A Public Service Announcement for Our Fans with Trixie and Katya

Summary

The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya: "A Public Service Announcement for Our Fans"

Release Date: March 25, 2025

In this episode of "The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya," hosts Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova delve into a range of topics, blending humor with poignant discussions about personal experiences, societal trends, and community issues. Here's a detailed summary capturing the key points, notable quotes, and insightful conversations from the episode.

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1. Scams and Identity Theft Experiences (05:56 -07:09)

Trixie and Katya kick off their discussion by sharing personal encounters with fraudulent activities targeting their bank accounts. Trixie recounts a distressing experience involving a caller named "Amber" who persistently attempted to extract her sensitive information:

• Trixie Mattel (07:09): “Amber. I see you, girl.”

Katya mirrors this experience, detailing how a fake Spectrum representative almost deceived her into revealing her PIN:

• Katya Zamolodchikova (06:11): “I'm a big fan of his too.”

Their stories highlight the pervasive nature of scams and the importance of vigilance in protecting personal data.

2. Gender and Grooming Conversations (11:20 –12:35)

The hosts transition to a humorous yet critical discussion about male grooming trends. They examine the oddity of men trimming their eyelashes to appear less feminine, questioning societal norms around masculinity.

• Katya Zamolodchikova (11:20): “Cut my eyelashes off because hairs brushing debris away from my eye is gay.”

This segment underscores the absurd lengths individuals may go to conform to traditional gender expectations, all while maintaining their signature wit.

3. Pop Culture Reactions (14:05 –16:21)

Trixie and Katya engage with a recent pop culture moment involving Andrew Garfield and Stephen Colbert sharing an unexpected kiss on television. Trixie expresses her bewilderment and amusement over the display:

• Trixie Mattel (15:35): “I got fucking bricked. Bricked.”

Their reactions explore the fluidity of celebrity interactions and challenge conventional perceptions of masculinity and sexuality in the public eye.

4. Transportation Woes in LA (22:18 –24:35)

The conversation shifts to practical matters as the hosts discuss the challenges of navigating Los Angeles. They debate the merits and dangers of riding Vespas and motorcycles in the city’s chaotic traffic.

• Trixie Mattel (23:15): “We're not doing motorcycles in 2025 in Los Angeles.”

Katya agrees, emphasizing the high risks associated with such modes of transport, especially in densely populated urban areas.

5. Airline Fiascos (25:25 –27:26)

Trixie and Katya share their memorable and often humorous experiences with airline services, particularly highlighting JetBlue's "Mint" service. Trixie humorously recalls being overfed during a flight:

• Trixie Mattel (26:00): “I had three breakfasts.”

This segment reflects on the sometimes excessive hospitality efforts by airlines, blending frustration with comedic relief.

6. Celebrity Encounters (28:01 –30:20)

The hosts discuss their strategies and misadventures in spotting and interacting with celebrities. Katya mentions seeing Ludacris at a venue, while Trixie recalls amusing mix-ups with celebrity names.

• Katya Zamolodchikova (28:01): “Scream and lock eyes.”

Their anecdotes highlight the challenges of navigating celebrity culture and the humorous misunderstandings that can ensue.

7. The Decline of Gay Bars and Its Impact (48:00 –55:00)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the emotional impact of the closure of numerous gay bars, particularly in cities like Boston and West Hollywood. Trixie shares her sadness over losing these vital community spaces:

• Katya Zamolodchikova (48:00): “We have the great privilege of having to sometimes enjoy this luxury service where they basically pick you up from your home…”

They lament how these establishments serve as sanctuaries and cultural hubs for the LGBTQ+ community, discussing the various factors contributing to their decline, including economic strains and shifting social dynamics.

8. A Personal Loss and Legacy (57:00 –63:00)

Katya opens up about the tragic loss of her college roommate, Mike Mastroianni, who died in a biking accident. She shares the profound emotional impact his death had on her and the importance of maintaining meaningful relationships:

• Katya Zamolodchikova (57:00): “He was trying to come to your party. He was going to surprise you at your party.”

Trixie supports Katya's narrative, highlighting the value of cherishing friendships and the enduring legacy Mike left behind through a fund supporting male early childhood educators.

9. Merchandise and Light Moments (63:00 onward)

The episode concludes with light-hearted banter about merchandise purchases and playful interactions, showcasing the hosts' ability to balance serious discussions with humor and camaraderie.

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Notable Quotes:

• Trixie Mattel (07:09): “Amber. I see you, girl.”
• Katya Zamolodchikova (11:20): “Cut my eyelashes off because hairs brushing debris away from my eye is gay.”
• Trixie Mattel (15:35): “I got fucking bricked. Bricked.”
• Trixie Mattel (23:15): “We're not doing motorcycles in 2025 in Los Angeles.”
• Trixie Mattel (26:00): “I had three breakfasts.”
• Katya Zamolodchikova (48:00): “We have the great privilege of having to sometimes enjoy this luxury service where they basically pick you up from your home…”

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This episode of "The Bald and the Beautiful" weaves together personal anecdotes, societal critiques, and heartfelt stories, all delivered with Trixie and Katya's trademark humor and candor. Whether discussing the perils of identity theft or mourning the loss of community spaces, the hosts provide listeners with both laughs and moments of reflection.

Transcript

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

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[Trixie Mattel]

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[Guest Speaker]

Billy's got your routine.

[Trixie Mattel]

Shop in store [e-mail] I'm in my boudoir. Hardly a stitch of clothing on gross body is wet, dripping. I'm worried about the floor wet for models. I'm click clacking like Carrie Bradshaw on the computer and I noticed it's not on.

[Guest Speaker]

It's not on a keyboard that's not attached to a computer.

[Trixie Mattel]

A keyboard that's taped to a typewriter.

[Guest Speaker]

And it's not paper, it's toilet paper fed through and you just keep writing.

[Trixie Mattel]

And I noticed something that seems a little suspicious. Suspicious, perhaps even fraudulent. So I, I go. I click like I don't recognize this transaction. We do a little. We flag her. We flag her.

[Guest Speaker]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then not 12 minutes later I get a. I get a phone call from bank of America and they say there is some fraudulent activity on your account. We just want to make sure that these transactions were. Oh shit. So she puts me on hold quite a while actually.

[Guest Speaker]

Kind of a bitch move.

[Trixie Mattel]

No? Hold music.

[Guest Speaker]

I notice you might be being robbed. This is very urgent. Can you hold?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, hold. Would you mind holding? And then. Mom, there was none. That was the first flag. No Michael Buble.

[Guest Speaker]

No, there's that one really sexy one that's like.

[Trixie Mattel]

What about some soft jazz? Where's my Muzak?

[Guest Speaker]

Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Where's the sax? Where's the. So where's the like magic 106.7. Where's the, where's the Michael Bolton where's the how can we be lovers if we can't be friends? Non vocal arrangement, you know, none of that. And then she comes back, she's asking me some more questions. She mentioned. She mentions a transaction that's very large that I don't recognize. I said, oh, that's definitely not me. It's like 500 something. I was like, oh, that's absolutely fraudulent. There's no way. Puts me on hold again. And then she's like, can you verify the last four of your social? I do that. And then can you verify that it's from the last four of the account number? And I. And then I. I said something I don't remember. And she's like, and you're pinned for that number. And I was like, oh, Mary. Oh, Mary Louise. They almost got you, Mary Louise. They were this close. Third hold, girl. Third hold. They put me on hold three times. They almost got me. And I was like, I was not born yesterday. I was born three days ago. I have been scammed, and I will be scammed again, but not on this day.

[Guest Speaker]

Hell, yeah. Spectrum almost got me. What? Spectrum almost got me the same thing. Well, fake Spectrum. Fake Spectrum almost got me. Spectrum. Spectrum. They almost got me up. Up to the point where they were asking for pins to cards.

[Trixie Mattel]

And I went, yeah, nobody will ever ask.

[Guest Speaker]

I consider myself very tech savvy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

For me to come this close to giving that PIN away, I was like, grandma and grandpa are eating out of house and home, sweetie. They're Grandma and Grandpa.

[Trixie Mattel]

They're on the street.

[Guest Speaker]

Their body's been buried.

[Trixie Mattel]

They're on the ice. They're six feet under.

[Guest Speaker]

They're gone very much. Several men have had the way with the dead body.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hello.

[Guest Speaker]

From your grandma.

[Trixie Mattel]

Grandma has been munged to her. Yeah, it's a rap on Ms. Grandma. And I can't believe they almost got me because I was. And I'm like. And I. This is what. This is actually what I. This is the. Where it turned. I said. Because she put me on hold, like, three times. I was like, can I have. What is your name? Amber. She said, nobody's name, Amber. And that's the first red flag. And I. And I said, can I have your direct line just in case we get disconnected? And she said, oh, no, no, you can just call. If you call the customer service line, you can. She. She wouldn't give me her number, right? So I was like, okay, something's up. Something's up with that. And then she asked me for my pin. I said, amber, you go fuck yourself.

