Podcast
Sex With Dr. Jess
Hosted by Dr. Jess O'Reilly · EN
In Sex With Dr. Jess, Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, Toronto-based sexologist, author, and media personality, shares tips on how to enhance your sexual life to improve the quality of your relationships. She interviews guests with questions ranging from how to deal with jealousy to getting down in the bedroom, as well as hosting thought-provoking episodes centered around compatibility and strengthening relationships.
12episodes
Episodes
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Sex Terms You’ve Never Heard: CBT, AMDL & More!
Sep 8, 202400:38:28Tap to summarize  We (Dr. Jess and B writing here!) sincerely appreciate you using our affiliate links and discount code DRJESSVIP. Thank you so very much! We appreciate you. Code DRJESSVIP THANK YOU! 💜 (for real) Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us! No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win! LOVEHONEY.COM WE-VIBE.COM This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you!   Sex Terms You’ve Never Heard: From CBT to CEI & Beyond Prefer to listen? This post is based on a Sex With Dr. Jess podcast episode featuring Sunny Megatron. Scroll down to listen or listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. What Counts as a “Normal” Fantasy? What turns someone on might surprise others—but that doesn’t make it wrong. In a world where sexual fantasies are often hidden behind closed doors and filtered out of mainstream studies, a growing vocabulary of kink and fetish acronyms reveals just how varied, creative, and expressive people’s desires can be. While a study out of Quebec found that fantasies such as swinging, BDSM, and threesomes are common and “normal” (with over half of participants reporting them), the reality is that many desires extend beyond the bounds of academic inquiry. That’s where lesser-known acronyms come in. Kink Acronyms 101: From Familiar to Fantastical Sex educator Sunny Megatron recently joined the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast to decode the sex terms that rarely show up in textbooks. From CEI to ASFR, here are a few that stand out: CBT: Cock and ball torture This can include everything from gentle squeezing to bondage, ball stretchers, clamps, and even full-contact ball busting. CEI: Cum eating instruction Often paired with JOI (jack off instruction), usually in a dom-sub dynamic, and frequently rooted in taboo play. SPH: Small penis humiliation Involves psychological play and consensual embarrassment. ABF: Adult breastfeeding fetish Not necessarily about lactation, but more often about the eroticism of care, comfort, and vulnerability. CFNM: Clothed female, nude male An inversion of mainstream objectification that centers the clothed partner’s power and gaze. ASFR: Alt sex robot fetish Sometimes referred to as technosexuality, especially relevant in a world where Bluetooth-connected toys like the We-Vibe Chorus and We-Vibe Sync 2 blur the lines between tech and touch. The Psychology of Kink: Power, Play & Permission Many of these fantasies involve submissive men and dominant women—a dynamic that directly challenges cultural norms of masculinity. Kinks like CEI or CFNM provide a mental reprieve from societal expectations of dominance and emotional suppression. This kind of exploration is not necessarily about the acts themselves, but about rewriting personal narratives around power, control, and vulnerability. For some, it’s healing. For others, it’s just hot. And for anyone looking to explore dominant/submissive roles in a playful way, a toy like the We-Vibe Pivot can be an excellent starting point. It’s discreet, app-controlled, and ideal for giving control to a partner, whether across the room or across the world. Shame, Humiliation & the Erotic Erotic humiliation is another thread running through many of these kinks. It’s not about degradation but about consensual embarrassment—such as being asked to perform a sexy task in front of others or being lovingly teased. These types of fantasies often stem from early experiences or internalized cultural messages. For those looking to process shame through pleasure, even seemingly taboo kinks like CBT or CEI can become cathartic and empowering when approached with consent, communication, and curiosity. Playing With Consent: SSC and RACK All these acts—no matter how edgy—rely on enthusiastic, informed consent. The frameworks of SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) and RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) guide participants toward ethical, joyful exploration. Tools for Pleasure, Play & Power Exchange For those curious to dive into sensation, dominance, or power exchange dynamics, consider these tools: We-Vibe Melt: Perfect for surrendering to hands-free clitoral stimulation during JOI scenes. Magic Wand: Ideal for intense sensation play, especially in spanking or OTK scenes. We-Vibe Tango X: A powerful bullet vibe for pinpoint pleasure or humiliation play when the submissive is being edged.   <span id="prli-prdt-badge-text" class="text-...
