REPLAY: Can I Teach My Child About Their Brain?

Summary

The Baffling Behavior Show: REPLAY Episode Summary – "Can I Teach My Child About Their Brain?"

Release Date: August 20, 2024
Host: Robyn Gobbel
Episode Type: Replay of Episode 114 (Q&A Session)

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Introduction

In this insightful replay episode of The Baffling Behavior Show, host Robyn Gobbel revisits Episode 114—a Q&A session prompted by a listener's inquiry: "Can I teach my child about their brain?" This episode delves deep into the importance and impact of educating children, especially those with vulnerable nervous systems, about their brain's functioning using intuitive metaphors like the "owl, watchdog, and possum brain."

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Listener’s Question: Is It Okay to Teach My Kids About Their Brain?

The episode begins with a listener's thoughtful question:

"Is it okay to teach this to my kids? I'm worried they'll start using it as excuses."
[07:22]

Robyn acknowledges the validity of this concern, emphasizing that it's a common apprehension among parents dealing with children exhibiting challenging behaviors.

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Robyn’s Affirmation: Absolutely, Yes!

Robyn affirms unequivocally:

"The short answer is yes, please, please, please teach this to your kids."
[08:00]

She explains that while children might initially use these brain metaphors as excuses for their behavior—saying things like, "I hit my sister because of my watchdog brain"—this phase is merely a transitional stage. Robyn reassures parents that this is a natural part of the learning process and not a permanent excuse.

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Understanding the Benefits: Mindsight and Integration

Robyn delves into the profound benefits of educating children about their brain:

"When folks understand their own neural processes, they feel more empowered to make changes."
[09:46]

Referencing Dr. Dan Siegel's concept of "mindsight," she highlights how this understanding fosters self-reflection and empowers both parents and children to regulate their emotions and behaviors effectively. This knowledge leads to greater self-compassion and reduced shame, facilitating mental wellness.

"Compassion is the neurobiology of change."
[12:35]

Robyn underscores that compassion—both self-directed and towards others—is crucial for neural change and behavioral improvements.

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Navigating the Excuse Stage: A Temporary Pit Stop

Addressing the concern about children using brain metaphors as excuses, Robyn draws an analogy:

"Making excuses isn't a place we're going to get stuck. It's a pit stop on the journey."
[14:00]

She explains that this stage signifies ongoing growth in developing the "owl brain" (the rational, decision-making part) to balance the "watchdog" and "possum" brains (responsible for protection and shutdown responses). It's a necessary phase in building emotional regulation and accountability.

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Practical Strategies: Teaching the Owl, Watchdog, and Possum Brain

Robyn offers actionable strategies for parents to effectively teach their children about their brain:

1. Modeling and Reflection:
   Encourage children by sharing personal experiences.

   "You can say, 'When I was at the grocery store, my watchdog brain went on high alert...'"
   [16:00]

2. Visual Aids and Resources:
   Utilize coloring pages, fridge sheets, and infographics to reinforce concepts visually.

   Robyn mentions that these resources are available through her membership club and upcoming book, providing practical tools for families.

3. Consistent Language:
   Integrate the brain metaphors into everyday conversations to normalize the understanding of emotions and behaviors.

   "We can teach these concepts and also teach the concept that we all have a watchdog brain."
   [17:00]

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Expanding Support: Resources and Community

Robyn highlights various resources available for parents and professionals seeking deeper insights:

• Masterclasses and Webinars:
  She regularly hosts webinars on teaching children about their brain, complete with downloadable materials like coloring sheets and infographics.

• Membership Club:
  An online community offering over 100 videos and 50 unique resources to support families in implementing these brain-based strategies.

• Books and Professional Training:
  Robyn’s USA Today best-selling book, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors, and specialized training for professionals aim to extend support beyond individual families.

"One of my goals is that families never hear that overwhelmed professionals can't help them again."
[23:00]

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Conclusion: Embracing the Journey Together

Robyn wraps up the episode by reiterating the transformative power of understanding the brain for both children and parents. By embracing these concepts, families can foster greater connection, compassion, and effective behavior management.

"There is no risk in teaching kids about the brain. The benefits far outweigh any temporary challenges."
[24:00]

She encourages listeners to explore her resources and join the community for ongoing support and education, ensuring that no parent feels alone in navigating the complexities of their child's behavior.

