Loading summary
Transcript60 lines
- [00:00]
Alma
At alma, we know the connection between you and your therapist matters, but if you're already feeling stressed and burnt out, the idea of trying to find a therapist you really connect with can be overwhelming. That's why Alma's focused on helping you find the right therapist for you. When you browse their online directory, you can filter your search based on the qualities that are most important to you. Then you can book a free 15 minute consultation call with any therapist you're interested in seeing so you can get a feel for whether they're the right fit before you commit to a full length session. ALMA also makes it easy for mental health care providers to navigate insurance. That's why 95% of therapists in their directory accept insurance for sessions so you can find care that's affordable without stressing about the paperwork. You want to talk to someone, but not just anyone. Alma is there to help you find the right fit. Visit hello Alma.com Therapy60 to schedule a free consultation today. That's hello.com Therapy60 why get all your holiday decorations delivered through Instacart? Because maybe you only bought two wreaths but you have 12 windows. Or maybe your toddler got very eager with the Advent calendar. Or maybe the inflatable snowman didn't make it through the snowstorm. Or maybe the twinkle lights aren't twinkling. Whatever the reason, this season Instacart's here for hosts and their whole holiday haul. Get decorations from the Home Depot, CVS and more through Instacart and enjoy free delivery on your first three orders, service fees and term supply. Most supplement brands on the market only focus on one area of women's health, like energy or hair health. Symbiotica focuses on every aspect. The supplements from Symbiotica are backed by science, intentionally crafted and contain no artificial ingredients, toxins or fillers so you can be confident your body is getting everything it needs and nothing it doesn't for optimal health. Whether you want to improve your skin's radiance, fortify your immunity, support your gut health, or get better sleep, Symbiotica has you covered. Plus, Symbiotica's products are so easy to just throw in your bag and take on the go so you can ditch the hassle and the mess, Symbiotica is setting new standards for women's wellness and now is the perfect time to try them out. Now is the perfect time to give Symbiotica supplements a shot. Head to symbiotica.com for 15% off plus free shipping. When you start a subscription, head to C y m B I o t I k a dot com and use code START for 15% off plus free shipping when you start a subscription.
- [02:33]
Kevin Allison
Hey folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison and every Thursday we release these special episodes where we look back at content from our earlier years. This week it's an episode that premiered in December of 2012. But before we start, when I re listened to the first story on this episode called Fuck or Fight by Melanie Hamlet, I was immediately hit by the feeling that Melanie probably has many more thoughts and feelings about that story from this vantage point in 2024. If you don't know, since she told this story, Melanie has become a feminist author and tiktoker and she's always learning and grow with that. It's very inspiring to watch her journey. The story Fuck or Fight has a context around it that I would describe as date rape culture basically. And I'll bet that Melanie would tell this story differently from an older and wiser perspective today. So I reached out to Melanie and asked if she'd like to listen to the story with me and record a conversation with me about about it that we can run sometime in the next month or two. So when you listen to that story in the episode you're about to hear, just know that a deeper assessment of it is coming very soon. Okay? With that said, From December of 2012, here's the episode we call Women on Men. Hello kids, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison and this is Sue Hav behind me now. But you knew that. You guys are huge Sue Hav fans. That's why I put it on in the first place. We are calling today's episode Women on Men. And we all know how important it is for women to get on men. Because you know, otherwise there wouldn't be anyone to give birth to men to be on me. And when women who like men have to go out and deal with men, peculiar things have been known to happen. Now we once had this episode called Frontiers and listen, this is how I introduced that episode. And it just so happens that all the storytellers today are men. So I promise from the bottom of my belly, the ladified episode of Frontier Type Behavior is just down the road folks. That's right, 78 episodes later. But I would say that the behavior of the ladies featured in this episode is frontier typical. In just a bit, we're Going to hear from that pioneer woman herself, Ms. Lillian Devane, who we met when we took Risk to Boston. But before that, we're going to hear from someone who is not Lillian Devane at all. Melanie Hamlet has been a friend of the show from the very beginning. She is someone who takes the whole idea of living your life like an adventure to another level. I always feel like I have really great stuff to soak up from her, from her experience of kind of living outside the bounds of the way we're all kind of conditioned to be living. So here she is at the risk live show that we have once a month in New York City. This is Melanie Hamlet with a story we call fuck or fight.
- [07:51]
Melanie Hamlet
This is not my normal voice. I have laryngitis, just so you know. Anyway, so I was in Jackson Hole, wyoming, in my mid-20s, and I was working as a ski instructor. And at the end of the season, one of my co workers has this big blowout party with kegs and, like, a bonfire in his backyard. And most of the people at the party are actually men, because in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, the ratio of men to women is 10 to 1. And most of the people at this party are, like, rich white guys from the Midwest or the Northeast, and they just want to be ski bums for a while. But there are a few random people at this party, and one of them comes up to me, and he introduces himself as Dallas. I don't actually know if that's his name or not, but I loved the name. And Dallas is southern, and he's from West Virginia, and I'm from Tennessee, and most people at this party aren't. And I just have a soft spot in my heart for rednecks. And this guy is, like, cartoonishly redneck. Like, he's like, one of the first things he said to me, he's like, so I'm from West Virginia, and do you know West Virginia? He looks like a middle finger. And he was like, I'm from right here. And he points to his knuckle. It's the same way someone from Michigan is like, I'm from right here with their little mitten. And they don't actually talk like that. And he would say things like, you know, let's pluck a feather, little lady, and get us some wild turkey, you know? And he said things like, darlin'and little lady and maybe and whatever. Cause that's what Southern men do. And I thought it was hilarious. I love to prove to men how strong I am. And I was like, yeah, I'm a whitewater raft guy and I live in my truck and blah, blah, blah, and you know, which I did. And. And he was like bragging about what a man he is and how he was the West Virginia state wrestling champion when he was in high school and how he'd run in bags for years to sweat off all that weight and ate, starved himself, you know. So we're exchanging stories and having a good time. Just so you know, I'm not actually like, attracted to this guy. I just think he's like, hilarious. He looks just like a guy that I would be attracted to because he's got like shoulder length hair and like a puffy jacket with like duct tape covering all the holes, you know, like my kind of man. But there's like no chemistry. So I was just joking around. And before I knew it, it was like two in the morning and everybody had either left the party or was like crashing on the floor of my friend's living room and across the fire. There's only two people left other than Dallas and I. And it's one guy. He looks like a redneck, kind of uglier version of the Russian from Rocky 4. Just a huge guy. And then he had a little sidekick, this scrappy little guy. I thought he was like schmeagle, kind of like, you know. And I had actually