Trying It On

Summary

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RISK! Podcast: "Trying It On" (August 4, 2026)

Host: Kevin Allison
Featured Storytellers: Kanise Mobley, Richard Velasquez

Episode Overview

“Trying It On” is a classic RISK! blend of gut-punch honesty and sharp humor. Host Kevin Allison presents jaw-dropping, true tales by Kanise Mobley and Richard Velasquez, stories that probe self-image, sexuality, race, trauma, and redemption. Kanise’s jaunt through two very different sex club experiences explores the gap between fantasy and lived reality, while Richard’s searing coming-of-age narrative recounts his first experience selling crack in 1986 New York—a story thick with fear, guilt, and hard-won transformation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kanise Mobley – “Maybe Lady”

[04:53–17:32]

• Adolescent Aspirations Through Pop Culture:
  Kanise opens by recalling her teenage obsession with Renee Russo’s character in The Thomas Crown Affair (1999) – confidently sensual, world-travelled, and cosmopolitan. Inspired, young Kanise tried (and spectacularly failed) to emulate that sophistication at age 14:

  "At 14, wearing a powder blue pantsuit to school did not make people think I was sophisticated. I got several questions like: are you dressed up as the mom from That 70s Show?" ([05:34])

• Saying ‘Yes’ to Experience (and Awkwardness):
  She attempts to live out her international, liberated woman fantasy while traveling through Europe. The highlight: a would-be romantic encounter in a Parisian sex club (which, amusingly, includes a dinner of Pizza Hut).

  "There was like a baguette that they put. But it was like, we're all supposed to share this one baguette... Of the sex foods, right below soup is pizza." ([09:49])
  The reality of the club’s lack of diversity and awkward group dynamic hits hard.

• Refusing to Give Up (and Group Sex in Brooklyn):
  Hoping for a more empowering group experience, Kanise agrees to accompany a podcast producer friend to a Brooklyn sex club. She’s met with a profoundly diverse crowd—except for the white women, who are the center of male attention, while Kanise and other Black women feel excluded.

  "All the white women were having a wild time and I and three other black women were standing against the wall. And I don't know if you've ever had to communicate with your eyes: Oh, hey, I have holes too, or hey, Coach, tag me in." ([12:49])

• Confronting Rejection & Rethinking Empowerment:
  Kanise is forced to reckon with a less glamorous truth—that being a "yes" woman isn't a magical passport to adventure or desire, and pop culture ideals may not be accessible or fulfilling for all.

  "Worse than feeling dejected and alone is humiliating yourself by crying next to active penetration." ([09:09]; also echoed at [14:21])
  She ultimately accepts her boundaries and reframes her outlook: "Maybe instead of being a yes girl, I'm a maybe you lady." ([16:49])

Notable Moments & Quotes:

• On her 14-year-old fashion choices:
  “I bought outfits to look like [Renee Russo]. At 14, wearing a powder blue pantsuit to school did not make people think I was sophisticated.” ([05:20])
• The hierarchy of “sex foods”:
  “The last thing you want on hands that are touching other genitals … is grit [from pizza].” ([10:28])
• The painfully funny description of exclusion at the Brooklyn sex club:
  “I have holes too, or hey, Coach, tag me in...it was the opposite of what validation feels like for us.” ([12:49])
• Kanise’s self-affirming conclusion:
  “Maybe instead of being a yes girl, I’m a maybe you lady.” ([16:49])

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2. Richard Velasquez – “Just Another Demon”

[31:17–47:46]

• Growing Up Jehovah’s Witness in NYC:
  Richard paints a vivid picture of his ultra-strict religious upbringing—no holidays, constant fear of demons, feeling like an outsider:

  "They taught us that demons are real. They live amongst us unseen. They were cast down from heaven with the devil, and now they roam the earth." ([31:56])

• Double Life & the Lure of the Streets:
  After leaving home, Richard is dazzled by the Lower East Side’s outlaw glamour and eager to prove himself to local “Puerto Rican outlaws”—even as an inner voice reminds him of his “nerdy church kid” past.

• First Crack Sale—Terror, Guilt, and the Supernatural:
  His debut as a crack dealer goes sideways when his first customer (a twitchy, barefoot white kid) appears to overdose on the spot. Gripped by panic and religious guilt:

  "My first crack sale is a murder, yo. I just went from possession with intent to distribute to a manslaughter in the flick of a lighter." ([41:08])
  "All that demon shit they fed me as a kid, every nightmare I ever had came roaring back like, see? Told you. This is who you are now. I didn’t have dreams. I didn’t have a future. I was just trying to survive long enough to get the fuck out, man.” ([41:53])

• A Brush with the Law—and the Supernatural:
  In a moment mixing street wisdom and religious guilt, Richard stands over the body, unable to abandon a (seemingly dead) customer he feels responsible for. After calling 911, the customer resurrects—literally gets up and asks for more crack:

  "I feel a presence standing next to me, and it's this dude, man. He has popped up the same way he fell down, yo... And he says to me, yo, that was some good. Can I get two more?" ([44:01])

• Life after the Epiphany—Escaping the Cycle:
  With help from a committed girlfriend, Richard is able to break the cycle—moving to Vermont, discovering acting and producing, and eventually reconciling with Rob, his mentor-friend from those years, who found his own redemption.