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Final Thoughts

This replay episode serves as a comprehensive guide for parents and professionals aiming to empower children with knowledge about their brain. Through empathy, education, and practical tools, Robyn Gobbel offers a path towards healthier, more connected family dynamics.

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Resources Mentioned:

• Book: Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors (Available in paperback, ebook, and audiobook)
• Membership Club: Access to exclusive videos, resources, and community support
• Website: robingobel.com
• Podcast Episode: Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (Episode 83)
• Start Here Podcast Series: A curated list of top episodes for newcomers

For more information and to access these resources, visit robingobel.com.

Transcript

[Robin Goble]

I finally get to share with you.

[Unknown Speaker]

Something that I've been working on for a while. Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors is a free audio training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big baffling behaviors. This four part free training is delivered to you again for free, right in your podcast app, the one that you're using right now to listen to the Baffling Behavior Show. If you work with high intensity families with a lot of dysregulation and baffling behaviors, you might occasionally, or yeah, maybe even a lot of the time, feel overwhelmed or even burned out. Making sense of those baffling behaviors, the kids, the parents, and yes, your own, is the first and most non negotiable step in decreasing burnout, being more effective at your job, and yes, even loving your work again. If you join this training, you'll also get access to a discussion forum that I'm holding over on Facebook and 2 live Q& A sessions with me. This is a pop up audio training, meaning it's time limited. It will start May 5, runs throughout the week and will be available to listen to you until May 12th. That's one week total.

[Robin Goble]

I mean, there's really no reason not to sign up.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's free, it's offered in a podcast app so you can listen whenever you want. There's no live commitment, just those bonus live Q&As.

[Robin Goble]

The link to register is down in the show.

[Unknown Speaker]

Notes robingobel.com bafflingbehaviors Y'all, this is one of my most favorite weeks of the year and I cannot wait to share it with you.

[Robin Goble]

Now let's get to that episode that you pressed.

[Unknown Speaker]

Play on.

So when your kids behavior is baffling and yours is too, sometimes. Yeah, I know. Let's take a break from all the bamboo boozle here on the Baffling Behavior Show.

Hello.

Hello everybody.

[Robin Goble]

Welcome or welcome back to the Baffling Behavior show, the podcast formerly known as Parenting After Trauma. I'm your host, Robin Goble, and for this week's episode, you're going to listen to a replay of episode 114. That was a Q and A episode that I recorded in response to a listener's question asking about teaching her kid about their brain. So I decided to run a replay episode this week just just to give.

[Unknown Speaker]

Myself the tiniest little summer break.

[Robin Goble]

So I'm gonna take two weeks off from new episodes, air a replay. And I picked this episode to replay this week because as we're winding up that sibling series that we just Did. Right. We just did a six week series on siblings. And something I emphasized really repeatedly is one, we have to take this new paradigm and make sure we're applying it to like everything in our lives. And two, we to make sure all of our kids in our home, not just our child with a vulnerable nervous system and big baffling behaviors, but all the kids, they're siblings too. No matter their age. Siblings sometimes are 30 or three. Right. So any sibling of any age really deserves to understand behavior and their siblings special need through this lens. And they deserve to have a way to make sense of it and a way to conceptualize it and a way to make sense of their feelings about what's happening in their family and with their siblings. And so not only can we teach kids about what's happening in their siblings nervous system and in their siblings brain, but this of course relates to them as well. Because siblings of kids with behavior based special needs, they're struggling with some of their feelings. And so if they can have a concept for what's happening not just in their siblings, siblings brain and nervous system, but in their own, that helps to bring compassion to themselves, to de shame some of their feelings that they're having and to integrate all of the intense, sometimes negative feelings that they're, that they're having.

[Unknown Speaker]

So since I spent some time talking.

[Robin Goble]

About teaching all the kids in our houses about their owl watchdog and possum brain, I thought it made sense to replay a couple episodes that I have about teaching kids about their owl watchdog and possum brain. So this week's replay and next week's replay are both going to be about that topic teaching kids about their brain. But the other reason I chose this topic for these replays is that on August 29, I'm teaching to the public. So not just in the club, but to the public, to anybody who wants to sign up my webinar masterclass on how to teach kids about the owl watchdog possum brain.

[Unknown Speaker]

So these two episodes will give you.

