All Hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Summary of "All Hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster" Episode of The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Episode Information:

• Title: All Hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster with Trixie and Katya
• Release Date: February 18, 2025
• Hosts: Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova
• Description: In this lively episode, Trixie and Katya traverse a myriad of topics ranging from playful celebrity games and personal health challenges to humorous takes on pop culture and societal issues. Their signature blend of humor, candidness, and sharp wit offers listeners both entertainment and insightful commentary.

---

1. Celebrity-Themed Games and Pop Culture References (00:30 - 07:10)

The episode kicks off with Katya and Mary (a guest or co-host) delving into their favorite celebrity-themed game. They explain a three-round format where participants describe a celebrity without naming them, use only two descriptive words, and finally, mime the celebrity.

Mary: "The first round, you can say whatever you want except the person's name. The second round, you get to say two words only, and they can't be the person's name. The last round, you just mime." [00:52]

They discuss the pitfalls of such games, where celebrities often get pigeonholed into unflattering or overly simplistic descriptions. Examples include:

Katya: "If it was Jamie Lee Curtis, you might be like 'Activia' or 'Halloween'." [02:01]

The conversation humorously touches on how these descriptions can unfairly label public figures, making the game both entertaining and occasionally frustrating.

2. Personal Health Struggles and Mold Remediation (07:10 - 14:00)

Mary shifts the discussion to a more serious topic—dealing with black mold in her home. She outlines the exhaustive and costly process of mold remediation, emphasizing how it can involve tearing down walls and replacing fixtures.

Mary: "Mold remediation... It could cost anywhere from $15,000 to $80,000." [13:00]

Katya empathizes, highlighting the emotional and financial toll of such home maintenance issues. The hosts humorously lament the challenges of home ownership, comparing it to a labyrinth of potential disasters.

3. Sponsored Segment: BetterHelp Therapy (14:00 - 17:59)

Mary introduces a sponsorship segment for BetterHelp, sharing a whimsical story about her Great Aunt Ida to underscore the importance of therapy. She emphasizes how BetterHelp can assist in identifying and avoiding personal red flags, fostering healthier relationships.

Mary: "BetterHelp can help you to identify and avoid red flags while seeking out the green flags that will inevitably lead to a healthier and happier life." [14:00]

This segment blends humor with genuine advocacy for mental health support.

4. Pop Culture and Drag Community Insights (17:59 - 31:16)

The conversation transitions back to pop culture, with discussions about Lady Gaga's commentary on "Joker 2" and the nuances of artistic reception. They touch upon fan reactions and the pressures artists face when work doesn't resonate as intended.

Katya: "As an artist, you have to be willing for people to sometimes not like it." [19:28]

A standout moment is their playful banter about a "Drag Race" contestant named Lydia Butthole Collins, showcasing their knack for humor and exaggerated storytelling.

Katya: "Lydia Butthole Collins. That sounds like a mean name for middle school." [28:23]

5. Technology, Lifestyle, and Personal Anecdotes (31:16 - 40:03)

Katya shares her experiences with the Apple Vision headset, blending virtual reality with daily tasks such as email management and virtual pool games. Their discussion highlights the intersection of technology and lifestyle, infused with their characteristic humor.

Katya: "Instead of swiping, I just go like this. And the TikTok changes whatever." [35:05]

Mary reflects on her own technology usage, sparking a mutual understanding of the challenges and absurdities of modern gadgets.

6. Health Challenges and Coping Mechanisms (40:03 - 47:46)

The hosts openly discuss their personal health struggles, including back pain and the use of muscle relaxants like gabapentin. They candidly share how they cope with chronic pain, blending vulnerability with humor.

Katya: "Whenever my back hurts... I took a gabapentin which is a muscle relaxant." [33:58]

Their dialogue underscores the importance of discussing health openly while maintaining a lighthearted tone.

7. Driving License and Creative Expression (47:46 - 43:57)

Mary talks about her quest to obtain a driving license without compromising her drag persona, leading to a humorous exploration of Pastafarianism—a satirical religion involving pasta strainers as headgear.

Katya: "I wear a pasta strainer on my head when I go to the DMV." [42:14]

This segment highlights their creativity and willingness to bend societal norms in entertaining ways.

8. Closing Remarks and Final Reflections (43:36 - 46:05)

Returning to earlier topics, Mary and Katya recap the chaos of mold remediation, humorously lamenting the unending cycle of home repairs and suggesting a resignation to perpetual maintenance struggles.

Mary: "It's desperately seeking shelter. It's crazy." [25:54]

They conclude with an amusing exchange about the “Trixie magic hate ball” prop, wrapping up the episode on a high note filled with laughter and camaraderie.

Katya: "Let's shake it and you ask whatever you need to ask it to. Yes or no type of stuff." [45:41]

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

1. Celebrity Games Setup:

   Mary: "The first round, you can say whatever you want except the person's name." [00:52]

2. On Artistic Critique:

   Katya: "As an artist, you have to be willing for people to sometimes not like it." [19:28]

3. On Drag Community Humor:

   Katya: "Lydia Butthole Collins. That sounds like a mean name for middle school." [28:23]

4. On Health Struggles:

   Mary: "It's a war zone. I'm living in World War iii. It's, like, crazy." [37:07]

5. On Societal Issues:

   Mary: "The constitutional tea in this country is not Valid." [46:02]

6. On Technology and Lifestyle:

   Katya: "Instead of swiping, I just go like this. And the TikTok changes whatever." [35:05]

---

Conclusion

"All Hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster" exemplifies the dynamic chemistry between Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova. Through a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and sharp social commentary, the duo navigates a wide array of topics with ease and authenticity. Whether they're dissecting the quirks of celebrity culture, sharing personal health journeys, or poking fun at societal norms, Trixie and Katya deliver an episode that's both entertaining and deeply relatable. Listeners are treated to an engaging auditory experience that underscores the profound beauty found in their unabashed embrace of life's chaotic and fabulous moments.

Transcript

[Trixie Mattel]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Foreign. If I was like, honestly, one of my favorite games to play. If it's like, we have no board games or trying to spend time the. The celebrity.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We have the bowl. And you write down celebrities.

[Mary]

Yes. And then you have this three rounds.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's three rounds.

[Mary]

The first round, you can say whatever you want except the person's name.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Mary]

The second round, you get to say two words only, and they can't be the person's name. The last round, you just mime. No words.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Acting.

[Mary]

Acting. Silent movie acting.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Mary]

But in memory comes into play because often what happens is that a certain celebrity will get pigeonholed or described in a way that is unflattering to them but is memorable to us.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God. Perhaps inappropriate when we're playing celebrity with our friends and someone gets you and they're like, only two words.

[Mary]

Bald, tweaker, crackhead. Right. I mean, yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's the worst. And sometimes. But sometimes it's like the opposite happens. Like, it's, like, not accurate, but it just sticks to that person. Or like, it's the stupid detail that somebody thinks of, like, in a panic. And then that's what we used to describe. And then I think of when I think of that person.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, someone gets. It'll be like, oh. Like, if it was Janie Lee Kermis, you might be like, Activia.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Halloween. And you're like, okay, Jimmy Lee Curtis. Now for forever later. You either have yogurt or do stabbing. You're like, I don't know, but.

[Mary]

But like Jody Foster, if all you can think of is Nell, that gets tough.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, you give. Hit him with the good old chick. Hit him with the good old chick. Do. Do kids today know about Nell?

[Mary]

Nobody knows about Nell.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think the kids today. There's probably, like, a girl in BTS named Nell. It's BTS Girls. Oh, there you go.

[Mary]

You didn't know that BTS was in Girls what are you nuts?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I don't know.

[Mary]

The Korean boy band.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, bts, I was thinking of Blackpink. That's the big, big girl.

[Mary]

That's the girl band. How many girls they circulating through that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, operation It's Kelsey, Rachel, Monica, Courtney, Phoebe, Phoebe, Lisa. And how could. Oh, okay, they're all one.

[Mary]

And then shout out to Lisa from Black Paint.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Shout out to Lisa from Blackpink. And then how could we forget Tanya? Shrimpy.

[Mary]

Oh, Shrimpy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's actually. It's kind of a flip flop. She's very tall.

[Mary]

She's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's super tall.

[Mary]

She towers above. So they put her way in the back.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, the other girls kind of do all their choreography and then like once during the show, Shrimpy just steps over all those.

[Mary]

I have been chewing gum this whole time. I am so sorry to you. Not only to you, Trixie, not only to you, Tritzi, but to the listeners. And I. I want to express my deep and heartfelt regret at having wasted so many minutes of our podcast already.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're keeping it.

[Mary]

Oh, no, I know they get what they get. Not only do you get the. The sultry sounds of my smack and gum, this blue background goes great with that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I, I. You tweeted a few days ago. To the pod listeners, I would like to offer my sincere all the audible gum smacking in the most recent episode. It is never my intention to cause the listener discomfort with two spaces, which is weird. Pain or distress without a comma, which is weird too.

[Mary]

I'm trying to be relatable.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I regret this deeply and vow to never chew gum while being recorded. I sincerely hope, however, that my despicable behavior doesn't invalidate my critique of the movie Amelia Perez, which I firmly and resolutely maintain is the worst movie ever made. I'm sorry.

[Mary]

That.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And thank you.

[Mary]

That non binary tea is super valid, girl. Okay? As it was yesterday, girl, and it will be tomorrow.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That non binary tea is valid. Maybe not. Maybe not. According to the news recently. Speaking of, I don't know if you're talking about the news lately, but you tweeted everything is horrible and everyone sucks shit. Just four hours ago, with a period. With a period. Were you kind of thinking of coming here?

[Mary]

No, I was. No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What have you tweeted? Like, I hate who I'm going to film with today. Fuck that bald pig. And then like, I just saw your.

[Mary]

Twitter, like, oh, I would never do that online. I would say it to your face, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mary, can I tell you what happened to me?

[Mary]

I Wish you would.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So you know Blake, our yoga instructor? Yes, Hi, Blake. And I asked if I could mention Blake on the pod.

[Mary]

The one who picks you up like a six pack before he introduces himself.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You and I know that Blake. Blake has done yoga instruction so long that. I mean, day one, we were. He was up. He's giving me the high. I'm like breaking the leg off.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's no body space.

[Mary]

No, he has. Let's be clear. He has boundaries. He is just. He is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He's getting in there.

[Mary]

Free spirit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He's. He's not. He's getting in there to do the.

[Mary]

Job in his adjustments. I'm sorry. They are incredible.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Girl.

[Mary]

They're incredible.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I had to go.

[Mary]

And they're not sexual. Even though I try to make them that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I had him come over. I had to leave rehearsal early yesterday for. For dance rehearsal with Tom Feeney.

[Mary]

Tom Feeney?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Mary]

The legendary house of Feeny, who's getting.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Taller, better looking and more muscular as time goes on. Good for him.

[Mary]

Good for him.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Him can't relate. Good for him. I leave rehearsal early cuz I'm. My back has hurt so bad. I fell asleep on the couch, which I'm too old to do that. Wake up on the couch. Here's how I wake up. Here's how I wake up after sleeping on the couch.

[Mary]

Mary, that was me this morning.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's bad.

[Mary]

It's not good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I. I need to sleep in one of those indoor skydiving machines where the whole body's just levitating. You know what I mean?

[Mary]

Like zero gravity.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hit me with the Michael Jackson propofal. My shoulder is dislocated.

[Mary]

Oh my God.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ow. Have you seen the. Wait. Yeah, wait. I gotta hit.

[Mary]

I can't lift my arm. My shoulder is dislocated.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's just. Girl, that's me in the morning.

[Mary]

My whole body is in jeopardy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This is my new favorite of him.

[Mary]

Was due to a feces thrown all.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Over the walls, the floor, the ceiling. And it stunk so bad.

[Mary]

Why did he just describe my whole life?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's talking about the bathroom at caa. I'm just kidding.

[Mary]

From. Oh, yes. There. There's fe. I go through hell looking at feces.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I go through it. You know, I have to say the whole Ozempic thing. I picked the wrong year to be frighteningly thin last year. This year I could have blended in.

[Mary]

I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Last year everyone's like, do you want to talk about it? And I said, nope.

[Mary]

When are you going to admit it? Mom?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right?

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And this year, it's. It's the people under the stairs. It's the disappearing. I don't know why. It's. It's the people on the stair stepper. Okay. The people.

[Mary]

Are people still doing it? What do they call glp? Is that what it is? The Oz epic. Manjaro Wingovi Ba Baba.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. It's a. Listen. Life changing, happy for people. But our colleagues, those around us. It is. It is. Have you ever seen that Karen Carpenter movie with the dolls? With the Barbies?

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Superstar.

[Mary]

Todd didn't. Todd so on. No. Who did it? The guy who did Happiness.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. It's on YouTube. And as Karen Carpenter loses weight, they shave the Barbie doll down. It's very amazing and chilling. Very.

[Mary]

It's artistic.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Very beautiful movie.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I keep seeing the girls.

[Mary]

Superstar and.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes, superstar.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And the girls. The dolls and the girls. Keep walking. And I said, you are you. Every morning, God is taking a potato peeler and just.

[Mary]

Yeah, it's that thin air kind of thing. Well, you know, it's tough for me because like, a lot of the Not. I mean, a lot of the celebrities whom I don't know, but just see online, it gives tweaker. Like, it's. It's almost. It's very tweaker because it's that gaunt, a hollow kind of look. Like immediate. Like rapid weight loss often is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, you look like a marathon runner. And that's not a compliment.

[Mary]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Marathon runners look like they are moments from death.

[Mary]

Yeah. Is like, is it the Ozempic or is it the Pookie? Or both.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why not both?

[Mary]

Why not both?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then some of the people on it are the thinnest people we know.

[Mary]

Wow.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They were already the thinnest people I know.

[Mary]

And they're like. I just couldn't get it. Extra five pounds. It's like. That sounds like an eating disorder. But hey, what do I know?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hey, let's keep it light.

[Mary]

You know, I'm almost back to everything being shitty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm too cheap. I can barely take my arthritis medicine. If I had to do two injections a month or whatever.

[Mary]

Injection, Arthritis medicine? No, the. I know that. The Ozempic.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Of course.

[Mary]

I thought it was just a pill.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, it's the stabber. It's the auto injector.

[Mary]

Damn. Well.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, you still do.

[Mary]

You're still doing the Simia or whatever.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Simsia.

[Mary]

Simsia, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The Sibian. Yeah, I ride on that thing and I just. Yep. Just vibrates my eyeballs out of my head.

[Mary]

Hog to hell.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I. Blake comes over and he's helping me with my back, which he only had 30 minutes. And I said, I'll take it.

[Mary]

Oh, he can do stuff in 30.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He comes over, we don't talk at all. He's like, you know, we haven't seen each other in six months. And I was like, we don't have time to talk. We'll catch up. He goes, we'll catch up next time. He's working me out. He's breaking the bones. I'm yelling on the mat. I'm going. And he goes, well, you're not as bad as your friend. Because he said that when he's adjusting you. You're the screamer.

[Mary]

Well, yeah, I'm very vocal.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm very vocal.

[Mary]

I'm very vocal in all. In every regard.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you do sex vocals?

[Mary]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I do kind of a lake too.

[Mary]

It's got to have a rhythm. No, I mean, I. I'm a moaner if it's good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, so.

[Mary]

So you're back.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. So Blake's. Blake's helped me with my back, which is wonderful. It's still hurt today, but, like, it's a process, right?

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So Blake's helping me out. I forget where this program is going. Oh, I had to pee the whole time, which I just. I had to pee before the yoga started.

[Mary]

Oh, no.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The whole time I had to pee.

[Mary]

That's the worst.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The worst. But I didn't want to stop in the middle because I'm like, we only have 30 minutes. But it was. It was very nice to. He made time in his schedule to come help me. It was very, very nice.

[Mary]

Well, you know what I did today that I'm not going to do tomorrow? Pee at the. In the. In the shower at the gym. That's a confession.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why did you do that?

[Mary]

Because I had to go so bad, and I just let it rip and I apologize.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Don't you think people are gonna smell that?

[Mary]

That's what I thought while it was happening. And then I was like, this is wrong.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Were you in the shower?

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Was someone else in there?

[Mary]

No, no, it's an individual shower.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, okay.

[Mary]

It wasn't. It's still. It's still like, why are you peeing when it's not the place to pee? You.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You don't need to be doing all that ugly.

[Mary]

Yeah, but I went into the sauna today cuz I have no facilities in my home currently.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's right. What's going on with that?

[Mary]

I don't even want to talk about it. It's so bad. But so here's the. Here's the thing. My life is troubled at the moment.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

At the moment.

[Mary]

But outside circumstances have crept into now. Yeah, usually it's coming from inside the house, but now it's outside of the house coming in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Usually you are the black bolt in my house.

[Mary]

Exactly, exactly. Usually it's the. The problem is easily identifiable and even not easily treatable, but clearly, you know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sure.

[Mary]

So it's like every day I wake up to a fresh nightmare. For real, though, I'm trying to keep it light. It's just really difficult to.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's like you don't turn on the news and see people with no homes and maybe have a little perspective.

[Mary]

Yeah, no, I do. And then I say, like, okay, well, at least I'm happy that I can afford to do what I need to do, because it's like, it's extremely expensive.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It is.

[Mary]

But you know what, though?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, what can you tell? Like, what's the ball. I've never had black mold removed. What is the ballpark figure there?

[Mary]

So if you have mold in your home or your house, whatever you have to. Now, it depends. It depends on who you ask, but often you might need to do mold remediation. Mold remediation, which is a very involved process that can involve complete. Almost demolishing your home down to the studs, taking out drywall, insulation. I mean, everything. Like, everything. So she is bare and then she is treated. And if you don't address the problem, like a leaky pipe or wherever the thing the moisture is coming from, it'll just come back. Now when the mold remediation happens, that's expensive. And it's depressing because they leave a wide open hole. They don't replace anything. The toilet doesn't get put back. The tiles are gone.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They just rip it open and leave.

[Mary]

Exactly. They treat it. And then you have to have an independent tester come give you the approval before you start rebuilding. Anybody who's ever redone a main bathroom knows that it could cost anywhere from 15 to $80,000.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you have anybody noticed on Trixie Motel season two, we never remodeled bathrooms?

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was like, ah, too much.

[Mary]

If it's wet, it's pricey.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Mary]

If it's wet, it's pricey.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, Aunt Gooch told me anytime you have to move a toilet, it's like, that's money, money, money, sweetie.

[Mary]

Every single choice and every single thing that you can do wrong or incorrectly when it comes to living and home ownership. Come and talk to me, baby, because I've done it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Born in the game Born in the game.

[Mary]

I'm actually inventing new things you can do wrong previously undone. Like make. I'm making mistakes that haven't been made.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Before, Baby, I'd like to talk to you about mold remediation.

[Mary]

Is it for you? Yes. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. As my Great Aunt Ida once said before she rode that heavenly party bus to Fenway park one last time, hey Brian, do me a favor and grab my ice Dunkin from the fridge before you help me find the clicker underneath the couch so I can finish that Matt Damon movie where he solves the math equation and gets Janet of the Year award while dancing the horizontal mambo with that English actress whose jawline is bigger than a donkey's. Now you may be wondering why I decided to recount that choice quote from my great aunt who never left the state of Massachusetts. I did it because Great Aunt Ida was the undisputed queen of red flags. She started smoking at age 7, dropped out of school in the fifth grade, and married a toll booth operator from Shrewsbury who tried to invent a chicken wing with extra bones. If you like. My great Aunt Ida can't tell a red flag from a green flag, even if that red flag proposes to you from his toll booth on i90 during a blizzard. Therapy might be able to help. BetterHelp can help you to identify and avoid red flags while seeking out the green flags that will inevitably lead to a healthier and happier life. For example, therapy helped me identify the green flag behavior of my podcast co host who sent me a New Year's text that simply read, Happy New Year. Let's never write a book ever again. BetterHelp helped me identify green flags, and they can help you too. All from the comfort of your couch, your car, or even a toll booth. You can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost, and it's fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. BetterHelp is currently serving over 5 million people worldwide who decided to get help. So drop what you're doing and access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Be like me and discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp visit betterhelp.comball today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.com bald when it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Comes to cooking and eating, I've got a problem. The thing is, I'm trying to do better. I'm trying to eat better, buy better groceries, cook more so that I'm more in control of what's in my food so I can ultimately, you know, trying to match make my food to my lifestyle because some days I'm really busy and I eat very lean for a few days and then I'll have a couple of days off and go wild. And I just have no regularity and no commitment to the type of groceries I get and what I'm going to make with them. Hungryroot is like having a personal nutritionist and Hungryroot made it very easy to eat a little healthier. So they take care of stressful meal planning each week by recommending delicious recipes tailored to your tastes, nutritional preferences and health goals. They make it easy to eat high quality, nutritious food and achieve any diet or health goal by tailoring recipes to a variety of lifestyles from anti inflammatory, gut friendly, gluten free, dairy free, high protein. You guys, I'm vegetarian and always trying to do anti inflammatory food so this is perfect for me. There's no high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners or preservatives in any of hunger roots food. The only source top quality meat and seafood free of hormones and antibiotics. And all the food can be made in 15 minutes or less. And with over 15,000 recipes shipped each week, there's something for every taste and nutrition preference. I had the pleasure of making the coconut curry tofu rice bowl and I would say even though I'm a lifelong vegetarian, I don't totally always know how to make tofu taste good. But something with the coconut curry is. It's just not something I would have never approached and tried out myself if I didn't have a little bit, you know, being pushed outside my box a little bit. You're going to love Hungry Root as much as I do. Take advantage of this exclusive offer for a limited time, get 40% off your first box. Plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com bald and use code bald. That's hungryroot.com bald code bald to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hungryroot.com bald code bald I heard overheard you the other day. They called and they were like, guess what, Boo Boo. Even more mold than we thought. Boom. The sequel.

[Mary]

How about, how about it went from 3,000, I was like damn. To 28,000. I'm like damn, it's up to baby 40 right now. It's like you buy a lemon. Sometimes you buy a lemon and it sucks.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait have you ever bought a lemon Mary?

[Mary]

What?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you see Gaga's commentary on Joker, too?

[Mary]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So she's doing her press for her very. What, anticipated a new album. Oh, Lily Gaga 7 or whatever.

[Mary]

Oh, she got.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Now Mayhem.

[Mary]

Oh, she got a new album.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Album coming. Oh. LG777. Studio album from. Yes.

[Mary]

The kids are very high fee.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We all are, of course. But she's been answering questions about Joker, too, now.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because, you know. So I go on Twitter yesterday, and it's like, gaga responds to Joker two negative critiques and. Can I read it to you?

[Mary]

Oh, I look, you know, I'm obsessed. There's two things that bring me joy in times of hardship, which I'm currently doing. Elaine stritch compilations from 30 Rock and terrible reviews of movies. Tell me. I want to know it. Show it to me, Rachel. I'd like to talk about it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So this is the Cliff Notes version. This is just a. Okay. Gaga responds to Joker 2 being a failure with audiences. People just sometimes don't like things, T. It's that simple. And I think to be an artist, you have to be willing for people to sometimes not like it.

[Mary]

Boom.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You keep going. Even if something didn't connect in the way you intended, I literally thought that is how you respond to someone not liking something you made.

[Mary]

Wait, that's it. That's extremely mature. And that's what I thought. What are you talking about?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But the headline being some people just don't like things makes it so, like, people are assholes. I don't know.

[Mary]

I don't think so.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't either. But when it was just that sentence, I was like, it's so dismissive, I guess.

[Mary]

Yeah. I mean, I'm glad that she's like, people, you know. Well, people didn't get it. It's ahead of its time. It's like, yeah, you throw spaghetti at the wall and sometimes it doesn't stick.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Well, the second half of the quote, which I don't remember what it was, but the second half of the paragraph was like, the danger is, as an artist, getting caught up in a negative critique.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And having it interrupt the way you create.

[Mary]

Which I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Isabella Rossellini was just talking about that, about, like, being in. She was going through. She had great interview by, like, the Criterion people or whatever. But, yeah, she's like, you don't. You don't read reviews because it's done. It's done. Like, it's already. What's the point?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Mary]

Like, you did It. You did it probably two years ago, so what's the point?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God. I also saw that interview you posted from Patsy.

[Mary]

Who?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

From Ab Fab.

[Mary]

Joanna Lumley.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Didn't you post this?

[Mary]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She was talking about, like, people are always like, oh, this is how I change and how I discovered myself. She's like. She's basically like, haven't you been in your body the whole time?

[Mary]

I know, I know. I love that. Now people, I. Of course, I go in the comments and people like, yeah, you rich white bitch. Or whatever. But it's like. Yeah, I think a lot of times it is like, what do you mean? Be you. I am me Blue. Just be yourself. That's what I've been doing. I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's what. I'm born in the game. That is me.

[Mary]

But I mean, like, think about this. Like David lynch, for example, he's one of my favorite directors. He's made, like, two of his movies, I think are, like, two of my favorites. And then he's got another movie that I can't fucking stand, right? That I hate.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Totally try to watch again.

[Mary]

And I. It's. For me, it's a total flop. But who cares?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We do things. People who like us probably don't. Like, are you kidding me?

[Mary]

I'm still trying to do something good. Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Mary]

You know, it's like, whatever.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's. Some people. Some people. Some people will like what your thing is, you know? And that's why we have that streamy right there.

[Mary]

True.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's not it. It's the one next to it.

[Mary]

Oh. Oh. I just threw this away.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let's take a break. Let's take a break. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Why would you throw it away?

[Mary]

Because it was heavy and it was burdensome and. And this is the fun thing about when people.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How hard it is to get one of those.

[Mary]

Mama, listen. When people enter my life when they don't want to and this happens.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why don't you give it to Tracy?

[Mary]

It didn't occur to me in the moment.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Was it for. It's for. All right.

[Mary]

I don't know. It says best Gyat. Yeah. This is yours. Trixie Mattel.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, this is mine?

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay. I know you didn't throw my trophy away. A bunch of nuns, I don't think.

[Mary]

Honestly. Mine didn't say anything. It did not. I don't believe it did. It could have. Maybe it did. Anyways, she's gone. She's gone. Because all. That's another thing. I went to look at fucking apartments Today. I went to look at other places today.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How's that going?

[Mary]

It was. It was cunt.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

In what way were people. Wait, wait, wait.

[Mary]

Well, one of them.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let me ask you a question.

[Mary]

One of them was an old church.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Blue. You did? Were people living in these apartments? You start walking. I like it.

[Mary]

No, no, no. There were. There was an old converted church, but the neighborhood was kind of blue. Boo Boo.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We just get you something.

[Mary]

A shipping container in the middle.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We just get you something normal. Conveniently located that you don't spend money on.

[Mary]

Yeah, I think that's a. A shelter.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The other day, you had to get out of this. Your house. So you went to my studio without me. What did you do in there, Mary?

[Mary]

Let me tell you what I did. Listen. You know in the Peanuts cartoon, the Stink ball? What's his name?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, pigsty.

[Mary]

Yeah, the one who. Pig Pen. The one who has a cloud of dirt and dust and dismay and. And just destruction. Yeah, that's me right now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Mary]

I go to your condo. I immediately break this. The faucet in the. In the bathroom immediately told me you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Were gonna break something immediately.

[Mary]

And, like, I. It was like, cartoonish. Cartoonish, because I'm, like, tiptoeing around. Very tiptoe, like, boopity, boopity, boopity. Not trying to leave a carbon foot footprint.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right?

[Mary]

And then I break something. I'm like, well, that's it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, you were doing your thing. You were sitting in the sink, taking a. And you turned back there to rinse it.

[Mary]

I was like. I was flushing the toilet while I was trying to get the. To go down the sink. I couldn't put two and two together. No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you do anything with the drag, you little crossy?

[Mary]

I. Yeah, of course I put on them wigs. Of course I put on them wigs and I did a little tiptoe dance.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What did you feel? Did you put on the big ones?

[Mary]

I did some. What do you feel like some of the medium ones. I was Goldilocks in the wig room. I felt very good.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're just in there alone, like, wearing wigs.

[Mary]

I actually did a bunch of push ups in the wig with one wig on. And then I put. I had a negligee in my bag. And, like, I was like, no, I'm gonna stop myself even. Like, this is too weird, even for me, because I don't like being. I don't like being weird at other people's places.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Mary]

I couldn't jerk off at the Charlie Hotel because I was. It was The Panopticon. It was like everybody could see. I was in the center, and everybody could see in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What are you talking about? In your hotel room?

[Mary]

Yes. Like. So the Charlie Hotel is, like, it's a complex of, like, little cottages. Okay. And it's probably 10 or so rooms you can rent. And I rented one that's, like, freestanding. So it's a little cute cottage. So cute. So cute. Has a bedroom up top, and it has a living area with windows that have no shades. Mary. I was like. I was like, exactly. I walked in, I was like, excuse me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Why don't you just go to the W?

[Mary]

I always try to be weird. I did go to the W on New Year's, and it was the girls volleyball team all around me. I have no luck when it comes to like. And again, for the first thing out of that ho's mouth was, the walls are so thin. I was like, am I at home?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, that was a desperate situation. So is this right?

[Mary]

It's desperately seeking shelter. It's crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Welcome to Nada Yada Island. Next on Metro's Nadiata island podcast.

[Trixie Mattel]

I almost fainted when the four new bombshells arrived. Four free Samsung Galaxy A16. 5G phones at Metro.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No way.

[Trixie Mattel]

And finding out the fourth line is free. Things got heated.

[Mary]

That's wild.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Join Metro and get four free Samsung 5G phones only at Metro plus tax.

[Trixie Mattel]

Bring four numbers and an ID and sign up for any Metro Flex plan not available currently at T Mobile or been with Metro in the past 180 days.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Blake said to me, he totally did not mean it this way, but, you know, I've been a little sensitive about my weight. And he goes. He goes. He's. I'm on the. You know, I'm six feet tall at least. He's working me, and I have huge feet, huge hands. And he goes, God, I forget how big you are. And I know he meant tall. And I went, well, no, I went, oh, well, you know, I kind of put my weight back on. I fit my old clothes now. And he was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Tall. And I said, you said what? You said. So then me, my bladder almost bleeding to the point of having to pee, thinking about my size being like, that's horrible.

[Mary]

The bladder. It's like when you go, if you don't go, like, yoga class is 90 minutes, girl. My God. If you don't go, you bo pose where you're pressing your pelvis into the mat. Squirt city.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hot brown. Hot brown liquid. Hot brown liquid. Coming out of the pisser. Hot brown.

[Mary]

Well, the gag is that I'm gonna have to release black diarrhea to play for, to pay for black mold.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, my God.

[Mary]

Isn't that crazy?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Black molderia. Yeah, but.

[Mary]

But I. You know what? I even. I even am a little reticent to say black mold because it's like bedbugs. Oh, yeah, it's that tea. It's like. Don't. Don't come near me. Don't do that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

When drag queens get bedbugs, mama.

[Mary]

When anybody gets.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You have to move.

[Mary]

You have to move. You have to set on fire. You got to, like, get on a plane. Leave everything.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I have, like, so many things to tell you that my brain is, like, flipping through. I just got to rip through some of them.

[Mary]

Do it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you know that there's. Did you know that there's a Drag Race queen on this season who is middle has three names, and the middle name is Butthole. I swear to God. What is the name? I swear to God. I learned this from Tom today, and I said, I have to tell Katya. Lydia Butthole Collins. Lydia Butthole Collins.

[Mary]

Nope.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is there not Peja Malaysia Dupree, not, you know, curious. Chanel Davenport?

[Mary]

Lydia Butthole.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Butthole Collins. Lydia Butthole Collins. That sounds like a mean name for, like, middle school.

[Mary]

Oh, God. Like the. Hey, Butthole. And she just. It just stuck. Is there. Is there a story behind it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It sounds like a middle school. Like, oh, her pants got pulled down. We all saw her butthole. We've always called her Lydia Butthole Collins.

[Mary]

Beatrix, Kiddo. Here. Lydia Butthole Collins. Here.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

People. Did you have a mean nickname, kids?

[Mary]

That boy. Because I was skinny. I told you that many times.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's me.

[Mary]

But no, no, no. It was. It was a term of endearment. It was like, it wasn't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Maybe that's how Blake meant it to me.

[Mary]

No, he. Yeah, Blake is, like, literally the nicest.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Person in the world.

[Mary]

Literally the nicest person I miss. I. Maybe I should get.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He's wonderful.

[Mary]

He is wonderful. And the thing about him is, like, he. It's. He, like, is so good with physical adjustments. And if you've ever been to a yoga class with a shitty teacher who does hands on adjustments and you get, like a tentative, like, not really sure kind of adjustment. You can really feel it, and it's so awkward. He just picks you up and cranks you. Like, it's amazing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I. It hurts, but it feels good. Kind of like a massage where it's like you're Kind of like. And so some. I'll also yell his name. I'll be like, oh, Blake, you know, I don't know what sometimes do you have, like, a go to phrase? Because I'll yell, Christmas. I don't know why. Oh, Christmas. Oh, Christmas. I don't know why.

[Mary]

I don't know. I think it's probably Barbara, please or something like that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Have you ever seen this video of Smokey Robbins? Smokey Robinson. Smokey Robinson. Who's looking in here?

[Mary]

Who's looking? No peepers.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Shove some cash under the door. Hi, Barbara, please. Hi. Oh, Smokey Robinson. He does a cameo. He's a singer. Okay, Singer. Yes. And he has the cameo where he's telling someone, happy Chinooka. Don't know what that is.

[Mary]

Oh, that's what. That's who that is with RuPaul. Because, okay, three things that have brought me very much have pulled me out of the. The well is RuPaul. Stupid Instagram Reels. I can't get enough of them. I can't get enough of them. Opening the door, she has the purse on her head sideways.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The purse on the head sideways.

[Mary]

So funny.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

RuPaul on the reels is wild.

[Mary]

And she gets in, she does she. Little characters, little wigs and stuff, and they're so funny. Oh, my God, it's so awesome. It's great. It's so great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Laurel. What's her name? Butthole Collins.

[Mary]

What is it, Lily?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Lydia Butthole Collins.

[Mary]

Now, what is Lydia Butthole Collins's vibe? Do you know what her vibe is? I know style.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, okay, I'm not watching.

[Mary]

So we don't know anything about her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I get all my Drag Race information. I'm not doing pit stop. I get it all peripherally through the homosexuals who do watch it. And they floated to me like common knowledge. And I go, what are you talking about? Did you say butthole? I'm like, what are you talking about?

[Mary]

I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Tom today said, what do you think of dragons with three names? I said, I think it's okay. And they're like. He was like, well, what about the one whose middle name is Butthole? I said, what? What I think has a middle name.

[Mary]

I think that's amazing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think that's from the legendary house of Butthole.

[Mary]

No, no, from the legendary House of Collins. Collins is the last.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So it's like Boho Collins, Vulva Collins, lbc.

[Mary]

The LBC is very catchy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

T. You know, T, girl.

[Mary]

BC's non binary tea is very, very valid, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I. What? Tell me. I'VE been having a really hard time with. I watch the L. A News every day now instead of watching the CNBC.

[Mary]

WNBA, whatever, the lamestream media.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. I've been watching, watching more the local news supporting the girls and of course it's the LA news. So it's just hard, hard nipples, glossy.

[Mary]

Lips and, and burned down houses.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, it's a lot, it's, it's loosening up on that. We will see that. But I got to tell you, this news story that I saw this morning, okay, so they were go, the, the, the people investigating abandoned buildings, make sure there's no one in it with the fires to be like, is everyone here? Are you okay?

[Mary]

Yeah. Beatrix, Kiddo, tell me why.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They go to this nursing home in la, this nursing home in like Azusa or something, and they find a 101-year-old woman alone in the building. Everyone had been evacuated at this nursing home except her. She said she took her hearing aids out to charge them. It didn't hear the evacuation. And so on camera they blur her face, of course, but it's body cam footage and it's a woman.

[Mary]

And you know, women that age are so sexy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, she has put together, she has jewelry, a little matching set on, she probably has perfume on. And her face is blurred so you can't see her face. But I'm assuming garage doors.

[Mary]

Yeah, garage doors.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And she has the walker. And she goes, I've been trying to get out of here.

[Mary]

Oh my God.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She goes, will you absolutely get out of here? And they go, yeah. Have you been here the whole time? She's like, yeah. And they go, well, let's go. And she goes, well, don't leave me. Because she got left that somebody's grandma. They were like, how much money she have Let that bitch burn? Like, damn, yes.

[Mary]

Left behind.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And those nurses are watching the news being like, yeah.

[Mary]

Oh, I don't work there.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Did somebody say something about. Girl, you wanna, you want to say somebody. Did somebody say something about a joint? Do you want to say. Don't talk about. Did somebody say something?

[Mary]

Did somebody say something about an evacuation? I'm not really sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mary. I took a page out of your books last night because I mixed drugs and alcohol.

[Mary]

My back was hurting and alcohol, so.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My back's hurting so bad.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And whenever my back hurts, which happens maybe a week or two a year, Oxy, usually on tour from the courses.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But lately it's been like, oh, I slept wrong, I'm getting old blood. So I took a gabapentin which is a muscle relaxant.

[Mary]

It's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I took it and I thought that, oh, it's like a pill. It'll hit in 45 minutes. The beat will drop in about an hour.

[Mary]

What, what pills are you taking that, that don't come in for an hour.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It didn't kick in until like two hours.

[Mary]

What?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So and I'm working on my stuff for solving disco. And this is a little bit whatever, but I have that Apple Vision headset thing.

[Mary]

Oh yeah. I've been meaning to ask you about that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love it. I'll. And why I like it is because instead of if you guys can see me on camera, my posture is this.

[Mary]

Oh, when you're doing emails and stuff.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. So instead of that, I will lay flat on the floor at night after a long day, have the Apple Vision on and I'll work like, do emails, whatever, in the sky on the floor.

[Mary]

How do you do the emails with no keyboard?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You get out of here. Type in the air, get out of here. Or when I was just working on solving disco stuff. So I'm running final cut for my computer and I'm editing video, but I'm looking at it on the ceiling. So I'm kind of like this.

[Mary]

Are you using a mouse? It's a little bit Star Trek.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a little bit matrix. It's a little bit. Yes.