met these guys earlier in the night. The bigger guy was actually a cage fighter and he had tried hitting on me and I was like. And then the little scrappy guy was like, called me a cunt because I wasn't like, receptive to it. So I was like, I'm staying away from these guys. But now at the end of the night, I'm like right across from them and they're like leering at me and they're like, talking shit. I can tell because they say like, she. But I can't. I can't understand what they're saying, but I know that they got an issue. And then they start talking shit about Dallas and they're making fun of his accent. And I'm like, what is going on here? And Dallas is like, well, baby, I hate to tell you this, but it looks like we got a fucker fight situation right now. And I'm like, what is that? He's like, well, these guys came here hoping to fuck and you're the only woman left and you're talking to me, so they're not gonna leave here till they fight. And I'm like, is that like real? And part of me is thinking like, wait a second. Does Dallas think we're gonna fuck? Cause that's not happening. And then the other part is, like, whatever. This is Jackson A Hole. Everyone just gets high and skis all the time. But no, actually, the cage fighter, moments later, like, walks over to Dallas and just like. And Dallas was like, let's go. And, like, he like. Next thing I know, they're on the ground, and Dallas has him in one of those, like, homoerotic wrestling holds. He's totally got him pinned. And the cage fighter's like, all right, up. I'm fine. Let me up. I'm gonna go. And Dallas is like, all right, then. So he goes to walk away, and so Dallas turns to me to start talking. And the cage fighter comes back, you know, sneaky, and grabs Dallas by the jacket and throws him on the ground and punches him in the face a couple times. Things just got, like, primal and crazy all of a sudden. Because I worked in the outdoor industry for years, I'm used to, like, man versus nature and, like, saving people from drowning and, like, crisis, but I'm not used to, like, fisticuffs. Man versus man. And, like, I actually think Dallas might, like, die. I mean, this guy's a cage fighter. And, you know, there's blood everywhere. There's so much commotion that the dust being kicked up. I can hardly see what's going on. They're, like, rolling near the fire. And I'm almost about to go inside to be like, you know, this is one of those moments. I'm so used to hanging around men all the time and working with men and doing, like, men jobs that I almost feel like I'm a man sometimes. And then moments like this, I'm like, nope, I'm not a man. I don't know how to handle this. And so basically, Dallas finally, like, pins this guy in another homoerotic wrestling thing and totally wins. And finally, the cage fighter gives up, and Dallas is like, that's right. Now get out of here. You know? And I just love the way he talks. It's so funny. And so these guys walk away with their tail between their legs. And then Dallas walks over to me, and he's got, like, holes in his jeans. He's covered in dirt and blood. His eyes are, like, clearly gonna swell up any moment now. And he looks so vulnerable. And he comes up and he goes, well, baby, I won. And I'm like, yes, you did. And he's like. And I'm also thinking. I'm like, did I? Cause this. Is this my fault? And he says, I need Some help with my eye though. And so I take him into the bathroom and go like all Florence Nightingale on him or whatever. And then I'm like, all right, it's time to like. The party ended a long time ago, I'm going to bed. So I grab my sleeping bag and hit, you know, grab a place on the carpet in the living room because there's people scattered all over his sleep. And he goes, babe, baby, I don't feel like going home right now. Do you mind if I lay next to you? And I'm like, okay. You know, and it's normal in like in my line of work to sleep next to guys all the time in sleeping bags and it's not a big deal. So I'm like, whatever. So he lays, he doesn't actually have a sleeping bag. I like zip up into mine and he like sleeps on his shoes and has like no blanket or anything and he starts spooning me and I'm like, okay. Part of me is like red flag. But then I'm like, well whatever. I'm in like a full length down condom right now. There's nothing getting between here. And so then he puts his arm over me and I'm like, okay. But that's when I notice it's shaking. And I'm like, are you okay? And he's like, my heart's racing. I'm like, oh, the cage fighter got you still shook up. And he's like, no, my heart's racing cause I'm lying here next to you and I'm like, what? Like, I mean part of me is like, aw, you know, Cause I've actually, you should probably know at this point in time I'd actually never had a boyfriend. Really. You know, I lived in my truck like I'm a gypsy. I just like bang guys every once in a while and one night stand, you know, the healthy stuff like that. And so I've never had a guy like talk to me that way or be like, you know, sincere and warm like that. And I'm so part of me is like, well maybe I should just cuddle with this guy and whatever. And then that voice got into my head, the one that every woman in this room I think knows about. Even my prudence friends have done this where they're like, well when some man does something for them or saves them or like is this really nice? And they're like maybe I should fuck em, you know, and you know, cause I mean I've got tons of credit card debt and you know, student loans. I'm okay with that, but I'm not okay with sexual debt. And so I'm like, yeah, I should fuck him. Like, throw the dog a bone. Poor guy. And I was like, fuck or fight? Fuck or fight. He thought he was gonna get fucked. Cause then that's why he got in fight. And so my brain convinces me I need to do this. And so I'm like, when we gonna do it? You know? And I'm like, there's people in the room. They're sleeping. Where do they wake up? I was like, I know, I'll do it in the bathroom. So I finally. I'm like. I nudge him. I'm like, hey, do you want to go to the bathroom? And at this point, he's actually falling asleep. So clearly this guy is not doing any of this. This is all Melanie creating this drama. And I'm like, well, come on, don't you want to go to the bathroom? And he's like, I wanna go to the bathroom, you know? And I was like, I.
- [17:08]
Lillian Devane
Fine.
- [17:08]
Melanie Hamlet
I tried, you know, Like, I mean, I didn't say that, but I'm thinking, like, good effort, Melanie. And so the next morning, I wake up and he was like, baby, can I get you some breakfast or something? You wanna come to my house? And I'm like, okay, you know, I don't. So I go. And we go back to his house, which is actually a double wide and cartoonishly Southern again. Like TV on the milk crate or whatever. No furniture. So he gives me a tour of the house. And it just happened so fast, you guys. Like, I was, like, taking a tour of his room. Next thing I know, his head's between my legs. And I'm like, wait, no. Oh, my God. Wait a second. This is not supposed to play out this way, but I'm already kind of in too deep. And I'm like, at this point in my life, actually hated when guys went down on me. Things have changed. Just in case I end up dating any of you. Because I was like, I just assume men hate doing that, and if they do it, they want me to have an orgasm. And I'm so worried about not having an orgasm. I can never relax. And I can't say I don't like it because I don't want word to get out on the street that women don't like this. So I like, take one for the team. And I'm like, yay, this is great, you know? So I'm like, oohing, ahing, whatever. But in my mind, I'm like, looking at the ceiling and counting, like, things on the wall. And I'm also, like, making jokes. Cause that's where my mind goes. I'm like, well, Melanie, you're in your own little porno now. Melanie knows Dallas, you know, And. And then he, like, looks up at me, and he was like, you like this, baby? And I was like, yeah, yeah. I mean, he looks so, so determined on pleasing me. This is a really good man, you know? And he's really good at what he does. It's just. It's me. And I'm like, I do. I do. But you know what would be better? I want to feel you inside of me. You know, like, come on up here. You know, so we, like, have sex. And, you know, he has his orgasm. And I feel great now because I don't have to feel obligated to giving away.