[Guest Speaker]

You go fuck yourself. Sometimes I get really high and watch videos of people exposing scammers.

[Trixie Mattel]

I hung up. Guess how many times she called back. Six.

[Guest Speaker]

Fierce.

[Trixie Mattel]

Six times she called back.

[Guest Speaker]

She's aggressive.

[Trixie Mattel]

Fucking time.

[Guest Speaker]

She's trying to make quota.

[Trixie Mattel]

Amber. I see you, girl.

[Guest Speaker]

Girl. She's in lock.

[Trixie Mattel]

Tina.

[Guest Speaker]

She's in his high rise in New Delhi trying to make. Trying to make. Yeah, you know, because, I mean, if you're doing fraud from Another country. It's probably safer.

[Trixie Mattel]

Also, I got on the horn with Romina. Now, that sounds fake, but was real at bank of America. And we had the Kiki of all Kikis.

[Guest Speaker]

Did she say that's been happening a lot?

[Trixie Mattel]

She's. I. I laid out the situation. She's like, oh, girl, that's some fraud. She's like, girl, that's why they tell you.

[Guest Speaker]

They tell you, we. By the way, we will never ask for your pin. Yes, by the way, we will never ask for your. You know.

[Trixie Mattel]

And we joked. I was like. I was. I told her. I gave her the whole download. And she's like. And I was like, that's a lot of effort. Why don't you just get a real job? You're obviously got the girl. You got the can do spirit. You got the can do spirit.

[Guest Speaker]

At that point, just get a job.

[Trixie Mattel]

But you got the follow through. You got the, like. You got the. The gumption. You know what I mean? I'm lazy.

[Guest Speaker]

Do drag.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, get over post Drag race, girl.

[Guest Speaker]

Do drag race. Get the girls. Tie your hair up into a bun. Put a ponytail on there. Get the tall boots from Amazon. Walk in in the swimsuit and fall on the ground. That's what the girls are doing. That's what really gets the girls ki. Ki. Ing up at the gig. And that's what really. Get a pin number. Just make Mama Ru laugh.

[Trixie Mattel]

Get her pin.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm not exactly the Snatch Game police, but I love that the girls now are just dressing up as, like, we have cupid and a scab. We have Cloudy Sky Mary.

[Trixie Mattel]

We got the cloudy sky. We got. We got.

[Guest Speaker]

And we have Alyssa Edwards as Alyssa Edwards.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's just.

[Guest Speaker]

It's random.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like, we got a movie.

[Guest Speaker]

It's fierce.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm a movie girl.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, what we have? A Boston terrier.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, that's too. That's too. That's a thing. Yeah, there's like. We got. It's so Zeus also. Yeah. Oh, Mama. When Zeus is the winner, that's how you know this ship went down.

[Guest Speaker]

It's cunty.

[Trixie Mattel]

I take so much umbrage. I wish. I wish Amber would fraud out the Snatch Game big time. Amber fraud them out, get all their pins.

[Guest Speaker]

I love that you get every. The only real Amber is contestant number eight, Amber Atkins.

[Trixie Mattel]

A L A S E A M.

[Guest Speaker]

A Wisconsin W I S C. Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love, Mama, you can't come for Amber Atkins, but you can come for Amber at Bonk of America.

[Guest Speaker]

Bonk of America. Beat it up. You know what happened When I almost got scammed, it was so, so crazy and wild because I felt so exposed. I was like, oh, my God, Somebody could just be rooting around on my online. Somebody. Somebody tries to log into my, like, PlayStation Network account like, every two days.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, that's. Again. I got six, and this is yesterday. I got six text messages. Your one time passcode is. I'm like, the girls are coming for you. What? For what?

[Guest Speaker]

I was logging in. You owe me money.

[Trixie Mattel]

Damn. It's. It's. It's wild out there. And I don't have a lot. I don't have a lot of money. I been going through it. I got financial troubles. I got troubles of all different kinds. Okay? I got pins. I'm very vulnerable.

[Guest Speaker]

You're on pins and needles. Well, you got pins and needles, honey.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, but I did Google. I got two fact check things to Google. I. I know. I already. I already apologize, but I'd like to further apologize about that Simsia needle. I know it's a very big gauge and it's horrible.

[Guest Speaker]

It's bad.

[Trixie Mattel]

But also, alcohol does not convert to sugar.

[Guest Speaker]

I. I'm still. I think this was, like, a few days ago. I'm still bruised, aren't I?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

This is from, like, five days ago.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's crazy.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, it was bad. It was purple. Looked like I had a grape.

[Trixie Mattel]

But we got to get Bill Nye the Science guy on the alcohol converting to sugar because it doesn't.

[Guest Speaker]

You don't think.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, it doesn't. I guess I'm not a scientist, but.

[Guest Speaker]

Would you do a toxicology report?

[Trixie Mattel]

No. No, they did.

[Guest Speaker]

Who's they?

[Trixie Mattel]

Because I went down. I went and dive in deep because the new set.

[Guest Speaker]

I have to tell you this how this on the Internet. The eyelash dilemma. Men's quest for masculinity sparks debate. A trend has emerged where men are trimming their eyelashes at barbershops to appear less feminine. You know about this? The girls are going eyelashes, and then they take the little buzzer and just cut them off because. Is having eyelashes. I said, fellas, Is having eyelashes gay? What the are people talking about?

[Trixie Mattel]

We're in such a crisis right now. We're in a crisis. We're in a multi. We are in such a confluence of crises.

[Guest Speaker]

Cut my eyelashes off because h. Because hairs brushing debris away from my eye is gay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Switch my wig up. Feel like cheating. What is the line?

[Guest Speaker]

Trimming your eyelashes is. Is less gay than getting done in the ass.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. Trimming your eyelashes is more gay than getting fisted.

[Guest Speaker]

It is.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. It's what I just say the opposite.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Trixie Mattel]

But. But it's crazy. It's. It's.

[Guest Speaker]

It's crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know what the thing is? Long, luscious lashes. Everybody loves that.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's because they are your eyes.

[Guest Speaker]

Love that.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Your eyes, they have a purpose.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sweetie, go to the steps during the. Go to the. The steps of Mongolia during that particularly windy season and see what them no lashes have to say about your vision.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Boop.

[Guest Speaker]

Miss Blind Boots.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, go to it. Go to see the Notebook crying all day with no lashes. Good luck to you.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, I mean, I think it's supposed to keep debris out of the eye. It might also have a shadow of girl. It has a purpose.

[Trixie Mattel]

They got. And also, we wouldn't have Lash commercials without them lashes. Think about that.

[Guest Speaker]

Have you ever been with a man and thought, God, his lashes are just too long. It's weird. No.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'd be like, oh, he's so perfect. He makes a lot of money. He's so interesting. I love everything about him but those long lashes.

[Guest Speaker]

Gross. Yeah, No, I know. I noticed you don't have any lashes. Yeah, I go to the barber shop and they trim them off. What the. And I guarantee. I guarantee that's the type of. Who shaves off all their pubes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, but I don't know.

[Guest Speaker]

The men who shave the pubes need to be shot, I bet.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no. I bet. I don't even think it's that. I think it something so different. I think that they are so disconnected from any, like, logic, reason, whatever. They probably have a bushwhacked asshole caked with dry shit and then shaved pubes. Because that's with no eyelashes. Yeah, with no eyelashes. It doesn't make any sense.

[Guest Speaker]

That's the gateway drug. Pretty soon it's like, no, you have to remove the eye, take the whole ball out. Because having eyes is the future crimes of the future. Surgery is the new sex.

[Trixie Mattel]

I've been to the barber and had an experience of them trimming my eyebrows because they become unruly sometimes. They got like. They're all a whack. They got eyebrows sometimes. They're all whack. They're all bushwhacked, like Martin Van Buren or whatever. And they, like, do the thing and they trim it down, make it look nice. That makes sense. They cut the. They shave off your fucking nasty ear hair. The things that are. You know what I mean? Things of that nature. It's a grooming thing. Taking your lashes off. Why don't they Just chop your dick off. Why don't they give you breasts? It's just. I mean, what are we doing here? It's 20, 25.

[Guest Speaker]

We don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

What are we doing? It's perfect. I think it's cunting.

[Guest Speaker]

I love it. Straight guys are so fucking shook and weird.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't.

[Guest Speaker]

I saw this.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me interrupt. Please, let me interrupt you, because I saw this clip of Andrew Garfield. Was it Andrew Garfield on Colbert? And did you see that clip of them kissing?

