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TaxAct Announcer
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Trixie Mattel
For the first time ever, there's been a truly beautiful medical breakthrough. One shot makes you hot, but with terrifying consequences. In the new original series, FX is the Beauty. The glamorous world of supermodels turns deadly as mysterious deaths draw in FBI agents and a shadowy billionaire who will stop at nothing to protect his empire. From executive producer Ryan Murphy. FX is the Beauty premieres January 21st on FX, Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Hi, divas. Katja here.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
While Ms. Pink is out getting hair plugs, I.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Want to kindly remind you that we.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Are going on tour. I go through hell doing ads about going on tour.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The very Bald and very beautiful tour will be heading to such lovely places.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Like Chicago, Toronto and Boston, maybe.
Katya Zamolodchikova
For tickets and more, head over to.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Trixie and Katya Dot com. Thank you.
Trixie Mattel
Fat.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Oh, Queen.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Hi, everybody. We need to address the antelope in the room.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah. What is that?
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's my primary abuser.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, is this the stance in it? You should had your wig on. I protected by a wig.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Did not have my wig on. What was at home? Usually don't do wigs at home. You see that?
Trixie Mattel
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, ripped off. Wait a minute. Did that break off when it hit you?
Katya Zamolodchikova
It sure.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
The.
Trixie Mattel
I feel how heavy it is.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, my God.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So it was up.
Trixie Mattel
It's like 20 pounds.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It was up like. Yeah, maybe 15.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
15.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Okay, maybe 12. I don't know. It was heavy, but was like up like imagine.
Trixie Mattel
Kind of creeps me out.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, yeah. It's really creepy also.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, no. Oh, wait. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And that thing is dead. And it didn't. It. That thing doesn't even know that it's a star. Now a star is born.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So gross. I had to get a tetanus shot. I had to get stitches. I have a lovely scar.
Trixie Mattel
You know I'm gay. Why do you think I give a about you and your taxidermy when you have these shoes on? Let's see the shoes. Holy. I love these.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Maybe get the shoes. Get the shoes. Rochester, New York.
Trixie Mattel
Really cute, aren't they? Really cute. Really cute. I'm Getting some taps on them, baby. I.
Katya Zamolodchikova
If every cell in my body was incorporated not to rhinestone them.
Trixie Mattel
Why would you do that? They look great on their own.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Because I'm a fag, I guess.
Trixie Mattel
But you wouldn't have worn them.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You wouldn't have worn rhinestone shirts.
Trixie Mattel
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I'm not that. I'm not that. Maybe I'm not that gay.
Trixie Mattel
Maybe I'm not that gay.
Katya Zamolodchikova
But, you know, I. Because I am older, right? Getting older. And I'm sort of like, I'm at a crossroads where actually I'm overdue to be at this crossroads where, like.
Trixie Mattel
Are we going to talk about your personal style?
Katya Zamolodchikova
No. Oh, we're just talking about.
Trixie Mattel
I wasn't going to talk about it. I had nothing to say on the subject. Go on.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I need to be. I, I, you know, I. After 40, you should. Or one often, you know, thinks about slacks rather than jeans. Ups and downs, but you know what I mean, like, maturing up your.
Trixie Mattel
So this is about personal style.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. Theoretically, I agree.
Trixie Mattel
Because at a certain point, I, like. I don't know, I'm at a point where I'm like, when you're my age and you're bald, a T shirt doesn't hit the way you think it does.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Well, at the gym it does.
Trixie Mattel
At the gym it does. At home it does. But in general, I don't know, what.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Do you feel about a super oversized T shirt with the shoulder off and.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
No panties on at home?
Trixie Mattel
Yeah, why not? It reminds me of the mom in Poltergeist, which is like that jersey.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yes.
Trixie Mattel
Love Poltergeist.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Me too.
Trixie Mattel
Loves Poltergeist.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What's her name?
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Joan.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The mom.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, Angelina Jolie.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Jo Beth Williams.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Jo Beth Williams.
Trixie Mattel
Jo Beth Williams.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And Craig C. Craig T. Nelson.
Trixie Mattel
Craig T. Nelson. I want to say Craig C. Reilly. Who's that?
Katya Zamolodchikova
John C. Reilly.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, Craig T. Nelson. Carol Ann, Daddy's gonna give you a spanking. Boner. Instant boner.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Tangent.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Carolyn Boner.
Trixie Mattel
Oh. Oh.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Was that you?
Trixie Mattel
Oh, yeah. People. People who. People who know where I am right now. Yeah. Texting me. Can you talk?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Well, bitch, you can.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
To me.
Trixie Mattel
I'm about to. Literally keeping these lights on.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Thank you. Speaking of lights, I have sunglasses on because I have two black eyes.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, that's tough. What happened?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I don't want to talk about it.
Trixie Mattel
Right.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
I'm just kidding.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I don't have two black eyes.
Trixie Mattel
The reveal.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. Imagine if. Imagine if there were no eyes.
Trixie Mattel
What's going on, man?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I love those glasses, by the way.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, thank you. I got them in the TikTok shop.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What is this tick? I don't want to know about it.
Trixie Mattel
It's this beautiful union of me, me, hi, me, me on a gummy.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Is it teemu.
Trixie Mattel
Me and a gummy and me seeing something and saying, hey. And you know what? The real. For people like me, who have no personal style, it's. It's my. My catalyst is if I see a bald person in outfit and they look half. They only look half stupid, I'm like, maybe that could happen for me.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Because the thing about being bald is you got to stay in your lane. You got to know that everything with a bald haircut changes.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I know. I can't really.
Trixie Mattel
There's no boy next door that's bald. That boy is sick. That's.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I was going to say a Jimmy fund.
Trixie Mattel
Right. In a movie like the Boy Next.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Door who's bald is powder or has cancer.
Trixie Mattel
Yes. So.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Or a lovely monk. The golden child.
Trixie Mattel
I think what you do the kind of gothy thing. I think bald or not bald is great.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. When you're alternative, you can get a lot. You can get away with a lot.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, my God.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Because you don't be Jeff Bezos. You don't be Jeff Bezos.
Trixie Mattel
No.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Did you say mustache? I would sooner unalive.
Trixie Mattel
I love mustaches.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You do?
Trixie Mattel
Love it. It's an immediate launch. It's immediate. Yes. For me.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So do you think. How many. How many notches up the hot skill does a man go when he rocks the mustache? I'm sure. Does it depend.
Trixie Mattel
A full click. Really? A full notch? Absolutely.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Can you give an example?
Trixie Mattel
Superman.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Which one? Christopher Reeve.
Trixie Mattel
No, the natal Superman.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Henry Cavill.
Trixie Mattel
Yes. When he had a mustache, I was like, well, now we're. Now we took. We took. We took chocolate cake. Rich Bruce Bug trotted chocolate cake. And we dumped cocaine on it. And so we're sniffing and eating and it's.
Katya Zamolodchikova
We're boofing.
Trixie Mattel
We're boofing. We're completely boofing.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What about. Speaking of Superman, did you see the woke Superman? The David Corn Sweat one?