- [19:17]
Lillian Devane
I know.
- [19:18]
Melanie Hamlet
It's crazy. Anyway, and so we both fall asleep. And then a few hours later, he wakes me up, and he's like, hey, baby, I got you something. And he holds up and he goes, look, chocolate chip ice cream. And I'm like, what? Just what I was hoping for. Breakfast. And so we eat ice cream together in bed. And I'm, like, eating this ice cream. And I look over at him, and I'm thinking, like, you guys see this? He's got. His eyes are like, blah. You know? And I'm like, what am I doing here? You know? Because this is actually a pattern of mine. At one point in time, I'd actually slept with a guy all summer long when I was a raft guide in another state because he taught me how to rock climb. And I was like, well, he put so much time and effort into teaching me, at least, like, is sleep with him. And I'm like, what? You know, this is about time you stop doing this. Like, obligatory fox, Melanie. So if ever I have a cage fighter, you know, attack me or whatever, and I need someone to defend my honor in a fuck or fight situation, I'm gonna have to fight the urge to fuck and just say thank you. Thank.
- [20:39]
Julia Wiedemann
Yeah.
- [20:40]
Aubrey O'Day
Oh, yeah.
- [20:41]
Melanie Hamlet
Oh, yeah.
- [20:57]
Julia Wiedemann
So you guys, about six years ago, I was a gross little weasel. And by that I mean I was in my early 20s. I was a dramatic day drunk. Which means someone who listens to a lot of Kate Bush and then takes her Dorothy Parker anthology to a bar and has two dirty martinis for lunch. Do you know what I mean? It's kind of the thing I was into. I worked full time at a coffee shop, and I was just, like, tired and frustrated. Like most people, when they look down and see that their degree is in communication. Do you know what I mean? It's like a little bit of a bummer. So I was searching for some sort of validation, some sort of meaning in my life like most kids right out of college are. And that, of course, ended up manifesting itself in my dating life. I, at the time, was dating a wealthy sociopath 11 years my senior. That's a great idea. And he was like the Ted Bundy of boyfriends. Okay, you guys, he was handsome, he was charming. He would strangle me without my permission during sex. The whole package, okay? It was, like, super awesome. And, you know, we would hang out and. Let's call him Ted for clarity purposes throughout the story. So Ted and I would hang out and we would watch murder documentaries. Seriously. And Red Flag. And we would eat. We would eat fancy cheese. And then he would just be, like, kind of cruel to me. No big deal. And I remember specifically one night, it was really, really cold, and he said, hey, why don't you bring a bottle of wine over? And I was like, okay. And so I spent a really long time at the liquor store picking out the most perfect, just expensive enough sophisticated bottle of wine to impress this guy. And so I bring it over and he opens it up and he takes a sip. And then, while keeping eye contact with me, he just pours it down the drain. Which is a travesty in and of itself. But because it was too cold, it was too cold to drink, you know, and so it was humiliating. You know, I felt like this, like, uncouth child around him. And, you know, he would never introduce me to his friends. He never admitted we were dating in public. I was just his dirty little secret. But I was totally afraid of losing him. And if you've ever been in love with someone who treats you like a piece of garbage, you know how all consuming it is. You know, you're, like, obsessed by it and you're desperate and you're anxious and you're worried of losing them. It doesn't even make any sense. And I would just, like, wake up every day and be like, today's the day that he's going to see that I'm worthy of him. And eventually I became emotionally deprived because sociopaths don't have feelings. So I started cheating on him. I started messing around with a good friend of mine, a really nice guy who liked me a lot. Let's call him Baxter. Baxter was the kind of guy who, if we were leaving a bar late at night, and, like, my feet were killing me. He would just wordlessly take off his sneakers and put on my lady's high heels and walk the rest of the way home. Like, such a great guy. He would cook me dinner, take a movie. Like, all the things that a nice, normal boyfriend would do, you know? And it, like, weirded me out, you know? It felt really weird. And I knew that he really liked me, and I knew he wanted to date me. And for all intents and purposes, I was just using him, you know, to fill this void that Ted had left in me. So we were. We were messing around, and it kind of became this dramatic thing where, you know, I reveled in it because, you guys, I was a dramatic day drunk, remember? So I loved this sort of thing. I was just like, two guys into me, one good, one evil. Christian Bale, Jack Black. Like, it's all fucking. Oh, my God, when is this house of cards going to fall? I would dramatically whisper myself in the mirror. I imagine that's what I did. So one day, I hear that a lady has shown some interest in Baxter. Not a big deal, okay? I don't care. We're not dating. It doesn't matter. Except I do care, okay? Fucking care. Obviously. So Baxter says to me, in kind of this teasing, joking way, he says, so, this girl wants to go on a date with me. And I'm like, what do you think about that? And I'm like, oh, that's cool. That's awesome. You should totally do that. And meanwhile, I'm thinking, this guy wants to go on a date with someone else. I thought we had a good thing going where I did whatever I wanted, and you just had to deal with it. Like, why do you want to see someone else? But I'm like, cool. Like, what's her deal? And he's like, oh, she used to date Andy Samberg. And I was like, fuck, great. And he's like, loving this. And I'm like, oh, that's cool. Like, you should probably. Yeah, maybe you should go out with her. And he's like, yeah, I think she's gonna get me, like, tickets to snl. It'll be cool. And I was like, fuck. I'm, like, sweating. And I'm just like, you know what? Yeah, you totally should go out with her. And he was like, yeah, I think I will. And I'm, like, getting kind of hostile and freaked out. And I'm like, yeah, maybe you should. And he's like, yeah, I think I am. And I'm, like, playing my last crazy card. I'm like, if you go on a date with her, I'm gonna come along and watch the whole. And he looks at me and he's like, okay. And I was like, that's kind of hot, right? And he's like, yeah, it is. And we both kind of stopped and looked at each other and smiled because now we had established some sort of emotion. But the power dynamic had totally shifted. So together, we arranged a spy date. We agreed on a time and a place, and we thought of the sexiest place we could think of, which was our local improv theater in Cambridge, Massachusetts. We also agreed that we would wear some sort of disguise, okay? Just to kind of surprise each other and, like, keep things under wraps. At the time, I didn't have bangs, so I pinned my hair to have this bangs. And I wore huge black sunglasses. I dressed all in black. It was very stoic, very Jackie O at JFK's funeral. Very sad, beautiful kind of thing. That's what I was going for. I don't know if that's really what it was. So I'm walking in the theater. I'm chain smoking. I'm starting to freak out. I'm trembling, and I'm just like, what am I doing? I'm thinking about all the