[Guest Speaker]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know what the context was, but this is how it came up is like, do you feel. Obviously they were talking about some role, and he was like, do you feel uncomfortable kissing a guy? And Andrew Garfield's like, no, of course not. And then he's like, do you feel comfortable kissing guys? No, not at all. And then they start fucking kissing and.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm sorry, did you get horny?

[Trixie Mattel]

I got fucking bricked. Bricked.

[Guest Speaker]

That's so gross. I Q U E D. You're like one of those.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Guest Speaker]

You're like one of those sad little straight guys who like your two girls kiss. You're like, that's you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes, that is me.

[Guest Speaker]

But also.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, but you know what it was? You know what I witnessed in that moment? You know what went through this little noggin, you know, Walton Goggins.

[Guest Speaker]

What happened?

[Trixie Mattel]

I thought, these are two men who are so comfortable in their identities that they have nothing to lose, that they're going to give a little titillation for the girls.

[Guest Speaker]

Let's take a break.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was cunt. You got to pull up the clip. It was cunt.

[Guest Speaker]

I don't need to watch porn.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm telling you, it was. I know. I know exactly what they were doing, and I know why they were doing it. And they pulled it up really well, and I'm happy they did. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it was hot. It was hot. I'm sorry. It was hot, okay?

[Guest Speaker]

It's just like a nice gesture of, like, no homosexuality, and you had to stick your weird little coiled dick in it and try to make it some.

[Trixie Mattel]

Kind of weird screwduck.

[Guest Speaker]

Try to make it some kind of weird porn experience. You had to just piss all over something so beautiful and normal.

[Trixie Mattel]

I had to drag myself to the room with my corkscrew cock. Yeah. No, I'm like one of those people.

[Guest Speaker]

Who watches two girls chatting in the locker room. And then you're like, oh, it's, it's now they're gonna to turn les for my entertainment.

[Trixie Mattel]

Garfield's col kiss. I'm going to make you watch this. You, you. Here it is.

[Guest Speaker]

Here.

[Trixie Mattel]

Kissing another man. I mean I don't even understand the question.

[Guest Speaker]

Me neither. Me either. Not everybody is but I'm totally comfortable with it too. All right. Just want you to know that at any point during this. And then. That is so funny.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then.

[Guest Speaker]

I would kiss Steven. Love him. Garfil don't really care about but Steven I would kiss.

[Trixie Mattel]

Of course I would. What's his name? Professor Noblet.

[Guest Speaker]

What are you talking about, stranger?

[Trixie Mattel]

The candy. Oh, you know Dr. Colbert. I mean he is. Of course I would kiss him. And I, I, I sometimes confuse.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm a big fan of his.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm a big fan of his too. And I sometimes confuse Andrew Garfield with Eddie Redmayne who I don't care for. But I love Andrew Garfield. I think he's charming. He was. He's always so nicely dressed.

[Guest Speaker]

He kind of chocolate dish.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, I'm not a big fan. I didn't like that Danish girl. That Danish girl?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. A lot of Danish though. Oh, have you ever Danish?

[Trixie Mattel]

Are you kidding me?

[Guest Speaker]

Cunty. There's a.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, wait, wait. There's a girl.

[Guest Speaker]

I love a Danish.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love raspberry blueberry. I don't do cheese.

[Guest Speaker]

But that's one thing about me that you girl. It's just something about Danish girl. I'm not the Danish girl. But I am Danish girl. I'll have a Danish girl girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

In Fargo season five, which I'm desperately trying to get you to get hooked on. There is a character called Danish Graves who is a one eyed lawyer.

[Guest Speaker]

Good for Jennifer Jason Lee. Good. Does she have really one eye? He's got an eye in real life.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no.

[Guest Speaker]

It's problematic. Problematic. If that actor was really committed, they would have snatched their own eye out at the gig.

[Trixie Mattel]

It' doing Daryl Hannah doing Elmet Driver as Danish Grave. Open up the notes, mama. Everybody needs a fierce one eyed lawyer in a Porsche. Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

Yes. Today's Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Lumi. Girl. Let me tell you something. I love touring. I'm on the Solid Pink disco tour right now. Honestly, this tour, it's 90 minutes of DJing plus all the choreography and wig changes and costume changes. And for me it has literally redefined sweating. This is the probably the most I've ever sweat on a tour. Oh, I was just in Australia. It was summer. I was dying. It was so hot. And let me tell you, deodorant quickly becomes not just an armpit situation. Okay? That's all I'm gonna say. Lume is unique and different from any other deodorant because it's whole body deodorant safe to use anywhere on your body. Pits under boobs, thigh folds, belly buttons, butt cracks, vulvas, feet, anywhere, anywhere you might get sweaty. Created by an OB GYN who saw firsthand how normal BO was being misdiagnosed and mischievous treated Number one Whole body deodorant formula clinically proven to block odor all day and control it for up to 72 hours. Not to be gross, but this also keeps my costumes cleaner on stage because if my body is producing less smells, the costumes have less smells. All products are baking soda free and paraben free and pH balanced for safe use below the waist. Choose from a variety of bright scents like lavender, sage, toasted coconut. My favorite was clean tangerine. I like that citrusy stuff. It wakes me up a little bit. I like that. You can also get them in Walmart, Target and any other retailers across the country. But for the best deals go to Lumide Mark Lume's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It's a solid stick deodorant Cream tube deodorant. Two free products of your choice like a mini body wash. Great for travel or deodorant wipes and free shipping and special offer for you listeners. New customers will get 15% off all Lume products with our exclusive code. And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack that equals over 40% off the starter pack. Use code Bald and beautiful for 15% off your first purchase at lumedeodorant.com that's code baldandbeautiful@l u m e d e O-O-R-A-N-T.com Please support the show and tell them we sent you Smell fresher, stay drier and boost your confidence from head to toe with Lumi.

[Trixie Mattel]

This episode is brought to you by Marley Spoon. I know what you're thinking, dear listeners. No, Marley Spoon is not a ska punk band playing covers of 80s songs. But all the lyrics are about Ebenezer Scrooge's dead business partner Jacob Marley who died with a massive collection of antique flatw. It's not even a spoon fronted bluegrass band who covers songs by a certain Jamaican musician named Bob. No, Marley Spoon takes the pressure off mealtime and will give you back something we all free time by eliminating Meal prep time. You can get back those precious minutes and get back to what's really important in your life. Inventing a car powered solely by wheat toast Marley Spoon helps you fast track your way to eating well without all the stress. And with our code bald, you can get up to 27 free meals. That's a veritable cornucopia of delicious meals to comfort you after yet another failed test of your cracked wheat toast mobile. Here's what I love the most about Marley Spoon. It gives you over 100 recipes to choose from each week. We're talking everything from cozy comfort food, like my favorite dinner of last weekend, big batch beef Stroganoff, to lighter options like the salmon and creamy mustard dill sauce Traybake. There's literally something for every mood. Say you're about to watch the journey of Diane Lane in a rundown Italian residence you can enjoy under the Tuscan sun while eating Marley Spoon's Tuscan sheet pan chicken. It felt like a big, tasty hug and came together so quickly. Oh, and the timing couldn't be better. Marley Spoon just launched their new 15 Minute Express recipes. They put three of these on the menu each week. And if you've got a few extra minutes to spare, they have some great 20 minute options, too. Marley Spoon is like having a personal chef who's done all the planning and prepping and you just get to do the fun part. Trust me, your movie nights will thank you this spring. Fast track your way to eating well with Marley spoon. Head to marleyspoon.com offer bald and use code bald for up to 27 free meals. That's right. Up to 27 free meals with Marley Spoon one last time. That's marleyspoon.com offer bald for up to 27 free meals. And make sure you use our promo code bald, so they know we sent you, you know.

[Guest Speaker]

Okay. Can I talk to you about my Vespa?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

We already talk about this.

[Trixie Mattel]

What? Your Vespa.

[Guest Speaker]

So, well, okay. So I thought. I thought to get from my house, I thought, you're such a. I hate you. You're such a ugly. You're such an ugly old.

[Trixie Mattel]

The funny thing is me.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, I know. Drinking and Vesping, probably not you. Yeah. Okay. So anyway, I was talking about.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I'm having a good one.

[Guest Speaker]

Today's fun. Today. I hate it here. I hate this job.

[Trixie Mattel]

This is fun.

[Guest Speaker]

Today I was talking about getting a Vespa because I thought, you know, if I don't want to pull this car out every time I want to Drive the mile and a half to the studio. How fun to have a little Vespa.

[Trixie Mattel]

To run my errand and get flattened by a.

[Guest Speaker]

Well, that's what everyone's saying.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. By a ford Bronco. It's 12 seconds into your journey.