Trixie Mattel
Corn Sweat.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Corn Sweat. His last name is Corn Sweat.
Trixie Mattel
Corn Sweat.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Corinne Sweat. C O R E N S W.
Trixie Mattel
E T. I loved it.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Mary, that man is.
Trixie Mattel
Talk about.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I mean, I don't know about the movie.
Trixie Mattel
I love.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I love Nicholas Holt. Love him.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, my God. Nicholas H. Can I say, I know we don't have guests anymore. Nicholas better come on the YouTube channel. Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Or you.
Trixie Mattel
I love him. I've loved him in everything he's one of my celebrity crushes. Warm Bodies 8x Men 8, Superman 8, Nosferatu 8.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Chomped.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah. The world doesn't seem to be receiving Frankenstein.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Frankenstein.
Trixie Mattel
I don't. I. When we saw it early. Cut. And I saw it super early, I thought we would. I thought it would be, like, what he did. Rivalry is. Well, no one's, like, changing their Twitter bio to Frankenstein movie, you know, I.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Think because we enjoyed it in that, you know, we get the movies like that. Like, you know, I care a lot. That chopped up was so cunt. I watched the whole thing.
Trixie Mattel
Not as quite Frankenstein.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, I'm saying, like, when we watch a movie on Netflix, we get the clip show.
Trixie Mattel
I love.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So all we got was cunty me, a goth outfit after. Cunty me, a goth outfit after. Beautiful set piece after beautiful set piece.
Trixie Mattel
Right.
Katya Zamolodchikova
But, like, just in terms of the.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Story, I don't know.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, but I mean, those outfits, every time she was on screen, you're like.
Trixie Mattel
Can I jump into the future a little bit? We have. We just filmed this video yesterday that. Okay, remember we had Luscious on this pot. Luscious masker. You guys remember Icon, legend, The best.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Don't do it.
Trixie Mattel
Remember how she said she. When you said, well, you do wear makeup, and she said, I'll do you, but it's like a little one too. Remember she said, I'm gonna get you in and out of this makeup station in 30 minutes? Yeah. Remember she said, like, the girls are spending too much time doing makeup.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
I did a video yesterday where I said, I'm gonna take 30 minutes. I put a timer on my iPhone, and I said, I'm not just gonna, like, stop at 30. I'm gonna make sure every step is done in 30 minutes.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Cunty, not cunty.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Beautiful.
Trixie Mattel
Fine.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Good. Good even.
Trixie Mattel
Check it on YouTube. You guys. I couldn't believe it. And now I'm like, remember how we've talked about when you rush at our face? 45 minutes, you're like, damn, what have I been doing now that I've touched 30 and been like. I mean, I finished in 25 and had five minutes to go blend and, like, oh, touch things up.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Well, here we do, like, bald and the beautiful. Those big stages. No meet and greet.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I'm kind of like, well, here's the thing, though. I. I like to. I like. I like to. I like to relax, have a little cocktail. You take my time.
Trixie Mattel
Kamora hall, eight hours.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Mary.
Trixie Mattel
It's actually.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What about Jinx Monsoon? She does the first of she does the, the, the.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
The.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The paintbrain.
Trixie Mattel
She does like. She does like a marine layer. She does like the earth's mantle, the crust, you know what I mean?
Katya Zamolodchikova
She's doing like, she color blocking, pouring foundation. Blends it all out and then starts.
Trixie Mattel
She takes like, Mabel, I think, Jinx. You can, you know, you can correct me if you remember how to use your phone. I think she. When she came over my house, I think she used Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse. Do you know about this product?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I sure do.
Trixie Mattel
That hockey puck of glass.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I sure do.
Trixie Mattel
And I love Maybelline. We both have Maybelline Fit Me foundation on today. Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And I have it on. Well, you can't see mine because right underneath it's on.
Trixie Mattel
Did that bump ever go away? It did, right?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Excuse me?
Trixie Mattel
Remember the English from. Oh, yeah, huge bump.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, yeah, huge.
Trixie Mattel
Was it herpes? Was it ingrown hair?
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, that was. That was a. That was a devastating ingrown hair. Devastating. Remember how it was? It was purple disgust.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Mary.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It was because underneath the surface, you know, the evil lies underneath.
Trixie Mattel
Right? It's.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's a twisted root of a tangled hair. Disgusting. The fruits of the devil.
Trixie Mattel
There is a. I have chronic pain. There is a release. There's something diabolical about being in drag. And your base level is not 100% healthy. Because, Mama, if you're sick, if you're in pain, everything else, if you're at.
Katya Zamolodchikova
100%, you get into drag, you're down to 30%.
Trixie Mattel
Down to 30%.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You are in pain.
Trixie Mattel
Yep.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
That's the.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I was just talking about this with somebody. It's like with Fina, it was like you.
Trixie Mattel
The.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The paradox of drag is that the more, you know, as the steps progress and you become this cified version of yourself, the. The. The comfort level degrades so drastic, drastically that it's at odds with that feeling for sure.
Trixie Mattel
You know what I mean? And you start to lose the battle.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Yes.
Trixie Mattel
You. The. The pain starts to overtake the awareness that you're this hot bitch.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. Especially with movement, too. Like, if you are corseted and padded and then wigged, like, like you're not like Twyla Tharp. You can't do. You can't do Lucinda Child. No, you can't do Elvin Ailey.
Trixie Mattel
You're like, I. You know, I'm doing all the music festivals this year. Some of them have been announced, but I'm doing a bunch of them. And some of them are in the summer, like in the South I don't.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Know why you do this to yourself.
Trixie Mattel
But I called Amy, my costumer and I said listen, because originally we were going to do for the show a bustier with a sculpted cups and stuff that we would like paint, pin things on for quick changes. And I called her and said, I just don't think so. Bonnaroo. Bonnaroo's in Tennessee in the middle of summer.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Why the would anybody do that? Why?
Trixie Mattel
So I called her and said I just don't think we can put me in a corset in like a hundred degrees outside.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What you can do, get one of those Japanese cooling suits. They exist. They exist for workers are wearing these Japanese cooling suits in Japan?
Trixie Mattel
What?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh yeah, baby, look it up.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Google it.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's a thing also to the point of sweating. I have a revelation that I would love to share with you.
Trixie Mattel
What is it?
Katya Zamolodchikova
So I had a gig. I guess I can't talk about it right now, but it a wonderful like dream gig.
Trixie Mattel
Tv.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Tv. TV gig.
Trixie Mattel
I don't want to say anything but we both got the TV gigs of our lives.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, we both booked TV gigs on shows that we not only love but that are objectively incredible.
Trixie Mattel
We only got the jobs from years of saying how much we like it, which is so much better than auditioning. I have to say. Just beg to be on things. Don't audition. No, just, just at every turn cheat out to the camera and say how much you love the show. That was the move.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I was invited to be on the.
Trixie Mattel
Show cuz I said no, I'm just kidding.
Katya Zamolodchikova
They wrote a part for me, Mary. And I memorized the lines. I did anyways, so. But I went to a costume fitting and then I was like spiraling because the outfit was so incredibly hot. So it's like it's over.