things that could go wrong, all the people we could run into. And most people are like, why am I putting myself in this position? Why am I doing this super weird thing that I've never done before? What if the date goes well? Like, what if I have to watch them just, like, laugh and laugh and touch each other's knees and drink a milkshake with two straws? I don't even know if they sell milkshakes at that improv theater. Probably not just dry snacks, but just goldfish. But if they did, it would be pure hell. Do you know what I mean? So I get to the theater. I dramatically stub out my cigarette. I walk in, and I go up to the counter. I say, I'd like one ticket, please. And I take off my sunglasses to reveal a makeup black eye that I had given myself. And the guy that counters gives me this look, you brave woman. I'm like, you have no idea, sir. And so I go into the theater by myself, and I'm just sitting there, and I feel sick, like I'm sweating, and I'm just like, this is crazy. And, you know, and then I started thinking, like, I'm so anxious, and maybe these butterflies I'm feeling, maybe they're because I'm afraid of losing someone. I really care about. Maybe we've already been falling a little bit in love, and I've just been too nutso to realize it. And I don't know where my sociopathic boyfriend is. He's probably reading Helter Skelter, taking notes, just, like, evilly sniffing Brandy. I don't know what he was doing. We weren't in contact that night. So I'm waiting for Baxter. I'm waiting by myself. And finally he shows up with this girl. And I look at her, and I'm like, oh, no fucking problem. She's wearing uggs. Nbd. Nbd. But I'm still kind of freaked out. You know what I mean? And for his disguise, Baxter has shaven his beard. And I'm like, good one, I guess. Check out this monster mash. It's not really a fucking problem. So he's shaving off his beard, and he's sitting with this woman, and he sees me, and I'm, like, trying not to look at him, and I see him kind of in my peripheral vision, and he's so freaked out. He's so shocked that I went through all of this crazy trouble, and I have a black eye and bangs, and I look totally insane sitting by myself. And she is sitting between our line of vision, so she's sitting in between us, and he's just looking at me the whole time. And the lights go down, and there's a show going on. But. But obviously, the show that we've put on is way more interesting to both of us. So I can tell that he's not even interacting with her, because I can see him out of the corner of my eye. And it was just like, the longest, weirdest show ever. And so finally it's over. And he had texted me a simple text during the show to tell me that we were all going to meet afterward at a bar. So I go to the bar, and I sit down, and I open a book that I brought with me. It's a Beverly Cleary novel called the Luckiest Girl. Now, black guy order a drink. Luckiest Girl. And I'm waiting, and he isn't there. And I'm just like, great. I fucked myself. This is so stupid. And I care about this guy, and he's not showing up, and I deserve it because I've been treating him awful. And. And finally he shows up by himself, and he doesn't acknowledge me, and he sits, like, three stools away from me. And we sit there and sit there. I'm like, she's gonna come in any Second. And they're gonna get drunk together, and I have to watch, and I deserve it. And finally, I text him, and I just say, where is she? And he waits, and he texts me back, and he says, she's not coming. And then we instantly both just look up, and we're like, oh, my God. And we high five each other. And the bartender's like, what the fuck is going on? I don't. And I can't stop laughing. Cause I'm, like, relieved from five different kinds of tension. And he tells me that she was boring. And I'm glad that she was. And I guess she didn't have a good time because her date was creepily staring at a maybe battered woman the entire time. I'm only guessing that's the case. So that night, we walked home together in our respective shoes. And I remember thinking that this crazy stunt we had just pulled was terrifying and nauseating and scary. But it had this underlying comfort to it, and that was the best I'd felt in a really long time. And soon after that, I broke up with Ted. Let's be real. He dumped me. But I ended up dating Baxter for three years. And. Yeah, and it was because we engaged in this weird act together, this silly stunt. And I came to know through that night what it felt like to have a real partner. And I have Andy Samberg's ex girlfriend to thank for that. Thank you.
- [33:55]
Aubrey O'Day
Loving you. Hard to do. We're always gonna make it through? You got my attention? Here's my affection for you? So bring your green eyes here to me?
- [34:14]
Melanie Hamlet
Swimming in a sea of tears? Oh, they got right through me and.
- [34:20]
Lillian Devane
You free and clear.
- [34:26]
Aubrey O'Day
Now I'm gonna die Sweeter than all of the fruit? Looking down from the hills in this valley? As long as your heart beats?
- [34:40]
Melanie Hamlet
You were made for me?
- [34:41]
Aubrey O'Day
Where the lights are low and the smoke is thick.
- [34:45]
Melanie Hamlet
Let's go back to how it fell then, so I can say.
- [34:55]
Kevin Allison
This is Risk. This is Matt Costa behind me now. And we just heard from the lovely Miss Lillian Devaney. Her name sounds to me like she should be a character in the Maltese Falcon. Right? Her story was called Undercover Love. And before that, of course, was Ms. Melanie Hamlet. Let's all do Melanie a favor. By the way, remember, keep it right here within these earphones you're wearing. Don't let it get out. Some women sometimes don't like cunnilingus. Let's all take one for the team now. Listen. And we'll be right back.
- [35:31]
Lillian Devane
Holiday magic is in the air. And DSW's got all the shoes to.
- [35:35]
Julia Wiedemann
Make your season extra merry.
- [35:37]
Lillian Devane
Believe you've got parties to attend and lists to check twice. So DSW is taking care of the.
- [35:42]
Julia Wiedemann
Details like gifts to make their eyes.
- [35:45]
Lillian Devane
All aglow, styles that bring joy to.
- [35:47]
Aubrey O'Day
Your world, brands everyone wants like Ugg.
- [35:50]
Lillian Devane
Nike, Birkenstock and more and deals to.
- [35:53]
Julia Wiedemann
Make your budget bright. Find the perfect shoes for you and yours at a DSW store near you or dsw.com Today's podcast is sponsored by Midi Health. At any given time, 61% of adult women say they want to lose weight. But for many, that's easier said than done. If you've had trouble losing weight, don't lose hope. Midi Health uses a deep understanding of women's hormones and a combination of weight loss medications to create a customized plan for each user. Midi Health can help you achieve more effective and sustainable weight loss by addressing hormone imbalances. Midi can also prescribe proven weight loss medications that help you experience reduced appetite and increased feelings of fullness. When paired with hormone optimization, you're not just managing your weight, you're also supporting your body's natural processes, which means you can overcome those weight loss plateaus that in the past have been so difficult to move beyond. So if you're ready to combine the power of hormones with the power of weight loss medications, visit joinmidi.com today. Discover how this innovative approach can lead you to lasting success. That's join midi.com when you think about.