[Robin Goble]

Maybe like a little sneak peek or a little, maybe like just a little foundation for why we're gonna teach kids about their brain how to address some of the nuances of that. And that might be all you need, right? Like you might not need to come to a formal masterclass. Some of you learn better in a formal masterclass. I have slides and it's organized and all that kind of good stuff. So you know me, I always try to load you up with free resources. And for some of you, the free resources are enough. And for others of you, you want to dive a little bit deeper. So podcast is a free resource. We're going to talk about teaching kids about their brain this week and next week. And then if you do want to dive any deeper, you need some more structure, you need some more resources and support because the webinar comes with a lot of downloadables, a lot of infographics, coloring sheets, things you can teach your, you know, you can use to teach your kid about the brain. If you need some of that, you can come to that masterclass webinar that's happening at the end of the month. You can also wait until the club opens up next and come join the club because I'll put the replay for that webinar masterclass in the club. So you got a lot of options on how you can get some support about teaching your kids about their owl, watchdog and possum brain.

[Unknown Speaker]

All right?

So I'm hoping you're going to enjoy.

[Robin Goble]

This replay Q and A all about why we should teach our kids about their brains. Owl watch, dog and possum brain or some other metaphor, it doesn't matter. And we're also going to talk in this episode about what to do if they start using it as an extent excuse. Alrighty, y'all, enjoy.

[Unknown Speaker]

Here's today's question. I've been listening for a while and the watchdog and possum brain ideas have really helped me. Is it okay to teach this to my kids? I'm worried they'll start using it as excuses. Okay, I totally love this question because it is such a normal thing to be a little, or maybe even been a lot worried about. Back when I was seeing clients and I was a play therapist and I was seeing kids all day long, it was a question I would get in some form or another from the parents in my therapy practice too. So totally normal to be expected question. The short answer is yes, please, please, please teach this to your kids. And also, yes, many of them will go through a period of using this information as a excuse. That's gonna sound something maybe like, I can't help it, I hit my sister because my watchdog brain, you know, something like that. The excuse stage is just a stage. I promise, I promise, I promise, I promise. And the reason that I know this with such certainty is that the owl brain doesn't make excuses. The owl brain takes responsibility. It doesn't make excuses. So when I'm with somebody who is making excuses for their behavior based on how they just couldn't help their Watchdog brain or they couldn't help their possum brain. All I know is that they haven't really fully engaged their owl brain yet. That's it. That's all that information is telling me. So let's go a little deeper into this question, okay? There are a lot of benefits, so many benefits to teaching our kids about their own brain. Dr. Dan Siegel of books like Whole Brain, Child Parenting from the Inside out, those books. Dr. Siegel, in his field of interpersonal neurobiology, calls this way of kind of knowing ourselves, knowing our brains, understanding our neural processes, having some reflection on our own inner world. He calls this mindsight.

[Robin Goble]

Okay?

[Unknown Speaker]

And what we know is that when folks understand their own, like, neural processes, what's going on inside their brain and what is happening because of that, people feel more empowered to do something, to make changes, if that would be appropriate. They feel more empowered to make those changes, not less empowered. So they aren't inclined to make more excuses and just say, oh, well, actually the opposite is true. They feel more capable of being able to do something. What happens when we have some idea of what's happening inside of us is that our behavior doesn't seem random, doesn't seem like just this random neural firings that are totally out of control that we can't do anything about. When we understand what's happening, understanding isn't enough to change, but understanding what's happening inside and having some self reflection and being able to kind of turn our attention back towards ourselves and towards our own mind and our own, again, neural processes that is engaging the owl brain, that's building kind of the muscle of the owl brain, it's going to create more pause in between sensation in the body and a behavior. Okay? So it is good to understand our own neural processes. And yes, I do this through teaching about the owl, watchdog and possum brain. We also know that mindsight increases what Dr. Siegel refers to as integration. And the entire kind of field of interpersonal neurobiology recognizes integration as the path towards mental wellness. And mental wellness is definitely not about having perfect behavior, not by any means, but without question. The ability to reflect on ourselves and our own behaviors, our own experiences, make repairs and amends with others when possible or when needed. Right? When something has happened, when we've done something that's harmed a relationship, and then to take steps toward doing better in the future. Those are all important parts of mental wellness. We also know, and research is really, really clear on this, that knowing about our brain and our brain processes and how brain relates to behavior only increases self compassion. And this is such a key tenet of the work that I do that understanding the neurobiology of behav fear invites us to have compassion for our kids, and we can have compassion and set boundaries.