  "Luck and a combination of things did eventually get me out. Rob, not so much." ([46:20])

  • On seeing Rob again after prison:

    "He told me he loved me and that we're brothers for life. To this day, we still talk about that skinny white boy. And we wonder where he ended up. Me and Rob, we did make it out. We just took different paths." ([47:46])

Notable Moments & Quotes:

• On the banality and pain of religious fear:
  "Part of that shit stuck to my bones like roofing tar." ([32:44])
• Street wisdom meets gallows humor:
  “Avenue A, you were okay. Avenue B, you best beware. And if you on Avenue C, you better check yourself. And if you found yourself on Avenue D and you was white, yo, you were dead.” ([36:45])
• Absurdity in mortal danger:
  “I'm too soft for this shit. Why am I worried about a crackhead's toes being cold?” ([37:31])
• Hallucination or miracle:
  “I feel a presence standing next to me, and it's this dude, man... putting on his flip flops that popped off when he hit the dirt.” ([44:01])
• Heavy reflection:

  "The demons, they got my dad. He committed suicide in 2008, but somehow they missed me. Rob narrowly escaped too. Three addicts met on the sidewalk that day. Two of us are still here.” ([47:14])

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Highlighted Timestamps

| Segment | Description | Timestamp | |---------------------|------------------------------------------------------|-----------| | Kanise’s “Thomas Crown Affair” inspiration | Pop culture’s unreachable sophistication | 04:53–05:40 | | Parisian sex club & Pizza Hut dinner | Surreal globalization and awkward group sex | 08:24–11:18 | | Brooklyn club—race, desire, exclusion | Communicating rejection with eye contact | 12:10–13:37 | | Kanise’s emotional low | “Crying next to active penetration” | 14:21 | | Epiphany—‘Maybe you’ not ‘Yes Girl’ | Redefining empowerment | 16:49 | | Richard’s cult/religious upbringing | “Demons are real. They live amongst us...” | 31:56–32:30 | | First crack sale gone wrong | Believing he’s killed someone | 41:08–42:15 | | “Resurrection”/Surreal encounter | The “dead” customer gets up for more crack | 44:01–44:52 | | Redemption and moving forward | Parting ways and reuniting with Rob | 46:20–47:46 |

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Tone & Style Notes

The mood oscillates between irreverently funny and heartbreakingly vulnerable. Kanise’s segment is self-effacing, candid, and deployed with perfect comedic timing—her deadpan asides about racism and rejection sharpen the poignancy beneath the laughs. Richard’s voice, by contrast, blends edgy streetwise wit with deep emotional toll—equal parts tension, horror, and hard-earned wisdom.

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Memorable Quotes

• Kanise Mobley:

  • “Maybe instead of being a yes girl, I’m a maybe you lady.” ([16:49])
  • “Worse than feeling dejected and alone is humiliating yourself by crying next to active penetration.” ([09:09], [14:21])

• Richard Velasquez:

  • “All that demon shit they fed me as a kid, every nightmare I ever had came roaring back like, see? Told you. This is who you are now.” ([41:53])
  • “I sold him two more vials and I watched him walk away. I wish I could say I left that day ... but nah. We sold out and we went home to count our money.” ([44:56])

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Episode Takeaways

• Identity and Inclusion: Both storytellers confront how cultural myths of empowerment and belonging can fail when systems—be they race, addiction, or religion—define who feels visible or desirable.
• Humor in Vulnerability: Laughter is weaponized to defang awkwardness, sadness, and even mortal danger.
• Hard Truths, Hard Choices: The courage to say ‘maybe’ (not ‘yes’) and to walk away from the past is deeply, if painfully, human.

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Additional Notes

• Richard Velasquez’s solo show "Dancing with Demons" premieres August at the Hudson Theater (LA). Instagram: @richardvstory.
• Find Kanise Mobley on Instagram at @kneesmobley.

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This episode encapsulates classic RISK! storytelling—messy, honest, hilarious, and moving. For fans of true, raw personal narratives that tackle taboo and trauma, it's a must-listen.

Transcript

[Kevin Allison]

My dear friends in Christ or whoever, on this episode of Risk, you'll hear Ganees Mobley.

[Kanise Mobley]

Worse than feeling dejected and alone is humiliating yourself by crying next to active penetration.

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah, it happens. And you'll hear Richard Velasquez.

[Richard Velasquez]

I'm thinking to myself, God damn, this is some good crack. I just killed a motherfucker.

[Kevin Allison]

Amazing stories. You don't want to miss this one, folks. I'm your host, Kevin Allison. On the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. Folks, a few years back, I started to feel like I was about 537 years old. And some days I'd look in the mirror and think, wow. Okay, Kev, you look like you're 537 years old, too. A couple years back, I had a tiny little surgery on my foreh head, and the doctor said, wow, this is so great. Your wrinkles are so huge, I can just hide the scar in one of them. But now, because of One Skin, OS1 people are noticing a difference. I am looking younger. One Skin developed OS1, their proprietary peptide designed to work with the skin's biology by targeting dysfunctional cells clinically shown to improve the appearance of fruit, firmness, smoothness, skin tone, radiance, and the look of the fine lines. Born from over 10 years of longevity research, One Skin is helping you unlock your healthiest skin. Now, as you age, for a limited time, try one skin with 15% off using the code Risk at Oneskin co. Risk. That's 15% off OneSkin Co with the code Risk. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support Risk and tell them we sent you.