- [37:05]
Alma
Businesses that are selling through the roof, like Aloe, Allbirds or Skims. Sure, you think about a great product, a cool brand and brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business making, selling and for shoppers, buying simple. For millions of businesses, that business is Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not so secret secret with Shop Pay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going. So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell whenever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout experience as business powerhouses like Aloe, Allbirds and Skims. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com OdysseyPodcast all lowercase go to shopify.com OdysseyPodcast to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com OdysseyPodcast I've been working with a.
- [38:13]
Aubrey O'Day
Nourished dietitian for the last six months and it's been life changing. I've lost weight, healed my relationship with food, and have way more energy. Working with a dietitian online to create a personalized nutrition plan was so easy, thanks to Nourish. The best part, I pay $0 out of pocket. Because Nourish accepts hundreds of insurance plans, 94% of patients pay $0 out of pocket. Find your dietitian@usenourish.com that's usenourish.com we're back.
- [38:44]
Kevin Allison
Now in just a bit, we're going to hear from the one and only Ms. Aubrey O'Day of the pop group Danity Kane. The Broadway musical Hairspray, shows like Celebrity Apprentice. Quite a treat to have this remarkable lady on the show. But before that, a storyteller who is really making some waves. Now here in New York city, the beautiful Ms. Julia Wiedemann with a story we call Life of a Smile.
- [39:15]
Aubrey O'Day
Hard to do. We're always going to make it through.
- [39:37]
Lillian Devane
It's 1997. I'm a senior at Mercersburg Academy, a small boarding school in southwestern Pennsylvania. And my braces are off. So I have perfect teeth. Perfect, beautiful teeth. So I know, one, in the long term, I'm on my way to being a famous Hollywood actress. Two, in the short term, this is the year that one of the many boys that I have a crush on will want to kiss me. Now, I was a little bit of a weirdo. Everybody knew everybody in my school. It was a very small school, so everyone knew everyone and everyone knew that I was an actress. And so I played up the, you know, just, I'm going to be famous. And that was okay. And now that I didn't have braces and perfect teeth, I was like, well, one of these boys, you know, I cast a wide net in the crush department. It's like, one of them is going to like me back. Anyone was nice to me, I would be like, I can find something nice about them. And so enter Patrick. He was southern and a wrestler and cute, and he would laugh at my jokes and I would laugh at his jokes. And he wasn't quite the boy that you would want to spend the rest of your life with because he was kind of dumb. And, you know, I mean, like, he was, but he was nice. So I, you know, so we were friends. So we were great friends, but I had also a big old crush on him. And one night at a required meal, we're sitting there at the table while the plates are being taken away and we're teasing each other like you do, you know? I'm like, oh, you're so weak. And he's like, no, I'm not. And I say, yes, you are. I am stronger. And he's like, I'll show you. And then we get dismissed from the table, and he grabs my arms and pulls them behind my back, and I'm like, no, no, no. Like you do when you're play fighting with the opposite sex in high school and you desperately want to say yes, yes, yes. Just give me the opportunity to say yes. Yes, yes.
- [41:59]
Melanie Hamlet
No, no.
- [42:00]
Lillian Devane
And he starts walking or walking forward, and I trip over my feet. And because there was a cold tile floor for me to fall onto with my face, I did. And a crowd of teachers and students form around me while I pick myself up. And people are like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, what happened? And I see Patrick, and he's like, oh, my. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. If there's anything I can do. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. He looks horrified. And I'm like, I'm fine. Besides the initial shock of falling on my face and the ever so slight taste of blood in my mouth, I'm fine. I'm fine. I touch everything. I'm fine. And I'm so thrilled that I'm fine. And the next three days, over the Thanksgiving break, I convince myself that I am fine, even though the pain behind my left front tooth is increasing and it's so intense. And also, it looks as though someone has taken a pencil and shaded in my tooth a little bit more every day. But I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine until Black Friday when we pause for lunch in the shopping and I order a Reuben sandwich and I can't bite into it without bursting into tears. And I'm rushed to the dentist and I get an emergency root canal because the root had been severed from the fall and they had to remove it through surgery, dental surgery. And they took it out and then they plastered it back up. And now I had a dead tooth. And besides being very careful when I ate carrots and apples and that it would just become a deader and deader blacker tooth over time, like my life could go back to normal. Okay. Okay. And it looked, you know, at first it was like I could see it, but everyone was like, no, it's fine. I don't notice it. And so anyway, I go back to school with the dentist bill. I was to take this bill to Patrick. And Patrick's father refused to pay because he said that I had refused help after the initial incident. So Patrick was not responsible for any damages accrued henceforth forthcoming in so much as blah, blah, blah. Of course, my parents don't take no for an answer. And then the letter writing battle begins and the school gets involved. And this is before anybody has email. So it takes the rest of the year. And of course, I side with my parents because they say it's Patrick's fault, he should pay. I'm like, obviously, yeah, sure, you know, that's what they say. So I agree with them. And naturally, Patrick sides with his father, and so we can't be friends anymore. Fine. And I graduate, and years go by, and my mom occasionally says, you know, hey, Julia, do you ever think of getting back in touch with Patrick and seeing if you can get the money? And I say, no, no, no, no. I hate Patrick because Patrick stole my perfect teeth. And I know it sounds over dramatic. I get it, okay? But at this point in my life, all that I can think of is I just spent three years of my life suffering through braces and headgear and not the normal kind of headgear that you have around your neck. I had the kind of headgear that goes over your head and makes you look like a horse. And I had to wear it during the day.
- [45:43]
Melanie Hamlet
The day.
