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- [00:01]
Ryan Reynolds
A science story, huh?
- [00:04]
Kevin Allison
On this episode of Risk, you'll hear
- [00:07]
Misha Gajewski
me, Misha Gajewski from the Story Collider, where true, personal stories about science help us explore just how weird, wonderful, and deeply human this world can be.
- [00:17]
Kevin Allison
And me, Kevin Allison from Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share.
- [00:25]
Misha Gajewski
This is a very special episode because we're doing it in collaboration with our dear friends Risk.
- [00:31]
Kevin Allison
Yeah, this both a Story Collider episode and an episode of Risk, with Misha and me co hosting it together. And right after this, we'll tell you all about it.
- [00:49]
Ryan Reynolds
Hey, Sal. Hank, what's going on? We haven't worked a case in years. I just bought my car at Carvana and it was so easy. Too easy. Think something's up? You tell me.
- [00:59]
Kevin Allison
They got thousands of options, found a
- [01:02]
Ryan Reynolds
great car at a great price, and it got delivered the next day. It sounds like Carvana just makes it easy to buy your car, Hank. Yeah, you're right. Case closed. Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply.
- [01:18]
IXL or Athletic Brewing Announcer
Testing season is right around the corner and this is when confidence really matters. When kids take time to review key concepts and strengthen their skills before assessments, it can make all the difference. IXL helps reinforce what they're learning right now. So they walk into every test feeling prepared, capable and confident. IXL is an award winning online learning platform that helps kids truly understand what they're learning, whether they're building math confidence, strengthening reading and writing skills, or reviewing science concepts. Designed for students from Pre K through 12th grade, IXL delivers personalized, interactive practice that adapts to your child's level and pace. It's an easy, effective way to support learning. As the school year heads into its final stretch, studies show kids who use IXL score higher on tests proven in all 50 states. IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the US make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now and listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixllearning.com audio Visit ixllearning.com audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.
- [02:33]
Kevin Allison
Pancetta mushroom tortellini. You can eat smart still fit in your bikini. I ordered blue apron. I been happy ever since they sent pre portioned meals. I don't make no measurements. Saute the pancetta then I add the mushrooms Large skillet cause you can't have too much room. Garlic pesto, tomato paste, Calabrian chili season the T order Blue Apron today.
- [03:04]
Ryan Reynolds
This episode is brought to you by Athletic Brewing company. No matter how you do game day, on the couch, in the crowd, or manning the snack table, Athletic Brewing fits right in with a full lineup of non alcoholic beer styles. You can enjoy bold flavors all game long. No hangovers, no buzz, no subbing out for water in the second half. Stock the fridge for tip off with a variety of non alcoholic craft styles available at your local grocery store or online at athlet near beer fit for all times.
- [03:46]
Kevin Allison
All right folks, this episode is called Where It Hurts stories about the importance of compassion in healthcare. And we're gonna tell you just a couple of things before we hear our first story.
- [04:00]
Misha Gajewski
Both of the stories in today's episode were part of a show that Risk and Story Clutter hosted last year in New York at one of our go to spots. Caveat. The night explored the intersection of women's health and science and the result was as moving as it was revealing. Both of the stories in this episode shine a spotlight on the gaps in our healthcare system, especially when it comes to how women are heard, treated and cared for.
- [04:25]
Kevin Allison
Now, later on, we'll be hearing a story from Mary Sin, who's been on risk a few times over the years.
- [04:31]
IXL or Athletic Brewing Announcer
Years.
- [04:31]
Kevin Allison
But our first story comes from someone who's new to us. At risk, Karen McCaffrey, the director of a sexual assault victim services program in Suffolk County, New York.
- [04:43]
Misha Gajewski
And we should warn you that this story does include descriptions of sexual assault and rape. So please take care while listening and feel free to pause or skip ahead if you need to.
- [04:55]
Kevin Allison
So here's Karen now with a story we call More Than Survival.