[Richard Velasquez]

Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.

[Kanise Mobley]

My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. Twas a lovely suv, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.

[Benjamin Boster]

Welcome to the I Can't Sleep podcast with Benjamin Boster. If you're tired of sleepless nights, you'll love the I Can't Sleep podcast. I help quiet your mind by reading random articles from across the web to bore you to sleep with my soothing voice. Each episode provides enough interesting content to hold your attention, and then your mind lets you drift off. Find it wherever you get your podcasts. That's I Can't Sleep with Benjamin Boster.

[Paula Poundstone]

When you listen to.

[Kevin Allison]

Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. The comedy podcast. You learn stuff.

[Paula Poundstone]

I've been learning to throw a boomerang. Cause this is the kind of thing

[Kanise Mobley]

that really gets the listeners engaged.

[Kevin Allison]

You know, interviews with people who will make you smarter. Does the amount that you learn protect you from cognitive decline?

[Kanise Mobley]

Paula, don't catch that. Can't people just listen to the show?

[Paula Poundstone]

Can't they just enjoy a delightful treehouse full of information?

[Kanise Mobley]

And I think I'm bleeding.

[Kevin Allison]

Join us and be a nobody. Okay, folks, this is Tal Tamari behind me now, and this episode is called Trying It On. To start things off, here's a story by Kenise Mobley right at Caveat in New York City in March of 2026. It's a story we call maybe Lady.

[Kanise Mobley]

How many of you remember the 1999 film the Thomas Crown Affair? Thank you. Thank you. Some of you are too young and I'm kind of offended at your presence here. Consider leaving. But that movie was monumental to me. So in 1999, my 40 something year old mother took me and my identical twin sister to go see this movie about an art heist where Pierce Brosnan and Renee Russo have lots of full frontal nudity sex. And I sat there holding my breath the entire time while I was watching these scenes, trying to make sure that my mother didn't think I was a pervert. But I watched this movie and I was a changed teenager. I was like, this is what being 40 is like. This internationally traveling woman who does what she wants, who says yes to things. I bought outfits to look like her. Which at 14, wearing a powder blue pantsuit to school did not make people think I was sophisticated. I got several questions like, are you dressed up as the mom from that 70s show? Which is a little disappointing. I also wore a corset over a button up shirt with like a black pencil skirt. Cause that was very cool. Rene Russo wore it. And a lot of the teachers were concerned, so they were worried, but I was not deterred. Okay. I was like, this is who I'm gonna be. And as I grew, I lived up to that. I traveled the world. Well, I mostly to Western Europe because I don't speak any other languages. But I traveled, okay. And I went on dates while I was abroad. So I went on dates in London, in Rome, and in Paris, where I was determined to say yes to life. I was going to be a fully realized woman. And so in Paris, that meant I met a man from an app at Le Centre Pompidou, the contemporary art museum. And we walked around on our date. We went into one of those little rooms where everything's dark and they're showing a video that doesn't make a lot of sense.

[Richard Velasquez]

Do you guys?

[Kanise Mobley]