- [45:45]
Lillian Devane
And that's all I can think of. And now I can't be a famous Hollywood, not with a big black front tooth. That's not the niche I want to be in, by no means. And you know, seriously, you know, and it was just getting darker and darker, and I thought, so seriously, I was so worried about people noticing it. And I would look at pictures of myself and be like, there is the black tooth. There is the black tooth. There it is. And I thought, okay, fine, I won't be a Hollywood actress. I'll be a stage actress. That's what I'll do. You can't. You can't see it from so far away. That's what I'll do. But you still have to take headshots. So these are my headshots. Like a Mona Lisa smirk. You can just read the resentment. That's me selling myself. Like, hire this one. She'll solve your crime. I would have relationships with men, and when I knew that they were getting serious, I would sit them down and say, I have to tell you something, as though I was about to admit to having an STD or having a child by Another man or having survived some horrible childhood abuse by a molesting uncle and say, I have a dead tooth. And they'd look at me and say, where? And I'd be like, and this one. And say, I can't see it. And I'd be like, yes, you can. You're a liar if you can't see it. But it got darker. And it got darker. But I did eventually grow up and just chalked it up to childhood idiocy. And I didn't. I didn't hate Patrick anymore. I just. Whatever, it was everybody's fault. It was nobody's fault. It's just a tooth. Whatever. And like my mother said, maybe one day I'd marry a dentist and he'd be able to cap it for free. So 10 years go by and I go to my high school reunion, class of 98. And there's an after party at the local bar in town off campus. And I squeeze through to get to the bar. I'm looking for the bartender, and it's crazy packed. And I realize I'm standing next to Patrick. And he sees me and he says, well, hello, Julia Wiedemann. And I say, well, hello, Patrick. And he looks a little fatter, a little older and a little like he follows the impulse to drink every day. But didn't we all in our late 20s? And we start chatting about how funny all the old alumni are doing all school cheers and how crowded it is and how good it is to see everybody. And he stops a moment and he says, I'm so sorry about what I did to you. I know exactly what he's talking about. But I laugh it off. I say, oh, Patrick, stop. That was years ago. Stop it. Forget it. And he says, I know. And I've thought about it ever since. I couldn't stand up to my father back then. But I have my own money now. I'd like to pay to fix your tooth. Please let me pay to fix your tooth. And I look at him and I see my friend and I realize I've wasted all these years hating him. He was that boy with this horrified look on his face. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do. And I just hated him. And he'd spent all those same years feeling so guilty. And we ruined a friendship over a ruined tooth. A fucking tooth. So there we are in the middle of southwestern Pennsylvania in a bar. Me, Patrick, and my dead tooth. Needless to say, I let him fix my tooth. Thank. A mouth is to talk.
- [50:22]
Julia Wiedemann
A mouth is to eat for fun.
- [50:24]
Melanie Hamlet
A mouth is to laugh, to smile, to kiss. When you think how important the mouth.
- [50:33]
Aubrey O'Day
Is, every minute of every day, you realize why proper care is so important. Healthy teeth mean a happier life. So Beowulf called me a couple days back and he said, hey, you know, someone dropped out. We want you to come speak again. And I said, okay, well, what's the topic? And I heard him say Spanx. And I was like, oh, my God, this is perfect. I have this whole fucked up history with Spanx, so this is gonna be amazing. And just for the guys that are looking, like, confused, do you guys know what Spanx are? Ladies?
- [51:10]
Julia Wiedemann
Yes.
- [51:12]
Aubrey O'Day
Do you guys know guys? Do you need a definition? Any girls? Do you want to give it a shot? Tight girdles. Girdles here. I looked it up actually, earlier. It's kind of hilarious. Okay, so UrbanDictionary.com calls them power panties used by portly people for the illusion of slimness. Also shorthand for saying thanks. So I guess they tie into each other. I also just have to read the sentence that it's used in because it's amazing. I ate too much damn prime rib at the buffet and can only fit into my Jordak jeans with the help of my Spanx. So Spanx, here we go. I filmed a lot of shows, as Beowulf has said. In particular, I was filming a show and started up this unspoken connection with a big celebrity who I can't name because I'll get sued up the ass. But anyway, we started up this connection. We would always be staring at each other. We did the little eye fucking thing. I don't know if you guys know what that is, but, like, the intense stares where something's going to happen. And we built up this whole relationship. We became friends. We became more than friends. We became the in between thing for a while. And then on the finale, we did this big performance and I was walking through the hallways and got pulled into this bathroom and he threw me up against the wall and looked at me for like two seconds. And then we just started making out like crazy all over. On top of this, behind that, underneath this. And then he goes to rip off my dress. And, you know, I was like busy making porn faces and stuff, so I didn't. I was like, lost in the moment. And he started laughing. So I looked up and I'm like, what? And then he's like, holy fuck, I've never seen Spanx that big in my life. No. Yes. I maybe was a little poorly. According to urbandictionary.com and trying to make my body slimmer for this finale of this show so I could look pretty on tv. But in the process, I forgot that I wore the big Spanx, the ones that come all the way up underneath your boobs and go down to your knees. So they're like. They're, like, fucking fierce.
- [53:42]
Julia Wiedemann
Like, these snakes are fierce.
- [53:45]
Aubrey O'Day
So, yeah, like, the hot, sexy moment with the big celebrity, which was the first big celebrity that ever, like, cared about me, saw me in, like, a humiliating situation. So I'm thinking for sure we're not going to continue this. This was embarrassing. Oh, by the way, I forgot to also mention this. Spanx have, like, a little hole because they're difficult to get on and off. So they have a little hole so you could just conveniently squat and go to the bathroom. So needless to say, those Spanx didn't come off during that whole thing. But don't act like you guys haven't done that. Females, they're like, no. So wait. Thank you, God. Way to fucking leave me hanging. So, okay, so we actually end up starting up a relationship. He thinks it's funny. He is willing to move past it, but he does call me Spanky every single conversation that we had, which ended up being my nickname for a very long time. So basically, we get into this relationship we build. It's great, but I start getting nervous and my trust issues start taking over. And I feel like, what is so great about me? Like, I'm. I think I'm great. But, like, you know, he hangs out with, like, Victoria's Secret models, He's at dinner with huge celebrities, he runs with the biggest agents and managers, and, like, he's the shit. So I can't really trust this person. We're from different worlds. We're different people. So I overwhelmingly continued to put on a front. I tried to be exactly what he wanted. I tried to be better than the things he had had. And we were separated because we lived on different sides of the country. So we began to text message. We would have phone sex, which led to this thing called Skype. Does everybody know what that is? So we decided we were going to have, like, Skype sex because it was just so intense and passionate and, like, we had to see each other doing these things. So I'm like, fuck, I don't even have a Skype. I had to pretend like I've done it a million times. So I call my girlfriend, and she comes over and sets me up with the Skype because I don't even understand how to use that shit. And I'm like, okay, like, what do people normally do? And she's like, well, you know, you just look sexy. Push up your boobs, like, whatever. You talk dirty, and you guys touch each yourselves for each other. So I'm like, oh, my God, this is so weird. You know, Like, I'm not gonna be good at this. So she's like, listen, don't freak out. Take the pill. It'll calm you down. Yep. So she gave me a pill. She told me it's very important with Skype if you want to be like this guy's first amazing one, they're better than the others that you keep it casual. You don't want to look like you're trying too hard. You don't want to look like you're desperate. I think Kim Kardashian coined that word. So anyway, I didn't want to look dead desperate. So I got to the house, and by the way, this pill that she gave me is something called a Klonopin. And that bitch is sitting in the back right over there. If you guys want some drugs later, she's available. But so she gave me a Klonopin, which I still to this day, can't even explain. I think it's something like a Xanax on steroids. So I first decide I'm not gonna take that. I'm just gonna be me. So I get all done up, and I think, like, I'm gonna look like I just got out of the shower, so I'm gonna get my hair wet, and I'm gonna be like light makeup. I mean, I, like, fucking prepared the lighting. Like, I had this thing down. You can lift your computer up a little higher, and it gives you better angles with females just in case you have Skype sex. So he's like, okay, He's. We planned this session for, I don't know, 9pm So I get all ready, I jump in the shower, I put my Spanx on because I was gonna wear a tight little tee, and I wanted to look skinny, Put my Spanx on, put my tee on, rush over and, like, get sexy in front of the computer. He's not there. 