- [05:08]
Karen McCaffrey
I spent five years as the director of the Sexual Assault Forensic examiner program in Suffolk County, New York. We had 20 nurses who would go out any hour of the day or the night to attend to sexual assault patients at four area hospital emergency rooms. Fewer than 1/10 of 1% of nurses worldwide have this certification. This is for superheroes. I'll tell you there are some hard truths in this line of business and I'm going to peer back the curtain so you can see why this work is so important. First, a disclosure. I have no medical training whatsoever. I was hired to be the director of the program because I have business experience and leadership experience and I have a tight connection to the mission. I'm a rape survivor. My trauma happened decades ago in the 1980s when I was 25 years old. It was the night before Thanksgiving. I had promised my parents I would bring a coconut custard pie that I would make. And I had stopped at the supermarket after work. It was pitch dark, and as I was putting my packages into my car, a man approached me from behind and put a knife to my throat. He told me if I made a sound, he would kill me. I froze. He pushed me into the front seat. He climbed in beside me and locked the door. I found myself debating, will I have time to unlock the door, open it up, and get out before he stabs me? I didn't think so. Then I thought, well, okay, if he stabs me, could I survive it? I also didn't think that. I pictured myself drowning in my own blood on the pavement next to the car and having my parents having to come and claim my last step body. It was really horrendous. Well, he demanded my money and jewelry. I handed over my cash and the ruby birthstone ring that my grandmother had given me for my 16th birthday. Then he tied my hands to the steering wheel. I knew what was coming next and I could not stop him. He took his knife. He cut through my clothes and raped me. It was disgusting. It was traumatizing. It's hard to explain how deeply a violation like that can reverberate in you. It. It is soul crushing. When he finished, he told me to count to 100 or he'd come back and kill me. So as I was counting, I looked around. I couldn't see any people. I only saw headlights of cars passing my car. I got to about 25, and then I just leaned on the horn and beeped and beeped and beeped until someone came and cut me loose. I wrapped my coat around me. I went into the store. This was before cell phones. So the manager is now on the phone by the cashier. And he looks at me and he says into the phone, she's okay. I just said to him, I am not ok. He called the ambulance. He called my boyfriend. So now we're outside on the street and the EMTs are telling me to get in the back of the ambulance. They wouldn't let my boyfriend come with me. So I said, I'm not going in there alone. And they said, you have to. I apologized to them and I said no. And I got in the car with my boyfriend and we followed the ambulance to the hospital. At the hospital, they did separate me from my boyfriend. They took my clothes. They left me on a gurney, naked, crying, covered by a sheet behind some partition in the emergency room to wait for the forensic specialist to come and do the special exam where they collect the evidence. I waited there a long time. While I was waiting, two young guys approached me. They had white jackets and they were needling each other. And they came over to the gurney, and one of them told me he was going to give me an anal exam. I said, no, I'm not having that. And he said, it's necessary. They never introduced themselves, and they never explained why that was necessary. And I still protested despite that. He lifted the sheet, and before I knew it, he thrust his finger in my bottom and then yanked it out. And the two of them walked away, tittering to one another. I went further into shock. Moments later, the other character came back, the young guy, and he said he was going to do an anal exam. And by now I had caught on to what their game was. And I said, if you touch me, I'm going to scream. And he scurried away. Eventually, the forensic examiner came and did the exam and then released me to the doctor who was the attending physician in the emergency room. I begged him to give me the medication that would prevent me from becoming pregnant. He told me no. He said there might be unpleasant side effects from that medication. I said I didn't care. I could not be forced to conceive a child with this rapist. He told me, look, if you get pregnant from the rapist, you just come back for an abortion. I said, I cannot do that. That would be much too traumatic for me. I just want the medication. He told me that his decision was best for me. I was re traumatized all over again. Now I just wanted to go home, wash the ick off of me, and climb into bed. But the NYPD insisted that I come directly to the precinct. I sat on a hard wooden chair while the detective grilled me and had me repeat over and over again what happened. We were surrounded by three or four other men who just seemed to be there to listen to the salacious details of my assault. I felt exposed and vulnerable. It was horrible. The detective repeatedly referred to my alleged assault. I said to him, don't you see these abrasions on my wrists? What are you talking about? And he said to me, you could have been role playing. I said, really? With the stranger who robbed me with my groceries in the car. I was incredulous. Then they repeatedly referred to the perpetrator as a gentleman, as in, what did the gentleman do next? I lost it. I said, stop calling him a gentleman. This man raped me. He's a criminal. They ignored me. Then they told me how lucky I was. Now I know they mean because I had not been murdered. But to tell someone who's been brutalized to look on the bright side of their rape is not