Trixie Mattel
It's over. It's absolutely over.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So I went to go get out my stitches.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
I almost did.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I went to go get my stitches out at that fucking crazy concierge place and I said, hey baby. Hello Ms. NP Nurse Practitioner.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
I did a little Googling this morning.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What do you think about glycopyrolate? She's like, what? She went and did a little Googling. There is a medication that anesthesiologists use during surgery to help stop secretions in the body. So and the off label used for this is it stops sweating, you stop sweating. I was like, this sounds too good to be true. She sure did write me a script for that. And I went, picked it up two hours later.
Trixie Mattel
It worked, baby. Were you hot still?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I was hot. So, yeah, here's the thing. I went to the gym the night before to test it out. I was. I'll go work out, go in the sauna, see what the tea is.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
It didn't work.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It didn't really work that much. But if you are not exerting yourself, it's for event specific hyperhidrosis. Like if you have a business meeting, for example, and you are sweating buckets.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, this could be great for my panic attacks.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, no, no. I mean, we. Are you joking? No, I'm serious.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Sweating is a symptom of, like, an anxiety.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Of course.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So, like, you know how a lot of people are just like. They get crazy sweaty hands. They got to shake hands with people. It's like a huge liability.
Trixie Mattel
What is it?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Hyperhidrosis.
Trixie Mattel
Hyperhidrosis, yeah. And that's when you're. You're. Your balls are so big, so huge.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
With purple.
Trixie Mattel
With saline, and they drag behind you.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, yeah. Is the snail trail kind of effect.
Trixie Mattel
Are your nipples wired? Are they? You always. You never answer. Because when people want to touch my nipples sexually, it. It does nothing. It's like, Mary, I. I feel like I let them down because they love to touch the nipple and be like, isn't that intense? And I'm like, like, you might as.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Well just like, suck on a brick wall. It's the same thing, right? Suck on a brick wall. I have a friend who, if you. If you like, if you blew in his nipples, he would just jizz all over the place. It's like, nice.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Isn't that nice?
Trixie Mattel
It's always the sober guys.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, he ain't sober.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, damn. Well, tik tok, tik tok.
Katya Zamolodchikova
But wait, so I. So I. I took the medication and got to take it on an empty stomach. Very important, very important, very important side effect. Dry mouth. Very dry mouth. So took the.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Took the med.
Trixie Mattel
Took the.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Did the scene.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And there was. I had. I was a little bit physical. At the end of the scene, Fina comes over. She's my assistant. She goes to. To blot me. There's nothing to blot.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, interesting. Are you gonna use this at Netflix? We don't sweat at Netflix.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, we're literally just. Well, so I can't use it in the club because it's. Because I'm moving around. I'm like, you know what I mean?
Trixie Mattel
That's what I'm worried about. Your body having an adverse effect. If it can't Sweat.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That's. Well, so that's. That's the danger. You can overheat.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So you can't over. But. But not when you're on a TV set not really moving around for a limited amount of time.
Trixie Mattel
And this the perfect scenario.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Well, I mean, think about it. Like, imagine you're giving a TED Talk and you're terrified.
Trixie Mattel
Right?
Katya Zamolodchikova
And there's hot lights and you're in a sequin cat suit. I would take it for that.
Trixie Mattel
I have a real question. If you could give a TED Talk, first of all, would you go to the TED Talks? If you could, would you go to the. To watch them?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Wait, it depends on what's.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Who's talking.
Trixie Mattel
Single drop of blood. Would you do. Would you. What would you give it on today?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Today? I would give it on. That's a good question. I would. I would give it on. No, I would give it on recording 250 episodes of the. Oh, my God. No, I would.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
I would.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I would. I would. I would. I would. Wait, let's go back to that. Congratulations, by the way.
Trixie Mattel
Let's celebrate that.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Mary, congratulations for the win at the Golden Globes on Best Podcast.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, my God.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I couldn't believe this. I was so. I was shocked.
Trixie Mattel
Can I be honest?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I was shocked.
Trixie Mattel
Y' all can make fun of me. I believed we could be nominated. I don't care if that's delusion. I believe in us. Shoot me in the head.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, no.
Trixie Mattel
Millennial optimism right here. I'm happy we're nominated for GLAD Award. I lost it for Trixie Motel, I think three years ago.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
We're going together.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Strength in numbers.
Trixie Mattel
This is the two I think we got to take down, baby. I think we got to take lust Kalchin down at the knees.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
You know, and now Bowen has quit snl, so he needs the work. And then Caleb Heron, who's funny and nice, I'm gonna have to push him down a hill.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
That's okay.
Trixie Mattel
So these are the three people we're gonna have to take out.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Amy.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, no, we gotta take out Amy, too.
Trixie Mattel
Both the lost coach and then Caleb and Amy. And I think that we could scoop the. The GLAD Award. Bob the Drag Queen has, like, 16 glad awards. Can you and I get one?
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Thank you.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I mean, why there's. Why are there two A's in that word?
Trixie Mattel
Glade.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Glad. What is Gay, Lesbian and Alcoholics Anonymous divorcees?
Trixie Mattel
Gay, Lesbian, Alcoholic Anonymous divas.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
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Katya Zamolodchikova
You can see the devotion in every detail.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
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Katya Zamolodchikova
That because I'm going to the show with you.
Trixie Mattel
We're going. Is it here in la?
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Okay. Katie and I are nominated for a.
Katya Zamolodchikova
GLAD award and we will be attending that ceremony dressed to kill.
Trixie Mattel
I'm. I honestly, when I saw like Caleb and Los Cultres, I was like, this is, this is a hard thing to win. It's hard to win.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I disagree. 250 episodes prove yes. So what, they got Lady Gaga?
Trixie Mattel
No, this was me.
Katya Zamolodchikova
They got Tina Fey.
Trixie Mattel
I got nominated for gladwar a couple years ago and I went and to me, I think if I go in drag that maybe I'll win. I think there's good karma to that of like mama.
Katya Zamolodchikova
If you both show up dressed to kill. And I'm talking really murder. We're gonna murder people there.
Trixie Mattel
Well, this is not this award show, but there's some award shows that are smaller. The ones that I get invited to where if you show they get. You do have a higher chance of winning also. And they kind of almost tell you that.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, they're like, hey, we'd really love to see you.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah. Are you going to be coming? It might be really good for you to come. Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You probably want to sit near the front and wear some comfortable shoes.
Trixie Mattel
Right? So I would love for us to win a gold.
Katya Zamolodchikova
We're going to.
Trixie Mattel
But. And I'm sad we didn't win the Golden Globe because when we were nominated, most people would have thought that means you're probably not going to win. But I thought there still could be a chance.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I. I was. I mean, I. I've never felt so shocked and betrayed.
Trixie Mattel
Amy won, though. Yeah, Amy won. Amy Poehler. Shout out to Amy Poehler.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, whatever. I'm just kidding. Great. Great pod. I love that. When she talked to Gwyneth Paltrow about what time they love to go to bed and eat dinner.
Trixie Mattel
I just saw Gwyneth. Not in person. I saw her in a movie. Wait, it wasn't a movie.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Marty Supreme.