10 minutes, 20 minutes. Text message. Hey, I'm caught at work. We're gonna have to, you know, move this a little bit back. 30 minutes, an hour continues on. I'm jumping back and forth from the shower, back in front of the computer. Like, my fucking hair kept drying up. Shit crazy. I keep jumping in the shower, trying to get it perfectly wet. I had like, so much product in it. It was crazy. So finally I remember, you know, I had my glass of wine. I had a few glasses at that point. I'm like, dude, this fucking sucks. Like, I feel so stupid. I'm just gonna take this pill, pop the pill with the drinks. And then I got a text message from him saying, 10 minutes, let's go. So I'm like, okay, let me just jump in the shower real quick, get my hair wet. So that's all I remember. I know I was gonna jump in the shower. Okay. So I wake up in the morning, and, I mean, I had the best fucking sleep I have ever had in my life. So I wake up in the morning and I'm, like, real confused. I don't know what happened. I don't know what. You know, I'm not even sure where I'm at. I look at myself and I was naked except for my Spanx, and I had wet hair. So I didn't know what had really happened. I thought, okay, maybe I just passed out. Let me check my phone. So I got my phone and it rings as I'm going to grab it. So I pick it up, and it's this girl, Toby, that I traveled around the world with on the. This program called Semester at Sea. And she's like, oh, my God, it's so good to talk to you. It was amazing. Last night, et cetera, we got in this whole conversation about life, and you're just the coolest. I'm like, okay, I'm still trying to figure out what's happening. And she says, so you told me to call you this morning and wake you up. I was like, oh, okay. Well, girl, sorry I took a pill last night. I don't remember. But cool. It was great talking to you. So then I look at my phone, and there were literally four international phone calls. Apparently, I got inspired from what Toby had said to call people from Semester at Sea in different countries that I had become friends with. And apparently I was on the phone with these people for no less than, like, 40 minutes. I don't remember any of this. Then I check my text messages and there's a random number and it says, that was so much fun. Good night, my little Jamaican princess. No idea what that's about. No idea. I, to this day, do not know what the fuck that was about. So then I open my computer and the Skype session is up and it's ended. And, like, you have the ability to type and it says ended and it says how long it went. It went for an hour and 45 minutes. And then the last thing in the text box said Spanx a lot. So later I find out that I was literally on this Skype session in my fucking Spanx with no clothes on, boobs out, wet, hair, makeup dripping down my face like a crackhead. So needless to say, like, my fantasy of being his best Skype session probably didn't come true. Most interesting. Yes. But again, he thought that it was lovable and he liked me more. This guy's crazy. So we continue on. The first incident was horrible. The Skype incident was horrible. Now I'm going to New York for another show and I'm gonna see him. So I get all ready, and this time he wants to introduce me to his friends. We've been dating for a while. We're throwing around the I love yous. We're happy. So I go to New York and I'm meeting some of his best friends, these big people that own big shit. And I want these people to like me. So I get this extra small spank that is like. And when I tell you, you are like Nicole Richie back in the day when she was, like, eating disordered out, skinny. I put the spank on. I got this, like, tight black dress. I walked in this restaurant, like, hair blowing in the wind. It probably wasn't really blowing, but I saw you imagine, like, see it. My hair was blowing. I was just like, the chick to bone in the restaurant, okay? Which felt great. Obviously, all of his friends wanted to bone me. He wanted to bone me. I was like, fuck. They thank you, Spanx. So I get back to his hotel and I'm like, I'm not gonna mess up this time. I'm going straight to the bathroom before anything crazy happens, and I'm going to take off the Spanx. So I run to the bathroom and I start to try to take these things off. It takes a fucking village to get Spanx off, okay? It is not easy. And these things were not coming off. And when I tell you when you try to squeeze something bigger in, an extra, extra small spank is not cute. So I pretended I knew that I wasn't gonna get these off unless I asked them to help, which I'm not doing. My pride is not allowing that. So I acted like I lost one of my earrings downstairs in the lobby, and I needed to find it because it was like, my favorite pair of earrings. So I ran down, had this whole fucking discussion with this woman at the front desk that doesn't allow scissors to leave the front desk of the hotel, God forbid a pair of 4.99 fucking scissors are standing in the way of me and my dude. So I get in this whole thing with her. I give her my credit card, I take the scissors, I run back upstairs, I chop these things off in the bathroom. I'm like, what do I do? I don't have my purse. I have nothing in here. So I'm like, if I throw them in the trash can, he's gonna see them. So I rolled them up, and you know how they have the towels rolled on the thing? So I rolled them up and I shoved them, like, inside the towel. So there was no, I'm gonna get them in the morning. Duh. Like, whatever. So it's fine. So we have, like, amazing sex. Great. I, like, excelled. I did so good at being, like, the hot girl that he's with. All the friends love me. I was, like, on my way to being, like, the cool celebrity girlfriend, so. Which is fucking lame. But anyway, so we wake up in the morning. He goes to the bathroom. I'm, like, passed out. We did it every which way, so I'm, like, dead. He's in the bathroom taking a shower. I kind of hear the shower. I remember just hearing little things. Then I immediately remembered that I put these Spanx in a towel. So I'm like, okay. Chances are he's not going to use that towel. Chances are it's going to be cool. So I'm okay for now. He's up in there, comes out, and I'm sitting here pretending to sleep. Like, you know, your eyes flicker when you're trying to pretend. Like, trying to look all cute. And I look over and I open my eyes, and he had my Spanx, my cut Spanx on his head. So he said. And then he said, you know, Aubrey, you can never trust a woman that wears Spanx because she's already lied to you. So that was his cute way of saying, stop doing this. And then that was also kind of my moment of knowing. Like, I don't have to live in my trust issues. Like, I don't have to, like, spend my life constantly trying to hide and lie about who I am. Somebody's gonna love me for me. Every embarrassing little factor. So. Oh, wait, honey, wait. So I'm, like, super happy. I go back to my hotel. I'm, like, in it. Not even of the sex, but just the fact that he did that. The fact that he loved me. Women, we cover up things all the time about ourselves. And the fact that you're exposed and somebody really loves you still. It's like the best feeling in the world. It feels like love. Whatever love is. Guys, like, same thing for you when you guys have small penises. And we. I love you. Anyway, so. Anyway, so we. Oh, you didn't like that one, did you? I was like, that bitch. Okay, so. So I get home, and I'm, like, super excited. We're both working all day, and we didn't have plans to hang out that night, but we were gonna leave on a vacation the next day. And I'm like, you know what? I need to show him that I'm not a lie, that. That I love him, that I can put down my trust issues and be in this relationship. So I put on the jacket, and I'm like, I'm not gonna wear any Spanx. I'm gonna show up at his hotel, like, so cliche, in a jacket with nothing underneath it and, like, pumps and, like, be sexy. And no Spanx this time. So I call him, and he's at home. He ended up going back home. And I'm like, okay, well, you know. What are you doing? Nothing. Going to bed. Long day. Whatever. I'm like, okay. So I go to his place, and I'm like, this is going to be my moment, right? Go up to the door. Knock, knock, knock. Nothing. Lights are out. I'm like, okay, I must have fallen asleep. He's not hearing me call a bunch. Nothing. So I'm like, all right. Like, whatever. I'm going to see him tomorrow. So I start to walk back, and I notice his car is parked out front. So I'm like, okay, he's probably there. Like, why would his car be here? And then I looked up, and I saw a light come up in his place. So I go back, knocking on the door, starting to feel those trust issues in my throat. I'm like, this motherfucker. Knocking, knocking, knocking. Nothing.
