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K
Katya Zamolodchikova
Pop Demon Hunters, Haja Boy's Breakfast Meal and Hunt Tricks Meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle.
Mary Beth Barone
So glad the Saja boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.
Sponsor Voiceover
It is an honor to share.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, it's our honor.
Sponsor Voiceover
It is our larger honor.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, really, stop. You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side
Sponsor Voiceover
but and participate in McDonald's while supplies last.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Hi everybody. Our spring very bald and very beautiful dates are just about sold out. So we're putting shows up for the fall. Hello. Why don't you go ahead and get your tickets@trixiancati.com the website. Do you like websites?
Mary Beth Barone
We have to start right off the pot because as this will be the first time we acknowledge we made it under our own favorite TV shows. What about it?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, I brought a shirt to wear.
Mary Beth Barone
Well, this is cute though.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, thank you so much. I well, when we. First of all, let's get back to that. Congratulations.
Mary Beth Barone
Congratulations to you, baby.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Manifestation.
Mary Beth Barone
The same few months. It was right around the same time
Katya Zamolodchikova
it yeah, I I you pull it.
Mary Beth Barone
Pull up.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The kids have pulled up the receipts. I remember distinctly, you know, I've tweeted obnoxiously about hacks forever since it aired and and I was like, all I want in my life is to get hit by Deborah. Deborah Vance's Rolls Royce. And basically. I mean, I don't get hits, but I don't get hit.
Mary Beth Barone
We know from the trailer that it's a. An altercation.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yes, there is some kind of. Yes, it is.
Mary Beth Barone
Maybe in the next kiss, maybe we
Katya Zamolodchikova
fuck, maybe we scissor, maybe we squirt. Who knows? But stay tuned to find out. And I saw. I watched the first episode of the Comeback yesterday, and I did, too. Mary, it's Lisa Kudrow. Oh. Oh. Ow. Oh. Oh. Ouch.
Mary Beth Barone
Do you want to talk about the.
Katya Zamolodchikova
We have to address the elephant in the room. And it's not my giant unit. It's the carbuncle, and it's sort of concealing. I'm just. We're gonna ignore it.
Mary Beth Barone
Dermatological event.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I think it's a lot more than that. I think it's.
Mary Beth Barone
It's.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's multifaceted.
Sponsor Voiceover
But let's move on.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Valerie Cherish, that character. It's cringe comedy, right?
Mary Beth Barone
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I saw.
Mary Beth Barone
She's on the COVID of a magazine, says, queen of Cringe.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And it's true. It's true. It's like. It's like. It's like Ricky Gervais's character in the British Office. It's. He's. It's the character. The actor's so good at making you cringe that it's almost unwatchably good. Like, physically hurts. Yeah, it's like that tough a feeling that I've like. I mean, it's played so well. That is almost like I had to watch it in two parts, and it's only half an hour long.
Mary Beth Barone
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She's so incredible. She's so incredible.
Mary Beth Barone
It's a painful watch, for sure, but
Katya Zamolodchikova
it's such a good show.
Mary Beth Barone
It's amazing. It's just exciting to see her. And I watched it on the app. The app started with a recap of both seasons.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
So I was on the couch like this.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
Getting ready to eat. Ms. Big pulling out her gut and separating her titties. And getting ready to eat.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Put your eating dress on.
Mary Beth Barone
I put both titties, separated them, stuck them under my armpits, grabbed my fork and my knife, and was ready to Chow down on Ms. Valerie.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Well, you need to keep that in the back of your mind, because I got a point about that very thing later on about eating the boat. Separating the titties for eating. We'll talk about that later.
Mary Beth Barone
Why later? It's too Soon. It's too soon. It's way too soon. I'm excited to see you in Hacks and I'm excited to. I hate. Why do they make us wait for shows? Give me the whole thing. Valerie only gave me one episode.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Mary. I could not believe it. Season one, Season three, Episode one, Available Only. I could not believe it.
Mary Beth Barone
I couldn't believe it. And after everything I've trusted with Valerie,
Katya Zamolodchikova
I felt so shocked and betrayed on my couch with that remote.
Mary Beth Barone
Yes. Oh, by the way, we can tell people. Katie and I also got sex changes. I changed for something. Change your sex, Mimi. Change it around. What we need to do.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Mimi. I'm first. Third on the sex change list. I could not believe it.
Mary Beth Barone
The best part of that. And the fans who are brand new to Drag Race don't know about this. This is some old shit now. This is when old maiden type of shit. The only way to watch Drag Race was on one of the Teletubby stomachs.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. Like that bag or nothing. Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
Fat back TV with. You would have to have your kids stand on top of the TV with tinfoil just. Just to try to get RuPaul. Like, good luck and don't buck it out.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And if you wanted to skip the commercials, you gotta yank the cord out of the wall.
Mary Beth Barone
Yep. Okay, so when you. Can I ask about Hacks? I knew we couldn't tell people.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yes.
Mary Beth Barone
What did you think when they. How did you find out you were gonna get the opportunity to do it?
Sponsor Voiceover
Oh, my God.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Can I share?
Mary Beth Barone
No, I asked. Cause I don't want you to tell me. We finally have new information. I'm just trying to pad.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I'm trying to pad my essay. That's okay. What?
Mary Beth Barone
It's not a good story. And you're gonna be like.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Well, you're never gonna believe this. Cause once they start tell, you are going to be told all the details, starting with the first one.
Mary Beth Barone
This is big for Deborah, but for Katya, this is huge.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So I'm not going to brag. I'm just going to state facts in a very condescending way. Okay. So I get a message on Instagram from Paul Downs, one of the series creators. It's created by Paul Downs, Lucianello and Jen Statsky. Those are the showrunners. And Paul said in a dm, hey, Katya, do you want to be on Hacks? And I thought it was like an April Fool's joke. It was January.
Mary Beth Barone
And so you're like Josie Grossi getting asked to the prom.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I was like you. I was like if this is a joke, I'm going to kill you then myself. Or I'm going to kill myself, then you. Whatever.
Mary Beth Barone
How do you kill yourself and then him?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I don't know. Jennifer from 30 Rock knows how to do that.
Mary Beth Barone
Tylenol PM, slow release. You kill yourself, and then hours later, he's like, I'm sleepy at the wheel. Right?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Death by Tylenol pm. She died. She died doing what she loved. Overdosing. Girl.
Mary Beth Barone
That could have happened to me.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Thank you.
Mary Beth Barone
So would it be fierce if after all these years of you being Ms. Cracky, if I OD'd on Tylenol PM, they be so cunty.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I would drag you. I would go. I would. I would go. I would deny a woman at a bank alone, so I could go down to hell and drag you back, bitch. That's what I would do. I would drag you back from hell
Mary Beth Barone
to kill you myself.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, I. So he said that. And I hope that's okay to mention. Um, he also sent me a ton of dick pics. Not his, just other people.
Mary Beth Barone
Just other people. Yeah. Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And I was like, holy crap. So they. They. I was like, okay. Yes, yes, yes, of course. And they wrote a part for me.
Sponsor Voiceover
No addition.
Mary Beth Barone
Wow.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No addition.
Mary Beth Barone
Well, thank God.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Thank God.
Mary Beth Barone
You wouldn't have got it. No, that's. Me too. Girl offer only. Show up, disappoint them, and get out before anyone can say anything.
Sponsor Voiceover
Tea.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That tea is so nasty.
Mary Beth Barone
Let me try to make sure my hair is good, because this line reading is about to be dead on arrival. Like, let me make sure my hair. Let me get my alligator clip.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, because this ain't a talkie, right?
Mary Beth Barone
Because these lines you wrote for me are going to be so flat.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Flat, so wooden.
Mary Beth Barone
And because you cast wrote it for me, there will be no recasting and I will never be asked back. Every time I'm on something, it's a. It's not a recurring character. They're like, we're good.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Well, this is the final season, so my performance could be the death knell, but it is. No, I don't want to tell anybody until the.
Mary Beth Barone
When the trailer came out for the Comeback and. And for Hacks in the trailer. So at least we know we're not cut out because we don't want to tell anybody we're in it. And then they're like, well, that's not what happened because you weren't in it. Do you know what I mean?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Totally. Totally.
Mary Beth Barone
And these faggots that hate us, that
Katya Zamolodchikova
swarm all around, all of them all of them, they would love to be like that one.
Mary Beth Barone
Bet you really thought how. Yeah, that you really thought that.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You really thought that this was a pivotal moment in your shit ass career. Well, guess what, it's not that shy heifer.
Mary Beth Barone
Why don't you put her on your iPhone and make some tiktoks, bitch? You know, why don't you try to
Katya Zamolodchikova
get your socials up? You flop because it's never going to happen for you in Hollywood.
Mary Beth Barone
Because a super fan of the comeback and hacks, even super fans who beg for the job publicly who get a part written for them can't even show up and succeed at line reading a
Katya Zamolodchikova
part that was written for them in their voice.
Mary Beth Barone
In their voice as them no one day read. Mary.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Let me tell you, let me tell you something. So I, so I get the, the date, of course I go in for a fitting. The costume designer is legit. You can tell a costume designer is legit the way this woman's legit. You know, I don't know how to explain it, but she was, I don't know how to explain it. She was, she had a serious, authoritative. Which was nice. She wasn't super warm or sweet, but she knew what she was fucking doing and she could tell that she had done the job for a long time. I was a little scared of her.
Mary Beth Barone
TV people in costume are usually, they are dressed chic but it's all very downplayed. Yeah, it's like a really nice T shirt, it's a really nice pair of jeans. They're not like.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, no, no, no.
Mary Beth Barone
What are you looking at?
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, no, no. It wasn't like she didn't come in voguing or anything.
Mary Beth Barone
Right.
Katya Zamolodchikova
But she was an older lady who came in and I could just tell she had an air about her, of authoritative air. Small, small lady. And I was.
Mary Beth Barone
And it was Jean Smart because they, yeah, they do multiple roles.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Gene Smart and I, I brought my, my selection of boo boo nasty hoochie outfits that were.
Mary Beth Barone
You didn't go down there with your Albanian?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Of course I did with my little. I had, I had a small selection of Deborah Vance like outfits. The only two. They only allowed me to wear the shoes that I brought, but I ended up wearing Deborah's costume because I am what, 5 to 120 pounds? Just like Deborah Vance. She's really tall. So Jean Smart's actually quite tall. And we fit into the same sequin duster, the same chemise blouse, the same sequin pants which were boiling hot.
Mary Beth Barone
I love that.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So that's my first spiral.
Mary Beth Barone
Right.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Spiral, spiraling. So then they moved the date up three weeks fierce into three days.
Mary Beth Barone
And you needed those time that time to learn that one line. Well, baby, high point coffee.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, yeah. It's decaffeinated. Well, the fiercest thing is that the moment, the day. I'm getting ahead of myself. But sidebar. And I'll go back to it. The day that the trailer comes out for what had become the best day of my professional life. By far the best day of my life. I get a check for the worst day of my life from residuals from a show.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh, from. Was this from.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, but leave that out.
Mary Beth Barone
But it's put something else in. Was it from the prices? Right.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It was from double analyses. Right.
Mary Beth Barone
And you guessed that that Pontiac Grand Prix was $4.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yes.
Mary Beth Barone
That was humiliating.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, it was my guest star and double anal angels girl.
Mary Beth Barone
I get a really cunty residual from. From Drew Barrymore show.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That is so weird for a talk show.
Mary Beth Barone
I guess it gets replayed. Yeah. Thank you.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Sad because I sure did pay my dues. Which were $3,000. Hello. Oh, anyways, blah, blah, blah, blah. Sake. But so I, after the fitting, I spiral. I spiral because I'm like, this is going to be so hot. Hot lights. I, you know, I'm, I'm going to be so nervous. I'm, I'm just terrified.
Mary Beth Barone
You also have a self, self sabotaging streak.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Well, duh. Exactly. Is getting hacks.
Mary Beth Barone
Does he realize this is your death note?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I know, I know. And it's like, and not to be dramatic, but if I had this. I, I, I, I'm not joking. I would have been a very, very. I would.
Mary Beth Barone
No, this is what I think happened would have been. I would have killed myself. I know. Have you have your.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Maybe there's a part two Paul Downs.
Mary Beth Barone
Call her back. Make the part reshoots. You're gonna need the part in Spanish. I think that when they asked you. Because you're self sabotaging. When you looked at your phone, it said, would you like to be on hacks? I think you put it down and it was that part in that part in that part in force gone.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She gets out on the ledge where she's on the ledge.
Mary Beth Barone
Jenny. And she's ready to jump.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I, I step on, I step on the table of cocaine. Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
Yes, totally. Well, you know, it was you.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It was Zoe Bell on the, on the hood of the car with no straps.
Mary Beth Barone
For sure.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I know.
Mary Beth Barone
I can't wait to see the show. You're gonna be. You look great.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Well, let me tell you, let me tell you more. Okay, so it was a huge. So the I, I mama, baby, sweetie, darling, cunty, honey, baby. Get this out of my way. The second miracle. That was the first miracle. Okay, guess what fucking happens the night before call time?
Sponsor Voiceover
5am
Katya Zamolodchikova
So I start to, I'm like, okay, okay, okay. Spina is like, you're like, we should stay up. No, no, no, no, no. I can't. That's not an option. But I also can't tranquilize myself to go to bed because I won't wake up.
Sponsor Voiceover
Right?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Sophia's like, just make sure in your bed by 8pm I was like, who are you talking to?
Mary Beth Barone
She's right.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Of course she's right. But it's not possible. So around 4pm that day, my call time gets moved up to 11am in the way that I got bricked so bricked up and almost spontaneously ejaculated my pants. 11:00am makeup call arrival.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh, that's nice.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Nice. You think that's nice? That's a miracle.
Mary Beth Barone
I could never be in TV like that.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's amazing. At 5, no, if I'd show, I got fresh showered. Not in makeup when I was but
Mary Beth Barone
Mary, when I did English teacher, I had to be, I think hall was like, yeah, five or six. And I had to start makeup that early. It was bad.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. When I, yeah, I've had that experience. It's not great. So I, I, I, I learned all my lines. I learned all my lines. Let me say that again. I memorized my lines.
Mary Beth Barone
Huge.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And I had huge if true. But call time got moved up. I had a scene with Jean Smart. Mary, when I tell you. And it was hbo. So hbo, they know what they're doing. This is the final season of multiple Emmy winning show. And the fierce thing is that I was dressed as Deborah Vance, as you can see in the picture, wearing her outfits. But they had several Deborah Vance wigs for me to wear. They chose the one that Fina made cause it was the best.
Mary Beth Barone
I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised because girl, she turned
Katya Zamolodchikova
that wig, she turned that wig's pussy into a pussoir.
Mary Beth Barone
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The ultimate pussy. She took everybody's pussy and said, you don't have a pussy anymore. Because this wig is the pussy she deserves.
Mary Beth Barone
She deserves the recognition. She really does a great job.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Mary. We showed up and I think separately we drove home. I think we both cried because it was. We reminisce that this is a Wednesday 15 years ago. We were doing a show called The Cream of Laughter at Jack's Jacques Jacques Cabaret for zero people together who thought of that name. It was a joke. It was really just called something. Wednesdays, we. That was our nickname for the night. But, like, it's not. That's not the point.
Mary Beth Barone
The Cream of Laughter.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's hysterical. No, I know. Like Cream and Wheat and he. But the point is, we were doing shows for nobody. We're getting paid $40, losing the bar money in doing shows. And then cut. Fifteen years ago Wednesday, she's designing a wig for HBO for me to act along with Jean Smart, and she helped me with her makeup.
Sponsor Voiceover
It was.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The day was, like, so magical. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable.
Mary Beth Barone
You're not allowed to say what happened in the scene, but I am.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
You and Jean.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Ms. Smart. Excuse you.
Mary Beth Barone
Sorry. You and Ms. Smart. Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yes. You know, it made love.
Mary Beth Barone
Isn't it?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Love is really, like, more apt, but not for what we were doing.
Mary Beth Barone
Well, I was also hired. I was the intimacy coordinator.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yes.
Mary Beth Barone
And I said, Gene.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
Use the whole fish. You can't feel nothing.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Thank you.
Mary Beth Barone
Nothing.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And you don't worry about the nails, honey.
Mary Beth Barone
Jean, get the anal paralytic for you. For you. Yeah. I just was so excited for you. You deserve. You deserve it.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I. And no matter what happens, no matter if I get cut out, no matter how. Whatever, Whatever, whatever. I'm not involved in the editing. Although I email them every day.
Mary Beth Barone
What would you do if you were in the trailer and cut out of the season? I.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Honestly, I. No, no, honestly, I. To be quite honest, I would probably feel relief.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That I didn't ruin their show.
Mary Beth Barone
You can be like, you guys missed the scene, but I jump out of a helicopter, I'm really the star of the season.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
You got cherry pied.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. Mary. I didn't. I pulled focus from Ms. Smart. She didn't want that. She wants someone that. She and Lisa are in hot contention for an Emmy this year, and I didn't want to get in the middle of.
Mary Beth Barone
Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Because everybody knows I would get a Virginia. You know, Nobody.
Mary Beth Barone
I got my job on the Comeback the same way, which is begging to the. Begging to the camera. Don't audition, mama.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Audition, audition.
Sponsor Voiceover
You beg.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Shamelessness.
Mary Beth Barone
You beg.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You stalk. You put on that Sean Young Catwoman suit. You get out front of the lawn, and you let it rip.
Mary Beth Barone
Yeah, I think. Well, I told on this pod the story when I met Michael Patrick King at that Saint Patrick's Day party, which
Katya Zamolodchikova
now is Michael Patrick King, Saint Patrick's.
Mary Beth Barone
I know. And now thinking back, that story was me talking to somebody else about the comeback and going, we're just talking about the comeback. And remember, I didn't know he was.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
Which is in. It's very Valerie.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's so Valerie.
Mary Beth Barone
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Katya Zamolodchikova
I put the sweet orange and agave
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Katya Zamolodchikova
The new White Barn Neutrals Beloved scents to fill your spaces with modern, clean designs that effortlessly elevate your style. Go to bath and bodyworks.com to get yours today.
Mary Beth Barone
Maybe we'll get to present at the Emmys this year because I'll have been on the Comeback and you'll have been on Hacks. Maybe I'll get to dress as Valerie or dress as Gene.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Honey, they have, let me tell you, we beg. We beg for dolls.
Mary Beth Barone
That's true.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You've got a big storm coming.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh. As you learned, we're gonna need the script for the category now.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yesterday.
Mary Beth Barone
Yes.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And I will get up there and go. I have swamp ass. And leave.
Mary Beth Barone
I can't memorize.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I can memorize, like, you know, one day. Guru Nam Chaanada Vinde. But that took about 650 times, right? Every day.
Mary Beth Barone
It's hard to memorize.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's hard to memorize. But you know what, you know you do. You write it down. Long form.
Mary Beth Barone
Loved. I watched the first ever the Comeback.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's not as hard to memorize. I mean like Glamazonian Airways, I was a cinch aboard.
Mary Beth Barone
I. Yeah, you really flopped. I. I wish Paul Downs had seen that.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Well, that they did. That's why they hired me. No, but wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Mary Beth Barone
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm not done.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So can I tell you about Gene Smart?
Mary Beth Barone
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh man, she's fucking cool.
Mary Beth Barone
She smell good.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She's, she's. She smell great.
Mary Beth Barone
Meg Salter said she smell good.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She smelled great. She smells a little like freshly, but I'm just kidding. No, like, so we get, we get there. I'm nervous as hell. I'm so nervous. I mean I'm like, so. I'm so fucking nervous.
Mary Beth Barone
Dream job turns into nightmare.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Nightmare in a heartbeat. Because I could ruin it, of course. And I've. There's so many ways in which I can ruin it and have ruined stuff before. Like, and I, and I can, I can. I am so familiar with the air in the look of frustration and disappointment on people's faces that it's becomes a palpable like weather pattern.
Mary Beth Barone
And it only that ride home in the car could go very differently.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The ride home in the car would go off a cliff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the. She so fucking sweet, so fierce. She's like when I run lines and I'm like, yeah, yeah, I do. And then in two seconds I was like, not nervous.
Mary Beth Barone
What if you said no? I was like, do you want to run lines?
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, you old bitch.
Mary Beth Barone
No, bitch, I know my lines. I've been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer from the beginning. And when I think of Sarah Michelle Gellar making basically an hour movie every week. It's a 50 minute episode, whatever.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. It's basically like soap opera schedules, right?
Mary Beth Barone
Yes. And fight choreography. She's in fights every week. And sex scenes. Honestly. All of it.
Sponsor Voiceover
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
I think of her learning it quickly and I googled, how would you do this? She was on All My Children. The part of her brain that could
Katya Zamolodchikova
do soap and then just dumps it.
Mary Beth Barone
She was like, I think she has said that that helped her memorize quickly.
Sponsor Voiceover
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
Wish I could do that.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I know. It's like Lisa Rinna when she was on. She was on like Melrose, whatever those. Or she was on soaps as well. Like you just, you do like 20 pages a day or some crazy shit like that. And you Just. You just got to.
Mary Beth Barone
Yeah, I have a friend who's on General Hospital. And I said, how do you do that? I heard, I talked about the Buffy thing. I said, I heard Sarah Geller talking about how he learned so fast. He said, it's an exercise in acting because you don't get a second chance of anything. He's like, once you've got it, you didn't mess up the words. You move on. So he says, as an actor, it has really taught him to throw it all out there every time. Because you're not like, oh, my fifth take will be great. It's like, no, it has to be great every time.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Whereas, like, I mean, who is it? Somebody was talking. Julia Roberts was talking about working with Andrew Garfield on that movie. And like, she's the type of person who's like, okay, she doesn't want to do 50 takes. And he does want to do 50 takes. Oh, God, I don't know.
Mary Beth Barone
I think actors work differently.
Katya Zamolodchikova
They work a lot. Movies, Mary, movies are a whole different thing.
Mary Beth Barone
What's great about this season is that Jean's not in it and you just played her. Because what I saw in the trailer was you dressed as her, which I thought meant. Yeah, Jean quit the first day.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yes.
Mary Beth Barone
And they got the only person who could fill in for her.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. Well, she's actually co starring on the Comeback, which is strange. And then, you know, Valerie comes into my season later, but we don't talk about you. And it's, It's a whole. Yeah, no, it was, it was the best day of my life.
Mary Beth Barone
That's great.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And if it doesn't air or if I die before then, or they cut me out, I don't give a. Well, I mean, I don't want to die, but. And I prefer they not cut me out.
Mary Beth Barone
But now I think they won't because you're in the trailer for. I didn't celebrate the back until I saw the trailer. And I was like, okay, good.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
What if they cut us both out?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Well, I'm gonna say this. I got feedback from one of the directors, and they said, well, how about this? When I, when I was done, they said, like, you were Jenny Craig.
Mary Beth Barone
We couldn't use the footage because of the back. Your back rolls?
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, no, no. The. They said you killed it.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh, that's good.
Katya Zamolodchikova
But I think they were talking about the, the possum in my trailer. Love. I don't know. I, I, I, I cried on the way home.
Mary Beth Barone
Tears of joy All I pray for is air conditioning. That's all I pray for.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So that's why I got that mucus sucking medication, which I know somebody chimed in on the comments, which I never read, that it's a very dangerous medication because it dries up all your mucous membranes.
Mary Beth Barone
It's not safe.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's for event specific hyperhidrosis.
Mary Beth Barone
Right.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I don't take it every day. I've taken it twice.
Mary Beth Barone
But you telling me to take it at music festivals is not good advice.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Mary Beth Barone
But that's when you told me to take it.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's. I. I said you could try it at a music festival if you are available to be super hydrated, but you're not in 120 degree heat.
Mary Beth Barone
Okay.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Because this was. This was.
Mary Beth Barone
I'm gonna refer. I'm gonna ask my primary care.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Ask him about it. I asked an MD about it. I told him exactly the scenario, and then they prescribed it to me.
Mary Beth Barone
Sure.
Katya Zamolodchikova
But here's the thing. It dries up all your mucous membranes. You get dry mouth. You get very, very dry.
Mary Beth Barone
And what about my.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Your pee, your pussy? You will not squirt.
Mary Beth Barone
Can I get wet?
Katya Zamolodchikova
No.
Mary Beth Barone
Damn.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You won't squirt. There'll be a Sahara down there. Damn. With a Sahara, like the goby.
Mary Beth Barone
Damn.
Katya Zamolodchikova
From the Yangtze to the Gobi. But wait, wait. So it's not great for you, but it was an emergency situation, because think about it like, sweating. Reattach. If once the mustache goes, mary, it's over. It's over.
Mary Beth Barone
It's over. And Gene goes, is that sweating?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
Get this faggot out of here.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Because she famously runs cold.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh, here we go.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That's. And I know that. I heard that she's like, I hate how cold it is on set.
Mary Beth Barone
And I'm like, that would drive me insane.
Sponsor Voiceover
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
But she was.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Anyways. Yeah, it worked for the. It worked when Fina. I mean, I didn't really. Actually. No, that's not true. Because we.
Mary Beth Barone
We.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It got kind of physical, the scene.
Mary Beth Barone
Because of the fucking. Yes.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And normally I would have walked out of that scene because I really went for it, you know, And I would have walked out of that scene drenched, got back into the trailer bone dry. Love the bone temple.
Mary Beth Barone
Well, when it comes out, I'm gonna have to talk to it again because I'm gonna want to know, because I only know about the. I want to know about. You can't say no.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I know in my. The reason I'm there is interesting and it's. It's integral to the Plot of the season, which I don't know. I know the whole episode, but it's gonna be. The episode sounds wild. It sounds really crazy. And I cannot wait to watch it. And I mean, I'm like, I love all those people. I've been to Han, Hannah. I'm Finder's like, stand up show at the Dynasty typewriter. She's incredible. I've worked with Mark and Delicato in that Celebrity Drag Race thing. We danced together. Lost Celebrity Drag Race, Rotten.
Mary Beth Barone
Are they still doing that?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I don't know. I hope they don't. They shouldn't. Were you talking about air conditioning, baby? That place was a little abusively air conditioned.
Mary Beth Barone
Celebrity Drag Race.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
Love it.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It was like 30 degrees.
Mary Beth Barone
Love.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It was a little for me. I was actually like, this is bad for our joints.
Mary Beth Barone
I love. Oh, I love that one time. Tom Feeney, Thomas Feeney, he was like, for the hello, hello video, he's like, you know, if it's too cold, it's actually bad for your joints, baby.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
Get ready to break those knees.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yes. Yeah. Boniva is.
Mary Beth Barone
But then jokes on you. I showed up and it was 98 degrees.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, that's right. In that velvet. That velveteen rabbit suit. Yay. Yay.
Mary Beth Barone
I'm at the point where I don't even walk up when it's hot somewhere. I don't walk up and say anything. I just power down and take. Go inside myself.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Take your glycopyrrolate.
Mary Beth Barone
Just kidding. Like that scene in Precious where she's. She like goes outside of her body. That's me. When it's that hot and drag. I go like, well, I'm going to turn on my peripheral personality and go inside myself and think about everything bad that's ever happened to me and will ever happen to me.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I'm gonna astrally project above myself.
Mary Beth Barone
Yes.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So as to avoid the trauma.
Mary Beth Barone
I just saw Paul Downs at the Queerties.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Mama. Let's talk about his skin. Let's talk about his hair. Let's talk about his personality. The way that man is so lovely, so hot, so nice, so funny. I would just chain him to a radiator and fuck him to death.
Mary Beth Barone
Okay, that didn't happen at the Queerties. He was introducing Meg because she received
Katya Zamolodchikova
an award, major award in her American flag outfit.
Mary Beth Barone
Her American flag with her tramp stamp. She came and she also was on the red carpet just going, the president should be in jail. Vote for Meg.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What was her acceptance speech like? I forget. It was hysterical. It was.
Mary Beth Barone
She's out of her mind.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She's out of her mind and she's
Mary Beth Barone
out of her mind.
Katya Zamolodchikova
When she was on Colby, it was some late night show when she had a long, long, long wig and she's like. When she mentions when I'm on my big period, my big period. When I have my big.
Mary Beth Barone
She's going to do her big one.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She. And it was just too much. I think it was Stephen Colbert. It might have been, but it was he. He didn't even know what to do with that. That lady. Cuz she is too hot for tv.
Mary Beth Barone
She's amaz. Oh, that's the one where she goes, get me out of here. She is so you ever been in
Katya Zamolodchikova
London and you just, you go to breakfast, you're like, get me out of here.
Mary Beth Barone
What a.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She's so like, probably my favorite person in this whole world.
Sponsor Voiceover
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, I grew up on the mean streets of Marlborough, Massachusetts. Raised not just by a family, but by a rotating council of terrifyingly strong women. There was Sheila at Finnegan's Pub. Built like a bar stool and emotionally sharper than a steak knife, she could pour a Guinness and end a bar fight with a single nasty look from her lazy eye. Then there was Denise, the local postal carrier who marched through the sleet, the snow, and nasty little terriers like a suburban war hero in ill fitting shorts. And lastly there was Darlene and for fluff's sake, the dog groomer who once shaved only the front part of my neighbor's poodle to make it look like the dog was jumping out of its own fur simply because the owner called her a nasty name. These women did everything work, family, relationships, crisis management, even the invisible job of holding their friends and family together when no one else would. And that kind of strength is beautiful, but it's also exhausting. This month especially, it's worth asking yourself what you carry, what people expect from you, and whether you've made any room for your own well being. Therapy can help with that. BetterHelp gives you access to fully licensed therapists in the US who work under a strict code of conduct. You fill out a short questionnaire, they do the matching for you, and with over 12 years of experience, they usually get it right the first time. If not, you can switch anytime BetterHelp has more than 30,000 therapists, has served over 6 million people worldwide, and has an average Live session rating of 4.9 out of 5 based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Celebrate the women you love and please remember to include Yourself in that list. Your emotional well being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off@betterhelp.com bald that's better. H E L P.com bald Today's episode
Mary Beth Barone
of all the Beautiful is brought to you by SeatGeek. You guys. With over 35 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app. I'm going to tell you a real story that actually happened. So I was in Milwaukee visiting my mom, and my mom and my aunt love Joan Jett and I love Joan Jett. And about 20 years ago, when I was third, when I was 16 years old, my aunt took me to see Joan Jett at Milwaukee Pride Fest. So I was driving, I saw a billboard that had Joan Jett playing with Billy Idol on it. And oh my God, it was the next day, August 29th, in Milwaukee. I pulled over, I called my mom, I said, do you want to go see this tomorrow? She said, yes. I got on my SeatGeek app and I got tickets. Now I'm taking my mother, who has mobility issues. And I love the SeatGeek app because if you're like me with arthritis or my mom, who has osteoarthritis in her knees, I want to know about standing. I want to know how much walking there is. I want to know exactly what the visibility is if we're going to be in the ADA section with my mom. And I love SeatGeek because they have a 1 through 10 rating system where you can get the rating of the seat based on visibility, quality of the show, etc. With over 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports, festivals, even more. You're gonna love SeatGeek. I went to see Devo at the Hollywood bowl, and I got to use SeatGeek to check out a garden box seat. And when I got to the show, the view was exactly what I previewed on the app. Exactly. It was amazing. Plus, every ticket is backed by a buyer guarantee. So concert season is about to kick off. To make it even better, you can use the code BALD10 for 10% off your SeatGeek tickets. That's 10% off tickets with promo code BALD. Thank you, SeatGeek. Love you.
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Katya Zamolodchikova
I'm going into Russia now.
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Katya Zamolodchikova
Right now, go to quince.com bald for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to wear it and love it. And you will now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Q U I n c e.com bald for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com bald can I tell you about the queerties? Oh, yes, yes, yes. You looked fetching.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh, thank you. Very nice gown. Amy built that gown. Beautiful. I did the hair. Fina was out of town working with you.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
And there's no hair and makeup people left in Los Angeles who do drag. Hair and makeup?
Katya Zamolodchikova
No. There's Dean and that's it.
Mary Beth Barone
It's a when. When beauty. It's a weird thing where there's hair people and makeup people.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You can have chili.
Mary Beth Barone
Drag is different, of course, and the problem is you need veteran drag queens to do it. But drag queens are notoriously alcoholic, unreliable whores. So to find a unicorn like Fina who has drag knowledge, who's reliable, who
Katya Zamolodchikova
wakes up at 6am Everybody, not because she's moving away, comes to Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
I know all my usual people. I'm like, are you available? Are you available? Because I need somebody who can glue, lace.
Sponsor Voiceover
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
And fix and make. Don't ever.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Don't think that it's yours, baby. Because I have claimed that I got a Transformer branded.
Sponsor Voiceover
So don't.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh, I know you must pay better than me. That's got to be what it is. Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I find out whatever you offer and I triple it.
Mary Beth Barone
Makes sense.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That's why I'm in such dire financial space.
Mary Beth Barone
I. The credence was easy. I showed up, I did my test.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It was your best joke.
Mary Beth Barone
No good jokes. No, they were really funny. They were funny. Which one did I like? Oh. I said, if you guys get nervous about the Queerties, remember that no one even knows what they are. They're like RuPaul songs. And that only the people in this room even know they exist. Pretty fun. Oh, Raven Simonye, incredible sense of humor. I said, raven Simonier is here tonight. But she probably already knew that. And I didn't watch till the feed. But the feed is just her, like,
Katya Zamolodchikova
because she probably doesn't even remember being on that show. No.
Mary Beth Barone
And then I go, I'm Trixie Mattel, and you're watching the Queerties. And I did, like, the Disney Channel thing.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I'm telling you, she doesn't even remember.
Mary Beth Barone
But maybe it's the editing. But I watched the feed on Tick Tock because it kept cutting to her not laughing. But I'm sure she. I'm sure she did laugh. Whatever.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She was probably laughing so much she puked.
Mary Beth Barone
Yeah. But I will say this story, okay? So I was gonna do the Queerties, and they asked me and I said, well, I've seen Jinx do it and Alaska and Bob, and when I know from going to Queerties to host it, but what I know from going is that people are so drunk and talking, no one is even listening. So what I've learned is I said, bob, it actually inspired me because you three are so funny. And I've been in the audience. No one's really listening. It's kind of freeing. Just talk to the camera, do your job. I was like, bob. And Bob goes, well, actually, when I did it, a lot of people laughed and people actually really liked it. And people came up to me and said they thought it was really funny. I said, okay, perfect. Nevermind. No common ground. Then we're good. Okay, good.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Actually, what most people consider a failure, I actually see that.
Mary Beth Barone
I was like, girl, I'm saying you were funny, but I'm saying that in that environment, drunk and.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, it's not the Oscars.
Mary Beth Barone
Yes. So, like, thanks for the confidence, Bob. Perfect. Bob's like, actually, I was incredible. Got it.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. I didn't mention you're also ugly.
Mary Beth Barone
Right, Right. And Bob said, everyone's saying that you look bad. My press release for the Queerties was that this year they went with pretty fierce. Nice. What? But it was easy. Just go and read your lines. Read your lines. Funny, funny, funny. Leave. Oh, I said last. I said you guys were here. And David Archuleta did that Paula Abdul tribute because he did one a few years ago. I said I was so inspired. I've been doing a Lady Bunny tribute for the past 17 years.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That hysterical.
Mary Beth Barone
That's so good that Gen Z is like, who's Lady Bunny?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yes. Genoa's like, six.
Mary Beth Barone
Was seven with the Sigma. Crazy.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What else? What was that? It was easy.
Mary Beth Barone
I just.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Big stars.
Sponsor Voiceover
Big stars.
Mary Beth Barone
Big stars. Of course. Margaret Cho, Paul Downs, Meg Stalter, May Martin.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Does everybody have to be queer? Queer adjacent. No.
Mary Beth Barone
You can win.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I think playing Gay, I think Where Hudson.
Mary Beth Barone
The cast of Boots was there.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, I watched that.
Mary Beth Barone
Boots was there. Who else was there? A lot of people were there. Girl, I went by like a blur, but they put me next to the stage with a little glass of wine. So I just had to sit backstage and wait and wait to go on and talk. And there was one part where I guess I was spacing out and somebody walked off stage. And I have this thing where when I make a mistake on stage, I tell the audience. I don't know what that is.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's a bad instance, but I ran
Mary Beth Barone
out on stage after some dinner, and I go, I'm here, I'm here. Sorry. I was drinking. That wasn't. But that wasn't comedy. That was me just being like, I was over there drinking.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Funny. That's funny.
Mary Beth Barone
But you should just pay attention.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
I mean, I was back there with wine. Like, yeah, somebody gonna host.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Like, what the. That's fierce, though.
Mary Beth Barone
It was really easy. And then I just went home. But I got to see Paul and I, I, I, I said, you know, Katya, we talked about Uganda hacks, and it was exciting.
Katya Zamolodchikova
They should do it. You've seen, you've seen House, that, that weird medical show. Yeah, they get to do it.
Mary Beth Barone
Not weirder than every medical show.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, I know. But they should do it. A crossover. Boots the house down. You know what I mean? Where they all become medical students, all the army, the Marine guys. And then it's gay.
Mary Beth Barone
How do you think the actors on those shows memorize medical jargon? Oh, baby.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Because I have. I've been watching industry. You want to talk about financial jargon, baby? Shorts. I don't even read derivatives wearing shorts. No, like, we're gonna. We're gonna short the fund, the hedge, the. I mean, I have 60 of the dialogue. I have. I couldn't tell you what the. It was. And I don't want to learn because I hate finance. The show is so riveting. I had to turn it off because it got really dark and depressing. It's a lot of sex, a lot of violence, a lot of really grim people doing despicable things. It's excellent. Kit Harrington is cunty in it and so is everybody else, but it's like, girl, I don't know what. Finance, trading, all that, none of it. But it still rivets me. Is that.
Mary Beth Barone
Can you be.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Can you be.
Mary Beth Barone
I don't know these words.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, I mean, is.
Mary Beth Barone
Can I.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Is it weird to say it rivets me?
Mary Beth Barone
No, I think it's good. It's riveting.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I was riveted by it.
Mary Beth Barone
Rivets me. I think that is wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got riveted.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, frog rivets. And I get riveted.
Mary Beth Barone
I'd love for a guy to rivet me. You know, both legs.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Sorry. But yeah, no, I don't know the met. The jargon. And do you think it's satisfying for actors?
Mary Beth Barone
I do think House is funny because it's always like. But menstrual cramps. It's always like, I know you think that you need your prescription change in your glasses, but you're pregnant with triplets.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Or like, like the lip that's on in your vagina, that is. Or it Degree's anatomy. That's funny.
Mary Beth Barone
Your daughter said she's a virgin. It's. It's always like your 9 year old doesn't have brain cancer. She's pregnant. That's crazy.
Katya Zamolodchikova
But on the pit, it's like, we need CC. We need three CCs of Thorazine.
Mary Beth Barone
It's like, did you see on Saturday Night Live? Did you see? It's like the Pit, but it's like, like Make America Healthy Again edition. And it's like we need beef tallow and brown milk or whatever. They're like prescribing milk.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Wait, speaking of Maha. And I know we can't touch or talk on this on the pod, perhaps, but I watched the. Jillian,
Mary Beth Barone
what do you mean we can't talk about it? It's all I've thought about. Why didn't you start with this?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Well, because I'm edging you for the next episode when I put my other T shirt on and let it rip.
Mary Beth Barone
I cannot tell you how badly we need to talk about it, baby.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The way I had to take a break because Andrew and I watched it at this. Watched it at the studio. 45 minutes in, I said, we need to pause this.
Mary Beth Barone
Why can't we talk about it?
Katya Zamolodchikova
We're going to next episode, honey. So why bring it up now for cliffhanger. Oh, okay. They're never gonna tune in.
Mary Beth Barone
Get me all horny. I watch a lot of Jubilee. Jubilee content. I think that I thought the Queen's
Katya Zamolodchikova
Jubilee was just about her body being brought around the world.
Mary Beth Barone
They do a really good job. It's obviously very engaging. It's fun to watch people be passionate and fight. I've been. I watch a lot of Jubilee.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Never heard of it.
Mary Beth Barone
And some people call it rage baiting, where you're baiting the audience to just be enraged watching people.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You know, mama, I was. I was the biggest trout in the. In the. In the lake.
Mary Beth Barone
But it's right up with like, okay, we'll talk about it next.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Don't mind if I do.
Mary Beth Barone
Watching Dr. Mike talk. Be surrounded by anti vaxxers. Like, I like to watch the audacity of people with no medical background, sit down with doctors and be like, well, actually,
Katya Zamolodchikova
we'll get to it when we next episode. It was exasperating. It was my. I had to. I had to constantly check my blood pressure. I had to take my Losartan twice. I had. I had to do the. You know what I mean? I had to. I had to do.
Mary Beth Barone
Check in.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I had to do yoga breaths, you know, cooling breaths. We gotta turn the AC on. I had to take a walk around the block, get some tacos. I needed a break.
Mary Beth Barone
Yeah. I had a joy.
Katya Zamolodchikova
What's your joy?
Mary Beth Barone
Well, got to go to Dollywood, right? I've been on my theme park kick, Dollywood, two weekends ago.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Thanks for the invite, by the way.
Mary Beth Barone
Going to Disneyland this weekend.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You like Disney?
Mary Beth Barone
Oh, yeah. I splurged on the VIP tour guide to do the whole park in a day.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You do it underground? The underground pizza shop.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh, yeah. You walk in the exit, they say, which cart do you want? How many rides do you want to ride it?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Do you see the secret? You know what's on there?
Mary Beth Barone
I met Mickey. He's not what you think. Huge, huge, bloated Italian guy. I walk in he has a pile. He has an Easter basket full of fingers he's cut off that day that
Katya Zamolodchikova
he wears as a penis packer.
Mary Beth Barone
And he was making friendship bracelets that he said, are you Tracy? Come sit down. And I sat down. It was me. You know who else it was? It was Timothee Chalamet. Because Mickey loves opera.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Of course.
Mary Beth Barone
So Timothy Chalamet, all the toes have been removed.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh, yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And yeah. Made him dance.
Mary Beth Barone
Yep. Oh, my God. Did you see, you know Caitlin Riley?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yes.
Mary Beth Barone
Who? I love the comedian. She did a skit on her Tick tock that was talking about, like ballet and opera. Sitting down with Timothee Chalamet.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, God.
Mary Beth Barone
And it was like, the next time you say anything about us, we're cutting off your fingers.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, baby. The Dude 3 trailer got me so hard.
Mary Beth Barone
What's dude Dune?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Are you turned on?
Mary Beth Barone
Wait, dude three? Dude three?
Katya Zamolodchikova
No. Are you turned on, turned up and turned out. What is it? There's a. There's a Get out.
Mary Beth Barone
Yeah, that's you watching the Dune trailer.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I thought I fall through a ceiling into a split somehow, Mary, the way that trailer has me bricked and just gooned. And I watched it 16 to 17 times because you know, I'm about to split. I'm see that thing in 60 because the 5D is when they shake the chairs. The 60 is when I squirt through the screen.
Mary Beth Barone
Girl. I went to see a movie recently. I sat in one of those D box chairs. Do you know about this?
Katya Zamolodchikova
D box?
Mary Beth Barone
D box.
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's the ones where they go like that and they poke you. I hate that.
Mary Beth Barone
I went with my boyfriend. He said, if we're paying for this, we got to turn him up all the way. I said, okay. They you the way I got sore and nauseous.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, yeah, it's awful.
Mary Beth Barone
Like in the movie. In the movie, if they're driving down a smooth road.
Sponsor Voiceover
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, no, Mary. God forbid somebody spits in somebody's mouth.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh, in this. In the scene, if there's sex, you get fingered. In the movie, if there's like a fingering scene, you feel a robot hand just reach up.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Hate it. And then just really, just get your clips.
Mary Beth Barone
They don't make sense. Like in the scene, it's like fast and Furious. They're driving a car. Who's tweaking my nipples? What sense does that make?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Why are they wired? Oh, because he's hot. Wiring a car.
Mary Beth Barone
Everything sexual. I'm going to have a D box chair. That everything's sexual.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I think it's just called a machine.
Mary Beth Barone
You're watching the Notebook. If they kiss. Yes.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You're got your legs up like it's
Mary Beth Barone
one of those hydraulic machines. And you're watching the country bears.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Kirby too fully loaded?
Mary Beth Barone
Yes.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No. But, oh, when they got stabbed in Dune, you.
Mary Beth Barone
You felt a jab.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I was like, I'm not here for that. No violence.
Mary Beth Barone
Not. I had to turn it down. It was taking me out. I went to, okay. I went to Dollywood, went with a big group, bunch of my friends from Milwaukee, a bunch of friends from Kentucky. We all went and got, you know, Pigeon Forge. Dolly built Dollywood in her hometown in rural Tennessee. So it's this entire community.
Sponsor Voiceover
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
That's all about this theme park that she dropped there so that she could stimulate the economy in her, you know, because Dolly's endlessly generous, of course.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Incredible.
Mary Beth Barone
It was amazing. It was the I will always love you music festival season. So all of the decorations were pink. It was amazing. I was freaking out. Wrote all the rides. The rides are death defying. They're serious roller coasters.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That is so country. I want to go so bad.
Mary Beth Barone
Then I went to this show that was like this life story of Dolly show, which you would have hated. It's like musical theater with singing, but it's the story of Dolly. It was so interesting. They do it with like eight different dollies. So as they go through the phases of her career, it's like a transition happens. A scrim goes by. There's a new Dolly in a new outfit comes out singing a new song.
Katya Zamolodchikova
And you're like, ah, that's so fierce.
Mary Beth Barone
That was really fierce. And then there's a few things I want to go to. One of them I didn't go to. It's Kentucky Kingdom. It is a religious theme theme park. But I'm not going to give religious people money. The other thing I want to go to is the creationism museum where you can see like Adam and Eve riding raptors. But I don't want to give them money. But it's like Adam and Eve naked
Katya Zamolodchikova
writing raptors and then Satan sending the meteor, right? Yes.
Mary Beth Barone
But what I did go to, it's crazy. I read in Pigeon Forge there's, you know, I'm getting my parrot. And I read there's a place called Parrot Mountain which is an outdoor parrot sanctuary. And I went, obviously I'm going, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went. And they have all these rare parrot species. Rarit species, if you will.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah, rare.
Mary Beth Barone
And I get in there, I pay my money, I go In I. They got lorikeets, they got cockatiels, they got cockatoos, they got macaws, they got African grays. They got anything which you would ever want. And all these parrots are free roaming, shiny, happy and healthy. And I have a million questions. I go, where are the president predators? How are the wild hawks not killing these birds? And they said, there's too many birds here. They're making too much noise.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Safety.
Mary Beth Barone
The other birds are like, we're not coming over here. And they said they. It was so interesting holding all these birds. Got to hold a black cockatoo, which is super rare. It was so exciting. I don't have a further story other than I got to go up to all these. Whatever species of bird you want to see. Not only can you see them, you can walk up and hold them and feed them.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Would you say you're a bird fan?
Mary Beth Barone
Am I a bird fan?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I've kissed a cockatoo. Horrible brunch joke. Horrible brunch joke.
Mary Beth Barone
I've kissed a cockatoo.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Like, if you're wearing feathers, I'd say like a feather boa. Like, oh, you're a bird fan. Kissed a cockatoo. Horrible, Horrible.
Mary Beth Barone
It's not so bad. It's. It's not as bad as it gets.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That's true.
Mary Beth Barone
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah. The more you drink, the prettier we get.
Mary Beth Barone
Wait, the music skips. We're having testicular difficulties.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, God. Flashback. Core memory. Core memory. I. There was a funny clip on. On Instagram that of Dolly.
Mary Beth Barone
She.
Katya Zamolodchikova
God, she's so hysterical and she's doing like a question from an audience and they were like, how do you do it? Like, you do so much. How do you do it?
Mary Beth Barone
She's like, honey, I do drugs. She's too good.
Katya Zamolodchikova
So fierce.
Mary Beth Barone
But we're at the point now where every six months now, she's giving like a. I'm not dead yet.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
Like, message.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
The weekend I was there, the day after Dollywood opened. So the day before, she was there doing her parade. She always comes to the parade. And the day after, she'd given like a. She gave like a. What do you call it? Like, she goes on stage and talks and she's like, my health, I'm older.
Katya Zamolodchikova
An update.
Sponsor Voiceover
Yeah.
Mary Beth Barone
I take new medicines, etc. Yeah. But you guys always think I'm dying. I'm okay, I'm here, I'm in a wig, I'm here. But people are always like, oh, God, there's a Dolly health update.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Oh, my God.
Mary Beth Barone
And the news article is always like, new update on Dolly's health. And it's like, she says she's doing good. This is so. I'm like, let. Can we just assume she's good?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yes.
Mary Beth Barone
Until we're not sure.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Healthy until proven otherwise.
Mary Beth Barone
Yes.
Katya Zamolodchikova
That woman is. You know, I'm not to be corny, but literally, there are some people, very few of them that I know of, and she is one of them. Angel.
Sponsor Voiceover
Yeah.
Katya Zamolodchikova
On earth.
Mary Beth Barone
She really eats.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Angel. She eats. She chomps.
Mary Beth Barone
Double anal. Angel.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She also serves.
Mary Beth Barone
And she serves.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She serves food for people.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh. So I'm staying in Kentucky with my boyfriend. Right. And his family.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You have a boyfriend?
Mary Beth Barone
Yes. Staying with him and his family. I go to sleep, they all die. No, no, no. Tornado alley. I've never lived through a tornado. Hello. Hi.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Hello. Yes, you have. You're liar. You've never lied so much in your entire life.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh, right. That one time in Florida. I forgot about that. But I was young. Doesn't matter.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You saw her, you were Bill Paxton.
