kevin’s struggles with undiagnosed ADHD and his comedic self-discovery.

Key Points & Insights:

Setting: Young Kevin, cash-poor but NYU-bound, moves into his older brother Dave’s Coney Island bachelor pad (“mostly decorated with beer cans”).
NYU Film School: The assignment is to make a Super 8 short film. Kevin’s idea involves a “giant medication bottle,” which he decides to improvise using a gallon jar of pickles.
ADHD and Decision-Making: Overwhelmed by prop logistics and the pressure of in-camera edits, Kevin chooses to flush the pickles to hide the evidence from his brother:

“I know what I'll do. I'll flush these pickles down the toilet. Because pickles are kind of shaped like poop.” [36:50, Kevin]
Disastrous Results: The toilet clogs, leading to the discovery of the pickles by a boisterous plumber. The incident becomes family lore, baffling his brother and cementing Kevin’s reputation for bizarre judgment under stress.
Reflection: Kevin reframes the story in light of his eventual ADHD diagnosis, acknowledging how “the weird part of your brain” can take over under overwhelming stress.

“Sometimes critical consciousness just kind of slumps over in the driver’s seat and the subconscious grabs the wheel…and the subconscious often has ideas that are rather special.” [~42:00, Kevin]

Memorable Quotes:

On hiding evidence: “I had to fist those fucking pickles down that toilet.” [37:30, Kevin]
On family confusion: “Who the hell flushes a bunch of pickles down the toilet?” [~41:00, Dave]
On explanation: “Now I know how I can explain that story to my family. And I have to say, if you ever find yourself in that situation… give a little toast to the weird part of your brain— not with a drink, but with a pickle.” [~43:30, Kevin]

3. “The Lies that Bind” – Michelle Roberts (with Taj Easton)

[48:22 - 95:08]

Summary:

In a candid, gut-wrenching conversation with producer Taj Easton, Michelle Roberts unfurls the multi-layered trauma inflicted upon her by a mother suffering from Munchausen by proxy—first targeting Michelle’s baby sister (through poison and suffocation) and later her brother (through medical fabrication and ultimately fatal neglect). Michelle’s journey is one of unraveling lies, misplaced guilt, grief, and the harrowing realization that the trust and love children give can be profoundly dangerous when manipulated by an abusive parent.

Key Points & Insights:

Family Background & Early Years: Michelle was a preacher’s daughter. Her sister is born extremely premature, and quickly becomes the focal point of the family’s life due to her supposed chronic illnesses.
Mother’s Pattern of Abuse: Through hospitalizations and eventual security footage, it’s discovered their mother is actively poisoning and suffocating the infant sister (including “putting urine and feces from her diaper into her IV lines” [~52:00, Michelle]).
Aftermath and Manipulation: The mother spends only months in detention; Michelle is placed with her grandparents but is emotionally coerced into prioritizing family “reunification,” becoming the child tasked with bringing everyone back together.
Repeated Trauma: The cycle repeats years later with Michelle’s brother. The mother fabricates and exaggerates his illnesses, orchestrating donations, attention, and sympathy, while Michelle becomes increasingly confused and suspicious—especially watching her brother’s “miraculous recoveries” and questionable physical limitations.
Narrative Control: Michelle’s mother exerts intense psychological pressure, turning Michelle both into a defender of her and an unwitting accomplice, until evidence and patterns become undeniable.
Loss and Grief: Michelle details her final interactions with her dying brother, the confusion of mourning a loss deeply entwined with lies, and the decades-long process of uncovering the truth.
Coming to Terms: Only as an adult, with research and the advocacy community behind her, does Michelle openly name and reckon with the depth of the betrayal and loss:

“I've really come to grasp the fact that my brother should have never died…he died at the hands of my mother.” [~94:00, Michelle]
Call for Honesty: Michelle’s plea to her mother and to others is for unvarnished truth—a refusal to continue to collude with silence:

“You've got to be honest about things you've done that you've never been honest with anybody about, even yourself.” [~94:00, Michelle]

Notable Quotes & Moments:

On the horror of realization: “She was caught on video suffocating her via her trach…she was seen on camera…putting it [feces and urine] into her IV lines. What the fuck?” [~52:00, Michelle]
On distorted family bonds: “My role in the family was to bring us all back together…It was all on my shoulders.” [~56:40]
On dissociation: “The only answer I have for it now as to why I had to have been disassociating through it…because what she was telling the public, what she was saying out loud…was not what I saw with my brother.” [~70:40]
Heartbreak of final moments: “‘Michelle, when I, when I die, do you think I’m going to heaven?’…I just looked at him and…I said, ‘Yeah, you’re going to go to heaven and you’re going to be happy. Everything is going to be okay.’ He said, ‘Thank you. You help me not be scared anymore.’” [~84:00, Michelle]

Timestamps for Important Segments

Opening & Episode Preview – [00:01 - 01:08]
Story 1 (Fixie: “St. Andrew's Cross”) – [02:51 - 25:57]
Story 2 (Kevin Allison: “Pickles”) – [26:32 - 45:42]
Story 3 (Michelle Roberts + Taj Easton: “The Lies That Bind”) – [48:22 - 95:08]
Notable Quotes & Reflections – interspersed throughout each section (referenced above)
Memorable Story Conclusions & Resources – [95:08 - End (96:22)]: Michelle’s ongoing advocacy, podcast links, and workshop announcements.

Episode Highlights & Tone

Unflinching Honesty: The episode features stories that pull no punches, each with moments of darkness but also stark introspection. RISK! remains a place for truth, no matter how uncomfortable.
Humor as Balm: Even amid trauma, levity emerges—whether it’s the family lore of “flushing pickles” or the absurdity within the darkest situations.
Empathy & Advocacy: Michelle Roberts’ story in particular transitions from personal trauma to activism, underscoring the community and healing found in sharing the “unshareable.”
Memorable Turns of Phrase:
- “Pickles are kind of shaped like poop.” — Kevin Allison [36:50]
- “Nobody knows where you are and nobody can hear you scream.” — Fixie’s client [17:34]
- “You’ve got to be honest about things you’ve done that you’ve never been honest with anybody about, even yourself.” — Michelle Roberts [~94:00]

Closing Thoughts

RISK!’s 34th “Best of” installment is a powerful sampler: it spans the spectrum from absurd childhood mishaps to the razor-edge of survival, and the farthest reaches of familial love and betrayal. Throughout, the episode exemplifies the show’s core promise—courageous storytelling without a safety net.

For Listeners

If the episode themes resonate, further resources include Michelle Roberts’ work on Instagram (@cshell92) and her feature on “Nobody Should Believe Me” (Season 6).
To share your own story, upcoming RISK! storytelling workshops are available (April 8th start; details shared at [96:22]).
RISK! welcomes support via Patreon and listener reviews.

[Note: All timestamps are approximate. Content warnings apply—especially for stories with sexual violence, child abuse, and medical trauma.]

RISK! Podcast – The Best of RISK! #34

Episode Overview

A harrowing tale of survival and terror within the world of sexual exploration (Fixie)
A laugh-out-loud recount of an infamous family incident involving pickles, ADHD, and film-school pressures (Kevin Allison)
A devastating, deeply moving narrative about surviving family abuse and grappling with Munchausen by proxy (Michelle Roberts)

Each segment showcases RISK!’s signature blend of humor, honesty, and emotional depth, with personal stakes running high and self-discovery at the heart of each story.

Main Stories and Key Discussion Points

1. “St. Andrew’s Cross” – Fixie

[02:51 - 25:57]

Summary:

Key Points & Insights:

Exploration and Risk: Fixie describes himself as “a hunter of new experiences,” with a willingness to explore taboo subcultures.