Trixie Mattel
It was a documentary. It was about that woman. What? It was Orgasm Inc. That documentary about the woman who. What was it called? Or what was the company?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Susan Powder.
Trixie Mattel
No, I watched that too. We need to talk about both of these.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Okay, I'm sorry. I love Gwen. I love Gwyneth Paltrow.
Trixie Mattel
I'm.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I'm on the Gwyneth train again.
Trixie Mattel
Orgasm Inc. Okay, One Taste. One Taste was this company where. I'm not kidding now some of you trigger warning. Grape, grape, grape. So. Okay, that sounds dismissive. I didn't mean it like that.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Rape.
Trixie Mattel
This is a documentary talking explicitly about lines being blurred at a sex positive company.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. What. What company? What are they selling?
Trixie Mattel
It's called One Taste. And it was started by this woman. And her whole thing was like, spirituality and being connected to the universe and the power of the female orgasm. So people would pay money to show up to seminars where she would like, talk about, like kind of MLM style, like the self, your success, whatever. And then she would get a woman on the table, take the pants off, and some guy would stand over and do this guy make her come in front of everyone.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Okay.
Trixie Mattel
It was always guy on girl. Okay? And then at a certain point, there's cult elements. They're putting a snake on people. They're wearing hoods, they're jerking it off. And then at a certain point, the only people paying to come were mostly men. So then the women who work at the company are like, I guess I'll go to the class today and get jerked off. Kind of crazy. Really crazy documentary.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That's. That's wild. I mean, I wouldn't take a sex workshop unless it was given by Annie Sprinkle.
Trixie Mattel
Who's that?
Katya Zamolodchikova
She's a sexologist eco. She's a performance artist who does, like. She did a fun thing called a public cervix announcement. She makes love to the earth. She's really amazing. Huge boobs, wonderful person. Great.
Trixie Mattel
What about, like a passion party being thrown by Condoleezza Rice? What about if you went to a living room passion party and it was Condoleezza Rice and she brought out her dildos and was just like, let's go.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And then she tickled the ivories and spoke Russian because, you know, she can do that.
Trixie Mattel
There is a special time that I feel like we missed out as adults because we weren't women. We're not like, passion parties.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What are you talking about?
Trixie Mattel
Passion parties?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I don't know what those are.
Trixie Mattel
Small town usa, like, where I'm from, like, Tupperware parties. Yes. But they're not selling Tupperware. Yes.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, baby.
Trixie Mattel
So the women come over and then somebody's like, sassy friend, right?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, I know, I know.
Trixie Mattel
Ladies, you're not coming enough.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
And then the rabbit out. Yes. Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Hook it up to the generator.
Trixie Mattel
This is kind of chattering teeth, sex based business, self positivity vibes, but it's like a performance of sex in a.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Room that's a perfect storm.
Trixie Mattel
So, yeah, it was a. And the people who used to work for this company in the documentary were very forthcoming and very blatant about what they experienced. It was a very shocking documentary. It was crazy. But nothing eats, Nothing touches, Nothing touches. The Susan Powder documentary. Right. Nothing has ever touched it.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I mean, are you old enough to remember her on the tv? Stop the insanity.
Trixie Mattel
Never heard of her in my life.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, I. I was there. Oh, I was there.
Trixie Mattel
And obviously the insanity did not stop.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, I mean, I'm very. We're kindred spirits. She's. I think I drive an Uber in LA or in Las Vegas driving Ubers.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She. The Stop the insanity was huge.
Trixie Mattel
Was really interesting because she was like, I have no issue working. I have no issue driving Uber. You got to work. When she was younger, her managers and agents, etc, all took at least half of what she made. And they own the name Susan Powder. So there's a scene where she's on the website looking at Susan Powder fitness items. She's like, I don't get any of this. That's my name. None of this goes to me.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Brianna. That's why she don't make no music.
Trixie Mattel
It was so obviously this woman was traumatized by all this happening to her. And Jamie Lee Curtis produces it. And they get together and of course they're crying, right? And I'm crying because these two women are crying. And Jamie Lee Curtis is like, I've always thought if anyone would play her, it'd be me. I was like, do it tomorrow, bitch. Do it tomorrow. I need. But I need to see Jamie Lee Curtis as Susan Powder driving Uber in a feature film. Yeah, it was a great movie. And I hate stories about like. Like when I read Michelle Visage's book and she talked about seduction. Her touring for years and actually leaving seduction in debt. They took all her money. Michelle never got anything. Michelle carried the costumes and steamed them for everyone. She was opening for Millie Vanilli for years. Stadiums Michelle had. I think she said she got less than $1,000 a month per pay.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's. It's unbelievable.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
The.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The music.
Trixie Mattel
And they made these. The first successful interracial girl group. They made these women feel like, you're so lucky to be here. You're a star. Worry about the money, because you're just so lucky to be here.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I've heard that before.
Trixie Mattel
Michelle just ended a huge run with that band, like, with no money. That's years of her life.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's so up with.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
With.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And also, like, just the. Just the dissonance of, like, performing the stadiums and like.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Do you guys want to go in on some Cheetos later? Like, it's crazy.
Trixie Mattel
Do you think about touring?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I do.
Trixie Mattel
Lately.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Hell, touring lately.
Trixie Mattel
I. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I really miss touring. Like a scripted show with you.
Katya Zamolodchikova
A scripted show.
Trixie Mattel
I like fantasies about doing tricks and Katya live again.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What about.
Trixie Mattel
Is that crazy? The word is fantasy. This is. I'm not saying I'm gonna do. Is she. Is she? But you know what I miss? My body microphone. I miss being backstage, us all in the costumes, talking about what we had for lunch, and then we just go out there and do it. I missed.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I missed the curtain coming down and doing that, and then people screaming.
Trixie Mattel
I missed that. Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
And you know what I also got? Which I didn't deserve. I got to walk in that show first and I got to stand on stage alone and get the first clap, which I love, baby. I love. That was amazing. And then you come out and it's a double clap.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I love being second fiddle.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
That's my.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That's my role.
Trixie Mattel
We're not second.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm Ed McMahon.
Trixie Mattel
You're not second.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You're Johnny Carson.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
I'm.
Katya Zamolodchikova
This is how I'm very. You know what I'm talking about.
Trixie Mattel
I'm a piccolo. Light, dainty cuts through. I mean, you're a tuba.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I'm an oboe.
Trixie Mattel
You're an oboe. I love oboe. If you're gonna sit here and talk about double readed instruments.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Bassoon. Do they have the.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
The thing that goes like that?
Trixie Mattel
Yeah, Love that. Love bassoon. Girl, can I tell you something? I think I've told you this before. Who cares? When I was in school, we had to go to something called music convocation. Every Friday, every music student had to go to the amphitheater and watch some area of the music department play a show. Maybe this week it's singers. Maybe next week it's a string quartet. It's fine. It was zero credits. You had to go. It's every Friday at noon. Whatever. One week it was around Halloween and it was bassoon convo. And you guys, bassoons are just fun.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, yeah, you've told me this, but. No, no, keep going. I forgot it.
