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- [00:01]
Kevin Allison
On this episode of Risk, you'll hear,
- [00:03]
Ali Mack
I oughta hang you by your toes and skin you alive.
- [00:07]
Gordon Blitz
And you'll hear, at the beginning of the AIDS crisis, I told him, if he got sick, that was it.
- [00:14]
Kevin Allison
And me, Kevin Allison, on the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare.
- [00:29]
Ali Mack
Mom, can you tell me a story? Sure. Once upon a time, a mom needed a new car. Was she brave? She was tired, mostly. But she went to Carvana.com and found a great car at a great price. No secret treasure map required. Did she have to fight a dragon?
- [00:43]
Annie Karnreich
Nope.
- [00:43]
Ali Mack
She bought it 100% online from her bed, actually. Was it scary? Honey, it was as unscary as car buying could be. Did the car have a sunroof? It did, actually. Okay, good story. Car buying. You'll want to tell stories about. Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply.
- [01:00]
Gordon Blitz
I'm Richard Sarrett. Join me on Strange Planet for in depth conversations with the world's top paranormal investigators, alien abductees, Bigfoot trackers, monster hunters, time travelers, and more.
- [01:10]
Kevin Allison
The handler one day told her this whole thing about how they've been terraforming on Mars and they're building a colony and they're recruiting specific people of specific bloodlines and specific talents and skill sets to go onto the planet.
- [01:22]
Gordon Blitz
On Richard Cerrett's Strange Planet, we're redefining reality. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts.
- [01:50]
Kevin Allison
All right, folks, this episode is called what the Body Keeps, and this is Capri Everett behind me. Now, we'll be hearing a story from Gordon Blitz in the latter half of the episode, but to start things off, a story by Ali Mack that was recorded at a Risk live show in New York City in December of 2025. It's a story we call hot, humid, silent, and dead.
- [02:33]
Ali Mack
Hello, everybody. All right, well, first of all, what a year we've had, right? It has been a long year. Turns out Trump 2.0, aka fascism, was as horrible as we expected. And I think in times like this, we can feel really disempowered, really out of control. But hopefully my story tonight will help you take some of that power back. So my story takes place in 2022, but I need to give you a little bit of context first. During Trump 1.0, I was working in a public facing, human rights job as a press secretary for the city of New York, and I was putting out announcements, press releases, what have you. And my name was on a lot of stuff. No big deal. In 2019, Fox News doxxed me. Fox News published my phone number in an article, and I spent the next two years receiving death threats from Nazis. Yeah, cute. And if you're curious, the thing that they got really mad about that they decided to dox me for, was me putting out a press release about a law that already existed in the city of New York for 30 years saying that you can't discriminate against somebody because you think they might be an immigrant. Apparently, this is beyond the pale for Fox News. Nobody is surprised. And so after getting these death threats over an existing law for a couple of months, they stopped being scary and started becoming kind of amusing. I guess they really displayed the regional creativity. And of the folks who were calling me, like, for instance, I got one guy from Kentucky who was like, I ought to hang you by your toes and skin you alive. And I was like, wow. And then I got one from Alaska that threatened to speargun me between the eyes. It was just really, really quaint ways to find out about these regional hobbies that these people had. But after about four years working in the human rights world, my soul was entirely depleted, and I decided to get into a job that had less death threats and more money. So I went into crypto. Yes. And if you're thinking, wow, it sounds like you really sold your soul to make a buck, I did. And I recommend everybody try it at least once. Getting paid feels good. Highly recommend. But I didn't go into any, like, crypto job. I went into what I like to call woke crypto. I was working for a black lesbian immigrant woman, and she is one of the coolest people I have ever met. She's a CEO of a company, basically the exact kind of person who Fox News accused of stealing jobs from downtrodden white men. And part of my job when I was working with her was to attend the Miami bitcoin conference. And now, if you picture the Miami bitcoin conference, make it worse. And that's probably what the Miami bitcoin conference is accurately like. And part of my job was to set up a bunch of interviews for her with financial trade, press, and then escort her to said interviews. And the interview room was the first furthest geographical distance from the main event that was possible. So, like, every time we had an interview, we had to walk about the distance of a football stadium. And I'm escorting her to one of these interviews, and we come upon just a ton of cameras set up in a hallway and a really unprofessional setup. I mean, none of the cords were taped down. It was a real mess. There was like four or five cameras, and I realized they were doing a live shot. And I was like, oh, I wonder who's doing this live interview in the middle of this hallway? Because it's, like, kind of dumb to do it this way. So I peer between the cameras and who do I see? Tucker Carlson. Tucker Carlson was fired from fox news in 2023 for failing to uphold the high journalistic standards and ethics of Fox News. But in 2022, he was at the top of his game. He was king shit. He was really dealing really heavily in the great replacement theory conspiracies. But at this moment in time, he wasn't so high up. In