Mary Beth Barone
I mean, the tiles were getting ripped off the roof, but it's not like a tornado came over my building. But that was when I was younger. It was at a Waffle House.
Katya Zamolodchikova
The tiles just got ripped out of the roof.
Mary Beth Barone
Yeah. So I get woken up. Boyfriend goes, you got to wake up. There's a tornado. And I'm. I just go back to sleep. I just go. And he goes, no, you have to wake up. There's a tornado. And I'm like, oh, my God. Because I'm thinking, like, what for you just tired. I'd rather die.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Grab the bedpost. The bed's going to take you up. Like Dorothy.
Mary Beth Barone
Right, Right. I like, I've seen the wizard of Oz. This whole house is going to go,
Katya Zamolodchikova
yeah, it's gonna be beers. I hope you like color. We might lose a cow or my dad, but I get revenge.
Mary Beth Barone
So I go down to the living room and me. And we're sitting watching the news, and there's the tornado. And we're watching it go like over the town, basically. And his mom opens the front door and it looks like a tornado is coming out there. The wind is super blowing. They're just looking. And I guess that's when I realized these people are way more used to close calls with tornadoes than I am. Yes. I'm not taking it seriously. And they're almost like watching a parade. They're like, yay.
Katya Zamolodchikova
But what's the plan? What's the safety plan?
Mary Beth Barone
What's my issue? The issue Is we get down there, and then finally I'm waiting for something to happen. And like 15 minutes go by and they go. The good news is when it's close like this, they come and go quickly. You can go back to bed. You're fine. It de. Escalated from a watch to a warning or whatever. And then I go. So the plan was to wake up and die in the living room.
Katya Zamolodchikova
You don't. You don't run up to the. To the shed, to the basement shed or whatever like Helen Hunt.
Mary Beth Barone
That plan is to sit as a family and die watching the news, praying together. Praying.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I just was like, that's crazy.
Mary Beth Barone
But there was no basement. So I guess what do you do? You don't get in the car and drive.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, you get under the dining room table, you start jacking it.
Mary Beth Barone
Well, what did they do in tornado? They put the belt around their hand and then hold onto the pipe, remember?
Katya Zamolodchikova
Yes, but. But most importantly, her mom says, you
Sponsor Voiceover
know, she always loved weather.
Mary Beth Barone
Who loves weather?
Katya Zamolodchikova
It's like, that's the line in The Twisters, Part 2. Twister with Glen Powell and what's her face, Maury Tierney or whatever the fuck of her daughter. You know, she always loved weather.
Mary Beth Barone
Sure. She always loved weather.
Katya Zamolodchikova
She always loved weather.
Mary Beth Barone
In fact, it's the only word she could learn to say. What weather? Before we go, I want to say we added a show in Boston at the Wang Theater.
Katya Zamolodchikova
We totally did. It's not technically the we used to. It's the formerly Wang. The theater formerly known as Wang.
Mary Beth Barone
Okay.
Katya Zamolodchikova
I think it's the. Probably the. The Ernie Bock Jr. Automile Spectacular Civic center or something.
Mary Beth Barone
I checked the numbers this morning. The first night is at 97%, so it's basically sold out. But the second night we added. We still do have some tickets left, but it's on track to sell out. So I just want to tell you
Katya Zamolodchikova
guys, yes, and if. Please, we.
Mary Beth Barone
We.
Katya Zamolodchikova
We need to sell out. Because not only is our dignity at stake, if I have. If I have one more humiliation, it's curtains, right?
Mary Beth Barone
I also think you cried when we sold out Wang last time. If we have two nights sold out, what will you do?
Katya Zamolodchikova
I'll probably throw up.
Sponsor Voiceover
Finally.
Mary Beth Barone
Your family gonna come?
Sponsor Voiceover
God, no. They hate me.
Katya Zamolodchikova
No, no, no. They're. Maybe they don't live close to Boston anymore.
Mary Beth Barone
Oh, okay.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Plus, they got tornadoes to watch, right?
Mary Beth Barone
Okay, bye.
Katya Zamolodchikova
Goodbye.
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Date: March 31, 2026
In this vibrant and delightfully chaotic episode, Trixie and Katya—joined by Mary Beth Barone—celebrate major career milestones, dish on the joys and humiliations of showbiz, delight in pop culture obsessions old and new, and, as always, spiral into tangents involving wigs, air conditioning, theme parks, and anatomical misadventures. With zippy banter and personal anecdotes, they find the beauty in the absurdity of Hollywood life and their journeys from small-time drag shows to starring on Emmy-winning series.
Katya’s Role on 'Hacks'
Mary Beth Barone’s Appearance on 'The Comeback'
Reflect on early Drag Race days:
On the perils of being offer-only actors:
“So I get a message on Instagram from Paul Downs… ‘Hey, Katya, do you want to be on Hacks?’ And I thought it was like an April Fool’s joke. It was January.”
— Katya ([06:12])
“No addition.”
— Katya, on bypassing auditions for her Hacks role ([07:22])
“She took everybody’s pussy and said, you don’t have a pussy anymore. Because this wig is the pussy she deserves.”
— Katya on Fina’s wig artistry ([15:07])
“Fifteen years ago we were getting paid $40, losing the bar money doing shows. Cut to she’s designing a wig for HBO for me to act along with Jean Smart.”
— Katya ([15:41])
“I would just chain him to a radiator and fuck him to death.”
— Katya, crushing on Paul Downs ([31:02])
“Angel. She eats. She chomps. Double anal. Angel.”
— Katya, on Dolly Parton ([52:26])
“I’d love for a guy to rivet me. You know, both legs.”
— Mary Beth ([42:57])
“The plan was to wake up and die in the living room.”
— Mary Beth ([54:17])
| Timestamp | Segment | |-------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:46 | Mutual congratulations: landing roles on dream TV shows | | 06:12 | Katya reveals 'Hacks' casting & wild Instagram DM story | | 09:27 | Katya’s fitting, costuming details | | 14:28 | Katya wears Jean Smart’s wig and wardrobe | | 15:15 | Drag roots: 15-year journey from dive bars to HBO | | 23:27 | Meeting Jean Smart; insecurity around acting with idols | | 25:05 | Memorizing lines, comparing TV vs soap actors | | 38:07 | The trials of drag hair/makeup in the industry | | 39:52 | Queerties awards, drag jokes, and banter with Bob the Drag Queen | | 45:44 | Dollywood, Disneyland VIP tour, theme park adventures | | 47:26 | D-box movie seats: mechanical misadventures | | 50:28 | Parrot Mountain and bird-loving anecdotes | | 51:39 | Dolly Parton health updates and “angel” status | | 52:33 | Tornado in Kentucky: weather trauma, family nonchalance | | 54:17 | Twister/Weather, dying in the living room, dark Midwest humor | | 55:38 | Boston show sales push, humiliation anxiety, tour nostalgia |
Raw, irreverent, honest, and self-mocking, the conversation is simultaneously supportive and bitchy—classic Trixie and Katya. They oscillate between high-camp satire, genuine vulnerability, and rapid-fire inside jokes, all delivered in their signature rhythm of escalating absurdity.
For fans and newcomers alike, this episode is a celebration of queer resilience, comedic catharsis, and the beautiful insanity of life under the studio lights.