Transcribe →How To Prep For A Threesome
Jul 9, 202400:34:00Tap to summarizeA quick ‘Thank You’ from Dr. Jess and B (it really is us!) – Every time you shop our affiliate links and use our discount code DRJESSVIP, you’re supporting us, and we appreciate you! Thank you again. Code DRJESSVIP THANK YOU! 💜 (for real) Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us! No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win! LOVEHONEY.COM WE-VIBE.COM This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you! Your Inclusive Guide to Pleasure, Consent & Connection You listened to Part I of our threesome series, and now you’re back for the practical prep. In Part II of our threesome discussion, we share questions and prompts to consider before you have a threesome — for individuals and couples. We also share some of our listeners’ insights on how to prep for a threesome and discuss couples’ privilege. Whether you’re single, partnered, or somewhere in between, use the prompts below to design an experience that feels thoughtful, consensual, and genuinely pleasurable for everyone involved. (If you missed our conversation with Dr. Justin Lehmiller, circle back for the research on who fantasizes, who follows through, and why the numbers don’t always match.) When (and IF) you’re considering moving from fantasy to action, check out this post on how to prepare for your first sex party and ease your nerves while maximizing pleasure. Sponsored Resources I’m partnering with Lovehoney, Womanizer and We-Vibe because they carry a wide range of body-safe toys and ship discreetly worldwide. Two personal favorites that are versatile for solo and partnered play: We-Vibe Tango X – a pinpoint external vibe that tucks easily between bodies We-Vibe Nova 2 – a flexible dual-stimulation toy; the external arm stays in contact even as you move. Code DRJESSVIP We-Vibe Nova 2 Save with Discount Code - DRJESSVIP • Dual stimulation with flexible clitoral arm = stays in place as you move & deep rumbly vibes. • App-controlled for solo or partner play from anywhere. • Waterproof & rechargeable — ready for bath, bed, or wherever you'd like. We-Vibe.com Lovehoney.com This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you! Threesome Preparation Toolkit Below are three sets of questions. Reflect on them solo, discuss with partners, or copy-paste into a shared doc. The goal is clarity about desire, boundaries, and after-care. 1. Personal Reflection Threesomes: Self-Questionnaire Why do you want to have a threesome? Where did the idea of a threesome come from? How do you feel about this source? What benefits do you expect to derive from a threesome? What are the perceived risks/costs? With whom would you like to have a threesome? Do you know if they’re open to it? How might your relationship with your threesome mates change post-threesome? What excites you most about a threesome? What motivates you? What concerns you about a threesome? Do you have any hesitations? What emotional elements of a threesome have you considered? How will you manage potentially challenging emotions should they arise? Do you f...
Transcribe →4 Types of Couples — Which One Are You?
Dec 8, 202300:25:05Tap to summarize4 Types of Couples – Which One Are You? Thank you for reading and listening to our podcast (from us – Dr. Jess and B)! We truly appreciate your time and support. If you’re in the mood to shop for vibrating toys, please consider visiting our affiliate partners and use our discount code DRJESSVIP to save when checking out! We appreciate you. Code DRJESSVIP THANK YOU! 💜 (for real) Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us! No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win! LOVEHONEY.COM WE-VIBE.COM This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you! TL;DR – 4 Types of Couples We explore a study identifying 4 types of dating couples — helping you better understand your relationship dynamics, commitment levels, and satisfaction. Key elements of commitment: Emotional attachment Intention to continue the relationship Influenced by satisfaction, shared investments, and social networks The 4 Couple Types: Dramatic Couples Emotional rollercoasters High reactivity to conflict Tend to socialize separately May struggle with stability Partner-Focused Couples Highest long-term satisfaction Prioritize each other’s needs Shared decision-making and emotional investment Socially Involved Couples Thrive on shared social circles Friends’ support boosts relationship quality Strong network = stronger bond Conflict-Ridden Couples High conflict, high passion Cycles of fighting and making up Intensity may mask deeper instability Pleasure tools for connection: We-Vibe Melt – for a warm, suction-based melt-away feeling We-Vibe Tango – tiny but mighty with precision pulses Magic Wand – a full-body classic with rumbling power Use code DRJESSVIP at checkout to save! Explore further: How to Stop Bickering: 12 Strategies Managing Burnout in Relationships Mind-Blowing Oral: Clit Edition Subscribe to the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast and newsletter for more insights, tools, and pleasure-based education. 4 Types of Couples: Understanding Your Relationship Dynamics Have you ever wondered what drives commitment in a dating relationship? In this episode of the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast, Brandon and I dive into a fascinating study that identifies four distinct types of dating couples. By understanding whether you and your partner are “dramatic,” “partner-focused,” “socially involved,” or “conflict-ridden,” you can gain insight into how satisfaction, investments, and social networks influence your bond. Before we get into the transcript, let’s explore key research findings that can help you see where your relationship fits—and perhaps discover ways to enhance communication, deepen commitment, or even steer clear of patterns that aren’t working. What Is Commitment, Really? Commitment in relationships often hinges on two main components: Attachment (emotional bond) Intention to continue the relationship Researchers have shown that these factors are influenced by relationship satisfaction, investments (time, energy, shared goals), and the presence—or absence—of appealing alternatives. For dating couples in their mid-20s, believing that the relationship has a future plays a massive role in both quality and stability. As one study noted, “Commitment in relationships is usually centered around two things. The attachment and the intention to continue the relationship”. The Four Relationship “Onions” 1. Dramatic Couples These pairs experience frequent ups and downs. Their commitment tends to swing dramatically, often in response to negative events or thoughts about the relationship. They may spend significant time with separate friend groups and pursue individual interests. If you find yourself regularly riding an emotional rollercoaster, you might be a dramatic couple—and recognizing this can help you break cycles of instability. 2. Partner-Focused Couples With the highest likelihood of staying together and feeling content long term, partner-focused couples prioritize each other’s needs. Shared decision-making, mutual consideration, and a strong focus on your partner’s well-being characterize this group. Even if you don’t rely heavily on a shared social circle, putting each other first cements a deeper, more stable bond. 3. Socially Involved Couples These couples derive a lot of support and closeness from shared friend groups. When your mutual friends root for your relationship, it strengthens both your satisfaction and commitment. Just as importantly, you can lean on your social network when challenges arise. If your relationship thrives when your friends are involved—and you feel closer when loved ones approve—you’re likely socially involved. If conflict feels overwhelming, don’t miss our guide on How to Stop Bickering: 12 Strategies.<...