compassionate or helpful at all. Finally, they were finished. I went home, scrubbed myself off and tried to get a few hours of sleep. The next day was Thanksgiving. I got up, I made the pie. When I brought the pie to my parents house, I knew that I would not be telling them what happened to me over the prior 18 hours. I did not want to ruin Thanksgiving for my parents or my five siblings. Some days after that I did disclose to them what happened and to my friends in a very cursory way. It was decades though before I really came to terms with the assault at the hospital. However, weeks after the assault, I called the police to find out any updates on my case. And the update was that the detective had been promoted. He had moved on to other things. No one was working my case and the evidence would not be sent out for testing for the DNA of the perpetrator. I felt betrayed by everyone I turned to. I had reached out in my hour of need and was met with predation derision and apathy. It was overwhelming. This is why many decades later, when this position opened up to be the director of the Forensic examiner program, I thought I have something to offer these survivors advocacy. I used my experience as well as the talents of the women I worked with to go to Albany and petition for victims rights, to teach at hospital emergency rooms about trauma informed care, and to lecture at the Suffolk County Police Academy in conjunction with the forensic team and also the Suffolk County District Attorney's Office about protocols for handling sexual assault victims. I felt like I was part of a team that was doing something useful for this very neglected population. This was further underscored, actually, when two of the nurses that I worked with asked me to present with them to the International association of Forensic Nursing Annual Conference in Dallas in 2022. We did a presentation about how we had built our program, how we had recruited nurses and mentored them and developed helpful protocols. We wound up winning second place at the conference. But that was just the icing on the cake. What really made me proud was the more than 1,000 patients that we helped during my five years tenure with the program. That these people had maybe a slightly easier road than some of the people before them. None of this would have been possible without the unbelievable team that I worked with. These nurses, the level of professionalism and grace that they bring to the job was inspiring. I want to express my profound respect and deep gratitude to them. I know a number of them are listening tonight and I'm sending my love and I just want to say it was a gift to work among you. Thank you.
- [17:53]
Ryan Reynolds
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying Big Wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway, give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full terms@mintmobile.com.
- [18:32]
Misha Gajewski
Wow, what a powerful story from Karen. I'm still in shock of just how horrible and terrible humans can be to each other, but I am really glad that Karen is now the person that she wished she had in that moment and she's able to help people in a similar situation.
- [18:57]
Kevin Allison
My goodness, I think those are some of the most important people in the world. The people who are the wounded healers who went through something and are able to come back down and help other people going through similar things.
- [19:12]
Misha Gajewski
Totally.
- [19:14]
Kevin Allison
So. Karen has partnered with community groups, healthcare professionals, and the legal community to foster understanding and meaningful advocacy for sexual assault survivors. She's available for professional speaking engagements and educational presentations and can be reached@kmcadvocacymail.com or you can find her on LinkedIn. Just search for Karen McCaffrey, MBA
- [19:50]
Misha Gajewski
being a storyteller on stage is just one way to make shows like Story Collider and Risk happening. But not everyone loves the spotlight, and that's totally okay. If getting up on stage isn't your thing, supporting these shows as a donor might be the perfect way to get involved.
- [20:04]
Kevin Allison
Now more than ever, it's vital that we hear the voices of people at risk. People from vulnerable communities, minority groups. People whose lived experiences and their voices are being increasingly shouted down or even silenced.
- [20:22]
Misha Gajewski
And the same goes for voices of scientists and science communicators at risk and Story Collider alike. We believe that true personal stories can break through the noise, bringing science and all kinds of human experiences to life, building trust, and helping people connect on a human level. But neither of us can do it without your support.
- [20:41]
Kevin Allison
The patrons and donors are a huge essential part of what makes this work possible. They help us produce these podcasts, share meaningful stories and and spark the kinds of conversations that stick with you long after they're over. If you believe in the Power of science storytelling. Consider making a donation@storycollider.org donate. Most people give $10 a month, and every tax deductible donation, big or small, helps keep Story Collider going strong.
- [21:14]
Misha Gajewski
And Risk has a great Patreon community of patrons who who are essential to keeping the lights on over there. There are tiers ranging from $5 to $100, which gets you access to nearly 300 bonus stories, an ad free episode feed, and all kinds of other perks. Just go to patreon.com risk to join.
- [21:36]
Kevin Allison
Next up, that story from Mary Sin. Mary is a burlesque performer, storyteller, writer and visual artist. And this was recorded at the same joint produced Risk and Story Collider show from last year. So here is Mary now with a story we call My Vagina Job.