And in that room, we delicately touched hands. And then we flirted throughout the rest of the exhibits. And then we walked the streets of Paris and made out on the banks of the Seine. It was made to look like a beach. It was very romantic. And then he asked me, would you like to go to a. What's the word? Sauna? And I looked at him confused, and he's like, it is like a place where people go to be together. And I reminded myself, I am saying yes. This is how I become an empowered woman. So I said yes to what turned out to be a sex club, which is what a sauna is. And I'm not sure what you guys picture when you picture a Parisian sex club. There was a big, rusted looking door, and my date gave our name to the people. And then we were handed, like, a little key that you had to wear around your wrist. And when you're thinking of key, maybe you're thinking of, like a. Ooh, a cool Victorian era key to some sort of mansion. Like a skeleton key. This was like a plastic key for a high school locker sort of thing. But we went to the lockers. That's where we put our clothes. We had to put on a sarong. We had to take a sexy shower. And me and this guy were really feeling each other, and other people are really feeling each other. And I'm just gonna say, okay, we had sex. Me and. Thank you. Me and this guy, we had sex in a room with other people. And we're in the middle of things when someone taps him on the shoulder and starts speaking in rapid French. And I'm just gonna say, you're not gonna remember your duolingo lessons While someone is physically inside you. It's just. You're not gonna conjugate the words, right? It's not gonna work. And my date could tell that I was confused. And he explains. He's like, oh, they wanna ask if they can join. And this is the year of me saying yes. Except for that I was like, no, no, no, merci. But then a dramatic bell rings, and everyone gets up, and I'm like, what's happening? My date explains it's dinner time, because part of our entry into this sex club is dinner. And what do you guys think might be offered at the Parisian sex club? What might be the dinner? Strawberry cheese. Grapes. You said oyster soup. Okay. Some sense of humor. I see or maybe you just have a very different sex life than myself. So all of those answers are wrong. A man dressed in a very regular schmegular outfit comes out holding four boxes of Pizza Hut. Yes. And that's when I said, globalization in this country has gone too far. There was like, a baguette that they put. But it was like, we're all supposed to share this one baguette. Like, also of the sex foods, right below soup is pizza. Because the bottom of most pizzas are covered with semolina flour. It helps separate the pizza from the layer underneath. But the last thing you want on hands that are touching other genitals or touching your genitals. Grit. But I stayed. I ate my pizza because I'm not a well off woman. And I was traveling on a budget. And well, damn it, I needed food too. So I ate my pizza with this group. And the people who had tapped on my date's shoulder to see if we could join them, they were like, yes, we love the sex club. Because here at the. I'm gonna do a bad from Jackson. I'm so sorry. Because here at the sex club, without our clothes on, we are free. We are not limited by societal structures. By class, this is where liberty can happen. And my date. And I look and I nod because I'm being thoughtful and interesting and international. And my date says, huh, that's bullshit. And they get into a little bit of a tiff. Some of it's in French, but I look around because everyone else at this club is white, and I am not white. If that's not clear, I am not white. And so I was kind of on edge, and it kind of let the air out of the tires of this experience a little bit. So I was like, okay, I'm not gonna be deterred. I am going to reach fulfillment. I am going to have this group sex experience. It's going to be more diverse. And I waited for my opportunity living in Brooklyn. It came from my podcast producer friend. But my podcast producer, who's just a friend, not someone who I want to have sex with, was like, hey, Kanice, weird question. You talk about sex a bunch. Would you like to go with me to a sex club? They will not let me in without a woman. And I noticed you're a woman. And I said, yes, I am. And I said yes to this experience. So we have to join an organization. We have to go to a meet and greet. We have to pay an entry fee in advance to get on the list of this sex club. It seems very Exclusive. And then I go to the most bland looking brownstone that exists in Bushwick. It. It was too modern, in fact. And there are all different types of people at this sex club. I mean, also the food wasn't that great and the decor wasn't as good as it is in Paris, but, you know, they were trying their best. Okay, but there were white guys and black guys and Asian guys and Middle Eastern guys all waiting in line to fuck white women. It was so diverse. I was impressed at the scale of the thing because in rooms there were people making out with white women. And in one bedroom, a white woman was getting double penetrated. And then in the basement there was like. I mean, the best way I can describe it is a fuck pile. Just like as far as, like a heap of people, I guess, on mattresses placed on the floor. And all the white women were having a wild time and I and three other black women were standing against the wall. And I don't know if you've ever had to communicate with your eyes. Oh, oh, hey, I have holes too, or hey, hey, Coach, tag me in. But it was the opposite of what validation feels like for us to just sit there and talk about hair care products, to follow each other on Instagram, to make friends while seeing that we were not the thing that was desired here. Well, I could feel myself getting hot. Like I was about to cry. And you don't want to cry at a sex club. I'm just going to be honest. Like, worse than feeling dejected and alone is humiliating yourself by crying next to active penetration. It's just. It's not what anyone wants. So I was like, okay, I've got to leave. And I didn't even bother letting my friend know that I was headed out because what am I gonna do? Like, tap him on the shoulder and say, no, you have fun. No, don't leave the pile. That's no. Stay. Have a great time. So I headed out onto the street and I could feel the tears starting to come. And I looked at my phone. Cause I was gonna call an Uber and an Uber cost too much. So I decided I'm walking to the train because it's free to cry on the train. We've all done it, and the tears are rolling down my eyes as I take the several train stops to the transfer point and then ride a really long escalator and then take the local train to get to my house to cry there. All while feeling like the least attractive woman in the world. And it was because I had said yes to almost everything and maybe it's not that I can just say yes to everything. Maybe the image in my head that I had created with Rene Russo from the Thomas Crown Affair, maybe their life, while good for them, isn't one that we all can achieve. Maybe I can do something else that doesn't make me feel like everyone thinks I'm disgusting because I am a capable, thoughtful, willing to take calculated risk person. Maybe instead of being a yes girl, I'm a maybe you lady. Thank you.

[Kevin Allison]

Hey folks, I want to talk to you about the Perfect gene. I have always struggled with the fact that I have no butt, I'm a bit chubby and. And I guess my size is a little unusual in terms of like big waist and not so long legs. You know, I'm really making myself sound awesome here. But the fact is I've always been impatient when shopping. I get very. When shopping. I'm not a. I don't like shopping. So many, many, many, many, many times I have just settled for jeans that really don't fit very well or are a slightly. Just not quite the hue, not quite the color that I'm really looking for or sometimes even not quite the texture I'm looking for. So the perfect jean set me up. They don't cut corners either. Ykk. Zippers, reinforced belt loops, deep pockets that actually fit your phone, your keys, your wallet and such a range. Waists from 26 to 52 lengths from 26 to 38, six fits from skinny to thick, thick 13 washes. It's over 5,000 combinations. I also love these athletic comfort shorts they have. So listen, risk listeners get 15% off their first first order plus free shipping at the Perfect Gene NYC. Or Google the Perfect Gene and use the code risk15 for 15% off. That's the perfect gene. Hey, do you have trouble sleeping?