- [67:40]
Melanie Hamlet
Call, call, call.
- [67:41]
Aubrey O'Day
Like one of those crazy bitches that calls, like, 13 times. Nothing. I'm pacing back and forth outside the house, like, okay, calm down. This is okay. He loves you. This is fine. Like, but he should be answering. Bang, bang, bang, bang. I must have stood outside that house for a good 15 minutes. Finally, the lights come on throughout the house. Door opens. He's looking disheveled. He's like, God, babes, what's going on? I'm like, oh, you know, I wanted to surprise you. You know, I'm here. Look, aren't I cute? Don't have Spanx on. And then he's like, oh. He's like, that's so sweet, like, but I'm tired. We have to work tomorrow. We're leaving. Like, calm down. It's fine. Don't let your trust issues get you all crazy. So I'm like, yeah, I feel so stupid again. I'm embarrassing myself in front of this guy, you know? And now it's not the Spanx. It's not the external coverup. It's the internal shit that's coming out. So I turn around and I start to walk out, and I look up the stairs, and I notice the door to his bedroom is closed. I'm like, I don't know about that.
- [68:47]
Melanie Hamlet
So.
- [68:49]
Aubrey O'Day
Turn back around, I'm like, so there's nobody in here? No. I'm like, is there anyone in here? Hello? Anyone in here? Like, screaming? Nothing. So I'm like, okay. I'm just crazy. So he's like, yeah, wrap this up. I gotta go to bed. We start walking. Puts his arm around me, kind of pushing me a little. And it was nothing but that tiny little push I could feel in his hand. I was like, this shit is not right. He's pushing, pushing. I'm thinking of the lights off the car, the going to bed early, the door closed, the push. And I'm like, hold up. He was like. Literally had his arm around me. So I did like, one of those NFL, like, you know, those things.
- [69:36]
Melanie Hamlet
I, like, went around his arm and.
- [69:38]
Aubrey O'Day
I matrixed my ass to the fucking and sliding door, which he hadn't opened. So I'm like. I know all my angles, right? I'm like, spot things really well. So I know I'm not probably gonna be able to get up those stairs. Cause he'll block me. But I know if I can maneuver around, I could head straight out the sliding glass door into the window. So I run outside, push through this fucking window. He tried to stop me, but couldn't even touch my force. Push through this window and saw a naked chick on his fucking bed. So I dove through that window. His fucking laptop went flying. The lamp broke, everything on the desk. There was, like, a desk in front of us. Everything broke. I, like, tumbled over, like, three times. And I don't know why this is such a random detail, but I went over to see if she was alive. She. She was laying there in the bed, and she had her naked legs spread open. I saw everything, girl. So I ran up, and I immediately took her pulse. I'm like, are you alive? She's like, she's all fucked up. And I'm looking at her, I'm shaking Her. I'm like, are you alive? Do you know where you are? And she was like. I was like, I'll tell you where you fucking are. You're in my boyfriend's fucking bed. Dropped her. This bitch is no use to me. I'm sitting there. He's trying to get in from the other side. Now I'm sitting there shaking. I'm almost like I wanted to hit her. I don't know why. Because, like, it's so, like, Bad Girls Club but for females. And if you've ever been cheated on, females, like, women want to go after the woman first. It's, like, so stupid that we do that. But anyways, I'm about to hit this girl. Like, I really don't like her. And I looked over at the chair, and there were all her clothes on the chair. And she had a pair of fucking spades. And I realized her and I were soldiers in the same war. We were both doing the same thing. We were the same person. So anyways, needless to say, never talked to the dude again. Never even knew who the girl was. And I guess, you know, thanks can tie into my Spanx. Like, thanks, Spanx, for showing me this guy's a piece of shit. And also, I think the moral to that story is Spanx do not lie. Men do. Come on with this place for me and time tell the test of pedigree Experience is another woman for me to.
- [72:58]
Melanie Hamlet
Tell me now, Tell me now, please show me how show me how to understand what makes a.
- [73:22]
Kevin Allison
Well, that is all for this week, folks. This is the heavy behind me now. And we just heard a story called Spanx for the Memories by the one and only Ms. Aubrey O'Day. Don't forget to send us your stories at risk-show.com submissions. Folks, today's the day. Take a risk. Get your motherfucking hands over here right now. Get your motherfucking ass over here right now. Eat the rag. I got something to say to you, boy.
- [75:04]
Julia Wiedemann
Get the Kitavi with a zigzag.
- [75:06]
Kevin Allison
Oregon and now we're infested with snakes. It's better over here at&T customers switching to T Mobile has never been easier.
- [75:23]
Aubrey O'Day
We'll pay off your existing phone and.
- [75:24]
Melanie Hamlet
Give you a new one free.
- [75:26]
Kevin Allison
All on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com carrierfreedom to switch today.
- [75:33]
Lillian Devane
Pay off up to 650 via virtual.
- [75:35]
Kevin Allison
Prepaid MasterCard in 15 days. Free phone up to 830 via 24 monthly bill credits plus tax. Qualifying port and trade and service on.
- [75:40]
Melanie Hamlet
Go 5G next and credit required.
- [75:42]
Kevin Allison
Contact us before canceling entire account to continue bill credits or credit stop and balance and required Finance agreement is due. Hey folks, there's so much more of Risk in the holiday season. Risk is always publishing new episodes and new stories stories as well as holiday favorites. This holiday season, don't forget, click on Risk.