Trixie Mattel
No, me. I think it's.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, I actually. Maybe do you. I don't know.
Trixie Mattel
I'm gonna see if I can.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Was it like. Was it a.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah. Well, I want to try to find the bassoon sound because if people don't know, it's a funny sounding instrument here. Let's hear a bloon.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's a fart. It just sounds like farting.
Trixie Mattel
Too funny.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I love that.
Trixie Mattel
It's like hung over your 19. And it was Halloween and they walked out with Halloween masks on.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And they.
Trixie Mattel
Sat and guessed the song. They played. Take me out to the ball game. Like, I could not handle it. That's so bo.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I was like some real.
Trixie Mattel
It was.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That's great. We should do that.
Trixie Mattel
Play bassoon.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, do take me out to the ball game for our next show.
Trixie Mattel
Take me out to the bald game. Yeah. The bald gay. Oh, take me out to the bald gay Love.
Sponsor Voice
This episode is sponsored by ritual. In winter, when the sun barely lifts its pale eye above the horizon, I think about survival. I think about wool socks, hot bone broth. And long walks through air so cold it feels like the icy fingers of death are encircling me. Supporting a healthy immune system to me begins with a ritual in the truest sense. Sleep that is guarded like a treasure. Movement even when the wind argues otherwise. And food that warms you from the inside out. And then there's the gut, which, if you think about it, is kind of like Beyonce. Powerful, commanding, doing most of the work while everyone just applauds. 70 of your immune system lives there. And if I'm not supporting my gut, I am not truly tending the whole expedition. That is where ritual symbiotic plus enters my daily routine. It's a gut health supplement with clinically studied probiotics to support immune health and those annoying gut things like bloating and gas. I take it because I want my body to feel steady and capable even when the world feels frozen.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
I also love that ritual is obsessive.
Sponsor Voice
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Trixie Mattel
Today's episode is sponsored by Better Help. You guys, it's time. It's the top of the year. I'm going to tell you a personal story. So I was in therapy, talk therapy for a long time. Took a break because I was doing so well. Surprise. The call was still coming from inside the house. And what I love about resuming with better help is you get these skills. The skills carry over if you're not doing therapy. But coming back now, I have this perspective of not doing talk therapy for a while, and it kind of reset my goals. I know for me personally, I'm trying to generally reprogram myself to be a more reliable narrator. I have a tendency to panic. I have a lot of anxiety and stress. Stress from nothing. It has nothing to do with being overworked. It has to do with anxiety spiking out of nowhere about anything. And I'm gonna tell you one of the best things about talk therapy. Is the one on one time you get during the week that is not for money, not for anything but yourself and investing in yourself. Quality Therapists Better Help Therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US you guys, My first Better Help therapist that I had to switch from literally wouldn't even tell me that he recognized me. He made me like heavily bring it up. It was like that level confidential where he wasn't even to tell me who I was. Therapist match commitment BetterHelp does the initial matching for you so you can focus on therapy goals. So you do a little questionnaire to identify your needs and preferences. Like for me, I want a therapist that knows about gay stuff. I'm not saying it's a deal breaker, but kind of is for me personally. And that's okay. We all have stuff that we really want want from a therapist and that questionnaire makes it a lot easier to find that. And if you're not happy with your match, you can switch at any time for any reason. Better Help makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off@betterhelp.com bald that's betterhelphelp.com bald this episode of the.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Chime. Good day, fine people whom I assume use currency in some form or another. Sit back and relax as I'd like to tell you a little story.
Trixie Mattel
Picture it.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Boston, Massachusetts, 2005. Everyone wearing baggy cargo pants and talking on their flip phones. I'm in my 20s, a haunted era of my life when my credit score was more like the mythical Chupacabra than a number decipherable by humans. I didn't understand money, nor did I grasp the concept of a bank for that matter. I thought overdraft fees were taken out to finance the hit film Backdraft, starring Kurt Russell and William Baldwin. I didn't even have checks, but instead wrote IOUs and crayon on napkins. If only I had Chime, my credit score would have stopped feeling like a punishment handed down by a financial demon sent by Astroth to torture me. Listen people, Chime is changing the way we bank. It is fee free, smarter banking built for you. It's not like those old school banks that love monthly fees. There's no mustachioed bank teller behind the glass laughing maniacally at the exorbitant fees. Chime actually feels like it is on your side. You you can get paid up to two days early with direct deposit, which would have absolutely changed my life back when I was surviving on toast and off brand cola. They even have MyPay, which lets you access up to $500 of your paycheck when you need it. Some banks still don't do that, which is exceedingly sad, but makes Astaroth very, very happy. Chime is revolutionizing banking. They have no overdraft fees, no minimum balance fees and no monthly fees. Chime turns everyday spending into real progress. And now there's the new Chime Card. You build your credit with your own money and get rewarded for everyday spending. No annual fees, no interest, no strings attached. Plus, with qualifying direct deposits, you can earn 1.5% cash back on eligible purchases. If you're like me and you spent your 20s in financial freefall, Chime is the savior you've been waiting for. So tell Astaroth to go back to hell. You've got Chime now to protect you from his fiery cruelty. Chime is not just smarter banking. It is the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee free today. It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com bald that's chime.com bald.
Sponsor Voice
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Trixie Mattel
For the first time ever, there's been a truly beautiful medical breakthrough. One shot makes you hot, but with terrifying consequences. In the new original series, FX Is the Beauty, the glamorous world of supermodels turns deadly as mysterious deaths draw in FBI agents and a shadowy billionaire who will stop at nothing to protect his empire. From executive producer Ryan Murphy. FX is the Beauty premieres January 21st on FX, Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers. I keep walking by your old house.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I know you.
Sponsor Voice
Oh, my God.
Trixie Mattel
This used to be my playground. I take a picture every time. I don't know why.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Do you know that that. That it. That's so weird you said that song. Because when you sent me that picture, it was like this used to be my playground. Used to be. I literally had the whole League of Their own montage in my mind. I thought about. I thought about driving home. Like it's like, oh, it's like 5:45. The sun's about to set. Cranking it up El Contento, like picking off a pedestrian.
Trixie Mattel
Beautiful that time of day. It's amazing.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Charging up to the. The top deck to goon at that.
Trixie Mattel
It's amazing.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's just so beautiful street.
Trixie Mattel
I could see your old pergola and it's just bathed in sunset light. I was like, that's end of life care up there.
Katya Zamolodchikova
All those gor. And on your way up you get all those different flowers, like always late in. In bloom at different times. All these different species.
Trixie Mattel
Some great yards up there. Difficult parking, but some really pretty art.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, no parking, no sidewalks.
Trixie Mattel
You want to get hit? You want to hit by a car, Go up there. Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Do you want to? Do you want to. You know what I love? My favorite thing was counting how many fucking stupid rich fucks would wear head to toe black walking their dogs in the middle of the street at night.
Trixie Mattel
With a black dog with a huge.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Black lab on a. On a 40 foot leash.
Trixie Mattel
And not just black, but let's say they'll fit. The color of the pavement.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah. And full makeup. The color of the pavement laying down with stripes. I mean these people want to be hit.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's. And then jumping out from bushes. And then when you. When you come up on them, the audacity. They had their headphones in the head. The headphones in the headphones.