[Robin Goble]

Right.

[Unknown Speaker]

We're learning all about that right now on the podcast and other episodes. And then that invites our kids to have self compassion for themselves. Compassion. You've probably heard me say this. Compassion is the neurobiology of change. Compassion is when our neural networks have the opportunity to kind of metaphorically, but less metaphorically than you think, to like, open up, unlock, and reconsolidate, reorganize themselves. It actually creates neural change, which then will, of course, lead to behavior change. I have never, ever, ever seen something not good come out of getting to know our brains. And I use the owl watchdog imposter metaphor with kids, that tends to be how I introduce these different parts of self and these different kind of pathways in the brain and in the nervous system. And with some kids, I end up dropping the metaphor and just get real brainy and we talk about different parts of the brain. It really depends on the child I'm working with and their age and kind of just what interests them. Right. How I talk about the brain. But I've never, ever, ever had it be bad to teach kids about the brain. Will they use this information as an excuse for their behavior? Yeah, probably. That's just basically being human. But let's look at this making excuses as just like a stage, a part of the journey. It's like a pit stop on the journey, right? I mean, would you not take some sort of trip you really wanted to take out of fear that you might get stuck at the gas station you have to stop at? No, you're not going to get stuck at the gas station. It's just a part of the trip. It's part of the journey. This is a similar idea. Making excuses isn't a place we're going to get stuck. Making excuses is about still really needing to grow the owl brain. Making excuses is a part of the journey. It's a pit stop. It is not. The end of the journey is if you end up hearing your kid make an excuse like, oh, it was my watchdog brain that made me hit my sister. I just can't help it. Right? You can respond with something that sounds maybe something like, ugh, I'm just so grateful for your watchdog brain. It works so, so, so hard to keep you safe. I also know that watchdogs only need to attack when you are in serious danger. I'll bet it felt like you were in danger when your sister wouldn't give you a turn on the TV or share her toys or get you that snack or whatever. And it makes total sense for your watchdog to feel frustrated or disappointed or even mad at your sister. But your watchdog brain is working too, too, too, too hard. We have to keep working together to really grow and build those muscles in your owl brain so that when your sister doesn't give you what you want, you can be disappointed and frustrated. But without your watchdog brain believing that you're in so much danger, you have to physically attack. Next time, your sister won't share the TV and it's your turn. I want you to come ask for help. I will help you.

[Robin Goble]

Right?

[Unknown Speaker]

Okay. So how do we teach our kids about their I will watchdog and possum brain? So we actually do have a full on masterclass about that in the club.

[Robin Goble]

It's actually one of the very few topics that I teach as a webinar and open it up to the public. I do that about once a year. So depending on when you're listening to this episode and you're interested in that topic, how to Teach Kids about the Brain, you can either check out my.

[Unknown Speaker]

Website and see if it's coming up.

[Robin Goble]

Anytime soon, or you can check out when the next time the club is opening up. Because if you, if you missed me teaching it to the public, know that I store the recording in the club. So that's one of two different ways you can get that Teach Kids about the Brain webinar.

[Unknown Speaker]