fact, he was sitting very, very low on, like, a poof cushion ottoman sort of thing. Another element of this live shot that didn't make any sense. And he was interviewing somebody. He was in full Tucker Carlson regalia. I mean, he had his cunty little bow tie on, bronzered completely, except for his lips, which, you know, they were puckered in his little, like, fake, I'm listening way. They were so pale. They were reminiscent of a recently bleached anus, is the best I can describe them as. And when I peered through those cameras and I saw him, I just went. Just a little just happened. Like the air came out of my body all at once. And now my boss, who I was escorting, she knew that I had been doxxed by Fox News. She knew that I went through what I had gone through because her health insurance was paying for my therapy. And I don't know how she read my mind in that moment, but she's just stopped dead in her tracks, looked me deep into my eyes and just said, don't. Just say don't. At that very moment, I was thinking about how I could pretend to trip on the cords, fall into two of the cameras, make them collide into each other, and then fall on Tucker Carlson. So I don't know how she knew that that's exactly what I was thinking, but she knew and she told me not to. And I didn't want to lose my soul sucking crypto big money job. Like, I had just started it. And so I said, I won't. Don't worry, I won't. It's fine. It's fine. I won't. I'm not gonna do anything. But I just felt like this opportunity that had presented itself to me was about to slip away. I mean, Tucker Carlson was the king of saying racist shit on TV. In 2022, he helped send those like, legions of really disturbed Nazis after me. And it just, like, everything was kind of washing over me like boiling. Diarrhea just, like, felt so bad. And my stomach started to cramp up, and I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe this opportunity is getting away from me. And then I realized a few things at the same time. Number one, I have ibs. I do. And I had been in Miami for two days eating exclusively Cuban food and in this conference arena, huffing secondhand vape juice for, like, 48 hours straight. The other thing I realized was that if I took two more steps, my butt. Butthole would be almost perfectly aligned on the same plane as Tucker Carlson's mouth butthole. And if ever there was a time that I was happy to have ibs, boy, was this it? I mean, I suddenly realized that the cramping feeling that I was feeling was, like, from IBS and from the beans and not just from seeing Tucker Carlson. And I was, all right, guts. This is the time. This is when we come together. And I bore down as hard as I could without, like, you know, sharting. And I just. As I took that first pace toward Tucker Carlson and I. Just as hard as I could, and I let out the. Hottest, humidest, silentest, deadliest fart that my insides have ever produced. And, like, I knew it was bad. It was one of those that just hang right. Like, they don't really dissipate. They're just kind of like a toxic gas cloud. And the second I took that second step, I let it go. And I knew that it hit him. I knew it hit him because he started blinking really fast like this, and he was trying to ask questions of the person in front of him. He's like, no. What for Crypto futures? He had no idea what he was talking about at that point because I could just tell it was washing over him. And I can't be sure, but as I was walking away, I swear I saw a single tear roll down his face and streak that bronzer all the way down to his ugly little fucking bow tie. So I just encourage all of you to find this power within yourselves. And anytime you're faced with despicable people who want you to demonize your neighbors and abdicate your rights and give in to tyranny, just. Just bear down, okay? Bear down together in your power. And altogether, we can crop dust our way to a better America. Thank you.
- [12:31]
Kevin Allison
This is Risk. This is Scooty Wop behind me now. And we just heard from Ali Mack, who you can find on Instagram sumallarkey so, folks, we want to try something new, and I feel like this is going to be very fun and fascinating for you and for us. Annie Karnreich's story from our recent episode called into the Moving Dark. It caused so much conversation amongst our staff. We were really affected by it, and it got us sharing some memories and feelings with one another. And then a Risk fan named John posted on our site that he was really affected by it and that he was sharing the story with a circle of his friends to discuss amongst themselves. And I thought, how about Risk facilitate a conversation like that? So I want to ask you three questions inspired by Annie's story, and I really want to hear your answers. First, remember how in her story, Annie, she's so peaceful and kind, but her cousin Mike was so the opposite.
- [13:51]
Annie Karnreich
And from the time we were little, not even old enough to go to school, he had a bad temper. I mean, we would be laughing and playing and joking and having fun one moment, and just like a drop of a hat, he was pissed, punching and biting and screaming.
- [14:13]
Kevin Allison
So my question is, have you ever had a relationship like that, whether it's a friend, a family member, a lover, where there was a genuine love between the two of you, but you were so different in some core way, it became a problem? Second, remember how when Annie made her gender transition, she thought it might change things somewhat between her and Mike, but she had not anticipated in what way.
- [14:48]
Annie Karnreich
He had calmed down for a minute or two and said, annie, I love you more than anything. You're the bestest. You're the bestest. And something clicked. I started to wonder if he meant cousin, I love you, if it didn't mean something else.
