A Freshly-Peeled Lease on Life with Trixie and Katya

Summary

The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Episode Summary: "A Freshly-Peeled Lease on Life with Trixie and Katya"

Release Date: February 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode is a classic, freewheeling exploration of everything from recent comedy obsessions and drag race fashion critiques to video games, food, and candid health confessions—all delivered with Trixie and Katya's signature blend of irreverence, self-deprecation, and gleeful insanity. Whether gushing over Maria Bamford, dissecting the ethics of synthetic humans in Fallout, or delighting in the humble crouton, the duo spins ordinary topics into wild, entertaining rants. Settle in for a heady mix of pop culture, personal anecdotes, high-camp comedy, and sparkling drag philosophy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bald & Beautiful Live Tour Hype (01:00–01:35)

• Trixie and Katya excitedly announce that their spring tour is almost sold out, with added shows in Boston and Toronto.
• “My New Year's resolution is quality over quantity.” – Trixie (01:06)
• Katya jokes about city nicknames and urges fans to buy tickets: “You Bostonians in Toronto, in torontights or whatever you call yourselves, you better get some tickets.” (01:12)

2. Maria Bamford Obsession (01:46–04:44)

• The queens gush about their love for comedian Maria Bamford, citing her unique comedic voice and specials as major inspirations.
• Trixie explains how Maria’s routines ended up sampled in her own DJ work-mixes for drag gigs: “Her voice, for a gay bar environment, cuts through.” (03:04)
• Memorable quotes from Bamford's specials are recited, including the infamous Paula Deen suicide note recipe and jokes about workplace dynamics.

3. Netflix, Comedy, and Streaming Gossip (04:45–05:45)

• Discussion about the risks Netflix used to take on “out there” comedy like Lady Dynamite.
• News tidbit: Netflix is going to start offering podcast “pods” on its platform.

4. Random Drag Queen Banter—Gia Gunn & TikTok (05:46–07:24)

• Playful riffs about drag queen Gia Gunn’s surname (“This is my brother Glock—my sister AR15…”) (05:51)
• Trixie describes seeing Gia on TikTok and her impressive streaming persona.

5. Snack Talk & Fruit Leather Review (07:37–10:31)

• Trixie introduces organic fruit circles: “My mouth is watering… The whole pack is 50 calories.” (08:10–08:25)
• Katya: “That is not a selling point for me. I wish it was 500 calories.” (08:28)
• They riff on communion, role play, and the versatility of fruit sheets—“Body of Christ!” (09:29)
• Segues into a discussion of late-night snacking and edible-induced kitchen raids.

6. Media Talk—Predator: Badlands & Elle Fanning Fandom (10:47–17:43)

• Katya raves about the new Predator: Badlands movie, especially Elle Fanning’s performance as two synthetic robots: “She just wraps it around everybody’s testes until they turn blue and then she kicks them.” (16:33)
• Trixie admits to being unable to act as twins on-screen: “I can barely learn lines for one person.” (17:48)
• Both queens agree to watch each other’s favorite new films/shows.

7. Drag Race Fashion Critique (20:02–28:18)

• They discuss a video for Trixie’s YouTube channel reviewing Katya’s Drag Race looks; amusingly self-deprecating about questionable outfits.
• “We talked about it, the video, like, it's possible to critique this drag and really like that person's drag and like them and think they're amazing…we can talk about these clothes explicitly, and that’s okay.” – Trixie (20:58)
• Conversation about specific looks—the Mugler outfit, stand-up comedy challenge outfit, and runway regrets.

8. Fallout, Video Games, and Digital Ethics (28:26–34:41)

• The pair pivot to Fallout, discussing the new season, Boston locations, and the underlying questions about artificial intelligence and consciousness:
• “In the game, Synths…are so realistic they don't even know they’re fake…Are these machines? Are they people?” – Trixie (32:50)
• Katya: “If my mom and a synth are in a burning building, I'm getting the synth.” (33:06)
• Reflection on morality in games versus real life—Trixie explains she cannot play as an evil character.

9. Social Media, Content Creation, and Mental Wellness (35:41–36:59)

• Katya expresses her increasing dislike for X (formerly Twitter): “The posts I’ve seen are targeted ads…it’s a bunch of shit makes me depressed.” (35:48)
• Both discuss how stepping away from social media and spending less time on their phones improves their mood.

10. Daily Life & Diet Confessions (43:06–44:52)

• The episode is peppered with comedic complaints and revelations about food—giant salads, crouton addictions, ranch dressing aversion.
• “It’s not soup. It’s not ranch soup with two lettuce leaves, unfortunately.” – Trixie (44:31)
• Katya: “Just the other day, had no salad, did a bowl of croutons…ate it with my fingers, and I was in heaven.” (44:52)

11. Medical, Body, and Cosmetic Procedures (45:21–50:45)

• Katya confesses almost going through with an expensive penile enhancement procedure, decides against it upon reflection.
• Trixie jokes: “I wish I could bake my dick like a Shrinky dink sometimes. Too flopped out.” (50:06)
• Light-hearted discussion about injectables and self-image.

12. Cooking, Homemade Treats, and Nostalgia (53:10–55:17)

• Trixie shares making homemade pizza bagels after being disappointed by frozen versions at a party.
• Enthusiastic nostalgia for foods like Totino’s pizza rolls and bagel bites.

13. Digestive Health Humor (55:34–55:56)

• The queens commiserate over digestive woes: “I wish I was constipated, right?” – Katya (55:47)

14. Closing Thoughts & What’s Next (56:00–56:41)

• Katya: “Final thoughts. Watch Predator Badland. I’m going to watch Fallout Season 2.” (56:00)
• Light bickering about moviegoing habits and a parting recommendation to go watch “Wicked.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Maria Bamford’s influence:
  “Her voice, for a gay bar environment, cuts through. Cause she has kind of like that high frequency voice.” – Trixie (03:04)

• On snacking and body image:
  “Willy Wonka, if it was Gene Wilder and it was only one child, and that child…was a fat cunt. That’s me snacking.” – Trixie (10:24)

• On video game morality:
  “In any game where you could be bad or good, I can't be bad. I can't shoot and kill people. I'm always trying to minim—I'm such a me in the game…” – Trixie (30:16)

• On quitting social media:
  “2026 is about not going on X anymore. The posts I've seen are…just a bunch of shit makes me depressed.” – Katya (35:41)

• Candid health confession:
  “I want to make a confession. What I was supposed to go get this thing done, and I'm so glad I didn't…” (45:25)
  [Katya details considering and then opting out of a penile enhancement procedure]

• Drag & body positive ethos:
  “Thank you. That's not what I was fishing for…2026, we're not gonna have adversarial relationships with our own bodies. Get over it—not get over it, but get over it.” – Trixie (14:50)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Maria Bamford & Comedy Banter: 01:46–04:44
• Netflix & Streaming Industry Talk: 04:45–05:45
• Gia Gunn & TikTok: 05:46–07:24
• Fruit Snacks & Snack Reviews: 07:37–10:31
• Predator: Badlands & Elle Fanning: 10:47–17:43
• Drag Race Fashion Critique: 20:02–28:18
• Fallout, AI & Ethics: 28:26–34:41
• Social Media & Mental Health: 35:41–36:59
• Salads, Croutons, and Food Rituals: 43:06–44:52
• Health & Cosmetic Procedures: 45:21–50:45
• Homemade Pizza Bagels: 53:10–55:17
• Digestive Health: 55:34–55:56
• Final Recommendations: 56:00–56:41

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Tone & Takeaway

Raucous, unfiltered, and deeply personal, this episode is a perfect snapshot of Trixie and Katya's unique conversational alchemy: a blend of incisive pop culture commentary, intimate confessions, and drag-based absurdity. Their willingness to lampoon themselves and each other, while embracing vulnerability about health, happiness, and identity, makes for pure “Bald and Beautiful” brilliance. Fans get to laugh, cringe, and learn about everything from Nina West’s mug to synthetic consciousness and why a 50-calorie fruit circle is both the Body of Christ and a communion role-play prop. If you missed this one, you missed a lot—but now you’re caught up.