[Kanise Mobley]

Who, me?

[Kevin Allison]

Yes, you. Trouble sleeping? Oh yeah, sometimes I just have a lot of stuff on my mind. You should try the Sleepy Podcast. What? The Sleepy Podcast. It's where host Otis Gray reads old books in a low, rhythmic voice to help you get to sleep. Classic books like Pride and Prejudice, Winnie the Pooh, Sherlock Holmes just softly read bedtime stories for grown ups. Okay. I mean, I need to run some errands. I was into an episode in the car.

[Kanise Mobley]

I think you're really, really good.

[Kevin Allison]

No, dude, you shouldn't operate heavy machinery when you're listening to sleepy. Oh dear. Well, it's just Opie gets home alive. But the bigger point I was trying to make, folks, is that for years Sleepy has helped millions of people catch some much needed Z's and start their day off fresh and discover old books they didn't know they'd love. Whether you're having trouble sleeping or just like a good bedtime story, fluff up the cool side of your pillow and tune into Sleepy. Unless you're driving. I nodded off there, yes sir. But listen folks, you can listen to Sleepy on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts new bedtime stories every week. I know what you're thinking. You're wondering, has Kevin ever used shampoo or dishwashing liquid instead of laundry detergent? Wondering if that'd or has Kevin ever ruined countless items of clothing by washing them incorrectly? Of course I have. I am not a master of laundry and the one thing that always gets me is how my clothes don't usually smell nice. But now things have changed. I have Laundry Sauce which makes my clothes look and feel and smell incredible. I got a compliment yesterday on how good my shirt I cleaned with Laundry Sauce Australian Sandalwood scent in it. These highly concentrated pods are packed with the cleaning power of bioenzymes that obliterate stains. Laundry Sauce also offers fabric conditioner, scent booster, dryer sheets, fabric fresher spray and a full money back guarantee. If you don't get better smelling cleaner laundry, you get a full refund for an unlimited time only. Our listeners get get 20% off your entire order when you use the code risk@laundry sauce.com that's 20 off your order@laundry sauce.com with the promo code risk. After your purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you it's time to make Laundry Day the best day of the week. Sam, This is Risk. This is Cunningham Manor behind me now and we just heard from Kanice Mobley, who you can find on Instagram at Knees Mobley. Now. Kanese's story proves my advice to people thinking of going to sex parties or sex saunas or kink events where sex will be happening. Go with a friend you like to have sex with and obviously who likes to have sex with you too. I have been to that exact same place in Bushwick, Brooklyn that Canes was talking about. Once I went with a friend of the sort I just mentioned and we had a blast. And then once I went alone and I left feeling undesirable and awkward and very much like I wasn't cool enough and sexy enough to be in the in crowd. But if you go to enough of those sorts of things, you start to learn there's off nights. There's on nights, there's nights when you click with the vibe and the people and nights where you just don't now gay men are shocked in Bangkok when they learn that I have not been to the gay saunas here. Very, very little in the time that I've been here since last September. There can't be a city in this world with more gay saunas than this one. But I've been a stranger to the sauna scene here so far because I haven't found a good sauna buddy to go with yet. It can't be a friend you don't have sex with. Like one of the two guys Canese went to one of these things with was just a platonic friend. No, it has to be someone where you can say, hey, no one here seems to like me, so looks like it's time for me to put my fist in your butt. Or whatever phrasing would go over well with your friend. Don't just quote me. I'm a very, very strange man. However, I am also one hell of an online storytelling workshop leader. Listen, my eight week online storytelling workshop. There's one starting on September 2nd, another starting on September 13th. Anyone? Absolute beginners pros. Anyone can work on any sort of story, no matter how light or heavy, how short or well, standard risk, story length, how written or improvised, or what context you'd like to share the story in. Like job interviews or wedding toasts or, you know, solo shows or memoirs. Here is a testimonial from a student named Andy, whose voice you might recognize from the show.

[Paula Poundstone]

Here is why I keep taking Kevin Allison's storytelling workshops. Ten years after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer, I finally wanted to try to tell my story. But every time I sat down to write something, it became this unorganized trauma dump. And so I tried things like writing classes, meetup groups, library workshops, even a TED storytelling course. They weren't bad, they just didn't click. So one day, listening to the Risk podcast, I heard Kevin announce his storytelling workshop. My immediate thought was, well, that's for other people with better stories. But I emailed him anyway. His reply with a description and video put me at ease and made me really want to try it out. So I talked to my sister about it and she really encouraged me. She said, well, Andy, it's cheaper than a therapist and your writing has kind of been therapy for you. And I was like, that is so true. So I signed up and I'm really, really glad that I did. Oddly, I don't think I told a single cancer story in that first workshop. I was too nervous. I shared other, safer stories. I was so new at all of it. And of course, that voice in my head was still there, loud and clear. You're not good enough. The thing is, Kevin creates a culture of acceptance and genuine encouragement where everyone and every story is truly welcome, from the titillating to the more ordinary. He champions all stories and all storytellers, and that is what I love the most about his workshops, the inclusivity that clicks for me to feel like I was actually beginning to find my voice, my rhythm. When my story, what People say aired on June 30 on the risk episode called but yout look so Good, I was blown away. It was one of the best days of my life. And yes, I will be taking Kevin's workshop again.