- [22:13]
Ryan Reynolds
So I am at a wedding and the guy next to me asks what I do for a living. And it's super loud, so I have to shout. I teach medical students how to give Preston pelvic exams. And usually people don't want to know any more than that. They'd kind of prefer to know less. But this guy's actually really interested. So I tell him a little bit more about what I do. I teach students the techniques to use that are the most comfortable and least disturbing, and then I have them practice on my body while I give them feedback. Now, I've worked really hard to make this description as clinical as possible because I don't want to make people uncomfortable, you know, when I first meet them. There's plenty of time for that. But this is like a Burning man type of crowd, and this guy has like a stuffed boy bird on his head, so I think he's cool. So when my boyfriend comes back from the bathroom and asks what we're talking about, I just say, my vagina job. And the birdman is delighted. So then his date comes back from the bathroom, and it's really loud, so I can't really hear what he's saying. But due to some hand gestures and the face that she's making, I'm pretty sure he's telling her what my job is. And after a minute, she kind of leans over and goes, why on earth would you want to do that? And that is a fair question. The short answer is because I'm okay with saying the word vagina in mixed company. And I want you to be, too, because a vagina is a body part like any other, and sometimes things go wrong with them. And if we can't talk about them, how can we Help them. And I guess the longer answer is, when I was in my 20s, my vagina was really determined to be talked about. If I was going to the doctor, it was my vagina's fault. And it was, you know, normally just like the usual UTIs, STD scares, yeast infections, things like that. But one time was really, really bad. The worst time, I had green discharge pain like you wouldn't fucking believe. And my labia swelled up to like 4 times their normal size, which is really fucking big. So I was 21. I was fucking terrified and ashamed. And all I needed almost more than medical care was someone to just look me in the face and say, I know this is scary, but I'm here to help and everything's gonna be okay. And instead I got someone who marched in cold as the exam room, jammed a couple fingers into me, and then got annoyed when I yelled out in pain. She didn't tell me what was wrong with me. She didn't tell me she could fix it. She didn't tell me how to avoid it in the future. So, you know, the five seconds it would take to say it's going to be okay was just far too frivolous. Instead, I just got a prescription and a kick out the door. I don't even know if she ever saw my face. Well, this face, anyways. I later learned that people who don't learn on people like me were called gynecological teaching associates or GTAs. The alternative is a plastic model, a corpse, or a patient who is still under anesthesia after surgery. When I found that out, I asked the person who told me, well, do those patients consent to that beforehand? He shrugged and said, I'm sure it's in the paperwork somewhere. What a fucked up thing to teach your students that a living, breathing person is no different from a corpse or a piece of plastic, as long as they're unconscious. So that's why I never really saw a lot of empathy. Or not often, because why waste empathy on someone you've already been trained to dehumanize? So after all of this, you might think, hadn't my vagina been through enough? And the answer is yes. But consider this. I am also largely unemployable. I have ADHD and a theater degree, so there are like a million things I'm great at that no one will pay me to do. So imagine those interviews. Can you make change? Oh, no, definitely not. Do you have any office skills? Not really. Will you show up on time? Almost never. But I am very kind and empathetic and if you need someone to be really vulnerable in front of a group of strangers, I will knock your socks off. Yeah, try putting that on LinkedIn. It doesn't go well. So most of the jobs I've had have been of the Are you willing to do this? Variety. And GTA ing is kind of like the ultimate. Are you willing to do this job? I mean, public speaking and strangers touch your genitals. Most people would rather go to grad school, but I am a weirdo, and I don't really care if people see me naked. I am fine with public speaking, and it's fine if people touch my genitals as long as I tell them to. It turns out that I'm also really good at other things, like making people feel comfortable in awkward situations and showing people the kind of compassion and patience and empathy that I wished that doctors had shown me. And let me tell you, these students, they need it because they are fucking terrified. It is not uncommon for students in GTA classes to pass out or throw up. It's only happened to me twice in, like, 13 years now. The first one was a young woman, and luckily somebody caught her pretty quickly. She came to relatively fast, had some water, went out and got some air, and eventually came back and got through the rest of the class like a champ. But she stayed behind afterwards, ostensibly to thank me for the work I was doing. And she admitted that she