“I have always been, let's say, an explorer or a hunter of new experiences... I want to fully immerse myself in experience.”
Sex Work in Pittsburgh: Fixie’s initiation into sex work is casual yet transactional, with an old friend linking him to the underground scene. He quickly learns the ropes of street-level hustling on First Avenue.
The Client: An encounter with a seemingly harmless, nerdy client evolves into a deeply unsettling experience. The plan was simple: tickling for money, but the client’s requests escalate, involving unexpected bondage and sensory deprivation.
Escalation and Terror: Once restrained and blindfolded, Fixie is subjected to psychological torture as the client reveals a table full of weapons and chilling threats:

“Nobody knows where you are and nobody can hear you scream.” [17:34, Voice in Fixie’s ear]
Moment of Release: The ordeal climaxes with the client’s sexual gratification, at which point he releases Fixie in a cold, emotionless state.

“When I looked in his eyes, that was not the same person at all. That was far more terrifying than anything on that table.” [~24:50, Fixie]
Retrospective: Despite the trauma, Fixie frames the experience as a once-in-a-lifetime “gift”—a confrontation with the edge of mortality and terror that only few ever face:

“What I went through…was the closest you can get to believing that you are going to die without dying... As someone who's a hunter of new experiences... it is definitely in my top 10.” [~25:45, Fixie]

Memorable Quotes:

On terror: “When someone whispers in your ear, ‘Nobody knows where you are and nobody can hear you scream,’ and you feel that ice-cold piece of steel shoot down your spine—that will do it too.” [17:34, Fixie]
On survival: “I was floored…they're never gonna find me... just let me fucking go.” [20:00+]
On the ‘gift’ of experience: “What that person gave me was a gift, a priceless gift…I would never want to repeat that…” [25:20]

2. “Pickles” – Kevin Allison

[26:32 - 45:42]

Summary:

Key Points & Insights:

Setting: Young Kevin, cash-poor but NYU-bound, moves into his older brother Dave’s Coney Island bachelor pad (“mostly decorated with beer cans”).
NYU Film School: The assignment is to make a Super 8 short film. Kevin’s idea involves a “giant medication bottle,” which he decides to improvise using a gallon jar of pickles.
ADHD and Decision-Making: Overwhelmed by prop logistics and the pressure of in-camera edits, Kevin chooses to flush the pickles to hide the evidence from his brother:

“I know what I'll do. I'll flush these pickles down the toilet. Because pickles are kind of shaped like poop.” [36:50, Kevin]
Disastrous Results: The toilet clogs, leading to the discovery of the pickles by a boisterous plumber. The incident becomes family lore, baffling his brother and cementing Kevin’s reputation for bizarre judgment under stress.
Reflection: Kevin reframes the story in light of his eventual ADHD diagnosis, acknowledging how “the weird part of your brain” can take over under overwhelming stress.

“Sometimes critical consciousness just kind of slumps over in the driver’s seat and the subconscious grabs the wheel…and the subconscious often has ideas that are rather special.” [~42:00, Kevin]

Memorable Quotes:

On hiding evidence: “I had to fist those fucking pickles down that toilet.” [37:30, Kevin]
On family confusion: “Who the hell flushes a bunch of pickles down the toilet?” [~41:00, Dave]
On explanation: “Now I know how I can explain that story to my family. And I have to say, if you ever find yourself in that situation… give a little toast to the weird part of your brain— not with a drink, but with a pickle.” [~43:30, Kevin]

3. “The Lies that Bind” – Michelle Roberts (with Taj Easton)

[48:22 - 95:08]

Summary:

Key Points & Insights:

Family Background & Early Years: Michelle was a preacher’s daughter. Her sister is born extremely premature, and quickly becomes the focal point of the family’s life due to her supposed chronic illnesses.
Mother’s Pattern of Abuse: Through hospitalizations and eventual security footage, it’s discovered their mother is actively poisoning and suffocating the infant sister (including “putting urine and feces from her diaper into her IV lines” [~52:00, Michelle]).
Aftermath and Manipulation: The mother spends only months in detention; Michelle is placed with her grandparents but is emotionally coerced into prioritizing family “reunification,” becoming the child tasked with bringing everyone back together.
Repeated Trauma: The cycle repeats years later with Michelle’s brother. The mother fabricates and exaggerates his illnesses, orchestrating donations, attention, and sympathy, while Michelle becomes increasingly confused and suspicious—especially watching her brother’s “miraculous recoveries” and questionable physical limitations.
Narrative Control: Michelle’s mother exerts intense psychological pressure, turning Michelle both into a defender of her and an unwitting accomplice, until evidence and patterns become undeniable.
Loss and Grief: Michelle details her final interactions with her dying brother, the confusion of mourning a loss deeply entwined with lies, and the decades-long process of uncovering the truth.
Coming to Terms: Only as an adult, with research and the advocacy community behind her, does Michelle openly name and reckon with the depth of the betrayal and loss:

“I've really come to grasp the fact that my brother should have never died…he died at the hands of my mother.” [~94:00, Michelle]
Call for Honesty: Michelle’s plea to her mother and to others is for unvarnished truth—a refusal to continue to collude with silence:

“You've got to be honest about things you've done that you've never been honest with anybody about, even yourself.” [~94:00, Michelle]

Notable Quotes & Moments:

On the horror of realization: “She was caught on video suffocating her via her trach…she was seen on camera…putting it [feces and urine] into her IV lines. What the fuck?” [~52:00, Michelle]
On distorted family bonds: “My role in the family was to bring us all back together…It was all on my shoulders.” [~56:40]
On dissociation: “The only answer I have for it now as to why I had to have been disassociating through it…because what she was telling the public, what she was saying out loud…was not what I saw with my brother.” [~70:40]
Heartbreak of final moments: “‘Michelle, when I, when I die, do you think I’m going to heaven?’…I just looked at him and…I said, ‘Yeah, you’re going to go to heaven and you’re going to be happy. Everything is going to be okay.’ He said, ‘Thank you. You help me not be scared anymore.’” [~84:00, Michelle]

Timestamps for Important Segments

Opening & Episode Preview – [00:01 - 01:08]
Story 1 (Fixie: “St. Andrew's Cross”) – [02:51 - 25:57]
Story 2 (Kevin Allison: “Pickles”) – [26:32 - 45:42]
Story 3 (Michelle Roberts + Taj Easton: “The Lies That Bind”) – [48:22 - 95:08]
Notable Quotes & Reflections – interspersed throughout each section (referenced above)
Memorable Story Conclusions & Resources – [95:08 - End (96:22)]: Michelle’s ongoing advocacy, podcast links, and workshop announcements.

Episode Highlights & Tone

Unflinching Honesty: The episode features stories that pull no punches, each with moments of darkness but also stark introspection. RISK! remains a place for truth, no matter how uncomfortable.
Humor as Balm: Even amid trauma, levity emerges—whether it’s the family lore of “flushing pickles” or the absurdity within the darkest situations.
Empathy & Advocacy: Michelle Roberts’ story in particular transitions from personal trauma to activism, underscoring the community and healing found in sharing the “unshareable.”
Memorable Turns of Phrase:
- “Pickles are kind of shaped like poop.” — Kevin Allison [36:50]
- “Nobody knows where you are and nobody can hear you scream.” — Fixie’s client [17:34]
- “You’ve got to be honest about things you’ve done that you’ve never been honest with anybody about, even yourself.” — Michelle Roberts [~94:00]

Closing Thoughts

For Listeners

If the episode themes resonate, further resources include Michelle Roberts’ work on Instagram (@cshell92) and her feature on “Nobody Should Believe Me” (Season 6).
To share your own story, upcoming RISK! storytelling workshops are available (April 8th start; details shared at [96:22]).
RISK! welcomes support via Patreon and listener reviews.

[Note: All timestamps are approximate. Content warnings apply—especially for stories with sexual violence, child abuse, and medical trauma.]