[Kevin Allison]

I am not at all exaggerating to say that my students in these workshops are my teachers too. We all learn from each other at my age. I am so grateful to sincerely say that workshopping our true stories together is the most fulfilling practice I've ever been a part of. Andy has taken the workshop three times. Another student, let's just say her name's Mary, she emailed me halfway through her third time taking the workshop to say, oh boy, I'm just going through a lot right now and I haven't prepared new stories. Is it okay if I just show up to the workshop to hear other people's stories and support them? I said, well, that's what I do. The workshop means the world to me and it means the world to me, Mary, to hear your perspectives about people's stories. I was so grateful she did not drop out because all the students get these recordings and transcripts of the sessions. The support and the constructive criticism that everyone gave them during the sessions and the stories just improve exponentially through it all. So I hope to be sharing more of these little testimonials with you soon. We will be sharing a lot more of the workshop story stories on the podcast this year and anyone who wants to learn about any of the upcoming workshops, including the Wednesday evening one starting on September 2nd and the Sunday morning one starting on September 13th. Just email me for more information at [e-mail] Next up, a story I just love. It's from Richard Velasquez and it's a story we call Just Another Demon.

[Richard Velasquez]

The first time I ever sold Cracked at somebody was in February 1986. I just turned 15 years old. I'm on the corner of 9th street and Avenue C in the Lower east side, New York City. I'm one block and one avenue away from my mom's apartment in the Jacob Riis Projects, where I don't live anymore. I'm also about four blocks away from the Kingdom hall where I grew up as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Now, if you don't know, let me tell you, being a Jehovah's Witness sucks. There's no birthdays, no Christmas, no presents, no cakes, no holidays, no nada. I hated that shit. We'd have to spend every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday in service at the Kingdom Hall. I'd have to wear a suit and tie and spit shiny penny loafers we stuck out like a sore thumb in the hood. Not to mention all the hours I had spent preaching about how the end of the world was coming and the only salvation was Jehov. You'd think I would get used to the rejection after all those doors got slammed in my face, but nah, I never did. It always stung a little bit. You know the worst part about being a Jehovah's Witness? The fear. See, they taught us that demons are real. They live amongst us unseen. They were cast down from heaven with the devil, and now they roam the earth. And if you're not careful, they could possess you, like at the drop of the hat, by just doing regular shit. Like if you went to see the Exorcist or if you listen to Black Sabbath or if you went to a thrift store and bought some used shit, you could bring home something dark. A nightmare. I'll never forget this shit. One time when I was a little boy, I got it in my head that if I fell asleep with my face exposed, I would wake up to find a demon staring at me from the ceiling. Now, I could see the eyes, you know? Hollow, black. I could see the face. Long, sharp teeth, a dripping, smiling grin. It was terrifying, man. Real talk. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was petrified of the dark well into adulthood. When I was six years old, I would tell my moms that I didn't want to be a Jehovah's Witness anymore. It would be five long years before I could leave. And even though, like, I was never a true believer, part of that shit stuck to my bones like roofing tar. I could leave her house, but I could never really escape the feeling that Jehovah was still watching me. At 11 years old, I went to go live with my pops. I finally got out, you know, and he lived out in Union City. New Jersey now. I thought this was my escape. Except my pops was as strict as my mom's, if not more so, which was weird because he was also a drug dealer. He was a huge proponent of do as I say, not as I do. And me having recently escaped the shackles of the cult shit, I was trying to do all the do's, man. I was sneaking away every chance I could to go kick it on the Lower east side. I just wanted to be a part of the city I never got to experience spending all that time as a Jehovah's Witness. I wanted to hang out with all the dudes I secretly idolized, you know, to me, they were, like, hard and fearless, you know, they had all the crazy jewelry and the dope cuts and the fresh clothes and they had all the fine girls. In my mind, they were, like true Puerto Rican outlaws. I just wanted to be one of them. And so I started to get buck wild. Like, nobody could tell me shit. I was experimenting with all kinds of drugs, you know, I started to smoke weed, and I was drinking, I was popping mask. I was doing coke. I even tried crack and angel dust. I just wanted to be, like, so in it. I remember when I got my ear pierced, I thought I was cool as fuck. Yup. Even though on the inside, the truth is, I was still the nerdy church kid the demons never left. Things with my pops started to go south. You know, he had recently graduated from selling coke to cooking crack, and he started to get high on his own supply. It was getting real ugly in that house, and I needed to get the fuck out. The problem was I was broke. Broke as fuck. Now, I had dabbled in selling a little bit of drugs with my boy Rob, Right? Rob was this Dominican dude I met in Jersey. Now, Rob was a smooth criminal man. Now, he was funny as fuck, but also not to be fucked with. He was hard, but he also had a heart. He never treated me like the dork that I was. Nah. He just took me under his wing and he showed me the ropes, you know, how to make money, how to look out for myself. Rob even