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Transcript

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We are very excited to announce that our very bald and very beautiful podcast tour is almost sold out for spring.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm excited. We're not doing that many dates and my New Year's resolution is quality over quantity. And we're doing it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're doing it. Can you believe we had to add a second show to Boston and Toronto Queen? We sure did. So you Bostonians in Toronto, in torontights or whatever the you call yourselves, you better get some tickets. Yeah, snatch them up.

[Trixie Mattel]

We do have a few seats left for some of these cities and we are not doing that many of these this year.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's going to be hot. It's going to be exclusive. It's going to be fabulous.

[Trixie Mattel]

Tickets available [e-mail] Queen. Ah, to UN cigarette.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're talking about Maria Bamford. Maria Bamford is probably. You know, I was just talking to my friend Mallory who introduced me on the way. On the way here, I was talking to Mallory. She introduced me to Maria Bamford's special special, special, special, special, special. I could not believe. It was like. I could not believe it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Her parents, like politely laughing the whole time, like it was crazy. That is what inspired when I did the one night only during like Covid times.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, it was so, so brilliant. And she's so. She's like the best comedian ever.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's amazing. And you know, have you ever listened to Dana Gould?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think so.

[Trixie Mattel]

I feel like they have a similar. If you ever in a grocery store of comics, they'd Be in the same aisle, let's say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's so funny too. It's so absurd and wild. And love Maria. And that work mix that I do that like nine to five, she retired from the money mix. There's a bunch of Maria in there because she has all those sections about work.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, for example, I really like the way your peach poly weave sweatshirt comes up over the edge of your. That one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know that one.

[Trixie Mattel]

Why don't you come into my cubicle? I got that one in there and I got. Girlfriend. Hey. Hey. There's gonna be a really fun party tonight, and it's gonna be some really cute guys you're gonna meet at the door, park their cars, take their coats, and speak only when spoken to.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

I have her. Because I was like, she's. That she talks so much about, like, work. I was like, I gotta put her in here. And her voice, like, for a gay bar environment cuts through. Cause he has kind of like that high frequency voice.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Maria.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

So like, in a mix, she just cuts through everything.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, totally, totally.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's great. Maria. If you ever wanna quit, stand up. You should just do voiceover for Drag queen lip syncs.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, she also does voiceover for like a million cartoons.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes, she does. Love, Maria. Shout out to Maria.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was. I had to show my friend you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Never lift up women. This is huge. Hard left rebrand.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I pivoted from total misogyny. I think 2026 is about not feminism. Certainly not.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're gonna support her, but you're gonna call her like Marina Bradford or something.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Marina Bradford. And then I'm gonna. I'm gonna send her a death threat or something.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right? Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, I had to. I had to. I had to listen to the Paula Deen suicide note recipe.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, it's so good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's just so good. And then I had to listen to. Ladies, ladies, when we're dating, we have a system.

[Trixie Mattel]

We do. We have a system. We do.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And it's just the.

[Trixie Mattel]

Her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, God, her.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, I can't feel my hands.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like so good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm empty inside. I can't feel my hands. Which the one is.

[Trixie Mattel]

I also love when she sings O' er the land of the free.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm trapped.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love that. What is that? Unwanted Thoughts.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, Unwanted Thoughts.

[Trixie Mattel]

The one with her. With her dogs on the front. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's called Road show at the end. And it's. It's so funny.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's like, did you like 20%? Yeah. I love Old Baby. I love Saturation Point, which talks about fighting with her husband.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I liked Old Baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love Old Baby.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Lady Dynamite was. I cannot believe Lady Dynamite was made. That show was bananas.

[Trixie Mattel]

That. I think that was the last thing Netflix took a chance on. I mean that lovingly. It was like the last truly out there piece.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Now they're doing Bone Lake.

[Trixie Mattel]

I wish I. If it was up to me, Netflix would become. You say Lady Dynamite and that's all we get.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

It'd be like, ladies, Netflix is. I. I think this is open to everyone's news. Netflix is opening pods on the platform.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like how you might watch Bald and beautiful on YouTube. You're not going to be able to watch, let's say, Caleb Heron show. If he signs with Netflix. You'll be able to watch it on the app. Oh, right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We got any money?

[Trixie Mattel]

I think it's in the trades. By the trades, I mean something that people screenshot me and send me.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Gotcha.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do we get money? No, we're not on it. Our show is free range. Just Gia Gunn have a family of other guns. Like, is she pro gun? This is my daughter, Confetti and my sister Water. You know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like my daughter. This is my brother Glock in my. In my sister. AR15.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is my. My and my. My son Desert Eagle. You know Desert Eagle?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What's that 50 caliber handgun.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, we got new headphones.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Beretta. That's the girl's name.

[Trixie Mattel]

In what neighborhood? Girl?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The gun. Neighborhood. I'm talking about guns. Is it Beretta?

[Trixie Mattel]

Confetti gun? Water gun? Squirt gun.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, James gun.

[Trixie Mattel]

Gia guns. Porn studio squirt gun. Hell yeah. No. You ready for squirt gun? The dolls are. The dolls.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The dolls are wet.

[Trixie Mattel]

I see that bitch on TikTok live all the time.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay, I don't go on TikTok. Is she shaking her titties and showing her pussy? No, spreading them lips.

[Trixie Mattel]

She always looks great. She's got the good front lighting. She really is quite beautiful. And she just talks to what I perceive to be other people on live. They just talk.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I did catch a glimpse of. Maybe I'm remembering this wrong, but she was asked, which do you like better, me or you? And then she said, I like them both either equally.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, you know, I like her too.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I like her too.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, she's iconic.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's iconic.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I cannot believe. I mean, I'll never forget her Looking over to me, the non sequitur. Do. Do you believe in milk and cookies?

[Trixie Mattel]

Maybe it was a non sequitur. Maybe you don't know what it means. Maybe it's. Is that a street drug?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, it was. It was apropos of nothing. We were silent in the. In the. In the taxi for, like, five minutes. She's like, do you believe in milk and cookies?

[Trixie Mattel]

It was just like you said, let's take a break. And you just got out of the car on the freeway.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Dropped in rollbacks and Brazil.

[Trixie Mattel]

We need to. Okay, normalize. Jumping out of cars on the freeway. Let's have that conversation. Hope this helps.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Drag isn't dangerous. Well, getting dragged is dangerous. Dragged by a semi.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ooh, that's not. Wait, I have a snack.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A what? Okay. Or the land. Wait. This is the greatest job in the world. In the greatest country in the world. Oh, say, can you see. Where did you get there? Pop Rocks?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no. Oh, okay, so this is not an ad. This is not a paid ad. Oh, this is not a paid ad. We do ads with Thrive, right? They send fabulous snacks. This is so delicious.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. I can't wait.

[Trixie Mattel]

All natural and 50 calories. I tried it last night, and I.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Was like, what is it?