had only been to the gynecologist once when she was a teenager, and it had hurt so much. She had never been back. And she was clearly very ashamed of this. She knew it was important for her health. I wanted to help, so I offered her a speculum to take home and get used to and maybe use on herself so that she could see that it's. When done correctly, it's not a painful procedure. And she just kind of stopped me and said, I can't. I've never touched myself down there. I was afraid of hurting myself the way the doctor did. That is the level of trauma that a doctor can inflict without even trying. And that is the kind of damage that can be done in a society where people are afraid to say the word vagina. I was stunned and sorry, and I wanted to hug her and tell her that vaginas are awesome and orgasms are awesomer. And I was going to tell her everything she needed to know. And I would be the auntie mame of vaginas, and I would open doors for you, doors you never dreamed existed, but that would, like. That would be a Whole relationship mentorship thing. And she wasn't asking for that. So instead, I kind of was trying to come up with some helpful information to give her about maybe not poking the urethra, because that usually hurts me. And she stops me again and says, I actually was outside when you told us what everything is. Could you show me? And yes, I could fucking do that. Thank God. So I jumped up on the table and I showed her what everything was and told her what it did and what it was called. And she was just so relieved just to see a vulva and have it explained to her, like any other body part, because that's what it is. And I told her she should maybe go home and spend some time with a mirror and get to know her body a little bit better. And that's. That's really all she needed from me. She needed someone to look her in the face and say, I know this is scary, but I'm here to help you and it's going to be okay. That's really what all scared people need. And when it comes to genitals, there are a lot of really scared people. There is so much fear around intimacy. And like it or not, patient care is an intimate thing. You see people at their most vulnerable, their most naked. And if you can't at least acknowledge that, I don't think you can do it correctly. But I can do this. Well, the thing that I've always enjoyed about performing was creating intimacy, creating that connection, teaching people about themselves and about others, and feeling that discomfort that comes with vulnerability and just breathing into it. I am so happy to be in a job where all the things I thought were useless are now invaluable. And if you need someone to be vulnerable in front of a group of strangers, I will knock your fucking socks off.
- [33:09]
Misha Gajewski
That was Mary. And I love that her vagina is financing her life. You can find her on Instagram @Miss Mary Sin. That's Cyn spelled C, Y, N or on Facebook. Just search Mary Sin. To learn more about Mary, Visit our website storycollider.org or risks@risk-show.com I personally kind
- [33:32]
Kevin Allison
of love as someone with severe ADHD, then Mary addressed the whole thing of we have all these talents and so we should be employed in a world that does not really support that idea.
- [33:49]
Misha Gajewski
Yeah, I love that about our story, too. I also just love when people have unconventional jobs. I think we can both relate to that for sure. And it's nice that we get employment, too.
- [34:09]
Kevin Allison
All right. And that's gonna do it for where it hurts. Story Collider and Risk are all over social media. You can search us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Blue sky, the works. Head to our respective websites to learn where to see our live shows, to tell stories and our live shows, and to financially support our shows. That's storycollider.org and risk-show.com this episode was
- [34:38]
Misha Gajewski
directed by John Lasalla. Both stories on this episode were produced for the stage by Aaron Barker and Brad Lawrence and they were edited for the podcast by Taj Easton.
- [34:48]
Kevin Allison
The Story Collider podcast is produced by my co host here, Misha Gajewski, along with Jen Chen, Nakisha Roberts Washington and Erin Barker.
- [35:00]
Misha Gajewski
And special thanks goes out to the Story Collider's board and our team. Our theme music is by Ghost and
- [35:06]
Kevin Allison
our theme music is by Rafter. Next week, Story Collider will be back with stories about dance and science and
- [35:14]
Misha Gajewski
Risk will be revisiting an amazing story from their archives about abuse and the long road to justice within the Catholic Church from edg, along with Ophira Eisenberg.
- [35:24]
Kevin Allison
Folks, until next time, thanks so much for listening. Today's the day.
- [35:30]
Misha Gajewski
Take a Risk.
- [35:38]
Ryan Reynolds
And story collider.
- [35:49]
Karen McCaffrey
Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today.
- [35:57]
Ryan Reynolds
Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe.
- [36:06]
IXL or Athletic Brewing Announcer
Oh, sorry.
- [36:07]
Ryan Reynolds
I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.
- [36:13]
Karen McCaffrey
Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.
- [36:17]
Ryan Reynolds
1-800-contacts.