Trixie Mattel
Mary. I know.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Headphones. And my ear.
Trixie Mattel
It's fierce.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She wouldn't get out of the cock of duty street.
Trixie Mattel
You know what I do when I'm up there? I have the. The meta goggles that have the glass. The glasses with the open ear speaker.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Okay.
Trixie Mattel
So you can hear the street in the world.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I do my. My ghetto blaster. My boombox.
Trixie Mattel
Do you?
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, I'm just kidding.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, I love the jbl. That's the clip for like going for a walk.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That's noise pollution.
Trixie Mattel
You think people do it at the reservoir and I think it's kind of cute.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's noise pollution. It's noise pollution.
Trixie Mattel
You think?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I do.
Sponsor Voice
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Okay.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I mean imagine on the subway.
Trixie Mattel
That's different.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That's different. But okay, so memories, memories, memories.
Trixie Mattel
I was gonna say, you know what you need to do, but you need to go up there like Jennifer Lopez.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh my God. Where she goes?
Trixie Mattel
I used to live here and the guy goes, oh, you did? Okay, bye, lady. And he's like, he's like, who? What's your name? And she was like, jennifer.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Jennifer.
Trixie Mattel
And he's like, Lawrence or. No, he doesn't say anything. But it. You should go up there and be like, I used to live here. And they're going to be like, yeah, we, we always wondered who lived here.
Katya Zamolodchikova
We saw the shirt stains, right? It took forever to get them out.
Trixie Mattel
Why did you do that to the yard when the interior looks like this?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Mama, not to put them on blast. I hear they're very lovely, the people.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Who live there now.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Very lovely.
Trixie Mattel
I hope they enjoy. It's a great house.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. So the. I, you know what I drive every once in a while because they used to go to my friend's house in the hills. I would drive by a little, you know, very slowly and then drive again. Drive by very slowly. Just two or three in the.
Trixie Mattel
Pull in the driveway. Yeah, run the car.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Just like.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I peeked inside a few times, but the windows open.
Trixie Mattel
Do you ever go use your old shower just for old time's sake? What if they came home and you were like exercising?
Katya Zamolodchikova
What if they came home and I was spread eagle naked on the pergola?
Trixie Mattel
I wish. When you sold a house, there's a sunset provision. Like you can use the house half time.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh yeah, yeah, you can have the house. But mama, that pergola is mine.
Trixie Mattel
Also. I come with the house free gift.
Katya Zamolodchikova
But also like. Well, the thing is, from my neighbor, I've heard that they're so nice, I could, if I asked them, I could go. I'm sure they'd invite me over to sleepover for a week. Crazy straight couple. Anyways, the way that I'm so rueful and nostalgic about this place, I can't even. I would be overstated.
Trixie Mattel
I can understand it because when I walk by it, it feels like your house. I don't know how to describe it. I'm like, someone lives in her house.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The way that I, I loved having. I mean, there was many things about that place that was.
Trixie Mattel
That sucked.
Katya Zamolodchikova
A, there's no square footage. B, there was no sidewalks.
Trixie Mattel
Right.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You could not walk anywhere.
Trixie Mattel
Right.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Totally car dependent.
Trixie Mattel
Very car dependent.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I mean, no 100%.
Trixie Mattel
I moved to America's second largest city, so I have to take a 15 minute car ride to a CVS.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Like the moment I bought that house, I had to buy a car.
Trixie Mattel
Right?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I had to. There was no other choice. So now contrast with the. My current living situation, which I'll give you a lovely update on continue to hate it with all my heart and guts and.
Trixie Mattel
Sorry.
Katya Zamolodchikova
But wait, wait. So you know I told you I was reading the moisture reader wrong.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, yeah. Well, you weren't.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I. I got it right one day. So. So I was. Oh, A little bubbling. A little bubbling in the. In the studio. They cut a fucking hole in the wall. They cut a hole through the drywall. Wet, dripping black mold.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
The return.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Game on, Bitch. The sequel. So I've got four giant deafening fans and dehumidifiers going 247 for the next four days. I'm sure that my neighbors are not, like, I don't think they're in love with me. I think they're, like, so in love with me because I must be the best neighbor they have ever had. You know, the hammering, the sawing, the fans.
Trixie Mattel
You know what? I'm gonna stop you right there, because my old place, my neighbor when I first moved in, I go, oh, my God, you're in. I'll make up the number. You're in 10:01. I'm 1002. I'm your neighbor.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, yeah. She's like.
Trixie Mattel
And she was like, oh, are you gonna be done with your. They're hammering every night. You better believe I am the only person in this building who does not have children or a dog or both. All of you can suck my fat cock and lick my. My heavy clit. I do not care. I flush the toilet once a month. I'm not even fucking there. I don't have dogs. I don't have children. The rest of you are fraudulent bitches. Shut up.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Perpetrating frauds.
Trixie Mattel
You know, don't worry about me in my house, barely being there and being silent. Don't worry about me.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, renter. Worry about your ugly ass.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah. I'm like, I'm. I'm the secret guard garden. I'm the child. I'm the. Indeed in the cupboard.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the perfect neighbor. So I, you know, and to your point, my friend was like, listen, the. The people next door would not have moved to the city in a condo surrounded by two people in the middle, have two neighbors on each side. If they were so sensitive about sound and needed peace and quiet, they would have moved to Albany.
Trixie Mattel
I moved into a condo because I needed to make sure that I didn't share a wall with anyone.
Katya Zamolodchikova
How about three on each side?
Trixie Mattel
And I've lived in apartments and shared walls, like, a long time of my life. It just is. It is what it is.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I mean, I be the neighbor you.
Trixie Mattel
Wish you could be. I don't blow up the neighbors. You won't catch me in my house blowing up music.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, baby, no, no, no, no. Although I did once in my old, old back in Laurel, where I lived below. The landlord, who was. I swear to God, he was, you know, he's a great big fat person, and he would, like, fall a lot, and it just like, felt like he was gonna come through the.
Trixie Mattel
But that doesn't seem intentional falling. That's not like testing subwoofers in your home.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, I don't think he was. Well, anyway, so one day I played. I had. I put on a movie. It was maybe a little loud.
Trixie Mattel
Dune.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It was Dune. The way that that man barreled down the stairs and almost broke through my door and told me that, screaming at me while Amy and Sam. Amy Doan and Sam were there saying, the whole complex is shaking. God damn it. And I was like.
Trixie Mattel
Can I say, when you go to someone's door, you gotta know that you're not gonna be perceived the way you think you're perceived. You're gonna seem crazy. If the door opens and you start yelling, you're just gonna seem crazy. And what you could say is, you know, it's just my walls are rattling a little bit. Is that okay? I'm sorry we've never met. I'm so and so like that approach.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Compared to the whole goddamn concert.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Barrel down. And I was like, baby, I can hear you at 3am falling down.
Trixie Mattel
Right.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What are you doing at 3am yeah, bitch.
Trixie Mattel
Your big everything broke that shoe. You know what I mean?