[Guest Speaker]

Also in California need a motorcycle license to have a. So I got how to go to a motorcycle class.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie. No, no, no, no, no, no. We're not doing motorcycles in 2025 in Los Angeles. We're not doing that. We're not doing Vespa.

[Guest Speaker]

It's not motorcycle.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's happy death day.

[Guest Speaker]

You think?

[Trixie Mattel]

I know. It's.

[Guest Speaker]

I mean, I hit something every time I leave the house in the car.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, but you got. You got an enclosure.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, I think motorcycles should be. You know, I said my order of executive orders when I do become president. Green. We got that Green Arrow course that everybody take for four years. No motorcycles, no helicopters, no speedboats. Okay.

[Guest Speaker]

Sure. Why? Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, they're so dangerous. It's just.

[Guest Speaker]

So I thought it'd be fun to have a little Vespa.

[Trixie Mattel]

It is. If you're in Thailand. If you're in Thailand, on Koh Samui, then you have a little. You have a little moped motorbike, because that's how everybody gets around. Yeah. Or you're in India or something. Like, everybody got one. And it's called kind of. It's not super dangerous. You're not going 80 on the highway. And I wasn't going to go 80.

[Guest Speaker]

No, no, no, no.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know, I know, I know. But. But you are going on fucking Hollywood Boulevard or Franklin Ave. And it's like, that is. That's death, mama. That's the Reaper. That's Ms. Grim Reaper coming to get you.

[Guest Speaker]

Well, everybody. Okay, this is the thing. Nobody wants me to fly a plane. Nobody wants me to have a motorcycle.

[Trixie Mattel]

When I was, like, in drunk drive.

[Guest Speaker]

When I was marathon training, nobody wanted me to run on the street. Am I just supposed to lay in my house with sandbags on top of my body and just die like all of you fucking want to hold women back? All right. Why can't I leave the house?

[Trixie Mattel]

You need to put on your wool coat, lock the doors, and say goodbye.

[Guest Speaker]

Meanwhile, in this age in America, the Girl show will put me on an American airline flight. Girl Mama, what's. What's going on? What's the bait and switch?

[Trixie Mattel]

When did the bait and switch start to occur?

[Guest Speaker]

Was an American airline flip over a couple of fucking weeks ago. Do you. Do you remember the other day? When our plane landed and that shit bounced.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sweetie, that was not a graceful exit bounce. Yeah, that was.

[Guest Speaker]

I forgot to talk to you about this. That shit bounced.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was a little suspicious, but we.

[Guest Speaker]

Hit the ground and it sounded like someone record scratching. It was like goop.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think they brought the drink cart a little too much into the cockpit, if you know what I mean.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, I need you to bring the cock into the cockpit.

[Trixie Mattel]

What are you thinking about?

[Guest Speaker]

I'm thinking about a lot. You eating that food on the plane? Yeah, once in a while. It depends what it is. In the morning, sometimes I think the oatmeal on a plane is okay. I'll think sometimes a little pancake or waffle's okay. I don't love an egg on a plane.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no, no, no. There's. So for some reason, when I took JetBlue to Boston from LA, that's the.

[Guest Speaker]

Best flight, the JetBlue.

[Trixie Mattel]

They call it mint.

[Guest Speaker]

Mint.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is that still the thing they do?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, JetBlue mint.

[Trixie Mattel]

I will never forget this breakfast.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, this is huge for you.

[Trixie Mattel]

I will never forget this breakfast. It was delicious. It was more delicious than anything I've ever had on the restaurant scene. And. And it was just wild. But this, this latest trip that we went on between ps, I love you and then the actual flight, Mary, this bitch was fed. She was porked. They like, they would treat me like Hansel and Gretel about to throw me in the oven. They fed me, they calorie, pumped it into my body. I was so satisfied. Did you fly satisfaction before 12 noon? Pumped with calories and food.

[Guest Speaker]

Were you on our flight to Boston? We're on the flight. Same flight to Boston, right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Did you feel like we got fed to the point of explosion?

[Trixie Mattel]

Mama, I'm telling you, I couldn't believe.

[Guest Speaker]

How much food they were.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was like, am I being pushed into an oven by an old witch? After this flight, I felt like, what are you doing? I am. Are we running a marathon? Am I carbon loading?

[Guest Speaker]

Turned to my friend and I was like, are you like, really full? He was like, sweet, yes. He's like, they haven't even brought the entree. Seriously.

[Trixie Mattel]

I like.

[Guest Speaker]

And I thought airline food was supposed to be small and like, never come back.

[Trixie Mattel]

Six course meal on that three hour.

[Guest Speaker]

Flight, that flight attendant was taking her three fingers, taking scoops of the food and feeding it down my throat like.

[Trixie Mattel]

Freddy Krueger with Greta in the Nightmare on Elm Street. Five, four, whatever it was. By the time we landed, I was like, I don't need to eat for a week.

[Guest Speaker]

It was crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was. I didn't even have lunch. I was like, who needs lunch? I just had three breakfasts. It was wild.

[Guest Speaker]

Something.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was very grateful because they were all free. Well.

[Guest Speaker]

Well, yeah. I mean, it's not really free. We kind of paid for it.

[Trixie Mattel]

But that.

[Guest Speaker]

P.S.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love you. I mean, what a luxury. I mean, this is. Of course, I know the listener hates when we talk about rich stuff because it's very unrelatable, but we have the great. We have the great privilege of having to sometimes enjoy this luxury service where they basically pick you up from your home, swaddle you in cashmere, and bring you to the airport and, like, fill you with gorgeous food. And. And. And then my husband was there. You saw him. The man with the beard.

[Guest Speaker]

You love him.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love him.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, we didn't talk about our sighting. Oh, girls, we had a really good celebrity sighting. Girl. We saw Ludacris. We saw Ludacris at the PS Direct.

[Trixie Mattel]

And I.

[Guest Speaker]

Sometimes we see people. I'm like, oh, that's fun. That's fun. That's fun. That's them. Amy Adams or whoever. Dakota Fanning Wilson. He walked in and I. You know. And you know what I do when I see a celebrity? You guys know that when I see them, I say their name and I lock eyes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Scream and lock eyes.

[Guest Speaker]

So you guys are ludicrous.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And I'm Me. I just go ludicrous. Like, just said it. And it made me think of the time that I said I saw Katherine Hahn, and I went, Madeline Kahn.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oof. That's.

[Guest Speaker]

That's. Sometimes I also get the name wrong.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Like Rodney McDowell. Rodney. I mean, I understand it's Andie McDowell plus Roddy McDowell.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, it's Roddy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Margaret Qualley.

[Guest Speaker]

It's Margaret.

[Trixie Mattel]

Rodney, you know, Rodney McDowell. I love you. In the substance, you were so.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, so I saw ludicrous, and I was just like, that's ludicrous. Ludicrous.

[Trixie Mattel]

That is ludicrous.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, I just was that dirty.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is that Red Man?

[Guest Speaker]

Dirty's Red Man.

[Trixie Mattel]

What is ludicrous? Oh, oh. Is on the Missy Elliot track. The gossip, folks. Gossip. What does he say? He's also. What is that trope?

[Guest Speaker]

He's like, three years later.

[Trixie Mattel]

What is. What? What? I don't know. I'm not super familiar with rapping.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, I'll do it for you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Guest Speaker]

Please, hold on.

[Trixie Mattel]

Something, something, something. Oh, ludicrous. It's a misty song. It's not gossip, folks. It's not Gossip, folks. It's another one. It's like One Minute Man. It's One Minute Man.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, sure.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, It's One Minute Man.

[Guest Speaker]

He said, once upon a time in a college park when they live a life fast and they scared of dark oh, there's a lot of n words. Okay, we won't do this. Oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Now what do you think about Duck Now?

[Guest Speaker]

All. Now all around the world on the microphone he leave the booth smelling like Burberry cologne Still riding chrome Got the bitches in the kitchen Never home alone and he's on the grind Please let me know if he's on your mind.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, I love Ludacris. Rotate all tires. What? Ludicrous. Something and rotate all tires.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, check it out.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's on One winning.

[Guest Speaker]

Man. Have you seen that woman who says.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, is that Dee Dee Megadoodoo.

[Guest Speaker]

It's Dee Dee Megadood.

[Trixie Mattel]

Megadoodoo.

[Guest Speaker]

I got another news clipping for you. I think of you all the time. And I know you get sick of me texting you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Don't.

[Guest Speaker]

So this Scarlett Johansson explained why she refuses to take photos with fans. And I just. The way she worded it, first of all, can I just say before I.

[Trixie Mattel]

Read this, you love her.

[Guest Speaker]

I respect. You can take a million photos or zero. I respect the game, all of it. Do whatever you want. It's your life.

[Trixie Mattel]

Absolutely you can. Age is your life.

[Guest Speaker]

It's your life.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like that Bon Jovi song.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

He told it. It's now or never. Vanderpump, you ain't gonna live forever.