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, they're called organic fruit circles. Super sunny strawberry made with mango, apple, strawberry, and natural flavors. Peel and eat fruit leather. Don't let that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My mouth is watering. My mouth is watering.

[Trixie Mattel]

Try one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My mouth is watering.

[Trixie Mattel]

The whole pack is 50 calories.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That is not a selling point for me. I Wish it was 500 calories.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, those of us who on a molecular level are living hoarders. Buried alive, we need to operate in a calorie deficit. Just got your nails done. It's really funny to walk around and tell people you just get your nails done and you didn't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Still wet and they're dirty.

[Trixie Mattel]

I literally brought this from home for you to try. Okay, so it kind of unrolls, but it's good, girl. They're delicious.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let there. For the listeners on the 101. This looks like a sheet of dookies.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, it looks like condoms. Like condoms when they used to come in the sheet.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It looks like condoms that they sell in Germany at the clubs.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's all natural. RFK doesn't want us putting color and stuff. Pretty good, right? I mean, it's health food. You don't like it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I don't want to chew because they'll get mad at me. Oh, the verdict.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Love it.

[Trixie Mattel]

They're good, right? Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'll take.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'll take half of those.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, I tried it last night.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's Body of Christ. Body of Christ.

[Trixie Mattel]

I just love it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But there could be. Oh, my God. This could be so. You could have a lot of fun with these. Lot of fun with these.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was just in shock.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Body of Christ. You could do communion, role play. You could also do barely any sugars, coins over the eyes.

[Trixie Mattel]

All natural. All the ingredients are just fruit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Anyway, you know, Thrive market. I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Not enough in here.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, they're 50 calories. They're for people trying to, you know, kind of snack on the safe side. And, you know, for somebody like me, I'm going to be snacking. So this is needle exchange. This is harm reduction. This is just anything to keep me off the streets. You know what I mean? Because when I take that edible and walk into my kitchen, it's you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's. It's.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's a wrap. It's. I want the world. I want the whole world. It's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He's got the whole kitchen in his mouth.

[Trixie Mattel]

Willy Wonka. If it was Gene Wilder and it was only one child, and that child was. It was a fat cunt. That's me snacking. Okay, that's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You don't make a lot of snack in your life, do you, snack girl?

[Trixie Mattel]

I'd be snackrificing left and right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay, wait, wait, wait. I got to tell you about something. I got to tell you about something. I got to tell you about something that I love.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a movie. Have you seen Predator?

[Trixie Mattel]

Badlands?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I hope we didn't talk about this. Please tell me we didn't talk about this.

[Trixie Mattel]

Predator. Badlands.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Predator.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So Predator, you're familiar with the Predator franchise?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I'm trapped.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait, what is. What did she say when she's like, I'm empty inside. Wait, no.

[Trixie Mattel]

Something.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't feel good.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah. I don't feel good. Yeah. It's like I'm empty inside. I'm a husk. I can't feel my hands. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Oh, it's like when men are from Mars, women are from whatever. Who cares?

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Men are from Mars. I don't feel good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, men are from Mars and women want their penis. I don't. Am I right? I don't feel good or something. That's what it is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's so damn good.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's really great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Again, I'm going to say it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Again.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm saying it. Say it again. If you haven't Watched any of her specials. Go do it now. Especially Roadshow. Just look it up on itunes or Spotify or whatever, and you will get your life.

[Trixie Mattel]

She came to one of my shows at Ireland or something. It was my first show back after Covid. Hadn't been in drag on stage since beginning of COVID because I didn't do. I didn't do car stand up. Remember when all the comics were at the. We're at the parking lots.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, we saw that drag show.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you know what? I think it was probably like. It was probably like doing a show for, like, Stephen King, Christine, like, all these cars as people, Pixar cars. Do you know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't.

[Trixie Mattel]

The cars were the people in the audience. And like, I think when there was laughter, they, like, flashed the lights or hung out the horns. I don't know what they did.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They weren't on the. The roofs of the car. They were inside the car, in the cars. No, that's not for me.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm not. I've been to a drive in. I went to a double feature of Silence of Lambs and then Red Dragon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And I saw Alaska there. This was like, few years ago. And I learned that sitting in a car wasn't for me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, it depends on what kind of car you got, because we can sit at home. We sure can. But then you're not part of. You're part of an outside automotive community.

[Trixie Mattel]

But not outside the car. And also, like, we're in. Is this Pleasantville and we're necking.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You got jerking off.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You got to have someone to neck. You got to have tons of snacks in the trunk. You got to have, like a huge bottle of whiskey. And then you got to, like, you got to do some crime, right.

[Trixie Mattel]

And it was a huge line for food. And that. That. That really is hard for me too.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You load up that trunk with snacks.

[Trixie Mattel]

I want to cut the line at any food place and turn to the whole line and go, I'm hungry. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, if I don't eat, I'll die, Right. Do you want blood on your hands?

[Trixie Mattel]

Went to my rheumatologist yesterday. She goes. Gained a little weight. And I. And I hadn't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Remind me of what rheumatology is again.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think it's the study of, like, immune. Im. Like, immune systems.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think. I don't know. It's not awful. I go to see her all the time. Don't even know what she does.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Systematic autoimmune condition.

[Trixie Mattel]

Autoimmune conditions like arthritis okay. She's like, you put on a little weight. I was like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is it. But that's just. But she was like.

[Trixie Mattel]

I feel like when you. She was like, didn't you start out? She was like. You were like, 170. And I was like, yeah. When I first came here, when I was, like, very ill. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then time has elapsed and gotten a little better.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Now you look healthy.

[Trixie Mattel]

She didn't mean it shady.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, of course.

[Trixie Mattel]

But my ears can't hear that. Right. What's the. What's the unalive version of that? Like, you don't say killed. You say unalive, you fat so you're less light.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So. So you blow up, you fatty. No, no, no, no. Oh, so you. Oh, I see what you mean.

[Trixie Mattel]

So you're less small.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No. What's, like, the euphemism? Oh, gosh.

[Trixie Mattel]

So.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know. It's like. So there were pounds that were added.

[Trixie Mattel]

So things are different now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Things are different.

[Trixie Mattel]

Things are different now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So experimenting with a different shape.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're kind of one of those suitcases where there's that second zipper where it can expand. That's me, baby.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you know the Goodyear blimp?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's kind of like you. It's like.

[Trixie Mattel]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you really feel well? I mean.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think you look great, but that doesn't.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank you. That's. That's not what I was fishing for.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's all that matters.

[Trixie Mattel]

20, 26. We're not gonna have adversarial relationships with our own bodies. Get over it. Not get over it, but get over it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Get over it. Yeah, get over it. Stop the insanity. Get over it. Grease up a watermelon, throw it in the pool. Same as Sedarius.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay. Predators. Mary, what's going on?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Andrew's best friend, Elle Fanning. So this motherfucker, this bitch, this woman. Excuse me. This lovely young lady, she yanked this off so bad. So the movie takes place. It stars a Predator. So it's the first kind of, like, one of these movies that takes, like, the main character is an actual predator. He's not the villain. So it starts off on the. The Predator's Planet. Crazy things going on. Like, the dad is trying to. The brother's trying to kill him. And because they call their weak, so they fight and they, you know, if you're weak, you get killed. Oh, yeah. Vicious.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is this, like, part of the Predator franchise? Okay, I watched the Native American one. Prey. I watched that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you love it? I loved It.