- [15:11]
Kevin Allison
So that's my second question. Has a major life change ever transformed a relationship for you in a way you didn't quite see coming? And third, is there something you always believed you would never, ever do, but then life backed you into a corner and you just had to do it? How did you process that?
- [15:40]
Annie Karnreich
I was chained to this steel bench, and it hit me. I killed my cousin. All I could do was cry. All I could think of is his children, his wife, his mom. What am I going to say to my aunt? What is this going to do to our family?
- [16:08]
Kevin Allison
So I really want to hear from you about these things. Send me a voice memo@kevinrisk-show.com or you can just write me an email or leave a comment wherever you're listening to Risk or at the Risk Podcast Fans discussion group on Facebook or our subreddit r riskpodcast or I might read or play your responses on an upcoming episode. And then here's another thing. We're going to be hosting a Zoom social soon for any of our Patreon supporters, where a group of us will actually sit down together on Zoom. I'll be there, some other Risk staff members will be there, and we're going to talk about Annie's story and maybe one or two other recent Risk stories. If you're a Patreon supporter, head over there because there's a poll up there right now asking which day and time would work best for you for a little Zoom social between us all. And I'd love to see you in that room, but you do have to be a Patreon member to be there. Like our newest members, Stephanie Figari and Katie, thank you so much to you two and everyone else, all that action is happening@patreon.com risk Next up, we're going to sail into some deeper waters here for a moment. A story by Gordon Blitz, and it's a story we call Bonded.
- [18:10]
Gordon Blitz
So May told me, make a fist, then squeeze this bowl as she rubbed alcohol on my arm. You know, when I was a child, I loved this part because before I had a blood test, I just sort of imagined that the alcohol wipe made it less painful. So then May took 18 vials of blood for the research study after fasting 16 hours. I was starving. But when I finished and she gave me tomato juice, I can't drink this. It looks like blood. Did she think I was a vampire? You know, I'd been worrying so much had I gotten infected at Niagara Falls. I was with my lover, Scott, and he'd stubbed his toe. And I bandaged the wounds to stem the blood. Oh, here I am at the the UCLA men's study getting tested for hiv. I was scared shitless. I hadn't been practicing safe sex with Scott. These were the early days, so no one knew what was safe. Scott and I had been a couple since 1973. I was not even 21, and we had had a wedding at the old LGBTQ center on Wilshire in la. When we said our vow, it felt real, although illegal. And who would have thought 25 years later, same sex marriages were legal. After living with Scott for a year, I was coming home from work and I found Scott looking awful. I was trembling when he told me about this guy that had followed him into our apartment, had a knife in Scott's back, and he stole my father's watch. Just as I began Calming down, he said a hitchhiker that he picked up and had sex with them. What the fuck? I thought we had a monogamous relationship. And this turned out to be a pattern. I kept threatening to leave him. I mean, he kept promising he would stop cheating. He. And even worse, I never told anyone because we appeared like this perfect couple and we did everything together. Theater addicts. We would travel, like to these obscure theaters to see any Sondheim musical. I don't know. I didn't want to disappoint anyone. And I was faithful to Scott the whole time. But at the beginning of the AIDS crisis, I told him if he got sick, that was it. So when he got diagnosed, I freaked out. This blonde blue eyed man who I met and fell in love with had ripped my heart out. So here I was at the UCLA Men study and this research program is monitoring the progression of male HIV stat. Here I was with May, the nurse. After this blood test, she started scanning my body for swollen lymph nodes on my neck, under my armpits and between my fingers and toes. My blood pressure was through the roof. Did you find anything? Nope. Looks good. Instant relief. And I could calm down and breathe again. Now came an interview about any health changes since my last visit. Did anyone tell you that you were diagnosed as being HIV positive? No. Do you have night sweats? No. Have you lost weight? I was a broken record. No, no, no. And then what drugs have you been taking?
- [22:22]
Ali Mack
What?
- [22:22]
Gordon Blitz
What made them think I was taking drugs? Antibiotics don't count, right? Well, at least I made the interviewer laugh. Then they asked, during the last six months, did you put your penis in someone else's mouth? Well, yeah, with my lover. Scott. I stopped answering and just started shaking my head yes or no. And when they ask, did someone put their penis in your mouth? Did you have anal intercourse? I was really fucking exhausted from this interrogation. How long before I get the results? So they said, we can mail them to you in a week. Shit. An entire week of waiting. My pulse zoomed right off the charts. Please God, let me be negative. Somehow I made it through the next seven days. But I remember I used to wake up every morning like some goddamn Sherlock Holmes checking my skin. Was that a mole? Was that a growth? Was sore. Why am I listless? Do I have a fever? You know, I was going through hell when I heard the mailman outside our house. I knew this was it. And sure enough, I saw the envelope with the men's study return address. I remember my foot couldn't stop bouncing.
- [23:56]
Kevin Allison
Shit.
- [23:57]
Gordon Blitz
I'm gonna rip open the letter. I read the words. Your HIV status has not changed. What the hell did that even mean? I didn't know what my status was. I was so pissed. I waited a week for this. And I saw a phone number. And I ran to the phone. Hey, I just got my letter from the. About the test. It doesn't tell me anything. And they said, oh, we don't want anything in writing that an insurance company company could use to deny coverage. Give me your ID number on the letter. Okay. I see this is your fourth visit to the clinic. You've been testing HIV negative. No change. I tried to breathe. All I could do was sob. I immediately called Scott to tell him the news and we sobbed together. I imagined his crying was cathartic, though I had wiped away any guilt he might have had if I had tested positive. A month before Scott died, he was sitting on this same couch where I read about being negative. I remember how gaunt cheeks made his eyes look really big. We were staring at one another and he said, gordon, I think I just wet myself. Oh, no. Get up. Let me clean it up. It's going to ruin the couch. Oh, shit. You can buy a new couch after I'm gone. I stopped. Kissed him. I tried not to feel any kind of guilt. This was so fucked up. I shouldn't be feeling guilty. I was taking care of the man who could have infected me. I told Scott, if you were in hospice, you'd get better care and I wouldn't have to worry about you when I'm at work. We didn't have a wheelchair, so we made do. I placed him on his desk chair so we could carry him out to the car. It was like this Jewish wedding where the bride and groom were carried by the wedding party in chairs up in the air. When we arrived at the hospice, it was deceptive. It was peaceful. Yet at the same time there were these zombie like shuffling of the patients. It didn't take any courage for me to say, I love you. When I left the hospice that day, and I started feeling shame again, I wondered why I'd never taken a leave of absence from work to take care of him. Was I kidding myself that being in this hospice was going to help him? And I had listened to my therapist who asked me, are you going to be okay with Scott dying in your condo? And I said no. Besides my daily visit, only my friend Paul had the strength to see Scott. And Paul told me I'd written a poem and read it to Scott. He was going blind. I Think he was protecting you, Gordon. He didn't want you to worry. I didn't realize that I needed to be shielded. Ten days later, I received this call at work. Scott had passed. Early this morning, his heart stopped. When I arrived at the hospice, Scott was lying peacefully in his room. And he had these cotton pads. Covering his eyes. I stared at his lifeless form. I couldn't cry. I felt numb until the lyrics of the song touched me in the morning. And it.
- [28:24]
Annie Karnreich
God.
- [28:25]
Gordon Blitz
16 years ago, that's when I met Scott. And we'd made it our song. Leave me as you found me Empty like before I lost my lover of 16 years. I was 36, the same age that my mom was when she became a widow in 1965. Despite my relief that I wasn't infected, there was this part of me that was struggling to forgive Scott and myself. I need to believe that I did the best I could dealing with Scott's betrayal. Months later, when I was going through Scott's journal, I found this comment that he'd written down about not wanting to live by Beyond40. Well, he died on March 2, 1989, about four months before, just shy of his birthday. My emotions gutted me. I tried to criticize myself for not allowing time to grieve and compartmentalizing the anger and love and shame that I felt. What would have happened if he hadn't gotten sick? Would I have left him because he cheated? Recently, I've been thinking about Scott. He was a writer, playwright at USC, a professor. I was an accountant for 40 years before I retired. Then I became a novelist and playwright. Scott, he would have been proud of me. Maybe. It was like he was giving me a transfusion of his talent. And then this amazing thing happened. I was performing this monologue I'd written called Just Another Day. It was part of this in Our Own Voices series at the Abbot Kinney Library. And I saw the name of another playwright at the event, Alan Freeman. And when I heard that name, it rang a bell. So I approached him afterwards. He explained that he was one of Scott's teachers 55 years ago at Occidental College, that that's where Scott earned his degree in drama. I started crying. It was as if Scott had returned from the grave and was watching over me. The blood that had threatened to destroy us had actually connected us.
- [31:57]
Kevin Allison
Sam, This is Logan Pilcher behind me now. And we just heard from Gordon Blitz. And maybe that story got you thinking of some past memories of your own. Have you ever stayed in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, where someone let you down in some pretty big ways? Or have you ever had to take care of someone who had in some way hurt you? Or heck, Ally Mack's story might have brought to mind something for you more lighthearted, maybe? Have you ever felt your body behaved in a way that was unexpected, Maybe turned out to be funny or fortunate? So send me a voice recording or an email. Or you can leave a comment about this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or this episode's page on our website, and soon enough we'll do a whole episode featuring your reactions to recent stories in this way. And if you thought, well, maybe, maybe I might like to share, but you're feeling a little shy. Well, folks, today's the day. Take a risk. Sa.