Katya Zamolodchikova
So wait, so the. So my. My life at home is currently, again, in shambles. But the I, I, you know.
Trixie Mattel
I have something to add.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Please.
Trixie Mattel
It's been raining in Los Angeles. My guest house leaks.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Everybody's got water damage.
Trixie Mattel
My guest house leaks. I had to have black mold. Remediation is doing my whole guest house. I'm in the club. It sucks. It's expensive. It's tens of thousands of dollars.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Tell me about it. I'm a moisture expert.
Trixie Mattel
The foundation, they got to do what they call a mold cut, which is the three feet from the floor. The entire property. The entire thing. And they did the moisture gun, and they're like, you have maybe one wall here that doesn't have to be, like, gutted.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Now, did you vet whoever who I. I.
Trixie Mattel
No, I called the first person. Is that bad?
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
Who is it?
Trixie Mattel
I don't know.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Do you know what the company's name is?
Trixie Mattel
What Is yours. Well, now I'm scared. There's gotta be more than one baby.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It better not be.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Fucking.
Trixie Mattel
It's not. It's not.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Because, mama, they ripped and ran. They tore my whole house apart and then left without putting anything back.
Trixie Mattel
No. This company moves on all my belongings.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Okay. It's a full service.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
They're gonna put back all the drywall. They do the construction.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah. Guess what else happened? What? You don't even know about this. I don't.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Why didn't you tell me?
Trixie Mattel
So one of the issues was I said, well, Brandon and I have a storage unit down the street from my condo.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Andrew told me.
Trixie Mattel
So in my storage unit. And this actually sucks. And you all can make fun of me. Whatever. One of the only things I have that has value. That's not money is my doll collection. I've spent years of my life collecting all these beautiful vintage toys. Time capsules of American history and fashion. Whatever. I'm a huge fag. They're really valuable. Many love them. And they. I love them. Yeah. It's one of the only material things I know is completely. It's not for food, water or sex or shelter. It's just. I love it.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
And I've invested a lot of my money in. In them and making sure that they have their own storage unit that's dark and dry and cool and safe. We went in there to get something. Mold the entire doll collection. My entire doll collection. Dolls from 59 through 80 basically are. The boxes are all melt, all molded. All the boxes have mold on them. And I'm having to hire a company to come in that does mold remediation on objects to go through the whole collection and see what can be saved. But I might have to. So all my videos of vintage dolls, they might just all have to go in a landfill. And I have the fullest insurance at that storage unit.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
The.
Trixie Mattel
It only covers up to $5,000.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The fullest insurance at a storage unit only caught $5,000.
Trixie Mattel
And so I'm wondering, what are you doing? Keep candy corns there. My guest house leaking is like, okay, everyone's house is leaking. But paying a monthly fee for a safe dry storage unit, it would have never occurred to me that this unit was just flooding.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
I don't know why in Los Angeles we had to make buildings as if rain hadn't been invented yet.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I know.
Trixie Mattel
It didn't just hit.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I know.
Trixie Mattel
Rain isn't new.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I know. Well, Los Angeles is famously. I mean, depending on what type. I mean, unless it Was, you know, unless it was built in the 20s and then renovated during the golden age of architecture in la, it's going to probably be poo poo.
Trixie Mattel
Crap.
Katya Zamolodchikova
If it was built in the 50s, 60s, 70s, an apartment complex, it's going to look like the cat's ass.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And it's probably going to be from tissue paper and wood chips. But you know what? My situation is a little bit more frustrating because I. It's like I wasn't a victim of circumstance. A lot of this stuff I did, I made the most spectacularly stupid decisions. So after getting rid of the mold, having the bright idea to let someone put these enormously heavy planters on my deck, which of course immediately perforated the newly sealed waterproof membrane of the deck. Having to take them down, all that super expensive, by the way, for nothing, only to cause more problems.
Trixie Mattel
Oh, yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So it's like I am literally like.
Trixie Mattel
I'm like, Brandon was literally crying because he was like, Brandon was like, you worked so hard for this. And we went extra steps to put these what we perceive to be like the safest place. It's not in our homes. It's in a storage. It's not even on the first floor. How the fuck did it get molding everything? Moldy dolls, moldies. Beautiful, pristine, mint condition Barbie collection. Rotting.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Fuck. Sucks shit.
Trixie Mattel
We're gonna have to go back on tour.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, yeah.
Trixie Mattel
We've lost it all.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm in foreclosure, thank God. Take it. Take this moldy ass place.
Sponsor Voice
Take it, take it.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I'll live in a wheelbarrow full of wood chips and sawdust. It just sucks.
Guest or Producer (possibly Nick or Tracy)
No, it doesn't.
Trixie Mattel
And I don't want to like fantasize, but I'm like, okay. Over in Wisconsin, we don't have leaks in our homes. Mostly I grew up in a trailer. It did not leak. Mary, what is the issue over here in Los Angeles where somebody is, somebody's up there just poking holes like we're all bugs in a peanut butter jar with holes poked in the top.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That was me. I paid someone to poke some holes. Crazy. Kill me, slap me, throw me down the stairs.
Trixie Mattel
I think, I hope it stops raining for the winter because I can't take it.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I mean, I'm from Massachusetts, where we got, I don't know, famously like four, like 4,000ft of snow every winter.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Do you think we had one leak in our house?
Katya Zamolodchikova
No.
Trixie Mattel
No. I don't know what to do. I don't know why we don't just make roofs like this no matter what. Like my house has that roof. My house doesn't leak. All of it rolls off.
Katya Zamolodchikova
With the new studio, Andrew and I.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Moved into the the top.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So it's above. It's above this restaurant. Why is the driveway concave?
Trixie Mattel
Love.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And why does it collect puddles and puddles and puddles? And I was told not to park there because the restaurant is flooding always underneath it.
Trixie Mattel
Fierce.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Isn't that fierce? Isn't that cunty? Isn't that great? Isn't that lovely for a restaurant?
Trixie Mattel
What are we gonna do?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I don't know. Not live in la.
Trixie Mattel
I try to count my blessings. I'm like, my house isn't leaking. Trixie Cosmetics isn't leaking. Trixie Motel isn't leaking.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Once I get my little poker.
Trixie Mattel
But we also just redid the Trixie Motel roof when we moved in. And it's not going to rain in Palm Springs the way it's raining here.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Mama.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah, that's. That's like. Yeah, no, but I don't know. Girl.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Weather. We're having weather.
Trixie Mattel
I have another great story for you. Teaser next week. Trixie Mattel pulled over.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It happens.
Trixie Mattel
It happens.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
It could happen.
Trixie Mattel
Trixman pulled over. All of this has been happening in the same like three day period. It's been awful.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Wait, wait. We've got to end on a happy note.
Trixie Mattel
And on A happy note. 50 episodes of the Bald and the Beautiful.
Katya Zamolodchikova
250 episodes. Now take that, Amy Poehler.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Just kidding.
Katya Zamolodchikova
250 episodes of nonstop, nonstop entertainment for free.