taught me how to speak Spanish, which I had never learned at home. And that resulted in me having, like, the most Dominican of accents. Yeah, to the point where my grandmother would forbid me from ever speaking to her in Spanish. You know, look, Puerto Ricans and Dominicans, sometimes they don't get along like that, you know what I'm saying? So, like, I was a real cultural anomaly. I mean, I still am, you know, I was just so Grateful man. Rob was the older brother I always wanted but never had. I would never say this shit out loud, but I loved him. I was getting desperate, so I decided to steal some coke from my pops. Man, he was so hot, I knew he wouldn't notice, you know. And then I went to see Rob because Rob had these older cousins that taught him how to cook crack. I just remember being amazed at how easy it all was, you know. 15 year old chemist making fucking freebase cocaine and shit. Super fucking potent and super valuable, right? And so I steal a coke, I go see Rob, we cook it up, we bag it up. And now I'm heading out to my old neighborhood, the Lower east side, ninth street and Avenue C. I'm ready to get my paper and my freedom. Now at this time in 1986, the Lower east side was wild as fuck. Especially in the ninth street and Avenue C area. Like it's mad gentrified now, but back then it was basically just like a burnt out, dangerous ass crack block. Like, like nowadays you got Starbucks and Whole Foods and like white girls running around with yoga mats and shit, you know what I'm saying? They like to call it the East Village, but like, that's not what we call it. We call it Alphabet City. And there was a saying. Avenue A, you were okay. Avenue B, you best beware. And if you on Avenue C, you better check yourself. And if you found yourself on Avenue D and you was white, yo, you were dead. I mean, unless you was a smack head and then it was cool in the gang, you were welcome. So I'm with Rob, we got a couple of our other boys, and now I'm standing on the corner, right? And I'm trying to do like my best crack dealer impression. I'm trying to look like real hard, but still approachable, you know? Unless you undercover cop, that is. And then I'm just out here selling watchtowers, motherfucker. You know, I'm dressed too impressed too, right? I got my turquoise Latigra Polo, I got my turquoise Lee jeans, I got my shell toed Adidas, and I even got the fat turquoise laces to match. I'm not very incognito, but I am very ghetto fabulous. I'm standing there and I'm scared, man. And plus, this is like next level, you know, if they caught you selling weed or whatever, sure you would get in trouble. But if they caught you selling crack, yo, they would throw you under the jail. But like, I'm committed, I'm gonna do this. And so I'm Standing there and I see dude, skinny ass, white boy coming down the block, you know, he's tall, he got long hair, pale as fuck. He's probably like a couple years older than me, you know, and he's wearing flip flops in February. And yo, it's brick outside, man. Now this is probably the first indication that I'm too soft for this shit. Because, like, why am I worried about a crackhead's toes being cold, you know what I mean? Anyway, dude's beelining straight for me, you know, he's all twitchy and shit, scratching his neck, you know, his eyes are all bugged out, but like also empty, vacant. And he's looking at me with those wide crackhead eyes, you know? And he goes, yo, you got that? And I'm like, word. And he goes, hit me with the tune. And I'm like, bet. So I reach into my balls because that's what we used to stash the crack, you know, like if they caught us, they wouldn't find it there or some shit, you know, it was our safety deposit box. Fucking balls, Fargo and shit, you know what I'm saying? And so I reach out, I pull out the two, I hit him with the two, and he hits me with the $20. And now I'm watching this dude and he begins to pack his pipe with both the hits. And I'm like, no, not on the block. But boom. My man hit the pipe with his lighter and pow, he fell out. And I mean, he fell the fuck out. It was crazy, man. It was like one second he was standing there and the next second, poof, he disappeared in a puff of smoke. And he's laid out on the sidewalk. He stopped moving and then he stopped breathing. And I bugged the fuck out, man. Like, I just killed this dude. My first crack sale is a murder, yo. I just went from possession with intent to distribute to a manslaughter in the flick of a lighter. And I don't know what the fuck is going on, man. Look, I've smoked this shit before. This never happened to me. The fuck I'm thinking to myself, God damn, this is some good crack. I just killed a motherfucker. Like, if this dude dies, my little 15 year old punk ass is going to do some grown man time, Yo, I was still a virgin. This was crazy. What is Jehovah thinking of me now, right? I'm just another demon. All the terror came flooding back. I was going to prison and Jehovah, he wasn't going to help me now, man. All that demon Shit they fed me as a kid, every nightmare I ever had came roaring back like, see? Told you. This is who you are now. I didn't have dreams. I didn't have a future. I was just trying to survive long enough to get the fuck out, man. To where? I had no idea. All I knew was this. I was fucked. And now I'm looking around, I'm trying to figure out what to do, right? And Rob is like, let's go. Let's go. And everyone, I mean everybody is leaving. The crackheads have all scuttled away into the alleyways. My boys are hiding in the car. And now nobody but my dumb ass is standing over this dude. And all of a sudden, I feel my Jehovah's Witness background kick in. And I hear God's voice and he goes, you gotta help him, Richie. I mean, I can't just leave this dude here. I killed him. Like, what would Jesus do and shit, right? So I head to the payphone, I pick it up, and I dial 911 and. And I hear the lady's voice at the other end of the line.

[Kevin Allison]

91 1. What's your emergency?