[Mary]

Futuristic.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But it's great because for my neck, I can put my neck on a little relaxer, put a pillow under my back.

[Mary]

Stretching you out while you're doing it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, he was too busy. No, I know way more famous clients. I love when he's stretching me and I'm like, do I have the same body as Channing Tatum or whoever you see?

[Mary]

He's like, no, no, you don't forgot.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How big you are.

[Mary]

That ugly?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Damn, you're bald. So I'm working on my computer and I'm looking into the sky and I bought the Apple Vision Pro during a depressive episode. So I bought it to feel something.

[Mary]

Retail therapy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I, I do like it. I do use it. I like it.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And it has really good see through. So, right. The TV can be on, somebody can be in the room and I can just killer.

[Mary]

The killer's nearby.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I can see the killer. And I can do emails and whatever.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Watch Tick tocks. And then it all uses hands. So instead of swiping, I mean I'm just go like this. And the tick tock changes. Whatever.

[Mary]

That's so wild to me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And then the porn Obviously.

[Mary]

No, she's kidding. No, no. Right. Because I know you're kidding. And I. And the one reason that I don't. With the Oculus, I think, is because I tried with porn and I was like, please. Right? So goofy. So goofy. And I don't. I didn't get into it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's boop, boopy doop.

[Mary]

It's boop, boopy doop. And also, the killer is there, and I can't see him with the Oculus.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Mary]

You know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I like it for some. Like, I like. Sometimes I play. I don't have a pool table, so I'll play pool with the goggles on. There'll be a fake pool table in the living room so I can play pool. What? How does that work?

[Mary]

But that doesn't improve your pool game whatsoever.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's, like, kind of fun, you know?

[Mary]

That's so crazy to me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I wish.

[Mary]

I need to get into video games.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I guess you do.

[Mary]

I fucking do. What?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Besides, anything to keep you off the streets.

[Mary]

Mary, listen. Okay? Listen. I woke up dirty as hell on the couch, crick neck and bad back. Crick neck, bad back, overslept. Workers are trying to get in my house. It was a nightmare. And same thing yesterday. Crickneck, bad back on the couch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can't do it.

[Mary]

Three days in a row.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She can't go on the bed.

[Mary]

Mary. It's. It's a war zone. I'm living in World War iii. It's, like, crazy. It's. It's. I am very fortunate to have a house. I am very fortunate to have a house. I'll say that. Although the circumstances of my house at the moment are very unfortunate.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Mary]

But anyways. Oh, man.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I forgot what I was gonna say with the story.

[Mary]

So sorry. You were talking about. You were talking about.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was talking about working on my computer.

[Mary]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't remember.

[Mary]

And then. And then you were talking about. But before that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I forgot why I brought up. I forgot why I brought up. I was laying there, working. Damn.

[Mary]

You were doing solid pink.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Bad backs, crick necks, carpal tunnels. I don't know. I see how it's become my best friend. I'm getting ready for solid pink.

[Mary]

No, no. Gabapentin.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, gabapentin. Okay.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you. So I'm working on my computer, and, like, you know, it's a muscle relaxer. And it doesn't make you too woozy if you don't take too much of it, so. But it does just. If your muscles are doing this, it just loosens the grip a little bit allows you to be functional that day.

[Mary]

Imagine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I wouldn't say it makes your memory razor sharp. I wouldn't say you should be driving, but you can still function.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I'm working on my computer like this.

[Mary]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And watching documentaries in the background. Watching all this Michael Moore just getting mad. Right. Grinding my teeth.

[Mary]

Anti anxiety stuff.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yes. Watching Michael Moore's sicko. Have you seen that?

[Mary]

Yes, I have.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

About the healthcare in other countries.

[Mary]

Very depressing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Depression.

[Mary]

Depression.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I'm sorry. You need open heart surgery to save your life. Well, according to your paperwork, you had a yeast infection in 2002. Denied. Yeah.

[Mary]

Would you like your life or your house? We'll take the house. It's crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This one guy, two of his fingers got cut off in it with a table saw. And they said they would only pay for one. So he's like, I picked my ring finger because I'm a romantic. I want to wear my wedding ring.

[Mary]

You know what? That is so funny. On Country's in the Uber driver, in the Uber ride here, I randomly asked the driver if he would give up his finger for $50,000. He wouldn't. And he. I went up to 50 million and.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He was like, no, I agree. Money's just money.

[Mary]

I was like, you are.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Money's just money.

[Mary]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Fingers.

[Mary]

Right. These. That is correct.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

However, you know, you can't do this with money.

[Mary]

You can get a nice little Goldie.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hell, yeah. Oh, yeah. So I. I go, you know what? I don't think this pill did anything. It's kind of an old prescription.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I go, I guess I'll have a glass of wine because my back needs to relax. I'm trying not to drink because I'm trying to get in shape for tour.

[Mary]

Sure, sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And you're like, rub a lamp, bitch.

[Mary]

Rub a lamp, bald bitch. Good luck with that, fatty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What are you going to do? Take off a leg?

[Mary]

I don't even. So it's a funny thing is I don't even notice. I do not even know. You talk about this, like, gaining weight thing, and I'm sure you're telling the truth, but I don't even see it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's my own journey. And the only reason I feel comfortable talking about it is because I feel vulnerable with our audience.

[Mary]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And so why be honest that I have a hard time with it, so.

[Mary]

Absolutely.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm not saying I should throw that up on anybody else and you should agree, but I'm just saying that's what.

[Mary]

I go through And I think your tea is valid.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My Non Bernie te. My non Bernie tea. Your non Bernie tea. So Butthole Collins. So back to Lydia Butthole Collins. And I got a neck release item, like. Like a roller thing. So my neck is released. I'm waiting for my. The pill to work. It's not going to work. So I have a glass of wine and I'm working on my computer.

[Mary]

Red or white pills?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, I don't know. I crashed them up. No, it was white wine.

[Mary]

White Zen?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

[Mary]

Chardonnay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

White Zino. Middle School.

[Mary]

I don't know. I don't drink wine. I think it's white Pinot Grigio.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was a. It was a Sauvy bee.

[Mary]

Oh, Sauvignon Blanc.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sauvignon Blanc.

[Mary]

Oh, my God.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So then I'm working, and I gotta tell you, I get a second wind. My back's feeling good. I'm like, ah, yes. I'm pulling through. I don't think that pill worked. I'll have another glass of wine because, you know, glass of wine. I died. Four seconds faded. So then when the pill did work, I was like.

[Mary]

One gabapen, which is, like, for people. It's not a muscle relax.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a very, very light muscle relax. And. But to me, it was a lot. And so this morning I woke up to go to rehearsal, dance rehearsal. And I was like. Like very, like, hungover.

[Mary]

Hung over. How many glasses?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I guess I just mix pain pills and alcohol now. That's who I am. With your new how the tides have turned. Oh, I can't wait to get my license, take my pain pill, have a glass of wine and drive.

[Mary]

Wait, so I know drink. Drunk driving is very in.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What is it.

[Mary]

What is your. What is the status of your license?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, thank you so much for asking. So I went and took the test. I told you I. Some of those questions were hard. Yeah. But I passed. And I had to request my driving record from Wisconsin DMV to prove to California DMV that I had a license for 10 years. And then they said I just have to come in and get my picture taken.

[Mary]

Beers. What are you going to wear?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, you can't wear a wig. A wig.

[Mary]

You should wear a piece.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You can't wear anything on your head unless it's religious.

[Mary]

Let's get religious. Do you know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you know what my brother's I.D. picture.

[Mary]

No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So there's this religion called Pastafarian. Do you know what this is, Mary?

[Mary]

If it's. If it's. If it. What is it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So there's somebody who, it was like an act of protest, I think, where they said, fine, if we can wear religious shit on our head. I'm an inventor religion that says I wear a pasta strainer on my head when I go to the dmv. You can't do boo boo about it. My brother has an ID with a pasta strainer on his head.

[Mary]

You're kidding.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because he's like, you know the noise. This is my religion. Boop. Which kind of cunty.

[Mary]

It is kind of cunty, but also insane. But not.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, drag queens are named butthole. Yeah, everything's out the window, by the way. I gagged that. We went and did a photo shoot the other day together. And you just spent the whole day posting all the BTS pictures of people of pictures no one's seen yet.

[Mary]

Oh, I, I, that occurred to me. That occurred to me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm sitting home being like, that's us at the photo shoot. No one's seen the retouch photos.

[Mary]

I know. I was like, oh, that was like, yeah, these photos are going to get doctored. And then everybody gets to know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We're just going to go, oh, so that's what it is.

[Mary]

No, I think that's great. Plus, they were all filtered.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's true.

[Mary]

They were all like, I know this. I got excited because I never have bts.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I just thought in the future you put out the pictures and then go like, here's the fun bts. But now the pictures come out, they're going to be like, seen it ugly swipe.

[Mary]

Oh, but no, they won't though, because there's, there's never pictures of us, you know. Well, see, yeah, you're absolutely right, by the way. So I'm sorry about that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, it wasn't worth calling you, but I thought I would come on camera and call you out it.

[Mary]

I never have. I never have bts ever.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, so it was.

[Mary]

I got excited.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Trixie Cosmetics is next door and one time a famous drag race queen came in filming and was like, we're backstage at Trixie Cosmetics, our whiteboard with our next two years of products.

[Mary]

It was like way the secret sauce.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ingredients and of course no one means it. They're just filming.

[Mary]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But you know, I don't know if you know this. Drag queens don't always think first.

[Mary]

This is true. This is true. Now when you're people at home might want to know that if you're looking to do any alterations to your home, it's best to get three estimates from professionals and then Is that true? Yeah. I mean, just think about it, Mary. If you get three. If you want to redo your bathroom, you talk to three different contractors, gcs, whatever, and the quotes you can get will range wildly. It's the terrifier. So I, like, flung myself into this remediation scenario way too quick. So I thought I was being, like, proactive. Proactive, no. Hasty. Yes. Do you know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Mary]

Terrible. The terrified. The terrifier.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, is there an upside? Are you gonna get to. If they're ripping out the wall, are you gonna get to, like, redesign something or change it?

[Mary]

That is the upside. I suppose you could say it's like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, yes, but you want to move anyway.

[Mary]

Yeah, I don't. But I was like. But I don't. I mean, here's the thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I guess you're a homeowner who dreams of renting.

[Mary]

I. I'm not. I like the idea of, like, doing first, last, security. Like, love it. I love it. Like, no security deposit back. Oh, God, I love it. It's fierce. It's fierce. But mortgage, property taxes. Eat my ass. Come into my home and eat my ass instead.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm sorry.

[Mary]

I hate that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, do you think it's going to be done soon?

[Mary]

No. Well.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, let's ask. Look it, I'm doing this Trixie magic hate ball and it has a bunch of fun responses. I'm going to be honest, they're mostly negative.

[Mary]

Perfect. So it's going to be very.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let's say you shake it and you ask whatever you need to ask it to. Yes or no type of stuff.

[Mary]

Will my bloop remediation situation be done by Friday? Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Bald. And we're on the pod.

[Mary]

Literally. Look, it said it. Mary Cunty.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know, that's tea from the mouths of the air.

[Mary]

That has to be tea.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That has to be. And you know, we actually, the inside of this is blue Gatorade. Yeah, you can. You can't drink it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Okay, well, this is going to be on sale for Valentine's Day, so you should get one. People.

[Mary]

What a great thing. No, I love that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Listen, in a time where people are afraid, there's a lot of indecision. A lot of this is going to be the last word. Do you know how much more I would prefer the president go, should we do this? Great. Like, because whatever this is is better than whatever's going on over there.

[Mary]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Don't get me started.

[Mary]

The constitutional tea in this country is not Valid.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Not valid.

[Mary]

The presidential T in this country is not valid. The governmental tea in this country is not valid.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, what I know about billionaires is that they're always looking out for the little guy. That's how they became billionaires.

[Mary]

C. B stands for, like, bringing little people into the fold and taking care of them.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right?

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like I always heard. I've met people who work with Dolly Parton, and I said, what is she like? And they said, oh, I toured with her. She would get off the tour bus, and while they were setting up the set, she would sometimes walk around with water bottles and ask how everyone's family is. And I'm like, that's a billionaire. That's the dream billionaire. But I don't think they're all Dolly Parton.

[Mary]

No, I think they're nicer. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Totally evil Dolly Parton.

[Mary]

I mean, she's an outlier, and she's an angel. Probably the best person on the planet Earth. Nobody even comes close to her. And all this, like, small cabal of evil billionaires that are running our capitalist oligarchy. I just, you know, why don't they come into my house and fix my mold problem them?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank you.

[Mary]

Stay tuned. When we defect to another country and leave you rotting US Citizens behind, the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Set is the same. It's just a different language of the bald and the beautiful.

[Mary]

The color is even more bright.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

More blue. Yeah. Okay, bye.

[Brian]

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