[Trixie Mattel]

I loved it. I had no idea it was gonna be a Predator movie.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, me neither. This is the same director, I think. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Could you look in the camera and say that you love Predator?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love predators. Especially the movies. Not sexual. So anyways, Mary, the world building, the vfx. And Alf Fanning plays a synthetic robot. Who else?

[Trixie Mattel]

Queen. I fucking love Elle Fanning, though, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ms. Fanning takes this role and she. She just wraps it around everybody's testes until they turn blue and then she kicks them.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm so fucking wet for her. In Hunger Games, she's playing a young Effie trinket.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Fabulous. Well, get this.

[Trixie Mattel]

She.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why have one? We can have two. Twice the price. She plays two synths in this one, Thea and Tessa. And one of them is the first one. She's only got half a body, a torso for most of the first part of the movie. And the Predator carries her around like a backpack because she knows how to. Like, he crash lands on this planet. That is so fucking dangerous, Mary. It's so stressful. Every moment somebody's trying to kill him.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's called Predator. How do I look it up at home? Predator. What?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Predator. Badlands.

[Trixie Mattel]

Badlands. Okay, I'm gonna watch it, Mary.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It is pulse pounding action from start to finish. And I cried.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Once we get into. Because Thea. So her name is Thea, the synthesis. And Elle Fanning is like, oh, you know, Tessa, she's gonna come back for me. Or she. She's hoping she's not dead, but she gets reprogrammed and she turns a little evil. And ooh, girl. She like does the parent trap, acting with herself thing and it's cunty.

[Trixie Mattel]

I can't believe that this is how, you know I'm not a real actor. She's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What do you mean? What?

[Trixie Mattel]

Like when people play a twin and talk to themselves the way I could never. I can barely learn lines for one person.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You absolutely. Could you just do Swedish.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God. One of my dreams. Remember when we were doing Trixie and Katya live? One of my dreams was to do a swap night where we do each other's parts.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Could we try it right now?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I don't remember any of it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't think I do either.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

No, wait.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'd be like, well, we're doing a good job already.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no, wait. No. Hello.

[Trixie Mattel]

Killed it. Really killed it. That's you at the beginning is me. Yes. Welcome to the Trixie and Katya something. Something spectacular.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, and then somebody give. Then you get the card?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, welcome to the. To the poopy and the peepee and the. Yeah, it's sad.

[Trixie Mattel]

Has beens. We're has beens.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Never worse.

[Trixie Mattel]

They gotta keep us off the road. I just listened to this pod, our pod today, and I was saying I miss doing that tour. And everyone in this room booed me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We booed you out of the room.

[Trixie Mattel]

And I was in the car going, shut up. Like, I was like, what are you talking about?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's having food.

[Trixie Mattel]

Bag it. Sit in your chair, talk to your friend and go home.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But put your fucking lobster bib on and just crack those shells.

[Trixie Mattel]

The plastic lobster bibs that say, let's get cracking. That's sick. And you know what they be calling Crayfish? Mud bugs. Is that right? Mud bugs.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Crawdads. Crawdad buds.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think in the south they call them mud bugs.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's disgusting. That is truly vile. Well, they should call them lobsters. They should call them water rats.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you like. You know, even in living in Boston, you didn't do like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No. I mean.

[Trixie Mattel]

Nope.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't like any secret.

[Trixie Mattel]

Seafood is sick.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think seafood is mostly disgusting. I will with a lovely prepared salmon, though.

[Trixie Mattel]

And also, how much of the world is water? Leave them alone. We don't need to be eating them. Maybe. Wait, is that xenophobic?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's not xenophobic. It's just that many of many cultures do, like, rely. Right, you know, countries and stuff.

[Trixie Mattel]

But also I'm a vegetarian, so I'm like, leave all the animals alone.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Eat the fruit. Fruit. The fruit leather.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Give me those brown dots. Give me my brown dots.

[Trixie Mattel]

This. Can I tell you, this is exactly the same color of my nipples.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I have, like, I'm telling you, nipple covers. You want to, like, avoid censorship under your brown dress, Your. Your sheer brown dress when you go to the Golden Globes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank you. Yep. Oh, my God. Yesterday we filmed a video for my YouTube channel where we look at all your drag looks from Drag Race. Really educational, really fun.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you get my little note?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes, I did.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

I noticed this through line. I said, wait, didn't Alaska do something where she had words being spelled out on her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That was on Drag Race. No. What do you mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

Like in the work you're doing like one letter a day.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

She was narrative.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, her name.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Just in case you forget it. I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She had a lot of. She was very.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Anyways.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, the trick, the truth is she's unforgettable. Who would forget Alaska.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Certainly nobody who was on that season, I'll tell you that much. And also, I was. When I was thinking about you doing that critique, I was like, oh, man. I was like, what's my worst. What's my least favorite outfit? I was like, oh, there are some real stinkers. Yeah, it's like half and half.

[Trixie Mattel]

We talked about it, the video, like, it's possible to critique this drag and really like that person's drag and like them and think they're amazing. We can talk about these clothes explicitly, and that's okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Of course.

[Trixie Mattel]

H and M prairie dresses with black jelly sandals.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let's talk about that. I love as a performance outfit. That wasn't a Runway outfit, you know, that was like a cherry. The cherry bomb outfit.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I wouldn't count that as a. As a look.

[Trixie Mattel]

I wouldn't count it as a look either, honestly.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, I am. The way I was able to dodge so many bullets.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, my future drag, horrible. My Princess Diana rotten.

[Trixie Mattel]

And your final look, crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, just so bad. You know, I would have done my future of drag one if I had. Oh, I. I really, really know what I would do. I really know what I would do, Gal. I really know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's take a break. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Hungry Root. I have to tell you, I think that I just watched that Susan Powder documentary, and she said, don't eat foods that you can't pronounce. And I know that's maybe unrealistic, but it honestly inspired me to be like, simpler, simpler, simpler. Game changing, but simple. You know, I want to reach goals. I want to reduce stress. I want to save time. But can I do it in a healthy way? And I think I can with Hungry Root. Hungry Root plans all your meals for the week. It fills your cart, delivers everything you need to eat healthy every day while fitting in your goals, your dietary preferences, and your budget. My favorite recipe I recently tried. I tried this veggie skillet with tofu. And, you know, I took me a lot of years to get semi good at tofu. But I will say every time I try a new recipe with tofu, I learn more, and I take that information with me. You know, Hungry Root makes it incredibly easy to get going and actually stick with it if your New Year's resolution is to start fresh with healthy eating. I do feel like most resolutions die out at the top of the year. February, March. But Hungry Root makes it really easy to stay on track so you can get your goals going and what if you dramatically kept them through February, March and beyond? Who knows? I have to say, you guys know I'm not an imaginative eater. I'm not an adventurous eater. But as a vegetarian, sometimes you gotta push yourself a little bit. And what I love about Hungerroot is there's gonna be a few elements of a meal that I remember or recognize or I've tried before, but I'm gonna get to try it in a new way. You're gonna love Hungryroot as much as I do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box plus a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com bald and use the code bald. That's hungryroot.com bald code bald and get your first box and a free item of your choice for life.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Friends, Romans, country Days. Take a breath. Look around this imaginary auditorium. A beautiful, brilliant, perpetually single souls. I want you to hear this clearly and perhaps for the first time of your life. You are not broken, you are not behind, and you are absolutely not alone. February, that month of manufactured capitalist love, can make it feel like everyone else cracked some secret code to love while you somehow missed the memo. There are flowers everywhere, candy hearts shouting nonsense in the aisles of CVS stuffed animals with better dating prospects than half the people at my bingo slash speed dating night at the Knights of Columbus on Wilshire. But here's the truth spoken loudly and with joy. Whether you are married, dating, single in a situationship, or some other new relationship definition that will be invented next week, all of us are still just figuring it out, including me. That's where therapy comes in. Not because something is wrong with you, but because something inside you deserves care. Therapy can help you see what is weighing your heart down, what pressure you've been carrying around, and how to gently set some of it down. It can help you understand what you want, what you need, and how to stop treating your love life like a referendum on your worth from your judgmental aunt. BetterHelp makes this possible with fully licensed therapists in the US who follow a strict code of conduct and they do the matching work for you so you can focus on growing. With over 30,000 therapists, more than 6 million people served, and an average rating of 4.9 out of 5. This works because people do the work. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences and our 12 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment rate means that we typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from our tailored recommendations. So if you're single and tired of being hard on yourself, let this be the moment you choose compassion. You aren't late, Barbara. You're right on time. Your epic story is just starting to unfold. And therapy can help you walk forward with lighter shoulders, clearer eyes, and a sincere feeling of hope and optimism that finally feels like it belongs to you. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] bald. That's betterhelp.com bald. I would, I would, I would. I would really do a nice job.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay. It would be like next time.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