[Richard Velasquez]

Dude smoked some crack and fell out. Do you know him? No. And I look around and everybody. I mean, everybody Rob, my boys, the crackheads, yo, even the lady, the old lady from the second floor who used to call the cops on us every day. They're all like, yo, shut the fuck up. What are you doing? You are a crack dealer. Stay in your lane, negro. All of a sudden, you, Captain, save a crackhead. I can't leave him here. I did this. I'm responsible. All of a sudden, I feel a presence standing next to me, and it's this dude, man. He has popped up the same way. He fell down, yo. I never saw him stand up, right? And he's staring at me with those same cracked eyes while he's putting on his flip flops that popped off when he hit the dirt. And he says to me, yo, that was some good. Can I get two more? Oh, my God. Yo, this dude scared the living daylights out of me, man. I thought it was his ghost at first. The fucking ghost of Crackish Pass over here, right? It took everything in my power not to haul off and punch this dude in the chest and knock him the fuck out. But instead, I reached over and I grabbed his crack pipe and I crushed that shit under my Adidas. I mean, he was a crackhead. I knew his demon intimately. He wasn't gonna stop, and neither was my dad. So I sold him two more vows and I watched him walk away. I wish I could say I left that day, you know, like. Like I turned over a new leaf and shit. But nah. Me and Rob watched the ambulance arrive and leave. We sold out and we went home to count our money. Luck and a combination of things did eventually get me out. Rob, not so much. My girlfriend at the time would save me for myself by believing in me more than I did, you know, she got into the University of Vermont and she convinced me to move up there with her. Now when I told Rob, he was pissed. I mean, looking back, he was probably more hurt really. He basically stopped speaking to me. But I had to get out. By this time, my dad was a full blown crackhead. And his eyes were emptier than that skinny white boy's. This was my ticket. So I left. I mean, I didn't want to abandon my brother father, but like, I was afraid if I stayed, I was going to become my dad. I got into UVM and somehow I found myself in the theater department. In my 30s, I got into television and. And I became a producer. I began traveling the world making adventure reality TV shows. Now I was going places and seeing shit that kid on Avenue C couldn't even begin to imagine. Imagine. Rob wasn't so lucky. He went to the Job Corps and he learned construction. But he never stopped selling. He got busted. He went to prison. When I heard, I felt like it was my fault. Rob was the only motherfucker who ever gave a shit about me. I stayed for the crackhead. But I abandoned my brother when he got out. We met up, yo. He was different. He was calm, spiritual, present sober. He was focused on making up for lost time with his five kids. I told him I was sorry for leaving him like that. And he looked at me like I was crazy. Told me he was proud of me. He said he always knew I was special. And that's why he did all he did for me.

[Benjamin Boster]

Me.

[Richard Velasquez]

He told me he loved me and that we're brothers for life. To this day, we still talk about that skinny white boy. And we wonder where he ended up. Me and Rob, we did make it out. We just took different paths. We both could have been that white boy. I thought about that dude so many times. When I graduated acting school, when I did my first play, When I got married, when I got divorced. When I was hiking the mountains of Greenland. And when I flipped my car and almost died in Tanzania. I'm so fucking lucky, man. The demons, they got my dad. He committed suicide in 2008, but somehow they missed me. Rob narrowly escaped too. Three addicts met on the sidewalk that day. Two of us are still here. But White Boy, he was somebody's son too. I just hope he made it out. I hope he's okay.

[Kevin Allison]

This is Risk. This is Clara Camille behind me now. And we just heard Richard Velasquez. I hope we can have Richard back on asap because I just loved that story and he told it so well, just so nuanced and honest and real. I arrived in New York two years after that story is set, and by that time, 1988, aggressive efforts to gentrify the Lower east side where I was living had begun. It was tumultuous and overwhelming for a kid fresh out of Ohio, but it's so interesting how much I grew to miss how that area as well as the Hell's Kitchen area area were so seedy and messy as they were at that time. When I first arrived, I was lucky enough not to have had anything bad happen to me while I was there. And I do have plenty of friends who weren't as lucky as I was. But we all talk about how much more exciting and compelling, compelling and fascinating those areas were back then. Every night felt like an adventure. It's just such a loaded trade off when the big goal becomes making wealthier people feel safe and comfortable and family friendly. Just corporate, corporate, corporate.

[Paula Poundstone]

So

[Kevin Allison]

it makes for such an odd listening experience to listen to that story and be horrified by the danger in it while also thinking, oh man, those were the days. Richard also has a solo show called Dancing with Demons going even deeper. It's premiering in August at the Hudson Theater in la and you can find him on Instagram at Richard V. Story folks, there's a wonderfully funny and poignant and if I dare say so myself, fascinating perspective of my first story about visiting Bangkok in 2019, specifically visiting the largest gay sex club on the planet, contrasted to my current experience of living in Bangkok almost eight years later. And that is now on [e-mail] risk. So become a member and help keep Risk running and hear this story about how, just like Anise Mobley, I like a sex party, but when I'm all by my lonesome, I'm a little anxious and awkward about it all. We love to do these then and now sorts of check ins on [e-mail] risk and speaking of Risk, folks, today's the day. Tank. Bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye.