Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya"

Hosted by Studio71

Release Date: March 11, 2025

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1. Driving Fears and Experiences

In this episode, Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova delve into their personal experiences and anxieties related to driving. Katya shares her ordeal of renting a car after a decade without driving, highlighting the overwhelming pressure and fear she felt while navigating busy streets like Hollywood Boulevard.

• Katya Zamolodchikova [08:37]: "I drove from the Enterprise place to my house. White knuckled it. Had to turn the music off, take my sunglasses off. Everyone shut up."

Trixie echoes similar sentiments, emphasizing the responsibility that comes with being the first in line at a green arrow turn and the heightened alertness required to ensure safety.

• Trixie Mattel [12:24]: "You have one eye on the other. Lights yellow. That's the signal. Sometimes there's only 5 seconds, you got 10 cars need to turn left at rush hour."

2. Drag Show Performances and Lady Bunny

The conversation shifts to their experiences with drag performances, particularly focusing on Lady Bunny's dinner theater shows. They discuss the unique challenges of balancing performance with dining, often using food to mask less enjoyable acts.

• Katya Zamolodchikova [05:04]: "Like one of those old Victorian medicine theaters, you know what I mean?"

• Trixie Mattel [06:17]: "She is relentlessly vile. And she's got stamina."

Their admiration for Lady Bunny's relentless energy and commitment to her act underscores the dedication required in the drag performance scene.

3. Movie and TV Show Discussions

Trixie and Katya express their opinions on various films and television shows, sharing their preferences and critiques. A significant portion of the discussion centers around "The Righteous Gemstones" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

• Katya Zamolodchikova [25:38]: "I like that show. It's rare that I'm invited to something. I actually really like the program because normally it's to Barbie."

They also touch upon the portrayal of sensitive topics in media, such as school shootings in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," noting the unintended eeriness of certain episodes coinciding with real-life tragedies.

• Katya Zamolodchikova [52:22]: "So it's a high school. Buffy's in a high school. She's a senior this year. And there's an earshot. There's an episode where she fights these two demons who have telepathy and they have no mouths."

4. Attending Premieres and Interactions at Events

The hosts recount their experiences attending premieres, highlighting the mix of excitement and awkwardness when interacting with fellow celebrities or attending events where they don't know anyone personally.

• Katya Zamolodchikova [30:51]: "Naomi Grossman, who plays Pepper from American Horror Story. Get outta here."

Their candidness about feeling out of place yet thrilled to engage with the entertainment community provides listeners with an authentic glimpse into the world of show premieres.

5. Opinions on Awards and the Oscars

A significant segment is dedicated to discussing the Oscars, where Trixie expresses disappointment over certain nominations and winners, asserting the need for more meaningful recognition within the industry.

• Trixie Mattel [40:18]: "We are not friends. We have no friends."

Katya concurs, questioning the criteria and fairness of award selections, especially concerning genre films like horror.

• Katya Zamolodchikova [43:09]: "But you know, that shit is not qualifying anyone's performance or anything."

6. Personal Health and Wellness

Both hosts open up about their health struggles. Katya discusses managing arthritis and the challenges of finding effective massage therapy, while Trixie shares her experiences with spinal fusion and the remedies she employs to alleviate pain.

• Katya Zamolodchikova [60:24]: "I have some very mild spinal fusion up here. So it's degenerative. So I'm starting to like deal with some of it."

• Trixie Mattel [61:46]: "If you're number one in line for that, that green left turn, you better be off your phone. You better be gooned, you better be."

Their discussions highlight the often-overlooked physical toll of their demanding careers and the importance of self-care.

7. Social Media and News Habits

The duo critiques their relationship with social media, especially platforms like X (formerly Twitter), noting the shift towards more conservative and sometimes distressing content. They express frustration over the algorithm's influence on their feeds, leading to less enjoyable online experiences.

• Katya Zamolodchikova [03:34]: "I've been having a really hard time with social media because it all. X especially feels so conservative. The stuff that gets suggested for me all of a sudden the last few months is so conservative and crazy."

8. Humorous Anecdotes and Interpersonal Banter

Throughout the episode, Trixie and Katya engage in humorous exchanges and playful banter, discussing everything from massage experiences to name stereotypes. Their chemistry and comedic timing provide a lighthearted balance to the more serious topics.

• Trixie Mattel [66:32]: "Don’t just say that, girl."

• Katya Zamolodchikova [65:55]: "I do have a penis."

Their ability to interweave humor with personal stories keeps the conversation engaging and relatable.

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Notable Quotes:

• Trixie Mattel [12:24]: "You have a responsibility to your fellow citizen."

• Katya Zamolodchikova [47:38]: "We should. At the top, just take for granted that we all appreciate each other."

• Trixie Mattel [57:43]: "I have to call you this camera."

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Conclusion

In "Are You Happy Now? with Trixie and Katya," the hosts offer a multifaceted conversation covering personal challenges, industry insights, and humorous anecdotes. Their candidness about fears, health, and opinions on the entertainment industry's workings provides listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful commentary. The episode's blend of humor, vulnerability, and sharp critique encapsulates the duo's unique podcasting style, making it a compelling listen for both longtime fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Trixie Mattel]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

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[Trixie Mattel]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

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[Trixie Mattel]

Today @t Mobile, I'm joined by a special co anchor. What up everybody? It's your boy. Big Snoop deal. Double G Snoop. Where can people go to find great deals? Head to T mobile.com and get four iPhone 16s with Apple Intelligence on us plus four lines for 25 bucks. That's quite a deal, Snoop. And when you switch to T Mobile, you can save versus the other big guys. Comparable plans plus streaming. Respect. When we up out of here, see how you can save on wireless and streaming versus the other big guys. @t mobile.com/apple intelligence requires iOS 18.1 or later. Oh my God. Do you think we should address the situation?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think you need to address the sit open up the. Not the notes app, sis.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, I think that we need to just call it out, say what it is. Yes, our blue background is. Has been found guilty of multiple counts of manslaughter, homicide and sexual assault.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. So this is our new set and it's like a monochromatic thing which has been our thing for a long time. Yeah, the Converse pink and red.

[Trixie Mattel]

But it's the new riff on the. An old classic and I. Sorry. I love it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love it. This is actually part of the work here is done by our friends who did our Netflix sets.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So we keep it in the family.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's right. Women who really know what time it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is, they really know what time it is. You gotta trust the girls.

[Trixie Mattel]

They turned it out. I love it. I got to get all my moldy tchotchkes out of storage and yeah, I think it looks great.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, could you imagine if we like gay guys do this, honey. Paisley.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, paisley. Paisley.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like a plaid, like a rhinestone. I'm thinking leather and lace.

[Trixie Mattel]

Rhinestones are pearls.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think leather and lace be a good vibe for us too.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, but next time maybe.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How about pleather and mace? You ever get maced? Why not? Why don't you live out loud, girl? Go get maced, girl. People do not say, what would you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Say to Elon Musk? Get maced.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, get me. I watch a lot of Twitter. That's fights. Fight clips, videos.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like fighting Than the Maccas.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I feel like I used to watch like World Star and stuff and I watch fights, but now oftentimes it'll be a fight video that just turns into a point blank shooting. And I. I'm like, yeah. I'm like high in my house being like, get her, get her, girl. And then someone's just like, murder. And I'm like, this is on Twitter.

[Trixie Mattel]

Damn, I don't like that shit. I've been getting into the bodies of water, snatching people away.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I saw that too.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can I say, the family of Indian people who were just snatched away, they standing on the rock while a boom. Gone, gone, gone.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I've been having a really hard time with social media because it all. X especially feels so conservative. The stuff that gets suggested for me all of a sudden the last few months is so conservative and crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's not. I throw a stone into the water and I look the other way. That's my involvement with X. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I shout my little thing into the well and then I close the lid because there's nothing else to do.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. You put in the toilet and flush it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Y. You know, and I don't look at it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Handle it and kind of like stick.

[Trixie Mattel]

My head in the bowl and try to suck it back up.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Kind of like take the turd out and kind of like fillet it, you know, type stuff. That type stuff.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sidebar. I think it had norovirus. Not food poisoning, but that remains to be seen. Thank you for the comments on that one. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You let the doctors at home tell you what's wrong with you?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, the doctors in the comments were like, sounds like norovirus.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh.

[Trixie Mattel]

And it was ripping through the community. You know which one?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The gay community.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I'm just kidding. I don't know. Not since Monkeypox Pouring out for the monkeys.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Pouring out for all those hot people that got Monkeypox.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. No, but I. Lady Bunny, I saw her live. I went to the dinner theater. So this Is the great thing about Lady Bunny shows and some other shows.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What do you do, just go watch her eat? That's good. Come on. Dinner theater. Oh, there's no food for you. We're just gonna serve Buddy a seven course meal with mics mounted all the way around.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like one of those old Victorian medicine theaters, you know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, it's all like, yeah, hi, Bunny. I love Bunny.

[Trixie Mattel]

Theater in the round. And she's on a revolving thing just eating dinner. Oh, that is funny. No, but it's like you go to a drag show. There's like Brandon Voss does, like those corny cupid secret ones or whatever. The show is hot, the people are great, but most importantly, you eat food so you don't have to go home hungry. Well, that's because the shows aren't good enough to, like, miss dinner for.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

You know what I mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Some dinner theaters, they feed you and then show you.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's what that's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Or some places they feed you during.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, there was the burlesque where we got fed during. And that was helpful at times because some of the numbers I did not quite enjoy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

And rather than just stare at my phone and be rude, I got to eat my steak Diane.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I don't know if I want to see a Bunny Burlesque number either. That's a hard one. That's not back seam tights. That's blood coming out of her ass looking down her legs. She's vile. I love that. She's really vile.

[Trixie Mattel]

She is vile. And let me tell you something. Not only is she vile, she is relentlessly vile. And she's got stamina.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She isn't. She's a great performer. I've seen that go off 90 minutes. When the song comes down that she likes, she will get in front of decks and she will spin. I don't know how that wig stays on her head.

[Trixie Mattel]

Cement.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Magic. Prayer.

[Trixie Mattel]

Cocking. Yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Cock and ball. Torture.

[Trixie Mattel]

Barbed wire. I mean, it's crazy. Yeah, yeah, it's. It's. She had some. I mean, she, you know, she. She talks, she sang, she danced the house down. 90 minutes. No, no break. I think she took one little teeny little wiggle break to change.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wow.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was very impressive. I could never have never been able to.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

And will never.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I've seen her. She used to do shows at Casita, and I would go get to see her Casita in the basement there, which is a great place to see her because it's like 80. 80 seats.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I Love that place.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So you are up in her face, which is fun.

[Trixie Mattel]

And if you hate the show, you're fucked.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, because you're right there.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She'll know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, she did some very off color material.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you write any of it down? Because I am slowly stealing her whole act.

[Trixie Mattel]

So she did a whole number about you doing it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, did she do a Trixie Mattel? Right. Love that shit.

[Trixie Mattel]

She had a pretty funny joke about me. I think she could have did a little better. It was. Did you know that Katya's now religious? She's a crystal Methodist. I mean, I do. Like, that's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. And I think that she did a lot. She had a lot of material about.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Me, which is like my joke. My Bunny joke about you would be like, have you heard about Katya? She died.

[Trixie Mattel]

That was the one about Bianca del Rio. So she had a whole. She had a whole song about Bianca Del Rio about how she hopes she died.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She. She's so sick. Have you ever seen that clip of her? She's outside of like Lee Bowery's memorial. She's complaining and she's complaining about the heat. Yes. I hope that's what you. I hope that's what you do. I was gonna say you do at my funeral, but we know what's gonna happen. Please.

[Trixie Mattel]

What was Star Trek? Was it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Is it Star Trek? Somebody today was talking to me about how they were good friends with Hollywood Lawn. And they. She was like. They were like, you know, and she was just so funny. I miss how funny she was. And I was like, yeah, I'm gonna miss when you die. Not even. I'm like. I feel like I'm always slowly preparing myself that you probably will die before me.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, I mean, now that I'm driving.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The car, guess who else is on the road?

[Trixie Mattel]

Baby, that's what I wanted to tell you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The Venga bus is coming.

[Trixie Mattel]

Driving. I have it on my notes. Driving. Driving.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Driving. I wrote down driving too, baby. Guess why I got here today.

[Trixie Mattel]

Did you buy a car?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I have a car and I rented it for. For 20 days. Rented it for 20 days.

[Trixie Mattel]

What is that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I drove from the Enterprise place to my house. White knuckled it. Had to turn the music off, take my sunglasses off. Everyone shut up.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The air conditioning was on. I was like, I can't have that blowing on. I had to focus so fiercely. Yes. To get. Because my first time driving in 10 years is crossing Hollywood Boulevard.

[Trixie Mattel]

No ma'am. Mary Like I told you, I thought if I crossed a four way. No, it was a two way stop sign.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mary and then guess what kind of. They have the all different tiers of insurance because I got enterprise rental, like.

[Trixie Mattel]

$5 billion a month.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I got the full. So if I hit someone else, their car, my car, my body or their body is covered, you win $3 million. $85 a day. Yeah, $85 a day. I said for that price I'm hitting somebody.

[Trixie Mattel]

You.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But $85 to get to hit someone.

[Trixie Mattel]

And be like, drink, go, go, go and get behind.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I was white knuckling and I. I guess scary.

[Trixie Mattel]

10 years scary long time.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was just like, why was I so excited to get my license? This is. I was going to drive to PG today. I was going to drive.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't take the 101 here. Sorry about it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I never take the side roads. Bitch. It's.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let me tell you about Ms. Kawanga. Okay?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know about Wenda, but I think that the highway here is quick.

[Trixie Mattel]

Of course the highway is quick. It's also treacherous.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I remember in driving school they said that more accidents happen on roads where cars are conversing. Least less accidents happen on freeways because everyone's going the same way.

[Trixie Mattel]

But here's the thing about that. The freeway is terrifying.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And because people are texting. Well, you get a fender bender. Let's say you stop short, get a fender bird on the freeway. You're like, everybody's safe. You get out, a semi truck hits you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hello.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

On the road.

[Trixie Mattel]

Final destination and a double life 666.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I rented a car to get here. I was going to. I was going to rent a Mitsubishi Mirage because it was the cheapest. And then I was like, I'm in a splurge.

[Trixie Mattel]

A Bentley.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I don't know what I have. It's a. We don't know what it is. It's like a luxury midsize suv.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay. Audi.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's find out.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I'm sure I was trying to get a car and I was trying to get this car called Alexis GX60, I believe.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love the look of that car. Yeah, she's a big girl though.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The broker's a size 14. She's the broker. And also my driveway is Ms. Petite.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes, you're dri.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So my first day driving, I just knock off both mirrors and I'm like, who needs them?

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, well, that happened to me the, the three days after I got my Me being you, like after not driving for 10 years or owning a car ever. Scraped the whole side of it out of coming out of my apartment complex.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I just feel like. And I Googled.

[Trixie Mattel]

Where was it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's an Audi. Oh, it's an Audi.

[Trixie Mattel]

What did I just say?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Audi.

[Trixie Mattel]

That was my first guess. Audi.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I googled fear of driving. Do people have fear of driving? And I did on my private browser. So nobody find out about it. Don't ever go on my private browser. I would stay off my phone.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't. In the devil laugh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And the devil laughs. And they said that the only way through it is to acknowledge that fear is not real. And it's not a real thing. It's just a feeling. And you just have to drive more and you'll be scared less.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So they said leave earlier. Drive in the slow lane.

[Trixie Mattel]

You take all the precautions. You learn all the rules. And let me tell you one fucking thing. The responsibility of the first in line when there's a green, yellow, green left arrow. Yeah, I'm on that. Nobody's got my game. I anticipate that shit before it even happens. My pedal is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So you run the red light.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no, no, no. Of course we have to. You have to wait for the stragglers because there's always fucking stragglers going on. You know, the red. But I am never late for that green arrow.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The thing is, never. I was driving, thinking to myself, how did I forget that? This is terrifying. Did you see the video of the Amazon delivery truck driving over the woman?

[Trixie Mattel]

Did you see the video of the woman driving 90 miles an hour into a gas station?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Conti.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, that one. You blink and you miss it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was like the Amazon truck goes over this woman. Not even that fast. It's like turning and she screams. So guttural. It's so crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

And over her whole body.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Over her whole body. And then the Amazon guy gets out, looks at her, looks around, and just drives away.

[Trixie Mattel]

Fierce. Can I get that video?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'll send it to you. It was like, that's crazy. Big brother's listening. Because now that I've got my license and everything, they're like, do you want to see some crashes on your phone?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I'm excited to drive more. I think what I have to do is pick short trips. It's hard that I live on Hollywood Boulevard because the beginning of any car ride is treacherous.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, what about. Remember when I was up in the house?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Do you need to be punished, Princess, though you. My bad, little Girl who needs to be punished. Princess. Ooh, what is that? I don't know. Just like, just something. It's like fun type stuff.

[Trixie Mattel]

What do you. I mean, remember that windy death trap of the hills I was at? Yeah, that was crazy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

People drunk, people jogging down the middle of the street.

[Trixie Mattel]

People all in ninja black in the middle of the night walking their black labs girl on a 20, 30 foot leash. Like, what is this? Linda, Debbie, come on, girl.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My favorite thing lately is 90 pound women walking with huge dogs off the leash. And then I walk by and they grab the collar. I said, if that dog wants to kill me.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, what are you gonna do?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You. That's like a race car deploying that parachute and it's the size of a slice of cheese.

[Trixie Mattel]

Thank you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I mean, nothing, Nothing. That girl. Do you think. Do you think my fear.

[Trixie Mattel]

My. No, no, My. My caution. My caution. I am on high alert when I'm in the car. I mean, it is. I'm never relaxed in the car. I am content because we got the whole music library at our fingertips, right? Any podcast you can put it on. So you can't complain about traffic. You just can't do it. But you budget for time. You cannot rush. You cannot rush. You can't do it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You can't.

[Trixie Mattel]

You can't do it. Well, I can't do it. You can't speed through a red light because you're late. You can't. Sorry.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I was also trying to research the safest cars because I thought, well, if we're getting our training bra a little bit again, right? And my, you know, my, my nipples. Yeah, I've just started the whole tender. And my nipples are just kind of like sort of bubble.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Breast buds, right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Breast buds. And before I can put the clothespins on and really have some fun, I can't get wired right. I can't get my nipples wired right now, you know, so I was with jumper cables. So I'm trying to figure out how to get the safest car. And then, you know, one of the safest options I was finding was a Tesla. And I was like, we're not doing that. Thank you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then I think of myself parking at the PS Direct, because at the PS Direct, you can part your car.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, you can. But why, but why do.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But it's four cyber trucks and my, like high end Elantra.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, my mama, you. If you're doing ps, I love you lax, they're going to pick you up.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They don't offer that anymore.

[Trixie Mattel]

You talking about now, when we get.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Those cars, it's a private booking. They don't offer the car with it anymore.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's okay. I want to get picked up. Literally, they come into my house.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And that's the thing. Driving is cute, but sitting in the back playing in your phone is gorgeous.

[Trixie Mattel]

Absolutely. Yeah. You know, also, there's something about I. I put, perhaps foolishly, my trust in an Armenian man more than anybody else in this world, of course, because these Armenian men get me to where I've got to go, and they do it, sometimes dangerously, but always come out on.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Top while being on a family conference call. Yes, Zoom. Yes, yes. It's great. Zoom. Just deep, long conversation. And you look at the phone and they're on like two hours. You better just work.

[Trixie Mattel]

There was. But there was one time. I can't believe it's only been one time. But, girl, I think I probably told you about this. I thought my black car driver was absolutely drunk and on drugs.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I told you about the time I got out of a car and just said, you drive crazy. Bye. That's terrifying.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's the terrifier. That's the terrifier. But I mean, I don't do the highways. I don't do the. I don't fuck with the freeway.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What about the byways?

[Trixie Mattel]

I love the byways. Love the triways, Love the byways. I love Ms. Cawenga Pass. Ooh, ouch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm sick of the byway erasure. Thank you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ms. Kawanga Pass Socks it to you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I do want Koenka. She's passing Ms. Kuenga. She can pass.

[Trixie Mattel]

It doesn't give break. There's no bricks on a kawanga.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Today's episode of all the Beautiful, sponsored by Airbnb. So I have to tell you guys, I went all the way up to my hometown of Wasaki, Wisconsin. In Wasaukee, we have two motels. I've never stayed at either of them, but when I travel, especially when I travel up north, where, honestly, you guys, I love where I'm from, but on an average weeknight, we. We don't even have one, like one restaurant open. So I like to be able to cook breakfast. I like people to cook dinner if I want lunch, whatever. So I wanted to rent somewhere to stay. I got a four. It was like a four bedroom, but it sleeps like six or eight, technically. I got a huge cabin right outside of Wasaukee on the river, and it was perfect for me. It was perfect. Great Wi Fi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the WI fi to the stove to the tv, everything. I mean, nice hot stove to make like breakfast and my underwear in the morning. Huge lofted ceiling, like giant king size bed with like a cabin quilt on it. I mean, I slept like a, a baby. A perfect little baby. I love, I mean, being able to travel and eat. Like all I did, I brought like, you know, I brought like pancake mix, I brought like some cans of soup, but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans. And then I got there and I was like, I don't even need these. I mean, everything was provided for me. I also love this feature with the Airbnb app where like, you can kind of plan ahead. So let's say I'm going to Florida and far in advance of my trip, I can start checking out the area and start favoriting different like, options. And that way when it comes time to crunch time, like, I've done a lot of my perusing my browsing for bookings and I've got them kind of favorited. So in Milwaukee, in, you know, like, my brother lives in Minneapolis, like anywhere that I'm gonna stay, I always have a few favorited because it helps me just to make a quick reservation when it's time. All trips are better with Airbnb. I love it. If you want more space, more privacy in a better location and the most loved homes, check out Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Today's episode of all the Beautiful is brought to you by Chime. You guys, normally I speak to you like a little girl, but she's not here right now. Yes, I am. Well, nobody wants to hear from you today. Yes, they do. Why do you think that everybody needs to hear from you? I mean, what is your name? All you ever say is that you're a little girl. I don't have a name because I'm just a little girl. Well, why do you love Chime so much? I mean, what I know about Chime is that it's a checking account that helps people who are working on financial progress. Nobody is perfect, okay? I have in my life overdrawn to an embarrassing amount and had the bank. I've had to be on the phone with the bank and have them read me because I didn't realize how fiercely I was overdrafting. A lot of these banks will have things where they're like, oh, we'll cover you. They'll let you overdraft almost in a predatory way. And like, that's not helpful to me. You know what I mean? I completely agree. That's why Chime has Spot Me. And that's why Chime will spot you up to $200 when you exceed your balance. Um, my mom took me to Six Flags. Magic. Nobody cares, okay? I'm trying to tell people about their financial responsibility. Okay. There's also my pay, which is the best way to access your pay. Get my pay when you set up qualifying direct deposits at $200 or more. Get your pay any day. Not to age myself, but I've had jobs where I have to go pick up a paper check and drive it to the bank. It's horrible. Being able to just have your money on payday exist in your bank account is truly magic. Make progress toward a better financial future with Chime. Open your account in two minutes at chime.com bald that's chime.com bald Chime feels like progress. Yeah. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA members. Fdic. Spot me. Eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. My pay eligibility requirements apply. Credit limits range 20 to $500. $2 fee applies to get funds instantly. Chime checking account required. Go to chime.com disclosures for details. I just. I. I had a fun time. I felt empowered driving, but I got scared. And I was going to drive here today, but I got scared.

[Trixie Mattel]

I mean, don't you think. Don't you agree that you guys drive here? No.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You don't? Do you get scared? No, Nick don't get scared. Do you drink? You scared?

[Trixie Mattel]

I've been driving in California for 15 years. Yeah, it's different out here also. Oh, mama tried learning how to drive in Boston.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The thing is like Milwaukee, when I drove, I always felt safe. I knew exactly where I was going. I never felt any congestion. I just am like I'm crossing Hollywood Boulevard in my rental. I was trying to get that Lexus. I was trying to lease a Lexus because my accountant told me that if you lease it, you could like leasing makes sense. You could write it off as a business expense if you use it for work.

[Trixie Mattel]

And you can always have a new car.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I was trying to get a car with a tall enough interior that I could sit in drag because I want to be able to ride to Netflix or something.

[Trixie Mattel]

You got to get the Popemobile.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, they said the G Wagon is. That's what the NBA players get because it's high ceiling.

[Trixie Mattel]

Don't get the G Wagon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I was looking at this Lexus, and I said, well, why don't you let me know how much it is? I'm very wealthy. And they said, $1200 a month. I said, is this car gonna fuck me? This car gonna cook me meals? Is it. Is it an air fryer? What does it have?

[Trixie Mattel]

You think that's a lot.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Twelve hundred dollars a month for a car payment? My smart car was $400 for lease.

[Trixie Mattel]

For a lease.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

For a lease.

[Trixie Mattel]

A luxury vehicle is leasing more than.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

More than a car payment.

[Trixie Mattel]

Not. I don't know. But.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Because now I'm like, I wanted a luxury because it's safer. A lot of these European and, like, Asian, like, Japanese technologies in the car. Very safe. But now I'm like, well, shit, should I just get the goddamn Toyota Tercel and just get the cheap car?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, because you want to have a. You want to have. You're going to be in the car quite a bit, living like, I. When I get in the car, I need to be comfortable.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know what I mean? Some of those cars that are, you know, I don't know. Don't get the G Wagon.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm. I'm. I was just looking for. I was researching cars with the tallest interior, so there was maybe a way I could sit in the car in a wig and not be like this.

[Trixie Mattel]

Mama, if you're in a wig, you're not getting behind the wheel. That's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm not driving.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I see.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Brandon would drive me.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, I see, I see, I see. Okay. Moonroof.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He's giving Flintstones.

[Trixie Mattel]

Totally.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The whole wig is perfect. Except the top. That's completely blown out.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, I mean, don't get the G Wagon. That's so douchey.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Well, should we tell people to not.

[Trixie Mattel]

Get the G Wagon?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That we're. I swear to God.

[Trixie Mattel]

Soft lunch.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I'm gonna soft launch my. Hard launch.

[Trixie Mattel]

Soft launch. Oh, my God. Wait, no. The g. You know, the G Wagon starts at like, 200. 200 grand or something.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. It's crazy. You know the lesbians who want to us. Every time I joke about us, they're like.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, is the Luigi Mangioni sex tape thing real or fake?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't think it's real.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay. I spent a little bit of time trying to look for it. Just a little bit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I feel conflicted because I. I do know it's a broken system and it's a political message.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no, no, no. When we don't talk about sex tape.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know if I don't totally believe anybody should shoot anybody.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, no, no, no. I'm not. I'm not co signing shooting. I just want to see the man.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Fucking right.

[Trixie Mattel]

I separate the shooter from the fucker. You know, it's like the art from the artist. Yeah, I think we disagree on that one.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I just. I can't say that there's many shooters that I'm like, yeah, right.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I haven't. I haven't. Not since John Wilkes Booth have I really been hot for shooters.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Wait, by the way, we gotta see fucking Omari.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The gay version. John Wilkes Boots. John Wilkes Boots. I know. I gotta see Omari. I believe it's gonna be Betty Gilpin now.

[Trixie Mattel]

She is. It's gonna be Titus. It's Betty Gilpin is now. And then Titus Burgess is next Horny. And I think he's very. And I'm gonna be in New York, I think, when Cole comes back to do the thing. So that's when I think I'm gonna get it. In April, right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, maybe we can go together.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let's do it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

We have to see.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We go to one event a year together. Maybe this is the one. I think that's gonna be great. I went to see right before I left for Australia. I saw Andrew's February show.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, the Valentine's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

He looked incredible.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He looked incredible.

[Trixie Mattel]

That lattice costume, I don't know what. It was incredible.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, she really ate the girls up.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, it was beautiful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She really ate the girls up.

[Trixie Mattel]

What were the whores doing?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Gay stuff. Gay type stuff. Homosexual type stuff. Ballet stuff. Cupid stuff. I went to a movie premiere or TV premiere last night.

[Trixie Mattel]

The Righteous Gemstones.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The Righteous Gemstones. I like that show. It's rare that I'm invited to something. I actually really like the program because normally it's to Barbie.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like Barbie.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I hadn't seen it, so I don't know I'm gonna like it. I love the Righteous Gemstone. So I was like, hell, yeah. I went. They had a church choir singing, and it was exciting. You know, I don't know anyone in that cast. I don't know, but I don't personally.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. John Goodman wasn't there, but Adam was. And everybody was there. And I. There was also no gay people that I knew there. So it was maybe the first time I'm going to something where I don't know anyone. And of course, like, the caterers, the people running the event, all know Trixie and Katya because it's like young, cool people.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay, what's the demographic at the premiere then?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, it was like a heterosexual type of.

[Trixie Mattel]

Bible thumpers.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, because it's kind of a Bible. It kind of makes fun of megachurches.

[Trixie Mattel]

It was like Ted Lasso crowd.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And it was a great premiere. Two episodes. We got to watch one and two. Great premiere. I can't say much, but I just. I love that show. And I came home and watched a bunch of YouTube videos of megachurches doing that level production that they do. Because in the series they're like, you know, it's a Beyonce concert.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, it's a Beyonce concert. It's a full concert.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I watched videos of megachurches where they have Santa in a sleigh flying across the congregation in the sky. People dress as angels flying.

[Trixie Mattel]

They better. They're fleecing you and not paying taxes. They better put on a show.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I watched a bunch of preachers doing crazy on tv. Like touching people and they fall down. Oh, yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Tent revival. Yeah, that's the stuff. I love the. The. The. The dusty tent act. The snakes, the Strick nine drinking sn.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know about the snake?

[Trixie Mattel]

Of course.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They make you hold the snake and if it bites you, then you have the demon in you and you just die.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're illegal, but people still have them. They black out the windows of the churches.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's so crazy. They have exemptions for churches, the ayahuasca. So people can do ayahuasca at these Brazilian churches or whatever. It's wild. But yeah, I mean, a megachurch. You better put on a damn show. I had to suffer through Sundays of Catholic mass. Oh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's just. I mean, could you and I start a church?

[Trixie Mattel]

Absolutely.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, if we write a book that's supposed to be like a Bible, could we get exempt status? And just why do they get it?

[Trixie Mattel]

Because. Because it's a religious organization. We just need to become a religious organization.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I just think it's weird that it's like, it's about giving. Give us money now. Passing it. Like, why does believing in God cost money? Why is faith measured by did you give money a telethon where they're like, jesus really needs your money.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's a very ornate.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Jesus has one outfit and he's dead.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's a grift. Although I. The one. I've been thinking about this a lot actually, though, the one there is the only good thing about religion is organ, like community. Right, Right. You know, like minded people. You stay connected, you help each other, you do they do the bake sales? They. The community outreach and all that crap? This mega church, these Joel Osteen, these billionaire pastors who are not helping during floods and they need to be like drawn and quartered. That is unforgivable.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, it was a. It was a. Also it was raining, so they had it on the Paramount lot in one of the sound stages. So it was a big red carpet and everything. And I got to go on the red carpet even though I'm not in it.

[Trixie Mattel]

Really?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And what did you wear? Well, I did this funny thing last year when I was anorexic thin, which was buy a bunch of suits that don't fit anymore. So mama's just. Mom was just getting male corseted up and going to the functions. Face looking pillowed like JD Vance. Just trying to bronze all like JLo. Not trying to chisel down the face, just trying to shrink the face somehow.

[Trixie Mattel]

You are so dysmorphic. Is unbelievable.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Little. You have no idea. Walked around my house screaming. Screaming before, before and after. I went. I woke up this morning, started screaming because I went to event and I thought it was cute last night to have five drinks at the event. I woke up screaming because I had five drinks. Woke up. And I'm still adjusting the time change from Australia. And you know when you have alcohol in your system, it converts to sugar. So sometimes you wake up early anyway.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So I'm up at 6am okay. Watching 6am 6am Watching Roseanne because apparently when I went to bed half drunk, I wanted to watch more John Goodman because I love John Goodman.

[Trixie Mattel]

I do too.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

He's so good. He's so good. In the Righteous Gemstones, he plays Eli Gemstone. And everybody in that cast is so good. That shit is. That's some of the hardest I've ever left at TV in my life.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm gonna get into it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You gotta get into Judy Gemstone. You gotta get into all of them.

[Trixie Mattel]

I get into it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Gay shit. All of it. And I woke up this morning feeling I had a great time at the premiere. I had so much fun. Of course I know one person there. One person. Naomi Grossman, who plays Pepper from American Horror Story. Get outta here. I did a photo shoot with her once and I go, hey, you're the only person I know here. And she was like, you always say hi to me, like you don't think I'm gonna know who you are. And I was like, well, I never know because last time I saw I was in drag. So I don't know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So we're chatting. We're chatting. And then I tell her, you know, I had my little drink, but I'm gonna go home now. Stop by for one more on the way out.

[Trixie Mattel]

Stop by where?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The bar.

[Trixie Mattel]

The bar.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So then after three more, I know that she sees me and I know why. She knows I told her I was leaving. So she sees me. Ms. Bald Lush posted up at a table throwing them back drunk. I'm not even in this cast. The cast has left open bar.

[Trixie Mattel]

You have to take advantage of that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Isn't that horrible?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, it's not horrible.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, it's horrible.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, it's not. Well, waking up screaming is horrible. Taking advantage of an opportunity is waking up screaming.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And, you know, I've been having some body issues. And then when you drink alcohol, you feel puffy. So I woke up this morning in bed feeling like Hootie in the face, one of those robotic hamsters. The dance, the dancing hamster vibe. Like, I just started screaming. I just started screaming. I woke up, I had one bowl of honey bunches of oats with almonds and then screamed more.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my God.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And then I just had to come here.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, shit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And so you're welcome. Hungry Root. The root, the root, the root is on fire. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Hungry Root. And when it comes to cooking and eating, I've got this problem. You guys know I've been trying to be a better cook because, you guys, I have a six burner stove, which is such a privilege. And so I've been trying to push my cooking skills even though they are so rudimentary. And I'm also trying to, if I cook at home, make food that is, dare I say, good for me, healthy and easy to make. And thanks to hungryroot, it's the easiest way to eat healthy. It's like having a personal nutritionist. It takes the stress out of meal planning by recommending delicious recipes tailored to your tastes, your nutrition preferences, your health goals. You guys, I'm a picky eater and I also have a hard time deciding what to eat. So not only do I need things suggested for me, but I have strict diet restrictions, which is a little unfair to put on a person. So I'm glad Hungry Root can do that for me. They make it easy to eat high quality, nutritious foods and achieve any diet health goals by tailoring recipes to a variety of styles. Like, for me, because of my arthritis, I'm always trying to flirt with an anti inflammatory diet, but I'm always intimidated by how to do that and have it taste good. But Hungry Root helps me. There's no high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, no preservatives of any kind in any of Hungry Roots foods. They only source top quality meat and seafood free of hormones and antibiotics. All Hungry Root's recipes can be made in just 15 minutes or less. And with over 15,000 recipes shipped each week, there's something for everyone's taste and nutritional preference. I really love Hungryroot. They sent me this item. I'm always trying to like sad to be a lifelong vegetarian and not really be good at cooking tofu. I feel like it either turns out burnt or too soft. And some of the dishes that I've been working with with Hungry Root is teaching me that this tofu, honestly, you just cannot be afraid of like flavor blasting that, you know, mfer, okay, you just gotta really hit it with the seasoning. I'm trying to not be a cringe, you know, person who doesn't season their food anymore. I'm trying to do a better job and Hungryroot is really helping me. You're gonna love hungerroot as much as I do. Take advantage of the exclusive offer for a limited time, get 40% off your first box. Plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com bald and use the code bald. That's hungryroot.com bald code bald to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your Choice for Life hungryroot.com Bald Code Bald this episode is sponsored by Zocdoc.

[Trixie Mattel]

As you may or may not know, humans are shockingly adept at procrastination. We will put things off for months, if not years, and in most cases, it's not a huge deal. If the hydrangea bushes aren't properly trimmed before the neighborhood block party, who cares? Stephanie from down the street will make some snide remarks about the bushes as she also complains about your ambrosia salad recipe. But that's the status quo for Stephanie and her heinous personality. If you're putting off a doctor's appointment because you think that rash will go away on its own, however, that could actually be a big deal. So why not make booking that appointment with a great doctor as painless as possible? Thanks to Zocdoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it ridiculously easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. They have over 100,000 doctors from literally any specialty including proctology, urology and every other ology that you can think of. You can filter the doctors who take your specific insurance who are located nearby if you work from home or hate driving or have specific office hours to match your schedule. And most importantly, you can find doctors who are highly rated by real life verified patients. You can even see their real time appointment openings. Choose a time that works for you and instantly book a visit with just a few clicks. Same day appointments can be booked in many cases, which is wonderful. The best part is that ZocDoc is completely free to use. You can search and compare highly rated in network doctors with ease. Which is why I love zocdoc. When I needed to have my annual blood work done right before the holidays, zocdoc helped me find the best doctor in my area and booked them fast. If I can find a great doctor, so can you. And all because of Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com bald to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com bald Zocdoc.com bald.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Squarespace baby. Today's episode of Ball and the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Squarespace. This is what I like about Squarespace. I feel that everybody should have the freedom to make their own little website. Either for your business, pictures of your dog, recipes you like to make, your travel vlog. Maybe you're living the van life, maybe you are trying to do the Julia and Julia and cook something every day for like 100 days or whatever. I think that everybody should be able to do that and it should be as accessible as possible. Because let me tell you, Squarespace, the way you can be a complete dunce and turn out a gorgeous website, it has the web designers shook. And let me tell you, I've worked with web designers. It's awful. I've worked with independent web designers. It's awful. I've worked with web design firms. It's awful. It's so freeing as a small business and a creator and a creative person to get an idea for my website. Or like fresh out of Photoshop, I can find a photo I really like and throw it onto the website. Something else I really like is that there's engines in this that tell you what people are doing on your website. You can see what they Click first. If they click this button, what else do they click? You could see exactly at what point they maybe abandoned the cart. You could see if somebody likes this lip product, let's say it's very likely they also are gonna click on this. So you kind of see how people logically link products to themselves. I think that's really interesting too. When I was working as a bridal makeup artist in my 20s, it was so nice to be able to do a wedding on Saturday, get the pictures, you know, by Monday from the photographer, and have brand new, fresh recent wedding photos of a bride and groom or a bride and bride or a groom and groom on the website from, like, I could be actively doing spring weddings and putting up photos from spring weddings. It was really nice. I also really love the scheduling. My massage therapist uses this tool and instead of me texting him and harassing him and being like, when are you free? When are you free? When are you free? I'll just go in and I'll book a massage with him right in the schedule in the website. And I don't even have to text him. I've texted him and been like, hey, I booked on your website. Did you see that? And he's like, oh, yeah, you're all good. You don't even have to text me. And it, it's really nice. It makes you feel like less of a stalker when you're just trying to, like, get somebody to give you their availability. And also fierce email campaigns. I mean, at Trixie cosmetics, something like 35% of our emails get opened. And most people what gets opened is like under 1%. So if you make them compelling and you make them really fun people definitely look at your email, head over to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to Launch, go to www.squarespace.com bald and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's www.squarespace.com bald. Baby, I will see you on the Internet again. Then with the time change, I said, I'm lay down before I come here. I lay on the couch, I put a pillow over my own face and sleep like this. And Brandon calls me and goes, I'm outside. It's 2:50 or it's 1:50. I go, oh, my God.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know. I get the text. We were shooting at 2pm in the calendar and I get a text. I overslept. I was like, oh, gosh, what does that mean?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, I just mean when you go to a premiere and you don't Know anyone in it. It's thrilling to get to see actors you don't know that are major stars, like Danny McBride and, you know, Adam and everyone. I was just like, oh, my God. It was. It was really fun. I was behind the press people because they're interviewing the real cast and it's their final season. So, you know, it's very big press thing, and I'm behind the cameras interviewing them, like, because I love the program. So I'm like, fierce. And I don't know how I was invited. I think I was the only gay person. I think I'm probably.

[Trixie Mattel]

How were you? Would you tweet about the show, Whatever?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, yeah, because I was thrilled to see it. This was one of the only things I've been invited to where if I wasn't invited, I would have broken into that lot to watch this premiere. I just love that show.

[Trixie Mattel]

Got you. I mean, I loved. I had a ball. The Nosferatu premiere. People were always want. They wanted me to talk about it. It was great. That's it. Close that. But when you go talk about it. No, no, no. Like, the fans wanted me to, like. What did you think of the film?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, well. What did you think of it?

[Trixie Mattel]

It was good, but I think my. My enjoyment of it was heightened dramatically by being at the premiere, of course, because they were all there and it was like. I don't. It was great. It was technically beautiful, but I don't want to watch it again. So there's that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

But we gotta talk about the Oscars. I know. This is like three months later. Three months later. But you didn't watch the Oscars.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No, I was in Australia.

[Trixie Mattel]

Fuck, I was.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So when I saw your thing about Demi, that really hit you hard.

[Trixie Mattel]

It did hit me hard. Because I don't know this woman.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

We are not friends. We have no friends.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That doesn't ever seem to stop you in.

[Trixie Mattel]

You know, in. In nobody is. Nobody is entitled. Entitled or owed anything in this world. Certainly not by the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Yes, but it was shocked and I. I screamed. And then I was deflated for, like. I was like, deflated for like, 20 minutes after. And then I would continue to be wistful and rueful for the next. Well, until now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, you know, it's just difficult with horror, as you know.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know, but see and listen, everybody.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Says, what's the movie that did win with the gorgeous gal? Mikey.

[Trixie Mattel]

Mikey Madison.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Everyone says it's amazing, so maybe it is so amazing.

[Trixie Mattel]

I saw it. Funny thing about that Movie though.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I heard it's amazing.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's, there's some, yes. However, there are some, I heard some very interesting accusations that half of it was filmed non union and that only by getting harassed did the director then unionize and then get, give people insurance. So there was some, like, there might have been some kooky stuff going on because it's a very low budget movie.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

And they didn't have intimacy coordinators, yada, yada, yada. So there were like some people arguing that that movie should not even have been up for best picture.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay, I understand what you're saying. I didn't hear about that.

[Trixie Mattel]

I, I, it could not be true. It was like, but the person that I read it, the, the thread that I was, it seemed kind of legit, so I thought that was interesting to investigate.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

However, I want to see it because I do like, Ms. Mikey. She eats and everything.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, it's, it's cool. I loved it, the Russian part, because there's actual Russian people in it speaking actual Russian, but not some like, horrible Bengal, you know, shitty like, accent from Germany, whatever. But she's young. The thing that happened is that the substance happened. Sue won.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

She could have played sue in the Substance. Do you really, you know what I mean? The poetic irony of it is too.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What about Rodney McDowell or whatever, what's her name?

[Trixie Mattel]

Margaret Qualley? Rodney McDowell isn't Andie McDowell's. Yes, yes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Not Rodney, but you know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, but I'm saying is, like, it turned out to be true. Like her, the ingenue's first major thing, she wins an Oscar.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I, but you know what?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, she ate and I don't want to, I don't want to like, discount her or discredit her, but if she, if Demi had won, I think everybody would have, every single person would have been like, thank God. Nobody would have been disappointed. Mikey would not have been disappointed. You know what I mean? Fernanda Torres would not have been disappointed. Although Brazil would probably put a head out onto me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. I mean, can I just be honest though?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Don't you think part of anybody with, I mean, if we ever get nominated for real awards, I'll be really happy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But you know, that shit is not qualifying anyone's performance or anything.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know, but no, they're both great actresses.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're both great films. Everybody wins here.

[Trixie Mattel]

But it's a, it's, it would have come, it would have been an opportunity for there to be a meta moment that is actually meaningful.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Sure.

[Trixie Mattel]

Like, and actually More importantly, it would have had a. A kick in the door for horror.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. She got a Golden Globe, though, and all these wonderful nominations. Still, still. Really. Still a good kick for horror.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. But at 62. At 62, it's like, you know, it's. I mean. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And Mikey wasn't. She was a killer in one of the Scream movies.

[Trixie Mattel]

She was. And then she was also.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Spoiler alert.

[Trixie Mattel]

She was also burned to death in Once Upon a Time. Hollywood.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Time in Hollywood.

[Trixie Mattel]

That should have been best supporting actress.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love that show.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know that was you in this morning.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She starts on fire and Scream too.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's always on fire. She's lit girls on fire. Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire.

[Trixie Mattel]

But I saw her face and I'm projecting, of course. When Demi. I could see it. I could see that you took your.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oscar and you whipped it through the tv.

[Trixie Mattel]

I, I guess I saw her. She turned and I think she looked at someone and I was like. I could see it. I was like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She disappointed?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. And I think that she knew she, she would lost the bafta.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So she felt like it was coming.

[Trixie Mattel]

I think that she was like, oh, this is not, this is not a sure thing. And then I think, so it was really rolling into the ceremony. I mean, this is like my Olympics or my, my Super Bowl. And I'm like, oh, God, it's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's, it's not gonna happen. Your Olympics in your Super Bowl. Well, you don't watch all these.

[Trixie Mattel]

No. It's a confluence. Well, this year sucked because half of the movies were okay, but like brutalist.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did you hear it had intermission. Sweetie, I want to talk about Adrian.

[Trixie Mattel]

Brody's five record breaking speech where he says not one damn thing. He literally shushed the music and said, I'll be brief. After four minutes of talking. It was the most pretentious, ridiculous. Only a man could ever do this kind of boot nasty. A speech where nothing was said of substance at all. And I'm like, you are such a piece of shit. I hate you. I hate your guts.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Adrian Brody. You hate Adrian Brody.

[Trixie Mattel]

I hate him. I'll go on. I'll say it to that camera. Into that. We're. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, that's crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

But here's, here's the thing, though. Madonna. Madonna recently came out as saying Emilia Perez was her favorite movie of the year.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I saw that.

[Trixie Mattel]

So that with that comment, I am closing the spiritual door on Amelia Perez. It will never be discussed.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Let's just. You know what? We all know how we feel about It. It's over.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Madonna put a pin in it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Besides, at this point, if I go somewhere and I'm going to tell you the mom talked about this mov we will bump into. I'm going to see her at ean.

[Trixie Mattel]

Selena Gomez.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's going to kick me in the. With her shiny white heads.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, she. Yeah, she's like, keep crying, jobless.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hi, Bald.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

How was your movie? Don't have one.

[Trixie Mattel]

How was your nomination?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Oh, you don't have a trans Mexican musical? Then shut up. Like, we're gonna. I'm sorry. We're gonna run into her if I. I don't.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, it's over. It's done. Complete. That's it. But pouring out for Mikey. Keep one in for Adrienne, because keep it cute, vagina. Keep it cute at the. Like Merritt Weaver. You know, Merritt Weaver, Nurse Jackie.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, can I say, you and I both hate when they don't have a plan.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, just. Yes. Jessica Lang summed it up beautifully. She's like, I keep it brief. I don't. Thank God. I don't think. I don't tell my children to go to bed. I don't. I don't proselytize for any purpose. I think the people that I worked for. Because anything else is really pretentious.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Where's that? I just say just a message from my mom. Mom, if you're watching this, you should be. You died three years ago. What are you doing? You know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, Uncle George, if you're watching this, this, you molested me. I mean, that happens.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. You know, shouldn't you be drunk by now? You know, I. I also take issue with. And this happened a little bit at the Gemstones, but it happens at every talk back where they ask them, like, I know it's all great actors. I know it's all great performers, but sometimes we. We. When we all reach into each other's laps and start jerking each other off, it's. Sometimes I just want to hear how fun it was to be this. To do your own stunt.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, I know it's a great group of people. I know it's a privilege to be a working actor. Like, some of these things, I am like, all right. I'm like, you know, when you're the steering wheel, because I drive has that skip button. I wish I could skip some comments and talk backs because they're so limited that I'm like, if we have 20 minutes, I want to hear the most interesting shit.

[Trixie Mattel]

Absolutely.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We should. At the top, just take for granted that we all appreciate each other.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's a given. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But now tell me, what was it like to wear that bunny suit and get. And get kicked off a roof or. You know what I mean?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yes, I do.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That's what I want to hear.

[Trixie Mattel]

Also these people in front. I can handle shenanigans from best costume designer. People behind the camera.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

If you're a performer. Oh, sweetie. And you are nominated. When you hit that stage, you got three plans all memorized.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You got the emotional one, you got the stoic one. You got the very short and sweet one. And you know em all by heart. You're not searching for anything. You're not even looking at a piece of paper. You're prepared.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You're prepared.

[Trixie Mattel]

You're a performer. Like, you can fake cry like on a dime. So do it and get out of there. You know what I mean? It's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think I would do the Halle Berry cry. The one where she walks up like.

[Trixie Mattel]

But that was.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I love that.

[Trixie Mattel]

That was nuts.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like, but that's why.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know. But it's like. But she was like, ah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I go up there, I pull my wig off to reveal the same wig. I take off both my shoes to show my square toes.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, you take off your shoes, you pour out, there's like tons of water.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I smile and it's Scrabble towels. I say thank you and I leave.

[Trixie Mattel]

Now that's it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Now that's it. You showed the girl. We said we wouldn't talk about it.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, I'm not gonna. No, we can't.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We can't.

[Trixie Mattel]

You talked about it. I kept my promise.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, but you, like, made me, like, spiritually, you know, Because I know you were thinking about my penis and my vagina.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, Daryl Hannah came out at one point and I was like, yes. First thing out of her mouth. Ukraine. I don't know why. I mean, I know why, but you know, it's like.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know why, but I mean, like.

[Trixie Mattel]

But it was. Again, it was like, this is not a rally. But anyway, she lose. She was cunt girl. Daryl Hannah is cunt.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Of course, she's very cunt.

[Trixie Mattel]

Daryl Hannah is cunt. There's not a. There's not an opportunity. I mean, Andrew was telling me that she said once at a party, you know, sometimes you gotta get. Just gotta grab your purse and run.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Tea. That's completely tea. I've been re watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

[Trixie Mattel]

No. Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I watch it like once every.

[Trixie Mattel]

How many seasons is that?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

There's seven. And this is back when TV was doing 22 episode seasons and they were 45 minutes long.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's what I need to talk to you about. Where have all the cowboys gone?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

They're on Yellowstone, sweetie.

[Trixie Mattel]

Doom prophecy. Six episodes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Flop.

[Trixie Mattel]

Six episodes on a big budget. Sunday night, prestige HBO event. Sometimes you got a grabby person.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But I'm on season three right now, which is one of my favorite seasons. I know you're not a Buffy person.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no. But I. I'm interested.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But when Faith shows up, who's the bad slayer? There's an evil Slayer, and you have Buffy versus Slayer, blonde versus brunette. She's, like slutty with the tattoos and kind of like a bad girl. And Buffy's goody Eliza Dishku, who's.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, love her.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hot as hell.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love her hot as.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The big cherry lips, the smoky eye.

[Trixie Mattel]

She kind of gets Anna de Armas a little bit.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's so fucking good. And I follow her on Instagram. And now she does primarily activism because she had some not so safe experiences when she was a young actress. So now she does a lot of work that. But she looks exactly the same. Scorch, body tea. Her body tea. Her face pretty. Her body tea. And I'm watching it, and I'm just like, God, nothing beats Buffy versus Faith in this season. Nothing beats goody, goody tan, blonde Buffy against slutty, evil faith with the big knife. And I'm watching it, and I forget that in season three, there's an episode called. I think it's called. Which one's the one about the shooter? It's a high school. Buffy's in a high school. She's a senior this year. And there's an earshot. There's an episode where she fights these two demons who have telepathy and they have no mouths. And she gets some blood on her, and the blood goes into her skin. And she gets the power. She gets an aspect of the demon, and she gets the power to hear thoughts.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, fierce.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So first, Buffy's like, this is amazing. I'm gonna be a better fighter. I can read everyone's feelings around me. And for storytelling, it's a great episode to hear what everyone's secretly thinking. Um, but this is an episode that I believe. You can fact check me on this. I believe at the time it was scheduled. Okay, I'll tell you what. The episode. She's in the lunchroom and she hears a voice go, this time tomorrow you'll all be dead. So Buffy's like, oh, my God, somebody in the high school's gonna kill everyone. So she's trying to. She's trying to cure her hearing thoughts. Because they're so numerous. She. She, like, passes out when she's in a group of people. She can hear everyone's thoughts.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So her and the Scooby gang are trying to find out who the shooter is, but by this time tomorrow. So it's frantic. They're trying to inter. And it ends up being. She ends up in a clock tower at the school with a kid with a rifle. Oh, she stops this kid with the rifle who is gonna go up there to kill himself. This episode was meant to air during Columbine. Right. Columbine happened the week before. So back in 1998 or whatever, Columbine happened. Horrible tragedy. And the next. Unless you're Alex Jones, who apparently thinks it didn't happen.

[Trixie Mattel]

Sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right, right.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Wormholes, whatever.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Then the next week, this episode's meant to air, and I'm like, that's just thinking of the. I mean, you can't predict the future when you're making these giant TV shows 22 episodes in advance.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right, Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And I think at the time, they pushed the episode to the end of the season, even though it's chronologically, it makes sense.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But how crazy that the week that's supposed to air, there's an episode with a kid with a gun in a school.

[Trixie Mattel]

And also. What? I mean, maybe I'm wrong. Wasn't. I know that school shootings are very numerous these days, but at that time, they were not.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was maybe just one a day.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

But it was a. I mean, it was a huge, huge, huge thing.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Huge. And I mean, I watched that Columbine documentary and it was about, you know, infowars saying they're all. The parents are all liars and shit. It's so right.

[Trixie Mattel]

Can you fucking imagine that? I know. I, I.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That documentary starts with the parents talking about getting their kids ready for school that day. What they ate, what clothes they put on them.

[Trixie Mattel]

I can't even listen to you. I would cry.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was awful. And then you have these. I think we talked about the pod, but you had these parents being like, can you just acknowledge that, like, my kid died.

[Trixie Mattel]

My kids would murdered at school.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Can you not ask your millions of listeners or whatever to call me and tell me I'm a liar? So crazy.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's brutal.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I just love to rewatch Buffy. I know. That's horrible.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm gonna get it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You want me to watch Mad Men?

[Trixie Mattel]

I do. Because you're Going to eat. You're going to get gooned.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know what's going to happen? It's going to happen whenever I take a new information. I hyper fix date and I'll talk about Mad Men for a year probably. So get ready for that.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm sorry, I think that you're gonna. I. I believe. I don't think it'll be quite as strong, but it'll be on par with Watchmen because it's kind of a perfect show.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And Kieran's in it. Ain't she a kid, sweetie? Yeah, she.

[Trixie Mattel]

And she grows up blue. Damn, she's great in it.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's a kid.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ferocious youngster. She's fabulous.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Can I tell you that pisses me off in movies when kids talk like adults. Precocious youngsters hate that.

[Trixie Mattel]

I hate it too.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And have you ever met a kid who's not talking like a little I on controversial.

[Trixie Mattel]

But I. I cling to this opinion that Hollywood should not allow anyone under 18 to act.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So all movies should just have no children?

[Trixie Mattel]

No, you can have them. They're just off screen. They're referred to, they're talked about. They're animatronic or maybe like Renesmee. They're cgi.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Guess what? Season two is coming.

[Trixie Mattel]

What?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The rehearsal.

[Trixie Mattel]

No way.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Season two is coming.

[Trixie Mattel]

What are they gonna do?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Who knows? Speaking of mannequins of kids. Remember, they would have the fake kids sleeping in there somet.

[Trixie Mattel]

That motherfucker. I mean that motherfucker is.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's a disruptor.

[Trixie Mattel]

And then when you saw the I drink my grandson pee. Right?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes.

[Trixie Mattel]

That was my. That's kind of like the moon landing for me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

That moment was like that will.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

That was your moonlight.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. That was like everything before my life and after that cleaved in half.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I now I think they should read best Oscar as the wrong thing every year. As like a little throwback.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, I was hoping. Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But what if they had done that to poor Demi called a substance and that had been the wrong thing?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, sweetie, you better believe I would. I would have called technicality. You said it. Give her the award or else.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Plus, I know this is like time traveling. I remember being at this little Oscar party when that happened. Ms. La La Land did not give me what it apparently gives everyone else. That movie did not give me what it gave everyone else.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well, sweetie, that's what's going on almost every year. There's always a girl up in that club that's not given what the other girl are given. But they're All.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I can't talk about it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not sure who you're talking about.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hey. Hey.

[Trixie Mattel]

That Oscar is mine.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

God, I. Someday I'm going to go to an audition and they're going to like. Great. You're going to have to read against the person who's going to play your.

[Trixie Mattel]

Selena Gomez and Zoe Saldana.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. Yes, yes. It's kind of a Losing Isaiah remake. I'm playing the Halle Berry role and then Zoe is playing the Jessica Lang role, and they had me read with her and Zoe's gonna be like, so flop. Still bald. Interesting of you to bring your heap of body in here and try to talk to me when you do the Stay ball.

[Trixie Mattel]

Jobless.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Stay ball job. All jobless. Damn.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's great. But I didn't see the Brutalist and I won't. It's okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You've been watching the news.

[Trixie Mattel]

I. No, I have not. Because. Because I. This is maybe not great, but because my life is in shambles, I also, like, I kind of need some reprieve.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right.

[Trixie Mattel]

Do you know what I mean? Because my home life is very not great right now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I know.

[Trixie Mattel]

So, like, it's like from my.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's crazy that you created your own crack house to live in.

[Trixie Mattel]

No, no.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You start stripping the walls.

[Trixie Mattel]

But it's just not like things at home are not like super comfy.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right?

[Trixie Mattel]

So I don't want to, like. It feels like self flagellation. I don't know. Maybe that's being a bad citizen.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The other day it rained and I couldn't get in the hot tub. So I totally get it.

[Trixie Mattel]

I see when it ra. Mama.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

When it rains. You're poor.

[Trixie Mattel]

Mama. Let me tell you something. So it rained, so I got holes in. I got a condo that is literally just like a ramshackle great thing. So when it rains, Miss thing is she's pumping.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Pumping my. My condo leaks too. At where we used to shoot the pod. Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Let me ask you this. Or let me tell you this. What do you think these guys suggested as an interim solution?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A tarp as a tent in the home.

[Trixie Mattel]

Huh? Covering. Covering the deck. A tarp with a tent fixed with what? Duct tape? Yeah, let's do that. To stucco. Sure.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

To Stucco. Ethnic did it. Mary Paul building down.

[Trixie Mattel]

Neil DeGrasse Tyson doesn't need to tell you that. That's not gonna work.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Right. Get Bob Vila down here.

[Trixie Mattel]

Ten minutes into the whole thing, I go and check on it all down.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Pools.

[Trixie Mattel]

Pools of. Yes. And I'm Like, I'm like fierce.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know what?

[Trixie Mattel]

Fierce slay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You know what? Actually boots. By the way, if you guys notice, this is a new Trixie shirt. This is in collaboration with the American Red Cross. This is going to benefit all the people who are deployed. Mental health workers, skilled health workers help to fully stock emergency response vehicles, supply a full day and emergency shelter, distribute cleanup kits, stock with essentials and provide financial assistance for families who are trying to jumpstart recovery from very difficult situations. Isn't it cool we're helping the people who are affected by the LA fires? It has me on it. All the money, all of it. Not the thing where companies say a portion of the process. All of it goes to help people who is affected. So enjoy this Trixie shirt in exchange for your support for people in need. Love you.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love that shirt.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Thank God.

[Trixie Mattel]

And also I love the. I love the beigey color. I love the off white.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's nice, right? I love that. I was gonna. We have a show this weekend. I think I'm gonna talk about bangs. You can come see some of the bald and the beautifuls here. I don't think we have any scheduled.

[Trixie Mattel]

But before you do that, I have to reiterate, I really do. For all you drivers out there, if you are number one in line for that, that green left turn, you better be off your phone. You better be gooned, you better be.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Ready, you better be gooned.

[Trixie Mattel]

Because you have one eye on the other. Lights yellow. That's the signal. You see that? Sometimes there's only 5 seconds, you got 10 cars need to turn left at rush hour.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

You have a responsibility to your fellow citizen.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Be a good American. All I ask is that you vote and you turn on green when it's time.

[Trixie Mattel]

I don't even care about the voting. Just get that green.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't even care about the blinker. Just get that heap of shit out of here.

[Trixie Mattel]

You better be on point. And an alert for your fellow drivers.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You better give a hoot. You better. You better get that Fiat 500 out of here. Okay. Can I tell you what happened to me? I was on tour and I've been having some back problems. You know, the type of arthritis I have starts in the spine.

[Trixie Mattel]

What?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And so I have some very mild spinal fusion up here. And so.

[Trixie Mattel]

Mild spinal fusion?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So it's degenerative. So I'm starting to like deal with some of it. And I was having my back lock up on tour from sitting in the seats and not sleeping. Right. You know, type of thing. In the morning where I have to stretch first, the back hurts, first thing.

[Trixie Mattel]

Roll.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, but like in bed, before I get out of bed, long child's pose, stuff like that. So I have to get a massage. So Brandon goes, you know, we're staying at the west and there's a spa in here. And I go, all right. I call, I go, do you guys have anybody who can do kind of like a sports massage style, like a heavier massage? And they go, well, we can just, we have normal massage. We can ask for like a firm grip. And I said, okay, imagine the grip, right? So I go in, I lay down and. And I feel bad. Cause I know that this person recognized me and I know this person was a fan. It just was not enough pressure. So I was like, go hard, go hard. I said, you know, go off sis. I'm like a 350 pound Bulgarian guy who hates fags to beat the shit out of me. But, you know, just. You will not. It'll be fine. And she goes, great. She hands me a stone that says like courage. And I go, great. So I lay down with that. So that's like, right, okay, great. And I love her. She was a lovely. If you're looking to relax, I think she was the massage for you.

[Trixie Mattel]

Cause I fell asle Raiki experience kind of things. But I Kabbalah spiritual mother vibes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

My back was so bad that it was taking gabapentin and doing Icy Hot. Like it was bad.

[Trixie Mattel]

You needed physical therapy? Essentially, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She's giving, she's giving Ms. Touchy Feely. She's giving Ms. Gropy Ropey.

[Trixie Mattel]

She's giving aura of Roswell, New Mexico.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. And I, I could tell that she was a supporter of the POD and a friend of ours. Well then why did she get into. Put her back into it. Bad being like, all right, if this is the pressure, I would rather just painful and leave now and find another massage.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

But then I fell asleep.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So then I woke up and found another massage. Walked over and this was, this was the other end of the spectrum.

[Trixie Mattel]

This was Wesley Snipes.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

All the lights on. Like, just take off the shirt. I just need to see your back. And we're mainly going to work with thumbs and knuckles. Pressure point. They asked me, they said, do you have a back injury? Everything's so crooked. You're swollen in so many different areas. Do you have a spinal injury? And I said, no. Then you go get an X ray. And they were like, oh, yeah, you're the area that's fused Is like, you know, these two pictures of your spine are fused now and it's probably, you know, gonna have problems. And this guy, such fierce knuckle in the back. Up the back.

[Trixie Mattel]

Brass knuckles.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Kinetic by Wade. Kinetic by Wade. In Brisbane they got me together. That knuckle so deep in the back hurts so bad. And straight men make me feel like I can't, I can't show vulnerability. Vulnerability, perfect. So I'm basically fighting back tears how bad it hurts. But I'm also like, well what are you paying for? Yeah, do you want to get dirt done dirt cheap?

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

No.

[Trixie Mattel]

Have you ever seen Brock Yurich get. They go underneath his ribs. He's screaming. Oh yeah. It's wild, wild going on over there.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It was very, very, it was very benefitual because I, I just, I'd never experienced a massage that was so light handed that I was like Mary, it damn it sucks.

[Trixie Mattel]

How about this one? Light hand. Not only light handed. Jewelry and nails.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Wait, there you go. Poland Cynthia Reboot shredding you mama.

[Trixie Mattel]

Basically a granny with, with fucking rings and acrylics on. Doing massage in Poland.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Am I? I've had the same massage guy for 10 years.

[Trixie Mattel]

Really?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yes. And he's a big, strong, huge hands, just football build.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

So maybe I'm just used to a lot of pressure.

[Trixie Mattel]

Well but I mean that's all I've ever done. Any CMT certified massage therapist should be able to provide a full range of pressure. They have to have strong hands. It's, it's like that's I asked for.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I said I want like really firm, as firm as you can do. And then I was like, well there's really no use giving comment because if this is the lightest massage I've ever had, maybe I'm asking for she needs.

[Trixie Mattel]

To jump on the table because I had a Thai lady jump all over me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And that's the thing. Maybe I am asking someone salsa to dance hip hop. Maybe it's just a different style. And I was being unfair with what I expected because it was a spa. And frankly I don't give a shit about the tea. I don't give a shit about the.

[Trixie Mattel]

Robe, the humidifier and all the tinkly music there back a car over me.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Like I don't care about dark light.

[Trixie Mattel]

Put me in the car parking lot and drive over me like the Amazon truck.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah, yeah. And back to the hot tub too. The only reason I do use it every day out of like if you have one and you pay for it, you better get in it.

[Trixie Mattel]

You get in every day, no matter what.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Every day. You. You out of sickness. I get in every.

[Trixie Mattel]

Get in there.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Diarrhea. Cook myself in the hot diarrhea.

[Trixie Mattel]

Why not get in that brown soup?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Hell, yeah. I probably have diarrhea today.

[Trixie Mattel]

I love.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I don't know about alcohol.

[Trixie Mattel]

No. Well, you know, listen, I don't want to tell anybody to do nothing, but it's a poison. Straight up.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Back in my day, there was boys and girls, you know, it was Adam and Eve, not gin and tonic, you know, like. I don't. Southern Comfort.

[Trixie Mattel]

What's so comfortable about it?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Southern Comfort.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, man.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Damn. Oh, yeah. When's the last time you got penetrated?

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, my gosh. I. I can't even remember. I. Jerk. I. I jacked off with somebody the other day, though. I thought that was fun.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Did they know?

[Trixie Mattel]

They did.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Okay.

[Trixie Mattel]

In fact, it was agreed upon before the. Before it started.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Consent is. It's just fun.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. And you know what's so fun? What ended up happening, though, is that I got a little faggy and then, like. Because sometimes I just don't have like a big sex drive right now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Now.

[Trixie Mattel]

Right. And this is going to be gross. I'm sorry to tmi. I haven't had an orgasm in over two weeks or three, I think, actually. Oh, it's strange.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I. You know, when you wake up, you know, I. Maybe some. Maybe I have.

[Trixie Mattel]

I have a penis. So just so everybody knows, I don't know if we've. I do have a penis.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

I think we know.

[Trixie Mattel]

Okay.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah. You don't exactly hide it and drag. We all have to see it in those skimpy little bodysuits. Ms. Knuckle, Ms. White Leotard. Look like you're got Mr. Peanut on board here. Mrs. Peanut.

[Trixie Mattel]

Mrs. Peanut.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Mrs. peanut penis du Vaja. Don't. So. So we. Sometimes when you wake up hungover, you're horny. I don't know if this ever happened to anybody else. You get horny. But then if you. If you have the sex, you get sicker. You sneeze on the beat in the beginning, once you nut. Once you hit that nut, you're like, oh, I might throw up now. Because the hangover hits then because the distraction is over.

[Trixie Mattel]

That's so crazy. Crazy. Imagine the.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You get s. I. You get horny, but if you do the sex, you get sicker.

[Trixie Mattel]

So you're going to, like, you're risking. You're going to suck that dick and then throw up on the dick and.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Then you're nauseous and your Mouth tastes like calm. And you're like, so now what? You know. So I've been watching the news a lot in la. I'm just kind of fixated on watching the news and the whole. So I, I, I found this great tik tok of news blooper. The these audio. You will not believe what these people say. Listen. Listen to this on the air.

[Trixie Mattel]

I'm so pale.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

She didn't know that was rolling.

[Trixie Mattel]

Today.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Snow is crippling much of the Washington lowland. Say their final goodbyes to this fallen Louisville police officer. Dd Mega doo doo. Like.

[Trixie Mattel]

Oh, that one like you.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Be so for real. Be so for real.

[Trixie Mattel]

Mega doo doo.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

A professional journalist.

[Trixie Mattel]

Dd Mega doo doo. Dear, it looks like Deirdre Menger something. Deirdre.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And the worst part is it's a, it's a fallen soldier pouring out for mega doo doo.

[Trixie Mattel]

We're not pouring one out for Dee Dee.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

When you see, when you see Deidre and you're not sure, you could say Deanne. You could say Diana. You could say D. You could say.

[Trixie Mattel]

Or this lovely individual, this, this poor, this brave woman whose name I can't pronounce. Producer may have her name. You can even do that.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And, and let me tell you, this.

[Trixie Mattel]

Bitch D. Mega doo doo.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

You better not have me me working with you after when you walk in the break room. I don't have the professionalism to not go so. DD Mega doo doo from DD to do. Slight chance of some participation.

[Trixie Mattel]

Participate perk. Is that a stroke? Is that a stroke? Is that a stroke?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

When the weather gal can't say. You know, this is horny.

[Trixie Mattel]

You had one job.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

This is. Hold on. I got one more for you. This is really fearful.

[Trixie Mattel]

Examiner's office. Over the last two years, hundreds have landed in the Summit County Medical Examiner's office. My brother used to break in our.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

House and steal the tv. But now he's dead. Isn't that cunty the news. But now he's dead. You got to be careful with that news voice because it can sound very cold to the dead. Everyone died.

[Trixie Mattel]

Her name was Dee Dee. Megadoodoo.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Dee dee megadoodoo. Fox 11 News. I hate that kind of cadence, you know?

[Trixie Mattel]

I hate it too. It's wild. I mean, it's.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

What do you call that?

[Trixie Mattel]

Bad report reporting? I mean.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, I asked a reporter why they do that, and he said it's so that when you're in the field, they know when. All right, that segment is. They're not. They're done talking button. It's your it's your. It's over.

[Trixie Mattel]

Yeah. Gotcha. Gotcha. I mean, live. Live reporting is. I mean, can you imagine live tv live?

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

We do one live event a year and it takes a village for us to sit and speak.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hello. Thank you. And also. Yeah, Dee Dee. Megadoodoo.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Didi. Megadoodoo.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's like dd. Mega. Do.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Don't just say that, girl.

[Trixie Mattel]

Deirdre.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's a horrible.

[Trixie Mattel]

How did you. It's Deirdre. I'm. Hey. Hey, babe. What do you think about. For our daughter's name? Kelly or Simone or like Natalie? Deirdre.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Deirdre. What a horrible name.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It might as well be. De's better.

[Trixie Mattel]

A name that is. Is only going to get nicknamed. Do you know what I mean? It's like. Like, why do you do that? Why do you. Why do you force the. The. Like. I don't get that. What is that a name that is like Margaret.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Well, that's right up there with a normal name. Like Brandon's mom told me she almost did. B R A N D E N. I was like, he would have been having to fix that his whole life. That would have been horrible.

[Trixie Mattel]

I know.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's crazy, Brian. B R I, E N or some shit.

[Trixie Mattel]

What the fuck, Mary? Don't get creative with the spelling.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Don't get creative.

[Trixie Mattel]

It's just a label.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

It's just a label.

[Trixie Mattel]

Focus on what's inside. Tired.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

All right, well, thank you for having us here at the pod.

[Trixie Mattel]

Pouring out for Mega Dooo.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

More Mega Dooo. Goodbye. You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy.

[Trixie Mattel]

Just use Indeed.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites with Indeed sponsored jobs.

[Trixie Mattel]

Your post jumps to the top of.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

The page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted.

[Trixie Mattel]

Directly on indeed have 45% more applications.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Than non sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with.

[Trixie Mattel]

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[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility@ Indeed.com Arts.

[Trixie Mattel]

Just go to Indeed.com Arts right now.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

And support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.

[Trixie Mattel]

Hi, this is imho the podcast. That's Darby and I'm Darby. And I'm Alexis. Hey, Darby, what does IMHO stand for? I'm so glad you asked. In my homosexual opinion. That's right. In my homosexual opinion, the podcast answers your weird questions. Because we have weird answers. Yes. And we also want to hear all of your stories. Maybe there's a situation you've been put in and you just don't know how.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

To get out of it. Well, we'll get you out.

[Trixie Mattel]

Out of anything.

[Katya Zamolodchikova]

Yeah.

[Trixie Mattel]

Or maybe you've seen a dead body. Yeah, I need to know about that. I would actually love to hear about that. Alexis and I, we are professional podcasters. We've made all the podcast charts, and now we're ready to make your podcast Hearts. Okay. We know you need a new podcast to be obsessed with. And what's more obsessive than two drag queens talking into microphones? So listen to imho, the podcast anywhere you get your podcast podcasts.