The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

REPLAY: Silliness as a Sign of Dysregulation

Host: Robyn Gobbel
Date: January 7, 2025

Episode Overview

In this special replay episode, Robyn Gobbel explores the often-misunderstood link between silliness and dysregulation in children—especially those with vulnerable nervous systems due to trauma, neuroimmune disorders, or sensory processing differences. Robyn decodes how "silly" or playful behavior can actually be a sign that a child's nervous system is in protection mode, not true connection or regulation. She provides neuroscience insights and concrete strategies for parents, educators, and professionals to recognize and respond to this dynamic, nurturing more effective co-regulation and connection within families.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Silliness: Fun or a Red Flag?

• Silliness can look cute or playful but may quickly stop feeling fun or appropriate.
• Sometimes, from the very start, it just "doesn't feel good," even if there's no aggression or obvious misbehavior (05:05).
• Parents often experience confusion because "this should be fun, but it doesn’t actually feel fun" (05:36).

Robyn Gobbel [05:40]:
“Silliness absolutely can emerge from a nervous system that's in protection mode.”

2. Understanding the Nervous System: Connection vs. Protection

• The nervous system operates in either connection or protection mode.
• True playfulness emerges from connection mode, where there are cues of safety.
• Protection mode can co-opt behaviors that look playful—like silliness—but are driven by the need to flee or defend (07:19).
• The “owl and watchdog” metaphor: The owl (thinking, connection) and watchdog (alert energy) can play together… but when danger is sensed, the watchdog dominates.

3. “Watchdog” Behaviors: Not Just Fight—Flight, Too

• Silliness, in these cases, is best understood as a “flight” behavior: mobilized energy that isn’t about fighting but about fleeing (even if not physically possible).
• “Silliness can be this energetic flight—from something external or from big, uncomfortable internal feelings” (12:49).

Robyn Gobbel [13:10]:
“Silliness does have this kind of pseudo playful feeling, but the very best way I have found to kind of be with this energy and to help it shift more into connection mode is through play and playfulness.”

4. How Can Parents Tell the Difference? (Connection vs. Protection Silliness)

• Notice Your Own Feelings: Discomfort, disgust, or wanting to withdraw can signal that the child is not actually in a state of safe play.
• Tune Into Rhythm: Regulated energy is rhythmic and fluid, even at high energy. Dysregulated (protection mode) energy is jerky, arrhythmic, or frantic (09:50).

Robyn Gobbel [08:41]:
“When we feel kind of this like disgust, rejecting, get away kind of sensations, we can pause and get curious: Is my child in protection mode?”

• Ask Yourself:
  • “Is this about me? Am I not feeling open to play right now?”
  • “Or is my child’s behavior actually sending mixed messages?”

5. Sensory, Rhythm, and Regulation: Practical Tools

• Silliness as dysregulation often reflects body rhythms that are "off."
• Rhythmic, repetitive, relational, somatosensory experiences help re-regulate:
  • Rocking, bouncing, dancing, jumping jacks, rhythmic play with balloons, bubbles, feathers, cotton balls, gross motor movement (23:45).
  • Bring rhythm to arrhythmic energy: this can be as simple as walking together, tossing a balloon, or matching energy patterns.

Robyn Gobbel [25:11]:
“Balloons were probably the most utilized prop in my play therapy room… for some kids, even seeing a balloon tipped them over into out-of-control, maniacal dysregulation. I didn’t know that until I tried it.”

• Match energy, not dysregulation: “Help their energy move into a more rhythmic experience, without you joining in the dysregulation” (38:10).

Cautionary Tips

• Never give bubbles directly to a dysregulated child—hold and manage the bubbles yourself (28:51).
• Not every playful intervention works for every kid—experimentation (with safety) is key.

Practical Strategies and Examples

A. Playful Methods to Invite Regulation

• Use silly voices (talk like a whale, whisper, talk super loud, etc.) to invite rhythm and connection at low levels of dysregulation (21:15).
• Employ “unexpected” or “outrageous” actions to create surprise and regulation—can be effective, but not for everyone (22:40).

B. Rhythmic Movement

• Dance competitions, jumping jacks, animal walks, thumb wrestling, rhythmic walks, etc.
• For less energetic kids: crafting, baking, water beads, or gentle rhythmic tasks.

C. Tools: Balloons, Bubbles, Balls, Bubbles, Feathers, Lycra

• Balloons preferred because they're soft and can’t hurt (26:10).
• Lycra play (with stretchy material) is regulating for many children—will be covered in-depth in upcoming club masterclass (33:45).

D. “Match the Energy, Not the Dysregulation”

• See: Podcast Episode 155; full training available for club members (30:40).
• The jump rope metaphor: create organized, rhythmic energy for the child to “jump into” rather than demand immediate calm.

Robyn Gobbel [40:49]:
“It’s not the high energy that feels bad—it’s the dysregulation of the high energy.”

Resource Recommendations

• Book:

  • The Connected Therapist by Marty Smith (friend and colleague mentioned repeatedly for her sensory/rhythm expertise).
  • Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors by Robyn Gobbel.

• Trainings & Courses:

  • The Club (Robyn’s virtual community for parents with in-depth trainings and resources).
  • Club Video Library—includes a full 6-hour movement-based intervention training (29:26).
  • Upcoming Lycra play masterclass with Marty Smith.

• Free Resources:

  • Downloadable infographics, cheat sheets, and guides at robingobel.com/freeresources (19:30).
  • Marty Smith’s free Lycra resource guides (link to be provided in show notes).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Robyn Gobbel [07:27]:
“The behavior of something that looks like playfulness or silliness absolutely can emerge from a nervous system that's in protection mode.”

Robyn Gobbel [09:53]:
“Energy that's coming from protection mode doesn't have that same rhythmic fluid quality. It can feel like arrhythmic, kind of jerky or disjointed, irregular.”

Robyn Gobbel [34:05]:
“Lycra is pretty inherently regulating for most folks... when I brought out the Lycra for play, the whole energy in the room changed. There was all this anticipatory delight.”

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction and Theme – 00:00 to 05:00
• When Silliness is Dysregulation – 05:00 to 12:30
• Recognizing Protection-Mode Silliness – 12:30 to 17:30
• Sensory/Rhythmic Regulation Strategies – 17:30 to 33:00
• Lycra and Special Props for Regulation – 33:00 to 38:30
• “Match the Energy” Technique – 38:30 to 43:30
• Recap and Club Invitation – 43:30 to End

Tone and Takeaway

Robyn’s tone is compassionate, accessible, and encouraging—acknowledging the “messiness” and challenges of parenting children with big, confusing emotions. She emphasizes curiosity, experimentation, and grace for both parents and children. Her essential message: understand the signals beneath the behavior, then respond with co-regulation, rhythm, and connection.

Robyn Gobbel [47:15]:
“Silliness is a great way to practice regulated intensity. I’m not trying to stop silliness, but it’s that like, silliness that doesn’t feel quite so fun—that’s what we’re talking about.”

For more resources, free downloads, or to join Robyn’s Club for ongoing support, visit robingobel.com/theclub.