When you do Canada versus Kuwait or whatever they're doing now, like, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Laos versus Bangladesh.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Or like Cleveland versus Pittsburgh, Siberia versus.

[Trixie Mattel]

Paduka versus the world.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Kamchatka versus, like, they needed to rebrand that.

[Trixie Mattel]

We don't need to be encouraging international conflict in this, our year, 2026.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you very much. Why can't we work together?

[Trixie Mattel]

We're already doing USA versus the world in the world.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Thank you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you. How about. How about USA plus the world?

[Trixie Mattel]

Think inclusive.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Thank you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How about USA loves the world.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If you can't love the usa, how are you going to love the world?

[Trixie Mattel]

Now drive that down to Fiorucci Boulevard.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. What was your favorite look of mine?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, well, you have to watch the video and find out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm not going to watch it.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

I don't have YouTube.

[Trixie Mattel]

Pretty. Oh, I mean, there were some great ones. Honestly. The original wrote you look. I was like, this is peak Katya. It's like a lot of coverage. The body looks great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We could have been a little fuller. Of course.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. But after the Brooke Hogan wig, after seeing a black Although three times, I was just happy that we were kind of expanding up and outward.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And those vanity laces. Sure. Did they. Oh, man. That drag race lighting and those vanity laces.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I really liked my. I borrowed a lot of. I really liked.

[Trixie Mattel]

Explains the fit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Shut up. I really liked my, like, very. I know it's kind of casual for a look, but like the 80s jacket with the shorts and the. And the things for the stand up comedy challenge.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I thought it was really pretty.

[Trixie Mattel]

The only thing I don't like was the necklace.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I don't remember the necklace.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was like, wearing long hair with a full collar. With a necklace. We have no neck. Like, I, I would have loved more of like, just a. I don't remember.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The necklace, but the necklace that necklace. The only thing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Are you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait, one last thing. I love the Mugler look. The only thing I really regret not doing is attaching the stirrups underneath.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That was a big. That's all I see when I look at that look now, the baggy pants, because they. They should be a little more. Not so. Not so baggy, you know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

For the Mugler. Yeah. For the Muggler.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

God, I love that look. I felt so pussy. I knew it was so ugly. And RuPaul's like, this is so wrong. It's so ugly.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

It's great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Anyways, enough about me.

[Trixie Mattel]

Enough about you. Thank God. What kind of shirt you got on today? Oh, I just shoved a nuke up my pussy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, a little. Maybe a little too on the nose, considering current events. Oh. But listen, I volunteer as tribute. If we're going to go into World War three with nuclear weapons, shove one.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right up in this pussy, it could happen. Are you watching Fallout?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I already watched it. I watched it years ago.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, it's season two now, so it's a series. And so it continues.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Get the fuck out of.

[Trixie Mattel]

Who?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why did you tell me we're on.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, episode five, but I've been replaying.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hold on. Tell me, how does it begin? Because I know where it left off.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, so it starts with those same people kind of continuing the story from season one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay, could you be more specific?

[Trixie Mattel]

But they're going to New Vegas.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can you be more specific?

[Trixie Mattel]

They're going to New Vegas, which is, like, basically, spoiler. In the second season, they find out that, like, there was enough power in Vegas that when the bombs dropped, Vegas was protected. So the person who was rich enough to basically control Vegas protected Vegas. And Vegas is now, like, this thriving economy of, like, buildings still standing and stuff. And so they're going there because ultimately, they're looking for the ghoul, looking for his wife and his son, of course. Daughter.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Daughter.

[Trixie Mattel]

Daughter. Daughter, yeah. So Walton Goddard. I'm not sure what's gonna happen. I mean, I'm playing replaying Fallout 4. I've played it, like, three times. And I played New Vegas three times.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I played 612 times.

[Trixie Mattel]

Fallout 3 twice. But Fallout 4 is in Boston, which I love.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, really?

[Trixie Mattel]

It's so Boston. There's a Boston Commons.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God. Is there public gardens? Is there Bay Village?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is it the Zakum Bridge?

[Trixie Mattel]

Lexington.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Lexington is there.

[Trixie Mattel]

Lexington.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's a suburb. It's not Boston, but yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yes. And some of it, it's like, let's say it's not the Wang Theater. It'll be like the Wing Theater. Like, for copyright reasons, I think. It's not the same thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The Ernie Bonk Jr. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And the neighborhoods are all abbreviated, obviously, but, like, it looks so much like Boston. It's crazy. And I'm playing through it and I have a really hard time. I know that video games are fake. I. I know these people aren't real. But in any game where you could be bad or good, I can't be bad. I can't shoot and kill people. I'm always trying to minim. I'm such a me in the game. I'm trying to, like. Can't we all just deescalate the situation where, like, I feel like that's wonderful, but I feel like you should play video games and be a whole new person. Like, you could be really sweet in the real world and then be like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yeah, exercise all your. All your.

[Trixie Mattel]

My aggression.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know I do that in the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Car by running people over, right? No, no, no. I mean, that's a really good point. Do you think that it's.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't think I have a hard time. I. Like, we'll turn off the game and feel bad about who I killed in the game. What is that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't think it's a very. I don't think it's a. Probably, my guess, not an effective way to cope with aggression. Not a good outlet.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I mean, I. I think for me, it satiates the feeling of, like, finishing a game always feels like finishing a puzzle. Like I'm slowly putting something back in order. I love that. And in the game, I forgot about this. But in the beginning of the game, there's no nuclear blast. And then the bombs are coming, so you run to a shelter, you and your wife and your wife with your baby. You go to your pods to go to sleep.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, Gay.

[Trixie Mattel]

You can be the girl and have a husband, but no Gay, because they have a baby. How would they have a baby? Woke. Thanks. Woke. Back in my day, it was me. It was we and she. What is it? Me and she.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was we, she and Kathy Lee.

[Trixie Mattel]

Kathy Lee. Yep. None of this. What does Mistress call it? None of this. He, she, we, the she.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

He, she, they. Yeah. He, she, we, the. The. Them vegetarians. That's what she says. So the game starts with you going into your sleep pod to wait for after the blast.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then you wake up early and your wife's pod gets snatched open. She gets shot. Pop Point blank. And they steal your baby. So the whole game is you trying to find your baby.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

My baby.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They shot my wife and took my baby.