[Guest Speaker]

Vanderpump's so famous, and people ask her for photos everywhere we are, all the time. She always takes them. And she.

[Trixie Mattel]

She.

[Guest Speaker]

I know. She doesn't have to. She always does it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Bjork won't take a single one.

[Guest Speaker]

Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

And the most graceful. What do you call that? The most graceful. Not a rejection, but declining. The most graceful decline of a photo I've ever witnessed.

[Guest Speaker]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was incredible.

[Guest Speaker]

I always just do it. Why not? Who cares?

[Trixie Mattel]

It depends on my mood.

[Guest Speaker]

Unless there's a real reason. Like, a real reason. Like, I'm in a super hurry. I won't say happy birthday to Sarah or whatever.

[Trixie Mattel]

Or, like, if I. This. This is the one that always gets the girls, though. When I know, if not think. When I know that I look like shit.

[Guest Speaker]

That. Yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And they're like. But I don't care. It's like, well, sweetie, I care. I don't care that you care. You obviously don't care. I care about how I look. And I'm not fit for public consumption right now.

[Guest Speaker]

So if we're gonna wait for you to look good to take pictures, you also don't take pictures, honey. It's gonna be so she says it really offends a lot of people. It doesn't mean I'm not appreciative, of course, that people are. Fans are happy to see me. But I always say to people, I'm not working, and that means I don't want to be identified as being in this time and place with you. I just thought it was phrased so crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't want to identify as your friends. Right.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, so I just thought it was so crazy because everything leading up to it was so, like almost Miss America. So she goes, but I always say to people, I'm not working. And I went, that's a good way to put it. I don't want to be identified as being in this time and place with you. That sounds like Tokyo Tony or something.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's so, like, round the way. The thing is that I have endless gratitude for being a public figure. However, in these moments, I choose to decline the photos because you are a piece of shit.

[Guest Speaker]

So then she says, I don't want to be identified as being in this time and place with you. Which is what I'm going to say every time I leave the room.

[Trixie Mattel]

Now, that's the big use, this, Sarah. I can no longer be in this time and place.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm either saying, I don't want to be in this time of place with you. Happy birthday, Sarah, or Shaka Khan and I'm getting out of here. Okay. So then she says, I'm doing my own thing. I like to be in my own thoughts and have nothing to do with other. That I'm. Hold on. I like to be in my own thoughts and have nothing to do with what other people think of me. Me. I don't like that. I don't like to be self conscious.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. She. And also famously, she recently refused to join social media at the urging of the agency. Yeah. Because of Jurassic. Doing press for Jurassic, whatever the movie. And she's like, I don't need to join Instagram. The dinosaurs will take it. They'll be fine. People come see the dinosaurs. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, like, we'll be Johansson. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Also, like, you don't have to.

[Guest Speaker]

What career are you building at this point? You're Scarlett Johansson.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know. You are an A list movie star. Like, that's never gonna change. Julia Roberts.

[Guest Speaker]

If you've had Adam Driver scream at you on camera, you're good.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're good, mama.

[Guest Speaker]

Every day I wish you were dead. What is it?

[Trixie Mattel]

Punching a wall? You know what that was about? Jennifer's. Jason Lee and Noah Baumbach.

[Guest Speaker]

Thought it was about us.

[Trixie Mattel]

I was the Lord during the court, taking off my jacket to show my pushed up boobs. That's what I was. And men. Another thing about men, I didn't watch that movie. Oh, it's a little overwrought, a little melodramatic.

[Guest Speaker]

I just love. I'm not working. I don't want to be identified as being in this time and place with you. It's really cunty. It's very strange, very roundabout, but very direct. I mean, you know, I don't want to be identified.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't want to be. I don't want to be locked into this moment with someone I don't know.

[Guest Speaker]

Also, I'm not sure her age, but she's probably my age. Yeah. An elder millennial, I would say.

[Trixie Mattel]

We've. She's got to be 40 at least.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. If she wanted to be on the Internet. She's had the whole. The whole lifespan of the Internet. I just saw this TikTok the other day. This girl being like, right now they're making fun of all the millennial burger joints, the millennial weddings, and they are cringe and they are horrible.

[Trixie Mattel]

But this girl. Such as what? I don't know you're talking about.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, it's like we do things a little differently around here. Just two guys in a dream. We're gonna serve your burger for. That's $18 on, like, in like, a pan. These, like, burger joints, little burger joints. You don't know what I'm talking about.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't like, like, five guys and.

[Guest Speaker]

These millennial weddings with like, you know, little tungsten lights in a barn with. And the baby's name is like, McKaylee.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Yes, I know.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know what you're talking about. Navy. It's like the female gymnast girl names where it's like, oh, my God, Michaela.

[Guest Speaker]

Yes. And this girl was like, yeah, we're cringe. But Gen Z, you produced the first generation that is more boomer than boomers.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is that true?

[Guest Speaker]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

I mean, the most, like, conservative, like, group age group ever.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Congrats.

[Trixie Mattel]

Congratulations.

[Guest Speaker]

Congrats, Ms. Honey. Ms. Gen Z. I love that. Loved. I had to show you that I.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like that a lot. That's very.

[Guest Speaker]

Isn't that fun?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

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[Guest Speaker]

Do you hear that it's chime. It's the bells of your financial future ringing flagrantly and bellowing across your city. Did you know that everything is more expensive now? Did you know that I went to see a movie at the El capitan theater and two tickets for a 10am showing were $42. $42. Okay, $42 for two people to see a movie at 10am Everything is more expensive and the last thing you want to do is go into credit card debt. And there's a better way. You can build credit with money you set aside and avoid interest or expensive debt With Chime's Credit Builder card. It's a secured credit card with no credit check or minimum deposit required. You can start building credit with your everyday purchases and regular on time payments, all with no annual fees, interest or credit [e-mail] bald think about it. Your phone bill, therapy, your gym membership, boring stuff. I mean, let's take that boring stuff and let's, you know, get some credit for it with the credit builder card. There's a lot of potential benefits to having better credit. Like my grandpa's always like, don't buy anything unless you can afford to buy it outright. But you know, as I got older, I realized how much having at least some credit can help you through the world. It's easier to plan vacations, unexpected expenses, you know, secure an apartment or a house. That's important. That's a big part of it. I remember being in my 20s and just like crossing my fingers every time I had to rent an apartment. Woo. There's no annual fees, interest or credit check to apply. You can use it everywhere. Visa cards are accepted and you can build credit with money you set aside. And there's easy access to 50,000 fee free ATMs because girl, some of these ATMs are damn near for $5. All right? And that's just right off the top of what you're already withdrawing, which I think is wild. Turn your everyday purchases and on time payments into steps toward your financial goals. With Chime Secured Credit Builder Visa credit card get started [e-mail] bald that's chime.com bald Chime feels like progress. The Chime Credit Builder Visa credit card is issued by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride bank na Spot me. Eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Chime Checking account required to apply out of network ATM withdrawal and OTC advanced fees may apply. Timing depends on submission of payment fil Late payment may negatively impact your credit score. Results may vary. Go to chime.com disclosures for details. This episode is brought to you by 20th Century Studios. The AMATEUR when his wife is murdered, Charlie Heller, the CIA's most brilliant computer analyst must trek across the globe and use his only weapon, his intelligence, to hunt down her killers and enact revenge. Starring Academy Award winners Rami Malek and Academy Award nominee Laurence Fishburne the Amateur. Rated PG13. Only in theaters April 11th.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm still thinking about Andrew Garfield and Stephen Colbert kissing on the mouth.

[Guest Speaker]

So Bill Burr was talking about Elon Musk and he said, I refuse to believe it was an accidental two time zig heil. And he does it at a presidential inauguration. This is why I hate liberals. Liberals have no teeth whatsoever. They just go, oh, my God, can you believe this? I'm getting out of the country. I'm just like, you're gonna leave the country because of one guy with dyed hair, plugs, and a laminated face? A laminated face. That is what she looks like.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's given face down on the copy. Yeah, it's crazy dress for the job you want.

[Guest Speaker]

And she desperately wants to be in Madame Tussauds house of wax. She is laminated. Laminated.

[Trixie Mattel]

And his nasty ass apartheid mom girl I can't with.

[Guest Speaker]

She says, why are people so afraid of a guy who can't fight his way out of a wet paper bag? Laminated face. That's probably what I look like today. Laminated face. That's like when the girls, the older gays just get the lasers constantly and there's still a lot of the discoloration, but everything's wet. Wet plastic bag.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. You know what I fear? I. I have a. I have a fear of the, you know, this look. And I don't want to. I don't think I can steal anybody out that we know. But it's the. The aging Palm Springs kind of clutching to youth. Maybe has a bit of money kind of guy, maybe wears clothing for the age group that's like 20 to 30 years younger.