Trixie Mattel
Sometimes people will say to me about you and I. They will say things like, you guys could just do anything and people will eat it up. I don't feel that way. And I know these people watching us for 10 years don't feel that way.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I take that as a compliment because they don't understand.
Trixie Mattel
I think it's a read. I think it's insulting to these people listening too.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And there's a. There's a limit where there's a.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
When you're self.
Katya Zamolodchikova
When you don't have. You have a sense of humor and a sense of humility and you have a self deprecating sense of humor. There is a line where you should kind of check yourself in like, you know, I'm actually not a piece of shit. And this is not some stupid frivolous thing. It's a wonderful thing that I'm proud of.
Trixie Mattel
I care about what you and I do in here.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
I do too.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And just because it seems off the cuff or like, or that it's improvised or that it's not heavily produced or that we don't know how to say goodbye.
Trixie Mattel
Like, doesn't mean we may not know how to introduce guests. Yeah, yeah. But we can't remember anyone's name.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What happens in between all of that is very important.
Trixie Mattel
Right?
Katya Zamolodchikova
They love to say this to me. Girl, I love how you could just wear anything.
Trixie Mattel
That's what I'm saying.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Like, don't wear anything.
Trixie Mattel
I wish you wouldn't wear anything. What if we start doing drag but we're just completely naked with no padding on? The wigs and the makeup, but just oiled, big black bush.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Hateful bush.
Trixie Mattel
Hateful bush.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Hateful bush that you just got. It says hairy legs, big old panties and that hateful bush.
Trixie Mattel
No, I have a bra on panties, but I don't have them on. I just hold them on my lap just so you know, I could put.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Them on if I have them on a hanger that I hold up the whole time.
Trixie Mattel
So much better than getting a drag. We should just bring in store mannequins with our outfits on it. Be like, this is what could have happened.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Or a projector. Projector. Oh, Paint our bodies white. Different outfits.
Trixie Mattel
Love.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And then have it cross dissolve so they change over time. I love fashion journey. All right, last thing. Last thing. I. I love. I've recently discovered that I maybe am not as interested in having sex with people as I thought I was.
Trixie Mattel
I kind of. Can I tell you, I listened to the last pod and you were talking about the asshole.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah. And I knew you were going to have this Sarah plane and tall swing backwards.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And I. And I kind of did, too, because.
Trixie Mattel
But that's how everyone is. Does anyone else feel like when you're horny, you have a hookup or. I used to have, like, three in a week, and then nothing for months.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Mama.
Trixie Mattel
Once you break the seal, you're like. Well.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And it's like, I, I, I. Everything I said was true. Right. I mean, I really had a transcendental time.
Trixie Mattel
Right.
Katya Zamolodchikova
But I. I just haven't really been in the mood.
Trixie Mattel
I think that's okay. It comes in waves, I think.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And also, I. Mama, I know me.
Trixie Mattel
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Nobody knows me better than me.
Trixie Mattel
You love to jerk it.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I love to touch myself.
Trixie Mattel
Right.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I go through a hell of pleasure myself. I think we can go 250 episodes. Thank you so much for letting us do the most wonderful thing in the world. Because, honestly, this job is so cunty.
Trixie Mattel
It's great. Thank you to Nick for filming and doing all the sound.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Yes.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Thank you to Tracy for always laughing. Always laughing in the background. Give me someone to wink at and take you to Mark.
Trixie Mattel
And honestly, Mark, Studio 71 and all of our guests, but. And also PG, our managers were the ones who were like, do you guys want to do a pod? They had. I don't know if we would have done.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Don't you remember? I was like, start a pod this late in the game? Oh, yeah.
Trixie Mattel
I remember feeling like, who wants to have us do? I remember feeling like, well, we're models. People want to look at us. They don't want to listen to us. Why? Why? Why are we so good at drag? But people are so happy we've stopped dressing up.
Katya Zamolodchikova
But don't you. I remember thinking, this is too late. This is too late. It's like, too late in the game to this now, everybody. Now Gwyneth Paltrow's got a pod. Everybody's got a pod.
Trixie Mattel
But also, our fans were so young. Like, their cochlear, like, little bones had just finally.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. Now their fontanelles are hardening up.
Trixie Mattel
Right. And so they were cerebrally finally ready for a pod.
Sponsor Voice or Additional Guest
Thank you.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Now we're all on the level. Now that I have dementia, they're ready to listen.
Trixie Mattel
And a whole new audience. Whole new audience. Which is great because we don't have any stories except me getting pulled over. I'm gonna tell you next week.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Okay, Cliffhanger.
Trixie Mattel
Okay, bye.
Katya Zamolodchikova
250.
Trixie Mattel
New Year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. So now get two snack wraps plus fries and a medium soft drink for just $8 for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska and California. In for delivery.
Episode: "250 Episodes of Dolls Being Dolls with Trixie and Katya"
Date: January 20, 2026
This milestone 250th episode sees Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova revisiting what makes their unlikely but enduring partnership so resonant (and ridiculous) for listeners. The episode moves from the pain and absurdity of drag life, to backstage stories, LA living woes, lost doll collections, leaky condos and mold, and reflections on podcasting longevity. Along the way, the duo veers off into irreverent takes on pop culture, sex cult documentaries, and their evolving perspectives on pleasure. The tone is acerbic, self-deprecating, occasionally heartfelt, and, as ever, utterly chaotic.
“Y’all can make fun of me. I believed we could be nominated. I don’t care if that’s delusion. I believe in us.” (16:44)
Timestamp highlights: 16:35 – 17:29, 22:01 – 22:59, 52:33 – 56:17
“There is a release. There’s something diabolical about being in drag. And your base level is not 100% healthy. Because, Mama, if you’re sick, if you’re in pain… if you’re at 100%, you get into drag, you’re down to 30%.” (10:07)
Timestamp highlights: 02:54 – 04:47, 10:07 – 11:12
“When [Henry Cavill] had a mustache, I was like, we took chocolate cake…and we dumped cocaine on it.” (06:20)
Timestamp highlights: 06:03 – 07:52, 23:26 – 25:46
“That's the danger. You can overheat. But… not when you’re on a TV set not really moving around for a limited amount of time.” (15:40)
Timestamp highlights: 12:04 – 15:57
Timestamp highlights: 28:30 – 29:24
“My entire doll collection…mold. The entire doll collection. Dolls from 59 through 80…all the boxes have mold on them.” (47:41)
Timestamp highlights: 42:03 – 50:26
“I love to touch myself. I go through a hell of pleasure myself. I think we can go 250 episodes.” (55:17)
Timestamp highlights: 54:23 – 55:28
The conversation is quintessentially Trixie and Katya: witty, shamelessly honest, leaping from the deeply personal to the absurd, and punctuated by affectionate bickering. There’s genuine appreciation for fans, career highs, and a shared resilience in the face of life's (and LA real estate's) absurdities. The episode embodies their unfiltered humor: self-aware, campy, irreverent, and a little bit profound.
Summary Usefulness:
This summary captures the spirit and substance of a landmark episode, distilling the best of 90 minutes of Trixie and Katya’s world for new listeners, hardcore Doll fans, and anyone seeking drag wisdom and drag nonsense in equal measure.