[Trixie Mattel]

And one of the things they talk about in the game is, my baby took my baby. So one of the factions, right, in these games is, like, all these different people. You can help or not help or whatever. This is an ethical question. In the game, Synths, which are, like, pe. Fake. Pe. Not fake people. Robots that are so realistic that they don't even know that they're fake.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, that's the same in the name.

[Trixie Mattel]

But they're not born. But they're synthetic people. Like, built. So real.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

In the game, it's like the ethics of, like, are these machines, Are they people? Do we have a right to, like, abduct them and wait. Their memory, etc. Or are these people.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're not people.

[Trixie Mattel]

I. I guess I would be some person who's like, don't talk down to my air fryer. I guess I, like, have too much.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I. I don't think that. I. I think that. So, for example, if my mom and a synth are in a burning building, I'm getting the synth.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, but, like, what if your mom's a synth? My mom is not a synth, because my mom is.

[Trixie Mattel]

What if she is? Oh, no, no, no.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay, so that's not possible in this world.

[Trixie Mattel]

What if you are. What if you found out you were?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, well, then that's different.

[Trixie Mattel]

Would you want people to, like, abduct you and wipe your brain? Or would you want. Would you feel like, hey, because I feel like I'm a person. I have rights.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, that's a different. I was. I thought you were talking about how we view the other as a synth, but you're talking about if you become aware, because these synths don't even. They're so realistic, they don't even know that they're robots. How. Well, then that's a whole. That's another.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

That's conundrum.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, people are getting abducted, let's say, by the Institute, it's called. They're abducting you because. Let's say they want to use your body for science.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

For sex. Yeah, for you.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, science. When they replace you with a version of you so real that no one knows. And you yourself, the Synth of you thinks it's been you the whole time.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like that Infinity Pool movie.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, I think. Well, whatever. Real or not, I'm not. I'm not Graping that synth. I'm not beating that synth up. I'm taking that synth to a nice steak dinner, right? Maybe I have to eat the whole thing. Maybe she doesn't eat anything.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm getting some Martinelli's and we're gonna go home and watch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's gonna get some Castro Syntech mortar oil in a nice little martini glass. I'll have a virgin daiquiri. And then, you know, right, you gotta watch. You gotta watch Predator Badlands.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm gonna watch it. You gotta catch up on Fallout then.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Are you kidding me?

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm gonna go.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm gonna go fucking goon out to that shit tonight.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, I mean, my arthritis has been really bad, so I've been playing real quick, six to eight hours a night video games. Probably real, like a crazy person.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait, wait, is that bad?

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

I mean, I would imagine maybe like.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, if I exercise first in the morning and I work all day, I'm like, who cares what I do? If you laid and watch TV for eight hours, no one would say anything. But if you play video games for eight hours, people act like you're crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I. I disagree. That's an active activity. I think it's. I think tv.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think sometimes TV and movies is boring.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I. I mean, I agree. I don't. I don't think video games are the same thing as TV is at all.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because you're act. You're like literally actively you're playing a game.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're not just. And you're not on your phone.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're not on your phone.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's the one thing about video games that I really, really, really love. You can't be on your phone, play a video game. Yeah, I mean, you could play a video game on your phone.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm never on my phone. Honestly, Mary, something bad happened to me to where I just don't use phones anymore.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

2026 is about not going on X anymore. And I'm not talking about Twitter because I've finally reconciled the fact that it is X.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because the past few days I've gone on there these porn. No, no, no. The posts that I've seen are targeted ads. No, no, no. It's. It's just. It's either vile absurdity, me like throbbing boner eroticism. You. No, no, no. Like, it's just a bunch of shit makes me depressed.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's stupid. It's not like world events that keep me like up to date. It's like shitty people doing shitty things, stupid people posting stupid Crap. Stuff that's not true, stuff that's outdated. It's all bullshit. And it makes me so depressed.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Depressed.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

And that's what I honestly have been kind of grappling with. You and I are tech. I mean, are we, Are we content creators? I guess we are.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Trixie Mattel]

I am at least.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But you're. That's one of your jobs.

[Trixie Mattel]

But lately I found it a lot easier if I was like on the Internet all day to. I don't know, like, lately I put the phone down, don't look at it all day.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Forget to post for days at a time. Don't post anything. I'm living life.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. I don't want to know about the David Beckham, the Romeo Beckham and Nicola thing. Feud. But I do. And, and I. And I'm like. And I have opinions about it and I don't want to have opinions about it. You know, I don't want it like it's stupid crap like that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, where like it's just taking up space where I could literally have just looked out at. At the sunset or like literally just jerked off.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Honestly, anything.

[Trixie Mattel]

Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by ro. So I have to talk to you about something. There are a lot of potential benefits to GLP1s and I follow this comedian. I don't want to out them, but this is this guy comedian who I love. He was talking about his journey being on a GLP1 and he made it so funny and so personal. I just was like, wow, that we. It's kind of nice to hear, you know, like, I live in Los Angeles. GLP1s hit the airwaves for us like probably five years ago when everyone was. And it's nice to hear people's normal journey toward a better self using GLP1s. There are a lot of benefits of starting a GLP1 weight loss journey over on RO. 100% online care, access to clinically proven FDA approved medications, free insurance check, side effect management, dosing support, and so much more. The new GLP1 has the same weight loss ingredient as the shot and packs comparable results to the shot. It's a pill for weight loss at the lowest cost around. I mean, imagine if you're eating healthy and exercising, how this really could recombobulate a whole new you. The new FDA approved GLP1 pill is available at $149 for the first do in addition to your RO membership fee and 299, $299 a month. For higher doses, RO offers the lowest cost GLP1s, whether you're using insurance or paying cash. You guys, I know so many people on GLP1s. Many of them maybe aren't. Let's say they're not shouting it from rooftops, but they're not secretive about it. And it's been really interesting to have friends around me who are on it, who are so open with what it's like, and it really, like, demystified it for me. Go to Ro Co Bald to see if you're eligible for the new GLP1 pill on RO. That's RO CO bald. To get started on RO, go to ROE CO Safety for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Olipop, my favorite soda pop. Okay, today we're going to talk about the Olipop Shirley Temple. Now, you guys, where I'm from in Wisconsin, we call Shirley Temple's Kitty Cocktails. So Olipop, if you could send me my own personalized brand of can of Olipop that says Kitty Cocktail, that would be great. I love the taste of a Shirley Temple. As somebody who drinks and then doesn't drink, if you catch me not drinking, I am going to order a Shirley Temple. It makes me feel fancy. I love the cherry vibe. I love the sparkle. And this new flavor is basically Olipop's take on a classic that you remember, but with a brighter, bolder flavor with real ingredients you can feel good about. It supports digestive health, which if you listen to the Bald and the Beautiful, you know that Katya and I talk about that all the time. I'm gonna tell you something that is a part of your body that you take for granted until things aren't going perfect, let me tell you. And it's a flavor, the Shirley Temple, that everybody can feel good about. It's digestive health with real ingredients and less sugar. I also like these sodas because it's real ingredients and way less calories. Way less calories. I have one of these probably every single night for dinner. Get a free can of Olipop. Buy any two cans of Olipop in store and we'll pay you back for one. Works on any flavor, any retailer. Drinkolipop.com bald olipop is sold online, drinkolipop.com and Amazon and available in the soda aisle and with the chilled beverages at thousands of retailers nationwide, including Walmart and Target.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