[Guest Speaker]

No, I know what you do.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know what I'm talking about.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, I don't.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, like roids, probably a lot of tanning, stretch, purple chest pumped. Yeah, it's just some of these gay guys.

[Guest Speaker]

It's a look have been.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's a look.

[Guest Speaker]

The sun damage is.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's wild.

[Guest Speaker]

The chest skin and the color is rum raisin.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. And it's. Yeah, it's also like. It's like. It's like a hide. It looks like a hide. It looks like a hide. A tanned hide. And it's just. Oh, I don't know. And it's the surge. It's that like old Palm Springs cat lady, gay guy face that I'm just like, ooh, I don't know.

[Guest Speaker]

Can I ask for the update on your home?

[Trixie Mattel]

So. Okay.

[Guest Speaker]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

So. It's so strange. I have. It's dealing with Contractors is something I don't really have a lot of experience with. And so I had to. This is so childish. But I start. I hired a contractor, and then they. They came in and hired two people to do this ridiculous tent while it was raining. A Boy Scout tent that didn't work. And it was indicative of, like, okay, that maybe this is not the contractor to go with. If this is a solution to a fell down. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was just. I actually have. I have photos and video. We can put it up there. It was insane. It was totally insane. Anybody knows if you make a tent, you need a pole. Do you know what I'm talking about? You want to make a tent with a tarp, you need sticks pulled. Like, what is. Anyways, so I had to break up with this contractor.

[Guest Speaker]

That's hard.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's not me. It's a pussy. I'm a pussy. But can I read what I wrote? Because I composed an email and then I blocked them, and then I blocked the secretary, and then they called me from. And then they kept trying to call me from blocked numbers.

[Guest Speaker]

Did you pay them out? Do you owe them money?

[Trixie Mattel]

I had to pay them $1,800 for the tent. Yes. Mary Dugan and. But you don't have. You have no idea. I was relieved. I was. Because I'm such a pushover. I'm such a pushover. I knew that if I got on the phone with them or met with them in person, they were going to steamroll me. I knew that. I just know myself too well that I haven't acquired enough of a. Whatever you call it, cojones to really kind of be a push backer, you know what I mean? To stand up for myself, essentially. So I paid them off with. Gave them this. They hit me with this egregious invoice. I was like, fine, whatever. Get the fuck out of my life. It was so nerve. It was so nerve. And so now I'm back to square one. And it's like, I think I want to kill myself. And I don't want to kill myself. But, like, it's just all these stuff. I was made to live like Elaine Stritch at the Carlisle Hotel. That's me. She lived at the Carlisle Hotel.

[Guest Speaker]

What are you talking about?

[Trixie Mattel]

Elaine Stritch. I'm not fit for, like, having a home, renting, owning. I should be at a hotel 24 7. That's my life.

[Guest Speaker]

I do think that about you.

[Trixie Mattel]

No shit. I mean, it's like, I'm at this point, the dolls are the dolls.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. You know, you are happiest at a hotel.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, also, it made me.

[Guest Speaker]

But you'll start complaining about.

[Trixie Mattel]

Of course I will, Mary. Listen, you, like, show me a rainbow, I'll show you a shit stain. You know what I mean? Like, I will find the shit in any situation.

[Guest Speaker]

Your pride merch.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, but also it made me, like, what's the horrible thing about condos? Which you probably know, is that any decision is not yours solely to make. Whereas in my home, I was like, okay, gotta call the plumber. Gonna get R, A, P, E, D. You know, I'm gonna get absolutely yanked. My. My bank account's gonna get yanked. But it's mine and it's my decision. And that's like my autonomous decision to get swindled. But I have a new toilet.

[Guest Speaker]

Good for you.

[Trixie Mattel]

But I gotta call the H. I gotta call the hoa. I gotta call Tom, Dick and Harry, get their approval. Who are these people?

[Guest Speaker]

I know. That's the thing about condos. Like, condos are ridiculous. Yeah. It's hard.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think they're really stupid. I think they're stupid boots.

[Guest Speaker]

You know what it's good for? Because I have had both. It's great for when you travel all the time and you're younger and you're single and you just want. You don't have to worry about taking the garbage to the curb, mowing the lawn. You want to make sure that if you're going to get mail and you're going to leave your apartment for a month, it's pretty safe than a condo building.

[Trixie Mattel]

How about an apartment?

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, I guess. But then you're just going to give money away.

[Trixie Mattel]

But I'm giving money away to the HOA girl. They ain't doing shit for me. You know what I mean? I know. It's like, I know fiscally, financially, of course, throwing money away, but for me, the freedom to get my purse and run like miss Daryl Hannah had suggested, is that is more valuable than acquiring equity in this bullshit building that it was. That's Floptina. So my life is horrible, yet I maintain a smile.

[Guest Speaker]

You're making it through. I mean.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, I'm lucky.

[Guest Speaker]

Sadly, I think things like black mold and landlord issues and HOA problems, sadly, I think these are all too relatable.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Also, the mold thing is tough because, like, I just. I approached this with a un. I was too crazy. I was like, I. I. Cause I thought it was an outsized problem. I was like, this is dangerous. This is like, this is bad. Because black mold Certain strains of black mold are very bad. But, girl, there's mold everywhere. Look to your left. Look to your right. There's mold.

[Guest Speaker]

Mold.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, people who live with mold in their attics. Everybody. You know, it's not a huge deal. So. So it is what it is. I'm probably gonna be poor by the end of the. By then the year again. Go on another foreclosure tour.

[Guest Speaker]

Right. You know, another build back, better tour.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. Then I'll maybe acquire another medical problem.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, it's. It's been. It's a. It's a wild. It's a wild time. Girl. Girl. I mean, I. I. At the time of filming this, our. My bar closed last week.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, that's right.

[Guest Speaker]

Horrible.

[Trixie Mattel]

But see, that's. Yeah. And may I say something?

[Guest Speaker]

Huh?

[Trixie Mattel]

I did catch wind. Listen, I don't wade in the muck of the comments very often because I don't find it to be productive or enlightening, but I do find it interesting. Do you want me to talk? I don't want to make me talk.

[Guest Speaker]

Your opinion is your opinion.

[Trixie Mattel]

I just think that people. I actually saw some comments that were, like. They were like, a little. What's the word? They were a little. It's not presumptuous. Shitty. Shitty.

[Guest Speaker]

Like, I'll just say the comments.

[Trixie Mattel]

You didn't own a nonprofit homeless shelter, okay? Like. Like, you didn't let a nonprofit LGBT center go to hell because you wanted to buy a Rolls Royce. That was the. That was the, like, the vibe of the comments. I was like, fuck you. You're 12. You're not even living in this country. You don't know anything. Like, get a grip. That made me angry. Made me angry.

[Guest Speaker]

I. You know, when I. When I bought in during COVID it was like, obviously, every gay bar was doing horrible during COVID Every bar, every restaurant, every business.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes, every business.

[Guest Speaker]

And when I came in during COVID it was like, all right, now we got two people on CPR instead of just one. You know, like, let's try to troubleshoot this. And I. We've been circling the drain for, you know, the business was struggling when I came in, and we've been circling the drain. It was. And people don't know that it's hard to come. Well, yeah, we throw parties and have a fun environment for a living.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, they think you're doing great. I mean, they have no idea. They're not looking at your books.

[Guest Speaker]

They're not people to come and have a wonderful time, you know? Yes, yes. Really sad. And it I. That's the bar that I got my first drink at. That's the bar I met boyfriends at, and I just met my roommates there. I loved performing there. I've done dozens of shows there over the years. Done TV shows there. I just. I loved that bar. I know gay bars are just bars, and to straight people, maybe it just seems like bars just bars. But when.

[Trixie Mattel]

Gay bars can be sanctuaries.

[Guest Speaker]

When gay bars close, like, you know, we were on the same street as where Candy bar was last week, and I was like, wow, that used to be Candy Bar Girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

Boston. Are you kidding me?

[Guest Speaker]

It's horrible.

[Trixie Mattel]

When I was living in Boston, there was a gay spot at the main gay spot every night of the week. And there were multiple. But there was like, Monday had. Mondays was like, Jacques. Tuesday was like, you know, club Cafe. Wednesday was Latin night at whatever. Thursday was this machine closed too. But Friday was Machine. Saturday was Sunday. Yeah, they're all gone.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

They're all.

[Guest Speaker]

Everyone town closed. That seemed crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

That seemed tragic. Yeah, that was like a harbinger.

[Guest Speaker]

And then in West Hollywood, I mean, we just. When Vanderpump. She closed Pump last year, I was, like, in shock because I'm like, pump is busy all the time.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. You go down there, and it's just packed like Las Vegas down there.