Transcribe →Sex, Gender & Intimacy: People Collide with Isle McElroy
Nov 23, 202300:38:28Tap to summarizeIsle McElroy joins Jess and Brandon to talk about intimacy, vulnerability and sex — on paper and in the flesh. An award-winning non-binary author based in New York, McElroy’s latest novel People Collide is a gender-bending, body-switching story exploring marriage, identity, and sex, which delves into questions about the nature of true partnership. Isle shares personal insights on what makes for a good sex scene, how inadequacy plays out in relationships and what they’ve learned from rethinking sex and pleasure. To learn more about Isle McElroy, check out their social media – Instagram and Twitter And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 343 Sex, Gender & Intimacy: People Collide with Isle McElroy [00:00:00] You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Hey, hey, today we’re talking about sex, gender, and intimacy with Isle McElroy, an award winning non binary author based in New York, whose latest novel, People Collide, is a gender bending, body switching story about marriage, identity, and sex, which delves into questions about the nature of true partnership. [00:00:31] Jess O’Reilly: Yeah, and this story isn’t your traditional kind of body swap, you know, thinking Freaky Fridays. So the story is… Eli, when Eli, the main character, leaves the cramped Bulgarian apartment, he shares with his wife, Elizabeth, who’s more organized, more successful than he is. He discovers that he now inhabits her body. [00:00:48] Jess O’Reilly: So not only have he and his wife traded bodies, but Elizabeth living as Eli, has disappeared without a trace, and what follows is Eli’s search across Europe, to America, to find his missing wife, and an exploration of gender and embodied experience. As Eli comes closer to finding Elizabeth while learning to exist in her body, he begins to wonder what effect this metamorphosis will have on their relationship, and how long he can maintain the illusion of of living as someone he isn’t. [00:01:17] Jess O’Reilly: And the questions, you know, are will their new marriage wither completely in each other’s bodies, or is this transformation the very thing Eli and Elizabeth need for their marriage? to thrive. So I’m really looking forward to this conversation. I’ve been reading the book. I’m almost done. I thought I’d be done by today, but I have a lot of questions about some of the messaging and themes, and I think it’s going to be a great conversation. [00:01:37] Jess O’Reilly: Now, before we welcome our guest, I’ll want to announce a partnership with fellow podcasters Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women. The podcast, season two, is out now and it’s hosted by Nana Darkwa Sakiyama and Malaika Grant. The podcast explores African women’s experiences of sex, sexuality, [00:02:00] and pleasure and they have a host of fabulous guests in their bedroom this season. [00:02:05] Jess O’Reilly: They have top sexpert Ohlone from the UK, fabulous comedienne Yvonne Orji. Feminist powerhouse, Mona Altahawe, and many, many more. And they’re asking all their guests, what’s your sexy secret? What’s your secret, babe? [00:02:19] Brandon Ware: I can’t tell you. It’s a secret. That’s why it’s a secret. [00:02:21] Jess O’Reilly: So predictable. Okay. That and so much more in the new season of the Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women podcast out now. [00:02:30] Jess O’Reilly: Listen, wherever you get your podcasts. [00:02:33] Jess O’Reilly: Joining us now is Al McElroy. Thank you so much for being here. [00:02:37] Isle McElroy: Thank you so much for having me. It’s great to be here. [00:02:39] Jess O’Reilly: So we’re enjoying reading through your work. Not only People Collide, but some of your previous work, Short Stories. I understand this is your second book. [00:02:47] Jess O’Reilly: I was thinking about the pressure of an author in terms of your second book because everybody’s comparing it to your first, expecting more of the same. Is that something that, you know, you kind of face as an author or do you have to just leave it behind and do what works for you? [00:03:01] Isle McElroy: Yeah, I think I have not, there’s definitely been a lot of comparison to the first book. [00:03:07] Isle McElroy: I feel in a very strange place because my first book was published under my dead name. So it both feels as if this is my second book and my first book that is really mine. I think what’s been really exciting about the two books is that they do feel like they’re in conversation with each other. The first book, The Atmospherians, was about two best friends who start a cult to reform problematic men, uh, like a satire about gender. [00:03:30] Isle McElroy: And this book is a more intimate about a married couple who swap bodies. And I do feel like it seems like a really amazing evolution. for me in how I’ve been thinking about gender, how I’ve been thinking about relationship. First book is a lot about friendship. This second book is a lot about marriage. [00:03:46] Isle McElroy: So for me, I’ve been really always ...
Transcribe →Managing Burnout In Relationships: Conservation of Resources Theory
Nov 17, 202300:47:02Tap to summarizeThank you for engaging with our content and tuning in to the podcast. We like and appreciate you! If you’re interested in exploring more, browse our affiliate links for toys and tools to enhance your connection and pleasure. Be sure to use our discount code DRJESSVIP to save when checking out. Code DRJESSVIP THANK YOU! 💜 (for real) Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us! No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win! LOVEHONEY.COM WE-VIBE.COM This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you! TL;DR: The Conservation of Resources Theory and Managing Burnout in Relationships Burnout doesn’t just affect work, it depletes emotional and relational resources, impacting intimacy, desire, and connection. Conservation of Resources (COR) Theory helps reframe burnout as a resource imbalance, not a personal or relational failure. Reclaim energy by setting boundaries, prioritizing solo joy, and rebalancing resource exchange with your partner. Tools like the We-Vibe Melt or Touch can support solo and partnered pleasure as part of healing. Reflect weekly: What’s draining you? What’s restoring you? What can you shift to show up more fully and without burnout? Burnout & Relationships: A Tangled Web We Can’t Ignore Burnout isn’t reserved for the boardroom — it shows up in our bedrooms, dinner table conversations, text replies (or lack thereof), and yes, even in the quiet pauses between eye contact. In this episode of the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast, we dive into the signs of burnout, how they manifest in our relationships, and how the Conservation of Resources (COR) Theory offers a practical framework to better understand and manage this ever-growing emotional epidemic. From that sense of feeling “frozen” to the internal tug-of-war between showing up for your partner or just zoning out for self-preservation, burnout isn’t always easy to spot. And it’s even harder to talk about, especially when love and care are at stake. What Is Burnout? Emotional exhaustion, detachment, reduced empathy, irritability, a dip in desire (for intimacy or anything at all), these are more than just rough days. When you’re depleted for weeks, months or even years, the foundation of your relationship starts to shift. Burnout occurs along a spectrum, and that means we’re not just talking about full collapse. The early signs (social withdrawal, communication breakdowns, loss of interest in things you used to love) all serve as red flags. It’s not that you no longer want to connect, cuddle, or care. It’s that you literally can’t. Applying Conservation of Resources Theory to Relationships COR theory, developed by psychologist Stevan Hobfoll (1989), is based on a beautifully simple idea: humans are wired to conserve and protect valuable resources. These include: Object resources (e.g. money, housing, physical safety) Condition resources (e.g. status, roles, relationships) Energy resources (e.g. time, emotional bandwidth, attention) Personal resources (e.g. self-esteem, resilience) Relationships (intimate, platonic, familial) require a constant, fluctuating investment of these resources. And when they’re running low? Conflict, resentment, disconnection and dissatisfaction thrive. But when you’re both able to recognize burnout as a resource imbalance, instead of a personal failing or relational flaw, you can start making changes rooted in care, not blame. Managing Burnout With Relational Intelligence 1. Start With You (Yes, Even When You’re Burnt Out) You cannot pour from an empty cup. You don’t need to be overflowing, but consider where your emotional, physical, and mental energy is being spent. If you want to show up for your partner (or children, or friends), you need to reclaim time, movement, pleasure and purpose in ways that work for you. If an early morning run, solo trip to a bookstore, or nap on the balcony leaves you feeling whole again, take it seriously. Do you show up with the resources needed for the relationship, or are you spending them elsewhere? Explore enhancements that recharge you, like the We-Vibe Touch or We-Vibe Melt, tools designed not just for partnered play, but for solo joy and resource-building too. 2. Burnout in Relationships – Set Boundaries With What Depletes You Your job isn’t entitled to your midnight thoughts. Your phone doesn’t have to accompany you to the bathroom. And you absolutely can (and should) say no to that third committee meeting that will rob you of emotional availability for your loved ones. Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re resource preservation strategies. 3. Relearn Resource Exchange Healthy relationships include ongoing, reciprocal exchange. That doesn’t mean it’s 50/50 every day, it means both partners feel safe, supported, and seen over time. Ask each other: What fills your cup? What drains it? What does support look like today?< Let your pleasure be part of that conversation too. Maybe you both enjoy a quiet night in with candles and the We-Vibe Chorus — a powerful way to recharge together without having to “perform.” Code DRJESSVIP <div c...
Transcribe →Eroticize Daily Interactions: 20 Actionable Tips For Busy Couple
Nov 10, 202300:40:25Tap to summarize  Thank you for reading and listening to our podcast (this is Dr. Jess and B, for real)! If you’re feeling like shopping for buzzing toys or lingerie, check out our affiliate partners and be sure to use our discount code DRJESSVIP to save when checking out! We appreciate you! Code DRJESSVIP THANK YOU! 💜 (for real) Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us! No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win! LOVEHONEY.COM WE-VIBE.COM This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you! How to Eroticize Daily Interactions Keeping the spark alive in a relationship amidst routine can feel challenging, especially if you’re super busy. You’re not a light switch; it’s natural to need a transition from everyday roles (work, parenting, chores) into a sensual, playful state. To celebrate our wedding anniversary, Brandon and I have curated over 20 actionable tips you can easily implement to make your daily interactions more fun, passionate, and erotic. Establish Role Rituals A ritual to transition from your public role to your private, intimate role can help create emotional and erotic closeness. It could be something as simple as playing a favourite song, mixing cocktails, or switching off your phones. Morning Kindness Starting your day with small gestures, like making coffee or leaving a sweet note, can strengthen connection and make your partner feel valued. It’s an easy and energizing way to start your day. The Complaint Dump Take 2-5 minutes daily to vent frustrations together, clearing the air to allow space for positivity and intimacy later. Pull out the timer and stick to it! Playful Texts Use texts playfully instead of just practically. Send fun, flirty, or incomplete messages to pique your partner’s interest. Use memes, videos or whatever gets you rolling. Sexy Photos and Notes Exchange playful notes or flirty images, enhancing intimacy even when you’re apart. Physical Connection Reset Take two minutes to connect physically: lie forehead-to-forehead, breathing together. This enhances emotional closeness through interpersonal synchronization. Embrace Playfulness Physical and verbal playfulness—like joking, teasing, or playful wrestling—deepens intimacy, reduces stress, and fosters attraction. Spend Time Apart Intimacy thrives with a little mystery and distance. Enjoy solo walks or separate activities occasionally. Loving Objectification Within a respectful, loving context, take time to openly appreciate your partner’s physical attributes. Minimize Technological Distractions Create tech-free zones or times, especially in your bedroom, to prioritize connection and intimacy. Quality Time Blocks Regularly set aside quality time together where certain stressful topics (work, kids, pandemic) are off-limits. Instead, ask fun, hypothetical questions to reconnect. Compliment Generously Offer meaningful compliments frequently, ranging from simple admiration to lustful appreciation. Touch Without Agenda Physical affection when you’re not specifically seeking sex helps maintain emotional and physical connection, enhancing overall intimacy. Mood Music Music can set the stage for intimacy. Choose music aligned with how you want to feel—powerful, playful, or relaxed. Netflix and Strip Turn Netflix nights into playful erotic opportunities by removing clothing based on keywords heard during your favorite show. The 99 Rule Ask, “Will this matter when I’m 99?” to quickly diffuse trivial tensions and focus on what truly matters. Daydream Together Regularly indulge in shared fantasies or future plans, creating intimacy through imagination and excitement. Ready to spice things up further? Check out these sensual essentials to elevate your connection: We-Vibe Nova 2 – perfect for blended orgasms. Code DRJESSVIP We-Vibe Nova 2 Save with Discount Code - DRJESSVIP • Dual stimulation with flexible clitoral arm = stays in place as you move & deep rumbly vibes. • App-controlled for solo or partner play from anywhere. • Waterproof & rechargeable — ready for bath, bed, or wherever you'd like. We-Vibe.com Lovehoney.com This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you!   We-Vibe Chorus – excellent for couples looking to explore mutual pleasure. Code DRJESSVIP </...
Transcribe →How To Stop Bickering: 12 Strategies
Nov 3, 202300:41:23Tap to summarizeDo you want to… Bicker less and catch yourself before you start? Stay calm and empathetic during conflict? Feel more at ease and connected so – that you’re less inclined to fight? Tune in for a discussion – of why we bicker and 12 simple strategies to reduce conflict in relationships as Jess and Brandon weigh in on this listener question: “We love each other madly. He’s really the love of my life, and we don’t seem to have any big, deep issues because we’re really aligned – on values, family, spirituality, and the core issues. But we bicker a lot. I don’t like the example we’re setting for our kids. How can we cut back on the daily bickering so our household is more at ease and we have more peace – because we both work from home.” Before we dive in, thank you for being here. We appreciate you. If you’re shopping, please feel free to check out our affiliate links and use our discount code DRJESSVIP to save on your next toy, lingerie or lube order. Code DRJESSVIP THANK YOU! 💜 (for real) Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us! No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win! LOVEHONEY.COM WE-VIBE.COM This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you!   TL;DR: Bickering Isn’t Always About the Dishwasher You love each other, your values align, so why are you fighting about who put the kids to bed (again)? Because bickering is often a symptom, not the problem. Stress, burnout, unspoken needs, or tired communication habits can all show up as low-grade, repeat conflict. In-the-moment strategies: Try the “99 Rule”. Will this matter when you’re 99? Change rooms, change tone, change outcomes. Ask for what you need instead of assuming your partner should know. Prevent it before it starts: Know your triggers and name them. Add physical affection (hello, 10-second hug). Reduce outside stress so home doesn’t become the battlefield. Connection is a buffer. Whether it’s a cuddle, a laugh, or a pleasure-enhancing tool like the We-Vibe Nova 2 or Melt, investing in closeness makes conflict less sticky. Want more insight into your patterns? Try our Core Erotic Feeling post or this 2-minute reset connection exercise. Why Do We Bicker? It’s not always about the dishwasher or who put the kids to bed. Bickering often masks unmet emotional needs, stress spillover, or deeper relational patterns. Sometimes it’s about rice. Sometimes it’s about power. Sometimes it’s a sign you’re both just worn down. In this episode of the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast, we tackle the big question behind the little fights: “Why are we bickering all the time when we love each other so much?” And perhaps more importantly, how can we stop? How to Stop Bickering (In the Moment) 1. Be Quiet & Listen It sounds simple. But listening (not to reply, not to defend) is one of the hardest relational skills. Picture the word “listen” scrolling across a ticker in your mind to help you stay present. 2. Try the 99 Rule Ask: “Will I care about this when I’m 99?” If not, consider letting it go. Our energy is precious. Spend it on what matters. 3. Write Down What You Want Use your phone to note what you’re actually seeking in the moment. Are you just stressed and looking for connection? 4. Take Some Responsibility Even if you’re not ready to say it aloud, try to own your part internally. It shifts the dynamic almost instantly. 5. Change the Setting Move. Walk. Change rooms. Sit on the floor. Shifting your physical space can shift your emotional tone too. 6. Laugh (But Kindly) Humour (not sarcasm) can defuse tension. Shared laughter strengthens bonds and soothes conflict if it comes from a place of connection. 7. Use Conversation Openers Trade “You always…” for “Can I ask something of you?” or “Would you consider…?” Words matter. Especially mid-bicker. Preventing the Bickering Before It Starts 8. Reduce Daily Annoyances No, you’re not going to change each other completely, but being mindful of repeated irritants (ie. splashes in the bathroom) is a simple act of care. 9. Know Your (And Your Partner’s) Triggers If you know you’re edgy the day before your period, name it. If your partner spirals when tech breaks, offer space. Anticipation is kindness. 10. Reduce Stress (So You’re Not Fighting the World at Home) Our nervous systems have limits. If you’re constantly drained, even a sideways glance can start a war. Try offloading stress before it spills over. 11. Add Physical Affection It’s not always about sex. Cuddling, hand-holding, or a 10-second hug reduces cortisol (research study here), increases trust, and builds a buffer against future conflict. 12. Prioritize Connection (and Yes, Sex Helps Too) Sexual connection (when mutually desired) helps create security and shared joy. Tools like the We-Vibe Melt or the We-Vibe Nova 2 can deepen that connection — especially when stress has left you feeling distant. Code DRJE...
Transcribe →Candid Conversations: Managing the ‘Work Spouse’ and Therapy Avoidance
Oct 27, 202300:31:50Tap to summarizeIn this Q&A, Jess and Brandon weigh in on listener queries related to “work spouses”, dealing with a partner who refuses to go to therapy and “love tattoos”: “My husband has a coworker who introduced herself to me as his work wife. I didn’t even know how to respond. When I talked to him about it, he said she was just kidding around. I think it’s inappropriate. He says it’s no big deal. Who is right?” “What do you do if your partner refuses; to go to therapy – but the relationship is on the rocks? Asking for a friend.” “I just turned 18, and I’ve been dating a guy – who is a few years older than me. He comes from money, so hw’s shown me a lot of things I’ve never seen before. It has only been a few months, and he wants me to get a matching tattoo. What should I do?” Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here.   Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 339 Candid Conversations: Managing the ‘Work Spouse’ and Therapy Avoidance [00:00:00] You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I’m your cohost, Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, how are you doing? [00:00:22] Jess O’Reilly: I’m good. I can see that you’re putting on a brave face. I am putting on a brave face. [00:00:26] Jess O’Reilly: You know how I know you’re having a date. [00:00:29] Brandon Ware: How? What’s my tell? What’s my tell? Is it Terry’s? [00:00:33] Jess O’Reilly: It’s your, it’s your left peck. It’s my left peck. It’s your left peck. It’s that I saw the app from your ring on your phone and your stress was way up at the top. [00:00:42] Brandon Ware: So I have an Aura ring and it monitors all your vitals and they just released a stress feature. [00:00:48] Brandon Ware: I’m stressed out today. [00:00:49] Jess O’Reilly: Yeah, left peck going hard. [00:00:51] Brandon Ware: I feel like some people need to talk it out with somebody other than me. [00:00:55] Jess O’Reilly: So I think so many of us run into this. I’m not going to obviously speak specifically about your situation. I know what’s going on, but I think that sometimes you have people in your lives. [00:01:05] Jess O’Reilly: Whether they be friends, or clients, or co workers, or just people in your family, who, they have their own anxiety, and they try and attenuate that anxiety through you. And I don’t mean they’re dumping their problems on you, but they may be actually, in your case, they are actually saying, here are my problems, fix them, even though you can’t. [00:01:25] Jess O’Reilly: But, They expect you to kind of jump and dance and twist and twirl around their anxiety as though their urgency is your emergency. [00:01:36] Brandon Ware: Ooh, that’s a good one. I have heard that before, but their urgency is my emergency. Yes. [00:01:40] Jess O’Reilly: I think it’s Luna who I first heard say that. [00:01:42] Brandon Ware: Was that Luna? Luna Matadas? [00:01:43] Jess O’Reilly: It rhymes, you know. [00:01:44] Brandon Ware: It rhymes. I love that. She’s a rhymer. She’s a plumber. Uh, I, I would agree with that wholeheartedly, and I think once you start paying attention to that, it’s easier for me to realize that, Hey, listen, this isn’t my problem. This is your problem. And I want to support you. I’m going to be compassionate in [00:02:00] understanding maybe the situation that you’re going through, but also taking a step back and saying, you know what, though, at the end of the day, this isn’t my problem. [00:02:05] Brandon Ware: This is your problem. [00:02:06] Jess O’Reilly: Well, that’s the hard thing when you’re a natural people pleaser. So I learned something about myself this week, which is that a lot of my behavior. That involves not setting any boundaries for myself or pretending to set them and letting them all be violated has to do with anxiety and impulsivity where I feel like, Oh, this person’s upset. [00:02:23] Jess O’Reilly: I better fix it for them. [00:02:25] Brandon Ware: Agreed. And do you also find that that impulsivity, the immediate need to respond? It’s not, not only are you just impulsive in nature, but it’s like in your immediate need to respond to that inquiry. [00:02:36] Jess O’Reilly: Yeah. It’s like life is like an inbox and email inbox. And I just want to clear it and clear it and clear it as fast as I can. [00:02:41] Jess O’Reilly: And one, one thing that I’ve learned. [00:02:43] Brandon Ware: Hold up. Hold up, hold up. You want to clear that inbox? How many unread messages do you have in your email inbox? I’m doing my best. No, no, no. I want to know. Is it, is it over a hundred? Okay, yes, but… Is it, is it over a thousand? Okay, yes. Is it over two thousand? [00:02:58] Jess O’Reilly: It is not over two thousand five hundred thirty nine. [00:03:02] Jess O’Reilly: Phew. No, but can I just tell you why that is? Because you don’t actually see my email. You just see the icon. Rain your logic down. Oh my gosh, we have no focus here. It’s because an old inbox got imported in. It’s not like there’s 2000 messages I need to get to. There are probably like five messages I need to get to. [00:03:21] Jess O’Reilly: I swear. I don’t, I don’t let my inbox pile up. I like to clean it out. [00:03:25] Brandon Ware: I’m just playing with you. I know that you do. And I know that that was reason. Did you? I didn’t know that was the exact reason, but I figured that there must have been a reason. Even for me, I have 50, well actually I have 27 unread emails. [00:03:36] Brandon Ware: And I definitely want to get through them all. And when I feel like if I get through them, I’ve accomplished something. But that’s not the case because that email inbox just continues to grow every day. But I will say that I love me a snooze button. Do you use the snooze button? [00:03:49] Jess O’Reilly: No. [00:03:50] Brandon Ware: Ooh, you gotta learn to use the snooze. [00:03:52] Jess O’Reilly: Where you snooze people’s emails? [00:03:53] Brandon Ware: You just snooze it. It’s just, it’s a reminder setting. I mean, I use a CRM, a database management system, to help me, you know, stay organized, but at the [00:04:00] same time, that snooze button? Love it. [00:04:02] Jess O’Reilly: So what does it do? Like, the email comes back after a certain amount of time? [00:04:05] Brandon Ware: Yeah, it’ll just show back up. [00:04:07] Brandon Ware: Uh, in your email inbox. Yeah, it’s great. So you can set the snooze reminder. Is that through Gmail. Later in the day, a week later, a month later. It’s amazing. I love it. [00:04:14] Jess O’Reilly: March 2026? Yeah. That’s when I want to get to your email. [00:04:16] Brandon Ware: I’ll snooze you to, to never. [00:04:18] Jess O’Reilly: Okay. Okay, we totally got off track. Cause I, I had asked you about the stress because I wanted to ask you about stress management. [00:04:25] Jess O’Reil...
Transcribe →Sex & Relationship Q&A: Cheating, Trust & Sexual Pressure
Oct 19, 202300:19:08Tap to summarizeHow do you define cheating? And how do you recover once trust has been broken? How do you deal with sexual pressure from a partner? Womanizer Premium Eco Jess and Brandon weigh in on personal questions from listeners. They also share an offer from Womanizer in honour of Breast Cancer Awareness Month: if you’re a survivor, request your Womanizer Premium Eco by emailing info at sexwithdrjess dot com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Sex & Relationship Q&A: Cheating, Trust & Sexual Pressure Episode 338 [00:00:00] Jess O’Reilly: You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey, hey, we’re back at it after a week off. Are you, are you feeling rested? [00:00:19] Brandon Ware: I feel refreshed. [00:00:20] Jess O’Reilly: You do? [00:00:21] Brandon Ware: Not at all. [00:00:22] Jess O’Reilly: In 400 or so episodes, or maybe we’re not quite at 400. I think we’ve only missed two weeks. [00:00:27] Brandon Ware: About three 50. And that’s impressive that you’ve only missed. Two weeks. [00:00:30] Jess O’Reilly: Is it? For me it is. For another person who’s not as, uh, commitment phobic. Not that impressive, but apologies for missing last week. Not gonna get into it, but happy to, happy to be back chatting with you today, babe. Yeah, always happy to be here. [00:00:43] Jess O’Reilly: We’ve got some questions from some listeners that, uh, I’m always kind of intrigued by and intrigued to hear what you have to say and what others think. So we do have a bit of an alternative sponsor for Breast Cancer Awareness Month as well. Uh, because cancer diagnosis and treatment have repeatedly been shown to adversely affect sexual function. [00:01:03] Jess O’Reilly: We know that, for example, 83% of breast cancer survivors meet the clinical criteria for sexual dysfunction. We know that a very small percentage actually receive supports in this area. So our sponsored womanizer has. partnered with charity, the leading research hospital in Berlin for a breast cancer clinical study on sexuality and libido for breast cancer survivors. [00:01:25] Jess O’Reilly: And they already have some preliminary data in this study showing that masturbating helps with libido loss and sexual self worth in breast cancer survivors who have undergone treatment. So I am looking forward to seeing some of those. Some of those formal results once published, and Erica Hart, who is a fellow sex educator, they’re an activist, a breast cancer survivor themself, they advocate for an active pleasure approach to breast cancer survivors treatment. [00:01:51] Jess O’Reilly: They are also on board as part of the project. And the reason we’re bringing this up is that Womanizer, you know I’m a fan of this brand, a huge fan of their [00:02:00] technology, Womanizer is giving away. a whole lot of premium ecos. So those are their premium version of womanizers, but they’re recyclable. So they’re made from recyclable material. [00:02:12] Jess O’Reilly: The product itself is recyclable. It uses less packaging, all that jazz. And so if you are a survivor and you’re interested in a free womanizer premium eco, just let me know. So shoot an email over to our admin over here at sexwithdrjess, it’s info at sexwithdrjess. com. Just let us know you’d like one and you need to send your name and shipping address and we’ll have it shipped out to you. [00:02:37] Jess O’Reilly: So if you’re a breast cancer survivor or maybe you know someone who is who deserves a little more pleasure in their life, courtesy of Womanizer, do shoot us a message and you can find more info on it online as well at womanizer. com slash. It’s breast cancer study and I think there’s a little dash between each of those words. [00:02:55] Jess O’Reilly: Probably much easier to just email me info at sexwithdrjess. com and we’d love to have Womanizer ship that out to you and they have some other programming going on this month as well. With certain purchases you receive a free boob necklace, um, in support of breast cancer survivors. Pleasure. All right, so we look forward to hearing from you and now. [00:03:16] Jess O’Reilly: We move on to these questions, and man, we receive so many questions, and honestly, I know I feel badly I can’t answer all of them, but, uh, these ones I’m looking forward to digging into, so let’s get straight to the first one. First question. What do I say to my husband who insists that sex is my marital duty and that men need to get off regularly? [00:03:36] Jess O’Reilly: He says it’s normal that if I don’t do it for him, he’s gonna get it somewhere else because he needs to get off. We have pretty regular sex, but for the past few weeks, life has been a mess, so it’s been a slow patch. We have two younger ones under two, and I had a C section on the last one, and I was a little b...
Transcribe →How To Plan A Successful Threesome
Oct 6, 202300:39:40Tap to summarizeThank you for being here! We appreciate you (seriously)! If you’re looking to stock up for your next adventure, check out our affiliate links and don’t forget to use our discount code DRJESSVIP at checkout for savings on some of our favourite pleasure tools. Code DRJESSVIP THANK YOU! 💜 (for real) Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us! No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win! LOVEHONEY.COM WE-VIBE.COM This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you! TL;DR: Planning a Threesome? Start With Reflection, Not Just Positioning Threesomes can be thrilling, but successful ones begin with honest, vulnerable conversations, not just lube and logistics. Don’t treat your third like a guest star in your show, co-create a trio of trust, pleasure, and presence. Before you play, ask: What excites us? What concerns us? And how will we care for each other after the glow fades? Avoid unicorn hunting faux pas by checking your couples privilege and ensuring the “third” has just as much voice and choice. Feeling a wave of insecurity or jealousy? Good, you’re human. Use that as a cue to communicate and connect. Use tools like the We-Vibe Nova 2 for hands-free dual pleasure or the Mini Wand to warm up or wind down the group vibe. Ready to elevate the threesome from hot to unforgettable? Try the Womanizer Duo 2 for blended orgasms while one watches, one explores, and one moans their approval. Most important threesome tool? Your mouth, not for what you do with it, but for what you say with it. How to Plan a Successful Threesome: Reflect, Prepare & Play Responsibly In Part II of our threesome discussion, we share questions and prompts to consider before you have a threesome for individuals and couples. We also share some of our listeners’ insights on threesomes and discuss couples privilege. Threesome Preparation Questions If you’re looking to ease the tension and enhance pleasure for everyone involved, consider building trust and communication before a single item of clothing comes off. Whether you’re fantasizing about a spontaneous encounter or planning a luxurious, multi-hour play session, think about how you want all parties to feel seen, safe, and satisfied. And yes, that includes the so-called “third.” This isn’t about plugging someone into your pleasure plan like a puzzle piece. You’re co-creating a shared experience. A new dynamic. A temporary triad. Threesomes: Self-Questionnaire Why do you want to have a threesome? Where did the idea of a threesome come from? How do you feel about this source? What benefits do you expect to derive from a threesome? What are the perceived risks/costs? With whom would you like to have a threesome? Do you know if they’re open to it? How might your relationship with your threesome mates change post-threesome? What excites you most about a threesome? What motivates you? What concerns you about a threesome? Do you have any hesitations? What emotional elements of a threesome have you considered? How will you manage potentially challenging emotions should they arise? Do you feel comfortable communicating your desires and boundaries? What conditions increase your comfort level with open communication? What does your ideal threesome entail? Consider the setting, relationships, involved parties, sex acts, etc… Threesomes: Managing Jealousy, Insecurity & Distress Am I comfortable admitting to feelings of jealousy, insecurity and distress? I tend to feel jealous/insecure/distressed when… When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, it shows up in my body as (emotional presence) When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I want to… When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I can self-soothe by… When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I’d like you to… When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I don’t want you to… You’ll know when I feel jealous/insecure/distressed when I… Some other cues to look for include… Threesomes: Couples’ Questionnaire Whose idea was it? Do you feel any pressure? Have you (in)directly pressured your partner? Why do you/we want to have a threesome? <li style="font-w...
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