This Episode is sponsored by 1-800-contacts. Hi, it's me, Katya Zamboni, professional figure skater, Olympic athlete, emotional wreck. Picture this. It's the 2026 Olympics in Milan. Outside the arena, a gentle snow is falling as fans snack on Cacho e Pepe as they wait in line with their tickets. Inside, the lights are blinding as I make my way to the center of the ice. My heart is thumping, the judges are watching intently, and my posterior looks fabulous in my brand new crimson and black sequin outfit as I push off the ice, ready for a quadruple let's into a flying camel spin. Suddenly it hits me. The terror, the cold sweat, the realization that I am on my last pair of contacts. Or worse, I've lost them entirely and must face the judges in my ugly, ancient, crooked glasses from a forgotten drawer in Ohio where I escaped poverty to perform on the biggest stage in sports. How does one spot the landing on a triple toe loop when the world is a watercolor blur? How can I sell the drama of a step sequence when I cannot see my mom weeping for me in the third row? The panic used to own me. Not anymore. Because 1, 800 contacts has my back. For over 30 years, they've been the leader in online contact lens delivery. With over 100 million lenses in stock and fast free shipping straight to my door. I can even renew my prescription from home with their express exam in under 10 minutes. And we're talking real doctors, real prescriptions and zero appointments. They have free returns, free torn lens replacement, a best price guarantee and 247 customer support. So when I take the ice, I see every edge, every judge, every tear. I even see my fiercest competitor trying to make me fall with her mind like some sort of witch. But with 1, 800 contacts, I can ignore her. I can shut out the world. I can leave the panic behind and focus on the gold. Getting contacts doesn't have to be a hassle. Let 1, 800 contacts get you the contact lenses you need right now. Order online at 1-800-contacts.com or download the free 1-800-contacts app today.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you like how I'm like, oh, I'm. I'm. I'm not looking at my. I'm not good at my phone anymore. I'm living my real life. 8 hours of video game playing. I'm.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't. I don't think that's bad.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Sorry.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think it's fun.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

If it's fun, if it makes you happy. Just like Ms. Crow.

[Trixie Mattel]

You don't. What the. The me that I am now wants to play video games, cook my own dinner. Last night I made some delicious, delicious rice with some vegetables that I cooked in a pan.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Fierce.

[Trixie Mattel]

The can of soup.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You better do it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Loved it. You. You know what I did?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I performatively ate another salad in my kitchen. Mugging out 360.

[Trixie Mattel]

To who?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Just, you know, to everyone. To everybody.

[Trixie Mattel]

To the black mold. Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I put it in a giant. I don't got bowls big enough for the salad. I like mama. Cuz when I eat a salad.

[Trixie Mattel]

A soft bucket, it's roughage.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's only three ingredients. The baby arugula, whatever, whatever spring mix, you know, like the pre made stuff. And then there's about £600 of croutons and then a half a gallon of dressing, right? And I have to take my shirt off cause it gets real messy. I just start using my hands.

[Trixie Mattel]

The dressing is the issue. When I worked in the restaurants and people get these salads with. But it's balsamic vinegar, 80% ranch. I said, you better go lay down somewhere, you fucking creature.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, you're about to blow ass on the way home. No, the.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love it though. Ranch. Can I have extra ranch? When I was serving, when people asked for extra ranch, I almost said. And I knew you were gonna ask for it because I knew you were that type of person. You're weird, girl. It's a condiment. The lettuce is not put on the soup. It's not soup.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's not soup. Oh, I see what you mean.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's not. It's not ranch soup with two lettuce leaves, unfortunately. Do you know what I mean? Like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So you want more ranch? Here's your ranch, faggot. No, no, I don't do that. I do balsamic vinaigrette and just a little.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't want wet. Not sopping wet salad, right? You like sopping wet.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, because there's so much crunch with my crouton.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love the croutons.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh man. Just the other day, had no salad, did a bowl of croutons. I swear to God, I did a whole bowl of croutons with the salad dressing, ate it with my fingers and I was heaven.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's keto.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's neato.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know you can make your own croutons?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, I. Yes, I. I actually have. But they were big and kind of, you know, you bake. You know, it's like little garlic bread that you bake.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, also I've been putting saline in your balls.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I want to make a confession. What I was supposed to go get this thing done, and I'm so glad I didn't.

[Trixie Mattel]

What are you talking about?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're gonna laugh. I'm gonna be so embarrassed. But I'm not.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm not gonna embarrass you. I'm not gonna Shame.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I'm gonna. I'm gonna embarrass myself.

[Trixie Mattel]

Shame is a landfill emotion.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's. It was a procedure called.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, whatever it does, the name is an instant no. Like, it's an instant no. But whatever it does, sure. The name is an instant no. I watched this. I was watching a show that was, like, commonly asked questions about this group of people. Right. I forget what it was called, but it was an episode with deaf people, and deaf people were taught, like, people were asking questions they've been afraid to ask. And this person said, what's one of the barriers of being, like, a non hearing person? And this guy was like, Botox. He was like. So much of what we read is, like, lips and emotions. It's like people who look like they're standing in headlights and their mouth is just moving, and I can't tell how they feel about what they're saying.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was like, oh, interesting, interesting.

[Trixie Mattel]

Because, you know, people, when they're using asl, a lot of times it's expressive.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

[Trixie Mattel]

So they were like, I can tell what they're saying, but I can't tell how they feel about it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The deaf must hate Nicole Kidman. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm just kidding.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Just kidding. Love you. Love you, Nicole.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, she truly is the bald in the beautiful.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

I love her so much.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I love Gwyneth Paltrow, too. I love Julia Roberts.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Did you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You didn't watch the Grammy? Not the Grammys. You didn't see the Golden Globes? No, but I know I like abortions. I know I don't either, but Julia Roberts got a standing ovation just for being herself. I know.

[Trixie Mattel]

I said that last episode.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sorry.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's okay. Well, we were nominated for an Audi.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We were nominated for a Golden Globe. Amy took the Ambie.

[Trixie Mattel]

We're nominated for an Ambie Award. It's the podcasting Awards.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What does it stand for?

[Trixie Mattel]

It's the audio content, I believe. Best comedy pod for an Ambi.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Congratulations.

[Trixie Mattel]

And, you know, after that whole Golden Globes fiasco where we didn't get an award even though we weren't nominated, I think that somebody better give us something.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, it's something better. Somebody better not give me something in my dick called box. Let me tell you.

[Trixie Mattel]

What, what is it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So basically it's like. It is a. What it does is kind of like makes your dick like bigger and, and thicker and like also harder. Kind of like gives your, Gives you like a. Makes your dick harder and bigger.

[Trixie Mattel]

Did Andrew put you on this?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is the company you keep?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I swear to God.

[Trixie Mattel]

Porn friends and it's sober people, they get weird.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I swear to God.

[Trixie Mattel]

Some of the sober people need to go back on the pookie because.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, no, no. They just need to go running. They just need to go macrame pottery, you know what I mean? Flower arrangement, anything. Parasailing, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Free climbing, normal sailing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So wait, wait, so it's it, it's an injection and then you gotta pump. I gotta buy a penis pump. And I, and I had the appointment scheduled for one o' clock yesterday.

[Trixie Mattel]

What's the goal?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, like a. So I take like Viagra quite often, you know, I don't have like erectile dysfunction per se, but like I just, when I fuck people, I love to take. It's like I have my little red shoes on when I go on stage. You know what I mean? My little tap shoes when I do my tap dance, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, like a women wear makeup for other women.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like I'm a shepherd. Where's my little bonnet? In my staff, right? You know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I look a little Bo Peep, right? So anyways, I. Mr.