[Guest Speaker]

I mean, when she close Pump, I was like, oh, my God. That. That's when I was like, wow, if Pump can close, that seems like anything could. You know, things can always get that. That bad.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes.

[Guest Speaker]

And it was really sad and hardened.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. But people need to feel like there's a. There are a lot of factors at play here. There's not only Covid. There's not only, like, people's. Those economic situations are strained. They're not all these. The proliferation of apps has really changed the game in terms of nightlife, especially gay nightlife.

[Guest Speaker]

There's a lot of factors. People's relationship with alcohol.

[Trixie Mattel]

Gen Z's not drinking. Also, they're just huffing glue.

[Guest Speaker]

Also, people feel young. It's good. It's good that they're huffing you. No, no. It's good that new gay people feel more comfortable going to a straight bar than they did 20 years ago. These are good things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just sad. It's sad. I think of, like, playing bingo there and driving there in a snowstorm and getting drunk there. Like, I had a ball there. I just used to go there and get drunk there with my friends. At 21, I just loved it. And it just. Once we closed it, I was. Then I got really sad. I was almost. Maybe I didn't grasp it until it was actually. My mom called me, was like, I saw it on the news and I just started crying.

[Trixie Mattel]

That sucked. I had a. I had. I think I performed there twice. Had a time in my life there.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. I just. I wanted to mention it because everybody was. I mean, you know, when somebody is. It's like, you know, kiss your husband today, call your mom today, because you never know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Just go to your gay bar you like and have a drink today. You never know. And it's just sad. It's all. I love gay bars and I know that they have to make a lot of money to function.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, I don't know how anybody. I don't know how any bar. I mean on. Especially on this strip down in la, on West Hollywood, done by, you know, Rage and all those places, how their rents are astronomical. I mean, any rent on.

[Guest Speaker]

Move to la, it's like lost Rage. Revolver. Yep.

[Trixie Mattel]

Flaming Saddles is Mickey's.

[Guest Speaker]

Wait, not Revolver? What was Revolver? It was something. It was stash bar 10.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, gosh, yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Chapel.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was like. It was the Las Vegas of gay. Down there.

[Guest Speaker]

Not Chapel. Chapel used to be here.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, that was. What was it? Chap. It's the church one. It's. What is that called?

[Guest Speaker]

The Abbey. And then now it's the chapel next door. But it used to be here. That's like, Like Fubar.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is Akbar still there?

[Guest Speaker]

Akbar. But we used to have Bar Matashine.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Guest Speaker]

Which was downtown. Lovely. It was right by precinct.

[Trixie Mattel]

If precinct goes, everybody's going down.

[Guest Speaker]

And I'm just. It also makes me feel like when I was 21, going out age, I remember gays telling me, oh, girl, you have to remember Triangle. I wish you could remember 219. I like, remember Kelly telling us 2965. Peanuts or whatever. Like, I know part of queer culture is bars close. And then we, We. We later will be the old fag saying, oh, you had to. I wish you would have been there for the. The boom. The boom room. Or girl, you know, in Boston they used to have.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, back in the day, there's legend. It's like there's so many legendary nightlife stories. There's the Coconut Grove fire. I mean, that's not gay. It's a horrible tragedy. But that's right where Jacques was. And down. Back in the day, that area was called the Combat Zone because it was very like. It was like Seedy, dangerous. It was like a real. It was like, you know, before they cleaned up Times Square, that kind of thing. That vibe was like, you know, nasty, fun, gay, whatever. And it was a lot of action and a lot of. I mean, there were no. There's no Internet. There's no. You have to meet people in real life by cruising and going to bars. And none of that stuff exists anymore in Boston. Hardly at all. I think the biggest drag gig is a brunch.

[Guest Speaker]

Well, I just was talking to someone about this. I said, it's hard because in day, night life, the only thing profitable is doing, like a Taylor Swift daytime brunch for straight people.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes. That's. That's. Apparently, Dana went back. We. We went back. We went into Jacques. It was, you know, I was shocked that it was even still there, but it certainly wasn't very crowded. I got to talk to Melinda Wilson, though. You took a picture. Mary, you don't know, but Melinda Wilson, now, that is. She's so great.

[Guest Speaker]

The goddess.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's incredible. But, like, you know, Melinda Wilson. Oh, yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Just.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's a woman, actually.

[Guest Speaker]

A girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Dionne Warwick. Melinda Wilson.

[Guest Speaker]

I work at the Stop and Shop. I'm Melinda Wilson.

[Trixie Mattel]

But like the. It just used to be. There used to be a gay circuit. Depending on what night of the week it was. It was like a schedule.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You always had an option in Milwaukee.

[Guest Speaker]

It'd be like, we always go to Hybrid for karaoke on Wednesdays. Then Thursdays we might have this. This is it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And then Fridays you have this show at La Cage, and Saturday you have this. And then Sundays you'd have a brunch here.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And the bar is almost all strategically scheduled around each other. So there wasn't majorly competing events. No.

[Trixie Mattel]

And it was like some. There was Latin night and Goth night. So people who were like, you know, if it was going to go. If they were going to divide the subculture, it was going to be compatible. There was like, this and that, and you. They kind of. Yeah, they coordinated. And you have multiple options on the night. Sometimes you had a tea dance, too.

[Guest Speaker]

Now it's just, you know, triple. Triple seatings of chapel, Ron. Brunch for the wine moms.

[Trixie Mattel]

There you go.

[Guest Speaker]

That's what you got. That.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's crazy. Pouring out for the gay guys.

[Guest Speaker]

Pouring out for the gay guys. I. This is. It was. It opened in this 1968, one of those gay bars in the country. I mean, we were open on Christmas. We were open all the time. And it's just Sad. It's sad because, I mean, if any gay bar closes, it's sad. But something like this is it. Which is old. It's like people's grandpas went there.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

It's really surreal.

[Trixie Mattel]

It gets to a point where it's like, it should be like a protected landmark.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know what I mean?

[Guest Speaker]

And then I went on the Internet, people started posting pictures of, like, the years of going there and how young they were. And I. I just was. I literally, in my head, was like, I'm 15. For a moment, I was, like, just crying in my house. It's horrible. It's sad. And gay bars are something you take for granted because it's so fun. And it always feels like, well, girl, we can always just go. I feel like, as gay people, it's like, well, we have nothing to do. We can always go to a gay bar, Johnny's or whatever.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And then one day, you can't. It's like, well.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, also, if a city. If a major metropolis loses the gay bar, it's. It's a. It's a bad. It's like you lose a sanctuary.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. And I will say, in Milwaukee, we're very lucky. We have, like, 10 gay bars or something. Oh, we had a lot. Which I know is very fierce. It is fierce for the size of the city.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

I just. It's. It's a bummer. And then, you know, the other thing is, too, given the presidency and everything, everything feels so amplified. A gay bar closing feels.

[Trixie Mattel]

It feels like. Mr. McBride, you know, when we're talking.

[Guest Speaker]

About the price of eggs, we're talking about the price of everything. We're talking about the price of alcohol and operating a business. And, like, it's horrible.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

You know, Well, I think you should.

[Trixie Mattel]

Be proud of the fact that of your. Of the time that you did have it up and running and not feel ashamed about it closing. Because, Mary, I can't even keep one home. I can't even balance one checkbook. You got multiple businesses in. It's like.

[Guest Speaker]

I know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well.

[Guest Speaker]

And, you know, I'm hoping, you know, I help keep it open longer, obviously.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. But if anybody has a problem with it, why don't they. They can email me. They can email Ms. Katya, go fuck yourself dot com. And I will promptly reply to your email.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

And I will. It will be a large JPEG of a turd.

[Guest Speaker]

But, like, do you remember when town closed? I don't know if Ed. When town closed. That's not even my homeboy bar.

[Trixie Mattel]

Bar.

[Guest Speaker]

And I remember being like, ah, it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Was kind of shocking.

[Guest Speaker]

Shocking. This happens. You know. You and I have gotten the privilege to work in every gay bar across the country.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

And especially early in my career, I remember going to, like, Peanuts in Cleveland, Alabama, to be Bob's or S4 in Dallas. I remember, like, the. The. Oh, do you remember when that place in Florida closed with the hotel splash? No. Oh, you know what I'm talking about. I can't think of it now.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is it. Is it the. The in Fort Lauderdale?

[Guest Speaker]

The one with the big hotel attached with the white party?

[Trixie Mattel]

It's Parliament House. Parliament House, yes.

[Guest Speaker]

I remember being like, how's that possible?

[Trixie Mattel]

I know.

[Guest Speaker]

You know, the gay bars, it's. It's not the same. But when drag queens die, it feels impossible.

[Trixie Mattel]

It does. It feels.