And it's something we talk about a ton in the club and in the forum and our live meetings is, you know, how do we take what we're learning in the club and teach our kids about it so they get this experience of self compassion that all the parents in the club are getting, like, are watching their own compassion grow and they want to really give that to their kids. So without question, the best way to do this is to just start incorporating our watchdog and possum ideas into your language, into the way you talk about behavior and especially your own behavior. Right? You can say like, oh, when I was at the grocery store, my watchdog brain went a little extra on high alert when they didn't have what I wanted. And I felt so mad, I wanted to yell at somebody when they were out of my favorite chips. I don't know, y'all are making this up. And what I noticed is that my watchdog brain felt like, this was a really, really big problem and I wanted to yell at somebody, and so I had to use my owl brain to say, like, oh my gosh, I'm so disappointed they don't have what I want. And that makes perfect sense. Yelling at somebody about being out of my favorite chips isn't really fair to the grocery store workers, but it makes perfect sense that I would be so disappointed. And I really had to work to calm down my watchdog brain and let my owl brain stay in charge so that I didn't hurt somebody's feelings unnecessarily. Something like that. I don't know. That was a little long winded. I just totally made that up. My point is, reflect on yourself. My guess is that if you're listening to this podcast, you have a child who has some challenging behaviors. And kids with challenging behaviors have learned that their behaviors are bad and their behaviors get them in trouble. And they're at high alert for this and have a lot of shame and sometimes too much shame to have us talk about their behaviors, even in this our watchdog and possum way. So we can teach these concepts and also teach the concept that we all have a watchdog brain. This isn't about our kids being bad. We all have watchdog and possum brains, right? And we all are spending a lot of energy all day long keeping our watchdog and possum brains in check, right? Like, if we just let our watchdog impossible brains all day long do whatever their instinct was to do, we would hurt relationships, we would hurt ourselves. That would not be good. So our kids really need to know that we also have these struggles and we also have to work hard to keep our owl brain in charge until not just let our watchdog and possum brain run wild all the time. Right? So start by reflecting on yourself and reframe your own behaviors as you talk out loud as parts of your watchdog brain or to parts of your possum brain. I found that to be one of the best ways to get started. I also have I will Watchdog and possum coloring pages. They're brand new. I just finally had them, like, finalized and created by my illustrator. And those are available to all club members that there probably will come a time where those will be available for download over on my website. For now, they're just available in the club. We also have kind of like what I would call fridge sheets. The kind of things we can hang up or download or post, you know, places that we can help remind ourselves about the Owl Watchdog and Possum Brain. And I find that kind of having some of that stuff up in our homes really helps kids learn about their own Owl Watchdog and Possum Brain. Again, those are probably things that will eventually be available, especially probably after my book comes out in September. But for now, all that kind of stuff is available inside the club. If you are new here, you can go to an episode called Focus on the Nervous System to Change behavior. It's episode 83. It originally aired July 12, 2022. That is a great introduction to the Owl Watchdog and Possum Brain. You can also sign up for the Start Here podcast which is just 1010 episodes you could find right here on this podcast, including the Focus on the Nervous System one I just told you about. So they're they're all episodes that are available on my public podcast, but I kind of put them in order and curated my top 10 episodes for where people can start if you are brand to learning about the nervous system and behavior in this way. So that'[e-mail] starthere I hope that fully answers the question of is there any risks to teaching kids about their brain? The answer is no. No, no, no, no. And hopefully you feel like you've got lots of information now, lots of ideas about where to go to learn more about the Owl Watch, Dog Imposter and brain so that you could also teach your kids about the Owl Watchdog and Possum Brain. I will see you next week.

I hope that you loved that episode of the Baffling Behavior Show. If you did and you're wondering where can I go to learn more or get more support? Or maybe you're a professional and you want to be able to bring this work to your overwhelmed clients. I have got three places for you to go next. Number one, my USA Today best selling book Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors. A year and a half after publication, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors continues to exceed our wildest dreams, breaking sales goals and getting feedback that it is changing people's lives. Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors is available in paperback, ebook and audiobook which I read wherever you buy books online. The second way to get more support is to come and join us over in the club. It's an online community of connection, co regulation and yes, even a little education. We have over 500 members and you'll gain support from the wisest, most compassionate, most in the trenches with you parents in the world. You'll be able to pick my brain, watch over a hundred different videos and Download the over 50 resources that are uniquely developed just for the club and just for you to bring owls, watchdogs and possums into your family. And if you're a professional like a therapist or a coach, a teacher, an educator, maybe an occupational therapist, a daycare owner, anyone who supports the parents of kids with big baffling behaviors, hop onto my waiting list for the 2026 cohort of being with. It'll be our fifth cohort of our year long immersion into the neurobiology of big baffling behaviors and the science of connection, safety and co regulation. You'll grow your capacity so that you can hang in the hardest places with families of kids with vulnerable nervous systems. And you'll finally get the professional support that you need and deserve to work with the families who keep being told by other professionals that they can't help them anymore. One of my goals is that families.

Never hear that again.

We'll be opening applications in the late spring or early summer and we'll be opening those applications only to folks who are on the waiting list. So be sure to add your name to the waiting list [e-mail] beingwith y'all. I'm so grateful to support you and be with you on this journey.

[Robin Goble]

Till next week.