[Trixie Mattel]

Potato Head without the shoes is just a potato.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you. Always saying that. So it basically it's like, you know, it helps with. It gives you a hard big dick, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

And you, you're like, you like this dick and they go. And they look up at you and it's just those ice blue eyes with the bloodshot whites. And you said, are you ready to do this? Looking truly like Freddy Krueger veins up in the eyes?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, but this would, I wouldn't be taken Viagra, do you know? You know, I mean. Oh yeah, whatever.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Anyways, so I, I, I did not want to do it because I felt it was insane.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And it was also quite expensive. But apparently it's effective, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Isn't needles in the penis. And there's some risks to that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, none, of course.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But wait, but this is a doctor, right? It's not like, you know, it's not a Dr. Bob from Florida, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

This is an actual Ms. Orlando.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. This is not like go down to the Go to the alley and take the, you know, jump over the. The puddle and go shimmy down under the grate to go.

[Trixie Mattel]

I need the opposite. I wish I could bake my dick like a Shrinky dink sometimes. Too flopped out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You okay?

[Trixie Mattel]

It's too flopped out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You wish you could what?

[Trixie Mattel]

Bake it like a Shrinky dink because it's too flopped out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That sounds like a wonderful T shirt.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why don't you bake it like a Shrinky dink? Because you are too flopped out. You bitch. You faggoty bitch.

[Trixie Mattel]

Too flopped out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I still don't even understand what you're talking about.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's more for me. Okay, just what I said and I don't know what it means.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Too flopped out. Flopped out.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's flopped out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's flopped out. And you need to. What is it? You need to bake it like.

[Trixie Mattel]

I need to bake it like a Shrinky dink because it's too flopped out. All right. Tired of wearing a holster like it's a gun.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Thank you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I've been having the only breakfast as of late. Cuz.

[Trixie Mattel]

What's the tea?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's that steel cut oatmeal. But baby, I have like a.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

The bowl is so huge and it's so nourishing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you eat it cold?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I. I heat it up on the stove. I cook a whole batch for the week.

[Trixie Mattel]

Uhhuh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then I take a huge clump of it, put it in the. The pot. Heavy or not? Heavy cream.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Light cream.

[Trixie Mattel]

Uhhuh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, heat that shit up so it's nice and hot.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Walnuts, cranberries, blueberries, Chia seeds, brown sugar.

[Trixie Mattel]

Cholula.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Cholula A1, right. And then mayonnaise for sure. Sour cream.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you like mayonnaise?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I hate it. I will never eat it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't care for it either.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't like mayonnaise. I don't like cream sauce. I don't like white sauce. Ranch. I don't like any like French food like Alfredo. None of that.

[Trixie Mattel]

I would. Ranch is sick.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ranch is disgusting.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, in zombies, blue cheese is also so gross in zombie movies where they're trying to see if people are infected and they like scan them and it's like infected. I want to do that with people who have had ranch just in general again. Oh, looks like you had ranch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What about blue cheese dressing?

[Trixie Mattel]

That's still a no. I only like like a light lemony vinaigrette or like a very light balsamic.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Even like Mary. Even A little oil and salt and pepper.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, salt and pepper, you got to start making your own dressing. That's where it's at.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I have.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's the move. Because it's the move. It makes the bottle look gross.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sweetie, I had my. My art teacher in Boston.

[Trixie Mattel]

Her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Her husband is a vin. Owns a goddamn. What do you call it?

[Trixie Mattel]

Olive. A steak escape?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, an olive farm or whatever. Oh, they make their own olive oil is what I'm trying to say. And then they.

[Trixie Mattel]

A vineyard. Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I thought it was like. Is that what it's called?

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think so. Anyways, so this incredible olive oil and then they get these like 50, you know, 50 year old bottles of fucking balsamic vinegar. You just fucking mix that shit together. A little salt and pepper.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

On a toasted baguette, I'd be doing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, what is it? It's like olive oil, lemon or lime from the yard, salt and pepper. And then like a tiny amount of Dijon or a little. Mrs.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Dash.

[Trixie Mattel]

I never had that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's nice.

[Trixie Mattel]

Never had that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mrs.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Dash.

[Trixie Mattel]

The other day, can I tell you what I made? I've been really into cooking. The other day I was at a function and I ate a pizza bagel. Pizza bite. I haven't had one in so long. You know the kind that you put in the oven? The little one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

When pizza's on a bagel, you can.

[Trixie Mattel]

Eat a hockey puck of death.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why was that at a party? Those are so gross.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was what was being offered for breakfast. I'll tell you more in the next episode. Well, it's a good teaser, but I went home and I was like, that wasn't good. But it awakened part of me that wanted it good. And I felt like that woman who's like, my children wanted corn flakes this morning, like so instead of me because. Because I started corn 11. I put pizza ingredients on a store bought. A store bought bagel. And that was me making corn flax cornflakes from scratch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My. My children wanted cornflakes, so I walked to Iowa.

[Trixie Mattel]

My gay friends Jonathan and Jonathan really wanted pizza bagels. So girl, I got the bagels brushed on the oil and the butter and the Italian seasoning. Then the stunning pizza sauce, the Chez.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, the chez.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then chopped up red peppers and tomatoes, put it in the oven.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You broil that shit.

[Trixie Mattel]

You broil it for the last couple.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Minutes, 400 degrees, and then you broil it.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was great. It was really great. I'm sorry. And honestly, I was like, Pizza bagels aren't good enough to not do this. Pizza bites. Are they called pizza bites?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm not sure.

[Trixie Mattel]

Bagel bites. They're just not good enough to not do the real thing. And I love you. Bagel bites. And you can send free bagel bites and.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And bagel bites, I don't like you. So you can off.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right. Do you. You know what I used to love in high school?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What?

[Trixie Mattel]

Tostino pizza rolls. The cheese ones. Oh, my God. They're doing what the bagel bites should have did at the gig with the girls.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I don't know what those are. Tostini.

[Trixie Mattel]

So these little squares. And you can microwave them or put them in the oven and they get hot and they're. The outside is almost like a pie crust tortilla, really flat. A little pouch. Imagine like a little pouch. Like a pillow.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like a pouch.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. And the inside is the cheese and the sauce from the pizza. It's bites of pizza. Pizza bites.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Gotcha.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's great. I don't know if it's high nutrition.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Probably not.

[Trixie Mattel]

And you know what?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is it the same kind of cheese? Like mozzarella cheese? Yeah, it is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. And that Susan powder documentary when she said, don't eat any food. You can't spell, I kind of like. You know what?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's right. How do you spell?

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. I'm a really good speller, though. My diarrhea all the time. Boo.

[Trixie Mattel]

Why do you have diarrhea? I don't know. Oh, you really have diarrhea.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, I'm. I wish I was constipated, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, you don't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I don't. Of course not. But I like. I like it. Every time we want to get like a little rabbit pellet poops.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a nice change.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think we're good. I think we're good. We're good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait. So wait. Final thoughts. Watch Predator Badland. I'm going to watch Fallout Season 2.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then we're both going to watch Primate at the movies together.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm not going to the movies. You're out of your mind. You're out of your mind. You're out of your mind. I weirdly can't bring myself to watch Wicked for good. I watched the first one. Bob the Drag queen told me if I didn't cry watching Wicked, that something's wrong with me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That is patently. That is patently untrue. That is not true. I cried because I. I.

[Trixie Mattel]

No it's wicked.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. Anyways.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But please go watch.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, I will, I will, I will. Bye. Bye, Sam.