[Guest Speaker]

And when gay bars close, it feels impossible. It's like.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like. It was like big birds passing away. It's like, that can't happen.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Elmo's dead.

[Guest Speaker]

I know. I do have a good Milwaukee thing, though, I want to talk about, if that's okay. So this is a little bit personal, but so my friend Mike, who I went to college with, my first roommate, and I was gay, and I was just like, you know, trying to make a friend who was my first friend. He studied early childhood education, and I was doing musical theater, and we stayed roommates for years through college. His name was Mike Mastroianni. He went on to be an early childhood education teacher, and we stayed friends after college. But it was always one of those things where like, oh, I just missed you. Maybe I'll see you for Christmas. Oh, I'll catch you in the spring. And we just kept doing this. And then this was like. It was like a couple years ago, I was in town for Halloween, and I was like, I want to see you. I was like, you know, he was like, I'm gonna come. I was like, I'll come to your Halloween party at this is it, if I can make it. And that's what made me think of it. He was like, I'm gonna come if I can make it. And he. This is like, sounds horrible. And it is a real story. I thought he was coming that night, but he didn't come. And then, like, a week later, I'm in London working, and I get a call from his mom. Mom. His mom called on the phone, and he. He was like. And she was like, he was biking to your party and he didn't make it. He died on a bike. Accident.

[Trixie Mattel]

Holy.

[Guest Speaker]

And she was like. And she was like, he always wore a helmet, but he had a Halloween costume on because it was coming to your party.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, God.

[Guest Speaker]

And it was, like, so sad. And it was like, obviously we hadn't talked in a good year or two. And she was like, you were one of the last people who texted. He was trying to come to your party. He was going to surprise you at your party.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God.

[Guest Speaker]

And I just felt, you know, and that was like, wow. You got to make time for people. You got to make sure if you have a. If you want to see someone you can't do next time, next time, next time, you just have to do it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh.

[Guest Speaker]

But he was a. He was a kindergarten teacher. And so I went to his. His funeral. I was in London working, and they were. Showed his funeral on Zoom, and they showed all these videos of him teaching, like, kindergartners and stuff.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God. You're gonna kill me, ma'am. You're gonna kill me. Jesus Christ.

[Guest Speaker]

It was horrible. I know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Yay.

[Guest Speaker]

You know, because it. Because he was a teacher during COVID there was all these videos of him teaching kids remotely. So it's like how to make a book, and he's folding paper and showing kids how to write their name on it. And it was like, angel. Yeah. And, you know, there's not many men who go into early childhood education. It's like, mostly women, which is fine.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

But, you know, trying to have more of a male presence with early childhood education is important. Thank you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Fags.

[Guest Speaker]

I'm sorry.

[Trixie Mattel]

Damn.

[Guest Speaker]

I haven't talked about it much because there's, you know, at first I was like, sad about. First it was sad about, oh, I wish I would have seen him then it was sad that he's, like, always wore a helmet and didn't wear one because he was coming in a Halloween costume to my Halloween party. You know, it's horrible. He was our age. He was my age. But his family started be like Mike, which is like. It honors him and gifts the funds to help support and develop male early childhood educators. So trying to get more just men to get involved in early childhood education. So since it started, it's raised almost $100,000.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, fierce.

[Guest Speaker]

They're trying. Just trying to create a legacy. So if you guys Google, be like, Mike, that's my friend Mike, my roommate from college, and get the boys teaching the kids. So it's not all, you know, the brunt of women's job to teach young kids.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Guest Speaker]

Sorry. That was so Emo. Emo episode today.

[Trixie Mattel]

That came out. Oh, that got me. Girl, pour one out for Mike.

[Guest Speaker]

Fine. I know. I was just pouring out for this. Is it important? Out for Milwaukee. Milwaukee. Love Milwaukee. But also, it just goes to show you, that girlfriend from college of yours, that family member. Make the time, make the effort. Yeah. We all take for granted. They're just like, I'll see you next time.

[Trixie Mattel]

They'll always be there. Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Just do it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

You know, I got guilty of that with my mom. I wouldn't call her enough, and she wouldn't call me enough. And we got better about it over the years because I'll be like. Like, I just think she'll live forever. And then it's like, Mary, I.

[Trixie Mattel]

That occurs to me sometimes. But I. I'm. I'm pretty.

[Guest Speaker]

It's hard to think about.

[Trixie Mattel]

My mother is immortal. My mother is immortal. She. You know the movie Eternals? She's the. Actually, Angelina Jolie was playing my mom.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

They don't die. And, like, I. If I ever had to try to do, like, a. If I ever had to try to make myself cry, if I think about my mother dying, I mean, I'm. I will lose my mind. And it's inconceivable to me that they will die. And. Yeah, I always. That's a good reminder. Especially if you like your family, you love them.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Talk to them all the time.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. And I always, like. That was the other thing, too. I always was talking to Mike's mom, Marilyn, about doing an event at the bar to. To raise money. And it was just one of those things. I always was like, we'll do it. I know. We'll do it and do it. And so you just got to do it. You got to prioritize doing it. So go to be like. Or just, you know, Google. Be like Mike. And it's run. It's. His mom and dad started it, so.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's fierce.

[Guest Speaker]

Get the kids learned by the young men.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Throw a dollar at Mike. Shit.

[Guest Speaker]

Throw a dollar. Well. Oh, I got a present for you. This was more like a fun thing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Is it a poisoned apple?

[Guest Speaker]

No. It's kind of crazy. I was on the TikTok shop. Is my dress on here? No. And these are called them ugly dolls. I just thought you would love it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh. So I.

[Guest Speaker]

Isn't it fierce?

[Trixie Mattel]

It's fucking. It's. Do you know who it is? Is. It's. It's the Baron from Dune. It's giving Baron Harkonnen.

[Guest Speaker]

It came with this hat.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yes. Girl.

[Guest Speaker]

And in the video, they were throwing it because, look, does the legs and arms kind of wiggle?

[Trixie Mattel]

Love her.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. It says, thanks for your purchase. We hope you're enjoying your new Them Ugly Doll. If you're happy with your purchase, we'd love to hear from you. Anyway, it's called Them Ugly Doll. I saw it on Tick Tock. I had to get it for you. Isn't it crazy?

[Trixie Mattel]

Look how the. The limbs wiggle.

[Guest Speaker]

Look at the hair.

[Trixie Mattel]

Look at the wiggle.

[Guest Speaker]

Just hair.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know. It looks like a mistake. I love that little curly cube.

[Guest Speaker]

And the body's, like, robust. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Mushy, robust. Look.

[Guest Speaker]

I thought you would love it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I can't get enough of it.

[Guest Speaker]

You should put it in your car. I bet it'll wiggle when you drive.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna tape it to the dash. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take it to the. I wish I could tape it to the dash and then put it like a clock in its belly. That would be cunty. Or the odometer. You know what I mean? Like, I have to look this odometer.

[Guest Speaker]

Also, the head is empty. Like, it's stretchy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, she's the diva.

[Guest Speaker]

And look at the arm. Sorry.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ooh, that one. Good tooth. Oh.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, love that. Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

Love her. And she's. She's smiling.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. I think it was like 20 bucks. Them ugly dolls.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's smiling. McHappy.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Love her.

[Guest Speaker]

Horny.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank you so much. I do love her.

[Guest Speaker]

All right.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's going right on this set. Bitch.

[Guest Speaker]

I think. I think we've exhausted these people emotionally. I think we've screamed at them too long. Anything else you want to plug her Pap smear girl. She is.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's ready for her Pap smear.

[Guest Speaker]

Can the kids buy this shirt? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

I do want to please support my ongoing efforts to stay house and. And if. By.

[Guest Speaker]

By removing the mold from condo buildings.

[Trixie Mattel]

By the way, if you need any insight or advice on the worst decision to make while purchasing a home or maintaining it, call me. Yeah. And these shirts are available for purchase. They are very comfortable. And the one in the previous episode was also available for sale. That's lovely. And get yourself a piece. Yeah, we love Kati.com or wherever.

[Guest Speaker]

Isn't that on Trixie and Katya.com? isn't that me on the shirt?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, yes. You know what I mean? Just Google Katya shirt. You'll get there. You'll get there.

[Guest Speaker]

Support Red bubble. Support some girl ripping you off on Redbubble purchases. Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

Counterfeit merch.com okay. Love you. Bye.

[Guest Speaker]

Shaka Khan.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

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[Guest Speaker]

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[Trixie Mattel]

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[Guest Speaker]

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[Trixie Mattel]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

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[Trixie Mattel]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

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[Trixie Mattel]

Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility@ Indeed.com Arts, just go to Indeed.com Arts right now and support our show by saying.

[Guest Speaker]

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[Trixie Mattel]

Terms and conditions apply.

[Guest Speaker]

Hiring Indeed is all you need.